Some Characters In Search of a New Author

There was a knock at the door. Julia looked up, smiled. She put down her coffee. “Visitors?” She hopped up off the couch and went to see who it was. In front of the door she checked her short white miniskirt and brief white top showing her large breasts to their best advantage. She patted her hair and, once sure that everything was just right, she smiled and opened the door.

“Oh.” Julia backed away from the young model at the entry. “You.”

“Hi, may I come in?” Jacqueline asked.

“Oh, of course.”

“Don’t worry, Jacqueline, she was just hoping it would be her dream guy,” Jenny said, her hand patting the couch. “Come on over and visit with us.” Sitting beside Jenny was Sam, reading as usual. Sam looked up and smiled, and then returned to her book.

Jacqueline smiled at Julia, walked toward the couch. “Her dream guy?”

“Oh, not him. Not our guy. You know, the man she was destined to meet.” Jenny laughed.

“We’re pissed at our guy,” Sam said.

Jacqueline sat down and took a Danish from the dish. She took a bite and smiled, “These are good.”

“Thank Mrs. D.” Jenny pointed to the dining room where a short, plump woman was putting a plate of fresh Danish in front of Davy.

“Mrs. D? Isn’t that . . .” Jacqueline started.

“Her change came,” Julia sat down across from Jacqueline and stretched out her long legs. “She’s having more fun now in the kitchen, she says, than at Vicky’s coronation.”

“But isn’t that . . .” Jacqueline started.

“Eveline.” Jenny whispered. “It’s shocking I know. Now all she wants to do is cook. Pastries. Confections.”

“But, Eveline?” Jacqueline said, taking another bite.

“We just hope our guy doesn’t start putting her recipes in his stories. I mean, my god.” Julia started to shudder, “They’re bad enough already with those stupid jokes of his.”

Jenny laughed. “Julia is a bit upset with our guy.”

“I mean, here I am,” Julia said. “Just about the perfect woman, every man’s dream . . .”

“Go on, tell us dear.”

“Tall, silver blonde hair, tawny gold eyes, blonde everywhere,” Julia smiled, “not like some who call themselves blonde.”

Jenny leaned over to Jacqueline, “I don’t think it’s just our guy who is socially clumsy.”

“A real blonde with a figure to match.” Julia sat upright, her hands spread across her diaphragm. “37-23-34. A real woman. I should get all the best parts, but no, Knock Shop Nelly over there, Cee gets them,” Julia waved her arm back over her head.

Jacqueline saw where she was pointing, the dimly lit bedroom was filled with guys. “Renè? Is that Renè?”

“I mean your person at least has interesting guys,” Julia said.

Jenny said, “Yes, that’s Renè.”

Julia went on. “Who do we get? College dweebs, instead of some gorgeous hunk like Renè. Oh, he makes me tingle all over when he smiles.”

“You know about our guy.” Sam looked up from her book, returned reading.

There was a knock on the door. Julia looked up, her eyes gleaming, “Visitors?” Jenny, Sam and Jacqueline exchanged looks. Julia hopped off the couch and went to the door, checking herself to make sure she looked just right.

She opened the door and said, “Gosh.” A group of large men in football uniforms filled the yard. “Oh gee.” She started to wiggle, flinging her breasts up and down, up and down. “Oh my.”

One of the men looked at Julia, frowned, and said, “Is Cee in?” The other men shifted their weight from one foot to the other and back again.

“She’s pretty busy right now but I . . .”

“Oh, we don’t mind waiting.” He turned back to his fellows, “She’s here, come on.”

Julia danced to the side, still jiggling, “But I . . .”

Jacqueline noticed the men’s eyes seemed to glaze over the closer they got to Cee’s room. They each picked a Danish from the large plate full Mrs. D. held for them by Cee’s door. Mrs. D. smiled and said “enjoy your stay” to each man as he went through the door, absentmindedly clutching his pastry. The young model looked over to Jenny. “How big is Cee’s room?”

“Pretty big. We do the biggest scenes in there. Right now there are several groups — fraternities, football teams, a biker bar from the Jersey shore, plus the guys who show up alone or with their buddies.”

