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>> Thrackerzod: Every time we can't think
of something, somehow we always default to

2
00:00:10,570 --> 00:00:16,680
whatever Scootaloo suggests. I cannot fathom
how this always occurs. We could kill Twilight

3
00:00:16,680 --> 00:00:21,660
Sparkle. I always suggest killing Twilight
Sparkle. But instead, we cover ourselves in

4
00:00:21,660 --> 00:00:22,619
honey and pine needles.

5
00:00:22,619 --> 00:00:27,060
>> Apple Bloom: Well, I thought the plan was
logical. I figured for sure we'd attract hummingbirds

6
00:00:27,060 --> 00:00:29,669
this way. If we caught one for a pet, I would've
been so thrilled.

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00:00:29,669 --> 00:00:32,390
>> Scootaloo: You can't catch hummingbirds
with honey, baby.

8
00:00:32,390 --> 00:00:36,340
>> Apple Bloom: Wait. W-Well then, now I'm
just confused. I thought this was your idea.

9
00:00:36,340 --> 00:00:40,410
>> Thrackerzod: Everything we do is to satisfy
Scootaloo's stupid primal urges. I always

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00:00:40,410 --> 00:00:43,750
want to do something else, but somehow I'm
always outvoted.

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>> Scootaloo: One of these days, my ideas
are gonna pay off, baby. Then we'll have all

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the honey we want. Hoo!

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00:00:49,530 --> 00:00:53,809
>> Apple Bloom: I thought you said "honey
for the hummies". Maybe "honeys". Okay.

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00:00:53,809 --> 00:00:57,899
>> Scootaloo: Birds, honeys, whatever slang
you gotta use, baby. We're gonna have a lot

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00:00:57,899 --> 00:01:02,579
of whatever it is just as soon as I figure
out the key to doing it. Hoo!

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00:01:02,579 --> 00:01:07,100
>> Thrackerzod: I have an idea. What if we
seduce Twilight Sparkle... to death?

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00:01:07,100 --> 00:01:11,460
>> Scootaloo: I will admit that does sound
like a good way to spend the afternoon. Hoo.

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>> Apple Bloom: Thrackerzod, how's that gonna
work? We get her to lean down for a kiss and

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then you kick her in the head?

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>> Scootaloo: How about we work on doing that,
but instead of kicking her in the head, we

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instead just caress her gently?

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>> Thrackerzod: No. Seduction is all about
subtlety. If we kick her in the head, it's

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like playing hard to get. It will draw her
in further.

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>> Apple Bloom: I dunno. Sounds self-defeatin'
to me. This might be hard to swallow, Thrackerzod,

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but you might be worse at love than Scootaloo.

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>> Scootaloo: Baby, everybody is clumsier
at love than Scootaloo. That don't mean other

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ponies need to feel bad about it.

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>> Thrackerzod: Dammit, I am trying to meet
you guys halfway here! Can we please just

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seduce/kill Twilight Sparkle for once?

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>> Apple Bloom: I kinda want to just go home
and play Monopoly or somethin'.

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>> Scootaloo: Baby, you can go home and play
Monopoly anytime. But how often do we seduce

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Twilight Sparkle?

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>> Apple Bloom: Probably about as often as
we play Monopoly by my count. You guys always

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00:02:02,500 --> 00:02:07,310
turn me down. I dunno what it is. Every day
you just want to kill Twilight Sparkle or

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00:02:07,310 --> 00:02:11,319
go seduce somethin'. Do y'all ever get tired
of tryin' to find new ways to do the same

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00:02:11,319 --> 00:02:15,320
thing all the time? And for that matter, we
could probably very well seduce Twilight Sparkle

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00:02:15,320 --> 00:02:16,850
anytime we want if we could.

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>> Thrackerzod: If we do it right, we'll only
have to do it once.

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>> Apple Bloom: Are y'all referrin' to the
seduction or the murder?

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00:02:22,630 --> 00:02:23,250
>> Thrackerzod: Both.

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>> Apple Bloom: Okay, well, supposin' we have
nothin' in common – which is pretty darn

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likely – and we get in a fight with her
– which is pretty darn likely – and then

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we break up?

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>> Thrackerzod: It won't matter because she
will be dead.

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>> Apple Bloom: Okay. Well, what if she just
comes back as a zombie? Then you got egg on

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00:02:37,840 --> 00:02:38,190
your face.

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>> Thrackerzod: Then she's already lost her
soul properly and I don't care. Beyond what

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would be expected of a normal pony.

