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Back to Chapter 18
Chapter 19 - Two confessions
Jason was very happy to get back to his dorm room. Before he settled
down to study, he decided to get cleaned up. He somehow felt unclean,
contaminated by the extremely unpleasant three days he had just endured.
The trip had badly unsettled him, because for the first time in his life
he realized how dysfunctional and unpleasant his parents truly were.
He was absolutely horrified at the grotesque way they had treated
Cecilia. They certainly didn't care whether or not he was happy with
her. They had made absolutely no effort whatsoever to be courteous to
her, having dismissed her outright with hostile glances before she even
had a chance to speak to them. Both his mother and his father, each in
their own way, had hoped to humiliate her and break up the relationship.
What caught them off-guard was his girlfriend's strong personality and
her determination to strike back if she was offended.
The Thanksgiving fiasco was the latest painful encounter he had endured
at the hands of his parents. There had been plenty of others, especially
since last December. His father made no effort to conceal his total
contempt for Jason, and his mother simply ignored him. There wasn't much
he could do however, because his father paid all his bills. He felt
trapped by his situation or, as Cecilia put it, he constantly had to
�put up with his dad's shit�.
He wondered if either of his parents really loved him at all, or if they
were simply going through the motions of parenting. He wondered how much
they really cared about his life. It didn't seem like they cared all
that much, given the fact that neither of them bothered to maintain any
communication with him for the first three months he was in college.
They just paid his tuition and turned him loose to sink or swim. He now
wondered if his father secretly hoped that he would fail his classes,
and thus be able to remind him what a miserable, pathetic loser he
really was. Oh, he heard that plenty at the end of last year, what a
totally worthless person he had become, with his ecstasy use and drag
racing and criminal record. Had he failed his college classes, he would
have returned home to listen to that all over again.
But he didn't fail during the first semester. He was doing much better
than he possibly could have expected, likely to get a "B" in Burnside's
class and "A's" in everything else. Who would have expected that? The
answer was no one, except Cecilia. She was the one who knew he could do
it. She also was the one who insisted he do it, the one who insisted he
succeed. She knew how to make him successful. She didn't waste any time
giving vague encouragement, but instead actually made him sit down, do
the work, and acquire the knowledge he needed to pass his classes. She
seemed to know his strengths and weaknesses, and was determined to make
him use his strengths to overcome his weaknesses. She was harsh and
demanding when she needed to be, and supportive and understanding when
she needed to be. Most importantly, she loved him enough to spend
whatever time she needed to make sure he did not fall behind.
Whatever I've accomplished this semester, it's because of her, thought
Jason to himself.
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That Saturday night, as the snow piled up outside and the empty dorm
building sat eerily silent, Jason found it very hard to concentrate. He
contemplated his father�s utter contempt for his life and his actions,
his thoughts wandering back to that horrible night when all his
weaknesses caught up with him. As both his father and his counselor kept
reminding him, ultimately he had no one to blame but himself for that
fiery wreck and the deaths of three people. Had he just used some common
sense instead of chasing after his emotions of the moment, it wouldn�t
have happened. None of it would have happened.
The DA said that he had been duped. The plea bargain let him off with
absolutely the lightest sentence that was politically possible,
suspension of driving privileges for three years and 200 hours cleaning
bathrooms at a state hospital. Jason had been duped, he had indeed
fallen in with the wrong crowd, but really, whose fault was that? Yes,
he could say that it was peer pressure, or even the resentment and hurt
over his father�s dismissal of his achievements on the track field, but
ultimately it was his own choices that led up to the car crash. It was
Jason who had decided to change his group of friends, it was Jason who
decided to turn his back on the girl he had been dating for more than a
year, and it was Jason who decided to chase after the elusive and
difficult Heather Jones. Those were his decisions, no one else's.
Prior to his interest in Heather, he had been dating Amanda Galloway, a
fellow long-distance runner from the track team. The two seemed
perfectly suited for each other, spending much of their time exercising
and jogging together. Their lives consisted of their sport, but for
Jason that became a problem. He started to get bored being with a girl
who only seemed interested in running, and began to look for something
different.
That something different turned out to be Heather and the school�s party
crowd. Unlike Amanda, Heather was not an easy girl to get along with.
