Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/4357142.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Tennis_RPF
  Relationship:
      Mardy_Fish/Andy_Roddick
  Character:
      Andy_Roddick, Mardy_Fish
  Series:
      Part 7 of brownieverse
  Stats:
      Published: 2015-07-16 Words: 5088
****** where soul meets body ******
by clayisforgirls
Summary
     "wants to feel him and he trusts Andy not to hurt him, more than he
     trusts himself not to hurt Andy"
     Originally posted in June 2006.
Notes
See the end of the work for notes
"Surprise," a familiar voice murmurs in his ear, "I got you something."
Arms wrap around his waist, and he leans back against Andy, smiling as he sees
the bright red present in Andy's right hand, kiss pressed to his cheek as he
takes it and Andy pulls him as close as possible, head resting on his shoulder
as he opens it.
He's not like Andy, doesn't have to get to the present right away and tear the
paper off, shredding it into about a million pieces, but he's not perfect,
doesn't have all the patience in the world and he can feel Andy bouncing behind
him as he tears the paper slowly, sliding the present out.
A video tape, and he gives Andy a quizzical look, wondering what's on the video
before the reason for it's whispered in his ear.
"Since mom and dad aren't home all weekend... I thought we could..."
He trails off and Mardy can feel him blushing, heat from his cheeks making his
neck warm but he does know. Always knows with Andy, mostly there's no need for
words between them and yet Andy loves to use them, filling the silences with
random babble and Mardy wouldn't want him any other way. This time though, it's
more than obvious what Andy wants them to do this weekend, they're talked about
having sex before but never done it, never ever tried to do it, too afraid of
hurting the other. Sure, they know where everything is meant to go, but that
wasn't enough for either of them, and they'd agreed to wait until they knew
what they were doing.
Except, they weren't ever going to really know, neither of them having any
experience apart from what they've done with each other, and neither having any
desire to go out and find someone who could teach them. They'd wanted each
other to be their first, not some random guy who they would never see again.
"What's on the tape, And?" he asks, because he has no idea what could help
unless it's-
And the reason for the blush becomes evident, because he knows Andy must have
acquired porn from somewhere, and not just porn, gay porn and then he's
blushing too because apparently Andy really expects them to watch this. For
educational purposes and if he wasn't so stunned by his boyfriend right now
he'd be laughing.
"It's been hiding under my bed for three weeks. I was just hoping mom didn't
find it," Andy admits, pressing another kiss to Mardy's cheek, this one closer
to his mouth and Mardy can't help but turn his head so they're really kissing,
whimpering as Andy runs his tongue over his bottom lip, dragging it into his
mouth. Kissing is still hard at this angle, Andy not that much taller than him
but he doesn't want to move, loves having Andy wrapped around him.
"Later?" Mardy asks, and Andy nods, tongue flicking over his earlobe as he lets
him go, laughing when he gets a moan.
"After dinner," he starts, fingers trailing over his stomach, and Mardy can't
help but giggle as he hits a sensitive spot, Andy leaning in again, foreheads
touching and Mardy moves just a fraction and they're kissing again, hand
cupping Andy's face, drawing him closer and he gets a whimper from Andy as he
sucks on his tongue ever so gently.
"Stop teasing," he murmurs around kisses, "or I won't wait until after dinner."
"Who says I want you to?" and then Mardy's blushing again, not quite believing
he just said that because it's always been Andy who's initiated things, always,
it's just not in his nature, much quieter than his boyfriend, happy just to let
Andy be Andy. The fact that Andy knows him so well is an added bonus, living
together giving them excuses to sneak up to Andy's room and ‘watch a movie'
which always leads to making out on his bed, sometimes more if they're
absolutely sure his parents aren't going to catch them.
"We should stop," Andy says half heartedly, though makes no move to; instead
fingers unbutton Mardy's jeans, fast from months of practise, and they're
pushed down along with his boxers. Andy's kneeling now, kissing his hip bone,
tracing his inner thigh, teasing him until he's almost begging for it and then
his cock is in Andy's mouth and he's moaning because Andy's good at this, so
very good now.
