(808s) The New Normal (FR) (2)

>Day If You Ignore It, It Isn't Happening. In Equestria.

>Get up.

>Ignore previously getting up due to the unholy liaison between best friend and enemy chuckling outside.

>Time Turner is not within your domicile.

>The house is too quiet.

>Shower.

>She's planning something.

>Or maybe she stole the keys from him.

>Stop being paranoid.

>Shampoo Mohawk.

>Rinse, Lather, Repeat.

>Hum something.

>Mario Bros Theme?

>You miss video games.

>Dry off.

>Get dressed.

>Make breakfast.

>Eat breakfast.

>It's still dark out.

>Something is happening.

>Your mind runs through a few key scenarios you probably saw in movies.

>Time Turner in a head cage and Fluttershy asking if you'd like to play a game.

>Time Turner getting stabbed frequently in the chest while Fluttershy chants your name.

>Time Turner in a bathtub full of ice missing his kidneys.

>You hate your old human roommate for enjoying movies above the PG-13 rating.

>Only the nightmare fuel moments linger with you.

"Hey...y-you guys here?"

>No response.

>It's not like they could be hiding in here.

>You're just spazzing out because you know something bad is going to happen.

>But if you lose your cool she wins.

>And you can't let her win.

>Because you were doing so good man.

>So damn good.

 

>Go to work.

>Arrive early.

>Mayor Mare trots up early as well.

>Walk-and-talk.

>"How's life going eight-oh-eight?"

"G-good sir."

>You go to the break room and start a pot of coffee.

>Saves bits.

>Mayor Mare lingers at the water cooler.

>You lean against the counter while the coffee begins to drip.

>She sips some water.

>"So...how're 'things'?"

"Uhm..Pr-pretty good."

>You look around the break room.

>The coffee is dripping into the coffee pot.

>She scrunches her face a little.

>"I've been good too."

"Oh! S-sorry sir, h-how're you doing?"

>She smiles and nods.

>"Thank you for asking, eight-oh-eight, I'm doing quite well. Been looking at your spreadsheet ideas for better time management and some possible re-election polls--"

"Don't you run unopposed."

>She laughs.

>"Well yes, but someday I might not and I think you might just be my secret weapon."

"...I didn't propose anything y-you shouldn't be doing already."

>The coffee is taking forever.

>You swallow a little saliva.

"And did you get those out of my desk?"

>"Well yes, eight-oh-eight, I did. I apologize for not asking but I was working late and well you know."

"Know what?"

>"How one might get a little peckish and maybe just maybe you might have a candy bar or--"

>Minuette is standing in the door frame of the break room carrying the box of donuts.

>"I KNEW IT. Mayor Mare, stop going through my desk for gum."

>Mayor Mare blushes a little.

>"It's only when I'm working late!"

>"Y'know for the longest time I thought it was this jackhole!"

>Minuette sets the box on the counter and then elbows you in the crotch.

>"Been giving him shit for that."

"O-ow...I t-thought you hated me because of the t-timetable thing."

>Minuette considers this and elbows you in the crotch again.

>"Well that didn't help, eight-oh-eight."

>Mayor Mare laughs.

>Coffee is done.

 

>Work goes on without a hitch.

>You finish everything within the first few hours.

>Try your hand at remembering how to draw Dilbert.

>You don't remember his head being that weird.

>Get bored.

>Doodle up some tie designs.

>You make one of the ties eat the other ties.

>Feel the cold hard stare of a superior boring a hole through your body.

>"I didn't get to finish talking to you, but I have a spare minute. If you'd come to my office."

>Mayor Mare is already walking back to her door when you turn your head.

>Well you aren't getting fired.

>That's a negative outlook.

>You're the best worker here.

>She probably wants to give you a raise.

>Though she might not have the ability to do so.

>Plus that wouldn't fit in the budget logistically.

>Maybe a bonus.

>Company...carriage?

>Heck, maybe you'll finally be getting something with walls instead of just a desk.

>You go into her office and it's as opposing and utilitarian as always.

>She's got a big smile on her face.

>And big ol'stack of papers on her desk.

>Don't freak out--not that you would--this can only be good.

>"I have some bad news."

>FUCK EVERYTHING.

>ABORT.

>You start to tremble.