The fact she was so hard to impress made her all that more attractive to
anyone who wanted a challenge. She made life a living hell for any guy
she happened to be with at the moment and ultimately ended up dumping
whomever she was dating after a few weeks, but that seemed to only
increase her desirability for many of her classmates. She went through
numerous popular guys, including several football players and the
valedictorian from the previous year�s graduating class.
When she showed interest in Jason, he jumped, at the time not thinking
about the consequences of what he was doing. At the beginning of
November he dropped Amanda, who was devastated when he broke up with
her. With that he changed not only his girlfriend, but also his circle
of other friends. After leaving Amanda he felt he really couldn�t hang
out with the track team members anymore. He ended up trying to
ingratiate his way into Heather�s clique and impress them instead.
What Jason did not realize was that his new girlfriend was playing with
his emotions. Heather's main goal had been to get him away from Amanda.
Once she accomplished that, she toyed with his feelings and enjoyed
watching him desperately try to please her. He started using ecstasy and
smoking marijuana to be part of her crowd. He took her to a couple of
raves, even though he had no desire to do that at all. At the end of
November he tried his hand at drag racing for the first time, which was
one thing Heather seemed to enjoy doing.
Two weeks after Jason�s first attempt to race, he tried it a second
time, mainly because Heather had made a bet with her friend Kate
Simpson. She gave him an ecstasy tablet to help him overcome his fear
and make sure he was more likely to win. She took a tablet herself,
waited for it to take effect, and pulled a flare out of the trunk of
Jason�s car. She stood up through the sunroof, lit the flare and started
screaming. Jason and William took off. The crash that ended the two
girls' lives happened less than 30 seconds later.
The two months following the crash were an ongoing hell for Jason. The
horror of multiple court appearances, the endless consultations with his
father�s attorney, the real fear that he might actually be going to jail
for several years, the endless hours of community service, the constant
insulting comments by his parents, and the ostracism he faced in school
became the new realities of his life.
The party crowd�s existence was disrupted in a big way, as police and
school officials descended on them in a huge ecstasy investigation. The
county officials needed someone to scapegoat for the triple tragedy, but
in the end William Davis and his brother turned out to be much better
targets for blame than Jason. Both Jason�s counselor and his father's
attorney convinced him that he owed absolutely no loyalty to his new
friends. Instead, he needed to save himself by testifying in court
against William.
He returned to his classes and did well enough during the final months
to graduate. However, he spent the spring semester completely alone
since no one in the school wanted to talk to him. He had betrayed two
sets of friends and made himself a total outcast. The hardest part of it
all was whenever he bumped into Amanda in the hallway. She quietly
stared at him with extreme hurt and extreme anger, but what could he say
to her? What could he say to any of his former friends?
----------
The weight of those memories pressed in on Jason. That was his dark
secret, the thing he had wanted to put into the past forever. He thought
he had succeeded, but the trip home had brought everything back as
clearly as if it had happened just the day before. No, he would never
escape.
A new thought passed through his mind. What if Cecilia found out? How on
earth would she react? When she was talking alone to his father�had he
told her anything?
For a very long time Jason sat immobilized in his room, completely
tormented by the fear Cecilia might find out his secret from high
school. His inner turmoil became worse as he realized that her finding
out was not a matter of if, but when. She would indeed find out, there
was no doubt about it, because it was part of her nature to find things
out. She always had uncovered everything else about him. He drew a very
deep breath. He�needed to tell her�she was going to find out
anyway�better that he tell her himself.
He was startled when his phone rang. He picked up, knowing that it was
Cecilia. Who else could it be?
�Jason, aren�t you ready yet? It�s 11:00 and I�m waitin� for you.�
�I�I didn�t study�I don�t�I was thinking about some other stuff�and
I�just forgot.�
�What other stuff? I�m warnin� you, don�t you be blowin� off your
studies. You�re almost done with the semester. You just got three weeks
left. Do your finals, then you can think about that other stuff��
�I can�t. Tonight I just can�t��
He couldn�t say anything else. For a long time he just sat in silence.
Finally she got impatient.
�Alright. I�m comin� over and I�ll take you back to my room. Maybe if
you can talk about it you�ll feel better.�
A couple of minutes later she was at his door and escorting him to her
room. She could tell right away he was very distressed, struggling with
some internal issue. She suspected, or hoped, that she knew what it was.
He was close to confessing. All he needed was the tiniest bit of
encouragement.
