>Be Carl
>You’ve just gotten out your stack of pornos, a bottle of grease for your afternoon entertainment when suddenly you hear a knock at the door.
> you consider answering it but decide that this month’s issue of Ten Ton Tits is more important.
> the knocking swiftly escalates to a loud banging and you can hear the fryman calling your name through the cheap corrugated wood of your door.  You haul yourself up out of your recliner with a groan and wipe the grease off of your hand on your trusty sweatpants
Damnit Fryman what do you friggen want, can’t I get one day of peace without being hounded by you friggen animals.  
>”Oh heeeey Carl, how’s it going buddy” frylock says with an unnatural grin plastered across his face
Well Fryman since you ask, it was going pretty good I was about to settle in for an afternoon of quality entertainment until some JACKASS CAME OVER AND STARTED BANGIN ON MY FRIGGEN DOOR.  NOW GET TO THE FRIGGEN POINT WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT.
>Fryman frowns with an exasperated sigh, “Jesus Carl I was just trying to be civil.  I came by because I’m In the middle of a little science experiment and I need a test subject”
Last time I got involved with one of your science experiments I got raped by a pair of intelligent mutant dog clones Fryman.  You can take your science and shove it
>As you go to slam the door you find it blocked by one of the fryman’s unnatural potato sticks, “look Carl I know we’ve had some mishaps in the past but in the interest of making it up to you I’m prepared to compensate you for your time with a cupon for a free lapdance down at the gentelman’s club on wharf avenue if you go alnong with this”
>you think for a moment but real jugs quickly defeat fake jugs and as you grab your keys you say…
Let’s get this over with fryman.
>Be Carl
>Fryman has hooked you up with a bunch of electrodes and you’re standing in front of a sizable metal ring
So what kind of experiment is this anyway, It aint gonna make me sterile or nothing is it?  A cobra’s nothing without its venom if you catch my drift Fryman.
>Be Frylock, You roll your eyes at Carl’s vulgar suggestion as you respond “No carl it won’t make you sterile, we’re just going to be sending you through the fargate we stole from the plutonians and monitoring your vitals once you reach your destination.  All you need to do is walk a combined distance of 30 feet”  He doesn’t need to know that you wrote the destination software from scratch and you aren’t entirely certain where he’s going to end up “just keep in touch with the walky talky and you’ll be down at the strip club inside of an hour”
I can handle that, and then those strippers can handle my package ain’t that right fryman hehehe
>Be Carl
>Handling my package, that shit’s hilarious.  
>You weren’t really paying attention to Fryman’s explanation but you pull on your safety goggles and flash a thumbs up
Let’s get this show on the road Fryman
>The massive metal ring hums to life and the lights in the shitty little house flicker as it draws power from the grid.  Bolts of electricity arc across the diameter of the ring as the hum grows to a deep bass drone that fills the tiny room.  The room begins to shake and burst of energy shoots out of the ring, the shockwave knocking you back on your ass before stabilizing into a portal of shimmering light.  
>”Ok Carl the portal is ready, just go through report back what you see and then come back through, don’t dawdle on the other side you need to get back bef”  
>you throw up your hand and cut Fryman off, you had something to say for this historic occasion.
That’s enough Fryman, I don’t need no Instructions, to know how to rock.
>Be carl.
>Satisfied with what may be your last words you step through the portal in the noble pursuit of a stripper’s greasy rack.
>your body is gripped by an icy sensation as the portal rips you apart atom by atom and flings them across the universe and reassembles them seconds later.  
>As you regain your bearings you hear the Fryman’s voice crackling over your walky talky “Potato Rain to Fat Daddy come in Fat Daddy”
I’m here Fryman, what the Fuck did you just call me?
>Calm down Carl they’re just code names
I realize this Fryman, but do you think you could have picked something more appropriate for a friggen Interplanetary explorer?
>”it’s out of my potatos Carl, Shake Meatwad and I took a vote”
Oh no don’t you tell me that the friggen cup is involved with this too Fryman THAT WANSN’T PART OF THE DEAL
>Be Shake
>See frylock working on his dumbass science project
> At least you got a cool code name, you think as you walk up and grab the walky talky out of frylock’s grasp
>”Come in Fat Daddy, this is Empereror Thundercock.  What’s your Status, over?”
FUCK YOU CUP PUT FRYMAN BACK ON DA PHONE
>”YOU WILL ADDRESS ME AS EMPEROR THUNDERCOCK PEASANT” you shout before hurling the walky talky to the ground where it spontaneously explodes.  
>”WHAT THE HELL SHAKE NOW HOW ARE WE GOING TO LEARN ANY THING ABOUT THIS NEW WORLD” Frylock shouts at you, clearly he does not know the proper respect that should be afforded to his emperor.
>”WHAT DID YOUR EMPEROR JUST SAY” you shout as you flip over the control console for the fargate , which proceeds to explode as soon as it touches the ground. “You.  Will address me.  As. Emperor. Thundercock”  you say, your voice barely above a whisper as the gate behind you begins to hum and spark
>be the Fargate
>”Fuck this shit I’m out”, you think to yourself before overloading and blowing out the back wall of the shitty house you’re stashed in.
>be Frylock
> The dust is settling following the explosion of the fargate.
>”damnit shake now we’ll never know anything about the secrets of the universe beyond the fargate”
>”so? We still have that lap dance coupon lets go down to the club, then when we get back we can we can go for a nice relaxing dip in our new pool”
>You think about the recent turn of event and turn to master shake.
>”You know what fuck Carl, lets go get laid”
>Be Carl
FUCK YOU CUP PUT FRYMAN BACK ON DA PHONE
>”YOU WILL ADDRESS ME AS EMPEROR THUNDERCOCK PEASANT” crackles over the speaker of the crappy old walky talky followed immediately by static.  
>The plastic starts to grow hot in your hand forcing you to drop the phone before it explodes in midair out of sympathy for its counterpart on earth.
>you sigh and turn back towards the portal and prepare to walk through it before it pops out of existence like a soap bubble
>what
GOD DAMN YOU CUP, I KNOW YOU’RE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS SOME HOW.
>It occurs to you that you should maybe actually take in your surroundings, especially since that bastard cup has stranded you here.
>you find yourself in a clearing in the middle of a lush forest, the underbrush is dense and the colors are more vibrant than anything you’re used to looking at.
Well this clearly ain’t Jersey anymore, what am I gonna friggen do here.
>you see a path leading away from the clearing through the forest.
 
