Title:           Armor and Anon's Adventure - Part 1
Author:          DrMel
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/WtNt0Hf7
First Edit:      Monday 30th of November 2015 03:24:43 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Last edit on: Monday 30th of November 2015 03:30:54 PM CDT

>"Hey Anon, I heard you were pretty good with biology. I just had a question to ask you."
"What is it, Shining?"
>"As you see, my wife is pregnant. However, we have done nothing but anal sex for our whole relationship. Is it possible for my semen to soak through the rectum and into her vagina?"
 
 
> You jolt upwards in your seat and nearly choke on your drink.
> With a couple of heavy coughs you wipe the golden liquid from your lips.
> Ho-ho-holy shit.
> Was he serious?
> Shining Armor gave you a strange look as you slam your mug down and gaze up at him.
> You found a smile gracing your lips.
> You were a dick yeah...
> But this was your buddy.
"Dude..."
> He raised an eyebrow.
"She's cheating on you."
> His face shifted into a look of annoyance.
> "Quit joking man. I may not know much about our anatomy-"
"More like nothing at all."
> You down what little of your drink was left.
> You place the mug back down and lean back in your chair.
> The sounds of the tavern became background noise as you quirk a eyebrow.
> There was no way he was this naive.
> You had seen him take on whole squads of enraged Minotaurs, A pissed Hydra, and much more.
> The two of you were die hard battle buddies.
> You had his back and he had yours.
> Which is why this was such a fucking hilarious situation holy shit.
> But still… this guys tactics had gotten the two of you through the toughest of situations.
> You scratch your bald head and sigh.
“I'm not joking. As far as I know, the two aren't… connected.”
> That was the delicate way of putting it.
> Shining frowned again.
> “But surely-”
“I'ma stop you here and save some face Shining. It does NOT work the way you think man.”
> “But semen is a liquid Anon! Of course it surely-”
> Was he really this sheltered?
> You had heard stories of his sister; you wondered how bad she had it.
“Look. She's cheating on you. I don't know why all of a sudden, she seemed cool at first but she's taking someone else Shining and really, only anal!?”
> A heavy blush fell over his cheeks.
> You could feel some stares lingering on you.
> You didn't care, this wasn't the first time you were considered strange by the public.
> His gaze slowly met your own.
> "Y-You're pulling my leg right?"
"No."
> You weren't going to sit here and bullshit someone so naive.
> Shining let his face fall into his hooves silently.
> "Stop it."
"No, she could be taking some other dudes long, slimy phallus right now."
> Was that a little far?
> 'I think not.'
> You must go deeper.
> He shook his head back and forth.
> "Stop!"
"Right now she's panting as some stallion she picked off the street rams his big, meaty cock deep inside of her."
> Get mad Shining.
> Get mad.
> "Stop it!"
"Dude's name is probably Chad. He was a simple frat pony that managed to get lucky enough to score with the hottest piece of flank in all of the Crystal Kingdom!"
> You scoot your chair out and slam one leg onto the table; taking a stance akin to a Captain leading his ship.
> You lean against the highest propped knee.
"Oh boy! He's thinking. I'm sooo going to tell all my bro's about how I banged her man."
> You reach over and slap the back of his head.
"What's wrong witchu!"
> You sit back down and gesture for another drink.
"Shining, I don't care how much it hurts man. But this isn't something you can de-"
> Something heavy tackled you to the ground.
> "Quit talking about Cadance like that!"
> Oh there's the pair.
> You shove the rabid unicorn off and get to your feet.
"Calm dow- OMPH"
> The world seemed to fly outwards as the kick of a spell slammed into your chest.
> Crash!
> A table housing two mares snapped under your weight.
> Shining panted heavily as the blue light on his horn slowly faded away.
> He sneered and spat onto your prone form.
> "Don't bother seeing me again." He growled.
> You heard the spilling of a couple bits on the taverns counter before the door opened and slammed shut.
> Uhg...
> You pick yourself up and dust off your suit.
> You had a thing for them recently.
> "Are you okay Anon?" One of the mares asked.
"Dandy."
> "Good because you spilled our drinks."
> Oy vey...
 
> You shuffle through the dimly lit street.
> Your chest...
> You clutch it tightly as each step bought a different pulse of pain.
> Douche had more kick in that spell than you had thought.
> You ignore the crystal buildings, their glamour having long worn off.
> You wince as you reach into your left pocket.
> You fumble to get the keys out.
> The mixture of alcohol and pain made it a lot harder than it should've been.
> You make a sharp right and trudge your way up a couple of steps.
"Well deserved title of Captain my ass..."
> You stick the keys into the slot and twist.
> They somehow magically slipped from your grip and fell to the ground.
> You roll your eyes.
 
> After three tries you finally push past the door.
"Honey I'm home!"
> A dogs high whimper was all that greeted you.
> Poor girl.
> Her treatments kept your pockets empty.
> But you would gladly do it again.
> You flick on the light to reveal a pigsty of a house.
