[wind whistling]
[Discord and Wolflor stomping off, R-Dash 5000's flying off, chanting "Crush, Kill, Destroy, Swag"]
[Derpy toaster clanking, paper rustling]
[hoofsteps]
Twilight Sparkle: [sigh]
[SWAG.MOV]

[squish, repeated]
Rainbow Dash: [screaming]
Spike: [screaming] What the fuck! You're alive?! Oh my god... Did Twilight's experiment really bring you back from the dead?
Rainbow Dash: I was nevah dead, I was in a coma! Thanks for buryin' me alive, by the way.
Spike: Oh, yeah, sorry about that. I guess at some point, somebody probably should've taken your pulse or something.
Rainbow Dash: Well, what'd I miss, fag?
Spike: Uh... thing haven't been going so great, actually. Discord, Wolflor, an army of robots that look like you, tornadoes, fires, earthquakes, meteors, there was a flesh-eating virus for a while, a bunch of people got lymphoma after the bombs dropped, then there was this whole civil war between the Earth ponies and the Pegasi...
Rainbow Dash: Where's Twilight?
[wind whistling]
Rainbow Dash: Hey Twilight, how's ya hamma hangin'? Yo, I'm back, are ya happy to see me? Hey Twilight, who am I? [droop] Who am I Twilight? I'm you, souahpuss! [chuckle]
Twilight Sparkle: I wanted to save Ponyville, but I couldn't do it. I failed... All because I was abandoned by people I thought were my friends... Rarity, Fluttershy, Pinkie, none of them would help my find the Elements of Harmony! Now everyone in Ponyville is dead. So much for friendship being magic...
Rainbow Dash: Aw, c'mon Twilight, there's no problem friendship can't solve! ...Yeah, okay, that sounded kinda gay. But you'll see! This is nothin' a little sonic rainboom can't fix! Watch!
[whoosing, zooming sounds]
[loud wind whooshing]
[boom, whirring sounds]
[screaming]
Apple Bloom: Look girls, I finally got my cutie mark! I got my cutie mark, girls! Girls, where y'all goin'?
Booming voice: [shouting] DISCOOOORD!
[booming hoofsteps]
Rainbow Dash: You've ravaged this city, crushed our homes, and destroyed countless lives. The atrocities you've committed against ponykind are abhorrent and unforgivable, and demand swift, sovereign justice. But because I am honor bound, by the laws of peace and amnesty, I am issuing one final warning to you, Discord: leave this place, or die.
Discord: [roars]
Rainbow Dash: You've got it.
[screaming]
Twilight Sparkle: Gott im Himmel.
[crash]
Rainbow Dash: Aw, shit, did I just squish someone?
[whirring, laser, explosion]
Spike: Well, might as well make this interesting.
[marijuana cigarette crackling, trippy sound effects]
Discord: [roar]
[sounds of battle]
Rainbow Dash: [grunting of pain]
Discord: You cannot defeat me, rainbow pony. Your virgins will be mine, and your world will buuuuuurn.
[stretching, Rainbow Dash screaming out]
Scootaloo: Rainbow Dash! Please, get up! You've gotta get up, Rainbow Dash! You can do it; I believe in you!
Rainbow Dash: Nobody fucks with Rainbow Dash.
Discord: Ponies are for little girls!!
Rainbow Dash: Twilight! Now!
[tinkling, spell being performed]
Discord: [screaming]
[thunderclap]
Rainbow Dash: Swag.
[zapping, slicing]
Rainbow Dash: [roar]
[gurgle, spurt, spraying]
Spike: I hate Mondays.
[canned laugh track]
[screaming]
Paco: [gasp] Look, Missus Derpy, a penny! Oh, and it's heads up, too! See a penny, pick it up, and all the day you have good luck! I guess this must be our lucky day!
[cascade of blood rushing by, sloshing]
Spike: Oh god, it got in my mouth again!
Paco: Yo, step off me, shithead!
Rarity: Paco! Did you just say the "s-h" word?
Paco: Oop, sorry, Missus Rarity.
[Rainbow Dash shrinking]
Spike: [slow, echo-effect] Yo, Rainbow Dash... y'alright?
[medical machinery beeping]
Twilight Sparkle: Rainbow Dash, you were absolutely wonderbar out there!
Rarity: You were positively fabulous, darling! And I'm not just being generous!
Fluttershy: Hey hey hey! You can come in my shed any day.
Pinkie Pie: Geeze, Dashie, you're one helluva party animal!
Spike: [exasperated sigh] Thank you for saving Ponyville, Rainbow Dash. I guess.
Fluttershy: Seriously though, don't come in my shed.
Rainbow Dash: Aw, geeze, my wings ah gone. Yeah, not like I wanted those or anything; those wings that I use to fly.
Pinkie Pie: Hey, y'know what I still don't undahstand? Whateva did happen to those Elements a' Hahmany?
Spike: Hey look! Here are the Elements of Harmony! They were up my nose the whole time.
[sci-fi sound effects]
Rainbow Dash: Yo, what the fudgesicle?
Pinkie Pie: Look, it's Applejack!
Spike: Applejack, where have you been? I feel like we haven't seen you in forever.
Applejack: Hey y'all! Ah'm back from mah adventures in another dimension!
Spike: Yeah, okay, whatever, nobody really cares.
Applejack: Nobody cares?! But ah saved the entire multiverse from a giant-
Spike: Nobody cares, Applejack!
Applejack: B-but ah...
Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Spike, and Rainbow Dash: Nobody cares!
Spike: You stupid cunt, shut your fucking mouth! Oh my god, shut up, shut up, a million times shut up, I'm going to kill you, shut up. Nobody cares.
Rainbow Dash: Hey guys, know what I just realized? We're, uh, all together again. Y'know, like, uh, family, or somethin'.
Twilight Sparkle: I guess friendship really is magic!
Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Twilight Sparkle, and Rarity: Awwww!
[plop]
Spike: Man, you guys are gay. I need to get some guy friends.
[Applejack rapidly eating apples]
Applejack: Well, ah did it. I ate every apple in the whole dang orchard. Every last one. How d'you like them apples?
[credits]
[crash, blink]
Fluttershy: [menacingly] You're in my shed.