From threads No.27544684 and No.27570038

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Obnvp7INUpw
>Be Agent Sweetie Drops
>You've been tasked with trailing the human to find out if he's a threat
>You know better than to underestimate him just because he's male
>After all, how many homme fatales have you faced off against?
>14
>14 homme fatales
>You almost regret throwing the last one into a working printing press during your big fight-
>You try not to think about it
>You've got a job to do, no time wallowing in memory

>Be Anon
>You've been hanging out with Lyra, the coolest lesbian in town
>Apparently Bon Bon is doing something silly today
>You'll have to invite them over for dinner sometime
>You make a mean tomato sauce! 


>Be Anon
>Well, this dinner party didn't go as planned
>Bonbon accidentally poured the tomato sauce down the sink!
>But it's okay, she offered to take you all to a restaurant instead
>It's a nice enough place, although there are a lot of mares in fedoras and trenchcoats around
>The food is pretty good too
>This soup is nice and garlicky, just the way you like it
>You'll have to come here more often

>Be Agent Sweetie Drops
>Target has been neutralized
>He won't know what's wrong until it's too late
>You'd feel bad at killing such a handsome stallion
>Especially one Lyra is getting on with so well
>But you buried your emotions long ago
>All that matters is that Equestria is safe
>Even if your bed is big and empty at night


>Be Agent Sweetie Drops
>Target has not been neutralized
>Anon excused himself and ran off to the colt's room, doubtless to purge his stomach of the poison
>You'll have to figure out something else
>Every moment he lives is another moment of danger for yourself and Equestria

>Be Anon
>You REALLY need to pee


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6iaR3WO71j4
>Be Agent Sweetie Drops
>You fucked up
>You knew, as a license apothecary, Anon could legally grow all sorts of dangerous plants
>He obviously recognized the taste of garlic, and quickly administered the antidote
>Damned sly colt
>And now he knew that you knew about his activities
>You have only one chance to survive, and more importantly, complete the assignment
>While Lyra is asleep, you load up your gear and slip out the back door
>You'll get Anon, or he'll get you
>That's how it is in this business

>Be Anon
>You were chopping onions for tomorrow's stew when you notice motion outside
>Is that Bonbon creeping around your bushes?
>Silly horse, does she want to apologize again even though you've forgiven her?
>You flick on the porch light and go out to meet her, onion juice dripping from your knife


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hM5UJvnbbuY
>Be Agent Sweetie Drops
>The next few seconds happen in a flash
>Literally, as Anon turns on his porch light, blinding you in your nightvision goggles
>You should've known he'd be watching, waiting for you
>You catch a glimpse of a knife in his hand as you struggle to remove your goggles and defend yourself at the same time
>His strong arms wrap around you and begin to squeeze, displaying the brutish strength of his primate race
>Without thinking, you jam your hoof down on where you presume his crotch is
>He yelps in pain, letting you fall out of his deadly embrace
>A dirty move, but there are no rules in this game
>While he sinks to his knees, you wrench the knife from his hand and throw it into the bushes
>Sliding your crossbow from its holster, you notch a bolt, aim, and


>Be Anon
>Your family jewels may never be the same
>Fucking strong horse hooves
>You shouldn't have grabbed her like that, not when she was already freaked out
>You think you're going to puke
>Yep

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FgAKFjRIelI
>Just as you squeeze the trigger, Anon does... something
>He opens his mouth and a disgusting-smelling liquid pours out, splashing the ground and your hooves
>You fire wildly in shock, the bolt flying uselessly off into the distance
>You take a step back, only to notice the thick material of your combat boots dissolving to reveal your tactical socks
>Of course he can spit acid
>Why not
>You decide it's time to make a tactical retreat


>Be Anon
>You just puked on your little horse friend
>She just wanted to apologize
>Or steal your underwear, who knows
>Either way, you'll have to apologize now
>But she doesn't seem to be here
>Probably ran off when you started barfing

>Be Agent Sweetie Drops
>You've failed to neutralize the target
>Now he's doubtless contacting his superiors in Humania for backup or extraction
>And you'll have to face your own superiors for the same
>And... You just realized you forgot your crossbow

>Be Anon
>While cleaning up your little mess, you discovered a tiny horse-sized crossbow
>Bonbon must've dropped it
>Can't be too careful after dark


>Thou art Princess Luna
>Thou dost rarely speaketh this way, save for when thou art infuriated
>Thou art most infuriated right now
"Knave! Can'st thou not destroy a simple colt?! Now he has surely retreated, we shalt never catch him!"

