MY LITTLE PONY 7

Episode 723 / 403-723

"Secrets and Pies”

Written by

Josh Hamilton

As Broadcast Script: July 4th, 2017

Andrea Libman as PINKIE PIE
      Ashleigh Ball as RAINBOW DASH, APPLEJACK, EXCITED PONY 
              Tara Strong as TWILIGHT SPARKLE
                                     Nicole Oliver as CHEERILEE, DR FAUNA
         Kelly Metzger as SPITFIRE
                                 Scott Underwood as EMT PONY, JANITOR PONY

          

TEASER
Sc. 1 - EXT. SUGARCUBE CORNER - ESTABLISHING - DAY
Pinkie pie (o.S.)
Ok. All we need is a dot of salt, a dab of sugar, and a spritz of ginger...
Sc. 2 - INT. SUGARCUBE CORNER - kitchen - CONTINUOUS
TWILIGHT sparkle
Uh… Are those real measurements? How do you keep track without a recipe? 
PINKIE PIE
Pie baking is more art than science.  And this will be my masterpiece!
PINKIE PIE (CONT'D)
It's to celebrate Rainbow Dash's seventy-third Wonderbolt training session!
TwILIGHT sPARKLE
Seventy-third? That's specific.
PiNKIE PIE
I know! The pie is blueberry because Wonderbolt outfits are blue. The crust is rainbow, for obvious reasons. But the most special part is the seventy-three super secret sweets and spices that represent each training session!
PiNKIE PIE (CONT'D)
Could you please pass the brown sugar, pink sugar, sweet-root, apple-jelly, berry-mash, and a towel? 
tWILIGHT sPARKLE
You sure are going to a lot of trouble for Rainbow Dash's pie. 
PINKIE PIE
That's because I know how much she loves them. My pies are her favorite!  It's worth all the trouble to see her happy.
PiNKIE PIE (CONT'D)
Now I'm going to need some cocoa powder, cocoa flakes -- Ooh!  Cocoa bar! 

PiNKIE PIE (CONT'D)
Want some?
TwILIGHT spARKLE
Isn't that for the pie?
PINKIE PIE
Oh, Twilight! That's hilarious! Don't mix chocolate into a blueberry pie!
This is my mid morning, pie-making chocolate fuel that keeps this pie baking train chugging down the tracks!! 
PINKIE PIE (CONT'D)
Break time's over!  Now let's finish this pie!  Chugga-chugga chugga-chugga CHOO-CHOO!
END TEASER
ACT ONE:
Sc. 3 - EXT. WONDERBOLT HQ - tarmac - daY
SpITFIRE
Good training, everypony.  Nice work, Crash. You really added the sparkle to that pressure-diamond-drop.
PiNKIE PIE
SUR-PRISE!  Happy seventy-third Wonderbolt training session! 
Rainbow dash
My seventy-third training session?  That's specific. 
PiNKIE PIE
I know! I'm just so proud and happy for you and I've been counting all your training sessions and I was going to wait until your hundredth but I got too excited and I know how much you love pie, so HAPPY SEVENTY-THIRD TRAINING SESSION!
RAINBOW DASH
WHAA?  You didn't have to do this.
PINKIE PIE
I know I didn't have to, but I reeeeally wanted to!  Have a bite.
Rainbow Dash
Whoa!  What's that?! 
RAINBOW DASH (CONT'D)
Huh. Guess it was nothing... but wow, this pie is the best I've ever had!  Is that cinnamon? 
PinKIE PIE
I knew you'd love it!  Have more.  I made the whole thing for you.
RAINBOW DASH
Really?  That's so great!  But I need to go change.  And then I have to take Tank to the vet.  His sensitive tortoise tummy's been acting up again. Do you mind if I take this pie with me?
PINKIE PIE
Of course not!  I gotta get back to my shift at Sugarcube Corner anyway.  Congratulations again!
RAINBOW DASH
Heh, thanks.
PiNKIE PIE
I knew she'd love it.
PINKIE PIE (CONT'D)
Is that... Is that...
PiNKIE PIE (CONT'D)
STOP!
PINKIE PIE (CONT'D)
You didn't see a blueberry rainbow crust seventy-three ingredient pie with a slice eaten out of it in here, did you?
Janitor pony
Uhh… Nnnnooo?
PINKIE PIE
Right. Of course you didn't. That would be ridiculous because I made it for Rainbow Dash and she loves my pies. She would never throw them away like trash, in the trash, with other trash, right?  RIGHT?!
JANITOR PONY
Um... Riiight?
Sc. 4 - INT. SUGARCUBE CORNER - party planning cave - LATER
PINKIE PIE
That pie couldn't have been the one I made, I must be seeing things. I did have a lot of chocolate this morning.
PINKIE PIE (CONT'D)
But what if I wasn't seeing things?  What if that was my pie?  
That would be bananas!  
 
