"Just gotta fill out the profile... Alright, it's currently 2014, so my birth year should be... let's see, '97."
>You are Anon Y. Mous
>In reality your birth year was '99, but you don't want anyone to know you're only 15
>You finish up the rest of the profile and confirm your email and number for 2FA
>Boomers don't know 'bout my 2FA
"Alright then, let's see, we've got a queue with some people they think I should meet. Hmm, Pinkie Pie? 19? Oh, she's cute."
>You click the "Let's Meet" button and add a little spiel about how she seems like a fun person
>It was true though
>You sit back, relax, and continue scrolling through profiles
>Elsewhere:
>You're Pinkamena Diane Pie, and you're scrolling through Kindling again to see if you can catch any prizes
>Your profile says you were born in 1995
>Of course you maaaaay have been aiming for the 8 instead of the 9 (okay, not really) but, eh, who's not gonna believe that a tight, glowing little thing like you isn't a decade younger than you are?
"Oh boy! Anon, age 17 is near me and wants to meet? Time to make a new friend!"
>You smile deviously for the camera that only you know is there
"A new 'friend' indeed."
***
>Be Anonymoose
>Pinkie Pie is supposed to meet you at Sugarcube corner at 1pm
>You're here, 15 minutes early because you are punctual
>It's still pretty busy since it's the weekend (of it wasn't, you'd be in school of course)
>You sit at a window table and look around for your date
>A waitress skates up to you and asks
>"Can I get you anything, 'Hon?"
>She's about 22 years too young to be calling you 'Hon at a diner, but you roll with it
"No thank you, I'm waiting for someone for now."
>"Alright then, just holler if you need anything."
>Holler? Is this place supposed to resemble the 1950s?
>Actually, you were too nervous to notice before, but yeah it definitely is meant to invoke "Happy Days" vibes
>Okay, now it makes sense
>Soon enough, Pinkie Pie walks in and spots you
>She joins you at your seat and shortly thereafter the waitress skates over to your table once again
>"Oh, Pinkie, nice to see you here. And this must be, uh,"
>"My date for this evening." she says with a suspicious smile and nod
>"O-oh, of course. Right, well, can I get the two of you something to drink?"
>"A root beer for me."
"I, er-uh, I'll have the same."
>"Aaaaalrighty then, I'll get those in for ya."
>She skates off and Pinkie turns back to you with her elbows on the table and chin resting on her hands
>"So, what do you think?"
"It's... nice. A little gimmicky, maybe but, you can't knock those outfits."
>"Oh? So you like the outfits huh? You mean like the one our waitress is wearing?"
"Yeah, I mean those are some pretty short skirts, you can really..."
>Oh fuck
>Are you retarded? Like, are you actually mentally retarded?
>You're on your first date, like ever, with a hot older girl (even accounting for your fake age)
>And here you are, telling your date about how you're ogling the waitress
>"Mhmm, tell me more."
"You know," you say shakily, "I'm starting to think I shouldn't."
>Pinkie just snorts a little like she's trying not to laugh
>"You need to relax a little. You're too nervous, even for a first date."
"Yeah, I just-"
>"Besides, truth be told, I like to check out the waitresses while I'm here, too."
"That's... kinda hot."
>"You have no idea."
>The waitress returns with two root beers, and set's one down in front of you
>"Here ya are, and here ya go, Pinkie."
"Thank you. So, I take it you know Pinkie?"
>"Oh you didn't know? Pinkie works here."
"Oh, I didn't know that."
>"Yep, since I just graduated not long ago, I need to save up some money for college."
"Makes sense."
>As you sip your giant mug of soda, you notice the waitress is looking at Pinkie and seems very confused
>"Uh, Pinkie, you gra-"
>"ISN'T that RIGHT? Willow?"
>Now the waitress looks scared of Pinkie
>"Uh, right, I remember now."
>Pinkie's demeanor is a bit unsettling, but you don't mind
>She's too pretty for you to mind
>"Anyway, have you decided what to order, or do you need some more time?"
>"I'm good, how 'bout you, Anon?"
"I'll take a classic burger with all the freebies."
>"Aaaalright, and for you Pinkie?"
>"The usual."
>"Alrighty, I'll get those right in for ya!"
>The waitress skates away and seems to be back to normal, her fear of Pinkie having subsided
>You're not sure what she was so afraid of, anyway
>Sure, Pinkie can be a bit loud, but she seems like a sweetheart
>"So, Anon, what do you do for a living?"