> Candy wrappers, Alcohol bottles, Hayburger wrappers.
> You picked the hay off of them and instead ate the edible veggies.
> It sucked...
> You toss the keys off somewhere and plop onto a stained couch.
> Some roaches and some other unidentifiable insects hopped from the cushions and ran off somewhere.
> You grunt and rub your chest.
> Nothing broken most likely but still.
> It hurt to all hell.
> Eh...
> You would get over it.
> Shining and his little hissy fit?
> That would take awhile.
> "Bro seriously?"
> Oh boy.
> Here you go again.
> You shift on the couch and peer over.
> Another version of you leaned against the wall; right next to a window.
> He wore a pair of saggy sweatpants and a snapback hat labled 'obey'.
> He branded a tattoo of your name on his chest.
> He smiled brightly showing off his golden grill.
> Ever since that one mission…
> The one that involved a ton of magic.
> You conscience took the form of a literal douchebag.
> You groan and roll back over.
"Go away."
> "Nah breh. I've got a question for you."
> Here it comes.
> "Why aren't you helping out your bro, bro?"
"Shut up."
> "Bro!"
"I said shut it!"
> "Think of all he's done for you bro."
> You grab a random magazine from the worn-out coffee table next to you.
> You flip it open and begin to hum in an attempt to ward this asshole away.
> "Brooo! I'm speaking to you!"
"And I'm not listening."
> Hm...
> That mare had a nice personality.
> "You're seriously going to let your bro get keked like that?"
"Yes."
> "Naahhh... you care."
"After that little fiasco?"
> You let out a sarcastic laugh.
"No."
> "But think of everything that bro has done for you. The free rides, the free food, saving your ass in most of those missions."
> He stopped in front of you and gestured to the mess you called a living space.
> "If he knew about all this he woulda' helped in a heartbeat bro."
"Stop saying bro!"
> "Bro."
> You pinch the bridge of your nose.
"Okay... just... go away please. I've had a shitty night-"
> "No can do breh. I'm your conscience. No matter how close I get to leaving I'm still there."
"So what do you want then?"
> "Help him."
"No."
> You turn to the next page of the magazine.
> Oh, lovely pair of eyes on that mare.
> "All the times he's helped you out and you're not even going to try?"
> Hmmm...
"Yeah."
> “Think about it though bro.”
> ….
> “You can't just let things end like this bro. Do you think Shining would give up if you acted like a whining faggot?”
“….No.”
> “Exactly, and you're going to give up on him that easily.”
“I'm not-”
> “Magazine in one hand, laying your lazy ass on this couch breh. That looks like giving up on a good friend.”
> You glare at your conscience.
> Damn this thing.
> You drop the magazine and run a hand down your face.
"And do what? He doesn't even want to see me again."
> "You were a soldier for awhile. Do what you do best bro."
"And that would be?"
> "Hmm I don't know, gathering of intel? Stealth? How about using that vast array of skills to do something other than just give up on a friend."
> You groan and plop your head against the couch.
"Fine... fine! I'll give it a try."
> "Sweet breh. I've got some lovely depressed feelings to hit on bro, I'll hit you up later."
> With that he was gone in the blink of an eye.
> You pick yourself off of the couch and stagger towards your bathroom.
> Okay Shining...
> Time to take a different approach to this...
 
> The cool night air tickled your face.
> You grunt and sling the sickle-like device over your head.
> It stabbed into the castles side surprisingly silently.
> You sigh and peer downwards.
> The ground had to atleast be a hundred feet under you.
> Or so it looked like that.
> You dig your boots into the side and chase after the sickle-like device.
> You stab what was essentially a giant bowie knife just above the sickle.
> Only way it was possible to scale this thing.
> As far as you knew, Shining was at the top of this big-ass castle chilling either alone or with his wife.
> You needed to talk to him but you needed the upper-hand this time.
> Er... hoof.
> And coming in through the front had been completely disregarded thanks to his orders.
> 'Don't let Anonymous into this castle' he says.
> Bah...
> You grunt again as you sling the sickle upwards.
> Each time you moved your chest would briefly flare with pain.
> A reminder of why you needed to talk to this guy on your terms.
> You had left your suit at home; donning a black turtle-neck and cargo pants instead.
> Almost there...
> The balcony was just in sight...
> The light was still on so somebody was up there.
> You follow up with the knife again.
> Hopefully he wouldn't hear your clumsy stabs and heavy breathing.
> If it hadn't been for the military this feat would have been next to impossible for you.
> Working against gravity...
> You muscles practically screaming in pain..
> Crappy used gear for a dangerous and slightly crazy idea?
> Yup just like the old days.
> You grunt as you pull yourself upwards once more.
> Just in reach of the balcony.
> You had been here many times before.
> Whether it was just to catch up or talk.
> He was busy running an army now.
> You were busy...
> Lazing around...
> That was a different story though.
> You stop briefly and squint at the balcony's railing.
> Almost...
> With a sudden burst of strength you lunge upwards.
