Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/5069023.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Choose_Not_To_Use_Archive_Warnings, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      DCU_(Comics), Batman_(Comics), Batman_and_Robin_(Comics)
  Relationship:
      Dick_Grayson/Damian_Wayne, Ambiguous_or_Implied_Relationship(s)
  Character:
      Dick_Grayson, Damian_Wayne, Bruce_Wayne, Tim_Drake, Jason_Todd, Barbara
      Gordon, Cassandra_Cain, Colin_Wilkes, Stephanie_Brown, Harper_Row, Alfred
      Pennyworth, Original_Male_Character(s), Carrie_Kelley
  Additional Tags:
      Eventual_Smut, Angst, Age_Difference
  Collections:
      DCU_Big_Bang_2015
  Stats:
      Published: 2015-10-24 Words: 14616
****** when the fire dies (only smoke is left). ******
by Growtear
Summary
     Death changes things. Death can change everything.
     Dick returns to Gotham after the whole Spyral fiasco. He reencounters
     friends, ex-lovers, and…Damian. Specifically Damian.
     For the DCU Bang 2015.
Notes
     Ok, I don't even know... So I will go with the same excuse: "Sorry, I
     didn't mean to". I actually wrote this before Grayson 12 so, the
     angst is strong in this one. The fic is the result of listen to much
     Sia's Fire meets Gasoline and other sad music.
     Thanks to everybody who helped me with this monster (literally),
     specially to the wonderful likewinning my beta in this thing. Thank
     you for being so patient with me and doing magic with this. Also
     Michelle, I don't have words for how much you helped me with this.
See the end of the work for more notes
Damian walks under the warm sun. There’s a huge portfolio on his shoulder and
against his left broadside. It has art supplies and some stained notebooks with
black borders. In general, Damian Wayne looks… happy.
And that realization is what proves for the first time how many things he lost
fulfilling Bruce’s orders. And it’s not just the time but the experiences,
adventures and knowledge that he can use later, when he and Damian meet again,
something that will happen at any moment.
The sound of cars comes and goes. The babbling of people and the place's music
do nothing to hide the noisy thoughts Dick has. All since Damian appeared just
a few meters away from his art school.
Dick notices him from his strategic location in the coffee shop he visited a
few days ago, on a rainy Sunday. He roamed the small and cozy place with a
sharp gaze and decided quickly which place would do for a hideout: upstairs, at
a little black table that overlooked the street but was perfect to go
unnoticed. Just what he needed for that moment.
All of a sudden a boy gets close to Damian with a portfolio equally large under
his arm. He smiles and even if he doesn’t get a response it's obvious to Dick
that Damian is comfortable with the boy’s presence. Both of them stop for a
moment, just in the middle of the stairs. They talk a little and Dick wants to
have something else to do instead of watching how Damian seems to have
overtaken him.
Dick should have seen it coming.
The guys climb the rest of the stairs and when they are almost inside the
building, Damian turns suddenly. He gazes quickly around and if Dick shrinks in
his seat it's not entirely his fault. He knows that Damian can’t see him, knows
that he’s not even looking for him because for Damian, Dick’s dead. But it's
unavoidable, just like it's unavoidable not to feel a sharp pain in his chest
when Damian turns again and continues his way.
Those are the consequences of a wrong choice.
                                   ---------
At the beginning Tim was angry enough to not talk with him for two years. Jason
just shrugged and continued on his way; if he was angry or not, Dick didn't
know. Barbara and Cassandra seemed to accept it quickly enough. But Dick felt
the air tense each time they communicated with him or happened to meet on a
mission. Dick told Stephanie and she vented with Kate; both of them were the
most reluctant to forgive him and Dick knew they lost their trust in him.
Alfred seemed to assimilate to it well enough. He was happy to have Dick alive,
the memories of his burial fresh and painful. Just a consequence of a whole
life with Bruce Wayne.
So that leaves just one person who doesn't know about Dick's current status.
Damian, for whom Dick feels even more grateful after he sacrificed himself at
Heretic's hands, saving Dick's life. A person that will make Dick wish he was
dead when discovers the truth.
He never wanted to disappoint the others, but he didn’t want to be a role model
in the first place. Dick Grayson just wanted to be an acrobat, fly like his
parents, travel with the circus and live on colorful stages. He wanted to be an
artist and live among the animals’ sounds and the cameras' flashes upon his
smiling face.
Instead of that he's sitting in the highest part of a Metropolis building. Tim
is with him, eating some donuts that Cassie bought and Kon saved for him. He
offered Dick some, but Dick’s concentrating on relieving his own anger and
frustration. It began with how calm Gotham had been since the last time Dick
was there, and it had ended with a question that Tim answered monotonously.
"What can I say? Colin is a bigger influence than anyone expected... Besides
it's not like Damian had more than three friends." He turns to Dick and purses
his mouth. "He isn't the boy that trusted just in you, Dick... you can't blame
him for moving on."
"I don't blame him, I'm happy that he's doing so... I think that it's safe to
say that I'm the one who knows how hard it was for him to step back from all
the Al Ghul craziness," Dick says.
Tim shrugs and makes a face at the last donut that's left in the box. The air
is cold and the city lights look like twinkling stars. Even with Superman away
with the League, Metropolis looks beautiful and at peace.
"And I think it's safe for me to say that Damian didn't just leave her behind."
Tim's eyes scrutinize him from bottom to top. "In a certain way he also stepped
out of Bruce’ shadow; Damian built his own persona.”
Dick's cellphone vibrates in his jeans back pocket; after a couple of seconds
he answers it unwillingly. Barbara's voice is happy and that's enough to settle
the weird feeling Dick's had since he started telling his problems to Tim.
After a while Dick hangs up and makes a mental note of the place he will meet
Babs.
He stays a little bit more and chats but then he takes his leave and waves
goodbye to Tim. He goes down and walks the streets with a distracted look.
Dick asks himself when the frail sense of rightness that's his life at that
moment will explode. He asks himself if at least Damian will let him explain
the whole thing before Dick loses him. He supposes that it won't be so easy and
also supposes that he will deserve it. But all these things do nothing to take
away the weight that has settled on his back, a punishment that he didn't see
coming.
                                   ---------
Dick sees them from the Chinese restaurant's thin glass. Barbara talks about
her encounter with Kory when her gaze drifts to the street and Dick looks in
the same direction.
Damian walks down the sidewalk, just in front of the restaurant where Dick and
Barbara are eating. At his side there's a boy who Dick recognizes as the one
who talks to Damian outside the art school. During the precious second in which
the boys go without knowing that they are being watched, Dick uses it to detail
Damian's face, finding all the possible gestures and trying to relate them to
the bloody and dead boy that he last saw, many years ago.
Damian looks more like Talia. His features are slender and elegant. The only
visible trait that is totally Bruce's are the blue eyes, giving Damian a
beautiful and exotic face. Dick supposes that he has to pay the bet he made
with Jason about whether Damian would grow up to have the lethal but thin body
like Talia's, or sharp but agile like Bruce's.
It's obvious that Jason won, because Talia is present in most of Damian's
features. Dick's sure that when he and Jason talk about it, Jason will make him
pay.
Meanwhile, what he sees and what makes him furious is how the other boy walks
next to Damian and looks absolutely in love with him. Dick hadn't an idea that
everything, all the months and days and the messages he never sent would come
back to him and explode, leaving him without an opportunity, a chance to save
himself.
Damian doesn't smile but there's contentment in his eyes. And Tim must be
totally right because Dick doesn't see shadows anymore, doesn't see resentment.
He sees fullness, a thing he thought he would not have a chance to see.
"Dick?" Barbara carefully takes his hand; her touch is soft and warm. "Are you
alright?"
"Yeah, Damian has lost acuity, right?" Dick smiles and the lie is easy on his
tongue. Spy’s life is finally doing some good.
"Well, it's just that he isn't looking around every corner, you know?" Barbara
says and she gives sense to his tangled thoughts. "He stopped after the third
year."
Dick nods. He doesn't ask himself about his reactions, why he acts like that
with Damian and not with Tim or Cassandra. Dick knows. He already lost many
years and he won't lose more trying to deny something that he accepted a long
time ago. Dick knew that one way or another, Damian would be one of his
downfalls.
He never thought it would be like that.
Barbara watches him and pretends not to see anything in Dick's eyes. She
continues talking and after a while both of them are out of the restaurant,
facing the chill of the night. She hires a taxi, and goes to the apartment that
she shares with Stephanie. Dick walks to his apartment in Blüdhaven, near Stark
Avenue. It's far from his previous place, small and comfortable and just
enough, with some furniture that Helena gave him as a favor. There's nothing
that reminds him about his life before Spyral, and it's a weird but welcome
sensation. The main door needs a little push and then you have to turn the
handle to the right but after that it yields easily. Dick enters dragging his
feet against the wood floor and dropping his keys. The sound of the constant
beeping comes from his voice mail and he wonders how many messages are in there
but ignores it nonetheless.
