Don't like ads? PRO users don't see any ads ;-)

A Dash of Apple Sauce: chapter 6

By: An_Irish_Nomad on Jul 22nd, 2012 | syntax: None | size: 12.98 KB | hits: 758 | expires: Never

download | raw | embed | report abuse | print

Text below is selected. Please press Ctrl+C to copy to your clipboard. (⌘+C on Mac)

>Day 3 in Equestria
>Thankfully, you didn’t have any dreams last night.
>You could still barely believe it. This was it. There was no going back. Not to Earth… not to Julie…
>Stop it. You can’t think thoughts like that. You’ve got to be strong. It’s what she would have wanted.
>You gotta look forward to the future, press on and… oh who are you fucking kidding.
>She meant everything to you. Everything. And now she’s gone… you feel hollow inside, just thinking about it.
>You didn’t even get to say goodbye. That’s what pains you the most.
>”Anonymous?”
>You snap back to attention. You’re seated in the Apple family kitchen, with a concerned looking Applejack clapping her hooves in front of your face.
>“Anon? Y’in there?”
“What? Oh, sorry Applejack. I was just thinking.”
>She sighs, and wraps you in a hug. “I’m not goin’ to pretend I know what you’re goin’ through, but if you just need to sit down and pour your heart out, I’m always listenin’.”
>You return the hug.
“Thanks Applejack, but I’ll be fine. I promise.”
>She looks at you. “Don’t lie to me, Anon. Are ya really ok?”
>Poker face activate.
“Yes Applejack… I’m fine.”
>You break off the hug and stand up.
“I’m going to head over to Twilight’s. I might as well read up on Equestrian society if I’m going to be living here. Anything you need in town?”
>”Thanks, but there’s nothin needed. You just enjoy yourself, y’hear?”
“I’ll try. See ya later.”
>As you walk down the path to town for the third time, Rainbow Dash flies down and joins you.
“Morning Dash.”
>”Morning Anon. What are you doing?”
“I’m heading to Twilight’s house to read up on Equestrian history. Why do you ask?”
>”Well, I managed to snab two tickets to a Wonderbolts show, and I’d love for you to come with me,”
“Who are the Wonderbolts?”
>”They’re the most awesome pegasi ever! They do all sorts of cool tricks! And I figured its just the thing you need to cheer you up.”
>Huh. Must be like a air show back on Earth.
“I’m sure you could show the Wonderbolts a trick or two...”
>She blushes.
“And I appreciate the offer Rainbow Dash…”
>Her smiles drops.
“But I’m just not in the mood.”
>She looks down at the ground, crestfallen, before looking back up.
>”There’ll be an after-show bar…”
“What time will do you want to meet up at?”
>She beams. “The show begins at 6:30.”
“You better stick with me then until then, otherwise we’ll just end up having to look for each other. I’m sure Twilight won’t mind you hanging around.”
>”Thanks Anon, this is going to be so awesome!”
“I hope so.”
>You make your way to Twilight’s treehouse with Rainbow Dash in tow.Thanks to Pinkie Pie’s introductory party, you had met most of the town, and you drew barely any curious glances, aside from that unicorn, Lyra, who seemed positively maniacal at the sight of you.
>Weirdo.
>A small purple lizard answers the door.
>”Can I help you…?”
“Er, yeah. Is Twilight here?
>”She’s at Rarity’s right now, but you can both come on in.”
>You make your way in and take a seat, Rainbow Dash taking her usual position of head against your chest.
>She was undeniably cute when doing this. It was a good thing you were a human though; if you were a pony, this could be misinterpreted. Badly.
“So who are you? I didn’t see you around yesterday.”
>”I’m Spike, Twilight’s number one assistant.”
“And what are you? A lizard?”
>He puffs his chest out indignantly. “I’m not a lizard, I’m a dragon! Well, a baby dragon, but it still counts!” his voice raises.
“And where were you yesterday? I didn’t see you around.”
>”I was at Rarity’s house, playing with her sister, Sweetie Belle.”
>You make exaggerated coo-ing noises, and Spike turns a bright shade of red.
>Not like that! Girls are gross, and she’s not even a dragon!”
“I’m just messing with you dude. Chill.”
>”Don’t tease my Spikey Wikey like that!” you hear Rarity say.
>You turn round to see Rarity and Twilight entering the library. Spike groans and covers his face with hands. You could still the furious blushing behind them.
