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My little Pony: Friendship is Stoopid.

By: GyroMan on Mar 18th, 2013 | syntax: None | size: 16.50 KB | hits: 97 | expires: Never

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My Little Pony: Friendship is Stoopid.
>Day 0 in....wait, where am I?
>Floating around in a...void or something, honestly just looking at it makes my head hurt.
>Its like having a staring contest with Cthulhu.
>and winning.
Well fuck, where am I? Hello!? Anybody here? Am I dead?
>Calling out seems to have no effect.
>Sit...float around bored.
>Might as well fap.
>Before I can pull my zipper down a bright light blinds me.
>I shield my eyes from the intensity of the light.
>When the light fades I lower my hands and stare in shock at who has appeared.
Fucking Jesus?!
>In front of me is the son of god himself.
Holy fuck! I am dead!
>"Calm down bro, you're not dead." Jesus says to me.
So what am I doing...here?
>He gives me a smirk.
>"Let me explain
>"You have been selected to take place in an adventure for my amusement".
>Jesus then manifests a screen next to him.
>On display is a bunch of pictures and videos of random people going about their lives.
>"Recently I have become bored with the meager exsistsence of you human's, so I decided to...spice things up a bit.
>He now shows me various videos of people, creatures, and other things I don't really care to know about.
>They all are doing various things. Some are running from something, others are fighting for their lives, and some are just doing mundane tasks.
So...I'm suppose to go off to some crazy land, separated from all my friends and family, and face horrors unknown all for your amusement?
>"Essentially, yes." replied Jesus.
Well sign me up!
>"Ohh, its always the cheerful ones that are the most amusing!" Jesus smiled brightly.
So, how is this supposed to work?
>"First you must know the rules of the game."
Rules?
>" Just some a few minor stipulations." Jesus said.
>"The objective of this 'game' is to get back home. That is, wherever I dump you at, you must fine your way back to your home planet.
How am I supposed to find my way home?
>"I will provide a permanent portal hidden somewhere in the world. You will need help to find it so I suggest making friends with the natives.
>The screen now changes to a slot machine
>Jesus walks up to the side of the machine and pulls the lever. It cycles through a bunch of rapidly spinning images before each slot stops on a cherry.The machine flares to life with a cacophony of horns, buzzes, whines, and whistles.
>"This machine right here will choose what world you go to. When you arrive you will be stuck there until you can find the portal back to your world"
Do I get a prize if I win?
>"Sure, you get one wish."
Bullshit! Make it four!
>"two."
Six!
>"Three and that is my final offer." Jesus does not look amused so I decide to accept before he wipes my existence away.
Okay. Lets do this!
>I walk over to the machine and pull the lever.
>Images spin around and round. I wonder what sort of place I'll end up at.
>Three images fill up three slots and the machine makes a "WAUH WAUH WAUH WAAAAUUUHHHHHH" sound.
>I am dumbfounded at the three images.
>They are familiar. Horror dawns on me as I realize exactly where I am too be sent.
>Who knew Jesus could be such a bastard.
>"How lucky of you. This world is one of my favorites.
>And apparently a bronie.
Are you kidding me? My little pony?! ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS.
>Of all the places I could have gone too, I was going to be stuck in a world of magical talking horses for the an indeterminate amount of time.
>Jesus had a troll face mask on.
Well it can't be that bad. I mean, whats the worst that could happen?
>I felt a shiver go down my spine as I saw a smile grow on Jesus's face.
>With a snap of his fingers the slot machine disappeared and the screen was back.
>"Now its time to CHOOSE YOUR FATE." Jesus said in an ominous and deep voice.
Didn't I just do that?
>Well now you have to make choices that will determine your fate.
>I looked at the screen and saw a multitude of buttons and pictures.
>Each had a description under them with a numerical value included at the bottom of each paragraph.
>I'll save you the details and give you the short and sweet version.
>I get 50 points to 'buy' perks and attributes for my upcoming adventure. It was basically like a RPG character creator. I even had the option to gain more points by taking a 'drawback', an obstacle that would be annoying as hell to face.
>After some careful consideration, I decided I wanted to remain a human with my human memories.
>Which was bullshit because it cost me 10 points in total to buy both.
>I bought the ability to use magic. It was required for me to have if I wanted to use any other forms of magic save for elemental manipulation.
