Anon's luck

You are anon, and you are in equestrian, How did you get here? Well, let’s just say you knew you shoulda taken a left turn at Albuquerque…

 

That’s not actually how you got here, truth is you don’t know but if anyone asked, that’s what you’d say. Not that you’re complaining, since you’ve been here life’s been perfect. Well, almost perfect.

 

You haven’t been shrunken to the relative size of 3 inches yet.

 

You’ve been looking for a way to satisfy your odd curiosity for a long time, but things are looking pretty slim now. You’re starting to run out of excuses to give Zecora for how you “accidentally” exposed yourself to poison joke. God forbid if she comes looking for the books you “borrowed” from her. You could ask Twilight, but there’s pretty much no right way to ask “Can you shrink me to the relative size of 2 inches?” Anyway, enough about probably unachievable ideals, the story.

 

It was another nigh on perfect day in Ponyville. You and Rarity were spending some quality time together at the Ponyville market.

 

“Anonymous darling, this little trip was a fantastic idea, who would think you could buy 5 whole rolls of exotic eastern fabric for a price of measly 10 bits?” Rarity piped up enthusiastically, she was always the creative sort. Making an attempt to mimic her upper class tone, you reply.

 

“Miss Rarity, the pleasure was all mine.” You finish it off with a small bow much to Rarity’s amusement

 

“You’re a good friend to me Anonymous, so how about when I’m finished with my current clients, I’ll stitch you up a delightful new ensemble with these very fabrics.” The white horse throws you an endearing glance “Sound good?”

 

You only smile and nod to show your approval, Rarity’s works were usually to die for and normally would be out of your price range. Brings to light a much less lewd connotation for friendship with benefits. As you walk with Rarity back towards her boutique, your small talk is halted at the sight of an odd contraption. A huge wooden plate with a hole in the bottom, atop a pedestal with a similar more rounded hole. The whole object is lavishly adorned with red and gold paint trimming. Beside it is a booth with a rather gruff looking earth pony sitting inside, the telltale signs of boredom in his eyes. You look quizzically at the exhibit when the horse inside the booth catches your attention and points upwards to a sign.

 

“Gambit’s wheel of (potential) riches…” You trail off to yourself quietly as understanding dawns on you, it’s a gambling machine. You reach into your pocket and clasp your fingers around one of your leftover bits. You turn your gaze towards Rarity who rolls her eyes.

 

“I hope you’re not considering trying your hand at that machine”

 

“I can’t possibly lose” You raise a hand to your chest. “Oi’ve got de luck o’ de Oirish on me soide”

 

Rarity gives you a blank stare

 

“… I’m 30% Irish…”

 

She raises an eyebrow. Oh yeah, you’re from a long way away

 

“It’s a human thing”

 

“I’d assumed as much, either way, let’s just go home. You honestly wouldn’t believe the things-.“

 

“Oh come on Rarity.” You throw your arms out to either side of you, for that extra emphasis. “What’s the worst that could happen? I don’t win? Aww I lost, boohoo muh 1 bit.” Rarity grumbles as she watches you walk triumphantly towards the booth.

 

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you Anonymous!” You just about hear her call out over the bustling marketplace

 

“One spin o’ the wheel please sir.” He takes the bit into his hoof, eyeing up your (to him) peculiar form before deciding your money is as good as anypony else’s. He hands you a sheet of paper filled with information. You quickly read over some of it.

 

“…`Rewards` come with a protection spell where necessary… We are not responsible for your actions while under…” You quickly remember who you are and hand the sheet of paper back to him. Anon has no time for terms and conditions!  After Gambit establishes that you are ready he directs you to the front of the wheel and knocks on the side of the booth.

 

As the machine whirs to life it makes noises that sound not too dissimilar to a pony pulling a lever (complete with grunting). Excitement washes over you when the wheel slows to a standstill. You gaze into the hole depicting your reward. It appears to be a pony standing next to a pillar, underneath an arrow pointing downwards… Intriguing

 

More clunking emerges from the “mechanism” and a unicorn horn appears from the hole in the pedestal. You barely have time to chuckle at the primitive nature of the machine when you’re bathed in a warm tingly glow that obscures your vision. When it subsides, you look around in wonder. You’ve been shrunk to what you’d say is about an inch, you’d have preferred bigger but hey. Beggars can’t be choosers. Looking to your side, you notice blades of grass that would bend easily under your weight before are now just about the same height as you. The path under your size 0.07 feet is made up of stone slabs that you could build a house on. Once the vertigo and other sensations that come with your change in perspective subside, you spy Rarity trotting over, and quickly adjust your garments to hide your approaching semi.

