Title:           Burgerquestria
Author:          Anonymous
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/FS2cfDBp
First Edit:      Saturday 4th of June 2016 12:11:20 AM CDT
Last Edit:       Saturday 4th of June 2016 12:11:20 AM CDT

>Be Anon, former successful businessman
>The weight kinda comes with the territory
>...You owned several Burger King franchises
>And then you went to Equestria, where your credit limit is exactly zip
>You kinda wish you still carried cash
>But, it turns out the penny you picked up just before coming here is worth several thousand local dollars
>Just enough to buy a failing local restaurant
>Time to start over again
 
>"Ugh, can you believe that stallion? I like a li'l cushion as much as the next mare, but that's ridiculous!"
>"Did you hear he bought Princess Burger? Apparently he has big plans!"
>"Bigger than his thighs, you mean?"
>"Hahaha!"
>"Ha!"
 
>Two months later
>Working behind the grill is hard, hot work
>To be honest, you kinda miss it
>No problem there anymore, you can only afford like two employees right now
>You think one of them has a fetish for you
>Whatever, she can operate a register, that's all that matters
 
>Be Lyra
>Your husbando has arrived!
>Well, he doesn't know he's your husbando yet
>And he's a bit softer than you'd imagined
>But with hard work, you'll turn him into a girlfriend-free colt from the ground-up!
>Maybe if you show him what a good employee you are, he'll take notice!
 
>Be Anon
>You've lost a lot of weight, and your heart thanks you for it
>Your wallet does too, because your hard work has turned Princess Burger from a failure to a success
>You've even got the local princess as a regular!
 
>Be Twilight
>Alien food is really good!
>Also high in fat
>Luckily, as a princess, if anypony mocks your growing weight, you can have them legally burned alive!
>Friendship is magic!
 
>And now you're Filthy Rich
>That weird ape stallion has turned that failed restaurant to a success
>Your own business has taken a downturn recently
>You wonder if he's as good with discount stores as he is with fast food
 
>And once again you are Anon
>Those stallion cooks you hired aren't complaining so much anymore
>Not since you mixed LSD and french fry grease into their water bottles
 
>"Order up!" Time Turner grunts, spitting on the fries as he passes them to the window
 
>They've become real fry cooks
>You wipe a drop of liquid pride from your eye
 
>Now you're some other mare
"Can you believe that fat fuck? Does he really think anypony will find him hot in that thing?"
>Rarity just sighs
>"I, for one, mourn the yards of cotton wasted on that shirt. Imagine how many stallions could be clothed with that much fabric!"
 
>Be Anon again
>Your new business partner, Filthy Rich, has made a few interesting propositions
>There are four Barnyard Bargains locations throughout Equestria
>You could open a small Princess Burger outlet inside each store, and drum up business for both of you
>A hayburger with your discount blender, anyone?
>Also, he wants you to join a gym, or at least keep your picture off the signs
>You think you look dapper as hell, why not put your picture on the sign?
>Whatever, money is money
 
>And now you're Twilight again
>You came to Manehattan to escape the greasy allure of Anon's cooking
>But when you step inside Barnyard Bargains in search of cheap workout clothes, you smell it
>The delectable aroma of deepfried hayburgers
>Fuck you too, gallbladder
 
>Be Filthy Rich
>Rolling in the dough
>Not literally, of course, that would be unsanitary and make you open to lawsuits
>But you and Anon have made a tidy profit from your little venture
>Enough that you're currently scouting locations for a new establishment or two
>Stalliongrad looks promising...
 
>Be Princess Celestia
>Apparently some stallion has been successful in business
>Probably some colty cardio program
>Your subjects need it, if these reports on a rising obesity rate are anything to go by
 
>Be Princess Twilight
>This is it
>You're going to finally kick your habit, while you can still waddle!
>Nothing is going to get in your way of getting fit!
>After all, who in Stalliongrad has heard of...
>Princess Burger..?
>Somepony call the hospital, you'll need another heart bypass in like 15 minutes
 
>Be Rarity
>Your new plus-sized line has been selling like hotcakes
>You might need to see about joining Anon and Filthy Rich's little partnership
>Ponies could gain weight and buy new clothes at the same place!
 
>Be Anon
>You've done it
>You're not quite sure the conversion rate, but you think you've reached the same wealth as you had on Earth
>You just had to introduce greasy crap food into the healthy Equestrian diet, dooming many of them to obesity and misery
>It was so worth it though
 
>Be Lyra
>Your husbando is almost ready!
>Smart, healthy (but still curvy), and most of all, filthy stinkin' rich!
>Not actually Filthy Rich tho cause he's like 40
>Now you just have to seduce him!
 
