Title:           Succubus Anonymous: Hearth's Warming 17-1-16
Author:          TheOriginalAuteur
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/BLH9fRXY
First Edit:      Monday 15th of February 2016 04:32:18 AM CDT
Last Edit:       Last edit on: Tuesday 24th of January 2017 02:59:20 AM CDT

>Be Anon
>When you were 12, Grandmother may have been a witch.
>May have sold your soul to the devil.
>You're not quite sure.
>Being made to sit in a chalk circle, while she moaned inappropriately, before tossing around iron filings and dead cockroaches and dumping a pound of dusty charcoal on your head doesn't seem to be a legitimate ritual.
>All it did was nearly choke your sorry arse to death on the charcoal.
>And while she was later diagnosed with Alzheimer's and died in a manner that infuriated your relatives, you have been having crippling respiratory problems for the rest of your life, growing sicker and sicker.
>Several doctors have diagnosed you with Asthma, Emphysema, Cystic Fibrosis, Bronchitis and all sorts of lung diseases, infections and genetic disorders.
>None of the diagnoses seemed correct; you were continually dying of some unknowable, turn-of-the-century, wasting disease often associated with coal miners.
>So you've spent your life breathing through an oxygen mask.
>Which sucked.
>Being Darth Vader is only cool for about 5 minutes, then it's just lame and annoying.
>Primary School sucked.
>High School REALLY sucked.
>And now you're struggling through life when you should be getting out and LIVING, your sickness getting worse, hospital bills ramping up, and work not being done.
>Because you're fucking sick.
>It's one of those days where the sun is shining bright, the birds are chirping, the sky is blue, and you're stuck in a chair inside, hacking and coughing, slowly dying while you watch the world passing you by.
>Shit sucks.
>While you contemplate suicide, then contemplate a way to commit suicide considering how weak you are,
>THONK
>A black shape bashes into the window.
>You jump and wheeze, and watch as it crumples into, and then bounces off the glass, falling out of sight.
>The fuck was that?
>You struggle to stand up, and painfully stagger to the window and look down on the lawn.
>It's a large, black bird.
>And it's obviously dead; it's head twisted awkwardly, a dead eye glassy.
>What the fuck?
>Must have been following a moth or butterfly and flew into the window.
>Poor bastard.
>How you envy it's quick demise.
>No long hacking, coughing fits.
>No constant fatigue that you feel in your bones every moment.
>No being stuck inside with orderlies and doctors, with no friends.
>Fuck, living SUCKS.
>As you enviously ponder the small dead body on the lawn, you witness movement.
>...holy fuck.
>Did...did the head just twist towards you?
>The eyes remain empty and dead and glossy, but its beak opens awkwardly.
>It twitches again, and you're stuck there, mesmerised.
>Its head eventually faces you, and it speaks, the words coming to you through the very glass of the window, in a seductive whisper.
>"After Winter comes Summer, and Summer comes Winter, my darling child."
>It collapses.
>You watch it in silence for three minutes, before wondering if adding 'Hallucination' to your symptoms list is the best idea.
 
---
 
>It is night.
>And you're in your bed.
>Everytime you try to sleep, you swear that you'll not see the morning.
>Maybe one night your long list of chest issues will eventually end your suffering.
>But you feel...off.
>Like...something is different tonight.
>Something is...wrong.
>Your body feels more tired, more weak, but your mind is ablaze, and you have no idea why.
>As you lie there, your mind whirring on nothing, you hear whispering.
>Its coming from the breathing apparatus-
>No, it's coming from under the door-
>No, the vent-
>No, it's EVERYWHERE.
>You hear cruel laughing, screams of horror and pain, sensuous moaning as you watch shadows climb the walls, tendrils of darkness snaking along your bed.
>The smell of rotten eggs, stale urine and shit assaults your nose.
>The feeling of forked tongues licking and hot claws mauling and savage mouths biting assaults your flesh.
>You try to move but while your mind recoils in fear, your body feels deader than ever as you are eaten alive.
>You try to scream, to cry, to move, but nothing happens as things gnaw into you, through you, maggots or worms squirming under your skin and into your bones.
>But then your mind ignites.
>The burning blinds you to the pain, the smell, the sound, all there is is burning, dancing like flame, starving for fuel.
>You don't know how long you spent in this horrifying, agonizing state, before suddenly you find yourself plunged into suddenly cool, cold place.
>Confused and disorientated, you look around this quiet, sterile place.
>You see books set in shelves - a large library perhaps? - with walls of shimmering crystals.
>The floor looks like glistening marble.
>And in this silent realm, springs sudden life-
>"Dammit Twilight!" yells a small purple lizard thing, "What did you do!?"
>A purple unicorn looks at you, then a book, to you, then to the lizard.
>"I...uh, may have mis-said that," she states sheepishly.
>You blink owlishly, before trying to stand.
>You rise to four legs, well above the tiny purple horse, but find yourself unable to reach two.
>A quick inventory of your body and - yep, you're not human anymore.
>A quick stretch - yep, those are wings.
>A quick head shake - yep, you've got a long neck and a mane.
>A quick glance at your reflection in the glassy floor - yep, you've got two horns out of the top of your horse head and blazing eyes.
>Yep, you decide.
>You are, quite clearly, dead.
>You look back at the purple unicorn who is cringing under the purple lizard onslaught of admonishment.
>"-and now you've summoned up some strange demon pony who will now probably eat our souls!" he finishes passionately.
>"I have not!" she weakly defends, "I've just summoned..."
>She leans in a squints at the page.
>"...Aynonamos the..."
>She squints more, clearly not seeing legible writing.
>She quickly flips a page of the ancient tome as the dragon looks increasing unimpressed.
>You lie down on all fours, curious.
>What a strange afterlife this is.
>She comes to the right page, quickly scans it.
>"...Succubus!" she announces triumphantly.
>The lizard raises a scaly brow.
>"Aynonamos the Succubus," he states.
>"Yes!" chirps the pony, "I have successfully summoned Aynonamos - totally on purpose!"
>"Totally," says the dragon.
>"Yep!" she says.
>"Definitely not the Good Sombra from that alternate dimension," says the lizard.
>"N-Nope!" she nearly stumbles.
>"The Good Sombra that you said you would summon,"
>"No, no  NO!" says the purple pone, "I, uh, I wanted to PRACTICE a summon!" she announces.
>The purple lizard is not believing her.
>Neither are you, honestly.
>"Yes!" says the purple unicorn, "I mean, I, I wouldn't want to summon, y'know, Sombra ... in the incorrect fashion! I, er, I mean, it'd suck if I did it and he ... popped up inside out!"
>The purple lizard is glaring through narrowed eyes at the pony.
>You decide to add your two cents of indignation to this weirdness.
"So instead, you decided to summon me instead?"
>Your voice comes out sounding like some combination of deep moan, gentle ecstatic gasp, majestic grace and domineering presence, sending tingles down your spine.
>Wow.
>Your own voice is turning you on.
>Must be in heaven.
>Maybe?
>You take your thoughts away from the sexy feelings your voice is giving you to the purple pony and her pet lizard, both looking at you with wide eyes.
>"Er, uh, er, well..." stammers the pony.
"Just to see if I'll show up with my guts ... outside my body?" you say casually.
>oooOOoo, that's a sexy voice.
>Especially when you said 'guts'.
>You got a shiver from that.
>You find yourself smiling from the sensation.
>"I, er, well that's not to say that I, er, WANTED to have you show up inside out?" the purple pony squeeks.
"But you still weren't sure it would work or not," you respond.
>"Well, n-n-no," she stammers, "But, there are always risks, y'know, with this sort of thing-"
"Then why didn't you summon this Good Zombie instead?"
>"I...er..."
"Clearly, if there were risks there should have been no difference," you continue, "So then, why would you summon me?"
>"I...um..."
>You smile gently, getting a nice little fuzzy feeling from listening to your own voice.
>Although you're a little concerned.
>Maybe you aren't actually dead.
>And this random unicorn has summoned you.
>And there may have been disagreements as to where your bits should be.
>You're still smiling, but you feel a bit of a hard edge creep into it.
>The purple lizard is looking at you speculatively, then turns his baleful gaze at the pony.
>"Well?" he demands.
>Her eyes shift about, before her eyes widen in realization of a possible answer that may bail her out.
>She points a leg - hoof? - at you.
>"No!" she says, "I didn't summon you to see if I'd do it wrong!" she says.
>Both you and the lizard raise a skeptical eyebrow.
>"I, I did it because I wanted you to..."
>She stops, sweat growing on her head.
>You briefly wonder what that moisture tastes like.
>"To..."
>She swallows.
>Oh, what a delicious sound that is.
>"To..."
>Both you and the dragon wait impatiently for the answer as she quickly flips back to her book.
>You look at the dragon, then back to her, then back to him.
>He eyes you warily.
>Before slooowly raising his shoulders and arms in a shrug.
>You roll your eyes, before afixing your eyes to the purple pony.
>She stops on a page, points a leg at the page, then at you.
>"To ravage me until I'm a sweaty mess of satisfaction!"
>You blink.
>Wait, wh-
>Aynonamos the Succubus.
>Succubus, you recall from your crazy witch grandmother, is a shapeshifting demon that sleeps with men in their dreams, then impregnates women with that seed while they sleep.
>She summoned you as a Succubus.
>You are a Succubus.
>You are a sex demon.
>Apparently.
>...
>Yeah, you MAY be dead.
>Maybe.
>You eye the purple unicorn as her words catch up with her.
>Her eyes widen, her expression pales, and she audibly gulps.
>The purple lizard's eyes dance between her and you, uncomprehending.
>You, however, are just lying on the ground, just calmly accepting that being summoned as a sex demon for a purple pony with a horn poking out it's head is kind of a given.
>You'd care more but really - is this real?
>Are you dead?
>Alive?
>Hallucinating again?
>Who knows?
>Might as well just go along with this flow, and continue teasing the purple pony.
"Alright, small Purple Pony," you state, pointing a hoof at her speculatively, "However, there's a small flaw in that plan."
>The purple pony jumps out of her frozen state.
>"Wh-no, I mean-" she blubbers
"Specifically..." you stand up on all fours, towering over her, "I'm not sure tab A" you gesture to your bits, "Will go into slot B" you point at her.
>"B-but I don't-"
"And," you continue, "I'm not sure I WANT to put my tab into your slot. Especially if you actually want to turn me inside out. Which apparently you do."
>"But I don't-"
"That's very ... slotty behaviour."
>Okay, that was TERRIBLE.
>But being stuck in conversation with orderlies most of your semi-adult life has made you the Master of Bad Puns and Inane Argumentative Conversations.
>Mirth gleams from your eyes.
>The lizard is confused, not sure whether to be offended or amused.
>The unicorn, however...
>"I am not a slut!" she flusters indignantly.
"Then why did you summon a Succubus?" you smirk.
>The purple pone splutters, gibbers, then stomps her hoof.
>"Fine. FINE. I did it by accident. I made a mistake. WHOOPTY DOO!" she yells, "Twilight made a mistake! Tell the presses!"
>Victory!
>Tastes like...smug superiority.
>Smells like...
>You take a breath.
>Smells like...
>...
>Holy shit you can breathe!
>YOU CAN USE YOU LUNGS!
>You savour taking deep, full breaths.
>It's almost SOLID!
>No, a SOUP!
>It's like the air has FLAVOUR.
>A beautiful, sexy flavour!
>A sexy, purple flavour!
>You raise an eyebrow at the fuming purple pone.
"You sure you're not a slot?" you jest.
>You voice smoulders, that last word utter seductively.
>The pony's blush goes from 'embarrassed' to 'SHETLOCKS UNSHEATHED!"
>Aww, that's adorable.
>"Hey!" yells the purple lizard, "Twilight isn't a slot, whatever that is! And stop looking like you're going to ... ravage her... whatever that means too!"
>Twilight - you guess her name is - shakes her head.
>"N-no, I am not a slut," she states, "I am a princess, and I made a mistake. That's all!"
>You smile, stalking towards her.
"Oh?" you smile, before quite dramatically sniffing, "Then, then what is that ...nice...smell?"
>She blushes deeply, squirming.
>"You...you can smell...that?" she squeeks.
>Oh.
>Oh she's positively juicy.
>Your mind is quickly going into autopilot as many years of denial and lack of good, proper feminine contact override your normal functions.
>You get closer, finding yourself getting slightly shorter.
>You feel your body shift in shape, your wings becoming feathered, a horn erupting from your forehead.
>You skin burns, changing to a brilliant white.
>Twilight's eyes widen, she gulps and tries to backtrack.
"Hmmmm..." you say, your voice different, gentler, majestic but still sensual, "Has my trusty student been a bad girl?"
>You don't know where the words are coming from, or what you're doing, all you know is you are going to ENJOY this!
>You approach, smiling beautifically, your face craning down to the skittish mare.
"Has my darling student been ba~aad?" you sing song,
>She tries to make pitiful noises that she doesn't want this but you can SMELL how much she wants this.
>No.
>NEEDS this.
>And you SO want to INDULGE her.
"Well, I'm just going to have to punish my naughty student," you whisper sensuously.
>You go to silence her, to mash your lips against hers-
>And your lips find a certain purple lizard's.
>You blink.
>He blinks.
>Twilight, the bad, bad, naughty sexy girl blinks.
>You raise your head.
>The lizard grabs the side of your head and remains on your lips.
>You shake your head about.
>The Cock-blocking lizard remains stuck to your face.
>You try and force him off with your hooves.
>He remains clamped to your face.
>This is ridiculous.
>You pause, eyeing the lizard.
>The lizard GLARES at you.
>You raise an eyebrow.
>The lizard continues to GLARE at you.
>He mutters something into your mouth along the lines of 'You're not going to eat Twilight!" or some rot.
>Clearly this annoying little lizard is not going to release your mouth.
>And has no idea exactly what you are.
>Well, TWO can play at this game!
>You shift again, you face lengthening, your body enlargening.
>The white skin gives way to white scales
>The horn disappears, and a squiggly purple mane appears.
>Large scaled wings replace the delicate feathered ones.
>A large tail snakes it's way underneath you both.
>You sit on your bipedal legs, and bring two scaly claws to the little dragon's face.
>You flick a forked tongue against the lizard's lips.
>The lizard's eyes widen, and you FEEL his little baby dragon lust.
>His mouth opens, and your tongue enters, tasting his essence.
>You sit there, clutching and kissing the little guy as he sags in your arms.
>You'd much prefer to be kissing the purple pony however.
>Must be a 'My summoner wants me to bone her' thing.
>Because honestly, this isn't THAT bad.
>Kissing something is better than kissing nothing.
>And it feels...
>You can't rightly put your finger on it, but you continue kissing.
>You come up for air, smirking at the completely snookered look on his face.
>You trot over to a door and surreptitiously check it - yep, it's a closet.
"Maybe next time Spikey-wikey," you say in a prim, prissy voice to the scaly bundle.
>You then unceremoniously cast him into the closet, shut the door, and casually put a bunch of furniture in front of the door.
"Ha ha! And in there you stay, you diabolical cock-blocker!" you state villianously.
>Ignoring the whimpering cries of "Rarity!" and scratching at the door, you take stock.
>You apparently lose control and try to sex strangers.
>You can shapeshift to fit their desires.
>You can taste and smell how horny THEY are.
>...seems pretty stock standard sex demon to you.
>And...
>You roll your wings a bit.
>In some inexplicable way you feel a bit, for a lack of a better word, empowered.
>You can't put your finger on it, but you feel like you have more ... muchness.
>You're not quite sure what it means.
>With a head shake you break your introspection.
>Finding yourself in your starting demonic horse form, you cast your eyes around, thoughts a little clearer.
>The library is silent and empty.
>Clearly your summoner has bolted.
>You're not quite sure where.
>You feel you should track her down and maybe figure out some things.
>Like can you be unsummoned?
>Are you dead?
>Does she go red all over if you tease her enough?
>You feel...duty bound to figure these things out.
>Specifically maybe the last one.
>You poke your nose around a few of the book aisles before finding a doorway, and escaping the book room.
>Through a couple of halls and strange rooms - and a few random confetti explosions that scared the piss out of you - you discover the front door.
>Or at least a giant freaking door that presumably leads somewhere.
>Everywhere else has no purple pony.
>The bedroom smelt of her and her delightfulness, and several hidden spaces yielded a room full of deviant sexual instruments certain books of a carnal nature.
>Or at least they DID have books of carnal nature.
>For some reason they just magically disappeared!
>Just like how the contents of a bitching sandwich disappeared from the kitchen!
>Along with a slice of cake from the fridge!
>You have no idea where any of these things have gone.
>Wiping crumbs from your chin with the hoof awkwardly holding the forbidden literature, you push against the door.
>It swings open quite easily.
>So much so that it SLAMs against the exterior walls.
>Well oiled hinges, hmmm.
>Something you can appreciate, given how difficult it can be to open stiff doors with excessive fatigue and non-functional lungs.
>You take a nice, deep breath.
>Yep, never going to get over that.
>You cast your eyes outside.
>It's beautiful.
>Clear blue sky with a bright sun.
>Grass green as green can be.
>Birds chirping in a tree-
>Your eyes zero in on a black bird chirping amongst the singing ones.
>It cricks it's neck, it winks at you, before cawwing and disappearing in a puff of feathers.
>...
>You re-evaluate whether you want to go outside.
>Especially when there's zombie birds about.
>But then you espy the purple pony trotting back to the ... castle?
>You poke your head out and look around at the building you're in and - Yep, it's a castle.
>Twilight approaches the crystal pony library castle with a strange floating blue pony with tiny wings.
>Yep, just another day in...wherever you are.
>"...seriously, Twilight, this is nuts!" you hear the blue pegasus pony sqwauk as they travel up the path to the castle, "You probably just fell asleep while reading Daring Doo and the Demonologist again!"
>The purple pony huffs as she approaches the open door.
>"No, you dolt!" she angrily replies, "It actually happened! Spike saw her!"
"Him," you interject.
>"I mean him!" she bites out, casually trotting between your legs and entering the castle.
>The blue pegasus blinks, stops in midair and looks you up and down.
>"Er, Twilight-" she begins
>"I don't CARE Rainbow!" she yells from deep within, "He is real and somewhere in this castle, no doubt sucking out Spike's soul!"
>You hear your summoner's hoof-steps grow distant, before turning to the floating blue pony with a rainbow mane.
"Sup," you greet, "Want to read..."
>You look at the tome in your hoof.
"...Daring Doo and the Dick of Destiny?"
>She looks from you, to the book, then to you, then to the pile of books on your back.
>Quick as a flash she grabs the books in her hooves and stuffs them behind her wings.
>"You didn't see this," she says, moving a hoof across your eyes.
"I saw this, and will tell everyone that I saw it, and that you stole it," you respond robotically.
>"Dammit!" curses the blue pony, "That ALWAYS works with Pinkie Pie!"
>You raise your eyebrows in bemusement.
>"Anyway," she brushes off, "you look kind of awesome," she pokes you with a hoof, "And I'm kind of awesome. Let's go somewhere and be awesome together."
>You stare at the blue pegasus.
"...why not?" you respond.
>Not like things can get any LESS crazy.
>You trot beside the floating blue pegasus as she leads you through this town.
>Apparently it's called 'Ponyville'.
>Rainbow points out several ponies she knows.
>Said ponies freeze in place as you pass by as you give a short 'Sup' to each.
>Especially this 'Bonbon' pony.
>It was amusing to watch her steadily go through increasing levels of 'NOPE'.
>Although it may be because Rainbow is quite loudly telling you that she's a super discrete agent 'Just like James Colt!'
>As you trot on with your blue-feathered tourguide, Bon Bon quickly slips on a hat and fake Groucho marx glasses and moustache, becfore disappearing into the crowd.
>Hm.
>So crazy is just kind of expected in this place.
>Well, that's a given considering how a lot of the ponies are not actually running in fear, more like staring at you.
>And your sexy demon pony body.
>Especially the blue pegasus from what you can smell and observe of her futrive glances.
>You put more of a prance into your trot, basking in the attention.
>Feels good to be looked at for being saucy and not because you're hacking your lungs out in a wheelchair as you're being wheeled out of the movie cinema.
>Worst fifteenth birthday ever.
>Rainbow Dash - her full name go figure - flies by your head, getting your attention.
>"And HERE," she gesticulates to a house made out of candy, "Is Sugar Cube Corner, where my friend Pinkie Pie works! They serve some pretty sweet cakes - hey, want to try one? I imagine they don't have any, y'know, good food in...wherever you're from."
"Not really," you shiver, remembering your long-term experience with hospital food.
>"Well come on then!" she chirps, flying into the shop.
>You enter into a bakery, full of all sorts of tantalizing scents and colours.
>"Yo Pinkie, we've got company!" yells the pegasus, settling in front of the display case full of all sorts of baked confections.
>You stoop your head down and look across the possible treats.
>Cinamon scrolls, apple pie slice, jam log - OOO, you remember eating jam log with your mum when she had the time to spare with you.
>Just eating and shooting the shit, just being there for each other before she had to go off and slave away to keep you alive.
>...jeeze your existance sucks.
>Not only for you but for your family as well.
>Your morose thoughts must be reflected on your face as the pink horse face chirps from behind the glass "Hey! Why the long face?"
>You jump back a little, looking at the squished face in the display case.
>In a flash it appears attached to a pink pony body and poofy pink hair above the display case.
>Well that's...something.
>"Pinkie," states the blue pegasus, "This is...Well, this is the cool demon pony I met a few minutes ago out the front of Twilight's place."
"Sup," you supply.
>"Hi! she chirps, waving a hoof rapidly in greeting.
>"I've been showing her around town, meeting ponies and stuff, and now I'm hungry. Got any slices of Zap Apple Pie left?"
>Sure!" says the Pink pony.
>In a flash she plops a pie that is crackling slightly on the counter.
>In another flash she cuts the pie, extricating a slice, putting it on a plate then tossing the plate at Rainbow.
>Rainbow catches the plate and chucks back several small gold coins.
>Pinkie casually bites the coins out of the air with her teeth, and spits them into a cash register.
>The entire, well oiled procedure of controlled chaos takes a little under three seconds.
>"Well, whatjya like?" asks the bouncy pink pone.
>You trail your eyes and savour the smells of this bakery buffet.
>Your head whips from plate to plate full of deliciousness.
>The smells of sugary sweetness and whisps of generally appetizing foodstuffs is fueling your salivating tongue.
>There's a sudden curse behind you.
>"Dammit, is that the time already!?" yells Rainbow, pointing at a swirly candy cane clock on the wall, "Damn!"
>You turn and face her as she gives a little peck on your cheek, gives a quick "Keep being awesome!", before disappearing out the door.
>You blink, and feel as if something...something is different.
>There's a new smell you have become aware of.
>One of baking powder, salt, sugar and cinammon.
>And only now you smell it.
>And only now do you NEED IT.
>You trail your snuffling nose up and down and along the counter in a most indignified fashion.
>You espy Pinkie swivelling between the door Rainbow exited from, and you, completely befuddled.
>You eventually find the source of the smell, and with a hungry grin you look down at it.
"Yesss," you hiss, pointing a hoof, "I want THISSSSS."
>The pink pony simply blinks at your choice.
>"Silly!" she says, "I'm not edible!"
>You smirk at her.
>You feel your form morph and shift, growing slightly shorter but more stocky.
>Your wings wither away, and a harness appears around your neck.
>Your skin turns a fiery red, your mane a fiery orange.
"You shure about that hun?" you rumble at her seductively.
>Pinkie's smile has gotten a teensy little bit brittle.
>She blinks a couple of times, before the smile strengthens.
>In a bound she sits on the counter top.
>"Miss Sexy Demon, you're being very, very naughty!"
>She bops you on the nose.
>Oh you want that smell so, so BAD now!
>Like some sort of magical blue balls, but except making you more...
>...HUNGRY.
"Naughty, huh? How ahm I bein'...naughty?" you respond, lapping at her hoofsie.
>You think you moan a little at her taste.
>She quickly retracts her leg, a little unnerved.
>Her eyes narrow slightly.
>"Turning into a big, sexy Big Mac, getting me all hot and bothered!" she sternly admonishes, "That's, that's being naughty!"
"An' what's wrong with that?" you reply.
>The pink pony blinks, momentarily stunned, before her expression hardens up again.
>"Because I don't know you!" she sing songs, as if to a two year old "I'm not about to do some bouncy bounce with some silly evil sexy demon pony, even if they look like Big Mac!"
"You shure don't know me," you agree, nodding sagely, "And I shure don't know you neither. But that ain't stoppin' me from wantin' you, and it ain't stoppin' ya lookin'."
>You watch as Pinkie's eyes quickly go from enjoying your masculine form straight to your face, her face looking only a little frigid.
>"There's everything wrong with that," she says, a bit strangled, "I, I'm not, you're not even Big Mac! I like Big Mac, not YOU!"
"Ah kin git behind that" you smile, leaning in, "But he ain't doin' nothin' with you, an' you ain't doing anythin' with him, yeh?"
>She gulps, strained, her eyes staring into yours.
>"I, I, I," she stammers, "I've just been, working up the courage to, to talk to him, and-"
"And that's fair, but maybe thisn' give you the courage," you whisper huskily, near nose to nose, "Give you a bit of practus talkin' to 'im. And maybe a lil' practice givin' 'im a ride?"
>"N-no!" she says, but her resolve is breaking, you can smell it, "I, I, I plan on getting to know Big Mac later and, and, and dating him and getting lots of hugs and belly rubs and maybe, um, maybe then, when I'm sure I want to, I'll, er-"
"Give 'im good ruttin'?" you interject, "Whell, he ain't here right now, but ah am, and I kin give you aaa~all the ridin' practice you need. No point workin' the field if'n you don't know the wage, m'right?"
>She looks at you, gibbering and vibrating, not really wanting to say yes, but definitely, 100% unable to say no.
"An ahm shure you rightly wahnt ALL of the waaage..."
>You lean in closer, planning to plant your lips on the pink pony, to break that little bit of resistance left and give this pink pony the tumble of her life-
>"NOPE!"
>You find yourself on the floor as a big red form knocks you to the ground.
>You're completely disorientated, with up and down seeming the same as right and left.
>What were you doing again?
>You have a deep hunger in your soul, a heat in your nethers, the world is blurry, and someone is massaging your belly?
>You crane your head around to look at your stomach.
>There's a big red horse massaging your belly.
>No, wait.
>There's a big red angry horse trying to pummel your guts.
>You shake your head, before looking at the fuming stallion.
>"And donchu never touch Pinkie Pah agayn, y'hear!" he brays in fury.
>You look over his body briefly, your hunger driving you forward and your mind out.
>You find yourself shrinking, your skin turning golden, your orange mane changing to deep brown.
"Well'n pardner," you say, "Kin ah touch you instead?"
>The stallion stops mid strike, then backs away in horror.
>You get up, rolling your shoulders, and advancing on the stallion who has gone completely skittish with big swings of your prostigious rump.
>Your hunger will not be denied!
>"Caramel?" you hear from the door, "What the hay are you doin' to Big Mac?"
>You turn to the door, finding an orange pony with a big stetson on her head.
>You shape begins to shift, your skin begins to change-
>A pink face appears in front of your face.
>"Hey! Hey! Look at me!" she yells.
>You look at her, confused for a moment, before finding your skin shifting to red-
>In a flash the face is gone, and the orange pony is standing at the door, looking like a brand new citizen of the world of total confusion.
>You join her.
>What were you doing again?
>You were going to eat something?
>You shake your head, trying to get a grip.
>You were...seducing someone?
>The hunger and burning from your nethers shoots into your head.
>You go and try to find your original target, the pink pony.
>"No, wait, quick, Big Mac, distract her!" squeeks Pinkie Pie, trying to dip below the display case.
>Saucy minx, playing hard to get.
>You trot towards the counter, but before you can-
>You're on the floor, the red stallion holding you down.
>"NOT LIKE THAT!" yells Pinkie.
>HA HA too late Pink Pony!
>In a flash you're in you're in the small, cute, golden pony form.
>With a smirk you writhe in the stallion's grip making inappropriate noises.
>Big Mac is frowning hard and blushing harder.
>He quickly looks over at the counter as you try and rearrange your body under him.
>"Pinkie, help!" he yelps as you're pretty sure there's some sword fighting going on right now - and your opponent isn't using a limp rubber hose.
"Noooo, don't!" you whine, getting a nice hump running, "He's got aaaa-all th' help he ne~eeds!"
>Big Mac shudders and jolts with each rub.
>It's quite clear he's fighting the urge to hump back.
>With another squirm you stick your hooves over Big Mac's Big Shoulders.
"Com-for-table?" you smile indulgently.
>Big Mac's grimace is deep and hard, but his eyes alight with WANT.
>And that's what you want.
>His WANT.
>His NEED.
>You begin to roll your hips deliciously.
>The pink face appears again.
>"Oi!" she yells at you, 'Leave Big mac alone!"
>You shift again, and now there are two hunky red stallions, one pinned to the floor and the other standing over him, holding him down, and desperately trying to ignore the humping form on the ground.
"Want ta join us?" you playfully offer the pink pony.
>"N-n-n-"
>In a flash you pull Pinkie in between yourself and Big Mac.
>Big Mac is frozen.
>Pinkie Pie is frozen.
>You take advantage of this Big Mac / Pinkie Pie sandwich and kiss Pinkie Pie.
>She meeps, then moans into your mouth.
>Oh.
>OOOH.
>OOOOOOOH this is the stuff.
>You make sexy eyes with Big Mac as you viciously kiss the everyliving WANT out of Pinkie Pie.
>Big Mac is confused but still heavily aroused.
>You smirk at him through your eyes as you rub your cock against his.
>He shudders, bottom lip between his teeth.
>You do it again, again, again, getting a good rhythm as you tongue your way through the sugary sweetness' mouth.
>Ahh...
>This.
>You needed this.
>A few more thrusts and Big Mac seizes up.
>He twitches.
>Pinkie moans.
>You smirk as you make sure there is as much ball-to-ball contact as possible.
>And suddenly it's very, very, very cold.
>And quite wet.
>Pinkie Pie shrieks, extracts herself and begins running all over the floor, walls and ceiling screaming "COLD! COLD! COLD!"
>Big Mac leaps back and clutches himself, shivering hard and looking like a wet cat.
>And you are once again on the floor completely disorientated.
>Close.
>You were SO CLOSE!
>So CLOSE to taking that WANT and feeling that NEED and filling yourself up with that MUCHness.
>You don't know why but you want more of it.
>The lizard didn't have a lot of it, but these two would've given you so, so much more-
>You are once again very, very cold.
>You look around, trying to find the mysterious source of this cold water.
>There's a grumpy looking orange pony patting Big Mac with a towel and giving you the stink eye.
>Pinkie is planted to the ceiling, shivering.
>And there's a white unicorn with a squiggly purple mane looking down at you imperiously.
>You blink.
"Sup," you casually greet.
>The unicorn snorts, her horn flares blue light, and you are promptly drenched in freezing water.
>You sit on the floor, letting the cool, cold, refreshing liquid and occasional dink of a hard ice cube, flow over you.
>The cool quenches that fiery feeling inside you, and that hunger for that muchness.
>You look up above yourself at the source of this refreshment, finding a now empty barrel.
>It's quickly replaced with another, leaking, much fuller barrel.
>"Now," says the white unicorn sternly, "Am I going to have to drench you again?"
>You shift back into your demon pony form, eyeing the unicorn.
"You already have," you respond seductively, waggling your eyebrows.
>She 'hmph's daintily, and you are drenched again.
>Those sexy thoughts and feelings being to ebb away.
"Hmmm, yesss," you smile saucily, "VERY drenched now."
>In a flash you are once again put in a shower of cool.
>You savour the feeling of the cool over your face.
>You also give  your head and neck a bit of a shake like the chicks in the shampoo ads.
>That's...pretty nice actually.
>But cold shower aside, what the hell just happened?
>Why did you go all rapetrain on Pinkie Pie and Big Mac.
>And who are these two other ponies?
>Well, while you use the backyard unicorn shower, you begin to try and figure out what the fuck is going on.
 
---
 
>You meditate on what exactly is going on, and your admittedly inappropriate behaviour.
>Apparently you want to withdraw something from these ponies, and lizard.
>You're not quite sure whether it's their lust or magic or sugary sweetness or whatever.
>Kissing triggers and facilitates this harvest of 'muchness'.
>You think sex might as well.
>And it's quite intoxicating.
>And a little spooky that you lose yourself completely to this hunger.
>But it still feels so GOOD, so NAUGHTY, so-
>You return to reality when your nice, cool, refreshing shower suddenly ceases.
>You open an eye to glance at your impromtu shower maid.
>The white unicorn seems mildly upset.
>Her mane is all frazzled, her blue flashy magic keeps sparking, and her eyes are mildly bloodshot.
>You look around at all the empty barrels and the giant pool of water and ice on the floor.
>Beyond is a window.
>A grumpy Big Mac is grumping at you from outside the window, shoulders hunched, shaking like a scared cat.
>The orange pony with the stetson is glaring at you with full force.
>Pinkie pie's face is squished against the glass, no doubt sending mental hate beams at you.
>There's a small crowd of curious ponies around them, looking in, almost...expectant?
>"NOW," seethes the white unicorn, "Are you going to behave like a proper LADY, and STOP being so CELESTIA-DAMNED SEXY!?"
>You look back at her, watching her grind her teeth.
>You flip your mane, letting little droplets fly off your wet, dripping, lithe, imposing form.
>The water trails down your neck, along your front and down your hooves to the floor.
>You look at the unicorn with a mixture of simmering sauciness and innocence.
>Behind her, you espy Pinkie smearing her face even more against the glass, Big Mac has his hooves over his face, Applejack has lowered the hat over her eyes, and the crowd are alternatively hollering and catcalling and WATCHING you.
>A thrill travels up your spine at the attention.
"Can't stop something that comes naturally," you say happily, "Suppressing myself would just be-"
>The white unicorn snaps, letting loose a shriek of anger.
>With a burst of magic all the barrels are smashed onto you.
>They break like waves upon the rock, sending splinters everywhere.
>When the last one is broken, the white horn-horse is huffing and puffing, full of fury and rage.
>You brush off some of the broken bits of wood and splinters, before looking around in an exaggerated fashion.
"Hey now!" you pout, turning back to Angry White, 'That's very unladylike, leaving such a mess! Were you raised in a barn?"
>She makes a furious choking sound.
"Look at you, leaving all these wood splinters all over the place!" you gesture with a hoof, "Not to mention all this water! No doubt even now this building is suffering considerable water damage, and it's going to rot and collapse into itself!"
>She's shaking, eyes narrowed to slits, mane and tail completely frazzled.
"Have you no heart, no consideration for other people's feelings?" you say, mock-bewildered.
>She inhales.
>And keeps inhaling.
>And inhaling.
>Oh this gon be gud.
>You keep the innocent look on your fce as she inflates to maximum rage.
>She vibrates, twitches, 'hnngs!', and opens her mouth.
>There's a scream, a high pitched squeel that causes you to clutch the sides of your head.
>Jesus Christ!
>It's loud, it's so god-damned loud!
>And annoying!
>And high pitched!
>Like a clawing inside your very SKULL.
>Oh gosh this actually HURTS!
>You glance at her, to see if she's getting quieter, maybe you can outlast her.
>But if anything she's just getting louder.
>Well, clearly mistakes were made.
>You quickly slosh over to the door, and open it, releasing a torrent of water, wood and sugar onto the street.
>When you do the ponies outside are floored by the noise coming from inside.
>They clutch their little adorable earsies and wince, running for cover.
>You quickly shut the door.
>Ah.
>Blessed relief!
>You rub your head a bit with a hoof, trying to get a bit of feeling back.
>You were hoping for a completely flustered and highly amusing explosion from the unicorn not, not, not THIS.
>That was terrible!
>Like, really, really terrible!
>Luckily the building is sound proofed.
>But why is a bakery sound proofed?
>Surely they aren't THAT loud, are they?
>You are momentarily distracted by something pushing HARD momentarily into your side.
>You look down as you right yourself and see the hindquarters of the orange pony.
>You observe the apples on her rump, and the straw coloured tail.
>You also observe her falling over cursing up a storm and grabbing her rear legs with her forelegs.
>You frown at her.
>Strange customs these ponies have.
"You alright there?" you ask.
>She grits her teeth, and glares at you.
>"No I ain't awright ya darned varmint!" she bites out, before hissing in pain and grabbing her rear limbs again.
"Well, how can I help?" you ask, intrigued "How did you hurt yourself?"
>She narrows her eyes at you.
>You look at her in return, not knowing what the hell her problem is.
>She clenches her teeth again, before shakingly getting to her hooves.
>"Ah hurt myself," she gasps, "When ah tried ta buck you, ya daft whorse!"
>You tilt your head curiously.
"Draft horse?" you deliberately misinterpret, "Well, thanks for the compliment."
>"IT WASN'T A COMPL-EE-MENT!" she yells at you.
"Not a compliment?" you say, aghast, "As in, an insult!? But, then, aren't you belittling Big Mac over there?" you respond, pointing a hoof at the red stallion.
>Currently hiding behind Pinkie Pie.
>And failing miserably.
"Here he is, earning an honset, hard-working living, and here you are, insulting him!" you gasp, shocked, "The NERVE!"
>The orange pone's confusion gives way to exasperation.
>"Ah didn't say DRAFT horse you, you, you-"
>You take advantage of her momentary rage filled spluttering, and casually approach the worst hide and seek player.
"There there," you say to the shocked stallion, "I'm sure she didn't mean anything by it."
>Jesus he really is spooked isn't he?
>You feel kind of bad about that.
>And all because you rubbed cocks with him.
>You wonder how you apologise for lust-induced uncontrollable frottage.
>Well, just have a go at it.
"Look, Big Mac, I'm-"
>Your vision is suddenly filled with enraged Pink, and you feel hooves pressed firmly into the side of your face.
>"Stop that," she says in a dead monotone, "You're scaring him."
>You blink.
>She blinks rather creepily back.
"Y'know," you say, "You're kind of interrupting something here."
>"Y'know," she parrots back, "that scaring poor defenseless stallions is a very bad thing."
"Y'know," you casually respond, "I don't think he was very scared - after all, I didn't hear a 'no' or 'please stop'. But - " here you waggle your eyebrows, "- I DID feel him hump me back. And anyway, I was about to apologise to him."
>"Y'know," she bites back, her eyes actually extend out of her skull and oh god jesus christ they're practically licking yours, "I think you used your sexy demon powers to make him want to rut you, and you're GUILTY that you used them."
"Y'know," you respond, "This whole y'know thing is getting, y'know, annoying. Y'know."
>"I know," she grinds out.
>After a moment of awkward silence you continue.
"Anyway, yes, I am a bit guilty," you admit, "I kind of don't have control of said sexy demon powers at the moment."
>She looks at you through the horrifying periscope eyes of hers.
>Before she blinks and the eyes are back in her skull where they should be.
>"Watchu talking about?" she asks, eyes narrowed in suspicion.
>"Yeah, what ARE you on abou'?" adds Applejack, having shakingly walked over and given Big Mac another thing to not hide behind.
"This is my first day as a sex demon," you honestly reply, "I'm trying to deal with the fact that I uncontrollably go around eating people's...lust? Or maybe it's their want? Or...it's, it's something, but anyway, I eat it. I think."
>The Pink looks at you, completely confused.
>"What do you mean you 'uncontrollably' go around eating pony's lust-stuff?" she asks, "And how is this your 'first day' of being a demon pony? You don't look like an itty-bitty-filly!"
"I dunno," you eloquently communicate, "One second I'm sleeping in my bed, and the next, some purple unicorn and her pet lizard are saying they want to turn me inside out, and I for some reason want to be outside-in with everyone. It was very traumatic." you add.
>"Aha, yep, sure," quickly disbelieves the Pink, "You mean to tell me that Twilight somehow turned you into a demon pony."
"Pretty much," you lie down, crossing your front hooves.
>She frowns at you HARD.
>Before sighing.
>"This DOES sound like something Twi would do," Judge Pink decrees, before releasing your face and slipping off your muzzle and onto the ground, "But it STILL wasn't very nice!"
>"Darn tootin'" growls the cowboy hat pony.
"I know, I know," you soothe, "And for what it's worth, I'm really sorry that what happened happened, it wasn't REALLY my fault, and I didn't mean to kiss you," you point at Pinkie, "or rub dicks and engage in full-on testicle-on-testicle contact with you," you point over at the blushing Big Mac, "even if doing those things were really, really enjoyable, and I still wouldn't mind if you wanted to go out back and-"
>"Hush," says the Pink, sticking a hoof in your mouth, "You're ruining it."
>"Ah Ain't gay," Big Mac unexpectedly huffs.
>"He ain't gay," adds the orange pone.
>You look at them skeptically.
>"Anyway," states the Pink, withdrawing the hoof from your masticulator "Now that that's all taken care of, we are going to go to Twilight's place, and we are going to fix you right up!"
>You look at the firm pink pone as the words register.
"Fix?"
>"Yeah, fix!" says Pinkie Pie, "You don't want to actually BE a rapist demon pony, do you?"
>Oh.
>Oh shit.
>Twilight might send you back.
>Back to the constant, agonizing, near death experience that is your waking life.
>Fear, genuine fear now begins to snake its way into you.
"Do, do we have to?" you try to question cool and calm, and fail a bit.
>Pinkie looks at you blankly.
>Okay, you failed acting cool BADLY.
>"What, you WANT to go around being a pervert to random strangers?" she asks.
"No, definitely not," you reply, "It's just... did you miss when I said she wanted to turn me inside out?"
>Party Pink looks at you just as skeptically as you looked at Big Mac when he denied his homosexuality.
>Orange Pone however, doesn't seem to care.
>"Nah, ya big stupid palooka!" she says, catching onto your unease, "She'll fix y'up right as rain, an' put ya back into that 'bed' o yours!"
>Oh fuck.
>"If'n there isn't anything wrong with that," adds Big Mac, suddenly showing a LOT more backbone, and a lot more grim, angry determination.
>Oh shit oh fuck oh DOOM ON YOU.
>"You're not a rapist, are ya, sexy demon pony?" compounds the cowboy pony, "You don't want to be a RAPIST, are ya?"
>You're quite sure you might be in a bit of bother.
>The surrounding ponies, earlier lusting after your sexy form, then having ducked for cover, and now having come back out to watch the drama, are now having second thoughts about being in your general vicinity and begin to slowly back away.
"No, I don't want to be a rapist," you angrily grind out, "I just don't want to go back to Twilight's and end up on an operating table with my guts all labelled and bagged."
>Suddenly you find you head a little bit heavier.
>"Well then I'm just going to have to protect you from Twilight's evil ways then!" says Pinkie Pie from atop your noggin, "Now, forward!"
>You remain standing, eyeing orange pone and Big Mac warily.
>"Come on!" says Pinkie, "lift that bale! Tote that barge!"
>You try and look up with incredulity at this pony.
"I doubt you'll be able to stop Twilight from doing horrible experiments on me," you skeptically state.
>"Well look at it this way," says a loud, imperious voice.
>You turn and witness a midnight blue pony with wings and a horn descend onto the ground before you.
>She smells of cold and cool, of dark and hard.
>She seems to shimmer with unforgiving magic.
>She approaches you, horn whirring.
>"Either you can take your chances with Laughter, and her dubious protection, or you can come with me. And I guarantee, demon..."
>There's a lot of bright, oppressive, lethal looking, dangerous feeling shapes, wisps and impressions in the air, all pointed directly at you.
>"...there will be NOTHING  left of you once I'M done but records in a dusty tome about how long and loud you SCREAMED for."
>...
"So," you say weakly, "Which way to Twilight's, then?"
 
---
 
>You trot somberly up the road towards 'The Big Freaking Tree Castle Library' you swear you didn't see tower over the town.
>And swear you never came straight there from.
>And swear that this road 'leads straight there honest'.
>And swear that this pretty looking flower is MUCH more interesting than the giant castle.
>And swear that that suspicious noise was DEFINTELY worth investigating, and going to the castle could come later.
>Princess Luna was not amused.
>In fact she is very unamused.
>Right now, every move is judged, every step, every breath.
>One wrong move and you feel as though some sort of deadly Jigsaw cage will trap shut and kill you instantly.
>Orange Pony, or Applejack as you learn from the conversation that inexplicably avoids you, is deriving oodles of pleasure from your discomfort.
>Big Mac already got his quota of schadenfreude and left to 'plow the fields'.
>But really you think he just went off to wank to a sexy stallion lingerie magazine while secretly thinking that it's perfectly straight to do so.
>Pinkie Pie is oblivious to all the subtle drama, occassionally going 'Weee!' and 'Giddy up!'
>Step by step you approach the castle, as it looms over you promising a whole heap of pain.
>Back to that life of stuck in bed with your lungs slowly killing you.
>Will you even go back human?
>Will you even go back!?
>Anxiety grips you as Princess Luna opens the door.
>...and reveals a yellow pegasus with pink hair.
>She blinks, looking at Luna with a gasp.
>"Princess Luna!" she cries, "Did you find it? Did it hurt anypony? Oh, Twilight wouldn't forgive herself if it hurt somepony!"
>It?
>You're an it?
>...Well you CAN change sexes, maybe you are an it.
>Although as a succubus you are a she, and an incubus a he, but you swap between them, so maybe-
>"Kindness, please desist," dismisses Princess Luna, bringing you out of your thoughts, "Princess Twilight Sparkle has much explaining to do."
>Kindness looks past the midnight pony and sees the rest of your troupe.
>Her eyes widen at seeing you, and gasps when she sees Pinkie riding on your head.
>Applejack gives a cheerful wave.
>Before wincing and rubbing a hind quarter.
>Ha HA, karma.
>"Pinkie Pie!" yelps the yellow pegasus, "Get off that! It might eat your soul!"
>The Pink Pony scoffs.
>"She only eats naughty sexy pony thoughts, so as long as I'm thinking unsexy thoughts, I'm good!" she chirps.
"Hey!" you respond indignant, "I also eat other stuff!"
>"Sure, sure," Pinkie says skeptically while she bops her hoof on your head in a mock pat.
"It's true!" you defend, "I originally WAS going to ask you for the cinnammon jam log before Rainbow kissed me and set this whole mess into motion!"
>"Wait, Rainbow KISSED you?" says Applejack, shocked.
>"Yep!" says Pinkie, "But seriously, were you going to order one of those? Why not one of the scrolls, or the strawberry cake?"
"Never really liked strawberry," you recoil in remembrance, "It doesn't really work when you convert it into artificial flavour."
>"Artificial strawberry flavour?" Pinkie Pie looks at you confused, "Is that made from artificial strawberries?"
"No, they make the actual strawberry flavour using chemicals and put it in food and call it-"
>"A-Hem."
>Princess Luna is having none of these time-wasting shenanigans.
>Curses, foiled again!
>Quick, distraction!
"Excuse me Princess, we're in the middle of a discussion on confectionary chemistry," you say, offended, "And it's very rude to interrupt."
>She looks at you blankly.
>There's a shift of a great SOMETHING in the air-
>Pinkie pie leaps off your head as you're sent tumbling over and over into the castle.
>With a SMACK you ram into a wall, before you're dragged with a slick squeal into the room you were summoned in.
>With a shake of your head you take stock of the situation.
>There's a large, white, regal looking pony with a long horn and wings, lying on a giant pillow, casually sipping from a tea cup.
>Beside her at a table is a frazzled looking Twilight.
>On the table is her lizard, looking rather goofy with bits of metal and wires smothering his body and...is that a collander on his head?
>All the bits and bobs are linked up to a machine that PINGs intermittently.
>And that thrice damned summoning circle that'll send you to parts unknown lies across the floor, mocking you.
>Twilight looks up as the white pony lowers the tea cup.
"Sup," you say casually.
>"We have brought in your demon, Twilight!" calls Princess Luna as she enters the room with Pinkie, Applejack and Kindness, "And I must say, you truly have overdone yourself THIS time!"
>Twilight sighs.
>"Not only have you summoned a demon, but you summoned up a powerful succubus!" yells the midnight pony, trotting over the Twilight, "Had I not intervened, it would have most likely gone on a raping rampage through Ponyville! It would have been a distaster of epic proportions!"
>Twilight mumbles something under her breath in annoyance.
>"AN ACCIDENT!?" screeches Princess Luna, "You summoned this hellspawn by ACCIDENT!?"
>"It was only a little, teeny tiny accident," weakly responds the purple pone.
>"A TINY!?" gasps Luna.
>Oooo she's raring to go now!
>You note that the air which is usually charged with death and doom and pointed directly at you, is now shifting to aim towards Twilight.
>And with everyone looking at the confrontation...
>You lie down surrepticously on the ground looking faintly amused by what is occurring.
>When none of the spectators react or move, you sloooowly use your rear legs to slide back, away from the conversation.
>And that summoning circle.
>You eye it for a moment, before taking an uninterested glance around.
>"THIS HAS GONE BEYOND STUPID, YOU STUPID PONY!" shrieks Princess Luna.
>"EVERYONE MAKES MISTAKES, LUNA!" yells back Twilight Sparkle.
>Princess Luna rears back as if smacked.
>...yep, all that magic is now pointing at Twilight.
>And everyone is stunned, transfixed on Twilight.
>You once again slooooowly scoot out backwards on your belly, like a snake, as quietly as possible.
>Come on Payday, Metal Gear and Thief training! Get you out of here!
>Luna practically explodes in anger at Twilight, who brays back in frustration and anger.
>Applejack and Pinkie yell into the mix, as Kindness tries to hide under her hooves.
>Celestia however watches the argument with a judgementary stare.
>You continue to quietly slide back, back, back...
>Closer and closer to the door...
>"BECAUSE I DID IT FOR CELESTIA!" yells Twilight.
>Everyone looks back and forth between Celestia and Twilight, confused.
>"What does that even MEAN!?" shrieks Princess Luna.
>You're at the door now, just need to shuffle back just a liiiiittle more...
>"I did it because I was trying to summon up Good Sombra, alright!?" you hear Twilight practically sob, "I know it's been hard on Celestia for the past couple of months and, and, and I thought that if I brought him into this world for a couple of days, then Celestia might be happier!"
>You edge around the doorframe and...
>You have successfully removed yourself from eyesight, and the ensuing drama.
>You stand up, and tip-toe away from the room.
>Success!
>Excellent application of the sneaky breeky!
>You go along the corridors, and quickly find the front door.
>You quietly open it a touch, slip out, then quietly close the door.
>Thank god it has such well oiled hinges!
>You casually trot down the path, then head directly AWAY from town.
>Because honestly, they'll look for you there no doubt using your sexy pony powers of persuasion.
>And you really don't want to lose control again.
>That Princess Luna pony would probably kill you three ways till Sunday.
>And you're not keen on dying.
>If you were, you would have probably commited suicide ages ago.
>Maybe.
>Somehow.
>Pills, maybe?
>Everyone would probably be happier with you gone.
>Mum would be able to support herself, and not pay bills.
>You'd be dead, and not suffering.
>The orderlies wouldn't be pulling their hair out dealing with your inane conversations.
>But you continued on, if anything to spite the world that was trying to kill you.
>Thus, instead of heading to town and certain death therein contained, you trot towards the ominous looking forest you espy in the distance.
>Looks like a good place to hide.
>With a leap, you enter the tree line.
 
