>Dragon takes a few humans for their hoard.
>Humans say 'fuck it' and start building simple houses for themselves.
>Dragon somehow keeps finding more humans.
>Eventually have a small village of folk living under the protection of a Dragon


>They begin to worship the dragon, not just because she protects and provides for them, but also because they're all dudes and she's the only female on the mountain.
>The dragoness goes from having a hoard of exotic creatures to having a harem of exotic males.
>Silverstream and Yona snort with barely repressed laughter as they read Smolder's journal.
>Or more accurately, her self-insert fantasy.
>If Anon, the only human student in the school read this, what would he think?




>Be Gallus
>Stumble upon Smolder journal
>Shit is full of self-insert stories
>Most of them involving humans
>Decides to show it to Anon
>Not just for the lulz
>But as a payback for those gay drawings of you she made
>You watch anons face while reads that degenerate stories
>Yfw you don’t see disgust or laughter, but interest
>Yfw he hands you a book and ask to give it to smolder
>Yfw when is full of degenerate and absurd fanfics
>You do as he asked out of curiosity, he must have a plan to troll her hard
>But no
>They just start to exchange fanfics, commenting and suggesting improvements to each other work
>It creates a feedback loop, making their stories even more degenerate and crazy
>Yay friendship?
>Tfw when they make up a pseudo pup magazine and start to publish their stories
>Tfw they create a ring of students writing that shit and make drawings
>Tfw there’s a 50 chapter and ongoing storie of you infiltrating evil hermaphroditic unicorn dragoness harem of exotic males
>By Twilight, what have you unleash in the world ?





>Anon joins the royal guard
>It's typically reserved for mares, but there's a division specifically for stallions
>It's small, and it doesn't really see a lot of action, but the Captain of the Guard tries to take pride in being the head of the group
>Anon does his best to do his job, but the other members of the guard don't make it easy
>They worry about their manes, and they flirt with the regular guard (on occasions where the regular all-mare guard isn't flirting with them), and Anon accidentally makes one of them cry when he says that he should quit the guard if he doesn't think he can keep up
>Half the time Anon catches up with the other guards, they're gossiping about who's dating whom
>"Ugh. This is why nobody in Canterlot relies on stallions for anything."


>Anonstallion stands guard while Celestia holds court. When the the noble ponies natter on and Celestia needs to maintain a look of interest and concentration, instead of letting herself fall asleep or get distracted, Anon feels magic gently lift and fondle his balls and it takes all of his concentration to keep from dropping his cock out of its sheath

>Anonstallion is a unicorn and plays dirty. When he feels the ever familiar lift, Celestia feels the oh-so sudden rub "down below".






>A dragon rules over a secluded pony village far away from the Princesses' influence and serves as its protector.
>In exchange, it asks for one pony sacrifice every year.
>The villagers assume it wants them for food, and offer their most useless ponies as a delicacy.
>No reason to send real talent when they're just going to be a snack, after all.
>The truth is the dragon is just lonely, but socially awkward, and wants friends that they don't have to worry about running away.
>The dragon has two hobbies.
>The first is home improvement, and it's always expanding its lair and adding new features.
>The other is O&O, which they and their hoard of NEETs have been playing for years.
>The dragon DM-ing a campaign that's been going on since they started.
>One of the NEETs has actually been writing their game into a story, which will later become a best seller fantasy series

>A campaign that multiple generations of players have been adding to.
>Delve into a dungeon crypt and fight a lich.
>It was actually an old keep built by players hundreds of years before their time, and the lich is one of the former players characters that was raised by the current big bad of the campaign.
The players break the big bad's control and the dragon reveals the unicorn did that IRL just so they could keep playing and joins the party







>Anon being an amateur wrestler back in high school goes professional once he gets to Equestria.
>Just like earth, pro wrestling is all staged with the fixings of the usual drama.
>Good thing too, because he's very rusty and he was never that great to begin.
>Since the sport lacks much needed eye candy, they hire him on the spot.
>To their surprise he's got a knack for being flashy, willing to learn, and by god are humans flexible.
>A mare could bend him like a pretzel in ring and he walks it off like he's nothing.
>He quickly adopts a badboy persona, a heart breaker that will mentally and physically break you as well.
>Mares come to boo him, jill off to him, and watch strong capable mares try to humble, maybe even tame him.
>Anon has nearly killed some of his peers, and some of his audience, with his finishing move, pic related
>AggressivelyHumpingTheirFace.mp4

>One time at a particularly gruesome fight with the reigning mare champion, Anon pulled out his secret trump card.
>The ol' Rear-ender render.
>It was so devastating that there were some casualties in the audience, damn near took out the ref's eye with it too.
>He promised to not use it again under any circumstance.
>Unfortunately mares have been extra frisky in ring trying every trick in the book to get him to do it again.
>Because it was fucking HOT





"And that's when my tuft will get HUGE and my wings will finally be wider than Flurry's, and I solve all the unrequited love problems in Equestria!"
>Shining sighs
>"That's some nice fanfiction, dear. I'll prepare the beanbag by the voyeurscope, like we did last year."
>You try to frown, but Shining knows you too well
"And I'll get two feedbags of those stale heart-shaped candies!"
>Shining kisses you on the cheek
>"That's my mare."
>As you make a withdrawal from the strategic candy reserves, you muse about how lucky you are
>You've always been rather colty for a mare, even before becoming the embodiment of the magic of love
>And yet, here you are with a loving janefilly husband who has given you a beautiful daughter
>All those mares who whispered behind your back about being a foalsitter can suck your clit, you hit the jackpot with that gig
>You pull a pot of tea out of stasis and two cups and return to the living room 
>Shining perks up at the smell
>"Is that Anon's tea?"
>You smile at him
"I had him make it yesterday and put it into stasis. Happy Hearts and Hooves day, babe."
>He accepts his cup with grin and a peck on your cheek
>"You too. Now get over here and let's see the fruits of your labor."
>You belly flop onto the beanbag and loop the feedbag strap behind your head
>Shining leans against your side as he puts his own on 
>You send a spark of magic to the voyeurscope, the crystal ball shimmering to show the first of many couples awkwardly meeting for their date
>Technically, the voyeurscope is an illegal artifact, grandmothered in due to its use as a historical tool of government security
>But that doesn't matter, you have been preparing for this day for months
>Countless letters of introduction sent (1337 according to Twilight), each with a list of suggested topics, activities, and gifts
>Notices sent to the various restaurants and gift shops about what to stock up on and expect
>Contracting with a sympathetic Great One to provide portals between distant lovers
>All for this one day of celebration and romance
>You flick from couple to couple to herd, smiling in satisfaction as their relationships deepen before you
>Hours pass, consumed in stale candy, delicious tea, cuddling, and observing your matchmaking results
>You can't help but notice how Shining has been nuzzling your neck, nosing closer and closer to your tuft
>You flick the scope to one last couple
>Anon, your ever vigilant, ever diligent foalsitter, keeping an eye on Flurry while scratching and petting Raven Inkwell 
>The poor, overworked mare practically melts on his lap, a blissful expression on her face
>Perfect
>You deactivate the scope and roll Shining onto his back
>He stares up at you with a cute blush on his face
>You climb on top of him, shoving his snout into your tuft and straddling his hips
"You've been so patient with me, my love. It's time for your reward."
>He makes a muffled whimper, and you can feel his need, hot and rising between your legs
>You may be one of the luckiest mares in Equestria, time to prove it






>Though the exact conversion rate differs from pony to pony and even creature to creature, at least part of all caloric intake goes into fueling mana generation.
>Magically powerful individuals like Pinkie, Twilight, and even Rainbow Dash have to eat a lot of food to keep their magical reserves high.
>Twiggy Piggy earned her nickname for having to eat thrice as much as her classmates to keep her magic up when they were foals, and that still holds true today.
>In fact, ponies in general eat quite a lot for their size.
>Big heaping plates of pancakes with berries and whip cream piled high is a commonly seen and healthy breakfast for most ponies.
>Even other, less magically gifted species like griffons or diamond dogs still eat quite a lot.
>So humans, with no magic to speak of, stand out for their comparatively small appetites.
>Anon, the newest resident of Ponyville, stands out in this regard.
>Ponies will see him eat a mere three or four pancakes and wash it down with a cup of black coffee and say he's full, and simply not believe it.
>As a matter of fact, there's worrying rumors going around that Anon might even have an eating disorder.
>He's so tall and skinny that it can't be a healthy weight, and ponies worry that he's anorexic.
>Mares make subtle comments about how stallions with meat on their bones are sexy, and that not every stallion needs to be a super model.
>Stallions invite him to sleepovers and offer plenty of tasty snacks, making sure he sees that they're eating too and that it's okay to join in.
>Anon really a healthy weight, but if ponies keep trying to shovel food down his throat, he won't be for much longer





>Once ponies found out humans were usually monogamous by choice if not by nature, you kind of became a hot item
>Friendship is magic here and all that, but the idea of not sharing a stallion looked good to a lot of mares
>There had been a lot of them hitting on you, doing weird horse displays, one upping each other
>Once or twice, mares would break out into fights
>It was flattering, really it was, but you didn't have any interest
>Them being small horses and all
>The boasting and bragging was also one hell of a turn off, hooves or not
>You thought you had it all figured out
>What you weren't expecting was some of these little horses being clever
>Fluttershy, animal enthusiast and town coward, came to you one day
>She told you she had an embarrassing problem
>A problem that she couldn't take to anypony but you
>She didn't even want her friends to know
>She had no idea what to do around a stallion; how to act, talk, ANYTHING
>She needed help, and practice
>Sure, you weren't really a stallion, but you were close enough, and she didn't trust anypony else with the information, since she really didn't want teased or made fun of
>How could you say not, especially when she looked up at you with her big, blue eyes
>You agreed to help, since Fluttershy was so happy that she did a flip in the air
>So, she took you around
>You walked together, talked, had a few "mock" dates
>You went out to eat a few times, then up to Canterlot to see a movie
>It was kind of fun, and got you out of the house
>You had no idea just how devious and Machiavellian the little pegasus was
>After one "date", she invited you back to her cottage
>There was some cute little kittens that she wanted you to see
>When you lost track of time playing with the adorable little furballs, she insisted that you stay until morning
>It was too dangerous after dark, she said
>Creatures liked to come from the Everfree and roam around, especially with how close to was to that spooky forest
>So you agreed
>You didn't think much of it, even as you slowly began to spend the night more and more
>Then it started getting cold
>The next time you came over, Fluttershy shyly suggested that you sleep together
>She had forgotten to get extra firewood, and Mr. Bear had torn up some of her blankets, and she hadn't gotten around getting them fixed
>She was a pegasus, meaning she's be extra warm, and with a blanket over the two of you you'd be comfortable
>This was when warning signs would have starting popping up
>But, again, you didn't think anything of us, just assuming that the mare was just being thoughtful
>Then Fluttershy began suggesting that you practice kissing
>"Just in case I have a date soon. I wouldn't want to look silly."
>And then she somehow figured out you liked long socks
>And large, round rumps
>That was many years ago
>You had three foals
>Fluttershy was the envy of the town, and walked around like her teats were big enough to drag on the ground






>glimglam loved stories growing up
>autistically so
>learned story structure and narrative
>realized that this shit goes on IRL
>wonders why
>realizes there's an extremely subtle magical signature around every creature, herself included
>focuses her magic studies on this
>realizes that it's Fate's puppet strings
>existentialcrisis.gif
>either not believed when she goes to canterlot or told not to meddle with fate
>resolves to free ponies from Fate so they are free to choose their own destiny
>attempts to sever her own strings, thinks she got them
>Our Town was the (admittedly immoral) first attempt at it
>once she gets over her revenge obsession she realizes that she never cut her strings and played the part of a villian of Twilight's story
>existentialcrisis2.boogaloo
>takes some time away to reflect
>meets anon
>realizes she can't detect any of Fate's strings around anon
>afraid to believe but the idea of somecreature truly free of Fate's machinations draws her like a starving mare to food
>something something teach me master
>something something wonders if that trait can be passed on to her foals
>something something RGRE


I like to think that Anon just gets these bouts of random dread deep in his gut whenever he's close to fate's attempted path for him. Could be as simple as fate REALLY wants Anon to go buy a watermelon from the market because then he'll make friends with a mare he'll meet there, and Anon will NOPE the fuck out and stay home that day. But with Anon's luck, he gets most of them in already spooky situations.

>Be Anon
>Be about to take the trash out
>You glance out your window - inky blackness
>You were lazy and didn't take the trash out, but tomorrow is garbage day
>You casually open the door and walk outside
"Sure is dark."
>But you live in a safe part of town, so you aren't... that, uh...
>You aren't... worried...?
>As you approach one of your bushes, dread suddenly begins to pool in your belly
>You're suddenly aware that there are NO sounds around you - not even crickets
>Fuck, it's NEVER GOOD when nature shuts its fucking whore mouth.
>The hairs on the back of your neck stand up, and some deep, privative part of your brain is SCREAMING at you that something is wrong.
>You are in DANGER.
>This is every horror game you've ever played.
>This is every internet jumpscare from back when you were stupid enough to click on screamer websites.
>This is bad.
"Fuck this."
>You'll put up with an extra week of garbage sitting around.
>Without missing a beat, and trying to remain quiet, you start walking backwards towards your front door.
>On the way there, your arm brushes up against your mailbox and you scream like a bitch.
---
>Be Fate
>You really want that fucking monkey to take his trash out
>Because when he brings it to the curb, you can nudge things juuuust enough that the garbage mare will trip over it
>Then she'll be in a bad mood and go to a bar after work for a drink, and then she'll meet an old friend
>But THIS FUCKING MONKEY just turned around and went back inside.
>Son of a BITCH


"You ever feel like something is... wrong, I guess?"
>Glimmer continues to read her book.
"Like, I'll suddenly get a craving for some sort of food that I haven't had in a long time, and I'll want to go to the market. But going out the door is such an odd feeling, like I keep expecting something bad to happen. So, I turn around and stay inside."
>An ear twitches, and she turns a page.
"And then later, I find out that there was some sort of altercation in the marketplace. Y'know, back home, I'm sure I'd be able to find some internet group who'd tell me I have 'ESP' or whatever it's called. I keep getting bad feelings when something weird happens."
>SLAM
>You look over and Glimmer is staring at you, eyes wide
>Her book is on the floor.
>"...say that again?"
"...I keep getting bad feelings when something weird happens?"
>"And... and you just decide not to do those weird things?"
"I mean, yeah. I'll get the urge to do something weird, but something in my gut tells me it's a bad idea. So, I don't."
>Glimmer begins to hyperventilate.
>"Oh my Celestia. Oh my Celestia. Oh my Celestia."
>Her pupils shrink to pinpricks, and you can see frothy sweat breaking out on her forehead.
>You slowly reach out a hand to give her ear-scratches
>Bitches LOVE ear-scratches
"Glimmer? Glim-Glam? Are you oka-"
>Without warning, Glimmer lurches towards you and wraps her entire body around your arm, nearly pulling you onto her.
>"A-Are you looking f-for a roommate, Anon? Huh? I bet I'd be the best roommate ever."
>Her smile is painfully wide.
>"I promise to not try and seize the means of production, I swear! Nopony will be more equal than anypony else!"
>You are Anon, and you think you just got yourself into some deep shit.

