https://inkbunny.net/journalview.php?id=60470
 
A Modest Objection (Or Three)
by FibrielSolaer
       
 
A Modest Objection (Or Three)
 
When you find yourself liking something that's popular, you run into a problem. You have to put up with everybody else who likes it too. The problem is that most of these people are assholes.
 
When Friendship is Magic first launched, I figured bronies were just like Sonic fans -- stupid, clueless, tasteless, talent-less, and completely failing to understand any of the aspects of the media they supposedly love and appreciate -- and discarded them from my notice, unless one crossed my path, at which point I would reach for my hunting rifle and hope it didn't charge me.
 
However, bronies have since evolved from a minor situational malady easily avoided such as tetanus, to a sweeping epidemic that seeks out and corrupts everything it can find like the black plague. The hunting rifle is useful no longer, and I find myself camped out on a rooftop with a mounted laser turret.
 
The reason I despise bronies is because they literally damage everything they touch. They harm the spoken to and the spoken of, as well as anyone who happens to pass by while they're talking. They have no tact; they have no grace; they are the very definition of tasteless. It is not BAD taste, because this implies they are intelligent enough to understand the criteria for "good" and still choose what's "bad" - they do not understand it in the first place. They literally lack any taste whatsoever. If it's a pony they will like it regardless of anything - THAT is tasteless.
 
They will obsessively invade everything they can find with these damned ponies, things once majestic but corrupted by idiocy and inanity. They have devolved what should be a beautiful show illustrating the virtues of forgiveness and trust into a cesspool of faux sensationalism and pop idolism. They have transformed a unique and colorful show suitable to entertain all ages into a bland, meaningless stamp to call for attention that isn't deserved.
 
Do you like Skyrim? Too bad, it's full of ponies now. Team Fortress 2? Now it's Team Foaltress 2, what a good pun that is, not stupid at all. Oh, you want to just play Minecraft? Fuck you you're a 16-pixel pony.
 
Notice the common factor here: None of those three fucking things fits with ponies at all. They have nothing to do with each other, they are completely dissonant, but these idiots force round pegs into square holes anyway, quality be damned, artfulness be damned, it's pony so it's automatically good. Once again, tasteless.
 
More importantly, by forcing a totally unrelated franchise into these games, and flooding all the customization and discussion vectors with this crap, they are causing the game to become unenjoyable for people who just want to play the normal damn game with more mundane or practical mods. Remember that: Bronies are using ponies to ruin other interests.
 
And that's not enough for these idiots. Bronies are a necessary evil because their obsession has given the show more attention and therefore a higher budget and better quality. But they don't really consciously support it -- how many bronies only catch the episodes on Youtube? -- and in fact they regularly damage its following.
 
There are people who hate this show, who have never even watched it. And to you, "bronies", I must remind you that it is BECAUSE OF YOU that they hate it. Because of your goddamned bipolar need to invade everyone else's life and business with your stupid-assed thoughtless half-baked fan-wank SHIT, they never see Rarity's colorful personality, or Twilight's anxiety attacks, or Rainbow Dash's faux elitism crumbled by her startled squeaks and stage fright, or Fluttershy fighting against her fears to be strong enough to deserve her friends, or Pinkie Pie's codependency and fear of being unable to keep her friends happy. They never see these beautiful things. Because of you, all they see are disgustingly cutesy little FREAKS who frolic where they don't belong, being annoying and stupid all day with their asinine smiles. And when you force them to "just watch one episode", they go into it fully expecting to hate it.
 
Because they already do.
 
And it's your damned fault.
 
 
 
 
 
Phew that felt nice, now here are some things bronies regularly get fucking wrong about their own supposedly beloved show because they're too goddamned stupid to understand anything about animation, finance, character design, story-telling, or basic logic.
 
 
 
Character Personalities
 
 
Bronies basically twist everybody into secretly kinky harem girls and are fucking idiots who don't understand how to make sex agree with the character.
 
