Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/10755384.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Final_Fantasy_XV
  Relationship:
      Noctis_Lucis_Caelum/Ignis_Scientia
  Character:
      Ignis_Scientia, Noctis_Lucis_Caelum, Gladiolus_Amicitia, Prompto_Argentum
  Additional Tags:
      First_Love, First_Kiss, First_Time, Slow_Burn, Coming_of_Age
  Stats:
      Published: 2017-04-28 Chapters: 1/3 Words: 11652
****** walk tall, stand fast, keel over ******
by lucelafonde
Summary
     "Ignis thought it was very much likely that he fell in love right
     there, barely three minutes into their acquaintance. Of course, back
     then he didn’t know."
      
     The slow, realistic transition of Ignis' and Noctis' relationship
     over the years: How to get from 'adviser' to 'boyfriend' in a
     thousand little steps.
     NOTE: Noctis is 16 when the explicit stuff happens.
Notes
     This game owns my ass. This ship even more so. Is it possible to play
     FF15 and not ship this? Is it? Ignis is basically attached to my hip
     at this point and absolutely everything about the narrative has
     convinced me that I have secretly been dating my adviser for years,
     and absolutely nothing would be able to convince me otherwise now.
     POSSIBLE SPOILERS: nothing as of right now, I think, but the story
     will most likely move into game and post-game territory in chapter 3,
     so be warned. Before reading, it is advised to have seen the anime
     and read the prologue as there are a few references to those
     throughout the story. It's not really necessary though.
     WARNING: I have most of this story written already. It was meant to
     be maybe 10,000 words tops, but it's starting to look like more than
     twice that amount already so I decided to split it into chapters
     after all. There will be explicit content. It's already written. I'm
     personally not someone who enjoys either reading or writing porn, but
     in this case it is actually relevant to the plot. It's not the main
     thing though, so you know what you're getting. Noctis is 16. Ignis is
     18. I have no idea if that's iffy or not where you come from. Where
     I'm from it's perfectly alright and legal, but I tagged it underage
     just in case.
one.
On this day, the day he would henceforth remember as the tipping point of his
life, he met Prince Noctis. A scrawny little kid; although only two years
separated them in age, the heir to the throne was far removed from him in
height. That was the first thing he noticed. The second was his bright eyes,
the curious glint in them as he peeked past his father’s leg at his newly
appointed adviser — a silly position made even sillier by their fair age, but
official nonetheless.
Ignis had not seen himself as a princely adviser before that day. His uncle was
employed by the Crown, that much was true, and his family was not lacking ties
to the royal family, but even so: he was merely a child himself, as it were,
and had not in his wildest dreams considered… well, this.
“Ignis,” the King had said, soft and kind, just as expected. “I would like you
to meet my son.” At this, he had gently urged the child forward, a grounding
hand on his shoulder as he spoke. “Noctis, please greet our guest.”
Noctis did the impossibly rude and stared first, eyes growing wide and wider,
whether due to curiosity or fear, Ignis could not say, and then he did the very
much unfathomable.
He smiled.
“Hey.”
Ignis thought it was very much likely that he fell in love right there, barely
three minutes into their acquaintance. Of course, back then he didn’t know. But
he did take the prince’s hand and held it tight and promised not to let him
come to harm for as long as he drew breath.
 
two.
Impossibly, their days passed almost peacefully. Noctis was an eager child;
chipper and full of energy, chasing him and his guards good-naturedly through
the grounds, causing them never-ending well-intentioned headaches. Ignis did
not dislike it. It was indeed hard to dislike anything Lucis’ heir did, if he
was honest, but even that being the case, in trying times, even the faintest
glimmer of happiness and levity was much appreciated all around.
All the more tragic when it came to a sudden and violent halt.
Soon, the happy, careless child faded into memory. Ignis spent day and night by
his side while he recovered from the grievous wound the daemon had inflicted on
the prince. Not the physical: that one was healed as much as it was able, but
the mental scarring still remained, raw and bloody in his mind. Even in the
earliest youth Ignis had been part of, Noctis had never seen any issues
sleeping or being on his own. After the attack, it was impossible.
Perhaps it was inevitable that they grew closer. Ignis saw the change better
than most: stark and cruel in its contrast to the boy he’d previously known.
He’d keep Noctis company during the day as much as he was able, given his busy
schedule, and when night approached with sinister intent, Noctis would grow
deathly quiet. A faraway look would cloud his eyes, and he seemed almost
resigned to what came next. As if he had simply given up on any other
possibility.
Ignis would say, “It’s been a long day. Let’s go to bed,” and Noctis would make
a face at his formal speech, but not the same he’d made before. This one was
half-hearted at best, and Ignis desperately wished that he would mock him,
would tease him for spending too much time with adults, for trying too hard to
be respectable.
Nothing came, however, as he’d known it wouldn’t, and Noctis simply allowed
himself to be herded into his bedroom, quietly undressed when his fingers
started shaking on the buttons. It wasn’t the only time Ignis felt like a
mother to this broken child, but he never felt it as strongly as he did when he
tugged the blanket over slim shoulders, hands lingering a little longer than
they needed. Then, like clockwork, he would turn, wondering if perhaps tonight
would be different, if maybe things were changing, and every time without fail,
warm fingers would close around his wrist and hold him there, begging him
silently to stay.
It was odd, how simple it had become. Grabbing a chair and pulling it close,
promising softly to stay the night. Climbing into bed behind the prince when
the nightmares started, wrapping his arms around him until the shaking stopped
and his breathing slowed again. Softly slipping away before the dawn without
ever waking the prince once.
Ignis did not dislike providing comfort where it was needed, but he deathly
despised that it was needed at all. If he could erase the memories forever, he
would, but all he could do for now and perhaps forever was acting as if it were
business as usual and pretend not to notice the deep bags under Noct’s eyes.
 
three.
A certain amount of understanding was assumed when the prince decided to cope
with his demons his own way. Ignis was desperate to have the old Noct back at
this point, and it wasn’t as if his absence would make the prince reluctant to
go on these “excursions” he had decided were his new hobby now. Thus, he found
himself tagging along, day or night, whenever his Royal Highness was of the
opinion that the palace was too stifling.
Had the trips been authorised, they might have been enjoyable. Ignis would not
deny that. He too thrilled at seeing more of the world than his strict
education allowed, and more than that, he cherished seeing different sides to
Noctis, shades of him he wouldn’t show within confinement. They were all
beautiful to him, blinding in their simplicity and much closer to the original
Noct he had come to know at first.
No, Ignis did not oppose to the trips themselves, merely the sneaking around
attached to them. If anything were to happen to Noctis on his watch, he would
never forgive himself. Certainly not in the short amount of time he’d be
provided before his execution, he was sure.
“Stop worrying,” Noct said. And, “You didn’t have to come.”
“Yes, I did,” Ignis would tell him, and they’d both know what it meant. Those
were the days.
When they were caught, it was only natural for him to take the blame for it
all. He certainly didn’t feel like he was being untruthful. He’d known it was
wrong. He’d understood the danger, accurately predicted the consequences. He
had been, from start to finish, aware of all the factors. He was older than
Noctis and on top of that directly responsible for him. He knew that. It was
his job to protect him, to keep an eye on him, and to stop him from doing just
what they’d done. And yet he had not.
They were both children, so they got away with a strongly worded lecture Ignis
had entirely predicted. They did stop sneaking out after that.