---
 
>It is later.
>You have been trotting through this forest of a while now.
>You haven't heard the sound of trumpets, or the rallying call of a hunting party.
>No colossal shapes streaking across the sky.
>No ponies leaping out of bushes to slay you.
>Shits good.
>You wonder if you can stay a while in here, then maybe pop out at night and seduce ponies.
>Sounds like a good gig.
>Although you're not sure whether that Princess Luna would abide by that.
>Your thoughts are disturbed by the cackling caw of a bird.
>You look up and oh god it's the zombie bird.
>It cackles at you, somewhere between a caw and the ripple of electricity.
>It awkwardly flaps, floating in mid air, before swooping at you.
>Jesus!
>You jump out of the way of the scary fucker, before you turn and OH GOD IT'S BIGGER.
>Floating along like a twisted giant broken black kite covered with feathers and bone, with a crackle and and shriek, it soars towards you.
>Fuck that!
>You quickly gallop away from the creature, branches leaves and trunks smashing against you as the sound of crackling, of cawing, of menacing laughter and breaking bones echoes from behind you.
>Seriously, FUCK that thing!
>After a minute of running, you find a strange tree that looks like it's doubling as a house.
>Spooky scary masks line the perimeter.
>Thinking quickly, you quickly run up, open the door,  stuff your big demonic form inside, then quickly shut it behind you.
"HA HA! And out there you stay!" you mock.
>Your fleeting feeling of joy ceases as the bird casually flies in through a nearby window.
>It flops around on the ground a bit, crackling, cracking, then exploding into splinterous gore.
>You stand there stunned and covered with bird bits and feathers as a zebra replaces the bird.
>She cricks her neck and legs a bit, before looking at you.
>Well.
>This is happening.
>You go to reach for the door handle to nope right the fuck out of here.
>"Darling!" she says happily, walking over and hugging your big ass form.
>Darling?
>"It has been too long, my little fly, too, too long since I said goodbye!" she says into your mane, before withdrawing.
>Little fly!?
>Only one person called you that...
>Holy shit, it can't, there's no possible-
>"Ah I see, you have guessed the truth," she chants, sagely, "Do you seek additional proof?"
>You recoil as she says several unearthly sounds, and with a sickening crack-
>Holy fuck it's Crazy Witch Grandmother.
>Except she's younger!
>And very dirty, covered and caked in tribal paint and dirt and mud and god knows what else.
>Her benign smile now seems crazed on her dirty human features.
>"Ah, that is better," she sighs, using her fingers to move her long, greasy black hair out of her face, "At least in this form I don't have to rhyme all of the god-damned time." she winces, "Fuck. Anyway, how's my favourite grandson!"
>You open your mouth, close it, then raise a hoof.
"I have several questions," you announce.
>"I'm sure you do," she smirks, sitting down on a barrel of...something, and gesturing to the rug on the floor.
>You cautiously approach, then cautiously lie down, cautiously crossing your front hooves.
>Cautiously.
"Okay, first of all - how?" you ask, pointing at her.
>"Simple," she says, wiggling her fingers at you, "Magic."
>You look at her flatly.
>"What, not enough?" she says, amused.
>She tut-tut's you, as she does when she's explaining something to you that should be obvious.
"Well I'm sorry that I don't instantly know the answer to these things," you sarcastically reply, "Too busy trying to grasp the fact you're still alive."
>"Of course I am!" she admonishes, "I had the means, to avoid my worthless spawn circling like vultures, beaurocrats and doctors suckling on me, religious fanatics swarming around wanting to 'save my soul', and my own mind and body growing weak and frail as I steadily got old. Of COURSE I was going to cheat death!"
>She snorts, before waving a finger at you.
>"And you didn't have faith in me," she pouts, "My own grandson didn't have faith in my abilities!" she mock swoons, "Oh, how shall I survive, with such a spiteful grandson?"
"Forgive me," you declare skeptically, "but up until earlier today I had no idea that magic was actually REAL. Everyone thought you were completely batshit crazy."
>She snorts again, louder, smiling wide.
>"Of course I'm 'a crazy old bat'," she nasally sing-songs, "Being sane is boring as hell! But I showed them who was crazy! I showed them ALL!"
"Not really," you smirk, "You're still kind of dead back home. So you didn't show anyone. Because you died."
>She waves dismissively.
>"Details, details, the point is I am still alive and everyone else is wrong and they can't bother me over my trinkets and electricity bills. Fucking parasites," she mutters angrily.
>You sit lying on the rug in wonder.
"So you used your crazy witch powers to become a zebra in ... where are we again?" you ask.
>"Equestria, darling" answers the decrepid woman, "And yes, a zebra. Was thinking of being a unicorn, but being a zebra is a lot more ... exotic, I think, and I can explain any 'witchiness' on being from some distant, foreign land."
>She leans in conspiratorially.
>"And with a simple gender swap and a sterility potion I can get so much tail it's not even funny," she smirks, "Just call myself 'Ice Pack', and claim my special talent is relieving mares in heat." she smirks, "These ponies are all about their special talents."
>You've been slowly recoiling your head since she leaned in to the point you're sure you're going to fall over backwards.
>She sees your horrified face and frowns.
>"What? A woman has needs!" she defends, "Just because I'm old doesn't mean I don't want to fuck the stuffing out of some cute hunks."
"Gran!" you wail, "Too much fucking information!"
>"And here there wasn't enough information on fucking," she teases, "After all, aren't you supposed to be some sexy demonness? Isn't that your thing?"
"Yes," you curtly reply, "But I don't like thinking about my Grandmother doing the dirty with a bunch of ponies."
>She smirks, then with a crackling crunch the zebra is back.
>She leans in and gives you the Eyes.
>Eyes full of WANT.
>And NEED.
>"Even if I'm your Grandmother,  have no fear, there will be no grief, if you pound my rear."
>You try and struggle against the way your body is rapidly losing control, wanting to drink deep of the saucy zebra in front of you.
>No, your grandmother, you know, the one who changed your diapers, babysat you, and-
"Hey!" you yell, dragging your way out of her eyes, "You fucking cursed me!"
>The zebra blinks.
>"I would not curse my favourite 'son," she says, confused, "now cease this, and rut my bum!"
>You shake your head.
"No!" you point an accusing hoof, "You did something when I was twelve! I've spent the last couple of years in horrific unlife from unholy respiratory illness and disease! And it's been HELL!"
>The zebra stops, before smiling.
>"It was all a part of my plan, to make you into a better man," she says, slowly slinking towards you, "I had the chance, with your body shod, to give you the powers of a god. Back on Earth, harsh and cold, you'd live, you'd lose, and then grow cold. But I knew that this paradise here, was available for you too, my dear."
>She presses her chest against yours, and gently bumps her nose against yours.
>"I did not wish for you to suffer, and if you did then forgive your 'mother," she nuzzles you, "But you have to admit, in Ponyland, you stand taller here than in the world of Man. With power over love, and lust, and might, you'd be happier here, with ponies tight, with them spit upon your poles, thusting deep into their willing holes."
>She leans onto her back, and you maintain the distance as you lean over the saucy minx.
>Your form shifts to something more masculine, but nothing else.
>You're panting hard, as the full power of your HUNGER for WANT and NEED, unquenched too many times, drives you forward.
>And if anything the fact that this is sooo bad, so sinful, so wrong-
>Makes it only all the more DELICIOUS.
>It's driving you so far forward that you're willing to overlook the poorly rhymed 'poles' bit.
>Except...
>You look down and look at your throbbing 'poles'.
>Two of them.
>You look back up at that diabolically smug smirk of hers.
>That smug smirk that you inherited.
>Not your mum, or her sisters and brother.
>Not your cousins.
>Just you.
>"Now cease this emotive sounding," she dismisses, putting her hooves astride you, riding beneath your barrel, and lining up her slick opennings against your members "And get to some serious pounding!"
>You can't help but oblige.
 
---
 
>It is now later.
>You are currently curled up in the fetal position on the rug soaked through with unspeakabe juices.
>Good god.
>That was horrible.
>You just started thrusting, getting used to double pounding at once, thinking, 'alright, so, I can just pretend that she's a zerba, a random zebra that I don't know-'
>And crick crack you're boinking your Grandmother in young human form.
>She's a screamer, and claws at you viciously as you promptly ruin her.
>You couldn't stop, because it felt SO GOOD.
>SO BAD.
>SO WRONG.
>You climaxed several times in shame and exhilaration.
>In between each she'd extract yourself from her, then pour your dripping seed from herself into jars for future potions and ritual ingredients.
>Then she'd give you THE EYES and you fell right back into rutting her.
>Eventually you just stopped caring and ended up boinking your Grandmother.
>Who was definitely sexy when she was younger.
>Definitely nice boobs, nice round rump.
>The screaming you weren't really a fan of, but that growling, and braying, that animalistic fury.
>You were starting to really get into it, then that devious smirk graced her features-
>And then she turned into your mother.
>Your goddamned mother.
>Looked at you with demure EYEs you'd NEVER associate with your mother.
>SO BAD.
>SO WRONG.
>But like a freight train going downhill with no driver and no brakes, YOU KEPT GOING, heedless of the coming crash.
>AND IT WAS GREAT.
>AND TERRIBLE.
>And so it went for the rest of the afternoon, then evening.
>Each time you'd get remotely used to whatever form she used, she'd change to something you REALLY didn't want to stick your dick into.
>From your mother, to your aunt, to your FATHER, back to your Grandmother when she was OLD, your GRANDFATHER when HE was OLD, your mother when she was TWELVE...
>You only eventually stopped because your Grandmother ran out of jars to store your essence.
>Which is why you are now lying on the floor in one of the greatest afterglows you've ever experienced, as well as a pool of shame and self-disgust you don't think you'll be able to adequately claw yourself out of.
>Your Grandmother finally seals the last jar, takes a swig of a drink of some description from someething you're sure contains flies, vinegar and pickled brains, shifting from your best MALE friend's form back into her zebra form.
>You shiver, whether in horror of what occurred or just relishing in how damn SEXY it all was, you don't know.
>You're so full of that MUCHNESS, that physical LUST it's practically slushing around inside you.
>And it feels WONDERFUL.
>Fuck morphine, this stuff takes the cake.
>But one thing's clear - after all of THAT, you're a god damned pervert.
>You'll never be able to look at anyone again without seeing your Grandmother wearing that form, screaming in ecstacy upon your equine dicks.
>Ergh.
>"Oh Darling boy, why so blue? Lost too much of your special goo?" teases the zebra.
>You glare at her angrily.
>She waggles her eyebrows.
>You narrow your eyes.
"That was wrong and sick on SO many levels," you state, upset.
>She waves a hoof at you airily
>"You care too much on waht form I take? Nay, it is your 'morals' you must forsake," she says, "A demon of lust, of thrust and pleasure, must be able to rut at leisure, and worry not on skin or colour, on rich, or poor, weak or power, or whether they are firm of male loin, or more feminine side of th' coin, of insatiable and loose of lip, or chaste and shy, 'just th' tip'. All must bow and worship you, otherwise I fear you're through. For as they are slaved by their need, you in turn will obey their heed. To break out of that trance-like state, for your morals - it's too late."
>Oh.
>So apparently the reason you keep losing control is because...
>You don't WANT to have sex with them, when they want to have sex with you?
>That sounds rather shitty.
"But then how will I get ponies to let me rut them?" you ask, baffled.
>"The art of seduction will be learn'd, something difficult for one such spurn'd," she admits, "And forms you'll take of their desire, combined will give their fuel fire."
>Great.
>Now you're going to have to learn to be a casanova in order to get that MUCHNESS.
>She approaches, unusually tenderly patting your face.
>"I know it is a challenge to you, for all these things to go through. But I would not have chosen any other, to take this form of conquering lover. It is your right to do now thus, to turn other's denial into plus. Thus, take what you deserve, and to do this you must perve!"
"That last one was terrible," you state flatly, "And that entire bit was inscrutable."
>"That was the point, you silly horse," she smirks, "Obtuseness is pretty par for the course. You get much away between the words, hiding black crows amongst the birds."
"This isn't helping," you respond, annoyed.
>She shrugs.
>"I wanted to leave a lasting impression, for this limited sexual session," she smiles now a littel sadly, "But as much as I loved today, I fear you really must go away."
"Away?" you blink, not trusting that DAMNED smile!
>"Yes, darling, you must return, to the waking world you spurn," she sighs, "Otherwise you'll crash and burn, and the wheel will ne'er turn."
"I have to go BACK!?" you yelp, not liking the sound of that.
>"It was the nature of the spell, back when I covered you with roach and bell. At night you dream, perchance to live, and given time this world I'll give, but not before you return to life, and withstand the slings of throbbing strife." she looks at your now cowering form, "All I ask, my little louse, is to return to Twilight's house. She will send you back safe - on my word, and you'll return to me to judge what's heard."
>You stop and ponder.
>From these riddling rhymes you figure that you need to return to the waking world and suffer through it, before returning here.
>But is it worth it?
>Going through hell every day with only the sweet promise of riotous lust at night?
>...
>Better than nothing, you suppose.
>Or whatever fell fate the 'Wheel' has for you.
>You stand up, awkwardly slushing and feeling bizarrely full, one thing bugging you.
"How will you get me back?" you ask, "It took Twilight mucking up to get me here, and I don't think she'll resummon me."
>"Ah, but where did she retrieve that book?" the zebra smiles toothily, "In the one place she never'd look, unless an honest foreign friend, did not point her to that end. And now she has brought you here, the winds of magic I can steer, and you shall be back tomorrow..."
>She nuzzles you, before drawing you into a kiss that you CANNOT stop.
>Damn her sexy eyes!
>"...ah, but parting is such sweet sorrow." she mummurs.
>She then quite handily pushes your giant ass out of the hut.
>"Go now, your time grows short," she urges, "Before darker things get you caught!"
>Witha  slam the soor closes, and the lights in the hut vanish with an ominous HUSH.
>...well.
>This day ended up going rather weirdly.
>You turn and trot into the darkening evening.
>AS you casually follow the trail of destruction you had unwittingly left from your flight from your evil demon zombie crow crazy Grandmother, you reflect on the past events.
>You were apparently dragged from your body in the human world by darkest magic.
>You were then smacked dab in the middle of a crystal tree castle by a purple unicorn with wings and a purple lizard.
>You arrive where the damage trail finished, where you can quite easily see the giant crystal monstrosity in the distance.
>With trepidation you trot in that direction, continuing your musings.
>You ended up orally ravaging the lizard, before escaping certain boredom and meeting up witha cool blue pegasus with a rainbow mane.
>You then proceeded to a bakery made out of baked goods, where you then had vicious mouth to mouth combat with a party pink pony and extreme testicular wrestling with a big red stallion.
>You where then showered and screeched at by a white unicorn, then accosted by an orange cowgirl pony and a night princess.
>You then escaped via the action of DRAMA!
>Before meeting your dead Grandmother, who promptly crazy fucked you.
>...yep.
>Just your average day.
>Although it was fun.
>Being able to breathe.
>To LIVE.
>Although the entire experience has left you a little bit drained emotionally.
>You're not quite sure you can make the sacrifice to continue.
>Sacrifice your morals?
>Seduce ponies?
>Anonymous sex?
>You're not entirely sure you're up to that.
>Your mother raised you right, dammit!
>...and now you're imagining fucking your mother, great, THANKS GRAN!
>In this state you find yourself in front of the library castle, bathed in the deeping twilight.
>You walk up to the door, easing it open, sneaking in, and closing the door.
>You wait for a welcome party of angry technicolour ponies, but none arrive.
>Strange...
>You trot through the kitchen - where does the ingredients to your sandwiches keep going!? - then trot along towards the Summoning Room.
>You quietly tip toe to the edge, and poke a nose into the room.
>And it appears Twilight and the big white pony are tenderly hugging.
>You shuffle in quietly, then take a spot on the floor.
>You wait patiently, but it's quite clear they aren't going to seperate.
>Not one to interfere with such a touching scene, you cough loudly.
>They both jump, startled, before turning to you.
>Twilight's eyes widen comically.
>"Buh, wuh, HOW!?" she stammers.
>You raise an eyebrow in uncomprehension.
>"You, where did you go!?" she yelps, approaching you annoyed.
>The white pony looks at you with a stern but curious glare.
"What are you talking about?" you ask, confused, "I've been here, lying in this spot."
>The purple pony blusters up to you.
>"NO, that is WRONG, you LEFT!" she says, offended.
>You look around your body, then look at Twilight.
"Nope, pretty sure I haven't moved," you utter, "Trust me, I'd know where I was. And I was here."
>"But you WEREN'T," she grinds out.
>You shake a hoof at her.
"Psha! I am an expert on where I am," you dismiss, "And my expertise is telling me I was here. You're not going to argue with an expert, are you?"
>"But you weren't HERE," She gibbers in frustration, "I saw that you weren't HERE, Pinkie Pie and Rainbow and Applejacka dn PRINCESS LUNA saw YOU out THERE-"
"Ah, but they could have seen the Aurora Borealis or were commiting a devious hoax! It's no wonder you fell for their delusions, Twilight, because like them, you're not an expert!" you mock-defuse, "An expert would be able to use the EVIDENCE. And, all the signs are here that I haven't moved. Observe:"
>You sit still for a few moments, as Twilight looks at you both quizically and with barely contained rage.
"See!" you say, "My body is in the EXACT same spot it was ten seconds ago! And by extrapolation, we can determine that my body was always here. I mean," you lean in, "Have you seen me outside of this room?"
>"But I haven't seen you IN this room EITHER!" She grinds her teeth dangerously,
"For shame Twilight," you say sadly, "Depending on your eyes to see, especially having seen me when you summoned me, and again when I was here listening to your drama. It takes someone with skill, bravery, courage and sexiness to become an expert on My Body. And NOT someone who was wrong about the whole summoning thing." you accuse, "Like you! You summoned me by accident, like an amateur! I, however, being an expert of my body, know better than you - someone who through gross intellectual inadequacy nearly turned me inside out. And, as the Professor of My Body - I announce that have never left this room." you close your eyes and face away from her in pure snobbish dismissal, "Argument over."
>From looking through the narrowist slits of your nearly closed eyes, the purple pony looks like she's on the verge of a stroke.
>She turns to the white pony, hoofs at you, looks at you, then back at her, hoofing at you again and spluttering unintelligently.
>The white pony is not amused.
>Doesn't matter, you are.
>You smirk that evil smirk that feels so good on your face-
>And the white pony summarily magics you into the Summoning circle.
>Both she and the purple pone chant a bit of nonesense while giving each other loving smiles and-
>OH GOD YOU FORGOT ABOUT THIS.
>OH THE BURNING, IT HURTS!
>The smell, the sensation, the sounds, the taste and smell - OH GOD THE TASTE it is in your MOUTH and inside your BUTT and your DICK and it BURNS
>It overwhelms you, leaving you screaming and crying and giggling in tune to the madness.
>You feel however somehow closer to something darker and more grey, feeling as if you are being shit out of the devil's arsehole.
>You a choke, gasp and thrash, you find yourself hacking on the hospital bed.
>Dark shadows recede, the gibbering laughter subsides, and all your left with is the familiar low hum of electrical equipment, the occasional scuff of foot on polished floor, and light filtering in through your window.
>You try and take a breath, but all you do is wheeze and cough.
>You eventually get it under control, and lean back in your bed, exhausted.
>What a weird-arse dream.
>You turn back to the sunlight entering your window, and see a black bird at the pane.
>It crackles happily at you, before bashing itself into the window, trailing down and leaving a bloody trail.
>...crazy bitch Grandmother, you think, as the long-suffering orderlie enters the room, giving you a 'Good Morning' and giving a distasteful glance at the dead bird at your window.
 
---
 
>IT IS MUCH LATER.
>For the past couple of days you have been watching these ponies, as your Grandmother has instructed.
>Something about 'Getting used to the complete batshit crazy this town exhibits'.
>Needless to say, you were inclined to agree with her about the 'crazy batshit' thing.
>It took a whole goddamned week to learn how to shapeshift, then another week in order to properly focus it.
>Said focus tends to fail when under certain mental strains, like incredulity.
>Which you have in oodle supply in such a ridiculous place as Ponyville.
>Seriously, yesterday there was a Changeling invasion, which was defeated by parties and fluffy frogs, but only after a pink and white dragon professed his love for a flamboyant sea serpent, which was why the changelings were attacking - to feed off his unrequited love.
>You had difficulty holding onto your disguise several times as the layers of ridiculous layered on and on, but for the first time in several days you have maintained your disguise successfully.
>You're proud of yourself - you've gotten through an entire day without losing your disguise.
>This calls for a victory treat!
>You trot along, your dark blue, toned stallion body with close cropped, white hair, heading towards Sugar Cube Corner.
>You've been avoiding the place but you're pretty sure you can fool Pinkie.
>and dammit YOU NEED THAT LOG.
>You plod around a big crater, created by that angry chaos demon, because he lost a staring contest with the Pink One's pet alligator.
>You cautiously tip toe over a makeshift-bridge made out of planks and spider webbing, to replace one that was taken away by a flood of migrating crabwhales.
>And finally you shimmy under a giant wing from a marble sculpture of a pegasus called 'Thunderlane', created by a wish-granting Djinn.
>You make your way through the slow-moving hustle and bustle, entering the baked confectionary shop.
>"Hey there stranger!" waves Pinkie Pie vigorously.
>"Su-hello!" you say, nearly falling back on your trademark greeting.
>"What can I do you for?" she shirps.
>You fight down a sudden urge to say "Ten bits,"
"Well, I wouldn't mind..." you say slowly, mock-looking through the display case, before pointing at the jam log, "I would like that please."
>"Okie Dokie Lokie!" she happily smiles, before quickly and efficiently placing the slab of jam, cinnamon and dough in a brown baggy for you, "That'll be five bits!"
>You toss over the bits that your Grandmother earned as the male gigalo Ice Pack, which you then earned for relieving her own estrus as Zecora.
>Or maybe as Celestia.
>You're not entirely sure what she was attempting, but she kept switching between the white alicorn's and her zebra's forms, and this was causing her gratuitous sexual difficulty.
>Or maybe that was her way of giving you an allowance?
>You take your jam log deep in thought to a table in the central plaza, wondering whther you could get a job also as a male gigalo.
>You take a seat and unwrap the log, dismissing the idea and wondering what sort of profession you could actually do.
>How does one acquire bits anyway?
>You're about to munch into the log when the Pink one sits down across from you.
>"Hiya!" she smiles, waving enthusiastically at you from across the short distance of the table.
>You freeze, cautious.
"Um, hi?" you warily offer, before munching into the log.
>HHMMMM, that's the stuff, all nice and gooey and jammy and sweet and YUM.
>Pinkie Pie's giggling brings you back to reality.
>"Betcha really like that, huh?" she beams.
"Yesh," you reply, munching happily.
>"Made it myself," she says, brushing her hoof and looking at it, "T's no biggie, just a super-duper-awesome recipe that I got from a DEER friend of mine!"
>You blink at her.
>"He said that when it comes to the DOE, you really KNEAD to have a STAG at it!" she laughs upraoriously, "Thought he was being silly, but when you do it right, and slather on some of Swift's Strawberry Jam and Draft's Cinnamon, well, you just can't pass the BUCK on it! Drove all the customers HORNY!"
"You must have been very close?" you offer, not quite sure what to say in the face of this terrible punslaught.
>Why on earth is Pinkie Pie talking to you?
>And what's with all the deer and baking puns?
>"Not really, he mailed it to me from the other side of Equestria," she quips, chuckling behind her hooves.
"...well, then, why did he give you the recipe?" you contribute, before taking another bite in extreme confusion.
>"You see," she says leaning in conspiratorially, "when he saw that it got all his friends into a sexy jam log-filled orgy, he just couldn't bare the thought of hurting his friends, so he sent the recipe away."
"But wouldn't he already have the recipe in his memory and just re-write it-"
>"Shh," she hushes, putting a hoof over your mouth, "That isn't important to the story."
>She withdraws her hoof.
>"The point is, that he knew that using that recipe would be terrible if he kept using it," she says, "even if everyone else enjoyed the orgies and everyone had adorable little fillies and colts."
>She sits there, smiling at you.
"...That was...an interesting story?" you reply, not quite sure what the hell is going on.
>"Well, yeah," she shrugs, "Just thought you'd like to know about where your jam-log came from!"
>She continues to sit there, smiling at you, making you feel incredibly awkward.
"Um, er...wh-what's he making now?" you ask, trying to fill the silence.
>"He makes all sorts of tea cakes," she says, before leaning in an looking at you closely, "WITHOUT using that evil recipe."
>What is she...
>Wait!
>Swift's Strawberry
>Draft's Cinnamon
>Horny sexy powers.
>You narrow your eyes at the pink pony across from you.
>"Good! You got it!" she sighs in relief, "I didn't know how much sneaky-breeky I needed to be to get it into your head!"
>Shit.
>"SO!" she chirps, "Are you interested in using the evil recipe? Or are you going to bake on your own?"
>You look at her suspiciously.
>She continues to smile, and look at you straight in the eyes.
>There's LUST and WANT there.
>You feel it, FEEL it clawing at you.
>But it in turn is turned away by your own LUST and WANT.
>A quick glance around and - yep, there's Twilight and The Screeching One sitting at a distant table looking at Pinkie Pie curiously.
>O-ho.
>So THAT'S her game!
>It's a test!
>We-he-hell, TWO can play this game.
"Um....but..." you faux-warily respond, "You used the evil recipe."
>She blinks at you uncomprehending.
>"What?"
"Doesn't that mean that you have been secretly seducing ponies with your baked goods?" you ask, concerned.
>She looks at you straight in the eyes.
>You can SMELL her now.
>But it matters not, you're stronger than her!
>Although paradoxically your attempts to turn her desire away only want you to fuck her more.
>Except you're actually in control, riding your lust.
>It's just a shame you probably won't get some pink pony pussy.
>Maybe you could ask your Grandmother about it...
"So is that why your cooking is so great? you drug inncoent ponies with forbidden recipes by deer from distant lands?" you continue, looking shocked, "And here I thought you were a professional baker."
>"But I am!" she whines, "That wasn't the point of the story!"
"It wasn't?" you respond, confused, "But, then, why tell me the story?"
>"I was trying to ask you something,"
"Ask me what?"
>"Whether you'd use the recipe,"
"The one that you used?"
>"I didn't use the recipe-"
"But I thought you did use the recipe-"
>"THERE IS NO RECIPE!" she yells annoyed.
"But then why the story?" you add, confused, but secretly enjoying having her run around in circles.
>"Because I wanted to know that, if the recipe existed, would you use the recipe?"
"But you just said there was no recipe," you say baffled.
>"If, IF, I said IF!" she angrily growls, "IF there was a recipe!"
"So, the question you're asking is, 'would you use a recipe for a jam-log that made ponies horny, would you use it?',"
>"Yes!"
"You would!?" you yell, scandalized.
>"I would?" she yelps, suprised.
"You would use a recipe for a jam-log that made ponies horny! You just said it!" you get up, grabbing your wrapped jam-log and holding it as one might hold a baby, "Please, think of the fillies and colts!"
>"No I didn't!" she cries, "Look, I just wanted to ask-"
>"Pinkie," interjects a voice, "Are you okay?"
>The pink pony looks around the plaza.
>And all the ponies looking at her oddly.
>But focuses specifically on a concerned Twilight and an equally concerned white unicorn.
>Pinkie looks at Twilight, then White Screecher, then you, before huffing and waving her hooves in the air angrily.
>She quickly leaps across the table, siezing you by the mane in her teeth.
>She then begins dragging you out of the plaza, but not before first dragging you past Twilight and White Unicorn, giving a muffled "I'll fee righ' fack,".
>You let her because this is rather amusing, pretending to be cringed up in shock and fear.
>Less amusing is how none of the ponies actually stop her.
>A few minutes later you're in a more private and secluded alley.
>She drops you then spits out your hairs.
>"Alright, miss sexy pony lady," she angrily states, "What I wanted to know is, are you going to be using your evil sexy demon powers to force ponies to make the happy face with you?"
"Nope," you casually respond, picking yourself off the ground, "otherwise I end up losing control as well. But, I have been training."
>"Good," she nods, "And after I used MY own sexiness against you, and didn't get a reaction, then you MUST be safe!"
>She dances on her hooves.
>"And you know what THIS means?" she says happily.
"...the entire stsory about the deer was a lie?" you ask.
>"Yes, it means - no, no it means something else," she backtracks.
"So then, there's nothing special about my jam-log?" you pout, "Nothing at all?"
>"No, there's plenty special about your jam-log!" she says forcefully, "I made that, worked long and hard on that log in the hopes you would eventually buy one!"
"So you made that log, just on the off chance that I'd come by and buy one? Would you say that you've been thinking long and hard about my log, then?" you say, hopefully.
>The pink pony smiles beautifically.
>"Buck you," she giggles.
"Hey!" you defend, "It was better than all the deer puns just to get 'horny'."
>"Not really," she murmurs.
"So, how did you know I was me?" you quickly interject.
>"Oh it was easy-peasy!" she says, "You were a pony that randomly showed up a week after you were originally summoned, you didn't really talk to anypony, kept your distance, didn't appear to be staying anywhere, kept disappearing and kept leaving into the Everfree Forest to do sexy saucy things with Zecora. As soon as you slipped on greeting me, and went after the jam-log, I KNEW it was you!"
>Huh.
>She's smarter than she looks.
>Clever pone.
>"But now - this means that YOU are getting a WELCOME TO PONYVILLE PARTY!" she excitedly shrieks.
>That sounds like a really-
"Bad idea," you state.
>"Huh?" erks Pinkie, stunned by the thought of there NOT being a party, "Buh, whu?"
"Is Twilight going to be there?" you press, "What about Luna or Celestia? Any of those have a good chance of knowing who I am-"
>"No biggie," chirps the Party Pone, "We don't really have to bring out the big guns for this kind of party. All we need is you, and me, and-"
"A good solid bed?" you interrupt.
>"Nuh-uh!" says Pinkie smiling.
"Some whipped cream?"
>"Nope!" she giggles.
"Whips and chains?"
>"Ha ha, no, silly!" she chuckles, "a couple of friends! After all, if you're not using your evil sexy demon powers, and you need sex to survive, then you're going to have to meet some hot fillies and colts, yeah?"
>You behold this pink pony.
>This pink godess.
>You smile widely.
"You'd do that for me?" you say, genuinely touched.
>Her eyes widen and she gasps.
"What?" you ask, "Is it Twilight? Or-"
>"That's the only time I've heard you be genuine!" she says, stunned, "Ever!"
"Hey! I have feelings!" you reply, slightly hurt.
>"Yep!" she bounces, "But you don't show 'em enough! You're too busy being a super silly stupid sneaky sexy demon pony!"
>She bops you on the head.
>"Now stop being a super silly stupid sneaky sexy demon pony, and just be a sexy demon pony, kay?" she smiles, "After all, if you aren't hurting anypony, you deserve a chance at living, right?"
>She gives you a quick hug.
>"I'll send you the time, place and date later, alright? I gotta go back to Twilight and Rarity and plan a party for Spike," she puts up a hoof and mock whispers, "Don't tell anyone, okay?" she raises her voice, "Alright, bye!"
>She trots off, giving her tail a bit of a flick and revealing her own arousal.
"Tease!" you call after her.
>She simply smirks and puts more of a sway in her step.
>Well, you think, as you trot off back to the Everfree Froest, you've started a powerful friendship today.
>May it ever bloom.
 
---
 
>IT IS LATER
>The Welcome party the next day was a little marred, because a few fillies had accidentally kind of on purpose busted the Ponyville Dam in order to try out surfing.
>So it became a 'Welcome to Ponyville Search and Rescue Party!"
>It was a strangely casual affair, plodding around in knee-high water, extracting ponies from flooded houses as Pinkie floated around on a pontoon raft with snacks, drinks, blankets and torches.
>But eh, it's Ponyville.
>No one was really hurt, and there was only extreme property damage.
>Heck, a young pegasus filly was floating around on a toy boat tied to their father's tail, splashing about and having a great time.
>You decided to use the name Hot Passion, because why the fuck not.
>You are Hot, and ponies will have a PASSION for you.
>And considering how ridiculous your name was noone called you out on it when you introduced yourself at the staging area
>You first helped pick up a yellow pony called 'Carrot Top' and her carrots from her stall in the plaza, then helped her extract a grey, crazy-eyed pegasus called Ditzy Doo from her fridge.
>A crowd then casually took the rather stuffed grey mare, and tied her to a stake above the water level in the plaza.
>Something about preventing more accidents.
>While this was going on you met a mare called Lily, who was mourning the loss of her fragipanis, and Roseluck, who was ignoring Lily's whining and was brushing water out of a house.
>You did end up in a more thorough conversation with their friend Daisy, who was helping you carry bits of debris to the collection area.
>You learned about her desire to become a professional plant breeder, there was several puns about 'breeding', she declared she had a girlfriend, you continued to idly tease and flirt with each other, and you're quite sure she was wondering about what your testicles would taste like as she stomped off in mock outrage.
>After picking up a glass of lemonade from Pinkie Pie, you ended up meeting the living form of which the giant broken marble statue was made after, Thunderlane.
>The black pegasus was chilling on a marble wing, waiting with several pegasi.
>You teased him about the giant statue, he told you exasperated the story of the Djinn and the trouble he got into with his girlfriend Cloudkicker, you made a veiled statement about size comparison between the real him and the statue in the gentleman's region, he said 'Not cool', he stated professionally he was waiting for Rainbow Dash to organise them to create a tornado, told you to get lost, and promptly pushed himself off the wing.
>He may have been trying to push you off after you asked a nearby Cloud Kicker, quite loudly, about the size comparison.
>She flew over, then promptly shoved herself off into the water as well.
>A stray comment about how Pegasi are super light and have balance so bad you wonder how they don't fall over mid-flight, and after a quick relocation a game started called 'Push Hot Passion off Thunderlane's Dick using a Tornado' started.
>A few minutes later, you were dancing on Thunderlane's marble member, the water was gone, and all the pegasi were baffled.
>You left with a 'that may have been the best blowjob of Thunderlane's life, but I could do better,"
>A quick refreshment of lemonade and sandwiches, and you were given a hammer and told to rebuild a house.
>There you were met by three mares, Lyra Hearstrings, Bon Bon, and Lyra Heartstrings.
>The second one being a Changeling that was crashing with Lyra and Bon Bon.
>They quickly got into an argument over who the best Lyra Heartstrings was.
>Thirty minutes later, most of the walls fixed, suprisingly.
>Maybe some sort of repair magic or time dilution or something?
>Anyway, at that moment the conversation, naturally enough, became who the sexiest Lyra Heartstrings was.
>You, being the nearest stallion, was asked to weigh in.
>To point out the absurdity of the argument and also annoyed with the constant bickering, you nominated Bon Bon as the sexiest Lyra Heartstrings.
>You weren't expecting Lyra and Changeling Lyra to suddenly get angry and defensive and claim that that they were sexier Lyra than Bon Bon, who wasn't even a Lyra.
>Bon Bon delcared that she COULD be a sexier Lyra Heartstrings than the real Lyra Heartstrings.
>All three demanded that you properly judge and settle the argument.
>Needless to say, after some liberty with the word judge and an hour you were crowned 'Sexiest Lyra Heartstrings', you had a request to come visit some time later, and you had participated in the first four way in your life.
>With a smirk you ended up in the plaza, amazed by how quickly the town had been repaired.
>You ended up meeting quite a few ponies, flirted with a few mares and stallions, got into a serious discussion with Nurse Red Heart and cures for lung disease and ended up playing a game of 'Pin the tail on Pony'.
>Later a unicorn called Twinkleshine had come up with a lot of false bravado wanting to give you a 'proper ponyville welcome'.
>After ten minutes you simply picked her up, took her to her place, and boinked her, if only to stop that really bad, awkward firting.
>By the time the sun was setting you had had a lot of fun, you'd boinked a stallion called Pierce, given a blow job to a stallion called BeeJay, gave head to a mare called Hot Lips, and you'd never seen wing or horn of Twilight, Luna or Celestia.
>And you were currently stocking up on cake as the party wound down, but one treat however remained out of your grasp.
"Come on!" you whine, "Why not?"
>"Because we still haven't gotten to know each other yet!" replies Pinkie Pie, tiredly.
"That's what this is all about!" you cry, "I want to know you better!"
>"Not in that way," she sighs, putting away the tables and party things with a wave of her hoof.
>You stand briefly amazed with her magicless magic.
"Why not?" you say, getting back to reality, "All I want to do is-"
>"Passion," she says, "I'm all pooped and I have to get up early tomorrow to bake cakes. I don't want to do the bouncy bouncy with you."
"I have it on good authority that bouncy bouncy is a great stress reliever," you say, rubbing her shoulders awkwardly with your hooves, "And I am great at 'The Bouncy Bouncy'."
>"Something else you have on good authority?" she utters, rolling her eyes and brushing you off.
"Not really, it's just so reknowned that it's assumed knowledge," you state, "And anyway, I wanted to pay you back for all of this."
>You gesticulate to the darkening town as you trot along, shoulder to shoulder.
"For helping me meet ponies, make new friends, and also for putting on an awesome party while keeping the princess Patrol off my back," you say earnestly, "And I can think of no better way to thank you than giving you at least ten orgasms in the next two hours."
>She stumbles briefly, before eyeing you annoyed.
>"Is that all you think of?" she asks, curious.
"Nope," you say, "But it is the one thing I know I'm good at."
>Pinkie pffs.
>"That's lame, being only good at one thing," she says, mockingly.
>You stop and point to her cutie mark, then raise an eyebrow at her.
>She looks at her hoof, then back to you.
>"I'm also good at babysitting," she defends.
"And I'm also good at inane arguments," you respond.
>Pinkie goes to open her mouth, narrows her eyes, closes her mouth, then smiles.
>"You're EVIL,' she quips.
>You just smirk.
>"Well, if you REALLY want to pay me back, then go on a date with me, duh" she huffs, as if it's the most obvious option in the world.
"Place and time?" you ask.
>She rubs her chin in thought.
>"Bon Bon's Confectionary, two days, lunch time," she says.
"I'll be there," you smile happily.
>"Welp, see ya!" she waves, before bouncing off towards Sugar Cube Corner.
>At the top of each bounce you see a tantalizing glimpse of those pert lips.
"Tease!" you yell after her good naturedly.
 
---
 
>IT IS LATER
>You picked up Pinkie Pie from Bon Bon's on time, purchased some Bon Bons, you made a joke about sampling Bon Bons, Bon Bon made a quip about making a new kind of spicy candy that lasts for HOURS, and Pinkie Pie dragged you out of the store.
>You went to Ponyville Park, and sat on a chair overlooking the pond.
"So..." you say smoothly, "where are you from? You from around here?"
>"Yep!" she chirps
"So, like, born local?"
>"Oh, no no no no-"
>What follows is an onslaught of information about the Rock Farm, and her parents Igneous Rock Pie and Cloudy Quartz, and her sisters Limestone, Marble and Maud Pie, and about how awesome they are and that you should totally visit except maybe not because Igneous may murder you on sight for your evil wicked lustful ways and Limestone might manage to ride you till extinction.
>"...we love each other, but it was a very strict, very cranky place," summarized Pinkie Pie, "and while I love my family, I needed to move on to fulfil my dream of becoming Equestria's Primary Party Pony!"
>She gets all starry eyed and smiles broadly.
>Shit, your Grandmother is right.
>It's ALL about dem Dreams for Ponies.
>"Soooooo," she leans in, "what about you? Grow up in a boiling pit of lava?"
>What?
"N-no," you respond, confused.
>"Spawned forth from the pit of pain?" she gasps.
"No," you say more forcefully.
>"Spat out of a boiling of of tar on the lowest place of hell!?" she says, shocked.
>You look at her with a blank stare.
>She just stares back, all a-smiles.
>You roll your eyes.
"Nope," you say.
>When Pinkie doesn't interrupt you, you continue.
>You tell her about being born human, which Pinkie found delightful, about your mum, your dad, your many aunts, your uncle, your numerous cousins... and your Grandmother.
>She at first got a hell of a kick out of your mucking around when you were younger, and the interfamilial shenanigans that comes from having many jealous aunts and a crazy Grandmother, which your father, often level headed, had to diffuse.
>But then she sobered after you told her about the lung disese.
>And then your father's death in an industrial accident.
>And then how you've been slowly dying for the past couple of years.
"...and then Twilight ended up summoning me here, where I can walk more than six feet without collapsing and dying," you say, taking a good solid breath, "It's good."
>You turn to Pinkie, who is looking horrified.
"...what?" you ask, a little perturbed.
>She vibrates.
>You lean back a little.
>She begins making strangled spluttering noises.
>You lean back a lot.
>She takes a deep breath.
>You're slightly scared right no-
>She wraps her pink pony hooves around you and firmly hugs you.
>She bables incoherently for a bit, before melodramatically crying.
>You hug her back and pat her back.
>She eventually settles down, apart from the occassional sob.
"You alright?" you ask, unsetttled.
>"ME!?" she cries, "What about YOU! What happend, it, it was so, so SAD!"
>She BAAAWS for a bit.
>You roll your eyes.
"Seriously, it's okay, I'm here now, aren't I?" you say, soothing.
>She nods, but still has a sad face.
"Aren't I?" you ponder aloud, "I mean, I AM an expert on my body-"
>"No, no, stop right, right there," she says, before taking a breath and wiping her eyes.
>You smile and wriggle your eyebrows at her.
>She just gives a smile and bops your shoulder.
"Feeling better?" you ask, releasing her reluctantly from the hug.
>"A bit," she says sadly, leaning back, "But honestly Passion - WARN someone before you tell them that story! That was terrible! Like, really, really terrible!"
"I'm sorry," you apologise sincerely, "I didn't think it'd be THAT much of a deal."
>"Well it is!" she bops your shoulder again, "No wonder you were so scared of that chalk graffiti in Twilight's library! You didn't want to be sent back to that!"
"Um...I kind of do every now and then to recharge," you add.
>Pinkie looks like she's halfway towards crying again.
>You quickly try and pre-emptively shush her.
"But, but BUT, I'm here, trying to get you to calm down, and I can deal with it, and, and it's okay, alright?" you warble, trying to get her to calm down, "See?"
>You shake her shoulders.
"I am here, shaking your shoulders breathing the air, smelling you, saying inane things, really wanting to get into your pants..."
>You lean down and look into her eyes.
>She huffs back tears.
"See? It's okay," you nuzzle her.
>It felt natural and she's so adorable.
>You simply sit together, Pinkie simply snuggling into you.
>This is nice.
>Having random sex with random ponies is good, filling and satisfying, but this is nice.
>Really nice.
>You nuzzle her back and she sighs happily.
>The sun shines, the sky is blue, the grass green, the wind soft.
>Pink pony sharing your warmth.
>Perfect moment, right there.
>Always thought you could have had a moment like this, when you were a teenager.
>Sitting with your girlfriend (with impressive attributes) while sitting on a chair in the sunshine (overlooking your kingdom) and smelling her hair (while resting your feet on the evil giant demon's head).
>There are some differences but, eh, close enough.
>...oh shit.
>Now YOU'RE all about dem Dreams!
>Insidious Ponies, making you-
>Pinkie suddenly gasps and springs back.
>"Passion!' she says, "I don't have pants!"
>You blink.
"Makes my job easier then, doesn't it?"  you say, smiling.
>"But how?" says Pinkie, curious, "how does the act of getting into a pony's pants become easier, if the pony doesn't possess pants?"
"Replace 'pants' with..." you leave off, wriggling your eyebrows again.
>She looks at you blankly, before bopping your shoulder again.
>"And here I thought you were sharing some sort of secret Passion lore!" she grumbles, "You're such a tease."
"And you aren't?" you supply.
>"Here you go, making me sad then happy again!" she huffs, before frowning "stop playing with my emotions!"
"I'm sorry Pinkie," you quickly say, "I honestly didn't want to hurt you."
>"Prove it!' she chirps, suddenly happy, "Share some Passion lore!"
>You stare at her blankly.
>She pokes her tongue out at you.
>You smile a bit.
>Cheeky cow.
"Do you know how I control my evil demon sex powers?" you say.
>"How?" says Pinkie, leaning over and putting her face inches from your own.
"I use my own lust to shield myself from it," you state authoritatively.
>She looks at you, confused.
>"Wait, so your evil sexy demon powers, you use your own dirty thoughts to block it?" she questions.
"It's more like the power is in you, and I'm stopping myself from falling into it, by making the bouncy bouncy thoughts," you quip.
>She taps her hoof to her face thoughtfully.
>"So not thinking dirty thoughts makes you a sexy demon pony?" she wonders, "So, that first day, you went after everyone because you actually WERE being nice!"
"I guess," you say.
>"But then, why didn't you do the bouncy with Luna?" she asks, confused.
"She never looked into my eyes," you reply, "Had she, I would've probably died halfway through the hard rutting when she pierced me with a thousand magical death spears or something. That chick is DANGEROUS."
>"And you're normal around me..." she trails off, mildly spooked.
"I just like to imagine exactly how high picthed I can make you orgasm," you casually reflect, wriggling your eyebrows dirtily at her.
>She blushes.
>"You HAVE to tell me how to do that," she quips, pointing a hoof at your eyebrows.
"Well-"
>A clawed hand suddenly descends from above, aiming towards Pinkie's head-
>With a gentle shove Pinkie tumbles out of the way, rolls a couple of feet, then springs up.
>"Hey!" she grumbles, "What gives - Hey Discord!" she waves.
>"Hello Pinkie Pie!" says a creature of mix-matched bits and pieces, slapped together to create this thing called 'Discord', "Want to help me with something?"
>"Sure!" she chirps, trotting over.
"NOPE!" you interject, leaping between Pinkie and Discord.
>This guy is bad business, you know it, you've SEEN it!
>Pinkie however scoots under you.
>You leap to stop Pinkie.
>There's a clicking noise.
>Pinkie slips out of your grip.
>There's more clicking.
>You try and tackle her.
>That clicking, snapping noise is getting annoying.
>She quickly jumps out from under you before you can pin her.
>She sits in front of Discord.
>"Honestly Passion," she dismisses, "There's nothing wrong! Discord just probably needs help with a friendship problem."
>Discord is looking at you, his fingers, then you, before pulling his lion's paw off, shaking it, and looking at it.
>He then notices Pinkie and hides his lion's paw behind his body.
>"Yes, Pinkie Pie," he says, solemn, "I've gotten into a bit of an argument with 'Porchlight Spackle', and I fear it's ruining our friendship!"
>You look at him skeptically.
>"Oh no, what now?" asks Pinkie dramatically.
>"Oh something or rather - a philosophical qvestion, if you vill," says Discord, adapting a German accent, and having a moustauche, crazy white hair and a suit with patched elbows appearing on his body, "but in order to successvully prove, my hyposesis, I reqvuire your assistance!"
>"Kay!" she chirps, "But, what was the philosophical question?"
>In a flash the professor accessories disappear and Discord points a clawed hand into Pinkie's head.
>"Mind control can solve anything!" he says casually as Pinkie's eyes twirl crazily.
>You recoil in horror.
>"You see, I disagree - it solves nothing other than stating that you're lazy, proud and taking the easy route," says Discord airily, "But Sparky was adamant that it was a PERFECTLY AGREEABLE solution to punishing crime!"
>You were about to leap at the monster, but that last one caught you up short, causing you to stumble.
>"WELL!" he huffs, a Southern Belle's hat appearing along with a long flowing dress "Let's see how SHE likes havin' everyone in Ponyville mahnd-controlled inta thinkin' that stayin' inside on a BE-AY-YEW-TIFULL day like today is, why, it's criminally insane!"
>You blink as he withdraws his clawed finger and poofs away the costume.
>That...
>Well...
>Hmm...
>Getting one over on Twilight would be fun...
>BUT.
"I don't think Pinkie would appreciate that," you state, pointing to the doozy mare as she stumbles around, "I think she's rather sensative about having her mind meddled with."
>Discord turns himself to you.
>"And YOU!" he smiles almost greedily, "You are something else! Completely immune to my magic..."
>A magnifying glass appears over you.
>"Why?" he says.
>The magnifying glass is replaced with a microscope.
>"How!?" he cries.
>The microscope is replaced by a giant clock.
>"When?" he says.
>You bat at the clock, causing it to crack a little.
>It then unexpectedly disintegrates, reforming into a thoughtful Discord.
>"You, little stallion, are a mystery!" he states.
"Yes, a mystery," you say flatly, "Now undo your mind control thingy on Pinkie Pie!" you demand.
>"Oh ho! Such bravado!" he snakes over to you, "Let's see what I can do with you, huh? Maybe I'll do something a little more special, just for you!"
>He leans in, leering creepily and crazily and-
>This cannot end well.
>So you fall back on something tried and true.
>You look up into his eyes, and promptly mentally kick away any thoughts of lust you might have for this creature.
>You see and greedily take his LUST his WANT his NEED-
 
---
 
>You come back to reality, giggling madly.
>You're not in the park, looks like Everfree, you guess.
>Chuckling, feeling exhilerated, amazing, awesome, high as a kite, at just the EVERYTHINGness of it, you look down.
>Well, that shouldn't be there!
>You giggle as you stuff your intestines back inside your body.
>You look over and extract a yellow pony leg from a tree, and jam it back into your hip.
>You awkwardly stand on three legs, and cast an eye out for the fourth.
>Ah, there it is.
>You drunkenly walk over and jam your hoof up Discord's orifice.
>A couple of seconds later you extract the limb.
>A shiver runs from your head to your neck to your hooves and wingtips.
>ooOOoo, that was so, so, so, so, so very forbiddenly WRONG.
>So wrong.
>Never again.
>Never, ever again.
>Well maybe a little.
>Is it wrong you want to do it again?
>Because you want seconds of that.
>Maybe even thirds.
>With a SCHLICK you reattach the leg, then with a shake you reconstitute and refocus, dragging your mind from ... THAT.
>A quick glance at your body and - yep, you're Kindness now, a.k.a. Fluttershy.
>You pick up Discord's...something, then put it under a wing and trot off along the path of devastation.
>You're a little bit angry at Discord for muddling with Pinkie's mind, especially since she's gone off at you over it, and also maybe doing something vague to you.
>But it'd seem ... rude to leave his ... something here, where anyone might find it.
>You eventually find Discord, or most of him, staring into the sky with a shell shocked look on his face.
>You toss his ... whatever it is at him.
"THAT," you say, with a strangely soothing, soft voice, "was DEFINITELY special"
>Discord turns to you, and looks heartbroken.
>"Fluttershy?" he says, hopeful, before shaking his head, "No, no you're...THAT."
"Yes!" you softly yell, "So, so don't go around mind controlling ponies to prove pointless points! Or, or being that...leery!" you emphasise by pointing an adorable hoofsie at him.
>He blankly stares at you, before sighing.
>With a click all his bits form onto his body.
>"Why, why are you pretending to be Fluttershy?" he says dejected, ignoring you, "Why that form for ... that?"
"Er," you say, taken aback.
>You were going for the beginnings of an inane, annoying, nonesense conversation, but you feel you've really hit a nerve with this guy.
>And he looks so... defeated.
>Before he was manic glee and now he's...
>Dead.
>Almost hollow.
>His colour's even faded.
>You feel you've made your comparatively rather weak point.
>And maybe gone so far past it that you are now over the line.
"Um, because I'm a Succubus," you admit, "And this form is the one you wanted to do THAT with."
>Discord seems to crumble in on himself like a spider playing dead.
>"I don't, never, ever want to hurt Fluttershy," he whispers, "I don't want that I DON'T I'm not bad I'm not don't hurt."
>Woah.
>This is something else.
>Seriously, the poor guy's silently crying.
>You ponder, briefly, the ethical ramifications for violating and being violated by someone, who may have possibly wanted to violate you, and who violated someone else in jest, to prove a point to someone else who though that mental violating is awesome.
>And then you ponder the absolute violation that just occurred, and maybe how you could have make-up violation with said violator and violatee.
"Well, umf, I don't think you want to either?" you state, sounding like a question, not quite sure whether you want to help him emotionally or do the Orgasmic Rippy and Teary, "I mean, that was amazing, that was SO amazing."
>He looks at you sadly.
"And you did that..." you theorize out loud, worried, "because you want HER to feel amazing, to feel THAT good, yeah?" you hazard, not really knowing but having a guess.
>He narrows his eyes in thought.
"And because I'm a super awesome sexy demon pony, I wanted to reciprocate...so..." you wave your hoof around, "THIS all happened. I reckon in real life, you'd only want to give her a tongue bath, or maybe just pet her mane and call her 'best pony', or be the Asuka Soryu to her Shinji Ikari?"
>He continues to stare at you.
>Before the edges of his mouth pull up and away.
>His eyes widen.
>And just like that the despicable manic GLEE appears throughout his now colourful body.
>"You know, Sucky Bossy," he grabs you under his arm, "You're right! I DO want to make Fluttershy feel awesome! And I'm going to do it without hurting her!"
"Erk!" you say as he swings you around.
>"And you know what else?" he says, triumphant, "You're right! It was wrong to mind control everyone! I should have just mind controlled Twilight into staying outside!"
"Umph!" you say as he squeezes you tightly.
>"And you know what else?" he says, grabbing you with both claws and holding you by your head as he looks at you.
>"You're really easy to emotionally blackmail!" he smirks.
>You frown at him.
>He laughs uproariously.
>"Ah, ah, no harm, no foul," he says, patting your head and dropping you.
>He looks around, looking around at the blood stains, cum stains and...stains in general.
>"Well, maybe a lot of harm, and a lot of foul," he looks at you and raises his eyebrows up and down several times at high speed, "That was diii~iirty,"
>You shiver pleasantly.
>"But anyway, I learned my lesson and all that jazz - you never saw this," he says suddenly serious, "You never even heard me say I didn't want to hurt Fluttershy. Or any of that emotional touchy feely stuff."
"Er, alright?" you say, bamboozled, "as long as you don't tell anyone about the whole, sexy demon pony thing."
>"Alright!" he yells in triumph, "Well, yes, anyway, well met Sucky." he offers a paw.
>You are completely confused.
>Is this real life?
>Is, are you here right now?
>You shake his paw, not quite sure WHAT the HELL is going on.
>He smiles deviously.
>Like back when you re-met Pinkie Pie, you fear you may have, once again, done something you're not fully aware of.
>"SO!" he says, "Let's go back to Ponyville and undo my work...or admire it," he winks.
"Sounds...fun?" you ask.
>He floats off in a direction presumably towards Ponyville and you follow, thoroughly unbalanced.
>"Say," he says from ahead of you, "Did you know that there's a card game that runs amongst us...ahem, 'villains' every Saturday night at Fluttershy's house?"
"No?" you ask, shifting back to your Hot Passion form.
>"Would you like to join?"
>His face occupies your entire view, full of hope and wonder.
"Er, yes?" you say, startled.
>"Escellent!" he yelps, before galloping off into the distance and leaving you in the dust.
>...
>...
>Did he just do all of that to get you to a card game!?
>You narrow your eyes where the devious discordant draconequus disappeared to.
>And maybe perhaps your match for completely insane conversations.
>You trot after him, angrily swearing to not fall for these shenanigans ever again.
 