“Oh, hey Twilight, hey Rarity.”
>”Good to see you’re ok. What are you here for?”
“I figured I might as well come learn about Equestrian history and society, if this is now my home.”
>”Oh, of course. Why are you here Rainbow Dash?”
>”Me and Anon are heading to the Wonderbolts show later on.”
>Twilight raises an eyebrow. “You could have brought one of us, or any stallion in town, and you asked him?”
>Rainbow Dash sits up, angry. “Hey! It’s none of your business who I bring and who I don’t! And if it matters, I brought Anon because he’s the one who needs a bit of fun!”
“Calm down Rainbow Dash, I’m sure she was only asking out of curiosity.” You quickly stroke her mane with your hand, and she settles down.
>”Anonymous, while we discuss Equestria, do you mind if I run some physical tests? It’s standard procedure when a new species is discovered, and I can’t make an exception for you.
“I don’t mind.”
“Good. Now, please take off your clothing.”
>Oh shit what.
“Wait a minute now…”
>”Relax. It’s so Rarity can get some measurements for making you clothes, and I can write down al physical details.”
“Ok then…”
>”You strip down to your boxers, stretching your back.
>”You still haven’t removed all your clothing.”
“Um, Twilight, that clothing is made to hide my more private parts.”
>”You mean your genitals?”
>Was she trying to make this as awkward as possible for you?”
“Yeah. It’s not desirable back on Earth to show them off.”
>”Oh, ok then. Rarity can measure round them.”
>You notice Rainbow Dash’s staring at you. Her wings slowly unfolded.
“Hey Dash, something wrong with your wings?”
>Her face turns a brilliant shade of red and she tries to force hr wings back down. “Nope, nothing wrong at all Anon!”
>Well, that’s unusual.
>For the next half hour, you stand still as Rarity measures your dimensions with a tape, and Twilight performs a number of tests – blood tests, hair samples, saliva samples. She also asked a number of questions pertaining to your biology, once you had finished discussing the basics of Equestria, while scribbling down notes in what appeared to be a journal.
>”So when do humans physically mature?”
“We enter puberty at around the age of eleven and it lasts until our late teens.”
>”What is the length of time required for gestation?”
“Huh?”
>”How long do you stay in the womb for?”
“Oh, around 9 months.”
>More note scribbling.
>”What are the dietary needs of a human?”
>Oh bugger. Might as well tell them.
“We are omnivorous: we eat both meat and vegetables.”
>Twilight nods. That went better than you expected.
>”Ok, one last question. What’s the average lifespan of a human?”
“80 years, give or take if you lived healthily or not.”
>She shuts the journal shut and Rarity withdraws the measuring tape.
>”Thank you very much Anon. That’s all the information I need.”
>Rarity turns to walk out. “And those are all the measurements I need as well. Drop by tomorrow to pick up your clothes.”
“Thanks Rarity, but how can I pay you back?”
>”Oh don’t worry about it darling, it’s just a friend doing you a favour.”
“We’ll, ok then. Bye.”
>”So what do you want to do now?” Rainbow Dash asks.
“I dunno, you don’t need me here anymore, do you Twilight?”
>”No, you don’t have any more questions about Equestria?”
“None. Ok then, see you some other time Twilight.”
>”Goodbye Anonymous. Goodbye Rainbow Dash.
>On the way out you pass Spike and bump his fist with yours.
>”Catch you later Dude.”
“Later.”
>”So, where do you wanna go now?”
“I dunno. Park?”
>”Sure.”
>You make your way to the park and lie down. Equestria had a lot better weather than Earth, that’s for sure.
>Rainbow Dash lies on top of your chest and curls up.
“Hey Rainbow Dash.”
>”Yeah?”
“Why are you so friendly to me?”
>”I dunno… I just think humans are cool, is all.”
“The fact that we’re meat-eating predators doesn’t turn you off?
>”No, that just makes you even cooler! And to be honest, it makes me feel kinda safe when I snuggle up to you, knowing you’re potentially dangerous.”
>You laugh.
“You’re weird as hell, Dash.”
>She blushes again, and you bring her in for a hug.
>You lie there for hours, moving to the shade of a tree when it became too warm.
