Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/12345804.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      F/M
  Fandom:
      Dawson's_Creek
  Relationship:
      Dawson_Leery/Joey_Potter, Joey_Potter/Pacey_Witter, Joey_Potter/David
      Wilder
  Character:
      Joey_Potter, Pacey_Witter, Jen_Lindley, David_Wilder, Dawson_Leery
  Additional Tags:
      Pacey/Joey_in_the_end, AU_a_lot_from_mid_s2, 15_16_17_year_olds_have_sex
      with_other_15_16_17_year_olds, Reference_to_canon_abuse, Joey_gets_laid_a
      lot
  Stats:
      Published: 2017-10-13 Words: 4876
****** where the charges meet ******
by sandyk
Summary
     This is the sort of story Joey will write about later. (AU from mid
     s2)
Notes
     Not mine, no profit garnered. Title and chapter titles from Caroline
     Cabrera's dear sensitive beard. AU from bad moon rising. Thanks to A
     for beta help, all mistakes mine.
1. People think the sky reflects the ocean, but it doesn't. It is all about
refraction.
Joey sat back in her chair and frowned. "So you don't think it's good? It's not
well-written?"
Professor Wilder said, "It has the potential to be good. What you've written
here is, it's a little rote. It's not surprising. You need to find your voice
in all this. We all have sex, we all lose our virginity, it's different for
girls, but what about your experience? Not good, not bad, but uniquely Joey."
"How do I make it less rote then?" Joey kept frowning. She'd liked it, she
thought she'd achieved something.
"Dig deeper. Use your words. Focus on the guts of the thing, what are you
saying with this? What story do you want to tell? I bet it's a great story,"
Professor Wilder said, his big handsome smile even bigger than usual.
"Okay," Joey said, getting up. She was intent, she had to do well.
She sat up all night while Audrey went out dancing. Joey should have gone
dancing. She liked dancing. Maybe she'd meet someone. She actually had no
interest in meeting someone.
Maybe she'd see Professor Wilder. She was tempted to pull out all of her hair.
She thought, mostly, her story, the one she wanted to tell, wasn't that each
first time after the first was better, but more that at age 15 and age 16,
she'd been an idiot. She'd felt everything like it was a billboard blaring in
her head. She was doomed from the start, she thought, nearly laughing. She was
doomed by her first 14 years of analyzing and talking so damn much.
She started writing that. Three hours later, she had something.
She handed it in to Professor Wilder, and he smiled back at her.
They met in his office again. Wilder said, "This is so much better. I am taking
credit for all of it because I pushed you and I think that's something you
should get used to, Miss Potter. Because you are brilliant and all sort of much
less talented people will surround you and try to bask in your sunshine."
"I hope that's an A," Joey said, blushing.
"It is, absolutely."
She saw him on campus one night, after she'd finished his class. He said, "I
always wanted to know, what happened with boy 1, 2 and 3?"
"Broke up with the first one after 3 months, the second was a long distance
relationship and it just fell apart. The third, we dated for over a year. But
at some point, he seemed to decide he really liked to drink and we broke up a
month before I wrote that essay for you. But he went to rehab, I think his life
is turning to the better side," Joey said.
"So you're getting back together?"
"Nope," Joey said. "This is fun to talk about, do you have any open wounds I
can poke at?"
"I'm divorced," Wilder said. "I might be making the mortal sin of hitting on a
student."
"Ex-student," Joey said. "I'm not taking any classes with you. I probably won't
ever."
Wilder stepped closer. "So then I show up in your next essay as the older man?"
"Do you ever warn women you sleep with you might write about them? Cause I read
your book," Joey said.
"You're being very challenging right now," Wilder said.
She really did find him attractive. She hadn't been thinking about it too hard
but now she was back to thinking a lot, about his wide smile and his game show
host hair, in a good way.
There were steps, of course. They flirted more and moved from the path around
the campus to Wilder's house. They both had a glass of wine. Then his pants
were somewhere around his calves and Joey said, "I'm on the pill, are you
infected with anything?"
"I'm currently manfully resisting the 300 leering remarks I just thought of,
besides that, I'm clean as a whistle," Wilder said.