>Anon's Fate Avoidance is so strong that he does Actual Accidental Encounters instead of just Fated Encounters.
>Like being friends with Glimmer

>Be Fate.
>This is bad.
>Very very VERY bad.
>Glimmer is NOT supposed to befriend Anon like this!
>That monkey has been making things so difficult for the last few months, and is now just refusing to listen to you all together!
>You've tried it all: whispers in his sleep, cosmic messages, literally spelling it out in his alphabet soup- NOTHING IS WORKING!
>-And now Starlight Glimmer, the one who was supposed to go to Twilight Sparkle's home to instigate what would eventually be a friendship lesson, has now begun to develop an unhealthy interest in Anonymous!
>What are you supposed to do now?!?
>If your boss finds out then you're going to be in BIG trouble!
"Buck, this is getting ridiculous!"
>The human spins on his heels and looks around in a panic.
>"Did you hear that?"
>Can they hear you?
"Can they hear me?"
>"There it is again!"
>Oh, buck. . .

>Fate's boss is, of course, Harmony.
>Some folks believe they are the same person but it's more like they are related, like Sisters or what have you. Whatever the Celestial Being version of it is.
>Fate got the job because Harmony trusted them and they actually had been doing a pretty damn good job of it.
>...until Anon came along.
>Fate worries of being fired but Harmony already knows of the monkey man.
>...namely because Harmony can't fucking touch him and he's like a little ball of Controlled Chaos.
>She doesn't mention it to Fate because Harmony feels it's embarrassing.
>Same goes for Fate when they end up running into the bastard.
>Cue the shenanigans



>Fate-pone knows there is going to be a monster attack in ponyville and that its going to crash through Anons house despite her best efforts.
>Tries everything to get him out for the day from ponies inviting him places, surprise contest winning he never even entered even Princess Celestia inviting him for tea, all of which ignored or declined.
>Until finally as she watches helplessly as the bug bear is about to crash through his wall she just yells at him directly to "DUCK!".
>And for once he actually listens and dives under his table just in time.
>Both stare in shock for a moment before Anon scrambles to his feet and starts running, Fate-pone snapping off one word directions for him to Dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge that'll lead him to safety.
>Anon is feeling extremely lucky for managing to avoid the monster while Fate-pone thinks she's finally figured out how to work with the distrustful monkey.
>Dont give him a chance to second-guess her suggestions, harder to deal with than regular ponies but not impossible




>At the dawn of civilization, a unicorn mare named Looming Closer had a bit more foresight than most ponies
>She'd hear villagers gossip as she wove threads into cloth, and occasionally step out to give some advice to those that need it
>Being a somewhat colty mare, she started increasing the range of her hearing with magic, to catch more of the gossip, and maybe hear some naughty activities going on
>But as she learned more and more about the ponies in the village, the more she wanted to fix their problems
>Two friends who aren't sure their love is required
>A mare framed for eating the last slice of cake
>A foal, lost in the market, crying for his father
>And so Looming developed another spell, to let her whisper to distant ponies
>Over time, the village grew into a town, then a city as Looming' meddling smoothed the lives of its inhabitants, saving them time and bringing justice
>The mare herself grew in magical power due to the constant exercise of her abilities, broadening her range and letting her see and hear a great deal
>Then Discord happened
>Looming nearly went insane from seeing and hearing all the torment the city was going through
>She used her magic to fuel her body for weeks without sleep, monitoring everything in her range for the slightest twitch that would signal some new chaos, the mere second of warning it gave saving many, but too few lives
>When at last Discord was imprisoned, she relaxed
>Only to find the strain had consumed her body, she was little more than ordered magic, floating above a warped and dusty loom
>The next few decades were a time of discovery for her, learning the limits and capabilities of her new form
>Looming could monitor acres and acres of area, but it was nearly impossible to whisper discernably at the same time
>She got subtle, threading concepts into the weaves of other ponies' minds
>She also grew fascinated with a certain unicorn stallion
>Starswirl opened her eyes to maledom and wizard robes
>He also gave her insight into the nature of time, letting her look into the near future
>She began to influence what she saw as pivotal beings
>There were more than a few blunders, in retrospect she shouldn't have influenced that art critic to dismiss Sombra's painting
>But she played a large role in stabilizing Celestia and Luna's rule, exposing corrupt and selfish nobles, nudging more diligent and moral ponies to step into leadership positions
>The Pax Celestia took maintenance, but Looming was able to thwart almost every plot against the royal sisters
>When Nightmare Moon was banished, she began her work to cultivate the elements of harmony in the population, nudging and arranging and creating bloodlines of virtuous and powerful ponies
>Her future insight grew, and she prepared meticulously to combat the results of her failures and the pre-existing calamities such as Tirek
>Even so, she never stopped leading stray foals to their parents, helping ponies find good matches, making sure that corrupt ponies got their just deserts
>It's a relief when the last major calamity of the next hundred years is dealt with, and she doesn't have to worry and fret about keeping everypony safe
>And then this green monkey shows up, and he snarls up and spits out any attempt to find him a good mare, or help a foal find their teddy bear, or any number of little things that make life easier



>Sombra is the reason the empire is pure A E S T H E T I C
>Before him the crystal ponies barely had a respectable town hall, let alone fully functional yet also practical arcitecture for the city that perfectly balances all residential and industrial areas, all in the shape of the national flag AND can be expanded upon as needed due to the fractal nature of the design.
>Sure the evil magic induced crystals but a dampener on things for the average pony but clean that up a bit and nobody can argue that it doesnt look great





>Be anon
>Get summoned to tiny horse 40k
>Twilight the Purple can't believe she actually summoned something that wasn't made out of tentacles and nightmares
>YFW she fucking squealed in joy from the gact that you can translate all the tomes from ancient Terra
>YFW you have to tell her you can only translate the english ones and a bit if the spanish ones







>when anon was reborn in to anonicorn, he was reborn again with his innocence
>anon and anonicorn are simply the same person/pony but is separate by cynicism and naiveté
>anonicorn is all what anon is past life never really experienced
>security
>safety
>and love

>the doomstar is the manifestation of anon's past life
>sadness
>loneliness
>stress
>anxiety
>but also include what he has learned throughout his adult life
>the reason anonicorn "purges" this from his body, is too keep him innocent
>to allow anon to still have his new life in peace

>as anonicorn grows he has glimpses of the sadness of anon's old life
>but each purge will allow him to forget
>eventually anonicorn will have to face the doomstar
>to face his past






>Traditional pegasus waifu
>Gets along with Anon, good friends with him, etc
>Makes a habit of perching on his back like a backpack
>Those familiar with old pegasus traditions had an idea of what that meant
>Some stallions found that borderline sexually abusive; others found it weirdly romantic
>Anon thinks it's cute and likes having her around
>Stealthily tried to fly him up a few times, but failed to
>It's okay, she likes'em thicc
>Works out all year to get stronger
>Wing exercises to strengthen the wing muscles
>Meticulous preening to pull out damaged or old feathers that would otherwise impede or retard the growth of newer, better feathers
>Increased protein in her diet to fuel muscle growth
>Mating season comes around again
>Traditional pegasus waifu takes her place on Anon's back
>Spreads her wings wide
>BIG FLAPS
"What are yo-woooaahhh!"
>Anon's feet leave the ground
>"And that, foals, is how I met your father."








>Eris and Anon finally decide to have a kid
>After a mighty struggle with her eldritch uterus his sperm finally gets her pregnant
>She gets bored of the extra weight quickly and tries snapping her claws to age up the kid to be healthy and get it out
>But it doesn't work
>The baby inherits her chaos magic so she can't use her get out of everything free card on it
>Panicking ensues
"Eris just calm down, it'll be fine"
>"FINE!? Are you seriously that dumb? I grew up on my magic"
"Well it can't be that bad, you should be able to adapt pretty quickly without it"
>"Anon, honey, babe, you're being stupid again, and not in the cute way that made me fall for you."
"But-"
>"The most exercise I've gotten in my entire life is when I had to walk through Chrysalis's hive"
"Oh"
>"Yeah! Oh! Oh shit, what if it stops my other magic, what if I can't teleport? What if I can't warp reality? How am I supposed to get into places?"
"Maybe you could use a door?"
>"What you mean that thing that peasants use?"
>God damn it some days you love your wife and some days you hate her
>You're not sure which it is today







>It's been centuries since the last time there was an assassination attempt on an Alicorn.
>They used to be a regular occurrence, especially just after Luna was Mooned, and Celestia was the only one around.
>Most commonly from foreign powers seeking to weaken Equestria, but also the occasional uppity noble who didn't like the decisions being made
>Celestia is famed for practically never directly retaliating or even acknowledging that an attempt on her life was made.
>Quite a few dignitaries were expecting a few threats, or at the very least an exceptionally menacing look full of implied 'I KNOW WHAT YOU DID.'
>But she was always sunshine and smiles, happy to share another slice of cake and some tea.
>In some ways this was even more unnerving than to be confronted by an angry sun goddess.
>These beings who believed themselves powerful, now forced to see another who considers their actions not even worth noticing.

>Celly could pull this off because in most cases she was truly unaware than anything untoward had occurred.
>And only occasionally did she rely on her impressive powers of Regeneration to survive. (Usually when a poisoning was attempted)
>No, in most cases she Mrs. Magoo'ed her way out of danger.
>After it happened enough times, the superstition that spread around the world was the Fate itself protected her, making any further attempts folly.

>The only attempts on her life she ever acknowledged, were ones that did not only target her, but were part of the most recent supervillain trying to take over the world and flat out attacking the castle. Complete with monologuing, publicly challenging her, and so on.
>something something RGRE







>Be Rasputanon
>Going around Equestria using your fucking sick magic powers you got from God
>Tell these unenlightened ponies of how you were the royal physician
>The little prince had weak blood so you smacked his doctors and got them to fuck off
>The tsar was a total bro, really chill, truly a best friend
>His wife was a cunt though
>Total prude and she talked shit about you behind your back
>But the nobles were the worst
>They actually thought you fucked the queen while your best friend was trying his best to lead the country during a war
>You might have used drugs and fucked like a rabbit but you honored the bro-code
>Then the fuckers fed you poison cake and wine
>Honestly it was pretty good/10 would be poisoned again
>After you asked for seconds the bastards shot you and threw you in a river
>At least you think that's what happened, your memory gets fuzzy after you felt the furst bullet lodge itself in your chest
>After you spread your life story, or as the ponies called it "mad ramblings" enough they sent their tsar to come meet you
>It was a she
>Fuck, hope she's not as bad as the queen back in Russia
>Turns out she's pretty chill
>She reminds you of the tsar
>You miss him sometimes
>At least you and Celestia can have fun regaling each other of your adventures in court
>She even enjoy poison too






>Be Discord
>You know that Eris is a turbo virgin marecel with no hopes of ever getting the D without your help
>Certainly not with a normal creature
>Thats why you are not choosing a normal creature
>You plants the seeds on Twilight's head and give a little push, causing a chain reaction that ends with Twilight accidentally stranding a creature as weird as you in Equestria with no way back
>Anon The hyoo'man is just the combination of uncolt reckless, crazy and nerd you needed
>He isn't as frightened as you expected, he told purplesmart he was some type of wizard, occultist or whatever /x/fag means
>His world apparently goes to periods of chaos and order, low and high magic by what he told
>That will be perfect
>Justasplan.warp
>You could convince Anon to let Eris teach him about chaos, and use it to convince the ponies to let her be his guide in this world
>Then you will just need to nudge him in the right direction in the road of friendship fuckery that worked so well for you and Fluttershy
>Now you just need to swip Twilight to the side before she start getting any ideas…





>Be Sunset
>You loved your boyfriend Anon
>He was a good cook, a good cleaner, good looking, and he might have enjoyed a good fuck more than you
>He was out of this world, both catch-wise and in a literal sense
>There was an issue however
>He had been in Equestria for sometime before coming through the portal and moving in with you
>More than long enough for magic to seep into his body
>Now, he wasn't the same sort of human that you had here
>He was... built different
>Twilight had given you a novel-sized stick of papers showing the differences
>That meant that he didn't turn into an evil monster once he got a hold of some magic
>But
>That didn't mean magic didn't have some funny effects on him
>Twice a year, for around two or three weeks, Anon would undergo a change
>It was like he went into heat
>You'd think that would be sexy, right?
>Just a bit colt wanting nothing but sex
>The thing was that this seemed far worse than anything you had felt when you were a unicorn
>Anon went from a sweet, gentle, shy boy into little more than a leaking, crazed animal that wanted nothing more than to stuff holes
>You were a pretty tough gal, but you had seen him put a hole through a steel door
>He could hurt himself, he could hurt you; Celestia above, he could hurt someone
>It was like you were dealing with a grumpy bear
>And you had no idea how to deal with bears
>But you did know somehow who did
>In fact, you had seen her JUDO THROW a fucking bear
>A big ol black bear
>She just tossed it like it was a big dog
>So, you went to her and explained the situation
>Oddly enough, it didn't take much to convince her to help you
>She actually seemed interested in seeing how Anon would react to her
>Which is where you found yourself
>In your bedroom
>Door locked
>Anon was tied to a metal chair; first with duct tape then rope
>He was naked as well, and there was a blue tarp underneath the chair
>Fluttershy straddled him, gently, but firmly pressing his face between her tits
>She was wearing shorts and a low cut top
>Her skin was shiny with sweat
>Apparently, she had worked out before coming over
>Something about wanting to see if Anon was receptive to pheromones in sweat
>He certainly calmed down
>Before she entered the room he had been snarling, trying to rip out of his bindings
>Now thought?
>He was as docile as a puppy, nuzzling his face between your buddy's e-cups
>Fluttershy had an arm around his neck and a hand on his head, running her fingers through his hair as she licked and sucked on her tits
>His cock was pressed against her shorts, and has leaking like a facet
>"Oh, you're doing so well, Anon," Fluttershy said with a smile. "See how nice it is when you aren't grumpy?"
>She giggled as Anon managed to wrangle her nipple out of her top and gently bit it
>You watched as his cock throbbed, sending a spurt of him onto the tarp below
>Thank Celestia you had listened to Flutters and got the tarp, otherwise you'd have ruined your poor carpet by now
>Nuzzling the top of his head, Fluttershy looked over at you
>"Thank you again for asking me to help, Sunset," she said. "I know the other girls might poke fun at you, but I don't think there's anything wrong with a girl asking another girl to help satisfy her man. There's absolutely no shame in admitting you need that help; in fact, it makes you a bigger woman in my eyes."
>You blinked
"I"M NOT A FUCKING CUC--"
>Anon let out a groan
>You watched as Anon let loose rope after rope of thick cum
>Fluttershy just giggled again, wiggling her big, dumb, stupid ass back and forth
>...
>Fucking Fluttershy