---
 
>You and Discord return to a Ponyville in crisis.
>The stake that early held a captive Ditzy Doo during your 'Welcome to Ponyville Search and Rescue Party' now holds Twilight, who is struggling against the metallic bonds.
>All the ponies are yelling at her for being a Vampire Pony.
>Rarity is being restrained by three fillies with shield cutire marks, begging for them to release Twilight, that it isn't her fault she's a vampire and wants to stay inside all day!
>Rainbow is shaking Rarity, trying to point out that Twilight is dangerous and might - gasp - imprision everyone else indoors and she can't be allowed to live!
>Fluttershy is shaking Rainbow, saying that there's nothing wrong with submitting to our Vampire Pony overlords and staying inside away from the uncaring sun!
>Applejack is standing next to Twilight with an executors hood on with a flaming torch.
>You can tell it's her because she's wearing her stetson over the hood.
>Pinkie however seems dazed and confused.
>Until her eyes alight on you.
>You trot over as she looks at you suspicious.
>"Where did you go?" asks Pinkie, "one second we were on a date, then you disappeared and Twilight was revealed to be a vampire!"
"So I take it you don't remember what Discord did?" you ask.
>Pinkie looks at Twilight, the crowd, then you.
>"Yeah, this sounds like a Discord thing," she says, exasperated, "I don't really remember Twilight being afraid of the sun - she's Celestia's best friend for crying out loud!"
"Unless Celestia is actually secretly a Sunpire, and is teaching Twilight hidden Sun Lore so she can suck up all the Sun, stealing it from other ponies?" you conspiratorially state to Pinkie.
>Pinkie looks thoughtful.
>"Sunpire..." she looks at Twilight, "Well, Twilight can't be a Sunpire, because she spends all her time inside. And besides, Discord did this recently, so she can't be a SUnpire!"
"...what," you uncomprehend.
>"Quiet!" snaps Pinkie, "We need to figure out what Discord turned Twilight into!"
"He didn't turn Twilight into-"
>"Moonpire?"
"Pinkie, listen-"
>"Darkpire?"
"Pinkie, this isn't-"
>"Ponypire?"
"Pink-"
>"Bookpire?"
"PINKIE-"
>"That actually sounds about right," says Pinkie, thoughtful, "Maybe she secretly takes books, and, I dunno, secretly uses magic to seduce them open, before sucking their delicious knowledge out of them and tossing them back onto shelves, to await being harvested once again!"
>She gasps dramatically.
"That sounds exactly like a...a...a fabled thing called a Librarian," you state sarcastically, "Now listen Pink-"
>"Oh Twilight," Pinkie says sorrowfully, "Being turned into a Librarian by Discord and never telling anyone. I WOULDN'T HAVE JUDGED!" she yells at Twilight.,
"No, Dammit!" you say, "Discord did something else! He made everyone think that Twilight being inside was a crime, not all of, THIS!" you shake your head as the Mayor, with a big white wig passes sentance of death.
>"...what?" says Pinkie, completely confused.
>Why is she being so stupi-
>Oh.
>Mind control.
>You roll your eyes.
"So, when do you reckon Discord will undo his..." you sigh, "'turning Twilight into a Librarian' thing?"
>"Who said anything about ME fixing it?" says a brown stallion beside you, with an eight-arrowed star on his rump and horribly clashing green and purple mane.
"Because you did it?" you say, baffled.
>"Do I look like a chump?" he responds, looking back at you just as baffled, "Besides, this is somone ELSE's problem now."
>"ATTENTION MY LITTLE PONIES!"
>Everyone quietens down, before kneeling towards the giant white alicorn at the front.
>Twilight is looking relieved.
>"I have learned, that something terrible has happened in Ponyville!" she calls out, "I have learned, that someone has gone around mind controlling ponies into believing my protege, is a Vampire Pony!"
>There's gasps and looks of shock amongst the gathered ponies.
>"I can tell you now, that this is not true!" she raises a hoof, "She is my student, my friend," that last word causing Twilight to wince, "and most imporantly, she is the Princess of Friendship! And this behaviour, is deplorable! I am disappointed in you, my ponies, for being fooled by such a-"
>"IT'S NOT TRUE PRINCESS!" yells Pinkie over the crowd, gracefully balanced atop your head, "IT WAS DISCORD! DISCORD TURNED TWILIGHT INTO A LIBRARIAN!"
>Celestia regards Pinkie with a wary eye.
>"Pinkie," says Celestia, firmly, "I made Twilight into a Librarian, not Discord."
>Pinkie gaps in abject horror.
>"But why!?" yells Pinkie, "WHY WOULD YOU TURN TWILIGHT INTO A LIBRARIAN? DID YOU NOT KNOW THAT SHE WOULD TURN HER VAMPIRIC LIBRARIAN POWERS AGAINST US!?"
>A ripple of shock and gasps run through the crowd, riling the pony mob into panic.
>Princess Celestia, ruler of Equestria, full of magesty and pomp, audibly replies with a quaint "What?"
>"DID YOU NOT KNOW, THAT SHE WOULD TRY AND ENSLAVE US ALL TO INSIDE OUR HOMES, TURN US AWAY FROM YOUR LIGHT? WHY ARE YOU PUNISHING US!?"
>The mob now brays in shock and horror, prostrating themselves before the startled sovereign of the sun.
>"REPENT!" yells Pinkie, "FOR CELESTIA HAS TURNED HER BENEVOLENT GAZE AWAY FORM US! REPENT!"
>You are fighting down a smile as Celestia tries to soothe and calm the rolling, suplicating crowd, and Twilight is looking completely floored at your tub-thumping rider.
>Soon chaos rejoins as Applejack offers herself up as a sacrifice to appease the Angry Sun, who is now baffled at why Applejack is presenting her hindquarters to her, Fluttershy and Rarity are leading Anti-Celestia forces in a food fight with the Royal Guard lead by Rainbow Dash.
>You turn to look at Discord Pone, sitting in a folding chair and eating cotton candy.
"Okay, that was worth it," you smirk, lying down next to him and knicking some cotton candy.
>It taste like piss and vinegar.
>A curiously intriguing flavour for a demon.
>Discord Pone simply nods with a smile.
>Shortly amongst the madness a flustered Twilight appears before you and Discord Pone.
>You both try and look around her as Rainbow is pinned to the ground by Rarity, before getting creamed by at least forty pies.
>"Discord!" yells Twilight, angrily, "Undo this , undo this RIGHT NOW!"
>"Undo this?" Discord replies, amused. He gestures around, "But Twilight, isn't this what you wanted? The use of mind control to inhibit criminal desires?"
>He gets up out of the folding chair, chucking his cotton candy at you.
>"And didn't Celestia say that you should get out and enjoy today?" he smiles, "A day that she made especially for you?"
>Twilight narrows her eyes to slits.
>"I didn't want this," she says, dangerously quiet, "I didn't want you ruining today by taking an acadamic argument and trying to turn it into an Aesop, I didn't want Celestia making a beautiful day for me just to twist the knife in deeper, and I DIDN'T WANT YOU BUCKING EVERYTHING UP!"
>She spreads her wings, magic sparks and bubbles across her skin, before she grits her teeth as she lets loose on Discord.
>Discord simply snakes out of the way, appearing on top of your head.
>The magic beam Twilight unleashes removes City Hall from existance.
>Well, shit.
>"I JUST WANTED TO STAY INSIDE!" Twilight shrieks, "I JUST WANTED TO GET OVER HER!"
>You quickly eat dirty as a magical laser beam shoots over your head.
>When you look up Discord is backstroking in the air and Twilight, eyes full of tears, is shooting laser beam after laser beam at him.
>"But staying inside, saying really scary things about mind control, ingoring your friends..." Discord csually says, swirling around each blast, "that isn't any way to get over Celestia."
>In a flash Discord is eye to eye with Twilight.
>"If anything that's how you turn into Nightmare Twilight," smiles Discord darkly.
>Twilight steps back, aghast.
>"And you want to know what happens when you turn into Nightmare Twilight?" asks Discord, seriously.
>Twilight looks around in dawning comprehension.
>Ponyville is a complete mess, with fires burning as Ponies sacrifice their houses to the Angry Sun.
>Rarity lies crying, sobbing about how dirty she is, Princess Luna is striding over the battlefield having a ball chucking food at Celestia's guards as Fluttershy, as a batpony apparently, yells from atop Luna's rear "All Worship the Royal Rear!".
>Celestia is sternly trying to get the ponies to just STOP, but those that are listening are bowing and chanting her name for forgiveness, or driven into frenzy by an apocalyptic Pinkie Pie.
>Applejack rolls in tears, flaggelating herself with her rope.
>Twilight looks at everything in horror and shock.
>She jumps quite high when Discord places a claw on her shoulder.
>"So don't stay cooped up inside and go out and make friends, alright?" says a Smug Discord, "After all, you ARE the Princess of Friendship."
>Twilight's eyes, full of pain and heartache, turn on Discord.
>"...I guess," she mummurs, dejected.
>"Excellent!" says Discord.
>With an almighty finger snap of his paw, everything stops.
>The buildings unburn themselves.
>The town hall reparticularizes.
>Discord disappears with a devious grin.
>And everyone is shaking their heads trying to figure out what the hell just happened.
>Celestia, however, quickly takes advantage of the quiet and seizes control.
>"MY PONIES!" she yells, "PLEASE! CEASE YOUR WORSHIP OF MY, AND LUNA'S REAR! WHILE IT IS NICE, AND YOUR SYCOPHANCY IS ... APPRECIATED, THERE IS NO NEED TO FEAR TWILIGHT SPARKLE BEING A LIBRARIAN!"
>Everyone looks at Celestia, confused.
>"Um, why would we be afraid of Twilight being a librarian?" says a small unicorn white filly, confused.
>"And whut is siko-fancy?" says a yellow earth pony.
>"And why does ma tongue taste all funny?" asks Applejack, flustered.
>"AND WHY AM I DI-HUR-HUR-HURTY!" sobs Rarity.
>Celestia looks about the sea of confused faces, before breathing a sigh of relief.
>"NEVER...nevermind," she continues on in a more quiet voice, "There was a problem, but it has been resolved! And apparently everyone has had their minds wiped of all this silliness, thank goodness! Return to your homes!"
>The ponies, in dazed confusion obliged, used to the regular shenanigans that inflict themselves upon Ponyville.
>Twilight however tearfully meets up with her friends, no doubt to go off and talk about their feelings and eat a lot of ice cream.
>Leaving you with a bag of piss and vinegar flavoured cotton candy, completely befuddled.
>And annoyed.
>Your first date with Pinkie Pie and Discord just came and shat all over it.
>You're going to have to track her down after the whole emotional mess is over and get a redo.
>Because dammit she deserves a proper date that doesn't end in the apocalypse.
>With a shrug you toss the confectionary, and thinking of confectionary you go and hunt down Bon-Bon.
>Maybe you can take her up on her offer to sample some of her Bon-Bons and fuck this day out of existance.
 
---
 
>You were able to make it up with Pinkie Pie later by helping her out around Sugar Cube Corner.
>She spoke about everyone in Ponyville, and you shared some gossip with other ponies you picked up from the pillow talk.
>You also got to meet more ponies and idly flirt with them.
>Which is always fun.
>Especially when they vehemently deny your affections, but they really, REALLY want it.
>Cheeky minxes.
>The day ended helping Pinkie Pie defeat some evil monster muffins, apparently whipped up by a little unicorn who wanted to make something for their mother.
>You spent the next several days going out with Pinkie, sleeping with ponies, and generally being a nuisance by having Discord spontaneously appear in your general vicinity for no reason.
>At least until you managed to extract a reason out of him that Fluttershy and the rest of the Mane Six weren't talking to him after Twilight told them about the whole 'Cure Twilight's Insanity with Insanity' thing.
>So now the only worthwhile conversation is with you.
>Except it's Discord, and everything he does and says is complete garbage that usually leaves you standing in the middle of absolute collateral carnage in complete confusion over what just happened.
>So it is with great trepidation that you approach the Lair of Kindness this Saturday evening, wondering what madness Discord was going to throw at you this time.
>Your Grandmother was overjoyed when you told her about Discord's invitation.
>She was so proud one of Satan's most trusted instruments deigned to allow you to sit at the card table.
>She is currently trotting beside you with a spring in her step covered in a cloak, proud of her little worm.
>At the door you are both stopped by a short, white rabbit.
>It regards both you and your Grandmother, before checking a list on a clipboard.
>It then casually gestures for you to enter.
>You trot through into a house full of bird's houses, little houses and holes in the walls.
>Your Grandmother, however, pulls you to the side and through a dark doorway.
>It leads to a dank, musty staircase that goes down, down, down.
>Soon there's raised voices from below, echoing strangely in the air.
>At the bottom you come before a rather somewhat unique sight.
>The room is large and rectangular, with a haze of intoxicating smoke lingering in the air.
>In the corner is a well stocked bar, being run by a grizzly bear.
>In the middle of the room is a large circular table, lit by a singular, bright lamp hanging from the ceiling.
>Around this table sits several interesting individuals.
>There is a blue unicorn, standing on her chair and yelling and cursing up a storm.
>In response another unicorn at the other end of the table, light purple in colour, curses and rages back.
>Besides the light purple unicorn lounges a bug pony, much larger than the ones you've encountered, full of grace and cold menace, regarding the bellowing blue unicorn with detached amusement.
>This is Chrysalis, you deduce.
>Besides her sits hunched a large dog.
>It has black fur, wearing a vest made of glittering red rubies, long muscled arms and eyes like burning charcoal, with angular ears pointed upwards in a mockery of horns.
>It protectively clutches a cup which smokes faintly, looking warily at the light purple unicorn as she begins to pick up empty glasses menacingly with her magic.
>Besides him sits a red dragon, with pink fins, an orange underbelly, and shooting a rather annoyed look at the blue unicorn as she stomps her hoof on the table in anger.
>Between him and the empty chair the blue unicorn has vacated to dodge flying debris, is the form of a pony made of dark, dusty, murky cloud.
>A red horn sits atop it's head, and ominously glowing green and red eyes stare at the light purple unicorn as it brings up a shield too late to dodge the firework bouncing off her head.
>Sitting besides the blue unicorns vacated seat with his back to you is Discord, watching the unfurling chaos with smug superiority.
>Beside him is a light yellow bat pony with passing similarity with Fluttershy, with a green poker visor.
>Her hoof meets her face as a chair narrowly misses the blue unicorn as she mutters about aiming 'more to the left'.
>Two empty seats sit beside her, and the final seat is taken by a tall, dark purple, elegant, blue eyed alicorn.
>With a weary sigh she quickly magics both the yelling combatants and jams them back into their seats.
>"Glimmer! Trixie!" says the alicorn, the sound of ice cracking at midnight, "Cease this at once! Your unending prattle, beyond being unseemly, annoys me beyond reason!"
>You can practically hear Discord pouting.
>"But Nighty, it's just so amusing!" he whines, "Surely it wouldn't be better to just let them at it and work out there-"
>"That argument won't work THIS time Discord," bites out the alicorn.
>"Indeed, it is why we saw fit to pl...ace them at opposite ...ennnds? Hm? Of the tay~bull," says the dragon in a creepy, unseemly manner.
>"And yet still they bitch and moan and bloody complain all the bloody time like bitches in heat," grunts the dark dog, "Why won't you two just RUT HER already?"
>Both the light purple and blue unicorn, instead of being outraged, just glare at the dog.
>The dog returns the glare with gusto.
>"As much as this delectable drama amuses me, we apparently have guests," says Chrysalis, gesturing to you and your Grandmother.
>Your Grandmother takes several steps towards the table, then dramatically removes her cloak.
>Oh.
>It's her Zebra form, except she's covered in wicked scars and symbols painting, branded and tattooed into her skin.
>"As you all can see, I am Zecora - bewitching pony," she gestures, red light emenating from the floor, smoke seeping out from under her hooves, "All shall pay me the debts such due, or hell will be a better fate for you!
>There's a smattering of applause.
>"There could have been a better rhyme for 'debts such do' says Nighty the alicorn.
>"I liked the smoke," says the blue unicorn, nodding appreciatively.
>The demon dog snorts into his drink under his breath that sounded like 'Bitches love smoke'.
>"Whatever," dismissed the light purple unicorn, "The random symbols completely ruin the scars and brandings, the smoke sucked, and red light? Such a cliche!"
>"Could have been...bet-her?" adds the dragon.
>The smoke pony and Batterfly both nod in agreement.
>"It bucking sucked," says the yellow batpony, "Never come here again."
>"It was a good effort," concedes Discord, "If only because I'm possibly the only one that actually KNOWS those symbols. And maybe Twilight. So maybe only she would recoil in horror."
>"But what's the point of putting those symbols on if only Twilight or Discord would know what they are?" judges the light purple unicorn, "It makes her look like a canvas for a fillyschool than something scary."
>"We shall put this under 'needs improvement, but good effort'," states the alicorn, scribbling on a scroll.
>Your Grandmother nods and takes a seat next to the bat-pony, her paint and scars disappearing.
>What the fuck was that about?
>Discord turns to you.
>"Ah, she didn't tell you?" Discord turns to Zecora, "You didn't tell him?"
>Zecora looks at you, and grimaces.
>"Forgive me child, it slipped my mind, I was focused on the hands I could find," she says apologetically.
>You choose to not wonder at exactly what she means by 'hands'.
>The inhabitants of the table look at you, speculatively.
>Discord groans, before shaking his fist at your Grandmother.
>"Okay," he says, turning to you, "so what you do is you try and pretend to be a spooky scary villain, with the intention of scaring ponies. Then, we judge you on how good you were. If you're good, you join, if not, then we attach you to a rocket and fire you into the swamp."
>Scary huh?
>You think on what to do.
>...
>Yeah, you got nothing.
>You don't have awesome light effects or paint or a mask or anything.
>And you don't really know any awesome flashy demon magic like your Grandmother does.
>You can do transformation, but that's not really THAT impressive, especially if THAT's their reaction to your Grandmother's effects.
>Whelp, if you're going to crash and burn, might as well do it on fire and screaming.
>And besides, you're tough.
>You can deal with getting shot via rocket into a swamp.
>You trot up to the chair, jump onto the table and give Chrysalis a beguiling eye.
>"I am Hot Passion," you say proudly, "Want to go out the back and fuck like rabbits?"
>There is dead silence at the table.
>Before the demon dog bursts into laughter.
>Like a spark hitting a dry wood pile laughter and chuckles ripple around the table, except for the alicorn, who looks on unimpressed.
>"That was TERRIBLE!" laughs the demon dog, "But I admire your spirit! Full points!"
>"Indeed. I have not engaged in such ... frivolity? Hm? For such an extended peri-od of tii~ime," says the Dragon smiling, the sound of laughter echoing from around him.
>The smoke pony cackles in agreeance.
>"That was bad, but good," says the light purple unicorn.
>"For once, we agree!" adds the light blue pony, "But NEVER AGAIN!"
>"No, that was just flat out BAD!" says the batpony, giggling, "Oh, its going to be WONDERFUL watching you scream off into the sky!"
>There are murmurs of agreement around the table.
>The alicorn just shakes her head with a sigh, scribbling on the scroll.
>"So we're agreed that was a total failure, and should be thrown out immediately?" flatly states the alicorn.
>Just about everyone nods.
>Chrysalis however just raises a speculative eyebrow at you.
>"I doubt you could survive my attention, little colt," she smiles coldly.
>You smirk.
>With a roll of your shoulders great bat-like wings tear bloodily out of your back.
>Your short cropped, white mane falls out, replaced with long, black hair.
>Your dark blue skin peels away, revealing dark grey flesh.
>You grow tall as horns burst out of the side of your head.
>Purple eyes scorch into black and red as you taste the smoky air with a forked tongue.
"If you don't want to go out back," you say, full on sexy demon voice in effect, "I could pound you here."
>Chrysalis is leaning away, a look of shock and awe on her face.
>With that smirk still in place, you turn around and survey the faces.
>Yep, those obviously mortal are spooked, and those immortal are looking at you like fresh, tasty, sexy meat.
>You bask in the attention, letting the thrill run through you.
>Discord once again adopts that smug smile, taking in the reactions.
>The alicorn looks at you, then the parchment.
>"On revision," she says a little shaken, "A little bit scary through gore factor, but..."
>She fans herself with the open scroll.
>"That was stimulating. Any objections?" she says, startled.
>There's a chorus of 'no's, sans the blue and light purple unicorns still remaining in horrifying states and the batpony, who is trying to snag a bit of your back flesh that had landed on blue's horn.
>"That's 7 to 10 to allow the joining of the table," she says, business-like, "Any othe statements before we conclude this pointless beaurocratic segment?"
>"Yeah!" loudly says the demon dog, "If the bug bitch is too much of a pussy, would you like a good rutting?"
>You look at him speculatively...
>You form shifts to a white dog, lithe and scarred.
>"Is the sky blue, you bucking twink?" you growl at him.
>You swear you here something 'thunk' the underside of the table in front of the panting dog.
>"Passion," says your Grandmother warningly, "the time for rutting is later, now to this game we must cater."
>You blow the dog a kiss, before shifting back to your demon pony form and slding into your seat.
>"Well Passion," says Discord, "allow me to introduce you to the other players."
>He slides up behind you and points over your shoulder.
>He points to the Alicorn, and quickly says" That's Nightmare, Queen of Madness" the light purple unicorn looking at you with disdain, "And that's Starlight Glimmer," the smouldering giant bug-pony, "that's Chrysalis, Queen of the Changelings," the leering demon dog "Blondi, Rex of the Diamond Dogs," the stoic dragon "Geeman the Dragon,", the leering smoke pony "Sombra, King of the Crystal Empire," the startled blue unicorn, "Trixie the Great and Powerful", the chewing batpony, "Fluttershy," then a waving himself, "Discord, King of chaos," and finally your Grandmother, "Zecora, Witch Queen."
>"And we..." he soars around the table, "are the Equestrian Villain's Club! Here we join forces, indulge in friendship and otherwise annoy the crap out of each other!"
>He lands back onto his seat and leans forward.
>"Everyone," he points at you, "This is Hot Passion, Succubus. Please, withhold your orgasms."
"Sup," you offer, "So, what's the game?"
 
---
 
>The game was Texas Holdem
>You made a strong showing, but nothing special.
>You may have done better, but you were far too interested in the other players.
>You learned that Glimmer and Trixie both had the hots for Twilight, but both were angry at Twilight for humiliating them.
>They also hated each other.
>You've shifted into Twilight a few times during the game to tease them, which in turn threw them off their games.
>Trixie preferred to shoot fireworks at you, while Glimmer tended to craft things out of random junk to send other random bits of junk at you.
>They bickered and fought constantly throughout the game.
>"You do realize that my plan to have them sit next together would've reduced this mess," says Discord smugly, as Nightmare separated them both again.
>Nightmare is cunning, intelligent, and sarcastic.
>Subtle, veiled conversation was her forte, however actual flirting was shot down mercilessly.
>This often got a laugh out of Chrysalis, before she would join in on the slag fest.
>Chrysalis was opportunistic and harsh, jumping on conversational weakness and exploiting it to distract other players.
>You were able to drag her into several inane semantic conversations however when she leapt at you, often leaving her annoyed and Fluttershy smiling cruelly.
>And when it came to Blondi, most of the words went over his head.
>Blondi  flirted with everyone, spoke his mind without regret, cursed colourfully when he lost, and laughed uproariously when he won.
>He even managed to make you blush once or twice.
>Geeman however, might as well have been a robot.
>He had a flawless poker face, an insane ability to calculate, and was obscene in how observational he was.
>It was little wonder he had most of the chips by the middle of the game.
>However when this was pointed out by an upset Blondi, you turned your gaze in his direction.
>A little later his facade was a little broken by the seductive green dragon with giant, thin, sear wings.
>His eyes were glued to those wings like a babe to a teat.
>Sombra barely talked, instead communicating through hisses and quiet whispers.
>He preferred to sit on the sidelines and watch the action, just enjoying the show, and cutting his eyes to you every now and then.
>The dealer, however, was quite unusual.
>From your limited contact with Fluttershy, you gathered her to be a kind, soft, quiet pegasus.
>Here, she was loud and merciless in her commentary.
>From what you learned from Discord, this is her way of venting negative emotions so she can fit in with the other ponies.
>Discord just snaps his fingers and boom - she's an angry bat pony.
>Discord was bizarre, in how he tended to play both badly, but well.
>He was more there for the company than the game.
>Your Grandmother, however...
>"Read them and weep, these cards not beat!" she says drunkenly.
>She got smashed quite quickly, thanks to the bar bear in the corner.
>At first she played horribly, losing oodles of chips.
>Then proceeded to wipe the floor with everyone come midgame.
>At the end of the game her and Sombra had the lion shares of the chips.
>"Aaaand that's game, faggots!" yells Fluttershy, stomping the table, "Zecora wins by virtue of being a drunken slut, and everyone else sucks!"
>Trixie and Glimmer both chuck their cards in angrily, yell about how unfair everything is, leave and promptly begin fighting their way up the staircase.
>Fluttershy follows, laughing and kicking them up all the way.
>Geeman is looking at the table in complete confusion.
>He looks at his small pile of chips, then his hand, then your Grandmother's chips.
>"That is...impossible?" he asks, completely stunned.
>"YES!" cackles an exhillerated Nightmare, "I thought I'd have to live to see the heat death of the universe before I saw Geeman lose!"
>"Might want to check the status of the sun, Nightmare," Chrysalis warns.
>"Why?" responds Nightmare, "Afraid that the sun has somehow disappeared while we've been down here?"
>"If it has, it's all Passion's fault," points out Chrysalis.
"The sun disappearing?" you say, aghast, "While my HOT self exists?" you wave her off, "Not a big deal. Most likely they'll just put me in the sky and make me a second sun, with everyone everywhere basking in my hotness."
>"That is just as unlikely as the sun disappearing," flatly states Nightmare.
>"Sounds pretty likely to me," says a grinning Discord.
>Strangely he's ushering the bear out of the room.
>With a thud, clunk and click the door closes and locks.
>"NO!" says Chrysalis, aghast, "BAD DISCORD!"
>"You are NOT going to steal the sun again!" says Nightmare dangerously.
>"Discord stole the sun?" asks Blondi, blinking, "Holy ruttin' hell, you HAVE to tell me how you did that!"
>Discord goes to open his mouth-
>And Chrysalis promptly leaps on him, bashing at him with her hooves.
>"Do NOT tell the King of the Undergroound how to kill the sun!" she shrieks, over and over to the giggling eldritch horror.
>Blondi however quickly tackles them both, eager for knowledge.
>"Tell me chaos serpent!" he demands, "TELL ME!"
>Nightmare's magic casually encircles Discord's mouth and Blondi's ears.
>"As amusing as it would be to watch my ... mother squirm," says Nightmare, "We do not need yet ANOTHER reason for Celestia to murder us all."
>With a shit eating grin, Discord casually opens his mouth through Nightmare's magic, and mouths several words.
>Blondi tugs and pulls physically at the magic at his ears in desperation.
>So, he does the next logical thing.
>He bodily throws Chrysalis at Nightmare.
>Nightmare, completely surprised, catches Chrysalis and chucks her back at Blondi.
>Discord leans back on a magicked up lawn chair, slips on Fluttershy's gambling visor, and begins watching the impromptu tennis match.
>You are momentarily distracted from Discord yelling "15-love!" as the smoke pony drifts over to you.
>You watch as it glides over your back, and then INTO it.
>ANd into a world of new senSATION.
>It feels like clawing, scratching, freezing.
>You moan, your tongue flicking in a pleasured hiss, as you feel the inky stain of corruption tugs and pulls and bites at your muscles in your back.
>Soon however the glorious feeling fades, as Sombra reforms and glides in front of you, half-solid.
>He looks at you appraisingly, as if the sensation of being corrupted should have left you a mewling wreck.
>You flick out your tongue and moan teasingly in response, as if to communicate that the sensation was like a nice back rub.
>He gives you the smug look, grinning like he knows that you're already going to let him fuck you, because bitches like back massages.
>You give him a look that implies you'd very much like to know how he would do that, as you poke your hoof through his body.
>He smiles wide - far too wide for a pony's mouth, far to richtus.
>It sends a pleasant tingle to your nethers.
>You watch as the face floats besides you, the smoke growing and forming and solidifying, to present a black, dusty looking stallion.
>The red horn from his head travels through his body, reforming as a throbbing red organ between his legs.
>He pokes your shoulder with his hoof - solid, but slightly crumbly, like chalk.
>With that you smiles smouldering at him, and flick your spaded tail at him.
>He smirks as a bit of his cheek chips off, trotting around behind you.
>You turn your attention back to the tennis match.
>...oh, there's people still here.
>Blondi is jumping and bouncing off walls, grabbing the screaming Chrysalis and chucking her back.
>Nightmare simply regards Blondi in a detached, annoyed fashion as she casually grabs the Changeling Queen with her magic and throws her back.
>Geeman is smiling widely and your Grandmother looks uncertain, watching the game intensely.
>Discord calls out 'Game Point - Nightmare,".
>Good, no-one's watching.
>Or caring.
>And there's something very, very wrong sniffing around your sacred places.
>And it feels glorious.
>You shiver at the feeling of something hissing blackness on your pert lips.
>You moan under your breath as you feel a sharp tongue touch your lips, then groan as it cuts into you, deep and cold.
>This is so WRONG.
>You move your rear back, mashing Sombra's muzzle into your parts.
>The sensation stops, before you feel sharp teeth grip into your hindquarters as if to say 'Bad girl'.
>It feels like a thousand needles jammed into your butt.
>You bite your lip and 'umph' at the sensation.
>You feel that lancing tongue again cut into your petals, and jolt a bit as it snakes through your clit.
>Literally, through, piercing it.
>Ooooooo that's gooooooood.
>Discord 'shooshes' you.
>Oh, you may have said that out loud.
>The feeling of that rough, sandpaper tongue going in and out of your clit though is agonizing, painful and sends a shiver through your body, doubled with the challenge of trying to keep quiet.
>You begin to fight down openly panting.
>Soon that dirty, naughty feeling stops.
>You wait a heart beat, then two, wondering when that knife will come back.
>Before that exhaultant agony spreads across your back and flanks as you feel a weight drop onto you.
>OOoo he's big.
>You squirm into the feeling as teeth bite into your neck, sending pins and needles and nails into your shoulders and head.
>Something red hot smacks up onto your stomach once, twice.
>Before Sombra grabs you tightly on the neck.
>You swear you feel a vertebrae chip delightfully as the chilled agony sliiiiides up your back and over your shoulders.
>But that is blown away from the scorching sensation delivered straight and deep into your pussy.
>You swear your insides begin to stick and burn to the organ even as you clench and squeeze it.
>You moan in agony, pain and ecstacy as he hilts inside you.
>Which almost doubles in volume as he steadily pulls back out.
>He definitely get's a yelp as he hilts again.
>And then you're oblivious to the world as you lose yourself to that FEELING.
>The chills, cold, frostbite from your back and shoulders.
>The sharp, cutting, biting, stabbing rash up your neck and head.
>The furious, raging, pulsing, throbbing, angry scorching from your cunt.
>It's WRONG.
>And it's RIGHT.
>You push back, openly revelling in exhaulation, uncaring what anyone thinks or cares.
>Again and again each thrust is orgasmic, pushing you to a new level of sensation and pleasure.
>But unlike the cruel dissection that Discord did, this is rough, savage rape.
>And with each blackened tear he puts in you, each bleeding wound, each frozen blister, he drives you closer and closer to the point, until-
>With all his might he hilts you as much as he can.
>He clamps down HARD on your neck, severing your head.
>He sinks into your back, freezing into your back and shattering it.
>His dick rips and burns through your innards, poking out your chest.
>And you climax explosively.
>Sombra.
>Definitely going onto the 'Evil Bad Wrong Fuck List'.
>At number 3.
>You come back to your senses, looking up at a mildly horrified Nightmare.
>You blow a kiss at her, revelling in the afterglow.
>She looks less horrified, before magicing your head to the other side of the room.
>You try to locomote an arm to grab your noggin, but Nightmare drives you HARD into your body.
>You jerk, jolt, crack, bubble, melt.
>And are once again whole.
>You crick your neck and roll your shoulders, lying comfortably on the bloody, wet floor with your body mostly back together.
>Sombra slowly drifts over the gambling table, smoking a cigar in his incorporeal jaws, eyes far, far away.
>Chrysalis is frozen upside-down, looking at you with wide eyes and an open mouth.
>Nightmare is beholding you somewhere between horror, embarrasment and appraisal.
>Blondi is sporting an obvious, large, throbbing, smoking erection.
>The red dragon is holding a bag of coins, looking at you blankly, pupils dilated.
>Your grandmother looks at you disgruntled.
>"Dearie Dear, for you I cheer, but why this match you interfere!?" she groans in annoyance, approaching angrily, "You cost me dearly, darling child - and I will retake the price lusty and wild!"
>Your tail snakes a bit as you waggle your eyebrows, eyeing a statue still Discord.
"Well, what are you waiting for?" you taunt.
>His eyes go black, he grins widely as Blondi launches snarling at you, Nightmare drops Chrysalis and await her turn as Geeman hides his stack and your Grandmother tries to steal it-
>Needless to say, past that point no one was willing to admit what happened, except you and Blondi, without a massive intake of alcohol.
>And it was AMAZING.
 
---
 
>It is now later.
>Later being several weeks.
>The days grew colder, the leaves turned red and orange and brown, and you participated in a race that is used to dislodge leaves from the trees.
>Which ended in catastrophy when Discord hid the finishing line.
>"Whew!" says Pinkie tiredly, "I'm as tired as a foal after a ten-gallon sugar rush!"
"You got to do more excersize then," you say, trotting easily beside her "Gotta work them glutes, them hammies, them buttocks!"
>She throws an annoyed glare at you.
>"Not all of us are super powered silly sexy demons, Passion," she snipes.
"You can disappear and reappear anywhere at will by jumping out of line of sight, and yet galloping a few miles exhausts you?" you counter, shaking your head, "Sounds super powered to me!"
>Pinkie opens her mouth, thinks on it, then closes her mouth.
>"Touche, sneaky-sneak," she says, poking you in the shoulder, "But I'm not a silly sexy demon."
"You sure?" you respond, wriggling your eyebrows.
>Pinkie rolls her eyes and bops your nose.
"Ow!" you mock-cry, "That REALLY hurt!"
>Pinkie gives you a stern glare.
>"I'm not going to kiss it better Passion," she says seriously.
"How about a widdle wub?" you ask, sad.
>"I'm not going to rub it better either," she replies, eyes narrowed slightly.
>You look at her with puppy dog eyes.
"What makes you think that you have a choice?" you pout.
>Pinkie barely has any time before your nose begins snuffling all over her body, pushing her onto the ground with a scream, tickling and blowing bubbles against her belly and making her laugh.
>She begs and pleads and bops you several times for you to stop, but you continue your tickle onslaught.
>You eventually relent once she's turned into a giggling mess.
"Thanks Pinkie!" you smile, "My nose feels ALL better now!"
>She glares at you, but the effect is ruined by the giggles.
>"Well, now I'm properly pooped!" she pants, flopping on the ground, "I have no strength to get up, you dummy! What am I supposed to do now?"
>With a smile, you stick your head under her body, and casually flip her onto your back.
"What would you do without me?" you sigh theatrically as you trot towards Sugar Cube Corner, carrying your pink passenger.
>"Probably use my Pinkie powers to locomote my Pinkie Body to my Pinkie Bed where I can Pinkie Sleep and have Pinkie Dreams," she recites.
"Are you implying you don't have Pinkie Dreams?' you wonder aloud, "Maybe you've been having...Passion Dreams?"
>"Only occassionally," she scoffs, "You ARE a Hot Patootie, but you aren't faithful enough for my tastes."
"Please! I'm PLENTY faithful," you respond, opening the door to the bakery, "...to every mare and Stallion in Ponyville!" you say dramatically.
>Pinkie just giggles atop your head.
>"Yeah, but I wish you could be a bit MORE faithful," sighs Pinkie, "I don't like the idea of sharing you."
>there's an awkward, hungering silence as you trot towards the back of the shop.
"Well... maybe...maybe I'd like to be in a more....serious relationship," you awkwardly state, trotting up the stairs "But we both know why I can't."
>Pinkie nods into your neck.
>"Why are all the good ones either gay or sex demons?" she mutters despondent.
"More like why are all the good ones married or holding out for their future husband and/or wife?" you respond.
>With a lurch of your shoulders the Pink one is dumped onto the Pinkie Bed.
"Nighty night Ponkie poo!" you baby-say, going in to nuzzle her.
>You are intercepted by a pillow.
>"I still need to shower and eat Hotstuff!" she exclaims, bapping you again with the pillow.
>With a smile you crook an eyebrow.
>"And no, you are not going to help me shower, or give me a treat," she anticipates.
>You sigh.
"Can't blame a stallion for trying," you smirk, "Especially when in the presence of such a ravashing mare."
>Another pillow bounces off your head.
"Well, I know when I'm not wanted," you smile, "See you tomorrow Pinkie!"
>You trot out the room, down the corridor, past a confused Mrs. Cake, down the stairs and out the front door.
>And pretend that that conversation wasn't as painful as it was.
 