>"You'll need to pack up your things."

>You can't feel your heart beat anymore.

>OH GOD.

>YOU KILLED YOURSELF

>...Wait no, no you didn't.

>Though you're clutching your chest.

>Wrong side too, dumbass.

>"Because you're getting a new desk with a file cabinet in it!"

"HAHAH YAY! That's...th-that's great."

>She coughs.

>"I forgot you're...really bad with jokes."

>Try not to act like a spaz and what happens?

>This happens.

"S-sorry sir. Just uh...rough night."

>"I thought you went bowling?"

"I d-did--not tell you about t-that. How do you know about that?'

>She giggles a little.

>"Word gets around, -casanova-."

 

>Mayor Mare winks at you.

>It makes you feel all nervous and wrong.

"...Did Derpy tell you?"

>She shakes her head.

"The school teacher?"

>Nope.

"Time Turner?"

>Negatory.

"Please tell me it wasn't Fluttershy."

>"Well it wasn't Fluttershy...why was she bowling too?"

"Among other things, sir."

>Mayor Mare waves a hoof to dismiss the whole issue.

>"Regardless, pack up your stuff tonight and put it in the storage closet. You'll have a new desk by tomorrow."

"B-but sir I didn't requisition one...I d-didn't even do the paperwork."

>She puts a hoof to her forehead.

>Maybe you're aggravating her.

>"I realize that. I put it forward. You're very productive and you need more room for a potentially large workload. When my re-election campaign kicks up in a few months I'd like you to assist me as a..."

>She takes a breath.

>"Campaign manager."

>BE STILL YOUR ACHING HEART!

>YOU PUT IN THE HOURS!

>YOU GET WHAT YOU DESERVE!

>BIG SMILE.

>SLICK THAT HAIR BACK.

>You straighten your shirt.

"Why thank y-yo---Why thank you sir. It is an honor to even be considered."

>"It'll be a lot of work for a minor financial sum...long hours. We'll be spending a lot of time together."

>She winks again.

>You quirk a brow.

>"You didn't...freak out."

>You take a breath.

"Well sir, this isn't my first campaign. Trust me...I'll f-freak out plenty when I'm trying to manage it."

>She laughs at this.

>"Good, you're dismissed."

>You walk to the door and then stop.

"Wait...so who told you I went bowling?"

>"Oh, Minuette did."

"...how does she know?"

>Mayor Mare just grins.

>"Ask her yourself, Mister Manager."

 

>You walk over to Minuette's desk.

>She's typing on her typewriter. Two keys.

>Somehow making complete words.

>She looks at you over her shoulder and then spins herself around and leans on the back of the chair.

>Her horn glows.

>The typing continues.

>"What."

"...f-firstly if you c-can do that why--How do you know I went bowling?"

>Minuette shrugs.

>"Seems like something a loser would do."

>She grins.

>You frown.

"You're a cl-class act, you know that?"

>She rolls her eyes.

"But seriously, how do you know?"

>"Uh, I have a social life?"

>She changes out papers on the typewriter without using her hooves.

>Or breaking eye contact.

"Did fl-Fluttershy put you up to this?"

>She bursts out into laughter.

>Like what you just said was hilarious.

>Rather than possibly terrifying.

>"Nah, yellowquiet isn't exactly one of my galpals."

>Yellowquiet?

>Nicknames are weird.

>Then again, you're Moose.

>Go figure.

"So..."

>"I was the one watching Little Miss Dink."

>Well now you sort of feel like a jerk.

"O-oh...Well t-thanks for that, I mean I know you and I d-don't really get along but--"

>"Cram it, eight-oh-eight. She's my neighbor. We do this shit all the time."

>Somehow this information doesn't make you feel as good as it should.

>"You gonna keep staring at my pretty face or can I get back to work?"

>She watches your girlfriend's kid when you're goofing around with her.

>You should probably be nicer to her.

>Even though she hates you for things that are not your fault.

"M-maybe I can help you out?"

>"How's that?"

"Y-you got any extra work...or leftover work? S-since I'm not picking up the slack anymore."

>"You gonna rat me out to the Mayor?"

"As long as it gets done she shouldn't really care."

>"Then why is this even an issue to begin with?"

>She stops typing with magic and opens a drawer.