Noctis, Ignis had found, was surprisingly thoughtful sometimes, even though he
did not seem it at first glance. He understood, better than most, what
responsibility meant, even as he shirked it to his best ability. It wasn’t the
lecture that had made him realise the error of his ways, undoubtedly like Ignis
all throughout aware of all the dangers even while he sought them out. It
wasn’t getting caught that made him stop.
When Ignis had stood in front of him and told his father and Clarus Amicitia
that it had been his fault, that Noctis had not understood the danger and he as
his advisor had failed to tell him of it, Noctis had grown very quiet and
withdrawn. He had not insulted Ignis by ruining his efforts and accepting all
the blame, but he had thanked him later in private and said solemnly, “Maybe we
should stop.”
They did, but they still found ways to pass the time and managed to find their
own forms of entertainment without driving the royal guard into an early grave.
Ignis promised to make up for this lack of freedom later, when they were both
older and stronger and could take care of themselves. He promised to take
Noctis away somewhere. Show him something he’d never seen before. Noctis smiled
and said, “I’ll hold you to it, Specs. Better not break that promise.” And
Ignis found he didn’t want to.
 
four.
School was hard for Noctis in a way that it had never been for himself. He was
educated as an especially gifted child and treated as such, and he revelled in
it. Noctis, as the heir apparent, was faring much worse. It was difficult for
him to blend in. Impossible to make friends. People were intimidated to be
close to the prince, thought themselves not worthy enough to approach him, or
enjoyed talking behind his back more than to his face.
The old Noctis might have dealt with things differently, might have dazzled
them on his own and simply made friends where there were none before, but that
Noct was dead. The one here now, the one walking long hallways filled with
whisperings on all sides, did not approach and was not approached in return. He
spent his breaks alone closed off from the others, hidden away, and pretended
not to notice their stares.
Sometimes Ignis thought he was the only one he talked to. His father, often
busy and always kind, was a strong influence in Noct’s life, but there was only
so much a King could do to spend time with his son. Noctis understood that
almost too well and never raised a single complaint, not even in private when
only Ignis could hear.
There was Gladio, he supposed, but Gladio was another arranged acquaintance and
not a true friend, not to mention their extremely clashing personalities and
frequent arguments. No, if he was talking about friends, Ignis was his only
one, and even that, he admitted quietly to himself, was not a true friendship,
nor could it ever be. He would always be adviser to the Crown, first and
foremost. He would always serve Noct out of duty, no matter his personal
feelings on the matter, and even if those feelings grew and overshadowed that
sense of duty, it would not change the facts.
There were simply some things that could never be, and a true, honest
relationship between them was just such. He was glad then, when Noctis finally
came home on his first day of high school and pronounced, “I made a friend
today.”
“Is that so?” Ignis asked, thinly veiled surprise in his voice warmed by
genuine relief. “Perhaps you should invite him over.”
Noctis had never invited a friend over. Not once. And it was this instance that
made Ignis painfully aware of just how much the young prince had missed out on
in his life so far. The most basic of experiences, the most simplest of joys.
He sincerely hoped this new ‘friend’ was a friend indeed, and not just a
particularly bold rat trying to sidle up to the future king, but he wisely did
not mention that to His Royal Highness.
“Uhm… sure. I guess.” Noct’s face fell, and Ignis knew at once that he was
nervous, afraid that he would make a wrong move and ruin this unique chance.
Ignis took a deep breath and came close, put a hand on his shoulder the way
King Regis did, the most prominent picture of the man in his mind, and said,
“It will be alright, Noct. It’s nothing to worry about.”
“I’m not worrying!” But he didn’t remove the hand either, and Ignis smiled
wryly as he squeezed his shoulder once and then let go.
“I won’t tell you what to do,” he proclaimed, “but if you need me… you know
where to find me.”
Noct smiled and elbowed him affectionately. “Always.”
Yes, he’d been in love almost from the moment that he’d heard his voice, but it
was funny: Ignis had found that these things actually got harder with time
instead of simpler. Practice did not make perfect in every case, it seemed.
 
five.
Noctis was sixteen when Ignis could no longer pretend to be unaware of the
obvious. Stifling his rising affection for the future king of Lucis had been a
simple matter in their youth, when he had still been able to chalk it up to
brotherly concern. Worries of the elder. Those kinds of things. Even if he’d
known the truth, denying it had been all too simple, really, and it wasn’t
until Noctis had stumbled through the last awkward stages of puberty that the
full spectrum of his emotions really hit him.
That was not how one might observe a brother. It was certainly not how he
looked at Gladio, whom he had known just as long and was almost uncomfortably
close with.
No, there was no sense in faking ignorance. Ignis was in love.
Said love was currently sprawling on the sofa, half his limbs hanging lazily
off the cushioned surface as he read the comic book he was holding over his
royal head. Ever so graceful.
“As I was saying,” Ignis braced himself to repeat everything because he knew
Noctis had not been listening at all, “I will not be coming here for a while.
Please see to your own meals.”
“Uh-huh.”
“And ‘cup noodles’ do not qualify as such.”
“Sure.”
“I know how you dislike vegetables, but do try to eat them once in a while.
It’s important.”
“Gotcha.”
“I left you a live chocobo in the fridge, just in case.”
“Thanks.”
Ignis was quiet for a moment. Noctis was clearly not listening, and it wasn’t
particularly out of the ordinary or very shocking, but it hurt nonetheless.
Quite unexpectedly, he thought. He’d never taken issue with Noct’s aloof
behaviour before. Perhaps this time was different because the degree of
separation was on another scale. Perhaps because he’d grown aware of his own
feelings. Perhaps he was just frightened, really, of Noctis growing up without
him.
“I’ll miss you terribly,” Ignis admitted to the silent room and grabbed his
things. “Do take care while I’m gone.”
Noctis waved at him without taking his eyes off the pages and said, “See ya.”
Then he was gone.
 
six.
University kept him busy, but not as busy as he made himself out to be. It was
simply easier this way, he argued to no one but himself, to keep away from
Noctis until the storm in him had died or at least turned manageable, and
school provided the ideal excuse. He buried himself in his studies and excelled
at them, as everyone had expected he would, and he received regular updates on
the prince from Gladio and the other members of the guard. Life was perhaps not
good, but it was certainly not awful.
And then he spotted Noctis in town, chatting with a girl his age who seemed to
be positively radiant with happiness.
That week was not a good one for Ignis.
Of course he would be interested in girls. Noctis was a healthy sixteen year
old boy. He should worry if that wasn’t the case, if he still kept himself shut
away from everyone like he had done in his youth. It was a good thing that he
was crawling out of his shell. Indeed, the more people he came into contact
with, the better.
So why did he feel horrid every time he opened his eyes and realised another
day had dawned?
This was not the sort of thing he could ask Gladio about. Partly because Gladio
would tease him mercilessly for even posing the question at all, but mostly
because Noctis would not tell Gladio that kind of private matter. If he would
tell anyone, indeed it would be Ignis himself, or, in this particular instance,
Prompto.
Ignis liked Prompto. A decent boy, heart in the right place, eager and honest
to a fault. Even so, he would not be asking Prompto a thing.
The opportunity presented itself when they ran across each other in the
training center, Noctis apparently having taken up extra lessons with Gladio
that Ignis had not known about.
“Ignis!” Noct said, surprised, and approached him with a wide smile and sweaty
bangs stuck to his forehead. He positively reeked, but Ignis wouldn’t mention
it. He imagined he didn’t look much better himself after his own training.
“Highness.”
“I was starting to think you were avoiding me,” Noct teased, lazily rubbing his
hair with the towel wrapped around his shoulders.
“Don’t be ridiculous. Of course I wasn’t.”
“University’s keeping you busy?”
