(808) Early Bird Special (FR) (6)

>Day Everybody's Working for the Weekend. In Equestria.

>You're going to go see a movie tomorrow.

>The remainder of the week went by without incident.

>Well, not entirely true.

>Time Turner's been acting weird.

>Derpy's been acting way  too excited.

>Though it might be a good movie.

>You camped out to see the Star Wars Prequel.

>...That is a depressing comparison.

>You hope Derpy isn't disappointed if The Loveliest Bride isn't great.

>The Cutie Mark Crusade Financial Advisory Board used up the printer toner.

>They're now the Cutie Mark Crusader Mailroom Action Squad.

>You fear them going postal.

>You got some new clothing.

>There's no sign of Fluttershy ever since the incident.

>You were...a little overkill.

>But she was..

>She deserved it.

>If you ever hurt anyone like she hurt you, you'd deserve worse.

>Like ten to thirty years in the system.

>...Man, you got your virginity stolen by a dang pegasus.

>Stop with the bad thoughts.

>Because today is the second best day of the week.

>It's a Friday.

>A casual Friday.

>You are going to dress casually.

>You know what that means.

>Mayor Mare stops you in the break room.

>"...is that a piano neck-tie eight-zero-eight?"

"Y-yes sir!"

>"I had one of those once."

"I'm sure it looked nice on you sir."

>She gets a cone of water from the water cooler.

>"You've been...happy lately. Is something--I don't want to say wrong, but changed?"

>She immediately smiles.

>"Oh! Did you and Fluttershy make it official? Do I hear wedding bells in the future?"

>You chuckle awkwardly.

>"Eight-zer--Anonymous are you choking?"

 

"No! I'm good, just great-how-are-you sir?"

>Calm yourself.

>Don't spaz.

>You're not stuttering,

>"...Did something happen?"

>Her voice is flat.

>Clearly unimpressed.

>You adjust your tie.

"Y-yeah. Sir, she was...k-kind of violent."

>Mayor Mare looks at you like you're crazy.

>"I don't mean to pry, but are you sure you weren't just being a teensy-weensy bit overly-sensitive?"

>You sigh.

>"...though we are talking about Fluttershy, aren't we?"

"Sir, if you wouldn't m-mind...it's sort of personal. But she's why I had to duck out the other day."

>Mayor Mare nods slow.

>She seems disappointed.

>Probably at you.

>But clearly not just at you.

>"Well, I tried to help. I thought she'd like you because you're a lot like her."

>Awful lot of that comment going around.

>"And you didn't seem to be having any fun at the party. And it was the holidays, you should always have fun on the holidays, eight-zero-eight."

"Well...I was so-sorta liking talking to that Twilight unicorn b-before you dragged me aside and--"

>You remember now.

"By the way you splashed me with punch and you n-never offered to pay for d-dry cleaning."

>Mayor Mare blushes.

>"I did?"

"Y-yes sir."

>"Oh my! Why didn't you tell me...I'll take care of that, I am sorry. These things happen."

>You just stand there in the break room for a minute.

>She's trying to recover from the faux pas.

>You're trying to think of something to say.

"We...both sh-should probably get back to work, sir."

>"We really should. How will Ponyville ever run without our guidance?"

>She says it overly-dramatically and smiles.

>It makes you smile.

>The Mayor probably doesn't dislike you.

>And that's good enough for a professional relationship with your superior.

 

>Go back to work.

>Word-of-the-day calendar.

>"Nudiustertian - relating to the day before yesterday."

>Seriously.

>...This word-a-day calendar is very hit or miss with it's magical abilities.

>You tear of today's and look at tomorrows.

>"Gharry - a type of carriage."

>Finish your work in thirty minutes.

>You were that far ahead anyway.

>And you've been doing other ponies work still, just to keep yourself busy.

>And that's all pretty much done.

>Sit at the desk.

>Mail doesn't come for a bit.

>Can't talk to Derpy.

>Wander over to Time Turner's desk.

"H-hey, do you need any h-help or something?"

>Time Turner sighs.

>"Nah, Moose. I got it."

>He grumbles something disparaging under his breath.

>He's been in a weird mood ever since you called him the other day.

>You pull up a chair.

>"I said I've got it, eight-oh-eight."

