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>> Twilight Sparkle: [humming]

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>> Owlowiscious: [cooing]

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>> Twilight Sparkle: Be quiet... uh... owl.
Be quiet.

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[beat]

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>> Owlowiscious: [cooing]

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>> Twilight Sparkle: Shush!
[beat]

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>> Twilight Sparkle: Thank you.

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>> Owlowiscious: [cooing]

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>> Twilight Sparkle: If you're responding
to my thanks, then great. But just silence

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now please.
[beat]

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>> Owlowiscious: [cooing]

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>> Twilight Sparkle: I would reach out and
smack you off your perch, but it's late and

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I'm tired, so stop.

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>> Owlowiscious: [cooing]

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>> Twilight Sparkle: Oh, my God...

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>> Owlowiscious: [cooing]

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>> Spike: So have you figured out what you're
gonna do with this thing yet?

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>> Twilight Sparkle: I'm not even really sure
how to feed it. I don't know the first thing

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about owls. Do you think it's gonna fly out
and feed itself or what?

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>> Spike: You're asking if I think a domesticated
owl that's trapped in your house is gonna

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find a way to feed itself?

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>> Twilight Sparkle: Oh, come on. They're
supposed to be wise animals.

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>> Spike: I can't tell if you're joking or
being willfully ignorant.

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>> Twilight Sparkle: I could be both.

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>> Spike: Eh, very funny. Well, you ought
to be taking this more seriously. This is

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the princess's bird. We're gonna get killed.

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>> Twilight Sparkle: It's not Celestia's bird.
I'd be freaking out right now if it was.

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>> Spike: It's not? So it's Luna's bird?!
Aw, crap! It's gonna explode, isn't it?!

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>> Twilight Sparkle: No-no-no-no, Cadance
and my brother sent it.

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>> Spike: Oh. The third princess, yeah. She
and your brother have been dating for a while

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now.

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>> Twilight Sparkle: Yeah. Yeah, my mom's
been badgering him about engagement. They've

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been talking about it, but nothing yet.

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>> Spike: How is your mom, by the way? I miss
her cooking. Back before I was doing it.

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>> Twilight Sparkle: She's doing okay.

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>> Spike: Aye?

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>> Twilight Sparkle: Yeah, she and Dad are
getting along, and I'm– we're both getting

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old enough now. She's starting to write me
about her... her sex life. [nervous chuckle]

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So... they're doing okay.

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>> Spike: Oh, boy. Just what you wanted to
hear.

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>> Twilight Sparkle: It's... you know, it's...
whatever. I mean, she knows I've got a lot

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of medical background, so I kinda default
as the family... I don't know, doctor, I guess.

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>> Spike: Uh-oh. What kind of bedroom business
requires a doctor?

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>> Twilight Sparkle: Nothing. She just doesn't
know what I know, so she'll ask questions

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and fish for answers. If I know something,
I can help out. But it tends to be stuff like,

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"Is Dad", you know, "still young enough to
do this?", or-or "Could I die from a perforated

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colon?"

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>> Spike: Meh. Well, I've been wondering though.
Could you tell me, what is Cadance a princess

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of?

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>> Twilight Sparkle: The color pink!

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>> Spike: Oh, come on.

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>> Twilight Sparkle: I think love. But I never
really figured out for sure, because how do

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you rule over an intangible concept?

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>> Spike: Sounds like cheating. If someone
doesn't like the way you been ruling, you

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say, "What?! I don't like the way I've been
ruling?! Well, if you're not in love with

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the way I'm doing things, clearly it's not
in my jurisdiction."

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>> Twilight Sparkle: Oh, yeah. "If you're
not happy, you better find the princess of

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hate. Don't come whine to me."

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>> Spike: Hey, Twilight, you ever stop to
think it's weird how connected your family

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is?

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>> Twilight Sparkle: What do you mean?

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>> Spike: Well, the God-Princess of the Sun
is your personal teacher, the God-Princess

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of Love is your personal babysitter, your
brother is the commander of the royal guard,

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and your family's only upper-middle class.

