Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/560306.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      F/M, M/M
  Fandom:
      Thor_(Movies), Journey_into_Mystery, Thor_-_All_Media_Types
  Relationship:
      Loki/Thor
  Character:
      Loki_(Marvel), Thor_(Marvel), Warriors_Three, Sif_(Marvel), Darcy_Lewis,
      Leah_(Marvel)
  Additional Tags:
      Alternate_Universe_-_High_School, Incest, Shenanigans, Big_Bang_Challenge
  Series:
      Part 1 of Yolare
  Collections:
      Marvel_Big_Bang_2012
  Stats:
      Published: 2012-11-11 Chapters: 5/5 Words: 13353
****** yolo, yolare, yolavi, yolatus ******
by cm_(mumblemutter)
Summary
     v. to only live once; to do something irrevocably stupid.
     Thor and Loki grow up, just a little.
Notes
     Many, many thanks to zelda_zee for her thorough beta work, and to
     piecrumbs for the lovely_art! \o/
***** Chapter 1 *****
The girl:
Her name is Sif, she's on the archery team and she is, as Thor puts it,
"Amazing. Attractive, too."
They're watching the archers practice. Loki knows why Thor's here, he doesn't
know why he is. He shoves his earphones over his ears, his hood over his head
and says, "Wake me when it's over."
"What are you listening to?"
"You wouldn't have heard of them."
Thor keeps speaking, as if Loki's not made it obvious he's got no interest in
continuing their conversation, and finally he just gives up and shoves
everything off his head. "Thank you," Thor says, and continues as if Loki's not
glaring at him. "She doesn't like me very much."
"Someone not like you? Impossible."
They both watch Sif shoot an arrow directly into the center of the target. "I
could do that," Loki says.
"With your delicate hands?"
"Better than your lumberjack ones."
"They only look big next to yours."
Loki says, "Can we go now? See, she's not even looking at you."
"Yeah, she's focused."
"That's it. Come on, let's go." He stands and pulls on Thor's shirt. "You're
not going to get her with creepy, stalkery behavior."
"No, but she'll come around eventually," Thor says, with the confidence of
someone who has never been rejected in his life. Which, seeing as how it's
Thor, is almost certainly the case.
"Yes, but not today."
-
Loki refuses to help Thor get the girl.
"You're Thor. Surely you can seduce one little archer without the help of your
brother. Besides, I have moral reservations about manipulating the feelings of
others."
Thor starts laughing, and keeps on laughing until he chokes, spluttering on his
own spit. When he finally manages to stop, he says, "You're serious?"
"I don't have to explain my motivations to you."
The truth is: he just doesn't want to.
Also, Sif has a bow and arrow, and from what he's heard, much like Thor, enjoys
using her fists way too much.
Thor can pine if he wants to. It suits him, Loki decides.
 
The mark:
Darcy Lewis sits behind Loki in AP English. Cute enough, if you're into cute,
which Loki certainly isn't. She's also the principal's daughter, which leaves
her in a somewhat precarious social position. Loki doesn't envy her. It's
almost as bad as being the Chief of Police's son. Unless of course you're Thor,
in which case you're beloved no matter what.
She's friends with Loki, in the manner that most people are friends with Loki,
in that she hopes that one day Loki will introduce her to Thor. For his part,
Loki's friends with her in the manner that he's friends with most people, in
that he hopes that someday she will prove useful.
That day, as it turns out, happens to be today. He turns around before the
teacher comes in and beams brightly at her. She only blinks.
"So," Loki begins.
"What do you want now?"
"Funny you should ask."
-
"Wait, so you'll get him to go out with me?" This as Loki's walking her to her
next class, which happens to be right next to his, conveniently enough. "An
actual date-date, not like. I do stuff for him and he adds me to the list. I'm
not - my mom would kill me."
Loki barely refrains from rolling his eyes at her. "An actual date, I promise.
Besides, you know Thor's not like that."
Everyone knows Thor's not like that. Even the girls he dumps continue to adore
him, and say nice things about him, and buy him random stuff and put them in
his locker. Loki likes to tell himself it's because Thor's captain of the swim
team and everyone is stupid, but it's basically just because it's Thor. And
everyone is stupid.
"But I won't get into trouble, right?" she continues dubiously. But Loki can
see her brain whirling with the possibilities. To be seen in the company of
Thor -
"I'll tell you exactly what to do," Loki says. "You don't have to worry about a
thing."
-
Thor waits for him after school. Loki throws his messenger bag into the back
seat as he slides into the car, but he's distracted, thinking. Until he
remembers, "Don't you have practice or something today?"
"Or something. No, the pool's closed. Maintenance. Come on, let's go
somewhere."
"Sure." He had planned to go to the library, but that can wait. Thor's staring
at him expectantly, fingers drumming on the steering wheel. "Eyes on the road,
please," Loki says.
Thor turns his attention back to the road. "Home, then."
"No," Loki says decisively. "Not just yet."
 
The very secret make-out place:
Thor's kissing him messily, Loki in his lap with his back jammed against the
steering wheel. Everything's hazy and it takes all of Loki's concentration to
pull away and say, "Come on, it's just the one date."
"But she's a junior," Thor says fitfully.
"I'm sixteen," Loki reminds him. "Besides, I'm not asking you to fuck her. Just
take her out the once. Show her a good time, let her down easy. She's got such
a massive crush on you, it's driving me crazy."
"How do you even know this girl," Thor says. He seeks out Loki's mouth once
again, but Loki avoids him deftly.
"We're friends."
"You don't have friends."
"I take offense to that," Loki says, allowing Thor to kiss the shell of his
ear, his jawline. "Just the one date. I'll make it worth your while."
When Thor laughs, it's as if his entire body rumbles with it. Finally though,
he says, "Just the one date, Loki. And you will make it worth my while."
 
The date:
"You really can't just pimp me out whenever you feel like it, you know," Thor
says, Friday night.
Loki stops rummaging in the closet to pull out a shirt and toss it at him.
"Considering how freely you give of yourself, it could hardly be called that."
Thor opens his mouth. Closes it again. As he pulls the shirt over his head, he
says, "I won't lie to her."
"Do what you have to," Loki says. He walks over to fiddle with Thor's collar
and ignores his unhappy scowl, says approvingly, "There. The color brings out
your eyes."
Darcy's not the first girl who wants a date with Thor. Girls have made a habit
of coming up to Loki for years, misty-eyed and softly pleading for some advice
on how to catch Thor's eye.
At first, Loki would snarl and tell them that Thor had a tiny dick (he didn't)
or that he was shit in bed (he wasn't), but after a while he figured, if Thor
wasn't going to use his desirability and popularity for anything other than
fucking around aimlessly and free beer, someone certainly should.
 
The plan:
Darcy actually shows up for their meeting at Loki's locker in black jeans and
an equally black pullover with the hood up.
"You don't look suspicious at all," he tells her, as she glances around
surreptitiously.
A kid passes by. Darcy says, "Hey, how you doing," wide eyes darting back and
forth. The kid shakes his head and keeps walking on. "Just so you know," she
hisses at Loki, when they're relatively alone again. "If my mom finds out she's
going to kill me."
"Don't worry, she won't find out." He holds out his hand for her to hand him
the thumb drive, but she passes him her lunch bag instead.
"It's inside. I didn't want anyone to see."
"Because this is so much less conspicuous than handing me a two inch piece of
plastic?"
Darcy ignores him, finally pushes down the ridiculous hood. "You have no idea
what I had to go through to get these. What do you need these for, anyway. You
always get As. My mom keeps saying I should be more like you." She pauses.
"Well mostly she says I should stay as far away from you as possible, but then
sometimes she says, wistfully, that I could use some improvement. I keep
telling her my grades aren't going to improve by osmosis."
"Right." Loki peers into the bag and extracts the thumb drive, ignores Darcy's
panicked squeak. He slides it into his pocket and hands her back her lunch,
remembers to ask, "How was the date, anyway?"
She makes a face. "It happened. I'll tell you more later, maybe. I'm late for
class."
-
As plans go, this one's relatively simple:
Step 1: Acquire test papers for upcoming exams that have been sending most of
the student body into a tizzy, seeing as how any test set by the principal is
notoriously difficult to pass (last year, even Loki found himself floundering
for a minute or so, and he never flounders).
Step 2: Offer them, in secret, through various identities that one just happens
to have cultivated online, to several specific members of the student body.
Step 3: Profit.
Loki doesn't even need the money. In the end, he uses some of it to have Thor's
car detailed.
"Why," Thor asks suspiciously, eyes narrowed as Loki sits on the hood with his
legs swinging.
"I do have to ride in it myself. It's a piece of junk."
"Yes, but it's mine." He grabs Loki by the belt and pulls until Loki's
standing. "But thank you."
 