Julia sat back down in her seat. “What about Davy over there?” She lowered her voice, “You won’t believe it, Jacqueline, but Davy is, well he’s magnificent down there.”

“Doesn’t count,” Jenny said. “He’s gay.”

“Haven’t you noticed?” Julia sighed. “All the best men are gay.”

“So that’s why he’s not,” Jacqueline waved toward Cee’s room.

“All they’re interested in is that and eating,” Jenny laughed. Her red hair danced. “Thank god for Cee sometimes.”

“But she gets all the best parts,” Julia said.

“Not all the best parts. You remember Dustbowl Dames? Where Dolly and Daisy have that scene in the bedroom?”

Julia smiled. “I was good as Daisy, wasn’t I?”

“Dolly had just come back from the carnival smiling with a fist full of helium balloons floating over her head.”

Julia leaned forward and put her hand on Jacqueline’s knee. “I call that my Gone with the Wind scene. Our husbands were off in town trying to talk the bank out of foreclosing. Dolly walked through the door. She looked at me in that certain way of hers. She led me into the bedroom, left me to disrobe and came back with an electric fan. She set up the fan on a bureau near the foot of the bed. After tying the balloon strings to my erect nipples (I was already stretched out on the bed), her hand flicked the switch for the fan, and then she . . . Oh, it was wonderful. Simply wonderful. Of course, Cee hogged the rest of the story. I’m glad she’s not a screamer.”

“There’d never be a moment of rest here,” Jenny said. She grinned. “I like to watch her toes. There, see. When they do that. I bet they could crack walnuts.”

“It’s not all bad here,” Sam said.

“No, I guess not. It could be worse,” Julia said, looking down at her immobile toes. “If only our guy’s stories had a bit more . . .”

“Panache?” Jenny said.

“I was thinking of zoom. A bit more zoom, go somewhere. Do something.”

“With a gorgeous true blonde in the lead role,” Sam laughed.

“Maybe then Renè would do more than smile at me when he comes over. I mean I have potential. And our guy squanders his best parts for Cee.”

“She does seem to be enjoying herself, doesn’t she?” Jacqueline said, watching in rapt fascination.

“But I could do that and more,” Julia said.

“We know dear, have a Danish,” Jenny said.

“Anybody ever keep count?” Jacqueline said. “Does this go on all the time or is today special.”

“Actually, it’s kind of slow today,” Jenny said.

“And your guy?”

“Well, other than his stupid, lame sense of humor,” Jenny started.

“And utter lack of any social skills whatsoever,” Sam said. She turned the page in her book and went back to reading.

“We wish we were doing more. More of Julia’s zoom for want of another word. It is entirely possible he might start sticking some of Mrs. D’s recipes smack dab in the middle of some juicy part.” Jenny sat back. “The past few months haven’t been easy, he naps a lot.”

“I mean, here I am, young, vibrant, ready to go, to do things, and our guy is napping.” Julia slumped in her seat. “I feel as if the best moments in life are passing me by. And equipping a gay kid like that, our guy is just perverse. It’s beyond wicked.”

Jenny picked up another Danish and waved it in the air, “There’s something special about Danish hot from the oven.”

“You see,” Julia said. “We’re getting twisted. This is not how it’s supposed to be for me. I was made for handsome hard-bodied guys in fast cars. I was made to walk into a bar and have everything go quiet as everyone turns to look at me. As I head for the pool tables you’d hear drops of horny man drool splash on the floor. Instead, look at me, sitting around with a bunch of women eating Danish. I mean, how degenerate.”

“Maybe it’s our guy’s social problem,” Jenny said. “He does have a problem you know.”

“Here’s a story and you’ll see what we’re up against,” Julia said. “Our guy is at a party and this beautiful redhead comes up to him. He’s sitting in the corner as usual.” Everyone laughed. “She smiles at him, winks and takes off all her clothes.”

“He had never met her before; he was flustered a bit, of course,” Jenny said.

“She’s down on her hands and knees, bucking her rear up at him. He just looks and wonders what he’s supposed to do. Wonders? I mean, my god.”

“By then the redhead is on her back doing things,” Jenny said.

“And he still couldn’t figure it out,” Julia said.

“Wires crossed somewhere up there,” Sam snickered.

