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[Roleplay] Belleinator


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#1 Belleinator

Belleinator

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    Belleinator

Posted 05 October 2015 - 10:29 AM

Name: Crimson Dusk

Gender: Male
Race: Pegasus
Age: 22
Appearance: Light red coat with a blonde mane and a hot purple stripe in his mane. 37eeff2817.jpg
Cutie Mark and Special Talent: Flight instructor. fa8678dd44.png
Personality: Crimson Dusk is a kind pony but he is also a strong worker, he'll help anyone he can and will strive to be the best he can be, he does have flaws, such as a moderate temper and he hates liars.
Biography: Crimson dusk was born somewhere, he was never told where, this is because he doesn't know and there is nobody who can tell him. He could not fly when he was young due to his stunted wings, he decided to put off flying much longer than he needed too. One day a close friend of Crimson's, Velvet Rose, a unicorn mare was overlooking the ocean from a cliff, Crimson was on a boat at the time when he saw the mare looking out over the expansive ocean. Suddenly she decided to look further over the edge, Crimson was confused and kept watching the mare. Velvet rose seemed to practically jump off the cliff. Crimson noticed this and desperately tried to fly to catch velvet but he had never learned to fly. Suddenly a wave hit his boat knocking it over and he was flung into the ocean, he pushed his wings to their mental limit and then seemed to break that. Crimson let out a sharp scream as he managed to bolt out of the water, he was flying and he didn't even know it. He pretty much slammed into velvet and they both crashed into a small clearing next to the mountain. Crimson was passed out so Velvet Rose checked him over. Velvet was a nurse pony working at the nearby clinic. When Crimson woke up he was in Velvet's clinic and he had huge bandages over his wings.

(I'm going to stop typing.)
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#2 R9000

R9000

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Posted 07 October 2015 - 01:47 PM

Not a bad start, but your application really needs to incorporate at least some of Symphoria's lore, as per the Application Guide. You can find Symphoria's story in the main Colonizations 3 thread. Your biography also seems to end very abruptly - don't be afraid to write a little more.

Also, there are a few spelling/grammatical errors, and be careful of longer, almost run-on sentences. Make sure to double-check, and take your time.




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