***NOT MY PASTE, JUST ARCHIVING.***

>It didn't go how I'd planned
>Very little ever does
>I knew all about them, so I figured I'd have a decent handle on the situation
>I knew this world wouldn't perfectly be like its cartoon, how would it function otherwise?
>So things died, things reproduced, no one convieniently forgot lessons learned and stayed the same
>I was actually grateful for that last part, Rainbow Dash was actually a likeable pony now
>Twilight had near on blown her top after that whole slavery thing with Flutters and the small terrorist incident with the factory
>...Getting off track
>I'm very easily distracted in my thoughts
>Happens more often when shit doesn't go right
>I'm a mess
>It's only been, what? 2 months now?
>Near enough to it anyway
>I played it very low key, telling myself my end goal was love but my main goal was setting up a life
>As I expected, the ponies were all too happy to help out
>Of course like with Zecora they were shit scared of you to begin with until Twilight and co were the voices of reason
>No pony looked at me like a monster about 5 days in, more like if Harry the bear walked through town without Fluttershy
>It was a vast improvement to go from ponies running away to have them only slightly nervously sell me food
>It was about a month in that I told Twilight I liked her, that were shared a lot in common
>She was polite in her rejection, and I fully understood, I'd gone into it with no hope
>Things work better that way
>I couldn't squash the hope or the feelings of want
>Not entirely
>They were just buried under layers of dismissal and doubt
>A self-defence mechanism I'd long learned to have in any situation
>Can't be massively upset if you upset yourself and set yourself up for the fall
>So it hurt, but not crushingly so
>I fully understood her position
>I'd hoped it was a case of 'It doesn't matter who were are just that there are feelings'
>But for Twilight there were no feelings
>She'd only ever thought of me as a friend
>I can't fault her that
>She'd apologised but I wouldn't hear it
>No need to be sorry for my own conception
>She wasn't into me that wasn't her error
>So I'd gone on, ignoring that pang in my chest
>It got easier, each time I saw her and we acted like it had never happened
>It faded, that hurt she didn't mean to cause
>And in time I'd considered other options
>To think about it really, it was like a badly set up dating sim
>Just one that you couldn't try again with
>I'd gone back home to my little house given to me, and I'd just done my own thing for a long while
>One thing my dad had taught me was that nothing good ever happens if you expect the good to come to you
>Has to be something you strive to find and get by your own hand
>He told me that because I always sat alone in my room on my PC
>Things in this world were almost the same, except sometimes good things did come to me
>Instead of my best friend asking if I was alright and inviting me over, it was something else
>In this case, it was Fluttershy asking if I was alright, but in person with a care package
>Because there was no internet or mobiles to send a simple message by
>And this /was/ kind, caring Fluttershy
>She'd kept me company for a few hours and then gone to tend her animals
>But it was things like that, that helped me know I woudln't ever truly be alone here that made life better
>And Twilight visited still, as she was helping me learn the language
>Sure they spoke English, because they did on the show, but they didn't write in it
>So I had to learn the written Equish, and that took its time
>Twilight was a good teacher though, the fact she'd rejected me hardly registered after this amount of time
>The ache in my chest when I saw her was just a dull poke, a hope of what could have been
>But it didn't hurt now, it was just... there
>Like a memory like remembering that one time you fell over and cut yourself and it scarred
>No biggie, just a small scar
>I'd learned Equish by the end of the second month here
>I call my third month here my month of grief
>I bottle shit up, try to forget or ignore it
>Sure I can cry about it sometimes and that helps
>But mostly I prefer not to cry
>Doesn't make me weak to cry, I just don't like doing it
>I think it's because I never saw my dad cry, he never wanted to cry in front of his kids
>So I guess I was the same, but more that I just didn't like to cry even when alone
>But it was a few days into month three that the reality hit
>That I'd come here to this world where even though I knew about a great deal of the world and select ponies
>I really knew no one, beyond being recent friends with some of the Mane 6