>Fuck that avatar shit,
>After looking over the fields of magic I decided on the one I thought would be the most fun.
>"Chaos magic? Interesting decision." Jesus commented.
I've seen little of the show and the only episode that sticks out in my mind is the episode with Discord.
>Fuckin chocolate rain bitches.
>Still even with the broken ability of chaos, I am still not satisfied with my 'build'.
>I look to the drawbacks to see which one would be the most worthwhile to take.
>The first option was titled "Muther' fuckin' Gary Oak."
>For five additional points I would 'receive a rival who would be a total douche bag and get in my way.
>For five points, it wasn't worth the hassle.
>Next was "Solitude."
>I would gain an 'aura' of unpleasantness. Most ponies would run at the very sight of me.
>Things were sorta like that right now in my normal life so fuck that.
>10 more points wasn't enough compensation, plus Jesus had mentioned that I would need the help of the natives if I were to win 'The Game'.
>Next was 'Fugitive', I would be framed for a major crime and would be hunted down like a dog. That wouldn't help at all, but 15 points was almost worth it.
>Finally, for 20 points was the final, most troublesome option.
>'Elder Dragon'. This single phrase was spelled out in bold, red letters. Clearly this was an unfavorable option.
>But for 20 points...
>Buying magic use and chaos magic had both cost 20 points. So I was out of points unless I took a draw back.
>...
Fuck it.
>I choose to take the dragon option. Get my monies worth.
>I buy some divinity for 15 points. See the future and shit.
>Five points left. Well, shit. I buy a handgun for 5 points. Its a 44. magnum with 50 bullets.
Alright Jesus I'm done.
>"Good, now we can begin."
So when and where you will send me?
>"If you're all set to leave, step into this portal." Said portal blinked into existence.
You didn't answer my question.
>"Does it really matter? You are going to face a number of obstacles and challenges no matter where you're sent.
Its a world full of talking magical ponies, how hard could it be?
>Jesus was acting as if this would be challenging. Honestly, those three wishes were as good as mine.
>Jesus only gave me a knowing smile before he motioned for me to enter the portal.
>I still had questions though.
Jesus why do this? Messing around with people is kind of...a dick move. Aren't you suppose to be benevolent or something?
>"This isn't my real form. I am not this 'Jesus' you speak of. I only took this form to set you at ease.
>Well that made sense...sort of.
>"Were you to see my true form, surely you would go mad." 'Jesus' said with a cheerful grin.
So...you're like Cthulhu? Because I totally called it earlier.
>"Something like that one...Now get in the portal.
>I eyed the spin mass of whatever it was with some trepidation.
Will it hurt?
>"No."
What does it feel like?
>"You won't feel it at all." "Jesus' said with a tightening smile.
>I approached it slowly, before I went in I turned to 'Jesus' to say one more thing.
Oh and don't call me Shirley
>"ANON GET IN THE MOTHERFUCKING PORTAL!"
>I dived in headfirst.
>It probably wasn't my brightest idea because I slammed my head straight into the ground.
>Hard.
>A brief, but intense, cursing rant then ensued before I calmed down.
>Sitting on the ground I rubbed the bump forming on my head.
>I examined my surroundings to get an idea of where I was at.
>I was in a creepy an ominous forest.
>I could hear the sound of birds and other creatures in the background.
>Something about this place was causing some alarms to go off in my head.
>It seemed familiar for some-
Ooh! Shiny!
>On the ground next to me was the 44. magnum I had bought. It had a box of bullets right next to it.
>I picked up the gun and appreciated the fine piece of gun work.
>I had never before held a gun. Not a real one at least. It was heavier than I had thought but somehow I knew that it would be.
>My body seemed to move on its own as I loaded the bullets into the gun.
>A wide grin grew on my face as I pointed it towards a random tree.
Do you feel lucky, huh, punk?
>Cheezy but oh so appropriate.
>I lowered the weapon and placed it on the ground. I then noticed something...weird.
>Everything seemed...cartoony.
>As if everything had been drawn by someone.
>I looked down and noticed that my body was the same.
>I also noticed that I was naked.
>I blinked in surprise, how did I not notice that I was naked?
>I cursed myself for not taking the clothing perk. If I had know that I would be stripped of clothing I would had put some points into that.
>Stupid game creators.
>Climbing to my feet I looked around for something I could use to cover myself.