The discovery:
All it takes is one blood test in school, and he's racing back home, screaming
at Mom and Dad. Thor comes into the living room, clueless as usual, to Mom's
quiet sobbing and Dad's stern, ashen face. "What's going on?"
Loki stomps past him, snarls, "Congratulations, you're officially the youngest
child," and proceeds to barricade himself in his room for the rest of the
evening.
Thor threatens to break the door down eventually, and knowing him - Loki gets
up from bed, unlocks it and then flops back, throwing himself onto his belly
and ignoring the weight as Thor settles himself down.
"You're still my brother," he says finally.
Loki lifts his head up, "Remarkably, this isn't about you. And I'm not."
"Don't be stupid."
"Go to hell." He lets his head settle on the pillow morosely. "It explains a
lot anyway. They always loved you more."
"They do not," Thor protests loudly, looking furious at the mere thought.
"Besides," he adds thoughtfully, "You're my favorite."
"Fuck off. You always liked Balder more."
"Loki," Thor says, with such honesty Loki wants to curl up and die, "Not even
close."
Loki turns onto his back. "You just like my cock."
"That too."
"Child abuser." Thor's brow furrows in consternation. It's always too easy. But
Loki's not in the mood to fuck with Thor's head. Mostly he just wants to be
alone to brood, and contemplate his true lineage: Dad, in halting tones,
talking about a child left behind from a difficult case. Which means Loki is
either a child of a victim or a criminal. Possibly both. Maybe his mom was a
crack whore. That would explain a fair bit.
"Oh, just go away," he tells Thor, but Thor only wraps a hesitant hand around
Loki's wrist and doesn't allow Loki to pull away. "Fine, you can stay," Loki
says finally, as if Thor's given him a choice. "Just don't talk. I always like
you better when you don't talk."
Thor's answering grin is wry. "I could say the same thing about you."
-
Nothing changes, save for his refusal to talk to Mom and Dad. He gets up, he
drinks orange juice, skulks to the car and slumps against the window to wait
for Thor to finish sucking up to them and drive him to school.
Thor, on his part, is polite, overly cheerful and careful with his words. It
drives Loki crazy, and finally he can't take it anymore. "Turn left," he says
one morning. "We're ditching."
"I have practice this afternoon," Thor says, but complies at Loki's look. Trust
Thor to be more concerned at missing practice than at furthering his education.
They end up where they always end up, in the backseat of the car in their
secret place. Loki crawls into Thor's lap and Thor looks surprised, then
pleased.
"Loki," Thor says, fondly.
"Thor," Loki says, less fondly.
Thor doesn't seem to take offense. Instead he presses their foreheads together
and slips his arms around Loki's waist.
As usual, Loki feels tiny and breakable in Thor's embrace. Except now it's
different. They're not brothers. He doesn't have a rightful place in the
family. He's nothing. Less than, even. "On the plus side," he murmurs to Thor.
"This isn't incest anymore. Rather less exciting, wouldn't you say?"
"Speak for yourself." He pushes Loki down onto the seat and nuzzles at his
cheek.
"We could come out," Loki says, patting the back of Thor's head desultorily. "I
could be the prom king. You my queen."
"I don't -"
"Say what you're thinking of saying, and I'll never let you fuck me again, I
swear."
They didn't bring anything, but they make do with spit and desperation, Thor
hooking Loki's leg over his waist and driving him into the door as he ruts
against him. "Sorry," he mutters once, when Loki's head hits the door handle
particularly hard. Loki can't form a coherent thought to reply, so he just
grabs Thor by his golden locks and pulls him down for a harsh, furious kiss.
Thor comes, almost immediately, his entire body jerking with it as he spills
onto Loki's thighs.
He blinks for a while, watches Loki jerk himself off before he pushes his hand
away and takes over, turning it into a slow, studied torture that makes Loki
writhe. "Ahh," Loki says, when Thor finally lets him come, hot and hard over
both their bellies. Thor collapses on top of him, nuzzling him contentedly once
more until Loki tires of it and pushes him away. "We're done," he says. "Get
off." Thor half-slides off the seat, elbow catching hard enough that it must
hurt, but he only laughs.
 
The distraction:
Loki doesn't understand football. He understands even less why they have to go
to every single game when their team hasn't won a single one all semester.
"There's always this game," Thor says hopefully, when Loki mentions it as Mom
and Dad drive them to the game. "Never say never."
"It's more likely at this point that Sif will concede to go out with you," Loki
says.
Thor's face darkens slightly. It's a sore spot with him, that Sif rebuffed him
when he asked her out.
"Who's Sif," Mom turns around from the front seat to ask.
Loki snorts and examines his fingernails. Thor just says, "A girl."
"Well, you're a lovely boy. If she doesn't like you back it's her that's
missing out, not you."
Loki snorts again. As if Thor of all people needs a pep talk about rejection.
Sif will say yes eventually. They always do.
The game is lost, with considerable humiliation as usual. Still, when Fandral
waves at the crowd as he's jogging off the field, everyone cheers. "Worst
quarterback ever," Loki mutters under his breath to Thor. "Even I could do
better."
"You keep threatening to show off your athletic skills, Loki. I hope some day
to actually see them in practice."
Loki lowers his voice and leans in. "You already know how flexible I am,
though." Thor's resulting face twitch is almost worth having to spend the last
couple of hours huddled on the bleachers and bored out of his mind,
surreptitiously checking his email while pretending he cares when they
inevitably lose. He doesn't know why he bothers, mostly, except that Thor kicks
up a fuss and pouts so royally it's easier to just show up. Thor seems to be of
the opinion that his friends are also Loki's, which is not even close to being
the case, but Loki lets him keep that particular piece of illusion for
simplicity's sake.
Of course, he could probably figure out a way to get out of this if he wanted,
so perhaps some distant part of him enjoys watching men throw themselves at one
another for sport.
"You should button your coat, dear," Mom says as they stand to leave. "You know
how you get sick." Loki glares at her, before deliberately crossing his arms.
She flinches slightly before turning back to Dad. They both think this will
pass: it won't.
He loses sight of Thor, but he comes bounding back as they reach the car,
going, "There's a party at Kelda's. You're coming."
"No I'm not."
"Yes you are." Someone calls out Thor's name, and Thor starts running
backwards, points at Loki. "You're coming, if I have to drag you there myself."
It's usually comforting to imagine that a decade from now, Loki will be the CEO
of some Fortune 500 company and Thor will be pumping his gas, even though Loki
knows this isn't true. Thor does fine if he even puts in the slightest bit of
effort, and he's charming enough that he will probably bluster his way easily
into fame, fortune and success. It's patently unfair. "You do know I'm
preemptively uninvited from pretty much all the parties, don't you?" An
unfortunate incident at Tony's place involving a runaway Ilama that Loki hadn't
even been responsible for and yet somehow took the blame for, as usual.
"Temporary reprieve," Thor calls out cheerfully. "I promised her you'd behave."
Loki jams his hands into his coat pockets and mutters, "The last time wasn't
even my fault." He's not to blame if people take his suggestions.
The voice calling Thor's name grows more insistent, and he turns around and
disappears into the crowd. "You should go," Dad says.
"All right," Loki says, and can't miss the wash of surprise coming from him.
"Curfew's extended?"
"Just try to make it home with Thor."
"We can drive you," Mom says, a little desperately.
"No, I'll get a ride myself." He turns and walks off in the direction Thor
went.
-
He ends up hitching a ride with Jane Foster, a girl that was either a passing
fling or one of those special ones that Thor actually calls a girlfriend before
he inevitably loses interest and finds a reason to break up. She's tiny and
very pretty, so probably the latter. To her credit, she doesn't mention Thor
once, instead spending the short ride talking ceaselessly about the game.
"Talent, that's what's missing," Loki says, interrupting her spiel about how
their d-line needed tightening up. "No amount of strategy is going to
compensate for the lack of it."
She stops talking after that.
Kelda's house is massive, needlessly ostentatious, and just itching to be
ripped apart by some unfortunate incident. It's Thor that made the promise to
behave after all, not Loki. Jane squeezes her fingers over his arm before
drifting off, leaving Loki to wander the house alone. At some point Kelda
emerges from the crowd.
"You look very fetching today, Kelda."
She refuses to be impressed, instead wagging a finger at him, and saying, in
the faintly dreamy way that she has, "You promised to behave."
"I'm not a dog to be chastised. I won't pee on your carpet, although I'm
certain by the end of the night one of these idiots will."
"Hm," Kelda says. "That's certainly a possibility. But I like to think people
have better manners than that." She smiles, but it doesn't quite reach her
eyes.
Loki's tired of it, and pushes past her to look for Thor - who's nowhere to be
found, which is how Loki ends up drunk and morose on a couch, his head in the
lap of some girl whose name he doesn't know.
"He's awful," he complains, and she pats his head reassuringly. "I hate him."
Speak of the devil. Loki glares up at him and says spitefully, "You're blocking
my light, you giant Neanderthal."
"I'll take him now," Thor says. Somehow Loki's on his feet and Thor is pushing
him in the direction of the stairs. "You shouldn't be drinking," he says
accusingly.
"Neither should you."
"I'm almost eighteen."
"You do realize the law doesn't work on almosts." On his feet, he realizes he
is far less drunk than he could be, but when he grabs a passing cup Thor
snatches it from him and refuses to give it back. "Asshole."
"Uh-huh," Thor says, and propels him through a doorway, kicks it shut with his
foot. And just like that, they're alone.
"If you think I'm going to -" Loki starts indignantly. But he would, actually.
There's a cut on Thor's lower lip and bruising around his eye. Loki, despite
everything, finds himself sliding to his knees.
Thor makes a strangled sound when Loki starts unbuttoning his jeans, but says,
"You don't have to."
"I live in hope that you'll knock your teeth out against the side of the pool
someday," Loki says idly. "So you'd be less inclined to talk."
Thor's already hard when Loki draws him out, his hand coming to rest on the
back of Loki's head when Loki takes him into his mouth and looks up from under
his lashes. Thor leans his free hand against the wall, but waits patiently
instead of thrusting his hips forward or pushing Loki's head.
Loki can't stand it.
Afterwards, when he's come and Loki's swallowed dutifully, Thor drags Loki to
his feet and kisses him softly, before sneaking his hand into Loki's pants and
jerking him off, slow and steady. Loki rests his head against Thor's collarbone
and lets the world drift away, if only for a while.
When they make their way downstairs once again, there's some kind of kerfuffle
in the living room. "Thor," Fandral says, with much relief, when Thor enters
the room. "Look what those bastards did!"
All eyes turn to Thor with heavy, enthusiastic expectation.
"This won't end well," Loki tells Thor, with some trepidation, but Thor ignores
him.
"Why? What happened?"
 