 

“I warned you anonymous, I’ve seen all sorts of bizarre things come out of that machine, some good, others less good. How on earth do you intend to get home now?” Rarity looks down at you with the eyes a dog owner might give their troublesome pet. Playing on the metaphor, you give the now apartment sized mare your best puppy dog eyes.

 

“I’d be ever so grateful if you could take me to carousel boutique and I could perhaps stay with you today?” Rarity lets out a playful sigh and grins down at you. Gotcha.

 

“Oh fine, you didn’t know any better, and besides. What are friends for hmm?” You drop the cheery facade and put on a disappointing look. You’re not done yet.

 

“I was hoping to win the gem bonanza, I thought it’d be great if you could use them in your next designs. I was excited, I’d never heard of something that shines with more colours than Celestia’s mane but I guess we’ll never know if that’s true...” You look up to where your friend used to stand, only to find that she had already zipped over to Gambit’s booth and the sounds of the wheel already play again in your ears. You silver tongued devil you.

 

You can’t make out Rarity’s prize from where you stand, but you use your astute observational powers to note that the magic shimmered with a glow different to the one that struck you. Oh, she’s also still huge.

 

“Anonymous… I’m not sure that was a good idea…” her voice is wavering and jittery.

“I think… I think it made me in… inee…”

 

“Inebriated?” You opt to put her out of your misery.

 

“That’s the one!” The unicorn yells enthusiastically enough for your ears to begin ringing.

 

You place your face in your palm. Looks like bringing her down to your level didn’t go quite as planned.

 

“Rarity, I think we should just head straight home before this gets any worse” Rarity groans.

 

“Perhaps you’re uhh. Right. Hold still dear, I haven’t done this since I’ve been not drunk” A familiar glow envelops you and the rolls of fabric, you all jitter in mid-air, the smoothness in her magic gone.

 

“Anon, I think this is a MARVELLOUS oppor… opportunity, I’ve been wanting to talk to you about something for a LOOOOOOONG time” She gives you a smirk that fills you with both excitement and trepidation, spins around and carries you away from the wheel of misfortune.

 

“Uhh Rarity, carousel boutique is the other way…” She pauses mid stride. You could almost hear the penny drop in her mind

 

“Just testing you silly” She giggles. “And call me Rara or something, we’re on nickname terms now!”

 

She spins around once more, and sets off once more. This time in the right direction. You can only watch in amusement as Rarity swaggers and staggers through the townsfolk, sometimes more literally than metaphorically. That said, the way she’s giggling and mumbling to herself has you a little bit worried, she hasn’t looked this excited for a long time. It’s not too long until your reach the front door of the boutique. Still full of mirth, Squiggles reaches for the door knob with a free hoof, only to realise in dismay that she has locked it, like any sane person would upon leaving the house.

 

You chuckle to yourself as you watch the monsterhorse fumbling with the items she’s gripping magically. Apparently tasks that would normally require dexterity with hands are also more difficult with magic. After about 30 seconds of Rarity finally managing to open her saddlebag (resorting to using her hooves), she triumphantly pulls out an ornate golden key. You and the fabric are shaken around in mid-air as she takes hold of the key in her telekinesis, and tries determinedly to move only the key to the lock. She got that part down, but when she finally manages to fit the key into the lock, you begin to rotate to and fro in her grip. She growls slightly in frustration at what she believes to be the key’s disobedience, before looking at your spinning form. Through your dizziness, you fold your arms and frown at her. Rara gives you a sheepish grin as she understands her mistake. She was turning the wrong thing.

 

After longer than it should’ve taken, Rarity finally managed to pry open the door to her own home at which point she lurches forward suddenly, almost learning what the floor of Carousel Boutique tastes like. Recovering, she carries her goods and you into the confines of her home. Humming a tuneless song of her own composing.

 

She removes her saddlebags placing them on a rack by the door, she doesn’t show the same amount of care with the fabric however, lazily dumping them on a table in her living room. With all that attended to, Rarity sets you down neatly on the floor of her lounge. You put on your best frown and stare up into her face, still wearing that same giddy expression.