The tape is still clutched in his hand and he throws it towards Andy's bed,
relief that he hasn't cracked it when he hears the soft thud and then he's
being pushed backwards towards the wall, wincing as his head hits the solid
plaster but soon forgets it, Andy's tongue tracing the underside of his dick,
running it over the tip, one hand on his hip and the other gently rubbing his
balls.
Keeping quiet isn't something he has to worry about for once, hand resting in
Andy's hair as he moans in time with Andy sucking, hum in the back of Andy's
throat sending shivers up his spine and then there's a scrape of teeth, just
enough to be so close it's painful until he's coming, Andy's name coming in a
half gasp as he tugs on his hair perhaps a little too hard, and yet it doesn't
seem to bother him.
He loves the fact he doesn't have to warn Andy anymore, his boyfriend's getting
to be a pro at it and he's whimpering as Andy swallows, hand around the base of
his cock, working him through it and then he feels boneless, only thing holding
him up is Andy.
"You-" he starts, but Andy's shakes his head, mouths meeting for the briefest
of kisses but he can still taste himself on Andy's lips, something he still
finds weird and he's not sure he'll ever get used to it. He doesn't
particularly like the taste but Andy's just a little less salty and it's
something he can take.
"I'm good," and there's a smile from Andy. "Besides, I've got to have something
left for later."
"Andy, you could jerk off all day and you'd still have something left," he
teases, Andy grinning right along with him and he finds himself being kissed
again, brush of lips before Andy pulls away.
"Well, I've always got enough for you."
Mardy rolls his eyes but can't keep the smile off his face, when they're alone
Andy's different, sweeter, completely perfect and he loves it, loves Andy and
yet he's never told him, not in the way that he wants to. They've had moments
where he's almost said it but never quite worked up the nerve. He's sure Andy's
not just in it for the sex, otherwise they wouldn't be here right now, but
doesn't have any clue if Andy feels the same way. Doesn't want to ask for fear
of ruining it, he'd take an Andy that doesn't love him over no Andy at all any
day.
"Mar?" and he blinks, meeting Andy's eyes. "You drifted off somewhere."
"Just thinking," he says quietly, and Andy runs a thumb over his cheek, leaning
in again but their lips don't quite meet.
"Want to order dinner?"
Dinner is take out pizza, their standard meal when they're home alone because
Andy can't cook and Mardy hates it unless he's cooking something sweet,
something he can share with Andy afterwards and they can eat it in bed
together. Crumbs tend to go everywhere, but it's only Blanche who cares, always
asking exactly what they were doing for the plate to end up on the floor,
upside down - and once broken - and it's always Andy who answers, Mardy
blushing.
He's certain she must know by now, because he's not exactly good at covering it
up, not when the tips of his ears turn red when she asks him about Andy and
where he is because he can't not thinking about Andy's hands and Andy's mouth
on him. It's not something he should be thinking about in front of her, but he
can't help it.
Right now they're sitting on Andy's bed, pizza box resting on their legs as
they sit shoulder to shoulder, half watching the television but mostly talking,
Mardy picking the olives off Andy's slices, stealing kisses between bites.
They don't do enough of this for his liking, just being them anymore, and it's
something he wants to fix. As much as he loves Andy being his boyfriend, he
wants his best friend too. The best of both worlds.
Andy's arm wraps around his waist, pulling him closer and Mardy leans into him,
grabbing the last slice of pizza despite Andy's expression, trying the puppy-
dog look but that doesn't work so well anymore, not when he knows he can combat
it with just the slightest hint of a kiss, promise of more evident and it's
just what he does.
"Tease," Andy murmurs, not for the first time that night and Mardy smiles,
kissing him again before he goes back to the pizza, munching happily as Andy's
fingers slip beneath his shirt, resting on bare skin, Andy distracting as he
trails kisses down his neck but he swats the younger American away, determined
to finish the slice. For once he's not going to give into Andy, definitely not,
not this time.
