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TheXIIILightning
#516450
10 months ago
Well guys, I know the opinions about OCs on Ponybooru, but hear me out ^^

I am currently writing a FanFiction about a Human in Equestria, so no doubt, I need an OC.

But i keep going back and forth on the colors and type of manes, i just can't focus on the story.

So I decided, why not bother Ponybooru with my nonsense and ask for their opinion?

So guys, which pony do you like best?
The fact that they ARE Alicorns are totally plot related (Pun not Intended)

I will post the Synopsis if you want ^^

I made those faces just for fun XD
One is Molestias apprendice, and the other one is Emo XD
Their expressions don't matter on the story, I only need advice on how they look.

Thanks a lot guys :D
TheXIIILightning
#516462
10 months ago
I would have drawn them by hand, but my Tablet has been acting funny...

Oh, and they do NOT have a cutie mark, because I want to keep it that way, it will only be revealed on the Final Chapter, and of course I will draw the character myself ;)
JamesCorck
#516484
10 months ago
Well, the fact that they are alicorns can be a bit frowned by the comunity as a whole. Why are they alicorns? If you give it a good explanation, then you might ease some of those frowns.
TheXIIILightning
#516510
10 months ago
Well, i tought about that ^^
So here's the synopsis.
***

Princess Luna used a forbidden spell to separate the remnants of Nightmare Moon from her mind. But something went wrong.
Nightmare Moon leaves Luna’s body, never again able to return and torment the princess.
But Nightmare managed to steal some of Luna’s powers and cast a spell of her own.
With both of their powers, Nightmare Moon created a Alicorn body with unimaginable potential, the perfect being in her eyes.
But too weak to take control of it, she put in that body the mind of a Human, the most despicable beings she knew.
Nightmare’s plan is to regain her strength, let the Human increase her creations potential and let him get mad with power, allowing her to easily corrupt him.
Will the ponies of Ponyville change save the Human from his Dark faith, or will he, save them?

***
Is this enough? My whole concept of the story centered around an Alicorn, I could change it to a Unicorn, but it wouldn't be the same.
I would not have the same passion writing it you know?
TheXIIILightning
#516522
10 months ago
Don't know why the word *change* got into the last sentence... Oh well.

Forgot to say the type of FanFic it will be.
Well, it's: [Human-Crossover] [Comedy] [Random] and [Slightly Adventurous] (so to speak, it will all happen in Ponyville, Canterlot and in the Everfree Forest)
JamesCorck
#516534
10 months ago
Well, if you bring Nightmare Moon to the mix, and anything having to do with the fragments of her armour, body, etc. people will point at your character and inmediately yell two things:

- Mary Sue!
and
- NYX DID IT FIRST!

Trust me, the way I see that plot right now I don't think that will be warmly received >_> I think. I don't want to be pretentious or suggest I know how the comunity will react, but I've seen many OC's falling to their dismay with very similar storylines.

My advice as of now is to drop any plot elements that have to do with Nightmare Moon and try to find other ways to make this OC work. You seem a good guy who asked for advice and seems to be willing to improve and get better, so I hope you don't get angry at my comments. If anything of what I said has offended you, I'm sorry, it wasn't my intention.
Anonymous
#516561
10 months ago
>Pegasus

>Unicorn

>Or earth Pony

Just choose one.

However...well,like JamesCorck said above if you give a proper explanation,they might not be very hard on them.

As for the colors,try not overdo it.Choose colors that don't make eyes bleed and keep accessories to the minimum.If there's something worse than seeing an alicorn with a horrible color scheme,is seeing an alicorn with a horrible color scheme WITH a fuckload of worthless accessories that cover their bodies in theri totality.
TheXIIILightning
#516563
10 months ago
Not at all! I thank you in fact.

I didn't start writing anything about Nightmare Moon yet, only some funny stuff with Rainbow and Twilight.

Changing the part about Nightmare is easy, I'll totally remove her from the equation.
But figuring out how to include a Alicorn will be a bit tricky... Well, nothing that some Brainstorming won't solve XD

I'll think about it, I already have a few ideas, do you mind if I send you a PM when I pick the best 2?

I am not ready to go ask on Ponychan, they like the Threads there to be more substancial, and I ain't quite ready yet to patrol my own thread ^^
Anonymous
#516569
10 months ago
okay it looks like you're trying to do a lot of stuff with this at once.

the plot sounds kind of... heavy? but you're describing it as "random comedy", with only a slight hint of adventure.

if you want to write random comedy, why not make a more silly premise, and end up with an earth pony body (thereby leading to more antics with trying to use hooves, &c). if you want to write adventure with some comedy elements, sure. but why did NMM create this "perfect body" that she couldn't even use, instead of a "pretty good" body, use it, then make something better once she'd gathered her strength? and once you have an alicorn in ponville, that's going to be something the ponies will respond to. is that the kind of story you want to write?