>It was nice having Rainbow Dash there, even if she was a little too friendly.
>Eventually you get up and stretch.
“I believe we have a show to catch.”
>You are led out of town to a stadium, which was already filling up with.ponies of all sorts.
>Dash produces two tickets from God knows where, and you are both let in. She quickly secures a pair of seats at the front of the stadium, which was circular shaped.
>”Oh my gosh oh my gosh this is so exciting!” she squealed, jittering in her seat.
“You must be real big fan of the wonderbolts, huh.”
>”I’m their biggest fan! I’ve never missed a performance, and I plan on becoming one, someday!”
“Well, good luck with that. Not that you need it, of course.”
>That same familiar blush returns to her cheeks.
>Suddenly, a voice emanates from the speakers. “Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the Wonderbolt’s fifth annual show!”
>On que, a trio of pegasi swoop down from the sky in formation.
“This should be good…”
>”Wasn’t that amazing!”
“Yeah, that was pretty awesome. Thanks for bringing me.”
>”Did you see when they did the reverse 720 divebomb? How bucking cool was that!”
“Pretty damn cool. Look, over there’s the bar, let’s head in. I need a damn drink.”
>You both enter the bar, ignoring the strange looks you get. You both secure two seats along the bar.
>”I’ll have a mug of cider… and what do you want Anon?”
“I’ll have the same.”
>You ease into the bar stool, just as someone slides up to beside Rainbow Dash. Looking up, you see that it’s Soarin, one of the wonderbolts.
>”Hey Rainbow Dash, glad to see you could make it.”
>”Are you kidding? I wouldn’t miss it for the world!” Rainbow Dash’s eyes sparkle as she converses with her idol.
>Soarin chuckles ominously.
>”Listen, Dashie, do you wanna come backstage for a “private meeting”? If you do, there might just be a position in the wonderbolts for you…”
>Hold the fuck up. Is this asshole really…?
>Yup. He’s going to exploit Rainbow’s love of the wonderbolts to satisfy his twisted needs.
>This shit does not fly.
>You cut him off.
“Actually, we were just going to get our drinks and leave.”
>He turns to you and sneers. “Who the fuck are you? Rainbow Dash’s pet monkey?”
>…
>You went there, asshole. Prepare to pay the price.
>You down your cider in one gulp and then step off the stool, stretching up to as tall as you could go. Soarin’s cocky smile drops as he realises he is barely half your height.
“Listen to me, you cocky shitstain. I found out not one day ago that I will never see my wife again. That’s left me in a pretty foul mood. Your pathetic ploy at snaring some pussy does not help alleviate my mood. You’re going to apologise, to both me and Rainbow Dash, RIGHT FUCKING NOW, or I swear to all things divine I will end you.” >Your venomous outburst has left the whole bar silent, everyone watching you as you tower over Soarin.
>”I… I…” He grasps for words, stuttering in fear.
>You crack your knuckles and take a step forward.
>”Allright! I’m sorry, I’m sorry!”
“You better be. If I ever hear that you pulled that shit again…”
>You flash your canines at him.
“I will eat you alive. Am I clear?”
>Soarin stands there quaking in his suit. “C-c-crystal clear.”
“Now, get the fuck out of here.”
>He runs for the door and takes off, disappearing into the night sky.
>The bar continues to watch you in silence.
“How much for the bottle of whiskey?” you ask, pointing to the bottle of Applejack Daniels.
>”F-Five bits.” Stammers the barkeeper.
>You grab some coins from a speechless Rainbow Dash and throw them on the counter, grabbing the bottle of whiskey.
“I’ll pay you back later, Dash. G’night.”
>You calmly walk out of the bar and begin the long walk back.
The next morning.
>Ow.
>You didn’t get drunk last night.
>You got run over by a car.
>”GET UP!” screams a voice.
>The pain…
>You groggily open your eyes to see Applejack standing over you, eyes brimming with fury.
>Fuck.
“Good morning…?” you ask tentatively.
>She continues to glare at you. “Explain why ah open this mornin’s newspaper to see this!”
>She drops a newspaper onto you and you glance at the front cover.
>”HUMAN ATTACKS WONDERBOLT, THREATENS TO EAT HIM ALIVE” screams the headline.
>God.
>Dammit.

