1
00:00:04,339 --> 00:00:11,339
>> Snails: [speaking in pseudo-Swedish] (All
lesser races must stand aside or be trampled!)

2
00:00:15,019 --> 00:00:22,019
>> Spike: Aah! Oh, great. I think I've been
captured by the town retards.

3
00:00:23,570 --> 00:00:25,640
>> Snails: (Who's the retard when you're working
for a shamed, bitter exile?)

4
00:00:25,640 --> 00:00:28,170
>> Snips: [speaking in pseudo-German] (The
fact that you've been banished here to "study

5
00:00:28,170 --> 00:00:30,460
friendship" is telling of just how sad you
both are!)

6
00:00:30,460 --> 00:00:32,300
>> Twilight Sparkle: [to Spike] What did they
say?

7
00:00:32,300 --> 00:00:35,039
>> Spike: Well, I'm a bit rusty, but I'm pretty
sure they just told you that they really like

8
00:00:35,039 --> 00:00:35,610
your hair.

9
00:00:35,610 --> 00:00:37,180
>> Twilight Sparkle: Wait a minute. Are you
sure?

10
00:00:37,180 --> 00:00:38,510
>> Snails: (Fat chance! You look embarrassing!)

11
00:00:38,510 --> 00:00:43,930
>> Snips: (Yeah, how's running your hair under
the sink working for you?)

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00:00:43,930 --> 00:00:48,989
>> Pony: What exactly is going on? First,
Bubblegum Dancer was standing here, and then

13
00:00:48,989 --> 00:00:53,230
I stood next to her, and then some other pony
stood next to me, and now, like, the whole

14
00:00:53,230 --> 00:00:54,570
town is here.
[poof]

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00:00:54,570 --> 00:00:58,070
>> Pony: Oh, my God, something's happening!
Oh, hey, it's a magic pony.

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00:00:58,070 --> 00:01:01,879
>> Trixie: [in deep, gravelly voice] When
I was just a filly, both my parents were drama

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00:01:01,879 --> 00:01:08,180
actors. But one day after a show, a horrible
critic came and met my family in a dark alley.

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00:01:08,180 --> 00:01:13,929
There, disgruntled by my parents' mediocre,
mediocre performance, he took a rock and he

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00:01:13,929 --> 00:01:16,069
smashed both their heads in!

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00:01:16,069 --> 00:01:17,289
>> Pony: Yaaaaay!

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00:01:17,289 --> 00:01:22,459
>> Trixie: From that day forward, I declared
eternal vengeance on all drama critics everywhere.

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00:01:22,459 --> 00:01:27,929
I've decided to follow in my parents' stupid,
non-lucrative footsteps. Now I travel the

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00:01:27,929 --> 00:01:33,689
world putting on fantastic shows so I can
root out horrible critics who dislike drama

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00:01:33,689 --> 00:01:36,020
and punish them for their terrible crime.

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00:01:36,020 --> 00:01:38,599
>> Rarity: So is this, like, the whole show?

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00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:40,039
>> Trixie: No!

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00:01:40,039 --> 00:01:41,960
>> Rarity: So what exactly is the show?

28
00:01:41,960 --> 00:01:46,429
>> Trixie: Okay, I really loved Peter Pan
On Ice, so I'm going to do a parody of Peter

29
00:01:46,429 --> 00:01:51,310
Pan On Ice, but every character is Darth Vader.
That's the hook. But because I love the show,

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00:01:51,310 --> 00:01:54,779
I really want to stay true to the characters.
So I'm gonna be holding open auditions to

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00:01:54,779 --> 00:01:59,079
look for people who are exactly like Peter
Pan if he were Darth Vader. None of this "I'm

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00:01:59,079 --> 00:02:02,899
a good actor but I only sound kind of like
Peter Pan who is Darth Vader"; I need exactly

33
00:02:02,899 --> 00:02:03,729
like the character.

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00:02:03,729 --> 00:02:05,710
>> Applejack: Well, that's just plumb stupid.

35
00:02:05,710 --> 00:02:07,450
>> Trixie: Also, everyone gets to write.

36
00:02:07,450 --> 00:02:11,150
>> Applejack: Well, that's just plumb stupider!
Consarnit, I could single-hoofedly be more

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00:02:11,150 --> 00:02:12,230
entertaining than that.

