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(Grimdark) Stitching it Together: A Dress-scent Into Madness


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#1 Spoffingten

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Posted 11 August 2012 - 05:52 PM

So here's a little grimdark fic idea I had floating around in my head for quite a long time, actually. It always seems that Rarity dies first in grimdarks, and I'm looking to change that. If after reading the story you'd like to collaborate, PM me and I'll be glad to oblige. Of course, post reviews. No need to spare emotions, as since I am a grimdark writer I have none. Anyway, here we go!


Prologue

In the regal city of Canterlot, the moon was hidden by a thick blanket of storm clouds that poured onto the city streets below. A few lamps lit the empty street corners, and very few ponies were out, galloping quickly into the warm lights of their homes. Two royal Unicorn guards lifted their lances to allow passage for a lone, wobbling carriage. One of the guards looked to the carriage puller, and the broad red earth pony looked back to him.

"I'm... sorry for your loss, Mac." He said, his voice almost a whisper.

Big Macintosh lowered his head to the ground, his orange mane matted down by the rain. Wordlessly, he continued trotting into the empty streets, his only companion the pounding rain and booming thunder. Inside the carriage, four mares were just as solemn. Three of them stared down at the carpeted floor of the carriage, and the last just slept silently, their face scrunched in an uneasy cringe of painful memory.

There was a particularly loud boom of thunder, and the sleeping mare awoke with a start, screaming uncontrollably. The rest of the mares were startled and almost jumped out of their seats before a pair of lavender hooves grasped the shoulder of the screaming mare and held her tight, whispering and cooing to her.

"It's okay, Fluttershy." The unicorn whispered. "It's going to be alright."

Tears were streaming down Fluttershy's face. "I-I-I saw her again... Rainbow..." Fluttershy hugged Twilight back, squeezing the breath out of her and covering her in salty tears.

"It's gonna be alright, sugar cube. Rainbow's in a better place now, y'hear?" The third mare, an orange earth pony, gave reassuring words to the distraught pegasus, but she wasn't entirely sure how okay it would be herself. She turned toward the rain-splattered window and closed her eyes.

"Applebloom..."

Pinkie Pie, the last of the four, pulled a party horn out of her frizzy mane and was about to blow on it to cheer Fluttershy up, but when she got piercing and almost hateful looks from Twilight and Applejack, she shoved it back into the poofy mess atop her head. She began to sing softly;

"Giggle at the ghostie... guffaw at the grossly... chortle at the-" Applejack's hoof met Pinkie's cheek with a slapping sound, and the party pony rubbed her cheek with her own hoof. She looked to Applejack, tears welling up in her eyes. Applejack glared back at her as thunder and lightning flickered outside the window and bumps on the street shook them up and down. Fluttershy's sobs were joined by loud, almost comical wailing from Pinkie. Eventually the carriage stopped, and a few moments later Big Macintosh opened the carriage's right door. He was wet and shivering from the rain, and wore a forlorn, almost dead expression that Applejack had only seen once before, when she went to live in Manehattan with her aunt and uncle.

"We're here," he said, his deep voice almost totally muffled by the rain.

Pinkie and Fluttershy were still crying when they got out, and Fluttershy clung to Twilight, not even able to muster the will to walk. Big Macintosh took Fluttershy from Twilight and put her on his back, and the whimpering yellow mare didn't seem to oblige. The five ponies walked in through the tall wooden doors as the guards opened them. Twilight took note of the lack of light, and sent a little purple orb above the group to add to the dim torchlight around them. It shone brightly with a purple gleam, and several royal guards put their lances around the group, feeling that this magic was a threat.

"Lay down your weapons, guards. These are our guests." Came a voice from the darker corners of the room. The guards returned to their stiffened stances with eyes toward the ceiling. From beyond the reach of Twilight's orb, Princess Luna stepped into the soft lavender light.

"We are sorry for the inconvenience, elements of harmony. We prefer the dark." The princess spoke softly, her somber expression not changing while her horn glowed to illuminate the chandeliers in the high ceilings of the hall. Now the group of heartbroken ponies could see the castle halls in the bright and royal condition they'd been during the Gala and the royal wedding. It was better, though dissonant with the purpose of their being here. Twilight let the ball of light disappear.

"Follow us. We have much to discuss." The princess of the night walked away slowly, beckoning for the other ponies to follow.

- - -

In the royal library, the six ponies sat around in a circle of chairs with a large, tile-pattern sun in the middle.

"We understand that very shortly ago, there was a terrible tragedy in Ponyville and Canterlot. Many ponies have lost their lives... including my sister, the beloved Princess Celestia." Luna paused. She was used to having loved ones die, but she never thought it would happen to Celestia. "And I have brought you all here to apologize to you. I know that I am partially responsible."

"PARTIALLY RESPONSIBLE?!" Applejack screamed furiously. "Who in the HAY do you think you are?! If you'd 'a never ordered that BUCKIN' dress for yer birthday, we'd a' never had this happen! Mah filly sister'd still be here with me! Hell! I'd be home buckin' apples iffin' it weren't fer you!"

Fluttershy was shaken by this, and went back to crying into Twilight's shoulder.

"Applejack, you must remember. We did not know Rar-" Luna was cut off.

"Don't you say that psycho bitch's name! I wanna kill 'er with mah bare hooves!"

"Applejack!" Twilight and Big Mac said in unison. Twilight was horrified, but Big Mac knew where she was coming from.

"Applejack, you know the Laws of Harmony as well as we do. Nopony can kill another, and revenge is viewed as equal to the original offense, and is punishable to reflect such."

Applejack gritted her teeth and pounded the arms of her chair. "Ah couldn't care less about the damn dusty ol' Laws! Ya'll can hang me at sundown for all Ah care, Appleloosa style! I jus' wanna see that insane marshmallow bitch before she gets shipped off to the Everfree! Ya'll can hang all of us too! See if I give a foal's plot what happens to some egghead, her dumb-flank friend and some whiny little parasprite! Hell, Mac's the only pony in this here room I care a lick for!"

