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#1 UltimateChimera

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Posted 31 December 2011 - 06:32 AM

Da Blak Alricorn's Blak Hart

chaptas 1-5
Spoiler

Chaptr sex (geddit): find a sakrific

so wen i woked up bsid darknss dush, i blshd. 'hey..' he sed hronyily 'dat wuz grat las nite. u tink we cn due it agin?' 'shur' i sed blushily and den we didit agin. i orgnismd atun. it wuz amazinnn <3 'ahh..dat wuz grate... how bout we go 2 brakfast 2 gethr?' i askd shyry 'sure!! datd b mazin!' he sed hapily so den we wnt 2 brakfst at da new rstrunt, hot hellz dinr. i had da omlett, an he had da steek. we tlkd n flrtd. den, dark cluz shwd upz. 'oh hai deth' se sed, seemily sadly. 'haiya durk! wutz rong?' cuz i cld jus tell sumfin wuz buthrn hr cuz we wur tite liek dat. 'uhmmm ill till u wen HEZ not arond.' she sid, pintin 2 darknizz das. i knewd sumfin wuz up, so i telld him id b bak latr, an kissd him. den i went 2 clauz, an askd hr wut da fuq was rong. 'wel' se sed angstiyl 'i...i luv u duth, an i dun lik ssein u wif druknss. i qaz gaanna ask u out, but he bit me 2 it.' i wuz shokd. 'eww wtf im not a lisbien. but dun wrry ur still mah bist frind.' it wuz tim 2 go 2 our jobz. i decid 2 halp drk wif da animrs, cuz my talnt wuz evtrytin, rimimbr? so we wr workin wif da animrs. i woz wurkin wif a squarl, an suddinly claws wuz all ovr me. we wr makin owt, an den sh wuz tuchin me, im nt a luzbin, but it wuz prtty hawt. den...we didit! but rite wen i roganizmd, drknss das apeerd!!!!! 'WAYT DRKNSS' i shootd at him 'SHE RAPPED ME! CUM BAK!' but i sawd his fac as he wuz flyin away, he wuz cryin :) so i pishd drk off meh, an flewd aftr him. he was goin into...DA EVRFREE FURREST!


chutr sivin: becumming pruppy

we we wur abut hafway 2 zackoras hutt, we i cotted him.'hey, DD, dun worry. i dun lik hr, sh jus raypd me.' 'lol ya rite' sed dirknis dush. he wuz still mad. suddinl, zuckora aparrd! 'you muddrfakrs, yu makin so muc noiz outsid mah hut. go die in a rut.' she rimed emoly. 'fuck off sickora' we sed, and den i stuk my middl hoov...or sumting....up at hr. we flied bak 2 pionievil, an den all sivin uf uz gadederd 2gethr 2 chill. siddinly, princeis cilistial apprd! 'HAHAHAH I FINALLY HV A WAI 2 SOP U DUM BIRCHES! TAK DIS U MUTHRFAKKRS!' den dere wuz a gross pink exposin. 'BOOOOOOM!!!!' da explusin went sexily. wen da dum pink smuk cleerd.............WE ALL LUKKD LIEK PREPZ!!!!!! everybody wuz bak 2 dere originl culurs an stuff. dey all actd lik it 2. 'LUL ANIMULS' shooted cuttershi happli. i had turnd........ cyan! i had a green main, an my kyuti mark wuz a pantbrush! mah hoarn dissapeerd too! 'wtf did u do to us?' i whispered loudly 'lol, jist mad u norml ponis. bein goffick is dumb lol. ur knew nam is...Sea Crash!'' she laffd preppily. den da mayjic affectrerd mah mnd. 'yay! ty sooo much selestial! i luvs u!' i sed sikiningly sweetly. den me an da otter six runned off 2 plai. but nitmarr mun stoppd us! 'wait! dun ur rembr ur troo selvs? heer. ...see...crush....' she sid, unusud 2 da nam 'hav ur old elemrt. she put a pentr graym neklic arund mah nick, an i turnd haff bak. she dicid dat u kur me, she had 2 sin! she decydid 2 srt wif mah fav sin, an wrk hr wai dwn! so.......... shi strt doin me!! da maor i cummd, da darkr i turnd. aftr we bof cam lik nyan tiems, i wuz bak 2 normal! but.. eye wuz bai! nitmar had cunvincd me wif her amazn six!! i newd i need 2 turn da ottr ploniez bak, den keel seltstrial! i sit off 2 fynd midnit derykniss.