(there's also the issue of "NMM's body with an innocent, corruptible mind" looking suspiciously similar to a certain popular fanfic.)

as far as not having the same passion for a story formulated differently... well, okay. here's the thing: if you're writing for yourself, you can write whatever you want. it's perfectly okay to write self-indulgent stuff and just keep it to yourself. but it may not be a good idea to share the result with the class if you think it's something the class disapproves of.

question: how much of the main character have you thought up aside from getting popped into NMM's super clone body? what kind of human was he before, what kind of life did he lead, &c?
Anonymous
#516573
10 months ago
516569 here - it looks like a bunch of people posted while I was typing.

Why is it so important to you that the character be an alicorn exactly?
TheXIIILightning
#516587
10 months ago
Thanks for the tip Anon :)
If I can't find any 100% satisfying way to use a Alicorn in my fic, I will stick to a Unicorn.

And I like my ponies naked btw XD

As for the colors, I was setting for those mostly because of Nightmare, but still, I think those two are my best options for any pony, pegasus or unicorn I might create.

I like Dark, soothing colors, not Yellowish or Green eye-burning colors. Simple, calming ones XD
JamesCorck
#516601
10 months ago
@TheXIIILightning

It's people like you I love this fandom so much :-)

I think you have nothing to fear on go asking on Ponychan. Those guys are awesome when giving advice and they have helped me a lot to start and get better.

Like @Anonymous said, try not to over accesorise. Don't over do it with the colors either, find a colour pattern that is easy for the people to look at, like a soft gradiant of browns, or a nice contrast like red over white. Try to keep accesories to a minimun, from 1 to none at all.

If you can erase the Nightmare Moon elements that's good. People, especially now that Season 2 is on the go, are getting kind of sick of Nightmare Moon showing up all the time (we can asume she will never return).

And again, like Anonymous said, pick a normal pony. Either Unicorn, Pegasi or Earth Pony. It depends what you want to do with the character, so think which one fits for your purposes the better. A word of advice, if you pick a Unicorn, don't make it super powerful.

Also, flaws. Flaws make a character awesome. If you add quite a few, you can add a lot of character to your, well, character ^_^ I leave a few flaws here to add to the brain storming:

- He's a drinker.
- He's OCD for neatness.
- He loses his temper too often.
- He's too honest, to the point of verbally hurting others.
- He's a liar.
- He tends to get physically violent.
- He doesn't want to share his concerns with anyone and keeps them to himself.
- He doesn't accept other's help.

Just a few. I hope it inspires you ^_^ Always willing to give a hoof to a fellow writer!
JamesCorck
#516613
10 months ago
@TheXIIILightning

Sorry, sorry, I just read the previous comment ^_^; My reply was massive, I'll wait for the next.
TheXIIILightning
#516615
10 months ago
@#516573

I wanted him to have a rivalry with Rainbow Dash, and yet someone Twilight could relate to.
Someone calm with an interest in his recently acquired abilities.
The whole deal about Nightmare Moon... well... I needed an antagonist, and that seemed quite a good idea at the time.

But thanks for reminding me that Alicorns tend to have a negative effect on the fandom, I'll guess I'll change that ^^
JamesCorck
#516620
10 months ago
I gotta go to sleep now. I'll keep this in my tabs to check the progress tomorrow.
TheXIIILightning
#516624
10 months ago
*takes notes*
WOW!
Never thought that I could get so much help!

And it's only been... an hour!
Well, glad I decided to ask and face the possible bitterness (glad that didn't happen) instead of wasting another week in writing stuff that people COULD dislike ^^
TheXIIILightning
#516629
10 months ago
Thanks for your help James ^^
I'll send you a private message, once I get a fresh new idea sorted out :P

I'll also post it here, so people that were in my position could benefit from it :D
Anonymous
#516636
10 months ago
Hey, you don't need to fly to have a friendly bout of athleticism with Rainbow Dash. In fact, it may be better to face her outside her element (c.f. the Iron Pony competition, which proves she approaches pretty much everything that interests her competitively). ;)

Since you brought up interaction with canon characters, I thought I should mention this too: be very careful to make their behavior match that of canon. They should react to your character the same way they would react to any other side character; one of the biggest factors that calls down the epithet of "Mary Sue" is warped reactions by established characters which make the OC inexplicably important to them.
MaroonBunyip
#516641
10 months ago
I liked reading all this.
Only thing that can ever make fanon good, the one thing, is quality.
Anonymous
#516650
10 months ago
Anon #516561 here -

No problem! :)

From what I've seen,a lot of OC'S get heavily bashed because they look umpleasant and very overloaded (putting the personality of the OC aside,of course because that would vary)

Sometimes simplicity manages to stand out a lot more.
TheXIIILightning
#516653
10 months ago
^
Yeah I know that
Don't worry, after spending A LOT of my Summer Vacations reading dozens of fictions, I won't have any problem in keeping the Character's personalities in check ^^

-I know that Trixie ALWAYS speaks in the 3rd person.
-Rainbow is really proud, never backing up from a challenge, a bit blunt sometimes.
-Pinkie is HYPER, that certainly fits my writing style XD

And Gummy, he's the boss XD
Anonymous
#516679
10 months ago
[Anon 569/573/636 here]
The fanfic you've read might help, but I'd be hesitant to rely on those characterizations too heavily; after all, they were written by people who may or may not have done their own homework!

