"Weird Horse Parts"
By Horsa (https://pastebin.com/u/Horsa)

URL: https://pastebin.com/uVD270yg
Created on: Sunday 28th of May 2017 01:51:42 PM CDT
Retrieved on: Friday 30 of October 2020 11:39:34 AM UTC


"Today is your lucky day, Anon, because I am taking you out on a date."
>Finally, after weeks of deliberating on it, you've decided to ask out Anonymous. 
>Such an imposing figure
>So tall
>So unusual
>You simply had to try to catch this alluring man before some other mare did
>"A date?"
>"Like a romantic evening?"
"Yes, of course darling."
>Did they have dates where he came from? 
>Suddenly, he starts laughing
>"heh..hehe..heheHAHA"
>"You're joking, right?"
>You struggle to maintain your composure, but you suddenly feel like a foolish little filly
>"Rarity, you're like six years old. We're not even the same species."
>"Admit it. You have a weird horse vagina."
"No..."
>What were you saying? Of course you had a weird horse vagina. 
>You always thought it was pretty normal, but suddenly you weren't so sure. 
>"I bet you do"
"?????···"

>"Listen Rarity, you're a very nice horse. But I just don't swing that way."
>You're losing this battle, but you summon up some charm and poise for one final attempt.
>After all, you were a lady, and proper ladies don't give up easily. 
"Are you sure I can't convince you otherwise? We'll have a wonderful time together, I'm sure."
>"Sorry Rarity, it'd be too weird. You're like a third of my age."
>Wait, that couldn't be right. 
>You were certain Anonymous couldn't be older than you by much. 
>Maybe he was around 9 or 10 at the oldest. 
"How... how old are you?"
>"20."
>Dear Celestia, he's almost as old as Granny Smith!
>But he looks young enough, and healthy...
>Surely he couldn't be that old? 
>"Humans tend to live until they're about 80 or 100, where I come from."
>Goodness that's a long time. 
"Well, thank goodness, our ages aren't too far apart then, are they?"
>Anon raises an eyebrow
"Relatively speaking, I mean."
>"Nah, it's still weird. Sorry Rarity."
>Flustered and flummoxed, you decide to leave the debate there. 
>You still had your dignity to preserve; you were a proper lady, after all. 
"Very well Anonymous, I see that there's no convincing you. I guess it's not your lucky day after all."
>You harumph and turn your tail on him, flicking your tail in displeasure. 
>And, maybe, hoping he'd take notice of your backside. 
>"Guess not. Take care, Marshmallows."
>You weren't a fan of that nickname. 
>Anonymous had already turned away and was about to set off, when suddenly you were hit with a flash of inspiration.

"Oh, Anonymous!"
>"Yeah?"
>Tell you what, darling. We'll forget about the date for now, but why don't you accompany Fluttershy and I to the spa tomorow?"
>He stops walking, and ponders the idea for a moment. 
>"The spa? That's kind of gay."
"Oh come on, it'll be fun. I promise, there's nothing more relaxing than getting your hooves and mane done up just so."
>Anonymous wiggles his fingers questioningly. 
"Erm... Hair, and hands I mean."
>"Will it get you off my case about going for a date?"
"Yes. Yes it will."
>Anonymous mulls it over. 
>You were lying, of course, but you knew the spa would be the perfect opportunity to ease Anonymous into being more receptive of you. 
>A few hours in a steamy room surrounded by some of the most gorgeous mares you knew ought to do the trick. 
>"Fine, fine, I guess my hands are tied."
>You squee excitedly, making Anon roll his eyes.
>"So, what time?"
"10 o'clock sharp, dear."
>"Looking forward to it. Later, Rarara." 
>He turns away with a farewell wave, and heads off towards his house on the edge of Ponyville. 
>Working past your excitement for tomorrow, you wonder what he was in such a rush to do. 
>Probably some mysterious human affairs of some kind. 
>Giggling to yourself a little, you canter off to your boutique. 
>You may not have gotten a date, but at least this was something.

~-~Later that day...~-~
>Be Anonymous
>Your encounter with Rarity was just a few hours ago, and after picking up some groceries and art supplies, you were back home. 
>After making yourself a humble sandwich and getting yourself out of your suit, you seat yourself at your desk. 
>There's sheets of paper scattered around the desk, most of them covered in scribbles and half-assed sketches. 
>A fresh sheet rests in front of you, and you stare into its papery depths as you munch sullenly on your sandwich. 
>You've pinned a reference sheet to the wall in front of you, and you look up at it between bites. 
>Legs, asses, titties, curves...
>You've been trying to draw porn for a couple of months, now. 
>You've lost track of how long it's been since you've seen a real human female. 
>After years of having access a cavalcade of the finest T&A the internet could offer, you were stuck in a purgatory of dissatisfaction. 
>Eventually, jacking it to your memories and imagination just stopped doing it for you. 
>The problem was, you were never a particularly gifted artist. 
>That was putting it lightly. 
>Hell, you hadn't drawn a damned thing in your life since middle school art class. 
>Your reference sheet was a collection of the best pieces of anatomy you'd been able to draw since you've taken on this project. 
>Even so, most of your work still looked more like modern art than anything titillating. 
>You sigh, take the final bite of your sandwich, and pick up your pencil. 
>You start sketching aimlessly, trying to envision the details of a human pussy as clearly as you can.
>Maybe tomorrow you'll make a roast beef sandwich, spur your memory on a little. 
>Despite yourself, you smile at the thought of tomorow. 
>You couldn't deny, it was very flattering to be asked out, and you were looking forward to your spa trip. 
>Hell, you'd heard that even Bulk Biceps worked there, and he was the manliest horse you knew. 
>No homo.

