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bersl2
#439924
10 months ago
Is that Rainbow Dash? I think she’s triple-covered. You know what? Buck it. I’m throwing it downfield.

Yeah, I see Applejack open on the flank. But buck that. Dumpoff passes are for colt-cuddlers. I’m bucking Sexy Rexy Grossman. I can get that ball in there. And, even if I can’t, I bet I’ll be able to pull it off the next go round. I like throwing the ball long. It makes my wings flex.

What’s that? I should throw a quick slant? Buck that. That’s gay. Button hook? Gay. Flare out? Gay. Screen pass? Steven Magnet gay. This is bucking hoofball. You can’t just expect wins to come to you. You can’t massage that manure. You gotta grab that game by the throat and rape the ever-loving muck out of it. You think a 5-yard out is gonna win you a game? You’re a foal. This ain’t Fluttershy running this offense. Sexy Rexy’s got the foreleg. The dragon. You gotta unleash the dragon.

Okay, I’m throwing it. Nice. Look how far it went. I look good. I bet I made that cheerleader wet her haunches with that throw. She bucking wants me. I bet she likes it over a stair railing. I can hit that with 100% accuracy, my dear. Mmmmmm. I am delicious.

Oh horseapples. Looks like Gilda caught it. Again. Oh well. It still felt bucking great to throw that manure. Tell me that wasn’t one of the prettiest passes you ever saw. You know what? Not only am I gonna throw it long the next time we hit the field. I’m gonna throw it even longer. Harder. You see that young colt in wheelchair sitting in the end zone bleachers? I’m gonna nail him right between the bucking eyes with a Sexy Rexy fastball. Why? Because I can.

This is Rex Grossman we’re talking about here. We’re talking 210 lbs. of twisted steel and sex appeal. I’m not just a gunslinger. I’m a cumslinger. Throwing that ball long tells all the Rexettes that I am bucking out there. On the edge. Where I gotta be. The fillies love the danger. The unpredictability. Oh, maybe I’ll tease them with a pretty touch pass every now and again. But then I’m gonna go right back to pumping that ball out for all it’s worth. It tells them I throw like I buck. That’s how we do things in the sexy business.

Tell me you’re not turned on right now. I am.