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Life as She Knew It (Creative Critism Welcome!)


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#1 GleamingShield

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    katiebuggie

Posted 24 March 2013 - 05:40 PM

So. As all TRUE bronies should do, I'm writing a fanfiction.

 

     Brief summary of the plot:

 You live a normal life. No important backstory. You've been a brony for a while. You come home from work one day, and find a bunny. This bunny is snow white and reminds you of Angel, besy-pony's pet bunny. You venture into your bedroom to find... Fluttershy?

  

 

    Here's my FiMFiction user page:

                                http://www.fimfictio...r/derpydash2131

 

    Here's a link to the story:

                               http://www.fimfictio...-as-she-knew-it

 

    

 

    As my loyal 'fans' (the people who take pity on my writing and pretend to love it) know, I've been battling some life problems, thus the chapters are struggling for length. My last chapter has a mere 359 words. Everyone who knows of my problems knows why, but I apologize for the length. (I posted a blog about why I hadn't been writing. I've already taken it down, it's nothing to worry about now!)



#2 deactivated-333333333

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Posted 24 March 2013 - 09:56 PM

to be honest this sounds like a ripoff of my little dashie with different characters



#3 Hieros Godhead

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Posted 25 March 2013 - 12:02 PM

Cool it Jas, this is actually rather different.

 

About a critique...

 

This was nice! It stands above a lot of other fictions for grammar (not so much spelling) and you spaced it really well, I wasn't skipping any parts, and the flow was handled... somewhat well.

 

Unfortunately, there were some slight problems. 

 

First- your handling of description. It seemed like it could have been handled better, and there were times where you simply caved and chose not to describe what could have been a quite interesting part of the narrative in my opinion. When you write a fic, try and make it as descriptive as possible.

 

There were times where you chose to directly address the audience through the story. This is a big no-no, mainly due to the way it breaks the flow and takes the reader out of the story somewhat. Try and separate your narrative from your out-of-story a bit, it helps.

 

You also appear to be getting a mite lazy with the chapter length. Try and keep a consistent level of size for each chapter (for mine I measure in kilobytes-  a notepad under 24 Kb is a bit small for a chapter IMO). 

 

Double-check spelling. It helps a lot.

 

Other than that, I quite liked this! It has a storyline that could become pretty compelling given the right direction, and you seem to have a pretty well developed sense of storytelling. keep on writing!




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