"...d-did I do something or--"

>That's the wrong approach.

>You've grown as an individual.

"Time Turner, seriously, what's happening?"

>He just sighs.

>"What're you doing for lunch?"

"...probably nothing."

>"Yeah, uh...let's get lunch. I don't really wanna--"

>He just makes a very exasperated expression.

>Like he's a few seconds from exploding.

>He closes his eyes.

>And he grunts.

>"I've got to get back to work."

"O-okay."

>"And Moose, please...please stop picking up the slack."

>That sends a little chill into you.

"Oh...Oh no. Time, buddy I didn't-"

>"Moose, we'll...just not here buddy."

>He types on his little two button type-writer.

>"I just don't want to deal with it while I'm here."

>Oh no.

>He sounds broken.

 

>Derpy shows up before your lunch break.

>She's still overjoyed.

>The Cutie Mark Crusader Mailroom Action Squad are tweaked out on coffee.

>They pounce on her like rabid weasels and Derpy just laughs and hands off a big bundle.

>They attack the bundle in a similar manner and go about distributing it haphazardly.

>Derpy gives you a big grin.

>"Muh-muh-muh-MOVIE TIME!"

>She starts sputtering out a beat box.

>"You excited Moose?"

>You were.

>Your mood's kind of sunk.

>But y'know what?

>It'll still be fun to see something.

"Y-yeah. Might be nice to go see a movie."

>"It's based on true events!"

"That's...great?'

>"And it's got princesses and evil monsters and I know some of the ponies it's based on!"

"That's neat, Derpy."

>"I'ma bring Dinky. And I'ma bring those mailroom fillies, and it's going to be AMAZING!"

>You smile at her.

"That sounds like it'll be amazing."

>"Hey, do you wanna get lunch?"

"Uhm..."

>You look back towards Time Turner's desk.

>He's working diligently.

>Almost furiously.

"I've kinda...g-gotta talk to Time Turner."

>Derpy frowns.

>Her entire head frowns. One eye faces more down than usual.

>Her ears flop.

>Then it reverse entirely back to her normally happy face.

>"How about dinner then Moose? We can have muffins."

"...l-like breakfast for dinner sorta dinner?"

>She claps her hooves to her face.

>"MOOSE THAT IS BRILLIANT! PANCAKES. WAFFLES. TOAST! MUFFINS!"

>Her mind has just been blown.

>You haven't had breakfast for dinner since college.

>When hours blurred together.

"...Sure. Uh, your place or-"

>"Let's do it at your house!"

>Her voice gets all secretive.

>She nudges you in the belly.

>"I've never seen your house. And we've been friends for like FOREVER."

"A-actually, u-under a week."

>She tilts her head.

>"Oh yeah...I'll bring the waffles and the muffins and you make the pancakes!"

"O...kay...then."

>She smiles derpily and then goes to round up the interns.

>You look at the clock.

>Almost time for lunch.

 

>You walk with Time Turner through the park.

>He gets some...taco salad thing from a vendor.

>You just get some chips and a water.

>Walk-and-talk.

>"Mayor Mare found your little spreadsheets."

"...oh no."

>You find a bench and he sits to eat his tin-foil wrapped lunch.

>"And she factored in things like...our somehow increased productivity. Thanks."

>It's a bitter thanks.

>Hateful.

>You sit on the bench next to him.

>Drink some water.

>"And then she asked me what I want out of the next five years of my life?'

>He laughs.

>"Like I'm supposed to have plans for that. Do you have plans for that, Moose?"

>You do.

>Well.

"...I did. And then I ended up here...well, in Canterlot. And then here."

>"Do you have plans now, or not Moose?"

>You lean back on the bench.

"I...do not have any plans. Least of all any thoughts b-beyond Movie Night."

>You suck down some water.

"It's been a long week."

>He nods, solemn.

>"I hear that."

"...you hate me?"

>"Well you're not on my list of favorite ponies, but you're also not a pony. So."

>He makes a wibbly-wobbly hoof motion.

>"I dunno, take that as you will."

"I'm sorry you're going to get fired."

>"Fired?"

"...y-yeah?'

>"Nah man, I'm quitting."

>You almost laugh.

"In a downturn economy?"

>He gives you a weird look.

>You slap your head.