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>> Twilight Sparkle: So my family's upper-middle
class. That's not weird.

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>> Spike: That's not the weird part. The weird
part is that your family isn't politically

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influential, and yet somehow you're still
the center of everything.

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>> Twilight Sparkle: No... That's an exaggeration.

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>> Spike: Now hear me out, because this keeps
me up at night and I am shocked that you haven't

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thought of it yourself. What if there's a
reason for it? What if they're focused on

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you for something?

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>> Twilight Sparkle: Oh, come on. You gotta
use Occam's razor. I think Celestia is just

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aware of my magical potential and she's keeping
me in check.

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>> Spike: Oh, come on, Twilight. You're good,
but you're not that good. Ask yourself – do

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you think you could ever lead a country?

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>> Twilight Sparkle: Well, alright. What do
you think it means? Because otherwise we're

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just making assumptions.

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>> Spike: I don't know, but look at the circumstances.
Celestia has your family close to her there

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in Canterlot, she sent you away to Ponyville
where you can't reach them...

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>> Twilight Sparkle: Which still implies I'm
the potential threat.

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>> Spike: Twilight, moving family around is
something you do with provincial leaders.

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If it was just you she was worried about,
then why wouldn't she just worry about you?

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>> Twilight Sparkle: Spike, it's been real
quiet in Ponyville and I don't want to think

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about this or else I'm gonna stay up for the
rest of the week. So go and help me find a

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book on this stupid bird in my house.

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>> Spike: Don't we have more important stuff
to do than focus on your pet owl?

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>> Twilight Sparkle: No. Not today.

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>> Spike: Okay, fine. What kind of owl is
it?

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>> Twilight Sparkle: I don't know. Get the
book so we can look it up!

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>> Spike: Okay, I'm going! So aside from figuring
out how we're gonna feed this thing, what

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do you hope to learn?

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>> Twilight Sparkle: Maybe I can teach it
tricks. Like, to fetch books or something.

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>> Spike: Oh, gunning for my job, huh?

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>> Twilight Sparkle: You gonna get jealous?

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>> Spike: Oh, heaven forbid I don't get to
do this more often. I don't think that bird

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could carry books anyway.

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>> Twilight Sparkle: Maybe children's books.

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>> Spike: You know what'd be good? If that
owl had levitation powers. If that owl could

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levitate books, then I wouldn't have to climb
up here and put my life in danger!

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>> Twilight Sparkle: We do need a taller ladder.
But it's gonna come out of your allowance.

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>> Spike: Why?!

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>> Twilight Sparkle: Life's about earning,
Spike.

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>> Spike: But I never earn anything, no matter
how hard I work! Also, I can't find your stupid

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book.

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>> Twilight Sparkle: Well, look harder.

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>> Spike: I'm piercing the shelves with my
fiercest gaze. I'm not seeing it.

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>> Twilight Sparkle: Oh, come on, that's impossible.
I just reorganized yesterday.

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>> Spike: Well, see, that's the problem! It's
disorganized! You keep reorganizing it, I

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can never find anything.

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>> Twilight Sparkle: It's a really simple
system. It should be next to the book on vowels.

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>> Spike: You have got to be kidding me. This
system is never gonna work.

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>> Twilight Sparkle: It works like a mnemonic
device. Once you learn it, it's gonna revolutionize

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the way that you find books.

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>> Spike: Okay, I found your book, but we're
gonna have to change the system again.

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>> Twilight Sparkle: What? No, Spike, learn
the new system. It's better.

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>> Spike: Nae.

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>> Twilight Sparkle: Once you learn it, you're
gonna find it's so much easier to remember

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where stuff is.

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>> Spike: I have had up to here with this,
Twilight! I am not learning a new organizational

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pattern every single week!

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>> Twilight Sparkle: Fine! Stay in the past
with Dewey Decimal. See if I care.

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>> Spike: Thank you. You micromanage too much,
you know.