>The fact I'd never see anyone from my old life again, not my parents, siblings, or real friends, that finally hit
>All because of a passing pony's comment
>"Just gonna visit my best friend tonight, stay up late"
>It'd brought back /my/ best friend, and this time I couldn't squash the hurt like any other time I'd thought about it
>With it came all the other shit I'd been burying about my old life
>It'd all just come out in the middle of town for fucks sake
>Ponies were a little disturbed, but thankfully more concerned
>The strange ape-man had fallen to his knees and started crying like the world was ending
>It had only been a few minutes, but those minutes feel like hours when you're crying and thinking about all the shit gone wrong
>Hadn't actually taken long for Twilight to arrive with some of the 6, I just didn't notice them
>I got up and walked in the direction they'd put me in, sat down when they offered me a seat
>And I'd told them all about my old life, my family, my friends, the stupid shit
>Like my mum and dad, they always fought in a playful manner, turned every true argument into banter
>They were best friends and lovers, and it kept their marriage going through tough times
>My best friend was my cornerstone in college, he'd saved me from suicide and never abandoned me after
>All of it was lost now
>I'd shared some stories too, it made me feel better to laugh, not show them my sorrow
>One time dad had taken the family out and we'd got stuck up a one way road
>The other driver had been coming the wrong way, and expected /us/ to move
>Dad had lost his shit, swearing like a sailor, and got out the car, gone up the the other guys car and wrenched the door open, and shouted at the guy a lot
>Guy had been so scared he'd backed up onto the woman in the passanger seat, dad had pulled the guys hat down over his face and slammed the door shut so hard the rubber inlay had come off
>I was giggling to myself after that, it was a very fond memory
>I think Twilight had been a bit more concerned about my dads needless anger but she got the humour in it
>Fluttershy and Pinkie were likewise concerned
>They certainly saw what amused me as strange
>But they understood it was a good memory for me
>I found myself much more cheered up after telling them a few more things my dad had done
>Some even made the 3 laugh when they weren't that violent
>I felt the upset gone by the time they left, assured I was doing better
>A good cry and it was buried again
>I'd never go back, never see anyone again
>All I could do now was rebuild and make a semblence of a life here
>I'd already begun after all, had a home even if it was handed to me
>Had friends, even if ponies made friends like flowers grew
>I didn't feel they were friends, just aquaintances that were friendly
>Maybe that was all a friend had to be to be a friend, just... be friendly
>Didn't strike me as normal, but then what was normal in a world where magic and immortal beings were common
>Regardless of all that, I'd told myself now I knew tha basics of Equish I'd job hunt in the morning
>I'd gone around town the next day, in the smart clothes Rarity had made me
>I didn't see much of her, she was always too busy with her shops
>She'd made the clothing and sent me along
>It was helping that ponies saw me as dressing smartly
>I'd inquired about a couple of jobs, some of which I felt would be simple work
>In the end most of them had said no, and I figured it would be the case
>After all, they wouldn't hire one of Fluttershy's animals to do it
>Because really I think that's how most ponies saw me
>Twilight and her friends did at least understand I wasn't as simple minded as that, that I was equal to a pony in intelligence and just another race in the world
>To be fair, some jobs were just dominated by Unicorns, magic got things done fast
>I actually landed a job when I considered that, going for jobs that were mainly done by Earth ponies or Pegasi
>I landed a job as a mailman, of all things
>Sure I couldn't fly, but I could walk very fast and carry a lot of post
>Most of the mailponies couldn't carry massive amounts
>I took over certain routes that would make other ponies jobs easier
>I even delivered to Flutters cottage and the Cakes bakery
>Granted it was an odd route, not delivering to the boutique while going right past it
>I didn't question the way ponies handled their mail
>The ponies in my work were friendly enough
>The stallions were stand-offish at first but they grew to banter and jest
>We'd take the piss out of each other during breaks and share stories, which was pretty much my idea of fun
>The mares were less forthcoming, they tended to leave the stallions to their banter and chat quietly amongst themselves