He's about to drop himself onto the couch when he notices the shadow against
the wall. Quickly Dick puts his hand where his stunner is but his invader is
even quicker and launches something against his arm. The force is enough for
Dick to snarl in pain and he's about to attack he realizes what the object that
hits his arm is.
A batarang.
Damian emerges from the shadows and there's coldness in his eyes. Dick's heart
stops to a halt.
                                   ---------
The black eye hurts, the ribs not so much, the broken wrist surely does but
Dick has had worse and he's certain that those things are not worse. The worst
thing about the whole problem was Damian looking at him like Dick is a
stranger. Icy blue eyes and harsh words which he knew would hurt Dick, leaving
him defenseless.
After that Damian left as he came and according to Bruce, Jason's the only one
who knows where Damian is. And only Dick is surprised about that detail. Alfred
tells him a little about the relationship between Damian and Jason and Dick
tries to not feel jealous. It's fine for Damian to trust in more people,
especially his family, and despite Jason's actions he's still part of their
family.
On their way to the Batcave Bruce doesn't have an apology, doesn't explain
anything or try to comfort him. In that moment Dick has the impulse to scream
and why not, blame him for all the things he sacrificed for him. But he doesn't
do it. Dick's tired and the only thing he wants to know is if Damian will talk
to him, if he is still angry.
If Damian will forgive him.
Cassandra gives a last turn to the bandage on his wrist and smiles
sympathetically. Dick takes notice of her freckles just above her nose and he
asks himself if it would be ridiculous to ask for a hug or comfort. After all
she is one of the few who can offer it because she never treats others'
problems like trivialities but also not like tragedies. She is honest and
that's something that Dick wants right now.
Dick left many times before; he turned his back on Damian and nothing ever
happened. Mountains didn't fall down and countries didn't collapse at all. No
one died, Robin didn't stop being Robin or Batman being Batman, and for sure
Nightwing continued being Dick Grayson. At that time his problems were bigger
than having to deal with a ten year old with mood problems.
He really needs a hug.
Alfred sets down a silver tray on the metal table where Dick sits. There are
sandwiches and tea, which look absolutely delicious. Cassandra takes a cup and
two sandwiches, takes a big bite of one and then walks up to Bruce and gives
him the other. Bruce takes it and smiles slightly at her and then he types
something in the computer and loses himself again.
When Dick called Bruce and told him about Damian, Bruce did nothing more than
take him to the mansion. He told Dick that Damian was fine and Jason would
report anything if there was something wrong. Period. There was no worry in his
face or anxiety and that hit Dick like a wave, furious and cold. Mercilessly.
Bruce trusts Damian unconditionally. He is an adult now and doesn’t have any
more of those anxious and painful desires to prove himself towards a merciless
world that was unfair to him since the start.
And Dick missed all that, Damian Wayne's back and forths. All those physicals
changes but also the sentimental ones. He knows from the videos and news,
rumors and confirmations, that Damian is the same boy that Dick knew well. But
he is also a stranger with a familiar face. A stranger that Dick wants to meet.
But that decision is not his because it was Damian's all the time. Dick offered
a bundle of opportunities and it was Damian who seized them, who made them his.
Facing the consequences of his actions over and over again. Never complaining
and fighting with all his being.
His thoughts are interrupted when Jason's voice fills the cave. It's pure
tension and bad news altogether. Dick's hands are already trembling and it's
not from pain.
"Nothing relevant to report. The brat didn't take the big news so well... He
doesn't want to talk with you, B, and he didn't even talk about Dickie."
There's a pause and rustling sounds in the background. Then a long sigh. "Now
he'll stay with Colin because he knows that I betrayed him so I'm sure he
doesn't want to talk with me now."
Bruce shakes his head and presses the bridge of his nose. Like now it's his
problem instead of Dick and that's new and maybe it's only because Jason is
watching.
"Do you think he'll do anything stupid?" Bruce says and Cass looks at Alfred.
Dick asks himself, not for the first time, how painful his 'death' was for
Damian.
"First of all I think that your question is stupid. If the boy were thinking
about doing 'stupid things' then Dickie would be dead," Jason growls softly and
continues. "Bruce, maybe Dick has no idea of what happened when he pretended to
be dead, but we do. We know how Damian fought to accept it and now he's back
and everyone is trying to pretend that's ok." Jason is angry and Dick stops
breathing. "I saw him and it was like traveling in time, when he was really
bad, so stop trying to make him return to the manor or make him forgive you.
Give him time and maybe... I don't know maybe he'll do it."
Jason talks about forgiveness. The communication is over and the atmosphere is
heavy with tension. Alfred takes the tray and goes silently. Cassandra puts her
cowl back on and smiles a little.
"You know you can stay," she says but Dick doesn't say anything.
Bruce climbs into the Batmobile and after a few minutes it's just Dick and the
sound of the water.
Maybe his loneliness didn't leave him like Spyral.
                                   ---------
Dick talks with Damian outside the school because it's a public place and maybe
Damian won't be to inclined to kill him. Dick knows he looks ridiculous with
the black eye but he ignores the curious glances. He chooses to concentrate on
not losing the rhythm of his breathing when Damian looks at him.
"Dami, we need to talk." Dick knows that phrase is the worst but his brain is a
blank space right now. Damian tenses and his hold on his portfolio strap is so
strong that his knuckles are white. "Please, give me a chance to explain
everything."
His stomach does something weird when Damian smiles, cruel and indifferent, and
Damian's cold gaze pierces him. Damian takes a step forward and Dick has the
impulse to do the contrary. When he speaks, Damian does it with ardor and fury,
and it's absolutely terrifying.
"Ghosts do not exist," he says.
Damian turns and goes upstairs while Dick stays in place, completely still. A
choking feeling takes over him and Dick doesn't really know how he arrives at
his apartment, but he does. He has enough awareness of himself that when he has
his back against the door Damian's words are the only thing that keep him
lucid.
It's the truth, though. Ghosts don't exist and they don't speak, not when
they're, according to a tombstone, eight years dead and buried. There are facts
about that event and a detective always looks at the facts. Damian is a good
detective.
Dick doesn't answer the phone and also is not surprised when Bruce comes
through the window that was surely locked.
"Barbara said she saw you outside the school," he says and removes the cowl,
leaving a preoccupied Bruce Wayne instead. "Jason wasn't joking when he told us
that we should wait."
"You don't have to do it, even when everyone believed that you were dead... you
never really think about how we felt about it. How much your absence was a
burden, you just wanted to finish the puzzle," Dick snorts, running his fingers
through his hair. "But, I'm not like you, Bruce."
Bruce doesn't move but looks at him, analyzing him, and Dick wonders if he
looks as pathetic as he feels. It's not his style but he drank a couple of
beers and both his vision and ability to speak are compromised. He feels cold
and is about to tell Bruce that he has to leave him alone when Bruce speaks.
"Why are you acting like this?" he asks. "It's just Damian, and it's not as if
he can ignore you forever."
There's a musty smell in the air that indicates rain. Outside the clouds move
heavily in the sky and Dick remembers the last sarcastic smile that Damian gave
him. He also remembers lifting Damian's dead body. Small and fragile, moist
with blood. Remembers the numbness and how the time stopped. Dick remembers the
rage and thirst for revenge, the last thing that Damian said with too many
secret feelings.
He listens to Bruce's breathing change for a couple of minutes. When Dick looks
at him there's something that warns him before Bruce talks again, a strange
look on his face.
"You are mistaken," he says and gets close, puts a hand on Dick's shoulder.
"What you think you feel is a lie and you know it, Dick."
"I don't know what you're talking about and even if I knew, you don't have any
right to tell me how I do or don't feel," Dick says, a little agitated.
Lightning illuminates Gotham and then a clap of thunder fills the heavy silence
between them. Bruce denies Dick and puts the cowl on again. He's gone when the
first raindrop falls against the dirty pavement.
Dick knows that kind of technique from Bruce. He repeats what he wants you to
believe again and again and in the end everything ends as Bruce says. It's a
subtle but efficient way to fool you, making you believe that you were wrong
all the time. He says that Dick is confused but that pain in his chest is not
confusion but clarity after a storm that lasted days. Years even.
Dick laughs in the dark and the raindrops, cold and big, come through the
window that Bruce left open.
                                   ---------
As a last resort, Dick watches the videos.
Then every piece of the puzzle just fits. And if he cries it's not really his
fault, nor is it his fault if he feels a blind rage throb in his veins. Also
it's not his fault if he dares to approach Damian on a routine patrol.
All the pieces fall into their place. Everything is like it should be and the
chess game is finally moving.
Damian wears a suit that doesn't resemble anything like his designs, along with
a black raincoat. The suit is lightweight but has protection in the right
places and the boots are the same except for the color. It's neither Robin nor
Batman. Damian has developed his own identity and Dick couldn't be more proud.
And also, why not say it... more enamored.
