>Day why have a good time when I can just bring my friends in Equestria
>Be Moondancer, the studious unicorn that lurks the halls of libraries everywhere.
>Ruined dates are never fun, but sadly they are a common occurrence for you.
>Sure, you are one of Canterlot’s leading theological wizards.
>Well paying job at the academy, a home (that is only falling apart at the seams) in an expensive part of town, and connections with the princesses (just Twilight).
>What more could a pony want?
>Too bad when your physicals aspects are reviewed, you come up short.
>Shallow.
>”Aw Moondancer, how many drinks was that?”
“I don’t care, Lemon. It’s not enough to drown out the embarrassment. Give me a few more bottles and a good salt lick.”
>Nudge a few upside down glass shots in place to finish making your pyramid.
>Lemon bounces up next to you and starts to spin around in her bar stool.
>Amidst her ‘weees’ you make out what she is trying to say.
>“At least wait until Minuette and Twinkleshine to get here.”
>Don’t wanna.
>”Oh, speaking of the mares from the moon. Hey you mares, get your clit-sucking butts over here.”
>The bubbly ear grate of hellos throttled your soppy sorry noggin.
>Maybe you can cast that spell that can erase ears.
>That one was made by a famous sorcerers that had a very naggy stallion.
>She died when she crossed the street for some unknown reason.
>”Moondancer!”
>Holy Celestia’s flaming teats, it’s Twilight!
>”Hello to you too.”
>Oops, you did that thing when you’re drunk and you just say what you think.
“I said that out loud, again. Well I’m happy to see you even if my filter has been shot through the roof already.”
1/12

>Princess Twilight Sparkle picks up Lemon Heart with her magic and places her one seat over then proceeds to steal the spot next to you.
>“No worries. I’m about to join you. Have to be with my OG mares every once in a while.”
>You look to your right, Minuette and Twinkleshine raise their mugs.
>Lemon Heart and Twilight to the right of you have those goofy grins as they ready to order drinks for their mugs to mug.
“Can’t let a mare sulk can you. Cheers friends. Can’t live without you. I tried.”
>Mugs slosh as you all slam them together before chugging it all down.
>Foam drips down your face, staining your fur.
“There’s the good stuff.”
>”We’ve come a long way from being exclusive book hobbyist.”
>Twilight starts her own tower of glass shots.
>She has a long way to go before she can approach your beauty.
“Most wouldn’t call our level of reading a hobby. My two-bit psychologist, Mental Reprose, just calls it an obsession. Bet she wouldn’t say that about you, Twilight. You got wings for it.”
>Minuette belches before dapping her mouth with a tissue.
>”The way you two go at books would make a virgin stallion monk in a Celestia blessed cathedral blush. Unf, voluntary celibacy is so hot.”
>Twinkleshine frown slightly through her mug.
>”Don’t make their work lewd again.”
>Minuette sticks her tongue out at her.
>”I’m just messing with Twilight and Moondancer. Have to take my shots before their sharp minds decide to run wild.”
>You hear a pop as Twilight removes Lemon’s stuck muzzle from her glass.
>How does she keep doing that?
2/12

>“So what’s the occasion? When I was told we were all coming to the bar to drink I figured something important has happened, or you two planning on using a princess to be your wingmare?”
>Daw, Twilight blazes into town and she doesn’t even know what’s been going on.
>Take another sip and balance yourself on your stool.
“Nothing important. I meet with a cute stallion at the library. Tried to hit it off. I was doing pretty good. It was a flop in the end.”
>Twilight looks confused as her wings ruffle themselves up, guess nopony told her.
>Maybe it would be too embarrassing to share.
>”She’s shallow, Twilight.”
>Lemon Bucking Heart will gladly tell all of Canterlot for you though.
>Sing it from the highest tower so all of Equestria can be blessed with the knowledge.
>You shake a hoof at her.
“This is why I drink. May Celestia continue to bless me with salty drinks and big thick long books with fat binders that will last me all these lonely nights.”
>Another glass for your mage pyramid tower.
>Twinkleshine tries to say something, but is stopped briefly by a hiccup.
>”Moondancer, you only drink after bad dates. Which is all of them.”
>You try to give a mean glare to your friend, probably just a loopy mopey glance.
“Fully aware of that Twinkleshine.”
>She licks the foam off her face with her long tongue.
>Twilight has extended her wing over you and gives you a brief hug.
>Not that you don’t like it, you ain’t a dyke.
>No homo.
>Well, maybe for Twilight.
>You are too drunk for this.
>”Oh. I didn’t know. Canterlot stallions can be picky.”
>With a tired sigh, you push away your almost finished drink.
3/12