Unless Rainbow Dash's been replaced by an imposter who throws delicious pies away!
PINKIE PIE (CONT'D)
Or has she been brainwashed by a pie hating evil queen?!
PINKIE PIE (CONT'D)
You make a good point. Rainbow Dash is too stubborn to be brainwashed.  Plus she hates washing.
PINKIE PIE (CONT'D)
There's something else going on here.
PINKIE PIE (CONT'D)
Let's look up a few of the more recent pies I've made for her... 
PINKIE PIE (CONT'D)
The boysenberry pie I made for her birthday… and her three half-birthday lemon meringues… and the It's Not Your Birthday But Here's A Pie Anyway Day custard pie! She ate all of these, right?
Various locations
RAINBOW DASH
Another pie!?  Thank you so much!   Whoa, what's that?!
RAINBOW DASH (CONT'D)
Guess it was nothing.
RAINBOW DASH (CONT'D)
Awesome!  Three lemon meringues?!  Hey, what's over there? 
RAINBOW DASH (CONT'D)
Oh never mind.  Great pies!
PINKIE PIE
Happy It's Not Your Birthday But Here's Pie Anyway Day!
RAINBOW DASH
Thank you! No way, check that out!
Excited pony
It's not even my birthday!
RAINBOW DASH
Oh, sorry, guess it was nothing.  But that custard was everything!
PiNKIE PIE
Have I ever really seen Rainbow Dash eat one of my pies?  And do I always look when somepony points behind me!?
PinKIE PIE (CONT'D)
WHAT'S THERE!? Good one. But I need answers!
Sc. 5 - int. Wonderbolt hq - mess hall - dAY
PiNKIE PIE
I've sent Rainbow Dash a pie every month she's been a Wonderbolt and you're telling me you've never seen her eat one?
Spitfire
Affirmative...  Or uh, negative... I mean, she wasn't seen eating one.
PINKIE PIE
Hmm... interesting. Very interesting.
SPITFIRE
Are we under investigation?
PINKIE PIE
As chief detective on the pie case, I've labeled you all ponies-of-interest so it's best you tell me everything you know.
soarin
Well we have been getting mysterious monthly pie donations.  
PINKIE PIE
Would you be able to pick these pies out of a line up?
SC. 6 - Int. Veterinarian clinic - dAY
PiNKIE PIE
I hear Rainbow Dash's pet tortoise, Tank, has been having tummy troubles.  When did it start?
Dr. Fauna
About a week ago.  Poor Tank had all the telltale signs of sugar overload: jittery shell, sleeplessness, reptilian indigestion...
PINKIE PIE
Hmm... and this all happened the day after I made Rainbow Dash a "thanks-for-lending-me-your-jacket" peach pie.
It seems the pieces of the puzzle are plopping into place, but the picture isn't pretty. Note to self: P alliteration pie.
Is that everything, Doctor?
DR. FAUNA
Well there's also this... 
PINKIE PIE
Interesting. Did you have the lab analyze the flavor of that pie?
Dr. FAUNA
No, but you know, Ms. Cheerilee was in here not long ago. The class hamster was having similar symptoms. Perhaps it's a pie pandemic!
PiNKIE PIE
Perhaps. And I just might know pony patient zero!
SC. 7 - Int. class room - daY
CHEERILEE
Dr. Fauna's right.  I do always have to remind the foals and fillies not to share the pies with the class hamster. Animals just can't digest pony food.
PINKIE PIE
Indeed.  But where do these pies come from?
CHEERILEE
Well they're from Rainbow Dash!  She drops off her "Day-after-Rainbow Dash's-half-birthday" pie every year. 
PINKIE PIE
Did you say the day after her half birthday?!  Very, very interesting.  Because I give her a pie on her half birthday every year.
And I have a feeling it's the same pie...
CHEERILEE
Well wherever it comes from, the students just love it.
PINKIE PIE
I'm so glad. At least I can be sure somepony is.
Sc. 8 - INT. SUGARCUBE CORNER - party planning cave - LATER
PiNKIE PIE
She didn't eat the blueberry, she didn't eat the banana, she didn't eat the cream, and she didn't eat the chocolate -- SHE DIDN'T EAT ANY OF ‘EM. WHY?!
PiNKIE PIE (CONT'D)
And don't tell me this all just started recently -- it's been going on for years!  Cheerilee said so herself.  And if there's one thing I know -- you can't escape the truth!
PiNKIE PIE (CONT'D)
Rainbow Dash doesn't like PIE AND SHE'S BEEN LYING TO ME ABOUT IT THE WHOLE TIME!
END ACT ONE
ACT TWO
Sc. 9 - INT. SUGARCUBE CORNER - party planning cave - Resume
PiNKIE PIE
AAAAHHHHH!
SC. 10 - Int. Sugarcube corner - that moment
ApPLEJACK
Pinkie Pie?
Sc. 11 - int. sugarcube corner - pinkie's room – coNTINUOUS
ApPLEJACK
Pinkie Pie?