Damian throws two shuriken that barely tear Dick's left sleeve and his right
cheek. It's a warning and Dick knows it but doesn't retreat. There is a sudden
and frustrated noise and Damian launches himself from the rooftop. He drops the
handhold quickly and with an agility that Dick would envy in any other moment.
When the persecution seems to end, Damian turns suddenly, his eyes hidden
behind the black domino and white lenses. He wields a katana and Dick has
enough time to stop and prevent the sharp blade from penetrating his shoulder.
"I am going to say this once." The tip of the blade is now against his chest,
exactly where Dick's heart is beating quickly. Damian's voice is full of
tension and his image is almost mystical with all his exotic features and the
lethal form of his body. If Damian hears Dick's shaky breath, he doesn't let
him know. "If you dare to keep playing, your death will be first on my list,
and I have not killed in years."
Dick shivers but takes a small step forward, his own warning loud and clear.
Damian frowns and growls at Dick's actions.
"You have to give me another chance, let me explain, please," Dick says, and
for a couple of minutes he thinks he did it. Damian seems to reconsider, the
hold on his blade wavers but he seems to reconsider and wields it again harder
this time.
"You will not make me move backwards again, you abandoned me and I'm over
this," he says and with the lenses up it's more difficult to read him. "You
will not be my weakness, Grayson, not anymore."
It's the last thing Damian says before he moves quickly, hitting Dick in the
chest with the katana handgrip. While Dick struggles not to choke, Damian
disappears and the only evidence of his presence is a faint scent that Dick
cannot place.
Damian's words remain heavy as though they were tangible in the Gotham sky.
Dick just sits on the rooftop, near an alley where he and Damian used to drink
coffee (and in Damian's case, tea) after their patrols.
The irony hurts.                               
The first time had been after a blizzard.  The snowflakes were piled up on the
Gotham rooftops and on the  sidewalks. Dick was acclimated to the winter in
that part of the world, but Damian... He was adorable with his red cheeks and
moody gestures while trying to stop a shoplifting. His sneezes decreased the
force in his kicks, doing little to cheer him up.
At the end, Damian became so desperate that Dick had to intercede if he wanted
the thieves alive. Damian was getting more and more frustrated with his
attempts to stop the first flu symptoms and was hurting people on purpose. When
Dick stopped the fight, making sure that no one was too injured, he told Damian
to wait for him on the rooftop. Then he joined Damian on the rooftop, the two
of them looking like black and yellow smudges in the whitish vision of the
city.
They walked a little while until Dick told him to stop. Damian did but only
after slipping on the thin ice sheet that formed itself into a pipeline that
Damian had been using as support. Just Dick's arm around his waist prevented
him from falling off the building. Damian didn't thank him and Dick didn't ask
for it, happy with the boy's mumbles and the cold scent in the atmosphere.
When Damian asked what he was doing, Dick just told him to wait and Dick went
down to the cafeteria, a little place with a neon open sign. The lady behind
the bar wasn't surprised with the fact that Batman was asking for a cappuccino
and a blueberry tea. She knew him very well, even before Dick was Nightwing,
and she asked kindly how the night was. The word 'perfect' fell from his lips
before Dick could stop it and he discovered that it wasn't a lie.
He came back to the rooftop with the hot drinks seconds before Damian decided
to go and leave him, making him wonder where he could be. But Dick was exactly
on time and even if Damian grunted questioning the contents of his drink he
drank it with long swallows. When Damian parted his lips, Dick could feel much
of his discontent go away with the hot steam, merging with the cold air.
They stayed there a couple of minutes, drinking with gusto and comfortable with
the environment. Then both of them climbed to the Batmobile and left the chilly
landscape. Again, Damian didn't thank him and that became a custom during the
longest winter they witnessed.
After that, Dick was gone.
                                   ---------
"It's the third day... Is he a detail in that part of your life you never tell
me about?” Dick listens as the boy that always accompanies Damian murmurs. And
if that makes Dick feel a little pathetic, he doesn't show it.
Damian looks at his friend (or whatever he is) and the force of that gaze is
enough to silence him. Dick wants to ask who he is, or what he does with
Damian, or even more important... what he wants. Dick stops his thoughts when
Damian turns to him. He has a mild look on his face but his eyes denote the
frustration he feels encountering Dick again. Even more because he is, again,
outside the school.
The first two times Damian just ignored him, and Dick chased him for about ten
minutes until Damian stopped in an alley. Dick didn't have time to open his
mouth before Damian touched his pressure points leaving him with Stephanie to
help him after he woke up. She was the only one near that night and she helped
him, laughing and making snarky comments about how much Dick deserved it for
stalking Damian like a creep.
But this time Damian moves away from the other boy and walks towards Dick. He
stops in front of him and Dick would be lying if he said his heart wasn't
beating against his chest or his breathing didn't waver for a moment. Dick
would be lying if he said he didn't want to smile, hope burning his soul.
"What are you doing here?" Damian says, folding his arms. Dick thinks that
finally his time has come.
"I want to explain what happened, why I couldn't tell-" Damian growls and Dick
closes his mouth quickly. "Please, give me a chance, it's the only thing I
ask."
"You have fifteen minutes, say whatever you want, I don't care." Something in
Damian's voice is striking but Dick lets it go. "Fourteen minutes..."
Dick reacts and begins to relay all those years in Spyral the best he can. Soon
the students start to enter school or some walk away, leaving the building
deserted. The sunlight emphasizes Damian's features. He looks indifferent and
bored but he is looking directly at Dick, and that means he is paying attention
even if he wants to pretend he isn't.
"Your time is up," he says and Dick doesn't know what to do with his hands. He
wants to talk more but he is sure Damian won't let him. "There's nothing
interesting in your spy story or at least nothing that I couldn't conclude
myself after I saw you with Gordon. I did research, and if that's your pathetic
excuse you should know that it was better not saying anything in the first
place."
He turns but Dick grabs his arm; the gesture is abrupt and leaves them
surprised with it. Damian looks like he wants to kill Dick with his gaze; he
closes his fist hard. Before he can give Dick another black eye, Dick grabs his
other arm, this time more soft but determinate.
"No, I don't have any excuse and I know it," Dick murmurs softly and Damian
frowns, less angry. "I... I just want another chance to be with you, to do
things right."
"Why do you like to pretend so much? The golden man that always looks out for
others before himself... Richard Grayson, such a good person." Dick feels his
heart breaking as Damian continues with his cutting words. Dick holds Damian's
arms harder and he can feel the warm skin but that does nothing to content him.
"But here is the truth about Richard Grayson: he left me twice because he
didn't give shit about me. So excuse me if I don't believe the pathetic excuses
that will make you feel better," Damian says and then shakes his arms. "Touch
me again and I'll break your face."
After that he turns and Dick can only watch him go, asking himself if that was
what Damian felt when Dick abandoned him without promises or a proper goodbye
for the time they spent together.
Dick sits on the stairs and watches the cars for hours.
                                   ---------
The first time it happens it's like the anxiety attacks that Damian had
frequently after he returned from death. When that happened Jason was one of
the few that really knew how to help him. And that (among others things) was
the thing that helped them form the weird relationship they have. Jason is the
only one that knows about what really shakes your soul and mind when someone
takes away your life with so much violence.
So, only Jason knew about the nightmares. Those about his mother and the
Heretic and the question that flooded his mind again and again: is Grayson
alright? The first time he asked the only response was a strained gaze. The
second time they gave him feigned ignorance. The third time was an old
newspaper that Damian found in a library, that and a hard search on internet
gave Damian the answer. After half a year of questions and wondering about
where Grayson was, or why he didn't visit them (him). Why he didn't help rescue
Damian with the others.
It was painful that Drake was with him in those moments and not Grayson, his
partner and friend, the one who let Damian in and never judged him. But finally
Damian had an answer, a real answer in his hands. He screamed, blasphemed,
ignored, and in the loneliness patrols offered on the rooftops, he cried.
Contrary to what some people believed of him, Damian wasn't a heartless brat.
He had feelings, violent ones that shook him to the very core. Feelings his
mother taught him to control. Feelings that Damian let out in the presence of
one man, the one Damian sacrificed himself for... In vain.
Dick Grayson was dead and the only sign left that he'd lived was a messy
apartment and a black and blue suit with the sticks that he loved so much and
loneliness in the hearts of people that found a friend in him. And for a brief
period of time, Damian clung to an idea that came to him after one especially
painful nightmare: if he came back, so could Dick. And when he failed it hurt
so much, more than anything else, knowing that he couldn't do anything to help
Dick come back.
Jason was the one that helped him in Damian's lowest moments. In his own way,
Jason was there when the resignation seemed to never come, moments in which
Damian seemed stuck in the memories when Dick was his Batman, when they were
the best. Damian and Dick. And Jason was there, holding him when Damian was
silent about a bunch of things that hurt inside, until they both snapped and
Jason finally told him what Damian had to hear: some people don't come back.
