[Burichan] [Futaba] [Twilight] - [WT] [Home] [Manage]
/fic/ - Stories

[Return]
Posting mode: Reply

File 129832425683.jpg - (29.60KB , 639x360 , doctor.jpg )
MLP - A New World Kitten Nibble!Ciu0zbOdx. 11/02/21(Mon)13:37 No. 142

> Tags:[male human to female pony swap/transformation; vomiting(not described in detail); unconsciousness; head ache; hospital]
> Okies. This is my first attempt ever of sharing a story. Because, I don't feel so excellent-super-secure with my English abilities, I published the German version at first. A translation and more chapters will follow later.
> I attempt a semi-serious plot. The story plays partially in the human universe and partially in Equestria, mainly Ponyville. I might include some of the core cast, occasionally, but prefer to stick with side characters. In this part, I gave this appearantly nameless doctor pony a bigger role.
> There is a short sequence of vomiting, due to a psychological shock situation, but it is very minor. Also, I will work with sexuality, but try to avoid any sex scenes in later chapters. If intimate couplings happen, it will be hinted out but not described. So in general, the story can be tagged as "clean" or "PG" even. I'm not an expert, though.
> Anyways, here it is:
> https://docs.google.com/document/pub?id=16inN1sQtb4UCRjkn9geYABUvyjQ3PayUN3GNs-XvV_c
> (I will happily accept feedback of every kind, by the way.)
> [There. Third attempt to post, because I always found things that needed to be improved in the message field. v,v]

Expand all images

>> | Vanilla!BlasT4ioLU 11/02/21(Mon)14:39 No. 144 File 129832794171.png - (178.56KB , 379x313 , 12981316796.png ) Looks great to me, but my German is a bit unpolished and I hope I understood most of it... But like I said, it was a great read in my opinion!

>> | Kitten Nibble!Ciu0zbOdx. 11/02/22(Tue)01:05 No. 157 As promised, here is the english version of the first chapters. https://docs.google.com/document/pub?id=1DdHWSBnJxcvbQ6y3tl77VmNOiYbXpHU9SWBkmHudkAM It is probably still full of errors, despite having proof read it. So I would be thankfull, if you guys could point out to me, whenever you find some. The best way would be to just copy the paragraph and email it to me with marked corrections. I will take them over and republish the text. Anyways, I hope you have fun, reading it.

