Rachael Ross Archives - For Internal Use Only

Girl Fag 18

 

"I'm gonna go see what the boys are up to," Sherry giggled.

She gave me a friendly kiss, and Jane lifted her head briefly for one of her own before Sherry went back to the bedroom, probably to sleep, because it had to be super late I thought. But with Sherry who could tell? She might decide to wake my brothers up for some real cock. I smiled at that and held Jane tightly as we rolled over, keeping my dildo in her pussy as she seemed to like it that way. It wasn't bothering me, that was for sure, and it seemed sort of sexy, knowing that part of me was inside her like that, even though I couldn't really feel it.

We were both tired, but more physically than mentally. My body was worn out, but my mind seemed alert as ever and filled with questions. I just didn't want to embarrass Jane by asking the wrong ones, or make myself look stupid in front of her.

"Are you tired?" I asked her, sort of testing the waters a little. We were side by side and her hands were playing with my stomach again, which seemed to fascinate her for some reason. Maybe she'd just never met a girl with muscles before, not that mine were huge or anything, but they were defined and noticeable, that was for sure.

"No," Jane smiled, shaking her head slightly. "I just feel like relaxing."

"Yeah, me too," I nodded and had the sudden sensation of being on a first date, but the weirdest first date ever, since we'd been having sex all night.

"Do you want to talk?" Jane was looking at me and again I thought she looked like an angel, I really did. 

Julie was beautiful too, as beautiful as Jane in my opinion, but they were so different. Julie was more like the beauty that's real, you know? Like something I could touch and possess and understand. It was beauty of an earthly sort, if that makes sense, and it was only surprising in that she was so near and seemingly obtainable. Finding her had been like discovering something precious under the Christmas tree and you couldn't believe it was yours, and maybe you didn't really deserve it, but there it was in your hands anyway.

Jane was beautiful the way you imagine beauty to be, something distant that you wouldn't dare to intrude on. She was something to be admired and remembered, but not to hold. Like a masterpiece of art hanging in a museum. Or a sunset maybe, of the sort you only see once, and when you talk to your friends you can't describe it, you can only ask them if they saw it too, hoping they did so you can share it.

But she wasn't a something. I frowned, realizing I'd been comparing Jane to Julie, and comparing them both to things. It wasn't horrible doing that, and I hadn't meant it in a bad way, but I still didn't like it. Julie was my friend and maybe more than that, although being with Jane just confused me when I tried to figure out what I was going to do. Would Julie get jealous of Jane and angry, or would she not really care, since maybe she only wanted to be friends with me anyway? Or would she just find the idea repulsive somehow, not really believing I was a lesbian until the proof was in her face?

And Jane, she was my girlfriend now, like a real one, even though I hadn't really expected it, or even gone looking for it. It had just happened. What would Jane think if I told her about Julie? It would be like with Matt and the guys maybe, except worse. A thousand times worse, because I hadn't broken any hearts there. I'd just made my friends a little mad, a bit frustrated and jealous maybe, and that would be fixed soon, I was sure. But if I hurt Jane, really hurt her after all this, then what? She wasn't a sunset at all. Jane was right there in my arms, a thousand times more obtainable than Julie was, even if Julie did want to be my girlfriend. And if Sherry was right, and Jane was sincere, then I really did possess her and that realization was overwhelming!

All of that ran through my little brain at the speed of thought, twisting and turning and bending my emotions so fast it left me a little dazed. All I could do was just lay there, wondering what in the heck I thought I was doing. Everybody said I seemed older, but everybody was wrong, I was exactly what I was…A 14 year old kid trying to grow up too fast. But knowing that didn't help, it just made it worse. I felt like I was going to have another one of those panic attacks and I really prayed I wouldn't. I didn't want to be curled up crying and passed out or something, not there, not with Jane and Sherry around.

I kissed Jane hard, taking her by surprise I think, since she had been watching the thoughts play across my face with concern. It was all I could think of to do, just to kiss her and hold her and find some comfort in being with her. It would be alright, I thought. I would be okay if this was real, if Jane was real and not just some dream, or a game that my brothers and Sherry had invented for their own childish reasons. I was afraid that it was all a lie, or if it wasn't, then I was scared that I would screw it up and accidentally break whatever promises I was making.