The incident:
It's not his fault. After all, why should he care if the school's mascot is
defaced by some other school in some pointless rivalry over football.
Privately, Loki thinks it's hilarious. Although rather bad sportsmanship,
considering that their team had already lost. If he actually gave a damn about
school spirit he would probably be righteously pissed. Much like Thor, and Loki
has to listen to him rage for a good long while before he feels obliged to cut
in, "Then the obvious solution would be to get back at them, wouldn't it?"
As it turns out, there is a vast difference between defacement of property and
theft of it.
 
The counter-incident:
"Fandral, you're on lookout, Hogun, you take point, Volstagg, you know what you
have to do. Loki, you're with me." Loki follows Thor dutifully, after pulling
his mask over his face. Thor grumbles over the cat burglar gear, but Loki
convinces him it's important. "We don't want to look like a bunch of high
school students."
"Who else but a bunch of high school students would steal a school mascot?" He
halts underneath the statue, and Loki almost barrels into him. "That's a really
ugly mascot. Removing its head would only improve on its appearance, I say." He
hands his backpack to Loki, and climbs onto the statue's base.
Loki unzips the bag and removes the saw and protective glasses, passes it all
up.
"For glory!"
Loki can't tell if he's being ironic or not. But he looks very handsome,
muscular frame silhouetted against the moon like this, so it most likely
doesn't matter.
"Indeed," Loki replies, tilting his head back to stare. "Indeed."
What happens next is entirely and utterly not his fault. All he truly remembers
is Thor tossing the head down to him and telling him, "Run," as a crowd of
angry boys head determinedly towards them. He assumes Thor's right behind him,
but when he turns around, far away from the campus, he's alone.
Loki drops the statue onto the ground, bends down to catch his breath.
Oh, shit.
 
The incident's sobering conclusion:
Loki pleads innocence to all of it, even as he's hauled into the principal's
office along with everybody else. "I was in the library," he protests. He has
an alibi. A false one, but entirely air-tight.
"Oh please, it was a coordinated effort. As if these morons could come up with
a plan like that. Not you, Thor." She actually pauses in her diatribe to smile
at Thor, who beams back.
"Oh for the love of -" Loki rolls his eyes, and is rewarded with a narrowed
stare. "Look, it's not as if you have any evidence, seeing as how no-one from
the other school will even admit we were there." To be expected: five of them
and only one of Thor, and they lost.
Principal Lewis reaches under the desk, brings up the head. She puts it on the
table with a satisfied thunk. "This was found in your locker, Thor. Do you have
any explanation for this."
"Listen, I -"
"I wasn't speaking to you, Loki. Or any of you." The idiot three shut up,
although Hogun briefly glowers at Loki. Loki cares far less about that than the
look Thor shoots him, confusion and betrayal mixed into one.
"Principal Lewis," Thor says earnestly, "It really wasn't Loki's fault. I take
full responsibility for my actions. I'm the only one to blame."
A stern warning, no mark on his permanent record. It doesn't hurt that no boy
from the other school admits to anything at all.
It's astounding. Anyone else would have been expelled. Loki would have been
expelled.
"You're angry," Thor remarks, as they're driving home.
"Your powers of deduction are brilliant. What gave me away?"
Thor shrugs. "You're always mad at me nowadays."
"You wonder why?"
"Yes."
Loki shakes his head wearily. "Everything's so fucking easy for you, isn't it.
You skate through life, not a care in the world, never ever having to pay the
price or face a repercussion for your actions. It's disgusting, is what it is."
Thor grips the steering wheel tight, says quietly, "Would you have preferred it
if I'd gotten expelled?"
"Yes."
"Oh." He pauses for the longest time. "Is that why you put the head in my
locker?"
"No, I put it there because after all the effort you put into getting it I
thought you'd want to keep it, and I didn't think the lockers would get
searched. You really should change your combination, by the way."
"Why? You're the only one who knows it."
Loki sighs and slumps further against the door. "I can't wait until we go away
to different colleges, then I'll never have to see you again," he says, after a
while.
Thor doesn't reply, just slices a hurt, puppyish expression Loki's way before
turning his attention back to the road.
They drive the rest of the way back home in silence.
***** Interlude I *****
When Loki was three years old, he almost drowned. According to his mother,
she'd wandered off after drawing a bath to answer the phone, and Loki had
somehow managed to turn the knob on the bathroom door.
The way it's told, Thor found him lying face down in the tub, and even though
he was only five he immediately pulled Loki out and hit his chest until he
spluttered, and breathed.
Mom found him soon afterwards, cradling Loki to his chest and refusing to let
go.
Loki can't recall a thing, but it's a tale told so often that he can almost
taste the water, rose scented and warm, filling his lungs. Can almost feel
Thor's fists against his chest and his strong, chubby arms holding him tight.
Like all stories, it is only mostly true. Thor will shrug when Loki mentions
it, say, "Mom gave you CPR. I was five."
Still, Loki grew up thinking of his first kiss as given to him by Thor. When
Thor kissed him again, years later, Loki wasn't drowning, just pressed up
against a staircase railing as a party raged on downstairs. They were both
punch-drunk, Loki less so, and Thor pulled away after a while, shook his head
in confusion. "Loki, no," he said.
But all Loki could think of through the haze was what it felt like to be unable
to breathe, to have the air forced out of you, lungs filling instead with
water.
"Please," Loki replied, and for the briefest of moments everything made a
horrible, perfect sense. But then Thor was kissing him again, and it stopped.
***** Chapter 3 *****
The fallout:
Mom and Dad ground Thor for a week. They attempt to do the same to Loki, but
Thor shakes his head and says, "Please don't," and Mom stops, glances from Thor
to Loki and then back again.
"Go to your room, Loki," she says, her tone dark and concerned.
She's waiting in the kitchen when he sneaks out for a drink. "Your brother
loves you," she starts.
"God, everything really is about him, isn't it? It's as if I'm some pet that
was given to him as a birthday present. I apologize if I grew up less cute than
I was supposed to. There are no returns allowed."
She swallows. "That's not what I meant."
"Yes it is." Loki doesn't wait for her reply, just stalks off.
-
He tries his best to avoid home after that, mostly because Thor's massive sulk
hovers over the house like a black cloud. Loki refuses to give him the
satisfaction of winning: it's not as if Thor isn't just waiting for Loki to
give him a glimmer of hope before he comes bounding back. Thor never could hold
a grudge, not against Loki. The thought makes his heart squeeze, hard inside
his chest.
True enough, the day that his punishment is lifted Thor is sliding into the
seat across from Loki and opening his mouth. Loki points at the "Silence
Please" sign, and Thor shuts it abruptly. Libraries were not made for the likes
of Thor. Loki has to endure his crossed arms and general air of frustration for
an hour before they start flickering the lights.
"Go away," he hisses, as he starts packing his stuff.
He's weak though, so he allows Thor to walk home with him, books clutched to
his chest like a prim schoolgirl while Thor jams his hands in his pockets and
scuffs his feet.
"Come on, Loki," he says, at one point. "Don't be like this."
Loki halts. "I'm certain there are a dozen girls out there willing to suck your
cock if you'd just ask, Thor. And a few boys as well, if you'd risk your
precious reputation for that." A fleeting look of guilt crosses Thor's face.
"Honestly," Loki says. "I am not your whore." But Thor already has his fingers
hooked into one of Loki's belt loops and he's pulling Loki along.
"I parked the car nearby," Thor says, his voice riddled with hope.
"All right, fine," Loki says, more out of exasperation than anything else. Thor
has a tendency to be stupidly tenacious when it comes to whatever he wants at
any moment in time, and at some point it's not entirely worth the effort to
keep on denying him.
"I'll carry your books for you."
"Oh my god."
In the stupid car, strategically parked to be away from all but the most
industrious of prying eyes, he ends up straddling Thor's lap, jerking him off
slowly and purposefully. "Don't look so smug," Loki says, squeezing a little
too hard. Thor gasps, and wraps an arm around Loki's back and pulls him close,
so Loki can feel their hearts beating in synchronicity. Then: "I like to
imagine you fucking them, you know. All your pretty cheerleaders and groupies.
I think of you slipping your tongue into their wet pink cunts, opening them up
and making them come so hard that they don't care who hears them scream." He
doesn't have to imagine it, in truth: Thor isn't very discreet and technology
is a marvelous thing. "Do you think of me, brother?"
"Yes," Thor bites out, and comes, hot and pulsing into Loki's hand. "Yes I
think of you. Fuck, Loki. I always think of you."
As admissions go, it's not exactly expected. Loki pulls away, disoriented and
dismayed. His hand is sticky; he presses it against Thor's chest and smears the
come away as best he can. "I hate you," he says unsteadily, and Thor laughs,
harsh and faintly dazed.
"I know," Thor says, and kisses him.
 
