>You are Princess Celestia, Sol Invictus, Bringer of the Dawn, Harbinger of Harmony, blah blah blah you have too many titles.
>The gryphon ambassador is making thinly veiled threats again.
>You currently have smile #42 “concerned, but still listening intently” on as he carries on with his presentation.
>It’s a subtle art, those smiles.
>There’s a new Czar, which means a new upstart little tyrant who thinks he needs to make his mark on the world.
>They’re claiming a new part of the land bridge is ‘ancestral territory.’
>Do they not realize that you were alive when the borders of the two nations met for the first time?
>You were THERE at the first gryphon-pony conference.
>It ended in bloodshed.
>But you were just a foal, that one wasn’t your fault.
>You’re fairly certain if they knew Equestria no longer had the Elements of Harmony at its disposal, that they would declare war.
>You half zone out as you mentally check over your crises for just today.
>The minotaurs are accusing Discord of locking their king in an inescapable Labyrinth, the Diamond Dogs are kidnapping ponies yet again, the dragons are STILL demanding ten-fold reparations for Spike supposedly stealing from them, you’re fairly certain half of Appleoosa has been replaced by Changelings at this point, and Saddle Arabia is in the middle of an environmental disaster-something about black goo.
>Those are just the foreign crises.
>Fillydelphia currently has some vigilante calling herself ”The Batmare” running around beating up alleged criminals, the Manehatten police are being accused of racism for targeting Earth Ponies with some policy, Cloudsdale’s weather ponies are on strike, and it’s been a week, so Ponyville’s probably on fire.
>Oh, you almost forgot.
>Your sister is currently crying in a room somewhere because you tried to hint that she needs to learn what discretion means.
>Absolutely everypony in Canterlot knows about her and Anon’s relationship by now.
>You’ve been briefed on the media’s reaction.
>It’s not good.
>You have to handle all this while galloping on roughly three hours of sleep because of her.
>The gryphon finally stops and looks at you expectantly.
>You don’t even know how he ended his tirade...you take a quick glance at what he’s written on the map in front of you two.
>847 B.E.A.
>That’s pre-Discord.
>You can work with this.
“Ambassador Ivanovitch.  While I understand the potential historical settlement of your people in that area, all sentient races-including the gryphon’s, I might add, signed the Consonus Pactum following the fall of Discord.  In case you were unaware, given the age of the document, it declared all historical claims-”
>Your lecture is cut short by the muffled sound of your sister whinnying out in orgasm yet again.
>...Unbelievable.
>She’s really doing this NOW?! AGAIN?!
>Is this to spite you for bringing it up in front of the servants?
>Or is she just rubbing Anon in your face?
>You eye your guards, who, following your nonverbal command, immediately canter off to “investigate” the situation.
>With a deep sigh, you close your eyes and try to maintain your composure.
>Nopony can get under your skin like she can.
>...Literally.
“All historical claims before Discord’s reign of terror null and void as, due to him, they were then made impossible to prove.  I’m sorry ambassador, but the Czar cannot claim that territory.”
>You open your eyes to see the gryphon...actually looking terrified.
>”W-what was that? I heard it last night too...”
“That was my sister’s battle cry. It means somepony’s going to be injured shortly.”
>When you get your hooves on her…
>She’s going to get such a booping.
 
-
 
>You are Anon, the best human in Equestria.
>The fact that you're the ONLY human is irrelevant.
>Because your silver tongue just got you laid twice in less than 12 hours.
>Yup.
>Totally wasn’t dumb luck.
>You knew listening to your Voice of Reason was a good idea.
>It always is.
>You and Luna, the mare you just made love to, hold each other in Twilight Purple's old room.
>You still cannot believe she just let you do anal.
>Hell, you can’t beleive she likes you enough to have sex with you even when she’s sober.
>She looks at you and asks,
>“Well Anon? Shall we get some food together? I missed dinner, and I believe it’s breakfast for you.”
>You two just had sex and her first thought is to get food?
>She really is the girl of your dreams.
>You mentally give yourself a high five for that one.
”God yes, I’m starving. You wanna discuss our relationship more over food?”