>> | Anonymous 11/02/22(Tue)03:06 No. 163 Hi there. I've just quickly gone through your English translation and corrected the mistakes. Should read alot better to your English fans. Waking Pain! This was pretty much the first thought and the first feeling, when I came to. My head felt, as if it was about to burst on several spots and with a groaning, I rolled around, trying to find a spot on the pillow that would feel a little cooler. The pain decreased indeed and soon, I began to notice several things: Everything felt wrong. starting with my own body, which seemed to be too much at some places and not enough on others; the bed I was lying in, which was definitely not my own, and then the surrounding noises, that I didn't know at all from my home. It wasn't just the chirping of birds and voices that came through the window, through which the sun shone. This was something I had at home, in a small 10000-citizen-town, as well. The difference was almost subliminal. The smells were different, too. They reminded me of a homestead or a barnyard. Soon, I should learn, what was up here. The pricking pain in my skull, that took all my senses (except the sensation of pain), decreased to a low pulsing. With a groan, I heaved myself out of the bed and stood on shaky legs, that were lacking all strength. Again, I was reminded of the sensations of having almost the wrong body. I felt forward and with a loud pounding, I landed on my forehooves. This was the moment, where I felt a strong nausea upcoming and vomited right on the smoothed but not lacquered wooden planks, which the floor of this room consisted of. It was just yellowish bile. In every other aspect, my stomach was totally empt... Hooves! After I overcame the first shock in such a way, the reason for it came to my mind again. I stared at, what I believed where my hands had to be and felt the urge to sit down. The new courses of motion brought the next shock. When I came to senses once again, I stood on all fours in front of a full length mirror, that hung on a wall. With a whimpering, which I neither wanted to nor could supress, I stared at a horse - a pony, to be exact - with comic-like bright blue fur. In contrast, the mane and tail were dyed very dark blue, almost indigo. Back then, I assumed at least that all this was dyed. The eyes, that were giant, compared to the size of the skull, looked like they came out of a cartoon, as well. I felt muscles twitch in by lower back, whenever the pony in the mirror moved its tail. My legs shivered and convulsed, while the being, which I stared at, seemed to fight for balance, which I did as well. The view caught me so much, that I noticed the single horn, that sat on the middle of the forehead and was as bright blue as the horse's fur, much later. I knew immediately, that I wasn't stuck within a costume and so I just started to walk around in this room, where I woke up and that stank disgustingly like vomit. The whole time, I only thought 'Why? Why? Why? Whywhywhywhywhy....', while my head was neither able to give an answer, nor provided me with a basic approach for a solution for my problem. Time went by. Sometimes, I walked around; sometimes, I sat on the floor, the bed, lay in a corner or just stood there. For the whole time, I didn't leave the room. I didn't even think about this possibility. Then, something knocked. I stared at the door with surprise, that some people might feel, when suddenly an alien spaceship lands in their front garden, a Wookie climbs out, pisses against the cherry tree, just to get back in after that and fly away. Without waiting for an answer, a white pony with a pink mane and tail walked in. Her mane was bound to a chignon on the head, she wore a white cap with a red cross, hearts pictured in the corners. The same sign was also on her flanks. "Hey look! Someone woke u..." She – the voice told me unambiguously that it was a female, even if I already guessed it because of the pink hairs and the chignon – wrinkled her nose and twitched her right lower eyelid. This reminded me of the mess that I made on the floor, and I lowered my head ashamed. "Don't worry, I'll just take care of that." She returned with a bucket of water, holding it’s handle in the mouth, and a mop which she balanced on her back and started in acrobatic fashion to clean up my filth by driving the mop over the floor, holding its handle in her mouth, and rinsing it thoroughly in the bucket. Slowly, citrus aroma replaced the sour smell of vomit. The doctor turned towards me again and spoke: "Alright, Madam (she pronounced this word in a French way). Good that you are up and running again. Because I have a few qu..." She didn't continue. I stood on my hind legs in front of the mirror, my forehooves placed against the wall left and right from it. My gaze wanders downward, to between my hind legs. A shivery “No…” in a soft voice escaped my mouth. Then, my hooves slid off the wall and I curled up on the floor, sobbing. "Why?" I asked again, but this time loud. My new contralto voice could have been described as dulcet, if it wouldn't sound so broke and squeaky at the moment. Hospital After a while, I pulled myself together enough, that I was able to concentrate on the important things. My head aches were completely gone. The first question, that I wanted to clarify, was: Where am I? A look at the doctor pony, and another one through the room that I almost didn’t regard at all until now, hinted strongly to a hospital. The room had an almost sterile looking interior, aside from the wood plank floor and the comfortable bed, that was equipped with a domestic-looking mattress, meaning not one made of easily cleanable foam plastic. No pictures on the wall, no flower pots, a feeding cup and a bed pan stood on a table without tablecloth and the walls were covered under such a thick layer of white paint, that the material below it could not even be guessed. “Are you alright again?” I was asked. The doctor apparently watched me all the time and provided me with a patient smile, when I looked at her. “Where am I?” I asked her, still irritated by my own voice, and sat down on the edge of the bed. Then, I turned around, took my hindlegs onto the mattress as well, and lay down on my belly, legs folded at the sides of my rump, head raised. This position appeared to be the most comfortable one for my unused anatomy - at least more comfortable than upright sitting. The pony that presented my very first contact in this new Equestria, came a little closer, jumped onto the bed at my side and gave my head an encouraging nudge with her snout. “You mean the hospital? You were brought here by Applejack and Big MacIntosh, after they found you in the apple grove. You were unconscious, so they put you onto an apple cart and gave you to my care. Anyway…do you want to tell me now, who you are and where you come from?“ Her words flew in woozy circuits through my head. Usually, I am a Windows user, but also find Linux very useful. Nonetheless, these names caused associations, but they made no sense. So, the best reaction, that came to my mind, was: “Uhm, what?”. As the doctor just watched me with a smile, remaining silent, I groaned unnerved and lowered my head. “This is the most crazy trip, I ever had. And the first one.” “Oh? You’re on a journey?” the doctor asked again. “You could say so. My name is Bernd, by the way. Bernd Müller.” As soon as the words stood in the room, they appeared to be so silly. Bernd Müller? The way, I looked now, I should be named Bell Flower or something of that kind. The white pony seemed to have the same opinion, but didn't say anything about that. After a while, she hopped down from the bed and said: “Now, I think, you are well again. Maybe, you just ate a green or addled apple.” For her, this topic was checked. She even opened and held the door for me. I understood the broad hint, got up and left the sick room through the door, entered a corridor, found the main exit and beheld for the first time in my life – and probably for the first time of mankind's history – Ponyville.

