Originally uploaded to Pastebin: June 22nd, 2013
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>Day Magic in Equestria
>Wake up
>Shit shower shave
>Walk out the shower, a towel wrapped around your waist
>Stop dead
>Turn around
>Walk back inside the bathroom
>Look at the bath mat
>It's purple
>And also has eyes
"What the fuck."
>A flash of purple, accompanied by a puff of thick smoke reveals your mat to be...
>"Good morning!"
>Twilight Sparkle.
>Rub your temples
>Wait, you used both hands
>Your towel falls to the floor, revealing your junk
>Twilight blushes
>"Wow! That's quite the package!"
>She puts on her sexy face
>That is, a face that makes her look like she's having a cardiac arrest
>"Is it for me? I promise I can pay..."
"Ya know, in another time, I might have found this endearing. But after FOUR FUCKING YEARS, I THOUGHT YOU WOULD HAVE GROWN SICK OF IT."
>"Love is timeless, Anon."
"AAAAAAARGH!"
>You are Anon. 
>And Twilight Sparkle is in love with you

1/?

>Well, 'love' might be the wrong word
>More like an obsession of unfathomable proportions
>So much so that she's prepared to break into your house on multiple occasions
>Which reminds you
"How the hell did you get in?"
>"I made a spare key in case you ever got locked out!"
"That's... Actually quite nice of you! Thank you, Twilight. You're very considerate."
>"Can we have sex now?"
"Aaand you killed it. Well done. It only took you one and a half seconds for me to hate you again"
>She pouts
>"You don't hate me, do you Anon?"
"Yes."
>"No no no, the word you're looking for is 'love'! Say it with me now: I love you Twilight!"
"Get out of my house, Twilight"
>"Close! By I need you to be a liiittle bit more passionate about it. And maybe kiss me after you say it."
>Pick her up
>One hand gripping her tail, the other gripping her mane
>"Oof! That kinda hurts Anon!"
"You'll get over it."
>Walk downstairs and push open your front door, still nude
>Throw her out
"You know who's a unicorn I can respect? Rarity. You should be more like Rarity."
>"Does that mean I should dye my coat white?"
"No. It means you should act with a BIT MORE FUCKING CIVILITY"
>Slam the door and stomp into your kitchen
>Stroke the counter
"Aaah counter. You'd never turn into a bathroom mat and stare at me while I shower."
>Pat it
>The counter says nothing.
>Make some food and eat it while naked
>One of life's great privileges
>Walk upstairs to get dressed
>Walk back down dragging Twilight by her tail
>"Oh come on! I was hidden!"
"YOU WERE HIDDEN IN MY UNDERWEAR DRAW. HOW THE FUCK DID YOU EVEN DO THAT?!"
>"Oh! Well if you want a lesson on magic I would be happy to-"
>Thrown out, door shut
>Fucking unicorn won't leave you alone today
>She normally does this shit every once a week.
>It's unnerving to say the least
>You hope she doesn't make this a daily thing

2/?

>Walk out your house and lock it before walking towards Fluttershy's cottage
>She gave you a job helping her with animals, since she has fuckload of bits from her rich parents, and you two get on like a house on fire
>By that you mean she does no weird shit, is nice, has a clean home and you both share a love of animals
>You can't imagine her ever doing anything sexually depraved or rapey, like what Twilight does.



>Ever.



>Reach Fluttershy's abode
>She's out at the front feeding bread to her birds
>Once she sees you coming, she waves
>Jog over
>"Good morning, Anon! How are you feeling?"
"Pretty good. Had some trouble with Twilight, but nothing I couldn't handle"
>"Oh dear... Well she's only doing what her heart tells her. Surely you can't blame her for that!"
"Ugh. It just gets tiresome sometimes, Shy. What am I supposed to tell her other than 'No'?"
>She shakes her head
>"Maybe you should just give her a chance?"
"Hah! Yeah, like that's going to happen any time soon"
>"That's okay then. I won't pressure you into it."
>She smiles and flies off to make drinks
>2kind4you
>Follow her inside and pick up Angel, tickling his belly with a finger
>He squirms and chirps happily
>Haha. Bunnies can't chirp.
>Silly Angel thinking he can make noises.
>Fluttershy comes back with the drinks and you sit and talk for a while before checking up on the various animals
>You climb trees and prod bee hives with sticks
>Throw fish at otters
>Subdue Harry for being an asshole to the other animals
>Run away from Harry after realising that there's no way in hell you can take on a bear
>Hide up a tree from Harry until Fluttershy can find you
>When she does, she helps you down with a giggle
>"You should know better than to annoy him, Anon! You've been here ever so long now."
"Yeah yeah... That it for today?"
>"I think so, yes. Stop by tomorrow and I'll give you your bits"
"Don't worry yourself about payment, Flutters. See you around, okay?"
>She closes her eyes and does that adorable 'cocked head smile' thing she's so fond of doing
>Turn and walk down the path away from her
>You really need something to eat
>Fluttershy's a wonderful cook, and her sandwiches are marvellous. But you need something more filling
>Like a pastry covered in sugar
>And you know just where to get one...