Until Andy plays the one card that gets him almost anything he wants, the one
he only resorts to when he needs something; one hand trails over his denim-
covered cock, pressing lightly down, his mouth reaching his earlobe and sucking
gently and god, he both loves and hates it when Andy does that, gasping around
his mouthful of pizza. He hates that Andy knows exactly how to get what he
wants and will use that, as horny as Andy is Mardy hasn't yet found a similar
tactic to work on him. There are a few things that almost work, depending on
what it is he wants, but nothing quite like this as he swallows, shaking,
Andy's tongue gently flicking at his earlobe as he tries to take another bite
but fails, moaning as Andy presses just that tiny bit harder, hips arching
involuntarily.
He can't push Andy away as much as he wants to, quivering mess beneath his
hands and he really wishes that he wasn't affected so much by it. It would make
his days a whole lot easier and maybe he'd actually get to enjoy the last slice
of pizza for once.
It's when he's close to begging Andy stops, that smirk on his face and Mardy
has half a mind to kiss it off him before he offers the pizza in a peace
offering. Andy takes it, staring at the slice for a fraction of a second too
long and he's beginning to wonder what's wrong with it before it's torn in
half, the smaller half handed back to him.
They finish it up in silence, Andy's arm still around him.
Empty boxes and cans of coke are taken downstairs when they're done, left on
the counter in the kitchen, not bothering to throw it out just yet because
there's no one to shout at them to clear it away, not this weekend. Mardy sits
on the counter as Andy hunts for ice cream in the freezer, laughing when Andy
pouts because there doesn't seem to be any and then he kisses the pout away,
long limbs pressed against Andy's as they make out in the kitchen, just like
all those months ago.
It's different now though, no nerves, no fumbling, knowing exactly what Andy
likes, how to kiss him so it's perfect; tongue running over his bottom lip ever
so slightly as they pull apart, Andy kissing the corner of his mouth gently.
"Upstairs?" Andy asks and Mardy knows he's nervous, can see it as Andy shifts
from foot to foot, eyes darting from Mardy to the floor and back again, waiting
for an answer. And then he's nervous too, Andy rubbing off on him, always at
the worst of times because he doesn't want to be nervous, shouldn't be, he just
needs Andy's confidence like always.
He knows he won't get it, not tonight, and he nods slowly, shaking.
"'m not gonna hurt you, Mar. And I trust you enough and I know you won't hurt
me. So why are we so scared?"
"Because you're you," he says softly, briefest of kisses before he carries on,
"and it's us and I don't want to hurt you, ever, but neither of us have a clue
what we're doing and we're going to be watching porn to teach us. Porn, Andy."
"I know," and there's a pause, "ever think that your first time watching porn
would be so we could have sex?"
And then the laughter comes because even the notion is absurd, Andy's sense of
humour in tense situations never failing and he's giggling, head resting on
Andy's shoulder, clutching to broad shoulders just for support, and it's just
like their first kiss again, laughing until he can't breathe because it's so
true. It had never crossed his mind but really, he hadn't known how they were
going to learn apart from the Internet and that hadn't worked. He'd stretched
out on Andy's bed one night while his boyfriend had researched a little with
the computer in his room, Andy getting bored after half an hour and they'd
kissed until Mardy snuck back to his own room later than either of them should
have been up, avoiding the creaky floorboard with ease.
They hadn't done that again, Andy not having the patience to do research of any
kind that wasn't mandatory for classes, Mardy always too distracted by his
boyfriend.
He trails kisses up Andy's neck, sucking gently until he realises it's probably
going to leave a mark and that's bad, hoping it'll be gone by Sunday night when
Andy's parents get back because there really won't be a way to explain it that
won't lead to them getting caught. But Andy's reaction is worth it, an almost
whimper, drawn out into a moan as he sucks a little harder, hand on Mardy's
back pulling him closer.
"We should, oh fuck Mar," and then he does it again, teeth grazing across the
rapidly darkening hickey on Andy's neck, gets an even louder moan, biting
lightly and that's it, that's Andy's weakness, the spot at the crook of his
neck and he goes back to sucking on it ever so gently, tracing the slight
indentation of teeth with his tongue. "We need to... oh god, please, Mar,
please."