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00:02:43,560 --> 00:02:47,170
>> Apple Bloom: Twilight is already kinda
soulless, if I can be totally upfront with

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y'all about my opinions.

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>> Thrackerzod: Don't even joke about that!
I... don't have an interest in her soul, if

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that's what you're wondering. But if she didn't
have one, by Lord Azathoth's hundred screaming

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00:02:59,020 --> 00:03:02,520
mouths, I will have a normal emotional response!

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>> Scootaloo: Let's just start with the seduction,
baby, and work everything out from there.

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Let Scootaloo do the talkin'.

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>> Twilight Sparkle: Really, all the problems
facing Equestria today are internal. You take

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Mayor Mare and she's just a picture of incompetence,
for example.

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>> Scootaloo: That's good, baby.

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>> Twilight Sparkle: And the more serious
problem is that tomorrow's generation is gonna

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have to pick up the slack. And from what I've
seen, I kind of doubt that you guys have the

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gumption.

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>> Scootaloo: I have the gumption for the
bumpin'. Hoo!

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>> Twilight Sparkle: [voiceover] You know,
when I was your age, I used to study nonstop.

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That's how I enjoyed my free time. Every single
finished book was like a little packet of

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life satisfaction.

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>> Scootaloo: I'm into satisfaction, baby.

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>> Twilight Sparkle: [voiceover] Of course,
I came from really good family stock. My brother's

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in the royal guard, you know, and we used
to get into these high-profile events. Ceremonies

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00:03:45,560 --> 00:03:49,769
with Celestia personally present. Although
I didn't know her then. God, I wish I did.

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>> Scootaloo: I'm a little ball of fire myself,
baby, and I could surprise you too. Hoo! Of

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course I'm just the right temperature up close.

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>> Twilight Sparkle: [voiceover] Point is,
all that studying paid off... in the broadest

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00:04:00,140 --> 00:04:03,830
sense. Out of the blue, I got an acceptance
letter from Canterlot's School for Gifted

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00:04:03,830 --> 00:04:08,010
Unicorns, signed by the princess and everything.
I don't remember the exact process because

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00:04:08,010 --> 00:04:11,470
I was little, but after I got accepted, I
still had to pass an exam to prove I could

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00:04:11,470 --> 00:04:15,980
do the magic. A lot of kids struggle at that
age, and I did too, but I knew the theory

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00:04:15,980 --> 00:04:21,069
perfectly. A little bit of huffing and puffing,
and voila! Spike popped out of an egg. Apparently,

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that kind of magic power is really rare, even
among adults...

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00:04:24,140 --> 00:04:26,909
>> Twilight Sparkle: ...so it was really amazing
I could pull it off. Must've been some kind

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of latent ability though, because it wasn't
until later that I could really do magic consistently.

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But when I got a little older, my cutie mark
showed up and that was that.

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>> Scootaloo: A cutie mark for fate! Like
star-crossed love. And now you're in Ponyville.

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Who can say where that little glittering diamond
in the sky will lead those sexy haunches now,

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00:04:43,550 --> 00:04:43,909
baby?

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>> Twilight Sparkle: Home. Because I'm sick
of talking to kids.

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>> Scootaloo: Well, okay, baby. We've gotta
be at Rarity's house for lunch anyway, but

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if you ever get a hungerin' for Scootaloo,
you just scream my name at the top of your

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00:04:54,340 --> 00:04:56,159
lungs and I'll come runnin'.

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00:04:56,159 --> 00:05:01,039
>> Thrackerzod: I must confess a less-than-enthusiastic
opinion of Scootaloo's performance.

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00:05:01,039 --> 00:05:04,860
>> Scootaloo: Sometimes it's all about the
waitin' game, baby. You just gotta let that

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00:05:04,860 --> 00:05:08,619
love sink in a little. Give her time to fantasize
in our absence. Hoo.

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00:05:08,619 --> 00:05:12,849
>> Thrackerzod: I would like to suggest a
more aggressive approach... followed by more

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00:05:12,849 --> 00:05:13,909
aggressive murder.

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00:05:13,909 --> 00:05:18,219
>> Scootaloo: I think you and I have two totally
different ways of enticin' the ladies, baby.

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00:05:18,219 --> 00:05:21,949
>> Rarity: Aw, are you guys talking about
teasing the little boys at school?

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00:05:21,949 --> 00:05:25,749
>> Scootaloo: Not exactly, baby, but we are
not opposed to a little bit of teasin'. Hoo.

