1 00:00:05,690 --> 00:00:06,380 Applejack: Wah! 2 00:00:06,380 --> 00:00:07,770 Twilight Sparkle: Hey, AJ. 3 00:00:07,770 --> 00:00:09,630 Applejack: Holy tap-dancin' apples, Twilight! 4 00:00:09,630 --> 00:00:10,610 Twilight Sparkle: What? 5 00:00:10,610 --> 00:00:15,280 Applejack: Y'all teleport two inches from my face, and I am drunk! I just had three 6 00:00:15,280 --> 00:00:19,250 emotions – at least three emotions just now – and my brain has not caught up to 7 00:00:19,250 --> 00:00:20,360 what they even are yet! 8 00:00:20,360 --> 00:00:24,710 Twilight Sparkle: Probably fear, because your head would've exploded if I teleported into 9 00:00:24,710 --> 00:00:29,270 it; excitement, because I'm here now and you obviously look up to me; and I dunno the third 10 00:00:29,270 --> 00:00:30,730 one. Maybe nausea? 11 00:00:30,730 --> 00:00:36,539 Applejack: Well. Ain't that a delusion of grandeur. I don't look up to y'all in the 12 00:00:36,539 --> 00:00:38,850 slightest. Y'all are a sad sack of crap, Twilight. 13 00:00:38,850 --> 00:00:43,769 Twilight Sparkle: Yeah, yeah, but... I mean, just look at my fur though. So soft. I use 14 00:00:43,769 --> 00:00:47,210 a really good conditioner, you know. I know you're always wondering, "How can I get my 15 00:00:47,210 --> 00:00:48,339 fur to be that shiny?" 16 00:00:48,339 --> 00:00:51,069 Applejack: Twilight, what in the damn green Earth have you come to visit me for? 17 00:00:51,069 --> 00:00:53,460 Twilight Sparkle: Okay, I remember hearing that your brother got hurt. 18 00:00:53,460 --> 00:00:57,999 Applejack: Who told y'all that? I mean, he did, but only just yesterday. Just in time 19 00:00:57,999 --> 00:00:59,559 to not be able to help with the harvest. 20 00:00:59,559 --> 00:01:02,920 Twilight Sparkle: I can't remember. I could've sworn that somebody mentioned something about 21 00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:07,090 it, like, a week ago, but... I've been having these weird flashes all month. Hey, have you 22 00:01:07,090 --> 00:01:09,710 cleaned up your farm or something? It looks... smoother. 23 00:01:09,710 --> 00:01:12,920 Applejack: Twilight, I'm startin' to worry about ya. Maybe you got the epilarpsy. Or-or 24 00:01:12,920 --> 00:01:16,990 you might be clairvoyant. Anyway, they tell ya how Big Mac got injured? 25 00:01:16,990 --> 00:01:18,410 Twilight Sparkle: Uh, no. 26 00:01:18,410 --> 00:01:22,180 Applejack: Well, the doctor thought that maybe Mac was carryin' somethin' about the size 27 00:01:22,180 --> 00:01:27,000 of an adult male pony usin' only his hind legs, 'cause his back was thrown out in a 28 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:31,650 very peculiar manner. Supposedly, this object would've been hangin' from his underside like 29 00:01:31,650 --> 00:01:35,330 a monkey's baby somewhere so that it throws out his lower back. 30 00:01:35,330 --> 00:01:40,270 Twilight Sparkle: Huh. I don't suppose this object was maybe, like, uh... I dunno... light 31 00:01:40,270 --> 00:01:42,050 brown? Maybe kind of like a caramel color? 32 00:01:42,050 --> 00:01:46,370 Applejack: [scoffs] No, sir! No, sir! Mac insists that he was tryin' to carry a bushel 33 00:01:46,370 --> 00:01:52,090 of apples in a new, more efficient manner! Granny insists that Mac is just practicin' 34 00:01:52,090 --> 00:01:54,720 carryin' apples for when the mares are in season! 