
| Anonymous #96968 1 year ago |
Eeeyup |
| Bongo #96971 1 year ago |
Nothing new, but nothing bad either. Its your normal Apple Family love you see in a lot of FanFics and ClopFics.
I would, however, add a few more details into lengthen the story. |
| Anonymous #96992 1 year ago |
i appreciate this whole thing very detailed intelligent not going overboard i would love to see some more of your work if you have any could you send it to me at ponygod@derpymail.org |
| Anonymous #96997 1 year ago |
Awful lemon, the terms were varied but just pretty ridiculous overall (ponyhole what), and they just seemed hilarious more than anything. It almost was satire, but I have no idea if that's intended.
I think if you were a bit more focused on emotion and just stuck to regular terms like "manhood" (stalltionhood?), it wouldn't read in such a silly manner. |
| Anonymous #97000 1 year ago |
^^ also i think it should have more detail about the connection between big mac and applejack and the characters should express more emotion |
| N0_5L33P #97093 1 year ago |
Honestly, this was just to see what you guys would say. The whole thing took me less than an hour to write, so I'm not upset if it turned out bad.
But I do appreciate the commentary. It will certainly help me in the future. |
| DaisyHead #97112 1 year ago |
pinkie pie: wanna make it a three way? |
| Drax99 #97250 1 year ago |
cant stop laughing... or clopping for that matter. |
| Anonymous #97294 1 year ago |
Could they get any more redneck? This story is so funny; |
| Albatross #97473 1 year ago |
MY BODY WAS NOT READY
OH GOD NOT EVEN CLOSE TO READY ' still kinda enjoyed it though... |
| Anonymous #97534 1 year ago |
and thats where appleblooms come from |
| Anonymous #97536 1 year ago |
my body was ready ;] |
| MetalHooves #97702 1 year ago |
Work on the terminology for sure; at times it comes across as just plain seedy, if not silly. Other than that, not a bad start, in my opinion. :) |
| vyktar #97745 1 year ago |
why boner why... |
| Anonymous #97786 1 year ago |
First I was like:
"Big Mac and a lemon? Is this a gaylemon again? -_-" Then I was like: "Iscest... Whaa..?" Then I was like: "AJ & Big Mac..? I'mokay with this." I guess I should be reading this right now... Oh well. |
| Anonymous #97830 1 year ago |
Applejack what are you wearing?
NOTHING AT ALL! NOTHING AT ALL! NOTHING AT ALL! |
| Anonymous #97958 1 year ago |
^Stupid sexy AJ! |
| Anonymous #97970 1 year ago |
This was the most hilarious thing I have read in ages! Thank you, I needed a good laugh. |
| Anonymous #98005 1 year ago |
Pretty terrible, sorry to say. There's zero buildup either before or after they hop in bed, and your dialogue sounds straight out of a porno. (This is not a compliment.) Believe it or not, the sex is the least important part of a lemon. Once you get there, most of us could write the rest of the fic in our heads. The build and release of emotional tension is what makes a story erotic, which is why goofy terminology is such a boner killer. |
| Anonymous #98167 1 year ago |
fun fact virgin mares has a hymen |
| N0_5L33P #98704 1 year ago |
Please, do not bother me with these frivilous details. As I said earlier, "this was just to see what you guys would say. The whole thing took me less than an hour to write, so I'm not upset if it turned out bad." |
| N0_5L33P #98832 1 year ago |
But I'm glad people enjoyed it. I really wasn't expecting a positive response. |
| redweasel #98903 1 year ago |
he loved to stare into her eyes as he rammed his meaty horse tool into her apple basket
he was beginning to feel a connection between them just beginning to |
| Anonymous #135545 1 year ago |
and blood every where yay |
| Anonymous #142180 1 year ago |
he rammed his meaty horse tool into her apple basket
OH GOD I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING. It wasn't that bad though. |
| Anonymous #167290 1 year ago |
"her plot raised" lul |
| Anonymous #242797 1 year ago |
I just read "Here I come" in the heavy weapon guy's voice.
>:I |