>There were one or two that would sit with us on the occasion I was on break at the same time, they were all banter as well
>It was nice to see
>And there was this one mare that sort of watched everyone with a smile
>She was slightly clumsy on her hooves and her eyes weren't quite right
>I was no doctor but I'd have called it a type of cerebral palsy
>It was damn nice of this place really, they did hire anyone willing to do the job
>Hell, the stallions here didn't even poke fun at the girl when she bumped into them by accident or spilled a drink
>In my fourth month I had a second rejection
>I'd been seeing Fluttershy more oft than not as a route added onto mine lead me up her way
>Some mare had quit and it'd been added onto mine, which I didn't mind
>Longer work, more money given
>But my breaks had usually have begun around the time I got to Shy's, so she invited me in for tea
>And that had happened for a good while
>It was definitely my misreading into the situation
>She'd been the one in the beginning to support me when I'd just appeared out of the blue
>Always so kind in every situation and compassionate beyond normal measure
>Really melted the heart
>This rejection came easier and I wasn't too hurt by it
>I was just trying my luck, because she was a lovely mare and I thought she'd make a lovely girlfriend
>We also got on very well, that was a plus
>But she got on with everyone, I don't think anyone hated or disliked Flutters, you'd have to be a spiteful fuck to hate such a nice person
>She'd turned me down in what I could only describe as the kindest most complimenting rejection ever
>She'd said I was very honest and forthcoming in my feelings on every matter, that I was caring and understanding
>That I was strong when I needed to be and took hard times in stride, which was all great for a person
>But she was taken and in love
>It was also when said lover decided to pop into existance right next to me and give me flowers
>She was dating Discord, of all beings
>Can't say I didn't see it coming really, I'd considered it a possbility given how close they were
>Obviously more than friends, like Lyra and Bon-Bon
>I understood, gave a brief sorry, explained why I asked
>Fluttershy was flattered and Discord played it off well despite his obvious jealousy that I'd even considered asking
>I assured him I wouldn't try again, I wasn't the type to chase after those taken
>It was more disappointing than upsetting, only a light pang
>It didn't compare to Twilight
>But I think I'd built myself up since then
>Didn't stop my routes along that path
>Didn't stop my breaks with Shy and having some tea
>Even if Discord now dropped in for them each time
>I did think it best to distance myself a little to annoy him less
>And the guys at work had been wondering where I'd gotten to
>Seeing Shy after that actually brought amusement and had strengthend our relationship as friends
>So that was nice, although it did create a little tension for a time
>Between me and the other girls
>I'm not stupid even if I'm not majorly smar
>I noticed the small things, the slight apprehension or wariness the others had
>It died down after a couple of weeks, but the other girls in Twilights posse had been wondering if I'd intended to go after them too
>I'm actually rather glad of it, especially when Pinkie had hosted a get together and Rainbow Dash had outright asked
>I'd expected it of Applejack really, given her honesty, but Dash had her bluntness too
>At least I could clear the air
>The others were curious, and it was easy enough to say
>I'd told them all of them were gorgeous in their own way
>That Applejack was headstrong and tough, Rarity was a lady and elegant, Pinkie was playful and fun, Flutters was caring and lovely to be around, Dash was tough too and sporty, and Twilight was incredibly smart and nerdy
>Twilight hadn't considered the last point a plus in her favour
>I was happy to inform them, stressing the point /as a friend/, that their bodies were all lovely too in their own manners
>I didn't elaborate on it but I got the point across
>To which I also said that I wasn't going to hit on all of them in turn, I just had a thing for Twilight in the beginning and that I'd felt Flutters might be interested with how she acted
>It was all my own misgivings, and I wasn't going to try to date all of them in turn
>The get together had been way more relaxed after that, I also made sure to let them speak to me when they wanted to
>I think it painted me in a better light
>Hell, it was the source of joking between some of us
>The times I'd visit the bakery Pinkie would jest
>On my delivery route Dash would swoop down and poke fun
>'You were staring into space, better not have been daydreaming about me!'