---
 
>The next day you reawaken next to Twinkleshine.
>The cream coloured mare sighs happily into your chest as you stroke and breathe in her pink hair.
>Annoyingly you wish it were a certain pink pony's.
>But you kind of need to keep fucking far and wide to live, otherwsie you'll be banished back to the waking world.
>And it's not all THAT bad...
>Twinkleshine is awkward as hell when it comes to flirting, but quite knowledgable about stars, paint and colour co-ordination.
>Master of Reflectology and Colour, from what you understand.
>And being compared to amythest against charcoal onyx is...something, but she was a lot of fun, and not awfully clingy.
>SHe's a cute mare, you reflect, nuzzling her chest, working your way down.
>She moans softly as you trace your tongue down her chest, going between her legs and tenderly teasing her parts.
>She grasps your head and gently rubs up against your muzzle as you lick sharply against her more delicate places.
>She gasps and moans as you dig deeper and deeper, sliding in and out and around with your long, probing tongue.
>And as you pleasure her you drink in her juices lewdly, as well as gobbling up all that LUST and WANT.
>You can tell she's blushing in embarrasment from the noise, but that's soon drowned out by her own loud panting.
>She's such a needy girl.
>You've been coaching her on improving her flirting, but she isn't making much progress.
>And jeeze, this mare has an appetite.
>You need to fuck in order to live, and you'd probably come nowhere near how much this mare needs.
>At least until you began harvesting it.
>Pinkie's been supportive; Twinkle's been more open and less awkward during parties.
>Although whether that's because you boinking her or because you've been giving her tips on adult conversation and boosting her confidence, you couldn't say.
>Dammit Pinkie, get out of your head!
>Focus on the creamy goddess before you!
>With a single, vicious squirm and lash of your tongue, and she gasps, grits her teeth and bucks against your face.
>You gently coax her, lapping her through her orgasm, before you trail your tongue up her chest and into her panting mouth.
>She "hrmphrhmphs" into your face, before moaning deeply and hugging you.
>You eventually come up for air, with a satisfied-for-now Twinkleshine, however her blue eyes promises maybe a quick screw during breakfast.
>Those blue eyes just like Pinkie's...
>God dammit.
>"Morning hero," she says, smiling, "Something wrong?"
"No Shiny," you say, shaking your head, "Just remembered that Nightmare Night is coming up and Thunderlane won't go with me."
>Twinkleshine guffaws.
>"Thunderlane!?" she laughs, entering the bathroom "He'd rather murder you than go on a date with you!"
"He can try," you quip, trotting into the kitchen, before raising your voice "What are you in the mood for? Toast? Oatmeal? Muesli?"
>"Something to go," she calls out, "I need to get into the store and recode the colour ranges - stinking Pale Ray is changing their colour names ... AGAIN!"
>You smile as you listen to her complain about beaurocracy and naming conventions and stupid fads.
>You quickly make a cup of coffee, snag a couple of muffins out of the fridge, and an apple from the bowl.
>You toss the muffins and the apple in a brown paper bag, and leave it on the table.
>Twinkle trots up to you all clean and made up, gives you a quick kiss, a quick stroke of your still semi-hard dick, grabs the coffee and bag, and says "Keep thinking of me, lock up when you leave," and departs.
>You watch the empty space she vanished from, before debating on whether to go for some of Twinkle's muesli, or maybe you could go to Sugar CUbe Corner and bum Pinkie out of a slice of jam log.
>...
>DAMMIT!
>She's always there, sneaking into your mind, interfering with your sexy times.
>And there's not a damn thing you can do about it!
>With a groan you pour out some oats, make a cup of worthless instacoffe, and try to not think about Pinkie Pie.
>After breakfast you haven't had much of a success.
>Stupid, adorable Pinkie Pie.
>You roll your shoulders, clean up your bowl and cup, and lock up Twinkleshine's house as you depart.
>You make a few steps before stopping.
>Something...isn't quite right.
>You jump in place.
>...
>You look down at your semi-hardness and wonder why on earth it isn't going down.
>You focus on unsexy thoughts - cold, cool, nice chilly thoughts...
>...
>Yeah, that's STILL not going down.
>You angrily try and force your dick to transform into something less erect.
>...dammit IT ISN'T WORKING!
>It's just there, flopping around.
>Fuck.
>This is just plain embarrassing.
>You look up and find yourself in the middle of the street suddenly full of busy ponies.
>SHIT.
>Okay Anon, just be cool.
>First of all, get out of the place where fillies and colts are present lest you be branded a pedophile.
>With eyes ashift, you casually trot over to the side of the road, desperately trying to pretend the flopping limb between your legs is perfectly normal.
>When you get close to the bushes in front of Twinkle's house, you quickly leap into them.
>You try and shapeshift into something smaller to sneak back...
>But it isn't working.
>And you don't want to risk shapeshifting larger.
>So clearly there's some kind of Succubusness going on.
>So your Grandmother most likely knows what to do.
>Your head pops out of the top of the bush...
>And of course Twinkleshine's house is in the middle of Ponyville.
>And every single bloody pony and their mother is out and about.
>Fucking fuckity fuck.
>How are you going to get out of THIS one!?
>You weigh out your options.
>You can't go back into Twinkleshine's house because you locked it.
>You can't move from your position in the bush because there's ponies and foals freaking everywhere.
>Why the fuck are they even here anyway!?
>You watch as a little red filly holds out a basket to her mother.
>Out of the basket the unicorn mother levitates out several strange, sinister horse head shaped ornaments, that are then strung up between the lamps.
>Purple and black flags are being placed on roof tops by pegasi.
>And a few ponies are pitching a dark green tent across the way.
>Ah.
>They're decorating for Nightmare Night, of course!
>Truly you are the height of observation, memory and intelligence.
>And what's more, you've been afforded more cover with which to use!
>...said cover is still quite a distance away through open, crowded ground, but if you move fast enough you SHOULD be able to make it.
>Maybe.
>Kind of.
>God your screwed.
>You crick your neck.
>It's time for the sneeky sneek.
>You are Hoxcrotch with a bag of gold in a stealth mission with a dead guard in visible range of a camera.
>You are Solid Snake going for intel with a heat activate card in your crotch and  aguard on your footprints.
>You are Garret with a magic sword trying to escape the funhouse with three guards in light areas in front of the exit door.
>Essentially you are fucked.
>You just hope Pinkie doesn't think poorly of you.
>Dammit Pinkie, out of your head!
>You narrow your eyes, judge the distances, and pray that this works-
>"Passion!"
>You freeze mid-stalk out of the bush.
>You look around and see Lyra, with a rolled up something on her back.
>A ha!
>Hope at last.
"Sup," you say sounding casual, eyeing the wrapped up cloth.
>"I was trying to get your attention for like ten seconds there," she exasperates, "What are you doing!?"
>You cautiously retract into the safety of the foliage.
"Lyra, I have an actual problem," you state, eyeing a family begin decorating some of the bushes further down from you with spider webs.
>"A problem?" she looks at your quizically, "With bushes? That's ridiculous, what's going on?"
"I never said it was about bushes," you state irritated, "In fact, I am loving this bush right now, because it is currently hiding something."
>Lyra raises an eyebrow, then peaks in the bush.
>Nothing she hasn't seen before.
>You look down and the foals are a bush enarer, happily throwing spider web, fake spiders and cloth heads everywhere.
>Lyra leans back and eyes you.
>"Passion," she says, serious, "How long have you been violating bushes for?"
>You stare at her confused.
"Huh?"
>"Well, your dongle is all floppy, and you are CLEARLY loving this bush-"
"No, buck, the problem is different," you grind out, "Since I ate out Twinkleshine my dick hasn't been going down."
>Lyra looks at you skeptically.
>"So since you ate out TWinkleshine's bush, your dick hasn't gone down," she says, quite loudly, "It's okay Passion, they have programs for that at City Hall, you know."
>You fight the temptation to grab her and strangle her.
"I said Twinkleshine, not Twinkleshine's shrubbery!" you hiss at her, watching the foals cackle and laugh menacingly as they inch closer to your holy shrug sanctuary.
>"They have programs for that as well," she soothes.
>You look at her and her suspicious face.
>This fucking-
"Seriously!" you say through gritted teeth, "Lyra! It won't. Go. Down."
>You glance and the foals are at the bush next to yours, snaking in and out of the thing with spiders and candles, unknowing of the disaster that will befall you once they get closer.
>Lyra quickly picks up the hint.
>"So, you're a fillyfooler?" she asks cautiously.
>You stare at her flatly.
>She can't be THIS DUMB!
"Lyra so help me if you don't help me right now I'm never having sex with you ever again," you say quick and desperate.
>"I don't think I want to have sex with a filly fooler," says Lyra, disgusted.
>You look at Lyra with narrowed eyes.
>Lyra has chosen today to be a blithering idiot.
>The foals are literally just about to jump into your bush, laughing and smiling in pure innocence-
>The time for hope is over.
>The time to act is NOW!
>You go back to snekysnek mode, and launch.
>In a flash you leap and grab the wrapped up cloth - ah, it's a banner wishing everyone a Happy Nightmare -  from Lyra's back.
>You awkwardly wrap it around your body, covering your flopping member before landing.
>You quickly gallop off, with Lyra yelling and pointing at you.
>You jump towards an open tent, just as a nearby stallion grabs your impromptu dress.
>Your momentum carries you into the tent, causing it to collapse on top of you.
>In a flash some of it is torn and wrapped around your rear end as you sneak off.
>The sounds of confused dismay from the crowd, and Lyra's own yelling, beat against you as you quickly leap behind a row of bushes, crawl through a flower bed and finally climb into an open window.
>Alright, you got across that street.
>Only a metric fuckton more to go!
>You quickly trot through the house, keeping low and quiet.
>You take a quick peek out the back window.
>There's a few ponies trotting in confusion towards where you were.
>You take this opportunity to open the door, smoothly trot onto the street, and then quickly trot as slow and as fast as you can in the direction AWAY from the commotion.
>You're just about to enter the park.
>Should be able to cut through it to Everfree without having too many ponies see y-
>Ah.
>It's fucking packed with pegasi looping wires with flags and spiders and other Nightmare Moon stuff from the trees.
>And watching this way and that.
>No doubt for you.
>One certain black stallion with light blue hair of course - of COURSE - chooses this moment to raise his head.
>"There he is!" yells Thunderlane.
>Along with the Weather Patrol.
>Oh FUCK.
>In a flash you espy a certain rainbow mare zooming towards you.
>OH FUCK.
>You brace yourself as she zooms towards you.
>You feel as though someone socked you in the face quite hard.
>You reel a bit, then look around.
>You're surrounded by a big multi-coloured mushroom crowd.
>You hear a groan from somewhere in front of you.
>You take this opportunity to take advantage of the smoke to take a giant fucking NOPE out of there.
>The park is not an option.
>And right now, everyone is alert and looking for you.
>You need a place to sit down and try and figure something out.
>As you gallop you espy Bon Bon's Confectionary Store.
>Ah HA!
>Of course!
>Bon Bon is much smarter than Lyra!
>She'll understand!
>You leap through the front door, skitter over the counter and jump into the back room.
>Bon Bon, mid stocktake, blinks at you.
"Bonnie!" you gasp, "You HAVE to help me!"
>Bon Bon narrows her eyes, at you.
>"The only thing I'm helping is the LAW!" she yells.
>She throws something silvery at you.
>It dinks off your left eyelid.
>You however don't care that she just through a spoon or something at you.
"Can I explain what happened?" you say, "So you can feel like a real idiot once I've explained and you've thrown a taffee puller or whatever at me?"
>She's still looking at the ground.
>You look down and watch the shuriken clatter on the ground.
>You look back up at Bon Bon's shocked face.
>"What ARE you!?" she gasps in horror.
>You look at Bon Bon, startled.
>Shit!
>Ponies aren't supposed to be impervious to throwing stars!
>Okay, Anon, think!
>How are you going to handle this.
>You can see Bon BOn's shock is wearing off.
>Quick, buy more time!
>ATTACK!
"Hey!" you cry, "Did you just - why the HELL did you just throw a shuriken at me!?"
>Bon Bon blinks at you confused, looking between the shuriken and you.
>Quick Anon think!
>What can you say that'll smooth this over!
>"Because," she says, befuddled and shocked, "Because a pegasus flew in here and notified me that without a shadow of a doubt that you were a filly-fooler."
>You recoil is astonishment and genuine actual hurt.
"You'd actually BELIEVE that!?" you say, offended, "I mean, really, Bon Bon, I'd like to think you'd know me better than that!"
>She looks at you, then the shuriken, then back to you.
>With suspicious narrowed eyes.
>"I think that the REAL Hot Passion would be rolling on the ground right now in pain from the throwing star in his EYE!"
>Fuck!
>That didn't work!
>Dammit, what would Pinkie do?
>Probably teleport out with her Pinkie Powers.
>...
>DAMMIT PINKE GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD!
>...WAIT.
"What, I'm not allowed to be impervious to damage now?" you ask, still offended.
>Bon Bon raises an eyebrow.
"Seriously?" you continue, "I mean, Pinkie Pie teleports, and you don't blink, Rainbow Dash creates explosions from 'speed', and you don't shrug, Lily Longstocks raises a house and you don't care!"
>You gently poke Bon Bon in the chest.
"Why aren't I allowed to be hard to hurt?"
>Bon Bon ponders this.
"And what's more, have you ever SEEN me hurt?" you press on, "It's very presumptious of you if you assume from the start that I can be hurt, if in actuality you've never seen me be hurt."
>Bon Bon keeps looking at you sceptically.
>But her posture isn't aggressive.
>"Alright, if it really IS you," she warily asks, "Then what did you do with me two nights ago when no one was around?"
"We practiced using that new face-painting candy you were coming up with," you immediately recall, "Although it didn't really work because we kept hacking up furballs."
>"What about a week ago in the store?" she asks.
"You weren't in the store," you reply, remembering, "I was covering for you with Kevin."
>She nods, frowning.
>"Damn, that means that it really IS you," she concludes.
>You sigh in relief.
>"Which means you really ARE a filly-fooler!" she accuses.
>You groan.
"Dammit can you let me explain and don't pull a Lyra for crying out loud!?" you cry.
>The creamy mare once again adopts that sceptical look.
>Insightful, thoughtful.
>Piercing.
>"Alright," she says, "Explain."
"Alright, so, I was coming out of Twinkleshine's place-"
>"Why?" she asks.
>You blink.
"Whu-"
>"Why were you at Twinkleshine's house?" she interrogates.
"I was there because, well, you know," you say, wriggling your eyebrows.
>"No. I don't," she harshly states, "Explain. In detail."
>You sigh.
"Well, when I woke up I gave Twinkleshine some oral sex," you recount, "I was spending the night because Twinkleshine is rather horny, being frustrated with the new colour range from...Pale Ray, I think it is?"
>Bon Bon nods for you to continue.
"Well I made her breakfast, she cupped my bits...upon recollection, I should have noticed something was off there," you wonder aloud.
>"What was off?" she demands.
>You take the torn tent sheet you've been using to hide your rear end, and you dump it on the floor.
>You gesture to your member.
>Your actually now hard member.
>You grimace.
"Well, I, er, walked out expecting it to, y'know, go down," you say, "But when I had left and locked the house, I only noticed at that point that it wasn't going down."
>The confectioneer looks at your throbbing dick.
>Then back to you.
>"It...won't go-"
"It won't go down," you say seriously, "Nothing - NOTHING worked! I was stuck hiding in a bush while every single filly and colt in Ponyville began decorating the street! I didn't know what to do!"
>Bon Bon looks at you confused.
>Then understanding.
>"So Lyra came along, found you in the bush, thought you were erect from the foals and not because you couldn't. She began screaming, and you fled," she deduces, "So THAT'S why you stole her banner and ripped that tent! To cover yourself!"
"Exactly!" you agree, "I tried to get her help discretely but-"
>"She chose today to be a blithering idiot," Bon Bon sighs, "This whole thing is a huge misunderstanding. Again."
"Pretty much," you shrug.
>Bon Bon nods, then looks at you.
>"So, what do you want to do?" she asks, a smile edging at her lips.
"Get to Zecora's," you reply without thinking.
>She raises an eyebrow.
>"Zecora's?" she asks, "Why? Why not Ponyville Hospital?"
>You blink.
"Oh. I didn't think of the hospital," you say, smacking yourself in the head, "Nurse Redheart should be able to fix this up..."
>Maybe.
>But most likely not.
>Grandmother will most likely have the answer.
>And at the hospital questions may be asked.
>Or maybe scans of your bits.
>Which may turn up strange readings.
"...but I think Zecora would be the better bet," you conclude.
>Bon Bon however is looking at you quizically.
>"But Zecora's all the way out in Everfree!" exasperates Bon Bon, "Why in Equestria would you think that was a good idea? And why don't you think Red Heart will be able to help as well as Zecora?"
>She's homing in, eyes piercing, looking thoughtful.
>Fuck.
>"Seems awfully suspicious that you wouldn't go to the hospital..." she trails off, eyes narrowed.
>FUCK.
>Quick, invent!
>Start from the beginning.
>What does 'Zecora' do?
>General witchy stuff, like making potions and balms for pathetic losers with-
>a-HA!
"I, um, don't want to..." you say bashfull, "I mean, um-"
>"Quit blubbering and tell me," she says flatly, stalking closer.
"W-well...um..oh this is hard," you say, sounding embarrassed.
>"Passion," she demands in your face, "OUT WITH IT!"
"Alright ALRIGHT!" you admit, "I, I've been having...problems."
>Bon Bon continues to stare.
"You, you know I, you know I pride myself on...going the distance..." you trail off, looking at the floor.
>"Oh Celestia dammit Passion," groans Bon Bon.
"It's not my fault!" you whine, "But Twinkleshine, she, she has one of the biggest drives of anyone in Ponyville! I can't, I can't keep up with her."
>You raise your eyes back to Bon Bon.
>She's rubbing her face with her hoof in consternation.
"And, and she deserves a good rutting, like every mare and stallion I meet!" you cry, "They deserve to feel good! But Bon Bon, oh my god, when I went to her bedroom she had a wardrobe full of sex toys. A WALK-IN wardrobe! Not even Twilight has that many!"
>Bon Bon raises her head to look at you pityingly.
"I, I was getting worn down, and I didn't know what to do," you fidget, "But then, when I was giving Zecora her fourth orgasm-"
>Bon Bon winces.
"she suggested I try a balm that would help me keep up with her," you emotionally waffle, "So I have been using it, but, but only with her, just to keep up."
>You try to go in a nuzzle her, and she allows it.
"I really am good at the sex, it's just Twinkleshine's so...so...it's hard," you finally and lamely conclude.
>Bon Bon withdraws, shaking her head.
>"You really are an idiot Passion," she quietly laughs, "I wouldn't care if you were using enhancements."
"R-really?" you ask, sounding hopeful, "I mean, ahem, no, of course I don't use, those, regularly-"
>"I know," soothes Bon Bon, "Sounds like Twinkleshine is quite a sexfiend."
"Yeah she-no. No, don't you even think about spreading this around Bon Bon," you say, poking her chest, "Don't you go around and ruin Twinkle's reputation!"
>"I won't, I won't," concedes Bon Bon, waving a hoof at you dismissively, "What, do I look like Rarity?"
>You regard her form critically.
>"Don't answer that," she cuts off.
"You look sexier than Rarity," you disregard.
>Bon Bon rolls her eyes.
>"You're making it hard for me to keep suspicious of you," she smiles.
"I'm not very suspicious," you defend.
>Bon Bon regards you with a look that heavily implies the opposite.
"Okay, so I have a giant throbbing dick that won't go down," you admit, "And Zecora most likely has the cure."
>"She probably will," she agrees, "But, we still need to take you to the hospital."
"But why?" you reply, "Can't we just go and get cured?"
>"And then what would you tell Mayor Mare, Seargent Fair Cop, Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie?" continues Bon Bon, "That you had an erection that wouldn't go down, but did go down once you went to Zecora's and you aren't a filly fooler, no really, honestly?"
>Bon Bon trots through a doorway, and you awkwardly follow her into a kitchen with your dick bouncing against your belly.
>"They aren't going to buy that at ALL," says Bon Bon, grabbing a deep, long tray from a rack, then taking trays of ice cubes from the fridge and filling the tray, "But, if Nurse Redheart diagnoses you with priapism, and she can't help you, and you explain what happened, then you'll be able to show yourself in Ponyville without having a mob of angry ponies after you."
>She puts the tray full of ice on the floor.
>"However, we can't walk out of here with your dick flopping around. Well, I can't walk out there with your dick flopping around. So, let's try and get the swelling down," she points to the tray, "Stick it in there."
>You obey, sitting down with your dick in the ice.
>OOoo that's kind of nice.
>You sit there for a while, waiting for your dick to get smaller.
>You suddenly hear shouting from the front.
>"Wait here," Bonnie says, trotting out the front of the shop.
>You wait a while, before getting up and checking your dick.
>...
>Good grief, is it getting BIGGER!?
>You sit back down quietly grumbling, putting your dick back on ice.
>Soon there's hoofsteps, and Bon Bon walks back into the room, bemused.
>"Passion," she says, smiling, "Are you aware that Rainbow Dash killed you?"
>You furrow your brow.
>You dramatically look about your body.
"No. No I'm not," you say, simply, "I think I'd remember if Rainbow Dash would have done something with my body; I'm kind of attached to it."
>Bon Bon smirks.
>"Actually, this helps us a bit - everypony is celebrating your death in the plaza. We should be able to get you to the hospital, have Nurse Redheart diagnose you, and have you out at Zecora's all before anypony can kill you for being a filly fooler!"
>You frown.
"So everyone actually bought that I was a filly fooler?" you say, disheartened.
>"Not many ponies really know you that well," counters Bon Bon, "And that's on you Passion. Now, let's see how much it's gone down."
>You stand up, and Bon Bon looks at your member.
>"...that hasn't gone down,"
"Still?" you groan.
>"Yeah. Damn," Bon Bon says, "We'll have to go to plan B."
>You blink, then you are enshrouded in a white sheet.
>There's some fidgeting, then you regain sight.
>A quick glance around and - yep, you're a ghost.
>Or part of a really racist group.
>"Alright, you're my friend...Ghastly...Ghosty, and you're special talent is pretending to be a ghost," commands Bon Bon.
"Pretending...to be a ghost," you echo, sceptical.
>"Just roll with it," soothes Bon Bon, "And I'm taking you to the hospital, to prove to you, that you're actually alive, because you're getting carried away because it's Nightmare Night."
>You eye Bon Bon speculatively.
"That...actually sounds stupid enough to be believed," you nod, "Alright, let's go!"
>Bon Bon nods, a small smile on her face, as she leads you out the back, with you following.
>You get a few steps down the street when-
>"BON BON!"
>A rainbow pegasus randomly appears in front of Bon Bon.
>Bon Bon recoils in startlement.
>"Bon Bon, thank Celestia!" says Rainbow Dahs, inconsolable, "Please, you have to help me!"
>Bonnie blinks, confused.
>"I, I, I killeed a pony!" says Rainbow, distraught, 'And he may have been scum and a filly fooler and everything but, but, but I KILLED A PONY!"
>She's full on sobbing right now.
>The cream mare glances at you, before awkwardly patting the cyan pegasus on the back.
>"It's okay Dash, it's alright," she attempts to soothe.
>"Bon Bon, you, have, to tell, me," she says, huffing and sobbing.
>"Tell you what?" says a sympathetic Bon Bon.
>"How, how do you deal with killing bad ponies?" she cries, "How do you get over that pain in your chest, that sick feeling in your stomach?"
>Bon Bon stares flatly at Rainbow.
>"Why would I know that Rainbow?" sighs Bon Bon.
>"Because, I know that you're a super duper secret spy who kills bad ponies all the time!" says Rainbow, tears trailing down her face, "You're USED to this!"
>Bon Bon groans.
>"Rainbow, you can't just talk about my other work around other ponies!" she growls, pointing a hoof at you, "It's supposed to be a SECRET, DASH!"
>But Rainbow isn't looking at Bon Bon.
>She's looking at you.
>With a look of dawning horror.
>The cream mare quickly catches on, and sends you a look that says 'Calm her the buck down!'.
"...Helloooo~ooo," you say, spookily, waving your hooves under the sheet "I'mma Ghastly Ghosteeee, oooOOOooo!"
>Rainbow's eyes widen radically.
>"P-p-p-p-passion!?" she stammers, backpeddling over Bon Bon and back up the street.
>You blink, confused.
>Bon Bon also blinks, confused.
>The cyan mare however points a shaking hoof at you, face full of sheer, unadulterated terror.
>"H-h-he's a g-g-ghost! HE'S A GHOST!" screams Rainbow, "HE'S GOING TO STEAL MY SOUL! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"
>Rainbow disappears down the street, hollering and screaming.
>Bon Bon looks at you, horrified, while you look back at Bonnie flatly.
"In my defence, this is your fault," you state, trotting off in the direction of the hospital.
>"My fault!?" exasperates Bon Bon, following, "How is this MY fault!?"
"You're the one who came up with the 'You're my friend pretending to be a ghost!'," you respond, "And now Rainbow is probably making this absurd story even more absurd."
>Bon BOn groans in irritation.
>"Why is everything going wrong with you today?" she sighs as you continue on.
>There's ponies everywhere, but they aren't happy and cheerful.
>They're looking down alleys, holding their foals close.
>Here and there a pegasus patrols, hastily checking the trashcans and under seats.
>The festive feeling is gone, giving way to a sense of paranoia.
>A little blue filly, however sees you and trots over.
>"Hi!" she chirps, "Who are you?"
>Her parents quickly trot over, looking upset.
>"This is my friend Ghastly Ghosty," says Bon Bon, pointedly at you, "She thinks she's a ghost. But she's not."
>You look at Bon Bon, then the filly.
>The parents are looking at you slightly fearful.
>Whelp, it is time for a game.
>Of PRETEND!
>You aim to have your voice higher than usual, and you wave your hooves at the filly through the sheet.
"OooOOOO!" you haunt, "Bon Bonnn is lyiiiing! I'mma Ghooo~ooost! OooOOOOooOO!"
>The filly giggles.
"OOoOOO! It'ssss not funneeee!" you wail, bobbing your head up and down, "I'm deee~ad! And I'mma Ghoooost! OoooOOO!"
>"If you're a ghost, then how did you die?" says the filly, smiling.
"Iiiiiiee woke ...UP! Like THIIIIS!" you say, getting increasing dramatic.
>"H-hang on," chuckles the filly, "How can you wake up dead?"
>You wave your hooves at her.
"Because I went to sleeeep as a pony, then woke up, as A GHOOOOOSTIEEEE!" you announce, moving the fabric around theatrically.
>"Then what killed you?" she asks, curious.
"I Thiii~iink it was because I had TOO MANY SWEEEEETS before I went...TO BED! OoooOOO~OOOO~OO!" you cry, "I died...OF INDIGESTION! OOOOO!"
>"That doesn't sound like it'll kill you," she giggles.
"It may have beeeeeen the coffeeeee..." you say, less theatrically and more thoughtful, "I diiied of CAFFEINE OVERDOSE!"
>"I don't think that would do it either," says the filly.
"Or maybe the icecream," you ponder, "I died because of brain freeze!"
>"Nope!"
"Homework? I got bored to death?"
>"Nuh uh,"
"Papercut and I died of pain?"
>N-nope!"
"Got wet in the shower and died of wetness?"
>The filly is giggling now.
"Look," you say, "Point is, I died, and now I'm a spooky scary ghost. Which is terrible."
>The parents are mildly amused as the filly chuckles at you.
>"I don't think you died!" says the smiling filly.
"Then hooooow do you explain, MY GHOSTINESS!" you wave your hooves about dramatically.
>"You're not a ghost!" she chuckles.
>She trots over and bops you on the nose.
>"See? I touched you!" she chirps, "You can't be a ghost!"
"NOOO!" you say, "IT was an...ILLUSION! I exist outside yoooour MORTAL COMPREHENNNSION! And I FOOOOOLED you! You thought you touched me, but you DIIIIDN'T!"
>The filly furrows her brow in pure 'is this guy serious?'.
"Behold," you loudly announce, "as I turn...INVISIBLE!"
>You stand stock still as the filly and the parents look at you, smirking.
"Behold!" you suddenly yell, "I AM INVISIBLE AND I HAVE FOOLED YOU ALL! OOO~OOOO!"
>"But you're right there!" points the filly.
"Or are you pointing at...AN ILLUSION! AGAIN!"
>"But you didn't do anything!" she snickers, "I SAW you didn't do anything!"
"Oh NOOO!" you wail, "If you can see through my illusions...that means YOU'RE a GHOST TOO! OOo~oo~OO! Noooow you'll have to go arooound BEING SPOOOOOOOOKEEEEE!" you yell in despair, "THE HORROOOOOOOR!"
>The filly begins laughing, as the parents visibly relax.
>"You're silly! You're a silly filly!" she chuckles.
"Noooo!" you theatrically state, "I AM...a silly FILLY SPOOKY SCARYYY GHOSTIIIIEEE! OOOooOOOOO!"
>"Well, this has been nice," says the green mother, "But we REALLY need to get home! Stay safe Bon Bon! Stay...dead, Ghosty?"
"WILL DOOO~OOO!" you wave you hooves about under the fabric as they depart.
>Bon Bon is staring at you flatly.
>"Do you need chains?" she says, wryly.
"OoooOO! I'd love tooo~ooo, but I Can't, because Imma GHOOOOSTIIIIEEE!" you say, waving your arms at Bon Bon, "And because I'mma GHOSTIIIEEEEE, I cannot graaab the CHAAAAAINS! OOOO!"
>She shakes her head.
>"You're an idiot," she quips as you continue on.
>However, after that little display, little colts and fillies would trot over to you to watch your ghostly theatrics.
>And you also got a couple of 'thank you's from the parents for making everyone smile during this dark time.
>In short time you find yourself entering the castle after having a ten minute argument over what ghosties eat.
"They clearly eat lollies and candies and stuff," you yell over your shoulder as you cross the threshold, "Why else would they have them during Nightmare Night?"
>"Shut up Ghosty, we're here," says Bon Bon, pushing you through the door.
>You look around the somewhat empty waiting room as Bon Bon approaches the desk.
>A quick conversation later and Bon Bon ushers you down a corridor and through a doorway.
>Nurse Redheart sits in the room, with a bed, a desk and several pieces of medical equipment.
>She looks at you, then Bon Bon.
>"Hey Bon Bon," says the white mare, looking a bit tired, "got another case of sugar overload?"
"Um, not really," you say in your normal voice, struggling to take the sheet off your head.
>With a small effort you manage to extract yourself from the white fabric prison.
>You look at a surprised Redheart.
>"Aren't you dead?" she says.
"Nope," you say, "It's just everyone is being an idiot tod-"
>"Passion,' says Bon Bon, "FOCUS!"
"Right, right," you wave her off, "Okay, I have a problem with my penis."
>Redheart raises an eyebrow.
"I can't break this erection," you say, gesturing to your dick, "I've had it since this morning."
>Redheart looks at you sternly.
"Hey!" you defend, "When have I EVER joked about with medical matters with you?"
>Redheart cocks her head thoughtful.
>Before nodding.
>"Alright, get up on the bed," she says, grabbing a stethiscope.
>You trot, then awkwardly position yourself and your quick large, throbbing dick on the bed.
>Bon Bon sits down in a chair, watching.
>"Do you have any existing heart condition?" she asks, putting the stethiscope earbuds in her ears.
"No," you respond.
>Nurse Redheart looks at your penis thoughtfully.
>"Have you tried to cool it down?" asks Redheart, holding some firm pressure on the underside dick.
>"Yeah, we put it in a tub of ice but it wouldn't go down," says Bon Bon.
>Redheart 'hmmms', releasing the pressure and looking at the spot she pressed.
>After a few moments she nods.
>"At least it appears you're getting blood flow," she mutters, "So we don't have to worry about possible infection."
>That sounds worrying.
>She applies the stethiscope to your dick, then your heart.
>She then takes the stethiscope out of her ears, and grabs the blood pressure cuff.
>She checks your blood pressure.
>All the while you simply wait.
>With a 'hmmmm', she takes the cuff off you and puts it away.
>"So, physically there isn't anything wrong with you," says Redheart, "You're sure you had this since this morning?"
"Well, it wasn't as hard this morning," you state, "But throughout the day it just got more and more swollen."
>"Could be neurological," deduces Redheart.
>She grabs a whatsiamajig that looks like a collander.
>She puts it on your head, and monistors a machine.
>"I'm going to check the nerve connections between your head and penis, and see if there's anything wrong," she annouces.
>After a few seconds it pings.
>She then takes the collander helmet, and sticks it on your dick.
>After a few more seconds there's two quick pings.
>"Now that's strange," says Redheart, "It looks like there's two neurological signals going to your penis."
>You blink, confused.
"What does that mean?' you ask.
>"It means that in addition to there being a connection between your mind and your penis, sometpony else's mind is connected to your penis," says Redheart, thoughtful.
>"That kind of makes sense," says Bon Bon.
>You look at her quizically.
>"Remember?" says the cream mare, "Zecora gave you a balm that enabled you to 'keep up' with Twinkleshine."
>You look at her, not quite understanding-
>Oh, yeah, the cover story.
>You're not quite sure what that would have to do with your problem really.
>"No doubt the way the balm worked," continues Bon Bon, "is to link you to Twinkleshine's need so you'd be able to keep up with her. However, I'm guessing that this time around the balm didn't activate, meaning that you're now feeling Twinkleshine's need!"
>Redheart looks at Bon Bon, nodding thoughtfully.
>You however are mystified.
>What the hell did you do to get TWinkleshine's NEED in your dick?
>"That does sound stupid enough to be reasonable for this...place," says Redheart, irritated, "although I fail to see why you're HERE in my examination room, when you could have just gone to Zecora and not wasted my time!"
>"Well, there's a reason behind that," says Bon Bon
"Yeah, you see..." you tell her, in summary, about today's shenanigans, "...so we kind of need you to diagnose me with...um..."
>You look at Bon Bon.
>"Priapism," says Bon BOn
"Yes, priapism," you say, nodding to Bon Bon, "so I don't get charged with being a filly fooler, and also say that I'm alive, so ponies don't run down the street screaming about how I'm a soul sucking ghost."
>Redheart nods, scratching away at a piece of paper, a pen in her mouth.
>She puts down the pen with a flourish.
>"Done," she hands the note over to you, "Here's a doctor's note explaining this entire convoluted thing. Give it to Mayor Mare, then go to Zecora's and fix yourself up. Then, bring me some of that balm."
"Why?" you ask, thankful but curious.
>"It appears that Zecora has stumbled across a balm that enables ponies to influence limbs that aren't even connected to their own bodies," says Redheart, clinically, "This could have huge benefits with amputees and disable ponies."
>You nod, but inside you're reeling.
>Oh fuck.
>You think rapidly as you put the sheet over your head.
>The balm sounds incredibly awesome in that context.
>It also doesn't exist.
>You're also not sure that your Grandmother would give out such a balm, let alone be in possession of it!
>This, this could come back and REALLY bite you in the ass.
"Um, thanks for that Nurse Redheart," you say, "This'll clear up a whole lot of stuff."
>She nods, shooing you gently out of the door.
>"Bye Redheart!" waves Bon Bon.
>You both walk out into the waiting area, relieved.
>This entire silly day is going to end shortly, and you're going to boink Bon Bon for helping out, and then you'll talk with Grandmother, fix yourself up and figure out what the fuck to do.
>You take two steps out of the hospital-
>And come face to face with a startled Twilight Sparkle.
>"Hot Passion?" she asks.
>You look past her at the horde of royal guardsponies scouring the street.
>They all look up at you, homing in on your sheet.
>With the sound of flapping wings a large, white alicorn appears, followed closely by a mindight blue alicorn
>They both spark their magic in readiness.
>You glance around and - yep, Bon Bon's missing.
>No doubt hiding from the inevitable onslaught of magic.
>You look back to Twilight, awaiting an answer.
>Her horn glows menacingly.
>You do the only sane thing in this situation.
>You wriggle under the sheet, before presenting Redheart's note to Twilight.
>Twilight goes to take the note-
>"CODE BLACK!" yells a nearby guard.
>Twilight jumps back, confused, the note in her hand.
>You turn and look at the guard, startled.
>Twilight takes the movement wrong, and changes her stance to point her horn at you.
>"Don't even-"
>Before TWilight can finish, a dark blue flash of horrible soars at you from Luna's direction.
>You duck under the flying beam.
>There's the sound of breaking glass behind you.
>And all hell breaks lose as all sorts of magic is sent in your direction.
>You roll, leap, jump and leap out of the way.
>"STOP!" yells Celestia, but it's too late.
>You jump and spin through the blasts, bolting  away down the street.
>Most of the magic hits, not doing a whole lot.
>The street however is quickly becoming a warzone as spells are thrown about carelessly.
>You dodge around a corner and run like mad into the noon sun.
>Can this day get any WORSE!?
>You gallop like mad, your ghostly costume tattered, scorched and smoking slightly.
>The time for sneaky sneak is over.
>The time for noping the fuck outta there is NOW!
>Even now you hear the loud, boistrous 'PURSUE, MY PONIES!' of Princess Luna.
>You also hear Celestia yell something, but you can't figure out what it is at this distance.
>As you come to a intersection, magic, doom and might once again begins to fall like hard rain around you.
>You turn right quickly, leaning into the curve.
>Theres the flap of wings and Luna soars overhead before you.
>With a roaring yell she inverts and sends a lance of bright light at you.
>You duck and wave around the laser as she soars above you.
>The lance trails after you, scorching a line in the cobbled street.
>Seeing the opportunity, you quickly duck into an alley, leaving the Princess cursing behind you.
>You jump into a window just as the alley is flooded with bright blue light.
>You run through the house, bashing through doors and corridors, until you burst forth into the street.
>Ponies are running in panic, trying to find cover.
>You quickly run into the crowd, keeping low.
>There's several flashes from the rooftop of Clearview Styling's ahead, with Night Guards appearing in snaps of energy.
>With exhaultation they pour magic at you in the form of a wind.
>You pound forward, the magic battering against you like an asthmatic coughing against a hurricane.
>The surrounding ponies however are blown away, flying off down the street in the gale.
>When you pass the Night guards, they teleport ahead of you again, except now they're sending all sorts of sharp looking magic at you.
>One or two of the magical blades cut and prick at you, but most of it bounces off.
>You shrug off the mild irritation in contempt.
>Your legs pushing you faster and faster down the street, in the knowledge that you're about three streets away from the outskirts of Ponyville, and then not far off then from Everfree.
>You should be able to lose them in there!
>You near the next intersection, turning left-
>With an almighty crack Luna lands on the street in front of you, cracking the ground.
>"HAVE AT THEE, FIEND!" she roars, sending all sorts of magical shit at you.
>You weather the spikes, and the roaring gale
>You duck and dodge the blades and the swords.
>The spikes and spears however manage to cut and bruise you.
>You however are moving too quickly to avert course.
>Your lungs flare with fiery pain, and it FEELS GREAT to be ALIVE!
>This train cannot be STOPPED!
>Luna, not expecting you to run straight through her magic, can do nothing but blink as you ram into her.
>She falls back with an undignified yelp, and you trample over her body as you gallop onwards.
>FUCK that felt great!
>Your hooves find the street's pebbles, launching you forward.
>Your ghost costume is now ragged and torn, and you bleed from many cuts.
>You definitely have quite a few bruises, and your rear gith leg feels wobbly, but you push on.
>You have suffered worse than this!
>And while you have air in your lungs, you are UNSTOPPABLE!
>You feel unholy energy seep into your body from blaze in your chest, flushing your body with POWER.
>You make a quick right down a side street, soaring down the narrow lane, and emerge onto the final street.
>You turn left, your hooves pounding forward-
>Towards a shimmering screen of indigo magic.
>On the other side are three night guards, straining to maintain the shield.
>Behind it is Luna, her crown missing, and the side of her face looking rather swollen.
>She looks at you angrily.
>You however are still moving at high speed towards the magical barrier, feeling buffed up with demonic STRENGTH.
>And personally, fuck this wall.
>And these guards.
>And this princess.
>And this WHOLE ENTIRE FUCKING DAY!
>With a wailing warcry you push forward, nostrils flaring, your sheet whipping and flapping in the wind, your hooves digging furrows in the road.
>The alicorn of the night smirks contemptuously, firing spears and blades and all sorts of crap at you through the barrier.
>You, however, do not care.
>You are the Fist of the North Star.
>And these fools are already beaten!
>One spear lodges in your shoulder.
>With a grunt you push forward.
>A blade slices across your muzzle.
>You glare forward, willing yourself FASTER.
>A spike spears through your left rear leg.
>You stagger slightly, but with an almighty push-
>You crash through the barrier as if it were nothing.
>Instantly the guards collapse, groaning from magical backlash.
>The alicorn leaps back startled.
>You land, then bound at her, barreling into her chest.
>With an 'OOOF!' you butt her out of the way, sending her flying back.
>She tumbles ahead of you, before righting herself.
>However you've crossed the distance, and as she raises her head you stomp her face, then her back between her wings, then her rump, then you leap off and power onwards.
>You gambol forwards, ever forwards as the road turns from cobble to dirt, biting the spear in your shoulder and tearing it out and throwing it away.
>Always, always onwards.
>Not Backwards.
>Upwards.
>Not Downwards.
>And always twirling.
>TWIRLING TOWARDS THE PUSSY!
>You tear along the dirt path, before sharply leaving the road, leaping a wall, and thrashing away on your hooves towards the safety of Everfree.
>As you rocket forwards there's another flash and Luna appears once again in front of you.
>One of her wings is at an awkward angle, and she holds herself off the ground in obvious pain.
>The swelling on the left side of her face looks worse, and she's bleeding from a hoofprint on her nose.
>Her chest armour is missing, showing quite a nasty injury to her front.
>And she's grinning ear to ear.
>She laughs maniacally as she charges forwards, her horn glowing bright.
>You roar forward, not really caring about the alicorn in your path.
>She will be pushed aside like all the other times.
>You will not be denied!
>You will be...
>You look at the rapidly approaching glowing horn, and think that maybe you might not be able to push this one aside.
>She HAS been escalating.
>Heck, those last ones actually got INTO you!
>If anything you get the distinct impression you'll be shish kababed.
>Oh shit this was a bad idea.
>Luna lowers her horn mere moments before impact, her horn aiming straight at your chest-
>You leap and roll sideways to the right, hoping to get your limbs out of the path-
>Luna raises her head slightly in a cry of anger, aiming to catch the inside of your leg as you leap-
>Your fifth limb promptly slams into her face-
>You grimace slightly as you pass through her wing, causing it to make several very painful noises-
>Luna, startled, trips, sliding-
>You stumble as you land, rolling heavily.
>You shake your head, looking back.
>There's a spike through your leg - which you quickly pull out with your teeth.
>Further away is Luna, flailing her hooves and groaning in pain.
>You take advantage of her state to run into the forest, feeling the fire leave you.
>Being replaced with numbing cold.
>Edging it's way up your limbs.
>Shaking you make your way forward, feeling increasingly light headed, weak and cold.
>But this has been your existance in the waking world since you were a child.
>You combat the growing fatigue, moving steadily towrds your Grandmother's.
>By the time you reach the treehut, you're pretty much fucked.
>You dragging yourself forward on your good forward leg, the rear ones trailing bonelessly behind you.
>Every other struggle your other limb weakly assists, before blinding pain through your shoulder causes you to stop.
>The only thing that doesn't seem to be dying is your dick.
>Pulling yourself through Everfree for ten minutes on your dick has not been a pleasant experience.
>You eventually get to the door, and weakly bat at the bottom.
>The door opens to reveal your Grandmother.
>The Zebra looks at you, 'tch's, then drags you inside.
>Your Grandmother casually drops you onto the bed, then begins rubbing all sorts of good, healthy things into your body.
>Dead mice mash into your wounds.
>Black slimy mushrooms smoosh into your cuts.
>Manticore shit is liberally rubbed into your bruises.
>Everything a demon's body needs!
>You soak it up like a sponge, your wounds festering closed as if your skin were maggots and the wounds a three day old kill.
>You groan, stretching your rapidly healing back left leg, while your Grandmother looks at you willy, then your face.
>"Dearest Grandson, why are you here? And why these things I do peer?" she asks, pointing at your dick and your closing wounds.
"Ergh, well, my dick won't go down," you lamely state, "I tried to come out here to ask you what I could do, but...well...They're decorating Ponyville for Nightmare Night today, every foal, filly and colt in Ponyville was out decorating, and I was stuck out in the open with no cover. Needless to say, the shit hit the fan."
>"You've had some bad luck of late, to leave you in a sorry state," she agrees, "Now, let me consult the unholy book, and a solution for you I shall look."
>She ambles into the back of the hut, poking around several boxes of...stuff.
>You hear something that sounds disturbing like a baby crying from a sealed container when your Grandmother bumps it, while a jar full of eyes peer at you from atop a two-legged table that somehow stands up.
>You take the opportunity to look away from the reality bending sight, and look instead at your healing wounds.
>You rub some rotten worms into a wound and watching it grow teeth.
>You feed the 'mouth' worms.
>The mouth greedily chews, gurgles, then seals shut.
>Yep.
>This is your life right now.
>You hear a huff, and a crick crackle cruck.
>You stand up shakily, rolling your now healed left shoulder and making sure everything is where it should be.
>Your Grandmother returns in youthful, muck-covered human form, holding an open book with a leathered cover.
>You wonder if it's human or pony skin.
>She taps a page, and nods.
>"Alright, so how long have you been excited?" she asks.
"Since this morning," you reply.
>"And who were you with when the erection occurred?" she questions.
"I was with Twinkleshine, giving her head," you respond.
>Your Grandmother looks at the tome with narrowed eyes, flips a page forward, then back.
>"Were you trying to exhault to Atlach-Na?" she asks.
"No," you say clearly.
>"Did you grab her flanks three times and say 'Malumosdore' into her pussy?" she asks, clinically.
"N-no," you reply, confused.
>"Did you stick your dick in her at all this morning?" she questions.
"No, she was in a bit of a rush," you explain.
>"Well that narrows it down a bit," she states, tapping her chin with a finger.
"Wouldn't that have been the saner question to lead in with?" you question.
>"Bah," she dismisses, "I thought my little fly was trying to make his Grandmother proud by trying to raise the dead or enslave the spiders to his will. Did you flick the power switch on and off?"
"...what?" you intelligently say.
>"I'll take that as a no..." she flips a few pages forward, "Were you trying to lick her small intestine at the time?"
"N-no, there was ... no analingus at that point," you say, unsettled.
>You're not quite sure you could get away with that.
>But now the urge to do so when you get back to Ponyville exists.
>Damn sexy crazy witch Grandmother!
>"Did you eat a foal the day before?" she says loudly, breaking you out of your introspection.
"No, I didn't," you say, offended.
>"Were you distracted with relationship issues?" she asks.
"N-WAIT YES!" you point at her.
>"Ahh," she articulates, "Okay, this makes sense."
>She smiles at you like Fluttershy might look at a scared little wounded animal promising a bed and healing and a nice little hot meal.
>"My little fly, you have successfully sucked out a piece of a pony's soul and stuck it in your dick!" she says proudly.
>You look at her happy and triumphant expression.
>You however are mortified.
"I, whu, how!?" you gibber.
>"Simple!" she says, closing the book with a snap, "If you are harvesting the 'need' and 'want' of a pony, and you become deeply distracted on matters of the heart, what can happen is you 'drink' too deeply, and end up sucking the source of the 'need' right out."
>She waves the book at your willy.
>"Right now, Twinkleshine's 'want' is in your dick. It's still connected to her soul, at least until your body digests it-"
"Digests!?" you yelp.
>"-and until that can happen you have a hard on, and can't properly transform," she finishes.
"But, this is, Twinkleshine's soul!" you say, pointing at yourself.
>"Hmmm fair point," says your Grandmother, nodding with a frown, "That's probably too much for you to handle right now."
"Handle!?" you cry, "Grandmother, I sucked the soul out of Twinkleshine! How can you think it's okay for me to digest it?"
>She looks at you like you should know better.
"I meant to say, 'think I would WANT to digest a bit of a pony's soul'," you add.
>She pffts at you.
>"It's just a tiny bit," she says, "and it's more like a ... a bone. You gnaw away at the bone, taking off the juicy gunk and rot. You then bury the bone. You wait a while, for the juicy gunk to regrow on the bone and then you repeat," she shakes the book, "That's how a lot of Succubi usually work, except they don't do the return part and continually suck on that part. This kills the being."
>She chucks the book over her shoulder.
>When it lands it grows legs and scuttles up the wall and hides somewhere in the rafters, snicking occassionally.
>"It also tends to drive them rabid, and I'm not having my Grandson be mentally deficient," she cups the sides of her head and kisses each of your eyelids.
>You feel a warmth of affection for your Grandmother.
>She really is looking out for you.
>"I want you perfectly sane when you eventually become a Dark Conqueror, with Princess Celestia as your personal cum bucket and Princess Luna as your dutiful piss mare," she says gently, stroking your mane.
>You take that back.
>Kind of.
>...maybe.
>...Crazy bitch grandmother, corrupting your sensabilities!
"So, then, how do I return Twinkleshine's soul-bit to her?" you ask.
>"You have to kiss her, right on the mouth, and dump it back in,' she says, "Simple as that."
>That sounds simple.
>You instantly run over to the table, tapping it three times, trot in a circle, and jump backwards three times in time honoured bad-luck disuading tradition.
"Never say 'simple'!" you bark, "Nothing in this place is ever 'simple'!"
>"Too true," smirks your Grandmother, "Now my darling, is there anything else?"
>You think for a moment.
"Yeah, I'm going to need some camoflage to get back to Ponyville," you reason, "I kind of cock-clocked Luna's face on the way over here."
>You Grandmother looks at you, an inscrutable expression on her face.
>"You...you what?" she says, bewildered.
>O-ho!
>Now you have HER flatfooted!
>How the tables have turned!
"Camoflage," you repeat, "You know, to blend in to my surroundings and no doubt avoid the angry Night Princess."
>She however blinks several times.
>"Cock-clocked...?" she questions.
"Yeah, and she's no doubt pretty pissed off about that," you continue, "So is there like a cardboard box I can hide under, or-"
>"As in, clocked, like punched?" she asks.
"Of course," you dismiss, "So do you have a ghillie suit or-"
>"You smacked Princess Luna in the face," says your Grandmother, "With your dick."
"Well, yeah,"
>"You...you smacked Luna on the snout with your sausage,"
"Yep,"
>"You slapped Luna's muzzle with your meat mallet,"
"Uh-huh,"
>"You," your Grandmother is smiling wide, "willfully whacked her with your willy?"
"Pretty much," you state, "knocked her flat on her butt too,"
>You Grandmother stands there, eyes glistening.
>She suddenly lurches forward and grabs you.
>"I don't care how that bitch of a mother raised you to be a weak, moral man," she smiles brightly, "You've...made me so proud!"
>She hugs you tightly.
>"One more step towards total sexual conquest of Equestria!" she whispers in your ear, gleefully.
>You pat her back awkwardly.
>She retreats, before quickly walking over to a pile of boxes.
>She leans over, giving you an achingly good view of her perfect, pert, but dirty as all hell netherlips.
>DAT ASS.
>"A-HA! Here it is!" she says, triumphant.
>She stands back up with a tub in her hand, and turns around.
>Spotting you watching, she saunters over to the bed, and sits on it with her legs spread wide apart, opens the tub, and beckons you towards her.
>"Come here, Darling," she says sensuously.
>You oblige, trotting over.
>She gently grabs your head, then gently applies your mouth to those pert lips.
>How can you say no to such a lovely advance.
>"Hmmmmmmm," she purrs as you set you work, your long tongue cleaning up those lips before questing inside her and trying to find the last stallion she was with.
>"Good little fly," she moans, as she applies lines of gunk to your head, "Now, this paste acts li-ahn...like a raincoat to sight if - AH! - if sight were rain. If anypony tr - just a little - OH OGD - UMF, If anypony tries tolookatyouyesYES - ah, their eyes will simply r-r-roll OFF YOU!"
>Her legs clench to the sides of your head, squeezing your throat as she bucks madly against your nose.
>You viciously rasp along her insides and fleshy nub, roughly extracting the orgasm from her body and slurping her fluids out makign sick sluckering sounds.
>She groans and pants as you feel fingernails dig deep into your skin.
>She grunts as she goes past orgasm into oversensatization, trying to pull herself away from your tongue.
>You however pin her to the bed and continue viciously licking her, causing her to grunt, groan and cry out.
>You eventually slow, before withdrawing your tongue and looking up at her face.
>She looks down, grimacing and panting hard.
"I hate you," you say, "Fucking Thunderlane while I can't."
>She smirks smugly before patting your head.
>"You'll get to him eventually," she sighs, "So, am I going to cover you in my magical goo, or am I going to camoflage you?"
"Why not both?" you chuckle.
>Yep.
>Just your average life of sex demon grandson and crazy witch grandmother engaging in creepy incestuous sex to avoid being murdered by a pony princess who owns the moon.
 
---
 
>It is late afternoon when you finally depart from Grandmother's house, refreshed, satiated, and whole.
>You are also covered in gunk that distracts the eyes, making you kind of invisible.
>You feel like Arnold schwarzenegger.
>And Princess Luna is the Predator.
>You lurk through the underbrush, stopping every now and then at every snap, at every crack, at every flap.
>You are on maximum caution right now.
>Considering the jinx that your Grandmother may have invoked by saying something was 'simple' in 'Equestria', you would be unsurprised if Princess Luna dropped the moon on you in your next encounter.
>Or if the moon just spontaneously decided to fall out of the sky onto your head for no reason.
>Or if your Grandmother didn't actually smear you in camoflage goo, and instead just covered you in munched up scarab dung and ground up seagull feathers.
>For shits and giggles, of course.
>You leap from shadow to shadow, crawling through long grasses, jumping from bush to bush, expecting doom to befall you.
>However you make it to the edge of Everfree without too much trouble.
>Casting your eyes about, you see no trace of the Lunar Princess.
>Or her guards.
>Or anything of actual note.
>Looks like a perfectly normal afternoon in Ponyville.
>You cautiously begin to trot forward, eventually reaching a dirt path that leads off to Sweet Apple Acres.
>You are not accosted by a Grue.
>Grabboids don't emerge from the ground and attack.
>And there's no sudden swarms of colour-eating butterflies.
>Perhaps...
>Perhaps your Grandmother hadn't inflicted a strong jinx?
>Perhaps you're perfectly fine...?
>Making your way along the shrubs and fences that run with the path, although not as stealthily as before, you approach Ponyville.
>You hear the sounds of yelling in the distance, and you hear the sound of construction.
>But otherwise you don't hear anything implying imminent disaster.
>After a few minutes of fearful stalking, you reach Ponyville proper.
>Specifically, where you left Ponyville.
>There's several ponies in hard hats jackhammering, while some shovel cement into the craters and furrows in the ground.
>Along the walls and storefronts of building more ponies scurry about, cleaning up and rebuilding the cracked and broken walls and windows.
>You see that Snappy's Liquors has been thoroughly trashed.
>You look at all the damage that's been inflicted, and wonder.
>Was that from Luna where she missed you during your escape?
>And did some of that actually touch you?
>And you SURVIVED?
>That was ... worrying for your cover.
>Luna might actually figure out what you are, then join the dots and figure out who.
>And then you were fucked.
>Picking up a new disguise would be relatively simple, but then Luna and Twilight would be on the look out.
>So you'd need to be sneaky.
>And recently, sneaky means 'seek refuge in audacity'.
>So, maybe you'd have to move on?
>You don't really want to move on though.
>You've made so many friends, fuckable or otherwise.
>But specifically one pony who remains unfuckable, but still your friend.
>Pinkie Pie.
>...DAMMIT ANON!
>One day!
>Can you go one day without thinking of-
>"Passion?"
>You blink, looking at the pink party pony right in front of you.
>She's looking around, completely confused.
>Fuck.
>You stand stock still.
>You're not quite sure you can do this right now.
>If Luna knew you two were connected...
>It would be bad.
>Although your camoflage seems to actually be working.
>She looks at you once or twice, but doesn't seem to 'see' you per se.
>You begin to slooooowly edge around her.
>She closes her eyes then tracks her head left and right.
>When her nose points in your general direction, her muzzle scrunches and her tail begins twitching.
>You watch as her eyes seem to come close to finding yours, then slide off to the left.
>Fuck!
>She huffs as she trots right up to you.
>"Passion! Stop using your silly demon powers and let me look at you!" she hisses in your general direction.
>Damn!
>You can't let Pinkie be seen with you!
>You quickly grab her and leap into a conviently placed alley.
>A hop, skip and jump through a window and you're in the back of one of the stores under reconstruction, hiding in a kitchenette next to a bathroom.
"Shhh!" you hush, looking around as you quietly close the doors.
>Pinkie however just looks at the goo on her body that rubbed off you.
>She rubs a bit with her hoof.
>Some of it sticks to her hoof, and she takes a close examination of it.
>You watch as she cries 'EWWWW!' and jams herself into the kitchenette sink, turns on the taps full blast and scrubs at herself.
>While there's a perfectly good bathroom right next door.
>"Passion! What is this icky stuff!?" she cries, furiously scrubbing.
"Um, it's something Zecora coated me in so Luna can't see me," you explain.
>"Why?" she groans irritated, rinsing her fur under the tap before gargling the stream of water from the tap.
"Because I kind of knocked her out," you quietly explain, watching her slide out from the sink and park herself under the hand dryer, confused.
>Ponies have hand dryers?
>However a sharp crashing noise outside draws you back to reality.
>"Have you seen Luna?" you say sharply, sliding up to a door and holding your ear to it, "Is she still in Ponyville? Or is she summoning up an army to murder me?"
>Pinkie shakes herself like a dog, and her fur poofs adorably.
>She tries to look at your eyes several times but they keep sliding left, right, up, down-
>She clenches her eyes shut.
>"Owie," she says, "Just, urgh, calm down mister! Everything's fine! Twilight has Redheart's note, and everything's been explained!"
>Oh.
>That's good.
>Except...
"Not really," you say, "Even if the whole mixup is solved, I still smacked Luna in the face with my dick."
>Pinkie's eyes open, her face frozen.
>Her eyes instantly slide off you to the door.
>"What,"
"Yeah, so I kind of can't be visible right now," you say, "So I'm going to kiss Twinkleshine, then lay low for the rest of eternity."
>Pinkie looks at the door, completely stunned.
>"You...have to kiss Twinkleshine?", she says, a little sad and confused.
"I... may have... accidentally sucked out the bit of her soul that embodies her lust, and I need to return it," you hastily explain.
>Her eyes narrow.
>"..Wwwwhat?"
"Hey! Not my fault!" you whine, "It was a COMPLETE accident, and it isn't going to happen again!"
>You hope.
>She looks at the door angrily, frowning hard.
>"You're lucky I can't be a grumpy grump at you because of that gross icky stuff," she shudders, "Icky, gross, icky stuff."
"I'm sorry Pinkie," you say, "I really am, and in order to fix this, I need to find Twinkleshine and return her soul-bit."
>She glares at the door, furiously frowning.
>"...well in that case Twinkleshine is at her shop, cleaning up after a Night Guard blew Bulky Biceps in through the front window," she states, eyes narrowed, "But mark me Succybutt, we will have a VERY tough talk about soul sucking!"
>You lean forwards and give Pinkie a hug, "Thanks Pinkie!"
>You realize too late that you're covered in icky, gross, icky stuff.
>Pinkie freezes up as you squelch together, before you withdraw.
>She rubs the stuff on her with her hoof, her face faintly ill.
"Um, sorry Pinkie, but, um, thanks?" you say lamely, "Um, alright bye!"
>You quickly open the back door and leap into the back street as you hear Pinkie scream "EEEEEEWWWWWWWWWW! ICKY GROSS NOPE NOPE NOPE!"
>Speaking of disgusting stuff, you're not sure exactly WHAT you're covered in, but according to Pinkie's reaction it may not exactly be something you want all over your skin when you go to kiss Twinkleshine.
>However, you need to keep the stuff on until you get to her, with Luna and her guards stalking about.
>You trot through the streets as fillies and colts resume decorating, chuckling and laughing.
>Parents are watching them in reminiscence.
>The atmosphere is festive and fun, with the town quickly turning into Nightmare Night city.
>You however are trotting by, increasingly shamelessly, with your dick flopping around, invisible like the rest of you.
>A serious consideration of trotting around with a hard on covered in notice-me-not paste on boring days is entering your head right now.
>You quickly avert your thoughts to the outside world, and the cool decorations being set up.
>There's mid rearing a headless pony in front of Berry Punch's place.
>She tinkers with the base, until there's an unearthly gurgling and the front hooves canter about.
>Several fillies scream, before they burst out laughing.
>A giant pumpkin with a rendition of the elements of harmony half-carved into it sits out the front of Wholefoods.
>And out the front of Sheets and Covers you watch as a green unicorn puts what looks like black lights in front of the store front, focusing on a tattered, holey, white sheet.
>What appears to be a skeleton of rods and a ponyquin head underneath imply the shape of a pony, and the lights make it seem etheral and...familiar...
>"Hey Cushion, is that Ghastly?" squeeks a colt, pointing at the decoration.
>"Not yet," says the unicorn smiling, "I still have to make it so it smokes faintly and record some spooky 'I'mma GHOOOOST' voices, and THEN he'll be Ghastly Ghostie, the mortal adversary of Nightmare Moon!"
>The colt giggles.
>You however are dumbstruck.
>You sincerely hope you haven't inadvertently created a new Nightmare Night legend.
>"So, do YOU know what happened to Ghastly?" asks the colt, hopeful.
>"Sorry Steel," says Cushion, shaking his head, "last I saw he was running out towards Everfree, with Nightmare Moon on his tail."
>The colt looks sad.
>"Nopony knows what happened to Ghastly," he says, kicking a hoof adorably, "Do you reckon he'll ever come back?" he asks hopeful.
>Awww.
>That's adorable.
>Well...
>You ARE invisible.
>And it IS the season.
>And the colt is looking very sad puppy-dog-eyes-like.
>You quickly change your voice back to 'Ghastly's.
"I'm pretty sure he'll never return," you say conversationally from just behind the colt.
>He sighs, angrily turning around...
>"Yeah he will..." he trails off.
>He sees nothing.
"OR WILL HE!?" you say theatrically.
>The colt leaps five feet in the air as Cushion stumbles away, startled.
>"Wh-what!?" squeeks the colt.
"The answer is he already has. Because he's MEEEEEE! OOO~ooo~ooo!" you wail, "But now I'm an INVISIBLE ghostie! And you all DOUBTED MY GHOSTINESS! OOO~ooo~OOO!"
>The colt tries to look at you but can't.
>He grins from ear to ear.
>"Alright! I got to see Ghastly!" he nickers.
"Or rather... NOT SEE! OOOO~OOO!" you moan, smiling yourself.
>This is fun.
>You think you're going to have to do this Nightmare Night, if for no other reason than to see little colts and fillies smile like that.
>That is assuming you can avoid Princess Luna and her Thousand Blades of Death.
>Guess you've got a soft spot for making ponies happy.
>The colt jumps in excitement.
>"Did you REALLY go hoof to hoof with Nightmare Moon and win?" he asks, vibrating in excitement.
"I woooon't say I diii~iiid," you theatrically spook, "but I trampled her ALIMIGHTY PLOT! OOOOO!"
>The colt looks up at you with awe.
>"How!?" he asks.
"Because...I'll leeet you in on my seeecret!" you say conspiratorially.
>The colt leaps in the direction of your voice.
"My secret..." you say quietly.
>The colt leans in.
>A quick glance and you watch as several adult ponies are also leaning into what must appear to be an empty spot of ground in curiosity.
"The secret is..." you say even quieter.
>The colt is staring at the ground, mere inches from you.
>You lean in close to his ears.
"Ghost Brocolli," you whisper.
>The little colt gasps in amazement.
>Before you lean back and let loose a loud "OOOO~OOO~OOOO!" while running away from the startled, spooked ponies.
>Fuck this is fun.
>You trail off your piecing wail as you come closer to Pale Paints, with many ponies looking around in confusion at the noise, and many colts and fillies looking about in excitement and awe.
>You smirk as you quietly make your way into the paint-splattered store, at an annoyed looking Twinkleshine wiping away at the counter with a rag.
"Hello Twinkle," you greet in your normal voice.
>Twinkle looks up, confused.
>"Passion? Where...?" she looks about, trying to find you.
"Right here," you say in front of her, causing her to jump a bit, "I'm currently covered in stuff that makes me invisible. Kind of."
>She 'ahs' and nods.
>"Can't show yourself in Ponyville because of the shame?" she wryly asks.
"Um...kind of?" you say, "Okay, um, Twinkleshine, exactly how much have you been told?"
>"That you had erectile issues and used a balm that worked too well?" she says, smirking, "Never thought you'd need it."
"Well, I have been spending a lot of time around...y'know, Ponyville," you explain, "Making a lot of stallions and mares happy and...well...I need a pick me up sometimes, y'know?"
>"No, I don't know," says Twinkleshine, enjoying your awkwardness, "Tell me, you naughty colt, what do you mean pick me up?"
"A bit of...well...balm that I apply...to my penis," you haltingly explain, "That enables me to...keep up...with whomever I'm sleeping with."
>"So what you're saying is I'm too much mare for you?" she says, gleeful.
"You are so much mare, that a bit of your mareness broke off, and got jammed in my dick," you state, "I'm here to give it back."
>"A bit of my mareness?" she asks, quizically.
"Yes, the one tied to your horniness," you specify.
>"Huh," says Twinkle, "I was wondering why I was feeling so..."
"Hollow? Empty?" you venture, a little fearful, "Slowly sinking into the abyss?"
>"...so normal," she finishes, thoughtfully, "I just realized I spent the entire day not thinking about having you inside me. Or Big Mac inside me. Or Draft Canter. Or Orange Tang. Or Biggus Dickus."
"I'm pretty sure that last one isn't a real pony," you argue.
>"The point being," she clarifies, "I feel ... normal. I haven't been awkward or stuttering or distracted; it took me an hour to do Pale Rey's reorganisation! That's something that would've taken me an entire day, between me going off to ... y'know..."
"No, I don't know," you respond cheekily.
>She throws the rag at you.
>The rag flies past where you were and lands on the floor.
>"The point is ... I think ... I think you can keep that bit of my mareness," she says.
"Er, Twinkle-"
>"Nope!" she chirps happily, "This is the BEST I've felt - the most CLEAR HEADED I've felt in years! I can't believe I didn't realize it!"
"Twinkle-"
>"Look, if it's quite clear you're not stallion enough to handle me, then, then you can keep my mareness," she says, generously, "That way, you'll be able to keep up with everypony!"
"Twinkleshine-"
>"Nope! No!" she says, "You clearly need it more than me, so, keep it. Oh this is WONDERFUL! I can't believe how much this has been dominating my LIFE!"
>...
>Oh dear.
>"It's like a new life has just openned up for me! A whole new box of paints just ready to be painted! Oh, this is amazing, this is-"
"If this isn't put back into your body you will die, and I will go insane," you flatly interrupt.
>"...is...is...buck," she says, sadly, "Can't you hold onto it for just a bit longer?"
"No," you say, sadly.
>You really want to give it back.
>You feel uncomfortable that a piece of her is in you.
>That you STOLE a piece of her.
>And even if she hates it, it's still a part of her.
>She seems to visibly deflate.
>"Buckit buckit buckit. Alright, FINE," she bites out, "Give it back to me."
"Alrighty," you say, before leaning in quickly and locking lips with her.
>She tries to glare at you, but her eyes bounce past you as your tongue traces her back teeth.
>You reach down into yourself, grab that muchness from your dick, drag it up through your body, then you vomit it back up and into her mouth.
>She 'hhhrmnphs' as the muchness is dumped back into her body.
>She shivers, shudders, and you break the kiss.
>She pants, leaning on the counter.
>You however sigh in relief as your throbbing dick goes down, smaller, smaller, retracted.
>We have landed, Major Tom!
>Twinkleshine however jumps up and down a bit.
>"Huh," she says, "I don't feel all that horny."
"I did boink Zecora for like three hours," you say, "So I used up some of your horniness."
>She 'ah's.
>"Must have done it non-stop, I can barely feel anything," she says, "Hmph."
>She tries to turn to where she thinks you were.
>"Can you do this more often? Take my horniness away?" she asks, "Like, every other Saturday? Or maybe Monday? How about Monday Tuesday? How about next Wednesday? We're expecting a huge amount of work that day and, and, please?" she pleads.
>You blink.
"I'll, er, have to talk to Zecora about it," you say, flabbergasted.
>You're not sure you'd actually do this.
>And if she knew you were taking a piece of her soul, she wouldn't.
>But...
>Can you really say no?
>Is she so different from you?
>She's been held back by her flaws, and now she's had a taste of life without it.
>It'd be criminal to bar her from that kind of life.
>As well as hypocritical.
"Yeah, I think she might help," you explain, thoughtful.
>Twinkleshine smiles widely and happily.
"Alright," you say, "Soooo...I'm afraid I'm going to have to hide now."
>"You do?" she asks, chipper.
"yeah, Luna wants to kill me," you explain, "So, um, yeah. Don't want you to end up colateral like your store."
>She nods.
>Then blinks.
>Then grimaces.
>"That was YOU!?" she gasps, "I thought that was Bon Bon's friend Ghastly!"
"I AM Ghastly Ghosty," you groan, "she just came up with this ghost disguise to help me move around without everyone seeing my dick."
>"Nothing wrong with that view," she says, amused.
"It is when foals are present," you reply.
>She 'ahs' again.
>"Well, it was nice to meet you...Ghastly..." she smirks, before waving.
"You too," you say, nodding invisibly.
>You turn around and trot out into the street.
>Things are finally looking up!
>You bump into something big in your moment of distraction.
>You take a step back, and look at the furious, injured midnight alicorn.
>She has a bandage over the side of her face around around her head.
>Her wing is encased in a cast.
>Her midsection is bandaged, and her flanks are encased in a cast.
>A lone baleful eye scans where you are standing.
>She scans around, trying to find you, but you put faith in your Grandmother's cream.
>"Hmmm...it appears I have bumped an invisible pony," says Luna, flatly, "I wonder who the buck he is?"
>Her horn glows.
>"I wonder if it's the Ghastly Ghostie who has been yelling about how invisible he is?" she says coldly.
>She points the horn in your general direction.
>"I wonder how long he'll live after I send a million spikes in this general direction?" she says, fiercely.
>The air around Luna goes an evil looking black, pinpoints pointing straight at you.
>Oh fuck.
>Oh shit.
>Oh DOOM on you.
>You regard the mass of pointy black sparkly death aimed straight at you.
>And the angry moon goddess currently aiming it at you.
>This does not look even remotely good.
>So you seek to goodly remote yourself from the danger zone as quickly as possible.
>You take a step to the left-
>Luna instantly zeroes in on the sound and sends a bunch of spikes at the spot.
>Well, fuck.
>You retract your foot and stumble to the right.
>She sends yet more black spikes where you touch the ground.
>Clearly moving on the ground will be heard by the Furious Moon.
>So, clearly you need to be not on the ground.
>You crouch down, then LEAP as hard as you can up and over Luna.
>You soar up, up, up.
>Then down, down, down-
>And land gracefully onto your face about fifty meters down the street.
>Luckily you fall behind the surrounding crowd of worried looking onlookers.
>The sound of your body crumpling into the cobblestone is covered by Luna tearing into the ground you previously vacated, laughing maniacally.
>You stand up and watch the spectacle.
>The Night Alicorn is materializing all manner of Dark and sending it into the ground.
>You can see over the crowd smoke with faintly dark whisps of noxious begin to rise around the cackling alicorn.
>Luna stands looking down at the ground, panting in fury.
>She suddenly looks up, her head snapping at here, then there.
>"WHERE IS HE!?" she yells, "WHERE IS GHASTLY GHOSTIE!?"
>The crowd recoils in fear at the sheer HATE from Luna.
>Her fuming, faintly smouldering eyes scan the crowd.
>Her eyes pass over you several times without seeing you.
>After scanning the crowd of slowly retreating onlookers many, many times she screams in frustration.
>"FINE!" she yells, "I may not be able to SEE you, but I can still use my EARS, and my NOSE to find you!"
>She summons up some really scary looking black smoke from her nostrils, which condenses a body, then legs, a tail and a head.
>There's a flash and the nascent form is transformed into a black wolf-like creature.
>"FIND HIM!" shrieks a noseless, earless Luna, "FIND HIM AND BRING HIM TO MEEEEE!"
>The wolf glides over the store, sniffing the untouched ground in front of Pale Paints.
>That's about as much as you saw before you turned around and galloped off as quietly as possible.
>You made it to an intersection when you hear the wolf HOWL in triumph.
>You trot left, hearing something big and predatory pant behind you.
>You look over your shoulder and see the dark canine, soar down the street and suddenly stop at the intersection.
>It's head snaps towards your trotting hooves.
>And instantly it rockets at you, huffing and snarling after you.
>Fuck.
>You put in more speed, dancing and leaping between ponies, building equipment, stalls, garbage bins...
>In retrospect that was a pretty bad idea, as the wolf doesn't care for such mortal obstacles, and simply smacks them out of the way.
>And gets even closer.
>FUCKSHIT.
>You turn left at the next intersection, putting in more speed in the middle of the road.
>Your hooves pound faster and faster.
>You look over your shoulder at the practically rabid wolf and the decorating ponies watching in curiosity...
>And no Princess Luna.
>the fact registers in your mind, before you cast your eyes skyward.
>You catch no sight of her at all.
>...
>Why are you running from a WOLF when you can TRAMPLE Luna?
 