>You reach out and scratch behind her ear again, her eyes closing as she leans into your hand.
>”Mmmmm…”
>Yea.
>She may be a horse, but she’s a fucking adorable horse.
>She gives you a loving smile, still pressing into your scratching hand.
>”Absolutely, my human.”
>...D’aawww.  She's already calling you "hers."
“Sounds good to me. Do you wanna get cleaned up first?”
>You gesture towards the pool of marecum she’s still sitting in.
>She shudders against you.
>”Later. Once that...trio has gone. Everypony already knows by now, there isn’t much of a point.”
>You’re too worn out right now to push the issue.
>She wants to stay covered in cum, that’s fine with you. It’s kinda hot.
“Alright Moons, just give me a minute to get dressed.”
>You start to gather up your clothes for the second time today.
>She may not want one, but you REALLY need a shower after all this.
>At least this outfit’s already nasty from earlier...too bad you only have two of them.
>Custom made clothing is expensive.
>”Please don’t, Anon.”
“Please don’t what?”
>You have standards dammit, you aren’t going to go parade around naked.
>...Now that you think about it, that’s pretty much the ONLY standard you have. For fucks sake, you just sexed a horse!
>That’s something you aren’t going to get over anytime soon, is it?
>You look up to see that she’s still sitting in the nice puddle you two made.
>”Please don’t call me that. It’s too similar to the other name I used, the one that they still like to call me sometimes.”
>You have no idea what she’s talking about.
“What name?”
>She gives you a look of exasperation.
>”Pray tell that you’re joking.”
“I don’t know what that means. Also, you’re starting to sound like a bad Shakespeare actor again.”
>She stops, her mouth agape.
>Outrage coats her every word,
>”...Art thou comparing Us to a zebra?!”
>...wat?
>Is this pony racism? You didn’t know they could be racist.
>Quick! Fallback excuse!
>It’s even true this time!
“No, it’s a human thing. He made lotsa plays that used “thee” and “thou” a bunch, I had to read them in school. They suuuuucked.”
>Her lips purse as an eyebrow creeps up.
>Still, you’ll take disbelief over outrage.
>”There seems to be a ‘human thing’ or phrase for just about every situation.”
>...fuck.
>She’s figured this out faster than Sunbutt.
>You can’t help but let out a nervous chuckle as you get your pants on.
“Yea, funny about that...humans deal with lotsa situations and we write EVERYTHING down.”
>You maaayyy have lost track of what was real and what you made up.
>She stares at you, her disapproval written on every inch of her face.
>She’s still staring long after you’ve gotten uncomfortable and finished getting dressed.
>You need to break the tension.
"Sooo...you ready?"
>Luna sighs and gets up, clippity clopping over to you.
>"Nightmare Moon, Anon."
"Huh?"
>...is that her declaring a safeword?
>You've already seen that she can do some seriously kinky shit with her magic, but you can't physically handle more right now.
>Her disapproval turns to exasperation as you realize she thinks you’re an idiot.
>"That is my other name. The one I used when I tried to take over Equestria."
>Wait...didn't you read that name in a newspaper one time?
>That was her?
>...damn she looked hot in that armor.
>F-for a pony.
>Wait, what are you thinking? You just finished hitting that TWICE, you aren't allowed those caveats anymore.
>At least last night you could have used ‘desperation’ as an excuse.
>Nope. You’re a genuine horsefucker now.
>Quick! Come up with something witty so she thinks you’re smart!
"...Oh yeeaa. I forgot THAT’S what you went by."
>Smooth, Anon.
>She raises an eyebrow, clearly not buying it.
>Dammit come up with something better.
"You know, I never got why you WANTED an alias for that. I mean, ok fine, I can totally understand having one and a kick-ass disguise because, hey, if you're gonna take over the world, may as well go full supervillain, right?”
“But it's not like there were that many night themed alicorns running around with a big moon on their butt, so it's like you missed the point of a secret identity or something."
>Yep. Silver tongue at work right there.
>As you ramble, she raises her hoof and, with the care of a surgeon, presses it into her face, her eyes squeezed shut.
>Sounding like she's torn between wanting to throttle you and just sob from your spaghetti, she growls out,.