>I wouldn't be streaking around the forest exposed to the elements.
>We had houses for that.
>Spotting a tree with some abnormally large leaves an idea came to mind.
>Time to Adam and Eve this bitch.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
>I had manged to throw myself together a loin-clothe made of twigs and leaves.
with some leaf sandals that didn't do much for comfort.
>Oh well.
>I also had managed to make myself a sling for my gun and ammo box.
>Those years of boys scouts really paid off.
>Except, for you know, the molesting.
>*Sigh* I couldn't become a wizard anymore.
>Shaking my head of traumatic experiences, I stood tall with my magnum in hand.
>This was probably the age of man had started back home.
>A cave man standing tall in clothing made from nature. With his trusty hand cannon in hand, he drove back the dinosaurs to the underground holes to live with the mole men.
>Fucking America.
>Chuckling to myself I decided to stop being crazy for a second and find a way out of the forest.
>Glancing towards the sky I figure it was around noon with how high the sun was in the sky.
>I needed to get a move on if I didn't want to get caught in the dark.
>I looked around and decided that there was two options I had.
>Either walk deeper into the forest or follow the nearby river.
>I shrugged and chose the river. If I followed it long enough, surely I would come across civilization.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
>Hours past by as I followed the river.
>Still haven't found my way out.
>The sun was going down and the moon was peaking out from the horizon.
>Fucking forest.
>My feet was starting to hurt and I was growing fatigued.
>I would have to fine shelter soon. I could continue my search in the next day.
>It wouldn't be long now. How big could this forest be?
---------------------------------------------------------------
>(Three weeks later)
>This forest was fucking crazy.
>All manner of beasties and creatures trying to kill me.
>I'm still lost with no idea where I am.
>Weird weather and fog.
>This place was just crazy.
>I already had wasted a third of my bullets in the Everfree forest.
>I recalled the name of this place after a manticor had tried to bite my head off.
>Mr. HandCannon wasn't pleased by that.
>Three weeks in this place and I was no closer to civilization than I was when I got here.
>I'm probably farther away.
>It wasn't all to bad.
>I had managed to make myself a sweet ass bow.
>And I had found the Elements of Harmony.
>I stumbled across the ruins of this place the second week of being here.
>It was run down and crumbling but it was sure as hell better than living in the fucking forest.
>Goddamn parasprites.
>Anyway, the elements were still stone and I was going to leave them that way.
>Although it helped me concluded that it was sometime before the events of the show.
>If I were lucky, the main character ponies would be here soon to stop Nightmare moon.
>If I were unlucky it would be years before it happened.
>I hoped to god it was the former.
>It also would be prudent to note that I had managed to figure out how to use the magic I bought.
>It was still pretty weak and I could only levitate some things and my 'Chaos Magic' was very chaotic.
>I could hardly use it with it with any reliability.
>I would need more practice.
>But for now I would sit here and eat the delicious rabbit I had killed.
>I sat before a fire pit I had made in the main chamber of the ruins.
>My outfit had gained a manticor head cloak, the kind you would see indians wear.
>A few feather attached to the top of it.
>My shoes were made of fur from a critter I had killed.
>I now had a vest made of boar.
>I even had some 'tribal paint' on my face.
>I would prefer not to think about what it was made out of.
>I finished the rest of the rabbit.
>I sat back on fur cot I made, satisfied with a good day of hard work.
>Lurking around the forest wasn't the best idea so I would stay here for now and wait for the ponies.
>I looked around my temporary home.
>It could use some TLC
>And I was just filled with 'fuzzy warm feelings'.
>Perhaps a bear carpet? A wooden bar? So many options, lots of time on my hands.
>I grinned madly and chuckled hysterically.
>I stopped and frowned when I realized what I was doing.
>My chaos magic was probably growing stronger.
>It was causing some 'minor' insanity.
>I shrugged. Nothing to work about now.
>Now back to planning for my evil lair.
>I would need something to preoccupie myself while I waited for the ponies.
>It wouldn't be long now.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
>(5 months later...)
>Be Twilight Sparkle.
>We were close now.
>Me, Fluttershy, Applejack, Rarity, Pinkipie, and Rainbowdash have successfully braved the horrors of this forest. Would could see a ruined castle in the distance.
>The Elements of Harmony had to be located somewhere in the old palace.
>We came up to a cobblestone bridge.