Sc. 12 - INT. SUGARCUBE CORNER - party planning cave - dAY
Applejack
WHAOOOOOO! Oh. Party Planning Cave. Right. You okay?  Or are you just screamin' for fun? 
PiNKIE PIE
Screaming is fun, but I'm not okay.   I've been making Rainbow Dash pies for years, but she doesn't even like them! She's been lying to me!
APPLEJACK
But, everypony loves your pies -- they're the greatest thing since sliced apples.
PINKIE PIE
Thank you!
APPLEJACK
And I could swear I've seen her eat one of your pies before.
PINKIE PIE
Have you reeaalllly??
APPLEJACK
Um, I thought I had, that's why I said it?
PINKIE PIE
Are you sure?
APPLEJACK
Maybe I haven't?
PINKIE PIE
Exactly! Because it's all been a sham.  Rainbow Dash has been laughing at my pies behind my back and scheming of a way to get rid of them for years!
RAINBOW DASH
Bring forth the worst tasting food in all of Equestria!
RAINBOW DASH (CONT'D)
And now I will destroy Pinkie Pie's horrid abominations, freeing the land of these disgusting pies FOREVER!
PINKIE PIE
Noooooooo!
RAINBOW DASH (CONT'D)
Good riddance strawberry cream and peaches 'o plenty!  Be gone apple crumble and lemon surprise! Gone!  Gone! GONE!!
APPLEJACK
I really don't think that's what's happening.
PiNKIE PIE
I don't think so either.  I know so.
APPLEJACK
Well, I've got just the thing to get your mind off all this madness.  We’ve had a great apple harvest so I was hoping you could whip up a few of your delicious pies. 
PINKIE PIE
Yes, I will make pies -- lots of pies! 
PINKIE PIE (CONT'D)
I'm going to make Rainbow Dash so many pies it'll force her to admit the truth, or I'll catch her in the act of getting rid of them.
Operation: Pie of Lies is a go.
PiNKIE PIE (CONT'D)
Thanks, Applejack. I knew I could count on you to come up with a plan.
APPLEJACK
I don't think that's what I did. Also... How do you get out of here?
Sc. 13 - INT. RAINBOW DASH'S BEDROOM - MORNING
PiNKIE PIE
Surprise!!
RaINBOW DASH
Ah!  What's happening?!
PiNKIE PIE
Happy unofficial wake-your-friends-up day! 
RAINBOW DASH
I've never heard of wake-your-friends-up day.
PiNKIE PIE
Well it's unofficial.  But I made you your favorite pie in celebration!  
PINKIE PIE (CONT'D)
Ta-dah! Gifts are the second most important part of wake-your-friends-up day!
RAINBOW DASH
What's the first most important part?
PINKIE PIE
Accepting the gifts and enjoying them immediately.
RAINBOW DASH
Uh… Well I'm sorry I forgot about wake-your-friends-up day.  Let me make it up to you.
RAINBOW DASH (CONT'D)
Here!
PINKIE PIE
The pie...  Where'd it go? 
RAINBOW DASH
What do you mean where did it go?  
PINKIE PIE
How-- Where-- When--
Sc. 14 - EXT. WONDERBOLT HQ - tarmac - DAY
PINKIE PIE
Congratulations on your seventy-fourth Wonderbolt training session!  Here's a pie -- Now eat it!
RAINBOW DASH
Okay, this is getting a little out of hoof.  I haven't even trained yet. 
PINKIE PIE
Well I wanted to pre-celebrate because I already know how great you're gonna do.  Eat the pie!
RAINBOW DASH
Pinkie, look out!
PINKIE PIE
I'm not going to fall for-- AH!
PINKIE PIE (CONT'D)
Whoooooaaaa!!
RAINBOW DASH
Pinkie!  Are you okay?!
PINKIE PIE
Get me down!
Emt pony
Sorry Ma'am but we have to make sure you didn't sustain any internal injuries.
PINKIE PIE
But the pie, what happened to the pie?!
RAINBOW DASH
The pie was delicious, you just get better!
PINKIE PIE