>It was amusing really, certainly helped with other ponies too
>They were treating me as less of an intelligent animal and more like an everyday pony
>Not only did I deliver the mail but the Mane 6 interacted with me often, it was... well, whatever the word for 'humanising' was in pony
>Pony-ising?
>It was on the whole, comfy
>Delivery with post-route in the mornings until about lunch, and delivering other packages until evening
>Followed by going out with work friends and just hanging
>It was... life
>Not terribly exciting by any means, but it was much more interactive than the old one was
>It was really nice that ponies weren't like humans either
>Ponies loved to talk and chat, and were incredibly social
>On my routes ponies said hello, they asked how I was, I even stopped and talked with them at times
>Mostly it was joking about what they'd ordered, if the package was big
>Somepony had ordered a replacement table for the one they accidently broke sitting on
>Somepony had bought some special seeds to grow their own tea at home
>All little conversations that built a familiarity between people
>This had gone on for quite a while, this daily routine
>I hadn't even registered the time
>Until one day Pinkie and half the town had popped up while I was on my route
>I got halfway through town towards Sugarcube Corner when Pinkie had blindsided me in a very comforting hug
>To use an old term, Pinkie was pleasantly 'thicc', the perfect amount of squish to her curvacious build
>Not that I mentioned that
>I was actually shocked for a moment when she'd announced it had been a year since my arrival into this world
>And of course she'd thrown a bloody party, this was Pinkie after all, the pony that threw parties for nearly any reason
>It was several things to me
>Interesting, concerning, amusing, maybe a little flattering in a way
>I was the subject of the matter, the centre this party was built around
>Some ponies had wanted me to regale them with stories too
>So I shared some of the more amusing tales of my dad or family, same as I had with some of the girls
>Left out the less violent ones
>I'd started with when we'd gone a long way to see my sister for Christmas dinner
>The restaurant we'd gone to booking hadn't actually taken down our booking
>It was a fancy place and they actually didn't like us or our standing
>When we'd learned of this, dad was still getting out the car
>My sister had told them if we could clear this up before dad arrived, otherwise there would be a lot of trouble
>The incident was abruptly averted when they saw dad storming towards the place after being told the booking hadn't been made
>I was met with laughter after the story, most of it actually genuine
>It was also rather nice that I just went about my business and ponies spoke to me of their own accord
>I acted as I always did, being honest, bantering, or just holding a convo about an amusing time in this place
>I also shared some information about my old life and past friends
>Even the bad stuff from childhood
>It all served to make me less of an animal in their eyes if they still felt that way
>After all, Pinkie didn't throw massive parties like this for the animals of the town
>She limited that to her best friends because they knew it was just silly fun
>Your friends from work were there too of course
>Well, everyone from work was there actually
>The party seemed much more silly when alcohol was introduced
>Although it was very nice to have two mares and a stallion ask me to dance over the course of the night
>Fucking hell ponies loved dancing
>I couldn't dance for shit but I just followed their movements
>Never was very elegant about it despite loving the nightclub atmosphere
>But a great time overall
>The party slowly cleared out as ponies had to go
>I stayed until the very end of course, offered to help clean up
>It was nice, everyone who stayed pitched in as well
>Must have been a common occurance with a Pinkie Party
>I'd made to wander off back home afterwards, hadn't given it much thought
>Some friends from work however, had insisted they walk me back to my home as it was dark and we were all a little drunk
>So whatever
>There'd been some amusing banter on the way back, including me falling over in a bush
>I wished them all a goodbye when we arrived
>They all buggered off after, or I thought so anyway
>The one grey mare from work with the crossed eyes and such, she was still hanging back
>Gave me nice hug and a peck on the cheek before she went
>That confused me a bit, I hadn't had a great deal of interaction with her
>But it was very nice, and not unwelcome to get a form of affection that wasn't just normal everyday friendly
>The more I thought about it, she had actually sat with me and the guys (and occasional girl) sometimes
>She hadn't said much if anything, but she liked to listen
>...Oh wait, she'd also been one of the mares that had danced with me this evening
>Well, that was interesting
>She was also very pretty in her own way
>I couldn't recall who the other mare and stallion were
>Maybe they just wanted to have an amusing dance
>It had been a good night
>Next day was thankfully a day off, maybe why the party had been planned
>I'd run into the the mare again the next day on my way for a fresh cup of tea and a cake
>A chance encounter on my way for a social visit to Pinkie
>So I offered if she'd like to come with me
>It was then it occured that she'd given me a light kiss the previous night
>Didn't change the way the meeting had gone though
>We spoke of work, and she shared a story or two of her own about her work day
>It had been nice
>It was due in part both to her kindess and my general attitude that I paid for her things
>Pinkie had given me a sly look I'd ignored
>I assured her I was just being a nice person but her look had gotten even slyer.
