Asshole in Equestria: The birthday threesome (CLOP)

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I wrote this only for thread 400. If you don't like the thought of engaging in coitus with a griffon and a pegasus, then don't read this.
>You stretch out on the couch, gently scratching Gilda’s ear, who responds by purring and snuggling in beside you.
>”So, what do you want to do for your birthday?”
“Same thing I do every night. Avoid p0nies; fuck you, and then sleep.”
>”Not very aspiring, are you?”
“I’m a simple man who enjoys the simple pleasures of life, like fucking sentient bird-cats.”
>”Aw, what happened to my anon who was scared of using his little pecker on me?”
“Call my pecker small and I’ll slug you in your pecker, sweetheart.”
>”That’s more like it.” Gilda smiles, and lays her head on your chest. You sigh to yourself, and think.
>It’s been two years since you moved back to P0nyville. Two years of living with Gilda.
>You’d had some rough patches, and the two of you fell out a lot, but you made it work. You had found happiness, of sorts. Gilda was one of the few people who could match your attitude.
>And so here you lay, with the griffon you had come to love in the most dysfunctional way possible. There could be worse ways to spend a birthday, you supposed.
>”So, how old are you this year?”
“Today I turned 30, thanks for remembering basic details like age.”
>”Didn’t you turn 30 last year?”
“Indeed I did.”
>”Right…”
“What’s wrong? Are you jealous that I have achieved immortality?”
>”Oh please, we both know you’re going to die first.”
“Is that a murder threat? Because I tend to not like those.”
>”Nah, it’s just all that anger-induced stress will wreck your heart.”
“Oh Gilda, since when have I ever got angry at anything?”
>”You threw a glass at my face just this morning.”
“It was an accident.”
>”Was throwing the bedside table out the window an accident as well?”
“It insulted me with its presence.”
>”It hit Derpy Hooves on the way down, and now she’s in hospital.”
“And nothing of value was lost.”
>Gilda gives you a queer look, before snorting in laughter.
>”I love you Anon. You’re a heartless bastard, but you’re my heartless bastard.”
“And I love you too, you foul breathed monstrosity.”
>You kiss her on her beak, and she giggles.
“So, what pathetic excuse of a birthday present have you got me this year?”
>”Wait a minute or two, and you’ll find out. In the meantime…”
>Gilda reaches down and holds up a bottle of beer, which you accept without a word of thanks.
>Huh, this tastes kinda funny…
“Hey Gilda, what brand of beer is this?”
>”Same brand I always get for your dumb ass.”
“Then why does it taste of evil and despair?”
>Gilda chuckles ominously, and you straighten up.
“Seriously Gilda, what’d you do?”
>The front doorbell rings, and Gilda hops off the couch, ignoring your question.
>You breathe in heavily, anxiously waiting for any effects to take place. From out front you hear Gilda greet someone cheerfully, and you pre-emptively know that there’s only one p0ny who would elicit that sort of response.
>”Hey Anon.”
“And why are you here, dyke?”
>”You’ve really got to switch up your insults bro; it gets annoying hearing the same word over and again.”
“It’s annoying hearing any words coming out of that carpet-munching claptrap you call a mouth. Now, why are you here?” You begin to feel a slight tug on your stomach as Rainbow Dash enters the room.
>”I just through I’d pop round to say happy birthday.”
“Wonderful. There, you said it, now get out.” The tugging sensation switches to a warming sensation that was slowly making its way down to your groin. This was not good.
>”C’mon Anon, don’t you want to see my present to you?”
“I don’t see any gifts; I’d recommend visiting an eye specialist after you fuck off out of my house.”
>Rainbow Dash gives you a sultry smile. “But Anon, your gift is right in front of you…”
“I’m not following you here.” The sensation in your crotch is warming even further. What the fuck did Gilda give you?”
>Rainbow Dash suddenly turns round and bends over, giving you a wonderful view of her private parts. The burning in your crotch intensifies.
“Dammit Rainbow Dyke, I told you already. I’m not fucking you, not when I’m with Gilda.”
>”But Anon, this was Gilda’s idea.”
“What!”
>”She’s given you the beer already, hasn’t she?”
“How’d you…”
>”By the way, it was spiked with special hormones I got from Zecora. It makes any male incredibly horny in the presence of a mare. Gilda thought it’d be a nice birthday present, don’t you agree?”
