Originally uploaded to Pastebin: December 13th, 2020
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An Anon posted an image of Anon locked in a dungeon with Celestia.

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>The gloom of your cell doesn't get much better the longer you stare at it.
>From your place on the floor, the meagre light coming through the thin slit opening near the ceiling does little to alleviate the oppressive darkness you've found yourself in for what you assume is several days.
>If the rotation of the guards beyond your door, and the shadows cast by the outside daylight along the wall are any indication, you must have been here for at least half a week.
>Though keeping a proper count of the days is difficult when you keep dropping in and out of consciousness.
>There isn't much to do from where you are other than think and sleep, the latter of which you've been getting ample amounts of.
>The guards outside exchange words; you can hear them through the thin metal door that leads into your cell.
>Muffled, but you get the gist; they're talking about you.
>Why you, you wonder; what did you do wrong?
>With plenty of time to ruminate on your circumstances, your mind has carefully picked through the days leading up to your incarceration dozens of times.
>What could you have done? Did you break some obscure law? Offend an easily incensed official?
>You can't think of anything.
>As far as you can tell, you were living as peaceably as everyone else around you in lower Canterlot when they rushed through your bedroom door in the middle of the night and dragged you off to God-knows-where.
>Still, they have kept you very well fed, so it could be a lot worse.
>Your captors, whomever they are, are kind enough to provide full meals for you, so clearly your imprisonment isn't meant to break your body, at least.
>You catch a whiff of yourself and your nose wrinkles.
>Though your clothes could do with a wash; days of nervous sweating haven't helped the smell much.
>You hear hoof-steps outside; you've become accustomed to them now.
>As far as you can tell, your cell is at the end of a long corridor, as the steps can be heard from a distance, and never continue past your door.
>The light from outside would indicate that if you are underground, it's not by much.
>You can't see what lies outside, but you can just about see blue skies and the odd cloud.
>With another set of murmurs, you hear a key enter a lock, and prepare yourself to confront your captors.
>The door swings open, and a rugged pegasus steps in, giving you a steady look.
>He looks around your cell, and motions one of his colleagues to check for anything suspicious.
>As the younger unicorn stallion pokes around, ending by lifting your straw mattress to check under it, he shakes his head.
>His superior nods, then looks back to you.
>"Alright, inmate. Can you walk?"
"Yes, sir." you had quickly learnt that politeness was the easier path to take in here.
>He motions to your chains, and the stallion beside him levitates a key, approaching you.
>"I'm going to unlock your restraints now. We would advise that you come peacefully; we don't want anymore unpleasantness this time."
>A few of your ribs ache from the memory of what your more rebellious inclinations had previously earnt you.
>Free from your bindings, you rise and follow the superior out of your cell.
>As you'd suspected, a corridor greets you.
>You are marched along the passageway and are surprised at how few cells there are.
>Of the few other rooms you can see, they are all open, and all empty.
>Are you the only inmate?
>You hold your tongue rather than ask the stallion in front of you, and follow on in silence.
>Finally, you come to what you determine is a shower block of sorts.
>The stallion turns to you.
>"You are to wash yourself here; plain cleaning products have been provided, as have towels."
>After a moment of hesitation, you step inside.
>As you go to take your clothes off, you look back at the ponies watching you.
>They mutter a word between one-another, before the superior jerks his head towards the shower.
>"We'll lock the door and give you some privacy; you have ten minutes."
>With that, the door slams shut, and you hear it lock.

>Fully (albeit hastily) washed and clothed again, you continue walking after the superior through the complex.
>It's worrying how large it is, though you would be more reassured if you could see even a single other prisoner here.
>Perhaps that's how it's run? Keep the prisoners isolated from each other?
>You want to find out, but you know at this point that any questions you venture will be ignored.
>Eventually you come to a small meeting room.
>A simple wooden table and three chairs is all that furnishes the stone walls and floor, and the superior nods at the arrangement.
>"Be seated. They will be in shortly." he taps the door, drawing your attention to the small porthole covered by a sliding plate that can be pulled back to allow someone to peer through. "We'll be watching, so don't try anything."
>The ordinarily stoic pony allows himself a slight smile.
>"Not that I think you would want to try anything; but I admit I would enjoy seeing you try."
>With that, he pushes your leg and you take the hint to walk through the door, ducking your head as you go.
>You swallow a lump that was forming in your throat and sit down on the single chair across from the other two.
>The door behind you slams shut and is locked; you hear the plate slid open.
>Turn back slightly to see the eyes of the stallion watching you unblinkingly.
>You look forward again at the door on the other side the room.
>After a few minutes of silent waiting, you hear hoof-steps on the other side of it.
>Finally, it is unlocked, and swings open.
