1
00:00:06,080 --> 00:00:11,879
>> Spike: Everyone, listen up! I've got important,
terrible news! A bunch of dogs took my treasure

2
00:00:11,879 --> 00:00:14,349
hoard, and you guys have to help me set them
on fire!

3
00:00:14,349 --> 00:00:14,769
[beat]

4
00:00:14,769 --> 00:00:17,689
>> Spike: Okay, I'll cut you in for ten percent.

5
00:00:17,689 --> 00:00:20,850
>> Twilight Sparkle: So what exactly is the
deal here, Spike?

6
00:00:20,850 --> 00:00:23,789
>> Spike: I was with Rarity and she was helping
me hunt for gems.

7
00:00:23,789 --> 00:00:27,550
>> Spike: Now, the important thing to know
here is that, although I'm giving you a ninety

8
00:00:27,550 --> 00:00:31,430
percent cut, that ninety percent is still
part of my hoard, technically speaking.

9
00:00:31,430 --> 00:00:33,800
>> Rarity: No, that's a big N-O, I think.

10
00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:37,379
>> Spike: Aw, come on. I didn't do the math
before I agreed to this.

11
00:00:37,379 --> 00:00:41,309
>> Rarity: That's why they say "age before
beauty", Spike. Although in this case, I suppose

12
00:00:41,309 --> 00:00:44,280
I have both advantages. Here's a spot. Dig
away.

13
00:00:44,280 --> 00:00:47,710
>> Applejack: Wait. So when y'all offered
us ten percent of your hoard, did y'all mean

14
00:00:47,710 --> 00:00:50,820
everything you found that day or just the
stuff you kept from Rarity?

15
00:00:50,820 --> 00:00:54,220
>> Spike: Aye. Sorry, girls. I'm keeping this
last jewel for myself.

16
00:00:54,220 --> 00:00:58,119
>> Applejack: Well, I'd be lyin' if I said
I weren't a stranger to fuzzy math myself,

17
00:00:58,119 --> 00:00:59,070
so go ahead.

18
00:00:59,070 --> 00:01:03,260
>> Spike: So don't tell Twilight about this,
but I've been in her books about dragons,

19
00:01:03,260 --> 00:01:07,390
and it turns out that if I collect a gigantic
hoard, I will both get a girlfriend and become

20
00:01:07,390 --> 00:01:07,880
more powerful.

21
00:01:07,880 --> 00:01:11,080
>> Twilight Sparkle: You're an idiot, Spike.
I'm standing right here.

22
00:01:11,080 --> 00:01:13,760
>> Spike: I'm recounting the story! It might
be fictional.

23
00:01:13,760 --> 00:01:15,360
>> Rarity: You're an idiot, Spike.

24
00:01:15,360 --> 00:01:19,140
>> Spike: But I'm soon to be a rich idiot,
which is the best kind of idiot that you can

25
00:01:19,140 --> 00:01:19,350
be.

26
00:01:19,350 --> 00:01:22,870
>> Rarity: I guess that is true. You can't
really argue with that. You'll be able to

27
00:01:22,870 --> 00:01:25,500
sit in for city council meetings and have
some power.

28
00:01:25,500 --> 00:01:28,350
>> Spike: I can already sit in for those.
They're boring.

29
00:01:28,350 --> 00:01:32,040
>> Rarity: Yes, but when you make money, you
deserve to make decisions.

30
00:01:32,040 --> 00:01:37,100
>> Spike: Ooh. I see how it is. That's pretty
good then. You know, I've never had authority

31
00:01:37,100 --> 00:01:40,260
in my life before. I'm looking forward to
the success of this plan.

32
00:01:40,260 --> 00:01:42,960
>> Rarity: Oh, yes, me too, dear. Dig here
please.

33
00:01:42,960 --> 00:01:47,090
>> Spike: I'm in charge of my own destiny
now. I'm gonna have my own mountain with my

34
00:01:47,090 --> 00:01:48,740
own curvy dragon women.

35
00:01:48,740 --> 00:01:52,520
>> Rarity: Are dragons even really all that
social? I thought that mates just came and

36
00:01:52,520 --> 00:01:53,600
stole all your money.

37
00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:56,050
>> Spike: Yeah. How's that different from
what you do?

38
00:01:56,050 --> 00:01:59,700
>> Rarity: [mock laughter] Well, I'm glad
you asked. Because at the shallowest level,

39
00:01:59,700 --> 00:02:05,070
it may seem that way, but it's so much more
complex. First of all, the stallion has to

40
00:02:05,070 --> 00:02:06,370
meet a number of criteria.

41
00:02:06,370 --> 00:02:09,390
>> Applejack: What? Rarity wouldn't say that.
She ain't selective.

42
00:02:09,390 --> 00:02:11,150
>> Spike: I'm telling the story here please.