>You are speechless, a rare occurrence for you.
>”Hmm, looks like the hormones have already taken effect…”
>Rainbow Dash points down at a treacherous bulge in your pants, and you groan.
“Why? Why are you doing this?”
>”Because I want to. Because Gilda wants it. Because deep down, you want it as well.”
“That’s a crock of shit.”
>”Really now? Are you sure you don’t want some of this-“
>Rainbow Dash rubs her left ass cheek with a hoof, drawing your attention back to her mare-parts.
>”Sweet p0ny flank?” She concludes, smacking her hoof off her flank.
>You groan as your erection grows bigger, involuntarily wanting to pound Rainbow Dash senseless.
”All right. You win, Dash.”
>“No need to sound so disappointed, Anon. Gilda will be joining us as well…”
>You hop off the couch and immediately head upstairs, not wanting to delay this any further. Maybe it was the hormones, maybe it was your deep, sick fantasies, but you could not delay the upcoming moment.
>You enter the bedroom with Rainbow Dash by your side, to be greeted by a griffon with a shit-eating smile.
>”Ready to unwrap your present, Anon?”
>You respond by undressing, your clothes forming an untidy pile on the floor which you could not care less about. Rainbow Dash stares up at your erect member with lustful eyes.
>”You better not run away on me again.”
“I’ll try not to.” You mutter, climbing onto the bed, and lying back against your pillows. Rainbow Dash sits besides Gilda, both of them eyeing your penis.
“So, what’s fir-“
>Rainbow Dash leans forward and envelopes your dick with her mouth, her tongue trailing down the shaft as she takes you in.
>You gasp, feeling of raw pleasure coursing through you. Gilda had never done this sort of thing with you, given the fact she has a beak, and so this was entirely new. God, did it feel good.
>Rainbow Dash bobs up and down, occasionally stopping to give the tip a cursory lick or suck, and you rest a hand on her head. You stroke her mane gently, tugging occasionally to slow her down, and scratching her twitching ear which invokes muffled moans of pleasure from her.
>Gilda hops off the bed, and while your gaze is fixated on the rainbow maned pegasus currently working magic on your member, you see Gilda fiddling with something out of the corner of your eye.
>She hops back onto the bed, and takes up position behind Rainbow Dash. You now notice that Gilda has procured a large strap-on, with the intent to use it on the unsuspecting mare in front of you.
>Rainbow Dash pauses as Gilda lift’s her tail up.
>”What are you doing, Gilda?”
>”Dash, you didn’t think this would be all about Anon, did you? You deserve some pleasure as well.”
>”But what…”
>Gilda thrusts forward, cutting off Rainbow Dash, who cries out in pleasure.
>”Dammit… Gilda…”
>Rainbow Dash resumes the blowjob, moaning in pleasure as Gilda rocks forwards and backwards, gripping Rainbow Dash’s hips tightly.
>You begin to reach your peak, and you moan, causing Rainbow Dash to pick up the pace and bob even faster.
>With a sigh of relief and pleasure you unload into Rainbow Dash’s mouth, involuntarily tugging on her mane as she chokes and swallows. You watch her as she continues to suck and swallow; carefully making sure every last drop is cleaned up.
“Good girl…” you pant, and Rainbow Dash smiles up at you through a mouthful of your member.
>Suddenly, she herself climaxes, as Gilda yells in triumph, the strap-on soaked with Dash’s mare-juices.
>The two of you lie there, dazed, until you wipe your brow and shift Rainbow Dash onto the centre of the bed.
>”Even after all that… you can still go?” Rainbow Dash asks hesitantly,
“Of course I can keep going, you think I’m some kind of worthless stallion?”
>”N-no…”
>You lean down and plant a kiss on Rainbow Dash lips, before turning to Gilda.
“You want your turn, honey?”
>”I sure do.” Gilda climbs over and lies down by Rainbow Dash’s head, who gulps nervously.
>”Just like old times, eh Dash?”
“You two were a thing?” You ask as you climb off the bed, headed for your special stash of lube.
>Dash nods. ”A while back, yeah.”
“I can’t say I’m surprised” you say as you search through your drawers, quickly finding the tube.