NOOOOO!!!!
Sc. 15 - EXT. ponyville - DAY
PINKIE PIE
Ah!  Somepony help me!
PINKIE PIE (CONT'D)
Rainbow Dash, thank goodness you're here!  I was trying to fix the top pie on my pie pyramid but the whole thing became unstable. And there's only one way to save me -- you have to eat the pies! 
RAINBOW DASH
Don't worry, I got ya!
PiNKIE PIE
Oh right... or you could save me that way. 
RAINBOW DASH
You gotta be more careful, okay?
Sc. 16 - Ext. Ponyville - strEETS – DAY
PINKIE PIE
Rainbow Dash! I wanted to thank you for saving me from the pie pyramid, so have a pie.  Have three!  Have fifteen!! I know how much you love them!
PINKIE PIE (CONT'D)
Now eat up!
RAINBOW DASH
Uh… Thanks! I can't wait to eat ALL THESE PIES! 
Kids
Pies! / I want a pie! / Yummy!!
PINKIE PIE
What!? Where did they--  How did you--
RaINBOW DASH
Delicious!  You did it again, Pinkie.
Sc. 17 - EXT. PONYVILLE TOWN SQUARE - DAY
PINKIE PIE
Rainbow Dash, there you are! I made a pie for everypony and you’re the only one who hasn't eaten hers yet. So here.  Your pie. For you to eat. Now.
RAINBOW DASH
Are you okay?  You seem to be staring more than usual.  
PINKIE PIE
I just REALLY like to watch others enjoy my pies.
RAINBOW DASH
You sure you don't have to blink?
PINKIE PIE
Me?  Nope, I'm not much of a blinker.  Now don't mind me, go ahead and take a bite.
RAINBOW DASH
Well... Do I want to take a big bite or a small bite?  I just don't know.
RAINBOW DASH (CONT'D)
Or maybe medium.  No, no, no. Definitely NOT medium.
PINKIE PIE
Just try some.
RAINBOW DASH
Do you have any milk?
RAINBOW DASH (CONT'D)
Ah, never mind.  Your pies are just too good to resist.  
PINKIE PIE
What?  No!  Nooo!
PinKIE PIE (CONT'D)
That's it!  I can't take it! 
rAINBOW DASH
Everything okay, Pinkie?
PINKIE PIE
No, everything is NOT okay!  YOU HATE MY PIES!
RainBOW DASH
What are you talking about?
PINKIE PIE
You know exactly what I'm talking about!  I saw what you did -- well I didn't SEE what you did, but I know you've been fake eating my pies.  You threw away the pie I made for your seventy-third Wonderbolt training session, and I know you SECRETLY somehow got rid of all the other pies I gave you.  ADMIT IT! 
RAINBOW DASH
That's crazy!  What do you think I did, somehow make them all disappear into thin air?
RAINBOW DASH (CONT'D)
Okay, so MAAAAYBE I made one of them disappear into thin air.
END OF ACT TWO
ACT THREE
Sc. 18 - EXT. PONYVILLE TOWN SQUARE - resume
PiNKIE PIE
HOW COULD YOU?! 
RAINBOW DASH
What? I, um... I, I just wanted to share these amazing pies with the folks of Cloudsdale.  So I uh, I was trying to send them up via... balloon mail...
PINKIE PIE
But you just said they were delicious. 
RAINBOW DASH
Well obviously that's because...
I have amnesia!
RAINBOW DASH (CONT'D)
I've been brainwashed!
RAINBOW DASH (CONT'D)
It's opposite day?
PINKIE PIE
Your memory is working fine, you hate washing, and I know today's not Opposite Day because I bake you a pie for it every year.  A pie that you probably just throw away.  Or give to charity.  Or destroy with your laser eyes while laughing at me!
RAINBOW DASH
Laser eyes?
PINKIE PIE
Oh, oh! So you admit it.
RAINBOW DASH
What? No! I can explain.
PINKIE PIE
I don't want to hear it!
Sc. 19 - INT. TWILIGHT'S CASTLE - LIBRARY - LATER
RAINBOW DASH