"Not here," he murmurs against Andy's neck, "not in the kitchen," and Andy nods
because anyone could walk up and see them, kitchen not that hidden from the
sidewalk closest to the house but sucking Andy off here would lead to a whole
new realm of asking to be caught. Even kissing here isn't a good idea, they
hadn't even thought about it the first time but now everything is more real,
always sidestepping around the real reason they want to go to the beach or why
they're not allowed to go out to the movies or just spend time together and
it's a good thing they were best friends, otherwise someone would know already,
would have figured it out.
Though Mardy's sure that if Andy hadn't been his best friend, he never would
have wanted this so much. Because he knows Andy likes guys as well as girls,
they've had this discussion, but Mardy just wants him. Hasn't ever found anyone
like Andy. Isn't sure he ever will. Girls are pretty and soft and some are
downright beautiful but they're not the boy who's currently pressing him
against the counter, the boy who's gone back to kissing him, hand sliding into
jeans which are slightly too big for him, grinning as he gasps and now upstairs
sounds like the most fantastic idea he's ever heard.
Apparently Andy thinks so too because seconds later they're out of the kitchen,
Andy slowly walking backwards as they kiss, tripping over the first step
because they can't take their hands off each other. Stairs are awkward,
sideways seeming the best option until he pins Andy to the wall halfway up,
hand in his jeans and somehow Andy tells him to stop, not here, because they
might be horny teenagers but they're not desperate enough for this. Except he
knows Andy better than anyone and the tone tells him Andy's so close to being
desperate enough, so almost as the point where he won't care anymore and a tiny
bit of Mardy wants that, wants Andy moaning his name halfway up the stairs but
the rest of him knows they'll end up doing something stupid.
They're both clumsy at the best of times, but when they're like this they're
worse than ever, having broken a few things before, all almost impossible to
explain to Andy's parents. Almost-sex on the stairs will probably end up with
one or both of them injured in some way, and it's not on his to-do list, not
today, not when there's Andy and video tapes and promises of things to come.
Door of Andy's room slams shut behind them, making it without any casualties
this time, path to his bed mapped out in both their heads and it's Mardy who
finds himself underneath Andy, legs wrapped around his waist, both whimpering
as they rock their hips together, still fully clothed.
And he wants this so badly, wants Andy to make him come again but there's a
reason they're up here and as much as he wants the release now, there's
something better coming. Something special, something new and he pushes Andy
off him gently, explanation on his lips but he doesn't have to say anything
because Andy knows exactly why.
"So, how do we do this?" he asks, quietly, because he can feel himself blushing
again, still flat on his back and as he shuts his eyes there's a brush of lips,
Andy hovering above him. It takes all his effort not to pull him back down,
forgo the porn and just stick to what they're used to. Except he doesn't,
because he really wants this, he wants sex with Andy.
"I figured... we'd watch. And then afterwards, after... you know, we've seen...
how... we would..." and there's pink staining Andy's cheeks too, and he doesn't
see it enough but Andy embarrassed is cute, adorable, though he'd never tell
him, it would end with a snide remark and possibly no sex ever again, because
Andy hates his weaknesses, does just enough to cover them up but can't quite
manage it with him.
"That works. Except, maybe we should just watch. And not get... distracted. By
each other."
The message is clear, no kissing or groping, not until afterwards because he
wants it to be right, perfect, just like everything else.
"'Kay, Mar," Andy says, smiling softly and then there's just one kiss, not
enough of one for either of them, before Andy hops off the bed.
Patterns on the ceiling interesting for a few seconds until Andy tells him to
move, kicking his legs out the way and he does so. Andy's on one side of the
bed, stretched out and he takes the other, curling into the corner. Brief
glance at Andy, he's fiddling with something on the remote and he flicks his
gaze back to the screen until it turns black and he can feel the heat creeping
up his cheeks again.
Because they're really going to watch porn to learn about sex.
Stomach tightens as it starts, giggles from the other side of the bed and
Mardy's sure Andy's laughing at the music, the tacky porn music that he cracks
a smile at too. He's not as relaxed as Andy, nowhere near, and he can't laugh
with him, not until he takes a peek at him. The smile on his face is enough to
ease his nerves a little, letting out a breath he wasn't aware he was holding.