That was my real fear, maybe, that commitment I was trying to make. I hadn't committed myself to anyone, except Kyle, and he'd broken that the next day. Or maybe we both had. I was looking for a reason here too, I thought, with Jane, trying to find a reason to chicken out. And that made me wonder why I hadn't asked myself the simplest, most obvious question: Why did I need two girlfriends anyway? Why hadn't the thought of letting Julie go entered my mind at all? That was all I had to do, risk losing someone I might love in order to keep someone else I might love. 

It was the first understanding I had that love required sacrifice, like it couldn't exist without it. You had to give something up, it seemed, pay a price or it was worthless by definition. And that was almost mind boggling and made me wonder how anyone ever fell in love with anybody, or at least stayed with anyone they loved for very long. I thought for a second I was better off not knowing anything about that stuff.

"I just don't want to hurt you, Jane," I was saying and that helped, just whispering that and holding her while my brain reeled with all those thoughts.

"You won't," Jane was kissing me too, smiling tenderly and stroking my back as we hugged. Her right leg was over my thighs, just as Sherry's had been, with my cock inside her. "You won't hurt me, Ann, not like that. Tell me anything, or ask me anything, I don't care…I love you."

And I realized she thought I was worried about talking to her, trying to understand what she wanted and why. I felt a little flush of embarrassment, or maybe guilt, like I wasn't very strong at all and I was probably lucky she didn't know the real reason I'd gotten so excited suddenly. I doubted that my crazy fear of being her boyfriend would have impressed Jane very much. I felt my male pride bruised and I kicked myself a little for being such a crybaby. This was that girl part of me again, I thought, looking for something to blame, and it made me feel better.

"I know," I said softly, nodding and regaining some sense of control. "I just, uh…I just wanted to say it, sorta," I was blushing, trying to cover my tracks like any man would do.

"There's a girl I like," I started talking, because if I was going to make a commitment to Jane then I needed to explain how and why. It seemed important and it did make me feel strong for a change. I wasn't a kid and I wasn't going to act like one, not anymore.

"Okay," Jane replied slowly, licking her soft full lips.

"She's…Her name is Julie and she's my age, she goes to CFS over in Beaverton," I paused, but Jane was just listening. "Anyway I was um, well I'm sposed to see her tomorrow and, uh…"

"Like a date?" Jane asked me.

"Yeah, I think so. I don't know," I giggled nervously and my heart was pounding a little. "I think she likes me and I sort of wanted to uh, be like her boyfriend. Sorta."

"Is she gay?" Jane was tracing a finger around my breast, looking down at it so I couldn't see her face.

"I don't know," I shrugged, thinking it sounded like I didn't know a whole lot about this girl suddenly. "I think so, maybe. She's interested in me, I think."

"You should find out then," Jane looked up at me, not smiling, but not frowning either. "I mean, you really like her, huh?"

"Yeah," I admitted. "I like her a lot."

"Then find out…And if she is…" Jane shrugged.

"But what about us? I mean, um, I can't be her boyfriend if I'm your boyfriend and…"

"Why not?" Jane did smile then, just a little and her thumb flicked over my nipple, teasing me.

"Because, I can't. I mean, if you went out with somebody I'd be pretty mad, I think."

"You should be mad," Jane giggled and seemed pretty happy I'd said that. "I wouldn't like it if you weren't."

This wasn't working out like I expected. I thought she'd be sad, or angry, or ask me what I was gonna do, or something. Then I would tell Jane that I was going to tell Julie I couldn't see her, and that I already had a girlfriend that I loved. Then Jane would be happy and I'd have made a promise that I'd keep no matter what, and things would be the way they were supposed to be finally.

Jane wasn't doing that though and all I could do was stare at her.

"I trust you," she sighed, like that was all there was to it. "You're the one I want to decide what we do, okay? Not me. If you want to have another girlfriend, it's up to you," she was kissing my neck softly while she talked. 

"But…"

"If you want me to be her best friend, I'll do it," she squeezed my smallish breast and kissed the nipple, pushing her sex against my strapon and moaning softly. "If you want me to watch you fuck her…" Jane looked up at my face as she took my nipple between her teeth, speaking carefully around it, "…I will."