Fluttershy and Pinkie cried harder, and Applejack was met with stares of disgust from her brother and the "egghead." Luna simply closed her eyes. "Silver Shield," Luna called. A gray-coated guard came in and bowed to the dark mare. It felt odd bowing to somepony aside from Celestia, but hey. It was his job.

"Shield, please take Applejack down to the dungeon to see the prisoner."

"The diamond dog?" The guard asked.

"No. The mare, the one in solitary confinement." Luna answered. The guard nodded, and swung open the library door. He then looked back at Applejack.

"Follow me, ma'am."

- - -

Applejack followed Silver Shield down twisting corridors, through long halls, and finally down a long set of stairs. The stairs were made of stone in sharp contrast to the marble-and-carpet castle. Silver Shield picked up a torch from the wall and held it aloft in a glittering magic aura. The stairwell got thinner and darker, and Applejack could hear water dripping. The corridor smelled like mold.

After what felt like ages of walking, Silver Shield reached an old and rotten wood door. The guard opened it up, and let Applejack go through first. Inside there were two rows of cells covered with thick metal bars on either side of the ponies. Water dripped from the ceiling and collected in puddles on the floor. Most of the cells were empty, except for one occupied by a sleeping diamond dog, and another by a swarm of parasprites that tried to gnaw at the bars and escape. The guard stayed behind Applejack, and used magic to create sparks and light the torches that sparsely lined the walls. Applejack noticed the guard quaking in his armor.

"Umm... she's down the hall. Come back up the stairs when you're done!" The guard shakily informed Applejack before dashing back up the stairs, the clip-clop of his steps growing fainter and fainter. Applejack rolled her eyes.

"Coward."

The mare trotted slowly to the end of the hall, her heart consumed by rage. She knew what was in there and unlike that guard, Applejack was not afraid of it. The mare continued to the end of the hall, and saw that the stone stopped to give way to an iron wall with a large, apparently thick glass window. Applejack reached the end, and peered through the glass.

Inside the dimly lit iron box there was the form of a mare, sitting in the corner and not showing her face to Applejack. The form, she knew, once had a gleaming white coat and a wonderfully combed mane. Now, however, the being in the corner's hair had spots of dirty gray and red brown splotches of dried blood. The mane still retained its basic shape and style, but hairs stuck out of place every which way and some parts were burned or torn. The mare's neck, chest, stomach, and three places on each leg, had thick cuffs made of the same iron of the cell, and were all attached by heavy chain links to the floor and walls. Applejack laughed, and the sound reached the mare through tiny holes in the iron cell.

"Ya'll got yer just desserts, huh Rarity? I ought to bust this here glass an' beat ya senseless. These legs had a lot a' practice buckin' apples. Once ya find yer death in th' Everfree, you'd better make 'em go easy on ya in Tartarus... 'cus I'll be there for ya soon." Applejack laughed, and saw Rarity slowly turn her head. She couldn't wait to see the look of pure pain on the mare's face. She was getting ready to see Rarity's sobbing face, and when she turned around...

Applejack saw a smile.

And it wasn't a madmare's bloody grin, either. It was the kind of smile that Applejack had seen back when Rarity was her friend, before... this.

"Do you really think you'll go to Tartarus? But you're such a decent pony! Don't sell yourself short, Applejack. You're one of the best ponies I know. I'm sure you'll see Apple Bloom again, don't you worry." The Element of Generosity winked.

Applejack stood there dumbfounded, her mouth wide open with shock. This mare didn't sound insane. Something was wrong here.

"But... ya'll went insane! I saw the look in yer eye!" The farm mare shouted.

"Oh, no no no no no! I never went insane! I just had some inspiration! Luna just loved her dress before she found out about how I made it. It's too bad she didn't see things the way I did." Rarity pouted.

Applejack was enraged. "Yer supposed t' be mad! Yer gettin' banished! Yer goin' t' Tartarus!"

Rarity giggled at Applejack. "Oh, you don't know just how easy it is to get out of banishment! Luna got back from the moon all on her own, and look how pathetic she is. That 'oh-so-serious' attitude of hers is just so repelling. No wonder she never found a stallion."

Applejack banged on the glass of Rarity's cell, screaming and swearing.

"IT AIN'T FAIR! YA'LL KILLED MAH SISTER! YA'LL KILLED TH' PRINCESS! YA'LL'RE SUPPOSED TO BE IN PAIN! YA'LL'RE SUPPOSED TO BE CRAZY!"

Rarity pouted from inside her web of chains. "Oh, now now, Applejack! That attitude is going to give you an ulcer! Oh, and by the way..." Rarity paused to giggle beneath her breath. "Parasprites hate loud noises."

Applejack froze. She turned around to the cell full of parasprites, and saw that they were in a frenzy. They stopped trying to chew through the iron bar, and were bumping around frantically. A few of them bump-bump-bumped each other against the bars, until one parasprite was hammered through the bars. He looked around with his wide compound eyes, around the room and then to Applejack. The parasprite licked his little chops before flying straight toward the orange earth pony.

Applejack looked to Rarity with utter terror, muttering a few final words.

"Burn in Tartarus, you psycho bitch."

Rarity only smiled back, planting a light kiss on the glass. The parasprite dislocated its impossibly huge jaw and bit off Applejack's legs and flank. Applejack fell to the ground in pain, screaming and not losing eye contact with Rarity. The mare only had a little more time to scream before the bug ate her front legs, then her torso, and left only her head, whose eyes rolled back away from Rarity before it was eaten too. Rarity smiled and gave out a yawn, then lied down and fell asleep like a filly. Some ponies were just so rude.


To be continued...



So, tell me about the story. Did you like it? Does it need work? Criticism welcome.

Oh, and if you'd like to draw some art for the story, I'd love to work out a trade of some sort. (I'm lookin' at you, Snifi!)

Edited by Spiffington, 12 August 2012 - 04:06 AM.


#2 Neon Streak

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Posted 11 August 2012 - 06:07 PM

wow..just wow.. i don't normally like grimdark but this..im following this topic right now! if i could draw i would be spewing out drawings for you right this second!!