chaupt ate: we are da goffik mark krusadrs

so den i reechd twilit, an she wuz styddyin. i kno, rite? eww. aniway, wen i sawd her, she runned away, skeered by my goffick stuff. but i wuz 2 smert foar hr. an fast. i flewd over, supr fast, an kot her.'TWILIT! WAK UP! UR REEL NAM IS MIDNITE DARKNISS!' i yellerd at hr. but she jus struggled tryin 2 git out, and told me she diddnt wanna be goff. i newd i had no choic but 2 fukk her liek nitemarr mewn did 2 meh. but den ..... SHE TELERPOLORTED OUT OF MY GRIP! i usd my mayjic 2 bring her bak, an stop hr frum gittin awai. den we did it and cam soo much.'omg tanks sew much deth, i hatd bein a dun prep fukker. besids, dat wuz rlly hawt.' i didnt ansr hr, i wuz tinkin abut dashi. we sit off 2 find rerity. she wuz dezinin frily plink dirssis. dey were so ugleee omg. anywai, twilit held hr dwn wif mayjig wil i fukkd hr an mad hr goffick agin. wen we wr dun, she taknd my foar makkin hr goffick agin, an tuld me i wuz grat in bd. we knewd dat da ottr wuns wuld be hard, cuz dey wer pagsusus an plinkie wuz maygical fizzix brakr. applrjak cud jus kik us awai. we dedidered 2 gatr weppins dat wud just stun em. i gotten a tranq dert riffle, midnit gotten a blowjob dart pip, an ravn gitted a bow an sum tranq arrowz. we approchd appljak furst. 'hey...AJ...' i sed 'u wanna cum bak 2 us? bein goffick is much bettr.' she didnt wanna, an tryd 2 kik me. i dodgd, and we chasd hr. i shootd at her an so did midnite, but raven tooked carful ayem. she let hr arrow fli, an...it hit rite in appljax's nee! appl wint out like a lite. i cam up 2 hr an rapped hr in her slyp. it wuz eben hottr den da othr wunz cuz she wuz aslleep lolz. we jus had 2 git da othrs. we gav poisin appl a tranq poisin daggr, an we sit off.

chaptar nien: you gutta kut

we kuddint fynd dem aniwar, su we decidered 2 gu 2 kloudzdale. we luuked all ovr, in da wetthr fackotry, da lighinin ginerater, an da areena. we finaly finded dem in da wundrblutz' hadqeters. 'HAY' i shooted nastolgicali 'cuttrshi! ..rainbew dush! dun u wana cum bak 2 us, an be aal goffik?' 'eww no' cluttrski ansrerd kreepily. den dey bof flu off. we flewed aftr dem, but.........DA WLUDRBALTZ STOPPERD US! dey sterted bashin us, an da errf poniz id inchantid 2 fli wer fitin bak. siddinli, poizin appel flewd tords dem. 'wat r u dooin appl u kant beet all dose fukkin wundrbultz!' ravn shootd at hr madily 'fuk u i kant beet all deze fukkin wundrblutz!' poisin appl shooted goffically bak. den she flewd into da middl of dem, an startd kikin. she borked a few of dere wingz. dey fell lik stonz lol. aniwai, da rist of dem had tied up cuttr, an wer watin 4 me 2 turn hur bak. i quikly did hr, an shi turnd bak. we lit hr phree, an den dey all wint off 2 fite da wlundrblutz whil i gotted mah bf. i flewd aftur himm, an i tryd agin 2 cunvinc him. i fayld. so den i takkld him, an held him duwn, cuz im leik supr strong lul. aniwai, i didim, an he tunrd bak into hizzelf. we kept duin it aftr cuz it wuz hawt lul. den de ottrs cam ovur, an we stuppd. durk cluz sid 'OMG arrigato (it meens ty. she speekd japaknees.) it sukkd bein all preeppy. ty fur (geddit) changin me bak!' 'sur,' i sed kalmli 'it wuz...intrinsing. glad ur all kowai now! (it meens cute. i speek it 2 cuz my talint is erreytin, includin dat.) so den we alll wint bak 2 ponevil. we wud attackr celstial in da mourning (geddit).