>Before the meeting I'd actually come to think I'd seen the mare before all this
>Of course I had, she was called Derpy
>I'd never really paid much attention to anything else beyond the show
>Not much in the way of occasional forum lurking
>But she had been in it a few times, so I recalled it
>Didn't bring up the time she dropped a piano on Twilight though
>Or the time she'd accidently destroyed the town hall with lightning
>...And her arse
>Thinking on that last, she did actually have a very big one
>Moving past that I let her know this little meeting had been nice
>It was actually more of a reflex action that I offered to do it again some time
>But I'm glad she accepted
>The rest of the day had been fine, I'd gotten on with my usual hobby now I had some time
>And that was art
>Not amazing by any stretch of the imagination, but I could create well enough
>Just like in my previous life art was a main hobby
>Although with this world lacking PC's and most technology, art and reading had become the dominant hobbies
>Fuck I miss Youtube and watching TV shows online
>Still, maybe I could make a decent living off of art here
>Never achieved it fully before, might be able to this time around
>Finished a piece of landscape art by the next day and gone for a drink after
>Some ponies even sat and drank with me
>I'd gone home again after saying hi to any pony I came across
>Continued work the next day as usual
>But it did make me smile that I was going to meet up again with Derpy
>Sure she sat with my and the guys again at lunch, but it wasn't quite the same
>Wasn't as... close, as a one to one meet
>Could even call this next meetup a date, really
>Given that she'd kissed me before, even just as a light one
>Come to think of it, I had spent a lot of my break trying to speak to her about things
>She'd been happy to share with the group
>I'd no doubt it made her feel more included, to actually talk than listen for once
>The group was actually surprised she engaged, but included her very quickly
>Decent folk these ponies, not that I thought otherwise
>She'd come to me afterwards as work was way to begin again
>We arranged for the day after tomorrow as that was what the rota had said was a day off for the two of us
>So that would actually be good
>More than nice or pleasant, it would be... exciting?
>How strange it was that this was essentially a date and yet I wasn't nearly as nervous as I had been when I'd professed to Twilight
>I was slightly more relaxed as I had been when asking Fluttershy out too
>Maybe I was just pre-emptively setting myself up to fall again
>But it didn't matter
>She was a very kind, and a genuinely attractive mare
>I didn't care that she had disabilties
>Given my weakness for mares with big arses, that helped too
>But more than that, I told myself she had to in part be interested in me
>She wouldn't have agreed to a date otherwise
>Nor would she have kissed me
>Although that could have just been the alcohol
>At the same time alcohol lowered inhibitions and allowed action in place of fear
>All of it considered, the date would be pleasant
>It would be a chance to get closer to her, and I'd be happy for that
>At the same time I saw no reason to ruin what we had as friends already
>So, I'd just let things progress, not interupt them for my own desires
>Because the more I thought about it, the more I did like her
>But I also didn't want to change the dynamic dramtically
>Maybe it was a case of not wanting another Twilight or Flutters situation on my hands again
>I'd see how things went on the night
>It was clear she didn't mind that I wasn't a pony, and I didn't mind she was
>And I think there was some level of mutual attraction based on the kiss
>In any case I was looking forward to the night
>No matter what happened I'd keep going
>My new life here was good