Damian didn't accept it quickly, but when all his resources ran out and he was
left with nothing else, it was then that he began to resign; a single moment of
debility that sometimes was hard to remember because all Damian saw was
failure.
Days turned into weeks, turned into months and finally into years. But Damian
did it. He stopped seeing Dick Grayson's ghost in every corner of the cave, in
every room of the manor, and in time everything healed. Memories were not
curses anymore and places weren't landmarks for spots he had to avoid. The
world was still turning, surprising Damian in the process. Because he was
breathing and his heart was beating, there were new memories to preserve.
Living slowly day after day, making a new life under the sunlight and
continuing with his nocturnal one. Damian Wayne was alive.
The rest came easy.
When Dick's death was finally surpassed, Damian found that Dick was alive in
the few things that were tied to his existence. Damian relied on those things
when the weight of everything else was too heavy, when overcoming his parents
shadows were his most difficult mission, when Robin had become too little and
Damian wanted more. Not Batman, not anymore, but something different, his by
all means.
It was three years later when Damian went to Dick's symbolic grave. And it was
a sudden epiphany, knowing the pain and grief and agony were behind. All those
feelings that left him breathless, curled against the wall were gone, even the
memories, the last words, the last person he saw before the cold blade tore
apart his skin and muscles and his soul, were behind. Damian stood in front the
tomb with the weird epitaph. He placed the white daffodils carefully and then
smiled, sincerely. In peace.
He didn't set foot in the cemetery again after that.
Until Dick Grayson appeared again, real, corporeal, alive. He was sitting in a
restaurant with Barbara Gordon, laughing as if nothing had happened. As if
Damian didn't feel like dying, as if all the unsaid and the doubts and failures
simply didn't exist. As if nothing mattered.
And Damian was angry but also methodical and while Tylor asked if he was
alright, Damian pretended that everything was fine. He pretended he didn't see
them and walked away, walked a couple of streets and stopped suddenly. He said
goodbye to Tylor and started to look for unseen trails, the ones that were
everywhere and he ignored. Damian found the new apartment and every impression
was there, all the things Dick Grayson did for himself to build a new life.
Without Damian, again.
His mother would be disappointed.
But if Damian felt his heart break it was not his fault, not his weakness. It
was a consequence of more lies, this time bigger even than the one Talia had
told him since he was born. More painful and intimate, ones that touched him in
places that never hurt before. The old wounds were open again.
The blindfold fell and Damian Wayne finally saw reality.
The rest, again, was easy. No one had the right to excuse themselves, to
prevent him from doing anything or pitying him. Jason explained the few things
Damian didn't get and even if he was also angry with Jason, the truth was that
Damian had a strong bond with Jason. And nothing could change that, not even
lies.
When his father saw him collect clothes and a few things, he thought that it
was another tantrum that Damian had occasionally. So he let Damian go. Damian
looked for a more comfortable option: moving with Colin to his little apartment
in a lonely neighborhood. There were no questions, just a name being said and a
shocked look from Colin.
Everything could be simple in its own complexity if Dick Grayson didn't want to
justify his actions: chasing him every day, in the morning, afternoon and the
night. On the streets and rooftops, with that guilty aura that gave Damian
chills.
It's mentally exhausting but sentimentally heartrending. Grayson wanted to make
him step back to all those years full of pain and sorrow, pretend that nothing
happened, that Damian didn't die and come back to a lie. Pretend that Dick
never left him and that everyone was with Damian in his grief because someone
so dearest to him was dead.
All lies.
On the third day of Grayson waiting for him outside the school, Damian
approached him. He wanted to give Dick a last gift, a last chance to apologize
and leave him with a clear conscience.
What he got instead was something he already expected: a speech with a few
words that Damian wanted to hear in different circumstances, but not in that
moment. Yet he let Grayson talk as much as he could in those fifteen minutes of
truce, "for old times." Damian let him babble and whisper nonsense and for a
couple of minutes, Damian wanted to believe him.
He wanted to erase the past.
Then Grayson touched him and the rage and the bloodlust were present again,
making Damian finish the little match.
Damian left Dick behind; there was no place for the man in his new life. They
were not Batman and Robin, Damian and Dick, anymore. Just two strangers that
knew each other perfectly in another time and another situation.
And Damian still hates meeting strangers.
                                   ---------
After that, all that's left are two exhausting months.
Damian made a truce with Jason. Sometimes both of them would encounter each
other during night patrols or when Roy didn't want to see a movie and Todd
dragged him instead. Interactions with Bruce were frequent enough but Damian
never talked about his return. Colin was actually happy having him in the
little apartment.
And that only left Grayson.
Dick didn't stop in his intentions for being forgiven. He left stupid silly
notes inside Damian's books which were supposedly inside his locker all the
time. An herb for tea, vegan food, movies that Damian saw when he believed Dick
was dead. Music records, books and more things that Damian burned or broke in
front of Colin and Dick who was hidden in the shadows.
Stephanie told him that he was being stubborn and Damian asked himself how
nobody saw it, how nobody was hurt by the deception.
A couple of years back he reconciled the idea of having an embarrassing crush
on Grayson. Also nobody realized it until he had a long and alcohol-fueled talk
with Jason and Drake on Dick's death anniversary. But just as with the pain,
Damian overcame that too.
So, when he's about to fall because the rope of his handhold breaks and Grayson
happens to be there to save him… Well, Damian has trouble thinking straight.
And Damian definitely doesn't think about the arm around his waist or the way
Grayson presses his body against Damian's. Instead Damian absolutely thinks
about how close he was to breaking his skull on the pavement.
Dick puts him down safely and then asks Damian if he's alright. The boy barely
has time to respond when Scarecrow's laugh interrupts them. There's a moment of
confusion; Damian doesn't understand why Scarecrow is there but then he
remembers Oracle. She wanted to tell him something but he chose to ignore her
and threw the comm in some alley trash.
Both of them barely have time to react when they realize that the toxin has
already been released. Damian steps back, his hand instinctively searching his
handhold, the one that's broken. He pursues his lips in frustration but before
he can think of something else Damian sees the toxin reaching them. He wants to
turn and tell Grayson to go but knows it's too late.
Damian really should pay attention to Oracle.
Grayson seems to react and takes something from his belt, then grabs Damian's
arm and pushes the boy against him. Damian recognizes the article and tries to
refuse and jump against the thick toxin cloud when Dick grabs his neck and puts
on the gas mask. Damian pushes him but there's a soft 'click' indicating Dick's
secured the mask in place. Damian wants to punch Dick in the face but soon the
mist is around them and the Scarecrow looks blurred, like some ghostly
presence.
Then everything occurs too quickly. Damian has enough time to take his katana
and Dick throws batarangs but soon they are alone. Grayson suddenly collapses
and drops to his knees, babbling something and Damian knows he has no time. He
must take Dick to the cave as soon as possible. Damian moves Dick with
difficulty; Dick's in shock and Damian knows what comes next. He takes the
handhold that rest against Dick's hip and shoots, aiming for the next building.
The task is not easy given Dick's height and weight, but soon Damian manages to
put Dick on his back. They land and the first thing Damian does is take the
comm from Dick's ear. He removes the mask, his fingers shaking; soon he hears
Oracle's voice asking for Dick's situation.
They shouldn't have come upon the Scarecrow.
"Send a vehicle to this location, Oracle, we met the Scarecrow." There's a
moment in which Damian doesn't know what to call Dick. "Nightwing is under the
toxin's influence, he has a minute."
"Air support in two minutes, Black Bat is handling Scarecrow so we don't need
you," she says and there's hardness in her voice.
Damian wants to scream at her that they don't have two minutes but it's then
when Dick tightens his grip on Damian's arm. His eyes are glassy and Damian
forgets the comm. He feels rage and resentment against Dick, for letting Damian
go through those months and then again now. Dick didn't have to save him,
Damian didn't need him. Dick is shaking and Damian takes him by the shoulders
hard and desperate.
"Nightwing, I need you to focus on my voice, remember that nothing is real," he
says but Dick is far away, in his nightmare's place. "Listen to me, everything
is an illusion, don't let the fear conquer you."
Dick murmurs his parents’ names and then others names that can pass as
nonsense, but Damian knows. He knows and Dick talks suddenly. "I couldn't... I
couldn't... they came for me." He grabs Damian and cold sweat soaks his
forehead. "It was my fault, Dami; it was all my fault... You're dead and it's
my fault... I failed you, I failed you... please, please forgive me..."
Damian is shocked, his response stuck in his mind when the soft sound of
engines distracts him. Row is driving the Batmobile and before it lands, she
goes down and helps Damian get Dick inside. Dick is fighting against his
imaginary ghosts when Harper takes control and drives again.
"The antidote is in the compartment, brat," she says and Damian rushes, taking
the shot. Then he leans forward and injects it quickly in Dick's arm.
"Calm down, Grayson." Dick shudders and Damian holds him. In the background
Row's voice is steady; she is talking with someone but he turns to Dick and
says: "It'll be over soon, focus on my voice, you can do it."