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00:05:25,749 --> 00:05:29,580
>> Rarity: You must be so adorable playing
the field out there. And here I was worried

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00:05:29,580 --> 00:05:31,560
that Sweetie Belle was socially awkward.

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00:05:31,560 --> 00:05:35,259
>> Thrackerzod: Who is socially awkward? I
am developing normally.

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00:05:35,259 --> 00:05:40,009
>> Rarity: Really? Because the other day you
smothered a butterfly and declared it as an

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offering to some made-up little religion.

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00:05:42,479 --> 00:05:46,889
>> Thrackerzod: Religion is perfectly ordinary.
Everybody worships an actual god-horse that

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raises the sun every single day like it has
nothing better to do.

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>> Rarity: Yes, a real live god who actually
shows up to public fundraisers and talks about

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the economy.

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00:05:56,009 --> 00:06:00,169
>> Thrackerzod: When I refer to the blind
idiot god from whence all chaos and destiny

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00:06:00,169 --> 00:06:06,029
stem, I am of course referring only to the
same god-horse that everyone else worships.

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All ponies experience religion in their individual
ways. And in that matter, I am just as everyone

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else. There is nothing suspicious about smothering
a butterfly and offering it to the void beyond

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the universe.

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>> Rarity: Sweetie Belle, most of us worship
her by paying taxes, you know. She's much

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more vocally appreciative of that than she
is of sacrificing living creatures.

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>> Thrackerzod: I am worshipping in my own
way, just as all ponies do. It's perfectly

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ordinary.

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>> Scootaloo: Let's back up to lovin' the
little boys at school, baby. I bet you have

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all kinds of stories. Hoo!

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>> Rarity: Oh, about when I attended school?
Well, I certainly do. You know, I was a great

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fashionista even back then. I knew that the
key to good clothing design was a bedazzler

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and a wide selection of mismatched rhinestones.
Of course, not everyone could share my genius.

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>> "Play Write": Now these are lovely, Rarity,
but I worry they might be a bit on the gaudy

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side.

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>> Young Rarity: Too... gaudy?! Bitch, are
you drunk on power or on wine?!

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00:07:04,809 --> 00:07:09,490
>> Rarity: [voiceover] That awful teacher
forced me to slave away, redesigning my precious

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00:07:09,490 --> 00:07:14,409
costumes to be plain, dull, and boring, just
like the entire performance they were designed

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00:07:14,409 --> 00:07:18,990
for. Honestly, I know it's cute to dress your
child up as a pie, but parents need to seek

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00:07:18,990 --> 00:07:20,330
deeper inspiration!

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00:07:20,330 --> 00:07:21,860
>> Rarity: But then it hit me!

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00:07:21,860 --> 00:07:26,330
>> Young Rarity: Let me keep the rhinestones
or I will collaborate with your political

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00:07:26,330 --> 00:07:26,629
enemies.

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00:07:26,629 --> 00:07:30,449
>> Rarity: Now, she didn't think I could at
first, but it turned out that I was a better

131
00:07:30,449 --> 00:07:35,649
actor than the kids on stage and an excellent
saboteur, if I may say so myself. And that's

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00:07:35,649 --> 00:07:40,369
how Toothpaste Afro and Miss Cheerilee played
the part of a bedazzled pie and a bunch of

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00:07:40,369 --> 00:07:43,330
bananas respectively. Afterward, I got my
cutie mark.

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00:07:43,330 --> 00:07:47,999
>> Thrackerzod: Okay, define "socially awkward"
for me. Because I'm honestly trying to learn

135
00:07:47,999 --> 00:07:53,059
here and I can't tell which of us is doing
things wrong. And I think it is you.

136
00:07:53,059 --> 00:07:56,330
>> Rarity: Fine, Sweetie Belle. You know,
if I didn't know you were my sister, I would

137
00:07:56,330 --> 00:08:00,639
think that we weren't even related. But you've
had your lunch. Now go out and play.

138
00:08:00,639 --> 00:08:04,370
>> Thrackerzod: Every time I talk to my sister,
I feel so stupid.

139
00:08:04,370 --> 00:08:08,550
>> Scootaloo: You just don't know how to talk
to the ladies, baby. You gotta be more smooth.

140
00:08:08,550 --> 00:08:12,800
>> Thrackerzod: I brush my hair regularly.
There is nothing wrong with the smoothness

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00:08:12,800 --> 00:08:13,629
of my coat.