>She can magic all sorts of crap at you, but this dog!?
>You dig your hooves in and turn, coming to a stop and looking at the oncoming dog.
>It's black fur is an unnatural oil sheen.
>It's tongue is lolling out the side of it's mouth.
>It's dark purple pony ears are pressed back against it's skull.
>It's teeth shine with cold fury.
>Luna's nostrils, bizarrely amuptated and attched to it's face, blare.
>It comes at rapid pace, coming closer and closer and it's teeth close in on you-
>You stamp on it's face.
>HARD.
>At once the dog simply explodes into black smoke in a screaming YOWL.
>The smoke congeals around Luna's nose and ears, before everything dissappears with a pop.
>You take a quick look around.
>Several ponies are holding their colts and fillies to them in fear.
>Others have hidden in bushes, poking their heads out and looking.
>You espy a pony's head emerge from a manhole to look in your general direction.
>One of the fillies, a small grey one, starts sniffling.
>Oh.
>Um.
>Hm.
>Clearly, there is only one thing to do to salvage this situation.
"OOooOOOOO!" you say theatrically in Ghastly's voice, "Now who is the best ghostie! Guess what? IT'S MEEEEEEEEEE! OOO~ooo~OOO!"
>All the ponies are gobsmacked.
>The young ones however brighten immediately.
>At once they scream "GHASTLY GHOSTIE!" in awe and amazement.
>Ponies clap and cheer, and a few adventurous ones trot towards you, trying to find you.
>"Where are you Ghastly?" one asks.
"I'm an INVISIBLE GHOSTIE now! With amazing inviii~isiible ghost powers!" you spook dramatically, "You could say that evil ghost ... DIDN'T SEE ME COMING! OOOO~ooo~OOOO!"
>"Wow!" one coos.
>"So cool!" says another.
>"Didn't see you coming?" says yet another above you.
>Funny, that doesn't sound like a filly.
>That sounds like an adult pony speaking in that sickly sweet voice one uses when dealing with a three year old you desperately want to strangle so they'll stop bitching about how your hogging the only TV in the hospital room.
>You look up and there's Luna, the coldest, fakest smile on her face, hovering above you.
>Her horn glows with unholy substance, and her wounds glow green through the bandages and casts.
>She is bathed in an aura of that Which mortal Ought Not To Know, and promises worse than pain in your immediate future.
>"How about DIDN'T SEE ME COMING!"
>She lunges straight down like the fist of an angry old One.
>You look at the scared shitless kids, who will hands down get hurt by whatever Luna is just about to do.
>You look back up at the insanely furious Alicorn, descending upon you in full-blown anger.
>>This...has gotten so out of hand it isn't funny.
>What is this chicks DEAL!?
>It's like getting hit in the face with a dick drives alicorns insane or some shit.
>Whelp, it's time you need to stop running.
>You can't let these adorable fillies and colts get hurt and cry.
>You don't want to see them sad.
>Or dead.
>You crouch again, aim centre of mass-
>Luna drops, close to grabbing at you with dark tendrils of pure evil-
>You jump as hard as you can straight up-
>Luna's mouth opens impossibly large, her eyes rolling over green-
>You collide straight into Luna's chest.
>She 'GRAAAAGHS!" as you shoot up into her.
>You groan in pain as you feel something stab, rip and buckle in your back from the impact.
>You descend first, as Luna continues shooting upwards, face in pure anger, pain and just flat out what the fuckage, the aura of dark magic flickering off.
>You fall back, landing bodily in the middle of the street.
>Ow.
>ow ow ow.
>Fucking ow.
>You felt that in your SOUL.
>You shudder in cold agony at the feeling in your body.
>You rearrange your back using your demon powers...somewhat successfully.
>And loudly.
>You stand up shakingly, rolling your shoulders, stretching your limbs and -
>CRICK!
>Ah, that's better.
>You still shiver though, something definitely not feeling right.
>The crowd has, sensibly, retreated to the edges of the street, once again hiding amongst decorations, vegetation and stores.
>You look up, trying to find where Luna is falling, so you can run directly AWAY from her...
>And you see the moon in the evening sky.
>Or rather, much larger than it should be in the sky.
>And rapidly getting bigger.
>Luna pops into existance above you.
>She is obviously badly injured.
>In addition to her broken wing, bandaged limbs and butt, her chest is bloodied and her mouth drips blood onto the cobblestone around you.
>"Do-do," she huffs, before coughing, "Dodge THIS!"
>...
>Yeah.
>You can't stop this.
>You watch the rapidly approaching celestial body, and wonder, how did it come to this?
>Was it really worth crushing Ponyville because you pimp-slapped Luna in the face with your pecker?
>Maybe.
>You glance around at the terrified, crying foals.
>Definitely not.
>And awesome demon powers aren't going to stop this armageddon.
>You sit down, shivering badly.
>You feel so cold.
>Your back hurts.
>And you're going to die without telling Pinkie Pie...
>Er...
>You don't know exactly WHAT you want to tell her, but you want to tell her something.
>Jeeze Anon, way to be Master of your own Heart.
>The moon looms closer, the ground shaking, ponies crying out in fear, the light of the sun is dimming quickly-
 
>"LUNA! WHAT. ARE. YOU. DOING!?"
>The moon audibly screeches to a stop as Luna gasps loudly.
>"S-Sister!" she coughs, "What, what are you doing here?"
>The white alicorn trots, nay, STOMPs up to your left, head focused on the sky.
>"Well, I saw the BUCKING MOON was falling out of the SKY onto PONYVILLE and thought WHAT ARE YOU DOING LUNA!?" she shrieks, "PUT the moon BACK and GET DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW!"
>The moon slooooowly ascends back to the right distance, taking with it the bleak, cold wrongness that was filling your body.
>Luna all but falls out of the sky, flopping into a mangled heap before Celestia.
>"Sister!" she says, "I have been engaging in combat with-"
>"NO, LUNA," bites out Celestia loudly, causing Luna to wince, "You are NOT engaging in COMBAT with ANYTHING in PONYVILLE! You've already destroyed fifteen houses, five businesses, seven streets! You've indirectly caused the injury of at least fifteen ponies, and you NEARLY made it WORSE by destroying PONYVILLE HOPSITAL."
>Luna grimaces deeply.
>"Not my fault!" she cries, "I heard 'Code black', and-"
>"LUNA. It was SHORT TRIGGER," she sternly growls, "That GUARD you PERSONALLY CHOSE whose jumpier than a fresh COLT in the Royal Harem Spanking Room!"
>You blink.
>'Royal Harem Spanking Room'?
>Hmmm...
>Maybe something to look into if you ever go to Canterlot.
>Or break into.
>"But Sister! Clearly Ghost," she wheezes, "Ghost was a threat-"
>"WAS HE? WAS HE LUNA!?" yells Celestia, "Because YOU did a buckload MORE DAMAGE than GHASTLY GHOSTIE!"
>Luna narrows her eye at Celestia.
>"Oh? Then how the BUCK did I get injured!?" responds Luna angrily, before falling into a coughing fit, "Argh. If I hadn't, hadn't," she coughs, "fought Ghastly he may have hurt a lot of-"
>"AS far as I can TELL, LUNA, the ONLY ponies he hurt were in SELF-DEFENCE from your LUDICROUS and OBSCENE use of POWER!" berates Celestia, "YOU on the other hoof-"
>"Are you ignoring my injuries!" yells Luna rising, before groaning and back lying down "How is that thing not dangerous!?"
>"It's not dangerous because you were throwing DARK MAGIC at him!" counters Celestia, "You ATTACKED him! And he responded in a way you yourself would EXACTLY respond!"
>"But," gasps Luna, "His power-"
>"Power, sister?" says Celestia, getting closer, "So you would condemn Twilight, or Cadence or MYSELF for our power!?"
>"But I KNOW you," says Luna, whiping some blood from her mouth, "And I KNOW Twilight and Cadence. What I DON'T-" she coughs, "What I don't know is that which managed to come seriously close to defeating me!"
>Celestia stares at the forlorn jumpled heap that is her sister.
>Luna glares back, defiant.
>"Luna, we don't live in the age of Discord anymore," she says, "There aren't monsters roaming the land that eat entire villages! There aren't plots and counter plots in the Court! We aren't under constant threat of invasion! And raondom ponies that may or may not be able to thrash us doesn't automatically mean they WILL!"
>"But can you deny not knowing who or what Ghastly is?" replies Luna, desperate fear in her eyes, "Can you not deny, that not knowing a thing about something that can go hoof to hoof with you, scares you at all? What if he teams up with Sombra, or Chrysalis, or Tirek?"
>Celestia regards Luna, before shaking her head and sighing.
>"That is a legitimate fear," says Celestia, "But if you had listened to me back at the hospital, or come back after you went off after Ghastly, you'd have already known that there is nothing to fear."
>Luna looks at Celestia blankly.
>Then thoughtful.
>"You know who he is,"
>Celestia nods.
>"And what he is,"
>Celestia shakes her head.
>Luna looks at Celestia incredulously.
>"You don't know!?" gasps Luna.
>"But I do know WHO he is, which is more important than the WHAT," stresses Celestia, "He's a good pony, and that's all I care about."
>Luna looks at Celestia suspiciously.
>"You sure?" she asks cautiously.
>"Of course," soothes Celestia, "He's very good friends with Pinkie Pie, and Agent Sweetie Drops has vetted him."
>Luna looks at Celestia, eyes narrowed.
>"Laughter could be fooled, Sweetie could be comprimised-"
>"Luna!" groans Celestia, "Why are you insistent on being suspicious of this stallion!?"
>"B-Because," she states, angrily.
>Celestia beholds the crippled Luna.
>Then smiles widely.
>"Oh, is this because he defeated you by tapping your head with his-"
>"WHO TOLD YOU THAT!?" yells Luna, before grabbing her chest and grunting.
>Celestia simply titters.
>"Pinkie Pie has been telling a rather odd tale recently," the white alicorn says, amused, "One which you just confirmed. She met up with Ghastly when he returned to Ponyville."
>Luna grinds her teeth at Celestia.
>Celestia smiles.
>"Consider how widely known it was you were brought low by a pony's...erection...punishment for getting...carried away in an undignified manner," quips Celestia, "Indignity for indignity."
>Luna groans.
>Before nodding.
>"Thank you, sister," says Celestia, "We will talk further when you get back - do not think you have escaped punishment for this."
>Luna gurgles something.
>Celestia leans down, curious, "Do you need help getting back?"
>The mangled Night Alicorn nods thankfully.
>Celestia zaps her with white light, and Luna disappears in a puff of stars.
>She then regards the surrounding crowd.
>And comes to the realization that the entire conversation took place in front of esentially all of Ponyville.
>She clears her throat, and adotps a magestic, royal stance.
>Why she bothers makes no sense to you, considering how many times she's lost her cool in front of these ponies.
>"Attention fillies and gentlecolts!" she calls out, "The situation has been resolved! On behalf of my sister, we express our most sincerest apologies, and will make it up to you all on the coming Nightmare Night!"
>There's a smattering of stomping and cheers as Celestia disappears in white light.
 
---
 
>It is later.
>You are dead beat tired.
>Between all of today, all the running, the fighting, the running, the drama, the running, Luna, your Grandmother, running, returning pony's souls, and the final battle, you're quite buggered.
>And covered in 'icky stuff'.
>So you decide to do the sensible thing, and trot somnambulant to Pinkie Pie's house to clean up.
>And maybe reopen your investigation into the disappearance of Jam Logs from Sugar Cube Corner.
>You're not sure WHY they tend to disappear in your vicinity, but you'll find out who it is eventually!
>You avoid haunting the fillies and colts and parents and workers, too tired after your thrilling combat.
>Okay, not TOO tired to scare the crap out of Rarity when she loudly critisized your ghost sheet to Switch Sticks.
>...and maybe a little colt who loudly told his friend you weren't a big deal and weren't awesome.
>...and maybe a beleagured Night Guard, shaking in his armour, currently suffering under the furious tirade of an enraged Nurse Redheart.
>So now you're triply pooped.
>Quietly, you trot in the back of Sugar Cube Corner, make it up the stairs, move past Pinkie Pie's bedroom, and enter the bathroom.
>You scrub off all the paste with furious scrubbing, until your coat is nice and clean and shiny and smelling faintly of Pinkie Pie.
>Which isn't that bad.
>It's kind of nice actually.
>You trot out of the bathroom contemplating the sudden mystery of 'where Pinkie's Shampoo went', and hear a loud exclamation from the Party Mare's bedroom.
>In a flash your curious head leans around the doorframe.
>Pinkie is sitting on her bed, giggling, while Bon Bon lies next to her, looking very annoyed.
>And sparkly.
>And luminescent.
"I see she made you try the Ghost Cake?" you ask, amused.
>"Silly Passion! Didn't you know?" giggles Pinkie Pie, "It's Ghastly Cake now!"
"Why is this becoming a thing?" you groan.
>"Because it's Spooo~OOO~ooky!" says Pinkie, waving her hooves in your general direction.
>Bon Bon rolls her eyes.
>"Or maybe it's because you kicked Princess Luna's proverbial rear several times today?" says Bon Bon, annoyed, "And now, thanks to you, I'm all glowy and sparkly. Twinkleshine is going to pounce me in the middle of the street and it's going to be so embarrasing..."
"Can I watch?" you state smoothly.
>She stares blankly at your face as you smother a lecherous grin.
>A POMF later and a pillow bounces off your face.
"That wasn't a no," you respond, wiggling your eyebrows.
>"Yes, that was a no, and no, we are not going to get into a semantic argument!" she quickly adds, seeing your predatory expression, "We are going to have a different kind of conversation," she pats the bed.
>You raise your eyebrows.
>Then look at Pinkie.
>She nods happily.
>Curious, but not against lying on a bed with two beautiful mares, you move into the room, and plop sideways onto the bed, making sure to show off your assets.
>Pinkie quickly puts a pillow over your crouch.
>You place the pillow between your legs and make an inappropriate, lusty noise.
>Pinkie throws another pillow at your face.
>Pinkie's Shampoo suddenly materializes on her bed, having fallen out from your mane.
"Alright Bon Bon,what did you want to talk about?" you smile innocently, putting that pillow under your neck while Pinkie quickly grabs the shampoo bottle covetously, eyeing you with suspicion,
>Bon Bon regards you with a serious, unimpressed expression.
>"With no offence," she opens, regarding you in what you feel to be faux indifference, "But I have been feeling there was honestly something...not quite exactly right about you Passion. A second sense, if you will, about things not being as they appear."
>She rises and leaps off the bed looking out the window.
>You think she's being theatrical, but it doesn't work with the sparkles.
>"As you no doubt know from listening to Rainbow Dash and Princess Celestia, I am a Super Duper Secret Agent, that monitors and controls dangerous creatures in Equestria," she states, "Ponyville's proximity to Everfree Forest meant that this is the major focus of dangerous beast attacks. It's little wonder the Elements of Harmony are situated in Ponyville. But, that is besides the point."
>She turns away from the window as you smell melted butter.
>You glance beside you, and see Pinkie chewing away at some popcorn beside you.
>Carefully you snag some from her bag.
>She smacks your hoof.
>"The main point," Bon Bon loudly says to get your attention, "is that I am an elite undercover agent of the Super Duper Secret Monster Defence Service. And my instincts told me, there was something seriously OFF about you, Passion."
>Well shit; Bon Bon really is a spy.
>And you set her off.
>That's...
>Nothing too bad.
"You thought I was ...what? Dangerous?" you ask, curious.
>You don't think she does.
>She DID sleep with you after all.
>Several times.
>"No, I didn't get that feeling from you," she explains, "the feeling I got was that you gave the impression that you were hiding something. That's nothing to call in the Royal Guard for; after all, you know Kevin just as intimately as I do. If he was revealed, then he'd be kicked out of Ponyville, and we both don't want that."
>You nod sagely.
>Changeling poon is definitely next level.
>Not satiating in the important way, but definitely enjoyable.
>Pinkie looks at the both of you rapidly.
>"who is Kevin?" she asks, beginning to bounce, "Have I thrown a party for him!?"
>"Pinkie, we'll come back to Kevin", says Bon Bon, cutting off the Pinkie Pie Party Explosion, "I don't want to get derailed. Now..."
>She trots back and forth in front of the bed, like a pacing ghost.
>Damn, that Ghastly Cake is going to be popular come Nightmare Night.
>"...I already knew that you weren't who you said you were. I knew you were good at sex, and you were rather charming. But," here she stops, and looks at you, "despite obviously wanting to engage in as many sexual relations as possible, you didn't really open up about yourself in any truly meaningful way. That nagged me. I knew Kevin was a..." Bon BOn glances at the curious Pinkie, "...what he was about ten minutes after I met him."
>"Awwwww," deflates Pinkie, not getting any inofrmation about the illusive 'Kevin'.
>"But you," continues the glowing cream mare, "I couldn't figure you out AT ALL. You weren't a monster, and if you were, you hid it exceptionally well. But you had to be - I couldn't find any trace of a dark blue, white haired stallion called Hot Passion being born or sighted in Equestria within the past eighty-four years. My original theory was you were created by a crazed unicorn dabbling in things they ought not to to create a sex slave, and that you had escaped your captor."
>You sweat slightly at how damn close Bon Bon came with that accusation.
>But ultimately it's wrong.
>...It's still a good one though.
>You're going to probably have to steal that story and use it as your backstory in order to 'open up in a meaningful way'.
>If there's one thing you learned today, opening up is something you have to do.
>"It fit with your desires, and it fit with how during your first week here you were rather scared around other ponies, not knowing exactly how to talk to them, "says Bon Bon, openly deducing, "It explained how you were so skilled, handsome and just perfect. It also explained your reluctance to tell anyone your story, lest the unicorn come for you, and why I couldn't find a trace of you. Pinkie's approval only confirmed this; she wouldn't abide having something evil in Ponyville. Everything was explained."
>"But that still felt...off," the ghostly confectioneer says, shaking her head.
>She must have heard something else that threw off that extremely plausible story you were even now plagerising story, but what?
>What did you do?
>What did you miss?
>"I was missing something," she continues, "And I knew it was something big when my shuriken bounced off you. That shuriken can incapacitate anything it touches - ANYTHING. It was enchanted by Celestia herself! If you had been an idle unicorn's creation, then it should have stopped you dead. I thought maybe the unicorn's programming had broken, leaving you mentally damaged and wanting to make love to everypony - foals included. It fit, you had been acting irrationally that day. I could stun you, then have Twilight look at you and fix you. But, you weren't stopped by my shuriken."
>She narrows her eyes.
>You however are relieved.
>If it had knocked you out, Twilight would know what you were and called in Luna so fast you'd be back in the real world.
>And you'd be trapped there for a month.
>Maybe even longer.
>They may even find a way to permenantly keep you out of Equestria.
>And that would be worse than death.
>"The story in my mind, I felt it was close, but not quite. I altered it, maybe you had been just a general slave, who preferred to love rather than fight."
>"That changed to military experiment once I saw the damage you shrugged off from Princess Luna and the Royal Guard first hoof. But there was still something off. Until a certain mare called Rarity came by my store with her sister Sweetie Bell not an hour ago. In conversation, between loud boasting about her new fashion line and moaning in terror from a sudden 'Ghastly' haunting, she bitterly complained how you wouldn't engage in relations with her. That...was strange. One of the most desired mares in Ponyville, and you hadn't approached her."
>Well duh.
>She's got an annoyingly loud and high voice that can actually hurt you.
>And, from observation (i.e., sneaking around Ponyville during the first week), you know she's a screamer.
>And screams in that EXACT pitch.
>You've had enough of her whining for one lifetime, thank you very much.
>Bonnie leans in, with those piercing eyes, as if judging your thoughts.
>"You have hit on EVERY PONY of marriagable age in Ponyville, even the ponies who were married or whose sexual orientation would've denied you, except her," she says, "And, some quick investigation revealed you had also neglected to approach Fluttershy, Applejack, Twilight and Rainbow Dash. Which I found a little odd - you had no qualms courting Pinkie Pie, so it was nothing about avoiding attention. Maybe you felt unworthy? And then I discovered the key."
>She leans back, an eyebrow raised.
>"You never, ever tried to have sex with Big Mac," she says.
>Which was true.
>You didn't really feel comfortable about what happened between you, him and Pinkie Pie your first day here.
>Oh sure, he was hot as hell.
>And adorable.
>And oh-so-fuckable.
>But...
>It just never felt right.
>It felt oh so wrongly right, but you still never approached him.
>"When I thought about those ponies, I suddenly realized, rather belatedly, that you showed up about a week after a certain demon was banished. A certain demon who had contact with, in one way or another, all of those ponies. Those ponies who may have recognised that certain demon pony," deduces the Spooky Super Duper Spy.
>Oh shit.
>Beads of sweat threaten your brow as you quickly run over possible exits to the room.
>"But I thought, 'No, that can't be, Pinkie Pie would've picked up on that immediately'," says Bon Bon, thoughtful.
>"I did!" yelps Pinkie happily, "Saw RIGHT through him!"
>You desperately shush at Pinkie.
>"Sorry," says Pinkie, quietly, "I'll stop interrupting Bonnie's Super Duper Spy Speech,"
>You go to explain that's NOT why you were shushing her-
>"So then you knew?" says Bonnie, startled. She turns to you, "She knew?"
"Knew what?" you ask, innocently confused.
>Bon Bon looks at you flatly.
>"On reflection, and some quick questions with Twilight, it became clear who you were and what you were," says Bon Bon, smugly triumphant, "How you continually get into stupid arguments and you use the term 'y'know' and 'Godammit' far to much. Just like when you got into those arguments with Pinkie, Applejack, Twilight and Rarity that day. And, most importantly, how you knew about Twilight's sizable sex toy collection, despite never having ever approached her. After all, you were in Twilight's Castlebrary, and had pilfered some of her illicit material and given it to Rainbow Dash. It wouldn't be a stretch to deduce that you knew about her toys."
>The scary glowing spy scooches closer on the bed to you, while you lean back just a bit.
>"So, Miss Aynonamos the Succubus, what shall I tell Princess Celestia?" says Bon Bon casually.
>Fuck.
>Shit.
>And, if you like, cunt.
>Translator's note: Your death is imminent.
>You go to say something, anything-
>"Waaaaaait a minnit!"
>Pinkie Pie appears between you and Bon Bon.
>Your Party Paladin points a hoof at Bon Bon, while inadvertently giving you a good view of her perfect pink party favour.
>"What is THAT supposed to mean?" she says, standing and crossing her arms, tail a twitching.
>You espy that the sparkly secret agent is unimpressed from the corner of your eye, watching the glimpses of her patootie around her twitching tail.
>"It means, Pinkie," Bon Bon says firmly, "that I have to tell Celestia that Aynonamos is here and in Ponyville. He's too much of a-"
>"And then what will Celestia do?" asks Pinkie, irritated.
>Bon Bon furrows her brow.
>It SOUNDS like she's doing that.
>You're too busy mapping every feature of Pinkie's rear.
>Oh how you want to lean in and make Pinkie a blubbering mess-
>"She'll get rid of Aynonamos here," says Bon Bon, airily, "He can't stay here, he's too-"
>Pinkie bops her on the head, removing you view by closing in next to Bon Bon.
>"One: PASSION," she stresses your pony name, "isn't dangerous. He's sexy, seductive, annoying, funny and a good friend, but not dangerous. TWO: I meant, who will Celestia tell?"
>"She'll tell the Super Dupers, of course, and the Guard..." says Bon Bon, confused.
>Pinkie bops Bon Bon on the head again.
>"For a Super Duper Smartie Pants, you can be rather dumb," chirps Pinkie, "Who else will she tell?"
>Bon Bon taps her chin thoughtfully.
>"I don't know," she says, "Who?"
>Pinkie sighs theatrically.
>"Silly Bonnie!" says Pinkie Pie, hoofing at her, "She'll tell Luna and Twilight."
>Bon Bon looks at Pinkie, uncomprehendingly.
>"And both will kill Hot Passion," concludes Pinkie, "Not exile. Not imprison. KILL."
>Bon Bon blinks, frowning, "No, they won't. They have...no...reason..."
>The sparkly spy looks at you, then Pinkie, then you.
>Before grimacing.
>"Crap. You're a demon, aren't you," she states more than questions.
>You give a tentative nod.
>She groans.
>"And I'm not going to let down my friend," says Pinkie, "Not when he hasn't done anything mean."
>"But Pinkie!" cries Bon Bon, "He's a DEMON! Even when they're nice and kind, they're still soul sucking monsters!"
"Hey!" you cut in, "I do not suck souls!"
>"What happened with Twinkleshine Aynonamos?" Bon Bon asks, darkly, "What happened!?"
>You recoil a bit.
"It was an-"
>"An Accident?" she mocks, "You accidentally took out Twinkleshine's soul. You accidentally raped Big Mac. You accidentally violated Pinkie Pie. Even when they're nice, when a demon messes up, they mess up BADLY."
>That cut too deep.
>Have you been hurting these ponies?
>After all, you're only human.
>Mostly.
>Kind of.
>And to make mistakes is to be human.
>But she's right.
>When you mess up, you take pony's SOULS.
>That's wrong on so many levels.
>What's going to happen with the next fuck up?
>Will you end up destroying Ponyville?
>Usher in the next reign of eternal night?
>ACTUALLY accidentally conquer Equestria?
>"And Alicorns don't?" yells Pinkie in your defense, "No, when they mess up the moon falls on your head! Changelings don't? No, when they mess up a pony ends up braindead! You have NO problems with those two! Never stopped you from rutting both!"
>Bon Bon recoils in shock.
>"Some ponies have powers, Bon Bon," sterns the pink mare, "terrifying powers. What makes that pony what they are, is what they do with that power."
>The cream mare winces sharply at that.
>"You use your powers to protect ponies," continues Pinkie, "I use mine to make ponies smile and laugh. And Passion uses his to make ponies satisfied and happy. And he doesn't deserve to go away. NOT if I have anything to say about it!"
>...
>This mare.
>This goddamned mare.
"Dammit Pinkie," you say emotionally, "I SO want to-"
>"Don't ruin it," she says, smacking your face with her tail.
>"-take you out for an expensive date," you continue, "then take you to a nice movie, with lots of action and athletic bodies and sexy mares and we'll-"
>"Passion!" she says, smacking you with her tail again.
"-cheer when they win the race to save the farm and then I'll take a walk around ponyville park and give you a really hard-"
>"Passion!" she barks, smacking you hard in the face with her left back leg.
>"-rock candy that I'd made out of the goodness of my heart and we'll laugh and I'll flirt and you'll smack me and it'll be a great time!"
>Pinkie's rear hoof hovers around your nose ready to kick, her eyes watching you warily.
>Before she lightly taps your nose with the hoof.
>"Maybe later," she says, before turning to Bon Bon, "But you - YOU are not going to tell Celestia. Are we clear?"
>The glowing cream mare looks at you, frowning hard.
>"ARE WE?" yells Pinkie.
>Bonnie looks between you and Pinkie.
>Before sighing.
>"We're clear," she says quietly.
>"Pinkie promise!" says Pinkie suspicious.
>Bon Bon goes through the rhyme and phrase, dejected.
>"Good!" says Pinkie, suddenly happy,"Now, YOU two are going to go home, and make up for the fact that YOU," she points at Bonnie, "didn't know you were sleeping with a shapeshifting sex goddess, specifically YOU!" she points at you, "And tomorrow BOTH of you are going to tell me who Kevin is, and what he wants on his cake!"
>Before either of you can say anything, she rolls out a party cannon and fires it, launching the both of you out the window in an explosion of confetti.
>You smack into the ground, while Bon Bon parachutes down.
>The glowstick spy trots over to you as you rise to your hooves.
>"Don't think I won't stop watching you 'Passion'," she hisses, "I don't care what Pinkie says, you ARE dangerous."
>Bitch.
"Shame," you say sadly.
>"Shame? What shame?" she growls, "Shame I'm onto you? Shame I'm going to stop your plans?"
"No," you sigh, "I quite liked having sex with you. But now..."
>Trailing off, you trot away.
>"You, you think that'll SWAY me!?" she yells after you, full of conviction, "Because it WON'T!"
>You however smile knowingly.
>You'll give her five days.
>And then you realize the size of the bullet you just dodged there.
>You came damn close to getting Sunblocked there.
>If not Moonground or Sparklebashed.
>But Pinkie Pie was there to bail you out.
>That mare.
>You love that mare.
>...
>You stop mid trot as what you said catches up to you.
>You...love...Pinkie Pie?
>You slowly resume moving towards Zecora's Hut, deep in thought about a certain giggly party pony.
 
---
 
>It is Nightmare Night.
>And you're having a wonderful time.
>You were thinking of going as Ghastly Ghosty, but after hearing that Luna would be around Ponyville devoting all her time to help out with the celebration, you decided to NOT adorn the costume.
>No need to dick-deck-dock her again.
>Instead, you've applied some whitish body paint, some chains and a bite of Pinkie's Ghastly Cake and went as a proper ghost.
>So you got to be a spooky ghost, AND if Luna was looking at you, she wouldn't recognise you.
>You couldn't be too careful - if she remembers the colour of your dick, then sees you, you could be in a bit of grief.
>You've spent the evening discretely stalking Thunderlane, flatly glaring at all the fillies and colts under plain sheets saying your ghost costume sucked, and playing the games.
>You even won a rubber ducky painted to look like it was X-rayed when you got two out of three in the Throw-A-Spider game, which now rides atop your noggin, tied down by a chain.
>You were going to give it to Pinkie, but she is mucking around with her friends, trying to get Fluttershy out and about or something.
>You're not quite sure what to do about the Pinkie Pie Situation.
>You really do like her.
>Maybe even perhaps love.
>But you can't be with her, otherwise you'll never see her again.
>Because you'll be dead from starvation.
>And no one wants that.
>Well, maybe Bon Bon and Lyra.
>Bon Bon, full of suspicion, would prefer you deceased so she doesn't have to worry about you and follow you around and watch in frustration as you boink other mares.
>Lyra, full of spite at you carrying through your promise not to sleep with her ever again, also follows you around and shares the same sentiments.
>Both have pooled together their resources to 'get' you.
>What that exactly means, you're not quite sure.
>Kevin wasn't exactly precise or coherent when you bit into his shoulder and unleashed your load into his pert changeling pussy yesterday.
>Both are right now observing you - Lyra through cut-out holes in a newspaper while sitting in the apple-bob barrel, and Bon Bon, discretely looking at you from a drinks table disguised as Ditzy.
>They watch you smile widely, both stewing in deep seated rage and denied lust.
>The reason you smile though, is not to bask in their anger and jealousy.
>Or the fact that you kissed the devil-costumed Golden Harvest for shits and giggles.
>Or because she kissed you back and practically explored your tonsils with her tongue.
>And she may have come DAMN close to indecently assaulted your person in front of many innocent foals.
>No, why you are smiling is because ...
>Those fillies and colts?
>The ones in those sheets?
>Mocking your stylin'?
>Thinking Ghastly Ghosty is awesome?
>They're lining up for 'Night Chariot Rides' with Princess Luna, dressed up as Nightmare Moon.
>She has a nice smile, but you can see it in her eyes.
>She is not a happy pony.
>The smile is brittle, flat.
>Those eyes are dead.
>Or moments away from genocide.
>And those ears are pinned back, trying to block out both the little tykes 'defeating' her and saying 'she sucks compared to Ghastly' and 'wasn't as cool as Ghastly', and veiled quips from parents about the 'Strike from the Netherlands'.
>Although you may have snuck away, shrunk down, put on a sheet and gone over there are a filly multiple times, just to piss her off.
>You get the feeling she's riding that chariot wildly and fast just to try and make the foals sick.
>She fails.
>the ride is like a rollercoaster on steroids.
>And it is AMAZING.
>Said chariot dragged by a singular, haggard but familiar batpony Night Guard called Quick Trigger.
>You managed to trap the guy while he was doing errands a few days ago and take him out for ice cream to eat out.
>Then later, there was more 'eating out'.
>Needless to say, his name is apt.
>...if his name was 'Quick Trigger Machine-Gun Firehose'.
>Seriously, he just goes and comes and goes and comes, over and over.
>Making this guy orgasm over and over is a surprsingly lethargic, deeply satisfying experience.
>Both physically, emotionally and metaphysically.
>You have his phone number, and will covet it always.
>And you may be able to infiltrate the Royal Harem through his expertise.
>Always gotta think of the future.
>You turn away from Luna's Deserved Punishment, and espy a Pink disco mare on rollerskates laughing with an astronaut pegasus.
>Accompanying them is a rather spooked looking lion, a curious purple Roman Gladiator, and a rather flustered white unicorn in a mermaid dress.
>You bite your lip.
>You don't particularly want to go over there.
>But...
>You've been meaning to open up in a more meaningful way.
>And while you've spilled the carefully constructed 'secret origin' to your more regular paramours; Kevin, Twinkleshine, Daisy and Pierce, and while you've been more dutiful with the whole firendship aspect of being a Hot Passionate Lover...
>You haven't tried to move forward and befriend The Mane 6 in full, or Big Mac.
>And while you don't think you'll EVER be ready to try and befriend Big Mac, you still want to be friends with the Mane 6.
>For Pinkie's sake.
>You've always been on the periphery, disappearing when they approach and reappearing when they leave.
>And you get the feeling that you're making Pinkie Pie compete with you for their time.
>If that makes any sense.
>But, you want to be a good friend to Pinkie Pie.
>And to do that, you need to at least attempt to befriend her friends.
>With a deep, steadying breath, you trot towards the group.
>Pinkie twitches a bit, then stands still as a statue.
>She somehow rolls towards you on her skates, as if you were some kind of strange Mare Magnet.
>You stop, amused, as she 'clonks' into you.
>Then flips onto your back.
>Her friends regard you blankly.
>"Hi Passion!" chirps the party mare, "Thanks for coming over, I had no idea how long you were going to fiddle stickle over there. You were SO LONG that my poor hoofsies were getting sore!"
"Well, I couldn't leave you to die of fatigue," you state, turning your head to look at her, "But I didn't want to come too close if you were only feigning tiredness and end up getting rolled over. You're a lunatic on those skates."
>"I am not!" cries Pinkie Pie.
"Oh?" you say blankly to the mare on your back, "And who was it that put dirty rollerskate tracks on your bedroom ceiling?"
>"Touche!" she giggles.
>"Golly Pinkie," says Applejack, "Howdjya manage that?"
>"That, is a super secret!" says Pinkie Pie seriously, waving a rollerskoot hoof at the orange pony.
"Sugar," you flatly correct, turning your head to Applejack, "Lots and lots of sugar."
>Pinkie's hoofskates go over your mouth.
>"HE LIES!" she says dramatically.
>You roll your shoulders, and Pinkie slides off you.
>"NOOOO!" she yells, "My mobile bed!"
"You are such a lazy pone," you say.
>Pinkie adorably scrunches her face at you, before getting up and humphing over to her friends.
>"Sohohoho!" chortles the white mermaid, gaining your attention, "THIS is the illutrious and elusive Hot Passion I've heard SO much about!"
>She delicately fans herself.
>"I must say, I haven't seen such a," she pauses, as if weighing her words, "fine stallion of such excellent... breeding in Ponyville for quite some time!"
>She offers a dainty hoof.
>"I am Rarity! Dressmaker Extrodinaire!" she theatrically greets, "A pleasure to meet you!"
>You smile as you take her hoof and give it a small, chaste kiss.
"No, Miss Rarity," you respond charmingly, "The pleasure is all mine."
>You feel as though you've died a bit inside.
>"Now, ifn' your done testin' Passion's waters Rare, I'd like ta meet Pinkie's friend here," says Applejack crudely, thankfully saving from Rarity's lustful gaze.
>Rarity withdraws, hiding her face behind a fan, sending you bedroom eyes.
>Applejack holds out a lion's paw.
>"Hi! Mah name's Applejack! Regular hard-workin' earth pony. Put 'er there!"
>You take her paw and shake it quite firmly.
"Hot Passion, Passionate Hotness at your service," you respond.
>Applejack takes her hoof back and rubs it.
>"Ya got a hell of an arm there Passion!" she says, awed, "I kin see what Rare means about 'breedin' ifn' ya THAT strong!"
>She suddenly leans in uncomfortably close.
>"You doin' anything in the spring? We could use an extra strong hoof around plantin' time," she quickly and seriously says, "In fact, mah brother could really use a hand anytahm of the year, ifn what ahm hearin' about you and Pokey Pierce's true."
>Oh.
>OH HO HO.
>NOT A CHANCE IN HELL.
"I'll have to see what I'm doing around that time of the year," you outwardly and politely respond.
>You REALLY don't want to be anywhere near Big Mac at this point.
>Especially if what Applejack just dropped on you is anything to go by.
>Applejack nods firmly and seriously as if you just agreed to marry her brother, and steps back as Rainbow circles you.
>She looks at your butt.
>Then your tail.
>Then your mane.
>Then your face.
>She taps your shoulder, twice.
>She narrows her eyes.
>"How are you still alive?" she asks.
>My!
>How rude!
>Like you'd tell the biggest, fastest mouth in Ponyville!
"It was a secret art told to me in the ninth chamber of Xiao Ling," you supply.
>Rainbow's eyes widen.
>"Wh-what was it?" she asks, awed.
"It was..." you smirk, "A secret."
>Rainbow narrows her eyes at you, speculative.
>"I'll get it out of you Passion!" she announces, "One way or another!"
>You smile at her, challengingly.
>This could be fun.
>You wonder what web of spies you could make follow you around, and what you could to do annoy the crap out of them.
>Maybe if you got Discord or Chrysalis on this...
>"And I am Princess Twilight Sparkle," greets the purple Centurion, offering a hoof and breaking your internal plotting.
"Enchanted," you reply, shaking her hoof, "Hot Passion."
>"We've heard quite a bit about you," she smiles, "Although I'm surprised it's taken this long for you to meet us."
"I'm just as surprised as you," you smoothly say, "especially after all the things you've done for Ponyville, and how much Pinkie Pie talks about you girls."
>"Well, I'm sure we're going to be good friends," says Twilight kindly.
>You're dubious, but it's a step above 'weird pony Pinkie Knows'.
>"So, what are ya up to now, pardner?" asks Applejack.
"Right now? Watching Luna slowly go insane," you say, pointing at the mare coming in to land.
>She's smiling a richtus grin as two colts leap out of the chariot cloaked in sheets, laughing madly.
>She looks in your general direction.
>She looks over your shoulder behind you and mouths 'help me'.
>You turn to look at the thoughtful looking Twilight.
>"Should we help her out girls?" she asks, "She doesn't seem to be having a good time."
>"Nah," says Rarity, Dash and Applejack together.
>"Why not?" says a saddened Pinkie Pie.
>"Don't you remember Pinkie?" says an astonished Rarity, "She destroyed main street! They're STILL doing road works, and all that jackhammering is ruining my creative flow!"
>"And she broke all mah stalls, along with everypony else's," adds Applejack, "We lost so much of our stock it weren't even funny Pinkie."
>"And I was having an exis, exast, eggsick..."
>Dash waves a hoof at Twilight.
>"Existential Crisis," says the librarian flatly.
>"Yeah, one of those," says Dash, "Thanks to this...guy," she hoofs angrily at you, "and the last thing I wanted to do was go around and clean up her mess!"
>"I agree!" says Rarity, "I can think of many THINGS I could be doing right now!" she looks firmly in your direction.
>That dead bit inside you just grew a little.
>You have no idea why.
>"B-but look at her!" cries Pinkie, waving a hoof at the dejected Luna, "She's suffered so much already! Can't we just forgive her already?"
>Twilight looks at Luna, then Pinkie.
>"I'm sorry, but Celestia's Orders are clear," firmly states Twilight, "I can't help her. And besides, she's an immortal princess - she'll get over it."
>You look at her.
>And get the impression that she will get over it.
>...maybe a geological age in the future.
>Having an insane mad alicorn angry at your friends, and by proxy you, is not good.
>And then an insidious idea strikes you.
>An amazing idea.
>An amazing, insidious idea.
>Something that's so wrong.
>But oh, so, so RIGHT.
>In SO MANY WAYS!
>Luna won't recognise you, with your white body paint and proper stalliony voice.
>And you KNOW that a being of Luna's power and stature will wreak a ruinous revenge against just about everyone being mean to her right now.
>And she's in need right now, and would remember who helped her.
>So...
"Well, personally, I think you're being a bit too hard on Luna," you say in disagreement.
>Rarity, Applejack, Rainbow and Twilight look at you stunned.
"She's been thoroughly punished and humiliated by this point, and quite frankly I'm ashamed that you're all going to continue torturing her like this," you argue.
>"Yeah!" says Pinkie Pie, "What he said!"
>"Pinkie," sighs Rainbow, rubbing her face.
>"No!" you huffs, "I'm helping her out!" she turns to you, "You coming?"
"Of course!" you smile, thankful escaping, "I think that batpony pulling the chariot could also use a break."
 
---
 
>It is later.
>You once again have a pooped Pinkie Pie on your back.
>You had a lot of fun, playing chariot-puller.
>You were cautious not to run in front of Luna, but out of her sight you were going up walls, over rooftops, under bridges and skimming on water.
>Pinkie was in the back, yelping and screaming in joy, holding onto the poor foals who got on your chariot.
>Luna was particularly grateful, and spoke with you often when you came by to drop off shocked and awed fillies and colts and pick up unsuspecting fools.
>She's kind of a cool chick when she's not trying to murder you.
>Oh this wicked web you weave.
>And you are most certainly going to see MachineGun PenisFirehose in the very near future.
>ALL of that hose!
>You are broken out of your future plans for your future lust meal by the smack of a door against your face.
>Pinkie giggles from your back.
>"There's a door there Passion," she sighs.
>You roll your eyes, openning the door and trotting into the dark depths of Sugar Cube Corner.
>In a flash your across the floor, up the stairs, and you dump Pinkie onto her bed.
>She bounces on the bed, stretching out.
>She lies, eyes closed, sighing happily.
"Gee willickers Pinkie," you say in faux happy 1960's advertisement child, "You sure look all hot and tight in that dress! How are you going to get out of it?"
>Pinkie's eye opens a slit, and looks at you.
>You grin widely.
>She seems to think about bopping you, or throwing a pillow at you.
>Before just 'eh'ing and supplicates.
>Huh.
>You first slip off her hoofskates, getting a relieved groan out of the pink mare, giving little kisses along her legs.
>You then rise up and gently pull off her oh-so-tight shorts.
>All the while getting a good view of her oh-so-exposed nethers.
>You kiss up the back of her leg, up over her cutie mark, up her back to her shirt.
>You sloooowly drag the shirt up over her arms and head.
>She groans in pleasure at being released.
>You lean in and kiss her nose, getting a smile out of the beautiful pone.
>You trail up to her ears, giving a tentative lick, getting a shiver out of Pinkie.
>A kiss higher and you pull off her head band and hair ties.
>Her hair bounces out, getting a satisfied sigh out of Pinkie Pie.
>You then lie down and unexpectedly snuggle into her front.
"Golly gosh you're gorgeous Pinkie!" you smoulder, "How did you get so beautiful?"
>She puts a hoof over your face as she leans back.
>"Silly," she smiles, sadly, "you know MANY ponies who are prettier than me."
>You look at her uncomprehendingly.
"You, you have looked in a mirror, right?" you ask, smiling, "Do you think I'd kiss just anypony all over their body?"
>Pinkie looks at you flatly.
"Alright," you concede, "but do you think I'd kiss anypony all over their body - and not immediately have sex with them afterwards?"
>Pinkie's look turns thoughtful.
>You lie there together, just staring at each other.
>Pinkie raises an eyebrow.
>You blink.
>She raises the other one.
>You stare uncomprehendingly.
>She then wriggles her eyebrows.
>You furrow your brow.
>She rolls her eyes.
>"You can be so silly sometimes," she says, cuddling into you.
>...
>Ooooooooh.
>Fuck your slow.
>But then again...
"Like I said," you whisper into her ear, nuzzling her neck "Do you think you're just anypony?"
>You can feel her beaming into your shoulder.
>"Thanks for forgiving Luna," she sighs, "I know it was hard for you after all she did, but...thanks."
>You smile, shaking your head slightly.
"Silly Pinkie," you say, "She barely scratched me. It was, really, no biggie."
>She snuggles into your neck a little deeper.
"And besides," you add, deviously smirking, "I was satisfied after the eleventh time I rode as a Ghastly Foal, asking about what getting 'cock-clocked' means."
>She giggles into your neck happily.
>You both drift peacefully off to sleep in each other's hooves.
>Happy with the weird relationship you have.
>And with you smug in the knowledge that Bon BOn is watching from the window, freezing her arse off watching you sleep.
>Lifes good.
 
---
 
>It is Much Later
>You are Anon.
>Sexy Demon Extrodinaire
>By Day, you are a saucy, sexy, hot stallion
>By Night you're a saucier, sexier, hotter stallion.
>But every Saturday you shed your stallion form in a horrifying, messy way to reveal Aynonamos, Succubus, to play Texas Holdem with the Evil Villain Gambling Ring.
>But right now, you are Hot Passion.
>Sexy friend of the Pinkie Pie.
>Sitter amongst the Elements of Harmony.
>Diner at the Greasy Joe's Diner.
>Conqueror of the chips.
>You pluck a few more into your gob and munch away.
>Pinkie casually sticks two hooffulls into her mouth.
>Her cheeks are full, and tomato sauce splutters as she happily masticates.
>Rainbow momentarily takes her eyes off you to lean back from Pinkie.
>Before locking back onto you, full of suspicion.
>Rarity looks at Pinkie with slight distain, nibbling delicately on some banana bread.
>"REALLY Pinkie," she articulates, "Some proper decorum PLEASE."
>Pinkie if anything munches even louder, sending bits of spittle and grease everywhere.
>Applejack rolls her eyes.
>"Hun, y'know she would only be messier," says Applejack, "No need'n to be provokin' 'er."
>Rarity just scoffs, wiping her face with a hankerchief.
>"Anyway," waves off Rarity, before adopting an agrieved tone, "You'll all be shocked - SHOCKED - to know that I am going to be spending my Hearth's Warming Eve...with my PARENTS!"
>"Holy Celestia how horrifyin'," deadpans Applejack, "Howevah will you survive sugarcube."
>Rarity sends a withering leer at Applejack.
>"You don't know my PAIN!" she theatrical accuses, "You have a NORMAL family! Mine are embarrasing, make TERRIBLE colour choices, and are just plain INFURIATING!"
>She recieves four flat mare glares from around the table.
>"Oh!" she mock faints onto a sudden chaise lounge, "Oh! That shade of dark purple and that pale green have no BUSINESS being together! Ever! At ALL! Even if they WERE starcrossed lovers!"
>Pinkie swallows her chewed up meal like a snake, before turning to the orange pony and disregarding the recitation of the crimes against fashioon committed by Rarity's parents.
>"Don't worry AJ!" chirps Pinkie, "My family is TOTALLY not embarrasing! And they don't wear clothes, so they don't make terrible fashion choices! And they're super duper fun!"
>"Sounds mite good there Pinkie!" says Applejack, smiling, "I kin wait until we're meetin' in a few days!"
>You however are moved from your meal of chips by a few logical conclusions.
"W-wait," you blurt out, "You're going to meet Pinkie Pie's family? At the Rock Quarry?"
>"Yep!" says Pinkie.
"And you," you point at Pinkie, "are going with her?"
>"Of COURSE!" says Pinkie triumphantly.
"So...so..." you say, almost tearfully, "you're NOT coming to Discords Bachernalian Orgy?"
>Pinkie blinks at you, smiling in non-comprehension.
>Twilight's eyes visibly widen from across the table.
>"Passion? You got an INVITE to THAT!?" she questions, stunned.
>"Wait, what's this Bacheracering thingy?" says Rainbow, suspicious, "Is it some kind of training to be awesome?"
>You tap your chin in contemplation.
"You could say...the fox and the hound leap forwards on Sunday..." you trail off, making vague karate chop movements with your hooves.
>Rainbow quickly turns to Twilight, mouth open-
>"No, Rainbow," groans Twilight, "It isn't a training to be awesome. Or how to survive your finishing move. Stop asking. It's where you go to get dangerously drunk, and engage in risky sexual behaviour."
>Rainbow flutters closer, eyes wide, nose nearly nose with Twilight-
>"And it's not as awesome as it sounds," sighs Twilight.
"Only because you never got drunk, from what Discord told me," you add.
>"Me? Drink?" scoffs Twilight, "Last time I did that..."
>All the mares not bitching and moaning about fashion accessories and whether they're gold and blue or black and white look at Fluttershy, daintily sipping her tea.
>Around her head is a circle of butterflies from when she was crowned Queen of the Butterflies a couple of days ago.
>She looks up, and regally regards the watching mares.
>"The gender bending thing?" she says, softly.
>Twilight nods.
>Fluttershy blushes.
"You gender bent Fluttershy?" you ask, "As in, made her a stallion?"
>Twilight is looking anywhere but you, mouth taught.
"Wow," you say, wriggling your eyebrows at the beet red Butterfly Queen, "Now that's a side of beef that I can get behind."
>"I thought it might help her enjoy herself if she was a stallion," justifies Twilight, scientifically, "Give her more confidence, more aggression," she scowls, "Instead she ended up jerking off non-stop for thirty minutes."
>Fluttershy is blushing right down to her hoofsies.
>Applejack is looking between Fluttershy and Twilight with speculative excitement.
>No doubt she's just widened the pool of possible secret butt lovers for Big Mac.
"But even if you didn't drink," you say, breaking Applejack's plotting, "you could have still engaged in 'risky sexual behaviour'. It's an orgy after all. Nightmare was looking forward to an 'intellectual' tumble, looking to explore your knowledge of sexual positions."
>"Who?" says Twilight, looking at you in uncomprehending confusion.
"And Chrysalis was interested in a good hard hatefuck," you continue, thinking.
>"I, what!?" she cries, recoiling in horror.
"And Sombra wanted to taste you prescious purple pony taint," you continue, appearing heedless but intimately aware of the purple alicorn's growing horror.
>Twilight's eyes are wide and she begins to sloooowly lean back.
"And Trixie and Glimglam were looking forward to lighting some your your 'fireworks', or making your cutie mark into a fucked senseless mare, if you know what I mean," you smirk.
>Twilight is leaning back from the table, neck stretched back, a big old frown on her face.
>Rainbow however is confused.
>"So, wait a minute," she says, "You mean to tell me that, what, this party is for ALL the baddies in Equestria?"
"Not all of them," you dismiss, "Just the cool ones."
>"And you're going?" she asks, accusingly.
"Well..." you say contemplatively, "Three times the rock quakes, and flying peacorns."
>Rainbow's mouth open in a mixture of bewilderment and irritation makes you feel all warm and glowy inside.
>Although it is quickly followed by a look that promises bloody vengance.
>"I WILL find out what 'it' is!" she yells, hoofing at you.
"What is 'it'?" you ask philosophically, "Is it a word? A statement? A pronoun? Or-"
>"ANYWAY," says Applejack loudly, "We've gon' off the rails. Pinkie has invited me and mah family to go ta the Rock Farm fer a Apple and Pie Hearth's Warmin', and I jus' can't wait!"
>"Me too!" says Pinkie, bouncing over and hugging Applejack, "Oh it's going to be SO MUCH FUN!"
>"Where are you goin' Dash?" the orange cowpony asks the irritated cyan pegasus.
>"Me?" she says, glaring untold murder at you, "I'm going to Cloudsdale with Fluttershy to meet up with our folks."
>Then her eyes sparkle and she squees.
>"And then I'm going to meet the Wonderbolts for New Year's Eve!" she cries, "Oh this is so. Cool."
>While she squees, you shoot a questioning glance at Fluttershy.
>She quickly glances to make sure everyone's taking the piss out of Rainbow, before giving you a rather flat, bored expression.
>Under the cover of Rainbow's hasty denials of being a sissy-filly, you smirk mischeviously.
>Fluttershy rolls her eyes and sighs, before turning her eyes back to the conversation.
>"...so there really isn't a reason why you shouldn't ask Spitfire out," finishes Pinkie authoritatively.
"There is," you say, teasingly, "She's currently taken."
>Rainbow looks at you like you've just crushed her world.
>She goes a pale blue, and her rainbow mane goes practically white.
>"Wh-who?" she squeeks, "Who is it that, that would, I would have to share her with...?"
"Well, they ARE looking for a third wheel so to speak," you say thoughtfully, "The other one is Daring Doo."
>Nice girls.
>But seriously, fuck those two.
>You had a straight flush - a STRAIGHT FLUSH - with so many chips on the table it wasn't even funny.
>You think you may have even seen Fluttershy's viginity up there.
>And then both of these drunk, crazed pegasus mares explode the ROOF, jump in, overturn the table, steal an ominously glowing bottle off Blondi, nick all the gin from the bar, slipped you a note with their number on it, then escape roped out.
>In little under ten seconds.
>In the confusion your cards went mysteriously missing.
>You swear before everything went to shit you heard a finger snap from Discords general direction.
>And he was unsufferably smug afterwards.
>He was even smugger when you tracked them down and ruined their tight pony pussies.
>And he probably reached maximum smug when they became your somewhat regular fuck-frenemies.
>You're brought back from your dreams of future vengance against chaos gods, stunt fliers and adventurers, by a sudden explosion of colour.
>"YES!" yells Rainbow, mane glowing with eldritch energy, "YES! OH THIS IS SO AWESOME!"
>...
>Oh.
>Now SHE'S going to go off and annoy THEM instead of YOU.
>You didn't even do anything, it just happened.
>Funny how these things work out.
>Pinkie looks at you flatly.
>You nod in confirmation, picking up a chip and wondering how you're holding it with a hoof.
>"Seriously?" she blinks.
>You nod again, scowling, not finding the answer and deciding to consume the lone chip.
>"Huh," says a baffled Pinkie.
>"SO!" says Applejack again, "Now that th' conversation has run it's rut, what are you doin' for Hearth's Warmin', Twi?"
>The purple Princess turns away from watching Rainbow in amusement.
>"Oh, I'm going to meet up with my brother in the Crystal Empire," says Twilight, smiling.
>You feel that something significant has occurred, given that the background bitching from Rarity has stopped.
>"Er, sugarcube-"
>"So Passion," says Twilight, ignoring Applejack, "How did you get an invite to Discord's Bash?"
"The power of seduction," you quip, although you notice the atmosphere at the table has changed significantly.
>"Twilight-"
>"Oh?" says Twilight over a concerned Pinkie Pie, "And who did you end up seducing?"
"Discord, obviously," you say, feigning confidence.
>"Twilight, Dear-"
>"How did you do that?" asks the curious alicorn over the marshmellow, "I would have thought his tastes would be rather...extreme..."
"Well, they kind of are," you admit.
>"Um, Twilight-"
>"And what ARE these tastes?" says Twilight, cutting down Fluttershy, "I imagine they're quite depraved."
"OH! The HORROR!" you say theatrically, "I, I cannot speak of the terrible horror of..."
>You lean forward, eyes wide, thinking about what terrible thing to share with the Princess of Friendship - maybe skittles? - no, wait! Hoof holding, definitely-
>"Twilight Sparkle!" says Pinkie quickly leaping in conversationally and removing any chance of Discord Dissing, "You are NOT going to the Crystal Empire."
>Twilight stares at you, unblinking, disregarding the party pony.
>"...what is the hor-"
>"TWILIGHT," says a serious Pinkie, appearing beside the alicorn, "You are not. Going to. The Crystal Empire."
>Twilight looks at Pinkie, politely confused.
>"Why not?" she says, smiling pleasantly.
>"Because," says Pinkie, slowly, "Cadence and Shining are going to Canterlot. We've been over this."
>"Nonesense," chuckles Twilight, "They're too busy to leave the Empire."
>"No deary," sighs Rarity, "They're going to Canterlot."
>"No, Rarity," responds Twilight firmly, "They're going to be QUITE busy. I'm sure of it."
>Twilight takes a dainty sip of her mug.
>"QUITE busy," she says not-at-all ominously.
>You glance around the table at the worried expressions on everypony.
>They look at each other, Rainbow shrugging, Rarity frowning and Applejack looking at Twilight warily.
>You however have no idea what's going on.
>"Er...you haven't...er..." Applejack bites her lip.
>"Haven't what, Applejack?" says Twilight.
>"What she's trying to ask," says Rarity, "is have you...ah..."
>She wavers at that far too cheery smile Twilight has.
>"what they're trying to say," says Rainbow, rolling her eyes, "is have you done anything crazy like, unleash Chrysalis or something."
>The purple alicorn taps her chin thoughtfully, before finishing her tea and regarding the dregs in her cup.
>"Oh dear," she says unconcerned, "I'm not quite sure, but...that sounds AWFULLY like what I'm seeing in my tea leaves."
>Everypony is horrified.
>"Twilight Sparkle!" hisses Rarity, quickly glancing around the diner, "You did NOT send Chrysalis to the Crystal Empire just so you have an excuse to NOT go to Canterlot!"
>"Why'n'the hay would you go and do a darn fool thing like that?" whispers harshly the orange earth pony.
>...you have no idea what's going on.
>Why are they being so damn quiet?
>And what's this about Chrysalis?
>Something's tickling your memory banks.
>Pinkie and Rainbow are both looking very concerned as Twilight simply chuckles.
>"Relax, girls," she says, "Luckily I'll be on hoof to help out, if my tea leaves are true and Chrysalis ends up in Crystal Empire."
"No, you won't," you say, suddenly remembering.
>Twilight's eyes snap to you, glaring, daring, DARING you to say otherwise.
>"I hardly think that Pinkie's...boy-toy...could stop me," she chortles deviously.
"Stop you?" you respond, confused "Np, no, I was talking about the whole stopping Chrysalis in Crystal Empire thing."
>Twilight laughs.
>"And what? YOU'RE going to do it?" she laughs, "You're just a sexy colt. What could you do against Chrysalis?"
"Nothing," you say, shaking your head in bafflement, "Not hell of high water could stop that mare. What I was talking about was the stopping IN the Crystal Empire."
>Twilight gives her head a slight shake, smirking.
>"Not after the letter I sent - I MEAN what my tea leaves say," the purple princess says, smiling weakly, "Chrysalis IS going to the-"
"That was you?" you respond, "Huh. And here Chrysalis thought that Shining was being a dumbass again and forgot to send the letter more secretly."
>Twilight freezes, face taught, smile brittle.
>"What," she flatly states.
"Well, naturally she told me when she complained bitterly about how she went to Empire to poke some fun at Shining while having a game of Hyperspace Hyperwars, only to discover that the letter wasn't his!" you smile, "Well the entire thing got sorted out - not often Shining get's to call out Chrysalis on being a numpty - and now Chrysalis is going to the Bash with everypony else."
>Twilight's left eye twitches.
>"When," she asks.
"That was earlier today," you offer, "when we were ...planning? Do I want to use that word? We were doing SOMETHING for the bash," you stare off into the distance briefly in thought, before shaking your head, "But don't worry Twilight," you say, comfortingly, "Chrysalis is going to check letters signed Twilight Sparkle, then crossed out and replaced with Shining Armour, and make sure they were actually sent by Shining."
>You pick up the final chip, and gobble it.
>"See?" chirps Pinkie, "So Cadence and Shining are going to go to Canterlot - where YOU'RE going."
>Twilight, looking rather pale, looks between you in bafflement and Pinkie in growing fear.
>"I, wh, no, no I'm not," she practically pleads.
>"And you're going to have a wonderful time with your family," adds Applejack.
>"But I can, visit them anytime," she tries to brush off.
>"Are we going to completely overlook that Hot Passion is on speaking terms with ALL the villians in Equestria?" asks Rainbow.
>"NO," seizes Twilight, looking at you intensely, "we should definitely investigate-"
>"AND," loudly continues Rarity, trying to get her attention, "you're finally going to clear the air with-"
>"No," states Twilight dangerously, "No I am NOT going to Canterlot."
>Before anyone can do anything she disappears in a poof of purple magic.
>"Dammit Rarity!" says Applejack, "Why'ja go and do a thing like that! Pinkie, Rainbow trah'n find Twilight, but keep buckin' quiet about it!"
>Rainbow salutes, blazing away in a spectrum of colour as Pinkie disappears behind a lamppost.
>"I, I'm sorry Applejack," says Rarity, aghast, "I had no idea that was still this bad."
>"It's STILL this bad!" she grunts, "We have to get to Spike and contact Celestia, an' make darn shoor that Twi doesn't go and do somethin' stupid!"
>The quickly gallop off towards the Castlebrary.
"Huh," you say, "What was THAT about?" you ask, turning to the mellow yellow pegasus.
>"None of your business," she states.
>Hmmmm.
"Well, I guess we'll have to ask the experts,"
>You turn around to the table directly behind you.
"So, Trix, Glimmer," you nod in greeting, "what was all THAT about?"
>The light red unicorn jumps in surprise as the dark blue unicorn across from her rolls her eyes.
>"How did you know that it was I, the Silent and Stealthy Trixie!?" demands the red unicorn.
>"Because you talk in third person," groans the light blue one.
"Eh, I wouldn't worry," you wave off, "Nopony usually cares enough to see through a disguise anyway. I mean, take THOSE amateurs."
>You point over to a garbage can.
>Which possesses two pairs of eyes that stare at you from beneath the lid.
"They're painfully obvious, but no pony's paying attention to them," you point out, "At least you had the sense put yourself in a position that doesn't leave you smelling of garbage, and to buy yourself lunch."
>The red unicorn turns and points at Glimmer, "HA!" she yells, "Trixie TOLD you! Both doing our mission AND eating lunch! Trixie is a GENIUS!"
>The dark blue unicorn rolls her eyes in a longsuffering fashion.
"Anyway, Twilight, problem?" you ask.
>"Ah, that," says Glimmer, grimly, "She is currently in distress because she's still pining for Celestia."
>"The cow," hisses Trixie, "Hurting Twilight's feelings like that."
>Fluttershy raises an eyebrow.
>"Anyway," continues Glimmer, "Celestia has personally invited Twilight Sparkle to Canterlot. She's concerned about her lack of correspondance ever since the whole 'Nightmare Twilight' thing, and thinks she can solve the problem."
>"But Celestia doesn't realize that SHE is the problem," continues Trixie, "And everypony else thinks that this is the perfect opportunity to 'clear the air' between Celestia and Twilight. And Twilight doesn't want anything to do with Celestia at the moment, so she's acting up."
>You nod sagely.
"If only they got together and fucked," you nod thoughtfully.
>Both unicorns glare at you.
"You could join in," you offer.
>They both turn their noses up at you.
>"As if SHE could make Twilight scream louder than I could!" sniffs Glimmer.
>"Ha!" responds, Trixie, "As if YOU could handle Twilight! Next time, she will be beneath Trixie's hoof, begging for mercy!"
>"HA!" mocks Glimmer, "I would have her wrapped around my little hoof, all supple and quivering..."
>You leave the two lovebirds to their argument and turn back to Fluttershy.
"Why haven't I heard about this juicy bit of juiciness?" you ask, baffled, "I'd like to think I have a good grasp of gossip in Ponyville."
>"Because it isn't gossip," says Fluttershy quietly, "We've been trying to keep a lid on it - Twilight was awfully sorry and sad after she nearly went insane. So, we've been covering for her. However...things have gotten crazy again."
"More than usual?" you ask, eyeing a butterfly that leaves Fluttershy's crown and lands on your snout.
>She nods with a sigh.
"Want to tell me about you and Rainbow?" you ask.
>Fluttershy rolls her eyes, wipes her mouth, and leaves without fanfare.
>You're left sitting like a dipstick in the diner, alone with an empty sauce-drenched chip packet...
>And the cheque.
>You groan, before regarding the butterfly on your snout.
"Are you going to ask me to bring back 80's power rock?" you ask the butterfly.
>"No," it utters, "I want you to kill Chechens, obviously," it chitters, before flapping away after Fluttershy.
>...
>Just your average day in Ponyville.
 