> You shed the tools and grip onto the edge of the balcony.
> The crystal surface was slippery but you managed to hold.
> You let out a huff of air as silently as you can.
> You strain to pull yourself upwards.
> All of this for a friend..
> You peek over the edge of the balcony's floor and in between the crystal railings.
> Shining trotted back and forth muttering to himself.
> He looked torn between something.
> You already knew what.
> He stopped and stared into a mirror.
> "There's no way it's possible..."
> He stomped his hoof onto the ground before him.
> "Anon is just jealous! He's trying to get in your head Shining!"
> Good lord, he almost made you want to turn back.
> You watch silently from the edge.
> "It's not possible..."
> You were beginning to lean away from his naivete and were leaning more towards denial.
> He perked up suddenly; hearing something you didn't.
> "Coming!"
> With that he galloped through the doors.
> With a grunt you pull yourself onto the balcony.
> Slipping past the rails had been annoying but you managed.
> Those were some huge gaps...
> You sneak into the room and glance around.
> This room was the complete opposite of your house.
> Well kept, organized...
> You sniff the air.
> Ah yes.
> No lingering smell of sour milk.
> You hated it.
> Okay now to find a hiding spo-
> Click.
> Shining walked through the door muttering to himself.
> He stopped suddenly and turned up to you.
> Suddenly his face twisted into a sneer.
> "I told you not to come back!"
"I-uh-I-"
> Say something you idiot.
"Friends?"
> Shining gave you a look that could only be compared to 'dude really?'
> That sounded much better in your head.
> Zap!
> You leap back from the blue beam.
"Look!"
> Zap!
> You roll out of the way of the next beam.
> Shining growled and galloped towards you.
> You got up just in time to receive his full body weight crashing into your frame.
> The two of you slammed into the ground.
> Shining let out a slur of insults as he reeled back.
> You twist your hips; the two of you rolling to the side.
> Now you were on top.
"Calm down!"
> He glared at you before an invisible force pushed you back.
> You found yourself on your back once more.
> Shining's form suddenly slammed onto your stomach.
> "You're a liar!"
> You bring your arms up to defend against his inevitable attacks.
> But nothing came.
> Instead a warm tear plopped onto your cheek.
> You lower your arms.
> He tried his best to hide the tears rolling down his cheeks.
> "Y-You're right Anon..."
> He backed off and stepped away.
> "I tried to deny it at first... she was so perfect..."
> You frown as you pick yourself up.
> "But you're right. I couldn't believe it before but the more I think about it, the more I realize you're right..."
> You weren't happy to hear him say it.
> And you had thought you would've been.
> "I-I just can't break up with her though. The kid, our status, all I can do is sit here and take it."
> You step forward and wrap him in a hug.
> You lean in close and whisper.
"No homo man..."
> He chuckled at that but the tears kept on coming.
> Three heavy knocks sounded at his door.
> "What's going on in there sir!?" A deep voice commanded.
> "Nothing! It's fine..."
> He turned away from the door and sighed.
> You let him pull away from the hug.
> He trotted over to the ridiculously huge bed propped against the wall.
> With another sigh he plopped onto it.
> You sigh and join him shortly after.
> Looks like you wouldn't need the upper-hand here.
> Err...hoof.
"And how do you know I'm right?"
> It didn't hurt to at least try and disprove anything.
> "She's been acting so distant since the pregnancy, before we didn't even... do it... that much."
"You literally said you did anal in front of a whole bar-"
> "Tavern Anon."
"Whatever, why are you acting bashful now?"
> "Seems weird when we're in castle walls to let loose."
"Bullshit, look at me. I'm letting loose right now, I think Superman is the biggest faggot in cartoon history."
> Shining glared at you.
> "You call me Superman!"
"Exactly."
> His glare slowly turned to a smile.
> That led to a light chuckle despite the circumstance.
> "Ah man..." He frowned again. "I'm sorry for earlier..." He muttered.
> You shrug.
> It took everything you had not to wince from the chest pain.
"It happens... you did just find out your magical princess wife was cheating on you."
> His frown deepened.
> You let your stare linger on him silently.
> You turn away with a sigh, opting to stare at the wall across from the two of you.
"Where is she right now?"
> "Working on some papers in the study. She won't get sleep for another hour."
"And what about you? Are you going to confront her about this?"
> Another sigh.
> "I can't. Our love is what bought the Crystal Empire back, for us to get in a falling out could possibly lead to-"
> You groan loudly to interrupt him.
"Shuuut it!"
> He snapped his mouth shut.
"The way I see it, is if she's cheating on you than she doesn't even deserve you dude."
> "I don't know man..."
"I mean anal does seem like a pretty bland way to satisfy someone."
> He glared at you once more.
> You throw your hands up.
"You're the one not pounding her pony pussy. But still, she has no right to do anything like this."
> His glare intensified.
> You wave a hand dismissively.
"Hey man, you know how I get."
> He reluctantly dropped the glare.
> "I know."