I stared at her then, feeling the small pressure of the dildo against my clit as Jane moved her hips. My nipples were hard and cold as ice, sensitive to the slightest touch. She was getting off on what she was saying, I realized, and so was I. It was strange and unexpected, bringing my body to flush hotly so that the room felt cold and goose bumps rose on my skin.

"I do want you to watch," I whispered, without really considering my words. "I want to see your face when I make love to her."

"Oh…Yessss…" Jane hissed between her teeth and pulled against my hip with her hand, tightening her leg behind my thighs, and urging me to thrust my cock deeper inside her hungry hole.

"I want you to…Tell me how much you…Love me when I…Break her…Uh, cherry…" I panted, holding Jane against me as I fucked her wildly, trying to slam my cock inside her pussy hard.

"Oh…Oh yeah…Fuck her…I want to…To see it…Oh god…Fuck her…" Jane's mouth was hanging open and she was rocking her hips quickly, working her cunt on my cock frantically, back and forth, up and down.

"I am fucking her…" I gasped. "Right now…Jane…Fucking Julie so good…" and behind my closed eyes that was exactly what I was doing. I pictured Julie in my arms, my cock buried inside her tight virgin sex, making love to her while Jane sat close and watched, whispering to me, telling me she loved me.

"Ohhh…I'm cumming…I…I'm cumming…God! Oh…God!" Jane was grinding her sex hard, working the full length of my dildo around inside her soaked vagina and that brought me to my own orgasm, a small one, but welcome and pleasant and all the better because it had come the same time as Jane's. 

I moaned softly, still working my hips slowly as I hugged Jane tightly. Her cheek was against my breasts and she was breathing hard like I was, our lungs heaving in unison and I imagined I could feel heart pounding against mine, as if we shared the same body for those few wonderful minutes when were lost to everything else in the world except for each other.

"You were thinking about her, huh?" Jane asked, her breath hot between my breasts. We were just regaining our senses.

"Yeah," I nodded, stretching my body a little, so that after an hour inside Jane's sex my strap-on finally slipped free with a wet squishy sound that made me giggle. 

I felt a twinge of guilt or something though, thinking about Julie. I'd just sort of…Raped her, in my head, I mean. It sounds dumb, I know, but I wondered why I'd done it and what it meant. I blinked and tried to put it out of my head.

Jane just sighed happily and reached down with her hand to feel her pussy. "I'm sore," she grinned. "And so wet! God!" She grabbed my wrist with her slippery fingers and pulled my hand down to feel her sex, "Feel that? Get inside…Yeah…There…Feel it?" 

She giggled as I felt around her vagina gently, she seemed to be made of girl juice. The walls of her vagina were soft and loose and as I explored her, Jane gave little gasps, holding my wrist and trying to guide me to find the places she most wanted me to touch. I was smiling, feeling just a little embarrassed maybe, but not much. Jane acted like this was the most normal thing in the world, to be playing with her pussy after we made love.

"Here…" Jane whispered a few minutes later, pulling my hand free and dragging it to her mouth. I stared as she took my fingers between her lips, one at a time, sucking them tenderly and washing away her cum slowly with her tongue.

"Uh, okay," I choked softly, unable to think of anything more clever than that. What she was doing was not just sexy to watch for some reason, but it felt really good too, like somehow the sensation of her lips and tongue on my fingers was turning me on.

"Whatever you want me to do…" Jane was even licking and kissing my palm, dragging her tongue slowly across my skin so that it tickled a little, but mostly just made me feel hot all over. "Just tell me," Jane smiled and let go of my hand finally, getting comfortable and pulling the sleeping bag over our legs and hips. 

I couldn't believe we weren't sleeping yet, but I didn't feel tired at all. I figured it had to be like four in the morning probably, and I was going to be dead at that scrimmage later, not to mention if I really did somehow go to Beaverton to meet Julie. I wasn't sure I could go even if I wanted to. I was going to be tired as heck and I didn't have a ride lined up either. And Jane, had she been serious? 

