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MetalHooves
#86072
1 year ago
This one felt really cheesey for some reason. Maybe because it is. XD Hope everypony can enjoy it. :D
Anonymous
#86107
1 year ago
This ending was awesome, I'm really happy that you wrote the one of my favorite one first.
I wonder how you're going to end the gilda one,
Derpy has no one to replace you.
I'm looking foward to see your clopfics again, they were really great, but this one was great too.
I don't know what I like best from your work.
Anonymous
#86116
1 year ago
It was kinda abrupt, wasn't it?

I'm sensing an alternate path for will be made for some reason. . . ?

>.>
Anonymous
#86121
1 year ago
Not much of a build up, and it resolves itself far too easily. There was no conflict other than what the character thought at the start.

Boring overall, but still pretty sweet.
Anonymous
#86152
1 year ago
Too short, but considering I wanted to go with Derpy I'll roll with it.

Good Job.
MetalHooves
#86154
1 year ago
^ the buildup to this point is all the other lemons and limes i wrote. But you do have a valid point.
Anonymous
#86158
1 year ago
Too anti-polyamorous for me. Good bye.
Anonymous
#86212
1 year ago
kind of rushed, being perfectly honest. there was hardly any passionate emotion involved... not your best work by any stretch of the imagination.

and I know she' your incorruptible waifu and all but there are ways to at least make things more steamy, even going into lemon territory, while still having her come off as the waifu you seem to have described her as.

come on, you KNOW this wasn't a payoff.
Anonymous
#86220
1 year ago
and yeah, the polyamory resolution was just poorly handled. there was no climax to this at all.
Soundateer
#86227
1 year ago
Oh will you just SCREW HER ALREADY D:<
Jk~, loved it~
Anonymous
#86250
1 year ago
this is a 2 part thingy. there's more to come.
Anonymous
#86251
1 year ago
It was short. But loved the ending. Great job MH.
MetalHooves
#86263
1 year ago
^
^No, this is just one ending. Judging by everyone's reaction, I'll need to work a little harder on the Gilda version. With that one I won't be too tentative about drifting into full lime or lemon territory, but I'm still not sure how exactly to handle the whole two loves thing. That's pretty much the only area where I have no experience to fall back on. Well, that and fucking mythological creatures, but I seem to have handled that well enough. XD
Anonymous
#86355
1 year ago
Anti-polyamorous ending is totally mine kind of ending! Thank you, MetalHooves.
Anonymous
#86362
1 year ago
well, for one, I don't recall either one committing to an exclusive relationship anyway, so it's not so much seeing gilda behind her back as just... seeing gilda.

and I would seriously love for you to retry this endng at some point. it has so much potential wasted by being rushed like this.
SpecialAnon
#86515
1 year ago
Good end.
TophatWaffle
#86517
1 year ago
Will there be more after these? D:
Anonymous
#86527
1 year ago
guys, don't be too hard on MH. i might like to see a remastered ending, too...but unlike a movie, it doesn't cost thousands of bucks and tons of time.

MH, as far as this goes...i normally really like your stuff and fangasm about it, too; here, i'm not so sure. It seemed like you wanted TOO MUCH closure, tying up all opportunities forever. It would have been a bit nicer to have seen a slightly less form-fitted ending; ponies can live together without needing the formality and sentimentality of a marriage, right? I assumed that a society such as theirs puts much less emphasis on life-bondings, it being such a commonplace practice.

