
| Anonymous #58241 1 year ago |
hell yes ill watch it. |
| Epicplatypus #58242 1 year ago |
is it bad that I wish this was real? |
| Calbeck #58247 1 year ago |
Clearly we need Tarantino on this project. |
| Epicplatypus #58251 1 year ago |
Only Tarentino could do this justice.... |
| RainbowBrisk #58259 1 year ago |
Michael Bay presents... |
| Anonymous #58261 1 year ago |
You never go full oatmeal. |
| Anonymous #58307 1 year ago |
I hear rollin in the background |
| Anonymous #58310 1 year ago |
Can we get a movie poster tag? |
| Anonymous #58314 1 year ago |
Epic tag ? |
| Anonymous #58599 1 year ago |
This summer, get ready to get CRAZY! |
| Anonymous #58606 1 year ago |
I am crazy, and don't call me oatmeal. |
| your_waifu #58679 1 year ago |
i found a leak of the first few pages of Tarantino's script. i think mr. "foot fetish but also film theory fetish" is running out of ideas. V V
Black screen. Off screen, somepony is crying. No music. After 10 seconds, cue image. Black and white. DERPY HOOVES is lying on the ground, close up of her head, she is crying, bruised, blood streaming over her face. From what little we can see of the rest of her she is wearing formal wear. She is moving little, her mouth struggling to form words. DERPY: My...my muffin. What did you...where is she? A COLT: (Offscreen): Your muffin is dead, Ms. Hooves. You are about to follow her. DERPY: No. From offscreen we hear the quiet magic hum of something being lifted telekinetically. A cloth floats into view, an aurora of magic around it, and it begins to wipe some of the blood off DURPY's face. COLT: It's really a shame, when you stop and think about it. All this could have been avoided. Your friends, your family - all still alive. You could have continued to deliver the mail as if nothing had happened. Your daughter would not have found out who her mother used to be. Yes, all this unpleasantry could have been avoided. Had you just finished your last contract. The cloth loses its magic lift and falls onto DERPY's face. DERPY: You bastards. A hoof enters the frame from the top right. It leaves a muffin in front DERPY's face. COLT: You should have given us the fork. Black screen to the sound of a gunshot. Five seconds, then "Goodbye Horses" by Q Lazzarus begins to play. The movie title is drawn onto the screen in fancy white cursive, a lot of flair, with flowers and curves and other lacy designs. The rest of the opining credits appear in the same style. The music fades. Then a title card appears. Keeps for five seconds then the next scene begins. TITLE CARD: Manehattan, five years later. Five colts are sitting around a table in a greasy spoon dinner in the middle of downtown. They are MR. TURQUOISE, MR. LAVENDER, MR. MAGENTA, MR. GOLDENROD, and MR. CHERISE. We're entering in the middle of a conversation. As each character speaks the camera focuses on them, angled from the middle of the table. TURQUOISE: You’re not hearing what I’m saying. All I’m saying is – CHERISE: You’re not saying shit, Mr. Turquoise. You’re just talkin’ out of your flank. TURQUOISE: All I’m saying is, okay? All I’m saying is, all the good fillies are getting with other fillies. It’s a pandemic. Nothing’s stopping these mares from giving us stallions the buck and jumping each other. When did this start happening? LAVENDER: He has a point. I ain’t gotten laid in weeks. A waitress approaches the table and leaves a bill with her mouth. MR. CHERISE picks it up. CHERISE: Don’t humour the little prick. Who’s pitching in a few bits for the bill? TURQUOISE: Look, I’ve figured it out. And once I tell you, it’s going to blow your little pony minds. MAGENTA: Now I’m curious. What could you, Mr. Turquoise, a bona-fide moron, have figured out that the rest of us haven’t? CHERISE: Nothin’. The little shit is talking shit. Goldenrod, are you going to pay for your daisy sandwich or not? TURQUOISE: I’ll tell you, Mr. Magenta. Look, look. Motherfucking candy vag. There. LAVENDER: Candy vag? TURQUOISE: Candy vag. MAGENTA: What the good Celestia damn is a candy vag? TURQUOISE: Well, you know when things are getting hot an’ heavy and you go down on a filly, and she really starts to get into it, like, she’s screaming her daddies name and her wings are getting ridged or her horn starts leaking magic shit, and she’s arching her back like a horse ain’t supposed too, and suddenly her cunt starts tasting like candy. That’s candy vag. MAGENTA: Fuckin’ bullshit. You’re telling me you think when a pony chick gets into oral she starts tasting like candy? TURQUOISE: Yeah. What, none of you have experienced this before? Are you shitting me? A group of tough colt gangsters and none of you have really gotten a mare off with your mouth? Is that what you’re telling me? LAVENDER: Well, I’ve never really been good at that part. I usually just try to speed past it, you know? MAGENTA: Don’t need to. My cock is huge. TURQUOISE: What about you, Mr. Cherise? CHERISE: Do I look like a Celestia damned pussy whipped faggot? My mouth don’t go anywhere near a mare’s snatch. TURQUOISE: Mr. Goldenrod? GOLDENROD: ...Mr. Turquoise is correct. TURQUOISE: There. Somepony knows what I’m talking about. So it’s no fucking wonder all the fillies are changing teams, with assholes like Mr. Cherise- CHERISE: Fuck you. TURQUOISE: -and the fact that a good twat tastes like fucking skittles. Have you ever tasted a cock? It tastes like rancid sweat and used leather. MAGENTA: Can’t say that I would know. TURQUOISE: Yeah, well, talk to me after you spend five years in Celestia’s dungeons. The point is, bitches love candy. |
| your_waifu #58680 1 year ago |
TURQUOISE’s dialogue is turned down. We’re looking at the dinner’s entrance now. The door opens, a bell rings signalling a customer. DERPY HOOVES trots in. She is wearing a black hoody with a UofM logo on it. She walks down the aisle leading past the counter, towards the group of colts in the back of the restaurant. A waitress behind the counter tries to talk to her.
