Bimborg 2: Invasion of the Bawdy Snatch-Revelers (part 9)
PREVIOUSLY IN “BIMBORG 2”:
Friday afternoon before the pep rally, Heather lectured the high-school students on dental care, then publicly praised Charlie-Bob for his bravery. After the pep rally, Charlie-Bob asked Rose out for a Friday-night date. The two teens wound up losing both of their virginities in Heather’s waiting room.
Saturday afternoon, Rose Welcomed a stacked sophomore, Denise Webber. Denise was the first of twenty-eight SOHS beauties “on the list” to be Welcomed.
Saturday and Sunday, Rose bought lots of new clothes, because she didn’t want to look like a witch anymore ... and because her tits had grown much bigger since last Wednesday.
MONDAY MORNING
Charlie-Bob was unlocking his locker when he got pushed to the ground. As he went flying, he heard—
“WHAT THE FUCK’S THE IDEA, GEEK, STEALING MY GIRL?”
Charlie-Bob looked up. Standing over him, fists clenched, was Kevin Sinclair. Sinclair was another junior and also on the wrestling team.
Charlie-Bob shook his head; Kevin’s attack didn’t compute. Aloud, Charlie-Bob said, “You’re dating Rose?“
“No, you moron, Ah mean Denise Webber! She told me yesterday that she was dropping me; says she’d rather date you.“ Kevin’s last word dripped with scorn.
“Ah know nothing of this,” Charlie-Bob said as he stood up. “Ah haven’t talked to Denise in months.”
Sue-Beth Lamont had locked her locker, and was walking to her first-period class, when she discovered that her way was blocked by a crowd in the hallway.
“What’s going on?” she asked nobody in particular.
“It’s Kevin,” a girl’s voice said to Sue-Beth’s left. “He’s going, like, apeshit because Ah broke up with him to date Charlie-Bob Owens.”
Sue-Beth looked to her left. Next to her stood Denise Webber; to Denise’s left stood Rose O’Connor. Each girl was dressed to impress with her chest.
“What’s the deal, Rose?” Sue-Beth asked. “Ah heard that Charlie-Bob was dating you. Ah heard that y’all went to Rusty’s on Friday.”
“All true,” Rose said. “But Charlie-Bob is, ohmigod, a hero, so Ah’m willing to share, you know?” Rose’s sexy smile made it clear what she meant.
“Ah know nothing of this,” Charlie-Bob said as he stood up. “Ah haven’t talked to Denise in months.” Mentally, he was still trying to puzzle out this mystery, instead of acting out his expected omega-male role.
“Well, good,” Kevin sneered, “if you haven’t put her up to this, you got no problem staying away from her. Or else. You’re smart, you’ll make the right choice.”
“Are you threatening me?” Charlie-Bob said.
By now a silent crowd had gathered. So Kevin looked around, smirked, and said, “Oh, am Ah threatening you? Ah can hurt you easy—what do you think?”
Because Kevin’s face was turned sideways (he was smirking at a blonde), he didn’t see until too late, Charlie-Bob rush forward and push Kevin to the ground. “Can you hurt me worse than being shot in the leg?“ Charlie-Bob demanded. “Ah’ve faced off against a masked gunman with an Uzi—am Ah supposed to be scared of some big boy?“
By now Kevin was climbing to his feet—just in time to hear applause. Everyone but the super-popular kids was clapping for Charlie-Bob.
Then Sue-Beth Lamont heard gasps, and a boy in front of her exclaimed, “Kewl!”
“What’s going on?” Rose asked.
“Charlie-Bob just pushed Kevin down,” a different boy said.
“YES!” Rose and Denise said. Sue-Beth decided that it was uncanny, how Rose and Denise made the same fist-pump gesture at the same time.
By now Kevin was climbing to his feet—just in time to hear applause. Everyone but the super-popular kids was clapping for Charlie-Bob. The wrestler looked as surprised as Charlie-Bob felt.
Then Charlie-Bob heard, “Break it up, break it up, move along.” Then Mr. Roberts was standing there. “What’s happening?” the principal snapped, eyeing Kevin.
Kevin put on an innocent expression and pointed to Charlie-Bob. “Ah was minding my own business, and he pushed me down.”
“Pffft,” a freshman girl said. “That big boy pushed Charlie-Bob down first. He was ranting about Denise Webber. But Charlie-Bob stood up to him.”
“Yeah,” said a male voice, “it was cool.”
Mr. Roberts asked Charlie-Bob, “Did he hit you?” Charlie-Bob shook his head.
Kevin said, “But—”
Mr. Roberts put up a hand. “Right now you don’t have detention, Mr. Sinclair. But you’re pushing your luck. Move along.”
As Kevin walked away, he muttered, “Speak of the devil.” Charlie-Bob didn’t know what that meant—till both Denise Webber and Rose rushed up to him.
Rose threw her arms around Charlie-Bob, and hugged and kissed him right in the hallway. “Ohmigod, you were, like, so totally awesome!” she said.
“For real,” Denise said.
“So what’s all this about Denise wanting to date me?” Charlie-Bob asked.
Rose said, “Remember how Ah told you Ah was, like, going clothes-shopping this weekend? At Peach Preserves here in town, Ah made a friend Saturday. Then Ah told Denise all about you.”
Denise said, “Rose bought, ohmigod, lots of clothes this weekend. Look at her—doesn’t she look hot?“
Truthfully, Charlie-Bob hadn’t looked at Rose’s clothes at all. But now he did—and whistled.