“Quite so.”
A sly grin spread on the prince’s face. “Too busy for a challenge?”
Ignis couldn’t help but respond. He’d been trained to all his life. “Hardly.”
It wasn’t the first time they would spar; they’d done so a few times together
in their youth, but Noctis surprised him by suggesting something else.
“I have something different in mind. Here.”
An interesting idea and practical to boot. Exactly like the prince himself.
They employed Gladio and a a few other guards-in-training to act as foes, and
then they practiced as a team. The two of them. Together.
Silly that it had never occurred to him before.
“Ignis!”
“On your mark, Noct.”
They hadn’t seen each other in over a month now, but Ignis was glad to see
nothing had changed between them where it mattered. They still understood each
other wordlessly, could easily predict each other’s moves, and worked as a
united front. It was still surprising to end the faux match on a tie, given
that Gladio was playing for the other team.
“Aaaaah, I’m beat,” Noct sighed, happily exhausted. “Thanks, Specs. You saved
me.”
“That is not quite what I would call it.”
Noct grinned. “Anyway, thanks for humouring me. You too, Gladio. Next time I’ll
get you for sure.”
“I’ll believe it when I see it,” Gladio grunted and ruffled Noct’s hair with
hard affection.
“Same time tomorrow?” he joked, but Ignis shook his head.
“I’m afraid I can’t. I have an important paper due, and I’ve wasted enough time
as it is.”
Noct chuckled. “Ouch. I remember a time when it was a ‘pleasure’ to be in my
company.”
“It’s always a pleasure. Simply one I cannot afford at this very moment.
Highness.” The added title was petty, he knew, but he needed to distance
himself now more than ever. If this training session had taught him anything,
it was that he was far from being over his inconvenient infatuation, and if he
allowed himself to get too comfortable, he didn’t know what atrocities he may
unwittingly end up committing. Which reminded him.
“Speaking of,” he said, catching his companions’ attention, “I believe I saw
you in town the other day.”
“Really? Why didn’t you come say hi? Don’t tell me you were too busy for that.”
Ignis gave him a pointed look. “I did not wish to intrude. You seemed to be in,
er… certain ‘company.’”
Gladio snorted and choked, coughing as he laughed on Noct’s other side. The
prince himself seemed awfully confused.
“What does that mean?” he asked, looking between his friends. “Wait, Prompto?
He likes you, he’s just a little intimidated. Don’t take it personally, he was
like that with me as well. Plus, he loves your cooking. You should come say hi
next time. He’d like that.”
Ignis sighed. Too much naiveté could be somewhat painful. “No, not Prompto. The
company was of a… female variety.”
“Wow, Iggy, that’s almost too blunt coming from you,” Gladio chuckled. “What,
she have her tongue down his throat?”
“Wh—wh—WHAT?!” Noctis, for the first time since Ignis had known him — and he
had known him since early childhood, after all — sputtered and blushed to the
roots of his very dark hair. Then he shoved Gladio’s shoulder hard. “What are
you talking about! I wouldn’t— And anyway, that’s— No way you saw that.”
“So she did?” Gladio prodded, apparently having learnt nothing from earlier.
“No! That’s why— Anyway, you’re wrong. She’s not my… whatever you think she
is.” Noctis seemed to have calmed down, and he took a deep breath and released
it loudly before rubbing a hand over his forehead and confessing, “Prompto has
a thing for her. He asked me to ‘test the waters,’ as he put it. I don’t think
it will work out, though.”
“Ah. Yes.” Ignis smiled wryly. “Because now she is smitten with you.”
Noctis ruefully met his eyes. “Seems like it.”
“I hate to be the one to bring it up,” Ignis said, not hating it one bit and
feeling a little bit guilty for it, “but you are the future heir to the throne.
Any girl you may talk to might take it the wrong way. Perhaps a little caution
is in order?”
“I was just helping a friend! But… yeah. I guess you’re right. I won’t do it
again anyway.”
“Good.”
“Good?” Gladio snorted. “C’mon, Iggy. Let the kid have some fun. How old are
you now anyway?”
Noct eyed him warily, as if he wasn’t sure he wanted to answer. “Sixteen.”
“Sixteen? And you still blush at the mention of a little tongue action? Wait.”
Gladio froze for a second, his eyes growing wide as he looked at Noctis
properly. “Don’t tell me. You’ve never…? Not even a little?”
“Wh—what are—you—Why are we talking about this?” Noct sputtered and deflected,
his cheeks taking on a lovely shade of pink as he avoided looking at either one
of them.
“Oh. My. Beloved swords. I just stumbled on something good.”
Ignis pushed his glasses up his nose and said, “Leave him alone, Gladio. He’s
still young. There’s no hurry.” In truth, his heart was hammering wildly in his
chest, singing at the thought of Noct’s untouched lips, just waiting to be
taken by his own, but if he let even a hint of that slip, Gladio, curse his
observant nature, would immediately notice and latch on.
“Maybe not, but it sure makes life a hell of a lot more interesting, if you ask
me.”
“Nobody asked you.”
“And isn’t that a shame? What, you’re gonna tell me you’re a virgin too now?”
Gladio joked and stopped laughing when Ignis did not deny it.
He saw no reason to. Sex wasn’t something he particularly craved, and it
certainly wasn’t something he ascribed much importance to. Virgin or not, it
was all the same to him. He didn’t expect his life to change drastically just
because he’d ‘done it.’ And he had no intention of ‘doing it’ unless it was
with someone he loved. And since he knew perfectly well that there was only one
person fitting that criteria, he was very much resigned to living out his days
like this eternally. He didn’t particularly mind, and he was not ashamed of it
either.
“No way.” Gladio huffed, clearly in shock. “Are you guys serious? What, you in
some kind of cult or something? Take a vow of chastity?”
“Nothing of the sort, I assure you.”
Gladio sized him up, clearly, and crossed his broad arms in front of his chest
as he said, “Okay, be honest: there just aren’t any takers. What, the studious
cold type no longer fly with the girls at uni?”
“What ‘flies’ and does not is of no concern to me,” Ignis told him curtly. “I
am simply not interested.”
“Wait, so he’s right?” Noctis, who so far had simply observed their playful
back and forth, was looking solely at Ignis now, an odd look on his face.
Ignis sighed. “Not you too.”
“No, I just—“
“Hey Iggy,” Gladio interrupted him, apparently still not closed with the topic.
He seemed serious now, which was rare, and Ignis felt a cold shiver down his
back before he even spoke his next words. “Don’t know if it’s relevant, but… If
you’re looking for a nice guy who’ll treat you right, I know a couple. Just say
the word.”
Noctis looked like his eyes were going to fall out of their sockets. Ignis felt
as if his heart would leap out of his throat. Together, they made quite the
striking pair.
Somehow he managed a response that sounded calm and aloof, as if it didn’t
bother him that Gladio had seen so easily through his facade, had guessed so
correctly and moved in for the kill with all the precision of his usual
swordsmanship. “You’ve said… quite enough. Perhaps too much.”
That was all the acknowledgement he would give. It was all that was needed.
“Right. Sorry.” Gladio seemed embarrassed, at least, perhaps finally realising
that discussing matters of such a personal nature in front of their charge was
not exactly proper. “I, er… I gotta go, but… Well, anyway, see ya.”
Ignis did not know whether he was glad or furious that Gladio left them now of
all times, with the situation tense as it was. The man had a knack for making a
bad thing worse, surely, and who knew what further damage his continued
presence might have caused, but in the first moments of silence between them,
Ignis desperately hoped for anything to put between himself and Noctis.
