Fifty for a blow, a hundred for a screw.
If I’d had any illusions that getting pimped out on the boardwalk would be a wonderful thing, and indeed I had hoped, they were soon dashed. No, the boys and girls of the beach, the beautiful ones with lean bodies and tanned skin, who surfed the waves or ran through the sand, golden in the brilliant sun, those were not the people who would pay for a piece of ass on the pier. No, it was the old, the fat, the deformed who called on me. I saw wrinkled, blotchy skin, fiery red sores, slack mouths, and empty eyes with no feeling or normal desire. They put their hands on me and clutched. Mel seemed to choose them with fiendish accuracy. She was an expert, I guess, on the broken, the wretched, an expert on the men who wanted young girls, but had no practical means of acquiring one.
She collected the money, sorted and arranged by value and kept in a tight roll in her purse.
“Hey Amber. Go talk to that guy,” she would say. And I would go to him, to his fat, wobbly body and his merciless stare.
“Hey sweetie, what’s your name?”
“Amber.”
“You come here a lot, Amber?”
“Yeah. Come on, you know who I am. Fifty for a blow, a hundred for a screw.”
For the blow jobs, we would go behind a building or to the guy’s car. For a screw, they could get a room at a beach-side inn, and no one there seemed to care what we did, or for thirty extra we’d head down to Dave’s house. He took fifteen of that, but he wasn’t always around and Mel seemed content to rip him off when he wasn’t.
Some of the men complained about my obvious displeasure. “She’s hot, but she started crying when I finished. What the fuck?”
“A deal’s a deal,” Mel would say. “Don’t buy her again if you don’t like it.”
It seemed most didn’t mind so much. I got plenty of repeat work.
One day she was selling me near the pier. I was wearing my little schoolgirl thing and strutting back and forth in my flat Mary Janes. She sat on the bench, the same bench where I used to while away my days. Billy was there too, in the smoothie stand, looking on with a glum expression. I think, maybe, Mel enjoyed that part of the whole thing most of all.
The men came along; they always came along, finding me wherever on the boardwalk Mel chose to place me. I’d been back and forth to the motel several times that day, and by now I felt sticky and horrible. I could never get clean enough after a nasty fuck, and the sun shone down on me and the sand stuck to me and the hot breeze drifted and smelled of brine.
Mel pulled out a five note. “Wanna smoothie?” she asked.
“Yes. Yes, please. Mango.”
She went and gave her brother the money and he ran the blender. Then she brought it over. “We’ll share a passion fruit.”
At least it was cold and sweet and covered the rancid taste in my mouth.
“Mel, can I run home and take a shower? I feel gross.”
“Nah. Later maybe. We need another two-hundred today.” She gave me a cross look as I sucked down the last of the smoothie. “Enough. Keep strutting. Shake that ass.”
I strutted and shook my ass.
And I dreamed. I dreamed that someone beautiful would see me and want me.
The beach kids arrived. Tyler was there, and Kayla, and their friends with their lean, beautiful bodies. I gave a little wave as they passed.
Tyler walked over. “Hey Amber! What’s up? Haven’t seen you in a while.”
I smiled. “Hey Tyler.” I got close. He wasn’t wearing a shirt.
“So — uh — are you still with Billy?”
“Nah, well, sorta. It’s complicated. I’m with his sister right now.” I motioned to Mel.
“Uh — with his sister?”
Mel watched. Kayla came over. “Hey Amber. Haven’t seen you around.” The rest of the beach kids jogged down to the sand near the edge of the water.
Kayla was so pretty. The sunlight glinted golden from her hair, along the edge and from the teased strands that hung free. I stood close to her, to both of them.
“Hi Kayla.”
Mel rose from the bench and approached. “Who are your friends, Amber?”
“Uh — hey Mel, this is Tyler and Kayla. I know them from around the beach.”
“Hi Tyler and Kayla,” Mel said.
“Hey,” each replied.
“I’ve seen you around school,” Kayla said. “You hang out with Chloe Peters and her crew.”
“Something like that. So, anyhow, you guys like Amber?”
Tyler glanced at me, then Mel. “We like her fine.”
“Great. You wanna fuck her?”
Tyler’s eyes got huge. Kayla gasped. I called out, “Mel, no!”
It wasn’t that I didn’t want that. No, I wanted it more than anything in the world. But I didn’t want them to know, to know how sordid it all was, my meager life, my nasty little hole.
“Please, Mel, no.”
A whore.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Tyler asked.
