Blotter updated: 06/17/12Show/Hide Show All

Image

Tag History
(edit info)
Rating

Prev | Index | Next

Comments

ihatecupcakes
#109931
1 year ago
Ok,here's what I'm going to say about this.I've heard alot of crap about the famous "Cupcakes" fanfic.I've heard everything from "It made me puke."
to "it's scary and violent" to "it gave me nightmares".Well I went a month hearing all of this before I decided to finally read it.Last night at 2:00 am,
I looked it up.I read the whole thing and this is my opinion.IT ATE SHIT!I mean it was bad.And I'm not going to sit here and nit-pick over missing words or spelling errors.
It just sucked.To be a horror story,it wasn't violent enough.I will admit there were some creative methods of torture,but it was just lacking so much.
I also didn't like the fact that the author tried to inject some of Pinkie Pies personality in a morbid way.It just didn't work for me.Well when I woke up this morning,
I was still thinking about how much I didn't like it.I thought about rewriting it,but I didn't want to piss off any fans of the story.Then I thought this.What if somepony
knew what was going on?What if somepony intercepted the events before they took place.So I wrote this short story.I'd like to know what people think about this.
So comment if you like it,comment if you hate it.I don't care either way.If people like it enough,I'll post what user I really am and give myself credit for the story.
And if you are wondering who Ember is,she's me.
Doctor_Can
#109938
1 year ago
Someone needs to calm down.
Mastahopo
#109939
1 year ago
So... pinkie got killed By a OC? Damn this isn't going to end well...
Better Get ready bud, nice story and all but, better get ready...
Anonymous
#109942
1 year ago
Actually, I'm more a fan of the split personalties angle that was recently introduced. That way, both Rainbow and Pinkie can be saved.
MetalHooves
#109951
1 year ago
I dunno, this feels unfinished. Really first draft-y. Revise, extend, elaborate. Really put your reader in the story. And explain what the hell a Famas is.
Bongo
#109952
1 year ago
So...you only made this account to upload this single story to express your opinion?

I won't ask...
Anonymous
#109953
1 year ago
Just a small bit of nitpicking, ihatecupcakes... a FAMAS, like many other guns, requires fingers to be fired. Or an unicorn's TK. And, as far as I can see, "Ember" is a pegasus.
A simpler way would have been a simple, average bucking to the chin (if it can shake a tree, it can knock out a deranged pony) followed by a carting away of said deranged pony to the Equestrian equivalent of Arkham Asylum.

Then again, this is just my opinion.
redweasel
#109960
1 year ago
lol u mad oc

u mad
DaisyHead
#109973
1 year ago
i lmao at famas.
Anonymous
#109976
1 year ago
Woah woah woah, calm down there buddy. It's just an infamous piece of fanfiction. No need to get this excited over it. Just take a step back, a deep breath, and relax a bit, okay?
Anonymous
#109981
1 year ago
FAMAS?
Anonymous
#109999
1 year ago
Anonymous
#110001
1 year ago
i say we have a meme war
wvryn
#110004
1 year ago
Anon 6,we just had a rapture we don't need ANOTHER meme war!
Zeren
#110008
1 year ago
Do you know what a spacebar is used for?
Anonymous
#110010
1 year ago
Dude. It's fanfiction
your_waifu
#110013
1 year ago
this isn't a lime
your_waifu
#110017
1 year ago
okay okay. i'll try to help. workshop mode. the biggest issue here is pacing. this feels very, very rushed. i know it's a page long, but there are a lot of short short stories. maybe you wrote this is a cupcake induced rage idk. you're not giving the reader or your characters room to breath. i got no sense of setting, even in pinkies murder room, which you would expect to induce a certain atmosphere. give us a sense of the world, give your characters some emotion, and don't rush the plot. things should flow better.

okay this is the part where i would hand you a copy of the story all covered in red ink but unfortunately this is the internet.

workshop mode over
your_waifu
#110021
1 year ago
oh and i guess yeah, put a space after punctuation. that might help as well
Anonymous
#110022
1 year ago
loved pinkie pie's organ puns in Cupcakes...probably the best part of the fic
Anonymous
#110043
1 year ago
LOOK AT HER
LOOK AT HER AND LAUGHT
sargesprinkles
#110053
1 year ago
is there a way i can a least get soda out of every time someone brings it up
Anonymous
#110206
1 year ago
ok let me lay down something here, the reason why people are having such a hard time swallowing down "cupcakes" is that its a mature rated horror genera meeting a CHILDREN S TELEVISION SHOW. its fucked up because in the world of sunshine and bunnies this is the last thing on anyone's mind. i for one thought it was well written.
Drax99
#110450
1 year ago
And then the fucked
Anonymous
#110510
1 year ago
"and with that" should not be used twice in one paragraph.
Kanrabat
#110516
1 year ago
The fic was kinda lame. Even lamer was not only the self-insert, but you did not describe yourself at all.

