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WIP story


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#1 Varisity

Varisity

    Hi, why are you are even looking here?

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Posted 23 November 2013 - 07:41 AM

Ok so here's a story, not sure about the title yet but here we go!

Spoiler


That's it so far. I'm sorry it's so short, but it is a WIP.

Edited by Purple Shadows, 26 November 2013 - 07:39 AM.


#2 Hieros Godhead

Hieros Godhead

    Coded Clouds and Paper Canyons.

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Posted 23 November 2013 - 08:51 AM

mmh... It's really not a story insomuch as what you could use as a backbone, or an intro. What you have going for you is a real gift with creative writing and an eye for detail, and a lot of people don't deem this necessary any more, which is a crying shame really. I do like your writing style, it's descriptive, paced and you certainly have got a good set-up for an interesting story here. You post a decent-sized chapter, and I'd definitely be following this in future!



#3 Varisity

Varisity

    Hi, why are you are even looking here?

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Posted 23 November 2013 - 08:55 AM

Thank you for that. Yes, I was planning for the first three paragraphs to be a type of intro to a deeper plot. I'm not giving away any spoilers though, since I'm still in the developing stages of what I hope to be a good sized, descriptive and enjoyable story.

#4 Squint

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    Zzz

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Posted 23 November 2013 - 08:56 AM

I think you need an introduction, something to grab the reader. Hit the ground running; maybe you could put in something before these two paragraphs about what's happening in the Everfree (assuming this is taking place in the Everfree). A slow start can be nice, but if you want a powerful story you need to start it with the power you want, then cut it back so you leave the audience wanting more. Lure them in.

 

Edit: Blah, ninja'd. You got this. c:


Edited by Squint, 23 November 2013 - 08:57 AM.


#5 Hieros Godhead

Hieros Godhead

    Coded Clouds and Paper Canyons.

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Posted 23 November 2013 - 09:02 AM

Eeexcellent. I shall be following this story more closely in future ouo



#6 Varisity

Varisity

    Hi, why are you are even looking here?

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Posted 23 November 2013 - 11:50 AM

Finished the intro. Next up the first chapter!

EDIT: Ok, I've been a bit busy. I might get about a quarter of the next chapter done tomorrow.

Edited by Purple Shadows, 24 November 2013 - 12:24 PM.


#7 Varisity

Varisity

    Hi, why are you are even looking here?

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    DescoradaDream

Posted 02 December 2013 - 03:49 PM

I've decided to stop working in his. I will start another very soon, which I probably will finish.


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