"Advice for Horsegirls"
By brandnewwritefag (https://pastebin.com/u/brandnewwritefag)

URL: https://pastebin.com/aBqYD39P
Created on: Thursday 28th of September 2017 11:57:04 AM CDT
Retrieved on: Sunday 1 of November 2020 04:41:23 AM UTC


>"Now y'all don't worry your head-"
>You huff, rolling your eyes, continuing your walk down the school's sidewalk
"AJ, literally every time you've said that either you or Rainbow's been hurt-"
>She tugs on your arm, pulling it around her back to press herself against your front
>"Now sugarcube~"
"Don't you sugarcube me. Principal Celestia absolutely lost her shit with the damage you two idiots did to the soccer field."
>You smirk as she scowls, poking her finger into your chest. "Soccer ain't a real sport, Anon."
"Yeah but don't tell that to Flash - how else would he get away with wearing knee-high socks?"
>She snickers and you plant a kiss on her forhead, tipping her hat dangerously back - which she's quick to catch with her hand, tipping it back forward
>She looks like a dork with that hat, but she's YOUR dork
>Now if you could just break her of that "country music only" habit, riding home with her would be much more bearable
>Your dad always gave you shit for that - when you play AJ's songs backwards you get your dog back, your man back, your truck back-
>Momma Crypto said it worked for her, though, so
>"... what's so funny?"
>You start singing as terrible as you can
"Ol' yeller ain't doggin' like she-uh yewst ta bee~"
>She love-taps your side and you laugh
>"It AIN'T that bad!"
"Look, all I'm saying is that Nightcore is the only valid music ty-"
>"Ahm' gettin' Vinyl."
"Ugh please, no band nerds. I don't want them commandeering the PA system to re-educate the masses again."
>"Ah thought their vapored wear selection was - ah."
>AJ starts to nudge you over to the left - so of course, you look to the right
>It's nothing but one of those frumpy nerds from the chess club sitting on the stairs, and you're with one of your girls...
>So you push back a bit
>"Ahnon, no."
>You give her your best "what?" face, tilting your head to the side
"But... you're here with me. What exactly-"
>"She's ...ah dunno. She used to be nice, but recently she's been, uh... Twi says redpilled, but I'm just sayin' mean."
>You scrunch up a bit
"If she's just on new medication that's not any reason to-"
>As if on cue, Moondancer turns around and looks at you two
>But whereas it was usually a shy nerd who'd stare at you in the hallway - and let's face it, she's a girl, she's gonna stare
>This was a scowl
>There was actual venom in those eyes
>Much like how flash acts when you catch him with his boyfriends
>or when you point out that he can't keep going under teacher's desks in college cause he'll have actual competition-
>"...fucking trixies."
>'scuse me?
"What did you just say?"
>"I said~" Moondancer states, standing up and making a show of dusting herself off. "Oh look, it's another dumb male, stolen by a fucking trixie."
>You're less hanging out with AJ right now and more desperately holding her against you to stop a fight from breaking out
>"You snake-tongued cunt! Ah'll rip yer arms off!"
>You sigh, thanking the Goddesses that at least they made men physically stronger than women
"Moondancer, what the actual fuck?"
>"Oh wow, you actually know my name~! Whoop dee shi-"
"MOONIE."
>Although you are young, you have been taught the way of the Dadvoice(tm), your yelling-not-yelling voice causing her to start and AJ to tense up in your arms
>Huh. Big Mac must've been a natural at catching bullshit
>You clear your throat
"Look. I know we're not really friends, but I know you're a nice girl-"
>"And what has that ever done for me? Fuck that." She growls, crossing her arms and narrowing her eyes at you.
>Oh bitch you do not want to try me-
>Breathe, Anon. Dad taught you better. Try to help before macing
"-but I know you're a nice girl. What's happened to you?"
>"I got WOKE, ok?! Males like you get stolen from nice girls like us by fucking trixies like her!"
>"Ahm gon' kill her. Ah own 200 acres, they'll never find th' body-" AJ mutters into your chest, her body still coiled to strike
"Hush."
>AJ grumbles, but stays silent
"So, Moonie. Can I... talk to you for a moment, then?"