3/?

>"Howdy, Anon!"
>Wait, shit, this isn't Sugarcube Corner.
>What the hell are you doing here?
>Look around, confused for a second
>Shrug
"Hey, AJ. Need any help?"
>"Naah. We're doin' just fine here, Anon."
>She tuts
>"Now shoot, there was somethin' I needed to tell ya... Oh yeah, Twilight was lookin' fer ya."
>Sigh
"Isn't she always?"
>Applejack chuckles
>"Ya'll should give her a chance, Anon. She's only doin' what she feels is right!"
"I'll do just that when you start using 'ya'll' properly"
>Laugh as AJ chases you off the farm
>"Get outta here, ya cheeky varmit! And are ya' alright for helpin' next week?"
"Sure am! See you then!"
>She waves and trots back to her work, leaving you on the right track towards Sugarcube Corner
>Unfortunately, this means you have to pass Twilight's library home
>You try to be sneaky, but the moment you step to close, purple flash occurs next to you
>Groan
>"Hiya, Anon! Fancy meeting you here!"
"But you... What do you want, Twi."
>"Well. I'm glad you asked!"
>She clears her throat
>Oh boy
>"As the great philosopher Grand Memory once said: 'Love is the most powerful of all things. Time, space and magic all fall short before the raw power of love. Love can make us do amazing and extraordinary things in it's very name.'"
"And what does that have to do with anything?"
>"Shush! He goes on to say: 'Without love, we are lost. It is the wellspring of life and to forsake means to forsake life itself. So we must strive as ponies to find love in all it's forms, and to further ourselves as a people.'"
>She smiles at you
>"I think he's right. And that we SHOULD find love where we can"
>She bats her eyelids
>"So, Anon. Would you do me the honour of returning my love, for ponykind?"
"Fuck no. I got shit to do."
>Walk past her
>"B-but I memorised the entire quote! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO LOVE ME NOW!"
"Love doesn't work that way, Twilight."
>"Then what am I supposed to do?!"
"I don't know or care. Just leave me be"

4/?

>You are Twilight Sparkle
>Confused and lovestruck unicorn
>Watch the light and love of your life walk away
>Sigh
>He's so wonderful... And smart... And exotic...
>Walk back to your home, a defeated feeling building within you
>You tried to be so enthusiastic this morning. Maybe do something spontaneous that would make him laugh!
>But it didn't work. And he just hates you even more
>Walk over to your table and sit down
>Pull up a piece of parchment and tick something off
"Philosophical quotes."
>Sniff
"No."
>What can you do? Every moment without him is torture
>You're -this- close from writing poetry about-
"POETRY! OF COURSE!"

>Chew on your sugar-coated treat
>Oh god it tastes like heaven
>Pinkie giggles as you moan
"How do you make them so good?!"
>"I sprinkle love into everything I make!"
>Love 
>Oh wow
>Shake your head and grin
"Get out of here, you mad horse"
>She bounces away happily
>Look out the window while you eat
>Hear a weird sound, like a wet cloth being peeled off something
>Glance at the wall behind you
>Watch in shock as Twilight un-splices from the wall
>Drop your pastry and gawp
>She finishes growing out of the wall and falls onto the seat next to you with a plop
>"Osmosis! Pretty cool, right?"
"Whaaaa..."
>She pulls out some paper
>"I wrote you something you'll just love!"
>Jesus Christ no

5/?

>"Like a water soaked barrel, my loins are moist for you"
>"Great gushes of love pour forth from within me, longing for you, yearning for you"
>"My love for you is like a giant floating mass of changeling goop. And my brain is wracked with thoughts of you"
>"Oh dear Anon, my sweet Anon. Won't you be mine and mine alone?"
>"I want you. I need you. And I will fight the powers that be to have you."
>"Like the gentle cow gives milk to her young, I give myself to you"
>"My body is yours, my gentle giant, so take it and become one with me!"
>She puts down the paper
>Your face is locked in an unmoving position
>You just stare at her. That's all you can manage. There's nothing else you can do right now
>"So did you like it?"
>Brain, talk to me
>I... I have no idea, Anon. I just have no idea. I can't. I JUST CAN'T. 
>Your brain starts making a flat line noise
>It's quite annoying
>Twilight licks her lips and looks around nervously
>"Anon?"
>You had a life, once. It was great. You got up, drove to work and played video games in the evening. That's all
>"Aaaanon?"
>Nothing unusual happened. No purple ponies tried to seduce you with poetry.
>It was a nice life
>You smile
>Stand up
>And walk out
>Twilight runs after you
>"Wait! Anon! You didn't tell me what you thought!"
>She tugs on your sleeve with magic
>"Is it your fetish? Come on, talk to m-"
"NO!"
>She yelps
"It's not. I never has been. It never will be. It's nothing, Twilight. Okay?"
>She takes a step back, shocked by your outburst
"Nothing is my fetish. Nothing. Got it? NOTHING. JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE AND STOP THIS POINTLESS QUEST FOR ME. PLEASE!"
>With that, you turn and go

>Twilight watches you
>The ever-working machine that is her brain is processing what you said
>Nothing
>"Nothing..."