Then she was on top of him, her legs spread around his hips, knees pressing
into his couch, his hard penis inside her. She felt like a woman, mature in her
power. 19 years old, she was everything.
She was just as sure she would regret being an immature brat in three hours.
2. Just like any time there is a double rainbow, that second rainbow (the paler
one) is a reflection of the primary rainbow. Always upside down.
Joey was single, Jen was single, Andie was still dating Dawson. Sometimes it
still made Joey angry, Andie and Dawson. This wasn't supposed to be how her
junior year in high school went. There had been plans, she had had distinct
ideas of what her future would hold.
Andie had been supposed to be focused on getting better in her head and loyal
to her boyfriend, to Pacey. But Dawson was in the same city, spending the
summer with his mom, and he visited Andie. And now they were dating, they held
hands and made out, like they hadn't trampled all over Pacey. She reminded
herself that it was up to Pacey to be angry. Pacey had said that to her a
number of times.
So they were having this girls' night in. Jen, who'd actually dated Pacey after
his horrible heartbreak, was more sanguine about Andie than Joey managed to be
so she was the peacekeeper. It was a very strange role for Jen to be taking in
Joey's opinion. But Joey didn't really know anything at all, she reminded
herself of that a lot.
Jen said, "So I'm writing my paper on the concept of virginity."
"In other words, men suck and ruin women's lives," Andie said. "I buy it. I
would give it an A. Though, honestly, losing my virginity was great."
"Sucked over here," Jen said.
"I'm ambivalent," Joey said.
Andie glanced at Joey and then studiously looked down at her books. They'd
agreed when Andie and Dawson started dating that they had a pact, what happened
at girls' night in stayed at girls' night in.
"I think society is so screwed up that even us girls invest too much in
virginity," Joey said.
"I agree," Andie said. "I had about six million fantasies and Pacey was very
sweet about making some of them come true, but it still wasn't earthshaking."
"It's only earthshaking because we build it up to be," Joey said.
"Or you don't even get to choose," Jen said. "Then you're supposed to be
heartbroken you didn't get the fantasy. Mostly, at this point, I'm just glad
it's done, so I can move on and actually enjoy being a slut."
"You are not a slut," Joey said.
"Not at all," Andie said, nodding seriously.
"I fit many many definitions of slut," Jen said. "Especially the definition
that means a woman who enjoys sex and isn't married."
"Then I'm a slut," Andie said.
Part of Joey really doubted Dawson was so great at sex. It was mean of her.
He'd gotten better while they dated. He was probably even better without the
weight of soulmates and forever best friends on every encounter. With Andie he
was just with a smart, pretty girl. Whom he stole from his best friend. But
women weren't property to be stolen. Andie had made a choice and she'd been
very straightforward to Pacey about it. No sneaking around at all.
"I don't think I'm a slut yet," Joey said. "I like sex, but enjoying it? I'm
not there yet."
"You should be," Andie said. "No pressure, I don't mean you need to change. I
mean, the guys you're with should change."
"You could change a little," Jen said. "You think too much. I feel like you're
too busy cataloguing your every thought and feeling and moral argument, you
never let yourself go. Also, you maybe haven't dated very adventurous guys. How
many times did they go down on you?"
"Never," Joey said. "You mean cunnilingus, right?"
"Oral sex, eating you out," Andie said. "Really? Dawson does. Though,
admittedly, I did have to ask."
Jen said, "Do you ask?"
"No," Joey said. "Am I supposed to?"
"You'd probably enjoy it," Jen said.
"So I hear," Joey said. "I'll get right on that. Do I have to go down on him?"
"Never," Jen said. "If he implies otherwise, dump him."
3. This is all I know about wavelengths, about meteorology.
"Let's pretend," Joey said.
"What are we pretending?" Pacey smiled at her from the other side of the room.
Joey drank more of her beer. "Are you over there because I'm drinking alcohol?
I'm a junior in college, I'm only a few months from turning 21."
"Basically," Pacey said. "Can't we agree two trips to rehab are enough for me?
Like, my dad can only afford so much. Also, I still don't have my license back,
so again, I'll be over here."