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00:08:13,629 --> 00:08:18,049
>> Scootaloo: Well, if you let me verify that,
baby, I'll take your word for it. Hoo!

143
00:08:18,049 --> 00:08:22,699
>> Thrackerzod: Very well. You may test my
smoothness when our journey of fun has ended.

144
00:08:22,699 --> 00:08:25,739
>> Pinkie Pie: Pinkie is in the wagon now!
Yes.

145
00:08:25,739 --> 00:08:30,240
>> Thrackerzod: There, you see? I told you
guys. It is perfectly normal to coalesce into

146
00:08:30,240 --> 00:08:32,789
existence sometimes.

147
00:08:32,789 --> 00:08:36,210
>> Pinkie Pie: Yes. Pinkie's ways are best.
And Pinkie Pie hears you strive for the seduction

148
00:08:36,210 --> 00:08:37,800
of Twilight Sparkle. Yes.

149
00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:41,819
>> Scootaloo: Baby, we merely strive as nature
intended for the seduction of any living thing

150
00:08:41,819 --> 00:08:42,839
that can be seducted.

151
00:08:42,839 --> 00:08:45,149
>> Pinkie Pie: Pinkie bears to you the story.

152
00:08:45,149 --> 00:08:49,319
>> Thrackerzod: We are small children and
have nothing in common with you.

153
00:08:49,319 --> 00:08:50,230
>> Pinkie Pie: Yes.

154
00:08:50,230 --> 00:08:54,389
>> Thrackerzod: Fine. Hang out with us. But
try to act like you are teaching so it isn't

155
00:08:54,389 --> 00:08:54,609
weird.

156
00:08:54,609 --> 00:08:56,939
>> Pinkie Pie: Once upon a time, there was
the Pinkie Pie.

157
00:08:56,939 --> 00:09:03,819
>> Pinkie Pie: [voiceover] Yes. She was extraordinarily
pink. Silence! Yes. In the days of Pinkie's

158
00:09:03,819 --> 00:09:07,610
past, Pinkie slaved upon the rock farms. It
is there that she tasted oppression.

159
00:09:07,610 --> 00:09:11,080
>> Apple Bloom: [voiceover] A rock farm? That's
dumb. Y'all can't grow rocks.

160
00:09:11,080 --> 00:09:15,589
>> Pinkie Pie: Where do you think cobblestone
roads are born from?! Yes! Pinkie appears

161
00:09:15,589 --> 00:09:20,230
mysteriously in your wagon and you question
the value of collecting stones for the construction?

162
00:09:20,230 --> 00:09:22,629
You question the origin of your cobbles! Yes.

163
00:09:22,629 --> 00:09:26,230
>> Apple Bloom: [voiceover] Should we question
how y'all got in the wagon?

164
00:09:26,230 --> 00:09:29,430
>> Pinkie Pie: [voiceover] No! Yes. Pinkie
would punish you. And Pinkie knows punishment,

165
00:09:29,430 --> 00:09:35,440
for her father obtained the Sideburns of Disdain
and used them upon the Pie family. Each day,

166
00:09:35,440 --> 00:09:40,079
we lived in fear that the sideburns would
come for us! Yes. Where some of the small

167
00:09:40,079 --> 00:09:45,440
child persuasions are in terror of the monster
beneath the bed, Pinkie fears only the facial

168
00:09:45,440 --> 00:09:46,310
hairs in the darkness.

169
00:09:46,310 --> 00:09:49,869
>> Thrackerzod: [voiceover] There are many
things you should fear in the darkness.

170
00:09:49,869 --> 00:09:54,740
>> Pinkie Pie: [voiceover] Foolish child!
Yes! Many a repugnant thing had reached from

171
00:09:54,740 --> 00:10:00,420
the shadows of Pinkie's father's sideburns!
As Pinkie dreamed, she lived upon the Peninsula

172
00:10:00,420 --> 00:10:04,690
of Zura. Yes. Wherein the sideburns reign
the supreme ruler!

173
00:10:04,690 --> 00:10:09,129
>> Thrackerzod: [voiceover] Your father's
sideburns rule Zura? As in the city of unattainable

174
00:10:09,129 --> 00:10:09,479
pleasures?

175
00:10:09,479 --> 00:10:12,220
>> Pinkie Pie: [voiceover] Yes! And their
will was absolute!

176
00:10:12,220 --> 00:10:15,830
>> Thrackerzod: [voiceover] Why have these
sideburns sided with Twilight Sparkle?