>what do, Carl?
>what do?
>Be Carl
>You figure the damn cup has probably completely ruined whatever Fryman was going to do to bring you back.
>Might as well try and find what passes for a strip club on this planet.
>you set off down the path hoping it will lead you to civilization.
>at first the time passes quietly on the lonely winding trail, at least you haven’t been friggen raped or dismembered yet like some of the other ordeals the Fryman has put you through.
> it is precisely when this hopeful thought crosses your mind that you hear a rustling in the underbrush.  
God friggen damnit, why would this time be any different
>you mutter to yourself and start to pick up the pace when something crashes through the underbrush onto the parth.
>It looks like someone nailed a bunch of tree branches together in the shape of a wolf.
>Oh god tree court found you.
>You don’t know how, but they found you.
I AINT GOIN BACK TO TREE JAIL
>you shout as you take off down the path, your ratty flip flops snagging on the odd stone or root as you go
> the tree court’s blood hound leaps into motion after you snipping at your heals as you run.
>you thought it almost had you when it caught hold of your flip flops but you managed to run out of them and keep going.
>running barefoot kinda hurts with the weird hairs growing on the bottom of your feet but at least you’re putting more distance between you and the wood beast.
hehheehehe wood
>you chuckle to yourself despite the urgency of your situation.
>it isn’t till you reach the edge of the forest that you notice you are no longer being pursued by the forces of arboreal justice
>about a hundred yards away you notice a cottage built into a tree that looks like it had been ripped directly from snow white or some shit.
>you mutter to yourself as you walk towards the cottage.
What, did Fryman send me to friggen Disneyland here
 
>Be carl
>Hopefully whatever Snow white knock off lives here will be able to help you
>Even if they can’t get you home, maybe they can keep you out of tree jail
>You use the foot bridge to cross the little stream that separates the house from the forest and Knock on the front door.
>which is oddly enough a head too short for you to walk through.  Maybe this is a planet of friggen midgets or gnomes or somthin.
>”H-h-hello? “  you hear a soft hesitant reply through the door of the cottage.  It sounds like a chick.
> If you play your cards right you could not only be the first man to walk on an alien world , you could have the much more prestigious honor of being the first man to score with an alien chick
>Be cool Brutanunanulewski.
 
Sorry to bother you there miss,  See I just got chased here through the woods by some kinda friggen wooden dog monster thanks to one of my jackass neighbor’s stupid friggen experiments.  I was hoping you might be able to help me out of this here situation.  Maybe point me to town or somethin.
 