�You�re still upset about your folks?�
�I�yeah. I�m still kinda embarrassed about it.�
�Look. I�m not mad about the trip, Jason. I told you I�m not mad. It
wasn�t your fault. I don�t want you worryin� about that. I can tell you,
if I�d taken you to my place, it would�ve been just as bad for you. My
brothers aren�t all that nice, especially if you�re not from the
project.�
�There�s...more to it than what I've told you. A lot more. Dad and Mom
have their reason to be mad at me. What happened was they took it out on
you."
"How come they're mad? What'd you do?"
Jason sat down and stared at the floor. He felt sick and his hands shook
as he tried to figure out how on earth he was going to tell her.
�What�d you do, Jason? Why are you all upset like this?�
Finally he blurted out a confession, speaking so fast that Cecilia had a
hard time following what he was saying.
"My parents...I mean I...I mean...last year I killed someone...I killed
my girlfriend...I mean like, uh...not on purpose...but I...I like...was
on ecstasy and driving fast 'cause we were racing and crashed and she
fell out and it blew up and she was all ripped up on the street I mean
like, uh, her and her friend, they were all dead and stuff and the other
guy was burning up and we were just standing there and everyone took off
and I was stoned and I thought it was a bad trip...and she was just
lying there all dead and busted up and blood all over the street and her
jacket all torn open and...I...I didn't wanna tell you
this...but...I..."
She realized he was having a flashback by the tormented look on his face
and his incoherent speech. Nevertheless, she was enormously relieved. He
had done it! He had confessed, and mostly on his own.
Cecilia�s mind moved to her next two tasks, getting him to calm down and
getting the complete story out of him. She already knew most of the
story, but what she did not know was what was on Jason�s mind as the
consequences from the accident ran their course through his life. She
pretended to be surprised. She took his arm.
"Jason...Jason. You gotta calm down! Please�you gotta calm down!
Now�what are you talkin� about? Who got killed?�
Over the next hour the story came out in pieces, but the details matched
what was in the newspaper articles now saved on Cecilia�s hard drive.
Because she already knew what had happened, she was more interested in
knowing what was going on in Jason�s mind instead of hearing about the
crash itself. She became especially interested in learning the details
of his relationships with Amanda and Heather and in finding out why his
father would have accused him of having no character. She also wanted to
know how he had changed since the crash. As always, she was interested
in finding out as much as she could to expand her control over his life,
but she also wanted to help him get past the incident and perhaps
finally break free from his guilt.
Jason confessed, convinced that Cecilia would leave him as soon as he
was finished talking. He was sure that he had disgraced himself and that
no woman who knew about the accident could ever stay with him. Now
Cecilia knew, and momentarily she would be telling him to get out of her
room. Once again, he would be alone, ostracized because of his
stupidity. Her next words surprised him.
�I got a question for you. You�re telling me that you�re not �sposed to
drive �till you�re 21, right?�
�No. I�m not supposed to drive.�
�Then how come you�re drivin� Mike�s car? When you take me out, I mean?�
�I�kinda wanted things to be, you know, like, normal between us when I
took you out.�
�Well they�re not normal, are they? You�re not �sposed to drive, and you
got no right puttin� yourself at risk like that. What�d happen if the
cops stop you?�
�I�d probably have to go back to court and get re-sentenced, �cause it�s
a violation.�
�You�d get re-sentenced �cause it�s a violation. You get re-sentenced,
and what good�s that gonna do me? I don�t need you sittin� in jail, so
you�re not drivin� any more! Get it? You�re not drivin� any more! Don�t
you ever let me catch you drivin� again, �cause if you do, I�ll whip
your ass so hard you�ll be bleedin� when I�m done! I mean that, so don�t
try me!�
For a long time Jason was silent. Ironically, he felt a huge burden lift
from his soul. He realized, precisely because of the threat to punish
him, that she had no intention of leaving. She now knew, in detail, his
darkest secret, and yet she was not going to abandon him.
He hugged her hard, as tears ran down his cheeks. Words could not have
described the relief he felt at that moment. He had conquered his
biggest fear, actually putting into words what had happened on Miller
Road. Cecilia now knew about that part of his life, and to his surprise,
actually accepted it. She loved him enough to actually accept something
so terrible about him.
----------
Cecilia had her own ghost, one that she had carried with her since she
was 15. It was because of her own inner torment that it was so important
to her that Jason confess about his role in the death of Heather Jones.