>Your eyes widen as Princess Celestia saunters into the room.
>Her presence is a marked juxtaposition from the dreary confines you've been in for the last several days.
>The mare's coat is a radiant white; her mane drifting on an unseen wind.
>It is as though the very room itself lit up as soon as she entered.
>Not far behind her, you're stunned to see Princess Luna enter as well, an assortment of documents floating beside her head in a dark blue aura.
>The smaller mare gives you a stern look, then casts her eyes to door behind you.
>"Thank you, Captain. We will summon you if we need anything."
>"Princess," comes the response as the plate slides shut.
>You hear hoof-steps as the captain leaves with his colleague.
>Leaving you well and truly alone with the two princesses.
>They seat themselves before you, Celestia's eyes drinking you in, whilst Luna's more reserved gaze studies your hands and arms, likely checking for reach and judging how strong you may be.
>Hesitantly, you lick your lips and lean forwards.
"I don't know what I did to deserve this, Princesses, but I apologise if I broke any laws--"
>Celestia holds up a hoof with a gentle smile.
>"We trust that you have been well-looked after whilst staying here?"
"I... I've been fed regular meals, and for the most part the guards leave me alone."
>"Wonderful," her tone carries a serene quality; after days of looking at greys and hearing naught but the harsh words of guards and your own thoughts, it's like a ray of sunshine breaking through a cloud cover.
>"We must apologise for the sudden, ah, incarceration, but it was vital that you be secured as soon as possible."
"Because of my... crimes?"
>She nods gravely, "Very much so."
>Luna clears her throat and leans forward.
>Your eyes dart to the documents she was resting her hooves atop.
>She catches this and pulls them a bit closer to herself, speaking in a terse voice that stands in direct contrast to her sister's.
>"Anonymous, I will not mince words, nor will I waste time; where were you expecting to be on Saturday the nineteenth of this month?"
"Saturd... I wasn't planning on going anywhere, Princess Luna."
>"So you had a free schedule, as it were?"
"Yes, I suppose so? Why, do you suspect that I--"
>"We'll ask the questions, Anonymous."
>You gulp and fold your arms, elbows resting on the table.
>Luna scribbles something down with a quill on one of her documents as her sister speaks up again.
>"I am sorry for Luna's manner, she is simply intent to get the answers she requires. I am sure you won't mind a bit of questioning, will you? Just a few simple queries, and then we'll be gone, would that be alright?"
>She gazes at you with an almost motherly affection; you feel yourself drawn to it.
"That would be fine, Princess," you try to control your voice; are you being accused of something? What? What could you have possibly done?
>"I knew you would understand; thank you, Anonymous," she coos.
>"Now," Luna speaks up again, "you have been seen frequenting the various eating establishments of lower Canterlot. Of those you have visited in the last six months, which would you say was the most agreeable?"
>You blink and stare at her, then look nervously back at Celestia.
>She motions you to answer, a soft smile reassuring you.
"I-I suppose... Pony Joe's?", you say, looking back to Luna.
>"I see. And why is that?"
"I like the sandwiches he does, and also the doughnuts-- I'm sorry, did I do something wrong when I--"
>"-We- are the interrogators here, Anonymous; do -not- make me repeat myself again."
>You immediately shut up.
>Luna scowls at you and scribbles some more with her quill.
>Celestia fills the silence.
>"I hear there is an event to be held in the Ruby District next Saturday, the Wonderbolts are performing a show; have you ever seen the Wonderbolts, Anonymous?"
"I can't say I've ever had the pleasure."
>"Oh they're ever so good; you will have to attend one of their shows. Perhaps the Saturday show? Is that something you would be interested in?"
>You regard Celestia with a sceptical look, her own expression purely innocent.
>"Would... that be a no?"
>You glance at Luna.
>Her quill is hovering over the paper as she waits for you to answer Celestia.
"...Maybe?"
>She furiously writes something down and Celestia nods.
>"Alright... that's good, then."
>She glances at Luna and raises an eyebrow.
>Luna shakes her head in response.
>The two look back at you, and Celestia rises.
>"Would you excuse us for a moment, Anonymous? My sister and I need to have a word."
"Of... course."
>She beams at you.
>"We appreciate you giving us your time."
>You nod in acknowledgement as they leave the room and shut the door.
>Only to frown when you remember that you've been locked in here against your will for the better part of a week and you're not really in a position to 'give' anything.
>To your surprise, you find that you can make out their voices.
>The same kind of metal door your cell has is all over this building; they're tough, but so thin you can hear people speak through them.
>So with that, you stay as quiet as you can.
>And...
>"He's a bit reluctant, isn't he?"