"Are you mad at me for drinking? It's only three beers." Joey finished her
third beer and then went to the sink and washed out the bottle. She put it in
the recycling and closed the cabinet door on the bin. "And now it's all done."
"Still not making out with you," Pacey said.
"Did I say I want to?" Joey giggled. "Okay, I want to. You're so hot with your
bad boy past."
"Not hot," Pacey said. "It's going to be two years before I can drive again. I
could almost have killed someone instead of nearly killing me. That should be
unattractive to you. Be better than that, Jo."
"Fine," Joey said. She laid down on her bed on her side, watching him. "I have
such a crappy apartment. How did I end up here?"
"Audrey transferred to USC," Pacey said. "So there goes your sugar mama."
"And here I am in my studio apartment," Joey said. "Drinking in front of my
alcoholic ex-boyfriend." She sighed. "We should get back together."
"Because I'm a bad boy? Come on, Jo."
"I miss you," Joey said. "All the time." She sniffled a little. "I know, I
know. Bad boy bad, but that's not it. It's you. Pacey, my favorite Pacey. The
first boy who went down on me."
"That's the important part of our relationship," Pacey said, smiling again.
"It was to me, is to me," Joey said. "I love receiving oral sex."
"You say that so sexy," Pacey said. He was stretched out on her floor. "You
promise you'll drive me to the airport in the early ass sun hasn't risen
morning?"
"I already promised," Joey said. "Why are you leaving so early?"
"It was the cheapest flight and I, a two time patient of an only slightly
covered by insurance rehab facility, have no money. So I didn't even buy the
ticket, I borrowed money from Grams. My life is awesome," Pacey said.
"You, you have a family who loves you and takes care of you, except for your
mother, who is awful. You're flying to start a special awesome school thing for
chef-ing." Joey pulled her blanket over her waist. Pacey had filled out from
his super skinny string bean phase, Joey liked it. She kept imagining those
lovely legs under hers and she'd be riding his dick. She was definitely drunk,
when she was sober she was so much more poetic. She thought in better
sentences.
"Well, sure, when you put it that way. I appreciate you getting that dig in on
my blessed mother," Pacey said.
"Pacey, everyone knows your mother is a monster of human being," Joey said.
"Yeah, but only Witters she gave birth to get to say that. Or people married to
Witters she gave birth to," Pacey said. "Ain't no ring on my finger, Potter."
"I would marry you, but you won't let me even come over there and make out,"
Joey said.
"You taste like beer and I'm not supposed to taste beer," Pacey said.
"I know," Joey said. "Sorry about the beer."
"You drink all you want," Pacey said. "I don't mind, I just can't make out with
you when you do that."
"But tomorrow when I'm sober?"
Pacey said, "If you're not hungover and sweating alcohol." He sounded mean,
Joey thought. He was upset with her.
"If we don't make out in the morning, then I won't see you for weeks. I won't
get to see you naked," Joey said. She was absolutely whining.
"You're so sweet," Pacey said. "You can fly out to Chicago if you get horny,
okay?"
"I guess, I'm not rich either," Joey said. "I'm horny for you all the time."
"You're a writer, Potter, I love the way you talk."
"I am indeed a writer, I have been published."
Pacey said, "On the world wide web."
"In an online literary magazine," Joey said. "They actually paid me. I got $50,
Pacey. I am a paid writer."
"Who keeps saying the word horny," Pacey said. "Go to sleep, Potter, we have an
early drive."
She stuck out her tongue and then closed her eyes.
She woke up even earlier than she needed to and showered with vigor. She
brushed her teeth and ate three mints. Then she went out and knelt next to
Pacey. "Wake up," she said. "We have time to make out. I am so so clean. I had
some mints. Not mouthwash because that has alcohol."
"You really are horny," Pacey said.
"I'm very aroused by you," Joey said. She pulled down the blanket and then his
sweatpants. He wasn't even wearing underwear, a habit of Pacey's she really
loved. She said, "How about a blowjob? I've gotten really good at them.
According to the last three guys I dated."
"I would never say no," Pacey said.