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00:02:12,230 --> 00:02:15,909
>> Trixie: Okay, granted, that might be true.
But this is not friendship. That's the issue

39
00:02:15,909 --> 00:02:20,820
that I have here. Okay. Okay! Get off the
stage! You're wrecking my show!

40
00:02:20,820 --> 00:02:23,890
>> Rainbow Dash: Well, I think that you show
totally and completely sucks.

41
00:02:23,890 --> 00:02:25,430
>> Trixie: Nuh-uh! You suck!

42
00:02:25,430 --> 00:02:26,449
>> Rarity: No, she doesn't.

43
00:02:26,449 --> 00:02:30,060
>> Rainbow Dash: I don't think so. I'm cool.
Check me out.

44
00:02:30,060 --> 00:02:32,050
>> Trixie: You suck, you suck, you suck...
You do suck! You suck times infinity!

45
00:02:32,050 --> 00:02:33,130
>> Spike: You both suck!

46
00:02:33,130 --> 00:02:35,329
>> Twilight Sparkle: Spike, please stop encouraging
them.

47
00:02:35,329 --> 00:02:36,329
>> Trixie: [???]
[thunder]

48
00:02:36,329 --> 00:02:41,770
>> Spike: [wailing] My feet are tired! I wanna
go home! Take me home! [wailing]

49
00:02:41,770 --> 00:02:45,219
>> Twilight Sparkle: Spike, what the heck,
man? Would you chill out already? I'll buy

50
00:02:45,219 --> 00:02:45,859
you some ice cream.

51
00:02:45,859 --> 00:02:48,840
>> Trixie: You! Why did you bring a baby to
my show?!

52
00:02:48,840 --> 00:02:53,340
>> Twilight Sparkle: Who, me? He's not exactly
your everyday, typical baby. He's really much

53
00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:57,000
smarter than that. Why do you keep interacting
with the audience so much?

54
00:02:57,000 --> 00:02:58,560
>> Trixie: Because I'm a drama genius.

55
00:02:58,560 --> 00:03:01,859
>> Rarity: Pffft! She's just trying to get
noticed.

56
00:03:01,859 --> 00:03:03,299
>> Spike: I'll give ya a fat lip!

57
00:03:03,299 --> 00:03:05,319
>> Trixie: What do you think you know about
drama?

58
00:03:05,319 --> 00:03:09,980
>> Rarity: Well, nothing much really, because
I wasn't in the drama club when I was in high

59
00:03:09,980 --> 00:03:14,500
school. I was far, far, far too busy getting
laid by cute athletic colts.

60
00:03:14,500 --> 00:03:16,909
>> Trixie: Shut up! I got laid in high school!

61
00:03:16,909 --> 00:03:18,090
>> Twilight Sparkle: Well, I sure didn't...

62
00:03:18,090 --> 00:03:20,400
>> Rarity: It doesn't count if he was in the
drama club.

63
00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:22,719
>> Trixie: I once dated a guy in the marching
band.

64
00:03:22,719 --> 00:03:24,250
>> Rarity: Well, okay, but was he cute?

65
00:03:24,250 --> 00:03:27,180
>> Trixie: Well, I thought he was cute at
the time.

66
00:03:27,180 --> 00:03:29,299
>> Rarity: Well, fine. I guess that counts.

67
00:03:29,299 --> 00:03:31,699
>> Trixie: The guy in the drama club was cute
too.

68
00:03:31,699 --> 00:03:34,709
>> Applejack: Gal, are you sure you wanna
be on stage for this kind of discussion?

69
00:03:34,709 --> 00:03:36,120
>> Trixie: Yeah, why?

70
00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:38,370
>> Applejack: Don't y'all think that that's
maybe just a bit personal?

71
00:03:38,370 --> 00:03:38,980
>> Trixie: No.

72
00:03:38,980 --> 00:03:41,360
>> Rainbow Dash: Hey! I think the show is
still boring!

73
00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:42,189
>> Trixie: What did I tell you?!?

74
00:03:42,189 --> 00:03:44,090
>> Spike: You still both suck!
[thunder]

75
00:03:44,090 --> 00:03:44,529
>> Rainbow Dash: Yow!

76
00:03:44,529 --> 00:03:45,999
>> Spike: Hey, watch it. Your horn is pointy.

77
00:03:45,999 --> 00:03:49,749
>> Twilight Sparkle: Spike, what exactly has
gotten into you? Are you trying to make me

78
00:03:49,749 --> 00:03:50,750
look like an ass here?