"Sorry...wrong...universe."

>"I was going to say, employment's doing pretty good right now."

>You open your chips.

>"You're good with numbers and stuff, Moose. You want to work with me?"

>This is your first real job offer since Canterlot.

"What'd you have in mind?"

>He grins.

>"Hear me out. Okay. Efficiency management firm."

"But...isn't that sort of why you're quitting? Not being e-efficient..."

>"Well, we could sell clocks. I can build clocks."

>He slaps his butt.

>"My damn special talent is clocks. My formal degree is in marketing."

>He sighs.

>"I'd really rather just be my own boss. Set my own hours. Travel."

"That actually sounds...nice."

 

>"Now obviously I'm not going to quit until I have start-up funds, and the Mayor gets that. She wants to see me give her 110% until I do leave, and frankly that's bogus because what takes me four hours takes you forty minutes."

>He looks at your hands.

>He looks at his hooves.

>"Super unfair advantage you've got."

>You laugh.

"Yeah...but I can't go around naked."

>He looks offended.

>"I'm wearing a tie here, Moose! Don't make this...weird."

>He locks eyes with you.

>You notice this.

>He blushes.

>Oh god.

>What is.

>He's leaning in.

>What.

>He's an inch away from your face.

>"Hey...Moose."

>You open your mouth a little to say something.

>He pulls his head away and grins.

>"See, this is why Minuette keeps making those jokes at me. You're totally into me."

>You laugh.

"Don't flatter yourself."

>"Hey, I'll flatter what I want buddy. I'm not the one wearing a piano key necktie."

"The Mayor liked it!"

>"No Mare likes it."

>He nudges you and laughs.

>"Ah...man. I am going to be so terrible when I am unemployed."

>"How's life without crazy mare?"

"...delightfully sane?"

>"Attaboy."

>He steals some chips from your bag.

>"You wanna screw her still, don'tcha?"

>What.

>"Crazy makes you crazy."

"I'm really not comfortable with this."

>"Hey man. I'm leaving the boring world of politics behind. I am sad enough to say you are up there on the list of individuals I talk to daily that I can vaguely tolerate. We gotta talk about something."

"...c-c-can we talk about Twilight?"

 

>"What the librarian nerd?"

>You blush a little and nod.

"Y-yeah."

>"Ah crap, you're into her?"

"...she has a boyfriend doesn't she?"

>"Well no, but...uh."

>He tries to come up with the right words.

>"You ever move in with a girl?"

>He realizes immediately what he said.

>"Of course not. Okay, you ever have someone come to visit you?"

"Yeah."

>"You know how they bring one bag, maybe two. Just enough."

"Yeah."

>"Twilight's a baggage collector. Buddy, I could tell you stories."

>You roll your eyes.

"Oh, I'm sure."

>"Don't take a stand on this. I know her. I've seen her go full crazy. I mean..."

>He laughs.

>"This whole town. There's a lot of good, honest hard working ponies. And then there's six that are absolutely nuts."

>You eat some chips.

>"I'm serious, buddy! You've got Fluttershy, and you know how that works. Then there's Pinkie Pie and she's almost destroyed the town a few times. Rarity's fine but--"

>He shivers.

>"...I stuck it to her one time. ONE TIME. So immediately, don't go after that. I cannot deal with that thought-"

"I'm not interested in the town tailor...but Twilight seems so-"

>"I'm getting there!"

>He shivers again.

>"Rarity's way too into slavery-play and Celestia forbid you don't kiss up to her all hours of the day. Applejack poisoned a lot of people because she didn't know how to outsource her labor. Don't get me started on the pillar of arrogance that is the Rainbow Dash."

>He exhales.

>"But Twilight...Twilight is the worst."

>"She's the epitome of anti-social. She has to check in with royalty on a weekly-basis to report on Friendship. FRIENDSHIP. Buddy, you and me. This is friendship. We don't have to bother friggin' royalty with it!"

"Yeah...well maybe-"

>"She has mental breakdowns all the time! She made a bunch of parasprites--"

"What's a parasprite?"

>"--think flying mouth. She made them eat the TOWN rather than just the food. And one time she hypnotized everyone, including yours truly; oh and the MAYOR into fighting over a raggedy old doll because she didn't have anything to report!"

