>"—and I use four Twilight turns—that's a normal book turn, but I use a speed square to get the edges all nice and perfect like Twilight wants—to finish off the—"
"Yeah Panko that's real neat hey I gotta go later!"
>You're up and out the door before your precious pretty pink pony pfriend can get a word in edgewise—which is a goddamn testament to the expedience with which you vacated the vicinity of Sugarcube Corner.
>It's not like you WANTED to abandon your bestie in the middle of a riveting lecture (disguised as a conversation—not that you minded! Her passion and energy keeps you engaged and entertained far beyond the point any man should care about the geometry of Twilight's ideal redcurrant-filled vol-au-vent) on the intricacies of puff pastries and the secrets to making a full paste, but night was falling fast, and you didn't want to be caught out about while the moon rose.
>And that's because—
>"NOOONNNYYYYY!"
>You whip your head around in unadulterated terror.
>Cow cakes, she's pronking at ludicrous speeds!
>Punke and her three afterimages are Tiggering towards you. She's carrying a big cloth or something to catch you like a runaway dog and drag you back home!
>You can't let that happen.
>You do your best SR-71 impression and bolt.
>"NO, WAIT, DON'T RUN!"
>Hermes himself guides you as you sprint down the cobblestone streets, kicking your feet like Makunouchi Ippo to gain every possible split-second of distance like the autistic weeb you are.
>You hear a cartoon spring sound effect intensify as Pinkie starts catching up.
>Oh no.
>The street lamps are coming on.
>The sun has finally dipped below the horizon.
>You can feel your nose growing...
>You see an alleyway and let yourself slide down the road as you angle yourself towards it.
>"WATCH OUT!"
>In your haste, you had focused entirely on your escape route—neglecting to notice a certain muffin-loving mail mare land to wave at you.
>You crash into Derpy and hear her fall over, but this is no time to apologize and help her up!
>Your dignity is on the line!
>You scramble on all fours, feeling your fingers beginning to meld together. You push yourself up off the road and continue running.
>You can't hear Pinkie following you anymore.
"Sorry, Derpy, but I'll make it up to you later! Distract her a little longer, please..."
>The moon's rising.
>You feel your ears changing shape.
>Home is close.

+------------------+

>"Anooon!"
>You are Pinkie Pie, and you can't see your bestest bipedal buddy anyplace!
>He's just... disappeared down that side street!
>And that's a big problem, becauuuse...
>"You forgot your coat!"
>He's got to be so cold right now!
>You sigh and double back to Derpy. You already helped her up and gathered the letters she collected to be mailed and dusted her off and make sure she wasn't hurt (she wasn't), but now she's standing in the road looking lost—and a little sad.
>"Anon sure musta been in a hurry, huh?"
"I'll say! I have no idea what got into him. He even left his coat on the counter."
>You hold up the old thing in your hooves, bouncing on your tail to keep it up off the ground. Anon is really big!
>You hear Derpy sigh and peek around his clothes. She looks a more little sad now.
>So you wrap her up in a big Nonnycoat hug!
"Aww, don't feel bad, Derpy! Anon was in a really big hurry. I dunno why, but still, I'm sure he didn't mean to run into you, and he DEFINITELY would've apologized if he wasn't so runny!"
>Her wall-eye meets your eyes and she smiles. "Yeah, you're right. Anon's usually really nice to me." Her smile falls with her ears. "I hope he's okay."
"Weeellllll... I gotta go give him his coat back, anyway. It's getting too cold, what with the Running of the Leaves coming up so soon! You wanna come with me? We can make sure he's okay together!"
>Derpy perks back up and nods, eyes going googly with the motion, "Mhm!"
>You giggle and break the hug, walking side-by-side with Derpy, throwing the coat over the both of you so you look like a monster!
"We're gonna go hunt him down and eat his worries! Rawrrr!"
>"Wark!"
>That's a WAY funnier noise!
"Wark!"
>The two of you giggle and trot through the streets, making silly noises as you head for Anon's home.