>"Reluctant?! Lulu you had him locked up in prison! Of course he's reluctant!"
>"Oh come on that was just to make sure he didn't go anywhere!"
>"We already established that he didn't have plans earlier last week--"
>"He was overheard talking to Moondancer and saying that he was thinking about visiting Rainbow Falls on the nineteenth! I had to do -something-, Celly!"
>"So sending the Canterlot Elite Guard to kick his door in and black-bag him was your idea of decisive action?!"
>"Decisive indeed! He's here, isn't he?"
>"He -smells-! The poor thing clearly hasn't had a proper bath in days!"
>"Well I told the guards to have him bathed before they brought him so that's hardly my fault--"
>"This whole thing is your fault! How are we supposed to work with this?"
>"Come off it, Celly, if you can talk a Yak out of smashing something you can talk him into going to see the Wonderbolts."
>"I'm good, Lulu, but I'm not a miracle-worker."
>"I know you can do it; so are we still doing the good-cop-bad-cop thing?"
>"I'm not sure, do you think it's working?"
>"Hmm."
>...
>The door opens slightly, and you see Luna glare into the room at you.
>You offer a small wave.
>The door slams shut.
>"He's positively terrified. We may need to tone it down."
>"Alright Lulu, so what do you suggest?"
>"Mmm; maybe both be good cop?"
>"Yes. Yes, I like that idea, let's do that."
>"Alright. On three, ready?"
>"Okay."
>"Okay; three."
>"That wasn't--"
>The door swings open and Luna strolls in, smiling toothily at you.
>She sits down, and Celestia hurries in after her to take her own seat.
>"So..." begins Luna, inspecting her documents, "we have reports that you enjoy spending time at the zoo. Is that correct?"
"I've gone a few times, yes."
>"But did you -enjoy- it."
"Well I wouldn't have gone after the first time if I did-- yes, Princess."
>She narrows her eyes.
>"Just you watch it, human. You're on thin ice."
>Celestia, still smiling at you, knocks her sister with an elbow.
>"(Good cop!)", she hisses out the corner of her mouth.
>"Ahuugh, I mean you're... looking well. Is the food here good?"
>You stare in disbelief at the two ponies across from you.
>Luna, trying to look casual, reclines slightly in her chair.
>"I walked past the kitchens earlier; thought I could smell cauliflower. You like cauliflower?"
"...Princess Luna what exactly have I done wrong? Why am I locked up in here?"
>"We had reason to believe that you intended to leave the city. Possibly to visit Rainbow Falls. Naturally, we couldn't let that happen."
"...Why?"
>Luna stares at you.
>Then glances at Celestia.
>Celestia looks back at her sister, unblinking.
>Luna's eyes slowly move back to you, and, in a flat voice.
>"National security matter. You wouldn't understand."
"I--"
>"Anonymous, let's be frank," Luna sets her elbows on the table, hooves pressed together.
>"You have something we want. We have something you might want. Let's cut a deal."
"O-okay?"
>"We require from you your word that you will not leave Canterlot City before the nineteenth day of the month."
"I think I can do that. And what will you give me in return?"
>"I'm not done. Not only that, but you must act as a..."
>She trails off, but Celestia picks up where she left off.
>"...A-a companion!"
"Companion?"
>"Yes. There is a formal event of the utmost importance that requires our attention, and you must accompany us to it."
"But why me?"
>"You... there is no one else available at this time. It has to be you."
"But why not the guard?"
>"Too obvious; we need someone that can blend in."
"Celestia, I'm six feet tall and tower over the average pony."
>"Well alright, not -too- inconspicuous; we need someone of your height and build to act as a deterrent."
"Against what?"
>"Assassinations!", Luna chimes in, "There have been, ah, several recently."
>You raise your eyebrows.
"People have tried to take your lives?"
>"Oh yes," Luna nods, "dozens, if not hundreds of times."
>"Often with bombs," Celestia offers.
>"Hundreds of bombs," her sister affirms, "the casualties have been terrible thus far."
>"So that's where you come in," Celestia straightens up in her seat, "we need you to help protect us from these bomb-throwing assassins as we attend our event."
"The event being?"
>"The Wonderbolts are performing a show, and we need to be there to show them moral support."
>You stare once more at the two sisters, who are putting on their best smiles.
>Celestia's looks a lot more natural than her sister's, who for her part looks as though she's trying not to break wind.
"So I, and only I, not the Royal Guard, am needed to protect you both from bomb-wielding maniacs whom have already killed dozens--"
>"Possibly hundreds," Luna interjects.
"Possibly hundreds of ponies already, and you need me to do this at a Wonderbolts show."
>"Yes."
"And what if I say no?"
>The two mares look at each other.
>Then back at you.