> You shoot him a wry smile.
"Remember when we were lost in that super big plane after we escorted those Buffalo?"
> "Mhm..."
"And those Zebra's caught us?"
> "Yeah..."
"Hey man, once you tell a tribe leader to pleasure himself with a cactus you're not scared to say much else."
> That earned a cheap laugh out of him.
> It died down as quickly as it started.
> The two of you sat in silence for awhile.
> Of course, you two were basically just making assumptions.
> But no-one just randomly gets pregnant.
> And you doubt he pulled out and gave Cadance a reverse shocker, he seemed too timid to do something like that.
> You lean against your fist as the two of you sat in silence for what felt like forever.
"So what are you going to do?"
> "Nothing most likely."
> You perk up.
"What?"
> "Anon pleas don't star-
"No, no, no! You're going to do something man."
> "I can't-"
"You're going to just do it!"
> "Anon-"
> You put a hand over his mouth.
> You harden your gaze and lower towards him.
"Shining, me and you are going to go to the library and spend all night coming up with a plan, and when we do this and get away, we're going to go out and drink for a bit."
> He reached up and roughly pulled your hand away.
> "They're going to be on her side no matter what Anon! And to be honest I'm starting to doubt myself, this could just be one big misunderstanding! I get frustrated very easily, a lot of it-"
"TMI!"
> Not really, you were rather desensitized to this kind of stuff.
> You furrow your brows and meet his gaze on last time.
"We're going to do something about this now…"
> You briefly glance up.
> The door was cracked open slightly.
> When had that happened?
> Just from the corner of your eye you caught a flash of pink.
> ….
“We have a problem.”
 
> "D-Dude! This is unacceptable!"
"Ok, first of all don't say dude, and second of all, don't say unacceptable. Neither of those things seem fitting to you."
> "Is this some kind of joke to you!?"
> You sigh and toss the ball to the ceiling once more.
> After you had told poor Shining what you had seen he collectively lost his shit.
> Which was utterly annoying.
> "She knows I know... and the fact that she didn't come in and say anything about it means that it's true!"
> He threw his hooves to his mane and let out sound that seemed like a cross between a growl and a grunt.
> It was rather odd.
"That's good though."
> "How!?"
"We can confront her easily about it instead of coming up with some complicated plan or something."
> "Anon you don't get it do you!?"
> You catch the ball and quirk your brow.
"No... not really no."
> "Cadance and I are a symbol for all of the Crystal ponies! If they saw that our relationship was dysfunctional than what do they have to look up too hmm?"
> You shrug casually.
"Themselves?"
> A series of hectic knocks rang from the door.
> "Anonymous and Shining Armor of the Crystal Empire's Guard, you two are to come out immediately!"
> What?
> "What!?" Shining shouted.
> The door opened with a click, revealing one of the crystal ponies with a thick mustache and a silver helmet.
> "By the princesses orders, you are to see her immediately. If you do not come with us right now you two are considered fugitives to the Empire."
"Oh she didn't."
> "What!"
> You roll off of the bed and step forward.
"We'll come! No problem."
> The stallion gave you a reluctant look before gesturing with his head.
> A squadron of Crystal soldiers lowered their lances and stepped back.
> "Anon what are you doing?" He hissed in a whisper.
"Taking us right to this man. It's obvious you're not going to do it on your own."
> Besides how bad could things possibly go?
> They would yell a bit then be over with it.
> Easy as that.
 
> Tick...tock...tick...tock.
> You and Shining glance around the room silently.
> Waiting...
> Shining had been in this room many times before but you had the feeling that it was just as alien to him as it was to you now.
> Tick....tock....tick....tock.
"She calls us up and doesn't even bother to show up."
> "Anon." He growled.
"What?"
> "How can you be so nonchalant about this? This is my wife cheating on me we're speaking about!"
"I've always considered her a girlfriend."
> "Anon!"
"Shining, dude, as far as I'm concerned she doesn't even deserve the title of your wife."
> "W-we don't know for su-"
"Oh shut it with that."
> You grimace and plop down in one of the seat facing the large polished desk.
> Multiple papers lay scattered about, leading to some golden globe decoration.
> A red carpet lined the studies floor, giving it a lavish appearance.
> It was a castle after all.
> Shining paced back and forth worriedly.
> "This is it... It's going to come to an end... not even on my terms."
> "I'm afraid that's far from the case."
> You whirl around in your seat.
> Cadance stood by the entrance.
> She was looking rather...bloated.
"Oh hey!"
> You shoot her a warm smile.
"It's the hooker!"
> She glared at you before sighing.
> "Sit down Shiny..."
> It was his turn to glare.
> "I'd rather stand."
"Hmmm, would you like a seat Cadance? I'm afraid we don't have any suitable cocks around here though..."
> Ohhhhhh.avi
> "You be quiet! This is a personal-"
"Why? The sex doesn't seem so personal between you two, why should this?"
> Shining practically spit out his drink.
> Which he didn't even have.