“I should… leave as well,” Ignis said at last, when it was almost too much to
bear, and didn’t look at Noctis as he grabbed his things.
The prince was either deep in thought or disgusted, because he didn’t react at
all until his adviser was almost at the door. Then he said, “Hey, Ignis. Your
pastries… I miss them. Bring them by soon, okay?”
“… Certainly. Highness.”
He didn’t turn around and neither of them said more. Ignis left feeling like a
stone had settled in his stomach, and no amount of retching could get it out.
 
seven.
He was a coward. A horrible coward who would rather skip class to sneak into
Noct’s apartment by day to leave the promised food than face the prince head-
on. Sadly, he had not counted on said prince retaliating.
Noctis stood in front of his door not ten hours later, when the sun had already
gone down and visiting others was deemed improper. That was his punishment.
“I know you’re in there. Open up.”
He did, but only because it was embarrassing not to. “Do come in,” he said,
laying the sarcasm on thick, and closed the door behind the disgruntled looking
royal.
Since it was late in the evening, Ignis had already changed into his pyjamas,
but even so he felt stifled by the cloth. Noctis brightened every room he
stepped in; no one knew that better than himself. Everything in his presence
grew hot, so it had always seemed to Ignis. Like it was threatening to melt. It
had taken him years to realise that that was only him. The unique effect this
boy had on his person. Painfully unscientific, yet true nevertheless.
“I got your message,” Noct said dryly. “Thanks.”
“You did not have to come all the way here to tell me that. A simple text would
have sufficed.”
Noct shrugged and flopped onto the couch. “Sure, but then how would I see you?”
“You wouldn’t.”
Noctis looked at him then, oddly. “So you were avoiding me.”
“I…” Ignis paused, met his eyes. Decided it was over. “Yes.”
“Figures.” Noct sighed and said, “Sit down.”
“I would prefer to remain standing.”
“Why do you have to make everything so difficult?” Noctis sounded fond more
than annoyed, which Ignis chose to interpret as things going rather well, all
things considered. He didn’t seem angry, at least, which he’d expected the
prince would be and with good reason. Seeing him so… comfortable was a comfort
in itself. It almost reminded him of the old times, when things had been
simpler between them.
“Fine. You just… stand there and be mad at things not going your way,” Noct
teased, prompting Ignis to uncross his arms and relax his posture. He hadn’t
even realised he’d gone on the defensive. “There’s one thing I want to confirm
before I say what I came for.”
“Oh? Now what could that be?”
Noct paused, uncharacteristically hesitant as he played with Ignis’ cushions.
“What Gladio said the other day… Is it true?”
“Ah.”
Neither one of them spoke for the longest minute of Ignis’ life. There was no
good way to deflect or feign ignorance, and there was really only one thing the
prince could be referring to. Pretending otherwise would be an insult to both
their intellects, and frankly, the cat was already out of the bag and roaming
free, was it not?
“Yes. Yes it is.”
“Oh.”
Ignis found he had been wrong earlier. This was the longest minute of his life,
clearly, and he couldn’t see how he could ever have thought otherwise. Gladio
knowing was bad enough on its own, but Noctis? Would he be spared from nothing?
Why even ask, when the answer was so obvious? Just to torture him further?
Surely no one could be this blind or cruel.
“I lied,” Noctis said at length and didn’t look at him at all.
“You’ll have to be a bit more specific than that.”
“It’s two things. I need to confirm two.”
Ignis sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose to ward off the oncoming
headache. “Might as well.”
“Are you… You’re not seeing anyone at the moment, right?”
He blinked. That… Was not the question he’d expected. “I… no. Not at present.”
“Oh. Okay.” Noctis licked his lips. Ignis noticed because there was nowhere
else he could look while the prince was sitting on his couch doing his
damnedest not to see him standing a few feet away. “Uhm. Wow. This is really
awkward.”
“Yes. Yes it is.”
“I’m not really sure how to say this, but…”
“I understand.” Ignis sighed and relented. He walked over to the couch and sat
down a few respectable inches away from the prince. “Before you say anything… I
want to confess something. I will of course still find you a suitable
replacement.”
“A—“
“Hush.” Ignis placed a finger on Noct’s lips and shut him up. “I have had… a
great affection for you all my life, Noct. At least the parts of it that I
remember. I don’t know how it happened or why, nor do I care to find out. It
simply did. Let’s leave it at that, shall we?” He smiled warmly past the
growing pain inside his chest. “Serving you was a pleasure and a joy, and I do
not regret a single moment I spent with you. Not one. Nor do I regret the
feelings I have come to harbour for you. Regardless of your answer.”
His hand descended heavily on Noct’s shoulder, squeezing it tightly one last
time.
“I hope you will remember me as fondly as I will you, Highness. It would pain
me greatly were you to think badly of me now.”
Noctis shook his head and mumbled, “As if that could ever happen,” but he still
wouldn’t meet his eyes.
“I would hope not, but one can never know how things might change.”
Noctis let his head fall back against the couch and said towards the ceiling,
“That sounds like a resignation.”
“That’s because it is.”
“And if I don’t accept?”
Ignis paused thoughtfully and let the conversation run through his head once
more. “In that case, I would have to ask you why.”
Noctis laughed. It was short and quiet, but he heard it all the same. Following
that, his hand descended on his face, and the prince covered his eyes as he
took a deep breath.
“And if I told you?”
Ignis swallowed. “That… would depend entirely on what you’d have to say.”
So they sat there, silent, neither one looking at the other as they drew their
own conclusions. Ignis may not have had first-hand experience, but he was no
fool. He saw where this was going, and he felt a strong swelling of pride at
Noct’s uncharacteristic hesitation. It was unlike the prince to give matters
serious thought before leaping. He was rather the ‘rushing into things
headfirst’ kind of person, which had its own charms, to be sure, but on
occasion Ignis certainly wished he was a little less brash.
Objectively speaking, his sitting there in silence without making a move was
truly a good thing. In reality, however, Ignis felt as if he was sitting on
burning embers that only increased in heat beneath him with every passing
second. The logical, the right thing to do would be to get up and douse the
flames. Let the smoke fade into memory and be spoken of no more. After all,
that would be best.
But he could not. He tried, but his feet would not carry him, and his body
would not budge even an inch. He was tied to this place by an invisible force,
as if Noctis had cast a spell on him that held him captive, but Ignis knew it
was much more simple than that.
“I don’t know what to do,” Noctis admitted quietly to the ceiling, still
covering his eyes.
“Neither do I.”
The prince took a shuddering breath, and Ignis noticed that his shoulders were
shaking. “I don’t want you to leave.”
Ignis closed his eyes and remembered that for all his posturing and relative
importance, Noctis was still a child in some ways. Perhaps it was unfair to lay
the burden of choice on him alone, even if perhaps that was where it should be.
“As if I ever could.” Ignis sighed and broke the spell, grabbing Noct’s head
and drawing it against his shoulder.
The effect was instantaneous. The prince’s arms wrapped around him and squeezed
tight, fingers digging painfully into his back while he breathed heavily
against him. He wasn’t crying, but only just. Ignis allowed his fingers to draw
through his hair in soothing motions he’d used on the boy as a child and hushed
him softly, mumbling reassuring words of no consequence against his head.
Eventually, Noct had calmed down enough to relax his grip a little, but he was
still hiding his face against Ignis’ chest as he asked timidly, “Can I stay
over?”
“I… don’t think that would be the best idea.”
“Please?”
Ignis sighed. How was he supposed to turn down a heartfelt plea like that?