>She levitates out a big blue folder.

>"You wanna get off the shit list, I could use a second set of eyes and work on this."

>It floats over to you, just out of reach.

>You reach for it and she stops the magic act.

>It's heavy.

>"Taxes and some other...well you'll see. Don't screw it up or you'll never get laid."

>You blush.

>"She wants me to watch the kid this weekend. Spoiler alert. Get to work or I'll need to shampoo my mane."

 

>You skip your lunchbreak to work.

>Haven't done that in a long while.

>Pack up most of your own paperwork for the eventual desk replacement.

>Look over some of the blue folder.

>Earnings reports by city ward.

>Census data--well that'll be inaccurate.

>Water usage and other minutia.

>Minuette's taxes, which she has done none of the filing work for.

>Some other mares and stallions taxes that require a once over.

>A Miss Bon Bon, Cheerilee, Lyra Heartstrings...

>Twilight Sparkle--wow she's rich, Rarity---not so much.

>Applejack--she can write off a lot of these things.

>You get the feeling that Minuette probably offers to do people's taxes for cash and lets them get lost in the bureacratic wheels.

>Fuck it, you were a double major.

>In the lamest subjects.

>Crack-a-lackin' taxes. Aww yeah.

>...You're not lame. You have a girlfriend.

>Just never say these things out loud.

>Because she will leave you.

>Because that was -lame-.

>Finish up the bulk of the work before leaving.

>Still have the shirt-stealing Miss Sparkle and the rest of the folder to deal with.

>You flip through the remaining pages as you get ready to go.

>You've got Fluttershy's taxes.

>It's a voyeuristic sort of grin that crawls across your face.

>The ideal blackmail material in case she ever--

>Holy crap.

>You look the page over again.

>Well she said she was a model but seriously.

>She's got so many dependants listed.

>Angel Bunny, Mr.McBiteypants, Hippolyna...the list goes on.

>Curious.

>Put your stuff in the closet but keep the folder with you.

>Stop by Minuette's desk before leaving.

"Hey, I got most of this done."

>"...Seriously?'

"Yeah, took me like four hours."

>"Don't you have work to do here?"

"I f-finished it before lunch."

>"...You've gotta be screwing with me."

>You hand her off about a fifth of the folder.

"G-glad I could help...gonna finish it tonight."

>Minuette shrugs and smiles.

>"Be my guest, eight-oh-eight."

 

>Head home.

>Today wasn't a bad day.

>Got a sort of promotion.

>Big responsibility.

>Learned the wheel you've got to grease to bang your girlfriend.

>...bang your girlfriend.

>That's not how you talk.

>Make sweet love down by the fi--No.

>...You haven't even really considered the logistics of it yet either.

>She's a flying horse.

>You're a human.

>Disregarding so many other possible issues, this could be painful.

>And you've never really had sex.

>From a non-being-raped perspective.

>What if you freak out during it?

>What if it reminds you of Fluttershy doing all those terrible things to you.

>Unlock the front door.

>Open it.

>So that's what Time Turner's penis looks like.

>You WERE NOT CURIOUS IN THE SLIGHTEST.

>Oh god it's like a glistening black eel.

>Oh god why is this even a thing.

>Fluttershy's just rubbing all of her hooves on it.

>You drop your folder and just contort your face in horror.

>ON YOUR FUTON!

>WHICH YOU SHARED WITH HIM LIKE A BROTHER.

>WHY...why did you expect anything different.

>He snaps out of the zone.

>He sees you.

>He locks eyes with you.

>Time Turner then looks at Fluttershy.

>She looks at him.

>And then she looks at you.

>"W-w-wanna j-join in m-mister? I've got f-free w-wings."

>Time Turner shakes his head and pushes her aside.

>He goes into the bathroom.

>Awkward seconds pass.

>Fluttershy holds up your sheets, blushing at you.

>"..h-how was work?"

>A minute passes.

>"...s-see I c-can be nice in a commited r-relationship...if you t-thought I couldn't be."

>Another passes.

>"I mean...you're off--I can kiss better than her mister, I'm sure of it! Ask Time Turner!"

>Time Turner exits the bathroom.

>His head is soaked.

>"Don't go in there yet, Moose. I've got to...mop up."