> “Be quiet!” Cadance shouted with a stomp of her hoof.
> Getting under her skin…
> Nice…
> “Why should he!?” Shining shouted.
> Coming to your defense.
> Nice…
> “He's been more loyal than you ever have!”
> Cadance rolled her eyes.
> “Oh my goodness Shining, it's not like that!”
“What's it like then?”
> A silent glare was all you got in response.
> She turned back to Shining with a softer look.
> "Listen!" She pleaded.
> "It's just... you've never satisfied me in the right way Shining, I still love you but I just couldn't help myself-"
"Liar!"
> You turn around and snatch up the golden globe.
> Time to see how many cheap pop-culture references you could find!
> "Anonymous..."
> "Cadance..." Shining started.
> She let out a heavy sigh.
> "Trust me honey. I'm still all for you-"
"Still lying!"
> Oh hey, Gryphondor, that's one.
> "Ignore him Shining! Don't leave me because of a silly moment of weakness, I can be stronger-"
"WOW, Timmy what does that lie-dometer read!?"
> You let out a gasp to get your point across.
"That's off the charts!"
> "Anon please..." Shining muttered.
> You snap your mouth shut.
> Fillydelphia, that's two.
> "Cadance, I can't look at you the same anymore, even if I did try to give it a try I don't think I could."
> He gestured at her bloated stomach.
> "You're pregnant with another's child... I can't look away from that."
> "I guess that's it then..." A solemn tone hung in her voice.
> If she hadn't played your boy you would've actually felt bad.
> Dolphintena.
> That one was kind of dumb.
> Cadance sighed. "I didn't want this to happen but... I'm afraid the Crystal ponies are under my protection. If they figured out anything happened between us than it's over for them..."
> The roomed seemed to get a little colder.
> "And I can't let that happen..."
> What?
> A slam followed by some crashing greeted you next.
> You whirl around and barely catch her throwing herself to the ground.
> "Guards! Anon has gone crazy! Shining no please!"
> She slammed her head into the ground, a crack accompanying a thud.
> "What in tartartus!"
"You crazy bitch!"
> You hop up.
> The door burst open; revealing a mountain of a stallion.
> You chuck the golden globe at him.
> He let out a muffled grunt as it connected right in-between his eyes.
> You sprint over and push Shining from the room.
"Go, go, go, go!"
> "This way!"
> He suddenly broke away from you and began to gallop to your left.
> You sprint after him.
> You could already hear the commotion of rising shouts and thundering hooves.
> "Haul it Anon!"
"What happens if they catch us!?"
> "They think we hurt Cadance!"
"Yeah?"
> "Execution!"
> Oh...
> Did they really do stuff like that?
> Welp, you really didn't want to find out.
> Shining made a sharp left.
> You skid to a stop; crashing into the wall.
> THUD!
> You went down like a sack of bricks.
> "There he is!"
> Fuck.
> "Anon!" Shining shouted.
> You scramble up.
> A flash of silver steel shot towards your gut.
> You leap out of the way.
> SHINK!
> One of the guards lances stuck from the crystal wall.
> He struggled to pull it out; glaring at you the entire time.
> You glance up and notice a portrait of Cadance in a garden.
> Yeah...
> You wouldn't feel bad about this.
> You take hold of the picture and bring it downwards.
> The picture tore in two as it came down over the stallions head.
> You take the opportunity to shove him away with a well-placed kick.
> You duck under the lance jutting from the wall and sprint after Shining.
> "They're getting away!"
> You and the once Captain of the Guard ran side by side as you made twists and turns throughout the hallways.
> You ran for what felt like forever.
> "Here!"
> Shining skidded to a stop in front of a door.
> He jumped against it; the door barely budging.
"Dude!"
> You dance on your tip-toes as he tried again with no avail.
> You could hear them getting closer.
> He tried once more; the door hardly budging.
"Sometime today!"
> You glance back.
> A crowd of guards were making their way down the hall, at least twenty feet away from the two of you.
"Shining the door is Chad! Ohhhh~ I'm plowing your wife, she's loving my pulsating, throbbing cock deep inside-"
> CRACK!
> The door came off of its hinges almost instantly.
> You shoot him a thumbs up and slip into the room.
> Oh shi-
> Shining's magic took hold of you before you could fall.
> You let out a shaky gulp as you teetered over the edge of the staircase.
> Things had almost gone very badly.
> He pulled you back as you let out a relived sigh.
> The two of you stood on the top of a spiraling diamond staircase.
> The guards shouts became louder as they got closer.
"Thanks."
> "Anon, come on!"
> He began to gallop as fast as he could down the spiral.
> You roll your eyes and take off after him.
> It wasn't long until the two of you were running side by side again.
"Just like the old times huh!?"
> "Can we please not do this right now? My wife is sort of crazy!"
"She's always been a psycho!"
> "Dude!"
"Bro!"
> "Anon!"
"Shining!"
> "Don't start this now!"
"Don't start this now!"
> "Anonymous!"
"Anonymous!"