Edited by Floodblade, 11 August 2012 - 06:07 PM.


#3 Lazaruz95

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Posted 11 August 2012 - 06:19 PM

I think I'm going to have to go with Floodblade on this one, I like it, a lot.
I'm following this one and will eagerly await a continuation.

For once, this is grimdark material I'll enjoy reading since it's obviously not written just for the sake of being grimdark and actually managed to genuinley creep me out at a few points (somethin both Cupcakes, Rainbow Factory and SAM failed at entirely, mind you)

#4 Neon Streak

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Posted 11 August 2012 - 06:27 PM

I think I'm going to have to go with Floodblade on this one, I like it, a lot.


wait somepony agrees with me on something!?!?!

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#5 Blazuhira Miller

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Posted 11 August 2012 - 06:44 PM

I tried to read it all, but my mind said "get an ice cream" and then I couldn't find my spot.


Great story as much as I read though.

#6 Snifi

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Posted 11 August 2012 - 09:02 PM

Awesome.
I love the way you did Rarity's character. Keeping some elements of her character and twisting them had a lot more effect than if you'd just had her go completely.

Oh, and if you'd like to draw some art for the story, I'd love to work out a trade of some sort. (I'm lookin' at you, Snifi!)

I'd be honoured ^^

#7 Spoffingten

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Posted 12 August 2012 - 03:23 PM

I am deeply flattered by your gracious compliments, but the Lunar Sanctum doesn't have room for any more guests.

I found a few typos in the first chapter. Like, where it was supposed to say "hang" it said "hand." I bet Lyra would like that part. Oh and Blazer, I'm not going to to hold that against you. Even the very bestest fanfiction ever has nothing on a good old ice cream pop.

And Snifi, thanks! As of now I don't have any particular requests, but if you want, you can just read the story as it goes and draw something you see, that would be good. Maybe I'll eventually have a request.

On to the chapter!

And I apologize in advance for the Grinch reference. As well as the appearance of a few forum members. (Noteworthy is the only non-Rainbow Dash pony I can think of!)


Chapter 1: A Tall Order


Two weeks prior...

The sun was shining over the dirt roads in small town Ponyville, and the air was alive with the joyful chatter of ponies. Spike, the young dragon assistant of Twilight Sparkle, was coming home from the quill and sofa shop with a new set of feather pens an inkwells for his lavender acquaintance. Suddenly he began to feel queasy in his chest and stomach, and thought he was going to throw up when he belched a little green flame.

A little piece of parchment tied up with a red ribbon hit the ground. Spike groaned. Whenever he got a letter from Celestia, things always got hectic in Ponyville. Granted it didn't usually involve him, but he hated that he'd never get any peace here. Pinkie Pie was bad enough.

Spike picked up the letter in his free hand and shook the wax seal free. Oddly enough, he found that this letter was addressed to Rarity rather than Twilight. The dragon shrugged, not bothering to read the note. He turned right and made his way along the path to Carousel Boutique. Holding the rolled-up note in his hand, he knocked on the door and waited for Rarity to come out.

"Coming!" The mare's sweet voice sang for Spike and all the rest of the world to hear. When she opened the door, Spike handed her the letter.

"This is for you, Rarity. It's from Celestia. Don't worry, I didn't read it." The dragon said before walking off toward the library. Rarity was intrigued. A letter from Celestia? What could this mean? Maybe she'd be going to Canterlot again, or maybe she'd be a guest of honor at another royal wedding! She loved royal weddings.

Rarity unfurled the letter and began reading.

Dear Rarity,

My sister Princess Luna's birthday will be here soon, and I have forgotten to get her a present. I would like you, who I believe to be the absolute best fashion designer in Ponyville and indeed all of Equestria, to make her a dress. I will leave the exact design of the dress up to you, as Luna has not told me what exactly she is looking for. I know you will do an excellent job.

Regrettably, I must inform you that Luna's birthday is coming up very close, the day after tomorrow to be precise. If you are able to complete this task, I will reward you handsomely. You can attend Luna's party and lodge in the castle like you did previously when you came to Canterlot. If you cannot, please dictate a letter from Spike to tell me. I will be in Ponyville tomorrow afternoon to collect the dress.

Reagent of the Sun,
Princess Celestia

Rarity was shocked as she read the letter. She was being asked to design a dress for none other than Princess Luna? She didn't know if she could complete the task in time, but she would have to do it if she didn't want to pass up this incredibly rare opportunity. She immediately set the letter down on her desk and went to work. She took a pencil in her soft blue aura of magic, sketching out designs worthy of the Princess of the Night. Rarity hummed a joyous tune to herself.

If I can do this right, it will change my life forever! She thought.

And she was right.

- - -

Several hours later, Rarity had finished her drawings and began to look through her collections of fabric. She needed the right colors of fabric to make it perfect for Luna.

"Powder blue... too light! Baby blue... too light. Navy blue... too dark! Oh dear..." Rarity was stressed out, and considered quitting. She immediately shook the notion out of her head. There had to be something she could do for the dress. She could dye the fabric, if she weren't out of dyes. She could repurpose the rug in her living room, if she were making a dress for a peasant. Rarity fell to the floor weeping, one front leg dramatically held above her head in anguish.

"I'll never get to got to Luna's party! Nopony will ever realize my greatness and I'll be stuck in this little backwater town my whole li-i-iiife!" Rarity sobbed loudly, and she could see Fluttershy standing outside her window with her mouth half-open in a shocked frown and tears welling up in her eyes. Rarity stood up and smiled anxiously.

"I mean, in this wonderful town with my five best friends, of course!"

Fluttershy's lip wobbled as she galloped off and away from the window.

"Drama queen," Rarity muttered. She still didn't have any materials to make the body of the dress, and went upstairs to cry some more where nopony could hear her. When she was upstairs, she looked outside the circular window in her room and saw that the sunny afternoon of Ponyville had given away to a violet evening. Rarity slumped next to the window, feeling the chance of a Canterlot life slipping through her hooves. She almost fell to the floor wailing, when she saw him.