>You are Agent Sweetie Drops
>Your teats are in agony right now
>You don't think they'll ever be un-twisted
>But Princess Luna promised you reinforcement
>And you've received it

>Be Fleur de Lis
>Special Agent for the Princess
>Apparently this rookie agent can't perform a simple liquidation
>No matter, with your superior femininity, you shall prevail against this pathetic, masculine foe
>And maybe get your clit sucked while you're at it


>Be Anon
>You stopped by Bonbon's house to apologize and return her crossbow, but no one was home
>So you headed to the bar
>Because fuck it, it's ten in the morning and you don't work today
>Now, seated at your favorite stool, nursing a mug of hot cider, you start to wonder where Bonbon even got that crossbow
>It sure didn't look like the ones in the local hunting store
>It almost looked military, all black and-
>"Hey there cutie, can I buy you a drink?"

>Be Fleur
>Easy as apple pie
>You acquired the target, bought him drink after drink, and have now brought him back to your hotel room
>You'll have your way with him, and then you'll complete the mission
>You see the little slut's tent in his pants
>Oh, how you can't wait to take those off

>You are Fleur de Lis, the most glamorous assassin in Equestria
>You can't feel your legs
>Your ass hurts
>As does your marehole
>And your throat
>Your mane, tail, and hooves are all sticky too
>Perhaps you'll have to deal with this the old fashioned way
>When you try and move, however, Anon's strong arms pull you back into his warm embrace
>M-maybe you can deal with him tomorrow


>Be Agent Sweetie Drops
>You knew Agent Fleur couldn't handle this
>She uses her own name as a codename, for Celestia's sake!
>She's lucky to be alive, that he didn't find some way of killing her during that quite frankly amazing sex they have
>You'll teach her a lesson
>The salt packet you pour into Anon's mouth contains enough sodium to kill a manticore
>His veins will collapse, and he'll die quietly in his sleep
>Tomorrow morning will be a morning Fleur never forgets
>You never quite forget the first time you wake up next to a corpse

>Your mouth tastes extremely dry and salty, so you must be Anon
>Reluctantly abandoning your pony teddy, you head to the kitchenette and pour yourself a glass of water
>Maybe you'll make breakfast too, you were never the 'gone by dawn' kind of guy


>Be Agent Fleur, the sleepiest, sorest, happiest assassin in the world
>You feel slightly colder, more exposed
>Has Anon left already?
>Wait
>Anon!
>As quickly as you can, you slide into a sitting position and get off the bed
>Your fur feels extremely gross
>You'll need a bath later
>But first, there's a loose end to tie up
>You creep through the suite as quietly as you can in your bloated and abused state
>Aha!
>You spot that fine piece of ass in the kitchen, working over a sizzling frying pan
>He brings an egg out of the pan and slaps it on a piece of toast
>Egg sandwiches, which you easily recognize as a staple of carnivore diets everywhere
>And then he pulls out a tomato, slices it, and wraps it in lettuce
>He places the packet between slices of toast, and places it on another plate
>That's your breakfast, you realize
>A breakfast of doom

>Be Anon
>You had to buy eggs from a carnivore specialty store, so you doubt Fleur would like one
>You popped down to your apothecary store and grabbed some fresh veggies for her
>You're sure she'll appreciate this


>You are Agent Sweetie Drops
>And apparently Anon is immune to salt
>Because why the fuck not
>You watched him all goddamn night, waiting for the moment he'd slip away
>You just had to see the look on Fleur's face when she realized he wasn't breathing
>But of course he didn't die
>Of course he's still alive
>You watched him get up, shower, go down the street to his goddamn STORE, and-
>The store! That's it!
>Leaving 'Agent' Fleur to her fate, you rappel down the side of the building and start running down the street
>You can salvage this mission yet!

>Be Agent Fleur, Equestria's most frightened assassin
>This isn't how it was supposed to go at all!
>After poisoning your sandwich, Anon looks down at the red fruit of death
>He picks up a slice
>And eats it
>Dammit! He knows his cover is blown and would rather die than come quietly!
>You coil back and leap on him like a mighty panther, knocking him flat on his perfect ass
>Horselich maneuver! Go!
>You reach around and give his stomach a hard jerk, causing him to gag
>As a defensive mechanism, he spits a glob of stomach acid as he turns to face you
>In that glob is the chewed remains of a tomato!
>You place a hoof on his neck and shove him to the floor
"Now, you and I are going to have a little talk."

