AiE - A KGB sort of Morning

>Day 435 in Equestria

 

>You are Anonymous a former member of the KGB, and you are very hungover.

>Last-night you and one of the ruling princesses of Equestria killed an annoying little shit, then went back to your place got drunk, and fucked all night.

>But the day waits for nobody... Except maybe the princess you bedded, you're not sure you believe she really raises the sun.

>After all the larger the group the easier they are to fool , it would be much simpler to alter the atmosphere than raise the sun and moon.

>Whatever enough ruminations, time to start the day; shower, you don't need to shit or feel like shaving today, and you pissed in the shower it has a drain for a reason.

>You can hear movement in bedroom; sounds like celestia is finally awake at; 6:37, looks like you were right after all Occam's Razor prevails again.

>"..mphbblme..." Seems even the princess can't handle her liquor, she looks terrible; none of these horses can drink and their hardest stuff would be a mixer back home.

"What was that princess?"

>She stares you in the face, bloodshot eyes locking with your own. "Fuck the sun, I'm to tired for today"

>you laugh, looks like any sense of decorum or tact vanished in the morning light after a hard night of fun.

"Well you looked like you needed a night out with all the shit you put up with, hope even if you hate the morning you enjoyed last night at lest."

>That gets the reaction you were looking for; a short throaty chuckle and smile before she gives you her best bedroom eyes.

>"Last night? well I'm not sure I quite remember with all the alcohol, Perhaps you should come back to bed and remind me?"

>you check the clock and grin 6:45; plenty of time, but before you can answer her you hear knocking, no pounding on your door.

"blin, just as things were getting good too... I suppose I better go see what they want, I'll make some coffee and breakfast, showers yours princess."

>You would say you're curious who it is but after last night there really is no mystery... And sure enough.

>Anonymous! Anonymous are you there?! Please answer the door I need to speak with you!"

>Twilight Sparkle, here bright and early no doubt looking for brad who never got back from his walk. A true pity...

>The lock clicks and you open the door, making sure to look directly at her forehead; She still looks like some horrible parody of a real human.

>Absolutely disgusting... You aren't sure if it's the hangover or her, but suddenly you feel like puking, and there's the rest of your mutual friends.

>Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and Rarity. It's too early for this shit but you smile anyway.

"Hey girls, I don't suppose I could ask you to come back later could I? A friend came by last night and we had a bit much to drink."

>Rarity opens her mouth, no doubt she wants to know just who you friend is.

>Twilight however Speaks over anything she has to say; "There's no time for that now! Brad is missing!" perhaps a little fun is in order...

"Who?"

>Somep0ny disguises a laugh as a snort, Twilight is unamused, anger doesn't suit her new visage well. You motion them inside.

>"Brad! You met him two days ago! Remember?!" She looks constipated like that, you adopt a "Thoughtful" expression as if recalling a distant memory.

"Hmm Brad, about yea tall, acts real cool, lots of jokes?"

>You definitely heard giggles that time, Purple Autism looks to be working herself up to a rant however better stop while you're ahead.

"Haven't seen him, Have you tried that comedy club on Mane Street? I think it's called 'Laughtracks' he might be there..."

>Before she can say anything else Blue Fast interrupts: "What's that weird smell?"

..."I did say I had a friend over dash."

>"Whats that have to do with anything?" She seems genuinely confused, something that AJ catches onto immediately.

>"Well now, Ah' though you said ya' wern't no virgin dash?" AJ seems to be enjoying some prime schadenfreude.

>Rarity covers her smile with a hoof, 'shy seems to be trying to keep from laughing, Pinkie however has no problem breaking out into a gigglefit,

>Dash's jimmys are rustled. "I'M NOT! What's that got to do with anything anyway? I just asked about the smell!" Maximum Damage Control.

>"umm, Rainbow? that smell is, well it's from.. that is it's.." Ahh, there it is Fluttershy trying to help Dash out of her predicament how kind.

>"From what?! Just say it already." Jimmys have achieved maximum rustleage. 'shy seems to have lost her nerve.

>AJ has no issue saying it, "Dash a smell like that only comes from one thing, an that's ruttin' ah' reckon Anon an his lady friend had a pretty swell night!"

>"Applejack! Honestly there's no need to be so crass about it" And there's Rarity's two bit's

>"Nonymous has a marefriend! Who is it? Is it somep0ny we know? OH is it Lyra? or Bon Bon? or Ditzy? or Colgate? or-"

>Luckily Pinkie is cut off, not so lucky is that it's by the sound of the shower turning off followed by hoof-steps coming down the hall.

>"Anonymous~, is that breakfast you promised ready yet?" A damp Celestia struts into your living room like she owns it, Head covered by a towel.

>Absolute silence, the only way you could shock them more is if you explained that 'How many Chechens does it take to fill a ditch' joke.

>It's doesn't take the princess long to figure out something is wrong. "Anon, is some the matter?"

"Twilight and her friends are here, something about Brent missing..."

>Purple doesn't correct you too shocked by the appearance of her mentor to respond "p-Princess Celestia! what are you doing here?!"

>"Geeze twilight, that should be obvious, aren't you supposed to be suuuper smarty and stuff~" Fucking Pinkie...

>Sparkle is flabbergasted "Wh-what! no pinkie that's completely ridiculous, that's the Princess you're talking about there's got to be another explanati-"

>"your friend is correct twilight, Now what's this about a missing person?"

>The motherly smile on her muzzle and regal attitude are less effective fresh from a shower with a towel slung over her neck.

>"B-but princess! you-you're royalty!" She seems quite assdamaged over this.

>Celestia just puts on her best disappointed look "My faithful student, Just because I'm a princess doesn't mean I don't have needs. Now you mention someone was missing?"

>That got her back on track "it's brad your highness, he went for a walk last night and didn't come back..."

>"Well, give me a fem minutes to get dressed and I shall arrange a search party, where does he like to walk near?" If you didn't know better you'd think her genuinely worried.

>"Well sometimes he like to walk near the Everfree forest, you don't think he went in do you? I told him how dangerous it was." She looks extra worried now, you can even see tears.

>"I'm sure he's fine, as long as he didn't enter the forest, perhaps he simply got lost."

>"Thank you Princess!"

>You check your watch 6:57 did you really waste twenty minutes on this?

"Right, whatever lets just go, I don't really feel like spending all day on this with a hangover."

>"Anonymous is correct, lets not waste any more time I'll find some of my royal guard and meet all of you on the edge of town."

>And with that you're all off to find brad.

>7:48 It took the better part of an hour but you found him, More specifically what was left of him.

>In addition to the gruesome work you and the Princess did on him, hungry animals from the forest made an even bigger mess.

>Purple Autism in her screwy looking 'human' form dropped to her knees screaming, Awesome, You almost started grinning like a fucking psycho.

>Party pone looked pretty upset about it, Almost enough to make you feel guilty for killing him. Almost.

>Banana Hush just locked up and fainted out, Boring.

>Blue Fast almost made you lose [spoiler]the game[/spoiler] it, she puked everywhere.

>Treekicker just took off her hat held it to her chest and mumbled a few words.

>Fashion Horse just started freaking out and crying.

>You and White Tyrant just shared a look, A job well done needs no words after all.

 

>Today was a drunken writing kinda day.

 

>GOOD END