Part 1
>Sunday, Day 5 on weird human planet
>You are Spike
>And you have run out of things to do
>So you’ve settled for staring at the ceiling
>You can’t go outside because dragons aren’t supposed to be a thing around here
>You can’t stand being inside because you can only play pretend with action figures for so long before you realize how silly you look, and half the time when you ask to play a board game everyone is too busy
>And Twilight only needs your help some of the time, so you’re not even consistently busy
>Eliza showed you the “TV” a few days after you got here because she noticed you were bored
>It’s like a little movie theater that never stops playing stuff
>It sounded like a good idea, but it didn’t help much
>Most of the really good stuff is on so late that you aren’t awake enough to pay attention to it
>Most of the stuff they have on during the day isn’t interesting at all

>“Soap operas,” they’re called
>More like “no-watch-ya’s,” am I right? Am I?
>Work on the delivery
>Tough crowd.
>Work on the rest of the joke too, it stunk
>Everyone’s a critic.


>Twi’s moved down to the basement because Jake wanted his room back and Jon cleaned up an old desk and workbench he had down there
>Every now and then she has you get something from upstairs or asks for some help, but she’s mostly reading and taking notes by herself

>There is just nothing to DO here
>There are books.
>I noticed
>You didn’t read all of them.
>Most of them were ‘read to learn stuff’ books or long complicated story books
>And it’s pretty clear that you didn’t learn anything from ‘The Pretty Good Joke Book’
>What is a Swede, anyway? And how do you even pronounce that? Sweh-deh? Sweedee?
>Sweetie Belle
>Rarity
>Thank you for reminding me of who I haven’t seen in forever
>You’re welcome. Now go find some books.
>But all the books here are boring
>Doing nothing is more boring. Go to Jake’s room and get a book.
>You’re going to keep bugging me about this, aren’t you
>Boooooooks.
>Fine, just go away
>Okay, but you better find something to read by the time I get back.


>You get up from your boredom-sprawl in the living room and tug the string around the doorknob
>As you walk inside, you see Jake do something with that silver box thing
>He sits down in the big leather spinny chair and starts doing something with that little TV on his desk
>You’re not sure what he’s doing, but he looks like he’s enjoying himself
>You sit and watch
>After a while, he turns to you
>“What is it?”
“Oh, nothing. Just wondering what you’re doing.”
>“I’m playing a videogame.”
“A whatnow?”
>”A videogame.”
“What’s a videogame?”
>“It’s… actually, let me show you.”
>He gets up and fishes something out of the drawers near the bed
>It’s a black rectangular thing, a smaller gray rectangular thing, and a gray
>I don’t think there’s even a name for that shape
>It’s like three bananas fused together.
>“Follow me. I’m going to set this up in the living room for you.”
>You follow him and he puts the things on the floor
>He attaches them together and puts a cord into the wall light making thing and another cord into the TV
>He turns the TV on, fiddles around with it until it says ‘VIDEO 1’ 
>He pushes something on the black rectangle and gives you the whatever shaped thing
>The TV is showing words like nintubo 64
>This show is even more boring than the others
>“It’sa me, Mario!”
>Okay, maybe not

>Now there’s some floating head with a red hat looking out of the TV
>“Push that red button.”

>Uhhh
>Oh, he means on the banana thing


>You push the red button labeled ‘START’
>Now the TV is showing some yellow thing
>Jake kneels down next to you
>“Here, hold the controller like this.”
“Okay.”
>He shifts your claws around so you can push more buttons without moving
>“Now use this stick to move the glove onto the gray bit there and press the ‘A’ button.”
>A picture of a glove moves around the TV as you tilt part of the controlthing and you move it to where he’s pointing
>It takes you a moment to find the ‘A’ button
>You push it

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uBmcqHfy2p4
(Youtube link: The intro cutscene to Super Mario 64)

>The TV is showing a movie or something with a lady sending a letter and a turtle with a camera flying around a castle on a cloud
>Some guy dressed in red and blue jumps out of a pipe in the ground
>It looks like the same guy who was a floating head a minute ago
>Now it’s showing some words
>“Make sure to read when it shows you text. It’s usually important.”
>Press this button to do that, press that button to do this
>You look down at the controller to see which ones it means
>You press the A and B button and it shows you some more instructions
>Maybe this is like a pinball machine or arcade game or something
>”Okay, now move Mario over to the other sign there and press A to read it.”
>You tilt the stick towards the sign and the guy moves towards it
>More instructions


>Read, memorize, move on
>“Now go over to the bridge to the castle and through the front door.”
>Flying camera turtle stops you and tells you how to use more buttons

>This is turning into a glorified book

>Jake notices that you look impatient
>“That was the last set of instructions for now. Go in the castle, talk to the guy on the left, then go through the door all the way to the left.”
>More text after you enter
>Some guy laughs at you, some short guy who looks like a mushroom tells you a princess was kidnapped and is inside a painting or something

>At least the story is picking up
>Better than nothing

>You go through the door Jake points you to
>“Now jump towards the painting, then press A.”

>Okay, kind of weird, but he seems like he knows what he’s talking about

>You do as he says
>Now Mario is in the middle of a field with a cannon firing
>Some red bomb guy talks to you and says to go fight a king bomb guy on a mountain


>Hey, I’m back again. You got that book, right?
>Jake just gave us this arcade game thing
>You mean like one of those wood and iron machines with the gears and stuff or a carnival game or something? I don’t remember seeing those around the house.
>Dude, just watch for a second
>…
>That’s way better than a book! Why didn’t you have me come back sooner?
>It was a bunch of reading a second ago
>It was kind of boring and I wasn’t sure if that was all it was
>Well now we know it ain’t. Ring the bell, school’s about to be in session!
>It’s the weekend
>Shut up.



Part 2
>You are Twilight Sparkle
>You insisted on giving Jake his room back because you didn’t want to be a bother
>So the humans cleaned up the basement and brought a mattress and bedframe down there for you
>It’s a quiet place to lay down and think, as you’re doing right now
>Not exactly luxury accommodations
>But this was your choice, and they did keep mentioning that someone might see you if you stay near the windows like you did on Jake’s bed
>There’s a small window that lets in some light and a door that they said goes straight to the backyard
>Or so you’re told, since your magic still isn’t strong enough for telekinesis and doorknobs are slippery
>And even then, Eliza said “we don’t know how the world would react to finding a real dragon and unicorn-pegasus,” so going outside might not be a wise choice
>You corrected them to ‘alicorn,’ but Jake seems to be the only one who is in the habit of referring to you as that now
>The ‘mashup’ of a pegasus, unicorn, and earth pony seems to be something that isn’t in their mythology
>Humans seem to have lamps enchanted to produce light on demand in every room
>There’s one on the ceiling that activates and deactivates when you tug on its string in your new bedroom/study
>Enchantments like those aren’t common back home, but not unheard of


>What is unheard of is projector-less movie screens that don’t require constant magical control, ‘tele-phones’ that you’re told can project someone’s voice to any of the millions of other ‘tele-phones’ of one’s choosing around the world, and ‘radios’ that convert ‘radio waves’ from hundreds of miles away into sound
>It just seems strange that they have so many things in their house that are enchanted, but they haven’t even mentioned magic, let alone used any in your presence
>There’s an oscilloscope down here that’s the size of a briefcase, for Celestia’s sake
>You’ve met scientists that would kill to know how to make enchantment-powered machines that small and complicated
>And that’s saying something, since Equestria is known for its almost nonexistent amount of murders-per-capita
>There are just so many things you don’t understand about this place
>You don’t understand how you got here instead of going to your library
>You don’t understand how they know your language, and when you asked the humans they asked how you know their language
>You don’t understand how a society could deplore war and show charity, but keep fighting wars and writing stories about the glories of being an accomplished warrior
>You don’t understand this world
>And that only makes you want to understand it more