43
00:02:11,150 --> 00:02:15,040
>> Spike: I've got a good sense of humor.
Here, I've got a joke. What do you get when

44
00:02:15,040 --> 00:02:16,349
you have a book on entomology?

45
00:02:16,349 --> 00:02:18,090
>> Rarity: I dunno. I'm listening.

46
00:02:18,090 --> 00:02:22,870
>> Spike: You get bookworms! 'Cause they're
like bugs, and that's... what entomology is

47
00:02:22,870 --> 00:02:23,090
about.

48
00:02:23,090 --> 00:02:24,900
>> Twilight Sparkle: [voiceover] Heh. I taught
him that one.

49
00:02:24,900 --> 00:02:26,159
>> Spike: [voiceover] Quit interrupting my
story!

50
00:02:26,159 --> 00:02:28,849
>> Rarity: That sounds like something Twilight
would come up with.

51
00:02:28,849 --> 00:02:30,410
>> Spike: Nae. I made it up myself.

52
00:02:30,410 --> 00:02:32,439
>> Twilight Sparkle: Oh, you complete bastard.

53
00:02:32,439 --> 00:02:37,370
>> Spike: It's Spike's story! That's when
they got me. They said they were Diamond Dogs.

54
00:02:37,370 --> 00:02:39,840
They ran off with my treasure and took Rarity
with them.

55
00:02:39,840 --> 00:02:43,790
>> Applejack: Man. Can any of y'all imagine
Rarity in captivity? She'd be one of those

56
00:02:43,790 --> 00:02:45,270
animals that eats her own legs.

57
00:02:45,270 --> 00:02:49,209
>> Fluttershy: I think she'd be scared and
maybe she would faint.

58
00:02:49,209 --> 00:02:52,750
>> Applejack: She'll probably be writin' a
melodramatic book about the experience as

59
00:02:52,750 --> 00:02:57,099
soon as we get her back. Well, come on, let's
go. She's probably weepin' and hollerin'.

60
00:02:57,099 --> 00:03:01,269
>> Rarity: Okay. Now, to be perfectly clear,
can you please repeat what you just said?

61
00:03:01,269 --> 00:03:02,340
>> Rover: Pony make sandwich.

62
00:03:02,340 --> 00:03:06,930
>> Rarity: I'm sorry, I must be going deaf
in one of my ears. Could you say that again

63
00:03:06,930 --> 00:03:07,340
please?

64
00:03:07,340 --> 00:03:08,989
>> Rover: Pony make sandwich.

65
00:03:08,989 --> 00:03:12,680
>> Rarity: One more time. I'm-I'm sure I'll
hear you this time.

66
00:03:12,680 --> 00:03:14,129
>> Rover: Pony make sandwich.

67
00:03:14,129 --> 00:03:16,560
>> Rarity: See, that's what I thought. No.

68
00:03:16,560 --> 00:03:19,060
>> Rover: Pony... Pony make sandwich!

69
00:03:19,060 --> 00:03:22,319
>> Rarity: No, I heard you this time. I'm
not doing it.

70
00:03:22,319 --> 00:03:23,950
>> Rover: Pony make sandwich.

71
00:03:23,950 --> 00:03:24,330
>> Rarity: No.

72
00:03:24,330 --> 00:03:26,310
>> Rover: Why not pony make sandwich?

73
00:03:26,310 --> 00:03:30,099
>> Rarity: Because a number of logistical
reasons—I don't have sandwich fixings, no

74
00:03:30,099 --> 00:03:33,099
bread, no lettuce, no mayonnaise—and because
I said no!

75
00:03:33,099 --> 00:03:35,819
>> Rover: Pony is ordered. Cannot refuse.

76
00:03:35,819 --> 00:03:37,099
>> Rarity: No.

77
00:03:37,099 --> 00:03:40,279
>> Rover: Okay. Pony don't make sandwich.

78
00:03:40,279 --> 00:03:41,859
>> Rarity: Okay...

79
00:03:41,859 --> 00:03:44,480
>> Rover: Pony don't make sandwich.

80
00:03:44,480 --> 00:03:46,840
>> Rarity: Alright, I'm not making a sandwich.

81
00:03:46,840 --> 00:03:49,620
>> Rover: Pony has fallen for reverse psychology!

82
00:03:49,620 --> 00:03:55,989
>> Rarity: Uh... I'm not really sure what's
going on, so... Did you... Did you not want

83
00:03:55,989 --> 00:03:57,790
me to make a sandwich or what?

84
00:03:57,790 --> 00:04:00,630
>> Rover: Now pony defy Diamond Dogs.

85
00:04:00,630 --> 00:04:02,400
>> Rarity: What the hell is going on?!

86
00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:04,069
>> Rover: Diamond Dogs catch pony...