A stallion of a moderate blue color and a darker blue mane walking down the dirt path into Ponyville, coming from the train station.

Why can't I have any fabrics as perfectly blue as he is? If he knew how lucky he was, I'm sure he'd come up and weep next to me, telling me how sorry he is.

Rarity levitated a box of tissues to her and blew her nose, crying as loud as she could at her terrible tragedy. She sniffled on the plush carpeted floor and was about to get Opalescence to cuddle tightly to her, when she had an idea.

Rarity had a wonderful, awful idea.

She thought to herself how awful it was, and how she couldn't do it. But she remembered the prospect of going to Canterlot, having Luna practically kiss her hooves for her dress. She looked back out to the stallion, who was walking away from the train station at a line parallel to her house. Rarity didn't want to think of it. She could at least look through her fabrics again, couldn't she?

No, she realized. It's do or die now.

Rarity gulped, going up into her attic and magically lifting a dusty wooden bat from when Sweetie Belle decided to be a "Cutie Mark Crusader Home Run Hitter." She left the attic with an incredibly uneasy feeling in her stomach, and a part of her mind told her what she was doing was terribly wrong. She tried to shake off those notions.

"I'm doing this for Luna," she told herself. "For Canterlot."

Rarity silently opened her house's front door. The blue stallion had only just passed her house. Rarity crept slowly toward the unsuspecting pony, and the bat raised high into the air. Rarity gulped and looked away as the bat was flung down and there was a sickening crunch. Rarity opened her eyes and looked around. Nopony had seen her. She let out a sigh of relief, tossed the baseball bat into the bushes and dragged the shallow-breathing body into her home.

- - -

Noteworthy awoke with a dull, blunt pain in his neck. As he opened his eyes, he could see the form of a white unicorn above him, her purple mane draping over his face.

"You're awake! I'm so glad, I thought you were dead. You are very fortunate that you're alive, some brutish pegasus with a bat came up and hit you right in the neck! They flew away before I could properly see them. I had to bring you in here and see what's wrong. Please stay put while I prepare you some soup."

The blue pony had no idea what to think. He was in a large bed with impossibly thick embroidered blankets. He felt as if he was going to sink into the cushions and disappear. He rubbed his neck and nodded to Rarity as she left the room.

Rarity prepared a soup from broths and vegetables she had lying around, and mixed it thoroughly, the spoon moving itself in Rarity's magic aura. The mare looked around, paranoid to check if anypony was watching. She quickly flung open a cabinet, levitated out a big box not dissimilar to one which held salt, and poured in about half a cup, and replaced it. She didn't want to look at the box, because she knew what was in it. She stirred the spoon rapidly, almost spilling some of the poisoned soup. The unicorn felt queasy and nearly poured the whole concoction down the drain.

"For Luna," she told herself, "for Canterlot."

Rarity poured a bowl of soup and took it on a tray up to her guest. In the bed, Noteworthy watched her come toward him, mane bobbing. She placed the tray on top of him, and levitated the spoon. The blue pony reached for the spoon, but Rarity pushed his hoof back under the covers with her nose and then covering him up to his neck.

"You're much too sore to be eating this soup yourself. Here, let me do it for you."

Rarity lifted a chunk of potato in a little bit of broth, and nudged the injured pony in the mouth with the spoon. Noteworthy opened his mouth and ate the soup, chewing the potato. It tasted great. Moments later, the spoon was at him again, this time with a spoonful of carrot. He ate the carrot and the broth it floated in, and opened his mouth to thank Rarity when she moved one hoof up to close it. "Uh-uh-uh! Just eat."

A few bites of the delicious soup later, Noteworthy was feeling woozy. The mare continued feeding him, but he kept his mouth shut and shook his head, full. Rarity nudged him with the spoon of broth, but he continued to shake his head. It was hard to keep his eye on her, as he felt he had a fever and his vision was swimming. Rarity tried to get him to eat more soup, and there was a spark of anger in her eyes when he wouldn't. Finally, Rarity's aura encircled the stallion's head, lifted it upward and pried open his jaw. The stallion's fading heart was racing. He didn't have the energy to scream for help. Rarity sloshed the rest of the soup down Noteworthy's throat, the weak stallion coughing and sputtering, but still swallowing most of the soup. Rarity put the bowl and tray on the nightstand, pulled off the covers and intently listened to the shallow bit-bit of the stallion's heart.

The blue pony closed his eyes, and Rarity could hear the heartbeat getting slower and softer until finally, it stopped. Rarity was horrified at what she'd just done. She nearly ran out and turned herself in to the police, but then she remembered that this was for her future. She dragged the corpse out of the bed and into the bathroom, and placed it in the bath. She trotted out and returned with a sharp pair of fabric scissors. Rarity shuddered at what she was going to do and closed the staring, shocked eyes of the corpse. She made an incision between the lungs, and began to cut upward, sideways, and in all directions.

Rarity knew that she had a long night ahead.

- - -

Flying high in the afternoon sky, Princess Celestia scanned the ground below. She flew parallel to the Everfree Forest, and looked to her left. The trees seemed to stretch on forever. That forest was the only place in Equestria and even the world that scared Celestia, for though everypony knew of Cockatrices and Poison Joke, only she, Luna and a few trusted others knew the forest's true secret. She sharply turned to the left and soon was directly over her favorite little town, Ponyville.

Let's see, she thought. There's Town Hall, and the library, and Sugarcube Corner... ah! Carousel.

Celestia turned down, and was going at speeds that even Rainbow Dash couldn't hope to meet when she expertly stopped in place. She flapped her wings in the air for a few moments and then let all four hooves touch the ground. She moved her hoof to knock on the door but it opened before she could. Behind it stood a very tired-looking Rarity, who wore a huge grin and a head of messy bedhead.

"Oh my, Rarity... is everything okay?" The princess asked.

"Of course! Come right this way, I think you'll be pleased with what I've got for Luna!" Rarity jerkily moved over to the large-sized mannequin that held up Luna's dress and stood proudly beside it, smiling at the princess.