Kayla stayed by me and touched my arm. “Amber, what’s going on?”
“Ha!” Mel said. “You two are pretty hot, and my little Amber has been spreading it for some very nasty guys today. I’ll make you a deal!”
It took a couple seconds.
“Oh Amber,” Kayla said.
“You’re pimping her?” Tyler asked.
“Yeah,” Mel said. “Fifty for a blow, a hundred for a screw.”
Nobody said anything. Mel grinned.
“But for you two, I’ll make it fifty for thirty in the Thunderbird Motel.”
And its dirty sheets. And their dismal, disgusted looks.
Kayla stepped away from me. “Oh Amber, why?”
Tyler shook his head. “This is too fucked up for words.”
Mel stepped over and took my hand. “Whaddaya say? No? Alright then, amscray, you’re blocking paying customers.”
“Amber, you don’t have to do this,” Kayla said. “She can’t make you.”
“Ha! Turns out I can. Come on, Amber, let’s head down the beach.”
But Tyler reached over and took Kayla’s arm. “Let them go. We can’t do anything here.”
He didn’t look at me.
She did, for a moment, eye to eye, sweet Kayla. But soon, her gaze dropped and she turned to Tyler. Then she followed him to the beach.
When they were gone, Mel turned and wrapped me in her arms. “Aw, too bad sweetie. They were pretty.”
Two more weeks passed of me whoring on the boardwalk, two wretched weeks of dirty fucking, sleeping on couches, mostly Dave’s, but this girl Chloe’s also, and two weeks of Billy’s glum looks, the beach kids’ avoiding us, but casting their sad, curious stares when we happened to cross their view, two dismal weeks.
One day, after Mel and I fucked Dave in his room, Billy found us resting together on the couch, arm in arm, feeling the warm afterglow of sex. He glanced at us and headed to the kitchen. From within, we heard him fumble around briefly. Then he returned, paced around a bit, wrung his hands, and then plopped down in the chair. “Uh — hi Amber. Hi Mel.” His ball cap was low over his face.
“Hi Billy,” I said.
Mel kept her eyes fixed on a point across the room. She gave the barest, “Hey Billy.” She squeezed my hand.
“So — uh — ”
Her gaze didn’t move. “Whaddaya want, Billy?”
“You’ve had Amber for a couple weeks now — ”
“Three weeks.” She turned to face him. “And no, you can’t have her back yet.”
He adjusted himself in the chair and stretched his legs out before him. He didn’t say anything for a while, and Mel seemed satisfied. She pulled me closer and gazed at my face. “Go away,” she said. “Amber and me are gonna make out.”
I parted my lips and waited for the kiss.
“Come on, Mel. We were supposed to switch off.”
The kiss came. She let it linger and we used our tongues. When she broke away, she sat back and kept her eyes on me. “That’s not really the deal. I’m keeping her until I make my money back.”
“Fuck that, that’ll take forever.”
Another kiss, a small one. “A few months, actually. I’ve made four grand so far.”
A few months? And what then? Was I back to Billy then, forever? More kisses came, lovely kisses. But would they last?
Then again, I thought, if that happened, if Mel set me aside, there’d be no more whoring, no more nasty, dirty fucks. At least that.
Billy didn’t move. We kept kissing for a while, but he stayed right in his chair, watching.
Then Mel said, “You know, I guess it’s fine if you wanna stay, but you gotta admit, watching your sister fool around with another girl is — well — a bit weird.”
A few seconds passed of him not moving and Mel watching my face. Then she shrugged and kissed me again. “Mmm,” she said.
“Amber, go to my room.” His voice was sharp. He sat up straight in the chair.
Mel turned to him. “Ha!” She touched my shoulders. “As if! My sweet girl knows who can please her.”
“I’m your owner, Amber. Go to my room.” His hands rested on his thighs.
I felt my body twitch, my mind tingle. Indeed, he was my owner, and, indeed, I felt the compulsion to obey.
“No, Amber, Stay!”
But Mel too was an owner, in a way, to some degree. It was strange, as if my mind knew the truth of that thing also, that the money was indeed half hers — and even Billy conceded that point — and thus by rights, I belonged to both. Or so it seemed. Surely I’d been inclined to obey her as well. Why else would I whore?
I sat poised between two compulsions.
But one compulsion was touching me in delightful ways. The other watched with his fat face and obscured eyes.
“You have to obey me,” he said.
“Nah, stay sweetie, let’s kiss.”