WAITRESS: Welcome! You’re free to take a seat and someone will be...with you... uh, miss? DERPY stops close to the group. She pulls a .45 from the pouch on her hoody and fires it at the table. Camera shifts to the middle of the table view from before, looking at MR. TURQUOISE as the bullet exits the front of his head. Blood sprays onto the table. TURQUOISE has a confused look on his face, then fall face first into his carrot soup. The back of his head looks worse than his front, a giant bloody hole where his skull should be. Camera changes to look across from TURQUOISE at MR. LAVENDER, who is covered in blood. LAVENDER: What the fuck? GOLDENROD: It’s a hit! Everypony down, now! MAGENTA flips over the table. He and LAVENDER find cover behind it, both drawing a gun. CHERISE escapes through the kitchen door. GOLDENROD dives behind the counter. Shot now of DERPY, still pointing the gun. Frame freezes and we hear a voiceover from DERPY DERPY: (voiceover) Sure, maybe the way I handled the situation wasn’t the best. Charging in head first and firing wildly at the bastards. But I was pissed. I’d been pissed for five years, and despite all my planning, when I saw one of the motherfuckers on my shitlist just sitting in a dinner in Manehattan with his hit squad, laughing it up, I went a little crazy. People like to think that I’m nuts, thanks to my eyes. Well, now they have the body count to back up that claim. Laugh it up, fuckers. Laugh it up. Ditzy Doo is coming for blood. Frame unfreezes. DERPY screams and starts walking towards and shooting at the overturned table. Behind the table, LAVENDER is shot in the shoulder. LAVENDER: Shit, shit, shit, shit, fuck! I’ve been hit! MAGENTA: Get you’re shit together, kid. It’s just one pony. Once she reloads, we return fire. LAVENDER: Oh fuck. Okay. Okay. Fuckin’ bitch is going to get cold. Payback. MAGENTA: That’s right. Hey. You hear that? She’s out. You ready? On three. One, two, three! MAGENTA and LAVENDER stand up and aim towards DERPY. LAVENDER takes one in the head and flies backwards. MAGENTA starts firing at DERPY, who responds in turn. Camera angle catches DERPY at the far left and MAGENTA at the far right, firing at each other. They both empty their clips. There is a pause. Then MAGENTA falls over sideways. Full body shot from above MAGENTA, three holes become bloody on his person. DERPY finds a new clip in her pouch. Across the counter, GOLDENROD grabs the WAITRESS and puts his gun to her head. GOLDENROD: I remember you. The one who quit. Cherise said they killed you. Yet here you are. DERPY: And here I am. You really think a hostage will stop me from killing you? GOLDENROD: I do not know. The rumour was that you had a child. Nopony has a child and does not think twice before letting an innocent die. DERPY: Kill an innocent? Maybe not. But I have no problem causing a little pain. GOLDENROD: What do you- DERPY does not let him finish, but shoots him through the waitress. He staggers back, letting go of the filly. She collapses to the ground, screaming in pain. GOLDENROD is stunned just enough for DERPY to shoot him several more times. He flies backwards into the back wall. DERPY jumps over the counter and takes a quick look at the WAITRESS’s wound. DERPY: You’ll live. Lucky. I thought I hit an artery. DERPY steps over the WAITRESS and finds the door to the kitchen. She carefully opens it, making sure to check all corners of the room. She walks in, aiming her gun like a professional. There is a banging across the room. Derpy cocks her head, and then follows the sound. At the other side of the kitchen is CHERISE, banging on the exit door with the butt of a shotgun. CHERISE: Open! Fuck this faggoty bullshit! Who locks the back door to a kitchen? DERPY: That’s enough. CHERISE turns around and fires his shotgun. DERPY rolls out of the way and takes cover at the edge of the hallway. CHERISE: You! The Colt said you would come for me, after what you did to Pomegranate Juice. I bet you want to know where your kid is, don’t you? CHERISE fires wildly at the corner DERPY is hiding. DERPY: My kid? My kid is dead, thanks to you and your team of fuckups. CHERISE: Is that what they told you? You don’t know shit, kid. And you think you can take on the Colt? He killed you once, and he can do it again. DERPY fires around the corner a few times, missing. CHERISE ducks out of the way. DERPY: I lived. I’m a walking fucking miracle. I think if anypony is going to kill that evil sonova bitch, it’ll be me. CHERISE: You think you’re so fucking special. You’re just the miscalculation that’ll get the Colt replaced. By me! You hear that, you wall eyed fucking psycho? I’m gonna end your little vigilante spree right here and show the boy’s who really knows what they’re fucking doing. Mr. Celestia damned Cherise, assholes! The frame stops. Body shot of MR. CHERISE waving his shotgun in the air. Then, a title card. TITLE CARD: Mr. Cherise it ends there. wonder what happens next???? |
| your_waifu #58681 1 year ago |
wasted half an hour writing this. i am such a faggot. |
| Calbeck #59523 1 year ago |
Oh my fucking God. Someone get this to T-man. -XD |
| Anonymous #59586 1 year ago |
^^
This is fucking glorious. |
| your_waifu #60887 1 year ago |
i'm glad a few people read that thing i would have felt awfully silly if no one responded. |
| Anonymous #62049 1 year ago |
^You just made Derpy a complete Tarantino-esque badass. |