> Be Santa Mare
> You should be glad that so many ponies have been good these past years
> And you are, but it also means that you have a huge stockpile of coal with nowhere to go
> You stopped your parasprite minions from mining the stuff years ago
> You needed the extra labor to keep up toy production
> You sigh, stretching out the ol' withers and flank
> Well, it's that time of year again, better check the lists
> Nice list is literally a mile long
> Yeah, you're only checking it once
> A parasprite bumps into you, helpfully carrying a little slip of paper
> Naughty List, blanks as alw-
> Hold up
> Who is Anonymous?

> Be Anonymous, pretending to sleep
> In your time in Equestria, you've noticed ponies are unbelievably gullible 
> You feel a little guilty about the"gotcha nose" incident, and that time with the thumb trick
> Luckily, you convinced them it was all a dream, so now it's Luna's problem
> Which brings you to now, where you are lying in wait for whatever Santa equivalent little horse land has
> Stocking?
> Hung like a horse
> Tree?
> Twinkly and ribboned up
> Plate of cookies and glass of milk?
> The absolute best chocolate chip cookies you can make from the recipe on the chocolate chip bag
> And an oatmeal raisin cookie, because you can
> Milk in a wine glass
> Bed? 
> You are camped out by the fireplace in a sleeping bag, with your trusty teddy bear
> Time for your flawless acting
"Honk, choo, honk, choo."
> That's the sound of sleep, no mistake
> After a few minutes, you hear the telltale sound of hoofsteps on the roof
> Showtime
> You hear rustling from the fireplace, then a thump
> A pause
> "I know you're awake."
> What a nice, mature female voice
> But she's bluffing
> "I'm not bluffing."
> Damn, she wins this round
> You make a big show of yawning and running your eyes
> Looks like Santa Mare is something of a silver cougar, with the toned and slender body of a Canterlot socialite, under a loose red cloak that stops just short of the curve of her flank
> Nice
"Nice to meet you, Santa. Would you like some milk and cookies?"
> She smiles wryly
> "Don't mind if I do. Now let's see..."
> Silvery light plucks the oatmeal raisin cookie from the plate
> "Oatmeal raisin, really?"
"Well,"
> "It's nice to have some variety, but who do you think you're fooling?"
> You have the distinct feeling that you may not be on the nice list anymore
"It was worth a try. How is it, by the way?"
> She takes a bite, her eyebrows rising
> "This actually pretty good. Do you have more?"
"Uh, yeah, just a moment."
> You retrieve a plateful from the fridge, setting it before Santa
> She eyes the glass of milk
> "I bet you even jizzed in the milk, eh?"
> What?
> She lifts it in her magic, swirling the glass contemplatively
"Actually,"
> Santa Mare tilts her head back and drinks it all in one gulp
> ...
> She then looks at you with half-lidded eyes, licking her lips
> "I have a proposition for you, you naughty colt."
> You are standing at attention, in all sorts of ways
"What do you have in mind?"
> She takes a sinuous step towards you
> "I have a lot of coal I need to get rid of, and exactly one person on the naughty list."
> Santa takes another step towards you, her flank shifting hypnotically
> "I'm going to need you to stay on that naughty list, and get coal every year."
> Her cloak unfastens, slipping to the floor
> She rears up, placing her hooves on your chest
> "But don't worry."
> She nuzzles your neck
> "We'll be naughty together."
> You grin, grabbing her by the haunches
"You give me coal, I'll give you diamonds."
> She hums sensuously, her plush rump shifting in your hands
> Her eyes gaze at you with a terrifying hunger
> "It's such short notice, it's fine if you don't wrap your package."
> And that's how you became Father Christmas in Equestria