35 00:01:54,720 --> 00:01:58,450 Twilight Sparkle: Yeah. Well... Are you, uh... Are you getting enough water? Because you 36 00:01:58,450 --> 00:02:00,750 are really drunk to be working out in the sun all day. 37 00:02:00,750 --> 00:02:04,909 Applejack: What I wanna know is, how good of practice is it if it's the same damn horse 38 00:02:04,909 --> 00:02:09,780 over and over again sixty to seventy percent of the time?! And there's a big clear delineation 39 00:02:09,780 --> 00:02:13,530 between how things work with your practice partner and how things are gonna work in the 40 00:02:13,530 --> 00:02:14,110 big leagues! 41 00:02:14,110 --> 00:02:17,600 Twilight Sparkle: Well, there's only, like, two inches of difference between the top hole 42 00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:21,530 and... Uh, it sounds like a family issue. The point is I understand that you need help 43 00:02:21,530 --> 00:02:25,100 with the harvest, and I've got this feeling that you're gonna make a drunk ass of yourself 44 00:02:25,100 --> 00:02:26,930 all around town if nobody intercedes. 45 00:02:26,930 --> 00:02:30,940 Applejack: I know what this is. Y'all are workin' up to an intervention! Well, I don't 46 00:02:30,940 --> 00:02:32,350 need your help, and I've earned that cider! 47 00:02:32,350 --> 00:02:36,280 Twilight Sparkle: What? No, look. From one drunk to another, I'm... I'm just gonna do 48 00:02:36,280 --> 00:02:37,620 the harvest for you. 49 00:02:37,620 --> 00:02:41,060 Applejack: Y'all? Y'all can't do the harvest. Y'all don't have Earth pony sensibilities. 50 00:02:41,060 --> 00:02:42,490 Twilight Sparkle: It'll be easy. Just give me a sec. 51 00:02:42,490 --> 00:02:46,040 Applejack: [talking over Twilight] No! No-no, no! Twilight, I can do it by myself—! 52 00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:46,520 [squeak] 53 00:02:46,520 --> 00:02:47,680 Applejack: Aw. You bitch. 54 00:02:47,680 --> 00:02:50,430 Twilight Sparkle: It is done and cannot be undone. 55 00:02:50,430 --> 00:02:54,209 Applejack: Filly, I told y'all not to help me! Y'all just made a mockery of my whole 56 00:02:54,209 --> 00:02:54,450 profession! 57 00:02:54,450 --> 00:02:56,090 Twilight Sparkle: Eh. It's a dumb profession anyway. 58 00:02:56,090 --> 00:03:00,319 Applejack: I was gonna do it. I was gonna stay up all night just drinkin' and workin' 59 00:03:00,319 --> 00:03:02,819 until it was all done, until every last apple was picked. 60 00:03:02,819 --> 00:03:06,160 Twilight Sparkle: I guess we'll never know how that plan was gonna work out. Probably 61 00:03:06,160 --> 00:03:10,209 predictably. Applejack, I can smell the booze on you from here. You're a mess. This plan 62 00:03:10,209 --> 00:03:11,450 was a mess. I fixed it. 63 00:03:11,450 --> 00:03:14,849 Applejack: The plan was great. You're crap. A-And you know, it's very stressful to have 64 00:03:14,849 --> 00:03:19,459 to harvest a whole apple crop all by your lonesome. That... That and my hips are achin' 65 00:03:19,459 --> 00:03:23,510 like hell from kickin' about a thousand trees a day. I'd like to see you try that, you softie. 66 00:03:23,510 --> 00:03:25,740 Twilight Sparkle: I wouldn't have to. It's already harvested. 67 00:03:25,740 --> 00:03:27,349 Applejack: Well, Miss Clever Unicorn... 68 00:03:27,349 --> 00:03:28,400 [beat] 69 00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:33,540 Applejack: I'm drinkin' for multiple reasons, partly because I'm stressed out but also because 70 00:03:33,540 --> 00:03:35,959 the pain gets really bad. You know, you gotta work through the pain. 71 00:03:35,959 --> 00:03:39,150 Twilight Sparkle: That's for muscle pain, not for, like, a... hip injury. 