Now that Jason had confessed and conquered his fears, it was her turn.
She separated from him and told him to sit down.
She walked to the window and watched the snow continue to pile up for a
few minutes, while Jason nervously watched her. Without looking at him
she began speaking.
�You know, that I�I�m not that nice of a person. I�m kinda bossy, I
gotta be in charge, and when you�re with me, I gotta have everything
done my way. And I got this thing in me�that makes me�I guess, kinda get
nasty whenever I think someone wants to give me shit. Your parents got
to see that part of me up close, but it�s even more true with guys. I
can�t take shit from a guy. That�s why I love you, cause you�re the
first guy I�ve been with who doesn�t give me shit.�
She looked back at him. Their eyes met and she continued.
�There�s something real important that you gotta know, that I gotta tell
you. I�m warnin� you now, it�s something about me that�s never gonna
change. No matter what happens between us, you�re always gonna have to
do what I tell you. It won�t ever be any different, and if you wanna
spend your time with me, you�re just gonna have to accept it. I�m not
tryin� to scare you. I�m just tryin� to be honest. I can�t do it any
other way�in a relationship, I mean. I�m gonna have to be in charge, and
you�re gonna have to live with that.�
Cecilia�s blunt words scared Jason. He didn�t know how to respond. She
continued.
�I�m tellin� you this��cause I got my reasons�of bein� the way I am.
It�s �cause of somethin� that happened to me four years ago. I haven�t
talked about it to anyone in four years, but�I�m gonna have to tell you,
and the only reason I�m tellin� you is so you�ll understand me. Right
now there�s only three people who know about it, a social worker, a
doctor, and a nurse�and well, I guess a receptionist too. You�re gonna
be the only other person who�ll ever know, �cause I�m never gonna tell
anyone else, and you aren�t either.�
She struggled to catch her breath and continued: �You�re not the only
person in this room with blood on your hands, Jason. I got blood on my
hands, too. That�s why I don�t have any right to be pissed about your
car accident. I�m not any better than you.�
Cecilia�s thoughts moved back in time four years. Four years! She
couldn�t believe it had been four years already. Instead of giving Jason
the story piecemeal, she decided to start at the beginning and narrate
through to the end. She told Jason not to interrupt her, that if he had
any questions to please keep them until she was finished.
She began by recounting a few details of her life during her earlier
years of high school that she had omitted at the Schmidts� dinner table.
She had been a good student throughout her childhood, but as adolescence
loomed, she faced the same pressures as other girls her age to find a
boyfriend and dedicate her time to him.
There were several guys who attracted her, but at age 14 she settled on
Vicente Torres, who was a friend of her older brother Raul. At the
beginning Vicente seemed nice enough, but within a year the
neighborhood�s social pressures were closing in on his life. Raul was
pressuring Vicente to join his gang. He worked on Cecilia as well,
placing pressure on his sister to use her relationship with Vicente to
help him control his friend. Cecilia found herself at odds with her
brother, because she did not want Vicente in Raul�s gang. If Vicente
joined the gang, then she would be pressured to join the girlfriends�
gang, which was absolutely the last thing she wanted to do. Raul stepped
up the pressure on Cecilia over the year she was dating Vicente, but she
held on to her hope that both she and her boyfriend could stay out of
the gang.
Vicente finally gave into Raul�s pressure. He started the initiation to
join Raul�s gang and began selling crack under Raul�s direction. Cecilia
knew that she had lost her fight for Vicente�s soul when he began
getting tattoos that matched the ones that Raul had. He was getting
marked up, and if she stayed with him, she knew it was only a matter of
time before she would have to start visiting the tattoo parlor herself.
She interrupted her story to remind Jason about her anger over the
tattoo incident the month before. �Tattoos bring back a lot of bad
memories for me, Jason. Now you�ll know why I�m never gonna let you get
a tattoo.�
The problem for Cecilia was that she continued to do well in her studies
and did not want to give up that part of her life. She also saw what was
happening to some of the other girls her age, who already were beginning
to fall into abusive relationships and quitting school. One by one her
old friends were disappearing from her classes. Some were already using
crack, and some were already pregnant, but none of them was leading a
life that she found appealing. The more the others were leaving school,
the more determined she was to stay.
