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Operation Take Down Rainbow factory


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#1 tzman1312

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Posted 07 May 2013 - 01:26 AM

Prologue:

Staff Sgt. Blitzwing: "you won't get away with this!"
Rainbow dash: "oh, but I already have, you know, it's a pity to see you go like this. I hope you understand."
Blitzwing: (braces)

"BANG!BANG!"

Cloudsdale
August 9, 1999
0100 hours
Destination: Weather Factory

Blitzwing: what's our ETA?
Pilot: 10 minutes out, i'd get your team ready.
(Nods)
Blitzwing: you heard the pony 10 min. Check your gear!, team "A"you know where you're going?
Team"A" : yes sir!
Blitzwing: team "B"?
Team "B" : yes sir!
Blitzwing: well then, lets Rock n' rOOOLLL!!!!
Pilot: hang on!!
(Avoiding flak)
Blitzwing: what was that?
Pilot: flak!
Blitzwing: but it's colored!?
Pilot: they call it "The Rainbow Death!"
Blitzwing: ok
Pilot: get ready!!
(Red light)
Blitzwing: sound off!!
1 ok
2 ok
3 ok
4 ok
5 ok
6 ok
7 ok
8 ok
9 ok
(Blitzwing) 10 ok
....
( green light)
Blitzwing: GO!GO!GO!

End Chapter 1

#2 Tom_Tiara

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Posted 07 May 2013 - 01:31 AM

I would call the entire thing a prologue. Seems a little short to be called a chapter.

#3 tzman1312

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Posted 07 May 2013 - 01:38 AM

Yeah i guess, the little portion is the prologue, i got it a prologue to the prologue!

#4 Npaws

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Posted 07 May 2013 - 03:36 AM

So far, not something I'd really read. Try actually describing what is happening and not just what the characters are saying.

#5 Slushie

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Posted 14 May 2013 - 09:33 PM

Rainbow factory is awesome, the song I mean... But really. You should work on adding in details to your story and lengthily it out.

#6 Ken

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Posted 18 May 2013 - 03:06 AM

Yea..

#7 TheRealNoahHAlternate

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Posted 13 July 2013 - 05:50 AM

Try adding detail to what is going on.




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