>"Come on guys we're close. The palace is just up ahead." I said.
>"Lets do this!" RainbowDash exclaimed, flying ahead in a streak of colors.
>We all ran ahead to catch up. Only to find RainbowDash stopped infront of the...new palace?
>The castle looked, well not brand new but as if it had been rebuilt with wood and leaves.
>We could see light coming from the windows.
>"Hey Twilight, I thought you said this place had been abandoned." said AppleJack in her southern drawl.
>"That's what the book's said. This doesn't make any sense. Who would WANT to live in the EverFree forest?" I said.
>I had only been here for a couple of hours and I never wanted to return.
>"I wonder who lives here?" I thought out loud.
>"Well lets find out!" Pinkie said Cheerfully. She bounced up to the door and knocked three times.
>There was no response.
>"Uh...anypony home?" RainbowDash called out.
>The door creaked open by itself.
>Well that was creepy. "We aren't going to get the Elements of Harmony by standing out here. Come on." I said as I trotted inside.
>The rest shared a look and shrugged before following me inside.
>The inside of this place was weird. Tribal decorations and Animal pelts were mounted on the wall.
>Crude pictures were painted on the walls.
>A counter made of wood placed in the corner with shelves above it.Various pots placed on them.
>The floor was covered in animal pelt rugs and leaves.
>"Ugh! What is that horrible smell!?" complained Rarity. "And these decorations! Sooo barbaric!"
>"Those poor animals..." FlutterShy wishpered in sadness.
>"I kind of like it!" Pinkie Pie said.
>We all turned to stare at her.
>"What? I do!"
>I turn away from her shaking my head." Well whoever lives here, we need to find them and see if they know where the Elements of Harmony are.
>"Uh, Twilight. Are those things over there it?" said AppleJack.
>I whipped my head in the direction of where she pointed.
>There on the floor, not 20 feet from us, sat five round, stone orbs with symbols marked on them.
>"Those are it!" I exclaimed. We all rushed over to retrieve them. Before we could reach them, we heard a large snap. We all were snatched up into a net and suspended from the ground.
>"Ahh!" Rarity screamed.
>"Oh no were trapped!"
>"Everypony calm down!" I exclaimed. "I'll see if I can cut this net."

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My Little Pony: Friendship is Stoopid.

>Day 0 in....wait, where am I?
>Floating around in a...void or something, honestly just looking at it makes my head hurt.
>Its like having a staring contest with Cthulhu.
>and winning.
Well fuck, where am I? Hello!? Anybody here? Am I dead?
>Calling out seems to have no effect.
>Sit...float around bored.
>Might as well fap.
>Before I can pull my zipper down a bright light blinds me.
>I shield my eyes from the intensity of the light.
>When the light fades I lower my hands and stare in shock at who has appeared.
Fucking Jesus?! 
>In front of me is the son of god himself.
Holy fuck! I am dead!
>"Calm down bro, you're not dead." Jesus says to me.
So what am I doing...here?
>He gives me a smirk.
>"Let me explain
>"You have been selected to take place in an adventure for my amusement".
>Jesus then manifests a screen next to him.
>On display is a bunch of pictures and videos of random people going about their lives.
>"Recently I have become bored with the meager exsistsence of you human's, so I decided to...spice things up a bit.
>He now shows me various videos of people, creatures, and other things I don't really care to know about. 
>They all are doing various things. Some are running from something, others are fighting for their lives, and some are just doing mundane tasks.
So...I'm suppose to go off to some crazy land, separated from all my friends and family, and face horrors unknown all for your amusement?
>"Essentially, yes." replied Jesus.
Well sign me up!
>"Ohh, its always the cheerful ones that are the most amusing!" Jesus smiled brightly.
So, how is this supposed to work?
>"First you must know the rules of the game."
Rules?
>" Just some a few minor stipulations." Jesus said. 
>"The objective of this 'game' is to get back home. That is, wherever I dump you at, you must fine your way back to your home planet.
How am I supposed to find my way home?
>"I will provide a permanent portal hidden somewhere in the world. You will need help to find it so I suggest making friends with the natives.
>The screen now changes to a slot machine
>Jesus walks up to the side of the machine and pulls the lever. It cycles through a bunch of rapidly spinning images before each slot stops on a cherry.The machine flares to life with a cacophony of horns, buzzes, whines, and whistles.
