Anyways, it wasn't bad, but the pacing was way too fast. You also had a number of spelling errors.
I am aware of my errors and placed it here for review so i can possibly fix it. The reason it was fast is because it was suppose to be written like a simple bedtime story
If you give me your gmail i can let you highlight the areas where spelling errors are so i can correct them.
I hereby declare Exterminatus in this pitiful forum
Builder
1962 posts
minecraft:
tudexd
Posted 31 March 2013 - 02:04 PM
Wait wait wait STOP. I killed the most powerful overlord on brohoof and I get NOTHING? What is this no cool powers no women falling over me, hell I'm not even mentioned in the epilogue. So much for the HERO of the story. Not even turned back into a pony. you know what I don't need this I'm out just out find another meal ticket.
I don't need you I'll be on the next Stephen King movie. I'll be just a toaster.... BUT IT KILLS.
I so wish i was in that story i'll most likely be going around killing people shouting postal 2 quotes or other games quotes
or hiding in a house or summin
How it should of ended
As tudexd walks away into the sunset swearing and stomping at the ground, the call of danger shouts and soon a new hero is needed to take on the aftermath of this great epademic......Skilby.......shall.......RISE! [everything cuts to black] [title comes up] Skilby Rising: brohoof war part 2 [date of release comes up] in server ??/??/1?
Wait wait wait STOP. I killed the most powerful overlord on brohoof and I get NOTHING? What is this no cool powers no women falling over me, hell I'm not even mentioned in the epilogue.
Clearly you are murdered by Monkey and I during a game of L4D2 after we back-flipped out of this fanfic.
Also I give this fanfic a den/den but since you didn't end it with a Bollywood dance number I had to rate it lower.
Edited by Arcaediant Caventh, 31 March 2013 - 02:39 PM.
Clearly you are murdered by Monkey and I during a game of L4D2 after we back-flipped out of this fanfic.
Also I give this fanfic a den/den but since you didn't end it with a Bollywood dance number I had to rate it lower.
I have no idea what "Den/Den" means but given the context ill assume its good enough
I so wish i was in that story i'll most likely be going around killing people shouting postal 2 quotes or other games quotes
or hiding in a house or summin
How it should of ended
As tudexd walks away into the sunset swearing and stomping at the ground, the call of danger shouts and soon a new hero is needed to take on the aftermath of this great epademic......Skilby.......shall.......RISE! [everything cuts to black] [title comes up] Skilby Rising: brohoof war part 2 [date of release comes up] in server ??/??/1?
[pause for dramatic effect]
and done
I dont know you so you dont get a part in the story, sorry.
Even if i ever decide to write another part i couldnt think of anything else.
When somepony tries to destroy the world, what else can you do to top that?
Wait wait wait STOP. I killed the most powerful overlord on brohoof and I get NOTHING? What is this no cool powers no women falling over me, hell I'm not even mentioned in the epilogue. So much for the HERO of the story. Not even turned back into a pony. you know what I don't need this I'm out just out find another meal ticket.
I don't need you I'll be on the next Stephen King movie. I'll be just a toaster.... BUT IT KILLS.
*Walks out of the door*
Shut up tudexd you are a TOASTER! you dont get the "chicks" or anything else. Hell you were lucky to be alive after all this so i wouldnt complain tudexd.
So cook the bread and be grateful i dont sell you for scrap.