--
>It is later.
>You trot up to Grandmother's house, snow crunching underhoof
"Hey Gran!" you call out, opening the door.
>The zebra witch looks up from the ominously glowing brew, bubbling away inside a large cauldron, yellow eyes gleaming with excitement.
>"Salutations my villianous drip!" she hails, taking a great wooden spoon from the boiling concoction, and offering some of the faintly eye-watering stuff, "Come and taste my Philimonious Dip!"
>A swift taste of the stuff gives a delightful tingle in the back of your sinuses, like using pepper spray as a breath freshener.
>The burn is raw, like your tongue is being stripped slowly layer by layer.
>Your teeth fizz faintly as they corrode.
>You snort out some reddish smoke (which is most likely some of your blood aerating) from your nostrils.
"It's a bit weak," you say, frowning, "My nose is still attached to my head."
>Your Grandmother 'hmphs'.
>"As much as it pains me to speak, I have to keep the dip 'nice and weak'. Lest Glimtwit or Twatxie have their feelings hurt, their bodies broken, or their mouthsies burnt," she sneers in a sing-song voice, "Fail they do admire, the turning of cross to fire. Weakling sows! Pathetic tastes! All flower and mushroom pastes!"
>She leans in conspiratorially.
>"But complain they do, in tone and pitch, that even Belias would turn and flinch, and while such discord would amaze, tis' not fun once in lusty haze; if you lap in their angry lagoon, they tend to get upset quick-soon. So amends we must make, their weakling appetites we slake."
>You nod sagely.
>Too often they complain bitterly about the snacks of your Grandma's making, which would result in general bitchiness between Grandma and everyone, and then spells get thrown around, curses get cast, a skeleton gets pulled out of a closet and by the end of it everyone has had a bad time.
>"Speaking of weakling tastes..." your Grandmother trails off, looking at you speculatively.
>And a little...
>Dare you utter it.
>Nervous?
>"...I have...noticed some emotional ... 'wastes', that have been afflicting you of late, and...I fear it is something I cannot abate," she says.
>She trots over to a box, openning it up and rumaging around inside it.
>You narrow your eyes, confused.
>"And while here you may enjoy Warming Hearth's, I fear your heart follows other paths..."
>She picks something up, and trots back to you.
>"So...Merry...y'know...THAT...," she says, hoofing you a small, neatly wrapped parcel with holly leaves on the wrapping paper and a big bow on the top.
>You look at the...dare you say it...Christmas gift with sheer wonderment.
>You honestly can't believe it.
>You've NEVER gotten a Christmas gift from her.
>Unless it was coal.
>Or razorblades.
>She believes that celebrating the birth of Jesus was an affront to everything that she believed in.
>And looking at the precious, rare thing in your hands, you feel an upwelling of emotion inside you.
>It's a small thing.
>A little token of appreciation that means so, so much coming from your Gran.
>But also a reminder that while you're here, happy and healthy, back in the waking world you're not.
>By far you're not.
>While everyone else is getting ready in the hospital, putting tinsel and wreathes and christmas lights everywhere.
>While everyone is seeing their families, laughing for a few wonderous moments.
>While everyone is happy.
>It's never been that way for you, beeping away inside a cold room with a small sickly tree on the desk with a card from your busily working mother.
>Feeling empty.
>Useless.
>A burden.
>Just slowly waiting to die.
>You think about your poor mother, working hard, while you're...
>Here.
>You blink back tears, not sure what to feel.
>Glad at the gift?
>Sad at the circumstance?
"Th...thanks Gran," you say, emotionally torn, "You...have no idea..."
>You look up at her.
>She frowns, sadly.
>"Like Generosity singing a song," she grimaces, "I fear I may have done something wrong."
"No, it's uh..." you fail to articulate.
>"Never fear, my little fly," she waves off, "I always never get by; this season of 'giving' gifts for fluff, a thing of emotions and things and stuff...Not my style, I'm sure you're aware - now open up this treasured eclair!"
>She happily dances on her hooves in excitement.
>Fighting down several conflicting emotions, you open the gift, you extract something wrapped in brown paper.
>A quick rip and tear of the paper reveals a ... ring?
>A bracelet?
>It's a round, shiny, metallic thingy covered in runes.
>You look from the object to your Grandmother, confused.
"Um...thanks for the bracelet, Gran!" you say, unsure but happy.
>You Grandmother gently pats your shoulder.
>"That adornment is not meant for your leg," she says, "But it's for your Almighty Peg."
>She hoofs at your dick.
>You blink at her.
>Then the bracelet-cock-ring-thing.
>That is now in your Grandmother's mouth.
>She waggles her eyebrows, before casually slipping her head under your chest.
>You roll your eyes as you mount her front, feeling hot breath on your sheath.
>Way to ruin the deep emotional torment, Gran.
>...or maybe vastly improve the mood?
>A long, wet tongue slips around your head, instantly getting you hard in the exact way she knows how.
>...definitely an improvement.
>Hard to focus on existential heartbreak when there's a saucy, hot, deeply forbidden minx worshiping your cockhead.
>She easily slides your hardening cock inside the hard ring in her mouth and into her hot, slick throat.
>You grunt a bit as there's a sudden tightness at the bottom of your shaft, before her lips slurp at the base of your dick.
>Her tongue slides out and slides around your nuts, squeezing them pleasantly.
>She seems content to worship your parts as you gasp and moan onto her back.
>It's not long before you thrust in uncontrollable pleasure into her guts, her teeth beginning to playfully bite into your skin, your balls slapping her chin.
>Her lips suddenly slurp lewdly as she sliiiiides down your prick, tongue spiralling and licking all along the shaft.
>You gasp and buck your hips as she suddenly orally assaults your dickhead
>She bites down hard, severing skin, holding you in place.
>A few moments of oversensation and you moan loudly, unleashing a torrent of seed into her mouth, clamped hard around your dick head.
>She gobbles and slurps down your load and the blood from her overvigorous clamping.
>You eventually sit back on your pony-arse, gritting your teeth as she 'pop's her mouth from your aching dick head.
>In a flash something unseemly is pressed into the wound, and just as quickly a worm crawls out of the bleeding gash, gnibbles the brown-grey crusty stuff, before sliding into the slit of your now freshly healed dick head.
>Yep.
>Never going to get quite used to healing that way.
>Your eyes travel down to the cock-brace-thing at the bottom of your slack cock.
>The runes glow ominously.
>You Grandmother however looks at the thing ecstatically as it disappears into your sheath.
>"Now my Darling, for you now, more protection from Royal Cow," she trails a hoof along the warm metal, "This gift I gave, tough and hard, will strengthen bone, nerve and lard, 'gainst magic both strong and weak, from sodden ground or mountain peak. I shall always fear your mortal safety, from Midnight Whore or Solar Pasty, but this little thing, though little be, will help resist mortality."
>Awwww.
>She does care for you!
>You hug her, which she returns.
>You hear her whisper something about loving her little hellbeast conqueror, but you pointedly try to ignore that.
>She did something nice for you.
>That is the important bit.
"Thanks for the Christmas present, Gran," you whisper.
>In the blink of an eye she pushes you back, cringing awkwardly.
>"Do not speak the naaaaame," she hisses.
"Jeeze Gran," you say, rolling your eyes, "I don't think the Devil would have any problem saying 'Christmas'."
>She grits her teeth angrily.
>"Just for that blasphemous crap!" she angrily declares, "You have to do one more lap! To Ponyville you mustn't shrink, and get the Moste Unholy Drink!"
>She harshly pushes a parcel acquisition slip into your chest, casuing you to stagger back.
>"Get the cargo from the Office, and bring back the infernal hogpiss. Do this and to the Bash we ball -"
>In a flash her eyes shine a wicked green.
>"- or DO NOT EVEN COME AT ALL!"
>You are siezed by powerful magic, your body raked with claws and teeth and fire before you are thrown out of the treehouse into the chilly snow.
>You right yourself, and look at the darkened windows.
>You 'hmph' snootily, before slipping the postal form into your mane and trotting off into the pelting sleet.
>However, some distance into the forest you begin to notice the air growing much colder, and the wind getting harsh.
>The freezing burn is a nice sensation against your coat, but you struggle to find your way forwards through the deepening snow.
>Luckily, being a demon with internal infernal heating, the snow melts against your skin.
>Unluckily, you find yourself getting increasingly wet.
>By the time you exit the forest and come to the Ponyville Train Station, you are dripping wet.
>The moisture clings to you annoyingly, like cold slick sweat.
>It makes you feel weirdly feverish.
>That, or maybe the fact that the snow storm is so violent, that you can't properly see Ponyville station.
>You can barely percieve the vagest forms of the station building for the storm of ice blowing harshly from dark clouds in the sky directly above the station.
>It's got to be an absolute howler of a storm of ice and sleet and tearing wind, the snow rapidly deepening around you.
>Peering into the whirling gale, you make your way towards town, your warm hooves turning the snow to slush.
>En route you see movement at the station.
>One large pony figure is stomping angrily towards the snowstorm-wracked station, where ... you guess two more pony figures are standing at attention.
>They could be statues possibly; they aren't moving.
>Or they're Royal Guards.
>However, from the angry stomping of the large pony, you guess that it's Twilight Sparkle.
>And no doubt this storm is probably some last-minute ploy to stay in Ponyville and avoid more Celestia-derived relationship issues.
>After all, there's no way that a storm of this viciousness, at this time of day, in this part of the country, and at this time of year would be localized entirely on Ponyville Station.
>You slush wetly away from the unnatural freezing storm and whatever current Royal Drama is happening, emerging from the thicker snow bank and hitting cobblestone road.
>The snow is falling hard - no doubt from the freakout blizzard courtesy of Twilight - forcing the last minute Hearth's Warming Eve shoppers to trudge, slip and skid for cover.
>You crunch your way through the knee-deep snow, watching pegasi unsteadily fly through the storm, no doubt trying to rustle up the storm.
>You don't envy them, and quietly thank your past-self for choosing 'unicorn' instead of 'pegasi' for your pony form
>You can't imagine how often you'd be dragged into doing storm-management when you're as hot as you are.
>Entering the post-office, you are hit with a blast of hot air, which makes your sodden slef feel immeasurably uncomfortable.
>It ain't right to feel like this without at least four deeply satisfied ponies holding onto you.
>You shake off most of the water, before joining the line of shivering ponies wrapped in scarves, coats, boots and all manner of winter gear all waiting to get ot the counter.
>Glancing around, you see several intriguing Hearth's Warming products amongst the general souveneir and kid's toys collection.
>Remembering your Grandmother's general silly disdain of the festive spirit (and how she bodily threw you out of the house, not to mention giving you mood whiplash), you leave the line and search for proper revenge attire.
>You smile mischeviously, searching for the tackiest, most sachirine, and the most Grandmother-infuriating apparely you can find.
>Your search narrows to a decidedly undelightful series of what appears to be hoof-knitted sweaters that read "Happy Hearth's Warming from Ponyville!", all with a different picture of Twilight Sparkle on the front.
>You idly wonder why she's winking in every single one, as you look for one the right size.
>The door briefly opens up, letting in a sharp blast of ice and screaming wind.
>You ignore it, looking deeply at the winking Twilight, and considering maybe purchasing more than just one.
>This is some fine tacky knitting, after all.
>"Hot Passion?" you hear a deep, authoritative, feminine voice from the front, "Is Hot Passion here?"
>You look over at ...
>What.
>It's Bon Bon!
>In a latex body suit!
>Covered with all sorts of webbing and weapons!
>And a decorative mask over her eyes!
>You blink, looking around, wondering if a 'villain' is going to show up in crotchless slacks and a fishnet shirt.
>You heard about this sort of thing.
>Ponies dress up as 'superheroes' or 'supervillains', they go around having 'fights' and then one captures the other, they have rough sex, then they escape and it continues.
>Like Daring Doo and Spitfire.
>It was incredibly embarrasing the first time you raided their lair and they had to sit you down and tell you the Rules, and that you couldn't just break into a hero's secret hideout like that.
>Only real dicks do that.
>Looking at Bon Bon's dubious outfit, you'd never pegged her for one of those ponies.
>She took her work way too serious for that.
>Maybe this is the first time she's done it?
>...oh.
>Maybe YOU were supposed to show up in the crotchless slacks and the fishnet shirt.
>Boy, you REALLY missed the memo then!
>This is SO embarrassing.
>A nearby pony - you think it might be Sweet Dreams from the shock of purple and blue hair erupting from the beanie - lifts a hoof in your direction.
>In a flash Bonnie leaps into action, throwing ninja stars at you with a mighty "hee-YA!"
>They slice through the sweater your holding, sticking like burrs into your hide.
"Hey Bon Bon!" you say, nervously, "Um, sorry, I didn't get the message about the whole 'superhero debut' thing..."
>She grunts, before pulling out nunchucks with her teeth, doing an elaborate 'swing swing swing', before whacking you with it.
>The wooden stick harmlessly 'dints' off your head, chest and front several times.
"...and, while I'd very much like to rut you in public," you awkwardly explain, ignoring the blows, "I'm kind of a little busy."
>She flips back with a "uh-HUH!", and poses dramatically.
>"You're already defeated!" she says.
>You look at your bruised body, and the stars sticking in your skin, before looking back at Bonbon.
"....okay?" you awkwardly respond, rather confused.
>She looks at you, hard.
>You suddenly begin to feel slightly dizzy all of a sudden.
>You go to a knee, shaking your head, as the world goes all grey and fuzzy.
>Whelp, it looks like you're in for some sexy Bon Bon times now.
>Your mouth feels dry, and the floor is sliding to the right.
>Or maybe...Of course!
>This is how Lyra will get to you and ravish your sexy body!
>You feel like your body is going numb, and your hooves slide a bit.
>But quite frankly, you are NOT going to fuck 'I-Accused-You-Of-Being-A-Pedophile" Lyra Heartstrings!
>You focus on your legs, and your joints, and everything currently falling asleep in your body, and you focus on standing.
>Something 'buzzes' in your sheath in response, and the insidious sleepiness suddenly softens.
>You stumble back up, trying to shake the feeling of general 'urgh' that now afflicts you.
>Like your body is only vaguely controlled by your brain.
>"That should've put you down!"
>You look up lopsidedly at the grimacing Bon Bon.
>Along with a rather shocked Lyra Hearstrings, in a pretty white fuzzy coat.
>"Bon Bon!" she says, scandalized, "What are you doing!?"
>The Super Duper Secret Agent frowns at Lyra Whitepomf.
>No doubt thinking "Why on earth are you questioning my methods on getting you laid!?"
>You take the opportunity to begin yanking out the stars.
>Removing each one removes that numbness from your body a little bit (along with a little squirt of blood), although once you're finished, you're still a tiny bit lightheaded.
>"When I said I wanted to GET him, I didn't mean 'Take him out'!" outrages Lyra Lyra, "Why are you trying to kill the guy who we're planning on blackmailing into bucking us again!?"
>The crowd of ponies looks at Lyra dubiously.
>Ah, she's broken character.
>Clearly, she isn't aware of how invulnerable you are.
>Bon Bon facehoofs with a groan.
>"Dammit Lyra!" she yells, "This isn't about casual sex, this is about killing this THING before it kills anypony else!"
>...
>What.
"Killing anypony else?" you slur.
>That's a bit extreme.
>One of the ponies in line steps forward, taking a firm look at Ninja Mistress Bon Bon through a black scarf.
>"Killing!?" gasps Lyra, "What, bu, why!?"
>Bonnie points a hoof at you.
>"Because that THING nearly KILLED two foals today!" she rages.
>All at once the post office falls silent, except for the howling wind outside.
>The waiting line of ponies peek out from their winter coverings, bewildered as Lyra recoils in horror.
>Except the one pony with a black scarf.
>Who is pushing past everypony to get to Bonnie.
>You look at the fuming sexually frustrated secret agent, baffled.
>What on earth has happened THIS time?
>Taking advantage of the sudden lack of movement, Bonnie pulls out something that looks like...
>Is that a space gun!?
>Sensing things may not actually be the BDSM playfighting you were imgaining, you quickly leap to the side.
>Although Bonnie's previous stunning agent decides that you should, instead, lurch sideways into the display full of winking Twilight shirts and festive souveniers.
>You quickly find yourself buried in a sudden pile of fabric, cards and knick knacks.
>There's the sound of something going 'zzzzap!', and the pile you're struggling and stumbling around in suddenly gets lighter.
>And hotter.
>You roll out of the pile, your impromptu shield of various festive gifts and presents now nothing but ash.
>Damn.
>You wanted to but at least half of those!
>You stagger upright into a standing position, just in time to watch the black scarfed pony tackle Bonnie to the ground.
>The scarf falls away, revealing the stoic, stern, unmovable face of Ponyville's Police Officer, Officer Stern.
>As in that's her name, Officer Stern.
>Ponies, man.
>"Agent Sweetie Drops!" she says authoritatively, "drop the weapon!"
>Bon Bon quickly recovers, and promptly ninja-flips Stern over onto her face.
>Seeing your moment you elegantly and gracefully leap forward.
>Bonnie goes to take aim with her gun, just as you elegantly and gracefully stagger awkwardly into her.
>You fall atop her, pinning her to the floor.
>She 'urks' as she drops the ray gun thing, pounding your head, face and sides with her hooves.
>Taking advantage of her distraction, Officer quickly hoofcuffs her.
>Bonnie, using the chain of the hoofcuffs, tries to strangle you.
>You however get into a more comfortable position, lying down on top of her, and ignoring the chain currently digging into your throat, you look around.
>The crowd of ponies continue to look on with interest.
>Officer is rubbing her face, although why escapes you.
>Her face is made of solid granite, and thus impervious to such things as being slammed into the floor.
>At least that's the reason you think her face never moves.
>"Agent Sweetie Drops," she growls, "You will STAND DOWN, or so help me I'll have you out of my town so fast that you'll have whiplash."
>Bon Bon just growls, trying to struggle free.
>You, however, are enjoying the feeling of a smooth, sleak, squeeky latex ninja-suited pony wriggling beneath you.
>That reminds you - you're going to have to talk to Spitfire and give Rainbow Dash the talk about the Rules.
>"Bonnie!" cries Lyra, "Just, just calm down! You're scaring me right now!"
>Bonnie, seeing her choking isn't working, head butts your nose.
>She grunts in pain as her face bounces off yours.
>"AGE' SHWEE'IE DROPS!" yells Officer, drawing a baton in her mouth, "SHTOP RIGH' NOW!"
>Bonnie grits her teeth, glaring at you.
>Then at Officer.
>Then at Lyra.
>Her face briefly goes apologetic.
>Before there's a flash of silver and you're suddenly blind in your right eye.
>You reflexively blink.
>You now have the suddenly unpleasant life experience of knowing exactly what it's like to slice your eyelid on a blade sticking into your eye socket.
>You scream out, shaking your head as a pain the likes of which you've never experienced suddenly SLAMS into you.
>Swearing and cussing, you roll off Bon Bon, trying to get the burning, blinding, wrongness out of your skull oh god this hurts so god-damned much get it out get it out GET IT OUT-
>You're suddenly entangled, being held down, but you just thrash about, something cutting into your skin, trying to push or pull or get rid of whatever IT is in your SKULL it's in your BRAIN and it's WRONG it's going down you NECK oh god get it-
>"Stop bucking moving!" you hear someone yell distantly, "You'll just make it worse!"
>You, however, disagree with that sentiment, how else COULD IT GET WORSE IT'S KILLING YOU GET IT OUT GET IT OUT-
>"But if I do THAT," they yell, "You WILL lose the eye!"
>Fuck the eye you could always get another one it hurts it hurts it hurts get it out of fuck oh lord-
>"Just hold him down and I'll get it out!" yells another voice.
>Yes get it OUT get it OFF get it AWAY from you-
>"Fine!" the voice yells back, "FINE! Just, just get RID of it!"
>You feel something press into the side of your head, and-
>You clench your eyes shut as the offending object is yanked out.
>OOOooooh that's better.
>You slacken in relief.
>Your right eye suddenly hurts a normal, manageable amount.
>You're used to eye pain.
>You have been skullfucked before.
>Heck, Chrysallis had a thing for eating your eyes for a month there.
>But that... knife...
>You felt that harm you in a deep, perverse way that you never want to experience ever again.
>You try to rub your eye, but your hooves are tied to the ground.
>With your good eye, you look around.
>You see a bloodspattered yellow face looking at the right side of your face with a sick look on her features.
>Oh, it's Roseluck!
>Using her first aid training that she just got accredited for last month.
>And she looks way out of her depth.
>Above her stands Lyra, looking at a long, thin metal blade that glints wrongly in the light, grimacing.
>She then gently places it on the ground.
>You see her kick it, and hear it clatter off into a corner of the store.
>Your eye turns back to Roseluck, who pushes something onto the right side of your head.
>"Th-there," she says, "That'll help stop the...ah...bleeding. But...oh dear that's a lot of blood."
>"Roseluck!" you hear Officer Stern yell out, struggling with something, "You need to get him to the hospital!"
>Roseluck is looking awfully pale.
"Ah, don't worry 'bout it," you say cheerfully, "Heck, this isn't the first time something long, thin and hard has been pushed into one of my head holes."
>You wriggle your eyebrows suggestively.
>Roseluck looks at you with incredulity.
>You try to move an arm and boop her playfully, but you find yourself stuck.
>Looking down, you find yourself tied up with many, many threads.
>That have cut into your body.
>Roseluck was right, that IS a lot of blood.
>"He's going...going into shock," concludes an unsteady Roseluck, "Lyra, can you...oh dear...can you get rid of the string?"
>Lyra however is looking at the corner where the knife was kicked, then above and behind you, a look of desolation on her features.
>"Lyra!" says Roseluck, urgently, "We need to move him!"
>The cyan mare looks back at Roseluck, taking a moment to just stare at her, before shaking her head a little.
>"It's...it's....urgh," sighs a dejected Lyra, "From the looks of things he's ... garrotted himself quite badly. It's probably better if we move him like this."
"It's just a little flesh wound," you dismiss, trying to lighten the mood a bit "It looks worse than it is!"
>Lyra, Roseluck, Officer and the watching ponies don't believe you, and you find yourself being lifted on a stretcher past a knocked-out and tied-up Bon Bon, and a furious Post Office Manager, out into the blistering, stormy cold.
 
---
 
>It is...not much later.
>Lyra dumped you in a hospital bed in the ER, did some nifty magic to uncoil the string, before quickly departing and leaving you in Nurse Redheart's tender mercies.
>And excellent stitching skills.
>Damn that was a lot of stitches.
>That...kind of feels nice.
>Maybe you could have Grandmother practice stitching your lips together or something like that.
>While you let Nurse Redheart carry out her duties, you bask in stinging sensation and think on why Bon Bon went off the rails.
>Clearly, two foals were severely hurt.
>That apparently was connected to you.
>But you don't see how.
>All the villains are going to the Bash, and thus wouldn't be here to do nefarious things.
>And all the 'heroes', so to speak, are off doing things not here.
>Maybe it was something Twilight did?
>You can buy that, she was ten different types of 'nope' with regards to going to Canterlot.
>Wouldn't be much of a stretch if she, in a tizzy, ended up snow-storming Ponyville.
>And then Celestia, in her Big-Girl-Voice, ordered Twilight to stop mucking around and come to Canterlot so she can blissfully ignore the drama.
>Twilight, annoyed, catches the train the Canterlot.
>There's hijinks, shenanigans, and it all ends with Twilight and Celestia making love on a bed of roses or something like that.
>And then post-coitus Twilight goes 'Oh! I completely forgot I froze two foals in Ponyville!'
>And Celestia says 'You naughty girl', before bringing out a cane and a serious teacherly look as Twilight wets herself in anticipation.
>Meanwhile, Bon Bon has made the somewhat logical jump that crazy dangerous accidental magic must mean you.
>Well, it kind of fits.
>After all, Bonnie Bond has had it out for you since Nightmare Night.
>And you're the only really powerful magic thing in Ponyville.
>Except you can't do that kind of magic.
>Shapeshifting, being impervious to damage - excluding whatever the fuck Bon Bon stabbed into your eye hole - being damn sexy and soul sucking are your powers, not storms.
>But Bon Bon doesn't know that.
>So it's understandable.
>Kind of.
>You are roused from your musings as Nurse Redheart casually dumps you into an empty bed in a patient ward.
>You have no memory of how you got here, completely bundled up in bandages, with half your head wrapped up with medical tape.
>A testament to Redheart's crazy wicked nursing skills.
>You go to get up to thank her, but Nurse Redheart afixes you with a wicked glare.
>"Don't you even THINK about moving!" she growls.
"Why?" you ask innocently, getting up ,"I was just going to-"
>"Nope!," she says tersely, picking up your clipboard and looking at it, "Stay in the bed."
"But I'm fine!" you dismiss, putting your hooves on the floor.
>"No, you aren't," she says grimly, making some notes on your clipboard.
"I am! Now come here and let me hug you," you say, going to stand beside her with your arms wide for a hug.
>Redheart looks up from the clipboard to you, and her eyes widen.
>She suddenly grabs you with inhuman strength and puts you back in the bed.
>"Do NOT do that again!" she says sternly, eyeing the bandages that hide most of the stitches she put into you while holding your arms down, "I don't want you to hurt yourself! Especially when you don't have a lot of blood left in you!"
>You go to get back up but she presses down HARD.
>She gets on the bed, standing over you, and looks you straight in the eye.
>"You are going to stay here. You are going to get better. Or I am going to tie you to this bed."
>You raise an eyebrow.
>"Load you up with tranquilizers, and let you sleep."
>Your eyebrow lowers.
>Damn.
>No saucy sexy Nurse Redheart action.
>You pout.
>"And if that doesn't work, and you start hitting on other patients, I'll put a catheter into you, the WRONG WAY,"
>Oh.
>Maybe you WILL get sexy nurse action.
>Just not the one you were expecting.
"That's kind of hot," you say.
>Nurse Redheart grimaces.
>You raise an eyebrow at her saucily.
>She recoils a bit, thoughtful.
>"Passion," she eventually says, "You're delirious from a lack of blood."
"No I'm not!" you grin cheekily.
>"Passion," says Nurse Redheart seriously, "You are thinking of having sex with me."
>You go to open your mouth.
>Then pause.
>You feel there's something WRONG with that sentence.
>Taving sex with Nurse Redheart.
>The Nurse.
>That you have serious discussions with on medical stuff.
>That you have NEVER hit on because she's a Nurse.
>And you  have been kind of maybe avoiding her since the Nightmare Moon fiasco.
>And the fact that you made up a magic balm that could help other ponies in order to explain weird demonic succubus stuff.
>And then maybe promised you give some to Nurse Redheart at some point.
>You suddenly cringe at the thought of having sex with Nurse Redheart, and then being interrogated by her.
>Nurse Redheart nods, seeing your reaction.
>"See? I need you to stay here, get some blood INTO your weirdly hard body-"
>You snort.
>"-and THEN you can get up. Are we clear, Hot Passion?" she says dangerously.
>You stare at Nurse Redheart.
>She's got a point.
>You've gone a bit weird in the head.
>Except you think it's more because of what Bon Bon stabbed you with, rather than the loss of blood.
"Crystal," you say.
>"Good," Redheart nods.
>She draws the curtains around your bed, hoofing at her eyes then yours.
>You roll your eyes as you listen to her trot away, her hoofsteps diappearing into the ambience of general hospital noise.
>That noise which you hate, loathe and despise.
>That noise that haunts you're every waking moment.
>You grimace, but bear it.
>All you need is a little time to recuperate, let Bon Bon cool down and figure out who actually hurt the foals, and you'll go to the Post Office, grab the Beer for the Bachernalian Bash, and try to forget that Bon BOn came damn close to killing you.
>You roll over and look at the digital clock.
>It's 5:46 pm.
>The post Office closes at 6.
>You have a nasty feeling that your Grandmother's ominous warning about not showing up ever again if you don't have the Grog was an understatement.
>Heck, you'd be peeved to if you set up a huge bash, and trusted the beer to one guy, and then that guy never showed.
>Or worse, showed up WITHOUT the beer.
>Times that by the fact that it's every cool villain in Equestria, and you KNOW things are going to be bad.
>Well shit, you have to get the fuck out of here!
>Listening intently, you don't detect the movement of orderlies, patients, nurses or doctors outside.
>Just the beep beep beep of machines and the sucking noise of ventilators.
>It's time to put to use your exceptionaly hospital sneaking skills from spending years as a respiratory cripple trying to snag a snack from the nurse's breakroom.
>It's time to use all your new-found skill of sneaking out of houses to avoid jealous loved ones returning home to their wives or husbands.
>It's time...to get right the fuck out of here.
>You slink out of the bed, crawling to the curtain.
>Nosing under the curtain you peer out.
>Seeing no movement, you steadily slide along the row of beds on your belly like a sneaky snake.
>Objective the first - find something suitably disgusting to heal with.
>You steadily slither around and under beds either empty or holding sleeping or TV distracted ponies.
>You stealth sneak your way along, eventually finding a trolley bin full of soiled sheets.
>You take off the lid and sniff the aroma coming from inside.
>Ahh, the disgusting smell of soiled hospital linnens.
>It's fantastic!
>You remove the lid and then take off the bandages, chucking them into the bin.
>Then you jump in, pulling the lid over you.
>You find your wounds growing tentacles or tongues or arms or teeth, slithering and sucking and soaking their way through sweat, shit, vomit and blood.
>You are seriously going to have to snag some of these bags for later.
>You shiver at the mixed sensations, your body roiling and consuming and healing to perfection in this bath of groteque grime.
>Then suddenlythe trolley moves, and you have to bite back a moan.
>"Ugh, this is SO HEAVY," you hear a feminine voice whine, "I TOLD Tippy not to overload the bin but noooooo he's just gotta load up as much as physically possible - by Celestia he's REALLY going to get it when I tell Redheart, oh he's going to GET it..."
>You sit stock still, listening as the mare pushing the trolley complains and grumbles and mumbles about 'Tippy', Nurse Redheart, the snow, Nurse Redheart, the price of bananas, Nurse Redheart, the way that chocoloate milk sends chocolate missiles into your eyes, Nurse Redheart, the weight of the trolley...
>Eventually the trolley stops moving.
>Your body, you feel, has fully healed, and your mind has returned to something resembling clarity.
>Did you seriously hit on Nurse Redheart?
>The mare outside grumbles about the object of your misguided affection, before you hear the sound of something 'clunk'ing open.
>You take a sneaky peak, raising the lid and seeing a sky blue unicorn fumbling with a giant washing machine.
>Taking your chance, you quickly and quietly climb out of the bin, putting the lid back on.
>You gingerly move backwards, watching her grumble and bash the washing machine, complaining about it's lack of intelligence.
>Your plot finds a door, causing it to swing open a bit with a squeek.
>The mare continues to grumble, not paying you any heed.
>Figuring she thinks you're another orderly, you slide out of the door.
>With a relieved sigh, you look about the utilitarian corridor you're in.
>You have no idea where you are.
>And you have no idea what the time is.
>You pick a direction and trot quickly down the corridor, past laundry and storage rooms.
>You reach the end before quietly swinging back the the door and juuuust getting the side of your head out, nice and low.
>Looking first left, you see an empty corridor.
>Looking right, you see two orderlies chatting at a water cooler next to a door.
>Hmmm, you're not getting past the orderlies.
>Especially when you're walking from what appears to be the 'employee's only' back area of the hospital.
>And you don't think you have time to slow down.
>You need to get to the Post Office!
>You turn your head, considering going down the empty corridor...
>And you observe a sign pointing to the Break Room, Oncology...and Doctor Horse's Office.
>Ah...
>Doctor Horse was married with two kids.
>He was also a hard worker.
>And worked many long and stressful nights.
>And needed some long, hard stress relief during the longer shifts.
>Something to hold down and just rut into oblivion to make SOMEPONY happy Celestia dammit!
>Which was something you were happy to do.
>You have your bearings now.
>The corridor to your left goes towards the doctor's offices.
>The door to your right goes out past radiology and eventually to the front lobby, the entrance you're used to using for your late night Doctor wall bangers.
>And from this information a cunning plan blossoms forth from your brain.
>You shake yourself, turning into the form of Doctor Horse.
>Emerging from the door, you confidently trot down the empty corridor, taking a left, a right, and finally reaching Horse's office.
>You slip a hoof under a nearby obiquitous pot plant to retrieve the spare key.
>You pointedly ignore passing orderlies who were shivering and commenting about how god damn cold it was as you unlock the door, replace the key and quickly let yourself in.
>Ah, the memories.
>You glance from the newest set of teeth marks you left on the desk to the clock.
>5:56pm
>Shit.
>You quickly find Doctor Horse's coat and stethiscope hanging on a hook, putting them on your Doctor Horse body.
>Nopony, come hell or high water, stops Doctor Horse with his signature Doctor Coat and Doctor Stethiscope.
>Because when he's got those on, he means Doctor business.
>This will hopefully enable you to quickly vacate the hospital with no questions.
>And speed is what you need right now.
>Thus properly entired, you quickly trot out of the office as if you were on a Doctor mission.
>You lock up, then rapidly march down the corridors.
>"Evening," you say gravely as you trot past the orderlies in front of the water cooler from earlier.
>They see your coat and stethiscope, and step back as you move through the door.
>Patients, nurses and lessser doctors part before your serious and speedy Doctor March.
>Heh, this is kind of fun.
>You can see why Doctor Horse does this now.
>You're advancing hastily past Radiology in full Doctor Mode, when a voice calls out "Doctor Horse!"
>"Nurse Redheart," you say, briefly glancing back, continuing your Doctor March-
>"Thank Celestia you're here!" she huffs as she gets between you and the doorway to the lobby, "I thought you were snowed in!"
>Nurse Redheart is heedless of your Doctorialness, and stands there, breathing heavily.
>Dammit, there's no time!
>Quick, say a Doctor Thing.
"I had to come in and grab my Doctor Things," you say with intense gravity, "There's something seriously wrong with a patient on Evergreen-"
>"There's no time for that!" she cries, before grabbing you by the teeth and bodily dragging you back past radiology.
>Nooooo!
>You watch as freedom get's further and further away.
"Nurse Redheart!" you yelp Doctorially, "Dammit mare! Lives are at stake!"
>You find yourself in a lift.
>She spits you out before pushing the third floor button.
>"The two foals that came in with hypothermia earlier have crashed," she says, grimly.
>You sober up.
>There's a serious medical emergency.
>You're pretending to be a serious Doctor.
>And you're being called in to deal with it.
>Shit.
>Double shit.
>Triple fucking shit!
>You struggle to remember something that sounds vaguely medical while inside you hyperventilate.
"Do we know what caused the abbherant reaction?" you say, desperately hoping that you don't fuck up in the next few minutes.
>"No idea," she says, looking visibly distressed, "their core temperature just dropped like a brick - I've never seen anything like it! I've tried heating them up, but nothing works!"
>The elevator dings open and Redheart hurries out.
>You follow her while looking like you know where you're going.
>And desperately trying not to freak out.
>Your a whorse not a doctor dammit!
>And now you're probably going to end up killing two foals!
>...that were probably the ones that Bon Bon accused you of trying to kill earlier.
>Oh! The Ironing!
>All too soon you follow Nurse Redheart into the room.
>At the end of the room is a large window.
>The storm has subsided slightly, with snow drifting down from the blackened sky almost lazily.
>Closer to you, and more deserving of your attention, there's two beds.
>The nearest has a rotund green stallion you identify as Spits, and his wife, a weary blue mare, clutching each other as they watch Snips with a rather silly look frozen on his face.
>The furthest bed has a long, tall, almost giraffe proportioned orange pony looking over Snails, who looks just as frozenly goofy.
>Both of the tiny colts are covered in silvery heat sheets, stuck solid with their limbs pointing out like they were scared stiff.
>And the machines around their beds are beeping and screaming like mad.
>You stand there, shocked.
>Oh fuck this is bad.
>You recognise most of the heart beat reading machines.
>What the rest of them do escape you.
>But the readings you can understand...
>Yeah, this is really bad.
>You quickly trot over to the nearest bed, feeling lost.
>"Doctor! What should we do?" yells Nurse Redheart as she quickly wraps the long thin one in more blankets.
>You calmly look at her, then the patient.
>Outside, you appear calm.
>Confident.
>Collected.
>Inside, you are freaking right the fuck out.
>Quick, do something Doctorish!
>You take off the Stethiscope and plug it into your ears.
>Nurse Redheart looks from you, to the perfectly functioning heartrate monitor, back to you, incredulous.
>HA HA she has no idea how fucking out of your depth you are!
>You huff on the stethiscope, rub your jacket, then apply the metal bit to the foals chest.
>There's a fell chill that crawls up your arm as you hear a very slow beat.
>You 'Hmm' appropriately.
>Whelp, that did absolutely nothing.
>Redheart is frozen, looking at you boggled.
>The adult ponies are looking at you, desperate.
>Feeling you have to do SOMEthing you apply your hoof directly to the little pony's chest.
>He's cold.
>He's DAMN cold.
>Well, what's the opposite of cold.
>Heat!
>You pour a little bit of your infernal internal heating down your leg and into his chest.
>The chill resists your heat, killing it, drowning it, clawing UP your arm-
>Then you feel a curious tingle in your sheath.
>And the chill begins to slowly receed.
>Huh.
>Must be some kind of ice magic?
>Twilight REALLY went overboard with her icy hissy-fit!
>You put your other hoof on Snip's chest, and focus on warming them up while silently sending hate-beams towards Twilight, who is no doubt having a tender emotional moment with Cadence right now before confronting Celestia with her feelings after having ruined Hearth's Warming Eve with hijinks and shenanigans.
>The chill fights back, but everytime it does your magic-resistance cockring buzzes, and your heat blazes the chill merrily away.
>Soon the machines immediately around you stops screaming and wildly beeping, and eventually the chill fighting you from Snip's body disappears entirely.
>You get back off the colt's bed as his eyes open.
>You 'hmmm' in what you assume is a very serious, Doctorly fashion as Snip's parents rush past and embrace him
>Nurse Redheart is completely stumped.
>"What did you DO!?" she exasperates as you trot over to Snail's bed.
>You disregard her, placing your hooves to his chest and PUSHing your internal heating into the colt.
>At once the chill fights back, and is soundly crushed.
>You don't even feel your balls jingle this time around.
>When Snail's awakens, you step back, allowing the bigger version of Snails to hug the colt and cry tears of joy.
>You pull out the stethiscope from your ears and put it over your shoulders, breathing a sigh of relief at the size of the bullet you just dodged.
>Inside you are rattled beyond belief.
>Next time you're sneaking out of a hospital, you are NOT going to pretend to be a doctor.
>Ever.
>Fucking.
>Again.
>Even if it's hilarious to watch lesser ponies move out of the way like you are Moses, and they the Red Sea.
>You'll be impersonating a CORPSE before impersonating a doctor.
>Redheart looks from the machines, to you, to the machines, then to your face.
>"How," she simply demands.
>You blink at Redheart, and struggle to invent.
>Except not, because if they try any cockanami shit you spew here, somepony might actually die.
>So you decide to go with the truth.
>Kind of.
"I recieved a gift from Hot Passion," you seriously state, "that was apparently a good luck charm. Imagine my surprise when I felt it actually fight back against the magic causing the cold. Truly remarkable."
>You watch as Nurse Redheart facehoofs.
>"Hot bucking Passion," she grinds out, "I swear that stallion is going to be the death of me. First the balm that enables you to feel limbs outside your own, that he says he can't get anymore of because of 'Zecora mumbo jumbo', then he gets himself sliced and stabbed in the eye but he get's out of bed, no problem, and now he's apparently given you a, what, "magic buttplug that grants immunity to evil curses"!?"
"That's not true," you clarify, but Nurse Redheart continues on heedless of you or the other ponies in the room.
>Who are too busy basking in being reunited.
>"He has all these miraculous abilities to withstand damage and pain," says Redheart in full-on tizzy mode, "but every single bucking time I confront him about it, he just dodges it. Last time - LAST TIME, he jumped out a freaking window! And it's quite clear that he's a normal pony, meaning that the reason he's nigh indestructible is because he's got talismans or something, and he won't. Bucking. Share any with me! Think of all the ponies and foals and colts and mares and, and, just think what would've happened if you and your magic buttplug hadn't BEEN here!"
>You are at maximum shame right now.
>She's got a point.
>All of that was Zecora's doing, not yours.
>But still.
>You really should try and blackmail some of the better shit out of your Grandmother for medicinal purposes.
>While you think about how screwy the situation is, and how fucked it could have been, you espy a familiar cream coloured mare with pink and navy hair and a surgical mask.
>Beside her is a confused and rather scared looking Doctor Horse.
>Doctor Horse is talking intensely and with a desperate smile on his face to a rather unimpressed secretary outside, the colts and families are focused on each other, and Redheart is focused on you.
>Meaning that in the very near future, here is the place you don't want to be.
>Quickly, you once again invent.
"Indeed," you agree sagely with Redheart's fury with you, "He is rather tenacious. Althought, are you sure he's still in bed?" when she her eyes widen, you quickly continue "I actually saw him hitting on Claire De Lune down in Radio-"
>Nurse Redheart's eye widen again to 'about to pop a blood vessel', and she turns, galloping at full speed towards the door.
>You take the opportunity to rapidly remove the Doctor's stethiscope and the Doctor's Coat, placing them on the window sill, before quickly opening the window.
>Nurse Redheart opens the door to the room and runs out, colliding with Doctor Horse and Bon Bon in Disguise.
>You climb out of the window, turning your hooves to spider leg ends and skittering out onto the icy wall outside.
>Guessing the Bon Bon will look down and away, you climb around the window, heading up, and quickly slipping onto the roof.
>You do so just as you hear the formidibly furious voice of Murder Agent Bon Bon yell "WHERE IS HE!?"
>You head back over the hospital roof away from the edge, growing wings and flying off into the snowfall at full pelt.
>Mission success!
>You escaped the hospital without being seen!
>Kind of!
>You saved two foals!
>You avoided Bon Bon!
>Now here's hoping you've got enought time to get to the Post Office!
 