4. Also, lightning strikes from the middle first, where charges meet.
Joey sat on the couch, pretending to write in her journal. She was usually
pretty good about it but now she had pregnancy brain which was her excuse. She
watched Pacey while he made her dinner. She sketched his back and waist and
butt. He looked over his shoulder and she tried to quickly get that down.
"Anything about dinner smell good? Or some other sort of smell?"
"It smells good," Joey said. "See if this brat likes it once I eat it."
"Please stop calling the future Witter a brat. We don't know they are one yet.
Let's give them some time to actually develop the bratty qualities we know are
coming," Pacey said.
"Well, I was a brat so 50 50 chance," Joey said. "I know, you were adorable and
easy going."
"At least for a while," Pacey said.
"It really bothers me," Joey said. She'd finished drawing Pacey's face. It was
a beautiful face. She'd been looking at him since she was 5, after 25 years she
knew his face really well. She still loved that face, even stranger.
"It bothers you that I became a brat?" Pacey was plating their dinners. She
hated herself for using that term. She didn't even watch cooking shows, she
hated cooking shows, she just married a chef.
"No, not that. Your parents sucked, but it bothers me I can't figure out which
time it was that we conceived," Joey said. "We had sex a lot that week."
Pacey put the two plates on the table, and then rested his hand on her belly.
He loved to do that. She shoved her journal to the side and reached for the
food. She had started eating with her fingers. She couldn't explain it and
frankly, Pacey would learn to put up with it. "That's not gross at all," Pacey
said.
"Whatever," Joey said. "But it bothers me, seriously, Pacey. Which time was the
time? Was it in the bathroom at your restaurant? Or when you came to my office?
Or at home? It's an important time to pin down."
"I dunno, you're not worried about the paternity so far as I know, so it's
just, hey, we decided to have a baby, and it only took us a month to pregnant,"
Pacey said. He was somehow pointedly using his fork to eat his dinner.
"It matters to me," Joey said. "I've spent my whole life, I think, thinking
about that time, this time, first time, last time, and this is the most
important time, the life creating time, and I can't pin it down. Which
experience was it?"
"Maybe your lifetime obsession with times, first and last and in between, is
the problem here," Pacey said. "Were any of the times bad?"
"No, of course not," Joey said. "Okay, your employee bathroom has a weird
smell."
"Had a weird smell, this one guy was smoking something unidentified in there,
but we fired that guy," Pacey said. "Besides the smell?"
"No," Joey said. "We were having great sex."
"Were?"
"Sorry, that trimester is over, I am not feeling it. Not this week. Next week,
maybe?"
"Whenever works for you," Pacey said.
"Which time do you think it was?"
"I think," Pacey said. "I think it was that time we were home, and in our bed,
and you let me be on top, which was very nice of you and there was a beautiful
moment when I really felt it like, I was inside of you and it was cosmic."
"Cosmic," Joey said. "Cosmic."
"You keep saying it doesn't make it less embarrassing that I used it," Pacey
said.
"Don't be embarrassed," she said. She held up a slice of chicken. "Can I hand
feed you?"
"It would be cosmic," Pacey said.
5.
AJ never put any pressure on her. She was the one who wanted it. Not that AJ
didn't want it, he clearly did, he wanted it. But Joey was the one pushing it.
This was the way, she thought. If she initiated it, then she wasn't doing it
from pressure. She was being aggressive. She was taking ownership and agency.
She liked it. Even the first time was good. And the second time was much
better.
She rode back on the train and felt good. She really did.
6. When your hair starts to stand on end, get on the ground and spread yourself
out as much as possible.
When they got on the boat, a trip they'd been planning to take together for a
whole week, she'd changed into her bikini. She put on sunscreen and looked back
at Capeside getting tinier. Their wall still had the painting of the boat and
the sun and the two hummingbirds perched on the bow, the words take me with you
written large on the bottom. Maybe if Pacey paid the rent again, she'd redo it
when they got home. When they got back, they'd be seniors at Capeside.
She sat at the entrance to the cabin and watched Pacey steer the boat She was
going to have to learn all these intricacies. He smiled at her lecherously, and
then stepped over her, his strong arm turning her towards the cabin. He was in
the cabin, his eyes level with her bikini bottoms. She said, "Pacey, I don't
know if right now is the actual time for this."