The illusion of normalcy:
A hushed air of dread settles over the school as exams approach. Loki is
unconcerned, but Thor, in between swim practice, can be found most often in his
room, brow furrowed and chewing on a pencil. Loki pokes his head in on Friday
evening, shakes his head at him. "I'm going out for a movie. Do you want to
join me?"
"No." He points at the chair next to him, says, "Sit for a while, talk to me. I
could use a break."
"If that's your way of asking for a blowjob -"
"I can want your mouth for other reasons, Loki."
"Ah," Loki says, grabbing the chair and straddling it. "Too bad. I was going to
say yes." He peers at Thor's book and idly picks it up. Thor's studying the
wrong chapter. "Give me a highlighter," he commands, holding out his hand.
Thor passes it to him wordlessly, remaining silent as Loki highlights the
pertinent bits, until Loki's done and shuts the book. "You don't take this
class," is all he says, when Loki hands it back to him.
Loki shrugs. "I'm just that smart, I guess." He checks his watch. The movie's
already started. Will be almost done by the time he gets there. It doesn't
matter, he didn't want to watch it all that badly anyway. Thor returns back to
studying, and Loki ends up falling asleep on his bed.
 
The heart to heart:
Dad's on the roof, cigarette in his hand as he stares out into the city. "Don't
tell your mother," he says, when Loki slinks up behind him, hands tucked into
his jeans pockets.
"I won't if you give me one."
"Son, not yet. Not ever."
"I'm not your son," Loki says.
"If you weren't my son I'd wager you'd be far more polite." He turns his
attention back to the view, and Loki's stomach clenches, as always, with
anxiety and the need to please, coupled with the faint dread that he will never
measure up to Thor. Or even otherworldly beautiful and utterly stupid Balder.
It's easier, almost, to imagine that he can step out of all this expectation,
simply by virtue of never having been the correct blood to begin with. "There
was this cult," Dad begins.
"The Laufey House?"
"Yes." Surprise crosses his face.
Loki shrugs. "It made your career."
"Yes. They hailed me as a hero - but people died. Five days, and when we
finally broke through the barricades, when the smoke cleared, I entered first,
against orders, and there was a child, wrapped in a soiled, blood-stained
blanket and still. He was so still, and I thought, it's true, there is no God.
I picked him up, because I couldn't bear not to, and put him to my chest. He
started screaming, and wouldn't stop." He drops the cigarette to the ground,
grinds his booted foot over it. "We wanted to tell you. We always meant to."
Loki wipes a tear away with the back of his hand. "Yes, well. I imagine how
that conversation would have gone. Son, you're the product of a dangerous,
criminal cult that I and the fine, upstanding citizens of this city put down
like so much dogs. Happy fucking birthday."
"Loki -"
"Don't." He jerks his hood over his head angrily, turns and stalks away,
ignoring Dad's soft plea for him to stay.
 
Football, and other incendiary topics:
They are in Loki's bedroom when Fandral comes over, Saturday morning, and Mom
knocks on his door. "Loki, Fandral's here and Thor's not in his room. Do you
know where he is?"
Loki hisses, "Did you invite him over?"
"Yeah, we were gonna hang out."
Loki hits Thor in the shoulder. "Maybe you should have thought of that before
you fell asleep in my bed."
"It's fine, I can be in your room."
"You have dried come on your face. You're not leaving while she's out there.
No, I'm not joking."
"I keep telling you not to do that." Thor rubs at his cheek, and Loki sighs.
"I'm not his keeper," he calls out to Mom. "How would I know where he is? Put
Fandral in front of the aquarium, the bright fishes will entertain him until
Thor comes back." He throws on a sweatshirt, pants, and inspects himself in the
mirror. Disheveled, but relatively decent.
"And what do I do," Thor asks, needlessly churlish, Loki thinks.
"Wait until we are all safely in the living room and then get yourself to the
bathroom? I can draw you a map if you're worried you'll get lost." Thor tosses
a pillow at his head.
When Loki enters the living room Fandral says, "It's so soothing, watching them
swim."
Loki sighs. "Sorry about the game last night, man." He gives Fandral a brightly
supportive thumbs up when he turns around. "Maybe next time. I'm rooting for
you."
"Where's Thor?"
"In the bathroom, most likely."
Mom comes out of the kitchen with drinks on a tray. "But I checked, there was
no-one in any of the bathrooms."
Loki shrugs. "Fandral, are Thor and you going to practice your throw?"
"What? No, we're just going to hang out. Maybe go to the mall." Fandral looks
nonplussed. "Why, did he mention anything to you?"
"Ah, right yes. The mall. That might have been what he told me." Loki smiles
guilelessly and starts backing up down the hallway. "I have homework. I'll tell
Thor to hurry up." Thor never locks the bathroom door, so Loki opens it and
slides in, right as Thor is combing his hair. "Fandral says he wants to go to
the park, toss a football around or something."
Blue eyes blink at him from the reflection in the mirror. "With me? But why."
Thor's athletic prowess is legendary, and that he chose swimming to excel in is
entirely incidental. It could have just as well been any other sport and he'd
still bring back championship medals.
"I'm just the messenger." He makes a face. "Rather torturous way to spend a
weekend, if you ask me."
-
It's far too long for Thor to return, and Loki starts to despair that he will
in fact spend all day tossing around a football with Fandral, when there's a
knock on his door. "Loki, you there?"
"I'm busy," Loki calls out.
The door opens anyway. Thor makes himself comfortable on Loki's bed, his
muscular frame filling up the space in the way Loki doesn't. "Weren't you
supposed to be out all day," Loki asks, pointedly not looking away from the
computer screen.
"Eh, I don't know what's gotten into Fandral. He snapped at me for no reason
and then said he wanted to go home."
"So you decided to bother me instead?"
"Yes."
Everything's fine until Thor starts whining, in that insistent, demanding I-
won't-be-ignored way that he has.
Loki sighs and types something in and says, quite clearly, "No."
"Fine, I'll just entertain myself then." A pause. "Are you pretending to be a
girl on the internet again?"
"If you must know, yes I am pretending to be a girl on the internet again."
More specifically, pretending to be Volstagg's girlfriend. But Thor never needs
to know that. Or Volstagg. Loki almost feels sorry for the guy, he's so very
harmless. But it seems even crueller at this point to crush his heart.
"Is it fun?"
Loki stops typing momentarily. "Depends on your definition of fun."
"Mine involves actual physical contact with another human being," Thor says,
the bedsprings squeaking as he shifts. Loki continues to studiously ignore him,
but he can't keep it up for long, not with utterly obscene sounds Thor starts
making. He refuses to look, but all of his other senses are working just fine,
thank you very much. His own cock betrays him, stirring and starting to make
insistent demands. Finally, Loki types out a hasty goodbye to Volstagg and puts
the laptop to sleep. He turns to say something pithy, but forgets it at the
sight of Thor with his shirt off, one hand flung over his eyes and the other on
his cock, jutting out through the vee of his jeans.
Loki reaches for his phone, snaps a picture. Too late, he forgets to turn the
sound off, and the idiotic thing makes its entirely unnecessary false camera
snapping noise. It's enough for Thor to stop and lift his arm, his dazed eyes
clearing briefly and turning faintly accusing.
He's glaring at Loki now. "What are you going to do with that?"
Loki tosses the phone back into the table and rises. "Put it on Facebook?" At
Thor's frown he continues, "Oh for heaven's sake, as if I didn't have far
worse. If those haven't made it onto the internet yet - let's just hope you
never decide to run for public office."
He puts a knee onto the bed before Thor decides he's going to make Loki root
out and delete every single incriminating photo and video. Which would take a
while: if only Thor knew. But then, considering how Thor is mostly compromised
with Loki himself, it's hardly anything particularly useful. Still. "Take your
jeans off," he tells Thor now, and watches as Thor battles between wanting to
demand Loki hand over his phone and getting laid. As usual, the latter wins
out.
He scoots out of his jeans, and Loki sighs when he turns his expectant gaze
towards him. "Fine," he says, and starts removing his own clothes. Thor doesn't
let him quite finish before he's pulling Loki down, kissing him messily and
threading his fingers through Loki's hair.
"Urk," Loki says, when Thor finally lets him breathe.
"The drawer," Thor replies, irrepressibly smug.
His brother's not as stupid as he looks and acts sometimes. More's the pity,
then.
 
