- ‘’Day 1 in Equestria!’’
- >Why did you shout that?
- >What does that even mean?
- >You open your eyes
- >Being the systematic person that you are
- >You break down the clusterfuck of information that you just received.
- >You are on your back in some long grass, this is fine.
- >Judging by the chill its winter and you are in a large open space, also fine
- >We’ll figure out how you got here later
- > The sky is relatively clear, not important but interesting
- > And looming over you is a small group of brightly coloured horses.
- >You prop yourself up on your elbows staring wide eyed at this... whatever this is.
- >’’Princess, what is this thing?’’ asks the purple horse to a tall white horse that looks oddly regal.
- >’’It looks like a hooman, an old mythical creature with the head of a centaur. And the legs of a-‘’
- >Ok brain, they talk how are we going to deal with this?
- > Scream and run dude.
- >You have the best plans brain.
- > You run for a very short burst before a rope goes around you and meets your ankles.
- >Quickly proceeded by your face meeting the ground.
- >It didn’t hurt as much as you’d think, the earth felt kind of spongy.
- >Still had a mouthful of dirt.
- >You read somewhere that out of date dairy products can induce intense hallucinations.
- > Damn that alluring mystery cheese that was at the back of your refrigerator
- >Oh well, totally worth it.
- >Hold the fuck up.
- >Are these are the characters of my little p0ny?
- >you have excellent taste in cheese induced hallucinations
- >You manage to contain all the geek in you and just stare at them with your cheeks puffed out.
- >It all comes rushing back. The cartoon you and countless others obsessed over
- >But it wasn’t what it used to be.
- >You stopped watching around 2 years ago
- >’’Oh my. Erm, whats it doing twilight?’’ says yellow horse to purple horse.
- >It then dawns on you it’s been a full 5 minutes since you woke up.
- >And in that time you have tried to escape
- >Then laid on the ground with dirt in your mouth gesturing emphatically staring into space.
- >You always were a people person
- >Horse person?
- >Horse whisperer?
- >I wonder if that pays well.
- >Focus!
- >Say something. This is like a wet dream come true.
- >The p0nies were talking amongst themselves
- >Right! Time to shine!
- ‘’Errrrr’’
- >Ok. That wasn’t words bud. Try again.
- >It seemed to do the trick though. Yellow hush creeps towards you
- >’’H-hello. Are you ok?’’
- ‘’Ahh, yes?’’
- >Why is that a question? Dumbass
- >’’It talks! Ooh. This is so exciting. What else can it do!? What else can you do!?’’
- >Rather suddenly your vision is filled with pink and your nostrils are assaulted with the smell of cake.
- >You enjoy cake.
- >So this is ok.
- ‘’I enjoy cake’’
- >God damn it you are smooth.
- >’’That’s nice, darling, would you like some cake?’’
- > Asks rarity in a pretty condescending tone as she peeks at you around a beaming pinkie pie.
- >The same tone you personally use to talk to the disabled
- >’’I think the poor thing hit his head pretty hard, Brava, Applejack! You broke the hoomin’’
- >’’I di’nt break anythin’! It’s a weird creature. Hoomins are probably like this all tha time’’
- ‘’Human’’
- >A collective ‘’huh?’’ from them all takes you aback
- ‘’Its hu-man, not hoomin and better yet its Anon.’’
- >Ow. Why cant you say your name? It was like a small punch to the back of the head trying to grasp the word
- ‘’Anon.’’
- ‘’Anon’’
- >’’Yes dear we got that’’
- >You already dislike this one.
- >You spy the looming white princess clearly assessing everything.
- >You were probably a solid foot taller but you were on your ass so she loomed.
- >’’Where do you come from?’’ She asked in a soft but stern tone
- >Christ! That voice reverberated through you with authority
- >You have a pretty solid grasp on what’s happening.
- > You read plenty of AiE threads back in the day.
- ‘’Earth, probably an alternate dimension, what happened this end?’’
- >Wow. That just sort of flowed through you.
- >’’My student twilight here was attempting to create a reality bending spell to be in two places at once’’
- ‘’’Been done’’
- >Purple smart looks at the ground and kicks a hoof.
- ‘’Make sure you write a letter for this one’’
- >’’What?’’ inquires the suddenly perky twilight
- ‘’Nothing’’ no sense in letting on how much you know just yet.
- >Wait. This is all a crazy cheese dream. Why play along so much?
- >You loosen the binding at your feet and spring upwards.
- >This causes the group to retreat a step or two.
- >You were a pretty big buy.
- >A little chunky around the middle but reasonably broad at the shoulders. Probably a touch intimidating
- >Your hair was a little messy but it usually was, you run a hand through it sweeping it back the way you liked it.
- ‘’Twilight sparkle, miss rarity, pinkie pie, applejack, and fluttershy!’’ you gesture and smile widely
- ‘’And of course the lovely princess Celestia’’ you sweep your arm and bow dramatically
- >This earns you a smile from the princess and a few questioning glances from the others
- >’’Tell me, hoom- I mean anon? How do you know so much?’’
- ‘’Ah! Can’t traverse the plains of reality without picking a few things up your highness’’
- ‘’Even where I come from people have heard all about the exploits of the Elements of harmony!’’
- >You turn on the spot and wink at an open space.
- >Why did you do that?
- >And why did you suddenly feel like everyone hated you?
- >You cough awkwardly at your previous display.
- >That was odd even for you. Again it flowed through you in an unnatural way.
- >’’I expect you’d like to return home now Anon?''
- ‘’Sounds great. I have a quiche in the oven to get back to.’’
- >You didn’t. Why are you saying things? Stop with the words, you toss pot.!
- >Sun butt charges up her horn
- ‘’A pleasure to have met you all, my regards to rainbow dash’’
- >You are blasted in the face with a hadouken
- >You hit the ground for the second and hopefully last time today
- >The power of wishful thinking has disappointed you before though.
- >’’Oh dear, twilight do you have any idea why he is still here?
- >Ahhhhhhh dicks. When will this cheese-mind fuckery end?
- End part 1
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