Edited by UltimateChimera, 06 February 2012 - 06:17 AM.


#2 Volvonski

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Posted 31 December 2011 - 06:40 AM

I only understood a quarter of that, what school did you learn English from?, also it seems to me that you're either extremely bored or you where drunk when you typed this.

#3 UltimateChimera

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Posted 31 December 2011 - 07:01 AM

hey u stpid prep stp flamin my story

waht partz didnt yu git?

#4 blazinator3241

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Posted 31 December 2011 - 07:39 AM

Posted Image

Hang on rainbow dash, look buddy, I understand that I'm nut ok was kinda funny but it isn't worth acting like a stupid goth for laughs. Unless you are the person who originally made the fan fiction then I have no statement for you.

#5 ABDevil5

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Posted 31 December 2011 - 03:50 PM

Translation-
That Black Alricorn's Black Heart (Or hat?)


Chapter One: The art of the gangster

Hi my name is death rose and i'm a pure black Alicorn with a blood red main with purple hilights in my mane right now, i was wearing it down like when pinkie went crazy, right? My cutie mark is a bloody rose. my special talent is everything, but that wouldn't fit on my flank. my eyes are black with a red iris. so i ran into Ponyevil (get it? Because it's evil?). "Oh my goodness!" Pinkie Pie shouted. "You're like the goffist (No idea) pony ever! I'm going to thow a big goffick (Again, what??) party for you!" Then Twilight Sparkle ran over and said: "Gee Pinkie, that sounds really cool! I will get all of my friends to come, and dye their hair for it! You should dye yours too!" So then they ran off to find their friends. i went back home, in my cave on the mountain. (i took the dragon's cave after he left, i'm that bad-ass) i was getting redy for the party, puttin on my best blak coffin corset with blood red lace on it, an thinking to myself 'Oh my gosh, i wonder if Rainbow Dash is going to be there?! she is SO hot like omggg' but then it was time for the party so i had to get going.

That took me an hour by the way.

#6 ShoOT001

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Posted 31 December 2011 - 03:51 PM

hey u stpid prep stp flamin my story

waht partz didnt yu git?



Hey please watch your language! and try to speak proper english. I didn't understand so many words.

#7 ShoOT001

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Posted 31 December 2011 - 03:52 PM

Thanks for the translation ABDevil5 !

#8 ABDevil5

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Posted 31 December 2011 - 03:53 PM

Wait... Did he mean "Gothic"?
Posted Image

#9 Mao Amatsuka

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Posted 31 December 2011 - 03:55 PM

Da Blak Alricorn's Blak Hart


Chaptr wun: Da art of da angst

Hi my name iz deth roze an im a pure black alricorn wif a blud red main wif prple hilights innit.rite now, i woz wearn it down liek when pinkie goez crazy, rite? my cootie mrk is a bluddy roze. my speciel talent iz evrythin, but tht wulndt fit on mah flank lol. my eyez wur blak wif red pewpilz. so i ran into ponievil (geddit cuz its evil). "OMG" plinkie pie shooted "Ur liek da goffist purson eva! imma thow a big goffick party for you!" den twilight sparkel runned over and wuz all 'ya plinkie, dat sounds super kewl! ima git all are frendz to cum, and die there hair fur it! yu gotta die yurs too!'so den dey ran off to fnd there frendz. i wnt bavk home, in my cave on da mountain. (i tooked teh dragon's cave after he left, im tht badass) i wuz gettin redy for da party, puttin on my best blak coffic corset with blud red lace on it, an thinkin to myself 'OMG, i wunder if Rainblow dash is gunna be thar?! he's soooo hot like omggg' but den it was time for the prty so i had to go lol.