"What do you think this is?" He had his hands on the sides of her bikini, ready
to take it off.
"Sex?"
"I was thinking oral sex, you know: cunnilingus, eating you out, going down on
you." He had a wicked smile. She liked the sound of it. But.
"I've never done that," Joey said. "No one's ever done that to me."
"You and Dawson were having sex for three months," Pacey said. "You and AJ were
having sex for a few months, too." He was already pulling down her bottoms. She
lifted her hips so they came off easier.
"We made out or we had sex," she said. She almost brought her legs together,
almost put her hand in front of her vagina. But Pacey looked so turned on. Jen
had said once, of one of her exes who wasn't a horrible immoral seducer that he
had been amazing when he went down on her. It was supposed to be good.
"We don't have to do anything you don't want to," Pacey said, looking up at her
seriously. "And you definitely don't. But my exes have said that they enjoy
this when I do it."
"Well, if Tamara and Andie like it," Joey said. "And Jen. And your other
lovers." She probably sounded jealous, even though she really wasn't.
"You have now named all three of my lovers," Pacey said. "You want?"
She nodded and spread her legs wider. She was trembling because she was
nervous. Pacey said, "Sweetheart, sweetheart." Then he touched her with his
fingers delicately, in places that made her tremble for other reasons. Then she
felt his tongue and his fingers at the same time and she actually moaned. He
was gently and demanding and she felt like her entire life and everything in
the universe had narrowed to the space between her legs and Pacey's tongue and
fingers. When she came it was like an exploding wave. It was something so
blissful she didn't have any metaphor for.
She laid back, the sun on her chest and face. She said, "Wow. Wow. Should I do
that for you? Am I supposed to?"
Pacey came out of the tiny bathroom with a warm wet cloth he rubbed her vagina
and legs with. She said, "Oh, man, I have to pee." She stumbled past him to do
just that. Then she came out, still only in her bikini top.
Pacey clearly had an erection. She said, again, "Am I supposed to do that?"
"You are not supposed to do anything, you do what you want. I got a hand, I
even have two," Pacey said.
"Can I watch again?" It was super hot.
Pacey grinned and pulled his dick out. She said, "Wait, before you start - I
wanted to talk about this thing."
"Since you mean Dawson," Pacey said. "Let's just keep it to after."
She sat down next to him and kissed him over and over again while she watched
his hand on his dick up and down. She put her hand on top of his and he got
even harder. She loved that, too.
After he came and they cleaned up again and she put on her bottoms, she said,
"Did you know I only saw Dawson naked when we first had sex?"
"That's a fact that I can hold on to," Pacey said.
"I'm not comparing, I'm just saying, I am thinking right now about my sexual
history. and how much it sucks that the first part of it was so binary, black
or white. Kiss or have sex. We never did any of this. The hands and mouth."
"No foot in mouth? I think we've all been guilty of foot in mouth between the
three, four, five, six of us," Pacey said.
"And with AJ, we slept together, you know, and had sex, and I gave him a
handjob, but you know, the same. Kissing and sex," Joey said. "Is this a
failure of our sexual education?"
"Yes," Pacey said.
"And girls aren't allowed to feel sexual things, they're supposed to protest
and say no and then succumb, and you guys are supposed to push and push and not
take no, and no one gets to be happy and free."
"I don't think it's quite that dire," Pacey said. "Some people do somehow
manage to have good sex lives."
"Please don't try to tell me your abusive teacher was the path to liberation,"
Joey said.
"We're not going to call her abusive, okay?" Pacey got up. "Time to teach you
how to steer this baby."
7. I love the fucking weather.
At some point, Dawson stopped crying and they were kissing, passionately. Then
they were in bed together, Dawson's bed, the place of a familiar platonic
sleepovers. For once they weren't even talking as everything got more serious.
Joey was staring at Dawson, their eyes locked together as they somehow ended up
naked and she could feel Dawson's erection and this time see it. She pulled
back with flashes of Bessie in her head, she said, "Either you have a condom or
we put our clothes back on, okay?" Her voice cracked a little, this was not the
time to let emotion win over brains and common sense.