During Cecilia�s sophomore year, Vicente�s character changed
dramatically. He was becoming much more aggressive and more demanding
about sex. The sexual part of the relationship, something she had
enjoyed at the beginning, became more and more onerous as Vicente�s
sexual appetites changed. To her horror he began experimenting having
sex with mixtures of Viagra, ecstasy, and cocaine. When the drugs did
not give him the results he wanted he blamed her. Several times he
slapped her over his frustration from his own sexual performance.
By the beginning of the second year of the relationship Vicente was
regularly using cocaine as well as helping Raul sell it on the streets.
Cecilia became afraid of his mood swings and the constant threat of
being punched or slapped. She felt horribly trapped. As for the
community, the rules were very clear; she did not have the right to
complain. She was his property, and it was her duty to keep him happy.
Vicente became even more bossy and demanding as the weeks went by.
Cecilia�s life at home was becoming increasingly unpleasant. Her only
escape was school. She spent more and more time at school, hanging out
with teachers and studying in the library. To her school was the only
place that made sense. The world on the outside didn�t make any sense.
When Cecilia learned that Vicente had another girlfriend, she confronted
him about it and ended up with a bloody nose. With that she had enough.
I�m getting out of this, she thought to herself. I�ve had it with
Vicente and Raul. They can take their drugs and their gang and all the
rest of their shit and stick it up their asses.
Using Vicente�s other girlfriend to justify what she was doing, she
broke up with him. Vicente got violent and smashed several things in the
Sanchez� apartment, which set off a fight between Cecilia�s mother, her
mother�s boyfriend, her brother, and Vicente. The issue that set off the
fight was the broken items in the apartment, not Cecilia. In the end it
turned out to be very fortunate that Vicente did break all that stuff,
because it precipitated a vicious fistfight between him and Raul . The
fight gave Cecilia her chance to slip out of the relationship with
Vicente without having to confront her brother.
When she went to school the next day, Cecilia enjoyed a real sensation
of freedom. She had done it, she was free! No more Vicente, no more
bloody noses, no more cocaine-induced sex demands, no more pressure to
join the girls� gang! She was done with all that! She was free!
The euphoria only lasted a couple of days. Before long, Vicente was back
at the apartment, having made up with Raul and also expecting to make up
with Cecilia. She fought the urge to take him back, sticking to her
disgust over the fact he had another girlfriend. Her resolve not to take
him back became even stronger when she found out that the other
girlfriend was pregnant with his child.
After a week of arguing it finally seemed Vicente was ready to give up,
especially since Cecilia�s mother still was furious about what had
happened to her apartment and ordered Raul to keep him out. Again
Cecilia breathed a huge sigh of relief, except there was one problem.
She had missed her period. So, it turned out that she hadn�t broken free
after all. Now she was stuck with having Vicente�s kid.
A month passed, and several pregnancy tests confirmed the news, Cecilia
was pregnant. What on earth was she going to do? Vicente already had
another kid on the way and his behavior was becoming more erratic than
ever. She couldn�t go back to him. What the fuck was she going to do?
During that first month of being pregnant she made a significant
decision. She decided not to tell anyone about the pregnancy until she
could figure out how to deal with it herself. Of course her family would
expect her to have the baby, no matter what. But did she want the child?
She was consumed with hatred towards Vicente for what he had done to
her, and now her hatred was focused against his child, the one that she
was carrying.
She went to Social Services for advice. The social worker pondered her
options, none of which seemed particularly appealing. Finally, having
exhausted all other possibilities, he made a suggestion, that she
consider having an abortion. The thought went against everything that
Cecilia�s community believed and was a horrible solution, but it was the
only choice that promised her the possibility of staying in school and
returning to her prior life.
For several days Cecilia struggled with the issue, but her hatred of
Vicente finally pushed her to go ahead with the visit to the clinic. She
asked the social worker to help her make arrangements, which entailed a
trip into New York City. The procedure itself was grueling, humiliating,
and left her in tears, but as she laid back and felt the instruments
press into her, she kept reminding herself that it was her revenge
against her ex-boyfriend. I ain�t havin� your fuckin� kid, Vicente. I
just ain�t.
Cecilia returned to school somewhat changed. She had made her deal with
the devil, ending the life of the child she was carrying so she could
have her freedom back. There were times she felt horribly guilty about
what she had to do, but usually she was able to direct her guilt as
blame against her ex-boyfriend. Had he treated her better, she would not
have felt so driven to have the abortion.