>Be Anon
>You're currently being pinned to the ground by a very skinny, but apparently very strong horse
>You've heard mares have higher sex drives than stallions, but this is a bit much


>You're beginning to have your doubt about this, so you must be Fleur
>Anon has since removed himself from the floor and sat at the table
>He just sits there, calmly his sandwich as you interrogate him
>And it's not going well
"If tomatoes aren't poisonous to your species... Is salt or garlic?"
>"Nope."
"So you weren't trying to poison me?"
>"Nope."
>He just keeps munching on that damn egg sandwich
>You know, like all honeypot agents, like all stallions, he's been trained since birth into the perfect liar
>But for some reason, you want to believe him
>And that belief isn't as relieving as you'd hope
>You haven't been harassing and attempting to kill an innocent stallion?
>You're the good guys, right?
>Right?

>Be Agent Sweetie Drops, clinging to the window with your little suction cup hooves
>Agent Fleur is compromised
>You'll have to report her betrayal posthumously
>The scope on Anon's hunting crossbow is calibrated for long distance, but at this range, it gives you a perfect view of his eye
>His handsome little grey eye


>You have a tasty sandwich, so you must be Anon
>Apparently your one night stand thought you were trying to kill her
>You put on an indifferent mask, but secretly, you're freaking out
>How many times have you sold poisonous ingredients assuming they were for cooking?!
>A lot
>That's how you pay your rent
>Rather than worry about any murders you may be an accessory to, you focus on your delicious sandwich
>You got Fleur's tomato slice since she can't eat it
>It's no ketchup, but egg and tomato is just as nice
>Aw shit
>It just slid out onto the floor
>You reach down and pick it up, feeling a breeze across your neck as you bend over

>You are Fleur, the most morally confused assassin in Equestria
>If Anon is innocent, how many other such misunderstandings have taken place?
>You long for the good old days when you didn't question anything
>That's it, you're returning your license to kill and applying for a desk job
>The glamour and excitement is not worth all this guilt
>Anon ducks down for a moment, and something fast whizzes by, just missing his head
>With a dull thud, it embeds itself in the loveseat just behind him
>You whip your head around, getting a glimpse of a pink-and-blue mane as it disappears beneath the window sill
>Buck...

>You are Agent Sweetie Drops
>Targets still active
>Fleur has been caught by his masculine wiles, as you knew she would
>Damned schoolfilly
>You'll send them both to tartarus


>You are Fleur, the most terrified former assassin in Equestria
>Who knows how long Sweetie Drops was watching?
>You, Anon, sitting together, eating breakfast
>It didn't paint a good picture
>There's no way you'd ever convince her to back down, either
>She'll only stop with a direct order from Princess Luna
>Evading your fellow agent's assassination attempts will be the easy part
>Luna hasn't trusted your word since the Stalliongrad incident
>How were you supposed to know those colts were really Kirin agents?

>You are Anon
>You wonder if you should start doing background checks on your customers

>You are Agent Sweetie Drops
>And you know there's only one way to kill a pony
>Or apelien, in this case
>When he comes home, he's in for a big surprise


>You're trying to make sense of this situation, so you must be Fleur
>Okay, start from the beginning
>Anon is almost certainly innocent, at least of intent
>Agent Sweetie Drops, the hardest hardflank in the company, thinks you're both traitors
>You have to contact and convince Princess Luna that neither of you are threats
>And you still need to shower all this dry cum off
>Eugh

>And now you're Anon
>You hope Whatshername doesn't mind you leaving while she's in the shower
>But you really need to open your shop for the day
>And maybe work on a new business policy
>As soon as you open the door, a wave of heat hits you, along with the stink of burning cigarettes

>You are Agent Sweetie Drops
>Anon is approaching the shop, so you get to work on your trap
>There's thing Anon can't possibly survive
>You've used this against griffons, minotaurs, seaponies
>You know a mare who used a pile of it to neutralize an entire platoon of breezie berserkers
>You adjust your gas mask, light a match, and toss it into the basket
>The dried herbs go up in an instant, a grey plume of deadly smoke billowing into the enclosed shop space
>Mere moments later, you hear his keys in the lock
>The handle turns, and a 

>You are Anon, and you can't stop coughing
>It smells like your grandpa's living room in here!
>You squint to keep the smoke out of your eyes as you venture inside
>There's a low, deep breathing sound coming from behind the counter, where you see a smoldering basket of herbs
>Glancing at the partially-burned label, you realize it's tobacco
>Dammit, you had to import that!
>Whatever anti-smoker pony did this is gonna pay
>Exactly 342 bits, which is how much you would've sold it for
>As you cough, a black masked pony head peeks above the countertop
>God dammit


>You are Agent Sweetie Drops, and everything is going according to plan
>Of all the poisons Anon stocks, tobacco is the most potent
>How he got it, you don't know
>It's banned as a chemical weapon
>Even the company has a hard time getting stocks of it
>Now, with Anon in his death throes, you can't help but crack a smile
>Mission accomplished
>And then Anon ripped off your gas mask