The surprise date:
Loki wanders into Thor's room to find him putting on aftershave. He's even run
a comb through his hair. "Did Sif actually agree to go out with you," Loki
asks, sprawling into Thor's study chair to better watch him fuss.
"Not Sif. Darcy."
"What do you mean, Darcy."
"She's fun, I like her."
"But what about Sif? Aren't you in love with her, all little red hearts for
eyes and writing sonnets dedicated to her beauty?"
He spins the chair around, and around, until he's stopped abruptly by Thor
clamping his hands onto the armrests and leaning over him. "It's just a date,
Loki. I'm not promising to marry her."
Loki widens his eyes slightly. "And what if Darcy's in love with you? Does she
know it's just a date?"
"We're just going to hang out. I'm pretty sure she knows."
"No, you're right." He shrugs and forces a smile onto his face. "She's pretty -
" he searches for the word. "- chill. So hey, knock yourself out."
Thor releases his grip on the chair, momentum forcing it backwards until Loki
hits the desk. "I'll be back later. Don't wait up."
Loki calls Darcy as soon as Thor's out the door. "You going out with Thor more
than once wasn't part of the deal," he hisses at her.
"Okay first of all, in retrospect one measly date for what I gave you? I got
screwed. Second of all, he asked me out. I'm not turning down a date with Thor.
Have you seen your brother?"
"No, yes. Of course. You two make a lovely couple," Loki says.
"Okay, hold up there. I don't want to be his prom queen or whatever I just want
him to maybe cop a feel or something. Why is he such a prude? Does not live up
at all to his reputation so far, I have to say. It's not like I'm a troll or
something."
"It's not you," Loki says soothingly. "It's just that, well."
"What?"
"Thor's kind of a romantic. No I'm serious, stop laughing. He's only really
into girls that he can foresee having a relationship with."
"So what you're saying is I should act more like I wanna be his girlfriend or
whatever? Seriously?" She pauses. "What's that noise?"
"Nothing." Loki stops banging his head on his desk. "No, I'm not saying
anything. Do whatever you want, I don't care."
-
Thor returns two hours later, pokes his head into Loki's bedroom. "How was your
date?" Loki asks, yawning as he sits up on the bed.
"Don't," Thor replies grouchily, but instead of coming in he closes the door,
and Loki tracks his footsteps as they tread down the hall to his own bedroom
and the door opens, then slams shut.
 
The plan, an addendum:
Considering the number of people Loki sold the papers to, it would be obvious
to all but the most obtuse that there were some kind of Cheating Shenanigans
going on. But without any evidence, and with the small matter of most of the
cheaters being the school's most beloved athletes and sons and daughters of
Important People, it would most likely have been cheerfully swept Under The
Rug.
Except Principal Lewis has principles. Loki's standing by his locker when she
passes him, eyes blazing and heels clicking meaningfully on the tiles. The look
she shoots him is enough to kill small helpless kittens, it's so virulent.
This is both a) too soon and b) not enough. Loki sees it now: the students will
be chastised, they will be made to retake the test. Not a single head will
roll.
It simply won't do.
"What's that about," Thor asks.
"Nothing," Loki replies distractedly.
Time for phase two, then.
"Loki," Principal Lewis says, with the heavy sigh of the damned, when he shows
up at her office after school. "To what do I owe the pleasure? Have you come to
confess your part in this latest mess?"
"As a matter of fact, that's exactly why I'm here."
 
Fifteen minutes later:
"And also, your daughter went out with Thor, were you aware of that? Even
you've heard of Thor's reputation, surely." He stares meaningfully at his
phone.
Principal Lewis snorts. "Please, are you honestly expecting me to believe Thor
would make that kind of video? Not to mention passing it to you?"
"We are brothers," Loki snaps, more harshly than he'd intented.
"Yes, it's a shame that you're not more like him. Even Balder was a pleasure."
Loki wants to snarl at her, but instead he inhales deeply and says, "Thor's not
always aware of his surroundings. Especially when he's otherwise occupied."
"You little creep," she says, distaste hardening her voice. "You wouldn't."
"I actually would."
"No."
"Do you want to see?" He holds out the phone to her, and she visibly recoils.
"She's fifteen."
"There are fourteen year olds with herpes, Principal Lewis." He shakes his head
reproachfully. "Kids these days. Where is the parental supervision, I ask you.
It's bad enough she stole the papers right from under your nose."
"Fine." She sounds pained, and furious. Loki will have to fix this at some
point. But not right now.
"What exactly do you want."
Loki smiles.
 
Later, the same day:
Darcy accosts him in the hallway and pulls him into an abandoned music room, to
light up cigarettes she's rolled that are not entirely filled with tobacco. The
air is thick with smoke, and his eyes are watering, but he's too lazy to get up
from his cross-legged position on the floor.
"My mom's sending me to boarding school," Darcy says miserably.
"Is she?"
"Kept screaming about my fucking reputation, like it's the fucking sixties. And
it'd be one thing if it were true, but Thor didn't even touch me." She blinks
wildly, accusingly, "You should have asked him to."
"I can't force Thor to fuck you."
"Why not? What's the use of me being young and vulnerable if he's not going to
take advantage of that?" She deepens her voice. "You're a lovely young lady,
Darcy. But not old enough. Who the fuck even talks like that anymore?"
"You'll only be disappointed. He has a tiny dick. Can't keep it up long."
"Oh please. Carol Danvers told me he can go all night. And he's huge." She
holds her hands about ten inches apart.
Everything about Thor that's both true and untrue. Moral, brave, great in the
sack and a cock that would make a horse blush.
Also given to ill-timed bouts of violence and fucking his own brother.
"He's overrated," Loki says, and means it entirely. He grabs the cigarette from
her and tilts his head back to take a drag. When he lowers it, she's on her
hands and knees, face about an inch from his. Her eyes are unbecomingly huge,
red rimmed and blown almost black. "You wanna fool around?" she asks. "I'll let
you touch my boobs."
"I won't be a substitute for my brother."
"That's great, because you're nothing like him."
Loki tilts his head, says, "Okay then."
 