She became coldly focused on her studies. The guys remaining in school
chased after her because she was so attractive, but she rudely rebuffed
them. She spent the next three years of her life completely alone,
pursuing a single mission in life. At all costs, she had to get her
diploma and get out of the neighborhood. For the next three years, her
obsession was graduating. She just had to get away.
She looked upon the Salsa and Rap-induced machismo of her neighborhood
with loathing. She made no effort to conceal her contempt of the
messages being constantly blared out through the loudspeakers and
stereos of her peers. She jeered at her classmates� sexist Rap lyrics
and in doing so further alienated herself from the other girls still
attending the school. Anyhow, that wasn�t how she was going to live. She
was determined that never again would she take orders from a boyfriend
or submit to anything a guy wanted. Instead, she would have to find a
partner who was willing to submit to her and obey her. Never again could
she relinquish control of her life to someone else, no matter how much
she loved that other person.
When Cecilia finished her story she stood quietly at the window. Jason
wasn�t sure what to say. He had grown up in a community where abortion
was not looked upon as much more than a simple medical procedure, but he
knew that in the community from which Cecilia came, abortion was viewed
very differently. To her, admitting to having undergone an abortion was
a horrible confession. She had made a desperate decision that completely
cut her off from the core values of her church, her family and her
community. In Cecilia�s mind, to keep her freedom she had to commit
murder.
He knew better than to try to argue with her or convince her that what
she did was no big deal. To her it was a very big deal. There would be
no convincing her otherwise. He did have a question.
�I�m kinda curious about one thing. If you had to do it all over again,
the abortion I mean, would you?�
�Yes, Jason, I would�ve. I didn�t have any choice, �cause I didn�t wanna
be Vicente�s bitch. That�s what he kept callin� me, his bitch. I ain�t
nobody�s bitch.�
Cecilia had opened the window of her soul to Jason, not out of any
sudden weakness or vulnerability, but because she wanted him to
understand her needs and what being with her would truly mean for his
own life. He would have to surrender himself, because she couldn�t have
it any other way. There was no question that he would indeed submit to
her. At that moment, following their night of difficult confessions, he
became committed to accepting the life she had created for him. He had
no choice, because the trip home and his memories of Heather Jones made
him realize that, without Cecilia, the only thing he could look forward
to in his own life was failure. He did not have a strong personality and
without a partner who could force him to focus his energies, he would
drift. He had the intelligence to succeed, but lacked the drive in his
character. Cecilia, with her sharp commands and her willingness to use
the belt on him, filled that void in Jason�s life.
He needed her every bit as much as she needed him. Not only did he need
her help with his studies, but he also needed her discipline and her
ability to help him focus. He needed the love she was offering, a love
that demanded he make the most out of himself and overcome his
weaknesses.
Jason also knew, in spite of her assertion �I�m gonna have to be in
charge, and you�re gonna have to live with that,� there were some things
in life he would be able to teach her. Swimming was one example. Over
time there would have to be more swimming lessons, because she
absolutely had to learn how to swim. Another way he had influenced her
was her increasing openness about her body. He noticed she was wearing
underwear less and had begun sleeping in the nude. His goal next summer
would be to get her to go to a nude beach and break away from her
remaining inhibitions. Over time he would have the chance to change her
in other ways, although he would have to do it quietly and on the spur
of the moment. Obviously he could never change her by attempting to give
her any orders.
----------
It was 3:00 in the morning, but neither Cecilia nor Jason was tired.
Jason needed to go to the bathroom, so Cecilia escorted him out of he
women�s wing and waited for him to return to the commons area. When
Jason returned, they briefly looked at the deepening snow outside
through a bay window, and then went back to her room.
As soon as she shut her door, she ordered him to stand still so she
could undress him. She went slowly, gently caressing his body as she
took off each article of clothing. Finally his shorts fell to the floor
and he stepped out of them. As usual, he was not wearing any underwear.
He continued standing still while she lovingly caressed his bottom and
gently patted it. He sighed with arousal and some anxiety, because by
patting his bottom she was letting him know that he was due for a
spanking.
That night there was no sensuous lovers� talk, nor was there any teasing
about what a bad boy Jason was. She simply was in the mood to have him
lie across her lap and spend the next hour studying, caressing, and
spanking his lovely bottom. She kissed him, patted his bottom again,
gave it a very light smack, and then quickly pulled off her own clothes.