"Did...did...did..d-d-did not need to KNOW or EVER SEE THAT!"

>He blushes and clears his voice.

>"Flutterbabe, go wait outside."

>She looks at you.

>"Uhm...b-bu--"

>"And don't stutter."

>She forces a smile and flies past you.

>She licks your cheek as she exits.

>You pick up your shit, slam the door and lock it.

>"Pretty great, am I right?"

 

"NO. NO DUDE, this is the o-opposite of g-g-great!"

>He sputters and looks like Rodney Dangerfield as a horse.

>You know that expression.

>"...okay so I know you didn't wanna walk in on that."

>You blink and you can still see it.

>Oh god, that's gonna replace some of the body horror nightmares of R-rated movies.

>And it'll be worse than seeing Freddy Krueger when you were little.

>"Moose, just hear me out."

>You don't want to hear him out.

>You want to punch him.

>And you know it'll hurt your hand.

>"I'm taking your silence for an okay to go on."

>You can feel your eye twitch.

>"Okay! So. Here's the plan. Fluttershy wants you. Something -bad- buddy. And she thinks that if she gives me a buncha hoof jobs and money and shows up around here with me, you'll come running back to her."

>You can feel the twitch overtake most of your face.

>Are you having a stroke?

>Possibly.

>"---so I get a tug job, free money, and she only shows up when I tell her too. You can set your watch on it, Moose! I already have."

>He winks.

>Goodness look at the time.

>It's puke-o-clock.

>All over the carpet.

>"Is that because you saw my dick?"

>And you stained your shirt.

>It's that didn't eat much puke.

>Very painful.

>"I told you you couldn't handle it. I mean, I was joking. But that had to be bigger than one of your arm--"

"S-STOP TALKING."

>You take a breath.

"Just...stop talking."

>You go over to the kitchenette and sit at the table.

>Set the file down on the table.

>"Do you want me to...like, leave or something buddy?"

>No. You don't.

>You want to punch him.

>You're not used to this feeling.

"No. Just...go clean up your mess. Burn the sheets."

>"Burn the sheets? That's sort of dramatic, don't you think?"

>You just look at him.

>He winces.

>"Y-yeah...sorry buddy, didn't mean for you to see it like this."

"Well it happened."

>You look back at the futon.

>You can still see it happening.

"I'm going to see if Derpy will let me crash on her couch...I can't deal with this right now."

 

>You change your clothing.

>You don't go in the bathroom.

>Wash your face in the kitchenette sink.

>Put on a coat.

>Grab your file.

>Step outside.

>Fluttershy is reclining on the bushes, looking quite pleased with herself.

>"S-so mister...r-ready to come crawling back to Momma?"

"I'm leaving."

>She shoots up and grabs the shoulders of your jacket.

>"Where?! WHY!? I'm s-sorry Anonymous I j-just...c-can I come with you?"

"No. G-Good Heavens lady, I'm going to my girlfriend's house."

>"...to f-f-fuck her?"

"No. Wow. No. Just...n-no. You know what? Fluttershy."

>You push her away and take a step back.

"You just have a great night with Time Turner."

>She whimpers.

"B-because if there's one thing w-we both know. That's not a f-functional relationship. It's built on barely a day and you-you're already d-doing terrible things."

>She looks down at the ground.

>You feel a strength in you.

"And s-since we're -so- much -alike-, we b-both know you'll k-keep at it until you finally snap."

>She looks you in the eye.

>"See...y-you know me s-so well..we'd be so h-h-happy, mister."

"Fluttershy."

>You take a breath. No stutters. No spaz.

"The only thing that'll make me happy, is never seeing you again."

>You feel a smile.

"Maybe that's what I'm into. Maybe you could do that for me."

>She smiles small and then narrows her gaze.

>"That's never going to happen mister. You'll find another way to love me."

"Agree to disagree. And good-bye."

>You depart your doorstep.

>Off into the wild world of half-way across town to where Derpy lives.

>You really should've called first.

 

>Dinky greats you at the door.

>"Hi Mr. Moose!"

"Hey Dinky, how's life?"

>"Pretty good. I made some pictures in class today. And I wrote a sonnet."

>That's pretty advanced for grade school.

>The sonnet part.

"What'd you draw?"

>"A baryonx."

"A what?"