>As Gilda and Dash position themselves, you sit behind Dash, squeezing some lube out onto your fingers, and applying it to Dash’s tight asshole.
>Dash, who had been about to give Gilda a hesitant lick, recoils as your fingers stroke against her.
>”Whoa dude, what do you think you’re doing?”
“Never tried up the poop-chute before?”
>”Well, no… Will it hurt?”
“Probably. Don’t worry, I’ll be gentle.”
>”If you say so…” Rainbow Dash turns back to Gilda’s crotch and you lock eyes with Gilda.
“I lied” you mouth silently to her, and Gilda suppresses a giggle.
>Rainbow Dash begins to lick Gilda’s crotch, and Gilda moans in pleasure.
>You position yourself, raise Dash’s tail up with your right hand, and gently slide your member into Dash, who shudders.
>You begin thrusting with force, relishing Dash’s cries of pain and pleasure, and you reach your left hand round to her vagina. You feel it winking rapidly, and you slide in a couple of fingers, gently stroking her clitoris.
>Dash buries her tongue inside Gilda, lapping and licking with fervour. Gilda copies what you did, and lays a claw on Dash’s head, panting heavily as Dash eats her out.
>Your mind stops functioning as you continue, all thought processes overridden by the primal, physical ecstasy which you were experiencing. Time loses all meaning all you.
>After some time, Gilda grabs Rainbow Dash’s head and brings her in even closer in the grips of her orgasm. Dash moans in pleasure as Gilda’s juices flood her mouth, and you feel yourself about to hit your peak once more.
>Gripping Dash tightly, you empty yourself into her, feeling her tighten around you.
>For a moment there is complete silence as the three of you sit and lie there, before you pull out of Dash.
>You lie down on the now soaked sheets and both Gilda and Dash snuggle up to you, both satisfied by tonight’s tango.
>This was certainly a good birthday… only one more thing to do now…
>You drag yourself off the bed and open the window, relishing the cool breeze which helped dissipate the musky smell of sexual fluids.
>You stride back over to the bed, grab both exhausted females and chuck them out the window, quickly shutting it behind them.
>Serves them right for spiking your drink.

create a new version of this paste RAW Paste Data

I wrote this only for thread 400. If you don't like the thought of engaging in coitus with a griffon and a pegasus, then don't read this. 


>You stretch out on the couch, gently scratching Gilda’s ear, who responds by purring and snuggling in beside you.
>”So, what do you want to do for your birthday?”
“Same thing I do every night. Avoid p0nies; fuck you, and then sleep.”
>”Not very aspiring, are you?”
“I’m a simple man who enjoys the simple pleasures of life, like fucking sentient bird-cats.”
>”Aw, what happened to my anon who was scared of using his little pecker on me?”
“Call my pecker small and I’ll slug you in your pecker, sweetheart.” 
>”That’s more like it.” Gilda smiles, and lays her head on your chest. You sigh to yourself, and think.
>It’s been two years since you moved back to P0nyville. Two years of living with Gilda. 
>You’d had some rough patches, and the two of you fell out a lot, but you made it work. You had found happiness, of sorts. Gilda was one of the few people who could match your attitude.
>And so here you lay, with the griffon you had come to love in the most dysfunctional way possible. There could be worse ways to spend a birthday, you supposed.
>”So, how old are you this year?”
“Today I turned 30, thanks for remembering basic details like age.”
>”Didn’t you turn 30 last year?”
“Indeed I did.”
>”Right…”
“What’s wrong? Are you jealous that I have achieved immortality?”
>”Oh please, we both know you’re going to die first.”
“Is that a murder threat? Because I tend to not like those.”
>”Nah, it’s just all that anger-induced stress will wreck your heart.”
“Oh Gilda, since when have I ever got angry at anything?”
>”You threw a glass at my face just this morning.”
“It was an accident.”
>”Was throwing the bedside table out the window an accident as well?”
“It insulted me with its presence.”
>”It hit Derpy Hooves on the way down, and now she’s in hospital.”
“And nothing of value was lost.”
>Gilda gives you a queer look, before snorting in laughter. 
>”I love you Anon. You’re a heartless bastard, but you’re my heartless bastard.”
“And I love you too, you foul breathed monstrosity.”
>You kiss her on her beak, and she giggles.