Even later, the same day:
Thor shows up in Loki's room uninvited, shoves at him until Loki makes room on
the bed. But he says, "There's a hickey on your neck."
"Is there? Must be yours."
"No, it's not mine. I know what marks I leave on you."
It can't possibly be true, but it's effective nonetheless. Loki flounders for a
bit, then spills.
Thor frowns. "She's very young."
"She's only four months younger than I am."
"Ah." Then, "Was it your first time?" There's a dangerously sentimental tone to
his voice, as if he's going to start patting Loki on the back and take him out
for drinks to celebrate him becoming a man. There's also an edge to it, faintly
underlying, and he can't quite meet Loki's gaze.
Loki bristles. "Of course not, don't be silly. Although we can't all put our
cock in everything that moves." Not that he even got close with Darcy. Which
Thor doesn't have to know.
"I do not put my cock into everything that moves." This is true, unfortunately.
Thor isn't capable of lying to him. Thor's legendary reputation with girls is
mostly bullshit. Loki knows this because he's started a fair bit of it. And the
rest, well. Everyone enjoys a good rumor. "Who was she?" Thor says, settling
back down onto the bed and bumping Loki's shoulder.
"Who?"
"The girl. The first."
"Uh." Loki thinks wildly, desperately. "I don't kiss and tell. It's impolite
and disrespectful towards women. So my older brother keeps telling me."
Thor seems unconvinced, so Loki turns into him and unbuttons his jeans, until
Thor's eyes darken and he stops talking for a while. When he's close, when he's
shuddering into Loki and he gets that low growl in the back of his throat, Loki
leans up and whispers into his ear, "I lied. You'll always be my first," and
Thor comes, sharp and startled and loud enough that Loki has to clamp his hand
over his mouth to shut him up.
 
The wildcard:
In chemistry, Loki ends up with a new lab partner when his previous one
mysteriously refuses to work with him anymore. It's part of his plan, but he
can't help but be annoyed when all the teacher says is, "Right, Loki. Clearly,"
before pointing him at another table.
Loki hauls his ass over and beams at the girl sitting there. "Hi, I'm Loki.
You're Leah, right?"
"Yes I know who you are, you're Thor's brother."
Loki deflates. "I know your mom," he says. "She's the crazy recycling broad
with the truck, right?"
Leah stares blankly at him. "Crazy is an ableist term," she says finally. "And
broad is just offensive. Not to mention dated."
Loki is, momentarily, at a loss for words. He recovers soon enough, smiles
engagingly and says, "We're going to be the best of friends, Leah."
"Really not," Leah says.
-
Leah is a junior reporter at the school newspaper.
This is important, but not entirely why he wants to get to know her better.
Thor's wrong. He can make friends if he wants to.
-
"I thought we were going to study," Leah says dubiously, when Loki brings her
to his favorite place in the world.
"We can study afterwards," Loki says, signaling for the waitress to bring over
his regular, only times two. "This place has the best milkshakes."
"I'm not allowed to have dairy," Leah says with a pained expression on her
face. Loki's not sure if it's because she's so unhappy to be here or something
else.
"If you're lactose intolerant I can order you the soy."
"I'm not. My mother's just anti-dairy. It's fine, I'll try it."
"Your mother scares me."
"I don't think anyone scares you," Leah says, droll, as the milkshakes are
deposited at their tables.
Loki beams at the waitress. "Charlie, I want you to meet my friend Leah."
Charlie beams down at Leah, and says, "Well aren't you cuter than a pixie." She
winks conspiratorially and stage-whispers, nodding at Loki. "You watch out for
this one, he's a heartbreaker."
"I'm pretty sure my heart is safe from breakage," Leah says. When the waitress
is called off, she leans across the table and tells Loki, "And we are not
friends. Just because I have the misfortune of being lab partners with you
doesn't mean I think you're cute. Or that I want to make out with you."
Loki pushes the milk-chocolate flavored glass of frothy goodness towards her.
"You might change your mind after you try this," he says.
It turns out, if your body isn't used to much dairy, it doesn't much want to
consume it. "You're the worst," Leah says. Her face is faintly green, and Loki
leads her out of the diner hastily. "The absolute worst."
She throws up all over Loki's sneakers.
-
Darcy doesn't get shipped off to boarding school after all. She sits behind
Loki in class and taps him on the shoulder, leans forward, "My mom says if I
promise not to get an STD she'll let me stay here. I told her what you told me,
about soccer and how I was so looking forward to spending time in an all-girl
environment. You want to hang out after school?"
"Sure." He turns look at her. "We're not dating or anything right?"
"What, no. Ew," she says huffily, pulling back. "You're totally not my type.
Besides, I heard you have the hots for that weird reporter girl or something."
"She's not weird," Loki replies. "And I do not. We're just friends."
-
"For the last time, Loki, we're not friends."
"You invited me to meet your mom," Loki points out, quite reasonably enough.
"No, I invited you over to prep for our class. Meeting my mom is just an
unavoidable consequence."
Speaking of: Leah's mom, blinking at them both before narrowing her gaze at
Loki, who shrinks back slightly behind Leah. "Do you recycle, Loki?"
"I uh, I try."
"It's important," she says reproachfully.
Leah grabs his hand and tugs him towards the stairs. "We're going to study.
Please leave us alone."
"So what you're telling me," Leah says thoughtfully, after they've readied
themselves for their class and Loki has gently steered the conversation to the
topic of the recent tests, "is that you accidentally found out a fair number of
people cheated on their exams."
"Why do I get the feeling you just did mental quotation marks over the word
accidentally."
"Because I did mental quotation marks over the word accidentally." She side-
eyes him. "I'm not as stupid as you think I am."
"I don't think you're stupid," Loki says defensively. She's a whole bunch of
things Loki doesn't even remotely want to unpack right now. He has more
pressing needs. "But cheating is bad?"
"Please."
"It's a good story, regardless. The popular jocks getting away with things no-
one should get away with. It's a travesty."
Leah looks thoughtful. "But everyone likes them, Loki. Everyone."
Loki groans, and balls his fists at his eyes. "You can publish anonymously if
you're worried about becoming a social pariah afterwards. The legacy of
favoritism and the social hierarchy and all that."
"That's not been my experience as to how this school works."
"So what," Loki says. "It's the story that determines truth in the end. Make it
believable."
"I'm a journalist, not a fiction writer," Leah says crossly. "You do realize
your brother will be implicated in this?"
"Thor doesn't cheat."
"Yes, but." Her gaze is frank, accessing, and Loki has to look away. Thor will
be fine. Thor is blessed by all the gods you might or might not believe in, and
will emerge unscathed from any kind of fallout Loki can forsee. "Fine," she
says finally. "I suppose the school year has been rather boring so far. There
wasn't even a protest like last year."
Loki brightens. "Yes, do you want to know how I -" He shuts up at her
withering, unimpressed glare. "Should I leave?"
"You could. Or we could make out." The expression on her face, the usual one
she holds when looking at him, doesn't change.
"Um," Loki says.
 