Beside, I find all these "cupcakes-interventions" fics kinda stupid from the start.

But you know what amaze me the most? All that fan work (because what you did is STILL a fan work), yes, all that fan work being made about another fan work.

Kinda mind-boggling.
Anonymous
#110546
1 year ago
Anonymous
#110548
1 year ago
That is a Famas.
Southern_Hospitality
#110595
1 year ago
Your story is bad and you should feel bad.

Kidding, but seriously, this rather sucked. I actually had to force myself to read after your Mary-Sue picked up an assault rifle. When it said "psych eval," I lost any desire to finish reading I had left.
ihatecupcakes
#110621
1 year ago
Ok,ok.I get it,it sucks.Everyone is giving me hell about this.It's as I told someone else,english is not my primary language.I am not that good at typing
in the english manner.Also I've never written a story before,so I know it sucks.I did not plan this out,I just wrote it,so do not complain about my punctuation or the use of a phrase more than once
in a paragraph.Next off,as someone said above,I know ponies can't use guns,but if you read a story with a pony using surgical tools,I do not know why you would bitch about a pony using a assault rifle.
Caramel
#110638
1 year ago
^ It's not "How" You typed it, it's how. Ponies don't just go running around gunning people down, its not kosher. Their not humans.

But {now I haven't read it myself, just waking up} From what I understand, the people hate it "Because" your character is basically an invulnerable "God Sue/ Fixer Sue" who's only purpose is to "fix" another fanfic. Theirs no real "Conflict, drama, or suspence" leading up to it, the character is never in any "real" danger {more so if they can just grab an assault rifle and blow anyone they dont like away} and ontop of that, where would one even "Find" an assault rifle in equestria? Any "guns" would be built for humans, it'd be impossible for anything but a unicorn to pull the trigger. So suspension of disbelief has also gone right out the window.

Just my two sense, from what I've seen in the comments "That's" why they hate it. It's not the "How its written" its the content matter.
Caramel
#110642
1 year ago
^ Yes I realized I double-tapped myself there, too late. Can't go back and edit it. "It's not how" you typed it, it's the subject matter."
Caramel
#110654
1 year ago
Ok, so. I took the time to read your fic, now get ready for a real honest critique {OH MY GOD!}

Too start out with, as an earlier poster said, the story feels very rushed and muddled, everything is just happening way to fast for any sense of tension to build up. Pacing is key to a story, no matter what kind it is! Remember "Beginning, middle, end.

Here's where I would point out your spelling mistakes, numerous as they are, however as you've said your primary language is Not English I'll make an exception this time, I would highly advise using Microsoft Word and "Spell checker" next time.

Next, we have the issue of your character. Theirs no description, theirs nothing about the character to make us relate, or want to see it succeed. It's just a random character, who zooms from point a, to point b, to point c. She's completely broken, with no redeemable personality traits, I'd really advise if you rewrite to look into making her a more relative character.

Next we come to one of the bigger issues, a gun. Now, theirs this one writing tool called "Suspension of disbelief." Ok, she "magically acquired a gun that survived some how" now, I could see this "if" there had been any presence of humans in the show prior, or in your fic, but as they did not exist. Why would ponies build guns? Much less a "FAMAS" if they "did" build their own fire-arms, they would not be named after Human ones. Secondly, your character is a Pegasus, theirs no way she could pull a trigger on a fire arm. This completely pulls the reader out of any "involvement" they had in the story, if any. Remember, a good story can bend the rules of reality, but cannot shatter them and take a shit all over them.

Next we come to the issue of the story, "Cupcakes" as a fanfic was a horror flick, plain and simple. This is a "Revenge fic", ontop of that. The "Main villian" got maybe a paragraph, two at most, we know who she is all the time. Theirs no conflict, you had a gun, we all know pinkie pie was going to loose {And ontop of this you killed a canon cast member!}, despite pinkie pies well known ability to skullfuck the fourth wall. What could have been an epic fight, and true underdog moment, became a very cliche and underwhelming fight. in short, your "End game boss" cannot just be a push over, unless she was designed that way and is a manipulator/other evil type who is generally "Weak in physical one on one confrontations". Pinkie pie, being that she is a very 4th wall character, would be a major fighting contender, more so if its the "Cupcakes pinkie" who's off her rocker, and has tortured other ponies and baked them into cupcakes.

Welp, that's my critique on it, TL:DR? Too bad, I wont summarize it for you because all the points are valid.
Anonymous
#116652
1 year ago
Someone needs to go kill herself. :3
KhrisKross
#221953
1 year ago
I agree with anon #12. Please apply this to your temple and squeeze tightly on the trigger. Thank you.