“What a very diplomatic response. Well I might as well tell you. Three inches. I can fit three inches inside me. I can fit more in my dick hungry mouth.”
>Lemon Heart, Minuette, and Twinkleshine all swirl their mugs trying not to stare directly to see Twilight.
>Twilight looks between her friends.
>”Well that changes when aroused.”
>Bitter laugh escapes your salty mouth.
“No, that is the max. I’ve tested. Full blown estrus. Full expansion mode. I even took aphrodisiacs. The measure dildo was meticulously etched down to the millimeter.”
>Twilight places her mug down, the bartender slightly refills it with her magic from all the way across the room.
>Rather attentive barmare.
>Well she’ll remember your story after Lemon Squeeze sang it out.
>”How badly does it hurt?”
>Twilight’s frown is somewhat reassuring, she does care.
“Stallions can’t put it in me without slamming against the wall. I can’t hold back the flinch and it gets them all flustered. They start complaining about how they now have to be careful and how much work it is. The really mean ones say they might as well use a shot glass. I’m a mare, I can stand the pain, but stallions don’t feel comfortable.”
>The Princess of Friendship listens to you rant, which is nice given the rest of the girls would have pipped up with a witty response.
>Slumping to the table, you rest your head on the bar.
>Twilight doesn’t say anything, just lets the drawl of the bar filter the atmosphere.
>”I’m sorry to hear about that. So stallions are not a good experience. How about a different species?”
>You stick your head straight up like a spring weed.
>”Some races have smaller penuses. How about that?”
>Twilight gives you a shrug with her answer.
4/12

>Minuette, on the other hoof, has no reservations of holding back.
>”Oh, oh, oh, how about a griffon!”
>The frown you have must have pushed the right buttons because Minuette is laughing.
>She almost falls out of her stool.
“I’m not that shallow.”
>Twinkleshine rolls her eyes then throws out her two bits on the floor of discussion.
>”I hear zebra stallions are on the small side, but they make up for it with voluminous fluids.”
>Oh sure, I might as well ask for a grant from the school board.
>Your fake enthusiasm hopefully exasperates your point.
“That would be a great idea. If they existed! Have any of us seen a zebra stallion? You? How about you? Twilight, Equestria’s greatest diplomat, you’ve seen many different species. Got any zebra studs that have graced your presence?”
>Twilight ducks her head down.
>”Never actually seen a zebra stallion.”
>Slam a hoof down, the drinks don’t even budge from your outrage.
“Do we even know that they exist? Perhaps zebras are spawned from the great plains when enough waterfall floods the area. Those pictures must be doctored, or it was a trap for lonely perverts like myself..”
>”Buffalo!”
>Shake a hoof even harder in Minuette’s general direction.
“Minuette, I will smack you. At least come up with suggestions that are reasonable. So I don’t have to go out into the wild to find. Also, they’re not small! How are you helping me?”
>Twilight is currently writing down on parchment.
>”Then let’s lay down some obvious no-goes. Minotaurs, dragons, bucks, changelings, hippogriphs, and their seapony alternatives.”
>Twilight and her lists.
>Never change.
>Except the one time you did, you race traitor.
>I still love you.
>”A Breezie!”
>Smacking Minuette over the head you continue to talk to Twilight.
5/12

“So that doesn’t really leave me with any options. Not a fillyfooler, nor am I a coltcuddler. That’s just wrong. Which goddess did I insult to be cursed? Cadance, I’m sorry!”
>”I found an answer to your solution!”
>Minuette pulls her head up with a loud pop from the table.
>She flicks the table’s peridocial to the page she was faceplanted on a moment ago.
>There is an article about rare and exotic creatures.
>Twinkleshine states the obvious.
>You don’t need help, you’re not that drunk.
>”Anon the Human. Only one of his kind.”
>Well, that’s not what you thought the words said.
>Maybe you are tipsy drunk.
“I don’t know what a human is. My preferred reading is magical studies and the like.”
>A gasp from Twilight, seems much more hopeful than you feel.
>”I know him. He stayed in my castle for a little bit to gets settled into his new life. We’re pretty good friends. Anon told me a little about himself. A human is a hominid. A family under primates.”
>Minuette nods as Twilight explained.
>”I read your entire report about him, Twilight. Apes have small dicks.”
>She has very specific tastes in her reading material.
>That’s your fault for introducing her to academically inclined smut.
“I’m starting to see where you are going with this.”
>Twilight squees, her wings fluttering.
>”It gets even better. He is a big enough guy to envelop you in a hug, but not crush you like a bear would. Then he uses his hands like a minotaur to do all kinds of fun things to you. The belly rubs are the absolute best thing.”
“So I can fuck him. Perfect.
>The girls seem to agree, but there was a small problem.
6/12