Celestia ducked under the non alicorn-sized door and when she looked up to the dress, her jaw dropped. It was a thing of beauty. The dress was a moderate blue trimmed with darker indigo, with a cape behind it of midnight black dotted with little white jewels to represent Luna's night sky and stars. There was a large diamond in the place where the cape met the dress, cut to look like a glimmering crescent moon. The inside of the blue dress was lined with a plush navy fabric. Rarity would tell others that the fabric was to make the dress more comfortable for Luna to wear, but truthfully it was to hide the fact that it was pony skin, covered in webbed veins and places where she had to cut muscles or glands away. Oh, and it also made it more comfortable for Luna to wear.

"So, princess, how do you like it?" Rarity begged to know.

"I- I think it's amazing! Luna will love it!" The princess was dumbfounded at how perfect it was. "Tomorrow you can come to Canterlot for the party. I'd like you to be there when Luna unwraps your present." Celestia smiled.

Rarity gasped and then jumped with glee. "I can't wait!" The pony said gleefully. Celestia smiled and magically levitated the dress into a bag she had brought. She then bade good day to Rarity, ducked under the door, and flew off.

Rarity was happy to know the princess liked her present. Maybe she'd get a chance to make more.

To be continued...

#8 Hieros Godhead

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Posted 13 August 2012 - 02:44 AM

Well, I like this so far, but I had a niggling problem.

Rarity. I saw how you tried to keep it in character, but I really thought that apart from general dialogue, she descended into madness faster then anyone I could think of. She didn't really even look, just almost instantly went for the murder card.

I really do like the story, but you tried to make it so that the plot didn't go too slow, but by doing so sped it up ridiculously.

Please don't take what I say in a negative light, I love this and shall continue reading it as it comes out.

#9 Spoffingten

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Posted 13 August 2012 - 11:40 AM

Ah. Thank you very much for that, that's a problem I could probably stand to fix when I put the story up on FIMfiction. Thanks RoyalInBlue!

(What? Did you think I was only uploading it here? You guys are my guinea pigs so I can know whether it's full of spiderses or a delicious cupcake!)

Edited by Spiffington, 13 August 2012 - 11:46 AM.


#10 Neon Streak

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Posted 13 August 2012 - 11:52 AM

*twitch* n..n..NOTEWORTHY?!

NNNNNNNOOOOOOO?!?! WHY?! WHY?!

well that explains his absence anyway...

#11 Jaylex

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Posted 13 August 2012 - 12:15 PM

I like this it's a great grimdark and I am anxious to see how celestia is offed(I just reread my little dashie okay)

#12 Spoffingten

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Posted 13 August 2012 - 02:48 PM

*twitch* n..n..NOTEWORTHY?!

NNNNNNNOOOOOOO?!?! WHY?! WHY?!

well that explains his absence anyway...


I know, right? And since he's an actual background pony, I can use his character however I want! Muahaha!

I like this it's a great grimdark and I am anxious to see how celestia is offed(I just reread my little dashie okay)


Thanks! And also, Celestia is probably going to have one of the more "interesting" grimdark deaths. Or not...

You guys can expect a new chapter on Thursday or Friday, with another on Saturday, then Sunday and then another possibly on Monday too! Woo hoo!

And I'm also going to edit Chapter 2 to incorporate what RoyalInBlue said. It really was a bit too jarring of a transition.

#13 Spoffingten

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Posted 14 August 2012 - 02:01 PM

Okay guys sincere apologies for the double post, but I need your opinions on something. I plan to have a sequel or continuation to this that takes place when Rarity is actually banished and stuck in the Everfree Forest. It'd go from Cupcakes to fLuTtEr in a snap, in the sense that it'd be more surreal. My question is, would it be good, or would it just be a stretch?

(Hopefully new chapter tomorrow)

#14 Neon Streak

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Posted 14 August 2012 - 02:22 PM

sounds interesting, but whats fLuTtEr?

#15 Spoffingten

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Posted 14 August 2012 - 03:00 PM

It's a grimdark about Fluttershy. It gets really surreal. You can google it if you want.

#16 Cleminjon

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Posted 16 August 2012 - 03:55 AM

I'm not very much into grid mark, but I must admit that the idea of Rarity making dresses out of... Ponies, is quite original. Has a sort of Cruella DeVil aura to it ;)

#17 Squint

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Posted 18 August 2012 - 05:44 PM

Love it. (The prologue, that is.) It really made me hate Applejack, though, I'm not sure if you were trying to do that to the reader. Element of Honesty is Honest.

#18 Spoffingten

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Posted 20 August 2012 - 12:48 PM

Alright, we'll do a trade. Candy for a new chapter. Deal? Okay fine, have a new chapter. (I know Hoity Toity is probably way out of character, but come on. Does he even really have that much character?)


Chapter 2: Luna's Birthday Bash


Rarity waited at the train station with her five best friends, the mayor, her parents and Sweetie Belle. The unicorn mare smiled to herself when she thought of what Luna's Canterlot party would be like, and the praise she would get from the fancy Canterlot folk. At this point, she didn't even criticize herself for what she did to get the materials. Truth be told, the thought never even crossed her mind. When the train slowly screeched into the station, she gave each of the other elements of harmony a hug, and then gathered with her family in a group hug.

"Take good care of Sweetie Belle while I'm gone, okay?" She whispered to her parents. The mother and father looked to each other, puzzled, and then turned back to Rarity.

"Uh... Rarity, Sweetie Belle lives with us. We always take care of her." Her father said from beneath his brown mustache. Rarity looked to her confused sister, and then to her parents, and grinned awkwardly as she realized her mistake.

"Oh yes, right. Okay, then don't let my house burn down while I'm in Canterlot, please!" Rarity was about to nuzzle her little sister when the mayor pushed her onto the train eagerly.

"Make sure you have a great time in Canterlot, Rarity! And if you can, bring us lots of money! The princesses will give you far too much to manage yourself, so when you get back let me take it off your hands!" The mayor begged Rarity, and Rarity nodded along with rolling her eyes. As the train door swung closed and the iron and wood cars started to roll down the tracks, the mayor dashed along, jumping off the platform and onto the grass.