>A few emotions flash across her face - anger, curiosity, fear, d e t e r m i n a t i o n
>"...What."
>Well, it's a start
"Well. I'd like to help you."
>"With what? What can you possibl-"
"I mean, I could help you get laid, if you're interested."
>For not the first time in your life, two women give you almost identical expressions of "what the absolute shit did he say?"
>"W-wh-waa.. ah?"
>Good! We're making progress
>You release your girlfriend - thanking the Goddesses again that you weren't with Rainbow this afternoon - and put your palm up
"Stay."
>"Ahno-"
"Shhh. Down girl. Staaay."
>"...ahm' blarin' Jenny Cash an' taking the long way home today-"
>Smirking, you walk over to Moonie, taking a seat near her feet on the stairs. You pat the spot next to her, and reluctantly she sits.
"Ok. What's up."
>"..."
>She swallows hard and turns away
>Ah.
>"... I just...I'm so alone - and that's NOT FAIR. I'm a nice girl! I hold open doors, I treat men with respect! I get good grades, I'm a programmer already - I make more money in my spare time than these trixies with their paper-hat jobs-" She raises her hands as her rant continues, "-but no guy even looks at me! I can provide - I can do things for them! I deserve to be loved - but NO."
>She turns to you, eyes red with fought-back tears
>"No. Guys like you just go for bitches with firm tits and wide hips, that's all you care about! What the fuck am I supposed to do against that?! T-they just steal all the males from u-us"
>You don't remember when you started to rub her back, but she shudders slightly at the touch
>Damn. She's... got it bad
>"A-and it's not like there are tons o-of guys out there anyway! You have it easy - just drop your pants and any bitch will fuck you, b-but what about me?! H-how is that f-fair?!"
"Ssshhh...shhh....it's ok, it's not that ba-"
>"HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?!" She roars, her fists slamming into her knees
>For a few seconds, her heavy breathing is the only thing breaking the silence
>You wet your lips and mentally prepare yourself
"Well. I understand where you're coming from, but I think you have some flaws in your logic."
>She mirthlessly chuckles, but lets you continue
"Firstly, I very well know how few men are out there - and what's expected of us. A few girls per guy, some guys only have one wife - so yeah. The odds are stacked against you a bit, but that doesn't mean it's impossible."
>"It might as well fucking be-"
"Mmmm, I wouldn't say that. I would say, however, that you're not doing yourself any services being how you are right now-"
>"So I'm right - trixies or perma-virgin."
>You sigh
"When has the world ever been so black-and-white, hmm? You know better."
>You look up at AJ just to check on her - and, well....
>At least her anger's been tempered by pity
>Doesn't mean Moonie won't be pity-punched in the face once you get up, but... eh.
>baby steps
"Now. I told you that I'm going to help you get laid, and so I will. Talk to me about what you've been doing to try to get a guy - and, uh, first tip? Don't call us males."
>"Why."
"Ah, well. How you've referred to my sex so far has robbed us of agency, for the most part. If a girl's athletic, we have 'no choice' but to date them - as you said, they steal us from you. We're not guys, or men, we're just 'males' which boils us down to just our dick and nothing else."
>You continue to rub her back, rocking her slightly from side to side
"So, yes. I am dating Rainbow and AJ, but the decision to do that wasn't as black-and-white as you think. Yes, AJ is very fit, but there are other reasons why I dated her - and you should be able to draw some parallels: She has a good job, she's passionate about what she does, she's a tremendous dork-"
>"Bullshit."
"Mmm, dorks come in many different sizes and shapes. But I also like nature, and having 200 acres does tend to lead to nice walks in your own private park. Rainbow's probably going to be doing track professionally, but she's getting a scholarship to EU next fall to study sports medicine."
>Moonie's stopped heaving, but... is just letting it sink in
"And I do mean dorks, really. AJ likes playing, what is it. Honeydew Valley?"
>"Casual."
"And I know RD likes that shooting game with the giant robots."
>Moonie looks at you out of the corner of her eyes, a smirk on her face
"Oh don't give me that. The uh... Sisterhood something. Space Hulk."
>"...Rainbow Dash playes a Warhammer40K Game."