>ywn start dating Twilight
>ywn get teased by Cadence for being a weird janefilly who fell for a book nerd
>ywn feel like tweaking her nose
>ywn make a habit of ordering or making pizza that have toppings she wouldn't approve of
>You expected her to hate pineapples, but she actually liked them a lot
>ywn fail to realize just how seriously Cadence takes pizza
>ywn find out from Twilight (after an aggressive cuddle-session because she was angry at Cadence) that the pink alicorn was trying to convince Twilight that you were "bad news"
>"I'm the princess of love, Twilight! I know these things! C'mon, he likes his pizza that has its sauce replaced with ranch dressing! He once tried to serve me an' Shiny pizza with onions and tomato on it! How can you trust him to be a househusband if his taste in pizza is that horrible?!"
>Candy now crosses herself and carries religious icons with her whenever you come visit the Crystal Empire
>"By the holy mother, I walk in the valley of death but I am not afraid..."
>You're getting a bit worried
>You think she's actually starting to believe you are some sort of devil







>Ponies can sense when someone's gone without a hug for a while
>It's something inherently magical and can be felt like a change in the air pressure
>When alerted to the problem a properly trained nurse mare will tend to the patient
>Sitting down over a nice meal, chatting about life and plenty of hugs later, and the pony is back to normal
>Enter Anonymous and holy shit
>Normally it felt like a shift in the air pressure, but Anonymous makes it feel like a black hole is taking a mid-afternoon stroll through town
>Protocols were put in place in case of an emergency like this
>But they were made a few centuries ago and have literally never been used
>It takes the horspital a few hours to dig far enough into their to find it
>In case of this particular phenomenon a registered physical affection therapist with at least a masters in whimsy containment and a doctorate in hug expertise will need to be assigned to the patient 24/7
>The mare's job will not be done until the patient has been sufficiently cared for to restore the ambient magical balance
>Less than a hooful of mares in Ponyville have those kind of credentials
>Nurse Red Heart, Pinkamena Diane Pie and Applejack





>Ever since those Horsemen had arrived from Twilight's attempt at scrying the river in the Everfree, things have been a bit-
>"Twilight the Horsemen are baiting a hydra again!"
>Setting aside your quill for your journal you groan as Applejack barged into your home.
"Does Fluttershy know yet?"
>"No, but if she doesn't yet she soon will, them stallions have been leading it about trying to stab the poor fella."
"You know that's probably the same hydra that tried to eat us?"
>"Sure, but that's just a critter being hungry, those stallions are just bein cruel."
>You sighed then focused on your magic, jumping between places you arrived near Draumrland.
>Already you could hear the hooting of the horsemen and the plaintive cry of a hydra in pain.
>Near the border of the Everfree that already was pushed back from the bright axes of the Horsemen
>You spied a group assailing the hydra, many a spear sticking out of it while one horseman leapt atop its back with a battle cry.
>A head of the beast whipped out and sent the horseman tumbling only for him to stand upright laughing uproariously.
>That's it!
>Zapping in between the hydra and horsemen you strained your magic freezing all participants.
"What is wrong with you stallions?! We've already told you that you're not supposed to hunt the hydras in the Everfree! It's dangerous for you!"
>"Haha! Great Volva be at peace! Tis only good sport to show our worth to Odin above!"
>Of course the worst of the rabble rousers, Annon Incogson managed to grin at you held as he was by your magic, this stallion was driving you to resort your library from his whimsy!

"Which you can show in other ways than harming the local wild life, don't you remember the last time with Fluttershy?"
>At the mention of your kind hearted friend many a horseman shivered in place while Annon simply laughed, "Oh yes, she threw quite the left hook, or would it be hoof? Regardless, release us so we might continue!"
>You began to see red.
>With a grunt you teleport the hydra into the forest while you set aside the other complaining horsemen down to sit.
"No! That's it! I've had it! You're all too whimsical for your own good and you're going to school!"
>"What's a skool?"
>"Is the Volva bringing us mead? Skal great Volva!"
>"I've worked up quite the thirst I'll admit, some mead would sound good about now."

>Dear Princess Celestia, you think you might have bitten off more than you can chew...






>anon lands in RGRE
>becomes rich in celestia's service by giving them earth ideas and doing his old earth -insert job here- for the crown
>buys a home away from canterlot just to escape the nonsense of the royal court
>eventually needs a servant to take care of the home
>hires maids to for the upkeep of the homesteadis RGRE of butler still maid?
>eventually he starts to take advantage of his riches and status as the 'fairer sex' to get his maids in to rather skimpy uniforms for his own pleasure

>be maidpone
>dear penthorse
>you will not believe what happened to me...






>Anonicorn during estrus season.
>old enough to notice something pleasant about a lot of the mares in the castle, but the hormones are just not quite there yet.
>spends a whole day complimenting heavily blushing mares on how they smell or how fluffy their tails look before a frazzled looking Cadence with an equally frazzled looking Shining armor take him to go do some baking.
>Celestia has to actively restrain her sister from inflicting nightmares on half the castle that night after she witnesses a few guilty dreams


>Celestia reluctantly accept that the time has come and tries to have “the talk” with anon
>She was more embarrassed then him, kept stumbling over her words and trying to use some non-sensical metaphors
>She wasn’t ready for it
>In the end that only manage to make Anon even more confuse
>And worse of all, maybe even curious
>Anon was always the type to come up with little experiments and try new things, and now that disposition of his is starting worrying the princess
>Celly kind off messed up and she knows it
>In desperation for what could happen she gos to Candance for help
>After stopping laughing Candyass decides to give Anon some sex-ed classes







>Anon crash lands in Fluttershy's cottage one day due to "LET'S GET HIS ASS HERE NOW" shenanigans.
>While she is more forgiving than others (especially considering how he spooked her real bad), he still feels kinda bad about fucking up her home and offers to help fix up what he can...when he recovers from his sudden interdimensional jetlag.
>Little does he know, Fluttershy is sweating up a storm and trying real hard not to spill her Pony Spaghetti everywhere. Not because he's a colt (ok, not FULLY because he's a colt) but also because he fits the description of a popular "Monster Colt" that stars in various media.
>...not just neighponese stuff, she swears.
>And now he's insisting on helping her out. And living with her.
>By Celestia if she were a bolder mare, she'd feel smug about this







>Rainbow Dash is not the most technical of ponies
>Has no patience for when things take time, or for things that take patience in general
>Computers can slow down, glitch out, need to be restarted to get something to work, etc
>Rainbow Dash gets bored, fed up, and decides computers just aren't worth it
>But when Anon talks about a genre of gaming that involves being as fast as possible?
>Rainbow Dash takes interest.
>"This is a whole new way for me to go fast, Twilight! How can I go to sleep tonight knowing that I'm slower than everyone else at something?! HOW?!"
>Fast-going is Rainbow's crack
>The allure is enough to make her slow down and think for a change
>Finds the patience to use computers
>Learns how they operate
>Installs games
>Plays them
>Looks up various exploits
>Meticulously combs each map, trying to put combinations of exploits to use to cut down her time
>Months go by
>Rainbow has become one of the top speed-runners out there
>She was the last one anybody expected to be good enough at computers to beat everyone else





>Guys night in Discords holodeck RPG.
>Discord overhears Anon mention speedrunning and gets a kick out of the idea.
>Challenges Anon to speedrun his life for a week, giving him minor reality warping powers to do so.
>The reward is instructions on how said powers work.
>Anon tries to recreate popular speedrunning techniques like clipping through walls and building up momentum.
>Ponies just see a colt being extremely whimsical and try to calm him down.
>Always miss the moment he succeeds at whatever skip he's doing.
>Ponk catches on by the third day and thinks she's found a kindred spirit







>Anon is a fit man who enjoys the outdoors and working out.
>Celestia, wanting to impress this fine male specimen, says she also is quite athletic and outdoorsy.
>Which might have been true pre-unification when she and Luna were just commoners living in medieval times, but she hasn't had a good workout in over a thousand years.
>But she's an alicorn, so how bad of shape can she be in.
>Twenty minutes into their nature hike, and all of Celestia's legs are cramping up and she's pretty sure her lungs are bleeding.
>Thus the sight of Anon carrying the chubby sun princess back to civilization where she's seen by all.
>Maybe she really does need to lay off the cake






>You are Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash is trying to help you ask out the new boy in school.
>He just seems so different than the other boys.
"And you're sure that will work?"
>"Sure I'm sure. Guys love math jokes. How do you think Twilight got a guy?"
>She does have a good point.
>"And if that doesn't work, just ask him if he'd like to suck some Dees."
"Some dees?"
>She points to her chest.
>"Dees tits."
"So I should ask if he wants to suck your tits?"
>"Ugh! Not mine, yours! I swear... just go."
"Oh right."

>You are Rainbow Dash, and you are getting even with Fluttershy today.
>She inadvertently told the teacher on you when you were napping in class and got you detention.
>'Don't call on her, she's asleep right now.'
>Let's see how she likes being embarrassed.

>You are Fluttershy, and that seemed like a long walk.
"Um, hi."
>"Huh? Oh... hi."
"I'm Fluttershy. I wanted to say welcome to our school."
>"Thanks, I'm Anon. So why do you have a calculator?"
"I almost forgot. I wanted to tell you my favorite number. 5318008."
>"Okay..."
"Because when you flip it upside down, it's boobies."
>He just states at you.
"So... would you like to go out with me?"
>"Uh yeah, sounds great."
"Wait, I almost forgot. Would you like to suck on some dees?"
>He raises am eyebrow and looks at you, almost a little worried.
>"Dees?"
>You point at your chest.
"Dees tits."
>He looks almost instantly relieved.
>"Yeah, that sounds great actually."
>"OH COME ON! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?"
>You hear Rainbow say from behind you





>They find Lovely Loop at home in bed.
>Turns out the changeling is her roommate that offered to "tag in" for the week because she was sick.
>She feels a bit guilty about misleading Anon, but after hearing about him (along with how tasty his love is and she quotes 'unf') didnt want their 'first' meeting to be with her looking an absolute mess from hayfever.
>Considering Anon instinctively starting pampering and fussing over her on sight her fears were slightly unfounded.
>Shining and Cadence share a glance, both thinking the probably shouldn't have knocked the changeling out immediately before giving her a chance to talk.
>A few more glances, movements and gestures between the two with a quiet groan from Cadence decides that Shining will stay here with anon while she goes to collect the bug and apologise


>Her buggo name is a series of clicks and whistles.
>Her OC disguise is named Lovely Ladybug, a red coated unicorn mare with black mane and black freckles, cutie mark of an insect under a magnifying glass.
>Took the disguise of being a bug collector to explain away unintentional bug-puns, has a day job of being a pest-remover.
>Earned her spot as Lovely loops roommate through virtue of sharing names.
>Earned her spot as Loops friend after saving her from a 'coltfriend' who just wanted to rob their flat, also earning a black eye and bleeding lip for the trouble as she kicked him out.
>The blood being green was concerning at first before Ladybug came clean, to which Loop just responded with "I'm not sure if i should be more or less impressed with your puns and it's bugging me." before they both laughed and hugged it out



>Ladybug sweats as her co-worker just stares at her undisguised form without expression.
>She never should have listened to her roommates advice.
>"She'll understand" oh sure she'll understand perfectly well that she'll just need a few extra cans of RAID from the cart to deal with the bigger than usual bug and a slightly bigger trash bag.
>"Does zis mean i haffe to find ein new bartner?"
>It takes a moment for Ladybug to parse the germenigh immigrant's accent, and another to process the actual question.
"Why are you asking that?"
>She mentally prepares herself for that strange accent as the blond mare responds.
>"Well, they're your own kind are they not? I thought this was your way of saying you were too guilty to continue our holocaust."
"What, no. We have about as much in common as an Apple does to a Dandelion but that's not the point! You're not bothered by...this?"
>"You just gestured to all of you."
"Yes! All of me the walking bug pony living among regular ponies! Why are you not bothered by this?!"
>"Well, since we've met have you kidnapped anypony? Replaced anypony? Dug out any secret basements? Drained ponies of their love?"
"No, no, no thats a stereotype and only nibbles."
>"So you have been living as a regular pony the whole time?"
"...Yes?"
>"So why should i worry? You've come to this kingdom and seem to have fully embraced it and it's people as your own, you're just like me."
"What."
>"Is true. We are both immigrants to this great kingdom, outsiders welcomed with open hooves by the populace, whilst most of your race have a history of being parasites, my own divided peoples would have long ago been buried under ice and snow if not for our close proximity to Equestria keeping the windigoe at bay."
"Is it really that bad in your homeland?"
>"Another province was declared last week according to the papers, i believe that makes 37 by my last count but some could have been annexed since."
"...Ouch. I'm sorry."
>"Not your fault, Germanes are a very stubborn people, eventually the stupid amongst us will wear themselves out or anger Princess Celestia enough to force her hoof, and those of us smart enough to watch from the sidelines will rebuild."
"Your parents told you that when you moved here to live with your uncle Bell didn't they."
>"...You get in one little fight and suddenly your father is packing you off in air ship, colts am i right?"
"I only knew my mom and i dont think she was very good at that, she's very.. Queeny."
>"Oh yeah, thats a bug thing."
"Yeah."
>"...So you're not quitting?"
"No i'm not quitting and yes the holocaust can continue, what even is that word anyway?"
>"Good, because that fireant nest is a two mare job if we dont want the building to burn down and finding new partner for that party would be a huge pain in the flank."
"Well i'm glad i'm not going to be a complete buzzkill."
>"Dont make me swat you."