--
 
>You soar through the sky, hidden by the dark, grey rumbling clouds, your wings beating vigorously.
>Once or twice a sudden gust of wind knocks you around, but you quickly regain direction.
>Lightning crackles like rakes over your skin in a delightful fashion as you streak over Ponyville.
>Ice melts and pours off your form as steam as you plunge through the storm.
>You pour as much energy as you can into your wings as you get above the main square.
>Seeing nopony around - most likely due to the violent squalls thrashing the town - you take a dive rapidly descending and slamming into the snow.
>It POMFs explosively, before you slush your way down the street towards the Post Office.
>You huff and puff, your legs moving rapidly, the lights in the Post Office weakly beckoning you closer, closer...
>You mission is nearly complete!
>Icy hail pelts you, but it slides off you like water off a duck's back.
>The snow tries to grab at you, but you crush it under hoof.
>The wind tries to blow you off course, but you laugh back in contempt.
>The light is close, the beer is close!
>You canter, gallop, stride forwards, nearing the door.
>So close!
>You put your hoof on the handle-
>And the clock atop Mandle's Missives clunks, and loudly chimes.
>Almost instantly the light is extinguished.
>The door clicks locked.
>An iron grate slams down over the door, causing you to recoil your hoof.
>Shutters slam down over the windows.
>And a dainty little neon sign flickers into life, announcing the place is 'Closed'.
>All before the sixth chime of the clock.
>You stand, stock still and silent in the icy storm, gobsmacked.
>You were so close!
>SO CLOSE!
>You hammer at the grate, the shutters, the wall-
>"WE'RE CLOSED!" you hear gruff and muffled through the door, "BUCK OFF!"
>You feel slightly upset.
>You go to your knees and throw your front hooves towards the sky.
>"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" you scream to the heavens.
>The heavens pelt ice back at you as if to mock you.
>You pout, biting back a tear.
>Your Grandmother is going to be very angry with you for not getting the beer for the Bash.
>As in, you might not be alive in a few hours.
>And you'll have to wait for her to summon you again.
>And you'll have to go on for some time, during that melancholy of Christmas, not knowing whether you'll be able to come back, to breathe, to live, to think-
>No.
>You steel yourself, standing.
>Now is not the time for despair!
>Now is the time to act!
>You didn't get cut by Lyra's Magic Threads, stabbed in the eye by Super Agent Bonny Bond, escape Nurse Redheart and her Furious Ire, and impersonate Doctor Hooves and perform Malpractice, just to be stopped now!
>You narrow your eyes through a gust of freezing wind, before trotting around the Post Office.
>There HAS to be a way in!
>Or at least a way to talk to the guy locking up.
>You emerge behind the building, espying a shuttered door, some trashcans peeking over the snow, and a discarded trashbag sitting atop the snow.
>You walk up to the door and knock it.
>"Who's there?" you hear.
>Your head swivels to the trashcan next to the trash bag.
>Tentatively, you crunch over and take off the lid.
>Inside is a shivering grey pegasus mare with iconic eyes.
>She waves at you happily.
"Hey Ditzy Doo," you say, bemused, "what brings you to a trashcan behind the Post Office this time of night?"
>"Because the inside of the trashcan gets lonely," she explains, "That's what Grumpy Manager tells me when I leave muffin crumbs all over the place - they need to go home in the trash can!"
>You blink.
"But you're not a muffin crumb?" you half question, half state.
>"Well duh!" she chirps.
>You stare at each other for a couple of seconds, the edges of your mouth curling up slightly.
"Ditz," you say, your desire to know more outweighing your panicked resolve to get into the Post Office, "if you're not a crumb, then why are you inside the trash can?"
>Because the insides aren't inside it at the moment," she responds, pointing to the trash bag sitting out on the snow, "so something had to take it's place!"
"But why aren't the insides inside it anymore?" you ask, exasperated.
>"Weeelll..." she says as if talking to a three-year-old, "I was wondering if trash ever got cold. So I got the trashbag and put it in the snow, and then I got in here. It's actually quite simple."
>She smiles at you, teeth chattering.
>You shake your head as you awkwardly lift her out of the trashcan.
"And what did you discover?" you ask, smiling.
>"Not sure yet," says Ditzy, lightly landing on the top of the snow, and looking intensely at the trashbag sitting on top of the snow bank.
>You stand beside her, looking up amused from your melted hole in the snow.
>She stares at the trash bag, eyes narrowed in concentration.
>You look between the trash bag and her, before you finally succumb.
"Ditzy, what are you doing?" you ask.
>"I'm using infrared vision to see how cold the trashbag is," she claims.
"You don't have infrared vision," you smile.
>"How do YOU know that?" she questions, getting nice and close to the trashbag.
"Because normal ponies don't have infrared vision?" you respond.
>"Yeah, but I'm NOT a normal pony!" chirps Ditzy, "I live in Ponyville! And EVERYpony has strange and weird powers. I'm thinking my one is infrared vision!"
>She narrows her eyes at the trash bag.
"Um....huh," you consider, "That...may be the case, but if you had infrared vision, wouldn't you be able to see how hot or cold the bag is?"
>Ditzy looks from you, to the bag, then back to you with an amazed expression.
>"Golly gosh Passion!" she exclaims, "You're right! I guess I'll have to figure this out the old fashioned way!"
>She thoughtfully puts her hoof on the bag.
>Before nodding.
>"Yep, it get's cold," she deduces.
>You can't help yourself.
>You laugh.
>You adore Ditzy.
>You might deliberately obfuscate, but she was born in it.
>Raised in it.
>Clothed in it.
>And such an absolute joy to talk to.
>You feel a whole lot of today's tension melt away.
>She takes the trashbag in her mouth, and puts it back in the trashcan, before patting it on the top.
>She whispers 'nighty night," to it as she puts the lid on.
>You however shake your head.
"Why did you want to know if the trash got cold?" you say, openly grinning.
>"Weeelll," she says, "I was running a teensy bit late coming back from my deliveries because I was suddenly accosted by the Weather Patrol!"
>You roll your eyes.
"What happened this time?" you ask.
>"Nothing!" she staunchly defends, "I was just minding my business, delivering letters, thinking about Dinky and Amethyst and how Amethyst said that if I lose focus again today I won't be able to see Dinky tonight because when I don't focus things go wrong...and then, for some reason, things went wrong!"
>She flutters up, arms wide out in a dramatic fashion!
>"The storm rolled in, all big and angry and black - so I thought, "That's just not right - there isn't a storm scheduled today!". So I flew into the storm and I was bucking and smacking and being an awesome weather pony! Except I think I was a bit too awesome, because Thunderlane and Cloud Kicker suddenly appeared and grabbed me!"
>You gasp appropriately.
>"And they said "Dammt Ditsy! We didn't ask for a storm today!". And then they put me in a trashcan. And then tied up the trashcan with duct tape. I think he thought there were holes in the trashcan," she shares with you conspiratorially.
>Your eyebrow lowers slightly as you narrow your eyes.
>"Anyway," she dismisses, "while I was in there I thought 'Gee, isn't it cold in here?'. Because it was. And then I thought 'Wait, I'm getting cold...does that mean that trash get's cold too?'. Passion, this is really important - There might be an opportunity out there to make self-heating trashcans! Just think-"
>She flutters down and leans in.
>"Can you imagine it? Having warm trash?" she smiles widely, "Everyone likes warm FOOD, warm BEDS, warm BATHS so why not warm TRASH? It's genius! Everypony would want a self-heating trash can! But then I thought 'But what if trash doesn't get cold?'. So I came here to conduct my super-scientific experiment, which you witnessed!"
>You blink.
"How...how did you get out of the trashcan?" you ask.
>"You lifted me out of it," she answers, confused.
"No, no I mean the one where Thunderlane taped up up inside of?" you enquire, idly thinking about exactly how you're going to get back at Thunderlane about this.
>The grey mare shrugs.
>"I just KNEW I had to find out the answer, and here I was!" she says, as if that was just something that happens.
>You shake your head, fighting down a smile.
"So, now that your 'super scientific' experiment is over..." you look towards the post office door, suddenly remembering why you're here, "Can you get me something from the Post Office?"
>"Um...noooo..." she says frowning.
"Aww, come on, please?" you ask, pathetically.
>"I'm not allowed in after closing," she says, sadly, "Not after I accidentally ate all of Grumpy's Muffins from the fridge."
>You disregard how someone can 'accidentally eat' something, and give her a pleading expression.
"It'll be nice and quick," you reason, "I have a package slip to pick up the package," you hold up the wet slip towards her, "All you need to do is go in, put the slip in the slip thingy-"
>"Have it stamped and put in with the other acquisition forms," corrects Ditzy.
"-and grab the package from the package place-"
>"Take the package with the corresponding tag from the Incoming Package Storage Room," she additionally corrects.
"-and then we'll be out of here, you can go home to Dinky and Amy where it's nice and warm, and I'll take the package to to an orgy and get roaring drunk, and everypony wins!"
>Ditzy seems somewhat thoughtful, before shaking her head.
>"I'm sorry Passion," she says, sadly, "I mean we COULD do all of that, but Grumpy Manager would be very upset if I did that."
>Hmmmm.
>This is an answer you're not going to accept.
>You NEED those spirits.
>It's time to introduce her to...
>The Hot Side of the Force.
>You slush over behind her, before slushing between her legs.
>She looks down at you, a bit confused.
>The snow under her hooves melts, and she sinks down, her shivering cold body suddenly your back.
>She moans in happiness at being against your nice, warm body.
"You know, I reckon he wouldn't be angry," you seduce, "I mean, you're a trained Mail Mare, trained in Package Delivery-ness. And you'll just be doing Mailmare stuff, not stealing muffins or anything."
>You feel her head rest atop yours as she relaxes onto your body.
>Yes.
>Good.
>Gooooood.
>Let the warmth flow through you Ditzy.
"If anything," you whisper quietly, excitedly, "he'll be pleased with you, because you'll be doing work for him. You'll be helping him out!"
>You hear her breath from her nostrils as she grumbles a bit, no doubt with internal conflict.
"Whaddya say?" you say quietly, pleading.
>She nuzzles comfortably into the top of your head.
"Nah," she says.
>You frown.
>You're devastated!
>Your seduction failed!
>But why!?
"But, why!?" you ask.
>"'Cause you're too warm," she says happily, "I mean, I could go in, but you're out here, and you're not allowed to come in with me." she finishes, voice muffled in your mane.
>...
>Welp, you only have yourself to blame for that.
>Curses, foiled again!
>Then again, you do have an adorable Ditzy on your back, so that's not a bad thing.
>It's just you don't have the grog!
>You sigh, before trotting out of the alley.
>Maybe you can come up with some other way to sneak in once you take Ditzy home.
>"Although," she says, thoughtful, "You could come in WITH me."
>You stop midstride.
>Dare you hope?
>"But that's bad, cause you're not allowed," she says, sounding torn.
>You sigh again, continuing on.
>"Buuuuuuu-"
 
--
 
>"-uuuut, I wouldn't mind Grumpy Manager not being angry for Hearth's Warming, so I'll do it!" she says, bouncing off your back.
>You experience a wave of complete disorientation.
>Where are you!?
>Looking around you see...
>The darkened back area of the Post Office.
>The Sanctum that you would only get glimpses of from the front desk.
>You watch as Ditzy, with the slip in her mouth, heading towards a filing cabinet.
>You however are struggling to figure out how you got here.
>You were in the alley behind the Post Office, and then...
>You simultaneously remember getting in here somehow, and yet not.
>You rub your sore head as Ditzy strolls through a darkened doorway into a pitch black room marked 'Storage - Incoming'.
>There's the sound of her rummaging around for a moment, before you hear a heaving grunt.
"You okay?" you ask, trotting over and poking your head in.
>You vision is suddenly filled by a strangely serious Ditzy face.
>"Out," she commands, "Authorized Ponyselle only."
>She quickly goes back in.
>You hear her give another heaving grunt.
>You tentatively put a hoof into the room.
"Are you sure you don't need my-"
>She reappears again, bopping your hoof out of the storage area.
>"No," she says again, eye eerily focused on you.
>She narrows her eyes at you as she disappears back into the room.
>Frowning a bit, you lie down in front of the door as you hear Ditzy rummage, grunt and say 'oops' as something tinkles.
"So..." you say, searching for something to say, "did you hear about the two colts that got frozen?"
>You hear several small objects beinf lifted and put back down inside the Forbidden Storage - Incoming Room.
>"Uh...yeah!" she says, nervously, "They were...unf-"
>Something loudly CRASHes in the room, and you grimace.
>"...they were found frozen behind Greasy Joe's," you hear Ditzy quickly giggle nervously, before explaining, "Thunderlane found them after he finished the second roll of duct tape on my bin. I was saying 'Hey, there's not THAT many holes in the trashcan!", but silly Thunderlane was yelling "Witnesses"! No doubt he was really upset someone watched him waste an entire extra roll of duct tape to fix a trashcan! But then he realized they weren't 'witnesses' but were 'frozen'."
>You hear a huge grinding noise that jolts you with suprise, followed by the squeek of a door.
>"..not there..." you hear her murmur, before she continues on louder, "I said to Thunderlane "Hey, if they're frozen, why not defrost them?", but Thunderlane clearly didn't hear my ingenious idea, because he said "I need to get them to the hospital right now!"."
>You hear the squirt or some sort of liquid, and 'splosh' noise, and a groan.
>"...nup, not there either. Huh," she clears her throat, "And then Bon Bon yelled at Thunderlane saying 'Don't touch them!', but then I yelled 'You really should touch them, you need to warm them up by rubbing their hoofsies!", because that's how I always warm up my little Dinky after she's been playing in the snow. But Bon Bon then said all seriously 'It's Demonic Magic. Of course it is. It can only be one thing in Ponyville that can do that. Why did I even trust it!? Thunderlane, where's Passion?". And then Thunderlane said "I saw him going into the Post Office earlier!". And then they left."
>The rummaging in the room suddenly stops.
>"Hey Passion, why did Bon Bon want you?" she asks, curious.
>You, however, are blinking.
>Demonic Magic?
>From what your Grandmother said, Demonic Magic can only be done by demons.
>Which is nonesense.
>Most likely Twilight broke the Laws of Magic again and cast Demonic Magic in order to create a disaster in Ponyville that would require her to stay away from Canterlot.
>She's probably right now only just remembering that she froze two foals out the back of Greasy Joe's after running away from her friend's accusations.
>And she'll meekly blush and Celestia will admonish her and everyone would be laughing.
>You shake your head, turning back to Ditzy's visage from the door.
"Sorry Ditzy," you say, "was miles away."
>"I get that too," she nods, authoritatively, "Do things go wrong when that happens to you too?"
"....kind of?" you hazardly contribute, before continuing, "And to answer your earlier question, I think it was because she wanted my hotness to warm up the colts."
>Ditzy nods in agreement, disappearing back into the Storage Room.
>"That makes sense," she says, "Hey, have you thought about being like a Personal Pegasus Perch? You are pretty warm and comfy to sit on. Just have Pegasi land on you, and they ride you around when their wings are tired? And charge for the minutes used?"
>You smother a grin as there's the delicate, echoing tinkle of something small falling onto the floor of a very wide space.
"Strangely enough, yes Ditzy, I have thought about getting ridden by pegasi and charging for it," you say, seriously.
>"Awwww..." she groans, 'I thought I'd get a discount if I told you the idea."
"That's alright," you dismiss, "you can ride me for free anytime!"
>Ditzy's head materializes in front of yours.
>"REALLY!?" she squees, mouth open in a wide smile.
"Of course!" you respond happily.
>She chirps - honest to god chirps - before soaring back into the room.
>There's a sudden creak, and a huge SMASH.
>"Oh no!" you hear Ditzy cry, "I don't know what went wrong!"
>You raise an eyebrow.
"Um Ditz," you ask, "Not that I'm a super mail pony or anything, but isn't there a light in there you can turn on to see better?"
>There's silence beyond the portal, before 'click'-
>You recoil away from the sudden brightness, jumping up and rubbing your eyes.
>"Huh. There it is!" she says.
>The spots in your vision disappear as she comes back dragging two large round kegs sitting in saddlebags straining to hold them between her teeth.
>Both kegs have skull and crossbones on them, and several MSDS warnings about being 'toxic materials' and 'environmental hazards' and 'flammable materials'.
>And one worrying warning about 'Radioactive materials'.
>The grey pegasus groans and grunts, eventually dropping them in front of you with a cheery, weary smile.
>You carefully pick up the stretched saddle bags, and effortlessly put them on your back.
>Mission accomplished!
"Thank you so much Ditzy," you say giving her snout a little muzzle.
>She giggles a bit, before flapping up, over you, and draping herself on your back.
>She 'ahhs' in pleasure as she sinks onto your back.
>"Best idea I ever had," she coos, "Now, onward, Personal Pergasus Perch! To my house!"
>You chuckle, take a step...
>And stop.
"Er, Ditzy, how do we get out?" you ask.
>You feel Ditzy shrug from your shoulders.
>"Dunno," she eloquently quotes.
>You sigh, heading back further into the Post Office in search of an exit.
>Finding a shuttered door, you ponder how to open it.
>There's a big plank of wood barring the door.
>Chains criss-cross the doorway.
>The door is lined with locks.
>Tentatively, you hoof the handle to make sure it's actually locked.
>The door swings outwards with no issue on well oiled hinges.
>that amkes no sense - it was shuttered from the outside!
>You carefully, and with exceptional difficulty, navigate yourself, Ditzy and the beer kegs through the barring bar and the chains.
>Passing through the doorway, you shut it with a satisfying crunch.
>You observe the door has a shutter literally nailed onto it, giving it the appearance of being shuttered.
>You roll your eyes with a snort.
>Ponies.
>Trudging out into the snow and into the alley, you feel your Pegasus Passenger happily snuggle into your mane.
>You emerge into an ocean of white beneath imposing, dark buildings faintly lit by streetlights fighting against the raging storm, intent on depositing Ditzy at her house, then going to the party.
>But then.
>A thought strikes you.
"Shit!" you say, galloping off through the snow.
>Ditzy grabs around your neck and holds on.
>"What's wrong!?" she squawks, disturbed from her lounging by the sudden influx of flying snowy mush.
"I just remembered I saw Twilight at the Train Station earlier throwing a fit with two other ponies," you yell, storming through the ice, "and if she froze two foals in a rage, she might have frozen the ponies at the train station!"
>You sail through the snow, parting it like a hot knife through butter, hoping against hope that they're alright.
>The weather goes increasingly worse, misty squalls beating the snow, whipping it up and around your body.
>You hear...something ominous on the wind that sets your teeth on edge.
>Ditzy clutches on tightly as your rip on through, heedless.
>Soon the vague dark outlines of buildings recede, and you espy the long, well-lit length of Ponyville Train Station.
>You sloosh at high speed, nearly slipping as you head up the stairs and looking around the platform.
>Squinting against a sudden rush of wind, you see...
>Ice.
>Long, thin spires of eerie cold poke up out of the snow-covered platform.
>You shiver just looking at it.
>Inside this ... flower of cold crystal are two still, contorted forms.
>Something is definitely wrong.
>What on earth did Twilight do!?
>You quickly run over, putting a hoof against the cold, surface.
>It's so cold you feel your skin sticking to it.
>Icy tendrils seem to dig into your skin, clawing into your veins, up your arm-
>Instantly your sheath vibrates.
>Knowing what you have to do, you put both your hooves on the ice, and force your infernal heating into your hooves.
>The cold seems to scream, to cry as it cracks and melts against your hooves.
>Your skin and limbs however grow numb, your skin splitting and bleeding.
>The ring around your sheath is vibrating violently, practically sheering through it
>As you push forwards the spires wilt, then disappear over the edge of the platform.
>The forms grow somewhat clearer - two unicorns.
>One has a rather iconic wizard's hat and a blue cape.
>The other has long flowing hair and pale purple fur.
>You burrow deeper, confused.
>What on earth are Trixie and Glimmer doing here?
>...
>Oh, stalking Twilight, of course.
>They must have been hit in the Furious Demonic Twilight crossfire.
>You reach the centre of the degrading ice scultpure, when there's a sudden piercing wail-
>And the ice dissolves, blowing away on the wind.
>Your forehooves are a messy tangle of blister, blood and freezer burn.
>Your cockring goes silent, leaving you feel incredibly chafed below the belt.
>The two forms hit the ground with two solid 'thunk's.
>Quickly you grab Trixie and Glimmer in your bloody hooves, and flood their systems with warmth.
>They crick, crack, and suddenly gasp.
>"COLD!" yells Trixie, suddenly attaching her shivering self awkwardly to your undercarriage.
>Starlight Glimmer is more dignified, leaping atop Ditzy.
>"Oi!" Ditzy cries out at the sudden cold body pressed against hers.
>"P-p-passion!" stammers Glimmer out over the wind, "What's g-g-going on?!"
"What happened?" you ask back loudly.
>"WHERE IS TRIXIE?" shouts Trixie from your under carriage.
>"W-what's going on!?" yells out Glimmer, unable to hear over the shrieking wind.
>"WHY ARE WE YELLING?" contributes Ditzy.
>"Dammit! P-passion!" cries out Glimmer, "Get us out of the wind!"
>It takes you a while to figure out where the restrooms are (and focus on finding them, considering Trixie's shivering body is rubbing up against you oh so delightfully as she tries to get away from the snow), but you eventually find the door, open it up and stumble in.
>The door is quickly shut, cutting down considerably on the screeching wind.
>Trixie lets go of your body and lands on the freezing tile.
>She quickly blasts the floor with fireworks, then sits on the now warm tile.
>"Trixie would like to know where she is!" she says through the smoke.
>"I too would like to know," says Glimmer imperiously from atop Ditzy.
>"Hey! I'm the only one with a free pass on the Personal Pegasus Perch!" says an outraged Ditzy, easily wriggling the imperious pale purple pony off.
>Glimmer scuttles over to Trixie glaring at your grey Pegasus Passenger.
>"Well!?" demands Trixie, latching onto a displeased Glimmer for warmth, "Where is Trixie!?"
>You blink, uncomprehendingly.
"You...don't remember being on the station when Twilight lost her shit?" you ask, tentatively.
>Glimmer gives you a weird look.
>"The last thing I remember was Trixie coming up to me behind Wholefoods saying that she'd finally found a way into Twilight's heart," explains Glimmer.
>"Nonesense!" shouts Trixie, "The Great and Powerful Trixie already KNOWS the way into Twilight's heart, and she wouldn't share it with YOU!"
>"HA!" responds Glimmer, "I too know the way into her heart, I just wanted to know if YOU knew the way into Twilight's heart! And then LAUGH at you for getting it WRONG! AGAIN!"
>"Why you-" Trixie charges up a firework spell-
"Girls!" you snap, getting their attention, an unsettling feeling creeping up your spine, "Trixie, what was the last thing you remember?"
>Trixie scoffs at Glimmer hautily.
>"The last thing Trixie remembers is being met by my biggest fans!" she gestures  dramatically, shooting out fireworks.
>You feel Ditzy shift from atop you, no doubt entranced by the drama.
>"You mean Snips and Snails," snorts Glimmer, "You're such a loser with those two as your biggest fans."
>You, however, are deeply unsettled.
"Wait, wait a fucking moment," you turn to Trixie, cutting off her retort, "You spoke to both Snips and Snails earlier today? Behind Greasy Joe's?"
>Trixie recoils a bit in the face of your seriousness.
>"Er, yes, Trixie spoke to them behind the diner which I ARTFULLY infiltrated-"
"Was Twilight there?" you question.
>"N-no," says Trixie, recoiling even more.
>"Passion, what's wrong?" presses Glimmer, seeing how serious you're being.
>You look to Glimmer, to Trixie, connections forming in your mind.
"Bon Bon attacked me earlier today because she found Snips and Snails frozen behind Greasy Joe's," you explain
>"My-I mean, Trixie's fans were frozen!?" gasps Trixie, concerned.
"Don't worry, they're fine now," you quickly dismiss eliciting a relieved gasp from Trixie, "But Bon Bon attacked me because they had been frozen with Demonic Magic. I thought it was Twilight breaking the Laws of Magic while making a situation where she didn't have to leave - I saw her earlier today in the middle of a magical snowstorm, right here on the platform with...I guess you two...but..."
>Trixie is confused.
>Glimmer is thunderstruck.
>"...you can't fake Demonic Magic Passion," she utters, "Not even Twilight can do that. Which means there's another demon around Ponyville."
>At that you all look at each other in horror.
>"But what does that have to do with Snips and Snails?" says Ditzy fearfully from your back.
>Glimmer's eyes go even wider.
>"Oh buck," she groans.
"What?" you ask, "You know who it is?"
>"It's the Winter Queen," she explains, "She's the Demon of Snow. The legends say she feeds on the unrequited love of two ponies, using the jealousy between them to possess them, before turning their love against the object of their affections."
>Trixie looks between you and Glimmer, not really getting it.
>You however, have made the connection.
"Snips and Snail to you," you hoof at Trixie, "Then...Trixie and Glimmer to ... Twilight."
>Trixie gasps.
>"THAT WHORSE!" yells the magician, "OH! When Trixie gets her hooves on her, she'll bash that demonic bitch right out of my precious Twilight!"
"No, it's worse," you groan.
>"How?" says Ditzy, quaking in fear from your back, "How can it get worse if Twilight is possessed by Winter Whorse?"
>"Because the Winter Queen can go from Twilight and another pony to Celestia," confirms Glimmer, "She might not even need another pony if she has an alicorn. And if she has Celestia at her weakest, during Hearth's Warming Eve...She'll be able to put Equestria in Eternal Winter, and rule as Queen Eternal."
>Trixie grimaces.
>Ditzy gasps.
>Glimmer frowns hard.
>And you shake your head.
>God fucking dammit.
>Looks like you're saving Equestria.
>And you were SO looking forward to going to the Bash too.
>You just hope your Grandmother isn't too pissed off.
"So, what do we do now?" you ask, not sure how to proceed on Equestria Saving Missions.
>Not exactly your thing.
>"The Castlebrary," says Glimmer, thoughtful, "Twilight or the Winter Queen in possession of Twilight, will have gone there first to get a message to Celestia to lure her into a trap."
>"Fantastic deduction," sarcasts Trixie, "But how does the Great and Powerful Trixie get to the Castelbrary to save Twilight and get her so thankful that she'll happily THROW herself at Trixie's hooves?"
>"HA!" scoffs Glimmer "As if YOU would have enough power to save her. Only I can do it: Observe!"
>She disappears in a flash of cyan light.
>And reappears before the door, covered in ice, in a crackle of cyan sparks.
>She staggers backwards into the room, drunkenly.
>Trixie laughs unkindly.
>Ditzy digs her hooves around your barrel with increasing worry.
>You gently butt your head up into hers comfortingly, and Ditzy nuzzles back.
>Glimmer glares at the door, which is even now beginning to ice up.
>"Damn bitch," she hisses, "She's made a storm that blocks teleportation! Which means I need YOU to actually DO anything," she scathingly points a hoof at you, as if it's your fault her magic won't work.
>Glimmer begins to move towards you.
>There's an 'EEP!' from Ditzy as you gain another passenger.
>"Ha ha HA!" mocks the Magnificent Magician Mare, "You had your chance, and you SQUANDERED it! It's MY turn to ride him! Aynonamos!" you feel Trixie stand up (in no doubt a dramatic pose) as Ditzy grunts, "Go forth to my prize!"
>Your Pegasus Passenger, annoyed, wriggles again, and the Elegant and Graceful Trixie flops off in an undignified fashion onto the floor.
>"Serves you right!" hmphs the grey mail mare.
>Glimmer snorts, before coming towards you.
>Ditzy growls viciously at her.
>Glimmer moves warily away from you.
>You roll your eyes in exasperation.
"Look girls, calm down," you try to diffuse, "Like it or not, we ALL need to work together to save Twilight. I don't know any of the magic stuff that Glimmer knows, Trixie is brilliant at distraction, Ditzy is the Best Mail mare in all of Ponyville, and I'm just plain hot. I have a feeling that if we work together-"
>"Aynonamos," says Glimmer flatly, "Continue with the 'friendship' crap and I'll take your villain card."
>Trixie nods in agreement as you hiss like a punctured tyre.
>You glare at the pale purple unicorn, before snorting.
"Fine," you say primly, "How about I just leave?"
>You make several steps towards the door-
>In a flash Trixie and Glimmer stand in front of it, babbling 'no' and 'nah' and 'hold up'.
>"I, er, I may have mis-spoken," says Glimmer nervously, "There's no need to leave us out of an opportunity to save Twilight!"
"I dunno," you ponder dangerously, "That sounds awfully like you're trying to ... 'befriend' Twilight..."
>"Shut UP Glim!" hisses Trixie through clenched teeth, "You are RUINING Trixie's chances!"
>"Oh like you weren't agreeing with me earlier!" bites back Glimmer.
>"Shut. UP!" growls Trixie, nose to nose with Glimmer.
>"Make me!" bites back Glimmer, butting her forehead against Trixie.
>"Oh just BUCK already!" says an angry Ditzy from atop your body.
>The blue and pale purple unicorn mares blink at each other.
>Before they jump apart, fluster and blubbering.
>"It's not-"
>"Trixie doesn't-"
>"That isn't'-"
>"You bitch-!"
>"You whorse-!"
"Look, just, stop with the bullshit," you interrupt, "Glimmer, can't you make something that we can ride in to get to the Castlebrary? And something that'll point the way? I don't know how we'll get there with the blizzard the way it is."
>Glimmer, eager to move on from the embarrsing situation, rapidly looks around the restroom.
>"...yes-I mean of COURSE I can!" she says, determined.
"And Trixie," you continue, "Can't you do something to keep yourselves warm?"
>Trixie scoffs in derision.
>"Of COURSE Trixie can!" says Trixie, "I'm Trixie. I can do anything. Unlike other, lesser, ponies... So," she turns to Glimmer, "Are you going to make a train for Trixie to ride?" she hoofs around the room, "Or fail spectacularly like you always do?"
>Glimmer squints at Trixie.
>Then looks at the cubicles.
>At the mirrors.
>At the tile.
>Then at you.
>And smiles wickedly as the cogs turn in her head.
 
---
 
>It is later.
>You are pushing through the snow at full speed.
>Your hooves slip once or twice, but you plow on, your body churning through the ice rapidly, while Ditzy bounces on your back.
>The snow is above your head now, and it feels weird just cantering forward without seeing where you're going.
"Are we going in the right direction?" you turn and yell back for the hundredth time.
>Behind and above you, riding on the wake of your slushy advance, made out of cubicle wall and tile, is a rudimentary sled.
>Sitting atop toilet bowls are Trixie, smugly wrapped in her cloak, and a shivering Glimmer, holding a piece of glowing mirror.
>There's a 'BANG' as another firework goes off, fighting off the chill for the sled occupants.
>"Y-you're going in the r-r-right d-d-direction, for the f-f-f-fifth t-time!" yells a grumpy Glimmer over the wind, glancing at the glowing mirror compass thing, pointing straight forward, "So sh-sh-shut up already!"
>"Nothing coming up," says Ditzy from your back, her head poking up and over the snow like a submarine's periscope, a big old smile on her face.
"Alrighty then," you say to yourself, although considering your head is back to swimming in slush it comes out like "albubbly blub".
>You blindly plunge forward through the snow pack.
>Before hitting something hard.
>The something hard buckles and snaps, half scratching along your underside, the other half flying off into the white blizzard, and you continue on.
>A moment later you feel something tug behind you, the sound of something crunching, and twin curses.
>You grow your ears back out of the slushing snow a bit so you can hear what's going on.
>Ditzy, naturally, clamps her hooves onto them like grabbing reins, making you grit you teeth.
>"What in Equestria WAS that!?" cries Trixie.
>"...lamppost!" says a sheepish Ditzy belatedly.
>"P-pay attention!" yells Glimmer, "I don't want t-t-to stop and f-f-fix this worthless thing anym-m-more than I have to!"
>"Oh ho ho HO!" laughs Trixie, "'Worthless thing?' This thing, which you hailed as 'a divinely inspired bolt of your own pure genius'? Worthless? I'm SO glad you finally agree with me!"
>"Hey, this THING is getting you to T-t-Twilight, so SHUT UP!" yells back Glimmer over the wind.
>"Yes, of course, sure," dismisses Trixie, "On the other hoof, Trixie's fireworks are keeping us toasty warm! Trixie the Great and Amazing ALWAYS follows through!" laughs back Trixie, "If only you're 'ingenious Celestia-given' smarts had thought up a heating system!"
>"I d-ddidn't have t-t-time, you worthless t-tr-trickster!" Glimmer shoots back.
>You sigh into the slush.
>You didn't exactly expect to find yourself pulling a sled full of angry pony while carrying Ditzy through a snowstorm to save Equestria.
>And their constant bickering is violently wearing on your nerves.
>You're seriously considering cutting the sled off and leaving Glimmer and Trixie to bicker themselves out in the storm...
>When your Personal Pegasus Passenger begins to sing.
>"Dashing through the snow...In a two whorse open sleigh..."
>"What is THAT supposed to mean!?" yells Trixie, offended.
>"She m-m-means this sleigh is 'dashing', T-t-trixie!" bites out Glimmer, "And you are w-w-worth two Whorses!"
>"Trixie is plenty dashing, and worth, like, twenty whorses!" fiercely defends Trixie.
>"Over streets we go, arguing all the way..." happily chirps Ditzy.
>You're not entirely sure if she's making fun of them of not.
>"We are n-n-not arguing!" yells Glimmer, "Trixie is j-just telling m-me how sh-she's more slutt-t-ty than twenty whorses!"
>"You take that back, you... you... slutty slut McSlutterson!" cries Trixie.
>You feel the weight of the sled you're pulling lurch to one side.
>"Tiles and bathroom sink, breaking open wide," sings Ditzy, "What fun it is to ride and sing a sleighing song tonight..."
>You're grinning wildly into the snow, even as you smash through what feels like a fence.
>God bless you Ditzy.
>You join in with the song, even if it's literally drowned out in the snow.
>"Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle all the way~" sings Ditzy into the whirling storm, "Oh what fun it is to ride, in a two whorse open sleigh..."
>"HEY!" yells Trixie, 'Give me b-back my cloak!"
>"Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle all the way~!" sings the grey mail mare, "Oh what fun it is to ride in a twwwooo whorse ooopen-TREE!"
>You quickly turn left, feeling the sled lurch to the right.
>"HOUSE!" cries Ditzy.
>You dodge right, feeling the sled lurch to the left.
>"...OKAY WE'RE GOOD!" yells Ditzy, as you feel the sled stabilize.
>"We are NOT GOOD!" you hear Glimmer yell.
>"Pay more attention!" cries a hoarse Trixie, "Trixie nearly fell into the snow!"
>"Well it's pretty hard to see," you hear Ditzy say, unsure, "The snow is falling really fast, and I can't really see anything bu snow."
>"You only nearly fell in the snow because you used ME as leverage!" responds a recovering Glimmer angrily, "I nearly fell in saving YOUR life!"
>"Sure, sure!" sarcasts Trixie, "Now give back the Great and Terribly Cold Trixie her cloak!"
>"Nope!" says Glimmer scathingly.
>The sled lurches again.
>You feel Ditzy sigh atop you.
>"If only I had infrared vision," she mourns sadly, "I would've been able to stop all of this."
>You roll your eyes.
>"Wait..." says Ditzy, "I see something..."
>You slow your trot down.
>Must be something big if Ditzy can see it in this blizzard.
>Behind you the sled twists again as Trixie and Glimmer no doubt continue to fight, heedless of Ditzy's warning.
>"I see...hmmm..." says Ditzy, unsure.
>You lean your head back, spitting out molten ice.
"What? The bridge? The river?" you ask.
>"Nooo...it's...that's..." Ditzy sounds completely flumoxed, "Are those ... ponies?"
>...what?
"What on earth are ponies doing out in such a storm?" you ask, bewildered.
>"Saving Equestria like us?" she guesses.
>You trot forward steadily, thinking.
>Who would be crazy enough to get out in such a storm?
>Ditzy suddenly cries out and ducks, pressing tightly into your body.
>There's a 'SCHLING!' sound from above you, before the groan and creak and crash of timber and tile breaking.
>You turn and look behind, watching the sled in several different pieces slowly sink under the slush, then buried rapidly in the falling snow.
>Trixie grunts, her head emerging from the debris, shaking her head as Glimmer slides into the trench created by your passage.
>"Ditzy!" hisses Glimmer, "You were supposed to be watching!"
>"Quick!" yells a voice from above the snow, "Get them!"
>Oh fuck.
>Bon Bon has somehow intercepted you.
>But how?
>Glimmer begins the rev up a spell, aiming high-
>Something slams into Glimmer's head, causing her aim to wobble and sending her spell off into the sky.
>...was that a bedpan!?
>Trixie eeps, throwing a smoke pellet at the ground.
>Thin threads 'SCHLUNG' through the smoke, getting an 'urk!' from the cloud.
>You stand stock still despite Ditzy kicking into your sides to get you moving.
>You have no idea what to do - fight them off?
>Help Trixie and Glimmer?
>Grab the compass and run right the fuck away from Bon Bon and what looks to be her posse?
>You quickly search for the glowing mirror compass, but fail to see it.
>Your hesitation proves to be your downfall.
>Glimmer staggers into the snow, attempting to aim, but a white-coated pony form slams into her, stabbing her with a syringe.
>She falls rapidly, a goofy look on her face.
>Trixie is quickly overcome by a mare smacking her with a baton, yelling "YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!".
>And over the lip of the trench you see a black ninja-suited mare, eyes glowing bright red behind nightvision goggles, that turn to you.
>You decide to nope right the fuck out of there.
>You blindly plunge into the snow heedless of direction.
>You have no idea where you are, which direction you're going, and what you're doing.
>Ditzy hugs you tightly as you plunge into the snow.
>You try and squint into the rushing snow, but see nothing but watery grey.
>Cursing, you turn towards something that looks vaguely more dark, or less dark - you're not sure.
>You pound forward, limbs crunching into the ground, sliding through the ice-
>There's a crash and the delicate feeling of breaking through glass as you find yourself in a dark but drier, warmer place.
>You blink the wetness out of your eyes as you shake your head, icy water running off your mane.
>Ditzy similarly shakes off the ice and water from your back, before trying to settle back down onto you.
>"Curse you Passion!" she cries, "I'm all hot and wet now!"
>You bite back a saucy retort as you look around, finding yourself in a strangely familiar living room.
>A glance behind and you see the window you crashed through, leaking snow into the room.
>And the faint, tell-tale red light of nightvision goggles creeping in from the top of the window, filtering down through the snow.
>Shit.
>You quickly but quietly trot further into the house, finding a kitchen.
>You try to think about how you're going to get out of this situation.
>You have no idea where you are.
>You have no idea how to get away from Bonnie.
>All you have is your wits, you sexy body, and Ditzy Doo.
>...
>Ditzy!
>Of course!
>Maybe you can tap into her strange teleporting powers!
>...somehow!
>How did you do it last time?
>You wanted to get into the post office.
>But Ditzy didn't want to.
>Or was reluctant to get in.
>Maybe you can replicate that hesitance?
"Say, Ditz," you say quietly, thinking rapidly, "You know a really nice place to be would be right now?"
>"Um...not here?" whispers back Ditzy, fearful.
"Pretty much," you agree, as you hear the telltale sound of shifting snow from the living room, "but a specific place is Twilight's Secret ... um... Massage room?"
>"Massage Room?" replies Ditzy quietly, "Doesn't she go to the Spa for massages?"
"Er, kind of," you guess, "But this room is where she can read AND massage herself using...massage things. By herself."
>"But can't she just read in the Spa?" argues Ditzy, being less quiet.
"Maybe?" you respond, trying to move quietly away from the doorway...and even further from the now audible sound of wind whipping into the living room, "Or...maybe she'll get the books wet? I dunno, the point is she has a Super Secret Massage Room, which is all nice and warm...wouldn't you like to be in Twilight's nice and warm Massage Room?"
>Ditzy seems lost in thought as you hear the sound of something falling into, and cursing from, the living room.
>"He has to be in here somewhere!" you hear the homocidal super spy hiss angrily from beyond the doorway, "spread out and find him!"
>"But wouldn't Twilight hate ponies being in her Secret Massage Room?" says Ditzy, quite loudly in confusion.
>There's silence.
>Before the sound of hooves pounding against the floor towards the kitchen suddenly intensifies.
>Fuck.
>You quickly clamber into the pantry, awkwardly shutting the door behind you.
"Yes," you hiss quietly, "She'd maybe hate it, but...but..."
>You watch as red lit eyes peer into the kitchen, followed by four more shadowy shapes.
>Quick dammit think!
"...but she's been so busy, and those massage toys are so, so lonely..." you invent, calculating.
>The red eyes point towards the pantry.
"You don't want Twilight's toys to get lonely, right?"
>The red eyes approach the pantry, flanked by the five shadows.
>You get ready to leap past your stalker...and the other ponies...
>Fuck.
>Clearly this whole plan was a mistake.
>Why did you try and save Equestria again?
>"Oh no! Those poor toys!" gasps Ditzy, "We can't leave them all alone!"
>You hear the handle to the pantry rattle ominously.
>Oh just open the fucking door already!
>"Although Twilight would be very annoyed if we played with them," says Ditzy, thoughtful.
>The pantry door is torn open.
>You lean back as the supersuited, nightvision engoggled Bon Bon bears that WRONG thing, that blade in her hoof that itches unplesantly in your healed eye that promises PAIN and SUFFERING.
>You stagger back away from it in horror.
>Bonnie swings down with the horrible thing-
>"Buuuuuuuuu-"
 
---
 
>"-uuuuuuut I think she'd appreciate us playing with her toys," says Ditzy, looking around the dimly lit room, "because that's what they're there for - playing!"
>You stagger around, head throbbing, heart pounding, hooves shaking.
>Holy fucking shit!
>That was CLOSE!
>You gasp, regaining your breath, watching as Ditzy holds up a fairly large, floppy, fake phallus with her hooves.
>"Why do they all look like dicks for?" she questions, looking at the thing curiously.
>She pokes a tongue out as she manipulates it, before gasping when it suddenly starts to vibrate.
>Smiling, she flops the sex toy onto the spot between her wings.
>She moans appreciatively as it grinds into her back.
>"Ah, THAT'S why!" she announces, "Dicks are really easy to flop around and get to all those hard to reach places! Really ergonomic!"
>She suddenly gasps, before turning to you excitedly.
>"Hey Passion," she asks, "I have a brillaint idea - Dick Shaped Back Scratchers!"
>You can't help yourself.
>You break down laughing.
>You eventually stop and take a breath at the annoyed, scrunchy face of Ditzy.
>"Seriously!" she stomps her hoof, "it's an amazing idea, and I don't appreciate you laughing at it! Just imagine-", she leans in, nose to nose, "Lotsu and Aloe, rubbing those vibrating, scratchy dicks right into those sweet spots, so easily and effectively! it could change the massage world!" she gestures grandly.
>You shake your head, chortling.
>Doing so you feel something still on your back.
>Looking back you see the makeshift harness that you were pulling the sled with, along with...
>Two large kegs, one each secured to each side of your body.
>Were you SERIOUSLY still carrying the Beer?
>It had completely slipped your mind.
>Then again, the kegs aren't really THAT heavy.
>Super Demonic Strength for the win!
>You shake your head again.
"Sorry Ditzy," you soothe, "Just after everything that happened today, I needed a good laugh" you grin happily.
>The grey mare nods solemnly.
>"You know what else you could use?" she says, "A good backscratch."
>In a flash a moderately size, spiky dick is placed on your back, and a violent vibration enters your body.
>You 'ahhhh!' in at first surprise, then pleasure.
>Ditzy's right - these ARE good massager / backscratchers.
>The Postal Pegasus bounces on her hooves in happiness at her discovery.
>"Now," she rubs her hooves together, "we need to find a way to market these..."
"Maybe later," you say, taking the pointy sextoy from your back and turning it off, "But right now, we kind of have to save Equestria."
>Ditzy gasps.
>"That's right!" she says, quickly taking her place as Pegasus Passenger, "We'll come back, my lovelies!" she calls out to the room, "Don't worry, I'll be back to free you from Twilight's evil clutches!"
>You roll your eyes as you trot to the exit and open it.
>You are immediately assaulted by a wall of chill.
>Ditzy shivers, snuggling into your back.
>Shit.
>Is the Winter Queen here, in the Castlebrary?
>Wonder Anon Mode: Activate!
>Form of - A Sneaky Pegasus Perch!
"Be quiet Ditz," you say softly, "The Winter Queen might still be here."
>You feel the mailmare extrodinaire clutch tightly to you, and feel her nod into your mane.
>You slink like a predator through Twilight's ice covered room, and ease out into the hallway.
>You practically glide on the slippery floor, your breath foggy in the air.
>The air is frosty in a way that attacks your muscles with pins and needles.
>Your cockring jingles, and the feeling receeds, but doesn't fully diminish.
>Both the cold and the jingling intensify the closer you get to the grand staircase down.
>You quietly descend, aiming to find the source of the demonic chill.
>After all, that's most likely what the Winter Queen is.
>And once you know where she is, you'll probably think up something.
>Reaching the bottom of the stairs, you ease a hoof into the low fog sits still on the floor.
>Your hooves stick and snag, making disturbing sounds as you tip-hoof through the hall, walls white with glistening ice.
>Passing by the front doors, sealed with a solid mass of frozen crystal, you carefully, warily ease the side of your head around the doorframe to the Great Library, in an attempt to reduce your profile.
>Naturally you feel Ditzy immediately poke her entire head around the corner.
>On a large table with scattered books smothering the top is a pillar of ice, with a certain small dragon frozen inside.
>Spike's face is contorted with horror and fear, his hands raised to protect his face.
>Ditzy gasps, her hot breath stolen by the still, dead air.
>You quickly glance around, not seeing anything moving.
>You're not entirely sure if it's safe, so you carefully move over to the table, leaping up to the dragon-encasing ice-sculpture, placing your hooves on the ice and PUSHING you heat into the crystal.
>Your dick jingles briefly intensify as the ice melts, cracks and crunches.
>You lean into the ice, hooves moving slowly towards the purple dragon.
>The cold is impotent against you, your skin not even blistering this time.
>As soon as your hoof glances Spike's scales, there's a whinny, a screaming wail-
>And the ice cracks apart and disappears into dust.
>Spike instantly starts, and curls up, shivering.
>You quickly scoop him onto your back, his body frozen cold against your skin, as you check the library.
>Ditzy 'eeks!', leaping into the air and taking flight as Spike shivers into your back.
>"S-s-s-s-o c-c-c-cold," he chatters, "S-s-so c-c-cold!"
>Your head whips around, waiting for some big, icy demon to leap out and devour you due to the noise-
>But nothing happens.
>"Spike! Are you okay!?" asks Ditzy, tentatively trying to get back on your back without jostling or touching the ice-cold Spike.
>You push more heat into your back, and Spike's shivering begins to marginally settle.
>"N-n-no," the dragon sniffles, "Twilight, just came i-i-in, and she w-w-wanted to know how t-t-to contact Celestia. I th-th-thought it was weird, b-bec-c-cause I c-could jsut flame h-her. B-but then...but she was all cold and wrong and...and..."
>He curls up tighter into your back.
>"There was s-s-something wrong with her EYES," he gasps, "So, so c-c-cold. When I a-a-asked...what w-was wrong, she...I..."
>"Shh," Ditzy shushes, pressing down and sandwiching the freezing dragon between herself and you.
>She immediately begins shivering.
>You however, are freaking out a little bit.
>The Winter Queen has already possessed Twilight.
>And was seeking a way to talk with Celestia.
>Glimmer was right, the Winter Queen DOES have designs on the entirety of Equestria!
>And will most likely plunge it into eternal winter!
>"S-s-so c-c-cold, i-i-inside..." chatters the dragon, his icy cold body still cold against your infernal onslaught.
>You grimace.
>The ice magic is thick in the air.
>No doubt, the little drake is having trouble keeping warm against this pervasive cold.
"Ditzy, you have to get him out of here to somewhere warm," you say, turning your head, "He's not going to be able to last here."
>"What about you?" she asks in fright.
"I'm hot enough to take on the Winter Queen," you dismiss airily, "but I'm not so sure about how you'd go against an ice demon. You, however, can get Spike out of here."
>"But where can I take him!?" asks Ditzy, desperately rubbing herself into Spike's shuddering.
>You think quickly.
"Ditzy...you know what a nice warm place would be?" you ask leadingly.
>"Where!?" says the grey pegasus, clutching the freezing purple dragon.
"Why, your house, of course!" you half-guess, half-announce, "There, with Ditzy and Amethyst, all nice and snuggly, Spike would be able to warm up easily!"
>Ditzy's face scrunches up.
>"B-b-but I'm not allowed to!" she says, sadly, "I, I lost focus...and...and Amy wouldn't let me be with Dinky and she'll kick me out and-"
"I think Amy wouldn't be angry if it was because you were trying to save Spike," you reason reasonably, "And it'll be a good opportunity to see Dinky tonight!"
>"It would be nice to see Dinky," the grey mare speculates.
"Yeah!" you agree, "And who knows, maybe Amy would be happy with you, what with saving Spike and everything, and let you stay."
>"Maybe..." says Ditzy, unsure, "But I think she'd be even MORE upset. She does get pretty angry when I arrive unannounced, especially when I haven't been focusing that day."
>You nod sagely.
>"Buuuuuu-"
>There's a loud crunch as something at the front door ominously cracks, and your head snaps to the noise.
>You listen carefully, but there's no more sound.
>You turn your head to look at your back and find it devoid of Ditzy and Spike.
>Yes!
>Hopefully Ditzy will get Spike warm and rescucitate him.
>Geeze, it seems like you're saving EVERYone today!
>Who needs heroes when you have sexy Hot Passion on the job!
>You take your hot, sexy self along the table, sifting through the books strewn about.
>You're unsure if the Queen was trying to find some sort of communication method in the books, but it's clear that she didn't have a way to contact Celestia to lure her into a trap.
>There's a pile of books on ancient rituals, ancient methods of transportation, ancient methods of teleportation, and a new-looking tome on cross-country communication, so naturally you assume the Winter Queen was trying to find a way.
>The newer book is open to a page on the Forbidden Forest, investigating the worthiness of the Castle of the Royal Sisters as a communication array.
>It'd be incredibly powerful, from what is written in the book states, however, it'd take time and energy to do.
>You consider the book, and the fact that it's at the top of a pile of books.
>On the floor in front of that pile, jutting out of the fog, is a circle of icicles, that emanates a chill that makes your dick jingle and your heckles raise.
>No doubt the Winter Queen was standing there for a long time.
>Meaning that after looking through all the books, this one held the answer.
>Meaning that, most likely, the Winter Queen was in the Castle of the Royal Sisters, in Everfree Forest, attempting to lure Celestia into a trap.
>So now you had to get to the Castle, from Ponyville.
>In a roaring blizzard.
>You grimace.
>How on earth would you do that?
>Sure, you could probably walk there, but you'd have no way of knowing where you are going in the pounding snowstorm.
>If you'd had no hesitated back when Death Bonnie had attacked, Glimmer might be with you, and magic up a compass.
>...And you'd just unthinkingly sent Ditzy with Spike to Ditzy's house.
>Shit.
>You take an icy breath, and think.
>It won't help to get angry.
>You need to figure this out.
>Because apparently the fate of Equestria now lies in your hooves.
>How on earth are you getting to the Castle?
>And what's more, what are you going to do when you get there?
>Can you go toe to toe with the Winter Queen, now in Twilight's body?
>If the worse should happen, could you go against the Winter Queen in Celestia's body!?
>Probably not.
>...or maybe you could?
>You were able to take down Psycho-Luna.
>And your infernal heat is able to fight off the Queen's magic with help from the magic cock ring.
>But going against Twilight, or Celestia...
>You have no idea what you're doing.
>And in this moment, you realize you never did.
>You were depending on Glimmer or Trixie or Ditzy to come up with a brilliant plan to take out the Queen.
>Especially Ditzy.
>Well shit.
>Double, triple, fucking ass beyond all repair shit.
>What are you even doing here!?
>Why aren't you at the Bash, with Discord and Grandmother and Chrysalis and everyone else!?
>You curse loudly, stomping back and forth in frustration.
>Before you pause, take another breath, and think.
>You're in this situation now.
>And you have to save Equestria, because...well...it's Equestria.
>And Pinkie lives in it.
>And you.
>And your Grandmother.
>And Luna's guard, Penis Firehose
>And Pinkie.
>And all the mares and stallions that like your dick inside them.
>And all the little fillies and colts that still make spooky Ghastly Ghostie noises, even coming into Hearth's Warming.
>And Blondi, Chrysalis, Geeman, all the fuckable villains.
>And Ditzy, and Dinky.
>...but mostly Pinkie.
>You sigh.
>You miss Pinkie.
>And you're a little hurt she left to have Hearth's Warming with her family, along with Applejack, and never invited you.
>But then again, you probably wouldn't have said yes to that.
>Pinkie's family is VERY conservative.
>And you would most likely have burst into flames as soon as you entered the homestead.
>But still...
>You wouldn't have minded waking up, and opening a few gifts with Pinkie, and giggling and laughing at the joke presents you agve each other.
>And then going out and having a snowball fight with the pink party mare, no doubt getting the kids involved and having a ball.
>And no doubt a few wide shots would hit suspicious super-spy ponies and their perilous pedophile-accusing associate.
>And after that, sitting in front of a burning fire, kissing every inch of the giggly pink pony between sips of hot chocolate with a shot of Minotaur piss.
>You sigh again.
>You're getting down and depressed.
>Which you were aiming to avoid this Christmas season.
>You take one more breath, and stow your sadness.
>You suck it up.
>You rub some dirt in it.
>You take a spoonful of cement and harden right the FUCK right up!
>You narrow your eyes with determination!
>You are Hot Passion!
>Your hungry cock is burning red!
>It's loud throbbing tells you to plough yourself to victory!
>You ARE going to get out of this!
>You ARE going to save Equestria!
>And you ARE going to fuck EVERYPONY!
>You just have no idea HOW you're going to do it.
>While contemplating whether you could grow a unicorn horn and attempt magic, there's a crashing noise from the hallway outside, followed by the wail of the wind.
>Curious and suspicious, you quickly grow wings and fly to the ceiling.
>Hiding in the giant chandelier, you shapeshift into a Crystal Pony, and stay stock still.
>Quickly there's clunky hoofsteps, echoing off the walls.
>And into the room leaps the black bodysuited form of Hanzo Bon Bon.
>Your eyes track her as she leaps to and fro around the room, yelling 'Hi-YA!' and 'Ho!' and 'Ugh!'.
>She finishes by backflipping onto the table, nun-chucks at the ready.
>A pony encased in poofy white winter wear casually strolls in.
>Around her, you see little glints around her, the fog swirling around her hooves as if stirred by tens of invisible stirrers as she too inspects the room.
>"It's clear!" yells the white pony.
>Into the room comes a pony clad in what looks like SWAT gear in pony form, a pony in arctic flourescent orange winter gear, and a pony clad in thick surgeon's scrubs and a face covered with hair catcher and face mask.
>"Where is he?" comes the voice of Officer Stern from the SWAT pony, stomping around the room, looking far more obviously.
>"Somevhere else in ze castle?" says the Flourescent Orange stallion with a strong Germane accent, his hood turning back towards the door.
>"No, it has to be here somewhere," says Bon Bon, night-vision goggles darting around, "The unnatural cold is strong in this room - it HAS to be here."
>The Surgeon Scrubbed Pony trots over to the circle of ice.
>"Like here?" the sound of Nurse Redheart's curious voice echoes up.
>SWAT Stern quickly stomps over as Bonnie leaps across the table, glaring at the spot with her night vision goggles.
>"...yep," she confirms, "Damn, maybe it only stayed here to figure something out for it's nefarious plans?"
>Stern growls at the spot.
>You however, are completely boggled.
>Nefarious plans?
>What is even going ON down there in Crazy Bon Bon Town?
>The white pony takes off her ski goggles, revealing a balaclava.
>She looks down at the books on the table, thoughtful.
>"Um...hm..." you hear the thoughtful tones of Lyra Heartstrings, "This looks like stuff on...communication? Transport? Rituals?"
>Bonnie picks up the tome on communication.
>"The Castle of the Royal Sisters..." she hisses, "It's gone to Everfree."
>"...why?" says the safety-orange winter suited pony as he turns to Bon Bon.
>"Obvious," she says, "It's luring Twilight into a trap. Remember? She said she was going to the Castle of the Sisters to get help! No doubt it figured out that Twilight would go there, to the one place that could pierce the demonic magic it's using to fuel this storm!"
>...what.
>They...spoke with Twilight?
>When?
>Where!?
>"So, he gets to ze Castle first," reasons the garishly fluorescent pony.
>"And isolated in Everfree, surrounded by this storm, it could take out Twilight with it's ice magic," contributes Officer Stern.
>"Meaning that Twilight's in trouble," finishes Lyra, putting the goggles back on.
>You contemplate pointing out to them that you're still here, in the castle, but you have a feeling that Bon Bon would twist whatever you said to justify whatever rampage she's on right now.
>"There isn't a moment to lose!" yells Bonnie as she puts her nunchucks back into her...where ever they came from, and looks at a big watch thing on her leg.
>She clicks it, and it shimmers, similar to how Glimmer's mirror compass.
>"...we'll need to head north for a few clicks-"
>"Just lead the way!" gruffs Stern, "We'll follow you!"
>You can practically see Bon Bon roll her eyes behind her night-vision goggles, before she gallops out of the library, with SWAT Stern, Lyra, Redheart and Random Germane Pony in hot pursuit.
>...well that just happened.
>And...holy hell, you can just follow Bon BOn to the castle!
>You flutter to the floor, and sneak out into the corridor, looking at the broken window far, far up near the roof that SWAT Stern rear grunts through, moments before the wind screams back through the opening.
>The rope she was climbing whips up through the window, disappearing into the swirling black.
>You flutter up to the window, turning into a snake and disappear into the snow.
>Your snakey face smirks as you follow the impacts of their hooves.
>And if all else fails, you can follow the garish glint of the Germane's Flourescent Orange winter gear.
>You are going to save Equestria.
>You are going to save Celestia, and Twilight, and Pinkie, and everyone.
>And you are going to rub into Bonnie's face exactly how completely coo-coo she is.
 