>"I was possessed by an Eldritch horror, you simpleton."
>Oops.
"Sooo...why does everyone blame you for it, then? Just tell them that."
>She takes a deep sigh, her hoof still firmly attached to her face.
>"Besides the fact that it was voluntary? As you so succinctly put it, "it's not like there are that many night themed alicorns running around with a big moon on their rump.""
>Well she's got you there.
 
>Fully dressed, you start walking towards the door, the blue alicorn leaning her head against your side as she accompanies you.
>You’d better quit while you're ahead.
>Implying you’ve ever been able to do that.
“Alright, you win, no Moons...what about Moona? Moonie? Moonbutt? Darkie? Moonshine? Come on, I gotta give you some nickname.”
>You feel her shudder at a couple of those.
“How about Lulu in the Sky with Diamonds?”
>”How about you wait until we’ve cured this hangover before further trying my patience, Anonymous?”
>...wait.
>She had sex with you, with a headache.
>Hell, she INITIATED sex with you, with a headache.
>You’re starting to wonder if that bleach DID actually kill you.
>Maybe you should just smile and nod for once.
“Ok, fair enough. Just Luna.”
>You push open the door, revealing a good three dozen ponies, all clustered around said door-one of them jumps back, apparently having tried to eavesdrop on you two.
>Luna flinches against you, stepping back.
>”Strike me down…” She sobs out.
>One of the ponies lets out a whoop before a unicorn guard calls out, “Alright, show’s over, everypony back to work.”
>You feel Luna press the side of her face against your back
>Is she trying to hide out of embarrassment?
>Because that’s adorable if she is.
>...but it also means you have a job to do...you know, if you’re going to be her boyfriend.
>You’re kinda obligated to at this point, right?
“Seriously guys? Can’t two people get a minute of privacy?”
>The various ponies in the crowd look at each other as some of the non-armored ones slink off.
>”We uh...heard screaming.  We needed to make sure the Princess was ok!”
>Bullshit, that’s why Hippityhop was so delightful.
>”Princess Celestia’s orders!” Another one calls out from the back.
>You prepare an insult that is so scathing, it would cause everyone else in the crowd to cry out in horror.
>However, before you can mentally get beyond ‘orly?’ you feel a hoof press to your back.
>”Anon...don’t….”
“Huh?”
>You look down at the defeated-sounding Moonbutt, your train of thought derailed. How can you be witty if you’re being interrupted?
>She clip clops out from behind you and takes a deep breath, her head held high.
>”There will be an official announcement about the relationship between me and Anonymous this evening, during Night Court. Until then, please try to keep the rumors to a minimum.”
>Her voice rings out, reflecting all the motherly charm of her sister.
>Daaamn, when did she get all authoritative?
>...Ruler of the country, right.
>You feel her soft wing wrap around your back as she soon leans into your side
>Thinking fast, you drape an arm over her.
>”Now if you’ll excuse us.”
>She clip clops forward, that wing pushing you like the guards’ did earlier.  
>However, she’s nowhere near as forceful as they were-she’s simply guiding you instead of trying to knock you over.
>She leads you away from the crowd, the only sound from her being the clip clop of her hooves as she brings down the hall, turning around the first corner she can.
>The moment you two are out of sight, her head droops, her wing pulling back as she sags against you.
>”They beleive me to be a harlot…”
>Oh shit, she's already back to worrying about that again.
>Don’t worry, you can fix this Anon. Fix it with your super-power that keeps getting you laid.
>After all this time in Equestria, you’ve learned that if there’s one thing ponies like, it’s being treated like cats.
>So far it's worked with her as well.
>You pet over her star speckled mane, feeling it writhe underneath your hand.
"Well screw them, you're the goddess of the night, they’re just random ponies. Just wait a while and they’ll die of old age.”
>She looks up at you, her mouth agape.
>Ok, wrong thing to say.
>”Anon...I tried that once.”
>She once again sounds like her greatest wish is to throttle you for being stupid.
>If she’s gonna start getting mad at you over this stuff,  then she’s needs to start telling you what she’s already done BEFORE you suggest it.