"Oh...that sounds-"

>"Buddy if you think I'm done; you should know I'm just starting."

>You get back to work five minutes late with Time Turner.

>He talked the remainder of the break.

>And he had so much to say.

>"But hey, make your own judgments Moose. I've just lived here for a bit. I know what I'm talking about."

 

>Work is uneventful.

>At least Time Turner doesn't hate you.

>If anything he seems somewhat liberated-not broken-about the chance of a better career.

>Minuette on the other hand.

>Or other hoof.

>Whatever.

>Has drawn stallion cocks all over your desk.

>You know it's her.

>Because she's glaring at you from her desk.

>And making a stabbing motion with a marker.

>You mouth to her "I Am Sorry."

>She mouths back to you "I Will Trample You."

>...can't please everyone.

>And it's not like you did anything wrong.

>Efficiency could be increased.

>And unless she quit too

>She probably just got told to work harder.

>You don't feel bad about it.

>Cut out a few minutes early.

>Go to the market.

>Time to burn your entire reserve of funds.

>Griddle. Syrup. Flour. Eggs.

>Buy a wagon from a filly to carry it all.

>Bed sheets, you need those too.

>Some milk. Chocolate chips. Blueberries.

>Newspaper so you look up to date.

>If your house looks like it does now when Derpy shows up she'll think you're a psycho.

>No sheets, furnishings or...objet d'art.

>Buy some ugly looking paintings.

>Markets are fun like that.

>Now you just need something to make you look well-read.

>And you like to read anyway!

>Time to go the library.

>It's a public institution, you might not even run into Twilight.

>And hey, if you do; you can see if anything Time Turner said was true.

>...You know all of that can't be true. Or at least some of it is exaggerated.

 

>A dragon lets you.

>Holy crap. It's a dragon.

>You expected him to be taller.

"Uhm...hey is the librarian here?"

>"She's at the hospital."

>You look around at the walls of books.

"She all right?"

>"She's fine. Should be back soon."

"Oh. C-cool."

>"Sorry to hear about Fluttershy."

>You pale.

>Your voice comes out strained.

"Wh-wh-...what?"

>"What do you mean what?"

>He rolls his eyes.

>"Yeah, she said she fell and gashed the back of her head on a door."

>"She kept asking for you, you're her boyfriend you should probably go talk to her."

>Crazy makes you crazy.

"B-but..."

>You might've really hurt her.

>And you really really didn't mean to.

>But...you've got plans.

>And you're going to have fun with Derpy.

>And tomorrow with Derpy and Time Turner.

>And you're not going to feel bad about some psycho rapist.

>And this is none of some weird dragon's business anyway.

"Uhm...I'll take that into consideration, dragon."

>"Spike."

"Spike. All right."

>Check out a few books that look interesting.

>"Elements of Harmony", "Ghost, Goblins and Ghoulish Figures" and a book on Obscure Unicorn History.

>Spike doesn't even use a stamp.

>"Just bring'em back when you're done."

>...Equestria should really consider some innovations you should recommend.

>Bump into the purple unicorn on the way out.

>She's the one who falls this time.

>You help her pick up books.

>"Sorry I should-"

>She sees it's you.

>"...wow, two bump-ins during one week."

"Y-yeah. S-sorry about that."

 

>She smiles and you begin walking out.

>"Hey! Anonymous."

>You look back at her.

>"I've got a free forty-five minute window open tomorrow if you want to talk bibliographies."

"Oh...I'm busy tomorrow."

>She makes a face.

>"That's fine. I'll fill it up with a rescheduling period--Hey do you want to reschedule a talk?"

"Uhm...Hey Twilight--Miss Sparkle. Is it t-true what uhm...like with the d-doll and that magician?"

>"What're you talking about?"

"I just heard some rumors--and I know this is WAY outta line for me to be asking...but did you r-really make everyone in town fall in love with a doll?"

>She blushes.

>"I...it was a little overblown."

"Oh...did you uhm, also upstage a magician to the p-point where she s-showed up with an evil a-amulet and-"

>"Hey! Trixie's arrogant, and that's not my problem and--why are you asking me all this?"

"It's just some...stuff I heard."

>She is not amused.