---
 
>It is later
>And you're pretty much fucked.
>You huff and puff on the floor, gasping for air, your chest burning from frost and exhaustion.
>You stand, shivering, water dripping off and instantly freezing against the cold, cold ground, annoyed at how much of a god-damned trial it was to get where you are.
>Your initial assumption that you could just follow Bonnie and her Band of Bloody Bunglers through hoof vibrations in the snow was off.
>WAY off.
>Several times you lost track of their hoofsteps, causing you you try and slither to the surface to try and find them.
>Sometimes you found their quickly disappearing hooveprints in the snow.
>Sometimes you saw the glimmer of the flourescent orange winter coat of the Germane pony flitting between black branches.
>Sometimes it was the glint of Bon Bon's directional finder thing in the distance.
>But about an hour ago, you completely lost them.
>Luckily, however, the direction they were travelling was getting colder and colder in that evil, demonic, bone-deep chill.
>So, you did the reasonable thing, and followed the decrease in temperature.
>Which is a lot more difficult than one would imagine when you are running literally blind, in the dark, through snow and ice that is well above your head.
>You fell off a cliff into a river at the bottom of a ravine, had to awkwardly climb back up a cliff, only to realize that you had to cross the ravine, fell back into the river, climbed back up the other side, fell down ANOTHER cliff, and eventually scaled what felt like a never-ending mountain through deep, deep ice.
>Not snow, ICE.
>Hard, frozen, ICE that didn't have the decency to instantly melt like snow does.
>It took for-fucking-ever, but after awkwardly and blindly searching through the ever-growing pitch-black cold, lungs practically freezing, your body slick with icy, cold water that even your heat and cock-ring has difficulty fighting against, you eventually found the black stone of the castle.
>It took another for-fucking-ever for you to find a window to slither through, but you are now inside a black, icy stoned room somewhere in the Castle of the Two Sisters.
>Standing up, after regaining your breath and warming up a bit, you feel better.
>But your shoulders feel strangely heavy...
>You check your shoulders and what the actual fuck.
>The Grog is STILL THERE!?
>You shapeshifted into a friggin snake!
>It should have slid right off!
>You must have gone through and over enough rocks to crack, break or scrape it off!
>Why is it still attached to your back!?
>What is this witchcraft?
>...
>You feel you have answered your own question.
>Your Grandmother must have no faith in your Grog transporting abilities, and cast some sort of spell to have the stuff stick to you.
>Most likely applied when she went down on your earlier.
>Sighing depressed on how your Grandmother probably thought you'd lose the Grog while on some stupid adventure, you quickly trot out of the room to stop the Winter Queen from killing everyone with Eternal Winter, the Grog safely attached to your body.
>The air is still and frosty, your breath freezing into powder as you exhale, making little tinkling noises as it falls to the ground.
>You cock-ring rattles in your chafed sheath, helping you fight back against the frost.
>You quickly slip through the corridors, slowly moving up.
>Sometimes you find a path closed by soil, broken rock or busted wooden beams.
>Not willing to accidentally cause the Castle to collapse, you have to turn back, struggling to find a way out of the cold depths of the Castle.
>By sheer luck, you emerge in the Entrance Hall, open to the pitch black swirling sky.
>The hall is thrashed with black snow, but you see the flicker of white light up high.
>There's a pulse of cold that immediately follows, ice cracking and deepening.
>No doubt that flicker is the Winter Queen trying to make Winter Eternal!
>You hurriedly canter around the entrance hall, passing through ruined halls open to the whipping wind, cracked columns and broken stone and leering statues jumping out of the swirling sea of grey snow.
>Eventually you navigate your way into the dark of the ruins, finding steps going upwards.
>You gallop up, slipping once once into the wall, once on your face, and once onto your knees on the frozen, slick steps.
>The chill is getting worse, and worse, deeper, and deeper into your bones, as you climb up further and further.
>You eventually stagger, huffing and puffing, to the top of the stairs.
>Before you can take a breath, however, something DIGS painfully all over your body.
>You are instantly YANKED into a room, past what looks like a frozen Twilight and another large frozen body.
>With an OOOF! you splatter bloodily onto the floor in the middle of the room.
>You limbs are quickly, awkwardly and painfully tied to your barrel.
>Over you looms an angry Nurse Redheart, a sneering Lyra, the Impassive face of Swat Stern, the Mystery Germane Pony...
>And a victorious Bon Von Doom.
>...and a completely unconcerned Celestia.
>With the harshest, coldest eyes you've ever seen.
>You're too late.
"...shit," you utter.
>"Well done Lyra Heartstrings," says Celestia, with a smooth, cold voice, "You've successfully captured the demon that's been causing all this trouble!"
"No," you say, "YOU'RE the demon!"
>None of the ponies react.
>Ice Cold Celestia simply silently smirks behind their backs.
>"That is completely absurd," Celestia dismisses, "Agent Sweetie Drops?"
>Bonnie approaches with-
>Oh fuck.
>Oh shit.
>The Knife.
>She leers closer, the sheer WRONGNESS emenating from it clawing at your soul, like long fingernails against your core, your very self.
>You try and wriggle away from her, but all you do is squelch ineffectually, rolling onto your back.
"Bon Bon, seriously, you can't be this stupid!" you cry, "This is wrong! Can't you feel it!?"
>Agent Murderbitch doesn't respond, raising the WRONGNESS over YOU oh GOD-
"Why aren't you listening?" you plead loudly, " Why are you being this stupid!? Haven't you looked at Celestia's EYES!?"
>Bon Bon occupies your entire world, Knife raised high.
>"I've waited too long to do this," she says with far too much glee.
>And the WRONGNESS is indelicately plunged into your chest.
>It hurts.
>It hurts SO much!
>Your chest feels like someone has placed a black hole in it, and your very SOUL is being sucked through it.
>Inch by inch the PAIN grows and it's WRONG put it BACK get it OUT-
>You think you here something laughing, but you're screaming too loud to hear it.
>And then you're flying.
>And then you're cold, and you're falling, and it's so cold, and it hurts so MUCH and it's too much, and a sudden gust of COLD hits you-
 
--
 
>You struggle, limbs flailing weakly as your chest constricts and it hurts so much and you hack and cough and it's agony and-
>"Woah, hey, hey now, calm the fuck down!" says a familiar voice.
>You feel pressure on your arms and-
>Your arms.
>Your human arms.
>You sink back into the hospital bed.
>You cough sickly and wetly for a good two minutes, before you take a calming, staggering breath.
>Over you stands Anderson, the orderly in charge of your area, looking at you with eyes full of concern.
>"Are you alright?" he says, rubbing your arm.
>You cough a bit, before giving the thumbs up with your other hand.
"Just...a nightmare..." you respond pathetically.
>"Must have been some nightmare," the orderly says skeptically, "Try not to have another one - thought I'd need to call up the ER for you, and you KNOW how much of a pain in the arse that is."
>You shrug indefinitely as he leaves the room.
>You're back in the waking world again.
>At least now your chest isn't dying from that wrongness.
>On the bad side, you are now awake and aware on the saddest part of the year.
>It was enevitable, you'd have to sleep sometime after all.
>But that doesn't change that you're here.
>Now.
>Alone.
>Unliving.
>You look around the sad, cold room.
>The sickly christmas tree on the desk has fallen over, most likely from your spaz attack.
>There's no gift from your loving Mum, probably slaving away at her job to keep your worthless hide alive.
>There are no cards from friends long moved on or uncaring but polite family members.
>No other decorations to liven up the room.
>Distantly you hear the beep, beep, beep of machines and the laughter of kids and the sound of arguing, chatting family members.
>Outside seems alive, moving, warm.
>Inside your room...
>You reach out and snag the remote with well-practiced ease and efficiency, trying to put your mind somewhere else that doesn't have happy singing carols wishing everyone love and goodwill and being with friends and family and-
>You slump back into the bed and turn on the TV, ill at ease with the silence within, and the loudness outside.
>You frown, watching the news being all 'Happy Christmas', the Christmas specials all singing and dancing and sachirine goodness and you can't get up and go somewhere and see and live and be with other people and no one cares and you're a burden and oh god you're so alone.
>Even more so now.
>You're not sure if you're dead back in Equestria.
>You're not sure if you're stuck here permenantly, with the Winter Queen reigning and kicking all the other villains out.
>Maybe your Grandmother will summon you back up to kill her.
>Maybe she won't for not getting the Grog.
>But you KNOW that Pinkie will probably suffer.
>As will the little foals.
>And all your lovers.
>But mostly Pinkie.
>Will she even be alive when...IF you get summoned back?
>You can't see it.
>Alive and bubbly and pink and so full of life and love...
>Frozen to death.
>But it's real.
>It's right there, her face contorted in fear and horror as Winter Queen Celestia cackles madly.
>And it's all your fault.
>If you hadn't fucked up going in, if you had thought up a plan or, or, or SOMETHING other than just running willy nilly...
>Your vision goes blurry as Jack Frost laughs on the screen.
>Your throat feels tight.
>And you quietly cry, letting lose an occasional sob followed by a gargling cough.
>You remain in your miserable state for the rest of the morning.
>You've sucked it up a little for Christmas lunch, but the sub-par hospital food and the pitying look of the orderly combined reduce you to sobbing again.
>You eventually cry yourself out, feeling drained and tired and sick and your lungs won't fucking work and might never work again...
>It was a long, long, too, way too long day.
>You begin to feel resigned, staring at the ceiling, slipping slowly into madness, as around you the happy, sad, angry, LIVING voices die away and the sun slowly crawls up the wall, giving way to the dark of night and the depths of your despair.
>Fucking Christmas.
>You glare at the ceiling.
>Just then, the door to your room opens.
>You suck it up - no way you're going to give Andersson ammunition, the little cu-
>"Hey Nonny,"
>Your head whips as fast as it can to the doorway.
>Inside it stands your Mum.
>Tired, ragged, still wearing the uniform, dirty and splotchy.
>In her hands, a little, silver-wrapped present.
>And the weight you thought that had eased redoubles.
"M-mum..."
>And...
>You promptly cry like a little bitch.
>You feel yourself enveloped by her arms and you try to hug back but you're coughing and weak and it doesn't work-
>"Shhh, shhh it's okay," she whispers, wetness from her cheeks wetting your neck.
>You eventually choke yourself out of crying, and lie back nncomfortably in your bed.
>"I'm sorry I couldn't be here earlier, but Jackson called me in early, and I didn't have time..." she rubs your hand, "I'm so sorry."
"Nah, don't worry," you choke, squeezing her hand back, "I know why you had to do it. It's just...you know..."
>You weakly gesticulate.
>Your Mum smiles weakly.
>"I know," she wipes her eyes, "SO...want to open your present?"
>She got you a slice of Christmas pudding (That wasn't hospital food thank FUCK) and a string of piece of shit Christmas lights.
>You happily eat the pudding as your Mum puts the lights up over your bed.
>They blink a merry blue colour - you're favourite colour.
>You simply chat and talk to your Mum about her day, and you both laugh over several funny stories about work.
>The weight of your Yuletide Depression eases away.
>All too soon the day that's been lagging on, festering unpleasently, suddenly seems too short as cisiting hours end.
>"You hang in there, Anon," she says, hugging you fiercely, "You got through Christmas, and Christmas Eve, and every day before then."
>She leans back and smiles at you.
>"And you're going to keep ON going, alright?" she practically demands in a stern fasion.
>You're not entirely sure she's talking to you or herself.
>You smile, shrugging.
"Eh, like some stupid bit of sadness will kill me," you dismiss, in an airy, gurgling manner, "We're harder than that."
>Your mum smiles tiredly at you, and kisses you on the forehead.
>"I love you so much," she says, before hugging you again.
>You weakly hug back, patting her on the back.
"I love you too, Mum," you smile.
>"Goodbye Anon," she says, "Keep hanging in there."
"You too," you whisper back.
>She gives a wave as she leaves.
>You lean back, feeling lighter.
>The world, despite being dark, is painted bright and blue, bathed in the glow of your Christmas lights.
>The world that hates you.
>That spites you.
>That grinds you down every day, slowly killing you.
>You glare back into the dark beyond the blue light.
>And give that smug Familial Smirk.
>Weakened.
>Downtrodden.
>Hidden behind an oxygen mask.
>But unbroken.
>There's no way you're going to just roll over and give the fuck up.
>Not after all that.
>Your Mum worked too hard for you to just give up.
>Heck, your grandmother worked too hard turning you into some sort of Enslaving Hellbeast.
>And Pinkie worked way too hard getting you laid.
>Any You, YOU'VE suffered way too fucking much getting here just by simply existing!
>Like fucking hell this will be the end of you!
>You just need to change tack.
>You need to change, to improve, to be better.
>You lie back, thinking hard about what you're going to do when...if...WHEN you get back there.
>And as you drift off, the shadows clawing against the comforting blue light to drag you into dreamland...
>You are filled with hate at the world, rage at Bon Bon and her Bunglers and Andersson, love for your Mum, your Grandmother and Pinkie...
>And filled with the WILL to win.
 
--
 
 
>You awaken to AGONIZING PAIN in your CHEST oh GOD you're back HERE with that THING in your CHEST this was a MISTAKE oh GOD-
>You try to shake your head, finding it difficult as your head is stuck in what feels like snow.
>Snow that is NOT melting.
>And is FREEZING its way into your SKULL.
>Cold is seeping deep into your limbs, no idea which way is up or down, can't move against the pressing chill, Lyra's wires cutting deep into your increasingly numb flesh as you feel yourself die from the THROBBING WRONGNESS in your CHEST-
>FOCUS!
>You thought about what to do if by some miracle you got back here, at this point.
>And now it is time to enact plan ESCAPE THIS PAIN.
>Ver 1.0.233.
>Purpose flares through your body, pushing back the faintness and the pain.
>Step 1: Get the FUCKING THING out of you FUCKING CHEST.
>You try to shapeshift your mass AWAY from the THING.
>Your flesh however feels numb, dead and unresponsive.
>All it seems to do is exist to link you to the PAIN in your CHEST.
>FUCK!
>Quick, what can you do!?
>Continue with Step 1, except with a subtle alteration: It is now a Saw movie.
>You try to move your hooves, but everything is weak, stuck in the frozen ice you are now entombed in.
>Grunting you elongate your still functioning tongue and desperately bury it through the snow towards your chest.
>You try and grab the handle of the WRONGNESS with the tongue but, one glance of flesh on whatever the fuck it is and your soul is suddenly fractured and put back together again in an instant.
>Shuddering, you shapeshift a mouth to the end of your tongue, and you begin to rip and tear into your body, siphoning it off in a rough circle AROUND the PAIN, trying to carve it out.
>Your dead flesh stings your tongue unpleasantly, your guts feel crumbly and dry like weak sandstone as you rip into them.
>Mercifully as you grind away slowly into yourself the PAIN seems to lessen slightly, but only because you feel it's mostly killed you off.
>Blackness already seeps into your vision as you crudely swallow the last bit of your ribcage, roughly severing the knife from your body.
>Unfortunately, Lyra's threads hold the cold dead flesh entombing the WRONGNESS to your body when you try to lever it out of your chest.
>Even worse, you figure that you have fallen onto your back, with the knife sticking firmly into the TOP of your body, so you can't shake the knife out.
>Inwardly cursing, you dig away at the flesh below the PAIN ow fuck fucking fuck into your chest.
>Your tongue dies after your first few 'digs', each near glance with the WRONGNESS leaving you gasping, but you're determined.
>Stubborn.
>Resolute.
>You WILL do this!
>You bite down, roughly cutting off the dead limb, and you grow another tongue, but your energy is slowly, slowly being quenched by the cold and expended in your desperate digging.
>Fuck, you need this knife out of you right the FUCK now!
>After a few agonising minutes you stop, having to stop try and fight back the blackness digging into your senses with force of will.
>You can't feel much of anything, other than your tongue that is now slowly dying in the face of this WRONGNESS just like the first.
>Honestly FUCK this!
>You swore that you would have your revenge!
>You swore you would spit in the face of the world that spited you!
>And you would not let some fucking weak-ass shit Knife stop you!
>The cold is driven back by your fiery rage, and your feel a little bit more of your face, and you tear with abandon around the WRONG with your teethed tongue.
>It takes an eternity, but you feel the knife suddenly MOVE through the flesh that entombed it.
>It promptly falls sideways into your gaping ribcage.
>Pain FLARES through your body, and you nearly pass out AGAIN, but
>FUCK THIS SHITTING FUCKING KNIFE
>You dig through the last of your organs and flesh harder, faster, sensing that you might very well not have another chance at this.
>Even now the cold is quenching your fury as you bite through your sixth tongue.
>You feel the Knife slipping between two ribs at your back and you struggle against the bones, sensing your ordeal is almost over one way or another.
>Things are faint, you barely even feel your tongue now, but you wrap your tongue around bone and spine and pull and constrict and a flare of PAIN strikes you as you COMPLETELY lose something resembling feeling in your lower-half-
>And the WRONGNESS continues to KILL YOU.
>You fumble your tongue around, finding the knife stuck between two of Lyra's threads.
>FUCKING FUCKING FUCK.
>You thrash your tongue weakly against the threads, once, twice, thrice-
>The WRONGNESS weakens.
>You desperately plunge your weary tongue through the snow below the hole in your ribcage, scraping away at the hard snow and ice.
>The wrongness is a vague feeling now
>You lie awkwardly, trying to breathe through non-existant lungs, your chest a ragged hole, bloody ice seeping into and through your chest.
>The cold, which was slow and grinding against your body, is now furious, stabbing, invasive.
>You can FEEL it inside your body where your organs should be.
>No doubt severing yourself from your cockring has fucked your infernal heating.
>But...
>You did it!
>You did the hard part!
>Now for Step 2: Deus Ex Zecora
>Numbly, your tongue quests along the left side of your stomach, awkwardly and drunkenly scracthing against the hard snow.
>It suddenly whacks hard to the bottom of a barrel after some primative shovelling.
>You fight to keep the feeling in your tongue as it quests along the side of the keg.
>This proves difficult as you begin to shiver violently, like somehing important inside you is being crushed.
>After an eternity your tongue's mouth finds a cork.
>And the feeling from your tongue finally dies.
>No.
>No fucking way.
>You are so close.
>SO FUCKING CLOSE.
>Your cold body is numb and your extremeties are most likely turning to ash.
>The cold is all encompassing.
>The darkness seeks to claw and grasp and tear you back to the waking world.
>You weakly fight back the blackness one last time with a spark of fury and a rather pathetic gurgling cry.
>With a pulse, your tongue tightens on the cork, and tears into it.
>The cork crumbles and a slick, oily, burning liquid splashes onto your tongue.
>It's like someone put the end of your tongue in a burning fire.
>And it feels WONDERFUL.
>Your tongue-mouth instantly latches onto where the cork was, and you greedily slurp up the stuff through your tongue.
>Liquid burning floods through it, into your head.
>The darkness at once is bdriven away by the corrupt, scorching, blistering drink.
>And you are suddenly plunged into a whole new world of pain courtesy of your chest being ripped open, and your body being effectively severed in half.
>But it is a good pain, one you are accustomed to.
>You feel your chest begin to fill up with squirming organs and cloying flesh.
>You feel mouths and teeth and fingers grab and rip into Lyra's threads, snapping them up like spaghetti.
>Muscles and tendons spear into your lower-half, reuniting your body.
>You feel your cockring jingling against your regenerating dick.
>Heat, glorious heat throbs through your body.
>You feel the snow begin to melt.
>And suddenly the feeling of WRONGNESS increases against your back.
>Fuck.
>You quickly and awkwardly roll away, half-swimming, half-falling through the ice away from the Knife.
>Luckily you don't re-encounter the WRONGNESS before solid ground meets your legs.
>You slurp up more of the Grog through your tongue, feeling stronger and stronger.
>You swear you hear the Pop-Eye, the Sailor Man, theme from somewhere in the icy dark.
>When you feel sufficiently full, you retract your tongue.
>You spit a glob of thick gunk into your hoof, and after several attempts to find the hole in the slushy snowpack, successfully slather up the hole so you don't lose anymore of the Grog.
>Sure, Discord would be upset you partook of the Forbidden Drink early and may have spilt some, but you think he would understand.
>Maybe.
>But that doesn't matter right now.
>Right now what matters is you are ALIVE.
>And you have to Save Equestria.
>Followed by GLORIOUS REVENGE.
>You slush forward, quickly hitting a wall.
>Rubbing your nose, you morph your legs into spider legs, and you climb upwards.
>You emerge from the snow and into the thrashing wind.
>HA HA fuck you wind!
>You're ALIVE.
>You're fucking ALIVE!
>After cackling in relief and joy against the stone, you take stock.
>Looking up the stone wall you are afixed to, you guess that this tower is where the Winter Queen chucked you out into the storm.
>Rapidly skittering up the tower, you find a giant broken gash in the wall near the top.
>You sneakily poke your head up, looking through the hole.
>You espy the scrub-covered Nurse Redheart, shivering as she grasps a torch in her mouth and holding out a silvery thermal blanket.
>In it's suprisingly strong but jittery light you see the Fluorecent Orange-clad Stallion, desperately trying to wrap a frozen Twilight with another blanket.
>Behind them, also wrapped in shiny blankets and with an obscene amount of steaming hot-water bottles tied to it, is another giant frozen form.
>Observing no other pony in the room, you casually slide in through the hole, morphing your legs back into pony limbs.
"Need a hand?" you casually offer.
>Instantly Redheart turns her head, and you find yourself blinded with light.
>You shake your head cursing, blinking away spots.
>"Passion!?" shrieks Nurse Redheart, the flashlight dropping out of her mouth.
>You hear it clatter on the floor, skittering away.
>You look back, sight returning as Redheart scurries after the flashlight, and the Germane Stallion glares at you from behind his snow suit's facemask.
>He throws something small and glassy at you.
>It bounces off, tinkling on the floor.
>You look at the Flourescent Orange-clad pony, eyebrow raised.
"...so I guess the means you don't need a hand?" you ask questioningly.
>The Germane Stallion hesitates mid-throw of what looks like a metallic blade.
>"...Vell," he humphs, pocketing the tiny thing, "It ultimately depends on vhezer you are in league vhatezer ist in die Princess."
"You mean the Winter Queen?" you state in an overly polite manner, "The thing Trixie, Glimmer and I were trying to stop?"
>Nurse Redheart retrieves the flashlight and suddenly bathes you in light.
>But your annoyance will not be denied!
>You put your hoof in front of your face to block the light.
"You mean the thing that actually froze those colts?" you say, now taking the condesending tone of explaining to a fourteen year old exactly why they shouldn't drive drunk with his parents Ferrari "The thing YOU have been helping all night? The reason everypony is going to FREEZE to DEATH? The THING that ordered Bon Bon to KILL ME, before THROWING ME through a WALL!? THAT BUCKING THING THING!?"
>Both Redheart and the Germane Stalion remain silent for a moment or two, bathing in your huffing and puffing-ridden indignation.
>"...yes, DAS zing," grumbles the Orange-Clad Stallion.
"Then, no, I am not in league with her," you growl, leaving out the implied 'you fuckwit', "Now, if you'll just take that light out of my face, I'll have Twilight and...Princess Luna!?" you exclaim, finally getting a good look at the already water-bottled wrapped form.
>"You vill haff vhat?" asks the Suspicious Germane Safety Pone.
"I will have them fixed up in a jiffy," you snap at the paranoid stallion, rolling your eyes and now openly saying "you fuckwit."
>You go to put your hooves on Luna, before pausing.
>Right, if Luna sees your natural skin colour, she will no doubt know you cock-clocked her on Nightmare Night.
>Quickly you shake yourself, you hide changing to a lighter shade of blue.
>You hear Redheart gasp.
>"You ARE a Succubus!" she yelps.
>Instantly a bedpan bounces off your head, several scalpels and needles crash against your skin, and numerous restraints latch onto your body.
>You turn your head, the entire movement ripping apart all the restraints.
>You cooly regard these two simpletons with an unimpressed look upon your visage.
>Didn't Bon Bon already tell them you were a Succubus?
>Why are they flipping out now!?
>These fucking ponies are going to be the END of you!
"Seriously?" you deadpan, "Here I am, saving Equestria, and you both are, are trying to fucking STOP me."
>Redheart throws another bedpan at your head.
>"Don't feed us that!" she yells, "You and that demon in Celestia are both demons! You just want to rule Equestria after knocking off this Winter Queeen demon thing!"
>"Zis vas all apart of your plan, vas it not!" accuses the Germane Orange.
>You narrow your eyes and mentally project pure hatred at Safety Germane causing him to recoil, before you turn your angry orbs on Redheart.
"Seriously Nurse Redheart?" you ask, irritated, "Do you think so little of me?"
>The surgical scrub-encased mare is momentarily taken aback, before she regroups, throwing the hate back.
>"If you actually cared, then why the BUCK would you impersonate Doctor Horse?" she bites out bitterly, "You practically committed malpractice for Celestia's sake! If you had good intentions, then why the BUCK would you do that!?"
>You glare for a bit, before averting your eyes.
>Dammit, she kind of has you there.
"I...had to escape the hospital without you showing up and tying me to the bedframe," you answer truthfully.
>Heck, it's kind of out of the bag you're a demonic sex beast, why bother hiding anything else at this point?
"Bonnie had gone off the rails, and she's damn sneaky - I was afraid she'd show up and kill me...which she did," you point out, giving a significant look at Redheart.
>Scrub Redheart rolls her eyes in acknowledgement as if to say 'yeah, yeah, alright, fair cop' while the Germane stallion visibly tenses for some reason.
"And," you press on, "I was also running an errand for Discord," you gesture to the kegs, "specifically, I had to get the alcohol to the Villain Bash. If I didn't get the Grog, Discord and every other villain would most likely destroy Equestria. Which is still on the table." you again point out.
>Redheart narrows her eyes.
>"So you hang out with villains?" she accuses with disdain, as a disapproving mother does to her sixteen year old daughter who's found herself an older boyfriend.
>Oh good fucking lord.
>Not the thing to focus on Redheart!
"Yeah," you admit, getting annoyed again, "But when we hang out it's less about 'villiany' and more a 'Support Group for Demonic Hellbeasts'," you state, quoting with your hooves
>The Germane pony seems to want to jump, so you quickly cut across him.
"The point is," you regather sincerely, "I really am sorry I impersonated Doctor Hooves and may have gotten someone killed, and I will NEVER, do it again."
>Redheart looks at you sceptically.
>"Are you REALLY sorry?" she questions.
"Of course I am!" you state, indignant, "You KNOW that I don't do stupid things like this for no reason! I thought you knew me better than that." you add, genuinely a little hurt.
>Redheart sighs, rubbing the space between her eyes.
>"I thought I did too," she says just as hurt, before sighing, "Although... this level of bucked-uppery has your name all over it."
>"You cannot believe dis zing!" exclaims the Germane stallion, his orange hood snapping to Redheart, "It's just trying to trick you!"
>Trickery?
>You close your eyes and count to ten, thinking how to counter Mister Eidelburgher's irrationality.
"...Why?" you decide to reason.
>"Why vhat?" he questions, his hood snapping to you.
"Why would I want to trick Nurse Redheart?" you logically enquire, "If I actually wanted to take over Equestria, why would I want to trick Nurse Redheart? Or you, whoever you are? If anything, it'd make more sense that I would chuck both of you out the gaping hole in the wall as soon as I arrived, explain away the entire thing as the Winter Queen being a bitch after eviving Twilight and Luna, and then convince the Princesses that Bon Bon, Officer Stern and Lyra were working with the Winter Queen in the enevitble confrontation. It'd explain an awful lot, after all."
>The Germane stallion raises a hoof in thought, before pointing it at you.
>"Zat... is a semi-reasonable explanation," he cautiously answers, "Zhen wiz you as ze only survivor you vould vork your vay into ze Princess good graces, seduce zem, and rule over Equestria. Not a bad plan...for a demon..." he adds accusingly.
"Except you came up with that plan," you point out, "and I didn't chuck either of you out the hole. Heck, right now there's more evidence that YOU are aiming to take over Equestria than there is I'm oing something evil."
>You can't see it, but his eyes give away how he's grimacing.
>Nurse Redheart stamps a hoof angrily.
>"If both of you are QUITE done being completely paranoid parasprites, the Princesses," she gestures significantly over to the frozen forms, "require our assistance."
"Hey, I'm not the one being paranoid!" you reply, trotting over to Princess Luna's hot-bottle encumbered form, "Doctuer Mengel over there is!"
>The Shiny Orange pony gasps.
>"How did you know my NAME!?" he exclaims.
>...
>what.
>There's a pony version of Joseph Mengel?
"It's the name of... a demon in Tartarus," you quickly invent, flabbergasted, "You're seriously named after the Demon of Immoral Medical Experiments!?"
>"It vas not mein fault!" the newly discovered Doctuer Mengel cries, "It's a family name!"
>Nurse Redheart gently pats the Doctuer on the back consolingly.
>You pause a moment, staring in bafflement.
"Anyway," you continue, stripping off some hot water bottles and thermal blankets from Luna's form, "I'm just concerned that the good Doctuer over there is going to blab about me being a demon, and then Luna here going off her rocker and murder me. So..."
>You turn your head to both of them.
"Either of you plan on telling Luna or Twilight about me and successfully being accomplices to my murder?" you airily ask.
>Redheart and Mengel look at each other.
>"...Do you plan on volunteering at the hospital with general cleaning and patient care?" counters Redheart.
>You briefly frown, slightly disgusted at having to handle soiled sheets and messy bodily fluids and being in a hospital all day.
>Then you remember that you're a demon and that stuff is TASTY.
>And it gives you a new avenue to seduce ponies.
"Done!" you say, victoriously.
>You turn to Mengel.
>Redheart turns to Mengel.
>Mengel's hood whips to you, then Redheart, to you again.
>"...az far as anypony knows, neizer I or Redhardt attempted to kill you - AT ALL. Zat was all Shtern, Bon Bon and Lyra," he demands, before pointing his hoof up in thought, "Unt I vasn't here, it vas... Docteur Horse, yes, Doctuer Horse vas here instead."
>You nearly frown, but honestly the terms aren't bad.
"What are you talking about? We've been spending the past ten minutes trying to come up with how to save the Princesses," you say dubiously, putting your hooves to Luna's side and pushing your infernal heat into her.
>Your cockring doesn't even twinge as you easily burn through the cold, feeling it break mere moments after you start.
>Luna gasps, suddenly leaping.
>"Celestia!" she cries, looking around.
>She sees you, the scrub-encumbered Redheart, and the ridiculously shiny Orange Doctuer bowing in a dark frozen room with a gaping hole open to a furious snowstorm.
"Greetings you're Highness," you say, "I fear we bring grave news."
>"Rise," she demands, and all three of you obey "What has happened? Where are We?"
>"You are in the Castle of the Two Sisters in Everfree, your Majesty," says Redheart, "And for what happened, Celestia was...er..."
>Redheart looks at you, pointedly.
"Celestia was possessed by the Winter Queen," you elaborate, "Twilight was originally possessed," you hoof at the nearby Princess of Friendship, "and...I'm guessing the Queen used both her and you to get to Celestia."
>Luna grimaces, looking at the frozen Twilight.
>"I thought I had seen the last of that bucking whorse," she says under her breath, before turning to you, "How was I released?"
>You know what you have to do.
>You've thought about this back when you were awake, in the off chance you came back here and had to explain to Luna or Twilight what happened.
>You turn sideways and raise a leg.
>And casually flop out your dick.
>Luna eyes your member appraisingly, and you preen a bit, before her eyes latch onto your cockring.
>"This...." she leans in, and...
>Oh good lord she sniffed your crotch.
>Oh this moment is going RIGHT into the mental record books.
>"...this has the smell of Demon Magic upon it," she says, looking at you worried, "Passion, where did you get this?"
"A witch gave it to me as a good-luck gift for...you know. Multiple orgasms," you wriggle your eyebrows good-naturedly at Luna's annoyed and unimpressed frown, "Turns out in addition to warding off genital warts it also fights against the Winter Queen's powers for some reason."
>She looks at you, irritation turning to concern.
>"Well...release Twilight," she gestures, "But once this is done, we'll have to get that off you before it corrupts your very soul."
>You go back on all fours, bow, and casually trot over to Twilight.
>You're mildly worried about losing your Magical Cockring, and the questions it'll raise about it's origin, but it's a necessary sacrifice for your continued existance.
>And besides, you needed something to pin the Demonic Magic on.
>After all, only a Demon can make Demon Magic.
>And blaming it on your Cock-Ring seems to be the best bet.
>You place your hooves on Twilight and FORCE the heat in as you hear Luna asking worried questions to Redheart and 'Doctor Horse'.
>There's a crick, crack and pop as Twilight LEAPS up and gracefully falls on her face.
>"Ergh, where am I?' she asks, rubbing her face.
>At once she's wrapped in Luna's magic.
>"Come, Twilight, there is naught a moment to lose!" she yells, dragging Twilight out of the room and down the stairs, "Come Nurse, Doctor, Passion! We have a demonic whorse to murder!"
>You, Redheart and Mengel give each other significant looks for the briefest of moments, before you all gallop after them down into the darkness
>Time to Save Equestria!
 
---
 
>You all gallop down the stairs, breezing over ice and through darkness, with Luna in the front, chattering away to Twilight.
>You catch snippets of Forbidden Lore about the Winter Queen, but it's nothing you already know.
>Passing through faintly familiar corridors and halls, you finally reach a lighter corridor, where Luna stops.
>Nurse Redheart and Docteur Mengele stop in time.
>You slide straight into Luna's plot.
>Between the cheeks.
>By complete accident.
>You fall back on your butt, rubbing your face with an annoyed look on your face.
>More for Luna's brief glance back at you than any actual pain.
>From the end of the corridor you hear the scream of wind, the clash of magic against magic, and the cackling, screaming laughter of an ancient foe.
>"So, how do we defeat her?" whispers Twilight, peering down the corridor towards the noise, wings raised in anticipation.
>"Not much is known about defeating her," says Luna quietly, "Although sticking something long and hot into her tends to wound her."
>Twilight looks at Luna eyebrows raised while you fight down a snicker.
>"You need to penetrate her shield made of Demonic Magic, which covers her skin, and deliver heat into her core," explains Luna factually, "That'll drive the Winter Queen out and banish her. However, the strength of her shield is relative to the power of whom she posesses."
>"And now she's in Celestia, a very powerful alicorn," reasons Twilight, almost reverent of Celestia's power "meaning she'll have a powerful shield," she pauses, to consider the magical armoury "We should be able to pierce it with a Flaming Lance, or Solaris Blast."
>"Indeed we could," states Luna, unhappily, "Except only Celestia could perform those spells with enough pwoer to defeat the Queen."
>Twilight snaps her head to Luna, mane dancing in the darkness.
>"So... then... what can we do?" asks the purple Princess, tentatively fearful.
>The darker mare's face falls as she sighs, turning her now hard eyes towards Celestia's favoured pupil.
>This can't be good.
>"We have to Discorporate her."
>Twilight recoils in disbelief as if struck, gasping.
>"Wh-what!?" she cries, eyes wild "That'll be as good as killing her! She'll be without a body until the Summer Sun Celebration, locked in the sun!"
>Luna places a hoof on Twilight's shivering shoulder, like a mother unto a fearful young child.
>"It's for the best," Luna says seriously and full of understanding, "The shield will protect the Winter Queen from heat, but we can still physically hurt her, robbing the the Winter Queen of a body and driving her away. I know, I know," says Luna, to the cringing purple alicorn, "it will be difficult for you - that the Winter Queen was able to possess you is the surest sign of your great love for Our Sister. But know this Twilight Sparkle; she will return, and she will understand why we had to do this."
>"But, but I want - I can't hurt her!" wildly cries the now tearful Twilight, "I, I can't wait, I can't do, we can't, she really will NOT forgive us of this!"
>The Night Princess rubs the shoulder of the Princess of Friendship consolingly, tenderly, like a lover unto their beloved.
>"She will," whispers Luna, voice husky and deep, "She has in the past. But if we do not stop the Winter Queen, she will never forgive us. We need to do this together Twilight Sparkle, I'm not ... powerful enough."
>Twilight visibly blinks back tears, even as a single tear travels down her cheek.
>"I...it's all my fault," she says in a strangled cry, "If I hadn't been possessed, if I had only been faster-"
>Luna shushes the Librarian by burying her head into the Dark Alicorn's chest.
>The Luna Princess's hoof pets Twilight's mane as Celestia's prized student sobs loudly.
>They part after some time, gazing at each other full of emotion.
>The two princesses, heedless of their audience, look into each other's eyes, Luna's orbs peering into Twilight's, almost as if there was a deep, intrinsic connection between them.
>The purple alicorn gives one last sniffle, before her eyes harden, and she nods seriously.
>Luna nods in turn, a binding promise to carry through.
>"Alright..." says Twilight, before taking a steadying breath, "let's do this."
>And as one, Twilight and Luna gallop out of the corridor, mares on a mission.
>With an emotional scream, Redheart follows.
>Mengele, with a heroic cry, gallops after,
>You stand stock till awkwardly in the corridor, having watched this overabundance of awkward and quite frankly creepy drama while fighting the urge to roll your eyes so much that Redheart would probably commit your eye-spinning self to the assylum.
>You finally give in to temptation and give the biggest, most exaggerated eye roll you can.
>There, that's better.
>Happy that you've now purged your system of your incredulity, you follow at a slower pace.
>Last time you ran into a situation, you almost died.
>And every time before that, it didn't go all that well.
>And Equestria is pretty much saved right now with Twi and Luna on the case.
>Or at least the Winter Queen will be distracted, enabling you to sneak in and do...something.
>Maybe.
>It's porobably a given that Bonnie will say something ridiculous and try and kill you, and you'll be more helpful if you're discrete.
>So with a vague plan in place you activate The Sneak Skills, set them to 'Not Even In The Romm With You - or AM I?' and you slip out into the swirling, deafening storm.
>The wind wails, the snow splits against your hide, and the air-bourne snow is almost blinding.
>Every now and then there's the flash of magic that briefly illuminates the hall, illuminating columns and broken statues.
>You sneak into the snow pack, working your way around the room for a better view, your face the only thing above the snow like a crocodile in a swamp.
>Suddenly there's a CRACK, and a column nearby falls down with a THUMP into the snow.
>Atop it is the cackling form of Celestia, eyes cold, wings spread wide and encased in ice.
>There's the sound of a gong as a spell bounces off a glowing magical shield in front of her.
>"You honestly think you can STOP ME NOW?" she cackles, "You think you can take this body BACK!?"
>She throws back her head and laughs as more spells, and what you see are the glints of knives, bedpans, scalples and rocks bounce off her shield.
>With a flick of her horn, a ice-blue beam slashes through the storm, and you hear a scream suddenly silenced.
>"Shtern!" you hear faintly over the wind.
>Another flick, another beam, another scream.
>Crap.
>That's not good.
>You drop down onto your belly, diving through the snow around behind her, trying to figure out what to do.
>You pop your head up above the surface of the ice as she cackles, and flicks her head-
>She suddenly screams, falling back as a dark form with glowing red eyes lands atop her face and stabs Celestia's head repeatedly.
>The Winter Queen's puppet recovers quickly, but before she can launch another spell the Bon Bon ninja flips off her and disappears into the storm, just as a wicked purple spell slams into Celestia's body.
>You quickly scooch out of the way as the Possessed Princess slams into the wall.
>Spinning around, you keep your eyes on the Winter Queen as her mangled form groans against the cracked stone.
>You back slowly away as another blade of purple death races out of the darkness.
>With a grunt, the Winter Queen leaps up into the storm, narrowly dodging the spell.
>The magic slams into the wall and through it, sending stone and rock tumbling.
>You quickly run out of the way along the collapsing wall.
>You pass several columns that crack and crunch, statues that collapse and crumble.
>Seeing another wall ahead of you, you quickly leap out into the grey darkness, disappearing into the snow and escaping the collapsing ruin.
>Rapidly slushing through the ice, you find yourself suddenly out of the snow as you feel the top foot of the ice simply disappear around you.
>There's a screech and a victorious 'A-HA! Take THAT whorse!' before another lance of light streaks through the sky.
>You eventually find the other wall, and you turn and look, just as a giant tangled form slams into the snow not five feet from you.
>You slush over, and identify the form as Luna, shivering against a sheen of ice, eyes unfocused as she groans weakly.
>"Bucking...whorse..." she hisses.
>Another flash and a crackling blast of screaming wind slams into Luna's form.
>The shriek of chill from the blow sends your cockring jiggling and your skin momentarily freezing.
>"Luna!" you hear Redheart cry, as she gallops with difficulty through the snow.
>She grunts, legs barely pushing against the ice, which rapidly swirls around her.
>"Now now," says the sinister sing-song voice of Celestia from above, "don't tire yourself out Nurse."
>Quickly the snow engulfs Redheart, and you hear her fearful yelping cease.
>There's a CRUNCH as the Winter Queen lands next to Luna's form, cackling.
>She's so focused on Luna that she completely ignores your statue-still self.
>"Who's the whorse NOW, whorse?" she taunts the mangled heap through her bloodied face, before she suddenly hisses in pain as her left ear disappears.
>Crying out, she turns to look out somewhere into the storm.
>"You'll PAY for that-"
>She grunts as blood spurts from her shoulder, causing her to grunt.
>The blood squirts out in lines across her body, and the Winter Queen staggers as glowing threads encase her.
>"NOW!" you think you hear Lyra over the storm.
>A dark shadow falls out of the sky, landing on Celestia's back, stabbing scalpels, knives, blades and nunchucks into her neck.
>For a moment the Winter Queen staggers, before she suddenly grins.
>Bonnie is encased in the glow of icy blue-
>Before she is shot into the darkness, followed by the sickening sound of flesh on stone.
>With a cry of anger the bloodied and pissed Winter Queen breaks free of Lyra's bondage, glowing threads snapping and whipping out into the snow.
>"I WILL REND YOU LIMB FROM-"
>A sudden flare of magic slams into Celestia's side, and she is tossed out into the storm, limbs flailing.
>You catch a glance of a determined looking Twilight soaring past, before all you can see the the dark grey of the snowstorm, leaving you alone in the wailing gale.
>...
>Well, that just happened.
>Shaking yourself out of stillness, you trot back over to Luna's quietly groaning body, now being rapidly buried in the snow.
"Hey, Luna," you yell against the storm, "You alright?"
>Her head struggles against the snow for a moment, before dropping back into it with a groan.
>You quickly shovel the snow off her face, and cradle her head.
>Luna looks up at you, her skin turning a cold unnatural blue.
>"I...we've failed..." she groans, "Twilight...she's not strong enough to ...Discoporate Celestia...on her own..."
>You watch the light slowly fade from her eyes as ice creeps up her face.
>"Please...Passion..." she whispers, "Save...yourself..."
>She gasps out a breath, wheezing, coughing-
>You roll your eyes, and place your hoof directly to Luna's chest and FORCE the heat in.
>Instantly her skin regains it's colour, getting an undignified sqawk out of the Lunar Princess.
"You ain't leaving us," you yell, "Now get up and help Twilight take down the Winter Queen!"
>"I...buh...how!?" she exasperates.
"Magic Demonic Cockring, remember?" you respond loudly.
>"I...alright," she says, mildly befuddled but determined, "pick me up!"
>You quickly clear away the snow form her body and...
>Yikes.
>Luna's not going far with her legs bent that way, and a wing missing.
"Well shit," you eye her body, then her, "brace yourself then."
>"I have experienced far greater pains than-ACK!" she cries as you bodily place her on your back.
>Her legs and remaining wing awkwardly dangle down your sides, and you hear her hiss in agonizing pain atop your back.
"Alright!" you shout, "What next?"
>"Next time, " you hear her half-groan, half-cry, half-hiss, "WARN me before you do something like THAT!"
"You can yell at me later!" you respond, " But we have to stop the Winter Queen!"
>You hear a huff, a quiet 'At least your warm', before Luna points into the swirling storm.
>"Onward!" she cries, squinting into the raging storm, "I fear Twilight has started to fall for the whorse's wiles!"
>You gallop off in the direction she points her horn.
>Luna's legs, draped in the snow, catch in the drift and she promptly flops off your back and into the snow behind you with a 'Foomp!'
>Her loud screams are muffled by the snow.
"Shit, sorry!" you say, going to pick her back up.
>"No, buck, don't!" yells Luna in agony, "I can't do anything like this!"
"Nonesense!" you ignore, picking up her body, "All you need to do is zap her with your magic with Twilight and this'll be done!"
>Luna hisses and grunts as you once again replace her on your back.
>She colourfully curses loudly into the storm.
>You try and figure out how to perch her so she won't fall off.
>Nothing seems to come to mind.
>Looking around, you don't see anything other than snow.
>"This isn't going to WORK!" grunts Luna through gritted teeth, "Just, point me in that direction - maybe I can hit her from here."
>You awkwardly orientate yourself to where she points, just as a figure emerges from the whirling grey before you.
>Wreathed in swirling snow is the Princess of Friendship, coat a dull purple, smiling serenely.
>"Hello Luna," she says airily, "Everything's fine."
>You get a deep sense of foreboding.
>"Twilight!" gasps Luna, "What have you done?"
>Twilight continues to advance, smiling, just smiling, face unmoving, legs shuffling.
>"Oh, nothing much," giggles the alicorn, "You see, Her Grace made me realize - I'm NEVER going to be with Celestia, even if we DO Discorporate her."
>She draws closer, and her eyes are wide, doll-like, dead.
>"But I can be there for Her," she says happily, "and things will be Better."
>The tip of Twilight's horn fizzes.
>"Especially without you!"
>In a split second a beam of purple magic splatters against and over your skin as Luna's shriek rapidly diminishes.
>You err on the side of caution, and quickly flop down into the slush.
>You wait, tentatively, breath held, the snow turning to mush around your hot form as you hear Twilight's giggle.
>Jimminy Crickets what are YOU doing?
>Sure, the whole 'not jumping in thing' is kind of working.
>You haven't been stabbed once!
>But right now, you don't think this is working.
>Then again, what can you do in a battle between alicorns?
>Only Luna and Twilight can take out the Winter Queen, and Twilight's gone soft in the head.
>So much for all that dramatic 'OOoOOO we're going to fight to the end to save Celestia's soul!"
>And besides, even if you could aim Luna, without Twilight, everything's gone to hell.
>Although...maybe you can stick some heat into Twilight, and clear her mind long enough to take out Celestia?
>Sounds like a plan!
>Your ear flicks, and you hear Twilight awkwardly shuffling past you.
>You burst out of the snow, latching onto her neck.
>Using your hours of mare-mounting practice, you swing atop the Princess as she shrieks loudly.
>Your hooves burn against her skin as you plunge your Infernal Heating into her back, your cock-ring vibrating, purring.
>The Princess of Friendship doesn't buck, or squirm, or wriggle, just screams, screams, screams-
>Before her coat returns to it's normal purple, and she passes out, collapsing into the snow beneath you.
>Fuck.
>You quickly nudge her form, quickly moving on to shaking, and then slapping.
>Nothing works, she just flops about unresponsive.
>Fucking fuck.
>You grab the Purple Princess and drag her towards where you guess Luna was tossed by Twilight.
>You eventually find a wall, cratered and cracked.
>Luna is sitting against the stone, eyes closed, breathing weakly.
>Fucking fuckity fuck.
>You drop Twilight next to Luna, and try to shake the Moon Princess awake.
>Luna just groans, before sliding sideways and falling to the ground atop Twilight, unmoving.
>Fucking fucking fuck fuckity fucking fuck.
>Luna's down, Twilight's down, the Winter Queen is still at large, and you think everyone from Bon Bon's Murder Squad is also out.
>"Hey!"
>You turn and duck as a golden thread slices over your head and slams into the wall.
"Lyra!" you yell, "Where on earth have you been!?"
>The white Suited Lyracist stops mid string throw.
>"Wha- PASSION!?" she yells.
"Luna's injured!" you respond, "Twilight got mind-fucked by the Winter Queen, and everyone's dead!"
>You can't see Lyra's face through the snow, but you can see her approach through the pack, hoof raised, a coil of shimmering thread slicing through the wind.
>"I...how are you still alive after Bonnie stabbed you with that...Thing?" she cries.
"Look, we need to figure out how to revive Luna and Twilight," you tactfully ignore Lyra's question, "otherwise Equestria is screwed!"
>You see Lyra's hood look between you and the fallen princesses.
"Lyra! We don't have time for your or Bonnie' general brand of bullshit!" you angrily yell, "Get over here and help me!"
>You can feel her practically glare at you, before she scoffs and awkwardly gallops through the snow.
>She arrives, using her cyan magic to scan the Princesses.
"Well?" you say impatiently, "What can we do!?"
>"Buck," she says under her breath, "We're not going to be waking them up any time soon."
"Shit," you curse, stomping snow into slush, "Equestria's fucked."
>Lyra turns to you, eyes glistening with annoyance.
>"Why is Equestria bucked?" she asks angrily.
>Although you swear she stresses the 'b' in 'buck' just a little too much.
"Luna and Twilight needed to work together to stop the Winter Queen by Discorporating Celestia or something," you ignore Lyra's gasp, "but now we obviously can't do that!"
>Lyra's hood moves between you and the Princesses with increasing panic.
>"Well...um...can we do-"
>Lyra's eyes narrow as she trails off.
>You look at her expectantly, but then you hear it.
>Over the shrieking, wailing wind you hear a cold voice, like tinkling icicles, waiting to fall and plunge into your flesh.
>"Oh Lyyyyyraaaaa..." it says, sing-song, taunting, distant, but getting closer, "Oh Lyyyyyrraaaaaaa..."
>You grimace.
>"Shit," Lyra whispers in fear, "What can we do? Can we do anything!?"
>You strain to think.
"Er...we can try jamming something hot inside her and flooding her with heat?" you guess, "Twilight said something like a spear or a lance?"
>Lyra looks at you.
>You can FEEL her disapproval.
>"Seriously," she says flatly.
>You nod, thinking furiously, that sing song voice promising all sorts of terrible pain for Lyra drawing nearer.
"Can you maybe heat up your threads or-"
>"Are you saying that you could buck the Winter Queen out of Celestia?" she cuts through angrily.
>You look at Lyra like she's an idiot, briefly thinking about all the ways that Lyra is being an idiot.
>Luna said you need to get through her shield, which is fueled by Demonic Magic.
>Which you can counter, between your Magic Cockring and your own Infernal Heating.
>It needs to be long, hot, and deliver heat into her core.
>...like your dick cumming side her.
>And doing this will drive off the Winter Queen...
>...
"...good grief I think I might!?" you say, completely flabbergasted.
>Lyra scoffs.
>"Why didn't you buck her sooner!?" she grumbles.
"I didn't know!" you hiss back defensively, "Look, just, Lyra, you distract her. I'll sneak around her rear her and take her from behind."
>Lyra's hood faces you, silent and still.
"Nope, not touching that," you say, "And once I leap on, use your threads to tie me down onto her, so she can't buck me off. Alright?"
>Lyra's hood nods.
>You turn and stealthily sneak into the snow as the voice becomes clearer.
>Lyra stands her ground before Twilight and Luna's fallen bodies.
>You hear the thoomp thoomp of something heavy striding through the snow, and you circle around beneath the surface.
>"Well, well, well," you hear the cold, taunting tones of the Winter Queen through Celestia's lips, "Look at this. The Old Whorse, the Young Chit, and The Whorse-Who Has-Been-Cutting-Me-Up-All-Night, all at my mercy."
>She titters as you slink into prime position.
>"I'm not going to let you touch them!" swears Lyra, standing defiant.
>The Winter Queen cackles madly as you stealthily creep through the snow towards her hindquarters.
>Hmmmm-HM!
>Celestia's got a fine rear end.
>Nice pert butt.
>Shapely legs.
>And that pussy!
>So delicate, plush and full.
>And you're going to fuck it in order to save Equestria.
>You can't help but smugly smirk at that as you feel your dick enlarge and stiffen beneath you, burning into the slush.
>"So, you've set up one of your pathetic little wire traps, have you?" taunts the Winter Queen.
>She titters as you calculate the variables, the trajectory, and roll your shoulders, ready to jump.
>With a flick of Celestia's horn a line of magic cuts over Lyra.
>"Not much of a trap," laughs the Winter, "Now, I wonder, what do you treasure more? Your horn, or your legs?"
>She takes a threatening step forward.
>Seeing your moment, you LEAP up.
>Your dick slides into Celestia's cold cunt like a hot fist into a cold, clammy corpse.
>Your rear legs wrap onto her buttocks.
>Your body slaps onto her back, and you latch onto her wings with your front legs.
>The Winter Queen stumbles forward, letting loose a rather alluring moan.
>Before she freezes.
>Her insides turn to ice, and your cock-ring begins to vibrate violently.
>"Get. Off," she says dangerously.
"Nope!" you say, taking a mouthful of Celestia's neck and THRUSTing.
>You feel the skin on your dick stick to her insides, making it difficult to move inside her.
>It feels rather nice, like when fucking your Grandmother with no lube, except it feels more biting.
>"ARGH! NO!" yells the Winter Queen, trying to turn and hit you with her horn.
>She writhes, and you nearly fall off, but you quickly feel Lyra's threads cut into your back and wrapping around Celestia's barrel, pinning you to Celestia's back.
>You take advantage of the moment to speed up your thrusting.
>"NOOOO!" yells the Winter Queen, dancing around, trying to get an angle on you and try and hit you with magic.
>You see a flicker of glinting thread-
>And the Winter Queen's face smacks into the ground as one of her legs slips awkwardly to the side
>Not to be deterred, the Queen's Puppet rises into the air.
>There's another glint of thread, a jerk, and Celestia's body awkwardly slams into the ground.
>With you under her.
>You OOF, but continue ploughing Celestia's pony pussy.
>She leaps up, and tries to smack you off, bashing into statues and columns and the ground and the wall, but you remain stuck on her back.
>With every thrust you feel your dick stick less.
>You feel her insides warm up, and even begin to slicken.
>Your cock-ring's buzzing slows down.
>And you feel the Winter Queen's movements become more uncoordinated.
>You hump her hard as she staggers through the slowly dying storm.
>Each thrust is like a physical blow that knocks her around.
>"You - umf - won't - umf - win!" she says weakly, staggering drunkenly towards Lyra, "You can't - UMF - I won't be - AH! Defeated!"
>She twists her horn at Lyra, but the spell goes wayward as you SLAAM your prick at the right moment, causing her to shudder and lose her aim.
>The Queen moans against your vicious pumping, before she shakes her head angrily.
>"No! I'll have my reve-AHN!" she gasps, falling on her front legs, rear up, "Your friends- ahn! - I'll kill them! I'll - OH! This infernal body! I'll KILL YOU A~AA~AALL!"
>You feel yourself begin to peak, even as you feel Celestia's walls begin to quiver against your member.
>You bite down harder on her neck, your legs grip tighter, your hips thrust wildly.
>With a final screech from the Winter Queen you cum inside Celestia's clenching vice of a vagina, your dick throbbing as you pump your load deep inside her.
>You feel something cold briefly enter into you and seemingly perish against your heat.
>The cockring violent vibrates, then ceases as you feel something crack in your downstairs department.
>The Storm, weakening for a while now, dies, snow falling to the ground leaving the air still and silent.
>Huffing and puffing and satisfied, perched atop a quivering alicorn, you look around the dark hall.
>A soft, cyan light bathes the still, frozen air above the white suited form of Lyra.
>Beside her, barely standing, is the black shadow of Bon Bon.
>Luna's form remains tangled and unconcious, but Twilight seems to be waking up.
>A distant pile of snow bursts open, revealing a shivering Nurse Redheart.
>There's the sound of cracking ice, and the black-armoured form of Stern leaps out of the ground, followed by the shivering form of Mengele.
>They look around at each other, then at you stuck to Celestia's flank by Lyra's threads.
>Welp, seems like everything ended quite well!
>You saved Equestria!
>You watched Bonnie and her Band of Banditos get wrecked by the Winter Queen!
>You defeated the Winter Queen!
>And you got to have glorious sex with Celestia!
>Heck, tonight you nearly died several times, suffered through Christmas and prejudice, committed malpractice and potentially mail fraud, but now, the future is bright.
>You sigh in relief, collapsing onto Celestia's back, pleased wiht yourself.
>Now all you need to do is get the Grog to the party, and you're set!
 
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