Title:           Hassen-Bros 1
Author:          Yoohoo
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/GEAi5Ctr
First Edit:      Sunday 14th of August 2016 01:48:54 AM CDT
Last Edit:       Sunday 14th of August 2016 01:48:54 AM CDT

>There's knocking at the door
>What the fucking fuck
>Who comes around at...
>You turn your alarm clock around
>Oh
>It's 1PM
>Right, you forgot that you don't sleep like normal people do
>You're Anon, of course
>You grumble and pull yourself out of bed, yawning as you make your way down the stairs
>The rays of sunlight are trying to make their way through the blinds, but you've got those fuckers closed tight
>There's another three-rap knock at your door
"Hold on, hold on, I'm coming."
>You open the door and look around
>There's no one there
>Fucking pranksters you swear
>You're about to close the door, when you look down
>Oh
>It's a package
>Massive
>Did you order something?
>You're having trouble remembering, but it's 1PM, your brain isn't totally on yet
>You squat down and pick it up, and you're glad you did
>This thing is heavy
>Did someone send you bricks?
>Why would you order bricks?
>You shut the door with your back and place the package down on your coffee table, looking all around it for sings of a return address, anything
>There is, but it's not one that's ringing a bell
"Hassenfield-Bros?"
>It's too early for this shit
>You go and shove a bagel in the toaster before grabbing a boxcutter and cutting open the tape sealing the box
>Almost immediately you see a shitton of what look to be instruction manuals
>Bootleg IKEA?
>Whatever
>Scooping all of them out and setting them on the couch, you remove a cardboard divider and come face to face with
>Well
>It's a container
>A container with something candy-colored inside
>Wait a second
>That's a fucking pony
>Now everything's coming back
>You remembered stumbling across the website late one night and actually placed an order
>And you screencapped it for a thread because hey, it'd be something silly you could laugh about later
>But no it was all too real, alright
>Shit
>Shit shit shit there was a whole bunch of stuff you didn't read on that website
>Oh hey, your bagel's done
 
>With your bagel buttered, you batten down the door and begrudgingly bare the brunt of the manual
>Oh, hey it's actually not that bad
>There's pictures and everything
>This'll be a cakewalk
>Well, mostly
>The instructions just keep unfolding, and there's a whole bunch of errata/do's and don'ts, etc. etc.
>One step at a time, Anon
>One step at a time
>As you munch on the bagel, you interpret the instructions to yourself
>Take cryo-box out of box and place on floor
>You remove the other miscellaneous boxes and set them aside, they probably came later
>Alright, now that it's on the floor, you just what, open it?
>Looks like that's what the instructions are saying
>Now how to open this thing
>You're bent over the box, searching around for some way to open the damn thing
>You happen to stumble upon what looks to be a small, black tube on the side of the box
>There's a small caricature of someone placing their finger in it
>Weird, but, alright
>You do so, placing your thumb into the tube indicated
>You feel it lock around your finger
>No amount of tugging pulls it free
>Shit if this winds up with you losing a finger, you'll be pissed
>Should've put your pinkie in there
>Nobody needs those
>You feel something prick the tip of your finger and you wince slightly
>Something drew blood
>There's a slight cooling sensation and it lets your finger go
>When you remove it, a nice little Hassenfield-Brothers branded bandage is on it
>How nice
>There's a few minute sounds you can hear, but you're still not sure what's going on, until the box opens with a hiss
>The lid slowly rises and slides away, revealing the poner inside
>Well, that's certainly something
>It's a really pale pink color
>Blue mane
>It evokes thoughts of cotton candy
>There's a piece of paper inside
>You carefully snatch it out, as to not wake the poner inside
>Apparently it'd wake up on its own
>Oh, it's an ID tag
>AL-03-SP
>You wondered why they couldn't just print the fucking name on the thing
 
>It was for consumer use anyway, not like you were gonna take inventory of it
>Whatever, you knew it was Aloe anyway
>You're sitting crosslegged on the floor for a couple of minutes, watching the little poner's chest rising and falling slowly
>The manual said it should wake up soon and start "imprinting," whatever that meant
>You see one of her hindlegs twitch and she rubs at her muzzle, scrunching it softly as her eyes shut tighter
>She sneezes
>It wakes her up and she starts looking around frantically before calming down
>When she spots you, she tilts her head curiously
>The cotton candy colored filly stands and trots towards you, nearly stumbling over the lip of the cryo-box before taking her first steps into your home
>It was actually kind of amusing the way she snuffled about, investigating you
>You hold out your hand and she initially shies away from it, just slightly
>Upon realizing that it wasn't a threat, she grabs onto your hand and licks at your index finger, starting to nibble at it a bit
>You hold up the small poner and look at it
>Apparently this was what the manual was talking about
>And there was supposed to be at least an hour of this?
>Well, it wasn't like you were going anywhere, that was for sure
>It was fffffriday
>Not night yet though
>The little filly slips off of your hand and lands in your lap gently, where she rolls over
>You gently pet her mane
>It's silky smooth, and she subtly moves her head into your hand as you do so
>When you stop petting her, she buries her muzzle underneath your hand and tries to get you to do it again
>You don't want to disappoint the poor little poner, so you do so
>She definitely liked being petted
>At some point though she grows restless and flops out of your lap, starting to circle around you
>She tries to climb up on your back, though her hooves aren't the best for gaining any sort of grip
>The next time she tries, you bend forward a bit, allowing her to scrabble up your back
>An hour of this?
>Sure
 
>Tiny Aloe is busy crawling all over you as you try your best to get a hold of her
>Once you finally do, you hold her out at arms length, where she stares at you
>You can hear her stomach rumble a bit
"Right. That."
>You hold her under your arm as you look around
>The manual said something about nutrient paste or whatnot
>You open up the miscellaneous boxes you set aside
>Headphones and what looks like a fucking walkman with some CDs
"Uhhh..."
>Oh there it is
>Shit, this box is pretty big too
>You pull out one of the tubes
>Apparently there's supposed to be six weeks worth of this stuff
>How do you feed this to her anyway?
>Straight from the thing, or squeeze it onto a plate
>Truly this is the most important dilemma of the day
>Maybe there's instructions
>You dig around in the box as you let Aloe hold onto the tube
>There's nothing but more tubes of paste in there
>As you reach down to grab the tube from Aloe, she's already nibbled off the tip and has begun to suck down the paste
>Oh
>Well, guess we're going with the former option
>He hold her out at arms length again
"Now what do I do with you?"
>She doesn't answer
>She's too busy eating
>Though she stares at you while you do so
>It had already been well over an hour, so most of the important imprinting should have been done
>You set her down on the couch and start getting the unnecessary leftover cardboard cleaned up as she watches
>What do you even do with a poner in your house?
>How do you manage to take it outside
>Do you take it on walks?
>Is it even a pet?
>Well, it's got language CDs
>And pets usually don't talk
>You toss them away and return to the little poner who had finished up her meal
"Well, guess I'd better show you around the house if you're gonna live here."
>You help her down off the couch and she starts to trot around your legs
>You do your best not to trip over her as you make your way through, giving a semi-interesting tour of your home