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Celestia's Blackout (Mature)


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#1 AspheredHawkin5

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Posted 24 January 2012 - 02:24 PM

Celestia’s Blackout - By Roderick Hawkins

It was just a usual morning in Equestria. The birds were telling us that it was time to get up for the bright new day. At the royal palace, Princess Celestia of Equestria woke up with a slight hazy headache. She could not remember what happened to her last night, but it must have been terrible. When she regained full sight, she was lying in red, thick liquid-----blood.
She couldn’t reminisce about last night’s events at a time like this. She struggled to move and followed the bloody trails. The trail stopped and ended at a door that looked like Luna’s door. “What the…” a surprised Celestia said, “This isn’t right!” Celestia opened the door to find a dead body-----Luna’s dead body.
“Wha-What’s… Happening. T-T-To m-me?!” she asked herself. She quickly, but half remembered, what happened. And she figured it out what happened: She ha molested and killed Princess Luna, her own sister. Quickly, Celestia cleaned up the mess before someone came in and saw the blood, guts, organs, and brains splattered all over the place. As soon she was finished, the doorbell rang five times. It was Twilight Sparkle.
The worried princess was figuring out what to tell Twilight, without her knowing that Celestia had killed her own sister. “I must hurry fast,” said Celestia, If she found out my secret, she’ll tell every pony what happened!” She worried that her reputation would be ruined by an apprentice. She ran to the door and opened it for the purple, magical unicorn. She told her that Luna has a headache and couldn’t be able to see her today. Twilight was okay with it.
Celestia invited her inside the palace for some tea. “Thank you, your highness. said Twilight with a nice grin. Celestia was relieved, but still shaken about what she did.
“Are you okay, your highness?” Twilight asked the princess.
“Yes, I’m fine.” she replied.
“Is there something you need me to do?
“No. It’s okay.” She popped some Tylenol into her mouth.

Twilight asked to be excused to use the bathroom. When she left for the bathroom, Celestia was crying tears of sadness. She could not cope with the tragedy that happened. When Twilight left the bathroom, she saw some type of red liquid in the hallway. She followed it leading to the trashcan. She saw a black, leak-proof bag. She opened it and was shocked to see a dead body that looked like Luna’s body.

Twilight was shocked and scared to see what she have seen. She walked backwards, but some pony was standing behind her. It was Princess Celestia. She tried to run, but Celestia had caught her. “I’m so sorry you had to see that, Ms. Sparkle…” said Celestia. Twilight had hit the princess on the head to knock some sense into her. When she did that, Celestia FULLY remembered what happened last night.

It was almost two o’clock in the morning, and Celestia was waiting up for Luna. The front door opened and Luna walked in with a beer bottle in her left hoof and Celestia was angry. “WHERE WERE YOU?!” she asked.
“None of your *hic* business.” said the purple princess.
“Are you drinking?”
“Naw, I’m tripping on acid, you dumb b*tch!”
“HOW DARE YOU USE SUCH LANGUAGE, YOUNG LADY!” said Celestia.
“I can say whatever the f*ck I want!”
“Not when you’re living under this roof!”
“Whatever. Go f*ck yourself, you f*cking widow!” Luna spit in her face.
Celestia was getting more upset. Then she finally snapped. “You’re going to wish you never said that.” said Celestia. “Whatever.” said Luna. Then Celestia had picked her up by the hair then started to physically hurt her. Luna tried to escape, but she couldn’t escape from Celestia’s wrath. Celestia had thrown Luna against the floor the started raping her.
“Stop it!!!” Luna cried. But it was helpless.

Then Celestia had grabbed a knife and started stabbing Luna multiple times in her body. Then she grabbed a bat and had literately bashed her brains out of her head. She grabbed her organs out then splattered them all over the floors, the walls, and the ceiling. It was the most horrifying sight ever. She cleaned herself up and went to sleep without cleaning up the mess she made.

Now she fully know what she did that night, but it didn’t stop her from giving Twilight her “punishment.” Twilight struggled, but couldn’t’ get loose. Celestia quickly slammed her on the ground and started raping her. Twilight couldn’t stand the pain in both sides of her body. Luckily, she escaped when Celestia was finished with the first half of her “punishment.” She ran out of the palace as fast she could just to escape her. She finally made it to her house where she was safe-----for now.
“What happened?” her friend, Spike asked as he was eating his breakfast. She knew what to do, but Celestia was still undergoing what happened last night. So she kept it a secret. It wasn’t the smart idea, but if they found out, they would have her neck. She said nothing and went up to her bedroom. Spike didn’t hear, but Twilight was crying. The pain had hurt her so much, her emotional wounds cannot be healed very easily and very quickly. She decided not to talk about it and go on with her life. If she told any pony, Celestia would find out and com after her again. But next time, she won’t escape her punishment.