A few minutes later Damian hears Dick's breaths steadying gradually. He looks
at Dick but Dick is looking at a point far away from there, something that
Damian can't see. In those moments, when the adrenaline slowly drains from his
body, Damian begins to think.
Grayson knows how much Damian hates when someone sacrifices for him, the rage
he feels when someone tries to protect him as if anything could surpass what he
saw with his mother. Things he fought against since he could walk and everyone
in Gotham wanted to ignore. Grayson, more than anyone, tried to protect Damian
since his Robin days, with his easy smile and a warm hand on his shoulder when
his own family was the heaviest burden. Wayne and Al Ghul, both fighting
constantly inside him.
When people protecting him always got hurt, Damian knew he was a burden. And
even if most of the time he composed himself, the truth was that occasionally
everything was just too hard, when his inner demons came to the surface to hurt
and fight.
Damian knows they're arriving at the manor. He takes one of the extra handholds
that his father has in the Batmobile and secures it on his hip. Row pretends
she isn't watching him and Dick seems close to fainting, tired after losing all
that adrenaline. Damian bends and looks through the lenses to Dick's exhausted
face.
Dick has pronounced smile wrinkles and even more on his forehead and in the
corners of his eyes. Damian asks himself how many smiles he missed but soon he
ignores the thought and composes his gestures. He strokes strands of Dick's
hair slowly; Dick looks up and tries to look at him but fails.
"I hate you," Damian murmurs softly, like a secret.
When they arrive at the cave, Damian goes down and ignores Row, Dick and
Alfred, who waits for them with medical equipment in hand. He borrows a
motorcycle that surely is Stephanie's, and says nothing more. He drives at high
speed, hearing the wind and Gotham's night sounds. In his mind again and again:
Dick, Dick, Dick.
He parks the vehicle in a dirty alley and pleases himself with the thought of
what Brown will feel seeing it all stained. With the handhold he arrives at
Colin's apartment, climbing through the window with a fluid movement. Colin's
drinking coffee but when he sees Damian, he puts aside the cup and asks what
happened, worried and surprised.
"Scarecrow and Grayson." Damian removes his domino; some traces of adhesive
remain on his left cheekbone. Colin's eyes are wide open; Damian never wanted
to bring Dick into their conversations so Colin never asked. "The imbecile put
his mask on me and he breathed the toxin."
"And then, why are you here?" Colin leans on the wall, staring him and Damian
just shrugs. "Damian, I don't think you're wrong, I understand your pain and
maybe I would act the same... but you can make an effort to talk with him. Make
up for lost time."
"Make up what?" Damian smiles coldly, removing his boots and looking at Colin.
"Oh, yes something like: 'sure, let’s forget your absence. It doesn't matter
that you put that mission above me and I understand you couldn't tell me
anything. So I understand I was the only idiot that believed you were actually
dead'. No, Colin, and that's the last thing I'll say about this."
"I understand your rage but it's not like you can hate someone so important to
you for your life. If something worse happens, if something more severe than
that toxin hits him... I know you'll collapse, you won't forget your words
against him."
Damian glares at Colin but says nothing, remembering the last words he said to
Grayson. He walks to the bathroom and takes a cold and fast shower, trying to
shake Colin's words. Trying to forget Grayson's pleas, the words he said under
the toxin's effects.
Was that his worst fear?
When the sun rises, Damian rests at last, too tired to try and figure out
Dick's frightened mind. The screen on his phone says he has seven missed calls
and he sleeps with the sensation of the device vibrating against his palm.
He doesn't dream.
                                   ---------
Dick is outside the school once again. Tylor looks weary, but Damian doesn't
let his face betray his sudden and hard heartbeat.
He uses the scenes of last night, the rough but gentle touch when Dick placed
the mask on him. The absent and panicked voice and the dizziness before a
strong arm prevented the fall. That vulnerability and finally the rage. Damian
walks away without looking at Dick and he wonders if that was the last chance.
Since Dick came back and started to wait for Damian that was Damian's question.
Will Dick Grayson wait for him again? When his classes end and Damian closes
his locker, looking at his stained fingers he wonders, Will he be there with
his big blue eyes, still asking for forgiveness? Damian doesn't know anymore
what's worse, Dick giving up or persisting in his stubborn goal to win Damian
over.
And when he goes out, two hours later, Grayson is still there, looking at the
street. It's cloudy and could rain at any time but he's there, nervous and
stupidly alluring. Damian gets close and he knows Dick heard him already but he
doesn't move, waiting for Damian.
"Half an hour," Damian says. Dick tenses but then he looks at Damian, full of
happiness.
Damian rolls his eyes and crosses the street with Dick behind him. He feels
nervous and even if he hates to admit it, it's because he is vulnerable after
their last meeting. Damian goes to the cafeteria and reaches the farthest
table, sitting and letting Dick order. Dick asks for the right type of tea and
he orders coffee; Damian wants to resist but he feels nostalgic.
"Are you alright? When I woke up Alfred told me you were gone and I don't even
remember if you were hurt..." Damian snorts; of course Grayson would choose
something so vague like that.
Damian shrugs and says: "You were the stupid one that inhaled the toxin." The
waitress arrives with the drinks and smiles at Dick, who says his thanks while
still watching Damian vividly.
"Sorry for that..." No one talks and Damian watches the steam of their hot
drinks; Dick clears his throat and continues. "I know how much you hate it, but
also I couldn't find another way. We know about the Scarecrow so I was
prepared, you weren't. Also... I've been a nuisance and I apologize for that
but..." Damian stares at Dick, who looks uncomfortable. "I want to know more
about you, learn about you again, and I know I don't deserve it, I know I can't
erase all these years but I want to, Dami. Anything is better than losing you
again."
Damian doesn't talk; he drinks the tea in little sips and looks at the street
once in a while. Soon, Dick begins to drink his coffee but he doesn't see
outside, instead his gaze is steady on Damian.
"There's nothing you can't learn about my life. Ask Father, Pennyworth, even
Brown knows what's important, you don't need to be outside my school or sending
notes. Your efforts are in vain," Damian sighs tiredly. In the bottom of his
cup are the herbs of the tea; he wonders what they say about his future, as
Zatanna told him once. "I trusted you... you were that kind of person but I
don't make the same mistake twice. Stop insisting and stop picking into my
business."
"No, I won't stop, you're too important to stop fighting for." There's
something in Dick's eyes as he says it. Something that sends shivers through
Damian's spine and a weird feeling seizes him. "I was wrong before, lots of
times, but I can do better, I know it and I will prove it to you. You don't
know how much I wanted to see you, to know you were fine. I wanted to be here
when you returned... I wanted to save you myself."
"Stop!" Damian growls and Dick tenses. "I hate you and your silly words, let me
continue with my life, do whatever you want with yours."
With that Damian gets up. He doesn't turn and when he leaves the cafeteria he
thinks about walking away from everything. For a moment, a terrible moment
while Grayson was talking, Damian wanted to give up. He wanted to say yes but
that isn't his nature. Talia didn't raise him that way and maybe Damian isn't
the same as before but his mother is still there in him. He knows she's right,
he can't give Dick his soul and heart again. He can't fall for him.
Grayson's words were honey, lies disguised as promises and Damian wanted to
believe each one.
                                   ---------
Dick sees Damian leave and the only thing he feels is frustration. For a moment
he could've sworn Damian was going to give him another chance but soon the
hesitance was gone leaving coldness instead. Damian shut himself up and Dick
couldn't see the soul that he read easily in the past.
He's scared Jason was telling the truth. That Damian wouldn't forgive him and
sometimes it seems like it. And then Dick remembers the stubborn child that
wanted desperately to fulfill a lie and a role that wasn't his. A boy who lived
with Dick for a long time and knew him better because Damian always saw the
best and the worst in people.
So he would not give up for a couple of negatives, less now when he saw doubt
in Damian's eyes.
It isn't easy the first two months, nor the next three.
He encounters Damian frequently at night when they cross each other’s paths in
quiet patrols. It’s melancholic. Dick thinks back to the time when Damian was
obligated to fight next to him, the same aimed and aggressive blows, with the
force and agility that distinguished him when he was Robin. He's still young
(younger than Dick) and naive, but there's maturity too. He carries himself
easily and he is beautiful, not realizing how much he distracts Dick so Dick
ends up more injured than normal.
Dick knows Damian notices him when he goes almost every day, looking from a
safe distance and if that angers Damian he says nothing. It's true Dick feels
like a voyeur but then he prefers not to think why he's doing that. Bruce
pretends he doesn't notice what's happening and Jason tells him the things
Damian doesn’t say but he needs to know. Like the art exhibition at the school
that Dick attended in disguise.
It’s ridiculous and that's the excuse Barbara uses to make him go out with her,
Stephanie and Cassandra. The place is nice and the group manages to distract
Dick from his problems. 'No, Damian won't disappear while we dance; no, the
city will not explode, Bruce, Helena and Kate are patrolling.' So Dick relaxes
a little bit and soon he's dancing to some silly song, laughing with the girls
and having a good time.
