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hello half-life 1 in the tram Oh a

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<font color="#E5E5E5">half-life two starts in a train to well</font>

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you know it's time<font color="#E5E5E5"> to meet Samuel Hayden</font>

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time to meet Optimus Prime himself oh

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whoa whoa look man I know there's

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slimmer than you I know I<font color="#E5E5E5"> know how it</font>

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feels man so how fucking roast them like

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<font color="#CCCCCC">that if his vomit sound</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> jellybeans</font>

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someone loved doomed so much they cut

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the wrists and they they offered it to

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the poster look I like doom but jesus

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fucking christ man oh I can<font color="#E5E5E5"> upgrade my</font>

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armor now

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what is my mouth it won't<font color="#E5E5E5"> let me shoot</font>

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it won't<font color="#E5E5E5"> let me shoot you do you hear</font>

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this what the fuck I can't<font color="#E5E5E5"> throw</font>

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grenades either my mouse is still

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working oh why is it every time I do

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these two two-part episodes I fucking

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someone curses me the only thing I hope

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<font color="#E5E5E5">to do is get this motherfucker to shoot</font>

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him oh well there goes<font color="#CCCCCC"> my chance what</font>

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the fuck what is this I seriously<font color="#E5E5E5"> can't</font>

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shoot I'm not hamming it up here I can't

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shoot I can't throw the grenade my mouse

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does not work it works in the menus it

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would what the what is<font color="#E5E5E5"> this what</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> oh for</font>

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<font color="#CCCCCC">fucks sakes just kill me just kill me I</font>

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look how fast they can kill you I mean

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maybe<font color="#E5E5E5"> now I can shoot oh no oh now I can</font>

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shoot whatever what the fuck happened

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what why could I not shoot you know what

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I just realized this game crashes a lot

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I don't<font color="#E5E5E5"> mean</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> like you know</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> my computer</font>

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can run this game fine it<font color="#E5E5E5"> just crashes</font>

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for some reason on like the<font color="#CCCCCC"> later levels</font>

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it just gives up it crashes to the

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desktop not nothing nothing you can do

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about it really from what I know what I

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want to know is is it going to do it

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when I'm fucking recording hope it

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doesn't crash

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here we go one of the harder rooms oh

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you guys make me laugh you guys are

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fucking jokes you know that oh ok ok ok

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maybe maybe talking sh it's not not

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doing me any good for<font color="#E5E5E5"> a reason so you</font>

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know you get cocky you get cocky and

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then shit like this happens<font color="#E5E5E5"> we're</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> m cert</font>

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taking your health away

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just when I think I'm done dying to you

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guys just<font color="#E5E5E5"> when I think I'm done dying to</font>

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you guys here we see<font color="#CCCCCC"> homos scrubbers</font>

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shooting himself the foot and blowing

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himself up with his own grenades watch

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as he struggles to kill the MS the one

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shot his enemies at this point<font color="#CCCCCC"> of the</font>

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game watch as he grenade the zombies so

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he does not get slapped watch as he gets

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slapped anyway trying<font color="#E5E5E5"> to activate the</font>

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gore boom watch as he runs<font color="#CCCCCC"> for his life</font>

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watch as his help dips for his<font color="#E5E5E5"> very eyes</font>

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into the red watch watch as he hurts

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himself with more grenades watch as the

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bank ibas shoots his flame through the

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windows through the walls<font color="#E5E5E5"> till the sweat</font>

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runs down his burger king balls another

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<font color="#E5E5E5">man</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> cubist came out of nowhere and</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> he's</font>

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dead such is<font color="#E5E5E5"> the life of</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> the scrub asst</font>

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homosexuals<font color="#CCCCCC"> alright no more</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> no more</font>

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fucking around<font color="#CCCCCC"> alright</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> enough of this</font>

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enough your<font color="#E5E5E5"> shit</font>

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oh maybe I should do these glory kills

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on these guys so i can<font color="#E5E5E5"> get the armor</font>

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they don't<font color="#E5E5E5"> even let me kill the last man</font>

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ki this before their spawn all these

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other motherfuckers in no this is not

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gonna<font color="#E5E5E5"> be fun is it this is gonna be</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> the</font>

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opposite of fun<font color="#E5E5E5"> woof hey boy don't you</font>

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come at me<font color="#CCCCCC"> like</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> that I'm just yeah</font>

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they're gonna they're gonna put these

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shield guys in a lot<font color="#E5E5E5"> of these fights</font>

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aren't they i teleported<font color="#CCCCCC"> him back into</font>

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existence in front of my eyes to kill

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him oh<font color="#CCCCCC"> fuck this shit yeah give me that</font>

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<font color="#E5E5E5">now you're all fucking dead you're dead</font>

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punch you in your ass split your head in

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half punch you through the<font color="#E5E5E5"> wall no one's</font>

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safe nobody that's how<font color="#E5E5E5"> you do it that's</font>

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<font color="#CCCCCC">how you do it</font>

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a means for me to<font color="#E5E5E5"> pull you back from a</font>

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means for me<font color="#E5E5E5"> to pull the anal beads out</font>

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of your asshole fucking piece of shit

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wish<font color="#E5E5E5"> I had god mode like him I mean he's</font>

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a he's a pretty big fan<font color="#E5E5E5"> of me he's got</font>