87
00:04:04,069 --> 00:04:05,060
>> Rarity: Uh-huh...

88
00:04:05,060 --> 00:04:07,230
>> Rover: Pony don't make sandwich...

89
00:04:07,230 --> 00:04:09,230
>> Rarity: Yes, right. No sandwich.

90
00:04:09,230 --> 00:04:12,019
>> Rover: So Diamond Dogs trick pony.

91
00:04:12,019 --> 00:04:16,009
>> Rarity: Okay, now, see, this is the point
where I'm lost. Maybe you've tricked me too

92
00:04:16,009 --> 00:04:16,349
efficiently.

93
00:04:16,349 --> 00:04:18,910
>> Rover: No-no-no. Now pony make sandwich.

94
00:04:18,910 --> 00:04:19,659
>> Rarity: No.

95
00:04:19,659 --> 00:04:21,169
>> Rover: Curse you, pony!

96
00:04:21,169 --> 00:04:24,669
>> Rarity: I can't do it! This is a self-defeating
argument!

97
00:04:24,669 --> 00:04:28,569
>> Twilight Sparkle: There's hundreds of these
tunnels. How are we supposed to find Rarity?

98
00:04:28,569 --> 00:04:31,479
>> Applejack: Just listen for the screams
of agony as she chips a hoof.

99
00:04:31,479 --> 00:04:34,029
>> Rainbow Dash: Guys, I'm bored. I want to
go home.

100
00:04:34,029 --> 00:04:39,059
>> Spike: I've got an idea. Why don't we follow
the pathway that has the most number of gemstones?

101
00:04:39,059 --> 00:04:39,620
That's where they'll be.

102
00:04:39,620 --> 00:04:43,110
>> Twilight Sparkle: No, that's stupid. They're
Diamond Dogs. They mine for diamonds. They're

103
00:04:43,110 --> 00:04:46,090
not gonna be where the diamonds are; they're
gonna be where the diamonds aren't.

104
00:04:46,090 --> 00:04:48,889
>> Spike: How does that make sense? They mine
where the diamonds are.

105
00:04:48,889 --> 00:04:51,659
>> Twilight Sparkle: Yeah, but if they knew
where the diamonds were, they would've mined

106
00:04:51,659 --> 00:04:53,110
them out. They stripped the diamonds.

107
00:04:53,110 --> 00:04:56,169
>> Spike: From the tunnel with the most diamonds
in it though, right?

108
00:04:56,169 --> 00:04:59,399
>> Twilight Sparkle: This is gonna take forever.
Maybe we should just go home.

109
00:04:59,399 --> 00:05:05,810
>> Rover: Okay. Pony don't make sandwich so
much, so now pony pull cart.

110
00:05:05,810 --> 00:05:09,349
>> Rarity: Oh, for goodness sake. So where
does pony pull to?

111
00:05:09,349 --> 00:05:11,469
>> Rover: Pony pull over there.

112
00:05:11,469 --> 00:05:13,050
>> Rarity: Over where?

113
00:05:13,050 --> 00:05:15,849
>> Rover: Over there! Where dog is looking.

114
00:05:15,849 --> 00:05:18,089
>> Rarity: Where specifically please?

115
00:05:18,089 --> 00:05:25,089
>> Rover: [sighs] Over there. Where is dog
is looking. Why pony have such hard time?

116
00:05:27,919 --> 00:05:31,550
>> Rarity: Can you point out a landmark or
something? I don't know.

117
00:05:31,550 --> 00:05:34,149
>> Rover: See where Diamond Dog is looking?

118
00:05:34,149 --> 00:05:37,229
>> Rarity: Yes, in the vaguest sense.

119
00:05:37,229 --> 00:05:41,159
>> Rover: Over there. Where Diamond Dog is
looking.

120
00:05:41,159 --> 00:05:45,229
>> Rarity: How about I just walk over there
and you tell me if I'm hot or cold?

121
00:05:45,229 --> 00:05:51,360
>> Rover: No! Okay. Fine. Dogs, dig over there.
Pony go second.

122
00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:52,210
[crash]

123
00:05:52,210 --> 00:05:59,129
>> Rarity: Did... Oh, my God, did those dogs
just kill themselves by causing a cave-in?!

124
00:05:59,129 --> 00:05:59,830
>> Rover: Yes.

125
00:05:59,830 --> 00:06:04,599
>> Rarity: You are underground dwellers who
dig tunnels to live. How could you not be

126
00:06:04,599 --> 00:06:06,099
mindful of cave-ins?!

127
00:06:06,099 --> 00:06:13,099
>> Rover: Pony, dog has been digger for all
dog's life. Maybe when pony has been digger

128
00:06:13,629 --> 00:06:17,859
for all dog's life, then pony will understand.