>Be Anon
>You lay in bed, feeling the pony's warm body against your side
>You'd have a smoke, but that shit's bad for you son
>The pony on your arm rolls over, smiling
>"Was it good for you?" Filthy Rich asks, nuzzling your arm
"Yeah, babe, it was."
 
>Be Diamond Tiara
>You've been hearing your dad and that alien fuck for the past hour now
>M-must resist urge to schlick!
 
>Be Princess Twilight
>If you weren't immortal, you'd be dead right now
>15 simultaneous heart attacks will do that to you
>Luckily, you're an alicorn, so it only totally sucks
>However, everything changed when you were visited by a representative of Bargain Burger Boutique
>He offered to give you a liposuction, and PAY you for it!
>Naturally, you agreed
>Now you're back to normal
>Well, relatively
>You asked him to leave your flank intact
>Now you're a big bottom mare
>That's what stallions like, right?
>R-right?
 
 
>You are Anon
>Bargain Burger Boutique profits have never been higher
>Even splitting with your two partners, you've got more money than you know what to do with
>Filthy insists on dragging you to the spa every chance he gets
>Rarity forces you into ever-more ridiculous suits
>And of course they charge you for it, after all, you can afford it
>But you're done with that now
>You've been wanting a change of profession, and now you've got it
>You'll follow in the footsteps of many wealthy white men before you and go into politics
 
>Be Anon, months later
>Turns out stallions can't run for office
>But, you splashed your cash around Canterlot, and got yourself appointed as Ambassador to Griffonstone
>Relations have been peaceful for centuries, so why not bring some eye candy to the meetings?
>But they didn't expect you to have brains to match your looks
>You've just successfully henpecked the griffon queen into approving a multi-billion bit trade deal
>With BBB as the main contractor, of course
>Life is goooood
 
>Be Princess Celestia
>The griffon ambassador has been squawking at you all afternoon
>Apparently Anon tricked them into signing some deal or other, with his company as the main benefactor
>What kind of mare gets tricked by a stallion like that?
>You'd laugh in her face, but you'd rather not damage international relations
>You tell her that you'll look into it, while quietly drafting a letter to request a new ambassador
 
>Be Celestia a week later
>The griffons are refusing to acknowledge their obligations on a recent treaty
>They've been clucking at you about how 'unfair' it is, how they 'didn't mean' to sign it
>And apparently most of the money is going into private hooves rather than the economy at large
>Naturally, you hoof the problem over to the EQBI
>Now maybe you can have a nice long bath
 
>Be Rarity
>Some mares in black armor broke into your boutique, shot Opalescence with a crossbow, and dragged you off into an unmarked carriage
>They keep calling you a 'traitor to the crown'
>Sweet Celestia, what's going on?
 
>Be Princess Celestia
>You hoofed the traitor over to the griffons to deal with as they wish
>Obviously she tricked Anon into signing a deal to benefit her own corporation
>You'll have to send him a gift basket as an apology
 
>Be Anon
>You and Filthy had some awesome sex last night on a stack of bits
>Haven't been able to contact Rarity all morning though
>Oh well
 
>Be Teatless
>That's not the name your father gave you, but it's what Master Gilda calls you
>You've gone from a successful businessmare to the mastectomy slave of the griffon queen
>Ashes to ashes, you suppose
 
 
    >Be Anon
    >You've done it
    >You've successfully ruined the reputations of two world leaders
    >Rumors has it, Luna has been approaching ponies in there dreams to recruit them for an army
    >The minotaurs and zebras have cut off trade with Griffonstone, and there have been several violent border clashes between the nations
    >You, you've thrown your lot in with your own company
    >The mental conditioning of your all-male workforce has been successful
    >Every stallion, once a prissy little faggot, is now a mighty warrior
    >You'll march on Canterlot and Griffonstone
    >The Bargain Burger Empire will stretch from the northern wastes to the southern badlands
    >"Anon? When we're royalty, will I get a pretty crown?"
    >There's just one loose end
    "Guards."
    >"Wha- Anon! Babe! Don't do thi- *urk*"
    >Now everything is dealt with
 
    >Be Lyra
    >Anon is better than ever
    >Rich, handsome, and now God-Emperor of Burgerquestria!
    >Your husbando is so dreamy
    >If only he'd look at you once in a while
 
    >Be Anon
    >You've legally shifted male-female relations
    >You're in charge, so what you say goes
    >Now stallions are in charge, and mares are the put-upon lesser gender
    >It'll take a few generations, but you've started Burgerquestria on its way to freedom
    >You wipe a tear from your eye
    >'Murica
 
And that's what happens when you make fun of a fat stallion. The End.