create a new version of this paste RAW Paste Data

>Day 3 in Equestria

>Thankfully, you didn’t have any dreams last night. 
>You could still barely believe it. This was it. There was no going back. Not to Earth… not to Julie…
>Stop it. You can’t think thoughts like that. You’ve got to be strong. It’s what she would have wanted.
>You gotta look forward to the future, press on and… oh who are you fucking kidding.
>She meant everything to you. Everything. And now she’s gone… you feel hollow inside, just thinking about it. 
>You didn’t even get to say goodbye. That’s what pains you the most. 
>”Anonymous?”
>You snap back to attention. You’re seated in the Apple family kitchen, with a concerned looking Applejack clapping her hooves in front of your face.
>“Anon? Y’in there?”
“What? Oh, sorry Applejack. I was just thinking.”
>She sighs, and wraps you in a hug. “I’m not goin’ to pretend I know what you’re goin’ through, but if you just need to sit down and pour your heart out, I’m always listenin’.”
>You return the hug. 
“Thanks Applejack, but I’ll be fine. I promise.”
>She looks at you. “Don’t lie to me, Anon. Are ya really ok?”
>Poker face activate.
“Yes Applejack… I’m fine.”
>You break off the hug and stand up. 
“I’m going to head over to Twilight’s. I might as well read up on Equestrian society if I’m going to be living here. Anything you need in town?”
>”Thanks, but there’s nothin needed. You just enjoy yourself, y’hear?”
“I’ll try. See ya later.”

>As you walk down the path to town for the third time, Rainbow Dash flies down and joins you.
“Morning Dash.”
>”Morning Anon. What are you doing?”
“I’m heading to Twilight’s house to read up on Equestrian history. Why do you ask?”
>”Well, I managed to snab two tickets to a Wonderbolts show, and I’d love for you to come with me,”
“Who are the Wonderbolts?”
>”They’re the most awesome pegasi ever! They do all sorts of cool tricks! And I figured its just the thing you need to cheer you up.”
>Huh. Must be like a air show back on Earth.
“I’m sure you could show the Wonderbolts a trick or two...”
>She blushes.
“And I appreciate the offer Rainbow Dash…”
>Her smiles drops.
“But I’m just not in the mood.”
>She looks down at the ground, crestfallen, before looking back up.
>”There’ll be an after-show bar…”
“What time will do you want to meet up at?”
>She beams. “The show begins at 6:30.” 
“You better stick with me then until then, otherwise we’ll just end up having to look for each other. I’m sure Twilight won’t mind you hanging around.”
>”Thanks Anon, this is going to be so awesome!”
“I hope so.”