"Make sure that you bring back enough to fix the roads! And I need more hair dye! Don't let Celestia forget her debt to me!" The mayor shouted at the quickly moving train before falling to the ground, exhausted.

"I need money..." the fallen earth pony panted.

~(D)~


When Rarity stepped out of the train in Canterlot, the entire town was decorated for Luna's birthday. Streamers of varying shades of blue and black decorated the train station, artistic banners depicting Luna with the moon behind her hung on lamp posts, and tons of higher-class ponies trotted their way into the castle. Rarity could see a few fillies and colts wearing little plastic crowns designed to mimic Luna's tiara and playing around the town square. Rarity couldn't help but giggle at them, they looked so ridiculous. But if that's what the little ones did for fun at a royal party, who was she to judge?

Rarity twisted her way through crowds of other ponies in the streets to the castle, hearing two royal guards atop the balcony blaring some regal-sounding tune through their bugles from the castle's marble balcony. She saw Celestia standing between them. Rarity tried to push past the many other ponies in her way, and was blocked when she tried to get to the castle doorway by a blockade of bodies trying to squeeze their way through, some uttering curses and others politely begging to have their way. She almost went around the back when she felt her entire form wrapped in a soft, gold aura of magic. She was lifted off the ground by an unseen force, and could see the faces of other ponies below her, jealous that she got to skip the line. Rarity would have been terrified by this turn of events, but she knew exactly who and what this aura was, and where she was going. After drifting through the air, bobbing and twisting in every direction, she came to a halt and was turned forward to meet the gaze of one Princess Celestia.

"Well hello to you, my guest of honor!" The sun princess said cheerily to Rarity before putting her on the floor next to her on the balcony. "Come right this way."

Rarity smiled as she followed Celestia inside and down the stairs to the massive ballroom, full of finely dressed ponies. In a circle of chatting nobles was one Princess Luna, who was unsurprisingly wearing the dress Rarity had made for her. Celestia walked down the steps calmly, but Rarity dashed down the flight of carpeted stairs and skidded to a stop next to Princess Luna. She had a giant smile on her face.

"Hello, princess!" Rarity almost shouted from excitement, "do you like the dress?" Rarity begged, excited. Luna only smiled to Rarity, and turned away from the crowd of fancy ponies, who were now jabbering on about taxes or art or whatever.

"We love it!" The princess said in a particularly loud voice, smiling back at the dressmaker. "It is absolutely one in a million. We have never seen or felt such fine fabrics as the ones you have used to create this dress."

"I beg to differ!" Came a loud and particularly snooty voice that Rarity knew all too well. Everypony in the ballroom went silent aside from a few shocked gasps. From a crowd stepped a steely gray earth pony with an off-white mane done up in a ridiculous and expensive looking style, wearing a pair of purple-tinted sunglasses and a robust suit that looked to be designed for this exact event.

"Hoity Toity?" Rarity asked. "But you told me my work was magnificent!"

Hoity Toity laughed in the rudest possible manner, walking up to Luna and Rarity. "Just because I loved those gala dresses you made oh-so long ago does not mean that I will blindly adore any hodge-podge dress you toss out into the market like a foal spitting up on itself! Though the deluded young princess seems to enjoy it, this dress is no better than whatever drivel some Ponyvillian turnip farmer could pull out of her closet! Allow me to tell you why..."

Rarity looked to Luna in awe. Next to Hoity Toity, another earth pony in a ridiculous dress and sunglasses not unlike the rude critic's, stepped up to listen. Hoity Toity walked straight up to Luna and put a hoof beneath the black, starry cape. "This cape is a terrible addition to the dress! Not only is it off-color and non-matching, it is more fitting on a hero like that Mare-do-Well fellow than our good princess! And the color choices, ugh!" The dress critic shuddered and tapped the crescent-shaped pendant that held the cape together. "If this horrid dress maker were attempting to make the princess able to camouflage with the afternoon sky, she would have succeeded, but since she was not I can fairly dub these patterns as absolutely wretched. And let us not forget the choice of material." The snooty earth pony moved his hoof along the lines of the dress, grinning to himself as he secretly felt about the contours of Luna's frame.

"This fuzzy cloth is more fitting on evening pajamas than a fine dress for such an occasion." Hoity Toity moved the sunglasses lower on his nose so his eyes met that of the night princess. "Although I would too terribly love to see you in evening pajamas, princess." The steely pony pushed his hoof into a softer region of the princess and grinned in a fashion he felt was charismatic.

The majority of the guests gasped at the stallion's insolence and Luna swung her hoof across his face. Two royal guards had him immediately ejected from the premises. Luna held her nose high in the air and scoffed. Hoity Toity was lucky that Celestia was still walking down the stairs, or else he would have been skewered by now.

"We believe that your dresses are wonderful, Rarity," Luna reassured the unicorn mare.

They are, aren't they... Rarity thought to herself.

There was a bright camera flash from the light blue earth pony who stood in the place where Hoity Toity previously did. "Your work is... de magicks! Says Photo Phinish!" Photo Finish exclaimed as she held her hoof to Luna. "De whole of Cantalot would be betta off wit out ponies like him!" Photo Finish struck another needlessly dramatic pose.

It would, wouldn't it... Rarity thought to herself.

"In fact, I would like to schee how exactly you make zis dresses! Would you brink me to your vorkshop and show me your processes in making..." Rarity rolled her eyes, she knew what was coming.

Photo Finish swirled around before standing on her back hooves and tossing her forelegs to the sky. "DE MAGICKS!" She sang. Rarity gasped and put a hoof in front of her mouth, pupils widening in that most unexplained of equine expressions.

"Please, you are too kind Photo Finish! I would love to have you witness my dressmaking process! In fact, there are a few techniques I've been looking to try ever since-"

"NO!" Photo Finish put a hoof to Rarity's lip and silenced her. "You must make de same magicks dat you did with Luna's dress, ya?"

Rarity knew where this was going. "Oh, my, I would, but I simply don't have the materials!"