> "They're down this way! I heard them."
> Shining rolled his eyes.
> "See what you get us into!?"
> ....
"See what you get us into!?"
> You let out a laugh that sounded a little too close to the Joker on crack as the two of you made your way further down the stairs.
> A roar of stomping hooves chased after the two of you in response.
> You glance up the spiral.
> The Crystal ponies gleaming bodies danced with the light as they made their way down.
> Ah...
> It would be so relaxing if you weren't currently about to die.
> You leap off of the last of the steps, Shining following shortly.
> He galloped over and nudged the only door open.
> The two of you step through the doorway, finding yourselves in the main hall.
> The exit was just a hop, skip, and a jump away.
> You shoot a beaming smile to Shining who failed to return it.
> He still must be broken up about the whole marriage thing.
> Oh well.
> Your priority was survival right now.
> The two of you give it your all in this last final charge.
> “Magi!” Shining shouted.
> Magi was code for a charging spell.
> Shit!
> The two of you barely reached the door before an explosion flung you forwards.
> The world rocked and shook around you as the two of you crashed through the door.
> Splinters shot outwards as you slammed into the cold hard concrete in front of the castle.
> With a groan you pick yourself up.
> Ignore the chest pain.
> Ignore the fact that your hearing was muffled to all hell.
> Huh?
> Shining was trying to say something to you.
> You snap your attention to him.
> He was shouting and pointing at something.
> What?
> You slowly turn to what his hoof was pointed at.
> One of those tourist maps.
> The very large ones that showed you wherever anything was?
> He was pointing directly at the train station.
> It made sense considering the two of you would definitely be on the chopping block before the end of tomorrow if you stayed.
> You slowly give him a gesture of approval.
> You stumble to your feet and stagger forwards.
> He galloped ahead of you and whirled around.
> "-ome on!"
> Uhg...
> "Come on! We need to get out before they realize!"
> He lead the way once more.
> You stagger after him like a zombie.
> 'Get your shit together mate!'
> Uhg.
> It was true.
> You shake away the feeling of disorientation and follow Shining as best as you can.
> Before you knew it the two of you found yourselves in some backwater alleyway, the fresh smell of death and rotting garbage feeling your nostrils.
> You and Shining stop and take in deep gasps of precious air.
> Then...
> You begin to laugh.
"Ohohoho man! That was fun!"
> You pop up and clap your hands together.
"Just like the old days man!"
> Shining gave you a glare.
> "My whole marriage was just taken apart in a single night... I'm sorry if I don't share your enthusiasm."
> You shrug.
“That's life.”
> “That's not life!”
> He stomped a hoof on the ground; splashing a dirty puddle everywhere.
> “My whole marriage! The one thing that made me the happiest in my life! Was just dismantled like some kind of machine!”
> You silently watch as he paced back and forth.
> He stopped at one of the dumpsters and let out a loud groan.
> Clang!
> Ew...
> You watched with disgust as a stray banana peel plopped onto his head.
"Look dude. I know this sucks, but you've gotta get over it man."
> "I don't think I can..."
"Well..."
> You gesture to the alley around the two of you.
"Look where we are now, if you hadn't acted fast and gotten us out I'd be a kebab right now."
> You stroll up and bop his nose.
"And a guard would be very happy he just killed THE Shining Armor."
> "If that supposed to make me feel better?"
"Not entirely no..."
> "Because it seriously didn't work Anon."
"I'd imagine."
> "If anything I feel slightly worse."
"Okay I get the point."
> He sighed and plopped down on the ground.
> "I don't know what to do..."
"Don't you have family or something we can crash with?"
> "... I might, my sister in Ponyville. She's a princess too and she's pretty close to Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, we would get off scott-free if we go there."
> You clap your hands together.
"Well good! We can live off of food scraps and mugging until we get there."
> "Wait what?"
"I mean we can't stay here surely not. We're going to be wanted fugitives by tomorrow morning."
> You slide on your heel.
"First I just need to-"
> "Get down!" Shining hissed.
> His weight sent you to the ground.
> Your head dunked face first into one of the many dirty puddles around the area.
> The taste of putrid pus and iron filled your mouth instantly.
"Ple-"
> Shining's hoof forced your mouth shut.
> The taste!
> Oh good lord it was horrible!
> You glance up between his force and the urge to vomit.
> Two silhouettes flew by overhead; seemingly searching for something.
> The two of you lay flat to the ground as they pass by over head.
> Shining suddenly released.
> You push up onto all fours and heave into the ground.
> "We need to get moving."
> Another wave of hot vomit.
> "I hope you don't have anything valuable... I sure don't..."
> Another one...
> "Anon?"
> You stand to your full height and wipe the vomit from your mouth.
"Yeah..."
> You gasped and heaved for air.
"I've got one thing I need to take care of..."
 
> No time for keys.
> You and Shining took the back ways to get back onto your street.
> You just needed to take care of one thing.
> You kick open your own door and storm in.
> You flick the light back on and look around.