She gave me kisses. And I thought, about her — and how my heart raced from each touch. But she was so cruel to me, made me do so many awful things. How many more disgusting men must I fuck? How many more screws in the Thunderbird Motel, on its squeaky beds and sticky sheets? An unwashed cock smells terrible.
But Billy! Why was he such a pussy? I couldn’t imagine a life with Billy.
I thought. I considered. I sat up and slid down the couch away from Mel.
It seemed I was free to choose.
She slid after me, pursuing me. “Amber! Stay!”
“Billy…”
“Huh?”
I slipped from Mel’s grasp, stood, and studied Billy.
“Take your cap off. I wanna see your face.”
Mel said, “What the fuck?”
He took off his cap.
“Billy, take me for a drive.”
“Huh?”
“A drive. In your car. Drive me up into the hills, really fast, through the dark, as fast as you want.” His face lit up. Mel reached and grasped my hand. “And when we get up there, find some really cool spot where we can see the ocean and the stars. The moonlight on the ocean and the Milky Way above. I wanna see that. I’ve never seen it.”
“Okay,” he said.
“Then fuck me. Fuck me really good. Outside. Then eat my pussy. Really eat me. Will you do that?”
He seemed stunned, but he could talk. At least he could talk. “Yeah. I’ll do that, Amber. I’ll do it.”
Mel said, “Don’t you dare!”
I didn’t even look at her. “Fuck off, Mel. You’re so fucking sexy and you fuck me so good. But you whored me out to those terrible men. I’ll never forgive you for that.”
“You’re half mine!”
“Yes. I am. And as long as Billy and you disagree, completely disagree, I’m free to choose — it seems. And as long as I can choose, I’m going with Billy. He was a crappy lover, but I think he’ll try to get better, if he has to, if I get to choose. And, whatever else, he never made me a whore.”
The car roared up the narrow, twisty road. The world outside, all those other things that were not Billy and me, existed in brief flashes only, lit by the headlights. There was guardrail on this stretch of road, at least. It sat between us and a steep drop, hundreds of feet, I guessed, but who could say for sure in the darkness. On the other side were trees and signs and rocks. They came and went. Billy held the wheel with both hands. I sat and watched the world pass by.
The valley was long behind us. It would be too bright to see the stars because of the town, Billy said. Sure, I believed him. But I didn’t mind. Let him drive, let him drive as far as he wanted.
More twists. More sharp turns. Then the ocean came into view.
There was a narrow rocky patch by the side of the road that led to a low wooden fence and, beyond that, the lip of a cliff. Along the edge, bits of scrub clung to the gray soil. Near the fence, patches of pale grass were scattered among the rocks. Billy left the car running for a bit, its lights showing the fence and the emptiness beyond. But soon, he stopped the engine and shut off the lights. Darkness. The far ocean lit by a falling crescent moon.
“You wanna get out?” he asked.
“Yeah.”
A light breeze came in, but at this height it smelled fresh and clean. In the sky above, small puffs of cloud were visible, gray blots against the stars. They moved quickly.
“Where’s the Milky Way? Is it up there?” I asked.
“Your eyes have to adjust. Wait till the moon goes down.”
I went and sat on the hood. Billy strode to the fence and leaned against it.
Time passed. The moon crept toward the edge of the sky.
“Billy? Will you sit by me?”
“In a bit.”
His gaze stayed fixed to the west.
“I’ll do it, Amber. Tonight, I promise. When the moon goes down, we’ll do it.”
“Okay, Billy.”
The temperature was falling. I held my arms tight to my chest.
Soon, the moon touched the horizon. As it did, it seemed to hurry. I thought I could actually see it move. A few minutes more, then Billy came to me. He sat next to me and put his arm around me.
But he didn’t say anything.
“This is nice,” I said.
He grunted in, I guess, agreement. I snuggled close.
“You’re warm,” I said.
He looked up. “Can you see it? It’ll get brighter as your eyes adjust.”
I thought I could, maybe. “Is it there?” I moved my arm in a long arcing motion tracing a strip through the sky.
“Yep. That’s the Milky Way.”
“Wow. Yeah. I see it.”
He kissed me. One kiss, but sweet enough on the mouth. Then he sat up again.
“Be patient, Amber, I’ll do it.”
No problem. We had all night. “This is fine,” I said, “just sitting here looking at the stars.”
And that’s what we did, in the darkness. My eyes adjusted, I think, and the sky above seemed to grow bright. When I lay back and looked up, I felt like I was there, in the sky, fixed forever. It didn’t seem far. Soon, Billy lay back as well. We held hands.