>You make your way to Twilight’s treehouse with Rainbow Dash in tow.Thanks to Pinkie Pie’s introductory party, you had met most of the town, and you drew barely any curious glances, aside from that unicorn, Lyra, who seemed positively maniacal at the sight of you. 
>Weirdo.
>A small purple lizard answers the door.
>”Can I help you…?”
“Er, yeah. Is Twilight here? 
>”She’s at Rarity’s right now, but you can both come on in.”
>You make your way in and take a seat, Rainbow Dash taking her usual position of head against your chest.
>She was undeniably cute when doing this. It was a good thing you were a human though; if you were a pony, this could be misinterpreted. Badly. 
“So who are you? I didn’t see you around yesterday.”
>”I’m Spike, Twilight’s number one assistant.”
“And what are you? A lizard?”
>He puffs his chest out indignantly. “I’m not a lizard, I’m a dragon! Well, a baby dragon, but it still counts!” his voice raises.
“And where were you yesterday? I didn’t see you around.”
>”I was at Rarity’s house, playing with her sister, Sweetie Belle.”
>You make exaggerated coo-ing noises, and Spike turns a bright shade of red.
>Not like that! Girls are gross, and she’s not even a dragon!”
“I’m just messing with you dude. Chill.”
>”Don’t tease my Spikey Wikey like that!” you hear Rarity say.
>You turn round to see Rarity and Twilight entering the library. Spike groans and covers his face with hands. You could still the furious blushing behind them.
“Oh, hey Twilight, hey Rarity.”
>”Good to see you’re ok. What are you here for?”
“I figured I might as well come learn about Equestrian history and society, if this is now my home.”
>”Oh, of course. Why are you here Rainbow Dash?”
>”Me and Anon are heading to the Wonderbolts show later on.”
>Twilight raises an eyebrow. “You could have brought one of us, or any stallion in town, and you asked him?”
>Rainbow Dash sits up, angry. “Hey! It’s none of your business who I bring and who I don’t! And if it matters, I brought Anon because he’s the one who needs a bit of fun!”
“Calm down Rainbow Dash, I’m sure she was only asking out of curiosity.” You quickly stroke her mane with your hand, and she settles down.
>”Anonymous, while we discuss Equestria, do you mind if I run some physical tests? It’s standard procedure when a new species is discovered, and I can’t make an exception for you. 
“I don’t mind.”
“Good. Now, please take off your clothing.”
>Oh shit what.
“Wait a minute now…”
>”Relax. It’s so Rarity can get some measurements for making you clothes, and I can write down al physical details.”
“Ok then…”
>”You strip down to your boxers, stretching your back.
>”You still haven’t removed all your clothing.”
“Um, Twilight, that clothing is made to hide my more private parts.”
>”You mean your genitals?” 
>Was she trying to make this as awkward as possible for you?”
“Yeah. It’s not desirable back on Earth to show them off.”
>”Oh, ok then. Rarity can measure round them.”
>You notice Rainbow Dash’s staring at you. Her wings slowly unfolded.
“Hey Dash, something wrong with your wings?”
>Her face turns a brilliant shade of red and she tries to force hr wings back down. “Nope, nothing wrong at all Anon!”
>Well, that’s unusual. 
>For the next half hour, you stand still as Rarity measures your dimensions with a tape, and Twilight performs a number of tests – blood tests, hair samples, saliva samples. She also asked a number of questions pertaining to your biology, once you had finished discussing the basics of Equestria, while scribbling down notes in what appeared to be a journal.
>”So when do humans physically mature?”
“We enter puberty at around the age of eleven and it lasts until our late teens.”
>”What is the length of time required for gestation?”
“Huh?”
>”How long do you stay in the womb for?”
“Oh, around 9 months.”
>More note scribbling.
>”What are the dietary needs of a human?”
>Oh bugger. Might as well tell them.
“We are omnivorous: we eat both meat and vegetables.”
>Twilight nods. That went better than you expected.
>”Ok, one last question. What’s the average lifespan of a human?”
“80 years, give or take if you lived healthily or not.”
>She shuts the journal shut and Rarity withdraws the measuring tape.
>”Thank you very much Anon. That’s all the information I need.”
>Rarity turns to walk out. “And those are all the measurements I need as well. Drop by tomorrow to pick up your clothes.”
“Thanks Rarity, but how can I pay you back?”
>”Oh don’t worry about it darling, it’s just a friend doing you a favour.”
“We’ll, ok then. Bye.”
>”So what do you want to do now?” Rainbow Dash asks.
“I dunno, you don’t need me here anymore, do you Twilight?”
>”No, you don’t have any more questions about Equestria?”
“None. Ok then, see you some other time Twilight.” 
>”Goodbye Anonymous. Goodbye Rainbow Dash.
>On the way out you pass Spike and bump his fist with yours. 
>”Catch you later Dude.”
“Later.”

>”So, where do you wanna go now?”
“I dunno. Park?”
>”Sure.”
>You make your way to the park and lie down. Equestria had a lot better weather than Earth, that’s for sure.
>Rainbow Dash lies on top of your chest and curls up.
“Hey Rainbow Dash.”
>”Yeah?”
“Why are you so friendly to me?”
>”I dunno… I just think humans are cool, is all.”
“The fact that we’re meat-eating predators doesn’t turn you off? 
>”No, that just makes you even cooler! And to be honest, it makes me feel kinda safe when I snuggle up to you, knowing you’re potentially dangerous.”
>You laugh.
“You’re weird as hell, Dash.”
>She blushes again, and you bring her in for a hug.