“His excuse, now get this, his excuse for not getting it, was. Are you ready?” Julia said. She leaned toward Jacqueline. “He though it was some strange dance she was doing. He was trying to interpret it.” Jenny laughed.

“And he did?” Jacqueline started.

“Nothing.” Julia laughed, she was beginning to become hysterical. “Nothing at all.”

“Except wonder why he wasn’t getting any.” Jenny smiled. It was good Danish.

“Like most guys. O well.” Jacqueline sat back in her seat.

“He would have made a good kindergarten teacher, maybe?” Sam said. She looked at Julia.

“He’d screw that up, too,” Julia said. “Can you imagine the scenes he writes? What he has us doing? I mean, my god. You know he’s going to start sticking in recipes. Oh thanks, Mrs. D, these are great.” Julia took the new plate filled with Danish and passed the old, empty plate back. “Really great.”

“You were great as Daisy, Julia,” Sam said.

Julia blushed.” And you as Dolly. The balloons bouncing overhead in the breeze tugging at me . . .” Julia looked thoughtful. “You, Sam, were great. I’m glad that I had a chance to do a Gone with the Wind scene with you. At least he gave me that.”

“Don’t they ever get tired?” Jacqueline asked looking at Cee’s room. She would have to talk to her person about doing a Gone with the Wind scene. It sounded like fun. Maybe on a motorcycle, or . . . well, anyway, they’d talk about it. At least her person wasn’t a total idiot.

“All day, every day. I think our guy writes stories to give Cee a respite,” Jenny said. Then, to shift the subject just a little she bent to the center of the group. The other women and the young model followed suit. “You know, there is something we could do rather than just sit around.” She put her hand on Jacqueline’s knee. “Your company is welcome.”

Julia looked up. “What?”

“Remember the Martians in the Harem thing our guy did?”

“That old story. It’s ancient, almost as old as Mrs. D.”

“But we still have the stuff. Costumes.” Jenny laughed. “Remember those costumes. The harem pants and mirrored bodices?”

“Gosh,” Sam said, closing her book. “Do we still have everything? Even the set?”

“Everything,” Jenny said. “You know how our guy is a pack rat.” She leaned to Jacqueline again. “Our back rooms are pure clutter.”

“So,” Julia said, “we have everything but a Martian or two. It’d be fun, the first part with just us girls, but the best part is with the Martians.”

“Well, if Jacqueline will agree,” Jenny said. They all looked at Jacqueline. “She can be our Martian. Remember that double dildo harness left over from Slaves of Serendipity? How about that on Jacqueline?” Jenny smiled at Jacqueline. “You’d make a fine Martian. You’re just the right size.”

“Jenny’s right. You’d make a great Martian.” Julia thought for a second. Julia looked back to Jenny, “Except for her color.”

“Don’t you remember that bar thing we did recently? Cee was Tantaliza the Tattooed Tart and I was Lira the Lizard Girl. You remember? The Carnival Comes to Town.”

“Remember it? How could I forget.” Julia looked at Jacqueline. “That’s another time Cee stole the scene. All those guys in that bar and just her. Her with her, ‘Please . . . please fuck me.’ I can do that. And my body isn’t straight as a board. I have curves. I’m every man’s dream. But no, our guy had me dressed in black with a hood over my head, holding the light on little Miss Gosh I Lost My Panties so everyone could see better. And then . . .”

Jenny laughed. “Remember how Lira was made green.” She smiled at Jacqueline. “I was Lira, doing her lizard dance, shimmying on a table while Cee cavorted on another. Koolaid. Lime Koolaid. That’s what made me green.”

“That’s right,” Sam said. She put her book aside. “And we have lots of extra Koolaid because our guy never got around to any rewrites.” She stood up. “I’m ready.”

“Me, too,” Jenny said, rising. “Coming along Mr. Martian?”

“I’m coming also,” Julia said. “Do you think Davy could be an eunuch? Maybe this is what the poor boy needs. An opportunity to save a roomful of screaming girls from a rapacious Martian.” She headed toward the dining room.

“Rapacious Martian sounds like fun,” Jacqueline said. “Count on me.” She stood and followed the Jenny and Sam down the hall. I’ve never been green before, she thought.