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The Brony and the Horse


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#1 Rori

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Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:00 AM

this is not about me... it ends in such a way that it definitely wont be any of us. or maybe not..?

 

blurb:

one girl was to find a new meaning in her life, after a hazardous family member leaves and she is sent there every weekend, out in the middle of Nowhere. they decide to force her to get a horse, to make her stay longer. the family member is diognosed with cancer and the new family of theirs and the farm are in for a ride. she has to find a way to help their family, get the horse out of there and go home, once and for all.

 

chapter one:

Spoiler

 

just a test at this story, first chapter is not done yet ^^



#2 Seabreeze

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Posted 01 March 2013 - 06:42 PM

Four lines does not a chapter make.



#3 greebster

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Posted 01 March 2013 - 07:03 PM

Even when you use "I" in first person POV halfway through a sentence, it still needs to be capitalized. And, of course, those "I's" at the start of each sentence need capitalizing.

I'm a horrible grammar monster!

#4 Rori

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Posted 05 March 2013 - 02:04 AM

sorry guys, i feel im putting this one on pause. you can take it into a graveyard even.

 

i don't feel as "psyched" up about this one.

i have another story to get to.

 

and sorry for that. that was just a sample of the first chapter!

o3o



#5 greebster

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Posted 05 March 2013 - 08:34 AM

You don't need to apologize for having mistakes in a story, we all do. That's why constructive criticism and constant observation will help you make less of them.


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