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>> Applejack: Hey, Twilight, I just wanted
to thank y'all for helpin' me pick them apples,

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I tell ya what. Hoo-wee!

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>> Twilight Sparkle: No problem, Applejack.
I'm surprised you didn't ask me sooner, you

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being a filthy Earth pony and all. A unicorn
would be a great deal more efficient at your

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job.

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>> Spike: Oh, hey, catch.

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>> Twilight Sparkle: Hey, if you don't mind
me asking, can Earth ponies even read?

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>> Spike: What?!

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>> Twilight Sparkle: Oh. Uh-oh. What does
Celestia want from me this time?

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>> Spike: "Dear Twilight, I hope you're having
a wonderful time down there in Ponyville and

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not up here in the magical city of Canterlot.
Just to give you a little taste of your former

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life of luxury, here's two tickets to the
Grand Galloping Gala. Enjoy."

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>> Twilight Sparkle: Two tickets?! I'll get
out of this rat-hole prison for a whole day!

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>> Spike: I don't know, Twilight. You know
how Celestia can be. You know this is more

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than likely some kind of spaz setup.

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>> Twilight Sparkle: Please, Spike, don't
crush my dreams.

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>> Rainbow Dash: Oh, my God! You got tickets
to Canterlot?! Take me!

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>> Applejack: Oh, cool them thighs, sugarpie.
I was just about to ask the same thing. Besides,

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why do you even wanna go?

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>> Rainbow Dash: Well, I need to be emotionally
validated by my childhood idols. I've dreamt

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all my life of crashing one of their performances
and making an ass of myself for attention.

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I thrive on attention!

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>> Applejack: No way! I was gonna scalp my
ticket to some poor halfwit and use the money

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to fix up my farm! My Granny needs a hip replacement!
And darn it, I will arm-wrestle!

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>> Twilight Sparkle: Girls! The second ticket
is obviously for a date, and I am not gonna

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take one of you morons.

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>> Applejack: Well, hang on. Y'all can't even
get a date.

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>> Rainbow Dash: Yeah! And that means that
you can take one of us!

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>> Applejack: And that means that you can
take me!

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>> Rainbow Dash: Please notice me!

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>> Twilight Sparkle: I'm sure that I could
just lower my standards and date a Pegasus

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or something. Now if you'll excuse me, I've
got some royal protégé courting to do.

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>> Spike: I thought you hated the idea of
dating, Twilight.

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Twilight Sparkle: That was back when dating
was a detriment to real study, Spike. These

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days I'm studying friendship. Of all—

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>> Pinkie Pie: I've got the music in me! Stop!
Sweet crimson hot dogs! Lucky-lucky! These

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are for me! They will complete the prophecies!
Yes, please!

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>> Twilight Sparkle: Uh...

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>> Rarity: Spike! I will give you three blowjobs
for those!

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>> Twilight Sparkle: Wha...

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>> Pinkie Pie: You see? They're already bringing
the pieces together. Soon the day of reckoning

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will be upon us.

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>> Rarity: These are tickets to Canterlot!
Oh, as a unicorn, I've always lamented my

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low birth here in Ponyville. You know, I'd
really give anything to strut my stuff in

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front of some worthwhile ponies.

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>> Pinkie Pie: Yes.

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>> Fluttershy: Oh, it looks like you have
tickets to Canterlot. And I suppose – oh,

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this must sound silly – that you're probably
looking for a date.

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>> Rarity: Why? Do you have someone in mind
for Twilight to go out with?

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>> Fluttershy: Uh... no. I mean, me. Just
as friends though.

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>> Twilight Sparkle: Are you stalking me?

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>> Rainbow Dash: Well, yes! But that isn't
fair! You know how much attention I need!

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Why don't you take me as a date? Fluttershy
probably won't even put out!

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>> Applejack: Hey now, I'm just as good a
friend as any.

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>> Twilight Sparkle: What are you talking
about? Where'd you come from?

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>> Applejack: You know y'all can't trust this
one. She'll probably drop roofies in your

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drink when y'all's lookin' the other way.
I know a guy what told me so.

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>> Rainbow Dash: It was just that one time!

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>> Twilight Sparkle: Stop!

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>> Pinkie Pie: ...weight in cheese and vomited
up the cast of Battlestar Galactica.

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>> Pinkie Pie: Shrimps.

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>> Twilight Sparkle: Alright, listen up, everypony.

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>> Rarity: But Twilight—

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>> Twilight Sparkle: Ah! No! Listen carefully.
Everyone, shut up!

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>> Twilight Sparkle: I don't know, Spike.
I'm beginning to think that this is one of

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Celestia's little spaz errands after all.
All she ever does is shovel crap into my life.

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Vengeance! Oh. Hey! Maybe I can mail a spider
to Celestia.

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>> Spike: I love your plan. Oh, right. Just
a sandwich for the lady. Thank you.

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>> Twilight Sparkle: You like my plan?

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>> Spike: Look, the thing is, the only reason
you keep getting dumped on by Celestia is

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because you respond so hilariously to it.

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>> Twilight Sparkle: So what exactly are you
saying? Everything is my fault?

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>> Spike: Well, let me think. Uh, yeah.

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>> Twilight Sparkle: Well, up yours, Spike!
And screw you. You know, forget you. I'm sure

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there's some way I can ruin Celestia's life.

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>> Rainbow Dash: Hey, Twi! I'm up here in
the clouds! Man!

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>> Rainbow Dash: Hey, give me those tickets.