"If you do make me watch…" Jane breathed a few minutes later, sliding her body up mine a little, so our faces were close together, "…It'll be even better." Her smile was shy and I kissed her nose so she would giggle.

"You won't be jealous?" I wondered if Jane had read my mind or something, and I was thinking I had an awful lot to learn about her. It was pretty obvious she'd really liked the idea of watching me with Julie and now it sounded like she'd meant it.

"Of course I will," she rolled her eyes. "God, I'll hate it. I hate her right now just cause I know you were thinking about her while you were fucking me." She giggled as she saw the confusion on my face, "But that's why it's so good too."

"Do you um, do you like spankings and stuff?" I coughed softly, trying to sound cool, but I wasn't cool at all. Jane didn't seem to mind though and maybe she'd been waiting for me to ask.

"Do you want to spank me?" she teased and didn't give me a chance to reply because she knew my question was a real one, she just couldn't resist and it made me grin. "Yeah, I like it. We tried some stuff, Sherry and me. Mostly from pictures and stuff on the internet."

"Like what?" I reached down to unstrap my dildo, it had been biting my skin for a long time, but I'd ignored it. I could feel the little indentations where the straps had been and they itched. I tossed it on the couch and got a little closer to Jane, so that our pussies almost touched, with our legs scissored between each other's.

"Like spanking and being tied up, gagged and that stuff," Jane spoke softly, watching my face for reactions. "We didn't really know what we were doing, you know, but it was fun and yeah, I liked being punished."

"How about having your boobs whipped?' I asked slowly, thinking I knew a little about that at least.

"Oh!" Jane smiled like I'd just asked her to a picnic. "We never did that, but I'd like to." It was about as open an invitation as I'd ever heard and I swallowed thickly.

"And, um…Could I put clips on your nipples? Like with a chain and, uh…Pull them?" I don't know why I was so nervous, maybe it was because I was putting myself directly into the question.

"Of course!" Jane laughed lightly. "You can do whatever you want!"

"I can't do whatever I want," I shook my head laughing. "I mean there must be some stuff that you really know you wouldn't like."

"Um, well…" Jane appeared to consider that, while I tried to remember everything Coach had ever said on the subject. But aside from his thing with safe words and holding the balls while he whipped my tits, I couldn't seem to remember much at all.

"What?" I pressed her. Jane had to give some idea of where the finish line was, I mean we were just at the starting blocks and I didn't even know where we were going!

"I don't think I want to be like shocked or anything," Jane gave a little involuntary shiver. "I don't like electrical stuff," she sounded pretty definite on that subject.

"Okay," I shrugged, wondering who did. I'd touched a few electric fences, and crossed a tractor battery once; and that hadn't been fun at all, it had really knocked me on my butt.

"And uh, I guess I want to stay awake, I mean if we do stuff," Jane looked at me and it seemed like she wasn't really a hundred percent sure. "Sleeping is kinda boring and I want to remember everything"

"Uh-huh, sleeping is bad," I grinned and she giggled.

"Well, I don't know. I guess it sort of depends," Jane looked down as if she were a shy little girl of 8 instead of almost 17 and a high school junior. "I heard of a girl who passed out at a party…" she glanced at me, "…Do you know Nancy Westin?"

"Yeah," I nodded. "I fixed her mom's car about a month ago. She's in 11th grade too, right?" 

I didn't really know Nancy too well, but nobody in Squinosha was really a stranger either. She was quiet and looked like a bookworm, sorta, with round glasses and short black hair. She wasn't beautiful or anything, but she was cute with a nice body and she just needed to be more outgoing or something.

"Yeah," Jane said. "Anyway, she went to a party at Marshall Dennison's house last summer and got really drunk. It was like her first date or something, first party for sure…" Jane laughed and rolled her eyes, "…So she ended up in one of the bedrooms and like every guy at that party had sex with her. More than once too!"

"Really?" I watched Jane lick her lips and nod. "She let them do it?"

"She didn't know!" Jane giggled like that was the best part. "She was totally out of it and didn't find out until like the next morning when she woke up."

"Really?" I sort of blinked because I'd heard like stories, but just in general. Like somebody heard it from someone else that some chick at a party did something, you know?