 
 
Twilight Sparkle is a bundle of nerves who inherited a desire to always do the right thing from the two mother figures in her life: Celestia and Cadance. Being a little sister and a bookworm -- and the teacher's pet -- Twilight was almost certainly teased all throughout her childhood and well into adulthood, explaining why she became an isolated hermit in an ivory tower. Well after arriving in Ponyville, Twilight still suffers from anxiety and inferiority complex and is horrified of disappointing others, particularly her teacher / goddess. To hide her nerves, Twilight focuses on the academic or scientific elements of any given situation, the only field in which she is comfortable and confident. Twilight's "scientific" solutions are often wrong, however, because cold science is not the answer to emotional and social problems; the fact that friendship and love have no concrete rules for her to follow makes her social interactions very awkward.
 
If Twilight was in a sexual relationship (which she wouldn't) she would be submissive as all get out. Sex would horrify her. She would steadfastly refuse to do anything alternative (sorry butt lovers.) She would most likely need her husband to stop her from studying her fascinating self when she was pregnant.
 
 
 
Rarity is a country girl desperate to get into the big city and become a star, and pretends to be a high-style fashionista for this purpose. Over the years, her skill in couture and carrying herself has improved to the point that where her movie actress persona stops being fake and becomes genuine is difficult to pinpoint. Although she is prone to moodswings and seemingly suffers from mild OCD, Rarity stages the majority of her emotional outbursts, is very compassionate and generous, and at her convenience will realize things are more important than her looking good and will stop to help others. Rarity is embarrassed by her country parents, and she is the most likely culprit responsible for why her little sister Sweetie Belle looks so fancy and has elements of "cranky rich bitch" herself.
 
If Rarity was in a sexual relationship, she would refuse to speak of the matter to anyone, and she would insist upon setting an amorous mood straight out of a romance novel with candles and a canopy bed. She would be mildly submissive (because that's how the romance novels go) so long as her partner was a proper romance novel stud, and would take control instantly if he screwed up the mood somehow.
 
 
 
Applejack is Applejack. There's not much to say about her, because she's so honest her entire persona is right out there on the table (OR IS IT?!?!?!) The polar opposite of Rarity, Applejack doesn't care one way or the other for looking fancy, although she clearly takes great care of her lovely hair and tail. Applejack is defensive and proud, but rarely gets angry unless she feels provoked. She is decently clever but clearly not well-educated.
 
Applejack has never stopped to think of herself in a feminine way - femininity is a foreign, otherworldly concept to her - and a sexual relationship would necessarily force her to consciously consider her sexual appeal. She would not be comfortable talking about it and she would be embarrassed at the vulnerability. She would bar the windows and everything before doing it to ensure maximum privacy, she would take the mildly submissive role, and she would withdraw sex privileges instantly if anyone ever heard about it (even if it's not her boyfriend's fault.)
 
 
 
Pinkie Pie is highly energetic and cheerful, and seems insane at first. However, Pinkie's drive in life is to be what she thinks a good friend is, and her greatest fear is her friends not wanting to be around her anymore. To this end, she regularly throws parties or other activities and has developed a codependency, nearly desperate to always be with someone else doing something. Like Twilight, she worries about disappointing or annoying others.
 
Pinkie has a very innocent persona, and a sexual relationship, no matter how good-Christian it was, would make her feel very dirty. Ignoring the show's artistic limitations, she is very likely rather plump and self-conscious about her body, particularly since her cartoon exploits don't leave any view angle of her to the imagination. She would be horrified of anyone talking about her sexual escapades.
 
 
 
Fluttershy suffers from anxiety, and is actually not very shy, more awkward. She becomes gradually more comfortable speaking to her close friends, especially Rarity (as Kindness and Generosity are largely synonymous.) Extensive teasing in childhood has let to her being unable to perform feats in public (e.g. flying or any other strenuous activity), but when she is the only one left able to do something or has just plain lost her patience, her stress will manifest as a far more assertive form, ranging from authoritative scolding to infernal rage.
 