>According to that ancient mythology, ‘gods’ sometimes took on disguises and asked to stay at people’s houses, and they would be favored by the ‘gods’ if they were good hosts or punished for rejecting them
>It seems like a clever way of encouraging kindness to strangers
>Maybe that’s why they took you in?
>You and Spike do resemble things from human mythology, like Jake said
>You’d sent a letter to Celestia earlier today about your findings about this part of human culture, as well as that book
>Half an hour ago, you’d received a reply that was less than enthusiastic
>The reply told you that, “Although what humans may believe about us is interesting, the researchers who have gathered at Canterlot to study your findings about humans would prefer something which is of greater importance to modern human society”
>It’s flattering to know that this is a big deal to everypony back home, but they could have been more polite
>And more specific
>You could keep studying human cultures and try to comprehend the paradoxes of their ethics
>You could move on to studying human history and try to find context for all this fighting
>Or you could study the magic this species uses so frequently
>…let’s go with magic
>That’s not even a contest if the CSGU faculty and Court Unicorns may potentially find a way to bring you back tomorrow
>That’s not an optimistic delusion
>It could happen
>Maybe, if they’re lucky


>Okay, fine, that is your little optimistic delusion
>But the possibility that they could fail is enough to make you homesick
>You’d received letters from your family two days ago
>Your friends’ letters are probably still in the mail
>Dad, mom, and Cadence were worried for you and hoped you could come home soon
>Shining tried to encourage you to do your best, no matter what happens
>He might be one of the youngest stallions to hold the title of Captain of the Royal Guard, one of the most public positions in Equestria’s military, but you know he’s still a boy at heart
>If he was anything else, he wouldn’t write something that sappy
>You gave him a well-deserved nudge in the ribs in the reply letter to him
>The last three letters you got from him were a continued exchange of playful name calling
>It’s something to keep your spirits up and remind you of home
>Spike seems to be enjoying it more than anything else he’s been doing here because it gives him a chance to be creative when he’s helping you brainstorm retorts
>Other than sending letters and finding books for you, you haven’t found a good way to keep him occupied


>One of the advantages of your new study (aside from having a desk that has enough clear space to write on) is that you can hear most of what’s happening in the house through the floor
>You can’t hear it very clearly, but you can usually tell who is speaking and where they are
>It sounds like Spike and Jake are doing something together in the living room right now
>Whatever it is, Spike sounds excited
>Well, you were going to need to get a book about magic anyway
>You head upstairs to check on the commotion
>They’re doing something with the ‘tele-vision’
>It looks like Spike is controlling what happens on the screen with some gray object in his claws
>He’s moving an oddly-proportioned human around and making him do acrobatics
>These enchantments are ridiculously good
“Jake, do you have any books about magic?”
>“I think there’s a small one on the second lowest shelf on the bookshelf about halfway to the left. I’m not sure it’s what you’re looking for. It’s just kids’ stuff.”
“Anything will do as long as it’s the right subject. I’ll go look for it.”


>You go into his room and start sorting through the lower shelves
>‘Magic Eye’
>No, that’s a book of depth perception illusions, not actual magic
>Huh, this picture looks like a teapot when you cross your eyes
>It’s impressive that an artist could make an image so precisely that it creates the illusion, but that’s not what you want
>‘Houdini’s Guide to Magic’
>…no, that can’t be it
>There’s no actual spell casting, just where to hide things to make it seem as though they’ve disappeared or were summoned and some card counting techniques
>There doesn’t seem to be anything else about magic
>There wasn’t a section for magic in the encyclopedia, so you assumed they’d have a separate book
>But there isn’t one
>This is getting nowhere


>You may as well just ask
>You go back out to the living room
>Now Spike is making the oddly proportioned human do acrobatics to dodge a large living slab of stone that’s trying to jump on top of the him/her/it
>You trot up beside them and watch for a moment
>You point to the object Spike is using to control the ‘tele-vison’
“Jake, would you mind explaining how some of these devices work?”
>“You’d do better to ask Jon. He has a degree in engineering and can probably explain better than I could.”
>If he says so
>Through the hall, past the kitchen
>Eliza is working on some papers at the dinner table instead of using those two rectangles
>You peek into the office
>Jon is standing at a desk that appears to be homemade with three screens active at the same time
>Yeah, he seems to know what he’s doing


“Excuse me, Jon?”
>“Hmm?”
“Jake said you’d be the one to ask about how some of these things around the house function. Do you have a moment?”
>“I’m not doing anything I can’t interrupt. What do you want to know?”
>Where to start?
“Jake gave me a quick explanation of how the ‘micro-wave’ works earlier this week. Would you mind going into detail about it for me so I can take some notes?”
>“Sure, it-“
“I meant that we’d go down to the basement. I don’t have any paper here.”
>“Oh, right.”
>You lead him down to your new abode, which were previously his disused workbenches
>You motion towards a stool as you sit down at a chair at your desk, taking up a quill and blank sheet of paper
“So, how does this ‘micro-wave’ machine work?”
>“Well, you may have noticed that the window into the microwave has a metal sheet with a large number of small holes.”
“I did.”
>You scribble out what he says along with your responses
>“There is also another perforated area inside the microwave oven that has a lot of holes next to eachother, which are larger than the ones in the window.”
“I couldn’t see that from my angle. Please continue.”


>“The reason for this is that the microwaves have a wavelength and frequency that is just small enough to come through the larger holes but too large to pass through the holes in the window. If I remember correctly, it should be about two and a half gigahertz frequency and one hundred twenty millimeters wavelength.”
>He’s getting into an arcane and theoretical area of your knowledge
>Get every word exactly as he says them
>This could be a breakthrough
“Would you tell me more about the exact composition of these ‘micro-waves?’”
>“Microwaves are part of the spectrum of energy between 300 megahertz and 300 gigahertz frequency and between 1 millimeter and one meter wavelength, which the microwave oven creates using a magnetron.”
>That’s a word you don’t recognize
>You ask how to spell it, then continue
“Right, so you keep saying that ‘micro-waves’ are a form of energy. What type of energy is this?”
>“Electromagnetic radiation.”
“Which is composed of what, exactly?”
>He’s looking at you sideways
>“It’s composed of photonic radiation from electrons.”
>What could light energy have to do with this?
“What are ‘electrons,’ how are they related to magnets, and how do they radiate photons?”
>Now he’s looking at you as if you asked him whether fish swim
>That’s a poor analogy because they actually might not swim, or even exist, on this planet
>You make a mental note to look through the section of the encyclopedia on aquatic life later
>“You should get some more paper. This might take a while.”



Part 3
>Day 7, 3:03pm here
>You are Twilight Sparkle
>You’ve been here a week
>‘Here’ is a bit ambiguous
>Which way to Equestria is more ambiguous
>How you get there from ‘here’ is more ambiguous still
>How you managed to get yourself ‘here’ may be a question you’re asking yourself for the rest of your life
>To be specific, ‘here’ is the basement of a one story dwelling which is owned by a family of a primate species that was presumed extinct who have allowed you and your assistant to appropriate a small amount of their home for your studies and habitation
>As Spike might put it, ‘those weird human things gave us a room, a bed, and a couple desks’
>And for two days, you have not left this room for anything except hygiene, sustenance, or getting more paper


>The only things aside from study that you pay attention to are your bodily functions
>First thing in the morning: stretching, test magical ability, shower, breakfast
>You’re making progress on that second one
>You’ve gotten a page of your notes to float, but you can’t keep it airborne for more than ten seconds
>Encouraging, but yesterday you tried lifting a sheet of paper that the humans gave to you when you started running out of your own
>Physically, it seemed to be nearly identical in mass and volume
>But you could barely get it off the desk
>Trying to lift it for ten seconds would knock you out
>It was like your magic slowed down around it, as if the page was coated in grease that you had to push through to hold the paper and it sprang back wherever you gave it slack
>It wasn’t like anything you’d encountered before
>You tried lifting another piece of paper to confirm this, and it behaved just the same
>It warrants further testing, but not today
>This is too important
>This is revolutionary


>When you received the reply from Equestria regarding your new topic of study, Celestia claimed that the researchers were “awaiting your findings with bated breath”
>You can’t blame them for that
>Noone had been able to prove their theory of matter like this
>The human theory of matter just makes so much sense
>Speculation can make sense, but this is hard evidence
>This is the key to how everything works
>‘Subatomic particles’
>It would take hundreds of consecutive years of alchemical research for a single pony to learn as much as you’re learning now
>Celestia and Luna have a country to run, and you’re not sure whether you’re capable of going through with age spells as regularly as they have, or if you even want to
>It guarantees a consistent government and direction, but along with regulating planetary rotation, it consumes enormous amounts of magical energy
>Sun and moon help whatever they deem important enough to allow themselves to age naturally and leave the world to its own momentum
>They certainly didn’t help Discord much
>On the topic of magic, you haven’t seen a single reference to it in Jake’s old chemistry workbook or the encyclopedia
>It’s beginning to affect your concentration
>Nothing about magic
>But there are all of these things that would logically be controlled by enchantments
>That’s something that doesn’t make sense
>...One thing at a time