Indeed, it had been a few lonely weeks since they’d last spent time together,
but Ignis had noticed the bags under the prince’s eyes, the fidgety nature of
his actions. He knew what the issue was without having need to hear more, and
knowing what he knew of the situation, how could he send the boy home on his
own?
“Very well. I shall remain by your side until you fall asleep.”
Noctis didn’t say anything, but he extracted himself from the embrace and went
wordlessly into the bedroom, carefully avoiding any glances back. Not that he
needed to check anyway. Of course Ignis was right behind him, merely turning
off the lights before he followed.
He lent Noctis a spare pair of pyjamas that were a little too big on him and
made him look ever more the child, which he didn’t seem to mind. He snuggled
into them comfortably, still avoiding Ignis’ eyes, and then slipped under the
covers. He made sure to turn his back to Ignis before mumbling, “It’s okay if
you stay here, you know,” and Ignis thought it really wasn’t.
“I don’t think that—“
“Please, just… I’m really tired. Can we just not… think about any of this? Just
for today? You can lecture me all you want tomorrow.”
Ignis knew this was a bad idea, but he could hardly turn down a direct request
of his prince, and more importantly, a friend. He slipped under the covers
then, next to Noctis, and wondered how far a distance he should keep when the
boy himself said, “It’s okay. Do what you always do.”
Ignis chuckled wryly. Of course he’d known. He wondered idly what had given him
away, what had revealed his dirty little secret, and absently thought that
perhaps Noctis had merely been faking to be asleep a few times he’d come to
hold him through his nightmares. It didn’t seem proper to ask, and it wasn’t
like hearing the answer would change anything now, so he let it slide and did
as ordered.
“How long have you been having trouble sleeping?” he asked softly, being
careful as he moved in close to Noct and wrapped an arm around his body. The
prince was tense but not unwilling, he noticed. More nervous than repulsed, and
Ignis felt a little of his own tension melt away at the realisation that he was
still allowed to do this, despite everything.
Noctis was quiet for so long he didn’t think he’d answer, but eventually he did
admit, “Soon after you left. I… didn’t want to bother you. I guess it was just
a lot at once.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” He meant it, which made it all the more harder for Ignis to listen.
“I’m not mad at you or anything. Haaa. I guess I was just lonely.”
A warm hand closed around his then, and his heart skipped a beat when Noct
threaded his fingers through his own, pressing their skin close together. It
was embarrassing, really, but Ignis could have sworn he felt their joined
racing heartbeats through the contact, and it did not inspire confidence in him
that Noctis would be sleeping tonight either.
He forced himself to sound calm and soothing rather than the jittery mess he
actually felt like when he said, “And now?”
“Now I have you.”
Ignis couldn’t help but smile at this simple naive statement, and he noticed
his voice dropped quite noticeably when he whispered into Noct’s perfectly
shaped royal ear, “You always had me, Noct. And you always will.” That was the
end of it.
He couldn’t speak for the prince, but he himself slept frightfully little that
night. It would have been easy to drift off, he had to admit, but, afraid of
missing any single detail of this once-in-a-lifetime encounter, he had forced
himself to remain awake and vigilant of even the slightest change in Noct’s
behaviour. Which in turn got him into more trouble by the minute. Whatever
hopes he may have had before this night in regards to forgetting all about his
misplaced affections for the prince were dashed when said royal turned in his
arms and pressed his face against his chest sometime after midnight. He would
never be able to delete that image and sensation from his mind, nor would he
want to, and now that he had experienced it once, he couldn’t help but crave it
more.
When he woke up, Noct was gone, and the size of his heart a felt four times
bigger. He was, to put it quite bluntly, screwed.
 
eight.
They eventually found back into a rhythm. With his secret laid bare, Ignis no
longer saw a reason to avoid Noct, and the prince in turn seemed more eager
than ever to bridge the distance that had grown between them. Apparently,
confirming that he had in fact been trying not to see Noct on purpose had
convinced the boy that it was not a matter of being too busy or finding himself
in the way, which was enough to keep him dropping by.
So far, Ignis had simply sent him summarised reports of meetings he’d attended
by email, seeing no reason to deliver them in person, but that changed. Noctis
insisted that he understood things better if he heard about them directly, so
Ignis took it upon himself to tell him. They agreed to meet up every week to go
over things and keep in touch, which seemed reasonable. In reality, it felt
like Noctis never left his apartment these days.
“I like it here,” he said when prompted. “It’s quiet. No guards hanging around,
trying to spy on me.”
“They’re there to keep you safe.”
Noctis tilted his head and gave him a cheeky grin, utterly horrid. “That’s what
I have you for.”
“Quite.”
He presented the spoiled royal with his newest batch of experimental pastries
and watched with fascination as the boy bit into the dough. Well, at least they
weren’t horrible, he thought, when a slightly disappointed look crossed Noct’s
face.
“Not these ones either,” he said but ate them anyway. Ignis wasn’t going to
mention it, of course, but he did occasionally wonder whether the prince even
really still remembered the taste of the Tenebraen sweets he’d had all those
years ago. Perhaps he was merely chasing after a dream now.
“Perhaps next time,” Ignis offered mildly.
“Perhaps.” Noctis grew thoughtful, munching absently on his dessert. Gathering
that he wasn’t in the mood to talk anyway, Ignis dedicated himself to doing the
dishes while the prince worked through whatever it was that seemed to be eating
at him. Then he almost dropped a plate when Noctis said, all too casually,
“Hey, Ignis. Have you ever kissed anyone?”
“That’s… an odd question.”
Noct grunted. “I guess.”
“What brought it on?” He was trying to regain his composure, pointedly
notthinking of his confession a few weeks ago that the prince seemed to have
forgotten all about.
“Nothing, I guess. Just… Prompto said something.” He sighed. “Nevermind.”
How could he not mind, now that he’d heard it?
He slipped into his best motherly exasperation, distancing himself from the
problem for the benefit of his charge, and said, “Alright, let us hear it.”
“It’s… nothing. Forget I said anything.”
“I will most certainly not,” Ignis promised and left his dishes alone before he
could give himself away with any odd rattling. “Go on. Spit it out. What did
Prompto say this time?”
Noctis smiled, like he’d known he would, and rubbed the back of his neck as if
he was embarrassed. “Just that… you know…”
Ignis raised an eyebrow.
“Just… you know,” Noctis insisted, urging him through pleading eyes to
understand. Truthfully, Ignis had a rather good idea what this was all about.
“So he asked you if you’d ever kissed anyone,” he surmised, at which Noctis
groaned and hid his face behind his arm on the table. “Judging by your
reaction, I’m assuming the answer to that question was a ‘no’?”
Noctis mumbled pitifully, “Don’t make me say it.”
“I will not.” There was no need to anyway. It wasn’t exactly shocking news
considering how well he knew Noctis and their conversation not so long ago with
Gladio. Ignis sighed. “So it is about that time.”
“What time?” Noct asked and raised his head just slightly to peek at where
Ignis had sat down opposite him at the table.
“Time to discover certain… things,” Ignis said nebulously, pushing the glasses
further up his nose. How he had avoided having this talk so far was beyond him,
but he supposed Noct’s shy nature and people’s hesitance to approach him had
saved him quite the headaches so far. Still, he was sixteen now. It was bound
to happen sooner or later. “May I ask what brought this conversation on? Or
would that be prying?”
“Don’t… say it like that, please.” Noctis resurfaced and rubbed his forehead,
clearly wrestling with whether he should continue this conversation or not.
Then he said, “There’s this girl he likes. He asked me for help.”
“Ah.”