79
00:03:50,750 --> 00:03:53,299
>> Rainbow Dash: So hey, when do you think
your show will be ready to go? 'Cause actually,

80
00:03:53,299 --> 00:03:56,440
I wanna help out. I do a really awesome Darth
Tinker Bell.

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00:03:56,440 --> 00:03:56,969
>> Trixie: Fine.

82
00:03:56,969 --> 00:04:02,299
>> Rainbow Dash: Okay, okay. Give me a second.
Let me show you. [filtered breathing] [twinking

83
00:04:02,299 --> 00:04:08,540
SFX] Okay, what do you think? Am I in?

84
00:04:08,540 --> 00:04:12,840
>> Trixie: Well, it wasn't quite what I imagined
for the part, but okay.

85
00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:14,470
>> Rarity: So excuse me, whatever-your-name-is...

86
00:04:14,470 --> 00:04:18,359
>> Trixie: Trixie. Oh, wait! Shoot! Did I
forget that part? Ugh, that was important!

87
00:04:18,359 --> 00:04:22,199
Okay, okay, let's see. Uh, da-da-da, "parents",
da-da-da, "rock", da-da-da, "vengeance", da-da-da...

88
00:04:22,199 --> 00:04:29,180
Uh... Oh, right. Here we are. [overdramatic]
I am the Great! I am the Powerful! I... am...

89
00:04:29,180 --> 00:04:36,180
Trixie! [speaking normally] I am the Great
and Powerful Trixie.

90
00:04:36,810 --> 00:04:39,630
>> Rarity: Great. I've been thinking, and
it sounds as though you've slept with at least

91
00:04:39,630 --> 00:04:40,919
two boys...

92
00:04:40,919 --> 00:04:42,110
>> Trixie: Eh, in high school.

93
00:04:42,110 --> 00:04:45,180
>> Rarity: And frankly, that's two more than
Twilight's ever had, so I guess you win.

94
00:04:45,180 --> 00:04:47,780
>> Snails: (Behold, all pegasi and earth ponies!
Here stands your indisputable superior! Her

95
00:04:47,780 --> 00:04:49,380
greatness far exceeds all your meager life's
goals!)

96
00:04:49,380 --> 00:04:53,419
>> Snips: (You should all probably just go
home and kill yourselves!)

97
00:04:53,419 --> 00:04:58,319
>> Trixie: Yes! I am the best!
[ponies applauding]

98
00:04:58,319 --> 00:05:00,340
[fireworks exploding]

99
00:05:00,340 --> 00:05:07,340
>> Snips: (On behalf of Ponyville's stallions,
we welcome you!)

100
00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:16,400
>> Trixie: Hey, you guys wanna hear something
weird? So a long time ago, I got this really

101
00:05:20,590 --> 00:05:24,870
bad rash. I think it was ringworm or something.
Anyway, so that's when I bought this cape

102
00:05:24,870 --> 00:05:28,710
so I could cover up the ringworm. And, uh...
I forgot where I was going with that, but

103
00:05:28,710 --> 00:05:30,460
the ringworm's gone now.

104
00:05:30,460 --> 00:05:33,979
>> Snails: (Her voice is so beautiful!)

105
00:05:33,979 --> 00:05:36,210
>> Trixie: [sipping] What?

106
00:05:36,210 --> 00:05:41,520
>> Snips: (We were hoping that you might fall
in love with us.)

107
00:05:41,520 --> 00:05:46,650
>> Snails: (And that maybe one of us would
score. Or even both of us!)

108
00:05:46,650 --> 00:05:52,229
>> Trixie: I'll be honest. You guys are creeping
me right the hell out.

109
00:05:52,229 --> 00:05:52,360
[beat]

110
00:05:52,360 --> 00:05:52,620
>> Trixie: Leave!

111
00:05:52,620 --> 00:05:54,330
>> Snails: (Anything for the finest filly
in Ponyville.)

112
00:05:54,330 --> 00:05:58,350
>> Snips: (We would marinate your hooves with
our spit.)

113
00:05:58,350 --> 00:06:00,979
>> Spike: Now what are you two up to?

114
00:06:00,979 --> 00:06:03,139
>> Snips: (We are making time with a hot lady!)

115
00:06:03,139 --> 00:06:03,860
>> Spike: You're what?

116
00:06:03,860 --> 00:06:07,210
>> Snips: (Trixie is a suitable unicorn of
meager class. She is probably desperate for

117
00:06:07,210 --> 00:06:07,449
anyone.)