"Oh, uh, I'm still in high school."
>It's true, and would be perfectly understandable even if you were telling the truth of your age
>"Oh? Do you have an afternoon or weekend job?"
"Not at the moment. I'm, uh, wanting to focus on my studies for now."
>"Okay then. You planning on trying to get into college with good grades?"
"Yeah, that. I'm hoping I can get some college scholarships."
>"Ever think about sports scholerships?"
>You laugh out loud at that
"Do I LOOK-"
>You wheeze and try to control yourself
>"Good point. I guess you don't look like the athlete type. You've got more of a 'cute, nerdy boy' thing going?"
>...
"Did you say 'cute'?"
>"I did."
>You sip on your soda some more to buy time for an answer
"Cute huh? Oh but enough about you, let's talk about me."
>She smiles slightly and cocks an eyebrow at this
>But try as she might, she can't suppress a giggle
>"Smooth as butter, kid."
"Kid? I'm two years younger than you."
>"And I graduated high school."
"Touché."
>"So, tell me. What do you like to do for fun?"
"Well, the usual for a fifteen year old."
>Shit. Shit. Think of something.
"Which is to say, I'm not exactly mature when it comes to hobbies. I still play video games, watch anime, that junk."
>"Well, there's nothing wrong with liking what you like. I'm pretty immature for a thirty year old. Which is to say I like normal college girl stuff. Shopping, parties, underage drinking, that junk."
>She leans toward you and speaks in a stage whisper
>"Keep this between you and me, but I'm a sucker for sweets and other sugary stuff."
"You know, somehow I imagined you would be."
>Your waitress returns with a burger for you, and a stack of banana topped pancakes for Pinkie with a side of sunny side up eggs
>Rather than comment on the meal, you opt to simply dig into your own burger
>It's delicious, they must be using real fresh beef here
>You hope you can afford your tab at the end
>Pinkie is happily eating away at her pancake stack too, and she eats her eggs in one big bite each
"This place has amazing food, huh?"
>"You know it. That's why they're so popular."
"I bet it's pretty expensive, huh?"
>"Eh, not really. The chefs are also the owner and his wife, and they're retired on their 401k or pension or wherever is was he said. They charge enough to pay the wait staff and cover expenses, but they don't take a paycheck themselves so that eats a lot of the normal overhead for a restaurant."
"Huh. Must have been a dream project for them."
>"So I've heard."
>The two of you eat in silence until your food is gone, and the waitress brings you separate checks
>It's not bad at all. Makes a bit of a dent in your middling savings, but you'll financially recover eventually
>"So, you wanna chat here, or take this somewhere else?"
"Well, there's a park nearby, we could enjoy the sunshine there."
>"Sounds like a plan."
>You and your date are relaxing on a park bench, soaking up the sunshine
>Eyes closed, face toward the shining sun, so peaceful and tranqui
>You steal a glance over to Pinkie and see that she's looking at you too
>She's also drumming out a light rhythm on her thigh and the bench's other arm rest
"Are you a drummer?"
>"I used to be. My friends I used to play with went their separate ways a while back. We still talk online from time to time but..."
"Yeah, I get that. Not the same as being face to face."
>"You come around here often?"
"Wherever I want to clear my mind and think, weather permitting."
>"You know, not too long ago I wouldn't have even been able to sit this still."
"Have you tried meditating?"
>"Yeah, but all that happens is I start thinking about baking. Who knew not thinking about anything was so hard?"
"Well, there are people who dedicate their whole lives to learning how to do it fully."
>"Booooriiiing."
 >Pinkie shifts herself to face you, one leg crossed over the other
>She also puts an arm on the back of the bench and leans toward you
>"So, Anon? What do you say we take this back to my place?"
>She traces a finger up and down your chest, waiting for an answer
>You start clamming up and shiver a bit
"I, uh, I don't know, it's, I mean, it's not that I don't like you, Pinkie, it's just uh,"
>"Moving a little too fast for you?" she asks as she draws her finger back
>"That's fine. I get it."
"No, really, I like you it's-"
>She puts a finger over your lips and you fall silent
>"No really Nonny, it's okay. You're not the only guy who wants to get to know a girl before she jumps your bone. It's endearing, actually."
"I... yeah."