>"This machine right here will choose what world you go to. When you arrive you will be stuck there until you can find the portal back to your world"
Do I get a prize if I win?
>"Sure, you get one wish."
Bullshit! Make it four!
>"two."
Six!
>"Three and that is my final offer." Jesus does not look amused so I decide to accept before he wipes my existence away.
Okay. Lets do this!
>I walk over to the machine and pull the lever.
>Images spin around and round. I wonder what sort of place I'll end up at.
>Three images fill up three slots and the machine makes a "WAUH WAUH WAUH WAAAAUUUHHHHHH" sound.
>I am dumbfounded at the three images.
>They are familiar. Horror dawns on me as I realize exactly where I am too be sent.
>Who knew Jesus could be such a bastard.
>"How lucky of you. This world is one of my favorites.
>And apparently a bronie.
Are you kidding me? My little pony?! ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS.
>Of all the places I could have gone too, I was going to be stuck in a world of magical talking horses for the an indeterminate amount of time.
>Jesus had a troll face mask on.
Well it can't be that bad. I mean, whats the worst that could happen?
>I felt a shiver go down my spine as I saw a smile grow on Jesus's face.
>With a snap of his fingers the slot machine disappeared and the screen was back. 
>"Now its time to CHOOSE YOUR FATE." Jesus said in an ominous and deep voice. 
Didn't I just do that?
>Well now you have to make choices that will determine your fate.
>I looked at the screen and saw a multitude of buttons and pictures. 
>Each had a description under them with a numerical value included at the bottom of each paragraph. 
>I'll save you the details and give you the short and sweet version.
>I get 50 points to 'buy' perks and attributes for my upcoming adventure. It was basically like a RPG character creator. I even had the option to gain more points by taking a 'drawback', an obstacle that would be annoying as hell to face. 
>After some careful consideration, I decided I wanted to remain a human with my human memories. 
>Which was bullshit because it cost me 10 points in total to buy both.
>I bought the ability to use magic. It was required for me to have if I wanted to use any other forms of magic save for elemental manipulation.
>Fuck that avatar shit,
>After looking over the fields of magic I decided on the one I thought would be the most fun.
>"Chaos magic? Interesting decision." Jesus commented. 
I've seen little of the show and the only episode that sticks out in my mind is the episode with Discord.
>Fuckin chocolate rain bitches.
>Still even with the broken ability of chaos, I am still not satisfied with my 'build'.
>I look to the drawbacks to see which one would be the most worthwhile to take.
>The first option was titled "Muther' fuckin' Gary Oak."
>For five additional points I would 'receive a rival who would be a total douche bag and get in my way. 
>For five points, it wasn't worth the hassle.
>Next was "Solitude."
>I would gain an 'aura' of unpleasantness. Most ponies would run at the very sight of me.
>Things were sorta like that right now in my normal life so fuck that.
>10 more points wasn't enough compensation, plus Jesus had mentioned that I would need the help of the natives if I were to win 'The Game'.
>Next was 'Fugitive', I would be framed for a major crime and would be hunted down like a dog. That wouldn't help at all, but 15 points was almost worth it.
>Finally, for 20 points was the final, most troublesome option.
>'Elder Dragon'. This single phrase was spelled out in bold, red letters. Clearly this was an unfavorable option.
>But for 20 points...
>Buying magic use and chaos magic had both cost 20 points. So I was out of points unless I took a draw back.
>...
Fuck it.
>I choose to take the dragon option. Get my monies worth.
>I buy some divinity for 15 points. See the future and shit.
>Five points left. Well, shit. I buy a handgun for 5 points. Its a 44. magnum with 50 bullets. 
Alright Jesus I'm done.
>"Good, now we can begin."
So when and where you will send me?
>"If you're all set to leave, step into this portal." Said portal blinked into existence.
You didn't answer my question.
>"Does it really matter? You are going to face a number of obstacles and challenges no matter where you're sent.
Its a world full of talking magical ponies, how hard could it be?
>Jesus was acting as if this would be challenging. Honestly, those three wishes were as good as mine.
>Jesus only gave me a knowing smile before he motioned for me to enter the portal.
>I still had questions though.
Jesus why do this? Messing around with people is kind of...a dick move. Aren't you suppose to be benevolent or something?
>"This isn't my real form. I am not this 'Jesus' you speak of. I only took this form to set you at ease. 