I don't think I need to tell you that Fluttershy would be terrified to even look at a cute boy let alone screw him and any sexual relationship she could have would take years to get to... whatever base that is. There'd be no femdom bullshit about it, she'd be the submissive one, and her partner would need to be very gentle and supportive (not just during sex either.) The world-famous "angry sex" would prove dangerous or fatal for the boyfriend and is not advised.
 
 
 
Rainbow Dash is a young, squeaky-voiced bookworm who spent most of her childhood trying really hard to be cool, partially due to Gilda's influence. She has a strong case of stage fright, doesn't truly believe she's good enough to join the Wonderbolts (yet), and frequently overcompensates for this slight inferiority complex with a loud mouth and brash mannerisms. She is actually rather easily startled and at her convenience will drop everything she's doing for the sake of a friend, regardless of how sentimental or sissy she looks. She is noticeably more chill and silly when she's with Pinkie.
 
Rainbow Dash, like Applejack, isn't comfortable with her feminine side and would feel very self-conscious if approached sexually (by someone she trusts, otherwise she'd just clobber the idiot.) Assuming this is actually her boyfriend and all, she would hesitantly agree to it, but her boyfriend would need to ensure she never felt too submissive, as that would shame her. She doesn't have the nerve to go dom in something that intimate.
 
 
 
Spike is Rainbow Dash as a baby dragon, but too young to have even her questionable level of responsibility and sense of consequence. The show staff knows that and that's why they had Twilight jokingly name him as the new Rainbow Dash during the Discord arc.
 
SPIKE IS A BABY HE DOES NOT HAVE SEX ESPECIALLY NOT WITH TWILIGHT.
 
 
 
None of these characters would fuck one another (except Spike towards Rarity but it isn't mutual.) Let's move on.
 
 
 
Lauren Faust...
 
 
... is not the Word of God. Let's start from the beginning.
 
Lauren Faust's original show pitch to Hasbro had nothing to do with ponies. If you go to her DeviantArt you'll find these cutesy humanoids called Galaxy Girls. Never heard of them? Precisely. Her pitch of a show based on those girls is what became Friendship is Magic due to Hasbro being Hasbro. These three things are very important:
 
1. Galaxy Girls turned into ponies;
2. This is because Hasbro regularly retcons everything Lauren does;
3. The original Galaxy Girls is not taking off or getting studio backing at all.
 
Lauren Faust provided concepts for the first season of the show and nothing else, being demoted to an adviser for season 2. Most of her concept art was heavily modified because to be frank her pony artwork is horrifying (go see her Gilda. Brrrrr!)
 
Because Faust's ideas were supposed to be for Galaxy Girls and she was giving them all away for ponies (emphasis on giving away), she eventually freaked out that she didn't "own" the show (something that should have been quite obvious from the get-go to anyone who knew anything about Hasbro) and stormed off of the production team somewhere around production of the second season. She occasionally wonders why they aren't inviting her to various Hasbro activities, though it looks pretty obvious to me.
 
Faust therefore has little influence on season 2, no direct influence on season 3, no influence to speak of on any further seasons, and anything she says about the show is quite honestly worthless because she is not and never has been a Hasbro executive or even a legitimate member of the show's production team. She is a crazy woman with entitlement issues who is going nuts because she has never once made a single show herself that became popular -- Powerpuff Girls and Foster's are both her husband's work, while Galaxy Girls was unwisely given largely to Hasbro and turned into Friendship is Magic, yet another work that became huge not because of her.
 
Please stop glorifying her as the Word of God and Creator of All Things Pony, because she isn't, not anymore than the people who draw Applejack's ass every episode.
 
 
 
"References to the fans"
 
 
Bronies like to claim that Hasbro edits each episode as it airs to cater to them. For instance, they think that "Derpy Hooves" was going to appear only in one episode and was added into later ones when she became popular.
 
Anyone who understands anything about animation would know that Hasbro finished the entire first season before airing a single episode, because to start airing when you're not sure you can finish airing is stupid and amateurish; it would be humiliating and shameful to fail to produce and air each episode quickly enough. Every episode of the first season was done months before Friendship is Magic, part 1 even aired because that's how the industry operates. Thus, Hasbro could not really rush to stick her in subsequent episodes after her explosion in popularity on 4chan, because that explosion happened after all the episodes featuring her were already completed and scheduled.
 