118
00:06:07,449 --> 00:06:07,930
>> Spike: Ugh.

119
00:06:07,930 --> 00:06:10,339
>> Snips: (That is, of course, naturally where
Snails and I come in.)

120
00:06:10,339 --> 00:06:14,330
>> Spike: I hate to break it to ya, but that
play's gonna be a flop. The premise is stupid.

121
00:06:14,330 --> 00:06:15,839
Not to mention the leadership.

122
00:06:15,839 --> 00:06:18,789
>> Snips: (Who cares about a stupid play?
Snails and I will be all over that ass like

123
00:06:18,789 --> 00:06:19,419
letters on a keyboard.)

124
00:06:19,419 --> 00:06:22,300
>> Spike: Let me break it down so you can
understand. [speaking in Russian] (I am condescending

125
00:06:22,300 --> 00:06:22,750
to you.)

126
00:06:22,750 --> 00:06:26,909
>> Snails: [laughing] (Snips will be the letters
and I'll be the numbers.)

127
00:06:26,909 --> 00:06:31,300
>> Spike: Look, I know what it's like to want
to be in a performance. When I was littler,

128
00:06:31,300 --> 00:06:34,629
Twilight put on a show about brushing your
teeth for her school. I thought that was really

129
00:06:34,629 --> 00:06:37,840
amazing that everyone could get together and
sing like that, and I wanted to try it too.

130
00:06:37,840 --> 00:06:41,419
But you know what they told me? They told
me "Nae, Spike, you're Twilight's slave, and

131
00:06:41,419 --> 00:06:44,680
slaves don't get to sing in the school play!
Now clean up these books!"

132
00:06:44,680 --> 00:06:51,680
>> Snails: (Sounds like you didn't have much
talent as a child. Were you dropped on your

133
00:06:52,009 --> 00:06:52,469
head?)

134
00:06:52,469 --> 00:06:56,080
>> Spike: Twilight, why was it that you never
let me sing in your school plays?

135
00:06:56,080 --> 00:06:58,479
>> Twilight Sparkle: I don't know. Why aren't
you in bed yet?

136
00:06:58,479 --> 00:07:01,280
>> Spike: Because I've stayed up making a
list of perfectly good reasons why I should've

137
00:07:01,280 --> 00:07:03,219
been in those plays when you were just a little
one!

138
00:07:03,219 --> 00:07:06,120
>> Twilight Sparkle: Well, you know what I
think? I think I've had enough of your pissy

139
00:07:06,120 --> 00:07:07,860
little attitude today. Go to bed.

140
00:07:07,860 --> 00:07:11,499
>> Spike: Well, you can't just tell me to
go to bed. Where's the sport in that?

141
00:07:11,499 --> 00:07:14,430
>> Twilight Sparkle: Go to bed or I will turn
you inside out!

142
00:07:14,430 --> 00:07:19,780
>> Spike: I'm not going to bed, and you can't
make me! I'm going for a walk!

143
00:07:19,780 --> 00:07:24,990
>> Spike: [thinking] I'll show Twilight. I'll
stay up all night and feel like piss tomorrow.

144
00:07:24,990 --> 00:07:24,990
>> Snips: (How could I have known that would
happen!)

145
00:07:30,550 --> 00:07:37,550
>> Spike: [thinking] It's the weirdest thing.
Why do I feel hungry after talking to them?

146
00:07:40,289 --> 00:07:40,849
[roar]

147
00:07:40,849 --> 00:07:43,110
>> Spike: [thinking] Oh, shoot!

148
00:07:43,110 --> 00:07:45,919
>> Snips and Snails: [mingled yelling]

149
00:07:45,919 --> 00:07:49,639
>> Trixie: What?! Oh, please don't tell me
you guys have figured out I'll do anything

150
00:07:49,639 --> 00:07:50,120
for a buck.

151
00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:51,400
>> Snips: (To be honest I did suspect from
the start.)

152
00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:56,089
>> Snails: (Not that either of us have any
money anyway.)

153
00:07:56,089 --> 00:07:59,849
>> Trixie: Wait, two cups of flour? Are you
guys crazy? Do you know what that'll do to

154
00:07:59,849 --> 00:08:04,909
my arteries? ...Seriously, I'm asking. Is
that bad for you? I read too much flour is

155
00:08:04,909 --> 00:08:06,080
bad for you.