> Ah...
> There she was.
> Among the clutter of a mess your dog rested in her bed peacefully.
> The only luxurious thing here.
> You walk over and lean down.
> "Anon.. it's a pig pen in here."
"I know."
> "Are you... poor?"
"Yeah.."
> You began to pet her shaggy fur and coo to her softly.
> The treatments had did little to help her.
> "W-Why didn't you tell me?"
> You glance back at Shining apathetically.
"Because if I always asked you to get me, what makes you my friend? You would just be another sack of money man and I don't do that..."
> ...
> Why was it so silent?
> A warm body suddenly wrapped around your own.
> "You're the best Anon."
"Okay, but can you let go? This kinda gey brah."
> He squeezed even tighter.
> You roll your eyes and reluctantly return the gesture.
> He had gone through a lot tonight after all....
> You sigh and waddle into your kitchen, Shining still wrapped tightly around your waist.
> You pick up a pen and a napkin from the mess.
"Dear...Miss...Rights ..."
 
> You and Shining step from your house.
> You gingerly close the broken door.
> Looks like your neighbor would be taking care of your dog from now on.
> Which was good, she was a vet after all.
> She had offered a while back but you never took it up.
> Something about handing your girl over didn't sit right, but you had to now.
> No more coming back here.
> Sucks because you had made a-
> "Freeze!"
> Life here...
> You and Shining turn around only to come face to face with what seemed to be an army of Crystal guards.
> Shit, how did they manage to get the jump on the two of you?
> You scan the crowd.
> The actual Crystal ponies, unicorns, pegasi, and earth stallions made up the ranks of the mini-army in front of you.
> Seriously how did they sneak up on the two of you?
> You put your arms up and glance at Shining.
> He glared at the army angrily.
> Which made sense considering most of these were the ponies he had trained and served with.
> Kind of messed up that all of this was going against him now.
> A figure stepped past the soldiers and stepped forth into the dim light.
> Cadance gave Shining a pleading look as she came forth.
> All the dim streetlight did was make her look like some kind of villain.
> Which truly described how you felt about her right now.
> From what you remembered, there was an alleyway to your right.
> If you and Shining could get in there, the train station would be another four blocks over.
> Then..
> You don't know.
> If trains even operated at this time of night did you and Shining even have any money?
> You know you didn't.
> "Shining come back please."
> Shining kept tight-lipped, just giving her a solemn glare.
> "I'm sorry I really am! But look, we can talk this out and fix everything-"
> "Can you fix that?" He pointed a hoof at her stomach.
> She glanced down and huffed.
> "No but... just come on and this whole silly event can be over with..."
> His hardened gaze began to soften.
> "I-I just want you to understand-"
> She smiled softly.
> "And I will honey, But first do one thing."
> She suddenly straightened upwards.
> "Step away from Anonymous."
> The army seemed to raise the spears and their resolve at this.
> What!?
> Shining raised both brows.
> "Why!?"
> "He's filling your head with all sorts of nonsense! I mean look at him! He's enjoying this!"
> Shining turned to you.
> Normally you would have a big smile plastered on your face.
> But this bitch was giving you a grimace.
"Cadance you are making me rather un-hard right now."
> "Honey. Just step away from him, he's going to ruin everything."
> Shining's glare could pierce the strongest wills.
> "No."
> Cadance's eyes widened.
> "What- you- You're choosing HIM over me!?"
"I'm at leas-"
> "Anon..."
> You snap your trap shut.
> "He's at least loyal. Something made him come back for me when I shut him out, there's no need for...this anymore, especially if it was fake."
> He turned to you and hoof bumped your leg.
> "Now I've got a best friend-"
"I'ma stop the speech here. It's kind of... cliche? No, just silly Shining."
> "Pfft... yeah sort of..."
> "Shining!" Cadance shouted.
> "Anon! Eyes!" He shouted.
> You caught on instantly.
> He pointed his horn down at the army.
> You bring your arm up and cover your eyes.
> A flash of red followed by a bang took your muffled senses.
> You lower your arm.
> The entire army and Cadance were dazed.
> You could even see the stars circling their head as they danced around.
> Your bro man.
> Good at being awesome and just as awesome with magic.
> You turn to him and nudge his shoulder.
"Come on!"
> You lead the way towards the alleyway.
> "Find them!" Cadance shrieked.
> "The love of the crystal ponies cannot be harmed!"
> She sounded like an autistic ten year old who just discovered shipping.
> Jeez...
> The world bobbed up and down as you and Shining bolted towards the station.
> Left...
> "Faster!"
> Right...
> A low hanging bar cutting straight through an alley filled your vision.
> Low hanging for you that is.
> You drop forward and power slide under the bar.
"Did you see that!?"
> "Anon!"
"Yeah!?"
> "Keep your flank moving fool!"
"Oh yeah!"
> Right.
> Left.
> Straight forwards.
> "FIND THEM NOW!"
> The world practically rumbled from the force of Cadance's yell.