"I was there!" Jane said. "I heard they gave her something, like date rape knock out pills or whatever, but I think she just drank too much. Quiet girls are the worst."

"What did she do?" I asked.

"She couldn't do anything," Jane grinned and squeezed my arm, but I felt sort of sorry for the girl. "She was still drunk and sick too, so she went to the bathroom and tried to clean herself up. She was so embarrassed she didn't scream or yell or anything, she just went home and I guess her mom got really pissed and grounded her for life or something."

"They shouldn't have done that," I said. Wondering why Jane thought that story was so cool. "You think she liked it?" I asked sharply, and I guess I sounded a little like I was accusing Jane of being part of it because she jerked her head back like I'd slapped her.

"What?" Jane shook her head. "No, of course not, it pissed me off when I heard about it. I don't know her very well, but she didn't deserve that."

"Then what's so funny about it?" I asked her.

"Nothing," she frowned. "I just sorta wish it happened to me, sometimes. It's not funny, just…Sexy," Jane's voice had just about fallen to a whisper and she must have thought she'd really made me mad, or disappointed maybe. "I'm sorry."

I didn't know what to say to that. Jane wouldn't look at me and all I could think of was my beautiful angel in bed asleep and being gang raped by every high school guy in Squinosha that I could think of. It didn't seem really sexy to me, but I didn't want to be totally humiliated in public either. No wonder Nancy never seemed to go anywhere or do anything except read books at home. I would have moved to another country. Jane couldn't really mean she'd do that, could she?

"You want me to get you drunk some time?" I looked at her, asking seriously because if that was the sort of thing she wanted I wasn't sure I was the right guy at all. She might even need some kind of help or something, you know? Like professional help. 

"Get you in bed and call all my friends over so they can fuck you while I watch? Take pictures of it maybe?" I felt some weird emotion rising as I spoke. It wasn't really anger, more like…I don't know. I wanted to punish her somehow. "You wouldn't even know who fucked you, but everybody else would. Is that what you want?"

I grabbed Jane's hair, without really meaning to, and maybe I was a little mad then because I really wanted her to look at me. "Ahhh!" Jane gasped loudly as I pulled her head back, tilting her face upward so I could see her wide frightened eyes.

"You want that, Jane?" I asked, but the look in her eyes washed away my anger completely and I was already feeling bad for scaring her.

"Yessss…" and she was kissing me, just little wet ones on my cheeks and chin and lips. Her hand was on my neck and about the time I was ready to ask her what was going on she was working her tongue into my mouth.

I almost pushed her away, just because I thought she'd blown a gasket or something. Maybe we both had. But I managed to do the better thing, which was to let her kiss me. That wasn't really bad for me, to be honest, but I was just figuring out that Jane had a serious 'ON' switch and I had to be a little more careful about what I said to her. 

"Slow down…" I smiled and hugged her when she'd finally made her point. She liked having her hair pulled, especially if I looked like I was angry, I got it. Most girls probably would have screamed and tried to gouge my eyes out, or at least slapped me hard. But there was nothing about Jane that was anything like most girls, not her looks, and definitely not her attitude.

"I can't help it…" she breathed, giggling a little and blushing so hard I could see it even by the flickering firelight. "…I just…I've been waiting to be with you for so long and now…" she licked her lips. "It's perfect."

I guess she meant it was perfect that I could not only feed her fantasy, but even be tough with her, although that had been totally by accident. I wondered if that was what BDSM was all about, getting mad all the time. But Sherry hadn't gotten mad at Jane at all, and it had quickly been obvious to me that Sherry was in charge. And Coach, he'd never, ever gotten mad at me. When he had whipped my tits and spanked me, or even just made me hold his balls in my mouth for an hour while he beat off, he always gave me a feeling of security, like no matter what happened, he wouldn't get mad at me.

I started thinking that probably Jane had never been with someone who knew what they were doing, someone experienced like Coach, and so I was probably lucky that way. Jane had only been with Sherry and they'd basically both been learning at the same time, which was probably a little frustrating. Like trying to learn chemistry from a friend in the basement with nothing but an old textbook and some pictures. You'd be lucky you didn't blow yourselves up or something; or more likely, you'd just get bored and go upstairs to watch some TV. 