177
00:10:15,830 --> 00:10:21,050
>> Pinkie Pie: [voiceover] You ask Pinkie
why? It is because the blind god is incapable

178
00:10:21,050 --> 00:10:26,459
of defending his own! Yes. It is as though
through a kaleidoscope that Pinkie sees! But

179
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:30,910
Pinkie sees the power slipping and dancing
away in her dreams. But to Twilight specifically.

180
00:10:30,910 --> 00:10:33,959
>> Pinkie Pie: Does Sweetie Belle sleep the
same as Pinkie Pie?!

181
00:10:33,959 --> 00:10:39,709
>> Thrackerzod: Possibly. Only if most ponies
have these kinds of dreams. Otherwise, no.

182
00:10:39,709 --> 00:10:43,569
>> Scootaloo: We have no idea what you're
talkin' about, baby, but it sounds like a

183
00:10:43,569 --> 00:10:44,850
lot of fun.

184
00:10:44,850 --> 00:10:50,370
>> Thrackerzod: Oh. Then, um... I have no
idea what's going on either. But divulge all

185
00:10:50,370 --> 00:10:52,689
you know immediately.

186
00:10:52,689 --> 00:10:55,470
>> Pinkie Pie: [voiceover] Well, Pinkie threw
a party for Pinkie's little sister. Yes. And

187
00:10:55,470 --> 00:10:57,149
it was a very successful party.

188
00:10:57,149 --> 00:10:59,940
>> Pinkie Pie: And it was then that Pinkie
achieved her cutie mark.

189
00:10:59,940 --> 00:11:03,550
>> Thrackerzod: No! Go back to the part about
the Peninsula of Zura!

190
00:11:03,550 --> 00:11:08,579
>> Pinkie Pie: Pinkie's memories have popped
like the grape. Yes. Nothing remains. Sometimes

191
00:11:08,579 --> 00:11:13,249
Pinkie obtains the twitches and foresees the
future! But tell no one! Yes.

192
00:11:13,249 --> 00:11:19,459
>> Thrackerzod: I seriously had no idea what
she was talking about. All is proceeding in

193
00:11:19,459 --> 00:11:22,019
a way that is not alarming.

194
00:11:22,019 --> 00:11:25,709
>> Rainbow Dash: Hey, guys! I hear you're
listening to everybody's stories.

195
00:11:25,709 --> 00:11:29,610
>> Scootaloo: Baby, I would love to hear about
anything you have to say. Hoo!

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>> Rainbow Dash: Oh. Well, I got this really
good one that I heard. Are you guys ready?

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Is that cool?

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>> Scootaloo: You're cool, baby. You're about
as cool as you are sexy. Which is pretty darn

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sexy. Hoo-ah.

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>> Rainbow Dash: Aww. Okay. So anyway...

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>> Rainbow Dash: [voiceover] When AJ was just
a little girl, she was all like, "I'm not

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runnin' around this farm!" 'Cause, you know,
she was getting to be that age where kids

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start to be rebellious. She decided that today
she was gonna sell oranges. I mean, she didn't

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really want to sell oranges, but I think she
was hoping that maybe everyone would miss

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her if she left for a while. Sometimes, you
know, you just gotta get away from your family.

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But AJ was a little too little for that, so
she stayed with her other family and they

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happened to live in Manehattan. It's like
a big city where all kind of ponies live together,

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only instead of knowing each other, they avoid
eye contact. It's also really expensive. Anyway,

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those really rich ponies would talk to Applejack
and she wouldn't know how to respond. They'd

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be like, "What's a rooster?" 'Cause they'd
never seen a rooster. And AJ would wonder,

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"Should I tell them it's a bird or should
I make up a lie and pretend it's something

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more exciting? It's a party; I should be interesting."
But then it was too late! They brought some

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food and the portions were really tiny and
it was rated with a [???] star. So basically,

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it was like the kind of stuff most ponies
never taste in a lifetime. They bring out

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the one little one, and you think, "Oh, is
this all?" But then they come out with more

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stuff and they keep going all night until
you're full.

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>> Rainbow Dash: If you're really trying to
impress a girl who's kind of the romantic

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type, it's crazy expensive. Like, five hundred
bits for a meal or something. But the girl

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will just be blown away!

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>> Scootaloo: Baby, that is the first story
someone's told us today that didn't have advice

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that specifically and only pertained to the
pony telling the story. And for that, I thank

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you. I will bear that in mind. [???] star.
Keepin' it.

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>> Rainbow Dash: You're welcome.