[Celestia attacks Discord; Discord bites off her head]
[MAGIC.MOV]

Spike: So Twilight, how come we're hanging out in a pony boneyard?
Twilight Sparkle: We need six ponies present, or the Elements of Harmony don't work, Spike! Fluttershy killed Rainbow Dash and we've got to try to bring her back!
Spike: Man, you are one crazy talking horse. [laughs]
Twilight Sparkle: I'm going to try a black magic resurrection spell.
Spike: How about you resurrect my penis? With sex.
[quack]
Spike: What?
Twilight Sparkle: [reciting black magic] For thou who sleeps in stone and clay, heed this call, rise and obey. Trek unto the mortal door, assemble flesh, and walk once more!
[Spell resurrects a monster, who joins Discord in destroying the city. The two monsters high-five.]
Twilight Sparkle: Oops, guess that was the wrong spell.
Spike: Any more bright ideas, Einstein?
[canned laughter, honk. "That's Spike!"]
Twilight Sparkle: Oh, I'm full of ideas, Spike. I'm a genius!
[plop]
Twilight Sparkle: Behold, the R-Dash 5000! Physically superior to Rainbow Dash in every way. I figure if we don't have the real Rainbow Dash, then building a Rainbow Dash is the next best thing!
Spike: You're an idiot.
[The robot comes to life]
R-Dash 5000: Crush. Kill. Destroy. Swag. Crush. Kill. Destroy. Swag. Crush. Kill. Destroy. Swag. Crush. Kill. Destroy. Swag. Crush...
[screaming]
Spike: Smooth moves, smart guy.
[canned laughter, honk. "That's Spike!"]
Twilight Sparkle: There's one last thing we haven't tried, Spike. One place where even a maverick mind like my own has feared to tread!
Spike: Uhh, Twilight, you're starting to sound less like a maverick and... more like a maniac.
Twilight Sparkle: History is full of maniacs, my friend. Men and women of intellect, highly perceptive individuals whose brilliant minds knew neither restraint nor taboo. Such notions are the devils we must slay for the edification of ponykind, even if said edification means violating the rules of decency, society, and righteousness itself.
Spike: Blah blah blah, keep talking, you stupid cripe.
[creak]
Spike: Ugh.
Twilight Sparkle: Take her. We've got to get back to the lab before anypony sees us.
Spike: You're the boss.
[thunder clap]
[footsteps, thud]
Spike: Aw, this is fuckin' rad, dude.
[squishing sounds]
Twilight Sparkle: Listen closely, Spike. What happens here tonight must never leave this room, for if anypony were to know of this gross bastardization of God's law, their ignorance would label this as the ultimate crime of hubris.
Spike: Are we gonna rape it?
Twilight Sparkle: Spike, this is serious! You can't tell anypony, because we'll be in deep trouble -
Spike: Y'know, you can say "anybody". Instead of "anypony". Frankly I don't see what the point of that is. I would've known what you had meant if you had said "anybody". Seems to me like that's the kind of thing that everybody's doing just because everybody else is doing it. So...
[slurp]
Spike: What? Look, I'm cool, dude! I'm down! Okay? Frankly I'm just happy to be here today. Let's just zap this bitch already, okay? I'm gettin' antsy. [in the distance] Give me a break today, huh? My girlfriend's trying to get me to quit weed.
[bubbling, zapping]
Twilight Sparkle: This is my favorite kind of magic!
[clacking sounds, squee]
Twilight Sparkle: Now, Spike, pull the switch!
[zapping]
Spike: I've heard of shock humor but this is ridiculous!
[zapping continues]
Twilight Sparkle: That's enough! Pull the power!
[machine powers down, sizzling, poof]
Spike: Yo Rainbow Dash... y'allright?
Twilight Sparkle: Ugh, I don't get it. In movies, when they shock dead bodies with lightning, they always come back to life. I thought it would be that simple!
Spike: I guess it's true what they say: there really is no sense in beating a dead horse.
[rimshot]
Twilight Sparkle: Oh well, go bury her again.
[Spike grunts, clang]
Spike: Didn't get me a birthday present last year. [Imitating Rainbow Dash] Fuckin' biiitch!
Twilight Sparkle: Dear Princess Celestia, today I learned... well, maybe I'll learn something tomorrow.
Spike: Hey, how's about a wanna have a pizza pie? [canned laughter] That's my catchphrase.