>"It's a dinomasaur."

>Well. Learn something new everyday.

>Like apparently this place had dinosaurs too.

"Is your mom home?"

>She looks over her backside and shouts into the rest of the house.

>"HEY MOM IT'S MR.MOOSE AND HE'S GOT A BIG BLUE THING AND HE WANTS TO KNOW IF YOU'RE HERE!"

>A shouting house.

>You can relate.

>Never got to shout much.

>You can hear Derpy saying something and then she sticks her head out of a backroom.

>"I'll BE OUT IN A MINU--HI MOOSE!"

"H-hi Derpy."

>Dinky looks up at you and clicks her tongue.

>You click your tongue to shave and a hair cut.

>She clicks hers to two-bits.

>She giggles.

"I g-got a promotion today."

>She gasps.

>"Did somepony lose their job?"

"Oh...no. I m-mean...I don't think so."

>"How come you smell like throw-up?"

"I ate some bad guacamole."

>"Guacamole?"

"Gwah-co-moe-lay."

>"Gwah-co-moe-lay."

>She giggles again.

>"That's a weird word. Can you spell it?"

"Nope."

>"I can probably spell it. I'm going to be in the spelling bee!"

"That's great Dinky. Do you want help practicing?"

>"But you can't even spell guacamole."

>You nod a little. That's some logical thinking.

"Well I can give it a shot or...flashcards?"

>Derpy trots out of her room and greets you at the door with a smile.

>Dinky cuddles up against her.

>"What's happening Moose?"

"Uhm...it's a roommate issue."

>Derpy giggles.

>"Do you need to camp out here, Moose?"

"That'd be great."

>Dinky and Derpy share a big grin.

>And in unison they shout.

>"SLUMBER PARTY!"

>Dinky tilts her head.

>"Wait, I have school tomorrow."

>And once again in unison.

>"SLUMBER PARTY but then GOING TO BED EARLY!"

>You do a little fist pump.

"Y-yeah!"

 

>You play some boardgames with the Hooves clan.

>Derpy likes the pony-equivalent of Trouble.

>Because she gets to push the button in the middle.

>And she makes a goofy noise whenever she does it.

>Dinky finds this delightful.

>And eventually she is put to bed.

>You get comfortable on the couch.

>Derpy flies up and flops down on you.

>Bubbly-you-will-never-learn-how-to-mack properly make-out session.

>Aww yeah.

>"Hey Moose...I was wondering if maybe you wanted to spend the weekend over here."

>Oh right.

>"Because..."

>She wipes a drool trail from her lips off your face with a hoof and gives you those off-kilter bedroom eyes.

>"We're dating and...it's been awhile--wait no, no not like that just uhm...uh...poop."

>She lays her head on your chest.

>This your chance to be supportive.

>Prove your worth.

>Make a move.

>You stroke her chin and plant a kiss on her forehead.

"Uhm..i-if y-you think I'm ready, then...s-s-sure."

>She has such a soft smile, it warms your heart.

"I'm just...I've never done this before."

>She puts her hooves to her cheeks.

>And she grins.

>She's not shocked that you're essentially a damaged goods virgin.

>Woo. Hoo.

>She flutters up and flops her butt to your face.

>She scooches a little and presents her butthole and vagina.

>It's an...awkward angle.

>"It's real easy...just put your tongue in it and...uhm, well it's like talking but don't talk."

>Well this is an escalation.

"D-d-Don't talk."

>"Oh! And don't blow it in Moose, that's wicked bad."

"Uhm..."

>"Just for pr-practice Moose."

>You grab her haunches.

>You lean forward.

>And you stick your tongue inbetween those folds.

>And it feels...weird.

>"PBBLLT"

>You recoil immediately, your face contorted in horror.

>Derpy is laughing.

>"I did that with my mouth!"

"Y-you j-jerk!"

>She giggles and flutters back around.

>She pins you down and plants a kiss on your forehead.

>"But it was funny, right Moose."

>You deadpan.

"I'm laughing my pants off."

>She blushes, caught off-guard by that.

>You blush too, realizing what's been implied.

>Spend the rest of the night snuggling.

>She sleeps on top of you on the couch.

>And you sleep a good long time.

>Without any interference

>from Fucking Fluttershy.