>You have a slightly increased risk of lung cancer, so you must be Anon
>This fuckheaded pony decided to burn your tobacco!
>That shit's expensive!
>You reach over the counter to grab them, wrapping your fingers around the filter of their mask and pulling
>The pony doesn't come with it
>Your eyes widen at the sight, then immediately shut when you get an eyeful of smoke
>Bonbon?!
>Squinting again, you can see her grabbing at her throat and wheezing
>Damn ponies, smoke inhalation is not a joke!
>Grabbing her by the tuft, you drag her outside into the fresh air
>She's not breathing!

>You are Fleur
>Anon isn't here
>You searched the entire suite after you got out of the shower, but he doesn't seem to be present
>Panicking, you head down the stairs and out into the street
>There's a cloud of smoke billowing into the sky down the road, so you start running
>Oh Celestia, don't let you be too late!


>You're freaking out internally, so you must be Anon
>You don't know what's going on, except that one of your friends isn't breathing
>It's the asscrack of dawn so the street is deserted
>Nopony is around to help
>You look down at her, her cream coat stained by soot, her little hooves twitching involuntarily
>Her perfectly still chest
>You've seen every episode of Scrubs, so you're hideously underqualified to do this
>But you take a deep breath and do it anyway

>You're freaking out externally, so you must be Fleur
>As you near Anon's shop, you catch a whiff of something in the air that makes your nose curl and eyes water
>She didn't...
>Tobacco is only used in operations where collateral doesn't matter
>But here! In the middle of a heavily populated town! To kill one stallion!
>You gasp and wheeze, your hooves carrying you along the cobblestones to where Anon's shop is
>You round the corner, bringing Anon's Apothecary into view
>Smoke billows out the doorway, the thick stench of burning chemicals filling the air
>The windows are blackened, and flames occasionally lick up them
>That stupid nag set the place on fire!
>You'll need another shower to get this accursed smoke from your fine white fur
>In front of the shop, Anon is kneeling over a prone Sweetie Drops
>His lips come down and lock with hers, only for him to rise up, smack her in the chest, and come down again
>You stand there stupefied for a second, before leaping into action


>Your life is flashing before your eyes, so you must be Agent Sweetie Drops
>Your heartbeat is irregular, you can't breathe, your lungs are shriveling up with smoke inside them
>The bastard won
>You find yourself thinking of Lyra, but she doesn't interest you
>You think of your candy store, and your plans to buy a larger location, and it doesn't interest you either
>You think about Anon, and your chest swells, flooding with love for him
>Wait a second
>You cough, expelling black smoke from your lungs, and crack open your eyes
>The worried faces of Anon and Fleur loom over you
>They saved you...
>Why?

>You are Fleur, the most relieved assassin in Equestria
>Anon is alive, and so is Sweetie Drops
>Losing either of them would've been a blow to you, and made explaining this a lot more difficult
>Down the street, you see a bright red carriage barrelling toward the burning building, which has quickly become an inferno
>He gazes regretfully at the ruin of his business, but smiles when he sees Sweetie Drops is still alive
>His technique was way off, luckily you were trained as a medic before being selected as an assassin
>The three of you sit there in the street as firemares, ponice, and ponymedics begin swarming around you
>Sweetie Drops is secured to a stretcher and pulled into an ambulance
>A blanket is draped around Anon's shoulders, despite his best efforts to shrug it off
>Somepony shoved a cup of coffee into your hooves
>You can't stand the stuff, preferring tea or fine wine, but you still drink it down gladly
>This fiasco is finally over


>You are Princess Luna, and your rage has turned to a slow, simmering anger
>It's been 24 hours since you've had a report from either Agent Sweetie Drops or Fleur
>You stalk through the halls of the palace, servants and guests making a wide berth around you
>You swear, if you don't hear from them in the next hour, you'll go down there yourse-
>"Your highness?" A mare says, dressed in the uniform of a diplomatic courier
>She hands you a classified scroll and flies off
>You open it and cast a cypher spell on the coded words
>'Dear Princess Luna,' it reads, 'Agents Sweetie Drops and Fleur-de-Lis would like to tender their resignations'
>Thy cheek twitches involuntarily
>'Furthermore, Anon Y. Mous of Ponyville hereby files a claim for compensation from the crown due to damages inflicted on his property during royal operations'
>The fine marble floor beneath thy hooves begins to crack, an intense heat borne of rage swelling within thy royal body
>Thou may'st kill somepony yet