Coffee and fuck you i'm not editing this is bad enough

>Day COFFEE in Equestria

>You are tired. So very, very tired.

>Only one thing can save you from this sluggish hellhole you find yourself trapped in.

>That glorious black liquid.

>The kettle's boiling right now.

>You make instant coffee because FUCK YOU.

>Suddenly a Rainbow Dash hovering in your kitchen.

>"Hey dude what yo-" she says before you cut her off with a swift palm in front of her snout.

"Shush!"

>Your stare at the kettle grows more intensive as the seconds tick by.

>If your eyes were flamethrowers you'd have burnt a hole to Pony-China by now.

>Just as well they aren't, because that would be stupid.

>"Anon, come on man, you're freakin' me out here!" Rainbow begs, hoping for some sort of reply.

"Coffee."

"Brain no work good."

>Uh oh, that isn't good, you lost higher levels of speech.

>This damn coffee better be done soon.

>"Ah, right. I gotcha." she says, understanding creeping into her voice, "Why didn't you just go see Pinkie? She always has a pot brewing."

>...

>Pinkie?

"OF COURSE!"

>Your face breaks out into the most ridiculous grin you've ever had the fortune to never see.

"PINKIE!" you shout, turning to Rainbow Dash.

>You grab her by the shoulders.

"TAKE ME TO THE PINK ONE!" you yell, somehow louder than the shouting.

>You walk towards the door, still holding Rainbow in mid-air by her shoulders.

>"Uh, Anon? You ca-"

>*BANG CRACK SMASH*

>You kick the door right off it's hinges.

"That door was shit anyway." you cry out.

>Rainbow just gives you a look that seems like she's trying to poop.

>Or maybe it's her *niggayouforreal?* face.

>You never could tell.

>With no time to lose you break out into a sprint.

>You speed through PonyVille like a bat out of hell, making all the drunks heading home try and fail miserably to look in wonder.

>Oh that's right, you were supposed to go out drinking with Rainbow.

>Drink later coffee now.

>"Aw man, the bars closed now. What have you been DOING all night?" she asks accusingly.

"Masturbating."

>Smooth.

>"Oh, uuuh, okay. Would you mind putting me down so I can cut all my fur off and have an acid bath?"

>Eh? What?

"No time for your nonsense Dashie! COFFEE!"

>You are closing in on the Pink one's cave of coffee.

>Rainbow gets tossed like a rugby ball right through Pinkie's window.

>You hear Pinkie through the smashed up window.

>Sounds like she's awake now anyway.

>Excellent.

>PP:"Hiya Dashie! What brings you dropping by?"

>You leap towards the wall and scale it in record time, no doubt doing your distant ancestors proud.

Doing a dive roll through her window you land in front of her, on her bed.

>She's tucked in and has the cutest nightcap on.

"PINK ONE! I REQUIRE COFFEE!"

>PP:"Hiya Anon! Sure, one fresh cup of coffee coming riiiight up!"

>She pulls a pot of coffee out of her mane, it's boiling hot.

>You long ago learned never to question her methods.

>A mug is placed in your hand, and some of that delectable brown nectar is poured into it.

>Sugar and milk are also added because shut up it's how you like it.

>You drink the whole thing in one gulp.

>A warm, fuzzy feeling spreads from your throat and stomach all through your body.

>PP:"All better Nonny?" she queries, all sunshine and rainbows.

"Yes."

>RD:"Can we go drinking nooow? Or do you have to clop some more?" she smirks.

>PP:"Ooooh, Nonny was cloppin'?" she is beaming now.

"Yeah sure, why not. Say Pinkie? Do you want to get really drunk with me and Dashie?"

>Rainbow rolls her eyes at the nickname.

>PP:"How is that even a question? Of course I do silly!"

>Sweet.

"Dashie can you get the booze from my house? You know where it's at."

>She should, she has to keep stocking it up.

>RD:"Why can't your lazy flank go?" she huffs.

"Because you are faster, now mush!" you reply, a whip crack sounding out from somewhere, probably Pinkie.

>RD:"Oh yeah, duh."

>She's off like a shot.

"So Pinkie, more coffee?" you suggest.

>"Absolutely!" she beams, pouring more milky coffee with enough sugar in it to fuel the sun for a week.

>You drink this one in a single gulp too.

>That lovely fuzzy feeling comes back.

>Rainbow blasts back through the window.

>She is covered in soot, and has saddlebags full of alcohol.

>RD:"So, uh, hey dude. You know you never turned off your kettle right?"

>Oh shit.

>RD:"Well, uh, I'm not sure how to say this, but your house kinda burned down. I managed to save the booze though."

"Ah well, we have what really matters booze and coffee."

>PP:"And each other!"

"Ugh, yes and each other. Now shut up and drink."

>PP:"Nonny if you need a place to sleep, you can crash here. You too Rainbow."

>RD:"In the same bed?" she jokes.

"Alright, if you want."

>PP:"YIPPEE!!"

 

>It was the warmest sleep you've ever had.