> She sounded rather upset.
> You and Shining come to a break from the Alleyways.
> You skid to a stop in the middle of a large paved road.
> You point to your right while already beginning to move forwards.
"This way, this way!"
> You and Shining don't hesitate to keep moving.
> The two of you round the street.
> There it was.
> Your salvation.
> The train station, right in view.
> You pull forwards as fast as you can.
> Shining easily kept up with your speed.
> The world was a blur as the two of you made your way towards the station.
> Then...
> "Gah!"
> An explosion of blue energy sent Shining careening overhead.
> You skid to a stop and watch as his body tumbled forwards.
"Dude!"
> He slammed into the ground a couple feet away from you.
> He bounced along like a pebble on water until he rolled to a stop.
> You were at his side in under seconds.
"Shining!"
> You shove him lightly.
> Nothing...
"Dude don't play me like this..."
> You shove him again.
> Nothing...
"Get up!"
> Still nothing...
> Crash!
> You whirl around as one of the pegasus guards slammed to the ground.
> She was soon followed by many others, some perching on the buildings like birds of pray.
> The rest of Cadances snob crew soon turned up; surrounding you and Shining.
> ... His body at least.
> You glare at the forming crowd around you.
> You were about to go Optimus Prime on these fuckers.
> "Oh dear..."
> Cadance touched down a couple feet from you.
> Her eyes flicked down at Shining's body.
> Then back to you.
> "This was never meant to happen..."
"Yeah, well you and your-"
> You turn in a 360.
"Faggots!"
> They reeled back at your language.
"Just killed something way above the lot of you."
> You turn back to the unmoving body.
> You growl to yourself and turn back to Cadance.
> Her face creased into an angry glare.
> "I did this!? YOU did this! You and your-your filling his head full of lies, and telling him to do this and do that. You're not some kind of guru Anon! You've never even had a girl before!"
> You silently stare forward.
> Then you throw your hands up with a smile.
"Okay, okay. I've never had a girl before but you know what-"
> You snap your fingers at her and point forwards.
"That's okay, because at least I would actually stay loyal to my girl."
> They say her glare increased three times that day.
> You smile and back up closer to Shining.
"Yeah, ohhhhh. See I would never be in this situation because I wouldn't go out and throw myself around in a horny passion in the first place."
> "Stop it."
"And who knows. Maybe I would have some falling out with my gal, everybody does. But this!"
> You gesture to his unmoving form.
"Is not what a relationship should end like!"
> "You stop it right now you slobbering fool!"
"I would actually be reliable!"
> "Anon..."
> Huh?
> You turn around.
> Shining smiled at you lazily.
> "Grab me."
"Dude that's-"
> "Do it!"
> You comply and kneel down, taking hold of his fore-leg.
> His horn began to pulsate brightly with an orb of white light.
> Whoa...
> That was new.
> The blinding light caused the others to let out a symphony of surprised shouts.
> "What's he doing!?"
> What was he doing?
> BANG!
 
“Waaaa!”
> You and Shining slammed down onto a hard surface.
> It bobbed briefly before righting itself.
> You sit up and look around.
> You weren't anywhere near the Crystal empire.
> The two of you were in some large city made up of some gothic architecture.
> Shining coughed and sputtered to life.
> You scramble over to him.
> Huh…
> You were on a boat.
> Cool…
> You stop and kneel over him.
“Dude!”
> “I'm fine!”
> You relax.
“Man, I got worried there.”
> “You should've been worried the entire time.”
“Eh, only about the stuff that matters.”
> He gave you a weary smile.
> You smile back.
“So uhh…”
> You glance around at the strange city.
> You pop up and peer down at the murky water before the two of you.
“What happened?”
> “I think I teleported the both of us halfway across Equestria.”
“Ah...”
> You scratch the back of your head.
“Little anti-climactic.”
> “Not really for me.” He let out a series of hacks and coughs.
> “Not one bit...”
"How did we get here?"
> "No idea... I read once that in times of utter distress some ponies could do the impossible."
> You smile brightly.
"Though it seems like it's very possible for you bro."
> He let out a hitched laugh.
"Anyway... where are we?"
> He took a dazed look around.
> "Looks like one of the places I visited a while back. This might be further than Equestria..."
"Wait."
> "Anon... I think we're lost...terribly, terribly lost."
"Wiiith no bits, map, or anything..."
> "Yeah..."
> You chuckle and sit down cross-legged.
"Welp..., You said Twilight first right?"
> "Correct."
"Let's start off with a Doctor, you're looking pretty bad there matey."
> "Are you a pirate now?"
> You tap your chin thoughtfully.
"I've got the boat."
> His laughter echoed throughout the air.
> You smile back and continue paddling.
> Though the two of you had nothing to go back to.
> You at least had an adventure to look forward to.
> Despite the shitty start-off.
"Hey."
> "What?"
"You look like shit."
> "And you smell like it too."
"Bah..."
> Your hand splashed against the water calmly as you rowed the two of you down the river.