The result:
The article is perfect: scathing, incendiary, and most of all, damning towards
all involved. By the end of the week, almost eight students are suspended,
including, surprisingly, Thor.
More importantly, every other parent is infuriated that it took a school
newspaper for this widespread cheating to come to light. "Why was nothing done
about this earlier," is the common refrain.
Why, indeed.
"I didn't cheat," Thor says to Mom and Dad, sounding outraged at the mere
thought.
"We know, Thor." This is Mom, shaking her head.
"I'll take care of this, don't worry." Dad picks up the phone.
Thor's gaze wanders, settles on Loki. Loki shakes his head and turns tail,
escapes into his bedroom. He considers locking the door, but might as well get
it over with now. Sure enough, he hears the doorknob turn, and before he can
get up off the bed Thor has his hand on Loki's back, pushing him down as he
straddles him.
"Ow." He turns and glares. "You troglodyte. Get off."
"What kind of a game are you playing, Loki? Half the swim team's suspended. My
friends. Our friends. I have - had championships next week."
"What on earth would make you think that has anything to do with me?"
"Because," Thor says threateningly. Loki isn't quite threatened.
"If you must know, I'm acting out because I just found out I was adopted."
Thor's gaze softens, and Loki turns back to his book, only to have his head
yanked up by the hair. "Violence is not an acceptable response to anger," Loki
says.
Thor releases him, but only to grab his arms and twist them behind his back.
"What are you doing," Thor asks again, slowly. Loki presses his head down into
the pillow and groans. He can't help it. Thor stills. "Loki," he says.
"Fuck you, let me go."
"No, I just." He leans down, and his lips brush across the nape of Loki's neck.
"I don't understand you," he says. "Why?"
"Why not?" Thor releases him abruptly, and Loki sits up. "I've heard that
losing builds strength. You might want to try that once in a while."
"I might lose, but that requires that I even get to compete in the first
place." He sits down heavily, his face dark and contemplative. "Or are we in
some kind of a competition and no one told me?"
"We're brothers, Thor," Loki says. "Everything has always been a competition."
***** Interlude II *****
Thor trains entirely too much. Loki has precious little interest in watching
his pointless pursuit to shave off seconds, except for those times when Thor is
his ride home. Then he mostly huddles a safe distance away, in the eerily quiet
swim complex that Thor's given special access to after closing hours. He
usually has his iPad and headphones with him, but in the end he spends far more
time watching Thor cut a swath through the water, his body lithe and golden.
Sometimes, he gets bored enough to venture close, gingerly looking in and
waiting for Thor to hit his mark and notice him. "Don't you ever get bored," he
asks. "You never go anywhere."
"It's not about going somewhere, it's about how fast you are."
"But there's no point."
Thor wipes water from his face and swims towards him, causing Loki to edge
away. "We've had this conversation before," Thor says. He rests his elbows on
the tiles, uncaring that there's water pouring down his face, and Loki wants
nothing more than to kiss him then. He drops to his knees, feels his jeans soak
through almost immediately, and cradles Thor's head in his hands.
"Why swimming?" he asks instead. "I can't swim."
"Because you choose not to learn."
"You know why."
"You don't have to be afraid." Thor captures Loki's wrists in his hands,
encircling them tightly.
"Why, because you'll always be there to rescue me? That's not the way the world
works, Thor," he adds, before Thor opens his fool mouth and says something
stupid and earnest and utterly untrue. But Thor starts to speak anyway, so Loki
gives in to his earlier urge and kisses him, wet and open mouthed. He tastes
like chlorine, like drowning.
***** Chapter 5 *****
Repercussions, and all that:
Loki was careful to cover his tracks. No-one but the Lewises know who sold the
papers, and they're not telling anyone. Leah's journalistic integrity prevents
her from revealing her sources, and Thor would never.
And yet here he is, on a bright Tuesday afternoon, surrounded by a group of his
so-called peers, incensed and unreasonable. Loki, wisely, decides to stop
talking, after his first attempt to defend himself ends up with him getting a
smack across the mouth.
He's resigned himself to ending up as piñata when Thor shows up. His arm is
abruptly released, and Loki slumps against a nearby wall, blinking sweat and
blood out of his eye and heaving a sigh.
"Thor -" someone starts. Loki can't remember his name. Vili or something.
"No," Thor says steadily. "I think that's enough."
They all exchange glances, and finally someone clears their throat, "You should
be more pissed than we are. This was supposed to be your year."
"Yeah," is all Thor says, not taking his gaze away from Loki. His expression is
oh so carefully blank. After a moment everyone just disperses, carefully
navigating around Thor as they walk off. Thor barely waits until they're gone
before he grabs Loki by the neck and pulls him near. "Are you okay?"
"Other than the bleeding, I'm fine. You're hurting me."
"Right, sorry," Thor says, and releases him. "Come on, let's go home."
Back home, Thor sits Loki down at the kitchen counter. "You're going to bruise
badly. Mom's going to be really upset."
"Why? It's not her blood that was spilled." In response, Thor only presses his
lips to Loki's forehead, and Loki wants to push him away, but instead he finds
himself lifting his hands and looping them around Thor's shoulders. Like he
used to when they were kids and Thor wasn't that much bigger than he was.
"You're lucky I was there. What happens the next time?"
"Don't worry about it," Loki says breezily. "I always have a contingency plan."
"Why do I not like the sound of that?"
"Are you mad?" Loki asks.
"No," Thor says. "I'm disappointed."
"You sound like Dad. I'm so disappointed, son. Except Dad won't make me fuck
him afterwards." Thor grimaces, staggers back. Too far. Loki clenches his fists
against his thighs. But he can't take it back, and he won't apologize, not even
when Thor searches his face, clearly expecting some kind of concession.
"Fine," Thor says, slamming the ice-pack onto the table. "Go wash up. You're a
mess." He storms out of the apartment, and doesn't return until evening, sullen
and reserved and refusing to look at Loki.
It's not the most awkward family dinner they've ever had, but it's pretty
close.
Dad says, "One child suspended, the other one in trouble yet again - what did
you do this time to deserve the beating, Loki?"
"Don't speak to him like that," Thor says, his fork clattering to the plate.
Mom jumps, and Dad says, "Both of you, to your rooms. Now."
Loki's used to being sent to his room. Thor less so. He scrapes the chair
backwards hastily, almost tipping it over in his rush to get away. Loki thanks
Mom for the lovely food, and doesn't slam the bedroom door behind him.
Thor slips into the room when Loki's finally falling asleep. "Cute," he says,
laying the medal down on Loki's sternum. Loki lifts it up, peers at the Best
Idiot Brother engraved on it.
"There's an empty space on your shelf," Loki says. "I thought you might want it
filled. You were almost second place, but Balder managed to graduate."
"At least you still consider me your brother."
"I had it made before I found out," Loki says, and when Thor furrows his brow
he sits up, puts the ribbon over Thor's head, using it to tug him close. Thor
allows it for a few moments before he pulls away.
"This doesn't fix anything. How involved were you in all of this?"
Loki looks away, and Thor grabs his chin, forces his head up. They stare at
each other for a brief, endless moment. "Right," Thor says eventually. "I see."
"I'm sorry," Loki says. "I didn't mean for any of this to happen."
"Don't lie, hey." Thor lets him go to stand up. Loki wants to crawl after him,
beg for forgiveness, but in the end he only shrugs aimlessly, and turns his
back as Thor leaves the room, shutting the door silently behind him.
 
The random opportunity:
Mom and Dad have to go away for a week, some law enforcement seminar that Mom
at least has been looking forward to for weeks, but she says, her fingers
ghosting over Loki's bruises, "Perhaps I should stay."
"What, you don't trust me to be alone without parental supervision?"
"Loki, you know that's not true." It's entirely true: Loki wouldn't trust
himself. "I know," she says haltingly, "it's been a difficult few months for
you. But you're my son, and I will always worry."
Loki rises to his feet and forces a smile to his face. "Go," he says, kissing
her on the cheek. "We do know how you enjoy the beaches down in Miami."
"Oh, but the little drinks with the umbrellas," she says dreamily.
The day they leave, Dad gives a flurry of instructions to Thor on how to
behave, "No parties, no girls. Your poor mother still hasn't recovered from the
last time we were away."
Loki's eating ice cream at the kitchen table. He ignores everyone until Dad
says, "I expect you to be responsible for his behavior." Thor, wisely, doesn't
respond, and ignores Loki's snort of disgust.
When the door snaps shut behind them, Loki calls out, "Did he give you
permission to spank me should I misbehave?"
"He knows you enjoy that type of discipline," Thor says.
It's the first time they've been alone together in weeks where Thor hasn't
immediately made an excuse to leave the room. They've fought before, but never
for this long. It's unsettling, not being in Thor's good graces. Or being
indulged by him. Like being turned away from the sun, or finding a hole inside
yourself you hadn't been aware was being filled to begin with. He shouldn't
find it so vexing, but he does.
Perhaps he will outgrow it someday.
Leah's not talking to him either, but in her case Loki decides it's because
she's female, and they're prone to erratic and illogical behavior, and it's not
possible to reason with someone like that.
Thor opens the freezer door. "There's no more ice cream," he says, his tone
reflecting deep disappointment.
Loki hugs the tub to his chest protectively. "Mine," he says.
"But you don't even like chocolate that much."
"I'm enjoying it loads more now that I know you don't have any." He checks his
watch. "Oh, and the stores are closed."
"We're grounded anyway."
"You cannot be serious." Thor uses his distraction to make a play for the ice
cream. Loki dances away and shoves a giant spoonful in his mouth. "None for
choo," he garbles. But Thor's not aiming for the tub, he's aiming for Loki's
chin. Which he grabs and then forces his huge maw of a mouth on - "Ahhh."
When Loki finally wrenches himself away Thor beams at him, a bright, chocolate-
smeared beam, and wipes his face with the back of his hand.
"That's disgusting," Loki says, entirely affronted.
"You should learn how to share."
"I had it first. Besides, there wasn't enough for two. Stop looking at me like
that. I am very angry."
 
An hour later:
"The ice cream's melted," Loki says. "We seem to have made a mess." Thor
mumbles something incoherent, throwing his arm across Loki's bare chest. Every
part of Loki aches, but pleasantly. The stickiness isn't so pleasant though.
"At least we should get off the couch. If any one shows up they'd be
scandalized."
"Mhm."
Loki squeezes Thor's bicep idly. "Do you know what? We should have a party."
Thor finally seems to have regained his sense of speech. "Which part of 'behave
yourselves' do you not understand?"
"Which part of 'they will be gone for a week' don't you?"
"No."
"Just a tiny party. A few close friends. More of a gathering, really."
"No," Thor repeats.
 