“I can’t just walk up to the stallion and say let’s do the monkey.”
>Twilight is quiet, she has that thin lipped look.
>Tapping her hooves together.
>”What are thinking about, Twilight?”
>”She’s got a plan brewing.”
>Your sisters all lean in for the big reveal.
“You know him.”
>Twilight nods.
>”I do. So does Lyra. Anon is a friendly guy. I could butter him up for you, go to his place or my castle. I have a lot of wings.”
>A drunk spark of hope warms the bottom of your dead cold heart.
>Hugging her, you speak earnestly.
“Wing mare princess!”
>”Buck yeah I am. The wingiest wing mare to wing this.”
>In unison, you and your best sisters slam your drinks down as Twilight’s speech grew faster and more hopeful.
>”A good dicking should not be denied to you because of genetics! When a stallion doesn’t want to put in the effort to show you both a good time, then it is time to forget them. Go exotic. Go wild. Moondancer, for all your hard work you deserve this!”
>Oh yeah, you are getting laid.
“Yeah! When are we doing this?”
>”Now!”
“Buck ye--wait what?”
>You hear the shock noises of your friends as Twilight’s horn glowed.
>She is about to abduct you on a drunken rampage to get dick.
>Just like in your Japonyese novels.
>Only she is very drunk and teleporting while drunk is a bad idea.
“I don’t want to die. Also I’ve never teleported while drunk.”
>”Don’t worry! I know what I’m doing! I’ve done this under many conditions and perilous moments. Like running from Nightmare Moon, dragons, and friendship problems. Being drunk is a first.”
> This is how you die, trying to get laid.
>Such is the life of a nerd.
7/12

>A quick big bang boom, and the world shifts from one scene to the next.
>Somehow you are alive, and not barfing up.
>Still swaying from your poison concoctions running through your blood.
>There is a house now, it’s a little on the big side.
>”And there it is, Anon’s home. I’ll introduce him to you, start talking, then just use your smooth moves for smooches.”
“I’m glad I’m drunk.”
>Your best friend in all the world grins wildly at you.
>”So am I!”
>Pass the mailbox, the tasty flowers under the windows, and the impressive door.
>No time like the present, knock this door down.
>Well not really, maybe just a tap.
>Princess Twilight Fatherbucking Sparkle has the biggest manure eating grin.
>”Here he comes.”
>The heavy stomps from the other side nearly knock you over.
>Opening the door and you see the apealien.
“Bigger than what the magazine shows.”
>The strange, but cute, creature looks down at you both.
>Clearly he recognizes Twilight Sparkle, but he seems to take a keen interest in you.
>”Twilight did you clone yourself? Kinky.”
>Buck, that’s hot.
>”What? No, no, no this is my friend, Moondancer. She’s been my friend since magic school. We’re just in the neighborhood and I wanted to introduce her to you this very late evening.”
>His house is the only house on side of town.
>Gotta be smooth now.
>Gathering all the liquid courage you can muster.
>Your ancestors all fucked, now it is your time.
“Want some fuk?”
>Smooth.
>Twilight facehooves.
>”Ha ha ha! She’s so funny! Maybe we should discuss the merits that Moondancer has.”
>Anon is staring straight at you, like a piece of meat.
>Ha, you were already doing that to him.
>”Ok.”
>Your sis sighs in relief.
8/12

>”Great, let’s discuss it inside.”
>Twilight starts to trot inside, but is halted by a booping finger.
>”Sorry Purple. I meant ok to some fuck. It’s Friday night, I’m drunk, and will screw anything. Your kinky clone asked for some, and I’m in move to groove with her rut.”
>Victory!
>Leg pump with a hardcore ‘yes’.
“Woohoo, get ready for the ride of your life in the next minute. We can even cuddle afterwards.”
>Anon closes the door as he tries to pick you up.
>You giggle as you sway your hips from his grasping fingers.
“Where to cutie?”
>”Living room, bed room, or shower it doesn’t matter to me.”
>The clothes have already been thrown off and you got a good look.
>It is small, you smile brightly.
“We start here then work up to the bed.”
>His hands find you and squeeze his hands around your barrel.
>”Got a little fluff in your rump. Anon likes.”
>Glance at how his fingers dig into you.
“I might have a rather sedentary lifestyle.”
>His lewd smirk is only matched by your own.
>With his nutty apealien strength, Anon picks you up and carries you to the couch.
>Momma gonna get the goods!
>He sits you down, this is taking too long.
>Grab him with your magic and throw him onto the coach.
>Jump on him like horny teenage mare.
“You get me nice and slick, I’ll get to work raising this bad colt. I got this trick where I can use my magic and mouth at the same time!”
>Anon looks around your thighs.
>”Like you have to ask. Oh, damn. You have some fat teats there.”
>One of those wiggly appendages grab at your mammaries.
“You like those?”
>Whatever, a fetish is a fetish.
9/12