6/?

>Day Cigam in Equestria
>Wake up
>Walk over to your curtains
>Pull them back
>Another bright and sunny day greets you
>Smile
>Fluttershy will be waiting for you. You had better be quick
>Jog downstairs after doing the morning routine and grab an apple from your fruit bowl, munching on it and pulling on your jacket on the way out the door
>Open it
>Twilight is stood at the end of your garden path
"Ohhh no. No no no no NO. I just want a normal day. Turn around and go home, Twilight."
>She says nothing. Instead she plants her feet in the ground and begins charging a spell
>You should probably get back inside
>RIGHT NOW.
>Run your ass back in the house and watch as she charges up her magic
>Sparks and wisps of arcane energy pour from her horn
>You can hear her grunting, even from in here
>Pull the curtains closed and watch her through the glass, peeking out a corner of the fabric
>Twilight gasps for breath and redoubles her efforts
>You begin to hear a distant whining in the air around you
>Lurch backwards from the window as you see the air itself in front of you spark
>Everything around you is sparking
>And now full blown arcs of lightning are dancing around your body
"What the f-"
>A blinding light interrupts you, and all goes silent


7/?


>Open your eyes
>Look around
>A 'pop' next to you deposits one tired, but ecstatic looking Twilight
>"Oh my gosh! It worked! IT ACTUALLY WORKED!"
>Haha. Yeah.
>Grab her
"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!"
>"W-well you said that nothing was your fetish, right?"
>She didn't.
>SHE ACTUALLY DIDN'T
"ARE YOU FUCKING RETARDED? ARE YOU-"
>Your body spasms
>Drop to the floor and thrash your arms around, trying your best to say and do every single offensive gesture, action, pose and dance known to human and pony kind, whilst simultaneously trying to throw as many swears and curses as you can at the little violet horse
>You can't do it
>Stand back up
"WHYYYYYYYYYY?!"
>"Because that's what lovers do!"
"WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU SEND US?!"
>"Ah! Well, I know you said 'nothing', but nothing was a bit too difficult for me. So I did the next best thing!"
>Wait for her to continue, and also try to kill her with hatred
>"This is a separate dimension of my own design. Come on! Let me give you the tour!"
>She walks to the end of the rock
>"And that's it! Isn't it great!"
>You are stood on a floating rock. 
>Around you is... Well... Nothing.
>There are no stars in the sky, no other lights. No plants, or animals. No wind or smells.
>Just. Nothing.
>"Now, if we didn't have light or air we'd obviously die, sooo I made this rock habitable! We can breath! Isn't that neat?"
>All is lost. You could have prevented this.
>"Oh! Oh! And the best part!"
>She grabs your arm and turns you towards something
>"Ta da! It's my very own sun!"
>It's a sorry looking star, that's for sure.
>"I know it's not much. But creating a sun is really hard work! But it just so happens to be bright enough to allow you to see me. Which is pretty impressive, given that it's 2 metres away and the size of a beach ball!"
>Look down at Twilight, your face reflecting your emotions
>Complete and total despair
>"So now we can stay here and love each other! Surrounded by your fetish we have to fall in love, right?"
"I'm never going to see Fluttershy or Applejack or Pinkie or Rarity or Rainbow again."
>"W-well, you have me! That's good enough!"
"My friends. My house. My life. All gone."
>"You have me!"
"What's the point."
>"We love each other! That's the point! I created my own little universe for you, Anon! Just give me a chance!"

8/?

>You're on the verge of tears
>"Twilight? Where are you? We're out of soda."
>A door in the middle of the inky blackness opens and light streams in
>Spike is stood in it
>"Woah! What's all this?"
>Twilight screams
>"SPIKE! YOU'VE RUINED IT!"
>She casts a quick spell and light returns to the room
>Look down
>You're stood on a podium
>The "Sun" was actually a real beach ball hanging from the ceiling by a bit of string
>You're in Twilight's basement
>Your eye twitches
>"The illusion took me all night to create and you destroyed it!"
>"Sorry, Twi... Hey, Anon? You alright?"
>Drop to your knees
>Raise your fists to the heavens
"FUCKING TWILIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!"

9/9
The End