>Moonie sits up for the first time, turning to look at you with her full attention. "She plays a Warhammer40K game."
"I guess? I'm more of a puzzle and platform kinda guy, so. But I do play Overreach pretty terribly."
>"So you're one of those gamer boys-"
>You roll your hand and point to AJ, who's now just awkwardly standing there
>Oh young padawan, you can't even keep your rage for a few minutes
>[spoiler]Pushover detected[/spoiler]
"Do you really think I won her over with my video game abilities?"
>They stare at each other for a few moments, before Moondancer breaks the silence. "No..."
"Right. There are dozens of girls I haven't dated because it's more than just a yes/no kind of thing. Now let's talk about you."
>Moondancer braces herself - you can see it in her body language, and you just roll your eyes
"No, I'm not going to dress you down-"
>"l-lewd"
"-but, you're not really dressing to impress. I'm detecting that you have a lot of issues with your own body - why else would you wear a sweater in August-"
>"It's almost fall!"
"It's 85 degrees in the shade. My point is, guys look at you - and they do, they do - and they see a girl who either (1) doesn't like her body at all, which means we'd have to help you overcome your insecurities, which means a project or (2) can't dress herself at all, which means we'd have to help you figure out how to dress, which means another project."
>"So I'm not perfect-"
"That's not the point. Every girl is a project - for fuck's sake, AJ keeps demanding I be escorted home every night."
>"Hey! That ain't-"
"I survived 17 years without you, AJ. I can walk a mile to the bus stop."
>"But it's not right tah-"
>You cut her off by turning back to Moondancer, tilting your head over to AJ
"See? What projects are you saying you need? And even then - say a guy wouldn't mind helping you dress. Are you showing that you're even trying?"
>Moondancer's doing some real navel-gazing right now - like, actually staring at her bellybutton
"I'm not saying you look like a potato, but I am saying I've never seen you wear anything different. Ever. If a girl wears a black sweater, it's you-"
>"That's just my style" she mumbles softly
"And it's OK to have a style, but mix it up! Change jean colors, wear shorts, maybe go for a windbreaker over a sweater. I'm not saying dress in skin-tight clothing if you're uncomfortable with that, but, show us guys that you're trying. Literally, that's 80% of the battle."
>"But I AM trying-"
>You sigh and pat her back
"Yes, but not in any way we can tell."
>"So new pants and I'll get some dick? Really."
>Damnit what is up with this girl and being autistic
>You do not approve of this life choice
"Wellll ok, let's do this then - you're on Kindle? FITS?"
>"Y-yeah, of course."
"Show me your profile."
>Moondancer fumbles for her phone for a few seconds before entering what looks like a 50 digit password
>You wave AJ over, and she takes a seat - behind you two
>Attacking from above, eh?
>"H-here."
"I'm not going to laugh, I promise. And look here, we already have things to work with - you have a headshot from school as your initial profile pic."
>"Yeah? That's what I look like-"
"Ok, but look, the rest of your pics are you just sitting around."
>"I'm at my computer desk, and that's me hanging out with Lyra and the gang."
"Sure, ok... but look at it from my perspective. I'm a guy on Kindle, let's say - I get 300 matches in a day. Let's just say, ok?"
>"...ok."
>"Ya'll better not be-"
"You're not helping, AJ."
>"Hmph."
"Right. So now I'm swiping left on these girls. I come to your profile and what do I see?"
>"Me? I don't know what you're-"
"No, I see a chick who's just... there."
>"So I'm not taking pictures of me at house parties, I don't-"
>You sigh again
"Look, that's not the point. I don't know if any of these girls are serial killers, stalkers, abusive - nothing. So if I want to initiate anything as a guy, I need you to give me an opening. Now if I know nothing about what you do or your interests, *what do your pics tell me about you*?"
>You hold the phone screen out so she can see herself, and her eyes study her profile
>"...nothing."
"Exactly. You're just a girl sitting there, and so I swipe up - onto the next one. Show me you working on a computer or whatever - you hang out somewhere often?"
>"G-ghouls and Grimoires. EEr, I mean - uh, yeah. The Game shop down 5th street-"
"Ok. Why aren't there pictures of you there?"