We finally did fall asleep, although it wasn't easy and I didn't realize it until I was waking up. Jane was still next to me, snoring softly and it was kinda cute, finding out she wasn't completely perfect. Even angels snore, I guess, but it was so soft. You want to hear snoring, walk past my Daddy's door around 3am, you'd think he was cutting a new window with a rusty chainsaw. I wondered sometimes if I snored, but nobody had ever said anything about it if I did. I hoped I did, but just a little, cause I always made a soft snoring sound when I was pretending to be asleep. But I never fooled anybody either, so probably I didn't.

"Hey lovebirds! It's 10:30 and you're gonna miss breakfast!" Mark was banging a plate with a fork and I was seriously glad I didn't have a hangover or anything, but I coulda slept for two more hours I bet.

"Bathrooms open!" Sherry was walking out with a sheet wrapped around her, soaked through as she dried her hair with the end of it. "No towels, sorry," she sat down at the little round table in the kitchen where David had laid out some plates, spooning scrambled eggs onto them.

"Mmmm…" Jane stretched next to me, sitting up and lifting her arms above her head so the sleeping bag fell down exposing her breasts. "Oops!" she smiled at me and pulled it back up. "Hi."

"Hi," I just lay there, looking up at her, smiling as I blinked against the bright sunlight coming through the windows. The curtains were closed but they weren't helping much. "Shy this morning?" I teased her a little about covering herself up and glanced down at her hand clutching the sleeping bag.

"Huh?" she looked down, following my eyes to her breasts and giggled. "Oh, um, I'm your girlfriend, not theirs." She paused tilting her head a little, "Unless you want me to…"

I shook my head, "No." I figured Jane had played the slut long enough for my brothers, and Sherry too probably, although I was pretty sure I'd have no control over what happened in the privacy of their home. They were sisters anyway, so what right did I really have to interfere there?

"Okay," Jane sighed and bit her lower lip with smile, like she was really happy with that decision. "I'm gonna take a shower, do you want to come with?" 

I did want to take a shower with her, a lot actually, but I kind of thought maybe she should have some time alone too. I know sometimes I just wanted to get in the shower and lock the door, cause there were times when you needed to wash away more than just a little dirt, you know? And besides I wanted to talk to my brothers about Jane and I wasn't sure I wanted her to be there, not knowing what I was going to say exactly, or how they were going to react.

"No, you go ahead," I told her. "I'll, uh, find you some clothes," I said and she just smiled. I did need to use the bathroom though, and that couldn't wait I decided. "In a minute," I added, slipping out of the warm sleeping bag and feeling the cool air on my bare skin. 

I peed quickly and washed my hands and face, frowning because Sherry was right; there wasn't even a washcloth in that bathroom; we'd pretty much gone through all the towels and they made a wet pile in the corner. So I wiped my hands and face on the bedspread and went to find our bags.

"Eggs are getting cold, guys," David said, watching me move around the living room bare butt naked.

"Getting gone too!" Mark added, his mouth stuffed with food.

I finally found our bags and grabbed my backpack, digging through it quickly for my boxers and finding my big old flannel shirt too. I put my boxers on and gave the shirt to Jane so she would have something to wear to the shower at least. I found her backpack and her purse, not knowing if she needed that or not, and gave her a smile as she went to the bathroom. I didn't bother putting on anything else, my shorts were enough, and I liked the way the cold was waking me up anyway.

I sat down and started eating the bacon and eggs, finding out that I was really hungry. I hadn't noticed it before and I think everyone was feeling the same way. David was going to have to cook some more, I thought.

"So, are you and Jane happy?" Sherry asked me, eating her food a little slower than the rest of us.

"Yeah," I nodded, swallowing some bacon before I continued. "We're happy, I think. But, um, I'm not sure about these guys," I looked at my brothers, who were leaning against the counter next to the stove.

"What?" Mark looked at me, but mostly at my little boobs. I didn't care, I was still just a guy and he was my brother, but of course last night had changed everything. I was just slow to realize it.

"Ann and Jane are sort of ahhhhhn…" Sherry dragged it out like she couldn't think of the word, "…Item," she giggled.