>She giggles again and stands up from the bench
>"You're thinking too hard about this. Let's meet up again so we can get to know each other more."
>She pulls you up and holds you close to her body
>"And when you're ready, we can *really* get to know each other. Sound good?"
"...Sounds good."
***
>Sunday
"Seriously? A babysitter? I'm 15! What, you think I'm gonna burn the house down?"
>"Yes."
"You guys have no faith in me!"
>"True."
"Seriously? You're just admitting it?"
>"Your mother and I are being honest with you. No sense in giving you delusions of adequacy, let alone grandeur. If you want people to trust you, be trustworthy. If you want people to respect you, be respectable."
"Is this because of the noodle incident?"
>"Our house smelling like cheap chicken seasoning for two weeks is indeed part of it, but it's only one piece of the puzzle."
>Your dad stares you down coldly, you ca feel the disdain for you emanating from every pore in his body
>"Fact is, Anon, you're a walking disaster. You're not a bad kid, or a bad student, or a bad son. You're just not someone that can be left alone without the very real worry of some kind of catastrophe."
"This is BS."
>"That's enough, Nonny," your mom says as she finally leaves the bathroom, all caked up in knockoff products
>"You'll be good for Ms. Pie tonight, understood?"
"Ye- wait, did you say-"
>"Understood?"
"Understood. Now, did you say Ms. Pie? As in Pinkie Pie?"
>"Why, yes, do you know her?"
"Oh yeah, I, uh, met her while I was out today."
>"Good. It'll be better if the two of you are acquainted. And I don't want any trouble."
"Oh there won't be."
>You say with your innocent face
"If you'd said it was Pinkie from the beginning, I'd have thanked you."
>"Well, I'm glad to see you've taken a liking to her. In any case, she'll hopefully be here any minute."
>Just then, the doorbell rings and your dad moves to answer it
>"Good evening Ms. Pie. How are you tonight?"
>"Just fine, Mr. Mous. And how are you and the Mrs.?"
>"Quite well, thank you. Please, come in."
>She enters your house and sees you standing by the couch
>"Hi Anon. How's it going?"
"Ehh, pretty good. I was pretty miffed about having to have a babysitter at my age, but then I found out it was you."
>"Aww, that's so sweet
>"Well, we'll be going now. Goodbye Pinkie, Anon. Don't have too much fun while we're gone." your dad says chuckling to himself
>"Bye Mr. And Mrs. Mous! And don't worry we won't!"
>The door closes and you're left with Pinkie Pie
>Alone
>At home
>Oh boy
>"Alright, so, you have any plans for tonight?"
"Uh, well, I have some homework to get done, and the boys are expecting me online later."
>"Cool cool. Jus' let me know if you need anything. Your folks left me some cash for takeout."
"Sweet. I'll be, in my room then."
>You awkwardly shuffle to your bedroom and get cracking on your homework for tomorrow
>God, math is sooooo booooring
>Eventually, though, you power through it
>Taking a glance at your clock, you see it only took you about 20 minutes to finish the math portion
>Not bad
>You open your browser to put on some study music for the rest and
>Oh, you left your browser open last time you left your PC
>Open to some choice hentai, that is
>Fucking amateur, you think to yourself, absentmindedly moving your pants down your thighs
>As you search for a good tribute for today, you feel like you're trying to remember something
>OH YEAH
>There's a hot girl that wants your dick downstairs
>Wait no, that can't be right
>Is it a raid you're supposed to do? No not til later
>An essay you forgot to do? No, you triple checked yesterday
>"Hey Anon?"
"Yeah pinkie?" you shout back
>"Don't be afraid to let me know when you get hungry, alright?"
"Got it."
>That's just Pinkie Pie
>The hot girl downstairs who wants your dick
>Oh
>Oh FUCK
"What am I doing with this shit?"
>You ask yourself in disgust as you close the hentai
"Alright, Anon. It's time. Don't be scared, just, let it happen."
>You walk toward the stairs where you hear a tv show Pinkie is watching
"Yeah, Pinkie knows what she's doing, just let it happen."
>"Oh hey dude. You ready for some grub?"
"Uh, not exactly. Pinkie, I was thinking about yesterday, about the bench, and-"
>"Shhh. It's okay. Look, I shouldn't have rushed you about it. We can just forget about the whole thing if you want."
>You pull her finger down and look her in the eyes
"And what if I don't want to forget about it?"