My memory’s playing tricks, he thought. I don’t remember Rose on Friday being this STACKED. Aloud, he said, “Um, Rose? Mr. Roberts is sure to send you home to change. Or tell you to cover up, at the very least.”
“So what if he does?” Rose replied. ”You get to see my cleavage, even if nobody else will. So it’s worth it, you know?”
“Totally,” Denise said.
“So back to what Ah was asking,” Charlie-Bob said. “Denise, why did you tell Kevin you want to date me and not him?”
“Because Ah want to date a real man, you know? And Rose helped me realize, that’s what you are.”
“Denise, you’re hot, and Ah’m really flattered. But Rose and Ah are already—well, we’re sorta...” Charlie-Bob looked at Rose and raised an eyebrow.
Rose laid a hand on his arm. “Stud, Ah’m willing to loan you out to other girls who totally see what Ah see in you—”
“What? Jesus, Rose, this is too—”
Rose continued, “But don’t worry, Ah plan to stay, like, totally faithful to you. Because Ah declare, Ah see no other boys in this school Ah plan to fuck.”
Denise laughed. “Rose, considering the rumors about you, that’s not promising much, you know?”
Rose herself laughed. “Fine, Ah pledge Ah totally won’t date any girls at this school, either. Satisfied?”
“What about Dr. Saint James?” Denise teased. “Ohmigod, Ah’d hook up with her in a heartbeat, and Ah’m not even lesbian.”
Rose replied with exaggerated primness, “If Heather wants to hook-up with me, Ah will reluctantly agree, you know?” But then Rose smiled at Charlie-Bob and said, “But every other boy and girl in this town is, like, totally off the list. O-U-T!”
“Can we focus here, ladies?” Charlie-Bob said. “First Bell is about to ring.”
Rose said, “Here it is in a nutshell, Stud: You can date Denise, you can fuck Denise, you can let Denise suck you off in the janitor’s closet—”
“Ah did that to Kevin last week,” Denise said, giving Charlie-Bob a smoky look.
“—or me, same list. You can ask us both to do threesomes or lesbo stuff. Ah think you’re, ohmigod, a hero, and Denise thinks you’re a hero and, like, whatever you want, we won’t say No to.”
“Wait, rewind, hold on,” Charlie-Bob said. “Denise, you’re fifteen, aren’t you?”
“Sixteen, as of two weeks ago,” Denise said. “Ah’m legal and horny—as Kevin can tell you.”
“Which explains why he was pissed at me,” Charlie-Bob said.
So the rumors are true, Regina thought. That geek Charlie-Bob has gotten himself another groupie.
Regina thought this as she watched Rose and Denise walk closer. The two sluts were talking and giggling together as they walked through the hallway, seconds before First Bell.
“Ah think Denise Webber has gone lipstick-lesbian,” Betsy said. “Those two are way too friendly.”
“Not me,” Prudy Lu said. “Rose says she’s a new person, and Ah believe her.”
Before Regina got a chance to reply to Prudy Lu, Rose and Denise came to a stop in front of Regina and her minions—
—except that Regina herself, and one of her minions, got ignored.
“Good morning, Prudy Lu,” Denise said.
“Beautiful day, Prudy Lu, isn’t it?” Rose said.
Regina glared at Prudy Lu, who caught the look. Prudy Lu gave Rose and Denise each a sickly smile, but said nothing.
Then Regina seethed as Charlie-Bob’s sluts smiled at Prudy Lu, waved to her, and walked away, not giving Regina either a look or a word.
When Mr. Roberts dispersed the crowd, Sue-Beth was able to get to first-period Senior English without any more problems.
(As Sue-Beth walked away, she caught a glimpse of Rose and Denise talking to Charlie-Bob. Those girls were standing so close to him, he couldn’t have stuck a two-liter bottle between each girl’s chest and his own.)
A few minutes later, Sue-Beth saw Charlie-Bob walk into the English classroom, and walk to his own desk. He took his bookbag off his back, pulled out his English book and notebook, and put them on his desk. Just like any other day.
Except that any other day, the classroom wouldn’t be dead-silent like this. (First Bell hadn’t yet rung.)
Charlie-Bob looked around the silent room and said, “Hey John, Ah hear you shot a basket from midcourt, Friday night. Way to go!”
John Wallace looked startled at Charlie-Bob speaking to him. Then he said, “Yeah, thanks, man. You bet, Ah was pretty pumped about it afterward.”
Charlie-Bob nodded, then turned to look at Sue-Beth. He said, “That light-purple blouse brings out both your skin color and your blue eyes. You look good.”
Sue-Beth blinked. She was borderline-cool; Regina Wisley had invited her to two parties this year. And John Wallace, being on the basketball team, was cool by definition. While Charlie-Bob was very uncool: He liked school too much, and he dressed to cover his nakedness rather than to impress people.
Now Sue-Beth did the math over again, and the result came up the same: Charlie-Bob did none of the things that “cool” boys did, so he must be “uncool.” But why was this uncool boy speaking to cool kids as equals?
It was his quiet confidence, Sue-Beth decided. This morning, Charlie-Bob acted like someone holding four aces.
First Bell rang then, and soon the teacher was yammering about Ernest Hemingway. But Sue-Beth didn’t pay attention to any of that. What Sue-Beth was puzzling out was, How can such an uncool boy as Charlie-Bob Owens get two high-school ultra-babes and a lingerie-model dentist all singing his praises?
Nearly an hour later, just as the Dismissal Bell rang, Sue-Beth got a horrible thought: What if Charlie-Bob, Rose, and Denise all know something I don’t? What if all the trusty definitions of “cool” and “uncool” are WRONG?