>The domain of growing things belongs to the earth ponies
>This is why most doctors and nurses are earth ponies
>If they lay their hooves on you and channel their magic through you, wounds will actually heal faster
>Technically though it doesn't need to be their hooves
>Earth pony kisses really do make things better
>Nurses absolutely will fight over who gets to be a new single stallion's primary care provider








>Starswirl does not care that the mares stole his work
>if it helps ponies why not?
>its not like he's giving them a spell for super magic anthrax
>just pities that they have no creativity of their own
>only stayed in that town because it was relevant to his research
>fucks off when the town was no longer productive to his work

>did make a few 'acquaintances' here and there
>one being a little filly named clover
>she always liked watching starswirl and sometimes do errands for him for a few bits and a magic lesson or two
>she was sad when he left
>she never got the chance to say goodbye

>mare who stole his work was making BANK with the spells she took
>there was some question where she suddenly got them
>clover accused her for stealing from starswirl because of her own lessons from him
>no one of course would believe that a stallion could make such a revolutionary magical creation!
>that is until she started to lose her business when starswirl left
>with her golden goose gone, she started tinkering
>trying to make the current spells she took now to something useful now
>it works
>for a time

>somehow she made the spell mutate into a magical plague like the cutiepox
>spread far and beyond her own town
>as of the moment, nopony, not even her, know what the cause is
>other than clover
>still a little filly goes out into the world to find her old master
>the only stallion who can fix this mess







>unicorn horn spiral dictates how their magic can be channeled
>clockwise vs counter-clockwise vastly changes what spells can be cast and at what strength
>spells have different effects when cast through different horns, duration is changed as well as intensity of the effect and how effective it really is
It's like how meat has a grain, and eating something cut with the grain is a different experience than eating that same thing but cut against the grain.
>there are spells unicorns with counter-clockwise horn spirals would never try, and spells unicorns with clockwise spirals would have trouble with
>counter-clockwise horn spirals are best for low intensity but long duration spells, like defensive magic or house-keeping spells
>clockwise horn spirals are for high intensity low duration spells, like attack magic or when you need something to pack a punch for a very short period of time
>stallions are born with a counter-clockwise spiral 9/10 times
>stallions have endurance that mares just don't, and a stallion can keep up with his foal much better than a mare can because she would just tire herself out
>the low intensity also give stallions a more delicate touch and they are able to tweak the desired effects much better than a mare can, meaning they can be much more careful and precise when looking after their foals or when cooking a meal
>that's why unicorn stallions have a firm place in the household and looking after foals






>Dark Lord Anon was pissed.
>He had long since decided to retire from the life of evil, and yet heroes would never give him peace.
>Even when he was no longer a threat to the world, they still came, and he was forced to defend himself.
>And now, even after using ancient, powerful magic to move him, his castle, and his most precious treasure to an entirely new world, heroes once again came pounding on his door.
>He hadn't even done anything, and yet they came motivated by nothing more than the fear of what he could do.
>Fools.
>Well, if that is how they wanted to be, then he would give them reason to fear him and make them examples of what awaited those at Anon's Keep if more show up.
"Fools! You dare trespass upon my mighty keep! You shall suffer a fate worse than death for coming here!"
>"That's where you're wrong, dark wizard! I, Princess Twilight Sparkle and my friends will not allow your evil to take root in our lands!"
"Such brave words for a dead horse! Come I shall show you the full power of the dark arts!"
>"Come on, girls, lets-!"
>Daddy? What's going on?"
>A little girl wonders in, wearing a night gown patterned with spider webs, her midnight dark hair hanging like shadows over her shoulders as she rubbed sleep from her eyes.
>"I thought you said the bad people would leave us alone now?"
"Sweetie, go back to bed, Daddy will take care of it."
>"But..." she began eyes drifting to the intruders before going wide. "PONIES?!"
>"Um, Twilight, what's going on?"
>"It talked! Daddy! They're magical talking ponies! Just like from the stories mommy told me!"
"And they've come for a fight. Jane, please go back to your bedroom!"
>"What? No! You can't hurt them daddy!"
"But-"
>"Oh, they're so pretty! Do you ponies want to have a tea party?"
"That's hardly appropriate. They're enemies!"
>"Oh, tea sounds lovely."
>"And did you say party!? I'm totally in!"
>"Girls, did you forget why we're here?!"
>"Ah, come on, Twi, I'm mighty parched myself. We ain't all got wings, and it was a long hike to get up here."
>"Eee! I'll make the tea! Daddy go get cookies!"
"Jane, I really don't think-"
>"Daddy!"
"Sight, fine," Anon summons a bat made of shadows, which goes to the group of intruders-turned-guests. "Follow the bat and it shall show you to the parlor. And wipe your hooves at the mat out front. I'll not have you tracking mud any further into my home."
>"I'm confused, Twilight. Are we fighting a dark wizard today or not. I had to call off of Wonderbolt training for this."
>"I... don't know, Dash."
>"Well, since said dark wizard is a colt and father also, I very well hope not. I'd not be able to look my parents in the eyes if I ended up hitting a stallion."
>"He's an evil stallion!"
>"What? Just cause the map said so? Maybe it's a friendship problem, Twilight."
>"Gasp! They just poofed into Equestria, right? That means they must need friends!"
>"Really, Pinkie?"
>"I'll have to throw them a Welcome to Our World Party. Do you think this castle has a ballroom?"





>It is a historic moment
>The troops of the three tribes are gathered in an uneasy truce, the alicorn sisters stand at the podium
>Celestia approaches and takes a deep breath
>The silence is deafening
>She stares at the mass of ponies with wide, wild eyes
>"Daddy Danglers."
>The crowd rustles, some faces scrunching, others smirking
>Celestia scowls and slams her forehooves on the podium
>"Isn't that what we all really want? Daddy danglers, wingèd wangers, fruit of the groom. There is no reason why we should be fighting while the windagos are freezing our nips off when we could be cuddling our stallions or courting colts if we don't have one. Buck, we've fought enough, that should be good enough to impress some colts and get our beans licked. Buck war, buck windagos and let's go buck our stallions!"
>The mares roar in approval and disperse with enthusiasm
>The three secretaries of the tribe leaders look at each other
>Quick Quill rustles his wings uncomfortably
>"Let's just say that the power of friendship drove off the windagos, right?"
>The other two nod








>Story tells of a mare called Silvery Chisel that lived in the far north more than millennia ago
>She was the greatest sculptress to ever walk in Equus
>Her works where life like and able to communicate the deepest of emotions through cold crystal and marble
>Such skill brought her great fame and fortune, for each of her pieces was an invaluable treasure in itself
>One could imagine that for such mare, finding a mate would be something easy
>But no, Silvery Chisel was one of the most solitary mares in the land
>Not because no stallion took interest on her but because she reject all that tried
>For her could not relate or appreciated stallions that did things like talk, have sex or perform other bodily functions
>But she still have a greater appreciation for beauty
>Appreciation, that couple with loneliness, slowly start to corrode her soul
>To cure her loneliness, Silvery chisel decided to do what she did best
>If no stallion could meet her standards she would create one from the ground up
>On the period of seven months and fifteen days she create her magnum opus, a perfect crystal statue
>The statue was all beautiful
>But more than beautiful it was Chisel perfect coltfriend
>Gorgeous, quiet, flawless, no judgmental, no breathing, talk nor awkward sexual tension
>She soon fell in love with her statue
>Dressing it on the most expensive silks, taking it on date, confess all her it all
>She open her soul to it and gave it the name Adamante
>For a time she was happy, but that happiness soon fade away
>For even that she loved Adamante, it could not love her back and they could not be really together
>That revelation made her spiral into despair
>Soon the year role and came the festival of love
>When princess Amore wandered her all her domains
>Depressed, Chisel took the opportunity and approached the princess
>She bagged to be turn into stone so she could finally be truly together with her love
>The princess look upon the sculptress and recognize her feeling as true and pure
>But instead of fulfilling the mare’s wish, Amore taped in her love an channel it into the statue
>Turning it to live
>Now Adamante could reciprocate the love that brought him to life
>And do things like talk, eat and have sex
>Princess Amore giggle at the face of the now incredibly nervous mare and teleport always, only telling them to have fun
>Silvery Chisel and Adamante went to sire three daughters, a Pegasus, a unicorn and a earth pone and three son, also one of each tribe
>Those foal went out to grow up and became the progenitors of all crystal ponies
>Time passed and Silvery Chisel eventually die of old age, living her creation and love behind
>For Adamante was everlasting and everliving as the love that brought him live
>In his despair, the first crystal stallion threw himself over his love grave
>He immediately shattered upon touching her body leaving only his shine crystal heart behind
>Perpetually powered by the love and souls of the lovers
>His shards flew far and wide, delimitating a perfect circle
>In that circle was build a great city
> At it center towering castle, build over the grave of the parent of the crystal ponies







> Anon is super hyped to meet a dragon after hearing that human knights appear in their ancient legends
> Will they fear him?
> Respect him?
> Or maybe just treat him as a curiosity, a living fossil, like the coelacanth
> Turns out, humans covering themselves in full plate and acting aggressive makes a decidedly different impression on dragons
> Legal Shota
> Lady dragons like to approach Anon and tells him they have gold and magic items in their hoard, would he like to see?
> In retrospect, it should have been obvious that the teenage dragon wouldn't have much of a hoard, and few dragons would be willing to give away gold and things
> At least the "cultural exchange" was fun



>>This means that divine magic has massive potential, but that its effectiveness can fluctuate greatly due to the mercurial nature of spirits.
>>Imagine someone trying to use divine chaos magic having to rely on Discord's mood whenever they cast.

>The most extreme fits of whimsy are actually divine chaos magic.
>Before he went off the rails, Discord was sometimes seen as a patron of stallions, as they were the ones most likely to seek his aid, and the most likely to receive it.
>After Discord was stoned for a thousand years, fits of whimsy were far less powerful, less magical, but the legends about them remained. And the attempts also helped ever so slightly to loosen the chains that bound him.
>Now that Discord has returned, his 'blessings' have also made a comeback.
>He may be reformed now, but he's still sometimes willing to lend a mismatched limb if your idea catches his fancy.
>Just be careful, if he really likes your idea, he may show up in person, and you'll get a lot more chaos than you bargained for






Flurry grew up expecting to have some relationship with a primordial facet of magic. But one day, Uncle Anon taught her how to play tabletop rpgs, and she got her cutie mark. She loves weaving stories for ponies, helping their characters achieve their goals and save the world. It's a bit of a letdown, but being the Obliette Mistress is fun.
It is only after a visit from a giraffe delegation that she realizes that her talent isn't strictly restricted to games







>Be Twilight Velvet
>You knew going mono with a nerd was going to have an effect on your foals
>Thank Harmony Cadance took a liking to your janefilly son, you were seriously worried you wouldn't have any grandfoals
>As for Twilight...
>You're proud of both of your foals, they grew up with strong moral fiber and enough magical power to excuse their eccentricities
>Given how many times your little Sparkler goes on an adventure and saves somepony, it's only a matter of time before-
>You hear the door open
>Your daughter calls out, "You'll never guess what I won in a duel!"
>You grin to yourself
>All according to plan







>Twilight Sparkle was having a full blown, no joke, dead serious panic attack.
>She's really done it this time.
>She knew how serious Celestia was about cake, but she still ate the last slice at the tea party.
>Damn this Alicorn metabolism, it's not her fault she's constantly hungry.
>And it earned her the fulfillment of her worst nightmares.
>She got sent back to BUCKING MAGIC KINDERGARTEN.

>Surprisingly enough, the foals at the kindergarten don't seem to mind that an adult pony, the Princess of Friendship, joined them.
>They just want to play with her, and they love the fact that she can give them ponyback rides and read them stories.
>For the first time since her ascension, she can finally relax. No royal obligations, no stress, no anxiety about how well she's fulfilling her station.
>After all, what could happen that would be worse for her image than this.
>Not to mention that no one really thinks worse of her.
>She learns that the ponies of Ponyville love her not because she's a princess, but because she's a valuable part of the community and a good pony.
>Her friends are with her no matter what, they never cared if she was "marely" or "respectable" enough.
>And she learns that the bonds of friendship can be made anywhere, as she becomes good friends with the tall, green stallion that runs the kindergarten.
>In fact, she starts seeing him outside of his working hours too.

>Back in Canterlot, Celestia and Cadence step away from a telescope they borrowed from Luna, that's currently pointed at Ponyville.
>They raise a toast, to a successful scheme.
>It took drastic measures, but it looks like they're going to kill two birds with one stone.
>Get the book horse to finally chill out, and, hooves crossed, finally bag the nerd a coltfriend.
>Teacups clink gently, as the princesses start planning out a wedding.
>After all, a good plan is laid out in advance






>Anon was able to buy a relatively nice house for incredibly cheep.
>Score!
>It's also plagued by some weird paranormal shit.
>Okay, that's a minor detriment, but he can still work with this.
>As far as he can tell, the spirit or entity is pretty non-violent most of the time.
>Sure, he finds his underwear drawer rifled through frequently, his socks on his disheveled bed coated in ectoplasm, and shampoo bottles knocked over repeatedly when he takes showers so he has to bend over and pick them up.
>But he's never harmed besides a phantom pinch to his bottom a few times a day.
>The most violent things get is when he's playing video games and is messing up repeatedly on a part.
>Every time he dies to a boss by failing to dodge the same attack again, things rattle and he's pretty sure he can hear a frustrated groan.
>So yeah, not so bad.
>His opinion on the matter does change, however, during a break-in.
>He never thought he'd be robbed, or that the robber mare would pin him down with earth pony strength with clear intent to rape him.
>Or that a ghostly wail would shake the walls and the mare atop him to be tossed and battered across the room.
>"Don't you touch my coltfriend!" is heard in a ghostly warble as Anon has to rescue his would-be assailant and throw her out of his house to safety.
>Yes, his opinion changed after that.
>For the better.
>He has his own guardian poltergeist and now he doesn't need to spring for a security system

>You have been in the Haunted Mansion for a few months now.
>Yeah, you renamed your house.
>It may not be a mansion but whatever, and the best part is the mouse can't sue you.
>You've also learned a lot about your ghostly roommate.
>She said she likes you more than the last mare that you bought the house from.
>You also seem to have started to date her.
>It was news to you at first, but she seemed to think when you came home and made dinner it was a dinner date.
>You were okay with it and actually appreciated the company since you were honestly kinda lonely.
>Not many mares like a big ape as a boyfriend, but Etherial Plain was more than okay with it.
>That also lead to her admitting she was embarrassed when she watched you masturbate before you knew she was in the house.
>It was also news to you when she said she could possess objects so long as they aren't alive.
>That gave you an idea, and is the reason you're in the adult shop.
>Surprising opposite of back home.
>Not that many vatieties of dildoes but a huge selection of cock sleeves.
>You found a good looking one for a decent price, bought it along with some lube and went home.
>Etherial was more than curious when you got home and said you had a surprise for her for later tonight.
>You had your dinner and she told you about pony history to pass the time.
>Finally you asked her to come back to the bedroom with you, which confused her mainly because it was early.
>When you got there you opened up your bag and showed her what you got.
>She was really confused at this point.
>You then explained that she could possess the fleshlight and hopefully feel everything.
>Her eyes went wide and she paused only for a moment before she disappeared and there was a faint ghostly glow around your pocket pussy.
>She liked it if the walls shaking violently were any indication of your first real night together






>Sunset Shimmer is actually Starlight Glimmer's daughter
>Grew up in a broken household with a mother who, as evidenced by her liberal usage of mind-control magic, had little to no regard for those around her
>Sunset tried to get help from Twilight - the only Princess in Equestria with the ability to do something and an old friend of her mother's
>But when her pleas went unanswered, Sunset believed it was because Twilight didn't want to punish her friend
>Sunset began to hate Twilight Sparkle and vowed revenge
>One day, she found Starlight's old scrolls on time magic, specifically the type with the ability to change the past
>Sunset used them and fell into the past, years before her mother and father even got married
>Due to her knowledge of future events and her own impressive magic (being the daughter of Starlight "I'm a stupid faggot who can fly with magic and steal cutie marks" Glimmer), young Sunset was eventually accepted into the School for Gifted Unicorns
>She thought she might be able to gain sway with Princess Celestia and perhaps learn of magic that could help her punish her mother, save her father, or something else that her new school might teach her
>Maybe find out what made her mother the way she was
>Unwilling to hurt Starlight Glimmer while she was just a little filly, Sunset Shimmer instead spent her years planning and scheming
>Fantasies about revenge began to darken her heart, and Celestia became concerned
>Her hatred of Twilight Sparkle for never helping her or her father remained with Sunset, even though at this point of time Twilight was only a little filly.
>Sunset always knew that Celestia was, on some level, suspicious of her
>She had, of course, appeared out of nowhere and had no identification or history in Equestria, having come from the future
>Sunset thought it was because she was from the future
>In reality, Celestia was merely concerned for her most faithful student, whose mood darkened more every day as she planned her revenge
>When Celestia accepted Twilight Sparkle into her school and took her on as a second pupil, Sunset was convinced that the jig was up
>That this was Celestia's way of telling her she KNEW all about the time travel and her plots for revenge
>In reality, Celestia thought that her talented student needed something to focus her energy onto
>Like being a mentor to a bright young filly.
>Sunset desperately sought an escape, believing she was going to be apprehended for the crime of trying to change the future in her favour - even if her favour meant escaping an abusive foalhood
>Not knowing where Starlight was - or Sunburst, for that matter - and knowing that there was no place in Equestria where she could hide from Celestia, Sunset fled into the mirror-portal she had recently discovered