>Still, if she tried it before, that makes it less stupid than you thought.
“Soo...what happened?”
>You gotta bite, though. That was about as bait worthy as she could get.
>”They told their children twisted versions of the events, which turned into rumors and myths, and in the span of a generation, I went from being merely overlooked to actively shunned and feared. You’re aware of what happened next.”
>Well, that just killed the good mood.
>But she’s still miserable, which means you have a responsibility to help, right? You’re fairly certain it works the same with ponies.
>This is going to get old real fast, isn’t it?
>You reach down and poke her nose-that’ll kill this negative thought death spiral.
“Boop!”
>She jerks her head back, her eyes crossing.
>Holy hell, that’s adorable.
>Quick Anon, don’t let her catch up!
“Sounds like you just need a real PR person...pony...thing...then.”
>She snorts.
>”I had one. They quit after the Nightmare Night in Ponyville fiasco. Don’t do that finger thing again.”
>You decide playing dumb is the best course of action.
>It always is.
“What finger thing? You mean thiiiiiis finger thing?”
>You pinch her ear with two fingers and start to rub them back and forth.
>That’s one that gets her sister drooling.
>Sure enough, she slows down, her eyelids drooping as a little moan of pleasure escapes her throat.
>She doesn’t even notice as one of the guards passes you by.
>He gives you the evil eye as he clip clops down the way you came.
>....He’s jelly you got the Moon Princess.
>Or he’s debating whether or not to arrest you for assaulting Royalty. You aren’t quite sure which.
>...Let’s go with the first.
>”Yoo know whish…” she finally moans out, slurring like she’s drunker than last night.
>Granted, you’re still trying to figure out exactly how drunk that was.
>Not enough to slur, but enough to screw up her memory.
“Oh, ok, I’ll stop then.”
>You pull your hand away, a shit eating grin on your face.
>That earns you an annoyed growl from her before the her horn glows, her magic forcing your hand back to her ear.
>”Anon, as long as nopony sees, you will do that until we reach the dining hall.”
>You let out a little laugh, your fingers running over the edge of her ear with a feather touch.
“Oh I will, will I?”
>It’s her turn to take up the shit eating grin.
>”Your Princess commands it.”
>You stop your gentle ministrations altogether.
>THAT’S not something you’re gonna put up with.
>Sure, she and her sister took you in when no one else would, gave you the smallest of jobs so wouldn't be a complete NEET, gave you essentially free room and board with a license to waste your time for most of the day in exchange for technological knowledge you don’t have...
>But if you’re going to be in a real relationship, then one of you “commanding” the other isn’t going to fly.
“Now hang on a minute, that’s not fair, I can’t use that card. Am I on the job, or am I being a boyfriend?”
>She snorts and rolls her eyes.
>”Once ponies would have been honored to receive such a direct command from us. Fine. Continue THAT finger thing, and I will reward you by letting you call me whatever pet name you desire.”
>Now that’s more like it. You go right back to trying to rub your fingers together through her ear.
“As you command, Princess.”
>You’re already thinking of a good pet name for her.
>In fact, you’re so lost in thought, you miss as she mumbles, “...once.”
>You DO, however, catch as she moans out, ”Juzz Wunaa…”
>The two of you start to make your way down to the ‘dining hall,’ albeit slower than before.
>Heh. Everything here has some over the top name.
>Why don’t they call it a dining room? Or kitchen?
>Rooms are always called “X-ing chambers,” “grand halls” instead of hallways, “tapestries” instead of posters.
>Maybe it’s to help her with culture shock?
>You could see Celestia doing something like that.
>You remember her practically demanding you design your room to be as “human” as possible.
>On the way down there, you’re caught by more than a few ponies.
>Not because of you.
>Years of almost being caught fapping has trained you well when it comes to quickly hiding your hands.
>No, you’re almost caught because Luna’s slow reaction time.
>She always jerks her head up a couple seconds too late, her eyes completely unfocused.
>You KNOW you’re getting caught because every single pony you pass makes a point of saying hello to the blue moon horse.
>She always greets them back in the most generic way possible, which somehow just makes everything worse.
>At least you aren’t the source of the spaghetti for once.