129
00:06:17,859 --> 00:06:22,490
>> Rarity: That has got to be the most asinine
thing I've ever heard. You know, I'm sure

130
00:06:22,490 --> 00:06:26,300
the old methods are wonderful, but there has
got to be a way to dig for gemstones that

131
00:06:26,300 --> 00:06:27,399
isn't suicidal.

132
00:06:27,399 --> 00:06:28,560
>> Rover: Pony dig now.

133
00:06:28,560 --> 00:06:29,400
>> Rarity: No!

134
00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:31,300
>> Rover: Why pony not dig?!

135
00:06:31,300 --> 00:06:37,249
>> Rarity: Because I will die in a cave-in.
How come everything you tell me to do is self-defeating?

136
00:06:37,249 --> 00:06:41,210
There's dull-witted and then I don't even
know what this is. How do you survive?! When

137
00:06:41,210 --> 00:06:45,080
you chew gum, does your brain forget to send
signals to your heart?! This has got to be

138
00:06:45,080 --> 00:06:46,949
some kind of record for stupidity!

139
00:06:46,949 --> 00:06:48,090
>> Rover: Pony make sandwich.

140
00:06:48,090 --> 00:06:50,650
>> Rarity: I will never make you a sandwich.

141
00:06:50,650 --> 00:06:57,650
>> Rover: Diamond Dog has tried everything!
All possibilities explored! Every route of

142
00:06:58,580 --> 00:07:05,580
dialogue exhausted! Diamond Dog try to make
pony see! Try to make pony realize error of

143
00:07:08,599 --> 00:07:15,599
pony's way! But still, pony clings to old
cultures! Refuses to integrate!

144
00:07:16,439 --> 00:07:21,069
>> Rarity: Darling, I don't want to integrate
with your dumb society. I want to go home.

145
00:07:21,069 --> 00:07:27,799
>> Rover: No, pony. Pony is better here. Is
better with Diamond Dogs.

146
00:07:27,799 --> 00:07:29,939
>> Rarity: It's not. It's really not.

147
00:07:29,939 --> 00:07:36,939
>> Rover: Oh. And pony dogs suppose that high
and mighty pony knows better ways to be Diamond

148
00:07:38,210 --> 00:07:40,240
Dogs than Diamond Dogs?

149
00:07:40,240 --> 00:07:42,710
>> Rarity: Probably. How many of you have
worms?

150
00:07:42,710 --> 00:07:44,900
>> Rover: Diamond Dogs prefer not to say.

151
00:07:44,900 --> 00:07:50,779
>> Rarity: Well, if you let me go, I will
buy you pills for worms. Does that sound like

152
00:07:50,779 --> 00:07:51,960
a fair trade?

153
00:07:51,960 --> 00:07:58,960
>> Rover: Oh, pony... Diamond Dog will not
be tricked so easily. Dog knows how it goes.

154
00:08:00,459 --> 00:08:05,319
Dog let pony go, dog get worm pills, then
pony escapes.

155
00:08:05,319 --> 00:08:11,080
>> Rarity: Yes, dear, that's part of the arrangement.
You let me go to freedom and I get you your

156
00:08:11,080 --> 00:08:12,059
worm pills.

157
00:08:12,059 --> 00:08:15,860
>> Rover: Then if pony escape, how does dog
benefit?

158
00:08:15,860 --> 00:08:18,580
>> Rarity: I will buy you. Worm pills.

159
00:08:18,580 --> 00:08:20,740
>> Rover: But then pony escape!

160
00:08:20,740 --> 00:08:23,619
>> Rarity: No, I won't. I'll stay captured,
I promise.

161
00:08:23,619 --> 00:08:29,369
>> Rover: Pony is released and stays captured?
And dogs get worm pills?

162
00:08:29,369 --> 00:08:33,860
>> Rarity: Sure. Just get me to the surface
and turn me loose in town, and that's exactly

163
00:08:33,860 --> 00:08:35,319
how that will work.

164
00:08:35,319 --> 00:08:38,070
>> Rover: Pony, do pony know what this means?

165
00:08:38,070 --> 00:08:41,190
>> Rarity: I hope it's that we have a deal
and that you have an aneurysm!

166
00:08:41,190 --> 00:08:46,490
>> Rover: The prophecy has come true! Pony
is pony of prophecy!

167
00:08:46,490 --> 00:08:49,680
>> Rainbow Dash: Rarity! We came to save you!

168
00:08:49,680 --> 00:08:53,600
>> Rarity: Way to take your time, guys. I'm
already their queen, but good rescuing, I

169
00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:53,800
guess.

170
00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:56,080
>> Applejack: Now, how in the heck did you
get to be their queen?

171
00:08:56,080 --> 00:09:03,080
>> Rarity: I have no idea. Just take me home
please.