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the defeat of bravo squad


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#1 fighterbrony

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Posted 25 June 2014 - 12:35 AM

as the squadron leader was taking a flight across the crystal border all seemed fine until the changeling army was spotted the call was given and bravo leader evacuated the area and reported back to base. bravo leader has mapped the field and came up with a plan of attack. after the breifing the squadron leader only noticed his army comprised of two aircraft many pegasi voulenteered to help in this battle. a telegram was given to the leader ordering to stop this attack. one member of the squad said "the hell with these orders" and scrambled all the fighters.  queen chrysalis felt a disturbance in the sky and immediatley scrambled interceptors to destroy the fighters.

 

"bogies coming right for us!."

"i see em"

"scram scram!"

"wacth out there's one on your tail"

"i can't shake him!"

"dont worry bravo 9 i go him"

"awoah! got him"

"bravo leader this is bravo 6 im going in"

"wait we dont know if there is a..."

"eyaa!"

"guys we lost bravo 3" 

"i see a opening in the barrier"

"good, bravo squad form a line behind me"

"i dont know if we will make it"

"just trust me"

 

as chrysalis noticed the allies invading the war zone. at least 30 of the 69 could enter the war zone. the fighters pressed there attack on the ground troops. as the changelings were losing they pressed there attack on the fighters. man went down in flames and burning, others died of suicidal dive bombing. only bravo leader and bravo 2 were left. chrysalis decided to take out the remaining air units herself.bravo 2 decided to cowardly end the war by engaging chrysalis in a dogfight. as he dived toward chrysalis he follishly remembered that chrysalis is a alicorn and upon notice she immediatley strangulated and demolished the aircraft. there was only bravo leader left and he called off his attack. the queen looked at her with a ominius look and said through the com channel "well at last, the poor Mr. hooves not even an ace yet and he along with his squad will meet his great demise." "they were correct you shouldnt have been involved in this war."  this was the great defeat of the short lived bravo squadron but the victor of the war against the crystal empire. as bets and bravo leader was soon to meet there demise, a beam shot up and stunned the queen giving the doomed fighter a chance to escape. as she fell the war ended with her death.  



#2 Prince Polaris

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Posted 25 June 2014 - 11:40 AM

                                                                                                               The Crystal Empire, 20??


The squadron leader was taking a flight across the crystal border, gazing out at the peaceful empire sprawled out in front of him. All seemed fine until he received a call on his radio, warning of a changeling attack.  Soon enough, the entire west side of the Crystal empire was evacuated, and the bravo leader had mapped the field and had came up with a plan of attack. After the briefing, the squadron leader noticed his army was comprised of only two aircraft, yet many pegasi volunteered to help in the battle. The leader got a call  ordering to stop this attack. One member of the squad said "The hell with these orders" and scrambled all the fighters, the sky soon was filled with the hundreds of armed pegasi.  Queen Chrysalis felt a disturbance in the sky, and looked up to see the fast-approaching Crystal Army, with its two Jets in tow. and immediately scrambled interceptors to destroy the fighters.

 

Back at headquarters, the army commander nervously listened to the radio broadcasts coming on from the fighters:

 

"Bogies coming right for us!."

"I see em"

"Scram, scram!"

"Watch out there's one on your tail"

"I can't shake him!"

"Don't worry bravo 9 I got him"

"A-woah! got him"

"bravo leader this is bravo 6 I'm going in"

"Wait we don't know if there's a..."

"eaaaa-!"

"Guys we lost bravo 3!" 

"I see a opening in the barrier"

"Good, bravo squad form a line behind me"

"I don't know if we will make it!"

"Just trust me!"

 

As chrysalis noticed the allies invading the war zone. at least 30 of the 70 fighters were gunned down just entering the war zone. The fighters pressed their attack on the ground troops, beating the changelings back charge by charge. As the changelings were losing ground,  they pressed their attack on the fighters. The two Jets eventually went down in flames, others died of suicidal dive bombing, dragging changelings to a death on the streets below. Soon, only the bravo leader and bravo 2 were left. Chrysalis decided to take out the remaining air units herself, and flew off to meet them in the air. Bravo 2 decided to foolishly end the war by engaging chrysalis in a dogfight, even though she was bigger, stronger, and more powerful. As he dived toward chrysalis he remembered that Chrysalis was an Alicorn and upon reaching him, she immediately strangulated and killed him. Now, there was only the bravo leader left and he called off his attack, surrendering as he had no choice.  Back in the Crystal castle, the queen looked down at the bravo leader with an ominous look and said,  "well at last, the poor Mr. hooves- not even an ace yet and now you, along with your squad, shall meet your  demise. You should have listened to your commander, they were correct you shouldn't have been involved in this war."  This was the great defeat of the short lived bravo squadron but the victor of the war against the crystal empire. As the bravo leader was soon to meet his demise, a beam shot up and stunned the queen, giving the doomed fighter a chance to escape. As she fell and was captured, the war ended with her eventual death by execution.  

 

So I kind of fixed this and stuff



#3 jimme neutron corndog

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Posted 25 June 2014 - 02:08 PM

Polly, you kinda failed, you didnt capitalize Chrysalis' name, the Crystal Empire, etc

those.. are kind of important , ye know

Edited by James is Catbutt, 25 June 2014 - 02:08 PM.


#4 Prince Polaris

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Posted 25 June 2014 - 02:18 PM

I know, I was in a hurry- I was more focused on the sentence form and the misspells.



#5 fighterbrony

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Posted 25 June 2014 - 05:24 PM

thanks for showing me support, i am not really good at this kinda stuff 



#6 Prince Polaris

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Posted 25 June 2014 - 07:39 PM

It's Ok, It's not a bad story, and There's a ton of people on the internet that are not too good at Grammar and such, So I was glad to help x3


Edited by Prince Polaris, 25 June 2014 - 07:39 PM.


#7 Squint

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Posted 27 June 2014 - 03:06 AM

Let me just do another little brush-up:

 

Spoiler
 
I split it into proper paragraphs to make it easier to read and less like a wall of text. There's still some faults, but they're in the story and not in the grammar since the tale is generally quite vague and could do with more detail and a slower pace.


#8 Prince Polaris

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Posted 27 June 2014 - 03:25 AM

Nice! :D



#9 fighterbrony

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Posted 27 June 2014 - 02:42 PM

thanks for the support squint but the aircraft used in the offensive was a waco ubf-2 and another one mounted with floats looked alot like this

 

0Bx2QxebCrn8VZjFLSHd6Q1VXQUE

 

and this

 

0Bx2QxebCrn8VZjFLSHd6Q1VXQUE


Edited by fighterbrony, 01 July 2014 - 05:27 PM.



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