I forced myself to wait. My body was surging inside. But I waited. I thought about the beauty surrounding me, and I let myself be content. I let Billy take his time, as long as he needed. He promised, and I trusted that.
Slowly, tentatively, the touches came. My hips. My tummy. Then my breasts. Light touches. Billy rolled to his side and ran his finger up and down me. I squirmed. And I waited. I waited for him.
Then kissing. We clung to each other and kissed deeply.
“Oh, Billy.”
The sky above turned slowly around its north-most pole. New stars climbed, old stars fell. And we made love. Billy undressed me. Then he climbed onto me, his weight pressing me against the hard metal of the car. He was slow and gentle. Maybe too gentle, but still. He held me tight and kissed my breasts as he fucked me.
I got close before he climaxed, so close, so close to the magic. I was writhing. My hips were pressing. His body seized up and he gasped. I felt his cock pulse and pump me full of cum.
Then he rose from me, slid from the hood, and staggered back. I lay waiting. And I didn’t say anything. I forced myself not to beg, not to plead in my desperate voice. He had promised. I waited.
“You ready?” he asked.
Hushed, meek, I said, “Please.”
He dropped to his knees in the gravel. Then he pulled me to the edge of the hood, my legs over his shoulders. He went in. He was clumsy, his tongue thick and unpracticed. But he was doing it, and I didn’t mind that it would take longer. I didn’t mind taking all night.
I thought I might coach him, tell him what to do. But no. Let him explore this new thing, this pleasing a girl. Let him learn on me. I stroked his hair.
Then I came close again. And now I coached him. “Oh Billy, keep doing that. But faster.”
He went faster. I came. With Billy’s mouth on my pussy, I came, hard, deep, crying out. When I opened my eyes, I saw the beautiful stars.
“Oh, Billy, sweet Billy, how can you keep me away from Mel? Don’t let her have me again. Please.”
He kept eating me. The darling boy.
The next day I found myself on the beach with Billy. I hadn’t exactly wanted to come, and Billy hadn’t ordered me to. But he convinced me that it would be safest, that leaving me at home where I could end up alone with Mel — or Dave, but that was just Billy’s jealousy — was too dangerous. “Don’t underestimate her,” he said. “She’s clever. She’ll think of a way to order you to do something that you’ll have to do.”
Maybe he was right. I didn’t want to chance it.
So here I was at the beach again. Morning was well along.
I walked up to the smoothie stand. “Hey Billy, if Kayla and her friends come today, can I hang out with them?”
He didn’t seem pleased with the idea. He glanced up and down the boardwalk. “Can’t you buy a book or something?”
I shrugged. “I should be allowed to have friends. I’m your girlfriend, but I should have friends.” Seconds passed. “Come on! They invited you too, back then. I mean — lots of shit happened, but I bet they’d still have you around if you wanted. Why not?”
“You don’t understand. I never got along with those kinda kids. They seem nice, but they’re really assholes.”
“Kayla isn’t. And neither is Tyler. They’ve been really cool to me — well — ’cept when they found out I was a whore. But maybe they’ll forgive me for that. Come on. I’m not gonna sit here all day again. Not day after day. I’d rather take my chances with Mel.”
“Amber!” He picked up one of the metal scoops. Then he set it down.
“If you order me not to whore, then I’m pretty safe from that. She can’t force me to whore. I’m not worried about much else.”
He took a step back into the stand, into its shadows, for a few moments. I saw him move. Then he came back to the counter.
I stood with one hand resting by the straw dispenser. He stood just within view. “Billy, I’m free to choose now, like a regular girl, like a girlfriend. You have to treat me well. Or I’ll fuck Mel and take my chances.”
“Amber.” He looked hurt.
“Look, last night was so wonderful, and I’m gonna stay with you. I promise. But don’t make me your slave again. Let me be a regular girl.”
He began to say something, but his mouth stopped half open. Just then, we both heard it, their laughter as they approached. Kayla’s sweet voice was among them, and I thought I heard Tyler’s too. They had arrived.
I turned and saw them scamper down the small wooden steps from the boardwalk to the beach. There were five, Kayla, Tyler, a couple other guys, one blond, one black-haired, and a tall, pretty girl with long golden-brown hair and a wonderfully skimpy bikini. They didn’t look my way.
I turned back to Billy. “I’m going. If you wanna keep me, you have to let me choose my friends.”