>Or not
>Your mind keeps wandering
>Perfect timekeeping enchantments, but no spellcasting and no mention of magic
>It makes no sense
>You need to ask before you drive yourself mad
>Out of the chair, up the stairs
>Spike looks away from the super Mario thing long enough to notice you and call to Jake that you’re coming out of the basement at an odd time
>Jake gets to the door of his room in time to see you receding down the hallway and comment to Spike about the ‘cave of knowledge’ or some such nonsense
>Through the kitchen
>Eliza isn’t there during the day on weekdays because she’s teaching
>Jon is in his office with the door open, as usual
“Jon.”
>“That’s me.”
>Very funny
“Not in the mood for jokes. I’ve been thinking about how we got sidetracked and you didn’t tell me everything about the microwave oven. It’s gotten distracting. I’d like you to explain something quickly.”
>“So do you want to start where we left off?”
“I’d like you to start with how the clock and timer work. What sort of enchantment does it use?”
>He’s giving you that look harder than ever before
>“I thought you said you weren’t in the mood for jokes.”
“I’m not. Please, just tell me what spell was cast on it.”


>He’s giving you that look even harder, somehow
>He crosses his arms in front of himself
>“You’re talking about magic like it’s a real thing. But I’m talking to a purple pegasus-unicorn,”
“Alicorn.”
>“-so at this point I don’t know what I shouldn’t believe.”
>You’re right there with him
>Aside from that unconscious correction you made, you don’t know what to say
>Not real?
>That’s ridiculous
>Wait
>The paper being difficult to affect with magic
>Nothing about spells in ‘magic’ books
>The mythology book saying that it is entirely fiction 
>As much as you want it not to, it all makes sense
“There isn’t magic here?”
>“That’s what I’m saying. It’s something from fantasy novels and movies.”
>This world just got creepy
>It’s so familiar, but it’s off just enough to be disturbing
>So much of it is the same, but so much of what you know is a construct of fiction to these humans
>A third of the bestiary at your library 
>And now your calling in life is too?
“There’s really no magic?”
>“No.”
“Seriously?”
>“Seriously.”
“You’re lying.”


“If magic isn’t real, then how could it work?”
>“Did you get up to the section about ionization in that book?”
“Yes, why?”
>“Do you understand how electrical currents work?”
“Somewhat, but I’m not sure what you’re getting at.”
>“Imagine a water pump that pushes water into canals that branch and split, but all of its paths lead back to the pump. There are paddle wheels in the canals that can use the currents of water to turn the gears of a machine. If you were to plug parts of the canal system, only some of the paddle wheels would receive power and the machine would move differently. Some of the plugs are connected by pulleys so that other plugs are placed or removed when you plug or unplug certain canals. The more parts of the canals that aren’t plugged, the less power each individual paddle wheel receives.”
“So… the same could hypothetically be done with electricity?”
>“You got it. Replace canals with electrical conductors and plugs with gaps in the conductors that can be switched open and shut, and you have an electrical circuit.”


“I’m trying to wrap my head around all this.”
>“The light switches around the house are the simplest illustration of the concept. Switch on; circuit completes through the light bulb and converts electrical energy into light. Switch off; the current doesn’t reach the bulb and nothing happens beyond the point of disconnection.”
“No, I think I understand the concept, but how many switches would you need for a clock?”
>“I think it’s fifteen. That’s relatively few compared to the computer I have here.”
“How many does that have?”
>“There are one billion in the central processor alone.”
“What are ‘computers’ used for?”
>“Math, art, design, construction, entertainment, work… I couldn’t even begin to tell you if we had an hour.”
“How long have these ‘computers’ existed?”
>“The first one was invented around the year 1940. It didn’t even have a fraction of the processing power or data storage this one has and occupied more space than we have in this house.”
“What year is it now?”
>“2013.”
>Exactly a millennium and a decade ahead of the Equestrian calendar?
>What event is their calendar’s beginning based on?
“Relative to what?”
>“Relative to the birth of Jesus Christ.”
“Who is that?”
>“He was a philosopher that claimed he was the son of god.”
“Which one? Zeus had a lot of children, so I don’t see what would make him special if he’s Zeus’s son.”
>“Not one of the Greek and Roman gods. This is a different one, separate from that mythos.”
“What do you mean?”
>“The story is based on actual events, for one thing. How much it embellished them is arguable.”
“And the Greco-Roman mythology wasn’t?”
>“Almost all of it was totally made up. It's still debatable as to whether Troy was a real place.”
“So manticores, hydras, and magic are-”


>“Is that where you got the idea of magic?”
“No! I was teleporting to my house but I ended up here instead! It is real!”
>“You’re telling me you took apart every proton, electron, and neutron of yourself and all the things you had with you and put them back together perfectly in a different location, all without knowing what those are? I have no idea if you’re a poor liar or you really believe that. I’ve never seen anything that proves magic is real.”
“How else could I have gotten here?”
>“I don’t know, but that’s a lack of contrary evidence, not evidence in itself.”
“That spell exhausted me, but I’m getting more magic back every day. I’ll be able to show you soon.”
>“I’m going to have to hold you to that.”
“I should get back to my studies for now.”
>That raised a lot more questions than it answered
>You’re going to have to discard an entire theory about how Helios’ magic would work with the solar-centric model of astronomy
>Studying doesn’t happen without a student
>Back to work


>Darn it, all you’ve done is replaced one distraction with another
>You get down to the basement and take a seat at the desk
>You start writing a letter to get the thoughts onto paper and out of your mind

Dear Princess Celestia,
I have made an unexpected discovery. These human creatures claim that magic is an entirely
fictional concept to them, but not a foreign one. I have every reason to believe them. All texts I could
find about magic appear to be about card tricks and similar fake magic, and objects from this world
seem to be surrounded by an aura that makes influencing them with magic significantly more difficult.
Devices which I had assumed to be powered by complicated enchantments and stored magical energy
appear to be workarounds of equal physical complexity. I am continuing my research on their theory of
matter, as I believe that an understanding of this will be essential to further study of these machines.
I am slowly recovering my magical ability and can perform basic telekinesis spells again, but do not yet
feel that I would be able to provide a convincing demonstration to them.

Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle



Part 4
>You are Spike
>You’re actually content to be here
>Jake’s been pretty cool
>He gave you a video game thingy
>Sometimes he sits and plays it with you and now you have something to talk about with him
>He said that this was one of the first ones he got as a kid, and he’s going to show you all of the good ones he has once you’re done with this one
>It’s pretty fun, and he said he was surprised at how good you are for someone who hadn’t played this before

>No big deal. It’s not too different from those clockwork arcade machines back home. 
>I try to be modest, even if I am totally awesome.
>Which I am.
>So good.
>Are you gonna take this jump, or what
>Oh yeah. Cave with a bottomless pit and a lot of boulders rolling around.

>Run, crouch, ju-
>*BURRRP*

>Why? Why did this have to happen now?
>This can be saved
>Keep jumping up the slope
>Mario’s sliding too fast!
>Don’t stop, you can do this
>I’m losing it!
>I’M LOSING IT!
>Aaaand now I’ve lost it.
>Dangit.
>Well, we have a message to deliver and we don’t even need to pause to do it
>What happened to all that pessimism from last week?
>Whoa, it really has been a week


>You go to the edge of the stairs with the scroll
>This one has a postage seal from four days ago instead of the royal seal
>Can’t be anything too private
>You unroll it

Dear Twilight and Spike,
We were so worried when we heard that you disappeared. It’s good to hear you’re okay, even if you
might not be coming back for a while. We are doing what we can to get those due books back for you so
when return, you won’t need to run about getting them yourself. The other townsponies are upset that
we didn’t keep the library open, but we’re not used to your sorting system.