Even if Hasbro was completely retarded and making each episode as they aired, or even if they were merely editing otherwise finished episodes, they still couldn't adjust to the fan reaction because news of Ditzy-derp's fame wouldn't reach them fast enough; it takes a year or more for corporations to catch on to Internet fads, as can be seen by how late the electronic entertainment industries were to the "Epic" exploitation (among many others.) Hasbro also rather draconically restricts their employees from exposure to the fandom so that the company isn't sued for ostensibly using an idea they heard from someone else.
 
In short? Friendship is Magic is NEVER referencing the fans. The show has done that precisely one time: when namedropping "Derpy", an act that was the decision of that one episode's writer on her own accord with no consultation, and this decision instantly bit Hasbro in the ass. They are not going to be catering to bronies again anytime soon and I doubt any writer will dare to defy this rule of thumb if he or she cares about her job security.
 
 
 
What's that? "How did Hasbro get bit in the ass"? Oh! Well! I'll TELL YOU how Hasbro got bit in the ass!
 
When the bronies saw Hasbro named the character "Derpy" -- you know, the name bronies insisted on calling her for almost two years by this point -- they attempted to file a legal petition against them for so doing, on the grounds that the character's name and slurred voice made her an insult to mentally handicapped persons.
 
That is to say, they filed a legal petition against Hasbro for doing what they wanted Hasbro to do.
 
"That would be just a few people who cares", you might say, except it clearly wasn't "just a few people" since Hasbro took it quite seriously by pulling all product related to "Derpy", editing the episode to change her voice as well as name her "Ditzy", and paying their outrageously expensive legal team to waste lots of time looking up how much trouble they were in.
 
Fortunately, Hasbro found no legal precedent to indicate that the term "Derpy" was offensive, and had no court trouble. Not so fortunately, they still lost out on all the money they would have made selling their product and episode if they hadn't been pulled, as well as the time and money spent editing that episode, re-submitting it to iTunes and other marketing vectors, and paying their fancy-ass legal team.
 
Hasbro.
 
Hates.
 
Losing.
 
Money.
 
Good job guys! Thanks for the support!
 
 
 
 
Princess Cadance
 
 
In early promotional material and the grab bag toyline, Princess Cadance's name is spelled "Cadence", like the musical term. This is most noticeable on the official listings for the wedding episodes, which were of course written at least a few weeks in advance of airing the episode, if not months.
 
Hasbro later changed it to "Cadance". This is their final registered trademark and all new material related to the character now says "Cadance", making this her canonical name.
 
Hasbro hasn't changed this on old material (e.g. websites) for the simple reason that it's not at all important. The point is to make mad bucks off of the properties.
 
 
 
Alicorns
 
 
Here's one thing where Faust has the right idea. I vilified her earlier, but she DID work personally on this one concept to my knowledge (who knows for sure), and it wouldn't make any sense other than through her interpretation.
 
I don't know what word Faust uses, but "alicorn" and "winged unicorn" are not the correct term to refer to the Princesses (Celestia, Luna, Cadance).
 
This is because "alicorn" is, in its corrupted modern form, a synonym for "winged unicorn", so if one's wrong they both are, and the term "winged unicorn" glosses right over the fact that this race BOASTS THE FULL TRAITS OF ALL THREE RACES INCLUDING EARTH PONIES, because they must fairly guide those three races without bias, and thus it is not merely a unicorn with wings or a pegasus with a horn.
 
There is no term for this race. But considering they have "earth pony" as a canonical term, is it not plausible to assume they will pick something more like "heaven pony" or "royal pony" as the race's name when they need to say it?
 
We could go into the fact that "alicorn" actually refers to the mythical material that composes a unicorn's horn (similar to "ivory" being the material for elephant tusks and such) but that doesn't matter since it's the wrong damn word either way.
 
... Of course, pegasus itself is mythologically insensitive so I suppose complaining about semantics is a moot point.