Posted Image

#10 UltimateChimera

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Posted 31 December 2011 - 08:21 PM

i postid captr two!

#11 Sammich

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Posted 31 December 2011 - 08:50 PM

I could not stop laughing when you spelled satanism as santaism! Thank you for that.

#12 Tommiepony

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Posted 31 December 2011 - 09:01 PM

Guys, this is a parody of "My immmortal". Google it.

#13 Mao Amatsuka

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Posted 31 December 2011 - 10:00 PM

Upload it to fim fiction i dare u!

#14 Vargouille

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Posted 01 January 2012 - 04:28 AM

I love how everyone's taking this seriously.

#15 HeadPikachu

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Posted 01 January 2012 - 05:05 AM

Spoiler

You actually wrote it, you crazy bastard. XD BRB making Minecraft skins of everypony now.

#16 Rahludan

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Posted 01 January 2012 - 07:35 PM

This story deserves a Nobel Prize! Bravo good sir!

#17 Mao Amatsuka

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Posted 01 January 2012 - 07:56 PM

This story deserves a Nobel Prize! Bravo good sir!


I love the sarcasm in that post.

#18 deathfire365

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    what am i suppose to put here again?

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Posted 01 January 2012 - 08:06 PM

this is what i think of your story
Spoiler


#19 Mao Amatsuka

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Posted 02 January 2012 - 01:49 AM

Troll fic.

#20 Painbringer

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Posted 02 January 2012 - 02:04 AM

This story deserves a Nobel Prize! Bravo good sir!


I love the sarcasm in that post.


What sarcasm? This is obviously a wonderful piece of literature. From it, I find an abstract representation of how youth today show ignorance, relaying anything given to them, that we exist in an anti-independence era, leaving thoughtful people scarce and hard to find.

But that's just me.

#21 UltimateChimera

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Posted 02 January 2012 - 04:24 AM

chaptr 3 dun! chaptr 4 will b tomorrow, den the 5th latr in da week or smthin.

#22 deathfire365

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    what am i suppose to put here again?

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Posted 02 January 2012 - 06:13 AM

This story deserves a Nobel Prize! Bravo good sir!


I love the sarcasm in that post.


What sarcasm? This is obviously a wonderful piece of literature. From it, I find an abstract representation of how youth today show ignorance, relaying anything given to them, that we exist in an anti-independence era, leaving thoughtful people scarce and hard to find.

But that's just me.

nicely said. but my statement still stands

#23 HeadPikachu

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Posted 03 January 2012 - 06:44 AM

I....I feel dirty now. I just made skins of the "goffick" Mane 6 and the hilariously terrible Mary-Sue Death Rose (oh, sorry, "deth roze"). Without drinking first. BRB, going to sob in a corner at the horror I've made.

Oh God Why

#24 343 Guilty Sparkle

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Posted 03 January 2012 - 06:54 AM

this was incredibly painful to read... not because it was a bad story, it was an alright story, its just the absolute complete and total slaughtering of the English language. it was just like reading text messages at 6 in the morning, or putting sand in your eyes... that dry scratchy feeling of severe eyestrain. Please for the love of Celestia... if your going to write something, please write it in a language we can all read without the effect of throwing sand in our eyes from trying to understand it.

Sincerely yours, the grammar Nazi, and all of those who feel the same way i do.