“Yeah.”
They were quiet for a moment. Ignis figured he should probably ask the most
pressing question first.
“Does it… bother you?”
“What?”
“That you haven’t kissed anyone.”
“I…” Noctis trailed off, a little pink in his cheeks. “No—not really.”
Ignis smiled reassuringly. “Then what’s the problem?”
“Ha. Where do I start?”
“Wherever you’d like, Noct. And I’ll be here to listen.”
Noctis smiled wryly and ruffled his hair. “Yeah, I know.” Then he sighed and
fell back against his chair, staring up the ceiling. “I’m really not sure how
to do this.”
“If you tell me what ‘this’ is, I may be able to be of some assistance.”
“I don’t doubt it.”
“So?”
“So… have you?”
Ignis blinked. “Have I… what?”
“Kissed anyone. Have you?”
Ugh. He’d thought he’d avoided that one earlier. It wasn’t exactly a question
he wanted to give an answer to because the answer was one he wasn’t proud of.
There were simply some things one’s future king need not know.
“Does it… matter, Your Highness?”
“Please don’t,” Noctis begged. “This is bad enough as it is.”
Ignis knew that, which was exactly why he’d done it.
“Apologies. Force of habit.”
“Yeah, I’d noticed. Convenient,” Noct teased him. “I can tell when you’re
deflecting, Ignis. I have known you for a while.”
“…Indeed.”
Noctis tilted his head in challenge. “You’re not gonna answer?”
“Not unless you insist.”
“I insist.”
“As my prince?”
“As your friend.”
Ignis sighed. “Very well.” He pushed his glasses up and faced the music. “The
answer… is yes. I have. Will that suffice?”
“What?! When?”
Apparently not.
“A little while ago. Some odd years, I suppose,” Ignis waved off. “Anyway, it
doesn’t matter. It was hardly life altering after all.”
“But… you never said anything!” Noctis accused, eyes wide and clearly taken
aback.
“Why would I have done that?” Ignis chuckled. “I was hardly proud of it. It was
a momentary whim that passed. Nothing more.”
“But— you—“
Ignis sighed. “Noct.” He made sure the boy was looking at him properly, locking
eyes with him before he continued with all the graveness he could muster. “A
kiss is just a kiss unless you want it to mean more. You are not more of a man
or less so for having done it. Please don’t rush into things just because you
feel the need to catch up.”
“So why did youdo it?”
Why, indeed?
“Because I was young and foolish and nobody told me what I’m telling you now.”
Ignis smiled a little, reached out, and squeezed the prince’s shoulder across
the table. “Noct. There is no need to hurry. Take things at your own pace.
Don’t let others rush you into things you aren’t ready for. There is no shame
in taking your own time.”
Noctis turned his face away and mumbled, “And if I’m never ready?”
“Then I’ll still be here, waiting for you as always, for however long it might
take,” Ignis promised. “Until the day I die. You know that.”
Noct snorted, but a warm hand closed over his and held it tight for a moment,
signalling that he’d understood. Ignis wasn’t going anywhere, even if he never
changed his mind. That was all the comfort he could offer, and today, it was
enough.
 
nine.
Despite what Gladio may think, Ignis wasn’t exactly lacking options. At the
palace alone, a quite significant number of interested parties had approached
him over the years, apparently not deterred by his uncrackable reputation. He
had never taken anyone up on the offer of anything personal, and he doubted he
ever would. Still, that did not keep people from trying.
“It’s the thrill of the chase,” Gladio informed him, because Gladio would know
such things. “They know they can’t have ya, and that makes it thatmuch
sweeter.”
“How utterly pointless.”
Not that he couldn’t sympathise with the situation. Truly, the irony was not
lost on him. He too wanted what he could never have, but he certainly did not
‘enjoy’ the unattainability of his heart’s desire. To hear some people actually
craved this…
“Yeah, well. It’s something of a tradition,” Gladio shrugged and elbowed him
with a smirk. “Not that you’d know anything about that.”
Ignis sighed. Confiding in Gladio had been a mistake, but what other choice did
he have? He had no other friends, truly, outside the Crownsguard, due to
necessity. He tried not to get attached, knowing full well that he could not
afford any sentiment directed at people other than his future king. The boy
himself kept him so busy, even if he wanted to branch out and discover the joys
of pointless socialising, he’d hardly be able to. Add onto that his studies and
court duty…
Yes, truly a sobering thought, but Gladio was the only friend he had. At least
the only one he trusted enough to admit certain damaging secrets to.
“Though I am loathe to admit it,” Ignis forced out, every word painful as it
rolled off his tongue, “I’m afraid I’m at a bit of a loss.”
Gladio laughed. “Never thought I’d see the day. Iggy doesn’t know what to do
next. Put that one in the books, that’s one for history.”
Ignis glared and sipped his coffee as dignified as he could manage. “Even I’m
not entirely perfect, Gladio. No one is.”
“But you do come pretty damn close.”
“That’s a rare compliment.” Ignis raised his eyebrows. “Do I really look all
that pathetic?”
“Juuuust a little.” Gladio grinned and clapped his back, not really making him
feel better but almost causing him to spill his precious Ebony. “Cheer up,
Iggy. I can’t stand seeing you so gloomy all the time.”
“It’s not like I’m doing it on purpose.”
“Coulda fooled me.”
Ignis pushed at his glasses and frowned. “Are you ever going to be serious?”
“About this?” Gladio asked. “Nah. Much more fun watching you two idiots figure
it out.”
“He has never even kissed anyone.”
“Have you?”
He glared.
“Huh. Interesting.”
Ignis didn’t like that tone. “What’s so ‘interesting’ about it?”
“Nothing, really. Just didn’t think you’d have it in ya.”
“It’s just a kiss.”
“I know,” Gladio assured him. “Just that, y’know. Always figured you had a
thing for the darling prince, is all.”
Ignis gave him a look. “You know I do. Were you even listening?”
“I was, I was. Geez, Iggy, you’re no fun these days. Almost makes me feel bad
for teasing you.”
“You should feel bad. It’s a horrible character flaw, and it isn’t in any way
helpful.”
Gladio smirked. “You wound me.”
“Now you know how it feels.”
They shared a look and broke into smiles. Ignis sighed. It really did feel good
to talk things out, even if it wasn’tin any way helpful. He’d been hesitant to
accept Gladio’s invitation for a day out at first, but now he had to admit it
was doing wonders for his spirit. He felt noticeably lighter, as if the weight
of his feelings wasn’t quite such a burden anymore, now that he’d spoken about
them aloud, and spending time with people other than Noctis also worked to
distract him. All in all, not a bad idea. Unexpected, maybe, but appreciated
all the same.
“Anyway, why’d you turn him down?” Gladio asked eventually, crushing his own
can of coffee and throwing it into the nearest bin as they walked past on their
lazy stroll through Insomnia.
“Why do you think?” said Ignis, remembering the eager young soldier earlier
today at the palace who had made his advances.
Gladio shrugged. “I’m not saying you should get serious,” he told him. “Just
that maybe it might be a good idea to play the field a little. I know the
pressure is big on you keeping an eye on His Royal Highness all the time, but
it’s not good for you. Or Noctis.”
“So you suggest I just abandon him?” Ignis asked dryly.
“You know that’s not what I meant. Listen, nobody gets it better than me, okay?
I know what it’s like, what it means. We have a responsibility here, I get
that. I’m not saying forget about it. I’m saying you’re doing more than you
should, and it’s bad for you both.”
Ignis raised his eyebrows. “I didn’t know you’re an expert on such matters.”