156
00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:07,400
>> Ursa: [roar]

157
00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:10,050
>> Snips and Snails: [screaming]

158
00:08:10,050 --> 00:08:11,380
>> Ursa: [roar]

159
00:08:11,380 --> 00:08:14,020
>> Spike: Twilight! Space bear!

160
00:08:14,020 --> 00:08:18,180
>> Twilight Sparkle: Oh, I'm sorry. I can't
hear disobedient dragons who aren't in bed.

161
00:08:18,180 --> 00:08:20,180
>> Spike: But... there's a freakin' space
bear...

162
00:08:20,180 --> 00:08:20,520
>> Ursa: [roar]

163
00:08:20,520 --> 00:08:23,269
>> Trixie: Oh, my God, this is the worst day.

164
00:08:23,269 --> 00:08:25,050
>> Snips: (How can you say that?)

165
00:08:25,050 --> 00:08:28,020
>> Snails: (We brought the bear to win your
heart.)

166
00:08:28,020 --> 00:08:30,919
>> Trixie: What?! You idiots! What gave you
the impression that I would find this kind

167
00:08:30,919 --> 00:08:31,800
of thing attractive?!

168
00:08:31,800 --> 00:08:36,319
>> Snips: (Girls find it cute when you bring
them teddy bears.)

169
00:08:36,319 --> 00:08:42,110
>> Snails: (We just took the gift to its logical
conclusion!)

170
00:08:42,110 --> 00:08:45,820
>> Trixie: Uhhh... I guess I can't argue with
that.

171
00:08:45,820 --> 00:08:46,890
>> Snips: (Yeah. It's simple when you think
about it.)

172
00:08:46,890 --> 00:08:47,950
>> Snails: (You should offer us an apology
right now!)

173
00:08:47,950 --> 00:08:49,160
>> Twilight Sparkle: Oh, my God! The hell's
going on?!

174
00:08:49,160 --> 00:08:49,420
>> Snips: (We brought Trixie a token of our
love.)

175
00:08:49,420 --> 00:08:53,330
>> Snails: (And now she is just about to rightfully
apologize to us.)

176
00:08:53,330 --> 00:09:00,330
>> Trixie: I'm sorry. Well, I'm not really
sorry. But I know that you guys expect an

177
00:09:01,220 --> 00:09:05,200
apology, so if I just pretend to be sorry,
then this will all probably just go away.

178
00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:07,300
>> Ursa: [roar]

179
00:09:07,300 --> 00:09:13,300
>> Spike: Go on, Twilight! Use that magic
that Celestia taught ya!

180
00:09:13,300 --> 00:09:16,550
>> Twilight Sparkle: Okay. What's next on
the list of Celestia's homework?

181
00:09:16,550 --> 00:09:18,760
>> Spike: Celestia says now Spike gets facial
hair!

182
00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:19,860
>> Twilight Sparkle: Typical.

183
00:09:19,860 --> 00:09:20,830
>> Spike: Do it!

184
00:09:20,830 --> 00:09:23,180
>> Twilight Sparkle: Celestia's training is
terrible!

185
00:09:23,180 --> 00:09:25,890
>> Spike: Well, just use that magic that she
forbade you from studying.

186
00:09:25,890 --> 00:09:28,010
>> Twilight Sparkle: You mean the spell that
could kill everyone?

187
00:09:28,010 --> 00:09:31,120
>> Spike: The one you decided to study anyway
without any help or guidance.

188
00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:34,300
>> Trixie: You know, I cannot believe how
patient this space bear is being. He should

189
00:09:34,300 --> 00:09:37,910
get a lollipop or something.
[explosion]

190
00:09:37,910 --> 00:09:43,840
>> Rainbow Dash: Wow, Twilight! That was amazing!
Although, for some reason, I can't really

191
00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:45,580
remember what exactly you did.

192
00:09:45,580 --> 00:09:47,940
>> Twilight Sparkle: It was something illegal
involving spacetime.

193
00:09:47,940 --> 00:09:51,540
>> Trixie: Well, I think we've all learned
something important about picking out romantic

194
00:09:51,540 --> 00:09:56,570
partners. Dating someone is just like picking
out a parakeet from the pet store. You should

195
00:09:56,570 --> 00:10:00,010
always look for a bird that's friendly and
getting along with the others. And, uh...

196
00:10:00,010 --> 00:10:01,370
that's all I got.

197
00:10:01,370 --> 00:10:08,370
>> Applejack: Well, it was nice meetin' ya
anyway.