#25 Sanctussaevio

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Posted 03 January 2012 - 07:40 AM

this was incredibly painful to read... not because it was a bad story, it was an alright story, its just the absolute complete and total slaughtering of the English language. it was just like reading text messages at 6 in the morning, or putting sand in your eyes... that dry scratchy feeling of severe eyestrain. Please for the love of Celestia... if your going to write something, please write it in a language we can all read without the effect of throwing sand in our eyes from trying to understand it.

Sincerely yours, the grammar Nazi, and all of those who feel the same way i do.


Satire.

SATIRE!!

This is not a difficult concept to understand!

#26 UltimateChimera

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Posted 03 January 2012 - 08:20 AM

Chapt foor dun! nxt wun wont b for whil prolly, skool lol.

I....I feel dirty now. I just made skins of the "goffick" Mane 6 and the hilariously terrible Mary-Sue Death Rose (oh, sorry, "deth roze"). Without drinking first. BRB, going to sob in a corner at the horror I've made.

Oh God Why

omg dese r liek epiccc XD i luv dem! imma uze da deth roze wun wen i pley!
but wahts a mry sue? hr nam is deth roze, nt marry sue.

EDDIT:
Posted Image
piccy!

EDDIT 2: I acculy did da nixt chaptr wen i wuz bord in englis class lol. so chiptr 5 postid.

#27 Rena-kun

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Posted 05 January 2012 - 06:46 PM

ur fic is so gud i mad fan art uf it

Posted Image

can my ORIGONAL CHARACTIRE melodie sparkel b in it? shez thwilit spackles long lust cuisine an she is muhc bettr at magickz and SHEZ GOTHZ LIK DEHT ROZ btw she also hats the prepz

#28 UltimateChimera

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Posted 06 January 2012 - 06:50 AM

ur fic is so gud i mad fan art uf it

Posted Image

can my ORIGONAL CHARACTIRE melodie sparkel b in it? shez thwilit spackles long lust cuisine an she is muhc bettr at magickz and SHEZ GOTHZ LIK DEHT ROZ btw she also hats the prepz

lolwut i hav a bluddy roz kyuti merk, nt a B. an no, mai fic is only gunna hav reel charctrs plus mien.

#29 DerpyDanny

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Posted 06 January 2012 - 07:23 AM

Ears... filling... with blood... not... the... good... kind...

Must... mash... F-Seven...

#30 HeadPikachu

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Posted 06 January 2012 - 11:37 PM

Ears... filling... with blood... not... the... good... kind...

Must... mash... F-Seven...

Wait, there's a GOOD kind of ear-filling blood? I'm pretty sure ears filling with blood isn't good in any sense. O.o

#31 Drauken

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Posted 07 January 2012 - 09:28 AM

Depends on who you're asking, and whether it's your own or another's.

#32 UltimateChimera

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Posted 12 January 2012 - 04:08 AM

chuptr six postad!

#33 Spongecake50

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Posted 12 January 2012 - 05:36 AM

Wow, i jst maed a fik smlar to yrs, it gos lk thes:

fiewuquhkagvrlilafugaurbwgi tkushbuigatwirywugthaegiufshf n urgf rsi vgaeiuuhtiruhriuhgauigtrfdshhajedvhjzsgfdjsbfsdvfuvdsfjdhvaujgyudgfhjfgvhyjdfsbjagyjedgyfujagfyafgjawfewafgiuv eygfugeeugggfyfwyufwgyu fgygyufggawyagyufgawygewyfyuwfgwuy grfywagewgfwuegyfewifyguefyuge fiuewgfuiwegwegefiuawgfugewygewufgaygueafwwkihfaiufhoiew eiGFwihefiyuvguwaifiwefguwiegfiugiufag fiahefuihfiuabheiugaigiauhau.