"An item?" David looked at Sherry for a second and then looked at Mark. "The hell's that mean?"

"She's my girlfriend," I laughed. "You're pretty quick in the mornings, huh?"

"Girlfriend, really?" Mark grinned at me and then stopped grinning. "She uhhh…She's still going out with us tonight, right?" he looked at Sherry.

"So you're a total lez now, Ann?" David was asking.

"Don't ask me," Sherry shrugged. "You have to ask Jane…" she paused, turning to me, "…Or do they need to ask you?" It was obvious what answer Sherry wanted to hear.

"They can ask me," I shrugged.

"Dad's gonna be so pissed," David chuckled as he shoveled more eggs in his mouth.

"So?" Mark stared at me, his food all but forgotten. "Is she coming or not?"

"No," I licked my lips, really hoping this wasn't gonna be a fight.

"What?" David was catching on finally.

"Good for you," Sherry giggled and reached across to pat my arm.

"Why not?" Mark asked me.

"Because she's my girlfriend, okay?" I dropped my fork with a little clatter on the plastic plate. "Maybe you guys share your girlfriends, I don't."

"But that's…" David was looking for the right words, "…That's not right. We've been going out with her for two years already."

"No," Sherry corrected him a little coldly. "You've been going out with me for two years. Jane has been tagging along. It's about time she got a real boyfriend of her own." She softened a little, "Besides, I was getting tired of sharing you guys all the time."

"But she's not a real guy!" Mark protested, pointing his fork at me. "You can't be her boyfriend! That was all a joke!"

"This was just supposed to be fun," David was saying to Sherry. "You said bring Ann and we'd have some fun."

"It's not a joke to me," I glared at Mark. If he wanted to fight I'd lose, but he'd know he was in one, my eyes promised him that much.

"We had fun," Sherry laughed, but it was short and cruel. "Didn't you have fun?" she stared at David. "Didn't you?" she turned her eyes on Mark. Neither of them said anything. "Now if you don't want to lose your ONLY girlfriend, you'll just shut up and be men about it."

"But…" Mark started talking, but Sherry cut him off.

"What did I just say?" she demanded. "What did I just tell you?"

"Shut up," Mark muttered. "Sorry."

I was pretty amazed really and I wondered how she'd taught them that little trick. Neither of them spoke, Mark went back to eating, with somewhat less enthusiasm, and David started cooking more eggs for Jane, who was still in the bathroom.

"They have the same problem all your brothers have," Sherry took a bite of her toast.

"What's that?" I asked, smiling.

"They just look too damn good," Sherry shrugged. "Every girl they ever met spoiled them." she sighed and leaned across the table a little, like she was sharing a secret. "The trick is to not care if you break up or not, they can't even imagine a girl breaking up with them…But I will, won't I guys?" she said a little louder.

"Yeah," Mark agreed.

"Yes." David beat the eggs in the bowl a little harder, frowning.

"You really would?" I asked, because truthfully I'd never heard of any girl breaking up with any of my brothers, even Steve who'd had like 20 girlfriends over the last 8 years or so. They always broke up with the girls, or said they said, and I believed them.

"Hell yeah," Sherry giggled. "Boys are like Doritos, Ann, eat as many as you want…They'll make more."

I laughed at that, although I wondered if that applied to me too.

"Hi!" Jane was walking into the kitchen right then, looking at me and then at Sherry, wondering what we were laughing about. "I miss something good?"

By the time we got packed and on the road my brothers were talking to us again. If they weren't happy with my new relationship with Jane, they didn't show it and I thought that they'd probably had a talk with Jane and Sherry while I was showering. When I came out Jane gave me a long wet kiss and pretty much stayed as close to me as possible, demonstrating her affections plainly for my brothers it seemed. I have to say I didn't mind and did much the same as well, feeling sorta possessive despite my brothers' grudging acceptance. I just wanted to make sure, I guess.