>"Nonny,"
"What if I want to remember it. Do you reemember?"
>Pinkie laughs out loud
>"Do you wanna stop trying to be a cheesy movie character and go fuck in your bed now?"
"...yes. I'd like that a lot."
>You lead Panko upstairs to your room and thank the stars above you just changed your bedsheets and showered today before she came over
>"Wow. Pretty spacious. And you've got a nice, big bed."
"Yeah, the bed's pretty nice, but it's about to be a lot better with you in it."
>"Nnnnnnnnhnhnhn ahahaha, okay, that one was pretty good."
"In any case, you'd probably guessed by now, but I haven't exactly done this before, so."
>"Don't worry little Nonny," she says as she pulls you close to her again, "let Momma Pinkie take care of you."
>She gingerly lays you down on your bed and inches her hands underneath your shirt
>Straddling you, she leans down and draws you into a deep, passionate kiss
>Her hands are running over your chest now, and you're surprised at the pleasurable sensation you feel when she rubs circles on your nipples
>Caught off guard by it, you let out a moan into her mouth
>She lifts up from the kiss and gives you a sultry, mischievous smile
>"Oh, so you're that kind of guy? I like that."
>She slides your shirt up and off your body with expertise, before sliding herself down to bring her face level with your chest
>Without warning, she bends down, latches onto your nipple with her mouth, and starts licking and suckling at it
>You moan out more, unsure of how to feel about this
>Like, you're a guy, so why does this feel so good?
>Oh well, might as well lie back and enjoy it
>She plays with your other nipple with her hand, occasionally swapping which one gets mouth treatment and which one gets the hand
>Needless to say, you're at pretty much full mast
>Pinkie finally sits up, and starts slowly pulling her shirt up revealing her midriff
>"You know, I was just thinking,"
>She pulls them up a bit more and you can just see the bottom of her braless bust
>"It's not fair if you get to have all the fun, so"
>She pulls it up more, dragging her breasts along with it, denying you a full view until...
>"How about you return the favor?"
>Her tits finally fall free of her shirt, softly bouncing against her lower chest until they settle against it
>She pulls her shirt off the rest of the way and tosses it aside
>"So, what do you say?"
>You cab hardly respond, the sight of real live tittes holding every single neuron in your brain captive
>You realize you're not even breathing, and it feels like your heart has stopped
>Is this how you die? Too entranced by the boobs for autonomic nervous functions to work?
>What a way to go!
>But, you finally find yourself breathing and pumping blood again
"Jokes on you, I'll still be having fun."
>You grab her arm and pull her onto all fours, her beautiful pink pendulums swaying over your stomach
>Shimmying down into position, you align your mouth with her right nipple and give it a gingerly lick
>Testing the waters more, you take it in your mouth and gently roll it around, reaching up with your hand for the other one
>"Mhmm, I'm pretty sensitive there too, you know? Especially compared to even you, so, thanks for being gentle."
"Ymm wmmhmm"
>Finally, you start sucking on her nipple, trying not to be too aggressive, but wanting to be just forceful enough
>Pinkie's now the one moaning from having her nips sucked, and you feel good about making her feel good
>You continue to play with her breast in your mouth until you feel something strange
>Popping off, you smack your lips a few times and-
"Is this... milk?"
>"Wha? Oh, yeah, sorry, I probably should have warned you ahead of time. Side effect of the pills. You can stop if you want."
>You crane your head up to look at Pinkie, who's craning her head down to look at you
"Hmmm, nah. I don't mind, besides,"
>You take another lick of Pinkie's leaking milkmakers and smile up at her
"how else is Momma Pinkie gonna take care of me?"
>Her smile has returned, but this time it's less joking, and more genuine and almost motherly
>She reaches down and pats you on the head saying
>"Good boy."
>You return to servicing her, and before long, you feel her arms and legs quaking around you
>She lifts herself up and gingerly pushes your head down when you try to follow her with it
>"Okay, you're way better at this than a virgin should be. Were you breastfed until you were ten?"
"Um, not quite."
>She blinks twice
>"Seven?"
>You shake your head again
>"... Five?"
>Your grimacing and turning away tells Pinkie exactly what you're denying
>"Soo, do you remember it at all?"
"Well, yeah, but I'd rather not think about it."
>"Fair enough. Wrong thread anyway."
"Wrong what?"
>"Nothing!"