>Well that made sense...sort of.
>"Were you to see my true form, surely you would go mad." 'Jesus' said with a cheerful grin.
So...you're like Cthulhu? Because I totally called it earlier. 
>"Something like that one...Now get in the portal.
>I eyed the spin mass of whatever it was with some trepidation.
Will it hurt?
>"No."
What does it feel like?
>"You won't feel it at all." "Jesus' said with a tightening smile.
>I approached it slowly, before I went in I turned to 'Jesus' to say one more thing.
Oh and don't call me Shirley
>"ANON GET IN THE MOTHERFUCKING PORTAL!"
>I dived in headfirst.
>It probably wasn't my brightest idea because I slammed my head straight into the ground.
>Hard.
>A brief, but intense, cursing rant then ensued before I calmed down.
>Sitting on the ground I rubbed the bump forming on my head.
>I examined my surroundings to get an idea of where I was at.
>I was in a creepy an ominous forest.
>I could hear the sound of birds and other creatures in the background.
>Something about this place was causing some alarms to go off in my head. 
>It seemed familiar for some-
Ooh! Shiny!
>On the ground next to me was the 44. magnum I had bought. It had a box of bullets right next to it.
>I picked up the gun and appreciated the fine piece of gun work.
>I had never before held a gun. Not a real one at least. It was heavier than I had thought but somehow I knew that it would be.
>My body seemed to move on its own as I loaded the bullets into the gun.
>A wide grin grew on my face as I pointed it towards a random tree.
Do you feel lucky, huh, punk?
>Cheezy but oh so appropriate. 
>I lowered the weapon and placed it on the ground. I then noticed something...weird.
>Everything seemed...cartoony.
>As if everything had been drawn by someone.
>I looked down and noticed that my body was the same.
>I also noticed that I was naked.
>I blinked in surprise, how did I not notice that I was naked?
>I cursed myself for not taking the clothing perk. If I had know that I would be stripped of clothing I would had put some points into that.
>Stupid game creators.
>Climbing to my feet I looked around for something I could use to cover myself.
>I wouldn't be streaking around the forest exposed to the elements.
>We had houses for that.
>Spotting a tree with some abnormally large leaves an idea came to mind.
>Time to Adam and Eve this bitch.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
>I had manged to throw myself together a loin-clothe made of twigs and leaves.
with some leaf sandals that didn't do much for comfort.
>Oh well.
>I also had managed to make myself a sling for my gun and ammo box.
>Those years of boys scouts really paid off.
>Except, for you know, the molesting.
>*Sigh* I couldn't become a wizard anymore.
>Shaking my head of traumatic experiences, I stood tall with my magnum in hand.
>This was probably the age of man had started back home.
>A cave man standing tall in clothing made from nature. With his trusty hand cannon in hand, he drove back the dinosaurs to the underground holes to live with the mole men.
>Fucking America.
>Chuckling to myself I decided to stop being crazy for a second and find a way out of the forest.
>Glancing towards the sky I figure it was around noon with how high the sun was in the sky.
>I needed to get a move on if I didn't want to get caught in the dark.
>I looked around and decided that there was two options I had.
>Either walk deeper into the forest or follow the nearby river.
>I shrugged and chose the river. If I followed it long enough, surely I would come across civilization. 
-----------------------------------------------------------------
>Hours past by as I followed the river.
>Still haven't found my way out.
>The sun was going down and the moon was peaking out from the horizon.
>Fucking forest.
>My feet was starting to hurt and I was growing fatigued. 
>I would have to fine shelter soon. I could continue my search in the next day.
>It wouldn't be long now. How big could this forest be?
---------------------------------------------------------------
>(Three weeks later)
>This forest was fucking crazy.
>All manner of beasties and creatures trying to kill me.
>I'm still lost with no idea where I am.
>Weird weather and fog.
>This place was just crazy.
>I already had wasted a third of my bullets in the Everfree forest.
>I recalled the name of this place after a manticor had tried to bite my head off.
>Mr. HandCannon wasn't pleased by that.
>Three weeks in this place and I was no closer to civilization than I was when I got here.
>I'm probably farther away.
>It wasn't all to bad.
>I had managed to make myself a sweet ass bow.
>And I had found the Elements of Harmony.
>I stumbled across the ruins of this place the second week of being here.