By the time I arrived among them, they had set out towels and the black-haired boy was opening a cooler with beers. They saw me arrive. Mostly, they just looked. I stood in the sand, wearing my shoes. It seemed like forever, until Kayla said, “Hi Amber.”
“Hey.”
Tyler said, “Yeah. Hi Amber. How’ya doing?”
“Good.” I paused. There was a free space on Kayla’s towel. There was also a free space on Tyler’s and the black-haired boy’s. The blond-haired one seemed to be with the other girl. They sat together.
“I’m not with Mel anymore — you know — Billy’s sister.” Tyler nodded. Kayla smiled. “And I’m done with all of that.”
“Good,” Tyler said.
Kayla motioned next to her. “You wanna sit by me?”
Of course I did. I plopped down next to her and smoothed out my skirt.
“You really should get a bathing suit,” Tyler said.
“Yeah. I’ll ask Billy to buy me one.” I fiddled with the nearest edge of the towel so it would lay flat on the sand. It seemed, even on a towel, plenty of sand got on you anyhow.
Tyler asked, “Back with him, then?” I glanced and nodded. “Hmm,” he said.
The black-haired boy lightly shoved Tyler. He lightly shoved back.
“Well,” Kayla said, “I’m glad you’re with us. And tell Billy he can come around too, when he’s on break or whatever.” Then she turned to Tyler and the black-haired boy. “That’s fine? — right?”
They shrugged and nodded, and I got the sense that Billy and his welcome had been discussed before.
The blond boy said, “Hey Marcos, gimme a couple beers.”
Marcos — the black-haired boy, I guessed — handed over two beers. Then the blond boy opened them and passed one to his girl. They sat back and watched the waves. My presence didn’t seem to matter much.
Which was fine. I didn’t really have much to say, and I was afraid anything I did say would sound stupid. So I leaned back on my elbows — they pressed down making grooves through the towel into the sand — and felt the warm breeze and heard the gentle churn of the waves.
Kayla touched my shoulder. “Wanna beer?”
I sat up. “Uh — I guess. I’ve never had one.”
Tyler spun around — he’d been chatting with Marcos — and said, “Really?” I nodded. He reached across Marcos to the cooler and grabbed a beer, which he handed to me. “Where you from, anyway? I mean — what’s your story? How’dya end up — ” He stopped and glanced at Kayla.
“Actually, I’m curious too,” she said.
I studied the beer can. I’d seen people open beer and soda cans before, but I hadn’t done it. It seemed easy enough. I pulled on the little metal tab and it made a pop sound. Then a bit of fizzy-foamy stuff came from the hole, but not so much that it spilled.
I brought it to my lips. Then I made a face. It didn’t taste very good, but it was cold.
“Heh,” Tyler said. “First beer, hey?”
“Yeah.”
“Like it?”
I shrugged. But I took another sip. It was weird and metallic and tingled. “I guess I could get used to it.”
Maybe.
Then I sat and was quiet, and I thought that perhaps I could let the question of my background just drift away. I saw birds soaring far out over the water, a bunch of them like gray specks, but they weren’t together. In fact, as I studied them, I saw that they kept their distance, never unaware, so as not to draw too close, like a dance where each dancer ensured he had no partner. Occasionally, one would dive and fall like a thunderbolt to the sea.
“You don’t have to tell us,” Kayla said in a gentle, quiet voice. “But you can. You know — you can.”
Again, she touched me, the lightest touch, just on the shoulder. A chill passed through me. Tyler watched.
Then Tyler said, “Hey Amber. You wanna blow off Billy tonight and go to the movies with us?”
“Uh — ”
Everyone got real quiet and looked at me. Even the blond boy and his girl. They all looked at me. Kayla was very close.
“Uh — I don’t think I can. I mean…”
Tyler’s gaze drifted over me, and I could see that look in his eyes. I knew that look. The horrible men got it, when they purchased me.
I shrugged and looked away. Kayla was still close, still touching my shoulder. “Why don’t you come and bring Billy? It’d be fun.”
“I could ask him, but I don’t think he’ll say yes.”
She said, “Hmm. Well, try.”
“Okay.”
When I looked back at Tyler, he had turned away from me and was looking out to the ocean. Marcos shoved his shoulder again and handed him a beer.
“You alright?” Kayla asked.
I turned back to her. “Yeah. This is very nice. I like sitting here.” I took another sip of my beer.
She lay back. I sat there on the towel, motionless, quiet, among them. They didn’t seem to mind. They let me be. The waves roiled. The birds soared.
They were so beautiful, all of them.