The truth is that he hasn't had so much fun in a very long time and after a few
drinks, his old quirks are back.
He knows it's wrong but there's a girl near the bar. She's with a friend and
it's worse when he realizes that the girl reminds him of Damian in the right
light (red changing to green and then blue). She has brown curly hair and a
flattering outfit, making Dick feel interested and a little bit old. He takes a
big sip of vodka and smiles at Barbara, who seems more interested in dancing
with Cass than with him.
He walks towards the girl and it's wrong but she looks more like Damian and
Dick's feeling thrilled. And a little bit guilty, but the alcohol serves him
well. The other girl sees him first, a small redhead with big glasses. She
leans toward the brunette and whispers something, laughing warmly. Luckily for
Dick he approaches them before another boy (younger and that means nothing to
Dick, thank you very much), and does what he wanted to do. He invites her to
dance. And maybe he feels old but he has his charm and that's enough for now.
The redhead laughs and takes the other boy's hand, dragging him to the dance
floor and in that moment the girl looks at him. Blue beautiful eyes and a
gorgeous face, and also, (Dick notices this through the dizziness) not a girl
at all.
Damian stares coldly at him, pursing his very red mouth.
"Dami-?" before he finishes, Damian covers his mouth. He's looking at the
dancing groups and Dick wants to turn and look too.
"Tt... shut up and follow my lead," he says leading them towards the dance
floor and Dick's totally not excited with this change. "You have a perfect aim
to appear and ruin everything."
Dick doesn't even get sad about that because now it's not a girl resembling
Damian but the boy himself. It seems crossdressing never gets old in their line
of work but it's not like Dick is complaining. Everything fits Damian perfectly
and Dick has to thank Talia and Bruce's good DNA.
The sadness, despair and dizziness are cast aside for a moment; he just thinks
about Damian, who's dancing with him against all bets. Dick doesn't even have
time to stop and think about the age difference or that Bruce will likely kill
him. He just dances and lets Damian guide him wherever he wants.
"It suits you well." Dick smiles and Damian rolls his eyes in exasperation.
"No, really, you look great."
"I told you to shut up and if you say a word about this I swear you will not be
able to sleep peacefully," Damian says and swings his hips. Suddenly Dick's
mouth is dry. He wonders how Damian 'I hate any social event' Wayne learned to
do that, and then Damian continues: "I'm here for the boy with the redhead. We
could be dancing together had it not been for your interruption."
"I swear I didn't know it was you," he says and quickly regrets it. Damian
gives him an aggressive look and with a change of rhythm and light, he hits
Dick hard. It hurts but Dick just grunts a little. "I didn't mean it like that!
My intention wasn't to spoil your mission."
"Lately it's the only thing you do." Damian turns his back and pushes himself
against Dick. Dick tenses and closes his fists; he doesn't want Damian to
notice it but it's too late. "Why did you stop?"
And Dick wants to tell him the truth. He wants to say that the need to take him
is strong and addictive. He wants to own Damian in an aggressive way, let go of
all the frustration and guilt. He wants to tell him that he's jealous of Damian
giving attention to anyone other than Dick. He feels a white and sudden rage
and wants to reach and touch and mark.
Damian turns in that moment. The psychedelic lights illuminate his confused
face. The music seems a far echo in his mind and Dick wants to propel towards
those red pursing lips.
The problem with what Dick feels for Damian is that it's violent. Carnal in a
way Dick's never experienced before, but also intimate and tender. It's want,
desire and want again, everything in a split second. And Dick didn't even
realize it, the strength of his feelings, until Helena brought up the ‘Damian’
problem almost by accident during a mission.
After that, everything made sense. But that knowledge was useless then unlike
the present situation, when Damian's staring at him and Dick stops from letting
out a long sigh.
"Grayson?" And then... Damian realizes everything. It's sudden but Dick notices
by the way Damian gasps and his blue eyes pierce him looking for more.
The song ends and the two are tense; there's no longer a motive to be on the
dance floor, static and confused. Dick has the impulse to apologize but the
redhead interrupts, taking Damian by the arm and tugging him away. Damian seems
to be in shock, staring at Dick intently and he already feels the last string
of confidence break.
He remains standing and looking out of place until Stephanie finds him. Dick
supposes he has had a horrified look on his face because Stephanie suddenly
looks concerned. She puts a warm hand on his shoulder, her eyes seeking his.
"Dickie, are you alright?" Dick sees the girls getting close, but every thought
and reasoning is with Damian.
"Yes... emm... are we going?" Stephanie seems like she doesn't want to go and
Dick feels guilty.
"What? But the good music has just begun!" She laughs at Dick's face and puts
an arm around his shoulders. "Besideess, we saw you dancing with the hot
brunette, so you can't complain."
Dick is about to laugh shakily. At least he wasn't the only one to mistake
Damian for a girl. Stephanie raises an eyebrow and Barbara asks what's
happening. It's in that moment when Dick starts to feel the panic raising in
his chest, a sensation to be in a big place but feeling caught in a little box.
He feels dizzy and his heart is beating faster, following the rhythm of a
single phrase.
Damian realized everything.
After he almost begs Barbara, she lets him go and when he arrives at his
apartment he's scared to find Damian waiting for him in the shadows. But
there's no one and if Dick can't sleep it has nothing to do with the alcohol
but with the paranoia that settles in his chest.
A shocking burden.
                                   ---------
For a week, things are quiet. Damian seems his usual self but Dick has become
more like a shadow, never staying in the same place for too long, looking at
corners and wishing for Damian to approach the problem soon. But also, Dick
knows that probably is the kind of revenge Damian wanted and he gave in far too
easily.
Otherwise Dick is occupied by the thought of Damian and the dance floor. He
can't ignore the memory, the image and the touch of warm skin hidden through
layers of clothes. Damian's hips against his, his hot breath and the ghostly
sensation of his body aligned with Dick's.
After his body is free from the remnants of alcohol, Dick starts to
investigate. The redhead is Carrie Kelley and for some reason that involves
Bruce and lots of problems, she came to know the family business. She's also 
Damian's friend and that is a surprise indeed. Both of them were investigating
a mob boss's son that Dick doesn't recognize because the gangster came after
his 'death'.
If the mission came to an end, Dick doesn't know. What he does know is that he
is tempted to talk with Colin or Carrie. Even during the week Dick thinks about
asking Jason if he's noticed anything weird in Damian's attitude. Within the
family, Jason and Alfred are the ones that have contact with Damian and even if
that hurt in the beginning, now it's an advantage.
Either way he doesn't have time to do any of that because Jason does it for
him.
Dick maneuvers himself and lands on a statue from a building rooftop. He hears
a soft sound and turns, seeing Jason without his helmet and a cigarette in his
lips. He has a wicked smile that predicts some bad news for Dick. He's about to
launch himself again when Jason talks with malice poorly disguised.
"He's not angry, Dickie-bird." As soon as the words leave Jason's mouth, Dick
feels himself give up. He curses quietly but turns and walks towards Jason.
"Ohh... I see. You were worried, right?"
"He told you something?" Jason's smile is so big that Dick wants to punch him,
for the satisfaction alone. "Stop smiling like that, it gives me goosebumps."
"Whatever but yes, apparently the boy was in shock so he came to me for
advice," he says and laughs again. The weather is warm and Dick wants to take
away the domino but if he does so, Jason will be able to read him easily. "I
don't blame you," he continues. "Kelley did a magnificent job disguising him;
even I thought he was hot when I saw him."
"Jason, is it hard to ask you to get to the point?" Dick says and he doesn't
feel jealous at all.
"Before that you have to answer me: how the hell did you work up a crush on the
boy after spending eight years of his life away?" Jason asks and he really
seems confused. He breathes out smoke and Dick thinks of the best way to
answer.
"I..." he opens his mouth and closes it again, over and over and something in
Jason's eyes changes. “I don't know, I think it changed progressively. He was
my Robin and then my friend. I saw him die and carried his body. Then I knew he
was back and everything became more and more confusing... I really didn't
understand until I saw him again... I think I just knew it."
"B. will kill you." Jason laughs but there's no mocking in his tone. After that
everything falls silent but the city; Jason sighs and Dick feels himself tense.
"Listen, the brat isn't angry because he found out your dirty secret, he's
angry because you didn't do anything about it. Really, Dick, you can't follow
him everywhere for months and then chicken out in such a 'cathartic' moment."
"He doesn't even forgive me for what happened, how can I look him square in the
eyes after this?" Dick isn't paranoid in that moment. Of course he isn't.
"You had it difficult, that's true, but Damian just likes to pretend he's still
mad at you." Jason takes another drag of his cigarette and continues: "It's
just... you didn't see him, Dick. He was really bad and his reaction is an
understandable one, but it's also true that Damian always had a soft spot for
you. Use it, bring the best from this."