I onl hv chptr wun dun s fr bt i thnk it gud

#34 mlpfim24

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Posted 13 January 2012 - 06:47 AM

someone could explain to the author of this (shut) that here is a pony forum (i think so, until now), and not a gothic blog, or something like these, even when the story have some references? what a waste of replies! (including this)

#35 HeadPikachu

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Posted 13 January 2012 - 07:33 AM

someone could explain to the author of this (shut) that here is a pony forum (i think so, until now), and not a gothic blog, or something like these, even when the story have some references? what a waste of replies! (including this)

Posted Image

I find your lack of proper troll and parody identification pleasing. Please continue to entertain me and rage about the intentionally-bad writing and purposeful use of overused themes in Mary-Sue and grimdark stories, including random character personality (and apparently gender) changes and unnecessary violence and sexual themes. Also feel free to ignore his perfectly-normal behavior outside of this thread and the many people pointing out the trolling or going along with it because it's hilarious.

#36 mlpfim24

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Posted 13 January 2012 - 10:47 PM

Posted Image

I find your lack of proper troll and parody identification pleasing. Please continue to entertain me and rage about the intentionally-bad writing and purposeful use of overused themes in Mary-Sue and grimdark stories, including random character personality (and apparently gender) changes and unnecessary violence and sexual themes. Also feel free to ignore his perfectly-normal behavior outside of this thread and the many people pointing out the trolling or going along with it because it's hilarious.


Posted Image

yeeup... (but, plz, no up your writings)

#37 HeadPikachu

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Posted 14 January 2012 - 03:11 AM

Posted Image

yeeup... (but, plz, no up your writings)

WHARRGARBL

#38 Unicorn_Noob

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Posted 18 January 2012 - 03:09 PM

Its an Awesome story read mine please

http://www.brohoof.c...7306#entry47306

#39 HeadPikachu

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Posted 19 January 2012 - 12:50 AM

Its an Awesome story read mine please

http://www.brohoof.c...7306#entry47306

I think even my last post was more relevant to the topic than this. O.o Please don't spam for viewers. Anyway, someone kick Bio in the head again so he's in the right state of mind to continue this work of art.

#40 UltimateChimera

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Posted 20 January 2012 - 07:31 AM

surry guyz i bin bizzy wit skul werk. i did decid acktually on wut plat the stury wuz gunna fallow, rathr den makin it up as i go lik i bin dooin. alsew i swtichd comps an bin tryin 2 mak this wun gud. ima prolly rite chaptr sivin dis weekind.

Edited by UltimateChimera, 20 January 2012 - 07:33 AM.


#41 HeadPikachu

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Posted 20 January 2012 - 08:10 AM

surry guyz i bin bizzy wit skul werk. i did decid acktually on wut plat the stury wuz gunna fallow, rathr den makin it up as i go lik i bin dooin. alsew i swtichd comps an bin tryin 2 mak this wun gud. ima prolly rite chaptr sivin dis weekind.

I AWAIT EAGERLY, MY LORD.

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(Okay, there's no real reason for this post, I just wanted to post that. XD)

#42 funkyhoboman

funkyhoboman

    Actually a hobo

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Posted 20 January 2012 - 11:17 PM

Me lurking in this thread watching the people who don't get it.

Spoiler



Also, for the writer

Spoiler


I eagerly await the next chapter.

Edited by funkyhoboman, 20 January 2012 - 11:22 PM.


#43 UltimateChimera

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Posted 21 January 2012 - 07:07 AM

Sivin dun! alswew, imma tri 2 dra bluddy roze!

Edited by UltimateChimera, 21 January 2012 - 07:07 AM.


#44 HeadPikachu

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    "Something, hostage...Maybe tacos?"

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Posted 21 January 2012 - 09:28 AM

we bof cam lik nyan tiems

Someone get the Nyan Cat song on repeat, a whole bunch of nyan cat gifs, and one of the r/ClopClop mods who like to troll. I have an idea. >:3

#45 UltimateChimera

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Posted 22 January 2012 - 11:59 PM

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alsew: postid captr ate!
EDDIT 2: and chapir nien. y u guyz dun kare no mor?

Edited by UltimateChimera, 06 February 2012 - 06:17 AM.



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