Stay safe,
Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, and Fluttershy

>Oh okay, it was for you
>There are some personal messages in the margins
>Rarity says hello to you specifically and asks if there’s anything you or Twi need from home
>Fluttershy is taking care of Owloysious while you’re gone
>Dash is forgiving Twi for missing that demo she planned
>Pinkie wants you to do something nice for Jake’s birthday
>Applejack says that she knows you can get through this okay
>Twilight is at the top of the stairs
>Wait, what


>“So, what is it?”
“It’s a letter from our friends in Ponyville.”
>You turn the letter around so she can read it
>You follow her eyes as she reads through it
>She stops at one point and her expression goes from pleasantly surprised to regular surprised
“Is something wrong?”
>“No, uh, I- I just misread something. Anyway, I was coming up to have you send this.”
>She holds a letter out in her hoof
>She’s getting better at not using her magic
>You take it and *Fwoosh* it
>“Jake, when is your birthday?”
>“I’m planning to celebrate it the weekend after this one. Why?”
>“No real reason. Just trying to figure out what traditions are common here.”
>Twilight heads back downstairs
>Back to video games?
>Yes, back to video games
>You sit down again and make Mario jump into the pool of stuff
>Doo doo doot do dee do~

>Go left, long jump, through the door, go right, squish spider thingy, kick the bat in the face, go left…
>And now we’re back here again. You sure Mario can make this jump?
>If you time it right
>You had it fine until that letter got in the way
>I don’t think there’s a way around this gap, either
>If you say so. Let’s-a go.
>Run, crouch, jump…
>Huh. That was shorter than it looked.
>I could make a joke about that, but I won’t
>What’s that supposed to mean?
>You’ll figure it out later
>Okay, do you see those gaps in the wall with the coins in them
>Yup.
>I think the boulders won’t hit Mario there
>On it.
>Dodge Tom #1, and-
>*BUrRrP*


>-and Mario is in the pit again.
>Alright, new rule. Every time a letter gets in the way, we read it if we think we won’t get in trouble.
>I’m fine with that
>You undo the royal seal


Twilight Sparkle,
My sister has been in the habit of reading your letters aloud to the researchers who wish to
study your findings about humans prior to copying and distributing them. She began reading your
latest letter moments ago. It seems to have sparked what could be described as a riot amongst the
majority of the researchers present, who are claiming your findings to be impossible or too outlandish to
believe. Celestia is attempting to calm the crowd and Discord is on hoof replacing thrown objects with
tennis balls while teleporting those objects safely aside. We will notify you when we are ready to receive
letters again.

I should go. My assistance is needed.
Princess Luna

>…
>You go back to the top of the basement stairs
“Twilight, what in the name of blood red rubies was that letter about?!



Part 5
>Day 3 +1 week on Earth, kitchen of Addams household, Thursday, 6:38am local time 
>Exact time of arrival and current time and date by Equestrian calendar not yet determined
>You are Twilight Sparkle
>You’re at the same table as an ape that teaches calculus eating oatmeal and sipping cups of berry tea that were heated by rotating their molecules
>You still don’t totally understand how a microwave oven works
>‘Dielectric heating’ is easy enough to understand
>It’s like having a powerful magnet move back and forth over a bunch of other magnets to make them spin around and bump into eachother, just smaller and with more magnets
>Humans seem to believe magnets have nothing to do with gravity, potentially discounting centuries’ worth of knowledge
>Come to think of it, gravitational energy wasn’t even in the index of the workbook you’re studying from
>One thing at a time
>Soon, you’re going to blow the collective mind of Equestria’s
>No, of the world’s scientific community
>Or start another riot
>It might be possible for a society to function entirely without active or passive magic
>It’s just… different
>And no civilization on record has done it, even on a small scale
>This place is weird
>As a side note, you just looked up that there are indeed fish that swim on this planet, which is called ‘Earth’


>Not very inspired, but it seems logical to name a planet after the defining characteristics of its composition, e.g. being a ball of dirt and stone
>You’d have chosen Ferrous Oxide and Uninhabitable Pressurized Acidic Mixture On Top Of Jagged Rocks for this planet’s neighbors in order to be consistent
>You weren’t around for that and instead they were named after a ‘god’ of war and a ‘god’ of love
>You’re not sure if the irony of ‘Mars’ being composed of the same material as weapons that have crumbled into dust and ‘Venus’ being lethality in planetary form occurred to the humans that chose to name them after representations of war and love, respectively
>Maybe it was a clerical error, and the two got switched accidentally
>Going back to biology, the ‘radio’ news is talking about cardinals who want to be the leader of some international group called ‘Cat Licks’
>The seemingly arbitrary nature of what animals are and aren’t common between this planet and your home planet was getting on your nerves as it was, but now the “humans are the only sentient species here” rule may be arbitrary as well


>You’ve been studying miscellaneous topics whenever you found enough spare time to dedicate to them
>This seems miscellaneous enough
“What are they talking about on the ‘radio?’”
>“It’s a pretty big event. The leader of the Catholic Church resigned for the first time in 600 years.”
“I’m sure it is, but I don’t understand why they’re talking about birds.”
>“No, it’s just that the highest ranking Clergy members wear red uniforms. It’s a nickname, but also an official title. They’re in charge of the regional affairs of the church and choosing which of them becomes the next Pope to lead the church.”
“Oh.”
>Potential logical/biological crisis averted
“So what does the ‘Catholic Church’ do?”
>“They have places of worship all over the planet. Catholic Christianity is one of the major religions, along with other types of Christianity, Islam, and Hinduism.”
>That first book about mythology mentioned that it was a ‘religion’
>This probably has something to do with ‘gods’ again


“Okay, but what are they worshiping?”
>“Catholicism is one of the branches of Abrahamic religion, along with Judaism and Islam. They all worship the same god and have similar morals, but call that god by different names and place varying levels of importance on the prophets. Christianity focuses mainly on Jesus Christ.”
>This might actually be helpful to your studies
>Jon said a bunch of things about human culture that had been distracting you
>You’d been wondering why Jesus had been important enough to mark the beginning of an era
>That’s in addition to your own lack of understanding of human ethics nagging for attention
“Prophets? You mean like the ones for oracles?”
>“The ones I’m talking about claimed to be the intermediary between the Abrahamic god and humankind and were the spiritual leader of their peoples.”
“Does the Pope has a similar role to prophets?”
>“In a way, I suppose.”
“Does he speaks to this ‘god?’”
>“No. If we were living in more superstitious times, I would have said unequivocally that he does. It might have even been a crime not to in those times.”


“They set laws? I thought that they were an organization, not a country.”
>“They aren’t. There was about a millennium when they were so established that they were essentially controlling the politics of all the countries in Europe, but that ended around 500 years ago.”
“What happened?”
>“Europeans discovered the printing press, making news and the bible easier to get. People could get their own copy of the bible and started hearing about how priests and cardinals were willing to absolve people of their wrongs in exchange for large contributions to the church, and other corrupt and abusive practices. There were calls for reform, but by the time those reforms occurred there were already Protestant branches of Christianity that refused to accept the authority of the Catholic Clergy.”
>‘Bible’
>That was the title of a book on Jake’s bookshelf
“I was thinking of studying history sometime. How much would you say ‘Christianity’ influences human culture?”
>“Abrahamic religions have been a major influence on western and middle-eastern culture for about 8000 years. Other religions have various levels of cultural impact depending on where you are.”
“I guess that gives me a bit more required reading.”