"Wow... thanks Jay, I mean... it's not as if I can talk about it with anyone,
right?" Jason gives him a pat on his shoulder, a gesture too hard to be
reassuring.
"Whatever you say, Boy Wonder, it's not a big secret," Jason says and Dick
wants to ask what he means but Jason puts his helmet on again. "Even so, the
boy is really pretty... I told you he had the Talia genes."
Dick wants to reply but Jason is already gone, leaving a trail of nicotine and
very high hopes. Maybe Dick really has a chance, small and silly but a chance
nevertheless.
A chance that presents itself when Dick and Damian end up fighting against the
same drug dealers near the bay. Damian doesn't seem happy with his help but
Dick is more worried trying to avoid the bullets than Damian's frown. The only
time Dick gets distracted is when Damian does a split and Dick finds himself
staring at Damian's ass. The result is a very painful punch to his cheek and
Dick doesn't know what hurts more, the hit or his pride.
Either way they finish quickly and when the last one is on the ground, Dick
turns to see Damian and feels the sharp pain of being hit in the jaw. It's a
vibrant sensation and extends all over his face. For a moment he wonders who
did that but the response is obvious and Dick only has a few seconds to respond
before Damian hits him again.
"Damian, what the hell?" Next thing Dick knows he's on the ground, Damian on
top of him. He looks angry and for a moment Dick thinks Jason was lying.
"You stupid, imbecile, idiot, Grayson. Another blow this time to his shoulder
and Dick decides that's enough.
He lets his own resentment go and the adrenaline takes over his body. Dick
turns Damian quickly, holding his arms and they fight for a few minutes, Dick
trying to stop the fight and Damian trying to hit him. They're agitated and
both say more in those moments than in all the previous months. It's cold and
the sea breeze is sickening but Dick concentrates on Damian's body against his.
He still tries to punch him and the effort leaves him panting slightly.
Dick turns once again and puts Damian against the ground, keeping him there and
finishing the fight.
"Calm down! I don't want..." Dick relaxes as he talks and Damian nimbly
utilizes it to change their positions again. Dick falls down and Damian gets
up; quickly Dick stands and they stare at each other but neither drops his
guard.
"Want? What the fuck do you want? To pretend everything could be like it was
before?" For a second Dick gets distracted with the way Damian moves, thinking
he might hit him again, but Damian makes a weird sound and continues. "Damn
you, Grayson... I overcame you, I left you behind! You weren't a weakness
anymore, I didn't think about you at all! And now you come and chase me for
months, you confuse me and decide you have power over me!"
Dick wants to laugh but also to cry or scream or do thousands of things at the
same time. He does none of that. Instead he gets close, grabs Damian by the
neck and kisses him.
He kisses him hard, with everything Dick is and nobody wants to admit. Soul and
heart and also burning and pure passion. Damian tenses but then he gives up
easily, pliant in Dick's arms just to transform again. The kiss is saliva,
teeth and blood; it's aggressive and painful. Reproaches what no one reproached
before and screams secrets that maybe should be kept hidden.
Damian pulls some strands of Dick's hair and Dick can only moan and caress
Damian's bottom lip with the tip of his tongue. Damian trembles lightly and in
revenge he bites hard, getting Dick even more excited. He wants to possess and
Damian always seemed like a storm, wild and beautiful and impossible to tame.
Dick's erection is painful against his suit and Dick wants to touch Damian,
make sure he's in the same predicament. If he has the same urge to relieve all
the desire that burned him for many years.
There's a static sound in their ears and they both separate suddenly, confused
and frustrated. Oracle's voice sounds purposely detached and Dick doesn't want
to feel like a boy getting caught. But the truth was he would be caught sooner
or later and by the goddamn Batman.
"Report?" she says.
"Situation under control, Oracle, emm... we were bringing some order here."
Damian snorts and Barbara's voice sounds distorted. She cuts the line and Dick
knows it's the last time he will hear from her for the rest of the night.
When Dick turns to confront Damian, he's already gone. What Dick's left with is
pain in his cheek and an erection that could be uncomfortable without the
protection under the kevlar.
First thing's first so Dick waits until Gordon arrives to arrest the men. The
commissioner looks curiously at his swollen cheek but doesn't say anything and
nods at him in goodbye. After that, Dick takes a necessary trip to Colin's
apartment, where he hopes to find Damian. Dick knows that if he doesn't talk
with Damian, things will get complicated and he wants to avoid that situation
if he can. Dick's not prepared. Not yet.
He also knows an encounter with Bruce is inevitable because Bruce sooner or
later discovers things everyone tries hard to hide. Always. And Dick doesn't
even want to think about the others and their reactions, so he entertains his
mind with ambiguities.
Dick arrives faster than he would have liked. He crouches and leans against the
emergency stairs, peering at the windows for any sign of Damian's presence. The
worst, Dick knows, is that he doesn't even know what to say.
What did the kiss mean? Does Damian forgive him? Will he hit him again?
What can you say to someone you were kissing not even an hour before? Dick
wants to know about the thing Damian told him in his outburst of anger. Dick
wants to know since when and how did it happen, also what would have happened
if Barbara had not interrupted them. And even better, he wants to know what
Damian's neck tastes like, how many moles he has, how many scars. The sounds
and the textures and all the new and endless possibilities that are now open
doors.
Or maybe they were always open but now Dick knows. Dick wants to go and
explore. He wants to fall unsure if there will be something down there to catch
him.
The bedroom light is on and Colin enters. Colin seems to be going out and Dick
doesn't want to hope but there's no point because he already does. Colin seems
to be talking with someone and seconds later Damian comes in. He no longer has
his uniform and while Colin moves anxiously around the room, Damian sits calmly
at the edge of the bed. Nothing seems to betray that he had Dick's mouth in
his, and Dick is a little bit jealous about Damian's self-control.
Dick waits, thoughts becoming knots and the kevlar is bothersome against his
hot and wet skin. He sees Colin storming out of the room and after a few
moments Colin goes out, running across the street. Before Dick can do anything
else, Damian opens the window and looks at Dick almost tiresomely.
They look at each other and Damian is the one who breaks the visual contact,
making space for Dick to enter through the window. The room smells like Colin's
cologne and Dick is sure that the pristine order is due to Damian's efforts.
The only things out of place are some clothes that surely Colin left hurled
while he changed for his date. Dick again feels that strange emotion when he
sees Damian's things in the room. That life completely unknown to Dick.
Such as the hobbies that were developed when Dick was not there. The things
that are hidden, waiting for Dick to find them gradually. But in that moment,
Damian is in front of him, waiting, with all that lethal magnetism. The blue
eyes and elegant gestures that scream if you really pay attention. And Dick, he
always did.
"If you came to tell me that what happened in the bay was a mistake, save it."
He crosses his arms and Dick removes his domino.
"I know you realized I can't say that without lying," Dick whispers, slowly,
like a secret. Damian tenses but he keeps looking him straight in the eye. "I
don't want to lie, Damian, not anymore."
They're close, and Dick's thoughts speed up. He wants, imagines, and considers;
he thinks about everything that led them to this moment. Standing face to face
and with the force of his feelings as gravity force. He also thinks about the
way Damian's lips look, red and soft, hiding brutality and strength. He thinks
on the afterwards but this time Damian shortens the distance and kisses him.
Chaste and even sweet but Damian doesn't close his eyes and Dick sees challenge
in them. It's then when time accelerates and everything spins; there are hands
and lips. Murmurs and moans that keep them occupied until Dick hits Damian's
small bed. A hand rests on the warm curve of his hip while the other one goes
down slowly from behind, sending shivers to Damian. Damian has his hands on
Dick' shoulders, claiming all his attention even if he doesn't have to. He
already has it. He always had it.
"Dami... Dami, you have to tell me... you have to tell me you're sure about
this,"
 Dick moans and maybe it's obvious but he has to know. He has to be sure that
all this is real. He kisses Damian's neck and Damian whines quietly.
But Damian understands; he always understood some part of Dick's soul, animal
and human, that no one else does. He withdraws and stares at Dick's lips.
Damian's eyes are determinate and there's a brightness in them that is pure
lust, dangerous and inciting. Dick feels his pulse quicken and the room
suddenly is very calm.
Damian's voice is a whisper in the small room and the next thing Dick knows is
that his back hits the mattress with Damian above him.
                                   ---------
Dick moans when Damian buries his teeth in the junction of his neck and
shoulder. Then, as an apology, he licks soft and slow, tasting the skin and
moaning too. Their clothes are on the floor, kevlar above Damian's pajamas and
the cold air filters through the window. There are wet sounds and murmured
words making echoes all over the room.
Dick's hands travel over Damian's body, marveling at the softness of his thighs
and touching the edges of new scars. But there's one Dick know best. One that
makes Damian whisper when Dick touches over the edges with his fingertips. A
sword scar and Dick wants to kiss it, know what it tastes like, outline the
contours as Damian continues sighing, biting his lip after.