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statues of me and my uh I uh<font color="#CCCCCC"> Knights in</font>

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his office he's even<font color="#E5E5E5"> drawing me some</font>

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fanart hey Samuel you're gonna shut up

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so I can move<font color="#E5E5E5"> on with the game yet ah</font>

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boring boring come on man let me out and

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I'll show you some cool shit I don't

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give a shit about no rocks can I leave

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yet thank you<font color="#E5E5E5"> Jesus</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> Christ</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> like fucking</font>

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invites me into his office and only

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wants<font color="#E5E5E5"> to talk about</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> his fucking rocks</font>

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who the fuck gives a shit about rocks

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doomguy was putting King Tut's tomb

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right so who's tombs are these were

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there more of<font color="#E5E5E5"> me what why are there like</font>

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a million tombs I thought there was<font color="#E5E5E5"> only</font>

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one oh god it's the fucking<font color="#E5E5E5"> Cyberman</font>

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<font color="#CCCCCC">cubus he's not</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> even fazed by my grenades</font>

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Burger King two point oh yeah he kind of

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like put shit on the floor<font color="#E5E5E5"> so I can't</font>

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move

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you let<font color="#E5E5E5"> me do this to you you</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> just let</font>

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<font color="#CCCCCC">me do it now uh another little skipper</font>

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my show you would the Gauss cannon here

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time<font color="#E5E5E5"> to meet Sam and Layton again I'm</font>

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<font color="#E5E5E5">gonna show them that cool shit I promise</font>

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hey Samuel how's<font color="#CCCCCC"> it hanging didn't</font>

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expect<font color="#CCCCCC"> me just didn't expect to see me</font>

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up here you fuck that's the thing over

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<font color="#CCCCCC">there</font>

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who question is how<font color="#CCCCCC"> am I gonna get back</font>

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i don't have inflamed ability to<font color="#E5E5E5"> get</font>

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over<font color="#E5E5E5"> here legit</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> whoo-whoo</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> jump in the</font>

128
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tube all right all right come<font color="#CCCCCC"> on</font>

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oh come on here we are in the<font color="#E5E5E5"> facility</font>

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<font color="#E5E5E5">of who knows what I did like those kung</font>

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fu skills dick oh this is where I get

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<font color="#CCCCCC">the bfg this is where I get the bfg bfg</font>

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I'm comin<font color="#E5E5E5"> to see ya and I'm not talking</font>

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about the big friendly giant i'll be

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taking you I'm just carrying around this

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corpse upper torso acquired where am i

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carrying this I want<font color="#E5E5E5"> to know yes yes</font>

138
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give it to me yeah oh you're gonna get

139
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me<font color="#CCCCCC"> out of jail so many times I only</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> be</font>

140
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using it if I'm you know being fucked<font color="#E5E5E5"> in</font>

141
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the ass<font color="#E5E5E5"> and I need to anyway here's what</font>

142
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it does it fucks demons

143
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my friends the pinkies do you want to

144
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see the new gun i got come on come<font color="#CCCCCC"> on</font>

145
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don't<font color="#E5E5E5"> be like that to me</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> all you fucks</font>

146
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I'm<font color="#E5E5E5"> gonna have to see how much armor and</font>

147
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help they actually take Oh Claude damage

148
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<font color="#CCCCCC">this quad damage here there's squat</font>

149
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damage here that means there's gonna be

150
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a lot of guys shield Gaius not a problem

151
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you guys not a problem who almost ate my

152
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words there what a joke what a joke I

153
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remember having so much trouble this

154
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fight on a normal I have to<font color="#E5E5E5"> kill him</font>

155
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what what do you mean<font color="#E5E5E5"> I have</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> to start</font>

156
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here what do you mean I have<font color="#CCCCCC"> to do this</font>

157
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little part again

158
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I love it when they do that my favorite

159
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nope took a wild guess

160
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oh good oh<font color="#E5E5E5"> good</font>

161
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<font color="#E5E5E5">oh good</font>

162
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yes

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no no oh good

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oh fuck

165
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there's a<font color="#CCCCCC"> lot of very swaying emotions</font>

166
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in this match<font color="#E5E5E5"> are in this fight this</font>

167
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<font color="#E5E5E5">match like it's a fucking online</font>

168
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tournament or something alright<font color="#E5E5E5"> Burger</font>

169
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<font color="#E5E5E5">King thank you</font>

170
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thank you

171
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what oh fuck oh you would gotta fight

172
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these two<font color="#CCCCCC"> fuckin jabronies</font>

173
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Oh

174
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okay I got one just gotta<font color="#E5E5E5"> get this other</font>

175
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fucker got him yeah not today son

176
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that was the end<font color="#E5E5E5"> I'm good I missed both</font>

177
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rune trials not that I really<font color="#E5E5E5"> give a</font>

178
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shit anymore I have the wounds I want I

179
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didn't<font color="#E5E5E5"> get any of</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> I missed a shit ton of</font>

180
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secrets which I<font color="#CCCCCC"> don't care about I</font>

181
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didn't do any<font color="#E5E5E5"> of the combat challenges i</font>

182
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miss the field drone quite<font color="#CCCCCC"> frankly none</font>

183
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of these things matter anymore whatever

184
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up next the first boss