“So, what pathetic excuse of a birthday present have you got me this year?”
>”Wait a minute or two, and you’ll find out. In the meantime…”
>Gilda reaches down and holds up a bottle of beer, which you accept without a word of thanks.
>Huh, this tastes kinda funny…
“Hey Gilda, what brand of beer is this?”
>”Same brand I always get for your dumb ass.”
“Then why does it taste of evil and despair?”
>Gilda chuckles ominously, and you straighten up.
“Seriously Gilda, what’d you do?”
>The front doorbell rings, and Gilda hops off the couch, ignoring your question. 
>You breathe in heavily, anxiously waiting for any effects to take place. From out front you hear Gilda greet someone cheerfully, and you pre-emptively know that there’s only one p0ny who would elicit that sort of response.
>”Hey Anon.”
“And why are you here, dyke?”
>”You’ve really got to switch up your insults bro; it gets annoying hearing the same word over and again.”
“It’s annoying hearing any words coming out of that carpet-munching claptrap you call a mouth. Now, why are you here?” You begin to feel a slight tug on your stomach as Rainbow Dash enters the room.
>”I just through I’d pop round to say happy birthday.”
“Wonderful. There, you said it, now get out.” The tugging sensation switches to a warming sensation that was slowly making its way down to your groin. This was not good.
>”C’mon Anon, don’t you want to see my present to you?”
“I don’t see any gifts; I’d recommend visiting an eye specialist after you fuck off out of my house.”
>Rainbow Dash gives you a sultry smile. “But Anon, your gift is right in front of you…”
“I’m not following you here.” The sensation in your crotch is warming even further. What the fuck did Gilda give you?”
>Rainbow Dash suddenly turns round and bends over, giving you a wonderful view of her private parts. The burning in your crotch intensifies. 
“Dammit Rainbow Dyke, I told you already. I’m not fucking you, not when I’m with Gilda.”
>”But Anon, this was Gilda’s idea.”
“What!”
>”She’s given you the beer already, hasn’t she?”
“How’d you…”
>”By the way, it was spiked with special hormones I got from Zecora. It makes any male incredibly horny in the presence of a mare. Gilda thought it’d be a nice birthday present, don’t you agree?”
>You are speechless, a rare occurrence for you.
>”Hmm, looks like the hormones have already taken effect…”
>Rainbow Dash points down at a treacherous bulge in your pants, and you groan.
“Why? Why are you doing this?”
>”Because I want to. Because Gilda wants it. Because deep down, you want it as well.”
“That’s a crock of shit.”
>”Really now? Are you sure you don’t want some of this-“
>Rainbow Dash rubs her left ass cheek with a hoof, drawing your attention back to her mare-parts.
>”Sweet p0ny flank?” She concludes, smacking her hoof off her flank.
>You groan as your erection grows bigger, involuntarily wanting to pound Rainbow Dash senseless.
”All right. You win, Dash.”
>“No need to sound so disappointed, Anon. Gilda will be joining us as well…”
>You hop off the couch and immediately head upstairs, not wanting to delay this any further. Maybe it was the hormones, maybe it was your deep, sick fantasies, but you could not delay the upcoming moment. 
>You enter the bedroom with Rainbow Dash by your side, to be greeted by a griffon with a shit-eating smile.
>”Ready to unwrap your present, Anon?”
>You respond by undressing, your clothes forming an untidy pile on the floor which you could not care less about. Rainbow Dash stares up at your erect member with lustful eyes.
>”You better not run away on me again.”
“I’ll try not to.” You mutter, climbing onto the bed, and lying back against your pillows. Rainbow Dash sits besides Gilda, both of them eyeing your penis. 
“So, what’s fir-“
>Rainbow Dash leans forward and envelopes your dick with her mouth, her tongue trailing down the shaft as she takes you in.
>You gasp, feeling of raw pleasure coursing through you. Gilda had never done this sort of thing with you, given the fact she has a beak, and so this was entirely new. God, did it feel good.
>Rainbow Dash bobs up and down, occasionally stopping to give the tip a cursory lick or suck, and you rest a hand on her head. You stroke her mane gently, tugging occasionally to slow her down, and scratching her twitching ear which invokes muffled moans of pleasure from her.