>Be lich-anon.
>Un-life is tough in Equestria.
>Have to wear bunch of clothes and a fake beard to stop freaking little horses out with dem bones.
>Have to use specialized spell that warms your skeleton up, so your scritchies aren't deathly chilling.
>Mistaken for a villain on bi-monthly basis.
>On the upside, you got a small following consisting primarily of mares with medical background, goth unicorns and one particularly edgy musician pegasus who took a liking to using your ribs as a xylophone






>Be Anon
>Be with your buddy Maud Pie
>Maud hadn't been doing all the hot lately
>Her coltfriend had left her, and she was pretty beat up about it
>Trixie, Starlight, and her sisters weren't much help, so she can come to you
>It was pretty touching
>Maud liked to think of herself as a mare's mare, and coming to a male to talk about colty things like feelings show you just how bad of a way she was in
>To most ponies, she had the emotions of a rock
>Many stayed away because of this, many thinking that there was something wrong with her
>You knew better
>She was as expressive as any other pony, one just needed to watch and listen
>An ear twitch there, a quiet sigh there was all you needed
>Her body language was as easy to read as any other pony
>And, being a good friend, you were there to listen
>She talked and talked and talked; about how she felt, what had happened, what ponies would think
>You just sat there and let her go until she couldn't say anything else
>Then you got up, picked up her emotionally exhausted self, and gave her a big ol hug
>This went on for a week or so
>You hugged, petted, and nose-to-nose booped the mare
>She seemed to enjoy the male attention, and in no time at all she was back to her usual self
>Maud even got you a little thank you present
>A hunk of flawless emerald and some of those glow in the dark crystals
>She's a sweet horse
>You were happy to help out a friend
>She's got a big ol dumper too
>She'd be fine








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>You were just above the clouds, trying your best to hover
>You could see him
>The colt you had been watching for weeks
>The big green fella
>He had no wings, or magic to get get away from you
>He also didn't look up, as much colts did when mating season came around
>Perfect
>If you did this right you'd have a cute househusband all to yourself
>And you'd get it right; weeks and weeks of practicing would ensure that!
>He was at the edge of the marketplace, just a little green speck, talking to that dyke Rarity
>She might make things difficult if she noticed you, but she was no Twilight Sparkle when it came to magic
>If you were quick enough, maybe you could get out of her magical range before she did anything
>You puffed your chest out, taking a few deep breaths
>Alrighty...
>Letsbuckingdothis!
>With one last flap, you tucked your wings against your sides and began to fall
>You gained speed, having to squint as the wind whipped at your face
>Anon got bigger and bigger as you got closer to him
>This was the scariest part
>You weren't a good enough flyer to turn on a bit now with how fast you were going
>If he saw you, or anypony called out to him, you wouldn't be able to adjust
>Thankfully, thank Luna above, nopony noticed you, even as you came down at max speed
>Just when you were about to hit the ground behind him, you opened your wings and flapped as hard as you could
>For a moment, it felt like your eyes were going to fly out of your tailhole as the Gs hit you, but you slowed
>Your hooves hit the dirt road, and with another flap you launched yourself upward at the perfect angle to hook your forelegs under his armpits
>Now grinning, you flapped again, ready to lift him into the air
>Only to not go anywhere
"HHHHHGGGGGGGNNNNN!!!"
>Anon moved some, leaning forward mostly but you didn't lift him an inch
>Gritting your teeth, you flapped as hard as you could
>Holy hayseeds, what was this colt made of?
>You'd heard of hefty stallions, but this was something else!
"Come on... get your... butt up!"
>The human looked over his shoulder at you
>He didn't look particularly upset, just confused
>"Um... can I help you?"
>You just continued to flap your wings
"You can help me by not being so bucking fat, colt!" you replied
>The human frowned
>"Fat?" he said, brow furrowing
>Not only after that, you were dunked into the town's foundation
>In front of the whole town
>There were MANY laughing ponies
>Mare, did you bucking hate mating season...







>Be Deep Cider, badass extraordinaire
>It had taken 3 days of walking through the tunnels of Toll Domhainn to reach the surface.
>The usually heavy air felt cooler and fresher as you trotted along the ever steepening path with your companions.
>The froth of sweat you were so used to in the mines had yet to grace your thick burgundy coat.
>Though the weight of your horned helmet, a newly added symbol of your rank as a proud warrior of your people, began to put a crick in your neck.
>The huge wrought iron gates that cut the home of your people off from the world above loomed over you
>The old-husband's tales of the sunlight beyond the door turning you and your fellow Falabella ponies to stone stuck out in your mind.
>But you shrugged it off, you were a brave mare and those were just stories anyhow.
>Heck your spot among the group of diplomats and forgesmiths was hoof picked by the ForgeFathers as a reward for your bravery during the diamond dog raids on the southern coal mines.
>Your group of six were to meet with a group of Equestrians right outside the gates.
>Them delving down into your mountain home and yours climbing up to their mountain home.
>A mountain home, you remembered, that was on top of and outside of their mountain.
>The wrongness of that idea had popped up more than once during the trip.
>Finally the gates began to creep open.
>The brightness of the outside was intense to say the least, blinding even for nearly a whole minute.
>But when the white cleared from your eyes it was replaced by something even more bizare.
>6 mares stood before your group.
>6 of the tallest cunts you'd ever seen before in your life, they had to be almost twice your height.
>Although taking a longer look, you could see they were lanky as fuck.
>Falabellas are built like squares.
>Fluffy, stocky, sturdy, and built from good hard work.
>These mares were built like tool shafts.
>Thinner than your fathers soup, goddess bless his soul.
>And holy shit their tufts, you felt like a pornstar looking at them.

>Be Twilight
>Princess Celestia had asked you and your friends to be a part of a cultural exchange with the local dwar- er, Falabellas
>You were told not to use the d-word around them.
>It was hard not to though, seeing as how you were now surrounded by 6 of the little bastards.
>They had been laughing non stop, some even rolling on the ground, screeching about "lanky tuftletts" for about 10 minutes now.
>It's not even like yours was that small, was it?
>You have a bad feeling about this trip all of a sudden






>You grunted, throwing another shovelful of dirt
>You had been digging for around an hour, and a diamond dog you were not
>Even so, you were an earth pony
>A mare used to hard work, with a natural stubbornness to boot
>With grit and some colorful language, you had slung pounds and pounds of dirt, rock, and clay
>Your hole was around two ponies deep
>Since you were the one that made the hole, you knew how to get out of the thing
>A colt wouldn't be so lucky
>With their heads in the clouds, one would fall right in this bucking hole
>Then you'd have yourself a husband
>Just like how mom caught dad
>Leaning your shovel against the wall of the hole, you wiped the sweat from your brow
>Everything looked good
>It didn't look like it was going to fall in on itself
>You'd even cleared out most of the loose dirt too
>Mom had warned you about that; said dad was ornery for a month because his fall into the hole got his coat all dirty
>With a nod, you tossed the shovel out of the hole, then climbed out yourself
>It was Tartarus, and thank Celestia nopony was watching you make a fool of yourself, but you eventually managed to get out of the darn thing
>Dirt was piled up all around the hole
>You did your best to clear the road
>Colts weren't the brightest, but even they might notice a pile of dirt just sitting there
>With that done, you jumped into the nearest bush
>Now was the time for the hardest part
>The waiting
>An hour or two passed
>You had gone through a sandwich and five ciders waiting
>Any longer and you might need to run to the market to get another six pack
>Truly, this was a trail
>Thankfully, as you opened your sixth cider, a fish came toward your lure
>It was that alien fella
>Anon
>You could hear him whistling a happy tune to himself
"Oh!"
>Grinning, you hid in your bush until just your eyes were visible
>Anon was a bit skinny for your taste, but you could fatten him up a bit on the honeymoon
"Come on.. come to momma..."
>The human walked down the road at a pretty brisk pace, head in the cloud like any other colt
>To your glee, it looked like it was walking right in line with the hole
>Oh yeah mare...
>Glee turned into disappointment when he looked down just a foot or so from it
>Head cocking to the side, he frowned
>Shoot...
>Welp, maybe you'd get the next colt that went by...
>Your shoulders sagged as you took a sip of your cider
>Only to nearly sip it out as the human jumped into the hole
>Oh
>OH!
>We got a live one here, mare!
>The dummy had gotten himself in a place he couldn't get--
>...
>Oh, wait...
>Looking at him, you saw most of his upper body could be clearly seen
>He was looking down at the hole, puzzled
>"Why the fuck is this here?" he asked aloud. "Did those construction mares just wander off a site without putting anything up? Someone's gonna get hurt falling into this thing..."
>With that, he placed his hands on either side of the hole and hauled himself out of it
>This was too much for you
>A colt should stay in the hole dangit, especially if he jumped in there himself!
>With a huff, you leapt from the bush as he got to his feet
"Now you wait a cotton pickin' minute there, human! You get your butt back in that hole!" you said, pointing at said hole. "You get in there and let me get you out so we can get married!"
>Anon frowned
>"You dug this in the middle of the street?" he asked
"You're darn right I did!" you said with a proud stomp of your hoof
>Anon nodded, walking past you
>He bent down, picking up the shovel you had half hidden in your bush
>Giving you a not so friendly look, he tapped the flat of the shovelhead against a hand
>"I could have fallen and hurt myself, you know," he said flatly
"I don't give a--"
>He took a step toward you
>With a start, you realized your shovel looked like a foals' toy in his mammoth hands
"I, um, uh..."
>He beat your flank red with that shovel
>Then he made you fill that hole
>And, to add insult to injury, he beat your butt again
>If you were able to sit sometime next year you'd consider yourself lucky
>Colt even took your shovel, and chewed you out too
>Mare, did mating season suck salt...






>Changelings are seen as ultimate breeders, able to coax the maximum amount of love from a stallion, anything less than twins is completely unheard of.
>Mares are warned to not even try and compete in that regard lest they damage their health or that of their foals.
>In a herd situation the inclusion of a changeling can improve the health of everypony involved, as the excess amount of Love is converted into Ling-Honey, which has numerous health benefits when consumed both before and during pregnancies.
>Social dynamics usually hamper this somewhat, as the sheer difference in fertility means the stallion will naturally come to see the changeling as the 'alpha' of the group, regardless of dispositions or previous heirarchy.
>For this reason most changelings stay disguised even from their own herd, using slight of hoof and very mild misdirection magic to hide oddities such as putting honey into the food.
>The feelings are real, otherwise she wouldnt be fed nor produce the honey to share, but so is the stigma, and most changelings prefer not to risk the heartbreak







>Anon has a unicorn marefriend
>She doesn't think what she does is anything special, but Anon didn't grow up with magic as a part of his life

"Honey, we're running out of shampoo."
>"Anon, it's 2 in 1, just pour it into the empty bottle it came with."
>...
"HOW IS THIS HAPPENING?"
>"Magic. Honestly, it's cute how you get worked up about the littlest things."






>She's a duchess
>A war hero
>Maybe one of the more powerful magi currently living
>Her castle is deep in the mountains
>It had been standing over six hundred years, and not once had it fallen to a foe
>It was a big castle in northern Equestria, not a days ride to the Crystal Empire
>A lonely castle
>As wealthy and powerful as she was, Fleur could never find a colt that would want to stay with her for more than a few weeks
>Colts liked cities, the nightlife, things to do
>There was not too much there for her duchy
>Those nobles that lived in the cold, hard mountains were cousins or distant relatives
>Not suitable suitors; at least to her
>Those southern nobles were weaklings; too pompous and dignified to dirty their hands
>It was frustrating
>A frustration that no amount of fighting, hunting, or feasting could sooth
>But then you came
>A man from a different world so strange compared to her own
>The way you spoke was strange
>The way you moved was strange
>When you met her, you tried to hold the door open for her, like some young filly that had just gotten her first set of honor
>She had laughed, and never forgotten your face
>She made numerous trips to Canterlot, going out of her way to visit that bothersome city and those bothersome southerners just to see you
>Every little thing you did was fascinating, and you had such silly ideas as a stallion
>She invited you up to her castle, wishing you show you some of the countries' wildlands
>To her delight, you didn't seem to care much for city life, and agreed to join her
>Weeks passed
>She took you all through her lands
>You hunted, spoke with her little ponies
>She even allowed you to look through her families famous armory and library
>Every single day she woke up expecting you to ask to return to Canterlot, and every single day that didn't happen
>The castle staff began to warm up to you, as did the ponies surrounding the little town not far from the castle
>Many said that their lady looked so much happier with you around
>They had never seen the usually solemn and grim mare smile so much
>Even when the winter came, and the Wendigos came from the very far north to cause mischievous you didn't leave
>Not only did you not leave, you made snowponies with some of the castle's foals!
>You might have been a strange, alien stallion with an odd way of doing things, but the duchess wouldn't have you leave for all of the valuable suitors in her kingdom
>In fact, she was having scribes in Canterlot trying to find some sort of noble lineage in your family line
>If they couldn't--which was pretty much a guarantee since you weren't of this world--then they were told to make something up
>A noble such as herself couldn't just up and marry a commoner now, could she?
>She'd even give your mother a dowry fit for a prince, as it was the only proper thing to do


>She takes you back to Canterlot once
>It was for business, and she couldn't bare to leave you home
>Things were perfectly normal for the first few days
>She bought you all the fabric you wanted--you were learning how to sew from the castle's seamster-- as well as some other knick knacks
>While privately speaking with the princess, she was even congratulated on finding a nice stallion
>But then disaster struck
>A noble went and hit on you while Fleur was speaking to some old war buddies
>Fleur looked over at you just as the chubby, sleazy mare pinched your bottom
>She immediately borrowed a sword from a guard, stomping over to protect your honor
>The mare attempted to apologize
>Fleur wanted a duel to the death to settle matters
>Celestia attempted to step in, but the unicorn would not be calmed down
>You suggested the mare take you on a shopping spree to apologize, as well as "gift" you your weight in gold
>Fleur didn't like the idea, flat out refusing, but you were insistent
>The mare eagerly accepted, and the rest of your trip was on her pockets
>You, the poor mare, Fleur, and some guards Celestia sent to keep Fleur from murdering her fellow noble went out onto the town the next day, where you went on the stopping spree of the century
>Fleur's outrage turned to amusement as you nearly bankrupted the mare in two days
>Not buying jewelry or frilly things, but stuff that would help the castle out
>Different foodstuffs, paper, leather, types of gems and ore
>You had the made buy ten barrels of wine that Fleur loved, as well as got yourself a helmet from one of the finest armorers in the city, whose pieces cost a small fortune
>All the while, you had a troupe of singers follow you, dancing and making merry as they were given ten times the normal rate
>There was a lot of talk when you and Fleur went home with twenty wagons full of goods
>The noble who had dishonored you was now humbled to the core
>The rest of the nobility were amused to bits
>Celestia sent some fine chainmail for you from the armorer you had gotten the helmet from as a gift; a thank you for keeping her nobles from needlessly killing each other
>The ponies back at the castle were delighted with all the fabric, fruit, and gifts you had gotten for them
>Fleur was happy that you had not only taken things in stride, but had been exceedingly clever in dishing out a rightful punishment
>The next time the two of you went to Canterlot, and forever after, nobles would go out of their way to be as polite as possible with you
>Not for fear of Fleur, but of what you'd do to them