>“About that; I think you’re working too hard. You get up at the same time as I do, study all day, and go to bed after I do. I’ve seen what this does to people.”
“Well, I bet you haven’t seen what it does to ponies.”
>“I don’t want to. I’ve seen enough students burn themselves out to know what that can cause.”
>She glances towards the wall clock
>“I should get going. Just remember to relax once in a while, okay?”
“Don’t worry. I know my limits.”
>She takes a purse and ‘backpack’ and heads out the door, and there’s the rumble of a ‘car’ departing shortly afterwards
>You have a bit of regret for making that defensive quip
>She definitely hasn’t seen what it does to ponies
>But she has a point
>You have been working quite hard
>It’s an old habit
>You don’t stop until you’re done
>And your little optimistic delusion makes you worry that you’ll have to leave before you’re done here


>Literally an entire world of information to take in, and only months, maybe weeks, maybe days until you’re going to leave
>Possibly without any warning
>The updates sent to you regarding the CSGU/Court Unicorn team’s progress said that “the lack of magic on this planet, if it is truly lacking magic, could actually benefit our efforts”
>It should be simple enough to locate you, relative to Equestria and your home planet, by casting magic detection spells skyward to find a source of magic where there was none before
>Once they figure out the ‘where,’ then they get to the ‘how’
>If they find a ‘how’
>And they will, you’ve been assured
>Then ideally you’d be able to choose when you could return, or even come and go at your leisure
>In the worst case, you’d suddenly find yourself amongst cheering ponies and won’t have the will to cheer with them
>But it’s home, and you miss those familiar faces
>Shining Armor said “a bookworm shouldn’t be in the sky with all those birds that could eat you”
>You said “you only have good posture because you missed the ‘at ease’ order after your first inspection”


>The reply letter to your friends was a simple “don’t worry, I’m fine” with apologies to Dash and a thank you to Fluttershy
>You asked Rarity for something to keep you warm while you study and a few of your spellbooks
>You acknowledged Pinkie’s unerring social sense and told Applejack you hope she’s right
>You still don’t understand what they meant
>Now that you can hear the ‘radio’ clearly, you hear that the ‘cardinal’ they’re talking about was presiding over ‘priests’ that were charged with sexual molestation against children
>You don’t understand how this ‘Shonnomalli’ person could be in high standing in a group that’s supposed to be spreading morals, yet look the other way when the ‘priests’ under him were committing crimes against the dignity of children
>The ‘radio’ just said something about how ‘priests’ take a strict vow of abstinence
>That would explain part of it
>That doesn’t make it right, but it makes sense
>The ‘radio’ news is rather depressing
>The weather report seems totally out of control
>The economy sounds like it used to be better
>National government can’t agree long enough to avoid passing a deadline they set for themselves
>There’s a sexual scandal involving ‘priests’
>The program also refers to a massacre that occurred a few months ago
>There are wars, multiple wars, and they speak of international politics as if the next is just a shot away
>Dang, that song was catchy
>At least they seem to know it’s all wrong
>But it’s still happening



Part 6
>Year 21, day ‘about a week from my birthday,’ 8:28am on Earth
>You are Jake Addams
>You got your bed back
>This is a good thing
>You have a couple of creatures living in your house that aren’t supposed to exist, and nobody who isn’t living here can be allowed to know of them
>This is a bad thing
>Your neighbor built a fence last year and you have enough bushes around to obscure most of the windows
>This is a good thing
>You still might get guests
>This is a bad thing
>They’re from a TV show that you like
>This is a good thing
>You can’t let them know that because it might end badly
>This is a bad thing
>The one you were most worried about seems not to be as powerful as you expected
>This is a good thing
>She’s ‘getting more magic back every day,’ according to Jon
>This is a bad thing
>You might break it to them now, when it’s less risky
>That might make telling them a good idea
>Twilight seems to be homesick and still might not take it well
>That might make telling them a bad idea
>Spike told you that they may not be stuck here forever, meaning you might only need to hide this from them for a definite period of time
>This is a good thing
>That definite period of time doesn’t have a definite end date
>This is a bad thing
>Spike is pretty bro, and he’s a pinball wizard at Super Mario 64
>This is a good thing
>Twilicorn is irrevocably canon, and real, and your bed still smells a little like lavender, old paper, and hay
>This is a
>Nope
>Not touching that one


>Your alarm is going off
>This is as normal as life gets every day
>Waking up to what you still assume to be your ‘Generation Stuck college kid with no direction’ life
>And then, like yesterday, and the day before that, and the days before those, you remember
>And then you get up and try to live as normally as you can, despite that
>There’s a pony and a dragon living downstairs, but other than that, surprisingly little has changed
>It’s becoming routine
>You dress
>You brush your teeth
>You go to eat breakfast
>Someone left the radio on NPR, which is doing a roundtable discussion about some angle of the Newtown school shooting that you’re pretty sure they already covered
>Twilight is in the kitchen
>Weird, she usually starts studying before you’re even awake
>It looks like she finished her breakfast, so it can’t be that
>She looks preoccupied
>You grab her spoon and empty bowl from the table to get her attention
“Good morning. Is something wrong?”
>“No. I’m fine.”
>Bullshit, she doesn’t want to talk about something


>You and put the bowl and spoon in the sink for later
>You decide to prod
“You don’t look like you’re fine.”
>“I’ve just been thinking.”
>Okay, she’s not shutting you out
>Stick with the prod
“Thinking about anything in particular?”
>“It’s just that this place is so… unsettling.”
“Not the house, you mean.”
>“No, I’m okay with living here for a while. It’s not like I have a choice in how long I stay. It’s just what I’ve been hearing and reading.”
“Such as?”
>“Earth is just so familiar. It’s like my home, but it’s off. There are all these similarities but just enough that doesn’t match to make it uncomfortable. How could it all be the same, yet so different?”
>You could tell her now
>On the other hand, she’s close enough and in just the right mood to try to beat the shit out of you without her magic if you tell her that everything she knew was real is a lie
>Her hooves don’t sound anything like marshmallows when she walks, so she’s probably capable of doing moderately well if you provoked her
>Not yet


>As you weighed your options, she took your silence as a cue to continue
>“I mean, there are so many common species and between our planets and common practices between our cultures. We even have the same written and spoken language.” 
>At this point, she’s just venting and not even looking in your direction
>You let her keep going as you set up your breakfast at the spot beside her
>“Everything is just so statistically improbable that I wouldn’t even bother to calculate the odds that got me to where I am now. A teleportation spell misfires somehow and brings me to a different planet with a breathable atmosphere, identical gravity, no diseases my immune system hasn’t fought off, and not in a deserted area. All of the species that are common between my home planet and this one seem to be the same, humans included-”
>You were about to put a spoonful of tasteeos in your mouth, but you need to interrupt her here
“There are humans in Equestria?”
>“Only remains that were fossilized eons ago, if not even earlier than that. It’s estimated that there weren’t more than ten thousand alive at any given time. I hadn’t even heard of humans until now.”
>Oh, nevermind then
>Back to eating and listening to her rant


>“That’s another one of the weird things, though. Humans aren’t some obscure extinct species here; there are exponentially more humans than there ever were on my planet, but manticores, griffons, and so many others aren’t even mentioned outside of fiction, as if they never existed.”
“Maybe that’s why humans are doing so well here. The most that ancient humans had to worry about was a venomous sting from the wrong sort of bug or a large predator, not a massive combination of both threats. A manticore could probably make quick work of a tribe of early humans.”
>“But that’s what’s weird. The descriptions of these mythological creatures are accurate to what they are back home. Completely spot on. But here, ponies haven’t even evolved to the point of complex thought, many of the species I know of don’t exist, and some obscure ape species is dominating the planet.”
“Please don’t call us apes.”


>“Sorry. I’m just so confused. How is it possible for all this to be the same, but so different? Is this some sort of parallel to the reality I came from, or a very vivid dream? I couldn’t even tell I was on a different planet until you showed me that map. You see this mark on my flank?”
>She’s pointing at that star thing on her hip
>“It’s called a cutie mark. Every pony gets one when they find their greatest talent, and it takes the form of some representation of that talent. Pegasi usually get something to do with flight or the sky. Earth ponies usually get ones about nature or society. Unicorns usually have the type of magic they can perform dictated by what mark they get. Mine represents magic. In Equestria, that would mean I’m an exceptionally versatile and powerful magician. Here, it means I’m a living embodiment of a concept that's only a concept.”
“So are alicorns a type of unicorn?”
>“I was born a unicorn and made into an alicorn. It’s not very common at all. Alicorns have attributes of all three kinds of pony, so it’s not really that one is a type of another. That’s another thing. I haven’t found any mention of alicorns. Many of the royals are alicorns, so it’s not like they’re insignificant. Here, it’s not only that they don’t exist, it’s that they’re not even a concept to humans.”