It's weird in a good way. Knowing how Damian is in bed, in the privacy that
only Dick shares because it makes sense. It's always Dick and Damian in that
bubble, in that reality. And Dick doesn't want to think much about his erection
rubbing against the curve of Damian's ass. Damian kisses his shoulders, tiny
and fleeting touches, and Dick wonders if he's being discovered, too.
Damian's body is hot and he moves his hands against Dick's abdomen. Dick
trembles with anticipation and his vision blurs with contained lust. Dick's
hips move lightly and his erection rubs for a second with Damian's soft and wet
skin. Both let out a moan and Damian exhales another one when his own erection
brushes against Dick's.
"Fuck me," he murmurs against Dick's lips. A soft order and Dick melts again,
completely at Damian's mercy. Damian leans forward, opening a small drawer and
grabbing a black bottle. He puts it in Dick's palm and kisses the corner of his
mouth, going down until he's biting his neck, waking Dick from his dreaminess.
With a quick movement Dick reverses their positions. If Damian looked beautiful
above him, below he looks just glorious. It's not a submission but permission
and Dick feels love burst in his chest while his hands caress Damian's shapely
legs. Dick puts one leg above his shoulder and sees how Damian blushes,
avoiding his gaze and sees how the curtain moves with the night air.
"You are beautiful, Dami." Dick kisses Damian's calf, biting lightly and
earning a moan.
"Shut up, Grayson, and fuck me now," Damian says but Dick ignores him. He
always wanted to tell him that, reassure him in an intimate way, things Dick
always saw and Damian refused to observe.
"You are." Dick licks behind Damian's knee and Damian makes a pleasured sound.
And Dick feels how much he wants to possess him but obliges himself to
continue. "Beautiful."
Dick bites the soft flesh of Damian's thigh, leaving a furious, red hickey near
his groin and making Damian scream in pleasure. Dick wants to taste but Damian
lifts himself slightly and claims Dick's lips. They moan low, biting and
sucking while Dick opens the bottle and squeezes a little, soaking his fingers
with the lube. He wants to ask if Damian has done it before but Damian
separates from him and falls against the pillow.
"Be careful," Damian says and blushes so Dick understands. He feels pleasure
and improper happiness, and the news goes straight to his cock, red and soaking
with precome.
"Relax," Dick murmurs and loses his breath soon after. His hand is near
Damian's ass and he feels heat radiating from the boy.
He caresses the entrance with his finger, slowly and watching the delicious
reactions he gets from Damian. Damian has his eyes shut tightly and breathes
fully in concentration. Dick inserts a finger carefully, making little circles
and Damian bites his lip bloody. And Dick wants to do things slowly, he doesn't
want to think about the heat and the tightness, the way Damian whines. After a
few minutes, Dick shoves in a second finger and Damian gets comfortable enough
to ask for a third one. He pushes back his hips and Dick strokes Damian's cock
gently, enjoying the little sounds.
When Dick finally gives him a third finger, he moves them harder, pressing and
fucking Damian with them. And Damian... he moves against them, looking for more
contact, trying a rhythm while he moans and shivers, asking for more. It's then
when Dick stops and Damian opens his eyes, looking at him with lust and pure
want.
"Do it," Damian says and Dick nods. His cock is hard and it hurts, sensitive
against the night air. He adjusts Damian's leg and leans forward to give his a
wet kiss on the jaw, sucking at it.
Dick does it slowly and Damian seems to enjoy the stretching sensation and the
pain every time Dick pushes harder. He encourages Dick with dirty whispers,
touching him and smiling when Dick sighs, his cock buried in Damian's ass.
Their breathing is erratic and they kiss, sloppy and wet, trying to steal the
air from each other.
Dick sees the want in Damian's gestures and he licks the sweat from the boy's
neck, traveling down and sucking his nipple. Damian screams and Dick begins
moving carefully, trying to control himself. He supports himself with one arm,
his other hand caressing Damian leg. Damian groans and moves his hips, trying
to meet Dick's trusts; he kisses and shoves Dick's hair painfully. They drink
each other's wet sounds and incoherent phrases, touching what they can and
aching for even more.
Dick moves back a little and grabs Damian's hips, lifting him and changing the
angle of his thrusts. This way is harder, deeper; he goes out entirely just to
shove his cock in again, moaning. He licks his lips and sees Damian's control
snap, screaming for more and Dick smiles, predatory.
"There... ahh... again... harder, Grayson, fuck me harder," Damian moans. He
squeezes his cock, denying himself the orgasm and Dick finds it fascinating and
obscene.
And then again there it is, the animal instinct that takes his body and Dick
shoves in again, one, two, three times. He leans and bites Damian's neck, hard
and violently, making marks for everyone to see. They come apart by the
pleasure and the pain, and then they come together by the force of their need.
It's a quick and aggressive rhythm, words encouraging Dick to go further,
stronger, and harder. It's Damian throwing his head back in a long moan,
exposing his neck for Dick to bite a big hickey that hurts too much. It's also
Dick feeling his orgasm build in each thrust against the hot tightness of
Damian's ass. He grabs Damian's cock and says against his red and wet lips:
"Cum for me." And Damian opens his eyes, blown pupils with pleasure, a view
Dick wants to see again.
One more thrust, deeper and almost too aggressive, and Damian's screaming and
coming in a mind-blowing orgasm; he tightens Dick's cock and Dick groans
hungrily.
And Dick feels close but keeps pushing, kissing Damian's golden skin, licking
the sweat. He enraptures his senses with Damian's presence and it's then when
he looks at him, smiling, a sincere gesture that Dick saw on a few occasions.
And that, with the marks and the sex smell that mixes with the cold air, is
what makes Dick cum inside Damian with a low groan that echoes in the small
room.
They stay quiet for a moment, catching their breath and controlling their fast
heartbeats. Dick rests his forehead on Damian's shoulder and Damian strokes
Dick's hair carefully. He moves his hand, caressing Dick's back, outlining the
scars and looking at the ceiling.
"You won't go again," Damian says and it could be an order except for the
quiver in his voice. "You're mine, now."
Dick lies down on the mattress and hugs Damian, his lips against the Damian's
warm cheek.
"Yes," Dick says and presses himself against Damian's thin body and sighs.
“Yours, Damian."
He nods and Dick smiles. Everything feels calm and outside the sun is about to
rise. Damian is warm and Dick knows they can stay like that a little bit more,
before getting up and cleaning their mess. Meanwhile he's content with the
sensation, new and strong, of having Damian against him. Real, beautiful,
alive.
Yeah, everything seems in order at last.
                                   ---------
Damian walks under the warm sun. There’s a huge portfolio on his shoulder and
against his left broadside. It has art supplies and some stained notebooks with
black borders. In general, Damian Wayne looks… happy.
The term is almost over so there are more students than the rest of the
semester. They come and go with coffee or food in hand, with art supplies and
anxious faces. The school looks more alive and has a normal and peaceful air
that sometimes lacks in Gotham City. Damian comes out with his usual frown; it
would be funny if it weren't for the dark circles under his eyes. It's evident
that with all his high education, he doesn't escape the stress of deadlines.
He walks down the stairs and stills halfway, pulling out his phone and pursing
his lips. He taps quickly, adjusting his portfolio and starts walking again.
When he's down a motorcycle parks in front of him and the driver puts away his
helmet. The man has a big smile and Damian relaxes instantly. He's still
frowning and he crosses his arms but the man leans forward and kisses him,
quickly taking the portfolio from him.
Bruce purses his lips, sipping warm coffee. He observes Damian climbing on the
vehicle, putting on the helmet Dick offers with a wink. Damian looks more
relaxed but he grabs Dick by the waist and it's the last thing Bruce sees from
them. After a while he sighs tiredly and looks at his cup of coffee.
"Well?" Jason says dramatically and smiles at him, wicked and sympathetic.
"Stop that, B, you look horrified and I'm sure you knew it already."
"It's not funny, Jason. Do you have any idea what's really happening here?"
Bruce's voice is dark but Jason shrugs, taking a long sip of his cold mocha.
"They are adults, Bruce. Yes, one is older than the other but Damian always
knew what to do. You just like to think of him as a child when it serves your
purposes." Bruce stares rudely at him but Jason continues. "And don't drop on
me the 'family matter' because it would be hypocritical."
Bruce snorts but he knows that arguing with Jason about it is a lost cause.
They finish their drinks and Jason makes him smile with sarcastic comments and
good humor. But Bruce knows he can't prolong the wait. He knows sooner or later
Damian or Dick himself will tell him about their relationship. And Bruce wants
to make sure that he will control and calm himself but he would be lying.
Bruce remembers the image, the way Dick kissed Damian, tender and warm. The way
Damian relaxed, leaning towards Dick and Bruce already knows it's a lost
battle. Also knows he doesn't have the right to interfere in their lives, not
anymore.
Jason needs his attention and Bruce manages to forget all his problems for a
while.
End Notes
     Thank you for reading. Maybe I can do more about this story or maybe
     I just want an excuse for more Carrie and Colin and yes DickDami.
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