>Anon scrimps and saves in order to buy all the cards he needs from the new expansion to make a monster of a deck
>Fluttershy doesn't really play that much, but she has a stalling deck and uses it as an excuse to hang out Anon for as long as possible
>But his new deck wins before she can get the cards she needs to draw out the game
>Another mare at the card shop challenges him, and Fluttershy feels her mareliness points take a hit
>She dramatically decides that she will defeat Anon and finally ask him out on a date!
>But she hasn't tried winning a game for so long, she has a number of bad habits to break
>Anon isn't oblivious, but he does want to help her become more assertive
>He gets Pinkie and Rarity to help him assemble a number of disguises and decks so that Fluttershy has rivals and villains close enough to her level to fuel her growth as a duelist
>Admittedly, he and Rarity may have gotten a little drunk before designing the "Eeyore Valentine" costume, but Fluttershy' reaction to him pulling cards out of his ball bra was priceless
>With each game, Fluttershy learns more and more about mechanics, rules, strategies, and deck building
>Finally, a new expansion comes out and Fluttershy builds a meta deck all on her own
>She challenges Anon and finally defeats him, because he spent so much time and money building all those silly decks and chipping in on costume material costs that he didn't have enough to adapt to the new meta
>Fluttershy asks him out, and thanks him for helping her learn to play competitively
>And could he wear the Eeyore Valentine costume again? It was her favorite





>"Look mare, the tribes might be playing nice again but your 'Equestria' is never gonna work."
>"We dont care if your dad bucked a hornhead and you came out with a lightning rod on your face, no self respecting pegasi will ever accept a a filly of a leader so ashamed of her tuft she hides it behind a big neck thingy."
>Celestia has absolutely HAD IT with these stubborn mules.
>Having the Unicorns join? Easy, they were glad to foist the job of moving the sun and moon onto just two ponies, practically threw the crown jewels at her.
>Earth ponies, little bit harder since they all wanted little favours, but being a glorified delivery mare and gathering everypony for one big 'hoe-down' secured their inclusion.
>She's not sure about actually USING that gold plated Hoe they gave her, but that's something future Celestia can worry about, or Luna, she likes plants right?
>But these pegasi? Nothing.
>Steady payment? An insult.
>Discounts on things they trade for like food? Also an insult.
>The right to fly their cities in equestrian air space? 'Nopony owns the skies.' Insult.
>Traditional trial by combat? Apparently cheating because of her magic, also pretty insulting to even suggest.
>But this? This is HER being Insult-ed.
>('Be careful with the Ceremonial Torque')
>Ignoring her sisters whisper, Celestia unbuckles the big neck thingy and lets it drop to the ground.
>A few miles below, since they're on a cloud.
>Luna sighs and flies down through the hole to retrieve it.
>Snorting and stomping a hoof , she takes a deep breath and
>"What the fuck did you just fucking say about me you little mare?" I'll have you know..."

>A few minutes later Celestia touches down on the ground next to her sister.
>"They've accepted us as Royals and will be sending ponies over to our castle tomorrow to begin working out a long term weather schedule."
>Luna simply holds up the big neck thingy, the large PREVIOUSLY flawless gem in the middle now riddled with fractures.
>"Oh dont worry about that, i'm sure it can be fixed, we'll say a diamond dog snuck up on us.."
>The gem decides to take it's last moment to shine and promptly falls to pieces.
>"Did i say fixed? I meant replaced, because it was stolen by a dragon, i'm thinking a nice orange, or maybe purple? Purple sounds good








>Young Anonicorn thinks everyone follows what his mom says because she's the biggest and tallest.
>Said mother gets a kick out of puffing herself up bigger and asking 'the small ones' (the maids) to serve lunch.
>Laughter rings out from the dining hall as they crouch-walk back in with serving trays.
>Cadance arrives during lunch to take him for a nap and playdate, but he acts grumpy and wants to stay with his momma, asking her to make them listen.
>Being informed of the new rules of soverignty by Celestia, Cadence asks the nearby guard Shining to step over for a moment before promptly jumping on his back.
>To his credit, he barely flinches as she steadies herself, although a faint blush dusts his cheeks.
>Anons jaw drops to the floor as he looks between his boosted foalsitter and his mother, the latter shrugging helplessly.
>His wings buzz as he tries to fly up and sit on his mommas head, but quickly tires out and falls into the grasp of her magic.
>A quick nuzzle and shooshing later and he's passed over to Cadence, who settles him on her back before trotting off to the playroom






>Anonicorn always takes time out of his day to make sure the staff and guard in the castle know they are appreciated and valued, talking about their day and going around with batches of treats he's baked, etc.
>This makes him a magnet for changelings, and word gets around to go visit the prince if they ever need a snack.
>None of them tell the queen out of fear she'd do something stupid like order him captured.
>When the invasion happens a small squad break off to go keep him out of danger while disguised as guards.
>Decide to set up in the kitchen with other staff that managed to escape the attacks, and he suggests they make some food 'for when mom sorts all this out.'
>Hidden bugs start sweating nervously when Anon notices two of them accidently disguised as the same pony.
>Thankfully interrupted when some idiot ant-brains who dont remember the code phrases decide to attack their small party.
>Not thankfully, they showed off their shapeshifting and now the prince is confronting the two that had the same disguise, even though one of them tried to change in the confusion.
>"I only have one question and i want it answered honestly."
>They gulp nervously at the authority in his voice.
>"Chewy or Fudge brownies? Nopony ever tells me which one they like better."
>Nonplussed, they look at each other before one of them responds.
"Fudge can hold more love?"
>"Really? Great! I'll be sure to remember that, thanks."
>He suddenly hugs the changeling, focusing on the gratitude for protecting everypony in the room and tossing in some of his affection for mom too.
>The guard falls over the moment he lets go.
>"Err, are they going to be okay?"
"They'll be fine, just a sudden overdose."
>"Oh, alright, how many of you are there?
>Silence.
"Okay, that was a dumb question, can one of you go check on Auntie and bring her here? She's probably sleeping through this."
>He levitates a fruitbowl with pineapples over.
>"You'll need this, she gets cranky when woken up so early."
>Later, when the tied up changelings are blasted away by some sort of magic wall, it somehow phasing them through the physical walls in the way, his 'personal guard' look at each other in confusion before looking at him for orders.
>"That felt like cousin Cadence, i think its time for you all to sneak out before we have any more misunderstandings."
>They glance nervously at a glaring Princess Luna looming behind his shoulder, slowly chewing through a watermelon as if it were an apple.
>"Oh! And dont forget your brownies, i made a few for each of you."
>Feeling silly, they line up to recieve a hug and small paper bag before flying out the window.
>The last disappears right as some actual guard burst through the doors.
>Luna, still glaring, spits a pip into half full bowl next to her before barking orders at the guard.
>She thought her nephew miraculiously dodged the tendency for stallions ( and her sister) to be so whimsical, but now she sees it merely manifests in spectacular fashion






>Be Anon, having finished playing basketball with Dash and Spitfire in your new shorts
>The first time, they were filthy cheaters, launching with a flap of their wings and hovering to block your shot
>The watermark of Air-bud superimposed itself over your vision as they explained there wasn't a rule against flying
>Under threat of bringing Twilight on your team, they agreed to having their wings bound
>They acted kinda funny the next time, sniffing at your belts as you fastened them around their wings and barrel
>They still had mad jumping skills, since pegasi only weigh a quarter pounder, but they couldn't hover and that is what's important
>When you sat down for a water break, you noticed them eyeing your shorts for some reason
>For the rest of the time you were playing, you kept picking up moments where they would try and look up your shorts
>It's... not a bad feeling, but you feel like teaching them a lesson
>Rarity was ecstatic to work on your design, perhaps because of the diamond motif?
>You wonder if you accidentally flirted with her
>Regardless, you told the pegasi you were going to take a nap after the latest game, and settled down on the grass
>It's disappointing how quickly they start nosing around
>After five minutes, you can feel their breaths on your thighs
>The stiff material shifts as they push closer to your crotch
>Okay, that's enough
"Boo!"
>The mares yelp and try to back out, but your shorts constrict, trapping their snouts against your thighs
"Caught you red handed!"
>The mares are blushing and making muffled alarmed horse noises, flapping their wings
>To your alarm, you feel yourself start to lift off
>Dash and Spits frantically take to the skies rump first while you dangle from their snouts
"Hey! Stop that!"
>No use
>They are panicking, eyes rolling back in their heads
>As the three of you climb higher and higher, you just accept it
>This is how you go, dying from dumb horses caught in a chinese pervert trap shorts
>You barely clear the rooftop to an apartment building when it happens
>The mares crash into the wall of the roof access, their snouts pushing deep into your shorts and jostling your balls a little painfully
>Finally released, you fall about a foot onto your back and grunt in pain
>You really didn't think this through
>You sit up slowly, watching the mares come to their senses
"You two are the worst."
>Rainbow laughs nervously
>"Haha, sorry, I just wasn't thinking."
>Spits nods 
>"As her superior officer, I will accept all responsibility for injuries you received in this...accident."
>You raise an eyebrow
"What about sexually assaulting me in my sleep?"
>She pales and swallows
>"I-uh, I'll take full responsibility, or if you don't want that, I'll hoof the bill for your wedding, as well as whatever you think is necessary."
>You shake your head
"Why did you even do it in the first place? I thought we were friends."
>Spits and Dash slump guiltily
>Dash swallows
>"Well, you were wearing shorts. That's pretty much an invitation."
>You aren't impressed
>Spitfire looks at you skeptically
>"You weren't trying to tease us with baggy clothes that leave too much to the imagination?"
>You facepalm
"No, no I was not."
>Rainbow stares at you in confusion
>"Then why were you wearing shorts every time we hung out?"
>You shrug
"They're comfy and easy to wear."






>Be Bon Bon, secret agent in retirement
>Well, no secret agent truly retires, but you did get a cushy monitoring position in ponyville
>It seems the human spends a lot of time on his slabtop, and you get the job of monitoring his interweb activity
>You have never seen such filthiness
>Hoofholding videos
>Long debates in forums and comment sections over interspecies sexual compatibility
>Founding a cult of "Sunlords" filled with nothing but long-winded sexual and domestic fantasies regarding your grossly incandescent leader
>No treasonous activity, just perversity from dawn to dusk and deep into Luna's night
>And the things he draws and uploads
>Marehoods in the place of a hoof's frog
>Cancerously large teats on mares
>Mares in coltish, provocative poses
>It's enough to drive you to drink
>You have even caught yourself looking under Lyra's tail
>Just another day in Her Majesty's service






>Put 2 and 2 together and realize they are free.
>Put together increasingly unsustainable plans of world domination and becoming the alphas of the giga-herd across equestria.
>take quite a while before they realize they don't have any skills except eating the lawn, pulling things, and carrying anon.
>mooch off him by taking turns sleeping in his house.
>lose a lot of time through this habit, actually. Ponies still feel alien but they just 'know' each other.
>They get shit about it when they walk around, but can't care because those pozzers just don't know how to be the alpha anyway.
>Anon basically treats them as he use to, if talking a bit more. He doesn't care about their mooching because it's the same as it use to be, really. And he still thinks of them as pets as much as... 'herd-mates', or whatever ponies keep calling them.
>Plus, they're only, like, 10. Even if their bodies match adult ponies here, they just don't have their faculties yet.
>Tries to pay for any damage they do, keep them reigned in, etc.
>Ponies, meanwhile, are pretty appalled at them.
>Treating their stallion like a cook and housekeeper, and even making him slave away to pay for their bad behavior.
>They seemingly DGAF about most things, think property is a meme, don't understand the concept of law, and have an incredibly unusual obsession with those big yoga balls.
>And they've got NO clue what a cutiemark is.
>Fucking weirdos is what they are.
>But Anon swears up and down they're fine, just... maladjusted to Equestria.
>So nopony's decked them... yet.






>Someway, somehow, your entire home is yanked into RGRE, and your internet connection isn't severed.
>After some convincing and a few people confirming that your entire house vanished from it's spot, you single handedly become the most famous person alive by being the first one to contact aliens.
>Everyone is desperate to know what this technicolor world is like, and the more details you feed them, the more they want.
>Feminists swoon over a matriarchal society, conveniently ignoring the unpleasant parts to like how mares are soldiers, sanitation workers, construction workers etc.
>Many men sneer at the thought of being the 'lesser' gender, or being a 'furry', but the supreme abundance of female attention makes some reconsider.
>And A LOT of obvious feds ask things about Equestria's defense, what kind of resources do they have, how you got there, how would they get there, etc.
>But recently you haven't had much time to shit post, because a dedicated marefriend is much more fun







>You run a half-hearted youtube vlog by popular demand.
>Millions of subs in days, and before a month is out you're in the top 10 by sub count.
>Millions of views per video no matter what it is.
>One was just you laying down in the park watching pegasi fly. It got 20 million views in just under a week.
>Usually you keep anything personal out of the videos, but the most famous one, though?
>It's you, sitting in your darkened living room at midday. In your lap is a tiny foal, barely bigger than a kitten, and you're quietly feeding her with a bottle.
>You smile and with your free hand, hold up a bit of paper to the camera.
>It's a birth certificate.
>A birth certificate for your daughter, with you clearly labeled as the father.
>"Suprised me too when my wife said she was pregnant almost a year back," you smile as you explain in a hushed voice. "Magic is some wild stuff, and it bridged the biological gap like it wasn't even there."
>Your little filly finishes the bottle and curls up with her little muzzle pressed to your torso, already falling asleep.
"I don't think I'll be uploading as often anymore, but I'm sure you all understand," you say, reaching for the camera.
>The video is less than 30 seconds long and would be the last one you ever upload. It blew past a billon views in just 3 weeks


>You don't stop there.
>A lot of people called the video a hoax, but you upload a few more here and there, and everyone crying hoax is pretty swiftly silenced.
>A short video when your daughter can fully open her eyes. It's just a few seconds of you kissing her cheek as she giggles and baps your nose with a tiny hoof, but it shows that you and she have the same eye color.
>One where a sulking Rainbow is on the couch with an icepack between her legs, then you move the camera to your daughter.
>"Say 'Ahhhh' honey."
>The little filly opens her mouth wide, showing off a few teeth beginning to come in. Among them are sharp canines.
>"Guess we gotta start weening a little early."
>Another is during a doctor's visit.
>"So Spectra is having some trouble gripping things with her hooves," you mutter, the camera trained on a few MRI prints of a filly. "Something didn't hybridize well, so she's trying to use fingers that she doesn't have. Doc says no prob, she's just gotta train herself to use her hooves is all. Wild stuff, magic."