There's nothing he wants to do more than look away, embarrassed but he can't
take his eyes from the two guys fucking each other on screen, can't look away
no matter how red he's turning. It's hot; he hadn't expected to be turned on
like this, erection pressing painfully against denim, because he doesn't like
other guys. It's just always been Andy, always, and to find out differently now
is disconcerting, and yet if he squints hard enough one of them could be Andy,
an older version of him but still Andy, perfect mouth sucking a perfect cock.
A whimper comes from the other side of the bed and he can feel Andy shifting,
glad it's not just him, and his eyes glance briefly to his boyfriend who's
currently unbuttoning his jeans, sliding his hand beneath denim. There's
nothing more he wants to do than help out, jerk Andy off for him but he
doesn't, hands curling in the sheets as he hears another whimper, dragging his
eyes back to the screen.
Just for educational purposes, he tells himself, just so they can have sex
without it hurting but it doesn't seem to hurt either of the men on screen,
their moans almost drowning out Andy's cry of ‘Mardy' and that gets his
attention, and without thinking he's pressed against Andy, wrapped around him,
hand around Andy's as they jerk him off together, feather light kisses pressed
to his neck until he comes, moaning Mardy's name. And it's then he realises
they've forgotten the porn but he's sure he's learnt enough not to make it
hurt, and god he hopes Andy thought to buy lube because knowing Andy, he's
forgotten the most important thing.
They don't move as they watch the rest together, Mardy pressing as close to
Andy as he can, arm resting gently over Andy's waist and though he's still
hard, he doesn't want to come, not yet.
It's quiet after the movie ends, Andy turning it off with just a press of a
button and they just cuddle for a while, neither speaking, Mardy too afraid to
even ask what comes next, but it's Andy who saves him from having to think
about it.
"Top or bottom?" Andy asks, so normally that he could just be asking what movie
Mardy wants to see and yet he's not, it's something much more important than
that.
"Bottom," he says without thinking, because as much as he'd love to be inside
Andy, watching Andy moan beneath him, there's really only one choice. He wants
Andy inside him more than anything, wants to feel him and he trusts Andy not to
hurt him, more than he trusts himself not to hurt Andy.
"Thought you might say that," he murmurs, turning and pressing a kiss to
Mardy's nose, entwining their fingers and Andy squeezes gently letting Mardy
know he's okay with it. "Not gonna hurt you, Mar. Promise."
"I know," he says softly, because he does know, just hopes Andy picks up on
that fact without having to explain it to him multiple times but he doesn't
argue and to Mardy, that's definitely a good sign.
Cool fingers rest on his waist and pull him closer, into a kiss and there's a
nervous hum of energy from Andy, the one he's seen so many times in matches but
never really experienced for himself, because they've played but it's so hard,
and Andy's not quite as hyperactive as he usually is. He is now, everything
seemingly focussed on Mardy and then he gets a moan as jeans are pulled off his
hips, boxers too and Andy's hand lightly brushes his dick.
The shirt comes off as Andy sheds his own jeans, watches as he pushes them
down, cock already semi-hard and he grins, scooting up the bed until his back
rests against pillows and then Andy's kissing him again, hands tracing patterns
on his skin, just like always. Kisses are light at first, teasing, Andy
smirking as he rubs his thumb in circles, getting closer and closer to his cock
and then there's just a feather-light touch and it's gone again, and then
they're deeper, Mardy sucking on Andy's tongue as he arches into Andy and he's
really not going to last very long, not with Andy's hand so close and Andy
above him, kissing him like that and there's a whimper as Andy pulls away,
leaning back, reaching out but all he gets is Andy's hand in his.
"Andy," he growls, but before he can carry on there's a finger pressed to his
lips, brushing over them slowly before Andy smiles.
"Mar... if we're going to do this... I want it to be right, you know, I don't
want to hurt you and I'm scared that I will if we don't slow down."
It comes out in a rush and he's relieved to know Andy's just as scared as he
is, even if he's not showing it, the nerves hidden by the self-confidence he's
always had. Maybe if he'd looked closer he'd have seen it but that doesn't
matter right now, and he draws Andy in for another kiss, soft and gentle,
reassuring, fingertips tracing his ribs and he feels Andy relax.
