>Be Twilight Sparkle.
>Hey girls, you ever wonder why Anon is always alone?
>Five heads turn towards the table to the left of theirs.
>"Well if *my* fashion sense" Rarity points to herself in an exaggerated motion before pointing to the solitary man, "was as atrocious as *his*, I wouldn't want to be seen in public!"
>"Don't be so cruel, Rarity. Maybe he's just an introvert." You say.
>Fluttershy blinks.
>"Introverts need friends too..."
>You think for a moment.
>"Hey, here's an idea! Why don't we invite him out with us this weekend?"
>Fluttershy smiles, but Rarity speaks before Fluttershy gets a chance to.
>"Well he *could* benefit from a talking-to about his clothing choice"
>Applejack speaks next.
>"I reckon everybody needs a friend or two"
>"It's settled then! I'll go talk to him."
>Little did your friends know, you have an ulterior motive.
>You've heard what they say about canadians...

>Be Anon.
>Chilling at your table listening to Tonetta's 777 Vol III.
>You feel like the luckiest motherfucker in the world every lunch period.
>You've always hated talking to other people, though you usually didn't let them know it.
>At your old school you constantly had people bothering you, asking to hang out and go to parties and whatnot.
>Sure, you went and had fun.
>But it's nothing compared to this.
>The peace! The quiet! The utter pleasure that is chilling all alone, perving at babes!
>You lean back and let out a satisfied sigh, listening to the music in your ears.

>Be twilight.
>It looks like you and the girls were right.
>As you were approaching, Anon's loneliness had reached it's upper limit.
>He had just leaned back in his chair and let out the saddest sound you had ever heard someone make.
>He must be in dire need of a friend!
>As you approach, you can hear a little of the music Anon is listening to.
Yummy yummy yummy yummy pizza
Yummy yummy yummy yummy you (oh yeah)
>This sounds like something Pinkie would love!
>You had a feeling Anon would fit right in among your friend group.

>Be Anon.
>You have not noticed the presence rapidly approaching from behind.
>You feel a tap on your shoulder.
>Who dare disturbs your peace?
>You take out your right earbud and turn around with a frown.
>"What?"
>A girl with brightly colored hair and thick glasses stands behind you.

>Be Twilight yet again.
>"Ah...er...um.... I'm Twilight, Twilight Sparkle, and, uh..."
>Think Twilight, Think!
>Oh no, you knew this would happen, you should have thought of what you were going to say beforehand.
>Why is it so easy to talk with friends yet so hard with strangers?
>"I-is it true that canadians buy milk in bags?"
>"Not everyone, but it's common."
>"And I was wondering if, uh, you wanted to hang out at the park with me and my friends this weekend?"

>Be Anon.
>You are not entertained.
>Look behind the yapping girl, at her friends watching the two of you talk.
>Hmmm...
>That pink haired one looked like a catch.
>A blonde, too.
>...
>"Twilight Sparkle, I would love to."

>A few days later.
>Be Pinkie Pie.
>Be only just now hearing about a potential NEW FRIEND!
>Normally, this would make you incredibly happy.
>But this time, you have more mixed feelings.
>Anonymous sat at a table all alone, and checked out girls walking by for the entire lunch period...
>You're not sure if anyone else had noticed.
>If they had, they hadn't said anything about it.
>Additionally, once you had overheard the music Anon was listening to.
"I JUST WANT TO STICK IT IN MY ASS, UP M-"
>You shudder.
>Surely Anon was a class A pervert.
>But maybe he was a really good, fantastic guy with a filthy exterior!
>You decide that you need to find out, and protect your friends if he was a bad guy.
>You hope he isn't, though...

>Be Anon.
>Holding a printed photograph of a young Winona Rider.
>Carving a hole in the mouth of a printed photograph of a young Winona Rider.
>Inserting penis into the mouth hole in a printed photograph of a young Winona Rider.
>Preforming Auto-Fellatio while staring into the eyes a printed photograph of a young Winona Rider.

>Be Pinkie.
>Be looking through a window.
>Be crying.

>Now that was some good, old-fashioned fun!
>You smile to yourself and a dollop of goo drips from your mouth onto your naked thigh.
>...
>Did you hear something?
>You walk over to your window, where the sound emanated.
>You don't see anything.
>It must have been a rabbit.
>Damn things are always eating at the vegetable garden.
>You go into the bathroom and wash out your mouth before brushing your teeth.
>After stopping to consider it, you get into the shower.
>Have to be sure there is no evidence of your sin.
>Indeed, you're going to the park tomorrow morning.
>And you're not going alone.
>The hot water strikes the skin on your back.
>It feels good.
>By the time you get out, your skin is red.
>You sit down on your bed and pick up the copy of "Rampaging Hulk #23".
>You watch as two gay men try to rape Bruce in the shower, and think of ways to impress the girls tomorrow.

>Be Twilight.
>You were just on the phone with Pinkie Pie.
>She said she wasn't coming tomorrow.
>She didn't sound well.
>You are very concerned.
>Concerned enough that you're standing on the doorstep of her house.
>You let yourself in, you've always been made to feel welcome at her house.
>You knock on her bedroom door.
>A minute passes.
>"Pinkie? I'm coming in."
>You open the door and step in.
>It's completely dark inside the room.
>Pinkie is sitting on the floor, but she looks over as you enter.
>Her eyes are a muted blue.
>Did her jawline get sharper?
>"Uh, Pinkie, what are you doing?"
>No response.
>"Are you alright? You know you tell me if something's going on, right?"
>...
>"Twilight. Have you been where I've been? Have you seen what I've seen? Hell is real, Twilight. It's where we live. In those books of yours, have they talked about Samsara, Twilight? It's a Sanskrit word, and it refers to the fact the the foundation of life is suffering. There will be suffering, and suffering is guaranteed. There is no living being on this planet who has not experienced pain. There is happiness, but there is no guarantee of happiness. And then there's Nirvana, you know anything about that? It's death, Twilight. And it's the goal. It's the closest thing to happiness anyone can get."
>"W-what?"
>"Twilight, you asked me if I was alright just now. The answer is no. I'm not alright. How could anyone be? How could anyone accept this, the state of the world? I wish I was dead, Twilight - no, I wish I had never born."
>You have no idea what to say.
>Instead of speaking, you walk over and sit next to Pinkie.
>"What happened, Pinkie?"
>"The doubled-over man, the ouroboros. What must happen to everyone, eventually. The fruit that brings the knowledge of good and evil. I'll be alright Twilight, I pinky promise. Go have fun while you still can."
>"If you're sure..."
>You don't want to leave, but you know it wouldn't help Pinkie to have you here.
>Besides, Pinkie promised.
>And Pinkie Pie never breaks a pinky promise.