>> | Anonymous 11/02/22(Tue)08:13 No. 169 Bah, was my pleasure. If you're THAT grateful, write the next chapter sometime soon! That would be great. I'll probably proofread the next one as well, since it was better reading it carefully to proofread it than it was to read it normally, but no promises.

>> | Kitten Nibble!Ciu0zbOdx. 11/02/22(Tue)12:01 No. 175 >>169 Thank you. :) I'm working on the next chapter, at the moment, featuring Derpy in four sentences. The German version will be out tomorrow evening (GMT), the translation Thursday or Friday. This one is going to be a bit longer.

>> | Kitten Nibble!Ciu0zbOdx. 11/02/23(Wed)14:53 No. 217 File MKP_-_Eine_Neue_Welt.rtf - (83.29KB , MKP - Eine Neue Welt.rtf ) Once again, a fixed update of the German version... I deleted the older post, because this here is better, with some logic mistakes, spelling errors and weird wordings being repaired.

>> | Kitten Nibble!Ciu0zbOdx. 11/02/23(Wed)14:54 No. 218 File MLP_-_A_New_World.rtf - (125.51KB , MLP - A New World.rtf ) Aaaaand... the English translation, only being proof read with the help of MS Word 2007, so I might need some help here. :)

>> | Anonymous 11/02/24(Thu)02:04 No. 239 Again I enjoyed this. Also your English seems to have improved between the two stories, since there aren't many mistakes at all. I'm on my laptop at the moment, so I can't check the mistakes (for some bizarre reason, OpenOffice is in read-only mode despite my having saved the file to disk), but may do so in the near future.

>> | Anonymous 11/02/24(Thu)11:05 No. 249 not bad - I couldn't write that well in a language not my own. You might like to work more on being astonished with where your character finds his/herself, and how, it seems s/he's too well adjusted already, but that's just me. don't let anypony stop you :)

>> | Kitten Nibble!Ciu0zbOdx. 11/02/24(Thu)13:08 No. 250 >>239 Thanks again for your time. :) but that's weird. I didn't activate any edit protection. I don't even think, that's possible with an rtf file. Maybe it will work, if you make a differently named copy of it? >>249 Thank you for reading and giving feedback. :) Now as you mention it, I think you are right. For the moment, I wanted to keep her busy enough to not being able to care about her constitution too much. Maybe, I overdid it. On the other hand side, Bernd spent a half day in shock, weakened from thirst, hunger and the previous pain. As compensation, there will be more "intern" problems (like emotions going mad about this and that) instead of the "extern" ones (where am I, where to get food) added, in the next chapter. Still thinking about the details.

>> | Pride 11/02/25(Fri)02:00 No. 276 Pride here again, I proofread the first chapter but have recently given myself a name. I've proofread and corrected your second chapter. Can you tell me where to send it? Or would putting an email address on a chan be a _very_ bad idea?

>> | Kitten Nibble!Ciu0zbOdx. 11/02/25(Fri)02:58 No. 277 >>276 I use a spam protection e-mail account for things like this. Just click on my name.

Delete post [File Only] Password
Report post Reason