"You bought lube, right?" and he's not even sure where the question came from,
not right then but he's glad when Andy murmurs, "yeah, I did," and then they're
back to kissing and really, he's never going to get bored of kissing Andy
because it's fantastic.
A moan comes from Andy's lips as they rock together gently, Mardy not even
realising they were doing it until he hears it and he knows he's not going to
last much longer, not if they keep doing this, whimpering softly.
"Turn over," Andy whispers and while he scrambles for something in his bedside
cabinet, probably the lube, Mardy realises, he turns so he's on his stomach.
Something heavy settles on his legs - Andy - and then there's a pop of the cap
of a tube, a brief moment when nothing happens and he can't help but shiver
because it's cold. He hadn't expected it to be cold.
Except as Andy slides a finger into him, the cold doesn't matter anymore. It's
weird, at first, couldn't have really imagined what it would feel like but it's
good, very good, toes curling as Andy adds another, whimpering as he stretches
him and there's a protest on his lips as Andy stops but he's cut off.
"You okay, Mar?" and there would be a snappy comeback, except Andy really does
sound concerned.
"I'm fine," he manages, "just keep doing that."
"Good?"
The only response Andy gets this time is a moan as he gently curls his fingers
and there's something fantastic he does with them, whole body shaking and fuck,
he wants Andy to do that again, on the verge of telling him until Andy adds
another finger so very carefully and then he's done for. Because if the actual
sex is even remotely good as this he's sure he won't survive it, every nerve in
his body on fire, heart racing, it's more than anything he's ever felt before.
Better than he thought anything could be.
"Andy," he gasps, "I'm not- I-"
He's so glad Andy understood that because he wasn't even close and then the
fingers are gone, hand sliding up his back and gently turning him so he's on
his back again, incapable of doing anything right now. There's a kiss from
Andy, so light he thinks he might have imagined it and he watches as Andy
covers his cock in lube, tube discarded on the bed.
"You ready?"
"Stop fucking asking me that, Andy," but there's no malice in his voice, only
quiet desperation now because he needs it so badly right now, needs Andy inside
of him and nothing's going to stop that.
Pain isn't even an issue, not as Andy carefully slides into him, stopping too
often to ask if he's okay and each time there's a nod and a more frustrated
answer because it feels too good for it to hurt, until Andy's fully inside him
and he was wrong before, so very wrong, because this is the best thing he's
ever felt and as his legs wrap around Andy's waist he doesn't want to move, not
ever again. Especially when Andy kisses him, skin clinging together with sweat
as he whimpers, hand running through his sweat-damp hair, hand trailing across
his hip, and then he just wants Andy to move or do something because this feels
good, fantastic, but-
And then he does, so slowly, carefully, trembling above Mardy, hand sliding
down his stomach and brushing over his cock and then Andy does something and
there's sparks behind his eyes, same feeling as before and it's good, so very
good. He's shaking as they find a rhythm, rocking together, hands clenched in
sheets and then Andy hits that spot again, that something that makes him shake
and then he's coming, crying on Andy's name, and it's too soon but he can't
help it.
Kisses tell him it's okay, and Andy's still inside of him, still thrusting ever
so gently and he tangles a hand in Andy's hair, keeping him close until he
comes too, with a quiet gasp. Face buries in Mardy's shoulder as he pulls out
of him gently and he misses it already, misses the completeness that it
brought, but the lazy way Andy trails kisses across his collarbone makes up for
it, kisses getting lighter and lighter until Andy's half asleep on him, always
curling closer, always needing that contact and deep down, he knows Andy's just
as insecure as anyone, afraid Mardy will leave.
It's not true. He wouldn't be able to leave Andy, not now, not ever, and
doesn't even want to think about this year being over, not when they're this
close, not when they've lived in each other's back pockets for the last
however-many months, but now isn't the right time to think about that. They'll
deal with it when they have to, and that time definitely isn't now.
"Love you, Mar," he's sure he hears but he can't say for sure, uncertain if
it's imagined, and then Andy's snoring lightly, perfectly content smile on his
face. And so Mardy shuts his eyes too, wrapping an arm around Andy, pressing a
kiss to his forehead.
"Love you too, Andy."
End Notes
     Title taken from "Soul Meets Body" by Death Cab For Cutie.
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