>Luna leans forwards.
>"So would you say no because you don't want to spend time with us, or because of the Wonderbolts...?"
"Wh-- no, I don't want to get killed by any assassins!"
>"Assassin-- oh, them, noo, you'll be fine! We'll be there to protect you, Anonymous."
"But then if you can protect me from the assassins why can't you protect yourselves? Why do you need me in the first place?"
>Luna opens her mouth.
>Then shuts it again.
>Celestia scratches her head, her face scrunched up.
>Then she bops her sister on the shoulder and motions to the door.
>"Anonymous, would you excuse us again?" she doesn't wait for an answer as she gets up.
>You slump back in your chair and begin to wonder if you're ever going to get out of prison.
>The two ponies hurry from the room, documents in tow, and slam the door shut.
>You listen closely, again:
>"Bomb-throwing assassins?! Lulu what the HAY was that?!"
>"I only brought up the assassins, -you- mentioned the bombs!"
>"I was just trying to beef up your story! Play an idea off you! You didn't have to take it literally!"
>"What the blazes-- are we trying to do a bit now? Are we comedians all of a sudden? Celly we're dropping the ball on this -hard-, do you see the way he's looking at us?!"
>"He's just confused is all--"
>"He thinks we're idiots!"
>"Well, we're not doing a very good job convincing him otherwise!"
>"I thought you were good at negotiation!"
>"I am! But negotiation is a lot easier than securing a date, Lulu!"
>"I thought you did this all the time! What have you been doing whilst I've been locked away on the moon?!"
>"Looking after the empire -you- tried to destroy!"
>"Ooh don't throw that at me, you started it when you didn't give me back Mister Paws!"
>"Mister Paws, I'll have you know, was a gift from father to ME."
>"He gave him to you but you never even played with him! I was the one who carried him to bed every night, he was more my toy than yours--"
>"Look, I'm not arguing with you about a teddy bear at a time like this!"
>"Mister Paws is -not- just a teddy bear--"
>"Lulu, please, listen; you and I both want this, right?"
>"The teddy--"
>"The human, Lulu, focus."
>"Right. Yes. Yes, of course I want him."
>"Yes. So we just need to go in there, secure a date, and be done with it. We can do that, can't we?"
>"Of course."
>"We're princesses!"
>"The rulers of Equestria."
>"We avenged Father, defeated Scorpan, overthrew Discord; this is easy."
>"Right."
>"So let's do this."
>"Okay. On three?"
>"On three. One--"
>Luna bursts through the door, leaving Celestia in mid-count.
>She sits back down at the table and Celestia hastily sits next to her, running a hoof through her mane to correct it slightly.
>"Anonymous," Celestia begins.
"Look; I just want to go home. Whatever you want to do, just do it. I want to go home."
>She nods slowly.
>"Rrright. So the assassins thing was just an, ah, test."
"A test."
>"To see how... loyal, you are."
"Uh huh."
>...
>"You failed," Luna says bluntly, "so here's the thing."
>She points a hoof at you.
>"We want you to accompany us to the Wonderbolts show on Saturday."
"I gathered as much."
>"After the show we'll go out for lunch at--"
>She glances at her notes.
>"--Pony Joes."
"Okay."
>"And then we'll... um. Well we'll see what we can do from there."
"Sounds alright to me."
>"Good."
>She nods, confirming her own statement.
>Then looks at Celestia.
>"Was that it? Did we do it?"
>Her sister looks between you and Luna nervously.
>"I think so?" she taps her front hooves together and gives you a weak smile. "Do you accept?"
"You're asking me to choose between prison, and a nice day out with the princesses."
>"...Yes I suppose I am, really."
"Then yes, I accept."
>"Oh! How lovely, thank you!"
>You, with your unshaven beard, tattered, dirty clothes, and unamused demeanour, regard her wearily.
"You could have just asked."
>"But you might have said no!"
"And? Rejection hurts, but it happens all the time."
>"Well we wouldn't really know."
>Celestia and Luna share a look, and Luna finishes her sister's thought.
>"Ponies don't really ask us out on dates."
"So why am I different?"
>"You're not a pony."
"I... alright."
>"So!" Luna stands up and levitates her documents. "I suppose we are done here. We expect to see you at the palace at nine-o-clock sharp on Saturday. The show begins at ten, and will finish at twelve-thirty. Then we shall go for lunch."
>Then, after a pause.
>"It will be very fun."
>Celestia sighs happily.
>"Another successful negotiation. I look forward to seeing you, Anonymous. Farewell!"
>They leave the room and shut the door behind them.
>You sit in silence.
>Look around the room and wait for something to happen.
>...
"So is anyone gonna let me out, or what?"

The End.