Final note...who's derpy going to turn to in the second ending? maybe she'll still consider the protagonist a good friend, after all? i'm a bit interested to see how that turns out, in no small part due to the fact that you've kept writing gildafic even though you've given us the sign that she's...not exactly your favorite to write.

finally, yes, i DID like this. i like ALL your stuff. keep up the good work :3
MetalHooves
#86550
1 year ago
I realize the problem with this one now: realism. It seems like total bullshit that everything would work out even remotely that well. There's no depth to it. In the Gilda ending, it'll be different. I'm gonna add depth, contrast, grey areas. In the end, I'm pretty sure everything will turn out ok, but it definitely won't seem like that at first.
Anonymous
#86600
1 year ago
Hhmmm..... ok, there are some way to fix this.
1.) Make Gilda reaction be more emotive, it just seems you wanted to shoot her out of the way. Gilda is an angry bitch, even if she now has RD back on her orbit she is doubtful to just let this slide cause it cheery and good, even if she did indeed learn a lot from the experience. Focus first on her reaction to your rejection and then work towards the other side.

2.) Make derpy's acceptance more difficult than this, she just kinda accepts the fact you are a fucker and it's ok with it. No, no, no. Regardless of how nice she might be you might try to make seem like the decision backfired, as you get none of them but at the end Derpy is willing to give you a chance to proof yourself, but nothing to definite. Think of this as finishing the story as a planting of a fruit tree, but rather than the tree being there for the picking as it was before now you must grow it and nurture it again. Not only does this leave a sense of continuity (the story goes on, regardless of what happens, but that way people can see that it won't be as easy as it seems) but it also make derpy not seem like so easy to convince.

Of course, this all assume the lemons aren't part of the story because if they are then you motherfucker should be burned at the stake for doing that to poor Derpy.

Just my thoughts as a fellow writer.
MetalHooves
#86764
1 year ago
Yeah, no, there's gonna be some damage done on both fronts in the next one. But all wounds heal with time; it IS a romance fic, not a grimdark.
Anonymous
#86854
1 year ago
Kick ass story man can't wait for the next one
Anonymous
#87111
1 year ago
A 2 part with a happily ever after at the end of the first part?
WHAT A TWIST!
MetalHooves
#87673
1 year ago
^ not a part two, a different version. :P
Anonymous
#87679
1 year ago
From what I've seen, the best way to end a love triangle is to not end a love triangle.

That's what the movie that retells everything is for.
MetalHooves
#87741
1 year ago
I don't get enough attention to end up in any matter of love geometry; that may be why this fic wasn't that great. I'll try to be more realistic in the next one.
MetalHooves
#88079
1 year ago
If anypony is still looking at this, I figure it's only fair to warn you, the Gilda ending is gonna be way long. It's gonna be my longest work yet. Out with a bang, eh?
Anonymous
#88573
1 year ago
Gilda ending... i'm intrigue

Although I would love if you rewrote this seeing how it seems like you now have a better idea of how to do it.
MetalHooves
#88896
1 year ago
I figure I'll let failures be failures; reminds me why I don't write at 3 am after a few hours at a hookah lounge. XD
Anonymous
#90351
1 year ago
Having read this one over, I agree that it wrapped up to easily -- For the amount of turmoil the main character was experiencing, Derpy got over it too easily and Gilda was much too okay with it all.

The other thing was the emotional content, I just couldn't see the nameless hero getting so *weepy* over this. Breaking down in tears seemed really out of character and weird when D wasn't even that upset.

And really the setup didn't work for me -- I don't recall any of the previous stories having any sort of "getting together with Derpy" thing... he's been having pretty casual sex with half of ponyville, so I don't know when he switched over from that to "I'm totally with Derpy and cheating with Gilda".
Anonymous
#90450
1 year ago
I propose we rewrite this one if MetalHoovers won't, it can easily be fixed and I think we have talent to do it.
That way MetalHoove can focus on making awesome stories and we focus in messing with his stories (you got your own fandom if this happens MetalHooves, you should feel proud man).
MetalHooves
#90866
1 year ago
Gilda should be up soon, everypony. It's pretty long. :S
P0ny_brigade
#135174
1 year ago
catching up on metalhooves literature is always fun! keep up the fantastic work!
MetalHooves
#145664
1 year ago
^Thank you!
Anonymous
#194763
1 year ago
I'm sorry but the end gave me the biggest smile I've ever had in my life.