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One Shot: Cookies to Biscuits

By: picklehead42 on May 29th, 2013  |  syntax: None  |  size: 2.99 KB  |  hits: 11  |  expires: Never
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  1. >Day Ponk in Equestria
  2. >You wake, take the morning shit, the steamy shower, and the unnecessary shave.
  3. >S-shut up, it made you feel grown up.
  4. >Bopin' and jivin' downstairs, you pop open the fridge, and examine what you have for food.
  5. "Hmmmm...eggs, milk, flower...I COULD MAKE COOKIES!"
  6. >Oh man, today was gonna be sweet!
  7. >Pinkie Pie had the monopoly on cookies, so you rarely got to eat one that wasn't crammed with sugar.
  8. >You set to work, mixing in a bowl, when a sudden knock comes at the door.
  9. >It wasn't a shy knock, like the one Yellow Rapist usually does, so you open it without fear of rape.
  10. >You then get a face full of pink pony ass.
  11. >The scary part was, it was all shades of pink down there. ALL shades.
  12. >"Hey there Nonny! Wanna buck me silly?"
  13. >You shove her horsey bits away, and wipe the juices off your face.
  14. "Pinky, how many times have I told you, I don't want to have sex with a p0ny!"
  15. >She looks down, and her hair deflates. "Okay I guess..."
  16. >She turns, and begins to walk away, when she suddenly turns and looks back at you.
  17. >"Why are you naked and wearing a apron?"
  18. >You quickly reply
  19. "N-no reason!:
  20. >She cant know you're cheating on her with your cookies.
  21. >She sniffs the air, and narrows her eyes suspiciously. "I smell *sniff* flour...and eggs...and...SUGAR?!?!"
  22. >She jumps onto you, and clings to your chest. "YOU BETTER NOT BE MAKING COOKIES WITHOUT ME!"
  23. >You throw her off, and slam the door.
  24. "I SWEAR I'M NOT! NOW GO AWAY!"
  25. >She bangs on the door a few times, before giving up. You peer out the window to see her walking away.
  26. >She whips around, looks into your eyes, and says "No cookies for you. Only dry, dry biscuits." in a low voice very much unlike her.
  27. >She then shakes her head, gets the classic poofy "Ponk" look, and bounces off.
  28. "Christ, that was a close one."
  29. >Wiping your forehead, you go back into the kitchen to finish the mix.
  30. >Within a half an hour, the dough is placed in the oven, and you are pacing outside it, waiting for th-
  31. 1/2
  32. >DING DING MOTHERFUCKER YOUR COOKIES ARE READY TO BE EATEN AND THEY ARE GONNA TASTE SO FRESH
  33. >You had a very...colorful timer on it.
  34. >You wanted to replace it, but he scared you.
  35. >Opening the door, you grab the tray, and put it on the stove top.
  36. "Hot hot hot hot hot!"
  37. >Maybe you should've put on a oven mitt.
  38. >But regardless, you now have delicious sugary chocolate coo-
  39. >Wait a minute
  40. >Wait a fuck damn minute
  41. "Wait a minute."
  42. >Sticking your face close to the pan, you stare intently at the contents.
  43. >Sitting on it, are biscuits.
  44. >Fluffy, doughy, white, and notoriously dry.
  45. >One pf them actually looks like John Hodgeman.
  46. "What the fuck! These aren't my cookies!"
  47. >You grumpily pick up one of the biscuits, and take a bite.
  48. >Your mouth immediately becomes dryer than FlutterQuiets cooch.
  49. "Agh! What the fuck!"
  50. >You spit out the shitty excuse of a pastry, and throw it into the sink full of water.
  51. >It immediately sucks it all up, like a super sponge.
  52. "Goddammit. I knew I should've just eaten Pinkie's stupid cookies."
  53. 2/2
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