>"Guys... guys don't like nerds-"
"No, nerds don't think guys like them, so they create a self-fulfilling prohpecy in their heads. I don't know anything about what you do, but, I'm certain there's a few guys out there who'd be a little interested. Right now I have no way to approach you online, Moonie, and you sure as hell don't approach anyone in person - so you strand yourself."
>You place her phone in her hands, and she loosely grips it
"Honestly, the bar is very low for girls. Guys have to always look good, always be careful, always perform- AJ, not now-"
>You don't even turn around, but you hear her huff
"We're just looking for someone that's safe, who can provide, and who isn't crazy. And I know the older you get, the more those 'impossible' standards you're facing now relax. A 30 year old guy isn't going to be as picky as me, for instance - at least, from what I've been told by Mr. Spitfire - so it's not...ugh. Words."
>You lean back a bit, resting your hands on the step behind you
>"So change my wardrobe-"
"Just a little."
>"and my profile-"
"Can't hurt"
>"and I'll get laid." Moondancer says, in the way that someone who's struggling with a new concept speaks
"Mmmm, well. You've got to get rid of this animosity, Moonie. Men are not out to hurt you, and if you honestly believe that then you need to go ahead and get that rainbow sticker on your laptop-"
>Both AJ and Moonie chuckle a bit
"-but seriously. Yes, men will break your heart, and men will lie and cheat and steal and do everything that - suprise suprise, women will do to you as well. You don't think AJ's fucked me over a couple ti-"
>"Hey! Ahnon, what ar-"
"Big Mac says there was no inventory of the Hay bales last Saturday, AJ, and you didn't get that shiner from a farm accident. If you wanted to skip movie night with me, next time just say so."
>"I.. ah...mm."
>Moonie, however, looks at you like you've just started shooting lighting out your ass
>You tilt your head back
"She likes to fight."
>"....Anon, love, I-"
"Later, AJ. Point being, every woman's a project and every woman can be just as nasty as any man, but men have more to lose if we pick wrong. Yeah, there's rape - sure, that's an issue, but also a forced marriage or forced caretaking of the baby if you get pregnant, there's murder - against one girl I'm fine, but if you have a 'family', I can't fight off all of you, there's... all sorts of stuff. You have to prove to me you're safe, that you're not desperate, and THEN that you can be an adult. Right now, you're not safe."
>"B-but I'd never hurt ANY guy! Ever!"
"You're currently very bitter, you feel you 'deserve' dick because you open doors for us, and you're so lonely that you're desperate. None of these things mean safe."
>She swallows, hard
"Look...Moonie, you are a nice girl. AJ and RD are nice girls - it's just, they're nice because they want to be. You're being nice because you expect something from us - men - that we never agreed to. So if you change your attitude and some of the superficial stuff - your dress, your profile, maybe lose a little weight if I'm being honest - then guys will start to notice. You'll at least get CHANCES, Moonie. That's what you want, right?"
>"I... yeah. I could treat any guy like the lord he deserves to be-"
"Ah... let's... mm. How about, just treat them like you'd want to be treated?"
>"R-right, right."
>You notice the shadows have grown long, so you stand up
"Moondancer, you do deserve to be happy - but you don't get happiness without working for it."
>Stepping down to the flat pavement, you turn towards her, reaching out an arm to help her up
>Grunting, you help her up - poor girl DOES need to lose a little - but you smile softly at her
"You are a hard worker, you are a kind person, and you know better than to be bitter. Just change a few things,  and you'll be much happier. I promise."
>"Y-yeah...yeah." She looks away, her lips pressed together.
"Alright. I'm going to go now - dad'll already have a fit - but, don't be a stranger, ok?"
>"Okay."
>She looks like a kicked puppy, but... 
>Well. What's done is done.
>Hopefully for the better
>And, arm in arm, your apologizing girlfriend escorts you to her truck.
- - - - - 
>Three months later you see Moondancer in the cafeteria at a table near the windows
>Her and a few of the other girls she usually hangs out with are all eating lunch together, which is nice
>But, there's another addition to their table
>A very skinny, gentle guy sits with them, his lunch plate resting on what looks like a calculus book
>As if on cue, Moondancer looks up and catches your eyes
>And smiles