Instead? Try doing a "canon review" - rewatching the episodes themselves. Take notes. Think about why the characters do what they do, how it matches with the kind of character you think they are. Correct for any errors you discover in your assumptions.

That's the method I use, and it's served me well before.
TheXIIILightning
#516706
10 months ago
I brainstormed like a freakin coconut in the last hour....

I managed to come up with a few ideas, but they may be overused... That's what you get when you have such an Awesome fandom :D

Well, IF my character is going to be a Earth Pony, he will have
A prideful personality, caring/helpful, but not much of a talker about his problems.
He is quite the inventor, can fix his way about anything and of course, has a bit of Human Knowledge on his side (He could help Applejack with Irrigation systems, Pinkies pranks, help Rarity with fashion, you name it).

And how did he get to Equestria?
That i don't have many options... Only about 3
- Twilight's spell (overused like I said)
- He died (A bit Sad, i DON'T want to use it)
- He was on a ship sailing the Bermuda Triangle ( This may seem like the best option)

If my character is a Unicorn, his personality will be much like the Earth Pony's
But he will be a Medic, that of course can have significant interaction towards Fluttershy and Twilight. The other characters I'm sure I can get something ^^
TheXIIILightning
#516733
10 months ago
Thanks for your help Anon

It's a good method.
I'm sure I could enjoy watching the episodes a third time ^^

I don't have many ideas for a Pegasus Pony
But I'm inclined for that adorable trickster persona.
Possibly a guy about 17 years old (like myself), full of energy and adventurous

Inclining him more towards Rainbow and Pinkie :P
Anonymous
#516741
10 months ago
I vote for the Bermuda Triangle option.Sounds funny(to me),and frankly,quite different xD
TheXIIILightning
#516768
10 months ago
Yeah, i thought it too :D
It will definitely give the

"Oh My god What the F###!" sensation for the character XD

But the hard part about having a random appearance like that, is how to get him to meet with the Mane-6...

I couldn't make him fall from the sky in a fiery ball of death, could i?
hmmm... Could I?

I could also make him go around town screaming nonsense, like asking "Which direction to X city?"
"What are you?", "Get away from me"

Stuff like that XD
Personally, I like the fiery ball of Death, or a Lightning in the middle of town, something flashy to attract attention from the Mane-6 :P
TheXIIILightning
#516788
10 months ago
Well guys, thank you A LOT for your help.
Of course I will check this post everyday looking for tips or questions.

As soon as I get something solid, I won't hesitate asking in Ponibooru for opinions.

Oh, and since the fiction I was working is pretty much cancelled, what do you guys think if I post the chapter I was working on, here?

I mean, no sense in making it go to waste, it will not have the character characterization, but you can get that from that pic above.

Also, you can get a feel from what to expect when I get my ideas organized.
What do you say?
Anonymous
#516789
10 months ago
This is just my take(you can modify it to match it with whatever you need to match it),but if you choose the Bermuda Triangle option,then you should simply making him wake up at the shore,not very far from the Mane-6 who decided to go to relax in the beach on their vacation.

Then take it from here and the rest is all yours.
TheXIIILightning
#516809
10 months ago
Well, I only had 1 chapter worked out in Word. (another 2 on my head and paper)

So I guess I'll start from Scratch, it's cleaner and easier that way.
I'll post the only Chapter I had tomorrow (4 Pages)

I'll link this post to the chapter, and the chapter to this post.
That way the people will understand why I posted a FanFic chapter on Ponibooru.

Thanks again :)
Good Night guys
TheXIIILightning
#517010
10 months ago
https://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&pid=explorer&chrome=true&srcid=0B6ILSASYeDYyZmVjNTJhNTEtYjhjYi00MTQ0LTlkZTEtYzE2ZmRiNmExMjlj&hl=en_US

Ok, I decided to upload the Chapter I was working on.
That way you can know my writing style.

It doesn't matter anymore, but I would still appreciate to hear about your thoughts on it ^^
It took me a few hours to write after all XD
Anonymous
#517027
10 months ago
The Bermuda Triangle? Man, it's been a while since I read those words.
TheXIIILightning
#517043
10 months ago
^
Haha, The MotherBuckin Bermuda Triangle XD
I guess whoever wrote that had a bad experience in Math Class XD