Two hours later:
"But you don't even enjoy the company of people."
"Yes, but." Loki makes his voice go small, "Everyone hates me. Maybe if we had
a party."
"Since when do you care what everyone thinks?"
"Of course I care." The best lies are always closest to the truth. This one,
Loki can't even convince himself is entirely made up. They should all be
beneath him. Even Thor. Especially Thor.
And yet.
"Please, Thor."
Thor throws his hands up in the air, and just like that Loki's won. Loki
crosses his arms as Thor drops his own. "A small one," he says grudgingly. "No
games."
"Well I do enjoy Spin the Bottle -"
"Loki."
"You sound like a pitbull when you growl like that." Thor glowers
threateningly. "No games," Loki says. "Trust me."
 
The party:
It starts with a girl in a red dress, sitting on the balcony and crying, and
ends with three boys in the hospital by the time Thor has calmed down.
The truth is, the party had gotten out of hand almost even before it had
started, for very many reasons that had nothing at all to do with Loki. One was
that everyone knew Thor, and loved Thor. Two was that Thor knew and loved
everyone back in return.
"Which part of 'we need to keep this small' do you not understand - your own
words," Loki says, a scant few hours earlier, when Thor cheerfully invites a
boy that Loki hadn't even known went to their school. "You're supposed to be an
elitist and self-aggrandizing jerk, you know," he calls out, as Thor disappears
into his bedroom to grab a shirt.
Thor pokes his head out from behind the door. "Sometimes it's as if you live in
a world entirely made up in your head."
"Do try not to hit anyone, at least."
To recap: crying girl.
Loki kneels down next to her and she inches slightly away, tugging her skirt
down over her knees. "Don't tell Thor," he says quietly.
"Don't tell me what," Thor says, appearing at the balcony door like a figment
of some god's imagination, tall and imposing and his hair golden-haloed by the
lights inside, gently waving in the breeze.
Loki puts his finger to his lips, but then he spots Sif, coming up to stand
next to Thor. "On second thought," he says.
The gleam in Thor's eyes is unholy: righteous rage and determination and Loki
pictures him as blunt, deadly instrument, boys shattering to irreparable pieces
under the fury of his strike.
Which, as it turns out, isn't that far from what happens.
 
The day after:
The first thing Dad says is, "I see the two you of have set aside your
differences." He doesn't sound pleased. Dad threatens to arrest Thor, but as
always, it's an empty threat and he doesn't even bother coming back from his
trip. Being faced with heavy disappointment isn't so bad over the phone when
you can just put him on speaker and start the arduous process of cleaning up.
Loki picks up a shattered piece of glass. He can't tell if it's from the vase
on the coffee table or the one next to the couch. Dad says, "Loki, stop putting
me on speakerphone and get your brother on the line. Now."
A half-hour, Loki times it, from when Thor picks up the phone to when he
finally hangs up, and at some point he starts banging his head, silently,
against the nearest wall. Loki almost feels sorry for him. Almost, because Thor
never cleans up his messes.
He holds up the two bags of trash he's accumulated and says, with as much
scathing disdain as he can muster, "I'm going to go toss this out now, thanks."
Thor merely puts the receiver away from his ear and gives him a pitiful look.
Loki has never hated him more.
-
He comes into Thor's room when they're finally done, and kneels at the side of
his bed.
"So that was certainly an experience. The hospital called, and Lieutenant
Heimdall. But we can talk about that tomorrow."
"I'll tell them it was all me, when they return."
"No, the wanton violence, I'm pretty sure they already know it's always just
you." He picks up Thor's hand in his own and puts his mouth over his bruised,
bleeding knuckles. Thor hisses, but doesn't do more than watch Loki with
sleepy, hooded eyes.
Loki lifts his head. "The mighty Thor," he murmurs. "Defender of the weak,
savior to all that need saving."
"You're mocking me."
"Well, yes." He pauses. "Also, you broke my favorite mug."
"I'm sorry. I'll get you a new one."
"At least one of us had fun."
Thor's gaze darkens. "It's not about having fun."
"So you keep saying." Thor reaches for him, but Loki deftly avoids his grasp
and scoots to the end of the bed. Thor grumbles, but gives up easily enough, or
so Loki presumes, until he stops paying attention and Thor grabs the hood of
his sweatshirt.
"Off," he says.
"Or?"
Thor just looks surprised, as if disobedience never occurred him. "Or," he says
after a beat, "I rip it off you."
Loki tugs off the hood defiantly, and throws it at Thor. "It's ruined with
blood anyway. Thank you once again." Thor merely laughs and makes a 'get on
with it' motion. Loki takes his time before he climbs onto the bed, crawls up
until he's hovering above Thor. His hoodie is still on Thor's chest. He pushes
it aside. Thor, ever impatient, hooks his leg behind Loki's back and draws him
down. Loki digs under Thor's arm, finds the spot and pinches hard, until Thor
releases him.
"That hurt," he says, sounding much put upon.
"Shall I kiss it and make it better?"
"Yes." Loki kisses him on the lips instead, presses their mouths together
chastely. He expects Thor to deepen it, but he brings his hand up to cup Loki's
neck and nothing else, leaving Loki to open his mouth, encourage Thor to open
his by biting down on the soft flesh of his lip. Thor lets him with a gasp, his
hips jerking up as Loki fucks his mouth slowly, deliberately. Come on, come on,
but Thor won't take the bait, until it's Loki that's shimmying against him,
desperate and needy.
He ends up riding Thor for what seems like hours, his fingers gripped against
the headboard as Thor keeps his eyes closed, barely awake, hair fanning out
against the pillow. He leans down eventually to whisper in Thor's ear, "You did
good," to kiss his forehead, and eyes, and cheeks.
"Yeah?" Thor whispers against his lips.
"So good."
 
The wildcard:
Sif shows up the next day.
Loki peers at her. "Are you sure you want to see him, he hasn't quite calmed
down yet."
Thor appears from the hallway and Sif says, "He looks pretty calm to me," but
she's smiling at Loki, as if he amuses her somehow.
"He must be happy to see you," Loki says sourly, but by then she's lost
interest in him because Thor has turned his smile, brilliant and beguiling,
upon her.
They sit on the living room couch, and Loki found out years ago that if he
cracks his door open just an inch and sits next to it, silent and still, he can
hear all but the softest of conversations. What it is is mostly: boring, until
at one point Thor mentions Loki and then Sif says, "Your brother," and Thor
replies, and it's only because he knows every cadence in Thor's voice that he
hears the faint tension in it when he says, "What about him."
Sif must be more perceptive than he originally gave her credit for, because she
pauses and then says, "Nothing, just wondering where he was." Loki shuts the
door without waiting for Thor's reply.
 
The girl:
"You didn't come to my party," he tells Leah, when he sees her again.
"It was your party," Leah says. "I believe that's explanation enough. Your face
looks terrible."
Loki touches the tender flesh on his cheek. "Does it make me look dashing?
Brave and warrior-like and all that?"
"No, it makes you look stupid. And like you lost a fight." She turns
deliberately away from him. "Your brother's year is ruined. I hope you're
happy, you got what you wanted."
"No-one will speak to me, my parents have grounded me for life and I'm pretty
sure my locker's been glued shut. But yeah, other than that I'm perfect."
Leah shakes her head, her long dark hair swinging around her thin frame.
"Can we go for milkshakes? I could really use one right now."
She purses her lips, but says, finally, "Fine. But I'm not paying."
 
The return to normalcy, whatever there is left of it:
"But why," Thor asks. They're sitting in a secluded corner of the quad, Loki
with his legs on the outside of the bench and his head against the table so he
can look up at the sky. It looks like rain. Thor, remarkably, is studying, his
hair hidden by the red hood of his jacket. "Well?"
"Because nothing ever changes," Loki says tiredly. "Life is high school, over
and over again. Thor is beloved. Jane is perfect. Everyone else is less than
and invisible. And I'm just - me. I can't even commit incest without it turning
out to be a lie."
Thor's silent for the longest time, and when Loki glances at him he's got his
pencil in his hand and he's just staring at Loki. "Are you saying," and he
lowers his voice even though there's no one else around, "that this is some
sort of social experiment to you?"
Loki can't keep his gaze for too long. He flicks his eyes back to the blank,
uncaring grey of the sky. "You tell me," he says evenly.
Thor sighs, and Loki flinches at the sound of his book slamming shut violently.
He reaches out a tentative hand though, curls it on the bench, palm facing up.
Nothing, until warm fingers lace through his own, squeeze tight.
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