Meanwhile, at the Fluttershed
>"I don't know, Rarity..."
"Oh come on, it'll be fun. What's wrong with trying something different every now and again?"
>After your rendezvous with Anonymous downtown, you had gone to Fluttershy's house straight away
>The two of you had fixed up some tea and biscuits, and after some small talk, you'd dropped the question on her. 
>You'd hoped that she would be a little bit more receptive to your plans for tomorow morning
>Somehow, she didn't seem to be a big fan of the idea. 
>"Anonymous, though? That big, green... what are they called again... Human?"
"Isn't he just the most fascinating fellow you've ever seen?"
>"That's one way to put it, I suppose."
>Fluttershy seemed particularly nervous about spending a day in Anonymous' company, and you weren't entirely sure why.
"Now, whatever's the matter, darling?"
>"Well, I don't know... I just suppose he's a little bit..."
>Her sentence trails off into quiet mumbles, and you lean, to hear her better. 
"I'm sorry?"
>"He's just... ??'? ? ?????? ??? ?????"
"Now Fluttershy, that's preposterous. He may certainly large, and perhaps a little bit imposing, but I assure you Anonymous is perfectly harmless."
>"Well, if you say so..."
"I know so. Trust me, dear; you'll be in good hooves, and we'll all have a marvelous time together. Just you watch."
>Fluttershy sighs, and smiles warmly at you.
>"Okay, Rarity. I'll give it a shot. Besides, I'd hate to have to miss out on our day at the spa."
"That's the spirit, darling."
>Fluttershy picks up a biscuit, and nibbles at it for a while. 
>After a moment, her eyebrows furrow. 
>"Wait a moment..."
>She takes a pensive sip of her tea, and you cock your head questioningly. 
"Hmm?"
>"You aren't trying to get into his pants, are you?"
>She fixes you with her signature stare over her cup, and you start to sweat nervously.
>Fluttershy's gaze had that effect on ponies.

"Why, whatever do you mean?"
>"I'm not sure, I just got the impression that you were trying to rope me into some kind of ridiculous scheme to get him to like you or something."
>The two of you lock eyes, and you take a slow, deliberate swig of your tea. 
>Outside, the breeze rattles the eaves of the Everfree forest, and the birds sing melodiously. 
>A moment stretches into an eternity of understanding between you and your fair, feathered friend.
"Now, that would be simply ridiculous."
>"Of course, how silly of me."
"I mean, really."
>"Absolutely preposterous, you're right."
"After all, he doesn't even like ponies."
>"Oh?"
"Well... I mean, he likes them, but not *likes* likes them, if you know what I mean."
>"Of course. You don't think you could change his mind?"
>You bite into a particularly steamy biscuit, and wiggle your eyebrows conspiratorially.
>Fluttershy nods.
"So, we're still good for 10 o'clock?"
>"Absolutely."
"Perfect. Thanks, Fluttershy. I owe you for this, really."
>Fluttershy winks
>"Anything for a friend.

>The next morning, you rise early
>you trot downstairs, practically giggling with excitement, and munh down your breakfast of oats and fruit. 
>the sun rises and birds sing as you finish your meal, and run through your morning stretches and exercise
>You had to maintain your svelte, smooth figure after all. 
>On your spa days with Fluttershy, you'd normally forgo your usual makeup routine
>Sometimes you'd go so far as to throw on a small amount of eyeliner or mascara, but nothing further. 
>A waste of effort when you'd soon be caking your face in aloe and cleansing mud
>Today, however, was an exception. 
>If your line of work had taught you anything, it was that there was great value on leaving a strong impression on somepony
>And you had quite the impression to make today. 
>...
>Just about an hour later, you were finished. 
>Makeup subtly and artistically applied, mane perfectly coiffed
>Fur perfumed just right
>Looking at yourself in the bathroom's vanity mirror, you gave your reflection a sultry flutter of your eyelashes, and nodded in satisfaction. 
>You were quite certain no one, not even Anonymous, could resist your charms today.
>All this effort would be absolutely wasted within just a few minutes of being in the spa, but you figured it was worth it. 
>You think about throwing on one of your dresses. 
>The sky was clear and bright, the summer breeze blowing warmly through Ponyville. 
>Maybe a light, flowy summer dress would do the trick, and set Anonymous at ease. 
>After all, he was never without his own clothes, and perhaps your "weird horse vagina" wouldn't scare him so much if it was covered up a bit. 
>You make a small, irritated noise at the memory. 
>Really, the nerve of that fellow. 
>If he had used that line on Rainbow Dash, you were quite certain she would have had a field day with his "freakish monkey dick" in return
>But you were a lady, and above such low blows.