>It was run down and crumbling but it was sure as hell better than living in the fucking forest.
>Goddamn parasprites. 
>Anyway, the elements were still stone and I was going to leave them that way. 
>Although it helped me concluded that it was sometime before the events of the show. 
>If I were lucky, the main character ponies would be here soon to stop Nightmare moon.
>If I were unlucky it would be years before it happened.
>I hoped to god it was the former.
>It also would be prudent to note that I had managed to figure out how to use the magic I bought.
>It was still pretty weak and I could only levitate some things and my 'Chaos Magic' was very chaotic.
>I could hardly use it with it with any reliability.
>I would need more practice.
>But for now I would sit here and eat the delicious rabbit I had killed.
>I sat before a fire pit I had made in the main chamber of the ruins.
>My outfit had gained a manticor head cloak, the kind you would see indians wear.
>A few feather attached to the top of it.
>My shoes were made of fur from a critter I had killed.
>I now had a vest made of boar.
>I even had some 'tribal paint' on my face.
>I would prefer not to think about what it was made out of.
>I finished the rest of the rabbit.
>I sat back on fur cot I made, satisfied with a good day of hard work.
>Lurking around the forest wasn't the best idea so I would stay here for now and wait for the ponies.
>I looked around my temporary home.
>It could use some TLC
>And I was just filled with 'fuzzy warm feelings'.
>Perhaps a bear carpet? A wooden bar? So many options, lots of time on my hands.
>I grinned madly and chuckled hysterically.
>I stopped and frowned when I realized what I was doing.
>My chaos magic was probably growing stronger.
>It was causing some 'minor' insanity.
>I shrugged. Nothing to work about now.
>Now back to planning for my evil lair.
>I would need something to preoccupie myself while I waited for the ponies.
>It wouldn't be long now.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
>(5 months later...)
>Be Twilight Sparkle. 
>We were close now.
>Me, Fluttershy, Applejack, Rarity, Pinkipie, and Rainbowdash have successfully braved the horrors of this forest. Would could see a ruined castle in the distance. 
>The Elements of Harmony had to be located somewhere in the old palace.
>We came up to a cobblestone bridge.
>"Come on guys we're close. The palace is just up ahead." I said.
>"Lets do this!" RainbowDash exclaimed, flying ahead in a streak of colors.
>We all ran ahead to catch up. Only to find RainbowDash stopped infront of the...new palace?
>The castle looked, well not brand new but as if it had been rebuilt with wood and leaves.
>We could see light coming from the windows.
>"Hey Twilight, I thought you said this place had been abandoned." said AppleJack in her southern drawl.
>"That's what the book's said. This doesn't make any sense. Who would WANT to live in the EverFree forest?" I said.
>I had only been here for a couple of hours and I never wanted to return.
>"I wonder who lives here?" I thought out loud.
>"Well lets find out!" Pinkie said Cheerfully. She bounced up to the door and knocked three times.
>There was no response.
>"Uh...anypony home?" RainbowDash called out.
>The door creaked open by itself.
>Well that was creepy. "We aren't going to get the Elements of Harmony by standing out here. Come on." I said as I trotted inside.
>The rest shared a look and shrugged before following me inside.
>The inside of this place was weird. Tribal decorations and Animal pelts were mounted on the wall. 
>Crude pictures were painted on the walls. 
>A counter made of wood placed in the corner with shelves above it.Various pots placed on them.
>The floor was covered in animal pelt rugs and leaves.
>"Ugh! What is that horrible smell!?" complained Rarity. "And these decorations! Sooo barbaric!"
>"Those poor animals..." FlutterShy wishpered in sadness. 
>"I kind of like it!" Pinkie Pie said.
>We all turned to stare at her.
>"What? I do!"
>I turn away from her shaking my head." Well whoever lives here, we need to find them and see if they know where the Elements of Harmony are.
>"Uh, Twilight. Are those things over there it?" said AppleJack.
>I whipped my head in the direction of where she pointed.
>There on the floor, not 20 feet from us, sat five round, stone orbs with symbols marked on them.
>"Those are it!" I exclaimed. We all rushed over to retrieve them. Before we could reach them, we heard a large snap. We all were snatched up into a net and suspended from the ground.
>"Ahh!" Rarity screamed. 
>"Oh no were trapped!"
>"Everypony calm down!" I exclaimed. "I'll see if I can cut this net."

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