>"Well excuse me, Anonymous; but being the Element of Magic is a huge responsibility and things get out of hand and stressful ALL the TIME and maybe---Oh hey, I could write to the Princess about this."

"Sorry for...stressing you out. I've got to go."

>"Wait! Don't you want to help me write this letter? And reschedule a period to talk about books?"

"I'll have to check my schedule to...schedule anything."

>Leave.

>Time Turner might've been telling some truth.

>...why would you write a letter to royalty anyway?

>The cog does not speak to the engine.

>It just turns.

>...Anyway.

>Go home and set up everything.

>Dress up the futon.

>Hang up art. It looks terrible.

>Books on the counter.

>Newspaper on the table.

>Set up the griddle.

>Begin making batter.

>Get back into the swing of things.

>You always liked cooking.

>Never been great at it, but you liked it.

>Knock at the door.

>Open the door.

 

>"Can...can we talk?"

"...I don't have anything to say."

>"B-but..."

>She's got a bald spot and a few stitches.

>"But...now you marked me. L-like I marked you."

>You bite on your lip scar.

>"We're...perfect."

"F-flu-."

>Take a breath.

"Fluttershy, I'm having dinner with someone tonight. Who is not you."

>"...oh. T-t-tomorrow?"

"I'm going to the movies tomorrow. I'm busy all weekend. And I d-don't have anything to say to you."

>"A-aren't you sorry?"

>She rubs a hoof over her stitches and whimpers.

"I'm sorry you got hurt."

>"...aren't you sorry you hurt me? D-don't you wanna ki-kiss it and make Mamma all better?"

"No."

>You smile, it's a weak smile.

"I actually don't...I'm sorry I don't, but...well I'm n-not sorry that I-."

>Deep breath.

"Listen, I've spoken to my friends...and you and y-your friends seem like the crowd to avoid."

>Don't spaz out.

"Even...Twilight. And I thought she was c-cool."

>She glances behind you.

>"...your house looks nice."

"Yes. Yes it does."

>"..wh-who are you having dinner with, mister?"

"Civil Employee Four-Zero-Four of the Postal Service."

>"..w-what?"

"She's a friend."

>"..is she b-beautiful?"

>You quirk a brow.

>"..she-she must be...for you to c-clean your house up like t-that."

"Four-zero-four is a responsible adult, who possibly has a child, and whose company I find enjoyable."

>"..I..I used to be a m-model."

>You let out a little laugh.

"Okay? What's that have to do with anything?"

>"...I was famous...and everypony t-thought I was beautiful...and I ha-have a lot of m-money."

"...so?"

>"How are rich and f-famous and b-b-beautiful pegasi not your f-fetish?"

"Well, I was a virgin until you raped me so I never got to explore my fetishes. So I guess."

>You begin to close the door.

"We will never, ever, never, know."

>You close it to all but a centimeter.

"Now please leave. I want to have dinner in peace."

>Fluttershy harumphs and stomps away.

>Five minutes later, another knock at the door.

 

>Derpy pushes in a child's red wagon filled with covered dishes.

>A little unicorn of the same color palette trots in behind her.

>"Moose, this is Dinky! It's okay that she's here right? She wanted to have breakfast for dinner too."

>The little filly smiles.

>This must...well might be her daughter.

>And it's a unicorn.

>Pony genetics are strange.

>"Hi Mr. Moose."

>You wave a little.

"I still have to fire up the griddle, but I got chocolate chips and blueberries."

>Derpy tilts her head.

>"For...muffins?"

"For pancakes."

>Derpy looks at Dinky.

>Dinky looks at Derpy.

>They both look at you.

>"YOU CAN DO THAT?"

>"Aren't there laws about flavor of that magnitude?"

>"THAT'S AMAZING."

"...it's just pancakes."

>"Mr. Moose, do you know how it might taste?"

>"MOOSE, it'll taste like pancakes but also muffins! No wait. TWO TYPES AT ONCE."

>"Mr. Moose, how are you not a rich and famous pony chef?"

>"TWO TYPES AT ONCE PLUS PANCAKES, you're mad. MAD SMART, MOOSE!"

>It would appear enthusiasm might be a genetic trait for the Hooves clan.

>Before you can even pour the batter on to the griddle

>They've poured all the blueberries and chocolate chips into the mix.

