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Anonymous
#87466
1 year ago
>edited it for spike third person

eww
Anonymous
#87472
1 year ago
Lololo- *sent to pony hell*
MichaelXX2
#87475
1 year ago
SHIT WHY THE FUCK IS RAINBOW DASH INSECURE
Anonymous
#87478
1 year ago
foal-fiddler = pedophile?
Anonymous
#87479
1 year ago
I don't know man! I only edited it!
Anonymous
#87485
1 year ago
I wonder if I could rewrite this with Spike => Scootaloo.
Anonymous
#87494
1 year ago
http://pastebin.com/7SxFJ0u0
There's the rewrite in text v:
Anonymous
#87505
1 year ago
Wait, did I sleep through the day when plagiarism became cool again?

Oh, right. So long as you declare you stole it, it's cool. Hey, anypony got a megaphone I can borrow? There's a jewelry store down the street that closes in an hour.
Anonymous
#87533
1 year ago
Alright, reading this expecting to dislike it. (I'm a filly-fooler.) Making notes here.

First paragraph ends in "everyone", not "everypony".
Spike's place is not "his place", it's Twilight's place.
Elaboration on how a baby dragon could be of any use to Dash in helping her perfect the "Filly Flash" would be appreciated.
I like how SUBTLE is in all caps. Very SUBTLE.
Dash is acting oddly moody.
Twilight is not his room-mate, he is Twilight's pet.
Lol, plot.
Uhh... Dash getting jealous of Rarity's looks...? Rarity might get jealous over somepony's looks... because she's Rarity. There are different ponies, with different personalities. If you're going to make Dash a jealous-type, ease her into it, don't just say she's jealous when her character has absolutely no record of acting that way.
Compliment-denying, however, I find very Dash, so good work on that.
"Spike was on a roll!" Lol how.
"... when I'm around... you..." geh.
Which three emotions flashed? And why in the world would Spike call her a cry-baby after he was just trying to build her confidence?
And then a third of the mane six... burst into the bathroom? Why?
And so Spike is spirited away to be Dashed, Rarity has always suspected Dash of being a foal-fiddler, and... Scoots was spying on Dash in the shower, as expected. ... and wants to work her way into a threesome?

So all above complaints aside, objectively it was alright.
Braeburn
#87547
1 year ago
^^^ Are you my English teacher?
Anonymous
#87552
1 year ago
^
Fix it and pass it on.
Original author might not find this post, here's to him not getting mad about the edits :3
Anonymous
#87637
1 year ago
English teacher here. Why was this marked explicit?

Also I ain't fixing it, I don't even like it. I said -objectively- it was okay.
Anonymous
#87820
1 year ago
@Anonymous #7

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fMtTHFEXLvU
Anonymous
#87838
1 year ago
Oh, Jeez, this is not good news for me.

I'm Armada, we're running a sensual fiction general thread over at ponychan and I was just reposing a story by SonicPony45. This story was what we decided should be called "Steel Heart" and it was written by SonicPony45.
Let me say this straight out: I DID NOT WRITE THE ORIGINAL. SONICPONY45 WROTE THE ORIGINAL.
Anonymous
#87843
1 year ago
http://www.ponychan.net/chan/fic/res/11099.html

It should be noted that some random Anon from SFG claims to have created this; it's nothing to do with Armada.
Anonymous
#87854
1 year ago
So we've actually come to using the word "plot" to mean ass in fanfic writing now?

lol.
Anonymous
#88330
1 year ago
Just when you think the clop part begins, it's over, not amused :/.
Anonymous
#88471
1 year ago
teeth ass?
Anonymous
#88588
1 year ago
I think the word you were looking for was raucous, not raunchy.
Anonymous
#90400
1 year ago
Oh jesus. This is awful. And I didn't even get to the cloppy part.

Misuse of words, misspelling of words, a BAD case of avoiding the word "said" (There is NO excuse for "scoffed" when she's not actually scoffing..), use of abbreviations ("RBD"?)...

I had to laugh at the loudest "subtle" I've ever seen.

And "shut up" is two words.
Anonymous
#92364
1 year ago
part 2 plz