>Be Fluttershy
>At first you were frightened by the unexpected knocking at your door, but after hearing his explanation it’s clear this pony needs your help and you aren’t going to sit Idly by.
> “Oh you poor dear please come insi…”
>Your voice stops working midsentence as you look up and see the thing towering over you.
>you’re vaguely conscious of the fact that your mouth is still moving and trying to make words but the best you can manage at the moment is a series of incoherent syllables as what looks like a fat six foot tall monkey with a patchy coat of fur stares down at you.
>be Carl
>what the hell just answered the door
>It’s friggen adorable
>whatever you do don’t friggen scare it
>it curls up and hides behind its long pink hair and finaly manages to stammer out its first inteligable sentence since it opened the door “p-p-please don’t eatt me”
I ain’t gonna eat you
>you pause for a moment and the tiny creature breathes a sigh of relief
I mean unless you’re into that sort of thing hehehehe.
 
>Be Fluttershy
>who would be into being eaten?
>maybe vore is his fetish a little voice inside you reasons.
>as you stand there with a look of confusion plastered across your face the huge creature speaks again
Sorry sorry you just made it to easy there, anyways I’m Carl
>he says as he bends downs and extends one of his arms towards you.  
>you extend a hoof and manage to squeak out “I-i-i-‘m Flu-flu-fluttershy” as he wraps his stubby claws around your hoof and shakes it
Sorry what was that?
>he says as he holds his other claw up to his ear
>you try to repeat yourself but your fear grips your vocal chords and kills whatever volume you might have put into your reply
One more time there
> the squeak that escapes your body only vaguely resembles words
 
>Be Carl
>clearly this you are not going to learn this tiny four legged broad’s name anytime soon
Look not to rush you along here,  but eh do you think we could continue this conversation inside?  I don’t want to be outside when that wooden dog monster comes back and tries to tear my friggen legs off.  
 
>Be Fluttershy
>the reminder of the timberwolf lurking out in the forest manages to break the grip your fear had on your voice.
>”Oh yes, Of course what was I thinking, please come inside” you say as you step back from the door
>Your new guest Carl stoops down and steps into the cottage
Hehehehe That’s what she said amiright
>he continues to chuckle to himself as he walks into your living room.
>”Um, I’m sorry.  What’s what who said?” you ask.  Unsure of what the large creature finds so amusing.
>Be Carl
>come inside, Friggen priceless
>once you stop laughing at your razor wit you stop to take stock of the situation
>you’re stranded on another world with a tiny yellow chick
>who clearly wants the D
>in that moment you’re torn.  On the one hand this chick ain’t even remotely human.
>on the other hand she’s interested in you and there’s no money involved
>it must be your rugged alien physique
> as you stand in the middle of the room debating with yourself whether or not you’re going to tap that, you realise that if you don’t get home soon it’s only before 2 Wycked gets wrapped around a tree by that damn cup
>or your beloved porn collection gets stolen by moon men
>…again
>so you decide to set aside this alien broad’s obvious raging lust for you for the moment and get down to the business of getting home
> just as you reach the decision to put nailing the alien on hold her voice breaks the silence and disrupts your train of thought
>”S-ss-so how did you find yourself in the middle of the everfree forest?” Yellowquiet manages to stammer at an audible level
>As quiet as this chick is who knows how long she’s been trying to ask that question.
 
>Quick Carl say something so that you don’t look like a complete jackass
>You explain to the tiny adorable animal chick the events that brought you here
>minus the fact that your payment for participation in this enterprise was a free trip to Melon Shakers down on wharf avenue
>don’t need this broad thinkin’ you’re some kinda perv here.
Anyways that’s how I braved the unknown and ended up chased t’ your cottage by friggen wooden dog monsters
> you say as your story comes to a close
which brings me to a few questions of my own, first where is this place, second do you know of any egghead types that might be able to get me home, and third do you know where I could get a Quarter Pounda with Cheese or some fried Jalapeños or somthin? I’m friggen starvin over here
>Be Fluttershy
>how could you have been so thoughtless, of course your guest will be hungry after his trip
>you aren’t sure what a Quarter Pounda is, but maybe he’ll be satisfied with A Royal with cheese down at the Hay Burger
>”W-well Carl right now we’re on the outskirts of ponyville, In the Country of Equestira”
>you shrink back behind your mane afraid that he’ll be disappointed in the limited helpfulness of your response
>”I don’t know where planet equis is relative to your home though…”
>you retreat further and further into the safety of your mane, your voice falling as you continue.
>”I’m sorry I couldn’t be more usefull”
>Be Carl
>I know some ways you could be useful you think to yourself as you laugh internally
>Be fluttershy
>You can hear the confidence returning to your voice as you continue
>”But my friend Twilight is the smartest pony I know, If anyone can help you get home she can”
>”And we can even get you something to eat at the hay burger in town!”
>Excitement fills your voice and you smile as you finish speaking
>You can finally be helpful to your new alien friend on his adventure