>You lie there for hours, moving to the shade of a tree when it became too warm.
>It was nice having Rainbow Dash there, even if she was a little too friendly. 
>Eventually you get up and stretch.
“I believe we have a show to catch.”
>You are led out of town to a stadium, which was already filling up with.ponies of all sorts.
>Dash produces two tickets from God knows where, and you are both let in. She quickly secures a pair of seats at the front of the stadium, which was circular shaped.
>”Oh my gosh oh my gosh this is so exciting!” she squealed, jittering in her seat.
“You must be real big fan of the wonderbolts, huh.”
>”I’m their biggest fan! I’ve never missed a performance, and I plan on becoming one, someday!”
“Well, good luck with that. Not that you need it, of course.”
>That same familiar blush returns to her cheeks.
>Suddenly, a voice emanates from the speakers. “Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the Wonderbolt’s fifth annual show!”
>On que, a trio of pegasi swoop down from the sky in formation.
“This should be good…”

>”Wasn’t that amazing!”
“Yeah, that was pretty awesome. Thanks for bringing me.”
>”Did you see when they did the reverse 720 divebomb? How bucking cool was that!”
“Pretty damn cool. Look, over there’s the bar, let’s head in. I need a damn drink.”
>You both enter the bar, ignoring the strange looks you get. You both secure two seats along the bar.
>”I’ll have a mug of cider… and what do you want Anon?”
“I’ll have the same.”
>You ease into the bar stool, just as someone slides up to beside Rainbow Dash. Looking up, you see that it’s Soarin, one of the wonderbolts. 
>”Hey Rainbow Dash, glad to see you could make it.”
>”Are you kidding? I wouldn’t miss it for the world!” Rainbow Dash’s eyes sparkle as she converses with her idol.
>Soarin chuckles ominously.
>”Listen, Dashie, do you wanna come backstage for a “private meeting”? If you do, there might just be a position in the wonderbolts for you…”
>Hold the fuck up. Is this asshole really…?
>Yup. He’s going to exploit Rainbow’s love of the wonderbolts to satisfy his twisted needs.
>This shit does not fly.
>You cut him off.
“Actually, we were just going to get our drinks and leave.”
>He turns to you and sneers. “Who the fuck are you? Rainbow Dash’s pet monkey?”
>…
>You went there, asshole. Prepare to pay the price.
>You down your cider in one gulp and then step off the stool, stretching up to as tall as you could go. Soarin’s cocky smile drops as he realises he is barely half your height.
“Listen to me, you cocky shitstain. I found out not one day ago that I will never see my wife again. That’s left me in a pretty foul mood. Your pathetic ploy at snaring some pussy does not help alleviate my mood. You’re going to apologise, to both me and Rainbow Dash, RIGHT FUCKING NOW, or I swear to all things divine I will end you.” >Your venomous outburst has left the whole bar silent, everyone watching you as you tower over Soarin. 
>”I… I…” He grasps for words, stuttering in fear.
>You crack your knuckles and take a step forward.
>”Allright! I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” 
“You better be. If I ever hear that you pulled that shit again…”
>You flash your canines at him.
“I will eat you alive. Am I clear?”
>Soarin stands there quaking in his suit. “C-c-crystal clear.”
“Now, get the fuck out of here.”
>He runs for the door and takes off, disappearing into the night sky.
>The bar continues to watch you in silence. 
“How much for the bottle of whiskey?” you ask, pointing to the bottle of Applejack Daniels. 
>”F-Five bits.” Stammers the barkeeper. 
>You grab some coins from a speechless Rainbow Dash and throw them on the counter, grabbing the bottle of whiskey.
“I’ll pay you back later, Dash. G’night.”
>You calmly walk out of the bar and begin the long walk back.

The next morning.

>Ow.
>You didn’t get drunk last night.
>You got run over by a car.
>”GET UP!” screams a voice.
>The pain…
>You groggily open your eyes to see Applejack standing over you, eyes brimming with fury.
>Fuck.
“Good morning…?” you ask tentatively.
>She continues to glare at you. “Explain why ah open this mornin’s newspaper to see this!”
>She drops a newspaper onto you and you glance at the front cover.
>”HUMAN ATTACKS WONDERBOLT, THREATENS TO EAT HIM ALIVE” screams the headline.
>God.
>Dammit.

Pastebin.com Tools & Applications

iPhone/iPad

Windows

Firefox

Chrome

WebOS

Android

Mac

Opera

Click.to

UNIX

WinPhone