Sherry sat in front, between Mark and David, and kept them busy with whispered promises and little kisses. In the backseat of the big Ford, Jane and I just talked mostly, sitting close and just getting to know each other really well. It would have been pretty embarrassing to find out that my new girlfriend and I didn't have anything in common. But we found that we didn't have any problems at all, or nothing major anyway. Some little differences over music maybe, but who cares? It was sort of a relief, for both of us I think, and we were able to totally relax by the time the drive back to Squinosha was done. It was a fast hour, believe me, and I was reluctant to let go of Jane, not sure exactly when I was going to be with her again. I thought hard about canceling my date with Julie and spending the night with Jane instead.

"You have to be sort of careful with Jane," Mark said after we'd dropped the girls off and were headed home.

"What do you mean?" I asked, wondering if he wanted to start something again. It seemed silly since none of my brothers had ever had much use for fighting over a girl. At least with each other, I mean.

"I just mean, she uh, well…She might not always remember that um, your not…" Mark didn't want a fight, I realized, he was being too careful picking his words.

But it was a little irritating, "What? Just spit it out already."

"You're not out of the closet, or whatever," David finally said.

"Huh?" I looked at David, leaning forward on the back of the front seat so my head was between them.

"That you're a lezbo," David shrugged. "Jane might sorta forget. She wants to come out and tell everybody."

"What? Why?" That didn't make any sense to me at all.

"I dunno…" David looked at me. "Too much gay pride in her orange juice or something," he sounded like he was still a little sore because Jane wasn't gonna be there for them anymore.

"She hates her parents," Mark answered. "Or maybe she just wants their attention."

"Like, 'Look how queer up I am! You shoulda loved me more!'" David said in a bad imitation of Jane's sweet voice. He giggled and Mark hit him in the shoulder.

"Shut up," Mark told David, glancing at me. "She say anything to you about it?"

"Dad finds out you're queer he's gonna wig," David predicted and I thought he was probably right.

"No," I bit my lip for a second, thinking hard. "She won't say anything." I shook my head, "She's kept her secret with Sherry for like four years."

"You're not her sister," Mark shrugged. "I'm just saying maybe you should talk to her, you know?

"Yeah," David nodded. "Talk to her."

Life always found a way to make things complicated, didn't it? Like I didn't have enough on my mind now I had little doubts about whether or not Jane was gonna do something that might tell everyone we were lovers. Or maybe tell her parents that she had a new boyfriend and he was…Surprise!…A girl! That would get her plenty of attention, and me too as soon as her dad called my dad. Life as I knew it would be over either way.

"What time is it?" I asked, glancing at the dash. It was just barely noon, 12:03pm. I had time. "Turn around."

"What?" Mark turned to look at me.

"Go back, right now. Turn around, I want to talk to Jane."

"Just call her on the phone, we're almost home," David was smiling at me like I was crazy.

"I want to see her," I stared at Mark. "Now, Mark, turn around!"

"Okay, Jesus," Mark pulled over and made a big u-turn and glanced at me as if to ask if I was happy or not.

This was something that couldn't wait, I'd decided. And I couldn't do it over the phone either, I had to see her eyes and make sure she knew that I couldn't afford to get caught. I had enough problems with my reputation already, I didn't need more, did I? I mean half the kids in school thought I was lesbian anyway, and the other half probably thought I was a boy pretending to be a girl pretending to be a boy. They couldn't get their brains around the simple truth that I was a girl who was really a guy. But if I was a lesbian, how would that be different from being a guy? I mean seriously, if I was a boy inside, and not totally queer, then I should be a lesbian, right? The only thing wrong with me was that I liked guys too. And nobody would care about that, since I was a girl! It all made perfect sense!

"Turn around!" I tapped Mark on the shoulder with my fingers impatiently.

"What?" Mark stared at me. "Turn around? I just did!"

"I'm getting dizzy!" David rolled his eyes.

"Now you know how I feel all the time," I muttered to David and then looked back at Mark "Yeah, turn around. I want to go home." I nodded, "Now, come on!"

"But what about Jane?" David asked, looking bewildered.

"I'll talk to her later," I frowned a little, wondering nervously if I was doing the right thing. "I gotta talk to Daddy first."

Mark glanced at me as he made another big u-turn a quarter mile from the first one, but didn't say anything.

"Why?" David looked surprised.

"Cause I gotta tell him I'm gay," I said and that was the end of the conversation for a while.

 

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