“Maybe not,” Gladio grunted. “But I do know that you’re spoiling him too much.
It’s bad for him and the rest of us. And it keeps you from moving on.”
“I don’t see how that is any of your concern, really.”
Gladio chuckled quietly, infuriatingly sounding like he knew something Ignis
didn’t, and it was driving him crazy. Then he said, “Let me give you some
friendly advice, Iggy. Free of charge.”
“Will you pay me then, to listen?”
“Nah. Let’s see how this plays out first.” He took a deep breath, stopped Ignis
in his tracks, and looked him straight in the eye. “You’re not his mother. Stop
acting like it.”
“Excuse me?”
“And man up. No one’s gonna take you seriously, looking like that.”
“I feel like you’re crossing a line.”
“I’m helping you out. That’s what you wanted, isn’t it? Someone who actually
knows what he’s talking about?” His eyes softened, and a big, calloused hand
made its way into Ignis’ flat hair and ruffled it wildly. “Follow my lead, and
at the end of the road you’ll find the thing that matters most.”
“Let me guess,” Ignis said dryly. “My heart’s desire?”
Gladio shoved him. “Me being right.”
 
ten.
Loathe as he was to admit it, Gladio’s advice had some merit. It was true, at
least, that as things were, nothing was going to move forward. That may have
been enough for him in the past, before he’d grown entirely aware of his own
feelings, before he’d confessed to them and had not been entirely rejected, but
now things had changed. Now things were different, and he could remain passive
no longer. Until Noctis had given him an answer, one way or another, he could
not simply let things simmer how they were.
He hadn’t forgotten his earlier promise to the prince, of course. He would
remain by his side, no matter what, but he did not think he could keep waiting
forever. Better to be rejected for good than to be kept hanging on a thread of
hope that tied them both down. Gladio was right: it wasn’t good for him, and it
wasn’t good for Noctis either. That had been what decided it in the end. As
long as these feelings remained undealt with between them, neither one of them
would be able to move on, and that was not a fate he wished on his beloved
prince.
The first step then, was to change. He threw out his entire wardrobe, all at
once, and went out to get all new clothes, completely different from anything
he’d ever worn before. The point was for the transformation to be drastic, the
contrast deliberately stark, so he chose things no one would ever have expected
him to wear. Gone were the dark, bleak suits, and he replaced them with elegant
black pants that sported one oddity or another, like stripes at the sides that
glimmered in the light. His shirts were no longer black or white: they were
colourful, some dark, some bright, and he even picked a more casual wardrobe as
well, something he’d never even dreamed of before. Pointy shoes made the
ensemble complete, and then he looked in the mirror and realised he no longer
felt like that person.
He had his hair cut and styled the way he’d worn it in his youth, much more
rebellious, much more risqué, and when he saw the result, he wondered why he’d
ever stopped styling it like that. It went with the new look, anyway. He even
got a pair of new glasses that was a bit more sleek and high fashion than his
old one. All in all, he felt quite happy with the change. Then came step two.
“Ignis?”
He turned around slowly, fingers linked over his crossed knees, and met Noct’s
eyes in the little café. “Noct. Fancy meeting you here.”
The prince looked as if his eyes were going to pop out of his head any moment,
his gaping unseemly and entirely predictable, and Ignis sighed and shook his
head, as if that hadn’t been exactly the reaction he had hoped to achieve.
“Do close your mouth, please. You’re dripping.”
He wasn’t, not yet, but it was only a matter of time. Noctis blushed and did as
told, looking at Ignis’ companion next with almost equal surprise and
confusion.
“Who’s that?” he asked bluntly, and it was a good thing that Ignis didn’t
actually care about the good opinion of said ‘who’, because if he did, Noctis
would have been a complete embarrassment. As if he’d forgotten all about the
manners they had so carefully instilled in him at court.
“That is a fellow member of the Crownsguard,” Ignis explained patiently to both
Noctis and Prompto beside him, who was still staring at his hair. “And my
date.”
“Wha—seriously?” Prompto squeaked, somewhere between shocked and excited. “Holy
crap! I mean wow. I mean… wow.”
“Thanks,” Ignis said dryly. There was honestly no need to sound so surprised.
Noctis said nothing. He was too busy forgetting all about his upbringing and
staring daggers at the man he didn’t know.
“I haven’t seen you before,” was his brusque greeting, once he’d convinced
himself that he hadn’t.
Erling, which was his ‘friend’s’ name, either did not pick up on the hostility
or had better manners than the prince, because his reply was entirely cheerful
when he said, “I only recently joined. We haven’t had a chance to properly
introduce ourselves yet.” He stood up and extended his hand. “I’m Erling. I
take it you’re the prince I’ve heard so much about?”
Noctis glared at the hand but took it, mumbling, “Don’t believe everything you
hear.” Then he dropped it like a hot potato. “This is my friend, Prompto. He
isn’t my date.”
Ignis choked on his unexpected chuckle and hid his face behind coffee.
Prompto also shook hands with the new guy and said, “That’s right, but it’s not
like we have a problem with… you know. We’re cool with it.”
Erling smiled with the patient goodwill of the elder. “Thank you.”
“Toooootally cool,” Prompto kept going, clearly uncomfortable with the awkward
tension radiating off Noctis, who did not seem cool with it at all. “We are so
cool, we’re gonna go get something hot just to warm ourselves up again. Right,
Noct? C’mon.”
He nudged his friend in the direction of the counter, but Ignis could tell
Noctis wasn’t interested in coffee anymore. He had lost his own appetite as
well— together with his interest in the date.
He wondered if it would be considered rude to cut things short now, or if it
would be too obvious where his true interests lay if he did, but Erling
thankfully spared him any awkward excuses when he watched the prince and his
entourage leave and said, “I think he has his eye on you.”
“What an odd way of thinking.”
“I also think you’re looking back.”
Ignis smiled a little. “I wonder where your eyes stray.”
“Not too far to be blind to what’s in front of me,” Erling assured him. “Ah,
well. I supposed I should have known. You did say no the first time around,
after all. I thought I had convinced you during practice, but I’m getting the
feeling that maybe that wasn’t actually the case.”
“I’m sorry.”
Erling shook his head. “Don’t be. I enjoyed our time together, brief though it
was. And I’d still like to see you, if I can. As a friend,” he added quickly at
Ignis’ pained look. “I don’t have too many of those here. You’d be doing me a
favour.”
Ignis exhaled loudly and pushed his glasses up his nose. “Very well then. As a
friend.”
They smiled at each other over coffee and continued their date unperturbed now
that the air was cleared between them. Surprisingly, now that all expectations
had vanished from the setting, Ignis actually enjoyed it. Erling was a nice
young man, only a little bit older than himself, who shared many interests with
him and was generally pleasant to talk to. Truly, the only fault he saw in him
was that he wasn’t attracted to him in the least, but as a friend he had no
objections whatsoever. Perhaps ‘playing the field’ hadn’t been such a bad idea.
Not that he was keen on repeating this anytime soon.
When he came home hours after his date with Erling, the door was unlocked and
light was shining through at the bottom. Noctis was lounging on the sofa.
“You’re late.”
Ignis rolled his eyes when he turned around and closed the door behind himself.
“I wasn’t aware we had an appointment this evening. I would have prepared you
some salad.”
“Very funny.”
“Quite.”
Noctis grunted and shifted on the couch to stop glaring at the ceiling and
glare at Ignis instead. “Where have you been?”
“I believe you already know.”
“Did you go to his place?”
Ignis considered his answer carefully. “And if I did?”
