Blotter updated: 06/17/12Show/Hide Show All

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Anonymous
#96968
1 year ago
Eeeyup
Bongo
#96971
1 year ago
Nothing new, but nothing bad either. Its your normal Apple Family love you see in a lot of FanFics and ClopFics.

I would, however, add a few more details into lengthen the story.
Anonymous
#96992
1 year ago
i appreciate this whole thing very detailed intelligent not going overboard i would love to see some more of your work if you have any could you send it to me at ponygod@derpymail.org
Anonymous
#96997
1 year ago
Awful lemon, the terms were varied but just pretty ridiculous overall (ponyhole what), and they just seemed hilarious more than anything. It almost was satire, but I have no idea if that's intended.

I think if you were a bit more focused on emotion and just stuck to regular terms like "manhood" (stalltionhood?), it wouldn't read in such a silly manner.
Anonymous
#97000
1 year ago
^^ also i think it should have more detail about the connection between big mac and applejack and the characters should express more emotion
N0_5L33P
#97093
1 year ago
Honestly, this was just to see what you guys would say. The whole thing took me less than an hour to write, so I'm not upset if it turned out bad.

But I do appreciate the commentary. It will certainly help me in the future.
DaisyHead
#97112
1 year ago
pinkie pie: wanna make it a three way?
Drax99
#97250
1 year ago
cant stop laughing... or clopping for that matter.
Anonymous
#97294
1 year ago
Could they get any more redneck? This story is so funny;
Albatross
#97473
1 year ago
MY BODY WAS NOT READY
OH GOD NOT EVEN CLOSE TO READY

'

still kinda enjoyed it though...
Anonymous
#97534
1 year ago
and thats where appleblooms come from
Anonymous
#97536
1 year ago
my body was ready ;]
MetalHooves
#97702
1 year ago
Work on the terminology for sure; at times it comes across as just plain seedy, if not silly. Other than that, not a bad start, in my opinion. :)
vyktar
#97745
1 year ago
why boner why...
Anonymous
#97786
1 year ago
First I was like:
"Big Mac and a lemon? Is this a gaylemon again? -_-"

Then I was like:
"Iscest... Whaa..?"

Then I was like:
"AJ & Big Mac..? I'mokay with this."

I guess I should be reading this right now... Oh well.
Anonymous
#97830
1 year ago
Applejack what are you wearing?
NOTHING AT ALL!
NOTHING AT ALL!
NOTHING AT ALL!
Anonymous
#97958
1 year ago
^Stupid sexy AJ!
Anonymous
#97970
1 year ago
This was the most hilarious thing I have read in ages! Thank you, I needed a good laugh.
Anonymous
#98005
1 year ago
Pretty terrible, sorry to say. There's zero buildup either before or after they hop in bed, and your dialogue sounds straight out of a porno. (This is not a compliment.) Believe it or not, the sex is the least important part of a lemon. Once you get there, most of us could write the rest of the fic in our heads. The build and release of emotional tension is what makes a story erotic, which is why goofy terminology is such a boner killer.
Anonymous
#98167
1 year ago
fun fact virgin mares has a hymen
N0_5L33P
#98704
1 year ago
Please, do not bother me with these frivilous details. As I said earlier, "this was just to see what you guys would say. The whole thing took me less than an hour to write, so I'm not upset if it turned out bad."
N0_5L33P
#98832
1 year ago
But I'm glad people enjoyed it. I really wasn't expecting a positive response.
redweasel
#98903
1 year ago
he loved to stare into her eyes as he rammed his meaty horse tool into her apple basket

he was beginning to feel a connection between them

just beginning to
Anonymous
#135545
1 year ago
and blood every where yay
Anonymous
#142180
1 year ago
he rammed his meaty horse tool into her apple basket

OH GOD I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING.
It wasn't that bad though.
Anonymous
#167290
1 year ago
"her plot raised" lul
Anonymous
#242797
1 year ago
I just read "Here I come" in the heavy weapon guy's voice.
>:I