>Gilda hops off the bed, and while your gaze is fixated on the rainbow maned pegasus currently working magic on your member, you see Gilda fiddling with something out of the corner of your eye.
>She hops back onto the bed, and takes up position behind Rainbow Dash. You now notice that Gilda has procured a large strap-on, with the intent to use it on the unsuspecting mare in front of you.
>Rainbow Dash pauses as Gilda lift’s her tail up.
>”What are you doing, Gilda?”
>”Dash, you didn’t think this would be all about Anon, did you? You deserve some pleasure as well.”
>”But what…”
>Gilda thrusts forward, cutting off Rainbow Dash, who cries out in pleasure.
>”Dammit… Gilda…” 
>Rainbow Dash resumes the blowjob, moaning in pleasure as Gilda rocks forwards and backwards, gripping Rainbow Dash’s hips tightly. 
>You begin to reach your peak, and you moan, causing Rainbow Dash to pick up the pace and bob even faster.
>With a sigh of relief and pleasure you unload into Rainbow Dash’s mouth, involuntarily tugging on her mane as she chokes and swallows. You watch her as she continues to suck and swallow; carefully making sure every last drop is cleaned up.
“Good girl…” you pant, and Rainbow Dash smiles up at you through a mouthful of your member.
>Suddenly, she herself climaxes, as Gilda yells in triumph, the strap-on soaked with Dash’s mare-juices. 
>The two of you lie there, dazed, until you wipe your brow and shift Rainbow Dash onto the centre of the bed.
>”Even after all that… you can still go?” Rainbow Dash asks hesitantly, 
“Of course I can keep going, you think I’m some kind of worthless stallion?”
>”N-no…”
>You lean down and plant a kiss on Rainbow Dash lips, before turning to Gilda.
“You want your turn, honey?”
>”I sure do.” Gilda climbs over and lies down by Rainbow Dash’s head, who gulps nervously. 
>”Just like old times, eh Dash?”
“You two were a thing?” You ask as you climb off the bed, headed for your special stash of lube.
>Dash nods. ”A while back, yeah.”
“I can’t say I’m surprised” you say as you search through your drawers, quickly finding the tube.
>As Gilda and Dash position themselves, you sit behind Dash, squeezing some lube out onto your fingers, and applying it to Dash’s tight asshole.
>Dash, who had been about to give Gilda a hesitant lick, recoils as your fingers stroke against her.
>”Whoa dude, what do you think you’re doing?”
“Never tried up the poop-chute before?”
>”Well, no… Will it hurt?”
“Probably. Don’t worry, I’ll be gentle.”
>”If you say so…” Rainbow Dash turns back to Gilda’s crotch and you lock eyes with Gilda.
“I lied” you mouth silently to her, and Gilda suppresses a giggle. 
>Rainbow Dash begins to lick Gilda’s crotch, and Gilda moans in pleasure.
>You position yourself, raise Dash’s tail up with your right hand, and gently slide your member into Dash, who shudders. 
>You begin thrusting with force, relishing Dash’s cries of pain and pleasure, and you reach your left hand round to her vagina. You feel it winking rapidly, and you slide in a couple of fingers, gently stroking her clitoris. 
>Dash buries her tongue inside Gilda, lapping and licking with fervour. Gilda copies what you did, and lays a claw on Dash’s head, panting heavily as Dash eats her out.
>Your mind stops functioning as you continue, all thought processes overridden by the primal, physical ecstasy which you were experiencing. Time loses all meaning all you. 
>After some time, Gilda grabs Rainbow Dash’s head and brings her in even closer in the grips of her orgasm. Dash moans in pleasure as Gilda’s juices flood her mouth, and you feel yourself about to hit your peak once more.
>Gripping Dash tightly, you empty yourself into her, feeling her tighten around you.
>For a moment there is complete silence as the three of you sit and lie there, before you pull out of Dash. 
>You lie down on the now soaked sheets and both Gilda and Dash snuggle up to you, both satisfied by tonight’s tango.
>This was certainly a good birthday… only one more thing to do now…
>You drag yourself off the bed and open the window, relishing the cool breeze which helped dissipate the musky smell of sexual fluids.
>You stride back over to the bed, grab both exhausted females and chuck them out the window, quickly shutting it behind them.
>Serves them right for spiking your drink.

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