>This pretty much seals it
>She’s already having an existential crisis
>It would benefit no one if she knew
>You think you know who you could tell, though
>“And humans? I’ve been listening to the news for the last two hours, and so much of it is bad news. When I read about the Trojan War, I was shocked by how Achilles dragged Hector around behind a chariot and was still considered a hero. I hoped that this was something that humans didn’t do nowadays. I got my hopes up again when I heard that the Trojan War might not have even happened. Now I’m sitting here and I hear about how some taxi driver… taxi service is done with cars here, right?”
“Yes.”
>“Some taxi driver in South Africa had the same thing done to him by police. Police, of all people.”
>Okay, this rant has gone on long enough


>You can’t do much about an existential crisis, but you’re not letting her get depressed because of what she’s listening to on the radio
>You put your spoon down
“Twilight, I want you to know something. Three things, actually.”
>“What?”
“First, you’re here. You go against everything I knew to be true, but you’re as real as I am. Second, the news publishes stories based on what gets people to listen. Whether it’s because they think people should hear about it or because they think they can profit off of the demand of people who want to hear about what’s happening doesn’t matter. They report because it’s information that should be spread and acted on. Maybe it’s a cause that’s worth supporting. Maybe it’s just a topic for small talk. They’re talking about the Newtown Massacre with people who are for and against weapons regulations in response to that event, and people who believe that the problem isn’t even what rules there are. There is good news, but if all the news was good, no one would care what the news was.”


>“And the third thing?”
“If you ever have any questions, you can ask me. I promise to give you the straightest and most honest answers I can.”
>“I’m going to have a lot of questions. I don’t understand this world.”
“You, and everyone else.”
>“So, straightest and most honest answers you can? I’m going to have to make you do a Pinkie promise on that one.”
>You know what she means, but you play dumb and hold up your pinkie finger
“Okay, but I don’t see how this works if you don’t have hands.”
>She rolls her eyes, but not in the impatient way
>“No, no, I don’t mean pinkie finger. A friend of mine named Pinkie came up with this. Repeat after me and follow along. Cross my heart…”



Part 7
>Day 0 +2 weeks on Earth, Kitchen of Addams household
>6:12pm local time, 7:12pm Equestrian, Tuesday, March 5th Equestrian and local
>More things that match up nearly perfectly
>And apparently there’s an occasion this weekend where all the clocks will be set an hour forward
>You’re beginning to wonder whether you should keep track of what doesn’t match, instead
>You are Twilight Sparkle
>And if the overwhelming evidence is correct, you now have a basic knowledge of one of the great secrets of the universe 
>The indivisible object
>The ‘atom’
>It had been nothing but a hypothesis to you, a possible answer to the rhetorical question “what would result from cutting something in halves until it becomes impossible to cut again?”
>Nopony, nor any other species, had ever constructed a microscope with enough magnification or created a theory convincing enough to give the idea credence
>Humans seem to have done both
>They found a way to split the ‘atom’ too, but the book only mentioned that in passing because it’s too advanced to be teaching in a simple chemistry class
>And they are adamant that not only did they do this entirely without magic, they have nothing to prove magic exists
>So now you have a new topic of study already picked
>You also have a stack of paper that comes up to your fetlocks, cross referenced with Jake’s old chemistry workbook and class notes to back up the human theory of matter
>You’ll have Spike send them after dinner


>It’s a good opportunity to study human culture firsthoof, which you’ve been neglecting in favor of learning their theory of matter
>On tonight’s menu: stir-fried vegetables and rice noodles with a side of salad
>And bits of chicken (cooked separately, of course) that can be put on the stir fry by those who choose to do so
>Namely Jake, Jon, and Spike
>It’s uncomfortable to watch, but you’re a guest here and you don’t want to start anything
>It’s understandable
>Different dietary needs, different diets
>Definitely not creepy that they’re eating something that used to have a pulse
>You asked Eliza why she’s a vegetarian a while ago
>She said something about not liking the flavor
>Those ‘chop sticks’ that the humans are using are making it difficult to look away from them as they eat
>They’re a pair of pencil-size sticks that fit human hands in such a way that they can be moved to hold food
>You’re using a fork, for obvious reasons
>Spike is struggling to use them despite his claws being similar to hands
>Eliza is struggling to teach him how to use them
>Spike gives up eventually and asks for a fork instead
>Equipped with an adequate utensil, he begins to devour his meal with all the speed and grace of, well, a poorly mannered, hungry baby dragon
>Now that everyone is settled in, Eliza tries to get a conversation going


>“So how was everyone’s day?”
>Jon is the first to answer
>“I got some work done on that keyboard instrument that I’ve been trying to make down at Al’s workshop. I’ve only got one octave of it working, but the amount of chords you can reach is just… wow.”
>Jake swallows and looks up from his meal
>“Did you ever come up with a name for that note-bending harpsichord synthesizer that’s not a total mouthful?”
>“Did you help put together those keys for it like I asked you to last week?”
>“Oh, right. I didn’t.”
>“Other than not doing that, what did you do today?”
>“The only class I had today was cancelled. I had literally no reason to go in to college today.”
>“Which class was that?”
>“Computer Science 101. I ended up sitting in the lounge with Berber for a couple hours.”
>“Is he the one who carpools with you?”
>“No, that’s Don. Berber is the short Moroccan guy I know from high school. Don only comes with me on the days that I have Ethics 101 and Intro to World Government, anyway.”
>Eliza comments next
>“It’s nice to know you’re seeing them more frequently because of school. Did you ever plan that birthday party?”
>“Nah. There’s a snowstorm on Thursday, right?”
>“That’s right.”
“You’re getting snow this late into the year?”
>Jake’s been jumping on opportunities to answer your questions since you had him do the promise a few days ago


>“I know, right? There are birds that migrated back already. It’s been spring for, like, a week now.”
“Isn’t there someone organizing the weather or migrations?”
>“Can’t. There are a bunch of conspiracy nuts who think that it’s being controlled by Jewish Illuminati lizard-people aliens that have infiltrated the US government, or something equally silly and unfounded, but to the best of my knowledge we can’t.”
>You almost ask if they could do that with electricity, then realize how stupid a question that is
>If Jake wasn’t being sarcastic, you might ask about the lizard-people too
>Eliza picks the conversation up again
>“So, Jake, if we’re going to celebrate your birthday somehow we should probably do it tomorrow night. What do you think of going to dinner at that Cambodian restaurant near town hall?”
>“I can’t think of somewhere I’d rather go. The cake they serve there is good, though I won’t be able to invite anyone to share it with on such short notice.”
>“You won’t have to share it with me, either. I’m on a diet for a weight loss contest over at North High School.”
>“Even better.”


>“That reminds me, have you seen Evan Speer lately?”
>“Not since I had that movie day with him last month, no. Neither of us are proactive enough to call the other, and he’s a total scatterbrain on top of that.”
>“He’s not that bad. You got together a bunch even though he was going to North High instead of the one you were going to.”
>“Yeah, but that’s because he was reminded by seeing you in the halls every day. I barely ever check Facebook and he doesn’t use the same instant messenger as Berber and Don, so it’s not like we see eachother on the internet.”
“Sorry to interrupt again, but what is ‘internet?’”
>They all stop and stare
>Even Spike
>You’d know if there was a rice noodle hanging out of the side of your mouth, or some other thing near you that’s worthy of being stared at
>You said something stupid and you feel stupid for saying it
>Awkward
>Change the topic
“Nevermind. Uh… I finished the notes I was compiling on ‘atoms?’”


>Still staring
>Spike speaks first
>“Wow. Seriously, Twilight? They told me what the internet was last week. You need to get out of the basement more. The internet is, like, everything to humans.”
>You quickly finish dinner in silence and go back to the basement 
>You read your notes again and prepare for your next topic of study
>This ‘The (new) Way Things Work’ book seems to be mostly about physical principles that are well known, such as levers, pulleys, and gears
>It only gets to the subject of ‘electronic’ machinery at the very end
>The completionist in you wants to study the book in its entirety
>The part of you that feels ashamed for being so oblivious about something that seems to be very important wants you to skip to the end, document that, and then skim through the rest to free up time for ‘immersive studying’
>This is one of those rare times that the completionist is not a larger part of you



Part 8
>Year 22 + a little while on Earth
>Midday of Sunday, March 10th
>You are Jake Addams
>Class was cancelled on Friday because of a snowstorm (score!)
>You don’t have to shovel any of the snow because it’s warming up enough to melt away (double score!)
>So you’re sleeping in
>Twilight finally left the Cave of Knowledge long enough to actually learn something about your world
>She really is just like she is on the show
>When she’s got a book to focus on, she doesn’t notice much else
>After that blunder at dinner, she dove right back into a book
>She still seems embarrassed, and she’s not coming out of the basement much
>Of course, Spike said she’s going straight to the section of the book about computers and internet
>She could have just asked you, but maybe the presence of books has a calming effect on her
>Now that she knows about the internet and what it is, she’s going to want to use it
>That could be risky
>You’d already done a mental catalog of the other potential risks of exposure