 

“So the fabric gets a spot on the table and I’m down here? Sounds fair.”

 

“Oh lighten up! Normally I have to crane my neck up to look at you. I thought a uh… switcharoo would be fitting” Rarity turns to the side, looking at you through the corner of her eye. A mischievous glint is clearly present.

 

“I also had a teeny tiny feeling that you might prefer the floor.”

 

…She couldn’t know, pure coincidence.

 

“Well, you’re wrong.” You scoff back at her. She only chuckles in response

 

“Am I, Anon? Am I? Tell me, how did your studies of poison joke with Zecora go?” You pull at your shirt collar somewhat. Back home, you were a professional slacker. You’ve bluffed your way out of many a missed deadline, and you’ll bluff your way out of this.

 

“We didn’t discover anything new, I couldn’t really be of much help. Don’t you remember how big my right hand got?” Rarity cocks an eyebrow, apparently surprised with your relaxed response.

 

“Oh come on Anon, I could believe you were helping Zecora, I could believe you landed in a patch on an everfree walk. There’s even a just liiiiittle chance I could believe you accidentally bought some from the local florist.” Rarity lets out a pre-emptive giggle. “But the waitress at the feed bad spiking your salad? Why I’d say you have a patch in your back garden!” She lets out a hearty laugh. She’s smooth, considering how drunk she is. Knowing Rarity she probably planned this on the way. Would explain the mirth. Not seeing the humour in this situation, you retaliate.

 

“That waitress should be grateful I didn’t press charges! Why I’m jus-”

 

“Anon! We’re friends here, nickname terms no less! I want you to tell me, but I don’t need you to own up to it, It’s obvious, I swear I would’ve FRAMED the look on your face when I was telling you about what the joke did to Applejack.  Why Celestia only knows how no one else has-“

 

“Rarity, PLEASE. Just…” Your self-consciousness is still just a game to her. She stomps her hooves up and down in a playful tantrum.

 

“I said. Call me Rara!” Her expression rapidly changes to one more serious.

“Rar rar…” She repeats and her eyes regain that cheery demeanour.

 

“Rawr, rawr.” She coos somewhat seductively, and bends down on her front hooves. Mimicking a big cat ready to pounce. This situation has become far too much for you to handle. In a moment that’s certainly far from your finest hour, you turn tail and run. You’re not even sure where you plan to go, though at this stage you figure anywhere that involves less compromisation of your dark secrets is good. It’s not long until you hear a clip clop of hooves against the stone floor and in one surprisingly fluid leap, she’s in front of you again. She swivels on her back legs, turning to you and preparing her second pounce. You turn around again, just a wee bit out of breath from your sudden exertion. It happens much faster this time, you run straight into a wall of plush vanilla scented fur. The impact leaves you somewhat dazed. You flop down against the cold floor, turning to face the comparative warmness of your captor’s breath.

 

“Gotcha Anon! See? Aren’t you enjoying this?” Rarity’s humid and fragrant breath wafts over you as she brings her chin down on you. Your legs and lower torso are pinned to the ground as she gazes unwaveringly down at your somewhat humiliated form.

 

“It’s a little uhh, scary..” Well, you weren’t lying. Rarity lets out a mock gasp as she lifts off you slightly. Almost threatening to suck you into that moist cavern.

 

“I didn’t mean to scare you! I felt your knee poking into my chin and I just assumed…” You look down at yourself, that wasn’t your knee… As you begin to understand the undertones of sarcasm in her voice, you add your back to the list of things your boner has stabbed. The only other thing being a young lady’s chin. Now visibly frustrated, there’s only one thing to do. Confess.

 

“Okay okay, you got me… I like big mares…” You let your body lie limp. On this day, Anon was defeated. The warm and incredibly soft hooves behind you sweep under you, lifting you off the floor and into the warm embrace of your titanic friend. She gives you a very comforting (if a wee bit patronising nuzzle).

 

“There there Anon, it’s fine. Don’tcha know mares and colts in equestria can be attracted to all kinds of loopy stuff! You needn’t hide stuff from your big Ol’ Rara! In fact, I reckon we can both enjoy this situation…” Now that the serious (probably pre-planned) parts of her conversation are over, the waviness returns to her voice.