+------------------+

>You're halfway between pony and man as you slam the door to your home behind you, twisting the deadbolt into place, fumbling with the chain to slide it in place, and run around drawing the curtains of your home to hide the shame of being a fucking b&thro.
>Stupid fucking Discord and his stupid fucking fine print making you into a stupid fucking pony every full fucking moon—
>Oh, yeah, and EVERY NIGHT IS THE FULL MOON!
>Princess Luna controls it! There's no orbit to worry about! These crazy astrophysics were specifically derived to make your life here a living hell. There is no other rational explanation for this flat earth fuckery.
>You can feel your legs shorten and bend into a horsey shape, a bulge growing against your belt.
>You leave a trail of clothes as you climb the stairs to go hide and sulk in your room.
"At least," you think to yourself as you hoof open the door, "it isn't painful like those werewolf movies."
>You think to yourself, and not talk, for a good reason.
>Your dark hair fills out and migrates to the center of your quasi-equine scalp, giving you a messy style that looks like an irate cotton ball dyed black.
>Your face is close to finish forming into a proper pony snout, your field of vision changing to be wider as your eyes grow and space out.
>By this point, you're on all fours, a thick green coat growing out of your skin. It's kinda itchy at first, but by the time you're done, you're nice and warm—something you weren't with just the clothes on your back.
>It's going to be SO awkward going back for your (human) coat tomorrow.
>The tail continues to elongate, growing a distance from your hindquarters and filling out with a swishy, fluffy tail with your mane's adorably grumpy characteristics times ten.
>You'd brush it if it wouldn't disappear come sunrise...
>Your hands and feet have turned into clippy-cloppy, shiny black hooves, hard, yet soft, with a pleasant cadence to your walk towards your bed. Your legs feel nice and powerful. 
>Really, your whole body does. You're a big earth pony, stallion-sized... even though you aren't a stallion.
>That is the most uncomfortable part for you about this whole were-pony ordeal, and the reason why you hide away every night.
>You become a mare. 
>Your manhood sucks itself up, and having a new hole feels fucking WEIRD.
>You've... explored it.
>But not too much.
>It's too weird. And you're not a mare, you're a man.
>You snuggle up under your covers, comfortable basking in your own scent (a bonus of equine senses is everything smells better), and prepare to fall asleep—
>"NOOONNNYYYYYYY!"
>When a certain hyperactive helpful homie harasses your home's door by kicking its shit in with her dumb bitch energy.
>Fudge.
>Of all the things that could happen, this is the worst possible thing.
>Maybe she'll go away if you just ignore her—
>"I don't see him in any of the windows, Pinkie!"
>Frick. It's Derpy.
>"That's because of the curtains, silly!"
>"Oh, yeah!"
>They'll draw a crowd.
>You open your mouth to shout at them, then clamp it shut.
>You have a mare's voice, now. They'll know something is up if you yell at them to leave.
>Because you don't have a marefriend.
>Three flippin' guesses why.
>You clutch your head and quietly whine to yourself. How are you going to get them to leave without talking to them?
>Pinkie is going to come down through the chimney if you leave her alone, you're sure of it.
>Derpy... might crash through a window just trying to check them.
>And you can't disguise yourself as your own marefriend, because Pinkie is going to want to know about her-you, and you're going to get into a comically awful plot where you try to balance your normal life and the life of your marefriend before it's revealed that the two of you are the same person.
>And since this world is so sickeningly sweet, they'll accept you and everything will turn out hunky-dory—
>Wait.
>You're being a silly billy.
>You're in Equestria, where everypony is nice and understanding, as long as it isn't too scary.
>And you're a pony, the furthest thing from being scary.
>And wouldn't it be nice to not have to hide in your house, anymore?
>Sweet Celestia, you've been causing a fuss over nothing, this entire time!
>Well, that settles it, then!
>You hop out of bed and trot over to your door, opening it with your magical hooves that in no way impede you from tasks requiring fine manipulation, for which you are eternally grateful (although you are still no closer to understanding how the darn things work, even though you physically have them), and make your way downstairs.
>Your Superior Equine Hearing(™) allows you to eavesdrop on Pinkie and Derpy's conversation as you make your way to the front door.
>"I can't find Anon anywhere, Pinkie! It's like he disappeared."
>"He didn't disappear, he's just hiding inside of his house because of extenuating circumstances involving his arrival here to Equestria! Normally, I'd just pomf in through his chimney, but my Pinkie Sense is telling me I should respect his privacy and wait for him to come forward and confide in me as a friend. He'll feel a lot better dealing with whatever issue he's got right now on his own instead of having a solution forced onto him, and we'll be even better friends because of it! You wanna go get a shake?"
>"Uh... sure! I want—"
"Wait!"
>You rush the door and open it, not huffing and puffing like your human form would, because you're a stronk mare now, but it'd be a good way to frame this scene if you were in a movie or something.
>"Nonny?"
>"That's not Anonymous... it must be his marefriend!"
>"Wowie, I didn't know Nonny got himself a special somepony! Hey, what's your—"
"HOLD ON. I'm Anonymous. I was told by Discord that I could go to Equestria under the condition that I—"
>"—become a were-pony underneath the light of the full moon—"
>"But it's always a full moon?"
"—and carried over baggage from my world that made me think I wouldn't be accepted!"
>"But you realized, after the close call tonight with you almost transforming into a mare in front of us and hurting Derpy—"
>"I fall over all the time! I was just surprised—"
"Emotionally, yes, that I'm allowing my fear to prevent me from spending time with my friends! And now I'm facing them, because I believe that our friendship is stronger than whatever weird magical stuff is happening to me!"
>"And you would be right! Group hug!"
>"I don't really get it, but I like hugs!"
"Hugs!"
>And as the three mares wrapped their forelegs around the others' withers, a tear was brought to Discord's eye as he watched the Kodak moment one could only get from late morning public access television programming unfold.
>"Another good deed done," he said to himself, as he changed the channel to observe another Anon's own story of self-acceptance through the power of friendship begin.