>Spike is hogging the television, so that shouldn’t be a problem
>Even if he wasn’t, they’d have to wade through the guide or be watching just the right channel at just the right time
>The radio rarely ever goes towards the topic of pone
>If they do hear about ‘My Little Pony’ somehow you could try to play it off as just being the older cartoons and hope they drop the topic
>But the internet might pose a bit of a problem if Twilight or Spike tries to use it alone
>And you’re not about to tell them your password, so that won’t happen unless you let it
>She’s still going to want to use it, especially once she hears about wikis and such


>Spike isn’t of too much concern
>You showed him a few old YouTube Poops last week
>Around the part where Link says ‘VSfL5Kb6’ after the King asks what’s for dinner, you realized that one of the top comments on that video had a pony avatar
>You feel stupid for picking through them to find ‘kid safe’ ones earlier and making a mistake that simple
>He is just a kid, right?
>If he did notice it, he’s doing a flawless job of pretending he didn’t and it doesn’t seem like he told Twilight
>You played the rest of the videos in fullscreen just to be safe
>You’re not going to count on him having tunnel vision twice
>You’re not going to count on Twilight having tunnel vision ever
>That means just about all social sites and online games are going to be no-go’s
>Spike has the right appendages to use a keyboard and mouse, but not the knowledge of how to use them or the passwords to any computers in the house
>It’s only a matter of time until he has one or both of those
>So you’re going to have to keep him occupied with vidya or other non-internet entertainment
>Easy enough, seeing how he does almost nothing but sleep and play the Nintendo 64
>Twilight is the real problem


>She’s going to want to use the internet a lot so she can find more stuff to send to Equestria
>She’ll probably stick to Wikipedia and Wolfram Alpha, but you can’t supervise her all the time
>There has to be a solution that won’t arouse her suspicion
>You need to find a way to control what web pages she sees without having to look over her shoulder all the time
>…
>Pages…
>…
>That’s a horrible idea, but it’s the best you can think of right now


>Ask her what she wants to know about, then print out the pages onto paper
>You tell her it’s so she doesn’t need to fumble around with her hooves or get someone else to use the computer for her all the time
>You get to keep the computer; she gets to read the pages any time she wants and send them back to Equestria
>And you could delay that by giving her something to study that requires her not to use the internet, like that battery powered ‘Electronics Playground’ circuitry kit dad gave you and you never used
>That should hold her over at least until she figures out how to use a computer with hooves or magic
>After that, you’re going to have to program something to steer her away from pony-related material while you can’t
>And hopefully that’s going to be a bit before the CompSci101 final exam, because the syllabus says you can do whatever you want for that as long as it’s in Visual Basic and meets the professor’s criteria
>If a program that looks for strings of certain text and changes the behavior of a web browser when it finds them qualifies, you’re going to lose track of how many birds you could kill with one stone
>It’s somewhere around five at the moment
>A program separate from the browser can do that, right?
>If it doesn’t you’re going to have to design or find plugins for several different browsers
>This is going to be so much work if you’re going to keep her in the dark


>Speaking of which, the sun isn’t coming through the gap between the window frame and the shade anymore
>You ignored your watch’s alarm, but this improvised sundial is a good indicator that it’s time to get up
>Happiness is breakfast whenever you want it
>Right now, it’s 11:38
>Even Spike got up before you did
>You ‘d been listening to him playing for about an hour and a half now
>It sounds like he’s up to the mountain level, judging by the monkey noises
>He is just chewing through this game, considering he didn’t even know what a videogame was not long ago
>You throw on some clothes and say hello before you eat breakfast for lunch
>Breakfast is uneventful
>You listen to the news about North Korea being delusional and getting sanctioned again
>You finish, wash your bowl and spoon, and go back to check on Spike
>Yup, mountain level


“You aren’t stuck on anything, I assume.”
>“Heck no. You know I’m too good for that.”
“You weren’t too good to try swimming in lava.”
>“It made sense at the time! I can swim in lava, so I thought it might be like another water level.”
“You tried twice.”
>“I forgot about the first time.”
“You’re an idiot.”
>“Maybe, but you’re funny-looking.”
“Maybe, but you’re short.”
>“Your breath smells.”
“Your breath set off the smoke alarm.”
>“…You win this round.”
“You’re about halfway through this game.”
>“I said you wi- Wait, really?”
“Unless you’re going to get all 120 stars, yeah.”
>“I didn’t realize I was that close to being done.”


“I’ve got plenty of other games. Do you want to try another one like this when you’re done, or something different?”
>“I want another one like this.”
“Okay, I’ve got just the one for that. Same sort of thing, different characters and stuff. It’s got a bit more reading, though. I remember you said that that was one of the parts of this game you didn’t like.”
>“Yeah.”
“I think you’ll like it anyway. It’s got a bit of a comedy thing going in the bits when characters talk to eachother. By the way, I found a few more notes from my chemistry class.”
>“Do you want me to give them to Twilight or something? She already finished that report and sent it.” 
“Nah, you should just send them. It’s just summaries of chapters and reviews I did for tests, so she’s probably seen all the stuff in them already.”
>“Alright. Bring ‘em here and I’ll send them.”
>You go to your room to get the notes you were talking about
>Before you go back to him, you slip a folded piece of paper labeled ‘FOR CELESTIA’S EYES ONLY’ into the notes 
>He sends the notes without even looking at them
>Exactly how you were counting on him to do it


Dear Princess Celestia,
My family and I have had the pleasure and privilege of giving your student and her assistant a
welcoming home for some time now, and we ask nothing in return. I have no doubt that Twilight has
mentioned to you that we do not allow them outside because “we don’t know how the world would
react.” I believe that news outlets would sensationalize her to no end, there would likely be public
outcry of some sort, and events might slip from the control of responsible people. To be fair, your kind
would be the first sentient species that humans have ever encountered. This is not the only reason for
attempting to isolate her, as she may soon notice that we seem to direct her away from certain topics of
study and conversation. This next fact is rather disturbing, and I fear she may become irrational if she
learns it. She is not supposed to be real, nor is Spike. All of Equestria and everything associated with it is
part of a very specific work of fiction. This is either the most improbable coincidence ever, or we are
playing the fools in a practical joke of cosmic scale. I recommend that you share this information with no
one, except perhaps Princess Luna. As proof of my claims, I have included an image of your reunion
with Luna which could not have been obtained by anyone present at that event. I can provide other
images upon request if this is not satisfactory proof.

Humbly yours,
Jake Addams


>You put on your poker face and continue where the conversation left off
“Did that last report start another riot?”
>“It only caused half of the scientists to riot this time.”
“What about the other half?”
>“They did science-y stuff like nodding, saying ‘hmm,’ and telling the guys who were rioting to keep it down so they could nod and say ‘hmm’ without getting distracted.”



Part 9
>Day 24 on Earth, sometime around noon on a Friday
>You are Spike
>Twilight said that you should be able to get home “within a year, tops”
>This is a good thing, because you’ve gone almost a month without speaking to Rarity and have only got a couple of letters from her
>You probably won’t be able to bring the Nintendo computer with you, and even if you did, Twilight is positive that there wouldn’t be an easy way to make it work
>This is a bad thing, because you could play it all day (and you usually do)
>Twi is in one of her studying frenzies with a ‘stuff that makes stuff do other stuff’ book, and it seems like she’s going to be on that book for a while, giving you plenty of free time with the Nintendo right now
>This is a good thing
>Jake sent some old electronics learning thingy to Equestria for the researchers there to study
>This is a good thing, sort of


>The scientists that came from the Griffon Republic and Minos seem to be the only ones who can use it or take it apart because the buttons and wires are too small for hooves and the whole thing just doesn’t cooperate with magic
>This is a bad thing
>The scientists didn’t riot as much after you sent that huge stack of paper or the circuit thing
>This is a good thing
>Eventually the circuit thing might be made into a videogame, key word being EVENTUALLY
>This is a bad thing
>According to Jake, you’re more than halfway through the Mario game already and you don’t want it to end
>This is a bad thing
>You’re going to get to play a ‘similar but better’ game when you’re done with this
>This is a good thing
>He said there’s going to be more reading in it
>This could be a bad thing