Jason understood he was to remain standing and not move until she gave
him permission, but already he was fully erect.
Cecilia could not have picked a better night to spank Jason. He was in
the mood to be spanked. He was in the mood to lie across Cecilia�s lap,
surrender himself to her, and endure the moderate pain and intense
pleasure that he always felt when she punished him by hand.
She sat down on the bed and took his hand. She guided him over her lap
and positioned him so that he was gracefully draped over her thighs.
With her hand she gently pressed the insides of his legs to spread them
slightly. She then instructed him to tilt his bottom up slightly so that
he was spread and fully exposed. She gently brushed the backs of his
testicles to tease him and then ran her finger up the middle, brushing
past his bottom-hole. She tapped it with her fingertip and gave him a
warning.
�I wanna see this until I�m finished with you. I want this sweat bottom
of yours to stay relaxed. If you try to tighten up, I�m gonna have to
get up and use the belt. I don�t think you�re gonna like that as much as
my hand. Do you understand?�
�Yes, Cecilia.�
He shifted up even more, inviting her to explore and study his backside
before spanking it. She spent a very long time lovingly caressing and
kissing that bare bottom, occasionally teasing his testicles or circling
his bottom-hole with her fingertip. He loved it when she gently touched
her lips to his bare skin, which soon would be pink and hot from the
sharp slaps that were only minutes away. He was desperate with
anticipation, loving every second of it.
She started gently at first, mixing soft slaps with caresses and kisses.
He closed his eyes and enjoyed the feeling of helplessness and the
sharpening physical sensations coming from his bottom. She took her
time, enjoying the pinkish tone on his skin as it slowly darkened under
her hand. She wished she could have him like this for days on end,
because she really did enjoy giving him nice long spankings.
SLAP!�SLAP!� SLAP!� SLAP!� SLAP! After about 15 minutes, Cecilia�s own
excitement caught up with her. She began smacking him much harder and
quit caressing his bottom. Her hours in the gym working out with Lisa
were paying off, because now she had much more strength and endurance in
her arms. She wanted Jason to feel the punishment, to give him a real
spanking, not just a lover�s playful pats.
Jason bit his lip and gasped. The pain was more intense than the last
time she had given him a hand spanking, but it was just what he needed.
To be over his lover lap, to be under her control, to have her belabor
his unprotected skin with harsh slaps�yes, it was what he wanted. And
yet, as the pain in his bottom increased, he also felt safe and
protected. She was in control, she was his keeper and his mistress.
Cecilia watched the light shade of pink on Jason�s bottom turn to a deep
shade of pink. It was obvious that he was enjoying the experience. She
too, was deeply aroused by the sight and feel of Jason�s spanked
backside, and by the sight of his bottom-hole that he dutifully kept
turned up and visible. Yes, he was a good boy. She was training him
well.
She felt his penis pressing into her thigh and the familiar burning
sensation between her own legs. He was sweating with arousal. He had
behaved well, and there was no need to lay any extra swats across his
bottom with the belt. Now it was time for the reward, for both of them.
She stopped spanking, ordered him to stand up, tore open a condom
package, and quickly slipped it on him. She then lay on her back and
drew him to her. He entered her and started thrusting vigorously, the
heat from his spanked bottom giving him that extra stimulation for a
really special orgasm. Oh, this was good, it was really good. As he
thrust into her, over and over, Cecilia gasped with pleasure, her body
completely covered in sweat. She had her orgasm, but grunted
�more�more�more�. She dug her fingernails into her lover�s swollen
bottom; somehow knowing that would be enough to get another orgasm out
of him. Again he pumped semen into the condom as he pushed in and out of
her. The bed squeaked and tapped the wall as the two lovers burned out
all their stress and energy in that exquisite round of love-making.
Finally, just as it was starting to get light outside, Cecilia and Jason
did manage to get to sleep. It was a quiet, snowy Sunday morning,
perfect for sleeping in. Cecilia cuddled in Jason�s arms and fell
asleep. He stayed awake just long enough to think about how happy he was
at the moment. For the first time he felt at peace with himself, his
life in order, thanks to the one woman on the planet who loved him and
understood what he truly needed.
The
Freshman - Chapter 20
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