Photo Finish pouted and looked to the ground. "No magicks for me..." she said, slumping off. Rarity realized that if Photo Finish liked the next dress, she'd be sure to get the Canterlot life she'd always dreamed of. She had to think quickly. She really didn't want to do what she did two nights before, but there had to be somepony who she could get rid of...

Rarity saw Hoity Toity outside, harassing some young pegasus. Rarity knew exactly what she would do. She didn't like it, but she would have to get her hooves, and possibly her house, very dirty. She turned to Photo Finish, and then walked out the tall doors of the castle to the castle and to the gray pony outside. Her blue aura encircled his collar and pulled him toward her by the neck. She glared at him through his ridiculous sunglasses.

"So, you awful coward, you don't like the dress I made, do you? Well why don't you come to Ponyville with me and see just how much work I put into them." Rarity snarled, and- as much as she hated to admit it- imagined what Hoity Toity would look like dead. Hoity Toity grinned back, eyes half-closed.

"I would love to see more of the workings of Equestria's fashion," he paused and leaned in to Rarity, "and more of you, too." Rarity cringed and let the magical aura around his collar disperse, and then trotted back into the party, steaming with rage. Hoity Toity watched her movements as she walked, lowering his sunglasses to the tip of his nose.

"That plot." He said to himself.

~(S)~



Once the party was over, Luna and Celestia gave Rarity a parting thanks, Photo Finish a piece of cake, and Hoity Toity looks of absolute boiling hate as the unicorn and two sun-spectacle-sporting earth ponies left into the night.

"And now, we go!" Photo Finish said with a hint of intoxication in her voice as she and the other two ponies stumbled out of the castle. Rarity tried to keep her distance from Hoity Toity as they got on the train back to Ponyville. The ride was wordless, but from across the car Rarity knew that behind his sunglasses, Hoity Toity's eyes were up to no good. Rarity scowled and rolled her eyes.

When the threesome finally arrived in Ponyville, Rarity led them to her boutique, which also functioned as a house for the mare. When inside, the two earth ponies looked around, and Photo Finish realized that she hadn't used the bathroom after ingesting all that cider. The fancy pony crossed her legs and waddled over to the bathroom, but Rarity quickly cut her path off. She gave a nervous grin, realizing that she never removed the skinned corpse from a few days ago from the bathtub.

"Oh, my, uh... please use the upstairs bathroom! This one is filthy, just... just filthy!" Rarity pointed the intoxicated Photo Finish upstairs.

"I'd like to clean that filth up," said Hoity Toity, waggling his eyebrows. Rarity groaned.

"Oh shut up, you creep." She mumbled under her breath.

"I'm going to be here until your little dressmaking show is over and then a short while after to criticize your awful dress, so until then, your house may as well belong to me." The pony went into Rarity's kitchen and began rummaging through her fridge for any trace of that sweet, sweet fizzy cider that he was denied just a few hours ago. Rarity was infuriated. She gazed upstairs and wanted so badly for Photo Finish to come downstairs so she could see how Luna's dress was made, and how her Canterlot life would start. As Hoity Toity swiped and then glugged down all her cider it was taking so much self control to not wrestle the villain to the ground and stab him in the heart, watching him ruffle around with her food and drinks, and then noisily chewing the leftover spaghetti from the night before. Rarity was infuriated by him, and levitated a large knife over to her, just to have as an option.

"So, sweetie, you going to make me eat this all by myself?" Hoity Toity said between mouthfuls of spaghetti with cider on his breath. He gave Rarity a drunk smile and went back to eating the noodles. Rarity saw her aura lift the knife from the table, and slammed it back down with her hoof. Hoity Toity dropped the empty plate on the ground and it shattered. The knife threatened to lift up off the table, and had to press it down harder.

"I'm going to go have a piss. Tell me when you start making your little dre- WAUGH!" Hoity Toity exclaimed as he opened the door. Seeing the mass of muscles and bones, he quickly swiveled his head over to Rarity, his sunglasses flying off his face to reveal his horrified eyes. Rarity gave him a dark, closed-mouth smile, and lifted her hoof from the table. She let instinct take over and magically flung the knife at Hoity Toity. She let out in roaring laughter as the knife found its home with a sickening crunch between the fiendish pony's eyes. Grinning, Rarity knew this wasn't like two days before where she regretted what she had done. This time, she felt no remorse. She had murdered another living creature, and she wasn't afraid to admit it. And what's more...

She liked it. She was empowered by the notion that she'd ended this creature's life, and would gladly do it again. With adrenaline pumping through her, Rarity realized that there was still another pony upstairs. Her magic aura enveloped the knife between Hoity Toity's eyes, and she placed a back hoof on his neck, yanking the knife out. She galloped upstairs and stopped at the bathroom, and fervently rapped on the door with the back of the knife.

"I am not finished! I am making de powerful magicks now. Please come back at later!" Photo Finish shouted from inside. Rarity grinned widely and then ran down the hall. She then galloped back at a frightening speed. She bucked down the door with powerful, swift grace that would put Applejack to shame. Photo Finish screamed loudly and covered her exposed parts with her light blue hooves. Rarity then brought the knife higher and higher into the air, never losing eye contact with Photo Finish. She pointed the blade downward and thrust it into Photo Finish's left eye.

~(S)~



Rarity whistled to herself, closed all the curtains in her house, and wore her new sunglasses. She grinned at the two bodies, stripped of their clothes and lying side by side with eyes frozen in fear. She opened a drawer and removed a pair of scissors, and then laughed maniacally as she slowly walked toward what would soon be a pair of lovely dresses.

#19 Neon Streak

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Posted 20 August 2012 - 01:09 PM

and thus lil' miss rarity was born!

this is getting better and better, you killed of hoity toity! YES!

#20 Hieros Godhead

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Posted 20 August 2012 - 01:19 PM

Ah, You did SO much better this time! I loved it! Rarity was characterized well, Hoity toity was VERY well done, (If a little creepy), but if you are making a GrimDark, I must admit the feel is lost when you pull the "powerful magicks" card. Honestly, I found myself laughing at a GrimDark! But still, this was well-written. I hope to see more!