"Awwww Luna, look at the adorable human, he's been 'ruling' his country for a hoofful of years"
>"Is that what he calls it? We would call it fumbling"
"Sister, don't be rude, we're guests on this stream remember"
>"Celestia, there is a colt claiming to be the 'leader of the free world' are you sure this is a stream and not a comedy act"
"Luna, please don't insult Anon's peoples"
>>"Oh no no, Luna please continue, this is better than I could have hoped for"
>"Fantastic, now listen humans, let me tell you why stallions like you belong in the kitchen"




>You start the stream a little early to run a test, then forget to turn it off.
>A tide of viewers comes in.
>Celestia and Luna fly in and you welcome them inside with a traditional pony greeting, AKA a hug.
>You, Rainbow, Celestia, and Luna talk for a short bit.
>Your daughter wanders in. Celestia, who shines at seeing Spectra, lays down on her belly so she can play with the little filly, much to Luna's exasperation.
>You decide that makes for a good time to actually talk about the stream, and when Luna agrees, everyone settles into a cuddle-pile.
>Rainbow, as your alpha (and only) mare, takes your left side so you are on her right. Celestia (still holding your daughter) takes your right, as the highest-ranked mare who isn't of the household. She could have demanded being on your left if she felt like it, however, considering her royal status trumps that of the mare-of-the-house. Luna, ever so serious, takes the defensive spot laying across yours, Celestia's, and Rainbow's backs.
>The guards meanwhile cuddle close around the outside of the pile, forming a defensive ring of ponies.
>You tell everyone what to expect, who will be attending, what questions might come across as insensitive, etc.
>This isn't one of your 30-second shitposts or a poorly edited video without any explanation as to what is going on, but a REAL look at Equestrian dynamics that everyone gets to see. The watching scientists and sociologists are absolutely raving.
>When the conversation is over, everyone remains cuddled for several minutes to reaffirm the friendly bonds between everyone, then slowly separates.
>When you look back at the computer, you realize the stream has been going the entire time.
>Oops...




>You are happily married to Principal Celestia
>Your son Incognito is a good lad, if a bit nerdy and a stickler for the rules
>Your precautions pay off initially
>When the magic demon girl starts throwing fire around, he is the first to leave the area
>However, you underestimated one thing:
>The allure of bad girls trying to be good
>He gets a crush on Sunset
>She only starts to notice when the sirens transfer in and pick up on the potential for discord
>They aggressively flirt with Incognito, and Sunset white knights somewhat effectively
>Incognito wants the girls to get along, so he asks you to DM for the group
>So here you are, trying to plan out a campaign hard enough to make them work together, but fun enough that Incognito isn't miserable while they squabble and backstab each other
>The things you do for family





>Anon gets some Equestria magic exposure
>A shrill voice echoes in his soul
"I'm going to kiss all the girls!"
>He starts wearing tight and revealing clothes
>More and more girls are unnaturally besotted with him
>Twilight and friends are suspicious, but Sunset is insistent that this is normal
>She's entirely unaffected by his magic, doesn't even join in on the yu gi oh tournament Anon organizes among the besotted
>She just likes watching herding courtships again after so long







>When Anon insists on going to class dressed without a testicle bra
>There's an obvious bulge in his pants that jiggles when he walks but he doesn't care
>tfw half the teachers are uncomfortable when he's in the room because nobody needs a student-teacher relationship scandal under their skirts
>tfw your only male friend thinks fashion is for fags, robbing you of the unique intricacies of the male human mind
>tfw he keeps making you lunch because you apparently work yourself too hard in between schoolwork and your part-time job sewing and don't get enough to eat
>tfw you want to give him a big hug (making sure he's careful with the hair) because of your dumb teenage hormones but you're pretty sure he'd hate you forever if you ever did that
>Why are boys so confusing







>Be Prince Anon
>You were send across the mirror to check up on Sunset first hand as your first solo diplomatic mission
>Mother finally allowed it after you and Twilight convince her that it was safe enough
>Aunt Luna still though it was a terrible idea, but you will prove that you can do it
>Once in the other side you are hit with how uncanny similar this world is to the nightmares you used to have
>Ignore that Anon, focus on the mission
>You have no problems in find Sunset friends after a few questions
>You present yourself as one of Twilight’s friend
> As a precaution you’ll keep your true title in secret for now
>After some small talk some of then try flirt you a little
>There pinkie even put her hoo- hand you your shoulder
>Mares, just like Blueblood said
>He said you should cut them right there, but they seem so nice
>Play around and humor them a little can’t be that bad
-
>Be sunset
>You talk a bit with Twilight through the diary, just confirming that Anon was who he said he was
>Now you are terrified
>You and your friends threw a bunch of shit one liners at him
>You let Pinkie touch him
>And Rarity
>The bucking sperg ask him for a peck in the cheek
>Celestia will come to this world to kick your ass you herself
>Can she even throw you in this world moon ?
-
>Be Anon in the next day
>See a really big woman that remember you from your mother, and she also gives you a very weird feeling
>You try to say hi to her, but she made a U-turn the moment she saw you
>You follow her to her car thing
>The moment she turns that machines engine on you start having a panic attack
>You have no idea of what magic was that, but Sunset had to restrain you
-
>Be principal Celestia
>It can’t be, he looks just like him
>Have your son returned to haunt you ? Was because you forget to light him a candle in the last dia de los mourtos?
>No, no, it just a superstition
>Luna can take care of the school by the rest of the day
.
.
.
>He is following you, you need to get to your car fast
>You turn to engine on, looking to the window you see Sunset grappling him
>You never thought you would be happy seeing her doing that, but you need to flee
>Time to go home and drown yourself in cheap booze







>You are Twilight in your element, not that it helps
>You had felt it in your bones, that Starlight and Anon marrying would be giving you headaches for years to come
>But you are a good friend and consequently best mare at the wedding
>But now...
>Starlight had illustrated the problem on a whiteboard, with pages copied from Starswirl's seminal (haha nice) treatise on temporal paradoxes
>Of course, it was Anon's idea in the first place
>The whimsy of that stallion...
"So, you are trying to figure out how to report income you stole from your future selves."
>Anon nods
>"It's not like I will have been using it, so why shouldn't I have it now?"
>Glimmer nods along with him, the menace
"Look, if we are very lucky, then you will have spent it all before next year, and none of the bits will make their way into your stash hidden in the mattress. Which is irrational, just use a bank for Celestia's sake!"
>Glimmer rolls her eyes
>"Banks are for ponies that aren't archwizards and can't protect their wealth."
>Anon smiles affectionately at his wife
>"That's my mare. No way the griffins will adulterate our bits now. Besides, I asked, and Celestia doesn't mind."
>You rub your temples as the mad pair makes cooing noises at each other
"Right, okay, fine. Not even going to touch your conspiracy theory nonsense, it's not important. The fact is, money obtained from the future is technically not income, so it won't be taxed. However, to preserve temporal integrity, you will have to have all bits you receive for the next year changed out from the royal treasury. I'm not going to let you accidentally introduce a bit into runaway entropic processes and blow up the whole town. Again."
>Starlight doesn't meet your eyes, and Anon grins weakly, no doubt trying to use his masculine wiles to get his wife out of trouble
>Yeah, no
"To that end, I'll be issuing geass-pendants to make sure you actually perform the necessary exchanges. Don't you bucking dare try to remove them before the timelines sync up again."
>Starlight scrunches
>"Ugh, this is going to be so tedious."
>You huff
"Should have thought of that before turning to time travel for financial gain."






>Sugar is alcohol to ponies
>Anon has mares over to chat and supplies them with a plate of cookies
>Some ponies go just for the free sugar
>Other ponies feel bad for Anon because they believe he thinks he's so hopeless that he has to bribe ponies with horse-booze just to have friends hang out with him
>One or two thinks he's trying to get some puss by throwing a party
>Either way, Anon ends his get-togethers with a bunch of stumbling, slurring mares who try to start hoof-fights with each other and naturally end the evening in cuddle puddles
>Anon thinks they're just getting drowsy and gets them blankets so that they can nap






>Be you
>Cholo Anon last time you checked eh
>Cruisin through the market place playing some tunes
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PvyTjkRGjlc [Open]
>The amount of catcalls and attention you get here gives you a good idea of how all those women back home felt when your brothers and cousins would do it to them
>You didn't know no better though, you were just a little mijo, you were their chickmagnet when cruising, too
>It was nice at first, but like, fuckin A homes..none of them want to get know the real you
>Chh, you're soundin all emotional an shit, bro, how else are they supposed to get your attention and let you know they're intereste-
>"P-Pardon me, sir, b-but could I ask you something?"
>Maaaan..
>This lil pony is too cute to say whatever she's about to say to you
>'Orale', pony, whas good?'
>"Um I-I was just wondering h-how far those socks go up?"
>Mhmm yup, too cute to be askin that shit
>You lift up your leg a little so that your shorts ride up slightly
>'Ionno..maybe they just keep going all the way up, chula..'
>The cute little pony unties the ascot around her neck and dabs at her forehead
>Guess that song you heard by Pone Thugs N' Elements was right; the 3 constants in life will always be taxes, death, an mares actin' crazy








>Anon is a legitimately talented engineer and scientist. A once-in-a-century man.
>It was a self-made Einstein-Rosen bridge he was testing that sucked him into RGRE.
>With the lack of all the social issues that plagued earth, he decides he's not going back.
>It's easy to put his talents to work in a field acceptable for a stallion to have interest in, like making toys for young fillies and colts.
>He wishes he could continue his work, but almost no one will provide funding for a male with unproven work.
>Before long, he marries and settles down.
>His waifu sees his knowledge is being wasted and offers to sign everything herself to secure the funding he wants
>Anon, who could care less about recognition, happily agrees.
>When the expected waves start being made and the academic community comes looking for answers, it's Waifu's name on all the patents.
>She gets tons and tons of invites to events, conventions, and even the Grand Galloping Gala by Princess Celestia herself.
>While she's picked up bits of jargon from Anon, she's no engineer and doesn't even know how half this stuff works.
>And all of these ponies want to meet "the mind behind the machines".
>It was then that she realized she's boned

>Spicy Breeze has a special talent in bullshittery.
>Give her a story and she'll run with it across equestria and back before anyone realises she's talking hot air.
>It's how she landed Anon actually, she showed a genuine interest in his tinkering and managed to convince him she had similar knowledge.
>Until he hurt his hand one day and she unthinkingly offered to help him finish some toys.
>Tears of frustration may have been shed, along with a minor breakdown when he came along to check her progress and found the various amateur attempts, certainly not the work of someone with a similar knowledge base.
>Sadly confesses to being interested in him and what he does, but doesnt really understand a whole lot of the details, she just kept lying because she thought he wouldn't be interested in a boring mare like her that doesnt have a similar talant to his, or even one that's practical.
>Somethingsomething sappy makeup scene, he doesnt mind that she doesnt know things but would rather she didnt lie to him or herself, offers to teach her so she can put her bits where he banter is.
>Slow going because she doesnt have a talent for it but she's making progress, enough soon that she floats the idea of putting some of his more serious work out there under her name in order to get him more funding







>tfw rararara wants to speak with your mother to ask your hoof in marriage
>tfw she expects your mom to be holding a crossbow
>tfw she sees that your mom actually acts like a real dyke, cooking and cleaning and whining like some colt
>tfw she then sees your little sister, who wants to immediately take her into her room for "dress up"
>tfw while Rarity doesn't have an issue with dressing up--she makes clothes for a living after all--your sister's room looks like a colt's room
>tfw she's worried you lived in a "tolerant" household
>tfw she thinks your mom and dad are trying to make your sister a lesbian, and you a queer
>tfw she's a hardline business mare that loves her crossbows and lives in a very conservative town
>tfw she doesn't even want to ask your mom, or invite your family to your wedding if they're a bunch of weirdos that want to chop colts willies off and say they're mares, like some fucking gryphon degenerate
>tfw she really just hopes this is a weird human thing she doesn't totally understand
>tfw she really still feels like she needs to ask your mom for permission, since that was what she was taught, liking your family or not
>tfw she feels bad about it
>tfw she's really worried about screwing this up







>5 years into Twilight's reign
>Celestia opens the doors with her magic
>She hadn't retired
>She just wanted an excuse to do everything on her bucket list
>But it only took her five years to do it
>The only reason she thought that she needed to retire is because she thought it was a lot longer
>It turn outs that when you sit on a bucket list of things you want to do for a thousand years, your mind makes them seem bigger than they actually are
>So here she was, back in Canterlot and ready to get back to work
>She comments that Twilight has started looking weird and forcibly shrinks her back down to her old size and takes back her regalia
>Before Twilight can get a word out she's teleported to Ponyville
>Her old castle is gone
>Her school is gone
>Turns out the latest entries on Celestia's list was to burn them both down
>But Celestia would never leave her faithful student homeless, so she got Twilight a new treebary






>Anon is a brilliant inventor
>The only problem is, all of his inventions constantly get stolen by Starlight
>Nopony believes him when he tries to prove her guilt no matter how much evidence there is
>So he decides to retaliate by building progressively dumber things to try and tarnish her reputation
>Starlight just credits Anon to avoid the blame
>Ironically, one of his stupid inventions ended up creating world peace
>Who would've known the slap chop was so effective








>Anon passes through the hall of art in Canterlot Castle
>It's filled with depictions of the 2 sisters from back when they first became princesses to the present day
>Starts off with mineral pigments taken straight from the earth
>Then oil paintings and sculptures as Equestrian society enters its renaissance
>Luna disappears from the art for a significant chunk of time, but not the full 1000 years of her banishment
>For about 200 years or so after the date of her banishment, Luna appears in various works of art to represent tragedy and sorrow
>Ponies loved both of their leaders, and they have far longer memories of their second ruler than they do of Nightmare Moon
>The most modern of art forms to hit Equestria is ironic art
>After walking through a breathtaking room full of ancient and priceless art, Anon is a bit put off by the sight of a rather... interesting piece depicting Luna's banishment
>Clearly, the artist took some artistic licenses
>The only reason it's there is because, of all the art depicting her in relation to her banishment, this is the only one that makes Luna laugh every time she sees it.
>"Yea verily, sir Anonymous! Canst thou see mine angled jaw, and the way we dangle from our moon? Observe the depiction of our sister's grimace of consternation! Most amusing. We have spilled many a drink of wine from our merry chortling whilst allowing our mind to wander back to this piece of art."







>tfw you and the boys are able to leave your busy households once a week for a guy's day
>tfw your mares think you all just spend the whole day shopping and giggling and drinking wine coolers
>tfw you all actually just sit around, traumatized, telling each other of the stupid, borderline mental shit your girls get up to each day while drinking very heavily
>And you mean some dumb shit
>One of your girls, an earth pony, tried to fly using fireworks, a garbage can, some cardboard wings, and twenty pounds of gun powder to settle a bet with the neighbor
>tfw she saw no issue with this, and argued with you when you tried to get her to stop, which ended in your front yard being destroyed, your eyebrows and her tail being burnt off, and her sleeping on the couch for the next month
>tfw you have no idea how the fuck mares became the dominate gender on this planet
>or how any are alive at all






>Anon writes sexy smut novels that are extremely popular with mares.
>His first published book 'the Magic of Lust' is very popular with those that are literate.
>He writes under some ridiculous alias like 'Richard N. Bowls' or 'E.N. Ward' and the only one who knows Anon wrote the books is his publicist; A mare named 'Up Tight.'
>She is an avid reader of his word for a multitude of reasons, and is constantly being flirted with by Anon leading to some very steamy 'content.'
>It only gets even hotter when she reads about some of these escapades in Anons next novel.
>Graphic, animalistic, and drives the mares wild in all the right ways






>he hasn't surrounded his house with strategic and comedically placed traps
i get free entertainment every dusk. the ones you have to watch out for are the ones who have more cocklust than fruitlust, but that can usually be remedied by slathering a little semen on a few of the traps. let me tell you there's nothing quite like watching half a dozen bat mares fight over a cum-glazed mango only to fall into a tree-sap filled pit
if you really want to live dangerously, though, cultivate a poison joke patch, throw a mango or two into it and place bets with your stallion friends on what that night's joke is going to be







>You have an unhealthy weakness for certain foods:

>Hummus
>Key lime pie
>Cheesecake
>Chocolate mousse
>Blueberries with whipped cream

>You can't eat nearly as much of them as you want, because they're all immensely fattening, and you like being fit.