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>> Twilight Sparkle: Yeah, sure. Or else what?
Are you gonna rain on me? I will do things

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to you, Dash. Unspeakable things. I have a
medical background. I know what makes you

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tick.

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>> Rainbow Dash: Fine. Jesus.

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>> Twilight Sparkle: Oh, yes.

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>> Rarity: Twilight, what are you doing?

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>> Twilight Sparkle: So... angry...

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>> Rarity: Come on.

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>> Rarity: That was no way for the master
race to be seen. Come, let's pamper you.

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00:05:54,139 --> 00:05:57,720
>> Rarity: Oh, let's shave your legs!

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>> Twilight Sparkle: What?! No! That's insane!

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00:06:01,290 --> 00:06:06,800
>> Rarity: Oh, wait just a moment. Spike,
hello! Why don't you grab me those tickets

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00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:08,990
before I grab the calipers?

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00:06:08,990 --> 00:06:10,570
>> Spike: Uhhh...

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>> Spike: Get off of me, you crazy bitch!

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>> Twilight Sparkle: Rarity, if you're just
gonna play with Spike, then I think I'm just

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gonna go ahead and leave.

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00:06:28,980 --> 00:06:34,860
>> Applejack: Hey, stop! I got pies and stuff!
This here's a pie. That's a pie. A pie. Yeah,

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I even got pies on my head. So, Twilight,
you want any pies?

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>> Twilight Sparkle: Never again!

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>> Applejack: What's the matter with pies?

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>> Twilight Sparkle: "What's the matter with
pies?" What's she thinking?! Oh, God!

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>> Fluttershy: In the afterlife, you could
be headed for the serious strife...

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>> Twilight Sparkle: Fluttershy, what are
these animals here for?

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>> Fluttershy: Well, I thought if I showed
you how good I was with animals, then you

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would remember that I wasn't crazy and that
I wouldn't put roofies in your drink like

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Rainbow Dash.

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>> Twilight Sparkle: I don't know about that.

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>> Fluttershy: Oh. Well, maybe just one or
two roofies.

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00:07:14,470 --> 00:07:14,470
Right, Angel?

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Those animals are disgusting and stupid. So
you should just get out of here—

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>> Pinkie Pie: Commence the invasion when
I complete the equation!

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>> Pinkie Pie: Okay, now! Okay, now throw
her in the air.

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>> Twilight Sparkle: H-Hey now!

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>> Pinkie Pie: Once again!

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>> Twilight Sparkle: Don't drop me! Goddamn
it!

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>> Pinkie Pie: I have betrayed you to all
the others!

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>> Pinkie Pie: Painful?

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>> Twilight Sparkle: The hell's the matter
with you?! What do you even think you're trying

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to do?!

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>> Drizzle: Hey, I thought you said she had
tickets to Canterlot.

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>> Pinkie Pie: She has them.

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>> Daisy: Pick me. I found flowers.

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>> Shoeshine: You found flowers? I found these
carrots!

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>> Spike: Oh, Jesus.

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>> Twilight Sparkle: Spike. Let's boogie.

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>> Spike: I wish you wouldn't distort the
laws of time and space.

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>> Twilight Sparkle: Shut up! They're my powers
to abuse! Now lock everything!

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>> Twilight Sparkle: Oh, my God, it's you
schmucks again! Why won't you go and just

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leave me alone for ten minutes so I can think
of some diabolical spell to cast and make

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00:09:00,730 --> 00:09:03,470
everyone in this town disappear? I mean, you
guys are such dicks!

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00:09:03,470 --> 00:09:06,740
>> Applejack: Aw, listen, Twi. Y'all don't
have to kill everyone in fire.

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00:09:06,740 --> 00:09:11,709
>> Pinkie Pie: I say we call her bluff. She
does not have the nerve.

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>> Applejack: Twilight, sometimes, even though
you want to kill everyone, you have to know

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that killin' just ain't the answer. It's one
of them pure and simple things in life.

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>> Fluttershy: It's true, Twilight. It's true.
I've made that same mistake too many times.

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>> Pinkie Pie: Mistake?

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>> Rarity: We've all murdered someone once
or twice without thinking.

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>> Rainbow Dash: What about those tickets?
Yes. Oh, man. I still want those.

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>> Twilight Sparkle: I have to get back at
Celestia somehow. Oh. Here's an idea. Spike,

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00:09:39,829 --> 00:09:44,040
take a letter. "Dear Princess Celestia, today
my friends taught me the most interesting

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thing about oogenesis. So as you can imagine,
it's going to be an extremely long and boring

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00:09:48,970 --> 00:09:54,069
mail. However, this letter's gonna be full
of important information that you need to

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00:09:54,069 --> 00:09:58,170
read. So you better not skip any of it. By
the way, here's your stupid tickets back."

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00:09:58,170 --> 00:09:59,639
Okay, send it!

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00:09:59,639 --> 00:10:03,660
>> Applejack: Uh, Twi, don't you think that
she might gouge out your eyes?

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00:10:03,660 --> 00:10:09,410
>> Twilight Sparkle: Screw consequences. Whatever
she does can't be worse than those two tickets.

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00:10:09,410 --> 00:10:16,350
>> Applejack: I dunno. It just seems plumb
reckless of ya to not assume she's gonna do

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00:10:16,350 --> 00:10:17,500
somethin' nas—

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00:10:17,500 --> 00:10:24,500
>> Spike: "Dear Twilight, I'm going to gouge
out your eyes. Also, here's six more tickets."

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00:10:40,730 --> 00:10:47,730
>> Twilight Sparkle: Shit!