#21 Spoffingten

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Posted 20 August 2012 - 03:20 PM

Ah, You did SO much better this time! I loved it! Rarity was characterized well, Hoity toity was VERY well done, (If a little creepy), but if you are making a GrimDark, I must admit the feel is lost when you pull the "powerful magicks" card. Honestly, I found myself laughing at a GrimDark! But still, this was well-written. I hope to see more!


Why thank you! Oh, and the reason I went so crazy with Photo Finish and the "powerful magicks" is because I haven't really gotten into the grimmest and darkest part yet, so it's kind of my way of keeping people interested before the real bad part starts. Theres a reason I haven't described the making of the dresses...

New chapter will probably come this weekend, maybe earlier.

#22 Spoffingten

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Posted 21 August 2012 - 01:56 AM

Oh and sorry I forgot to mention, the chapters are up on FIMfiction.

http://www.fimfictio...nt-Into-Madness

#23 Spoffingten

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Posted 23 August 2012 - 02:13 AM

So it's probably not cool to doublepost without a new chapter, but I have a predicament. I'm trying really hard with this story and it doesn't seem to get a single view when I post a new chapter. Do you guys know how I could change this and get my fanfiction read?

Thanks if you can.

#24 Cleminjon

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Posted 23 August 2012 - 02:43 PM

So it's probably not cool to doublepost without a new chapter, but I have a predicament. I'm trying really hard with this story and it doesn't seem to get a single view when I post a new chapter. Do you guys know how I could change this and get my fanfiction read?

Thanks if you can.


Not sure. There are hundreds of fics on fimfiction and many are below quality. Yours isn't, of course, but perhaps it was overlooked. Maybe it needs a better... snyopsis?

Edited by Joniclem, 23 August 2012 - 02:43 PM.


#25 Spoffingten

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Posted 26 August 2012 - 05:24 AM

Okay guys I might or might not be able to do a chapter today or tomorrow, and if not I'll get in 2 or 3 chapters next week. But what I need to ask is that I need a cover picture. Snifi, PM me if you're interested please and thank you.

Oh, spoiler alert: Derpy dies in the next chapter.

#26 Spoffingten

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Posted 02 September 2012 - 06:46 AM

Woo hoo! New Chapter! Watch out, Derpy dies. Also, a wild Discord appears... sort of.

I got a placeholder cover image for the time being. Also, this chapter is a little longer than the others, but not by that much.

Spoiler


#27 Jaylex

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Posted 02 September 2012 - 07:14 AM

That was... awesome, yet horrible (as in with derpy's death and all). I really like this, I hope you get to do more sonn.

#28 Spoffingten

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Posted 02 September 2012 - 10:29 AM

That was... awesome, yet horrible (as in with derpy's death and all). I really like this, I hope you get to do more sonn.


Well, thanks. I try to make a new chapter every weekend or so. It's really not getting very many views on FIMfiction though, boo hoo. So once I'm done with this I intend to make a lighter comedy romance, Celestia X Flam. Antics included: Celestia getting chased around Equestria as a fugitive, an incredibly American OC, Luna tries to make macaroni and cheese, Luna becomes Nightmare Moon whilst trying to make macaroni and cheese, Luna accidentally creates a rift in time and space resulting in Al Gore coming to Equestria while she tries to make macaroni and cheese, Al Gore becomes Nightmare Al Gore after eating the macaroni and cheese.

But for now I have to write about best pony being a serial killer. That's cool too, I guess.

#29 Golfmann

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Posted 02 September 2012 - 01:09 PM

idontwannaidontwanna! Does anypony die? if so plz don't spoil who. i just want to know if its that kind of grimdark then maybe i will read...

ok read quote that derpy died fml :o

Edited by Golfmann14, 02 September 2012 - 01:09 PM.


#30 Hieros Godhead

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Posted 02 September 2012 - 03:15 PM

and again, Spiffington delivers! Great work! The pacing was nice, the characters, almost as good, and you did the scenes well! Also, I would love to read the fic with the antics you just described.

#31 Spoffingten

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Posted 11 September 2012 - 05:27 PM

Okay guys, I planned to make another chapter on Saturday but I didn't end up doing it because I have been busy with school and writing another fic, one suggested to me by Defender2222, author of "the Many Secret Origins of Scootaloo" which you may or may not have read. If you haven't, check it out on FIMfiction. I will be getting my new laptop today so I can start writing more effectively. I promise a new chapter this weekend. If I can't get it done then, I get a day off school on Wednesday.

And since you guys have been such great readers and offered helpful constructive criticism where it was due, I'd like to hear a few suggestions for who to kill off next chapter. I'm thinking it's a little too early to get rid of Apple Bloom, and I wanted to have a chapter or two with Rarity and Twilight meeting, and making her knowledge of parasprites and more powerful magic stated in the prologue be continuous. :)

Oh, and Discord will in all likelihood make an important appearance! If not, he will be a baddie in the cracked out sequel I have planned in my head. :lol:

#32 Spoffingten

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Posted 19 September 2012 - 03:30 PM

Alright guys, I made a new chapter. Even if it's late. And I'm afraid you guys won't like this one as much because it doesn't have Discord, it's the shortest chapter so far, and I committed the sin of delving a tiny bit into comedy in the beginning. But you may like it because it contains awesome headcanon about Blueblood, Rarity finally dress-scending into madness, the melancholy death of Apple Bloom, and a tiny bit of Twilight and Rarity getting drunk on cider. Enjoy.

And I'm not sure I said this or not, but this is not a grimdark in the sense that Cupcakes is a grimdark. I wanted to write a dark and creepy story, not a shockingly disgusting gore-fest. Anyway, chapter after the break spoiler.
Spoiler


I always thought Blueblood was an alicorn like Cadence is, but he has little messed up wing nubs that he and Celestia shamefully hide from the public eye... what do you mean I'm not supposed to say anything after the spoiler?

Edited by Spoffingten, 19 September 2012 - 03:32 PM.



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