>Seize the day
>You’ve been seizing it by playing Mario all day
>Because if you don’t finish this game while you’re still here, you’ll never know how it ends
>And yet you don’t want it to end

>Oh hey, it’s mom-penguin again. Hi, mom-penguin!
>Go hug mom-penguin to get across the bridge
>It’s all windy, so keep her between you and the big snowhuman dude
>I’m all over this.
>Whoa, can’t mom-penguin just walk forward like normal penguins do? Why all the stopping?
>And now she’s going backwards. Come on! The star is right there, just let me get to it already!
>Chill out, she might just be afraid of heights or something
>I’m fine. I just wasn’t expecting tha- OH AND NOW SHE’S GOING FULL SPEED BACK TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE BRIDGE. I SEE HOW IT IS, MOM-PENGUIN.
>Dude, calm down and get the star
>Got the star.
>Are you sure that wasn’t slide-penguin
>It looked like mom-penguin to me.
>Slide-penguin and mom-penguin look a lot alike
>Maybe they do. What of it?
>I think you’re projecting
>I don’t even know what that means.
>It means I think you’re still upset about Twilight bringing you here
>What? No!
>What would you be doing if we were back in Ponyville
>Uhhh…
>You’re having fun here, right
>I guess.
>So get over it alr- *BuuuuuuuRRRP*
>Could you repeat that last bit?
>Get over it already


>You’re thankful that this happened after you were done with that star
>You just received a big box of stuff and a letter addressed to Twilight from Rarity
>The postage seal is about a week and a half old
>It didn’t get in the way, but it did knock the controller out of your claws
>That's good enough to be considered as getting in the way
>Plus, it's from Rarity
>You check the letter first

Twilight,

Apologies for the late delivery, but I had a massive order. I couldn’t buy supplies and send this first class.
Just let me know if you need anything else.

Sorry to keep you waiting!
Rarity

P.S.
Spike, this letter might get to you after you’ve received one I sent more recently, but just in case I forget
to mention it later I can’t send you any gems. The postal service is worried that shipments of gems might
attract those mean wild dragons and they’re refusing to send them.
P.P.S
The gossip going around is that there’s not anything magical where you are. Is this true?

>Boring stuff
>Too bad about the gems, but whatever
>You check the box
>Books and a piece of cloth
>More boring stuff
>You put the letter inside the box and carry it downstairs
“Hey, Twilight. More mail for you.”



Part 10
>You are Jake Addams
>You thought there was an at-home test due in Ethics today
>The professor wasn’t in the classroom, so you went looking around campus
>You couldn’t find him, so you just dropped it off in his mailbox and sent him an email from your phone before heading to your next class
>You checked your email before you left campus and found out it was actually due after spring break, meaning you spent all that work on nothing
>It was only a page, but still
>At least now you have nothing you need to do over next week’s break
>Except keep a couple of guests content and oblivious to the fact that they aren’t supposed to be real
>It’s doable, so far
>Twilight’s really taking her time on the computer related chapters of that book she wanted
>She’s been talking to Jon a bunch since he understands the actual electronics of a computer better than you do and ‘The (new) Way Things Work’ only gives a simple explanation
>She was confused at one point about whether the “Digital Domain” was an actual place
>She said she got confused because you’d said you met someone on the internet
>The Mammoth and pumpkins that were being used as a demonstration in the book probably didn’t help


>At least it’s delaying her from using the internet
>The electronics kit didn’t do much for that cause
>She had it sent to Equestria along with a few extra batteries after a few hours
>She had already taken some notes on how circuitry is supposed to work based on some formulae and sketches that Jon gave her
>Spike said it was more or less just making him connect wires to confirm Twilight’s hypotheses
>Most of those were right, so it went quickly
>Pulling into the driveway, you’re coming up with nothing new to give her that would keep her away from the internet
>She’s going to ask eventually
>What if she doesn’t like your plan to print pages for her?
>And that would end up costing a bunch if she does like it
>You’re going to need a job if that goes on for a while
>This is going to be difficult
>Maybe you should just tell her
>She does seem to be in a better mood lately


>You go in through the kitchen door and straight to your room after a quick “hello, how are you” conversation with Jon
>You tell him about chasing your professor, he tells you about the work he did setting up an April Fool’s Day page on the website he’s running as a hobby
>No sooner than you flop onto your bed and open your laptop do you hear hooves ascending the basement stairs
>Probably another question for Jon
>She stops at the top of the stairs
>Maybe she decided not to ask
>“Jake, would you come here for a moment?”
>This is different
>Why would she need you, specifically?
>Maybe she’s finally ready to start using the internet
>In which case, shit
>Hopefully it’s just a question that she thought you would be able to answer better than Jon could
>You close your laptop and get up to meet her


>She’s holding a book you don’t recognize in one of her forelegs
“What is it?”
>“Just wishing you a late ‘happy birthday!’ I figured that since you seem to be the most interested in Spike, Equestria, and myself, you might want this.”
>She holds the book out to you, and you bend over to take it from her
>‘The Complete Guide to Equestria and its Neigh-bors’
“I… wow, thank you! Don’t tell Eliza I said this, but this gift is way better than those relabeled Valentine’s Day chocolates she got for me. I mean, I didn’t ask her for anything but I didn’t ask you, either.”
>“You mean those heart-shaped boxes? The ones with something crossed out and ‘birth’ written alongside it?”
“Yeah. Before you ask, it’s a holiday at the end of February about love where people send eachother heart-shaped cards and boxes of candy and stuff. She probably got the candy on discount since the stores need to get rid of the stuff they still had in stock after the holiday.”
>“Huh. There’s a holiday in Equestria with similar traditions. What’s the origin of Valentine’s Day?”
“I’ll tell you later. It would only ruin the mood. Really, thank you so much.”
>“It’s nothing, really. I have three of these back home.”
“It still means a lot to me.”
>“Truth be told, I have a sort of selfish reason for giving you this. I figure that your family could be better hosts if you knew a little more about me and where I come from.”
“We noticed you looked nervous the last time we had meat, if that’s what you mean.”


>“No, it’s not that. I sent the request to have this book brought to me before that. It just took a while to get here.”
“Oh. Well, I really want to start reading this and I think I just ruined the mood anyway. Thanks again!”
>“You’re welcome. Just be sure to give the others a chance to read it as well.”
>She turns around and heads back to her research
>FUCK YES THIS IS THE BEST UNEXPECTED BIRTHDAY PRESENT EVER
>It blows the ‘Double Rainboom’ fanmade episode out of the water so hard that Bikini Atoll looks like a fireworks testing facility
>You sit down at the edge of your bed and leaf through the book eagerly, trying to find the topics which interest you most
>Do earth ponies commonly possess a sixth sense of some sort?
>How are spells cast?
>What is the population of Equestria? 
>Are all Alicorns extremely long lived, or just the two sisters?
>Under what circumstances should pony pony pony?
>As you touch one of the pages, it seems to melt
>You pause to try to understand what you are seeing



>Another page appears from inside the odd page
>The new page falls out of the book and into your lap
>You pick it up and begin to read it


Mr. Jake Addams
We found your last letter enlightening, but what you have told us is not news. My sister and I
discovered the nature of our existence shortly after the Elements of Harmony were used to remove the
corruption from the being known as Nightmare Moon. We are the only ponies who are aware of this,
and for the time being, we would prefer to keep it that way. Keep us informed about whether you
believe Twilight is making progress towards discovering this truth. She has shown progress in dealing
with difficult situations, though your choice to be cautious may prove to be the correct one. We cannot
waste this opportunity to have Twilight study your species, as you likely know more about our kind than
we do of yours. Her clear conscience is essential to this endeavor.

This letter will dispose of itself after you have read it twice. Please inform Eliza and Jon of our orders.
Princesses Celestia and Luna

>You memorize the points of the letter, then read it again
>It seems as though it catches on fire, but you feel no warmth or pain
>It’s gone
>There aren’t even ashes
>You just got ‘Mission: Impossible’-ed
>There isn’t a choice anymore
>You can’t allow her to know
>And they already knew?





0x680x740x740x700x730x3a0x2f0x2f0x700x6f0x6e0x650x700x610x730x740x650x2e0x6f0x720x670x2f0x340x360x380x31