>Working your magic, literally and figuratively.
>Actually, it’s probably just literally.
>Anon’s member got your full attention.
>Just need to get that blood flowing.
>Pretty sure apes don’t have baculums.
>A nerve is struck when you feel him twick at the nipples while licking.
>Great moon loving Luna, this guy is good.
“Not going to be outdone.”
>Take it all in your mouth easy.
>Let your magic massage the orbs your nose is currently booping.
>Ok!
>He just slipped his tongue in.
>Don’t even have to bribe him.
>Just full on tit grabbing vag sucking.
>Can feel him mumbling something.
>He’s enjoying himself.
>And he’s hardening.
>Also getting bigger.
>With a quick slurp, you push the dick out and watch it...
>Get bigger.
>Oh, no.
>That is not a small ape dick.
>That’s a big monster ding dong.
>He can fuck a normal pony with this.
>Well, mom, I’m going to make you proud.
>Gulp as you stutter out your next words.
“I-I-I think you’re good. Hehe. Heheh.”
>This is going to hurt.
>Really hope he doesn’t throw you out when he finds out.
>”We’re good down here too. Nice and wet.”
>You jump a bit when he gives your other lips a sloppy kiss.
>Tentatively, you stand up and turn around.
>Carefully step around him, he has an eager wet grin.
>Pulling you closer to him, you are now nose to nose.
>”Hey there cutie. Anything you liked down there?”
“Yeah. You, you have a very good looking dick.”
>Boops your nose with his nose, and grips your hips.
>Anon slowly starts to lower you to match your business end with his business end.
>Breathing hard, you fear what comes next.
>Need to delay this.
>Kiss him. 
>Colts love kisses.
>Grab him and push up.
10/12

>Anon’s flat muzzle is kind of strange to work around.
>Distract him with with a good hard marely kiss.
>Huh, you can taste what he's been drinking.
>Probably can do the same with you.
>He’s already lowering you down again!
>The HMD calls to him.
>Lips part ways, soon the lower lips will do the same.
>”Now for the main course.”
“Anon. I really hope…”
>Oh, that is warm, very warm.
>”Nerd pussy is best pussy.”
>That hits the spot.
>Then he hits the spot.
>The boop nudges you forward, nose boops against nose again.
>Anon’s eyes are very pretty this close.
>He’s also a little confused.
>He thrusts again, and gets the same results.
>”Wait what? I see several inches of me sticking out.”
>It is a little difficult to blush when you are already dick deep in sex.
“So, don’t be upset. I’m a little short.”
>”Short?”
>Another thrust, oof that’s good.
>Anon’s face lights up when realizes what you’re talking about.
>”I always wanted to bottom out. Watch out my nerdy dessert, we’re going to pound town.”
“Wait, wait, wait!”
>Dick don’t wait for nopony.
>Jackhammer right at your core.
>Ow, ow, ow.
>Celestia, this feels so good.
>Then he stops, like something just dawned upon him.
>”Oh shit. I forgot. Doesn’t this hurt you?”
>Slamming back down on his hips, you grind against him.
“Don’t you dare stop! I need this!”
>For such a large creature, hearing him squeak is hilarious and satisfying.
>”Yes ma’am.”
>Wiggly appendages grab at every part of your glorious body.
>Especially the teats, he loves your teats.
>Pain, that is really going to smart.
>Don’t care, getting laid.
>Bite his shoulder to help relieve yourself.
>Anon growls and goes even faster.
“Buck.”
11/12


>A few days later in Equestria, you sit at the same bar.
>Take that back, it is currently morning at Pony Joes.
>There is a scowl on your face.
>”So did you get some?”
>Lemon Heart looks rather concern, but you don’t say anything.
>Your black coffee is still too hot to drink right now.
>And you already ate your donut.
>Twilight gulps as your friends continue to question her.
>”I thought they did it. She literally asked if they could fuck and he said yes.”
>Minuette lets out an impressed whistle.
>”Dang, Moondancer. Are you like a super secret agent with stallionkilln’ moves?”
>This is so stupid.
>Glare at all of them.
“You all know why we decided to try out Anon right?”
>Twinkleshine nods.
>Minuette is clearly waiting for lewd stories.
>”To get you laid?”
>Duh, but also no.
>”No, because she’s shallow and he’s a monkey dude.”
>Thanks again, Lemon Bucking Heart.
>The rest of your sisters nod in agreement.
“Well guess what! He doesn’t have a 1 inch dick. It was bigger. A lot bigger. It grew. He seemed proud of it. Not that I don’t blame him. I think he could plow you all and it would be fine. Now I am flank hurt and he wants to see me again! He called me his big titty nerd. I don’t think I can survive another pounding.”
>Your friends drew closer, ears pointed straight at you with attention.
>”Well did he think you were cute?”
>You scream out in frustration.
“Yes, Twilight. He did! Thank you for being concerned. We cuddled afterwards and we made small talk. I fell asleep in his big arms.”
>Bucking friends.
>Bucking Twilight.
>And finally bucking Anon.
12/12