>Well, why not.

>Derpy sings poorly and off-key while you cook.

>Dinky joins in.

>You're not even sure what they're singing, it's that off.

>You make up a decent stack of flapjacks.

>Derpy and Dinky set the table.

>They unwrap their still warm baked goods.

>You wash your hands.

>It's snowing lightly outside.

>A yellow hoof taps on the window.

>"...psst A-anon..is p-pamcakes your f-fetish?"

>You jump back.

"SWEET MOTHER-what...Pancakes, and no. Go away."

>Surprise sucks.

>Close the blinds.

 

>Dinner is fun.

>It is not clean.

>It is not healthy.

>But it is fun.

>Derpy proves that she can indeed, fit five muffins into her mouth.

>You didn't doubt her.

>You didn't need to see it.

>But she needed to prove to you that she could.

>"AHMIKAN"

>She swallows them all and hacks.

>"And I can!"

>Dinky is overcome by the flavor of chocolate chips and blueberries at the same time.

>"They don't taste good together in cookies...or raw...why does this work?"

>"Moose is made of magic, Dinky."

>Dinky is amazed and throws a waffle at you with her unicorn magic.

>It pegs you in the face.

>And slides off.

>Derpy and Dinky look at you.

>They laugh.

>You grin.

"L-less throwing stuff magic...more good at euler circuits and s-stuff."

>Dinky smiles.

>"I dunno what that means."

>Derpy gives Dinky a noogie.

>"It's magic words. He's casting spells."

>Dinky looks around.

>"How come you're not glowing, Mr. Moose?"

>Derpy nods her head subtly towards Dinky.

>It's sort of a quick jagged motion.

>Like frames missing from a film.

"Oh. Uhm. I'm...like...a sympathetic magician."

>"What's that mean?"

"It's a...type of magic."

>"Can you teach me?"

"I already have?"

>This makes the little filly squeal with delight.

>Derpy's leaning a hoof on the table and just looking at you.

>"You're good with kids, Moose."

"Oh...t-thanks Derpy."

>"How old are you anyway?"

>Well.

>You're still young.

>Carded at the liquor store young.

>If you drank.

>It'd be different if you could grow a beard.

"I'm...sorta young for being in my field."

>Derpy smiles.

>"Dinky, go wash up please."

>"Kay!"

>Dinky trots into the bathroom.

>Derpy looks into your eyes.

>You look into the eye that's facing you.

>Then she frowns.

>"Wait. WAIT. Wait...Hold on a second."

"Uhm...what am I waiting fo-"

>She puts a hoof to your mouth.

>She puts the other hoof to her head.

>"...abusive re-relationship...bloody booty...Communication issues--"

>She sighs.

>"You're DATING somepony, aren't you?"

>She grumps.

>"It's Time Turner isn't it? Because of the bloody butt!"

>She whines.

>You're sort of lost right now.

>"Celestia, that's two stallions off the list...And I was just joking with him! He probably thought I was being a BIG OL JERK."

>She lays her head on the table.

>"Aw poop."

"Oh..n-no, I'm not...it was a co--No I'm uhm..not. I'm not any of that."

>Wait.

>She's hitting on you.

>But she's so...

>She immediately perks back up.

>Pulls her head off the table.

>A waffle is stuck to her chin.

>It flops off and falls on the table.

>"Really?"

"Yeah..."

 

>She leans over the edge of the table.

>Getting various breakfast good crumbs into her coat.

>And into her mane.

>And she hugs you.

>Really really tight.

>"Moose, do you want to have pizza?"

"...b-but we just ate."

>She hugs you tighter and rubs her nose against the side of your head.

>"Not now, but...after the movies!"

"S-sure?"

>She whispers into your ear.

>"I promise I won't make your booty bleed."

"Oh, uhm. Whoa. Derpy, I'm--thank you, it is flattering but.."

>She just hugs you.

"...we barely know each other."

>"Aww. But it'll be fun."

>You just sigh and smile.

"How about we get pizza. And just see where it goes from there."

>"Okay! Oh, but we can spend the night?"

"Why?"

>She motions to the windows.

>It's...quite white out.

>"I moved some clouds because I thought you might like a white Hearth's Warming Eve!"

"...t-that was a week ago."