Dawson got out of the bed and said, "I do, I do, Pacey gave me a bunch because
he's an asshole, but actually right now I love him."
Between the two of them, they got the condom on. She prayed Dawson wouldn't say
anything. She just wanted this to happen and be done. And then they'd be
together forever and it wouldn't matter who Joey kissed or any doubts Joey had.
Dawson didn't say anything and instead got on top of her.
It took him a few tries and some gentle ministrations but eventually Dawson got
all the way in. It hurt but not that bad. That's what everyone said anyway. And
what Joey was experiencing. Still, it was good, it was soulmates coming
together.
Dawson came and Joey didn't but that was okay, too, It stopped hurting and she
could almost see how people liked doing this. Next time would be better.
Dawson threw away the condom and then back in bed with her. He kissed her and
said, "I think that was perfect. You're so wonderful. Thank you."
"You're great," Joey said. "I better get home before Bessie sends the cops."
She got dressed and went out the window. She climbed down wanting to cry. It
wasn't Dawson's fault. It was hers. She was the one trying to make everything
better in stupid ways.
She saw Jen sitting on the steps of her house, she looked like she had fallen
asleep. Joey ached between her legs and she had one of those lightning bolt
revelations that Jen deserved better than Joey had ever given her. Why did
everyone treat Jen so badly just for having sex, like she probably felt
pressured into it and did it for dumb reasons. Joey walked over to Jen and
rubbed her shoulder. "Hey," Joey said.
Jen blinked and shook her off. "What are you doing?"
"Saying hi. Waking you up so you don't rained on or a weird crick in your neck,
listening to you not say thank you." Joey even smiled. "I dunno, I had this
kind of revelation one minute ago that the world and people and us,
specifically me, have treated you like crap which was really unfair and it's
all stupid reasons, like, sex, why is it so bad when girls have sex? Did
anything happen to the boy you were with when you were having sex on your dad's
bed? Is he exiled to his grandparents in, like, the Adirondacks?"
"You were suddenly possessed by the spirit of Gloria Steinem?" Jen smiled.
"Maybe I just woke up, you know, the full moon and the lights," Joey said.
"Also I had a weird night."
"What was weird?" Jen stood up and walked with Joey over to where the rowboat
was.
"Don't tell, seriously, Gloria Steinem wouldn't like it. But it was weird. I
kissed this guy. Who is not Dawson. And then Dawson and I were talking and
making out."
"And," Jen said. She looked over at Joey and Joey looked away. "Wow, really?"
"Really," Joey said. "I didn't not want to, I wanted to, but I also felt like I
was supposed to, and he felt like crap so I made him happy."
"First time sucks for most girls," Jen said. "Did for me."
"You were young," Joey said. "Younger than we are."
Jen rolled her eyes. "I was 12."
"That's so gross, I bet he wasn't 12, right? Of course not, God, people are
disgusting."
Jen said, "Including me?"
"No, not at all," Joey said. "What kind of asshole guy does that to a 12 year
old?"
"I was mature for my age," Jen said. "I was already drinking."
"So what? You were still 12, 3, 4 years ago," Joey said. "Why is that okay on
any level? When I was 12, I still had easy breezy no sexual tension sleepovers
with Dawson. So what if it was Capeside? 12 is too young."
"Thank you?" Jen looked very skeptical.
"Why are you moving too fast or whatever you said to Dawson when it wasn't,
someone older than 12 should know fucking better," Joey said, angry. "It's
unfair. It's unfair what happened to you and it's unfair that anyone made you
feel like you were the one who did something wrong."
"Do you want to go wake up my grandmother and say all that? She doesn't agree
with you. She was just lecturing me about not falling back into my old ways,"
Jen said, smiling. Like she was amused at Joey's completely justifiable ire.
"She's wrong," Joey said. She didn't know how to say it more emphatically. She
reached out and hugged Jen. "There's nothing wrong with you."
Jen patted Joey's back. She said, "I'm not perfect, but you're an amazing
cheerleader."
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