| MetalHooves #168257 1 year ago |
Well, that's the first 3 chapters. This is what I've been doing with my time. On that note, I won't be on the booru for a few days because I'm going on a road trip; I figured I'd post something nice before I left. :P |
| Anonymous #168309 1 year ago |
Thank you MH! Enjoy your trip! =3 |
| PoniTamer #168352 1 year ago |
Damn MH, I really enjoyed this fic, it's nice to see you do something beside your clopfics, I can't wait for the next installment. Hope you have a great trip! |
| Bubble_Berry #168985 1 year ago |
I really think you ought to publish this on Googledocs and submit it to EqD. I'd love to see shadowbolts on teh front page. |
| Anonymous #173782 1 year ago |
As MH is one of my favorite authors and the shadowbolts my fav group of ponies, i share the opinion of Berry |
| Anonymous #174360 1 year ago |
I am honestly bored by this. This isn't even bad, per se, just uninteresting. I can't get emotional investment in the shadowbolts and honestly don't care what happens to them.
And you know? I'm disappointed by this, MH. You said this was going to be your masterpiece, your work of art? All I'm getting is a strong impulse to mark as "tl;dr" and move on. And it's not that i don't like your work, because I've liked the stuff you worked on in the past, I really have. You can have a real knack for words sometimes, but I'm not seeing this here. what I'm seeing is a boring - BORING - action sequence lead by a series of uninspiring and relatively generic antagonists against rainbow dash. I KNOW you can do better than this! |
| MetalHooves #175865 1 year ago |
If it's any help, I HAVE edited it a bit; I don't think the editing I did will help with the action scene, per se, but I did develop the characters a bit more. Additionally, i intend to develop them more as individuals, because upon reflection I fully agree that it's hard to care about main characters if the only matter as a team unit. |
| your_waifu #191473 1 year ago |
OKAY let's winter wrap this up (finally), not for any good reason other than i said i would and i like to keep to my commitments even if i am a slow fuck and people are probably getting sick of me showing up everywhere like some kind of unlovable, pretentious derpy hooves. let me grammar this bitch up.
Alright. Now this is interesting. You have a strength in writing action scenes (which makes a strange sort of sense, considering your history with, um, "action") Reading the first part of this, I got the impression this was where you were most confidant, whether you noticed it or not. That first part is probably the best example of your writing so far imo. (i'd be interested in seeing the edited version. there are still a few awkward parts, and here there would be a few superfluous descriptive words. The less narration the faster the scene seems to go.) That said, I then got the sense that the last half of this part was rushed. But that could be fixed with editing (it's always editing innit?) And lastanon makes a good point. The shadowbolts are the protagonists of the story. They may be badguys, but for the audience to get attached to them we need some emotional connection. If we are to care what happens to them, we need a reason to. Empathy. This here is just the first part though, so it's something to think about. and with that i think i am retiring from posting about writing on a pony image dump website. i have no idea how this even started. it's a little weird. maybe if i have a REALLY stellar idea i'll post it but until then i'll stick to bashing my head against my keyboard like everyone else. i hope my ramblings have helped. if not well idk derpyshrug.jpg? |
| MetalHooves #196609 1 year ago |
Waifu, I posted the edited versions on my dA. Nothing much [if anything, I missed the shit i SHOULD have edited], but I edited. XD |
| your_waifu #196722 1 year ago |
i'll take a look at it once i figure out how to search for specific users on dA. i made an account the other day in anticipation of maybe making something eventually (phht) |