>"Yeah! But it's still pretty, right Moose?"

>You pat her on the back and pull some toast out of her mane.

>You toss it aside.

"Yeah, it's p-pretty..uhm pretty."

>You sigh.

>It's time to end this hug now.

>She's not letting go.

"...Wait, wouldn't...wouldn't this plan of snowing us in also mean snowing Dinky in?"

>She nods.

>She pulls out of the hug and looks at you for a moment.

>She blushes.

>"Oh no. Moose. MOOSE, I didn't think it through."

>And she freaks.

>"I'm normal, I SWEAR. I--I--uhm--"

"Derpy, it's okay..it's fine. Let's just. Clean up."

 

>Dinky cuddles up next to Derpy.

>You lay on the edge of your futon.

>The first time you've got sheets on it in so long.

>And you're stuck on the edge.

>It's hard to get comfortable.

>But it's nice. Quiet.

>If you were to snuggle up against Derpy you'd be warmer.

>And more comfortable.

>...but she might think you were coming on to her.

>And she's got a kid.

>And you don't really know her.

>She's nice and all.

>But it's been less than a week.

>Though back on Earth you've seen people do worse than cuddle after less than a week.

>And that's why you always knock on the bathroom door.

>Even if they're supposed to be at work.

>...

>Well you didn't buy a comforter.

>And you don't have any body hair.

>You snuggle right on up with Derpy.

>You run your hands through her mane.

>She stirs and looks at you through the dimness of the night.

>You find some waffle in her mane.

>Syrup is on par with glitter.

>For the worst thing ever.

>She licks the side of your face.

>You blush.

"..q-q-quit it."

>"You hugged me first Moose."

>Dinky mumbles in her sleep.

>"You're funny."

"I'm also syrupy...I'm going to go shower."

>As you get up Derpy waggles her butt into the area where you were laying.

>"I'll keep it warm."

>She blows a little kiss and smirks.

>Well she has a sense of humor.

>Get in the shower.

>Tap on the little tiny bathroom window.

>This cannot be happening.

>You didn't even get the water on yet.

>Wrap a towel around your naked self.

>Open the window just a smidge.

 

>"A-a-anon...c-c-c-can I c-c-come in?"

"Why are...WHY are you even out there? It's late. And snowing."

>"B-b-but I l-love you."

"...That's not how love works, F-fluttershy."

>"...it's cold outside."

"It's winter. And night. And Derpy thought...localized snow would be romantic."

>Fluttershy twitches.

>"...the mailpony?"

"Yeah. She's spending the night."

>Fluttershy's eyes bulge with a hatred.

>Her lips slap together as she tries to think of something to say.

>"...what's so good about her?"

"She's funny and a pretty cool friend."

>"How come you LOVE her, she's nothing like you."

>Well. Fluttershy just called you lame and not funny.

"I...don't love her, I've known her under a week."

>"You knew me under a week how come you don't love me?"

>Where is the train of logic here?

"Well, I don't fall in love in under a week. And you r-r-raped me."

>Fluttershy shows you her head stitches.

>"Well you marked me!"

"That was an accident."

>She gets this nasty grin on her face.

>"I'm going to tell everyone you beat me."

>You pale.

"It was an accident...And YOU!"

>You're not a broken thing dang it.

>You're a man.

>Don't forget it.

"You...you...took so much. In such a short time."

"I'll..."

>"You'll...l-let me in. And k-kick her out. And it'll be our...uhm."

>"Our little...s-secret, okay mister?"

>You close the window.

>"You're in t-trouble now m-mister."

>Take a shower.

>Go back to bed.

>Snuggle next to Derpy.

>She giggles.

>You need to feel something.

>This is a very serious threat.

>Fluttershy...

>Stare up at the ceiling.

>She...

>She absolutely would.

>Fluttershy.

>She's psychotic.

>This is the game she's going to play?

>She's gone too far.

>And she had already gone -too- far.

>You're going to enjoy this weekend.

>And pardon your French.

>But seriously.

>Fuck Fluttershy.

>That's right.

>FUCK FLUTTERSHY.

>...you're not much of a fighter.

>But you're not going to let the system take you down.

>You work for the system.

>You're the machine.

>You're a number.

>808.

>An essential part.

>You cannot falter.