>What's a man to do?

>Then you find out that pony pussy tastes like food.

>A few discreet want ads and a lot of pussy-eating later, and you have a herd capable of slaking your flavor cravings.

>Too bad that Tree Hugger, Limestone Pie, Moondancer, Octavia, and Delta Vee make for a very conflicted herd when they can pry your face out from between their legs.

>You'll just have to keep them constantly full of baby centaurs.

>Addendum: Having a total soupslut for a stallion sounds great, but Anon's craving for flavored marecum is insatiable. He's actually now 10% squash soup by volume. His herd has duties and responsibilities outside the bedroom. (Well, except for Tree Hugger.) They can't spend all their time getting eaten out. What do?







>Anon with discords powers decides to go full shitposting supervillian.
>Confronted by the mane6 in his lair, he slowly spins around in his big comfy chair while stroking the white pussy in his arms.
>"Ah, ladies, i've been, expecting you. How have you been?"
>Twilight, a flustered angry mess, guess she doesnt get off that much to being used as a book holder.
>Fluttershy, kinda bored looking, which is mildly concerning considering he lost track of her pussy yesterday in the pit of horrors.
>Rarity, blushing like a tomato, giving out cute little eeps and gasps in time with his motions.
>Ponka, holding up a sign saying [Can i get another cracker] which you graciously oblige by holding it up to your shoulder for her mouth to munch on, she can be so much more polite when it isnt flapping all over the place, he hopes she doesnt mind all the swear words he taught it.
>AJ looks absolutely livid, pretty odd, you'd think she'd be happy her pussy was able to win the "Kingdoms best cowgirl" competion. Maybe she's just a sore loser but 4th is nothing to cry over.
>Rainbow dash has a glazed look in her eyes, tail flagged as high as possible as her body twitches.
>Anon grunts as Rainbow dash gives a contented groan as her eyes cross and a dopey smile crosses her face.
>"Hey Twilight, how many is that now, i've lost count."
>She responds through gritted teeth '37.'
>"Ah right right, so. Did you want the tour?"
>With a scream from Bookhorse and Applehorse the battle ensued, it was very violent, very lewd and very silly, the less said about the phallusiraptor the better






>mango suppressor.
>High standards bat wife thinks ponyville is far too loose with its propriety, and often gets mad at mares flirting with Anon even when she's stood right there.
>There are proper rules for courting herds and these cunts with legs only want her big handsome human because he's exotic and male and REEEEEE-!
>Anon reaches into his bag and sticks a fruit in his wifes open mouth.
>If he's honest the constant flirting is getting to him too, he cant just find it in himself to be mean to the little mares when they look so adorable.
>It's not like they hold a candle to his wife anyway, after their honeymoon he cant help but look at most other mares attempts at being sexy like they're little children playing at being adults.
>the sheer aura of smug suddenly radiating from his wife as she nibbles her fruit, matched with a palpable feeling of emaresculation coming from every other female in the marketplace informs the human that he might have been talking outloud again







>Anon arrives in equestria the same day Twilight screws up all her friends cutie marks.
>Arrives at the libary just as she finishes the spell and all the elements start firing.
>Runs in and rips the crown off her head and punts her out of the blast zone with a 'Sorry!' as the magic envelops him.
>Error 404 pone not found, Harmony override, running diagnostic.
>Target friendship status: 0
>Mana levels: Low, compensating.
>Chaos influence: Minimal, neutralising.
>Harmonic influence: Negligible.
>(????) influence: High
>Analysing
>"Wow this hurts maybe you should kill yourself, or everyone around you, start flailing and you could do both, its certainly taking its sweet time painpainpain rhymes with train which probably wouldn't hurt as much since at least it'd be quick and sudden rather than this burning alive thing which is still very painful because you havent killed yourself yet."
>Identifying as Entropy
>Compatability with Harmonic energy: Zero.
>Neutralising.
>Entropic influence: Zero
>Filling void with harmonic energy
>"Oh good heavens you poor thing, stop it now."
>Harmonic influence: High
>Disengaging.

>Twilight looks on in shock and confusion from the floor as the magic of the elements finally stops to reveal the smoking body of the colt( at least the voiced sounded male) that saved her.
>Manages to catch him with her magic as he topples backwards, her tiara falling from lifeless claws, no they aren't nearly dharp enough, what are the words for those?
>Everyone but Fluttershy is gasping and reacting with shock, but thankfully the yellow ponies "Hurt critter" instincts have taken over as she zips forward to check on him.
>Anon looks up with bleary eyes as something pink and yellow bobs in front of his eyes.
>"She's nice, you should make friends with her."
>He sees a purple blob walk into view and say...something, things are pretty muffled right now.
>"She would also make a good friend, you could talk about books together."
>Blinking tiredly Anon slips into unconsciousness, his last thoughts are confusion towards his sudden urge to find a book to read.



>The elements of harmony become voices in Anon's heads
>Sometimes they're just the thoughts of the bearers of the elements
>Sometimes they're...
>Something else
>It doesn't want to hurt Anon
>Never forces him to do anything
>Immediately backs down apologies if he so much as thinks "No"
>It just makes suggestions
>All of which would, from a logical standpoint, improve his overall physical and mental health and life in general
>But Anon is conflicted if what he's doing is actually him doing it, if he's just agreeing with the voices in his head
>"What's different from us and the voices in your head you had before?"
"Those weren't voices they were just my thoughts"
>"Thoughts that you had mentally imagined to have sound and tone, like a voice right?"
"This is different and you know it
>"Do you?"
>The girls begin to worry as Anon is sat in his room again, book in hand, a new animal friend in his lap, just after working out
>Those three things aren't a problem
>The problem is, he's having a philisophical debate with himself again
>Hopefully this one won't get as heated as the one where he threw his chair into his room's hearth
>Or as intense as the one that had him awake for several days, muttering and rambling to himself, head darting back and forth as he paced his room like he were possesed
>He isn't like this often
>He can go weeks, months even, without an incident
>But when one comes, it hits hard
>Twilight seems to be the best at calming him down though
>He sees her and everything that's happening in his head seems to just go quiet
>It just stops
>Then he begins talking to her, like an old friend
>Like she isn't having to watch her new friend slowly lose his mind every day
>He really likes giving her backrubs for some reason
>She's occasionally caught him muttering something about "no wings"





>harmony voice is trying to get anon stand up and find friends , eat healthy and be happy
>call of the void is still there only now it's a lot more noticeable with harmony arguing with it
>"hey anon, kick that filly"
>"NO!, Whats wrong with you Void!? dont listen to it anon!"
>you are anon
>you thought you were crazy before
"sigh...."







>anon likes collecting rocks
>picks one up whenever he goes somewhere new
>from pieces of broken concrete out of manehatten roads to shattered crystals from the far north, he has all of them
>one day he's walking along when he spots the metaphorical jackpot, a small stone, perfectly smooth and amazing to hold in his hand
>the pebble is on a bench inside the candy store ponko works at, but he doesn't think much of it and just pockets it
>a few minutes later he is chilling in the park when a gray blur passes by him, pinka following close behind
>when he asks her whats going on, she only answers that her sister lost her boulder
>being the rock collecting weirdo that he is, anon offers to help her look for it
>neither are aware that the pet rock in question currently resides within his pocket







>Be Bon Bon.
"Go ahead, try it."
>You lick your lips despite your best efforts not to.
"It's a free sample. A sweetie for a sweetie."
>Caramel (appropriately named; you bet his cock is as sweet as his namesake, and that his balls would just MELT in your mouth) blushes prettily at your flirty little compliment and leans forward to take a free candy in his mouth.
>You watch his prehensile lips wrap around the still-warm candy and, thankful that his eyes are focused on the tasty treat, bite your lower lip.
>You can't imagine how they'd feel on your clit, or on your teats.
>Celestia knows they're still sore from the last time Old Iron Sides back over at S.M.I.L.E gave'em a mean twisting for losing ("losing") track of that ape-lien anomaly from a few months ago.
>His eye are focused on the sweets (typical colt), so he can't see your devious smile.
>There was a "lab accident" back over at S.M.I.L.E HQ, and a few doses of truth serum were "dropped" on the "floor", and were "listed" "as" "disposed of".
>AKA, they found their way into your saddlebags like a bushel of unpaid-for apples.
>It was the perfect crime.
>It's called a "truth serum" because it softens up the victim's mind a little bit and makes them more open to suggestion.
>Like giving them a few ciders to drink, but with direction.
>It works even better when they don't know they've been doped up; it's harder to stop yourself from doing something you don't even realize you're being encouraged to do.
>And if you encourage them to do something they already like to do in the first place?
>They'll practically be putty in your hooves.
>So when you ask for a gossipy colt like Caramel about the latest news...
"How was Pinkie's party last night?"
>...they won't even hesitate to do what you ask.
>"Oh, it was horrible!" chirps Caramel, his tone striking harshly against his mean words, "Pinkie had way too much to drink and tries to get into a hoof-fight with Rarity. And Time Turner poured his drink all over poor Derpy's mane and ran into the bathroom to cry."
>He giggles into a hoof and gives you cow-eyes.
>"He's very mean-spirited, you know. The colts all know Derpy is kind of a lost cause, of course, but it's so sweet to see her try so hard for her daughter."
>He swoons in place, a dusting of pink settling on his furry cheeks.
>"It's soooo romantic! A single mother working to support her daughter... I keep expecting a nice stallion to move into town and buy a book store, or an antique shop, and then have a bunch of coincidental run-ins with Derpy that slowly drives them in love with one-another!"
>Oh, Caramel.
>Everything is a game to you.
>He giggles again and shakes his head, showing off his freshly-shampood mane and wafting the aroma in your direction.
>You are, of course, a hot-blooded mare; Caramel or no, you can't stop yourself from taking a whiff.
>Mmmm.... strawberries.
>Ohhh, you can only imagine what it would be like if your pillow smelled like his mane...
>Stupid sexy homewrecker...
>"But it's okay! We're going to exclude him the next time we all take time off to go to Manehattan for a shopping spree, and Timey-Wimey's going to get SOOOOO angry."
"Mmm-hmmm?" you hum absently, keeping one eye on Caramel's face and another on the wall-clock behind him.
>It's been about forty-five seconds, and Caramel's eyes are starting to glaze over.
>The test questions were successful.
>Now it's time to find out exactly what he told to Lyra's old herd-colt to make him kick her out back in Manehattan.
>You're about to open your mouth, when an opportunity wanders into your shop.
>Well, well, well.
>Speak of Tirek, and he shall appear.
>Lyra's bastard of a former herd-colt just wandered into your humble candy store.
>City Slicker.
>Or "Slick" to his friends.
>Or "Big Ugly Bastard" to everypony else.
>He might have styled his mane differently since the last time you saw him, but you'll never forget those eyes.
>You glance between Slick and Caramel and make a quick decision.
>Caramel is kind of dumb, and he (and this thicc bouncy flank) comes here every week because he thinks he can butter you up for free samples.
>Slick, on the other hoof, knows better than to go near where Lyra lives.
>You can always get more details out of Caramel later; the serum is pretty stable.
"Caramel?"
>Caramel looks up at you with those pretty (and glassy) azure eyes of his.
>"Hmmm?" he asks sweetly; innocently.
>Oh, Caramel.
>If he weren't responsible for the head-colt of Lyra's old herd kicking her out, you might feel kind of bad about all this.
"Caramel, why don't you tell Slick over there what you think of his new manecut."
>Caramel nods happily and trots over to the stallion, stumbling a little bit as he goes.
>"Hello, Slick!"
>Slick smiles happily at his friend and opens his mouth to greet him back.
>>"Hi, Car-"
>"Your manecut looks like somepony took a hacksaw to it."
>You bury your face into your hooves to stop yourself from guffawing.
>Stupid Ponyville ancestry; you'll NEVER get rid of that country bumpkin laugh.
>You risk it a little bit and peek past your hooves.
>Slick looks like someone just told him that a mare slapped his father right on the taint.
>He takes a step back and sputters, outraged, before glaring at his (likely former) friend, Caramel.
>>"What?!"
>"I said," Caramel shouts cheerfully, voice echoing through the open door of your shop and into the bustling crowd of shopping ponies, "YOUR MANECUT LOOKS LIKE SOMEPONY TOOK A HACKSAW TO IT!"
>Slick looks outraged.
>>"H-How DARE you!"
>The situation between Slick and a (rather confused-looking) Caramel devolves into a slap-fight.
>Pretty quickly, a small gathering of mares form, and you can hear them shouting words of encouragement; some hope to see balls, and others hope that one will accidentally kiss the other.
>Petty?
>Yes.
>Useful?
>No.
>Do you care?
>Not even a little bit.
>Because now that you're watching it, you've really got to admit that a catfight between 






>anon shows up inna equestria
>for some reason he gains the ability to do the majique
>having literally 0 knowledge on how to use it, he gets taken by twi under her wing, her seeing his potential (for a good houseband)
>of course, anon actually excedes expetations and starts becoming pretty well versed in spellcraft relatively fast
>he always had a fixation with time, so he experiments a lot with time spells
>fast foward spells, slow down spells, time travel, paradoxes, you name it he's probably tried it at least once
>then he decides to make his own spell
>keeps it secret from twi to try snd surprise her and show her that she should take him more seriously
>one day when she's walking through the castle halls, anon just shows up and tells her he came up with a way to stop time indefenetly
>she doesn't believe him, so he demonstrates
>charges up the spell, there a bright flash and the next second he's gone
>then she hears screams of joy coming from down the hall
>she quickly runs to the source only to find a bearded, unwashed anon howling like a lunatic
>upon noticing her, he immediately charges her...only to bring her into a hug
>the spell was a success, if a little too successful
>turns out he forgot to come up with a way to start the time back up
>it took him 6 months to figure it out
"Do you have any idea how hard it is to cook with time stopped fire?
Or how hard it is to wash yourself with or drink time stopped water?
I haven't shaved in 5 months twi and haven't bathed in 4!
I just stopped trying after a while!
Anyway, i'll go take a shower and hit the bed, if rainbow shows up, i'm not here"
>then he teleports away from her
>a few moments later a rainbow blur passes her vision and she's face to face with the dash herself
>her mane's completely shaved along with her tail
>"Bucking colts...