For "bestiality," however, I prefer the dictionary definitions, which are remarkably consistent (see my "An Idea" essay). Every dictionary I've found refers to bestiality as "sexual contact between a human and an animal"; this means, technically, everyone who has been sexually intimate with an animal is, by definition, a bestialist. I have no real problem with this, although when zoo-curious people ask me what I am, I don't say I'm a bestialist. I'm more than a bestialist; I'm a zoophilic bestialist. An animal lover who is sexually intimate with them. A "zoo," for short, and not at all ashamed of it.
If you're approaching the subject of zoophilia from a strong religious point of view, I invite you to read my Open Letter to Religious Fundamentalists. If you still have questions, drop me an e-mail; I'm happy to listen. If you're planning to convert me, though, you'll be very disappointed. :)
1. Polite verbal discouragement. ("Please don't" or a whine or yip)
2. Impolite verbal discouragement. ("Get the *&$# away!" or a bark or growl)
3. Pushing the other individual away from them.
4. Moving away from the other individual.
5. Attacking.
When we pet a dog on the head, if it doesn't do one of the five things above, and is clearly pleased (wagging its tail, lolling its tongue, actively moving into the touch, etc.), it can well be said to be consenting. If we pet it...somewhere else, and we give it complete freedom to resist, complain, or move away, yet it chooses not to do so, it can be said to consent to that as well. Most animals that associate with humans have a strong social and sexual drive, and if an animal has come to know a person as a protector and friend, the animal is frequently open to being "befriended" on a deeper level.
Consent is therefore far less ambiguous with an animal than it is with a human. Humans can be emotionally coerced into doing something they don't want to do; animals can't: they have to be forced physically, which isn't part of zoophilia. If an animal isn't 100% into something, its instincts will kick in and it will resist. And that's a good thing, because without true verbal communication, we have to rely heavily on body language. Most animals go through distinct stages of disapproval, and knowledgeable zoos can tell when they're approaching the boundaries of what the animal is comfortable with, before they actually cross them.
In summary, consent between a human and an animal is very possible (and quite the norm, in a trusting relationship). The main difference is that you have to read body language, because the animals can't actually speak to you. You look at the ears, eyes, mouth, tail, and other forms of physical expression. Making love in the dark is fine for humans, or for zoos who know their animals well, but if you don't know the animal, you can't tell what it's thinking until it's too late. You may wind up with a hoofprint on your forehead. :)
It wasn't until I found the Internet that I heard the word "zoo"; prior to that I just figured I was "different," but not in a way I could easily define. I also learned quickly that a fascination with animal bodily functions was not unusual, either.
I made a promise long ago that if I ever found myself in a relationship that was moving from platonic to romantic, I would tell you my deepest secret, and listen to your thoughts about it. It's something I would want you to hear from me, rather than from a third party or find out on your own, and I wouldn't feel comfortable hiding it from you. It's something I think you would _want_ to know in advance, so you can make a decision with a clear head.After letting her play a guessing game (if she wanted), I would show her a picture of Gus, my German Shepherd friend. From there, I haven't rehearsed anything, because I'm sure I'll be ad-libbing like hell. :)I would like to show you a photograph of someone very special to me, someone with whom I have had more than a platonic relationship, one I hope will _continue_ for years to come. You may be tempted to laugh when you see the photo, as my parents did when I told them, and I want you to know that's okay; I won't be offended. I need to know your true feelings, no matter what they are, because it may change how you think of me, and it's best for both of us to know that from the start. It came as a shock to my folks, but they're handling it well now, and I love them for it. If I've piqued your curiosity, feel free to guess; you may feel more comfortable being in control, rather than having it sprung on you.
This world has room enough for people from every walk of life, including those who believe their numbers are so small they feel safest hiding from everyone, including themselves. No person is so rare, however, that another cannot be found, and sometimes they pop up in the most unlikely places. Occasionally, a person will discover a kindred spirit purely by accident, and not know how to make a proper introduction. This card is that introduction. Someone you know, or someone who knows you, has found in you a common interest of which few speak, and even fewer truly comprehend. This message is a gift from someone who wants to be a friend, to offer a sympathetic ear, if and when it is needed. Attached to this card is a small, nondescript token, to be worn on your person if and only if you would welcome such a friend. If silence brings you greater comfort, no further contact will be made. Remember always, you will never truly be alone. Someone understands.
It did take a while to come up with exactly the words I was looking for. The trick was in realizing that seeing animals as life partners, and also seeing them as predators and prey, were both extensions of recognizing that the barriers between being "human" and being "animal" were created by humans themselves. It occurred to me at that moment that it was possible to sympathize with both the hunter and the hunted, and to see the predator/prey relationship as being as long-lasting as love itself, and just as critical to their species' mutual survival.
Nearly all zoos are drawn to predators, such as wolves, lions, bears, and the domestic dog, but many of us fear that by taking on their roles we diminish ourselves and become less "human." Can we embrace animals in all their beauty without also acknowledging all that is primal in them? It is often the wild, pure nature of them that makes them so appealing. I choose to be an animal, and to accept the consequences of that decision. If recognizing the animal within me means that I have to do things I don't enjoy, so be it. Better to be a whole animal than to take only the good parts and run from the bad.
Index -- Updated Tuesday, August 26, 1997 -- E-mail Actaeon