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>> Twilight Sparkle: Whatever. Gotta know
what to do with this bird. I mean... it can

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see in the dark. Maybe it could lead me around
when it's dark?

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>> Spike: It's not a seeing-eye dog, Twilight.
And besides, I'm a dragon. We live in caves.

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I've got a certain amount of dark sight if
you need it. How would you find an owl in

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the dark anyway? The whole point of their
natural camouflage is not to be seen.

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>> Twilight Sparkle: I'm just grasping at
straws here, okay? I dunno. Maybe I can use

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his feathers for quills when he molts.

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>> Spike: Aye. He looks a bit small, but he's
probably big enough for that. Quills only

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cost about one or two bits though.

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>> Twilight Sparkle: Adds up over time.

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>> Spike: I guess it does.

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>> Twilight Sparkle: I mean, if he feeds himself,
it's... it's kind of like a net gain.

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>> Spike: Except for me who has to clean up
after his droppings.

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>> Twilight Sparkle: So okay. He's useful
somehow. That means he's not a pet. We know

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what happens to pets. He's a utility bird.

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>> Spike: Alright. What do you want to name
the utility bird.

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>> Twilight Sparkle: How about "Owlowiscious"?

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>> Spike: I don't even know to spell that.
How about "Owl" for short? That way, it's

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easier to pass it off like we didn't name
him.

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>> Twilight Sparkle: As though we're pronouncing
it wrong? Like we're stupid?

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>> Spike: Aye. You ever see Rainbow Dash make
an ass of herself directly to Celestia, then

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get away with it? Boy, she must be on to something
there.

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>> Twilight Sparkle: No kidding. You could
punish the girl, but she wouldn't know what

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00:06:41,620 --> 00:06:46,140
she did wrong. If I could start all over,
I would just play dumb from start to finish.

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>> Spike: You could've done that, but then
you wouldn't get to read much that way.

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>> Twilight Sparkle: No, no, watch. It'd be
something like this. "I love reading books

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to set a good example for kids. I may not
understand all the big words, but I try my

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00:06:56,880 --> 00:06:59,360
best to read the smartest-looking books."

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>> Spike: Oh, I see. Very clever. I guess
it takes a bit of wit to figure out how to

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00:07:03,440 --> 00:07:04,470
play stupid correctly.

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00:07:04,470 --> 00:07:07,440
>> Twilight Sparkle: Yeah, and the best part
is that it makes perfect sense that I'd sing

154
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the rubber ducky song in my head all the time.
Perfect shield for magical thought-reading.

155
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>> Spike: You've been giving this a lot of
thought, haven't you?

156
00:07:13,699 --> 00:07:17,330
>> Twilight Sparkle: Yeah, I have. But it's
too late to do it now. Everybody would see

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00:07:17,330 --> 00:07:21,630
right through it. I'd have to wait for some
kind of opening, but I don't know what.

158
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>> Spike: Huh. You'd blend right in at Ponyville.
Speaking of, you seem to have mellowed out

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00:07:26,230 --> 00:07:27,420
a lot since you got here.

160
00:07:27,420 --> 00:07:30,030
>> Twilight Sparkle: Yeah. I guess I'm not
as stressed out as I was.

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>> Spike: Well, it's nice having a bit more
input now and again. But don't let your guard

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00:07:34,260 --> 00:07:34,700
down.

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>> Twilight Sparkle: I know. But... Hey, Spike...
nothing has changed, but for what it's worth...

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>> Spike: Just leave it, Twilight.

165
00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:43,130
>> Twilight Sparkle: You make good pancakes.

166
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>> Spike: Loud and clear. So are we going
out today? Should I pack your bags or what?

167
00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:51,590
>> Twilight Sparkle: No, I'm staying in. I
don't see what the crime is with being a happy

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00:07:51,590 --> 00:07:52,030
shut-in.

169
00:07:52,030 --> 00:07:56,190
>> Spike: Alright. I'm going to take a nap
then. Just give me a call if you need something.

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>> Twilight Sparkle: Will do. Good night,
Spike.

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>> Spike: Good night.