72 00:03:39,150 --> 00:03:43,349 Applejack: Well, that may be, but your ignorance about farmin' on my farm is makin' me even 73 00:03:43,349 --> 00:03:47,040 more stressed out than I was before. Didn't think of that one, did ya?! 74 00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:50,750 Twilight Sparkle: Well, in that case, you drink to relieve stress, don't you? So... 75 00:03:50,750 --> 00:03:52,790 do you want to go get a drink with me? 76 00:03:52,790 --> 00:03:58,200 Applejack: Well... I guess my work is done. For-for, like, the whole month, so... okay. 77 00:03:58,200 --> 00:04:03,349 Twilight Sparkle: So, out of curiosity, why don't you just hire a unicorn to help out 78 00:04:03,349 --> 00:04:04,450 during harvest season? 79 00:04:04,450 --> 00:04:07,170 Applejack: Now that is just typical. I ain't doin' that. 80 00:04:07,170 --> 00:04:10,440 Twilight Sparkle: Well, if you enjoy being inefficient and stupid... 81 00:04:10,440 --> 00:04:13,670 Applejack: Typical bonehead. And pardon the slur, but this is where it comes from, you 82 00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:13,910 know? 83 00:04:13,910 --> 00:04:16,530 Twilight Sparkle: Uh-huh. Yeah, I bet the horn has nothing to do with it. 84 00:04:16,530 --> 00:04:20,470 Applejack: Twilight, an Earth pony has a deep connection to the earth. She understands nature 85 00:04:20,470 --> 00:04:23,630 beyond the capacity of any unicorn or Pegasus. 86 00:04:23,630 --> 00:04:28,320 Twilight Sparkle: Theoretically, on statistical average. But that's never been proven empirically, 87 00:04:28,320 --> 00:04:29,860 so it's really more like a stereotype. 88 00:04:29,860 --> 00:04:34,669 Applejack: Tut. An Earth pony understands nature beyond empirical averages – with 89 00:04:34,669 --> 00:04:35,410 her heart. 90 00:04:35,410 --> 00:04:38,750 Twilight Sparkle: That's because, on statistical average, an Earth pony gets worse grades in 91 00:04:38,750 --> 00:04:39,160 school. 92 00:04:39,160 --> 00:04:42,860 Applejack: That's because school is rigged! I understood those books just fine, but let's 93 00:04:42,860 --> 00:04:46,690 see you write an essay with your face pressed up against the paper! Trust me, Twilight. 94 00:04:46,690 --> 00:04:51,130 Each one of these trees is like children to me. An Earth pony has gotta know how to kick 95 00:04:51,130 --> 00:04:55,320 those trees just hard enough. Hard enough that they do the work you know they're capable 96 00:04:55,320 --> 00:04:58,080 of, but not so hard you kill 'em dead in a single blow. 97 00:04:58,080 --> 00:05:02,160 Twilight Sparkle: Oh, yeah. Uh, speaking of brain damage, Rainbow Dash wanted you to help 98 00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:06,560 her down in the town square. She built a catapult and wants you to launch her out of it. You 99 00:05:06,560 --> 00:05:10,400 know, just hard enough to help her fly faster but not hard enough to kill her or whatever. 100 00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:13,680 Applejack: Now, I didn't know Rainbow Dash had enough know-how to build somethin' like 101 00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:14,060 a catapult. 102 00:05:14,060 --> 00:05:17,300 Twilight Sparkle: She doesn't. It'll kill her. 103 00:05:17,300 --> 00:05:24,300 Applejack: Oh. Well, I better mosey on down there then.