The End
Story By Roderick Hawkins (roderickhawkin5)
Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, Twilight Sparkle, and Spike the Dragon belong to My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic (The Hub/Hasbro)
2011 © roderickhawkin5/neonPony Productions

#2 Unicorn_Noob

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Posted 25 January 2012 - 08:22 PM

First i was like hmmm
Then i was like what the
At list i was like NO NO NO F*CK YOU NO

#3 SgtSquishy

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Posted 26 January 2012 - 11:40 PM

This is... bad... in many ways.

The writing is... well it really could use improvement; A LOT.

The content, ok... people are... into different things, however...the way it's brought together almost doesn't even make sense and it's... just bad. That's all I can say. I really don't mean it to attack you. I'm trying to critisize this in a constructive way but there is a lot that needs to be fixed with this.

PS. I'm pretty sure we don't like this kind of content here.

Edited by SgtSquishy, 26 January 2012 - 11:41 PM.


#4 Squint

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Posted 26 January 2012 - 11:54 PM

I read it all the way through.

...WTFWTFWTFWTFWTF-

#5 EP1CWAFF1E

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Posted 27 January 2012 - 01:27 AM

So. Messed. Up.

#6 AspheredHawkin5

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Posted 30 January 2012 - 06:11 PM

I tried.

#7 Squint

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Posted 30 January 2012 - 06:21 PM

I tried.


I think all you need to do is make it a bit more slow-paced. For me when I was reading it, everything seemed to happen at once.

Practice makes perfect! :)

#8 AspheredHawkin5

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Posted 31 January 2012 - 02:44 PM

Thanks.

#9 Blazuhira Miller

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Posted 31 January 2012 - 07:08 PM

O.k, not really my type, but I see it has story, but Sgt. is right, the grammar is...well.. bad, like Squint said, practise makes perfect, keep trying!

#10 Unicorn_Noob

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Posted 06 February 2012 - 05:09 PM

Please make it less... gory

#11 l3leach

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Posted 25 February 2012 - 07:24 PM

k then... o.e

#12 Cleminjon

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Posted 27 February 2012 - 10:03 PM

That's ummm... Interesting?

#13 EP1CWAFF1E

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Posted 28 February 2012 - 01:13 AM

You used the word "rape" too much, horrible grammar, and simple dialogue. Needs ALOT of improvement.

#14 Tayzar983

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Posted 29 March 2012 - 10:55 AM

maybe make it a little SLOWER. it could be used as an introduction though for another fic you could write. it would be like princess molestia

#15 Bonafide Brony

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Posted 25 July 2012 - 07:14 PM

At the beating Luna and Twilight part, it reminded me of
S.A.M.

Edited by Drake Dashing, 25 July 2012 - 07:15 PM.


#16 FaffleMaster

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Posted 29 July 2012 - 06:35 AM

I could barely read this. While I already don't normally like fics, this almost reminded me why I never read them. The characterization didn't make sense, grammar was bad and by the end of the story I wanted to take a bath. Sorry if this critique was harsh, I just couldn't think of a nice thing to say.

Edited by FaffleMaster, 29 July 2012 - 06:37 AM.


#17 Cloud Roller

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Posted 05 August 2012 - 07:49 PM

No... :???:

#18 Tommiepony

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Posted 05 August 2012 - 10:11 PM

This is the worst fanfiction ever. Sorry for being so harsh, but it(s just bad, does not make sense, all around terrible.

#19 Blazuhira Miller

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Posted 05 August 2012 - 10:18 PM

This is the worst fanfiction ever. Sorry for being so harsh, but it(s just bad, does not make sense, all around terrible.

Nah, my immortal is the worst fanfic ever.

#20 Neon Streak

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Posted 05 August 2012 - 10:22 PM

my immortal



my immortal



my immortal?!?!?!?!?!


Posted Image


anyway has anypony heard bronydubs4life's reading of it?

#21 Vechsky

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Posted 13 September 2012 - 10:41 PM

Was have i just read?

#22 greebster

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Posted 16 September 2012 - 11:25 PM

Am I in the right place? I'm mortified that somepony could write this! I mean, bodies chopped up and rape, not my cup of tea one bit. I understand that this is practically something you'd read usually in some books, but not in such the derogatory way as you wrote it.

This is a critique, by the way, for those who don't know me. Is this like some kinda fetishy thing? Forgive me if I'm mistaken, I'd be even more scarred inside if it were.

#23 Volvonski

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Posted 17 September 2012 - 02:30 PM

Meh i've read worse, but the grammar, punctuation and spelling needs working on a lot.

#24 Spoffingten

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Posted 17 September 2012 - 02:54 PM

Lol, nope. I didn't like this fic at all. That is not to say it couldn't have been pretty good if it weren't a one shot. If you worked harder at characterizing properly, or maybe had Celestia be Molestia from the start, or maybe not have Luna act like she's not Luna, or have reference to beer and acid (cider seems to have the same effect, as shown by Berry Punch) then it could've been pretty decent.

But as is, it sucks, change it.


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