She won't listen to me, she won't let me apologize.  I feel terrible.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE
Well you have been lying to her.  To all of us, actually.
ApPLEJACK
Yeah, is there anything else you're lying about that we should know?
RAINBOW DASH
No! Well, not that I can think of off the top of my head.
RAINBOW DASH (CONT'D)
Is it MY fault that I don't like pies?  And not just Pinkie's pies, all pies. I know how much she loves making pies, and if I told her I didn't like them, it would have crushed her.
APPLEJACK
Uh. You kinda crushed her anyway.
RAINBOW DASH
Oh- But I- You're right.  I guess I should've just eaten the pies in the first place.
RAINBOW DASH (CONT'D)
Wait, that's it!  I know how I can make it up to her. 
Sc. 20 - INT. SUGARCUBE CORNER - DAY
PINKIE PIE
Pee-yew! Gummy is that you?
PINKIE PIE (CONT'D)
Huh. What is that?
Sc. 21 - EXT. SUGARCUBE CORNER - CONTINUOUS
PINKIE PIE
Oh, it's you.
RAINBOW DASH
Pinkie Pie, wait. I know now that I should've been honest with you from the start because lying to your friends is wrong. Annnd because getting rid of all those pies was a giant hassle.  I mean, do you have any idea how many pies you've made for me over the years?!
PINKIE PIE
Yes, I know exactly how many.  I have a very detailed pie-ling system.
RAINBOW DASH
Of course you do...  The point is, I thought the hassle was worth it just to spare your feelings, but I was wrong.  So to make up for it, I made this pie for you. Well I guess I made it for me.  To eat in front of you.  Point is, I'm eating this pie for friendship!
PINKIE PIE
Wait, that smelly circular monstrosity is a pie?  
RAINBOW DASH
Yeah!  I know I can't go back and eat all the pies you made for me in the past, so instead I'm going to eat this one giant one for you now.  So here I go... 
PINKIE PIE
Wait!  I can't watch you do this.  I mean, is that crust or some kind of concrete? 
RAINBOW DASH
Yeah, honestly, I have no idea.
PINKIE PIE
Oh, I can't believe you're willing to eat this terrible pie for me.  It's ridiculous and this whole thing is overly complicated, and... I think I finally understand why you lied...
Various locations
RAINBOW DASH
Whoa, what's that?!
RAINBOW DASH (CONT'D)
Huh. Guess it was nothing.
PINKIE PIE
I'm so glad you enjoyed my pies!
RAINBOW DASH (CONT'D)
Oh never mind.  Great pies!
PINKIE PIE
EEEEEE!
RAINBOW DASH
No way, check that out!
Excited pony
It's not even my birthday!
RAINBOW DASH (CONT'D)
Oh, sorry, guess it was nothing.  But that custard was everything!
PINKIE PIE
Seeing you eat my pies makes me the happiest pony in all of Equestria!!  
RAINBOW DASH
I know it does.
PINKIE PIE
You did a lot of ridiculous and overly complex things to get rid of my pies because it made you happy to see me happy.  Just like I went to a lot of effort to make you the pies because it made me happy to see you happy. 
RAINBOW DASH
Yes!
PINKIE PIE
And if you're willing to go through all of that, it really shows how much you're willing to do for your friends.  
RAINBOW DASH
Aw shucks, it was nothing.
PINKIE PIE
Now get out of that thing and give me a hug!
PiNKIE PIE (CONT'D)
Just remember, in the future you can always be honest with me.
ApPLEJACK
I could've told her that.
RAINBOW DASH
Cool.  How ‘bout this:  Your hugs are too tight.
PINKIE PIE
Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! No they’re not.
THE END