Jump to content


Photo

The Great Brohoof War


  • Please log in to reply
11 replies to this topic

#1 Starlight of the Stars

Starlight of the Stars

    Blade Unicorn (Level 60)

  • Builder
  • 373 posts
  • minecraft:
    First_Light

Posted 27 March 2013 - 03:04 AM

I wrote this fanfic a long time ago. its solely based on the members of the brohoof committee (That i know and talk to.) 

A story about how one admin rises to power and begins destroying the server we love.

 

I dont want to spoil too much about it but if you are interested (or bored) you can check it out.

 

https://docs.google....dit?usp=sharing

 

(Criticism is welcomed but try to be polite about it)


Edited by axonn377, 27 March 2013 - 07:53 PM.


#2 Haxorizer145

Haxorizer145

    sick

  • Pony
  • 692 posts
  • minecraft:
    stickycookies95

Posted 27 March 2013 - 05:14 AM

Darn, wanted to be in the story.

#3 Virelen

Virelen

    Still the best since 2000

  • Pony
  • 1590 posts
  • minecraft:
    gavino_dread

Posted 27 March 2013 - 05:19 AM

Darn, wanted to be in the story.

I know that feel...



#4 Starlight of the Stars

Starlight of the Stars

    Blade Unicorn (Level 60)

  • Builder
  • 373 posts
  • minecraft:
    First_Light

Posted 27 March 2013 - 07:52 PM

Darn, wanted to be in the story.

 

 

I know that feel...

 

Like i said it was just a story i wrote about the builders i knew at the time.



#5 Luna Lens

Luna Lens

    Hiya

  • Administrator
  • 2617 posts
  • minecraft:
    Princess_Luna

Posted 29 March 2013 - 05:38 AM

...but you knew me...

Anyways, it wasn't bad, but the pacing was way too fast. You also had a number of spelling errors.

#6 Starlight of the Stars

Starlight of the Stars

    Blade Unicorn (Level 60)

  • Builder
  • 373 posts
  • minecraft:
    First_Light

Posted 29 March 2013 - 08:00 PM

...but you knew me...

Anyways, it wasn't bad, but the pacing was way too fast. You also had a number of spelling errors.

I am aware of my errors and placed it here for review so i can possibly fix it. The reason it was fast is because it was suppose to be written like a simple bedtime story

 

If you give me your gmail i can let you highlight the areas where spelling errors are so i can correct them.


Edited by axonn377, 29 March 2013 - 08:01 PM.


#7 Distortion_

Distortion_

    Quite exquisite indeed.

  • Banned
  • 2399 posts
  • minecraft:
    Distortion_

Posted 29 March 2013 - 08:35 PM

I liked it, normally don't read fanfics but I gave yours a shot. thumbs up from me.



#8 Starlight of the Stars

Starlight of the Stars

    Blade Unicorn (Level 60)

  • Builder
  • 373 posts
  • minecraft:
    First_Light

Posted 29 March 2013 - 08:54 PM

I liked it, normally don't read fanfics but I gave yours a shot. thumbs up from me.

thank you



#9 tudexd

tudexd

    I hereby declare Exterminatus in this pitiful forum

  • Builder
  • 1962 posts
  • minecraft:
    tudexd

Posted 31 March 2013 - 02:04 PM

Wait wait wait STOP. I killed the most powerful overlord on brohoof and I get NOTHING? What is this no cool powers no women falling over me, hell I'm not even mentioned in the epilogue. So much for the HERO of the story. Not even turned back into a pony. you know what I don't need this I'm out just out find another meal ticket.

 

I don't need you I'll be on the next Stephen King movie. I'll be just a toaster.... BUT IT KILLS.

 

 

*Walks out of the door*



#10 John Smith

John Smith

    Some guy

  • Pony
  • 396 posts
  • minecraft:
    skilby99

Posted 31 March 2013 - 02:23 PM

I know that feel...

 

I so wish i was in that story i'll most likely be going around killing people shouting postal 2 quotes or other games quotes 

or hiding in a house or summin 

 

 

How it should of ended

 

As tudexd walks away into the sunset swearing and stomping at the ground, the call of danger shouts and soon a new hero is needed to take on the aftermath of this great epademic......Skilby.......shall.......RISE! [everything cuts to black] [title comes up] Skilby Rising: brohoof war part 2 [date of release comes up] in server ??/??/1?

 

[pause for dramatic effect]

 

and done


Edited by Skilby, 31 March 2013 - 02:28 PM.


#11 Caventh

Caventh

    Pour spiders on rainbows.

  • Retired Admin
  • 1042 posts
  • minecraft:
    Caventh

Posted 31 March 2013 - 02:35 PM

Wait wait wait STOP. I killed the most powerful overlord on brohoof and I get NOTHING? What is this no cool powers no women falling over me, hell I'm not even mentioned in the epilogue.

Clearly you are murdered by Monkey and I during a game of L4D2 after we back-flipped out of this fanfic.

 

Also I give this fanfic a den/den but since you didn't end it with a Bollywood dance number I had to rate it lower.


Edited by Arcaediant Caventh, 31 March 2013 - 02:39 PM.


#12 Starlight of the Stars

Starlight of the Stars

    Blade Unicorn (Level 60)

  • Builder
  • 373 posts
  • minecraft:
    First_Light

Posted 31 March 2013 - 05:12 PM

Clearly you are murdered by Monkey and I during a game of L4D2 after we back-flipped out of this fanfic.

 

Also I give this fanfic a den/den but since you didn't end it with a Bollywood dance number I had to rate it lower.

I have no idea what "Den/Den" means but given the context ill assume its good enough

 

I so wish i was in that story i'll most likely be going around killing people shouting postal 2 quotes or other games quotes 

or hiding in a house or summin 

 

 


How it should of ended

 

As tudexd walks away into the sunset swearing and stomping at the ground, the call of danger shouts and soon a new hero is needed to take on the aftermath of this great epademic......Skilby.......shall.......RISE! [everything cuts to black] [title comes up] Skilby Rising: brohoof war part 2 [date of release comes up] in server ??/??/1?

 

[pause for dramatic effect]

 

and done

I dont know you so you dont get a part in the story, sorry.

Even if i ever decide to write another part i couldnt think of anything else.

When somepony tries to destroy the world, what else can you do to top that?

 

Wait wait wait STOP. I killed the most powerful overlord on brohoof and I get NOTHING? What is this no cool powers no women falling over me, hell I'm not even mentioned in the epilogue. So much for the HERO of the story. Not even turned back into a pony. you know what I don't need this I'm out just out find another meal ticket.

 

I don't need you I'll be on the next Stephen King movie. I'll be just a toaster.... BUT IT KILLS.

 

 

*Walks out of the door*

Shut up tudexd you are a TOASTER! you dont get the "chicks" or anything else. Hell you were lucky to be alive after all this so i wouldnt complain tudexd.

So cook the bread and be grateful i dont sell you for scrap.


Edited by axonn377, 31 March 2013 - 05:14 PM.



0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users