>You decide on a a nice, flowing sundress.
>It was a newer creation of your,s and lined up to be launched in your midsummer fashion line. 
>What better opportunity to take it out for a test run? 
>Finally ready, and with the rendezvous drawing near, you head out the door and make your way downtown. 
>Fluttershy was already there, resting in the shade of an adjacent tree.
>Several songbirds had congregated in the tree above her, and were whistling a cheery tune while she hummed along. 
>At your approach, a small handful of the birds took wing, and Fluttershy waved a greeting.
>"Good morning, Rarity! Goodness, you look so lovely today."
"Oh darling, thank you, you're too kind. I must say, you've done you'll looking absolutely radiant yourself."
>It wasn't any idle flattery; Fluttershy's hair was woven and braided with flowers, and she was wearing a wide-brimmed sun hat tied with ribbon and lace that you'd given her the previous Summer Sun Celebration. 
>You were reminded of her brief stint as a professional model under Photo Finish, and though she would never boast herself, she was (in your opinion) one of the most stunning mares in Ponyville. 
>Between the two of you, you couldn't think of a better duo for making Anon see the grave, grave error of his ways. 
"So, are you ready?"
>"I suppose so. Is there anything you wanted me to do in particular? I don't think I'm very good at this sort of thing."
"Why darling, whatever do you mean? All I want is for all of us to relax, kick back, and enjoy our time at the spa together."
>"That doesn't sound too hard."
"Oh, and make sure Anonymous is quite comfortable. I want to make sure he feels welcome with us, of course."
>Fluttershy raises a hoof to her chest in a mock salute.
>"You can count on me, Rarity."
>That's the spirit. You couldn't be more grateful that Fluttershy was being so cooperative.

>Right on time, Anonymous ambled up the street toward the spa. 
>He was wearing his signature business suit, with his jacket off and sluing over his shoulder. 
>It was quite warm out, and you could see parts of his sweat-dampened shirt clinging to his musculature, pressed to him by the wind. 
>You had to admit to yourself, the sight was quite impressive.
>Seeing you and fluttershy as he approached, he waved cheerfully. 
>"Morning, horses."
"Why, good morning, Anonymous. Glad you could make it out for our little engagement."
>"Yeah, don't mention it. I didn't have much going on today."
>He notices Flutteshy hanging back under the tree behind you, and looks from her back to you.
>"Fluttershy, right?"
"Oh, yes, how rude of me, I didn't properly introduce the two of you. Fluttershy, dear, this is Anonymous. Anonymous, Fluttershy."
>You motion between the two of them, and Anonymous scratches the back of his neck.
>"Yeah, I think I've seen you around before. Nice to meet you, Flutters."
>Fluttershy steps forward, looking up at him nervously. 
>She was one of the taller ponies you knew, but she still had to crane her neck upwards to look him in the eyes. 
>She seems to be a little bit frightened by his imposing presence, and looks away demurely with a flutter of her eyelashes. 
>"N-nice to meet you too."
>Smiling at your word started off well, you step closer to Anonymous, sidling up close to his side.
"Well, darling, shall we get started?"
>"Yeah, may as well. After you, Marshmallow."

>You step inside the spa, with Fluttershy and Anonymous following close behind. 
>You're immediately welcomed by the fresh, familiar scent of the bathhouse. 
>Perfumes, lotions, incenses and steam suffuse the air, and you breath in deep with a smile. 
>Lotus Blossom is tending the counter, and looks up at the gentle jingling of the chimes suspended above the door. 
>"Ah, Miss Rarity and Miss Fluttershy! Welcome back, shall I prepare the usual? "
"Not today. Aloe, dear, we've brought a special guest with us."
>You turn to Anonymous, who's looking around at the spa's fittings bemusedly. 
"Anonymous, this is Lotus. I don't believe you've met, but she and her sister run the spa. Whatever you want, you just say the word, and they'll tend to it."
>Lotus nods proudly.
>"Indeed, sir, we'll be most pleased to serve you. Though, I must say, I don't think we've ever had such an unusual guest before."
>"That's not going to be a problem, is it?"
>Anonymous had taken notice of the coat rack by the door, and was hanging his jacket up on it when he asked the question. 
>"Not at all, sir. Trust us, we're quite professional."
>"Aight then."
>With his jacket removed, Anonymous was left standing awkwardly as the centre of attention.
>"So... uh, what do you guys normally do here?"
>Fluttershy, having hung up her hat, spoke up.
>"Well, we normally go wash off in the bath first, have a chat in the steam room, have our facial masks and deep exfoliations taken care of, relax in the mud pool, and after washing off again..."
>She'd piped up excitedly, and stopped talking again just as quickly, embarrased by her enthusiasm.
>"But you're the special guest today, so we figured we'd mostly do what you wanted to do, Anonymous."
>He nods, clearly trying to summon the confidence to make up for being out of his element.
>"Well, a bath sounds nice, want to start with that?"