Noct’s jaw tensed and he turned away, facing the back of the sofa with his
body. Like a sulking child. Ignis had seen it often enough to know what it
meant: something was bothering him greatly, and he had yet to work through it.
Usually, all the prince needed was time. Ignis wasn’t certain whether that
would be enough in this instance, but there was little else he could do.
“Will you be staying for dinner?”
Noctis didn’t reply for a moment, apparently giving Ignis the silent treatment,
but he did eventually say, “No. I’m going home,” and got up. As he passed Ignis
on his way out, he said quietly, “Your hair… I like it.”
Then he left.
 
eleven.
Ignis didn’t mention Erling again and neither did Noctis. He still saw the
Crownsguard every once in a while, in a purely professional manner that
bordered on friendly, but they never did go out like that one time again. Ignis
was with Gladio a few weeks later when they ran into Noctis and Prompto in the
heart of the city.
“What are you doing here?” Noctis asked, as if having to look at them outside
the palace was an affront to his person.
Prompto just greeted them merrily. “Hi, Ignis! Gladio! Long time no see.”
“What’s this,” Gladio’s eyes sparked dangerously, and a moment later he had
Noctis in a headlock, “disrespecting your elders?”
“Hey—ouch—I wasn’t—ow—let…go!” Noctis struggled free and fixed his hair with an
annoyed glare directed at his shield.
“Anyway, back atcha. What are you doing?”
Prompto answered, “Getting some ice cream. The weather is seriously hot right
now.”
“It is the height of summer,” Ignis pointed out.
“Sure, but man, it’s hot. I don’t have any A/C at home, you know. It’s rough
going.”
“Ah. That does sound quite unpleasant.”
“You could stay with me,” Noctis offered. “The whole apartment’s air-
conditioned.”
“O-oh. Thanks.” Prompto laughed nervously. “But I er… I wouldn’t wanna
intrude.”
Noctis gave him a look. “Intrude on what? I told you, it’s cool. In more ways
than one. Come on over.”
“A generous offer indeed,” Ignis said merrily, “you would be wise to take him
up on it. Who knows when the mood will strike him again.”
“Hey!” Noctis glared at him in fake outrage. “I can be nice.”
“I never suggested otherwise.”
“Yeah yeah. Anyway, come over. It’ll be fun.”
“O-okay. If you’re sure.” Prompto fidgeted, looking between them. “C-could you,
er… Get me some ice cream? My shoe’s untied.”
“Oh. Alright. Anything in particular you want?”
“Just get me whatever. I’m not picky.”
“Okay then.” Noctis left to join the queue a few feet away, and when Prompto
gave him an odd look, Ignis sent Gladio with him.
“You know the one,” he said, as if there was any doubt as to what flavour he’d
prefer. Gladio grunted and did as asked, a little too compliant for Ignis’
taste, as if he’d been jumping at the chance of getting Noctis alone.
Ignis was instantly overcome with a bad feeling that amplified when Prompto led
him a bit away from the ice cream cart to sit down on the edge of the fountain,
where he started to fix his perfectly tied looking shoes.
“I probably shouldn’t say anything,” he started off before going on to say
something. “But it’s been driving me nuts and I can’t take it anymore.”
Ah yes. The bad feeling from earlier definitely made a comeback.
“I—I’m not telling you what to do or anything,” Prompto said quickly, stealing
a glance at his unimpressed face. “I just… I can’t stand seeing him so
miserable, so I’ll just… I’ll just say it, and then he can be mad at me and you
can make up and it can all go back to normal, right?”
Ignis didn’t say anything. Somehow he doubted there was a ‘going back’ to
anything these days, but that wasn’t what Prompto wanted to hear, so he stayed
quiet.
“Right. So… The other day when—“
A lightning quick hand shot forward and covered Prompto’s mouth, and Ignis was
surprised to find it was his own.
“Please don’t take this the wrong way,” he heard himself say calmly. “But I
would much rather you didn’t say it.”
“But—“
Ignis smiled sadly and dropped his hand. “Whatever you may think, I am fully
aware of the situation. I am also aware that pushing Noct towards anything
never yielded good results. I have been with him for a while now, after all. I
daresay I’m a pretty good judge of his character by now. Noct will make his
choice when he is ready. We cannot force his hand until he is.”
Prompto’s face fell, but he swallowed and nodded, stretching his upper body
towards the sun as he looked skywards and said, “I won’t do anything. But… that
guy from the other day. You’re not actually going out with him, right?”
“Are you going to tell Noctis?”
“You don’t want me to?”
Ignis pondered for a moment. “Let’s leave him stewing for a little while
longer. Some measure of uncertainty may do him good.”
“Wow.” Prompto laughed. “Never thought you were hiding such a sadist, Iggy.”
“I’m not. I’m merely teaching him a lesson. One that might prove quite
beneficial to him. Don’t worry,” he assured him honestly, “no harm will come to
the prince. I guarantee it.”
“I have no doubts. Hey! What took you so long? I’m so hot, I’m dying,” Prompto
exaggerated when he spotted Noct and Gladio approaching with their ice creams.
“The queue was massive. We barely made it out alive,” Noct said and handed his
friend a cone.
“I bet you were a big help,” Ignis ventured and accepted his own treat from
Gladio with a thanks.
The big guy shrugged. “Just doing my job.”
“Yeah, no kidding.” Noct laughed. “Living up to the shield thing. It’s like
walking behind a massive pillar or something. Nice shade, by the way. Thanks.”
“My pleasure.”
They sat on the edge of the fountain and happily licked away at their ice cream
as the sun beat down while Prompto told them excitedly of the newest games in
the arcade he and Noct had been in earlier. Ignis followed the conversation
loosely, asking appropriate questions here and there, but remained for the most
part unengaged. Much more interesting than idle chatter was Noctis, who was
saying nothing and looking at no one, apparently deep in thought as he bit into
his ice cream like a savage. Then he grimaced and hissed, every single time, at
the apparently unexpected realisation that he was biting into something cold.
It was ridiculous, and it made Ignis’ heart swell like a balloon about to pop.
How could he possibly have hoped to ‘get over’ this? By his estimation, it was
only getting worse by the minute.
“I can’t keep watching this,” he said decidedly, when Noctis had eaten half of
the cream on top and the other half was covering his hand. With a short sigh,
he produced a handkerchief from his pocket and grabbed Noct’s wrist, taking the
cone from him and handing it to Gladio to hold on to. “Here, take this.” Then
he ignored Noct’s protests and started wiping at his hand.
“I can do that myself, you know.”
“I don’tknow, actually, given what I have just been made to witness,” Ignis
shot back, perhaps a bit harsher than he’d intended because his heart was
pressing painfully against his tight ribcage, but his body was soft. No matter
his feelings, irrelevant of his frustration, his body remembered who he was
holding, whose touch he was seeking, and he would never be rough with his
prince. Not even unintentionally.
“Do be careful, please,” he said gently once he’d calmed down, making sure to
wipe down each finger slowly. “It’s an unbecoming sight.”
Noctis turned his head and mumbled, “Nobody told you to look.”
“Indeed.” Ignis considered his work done and dropped the prince’s hand. “I best
take my leave now,” he said and stood, addressing their companions. “I
apologise for cutting this short, but I’m afraid I have a prior engagement. Do
take care. Prompto, Gladio.” He looked down to his right and bowed slightly.
“Highness.”
It had been a bit of a fib, but Ignis considered it innocent enough to not feel
too guilty about it. He did have quite a backlog of work to do, after all, and
no one needed to know that he’ was simply running away from the prince before
anything more could happen. He hadn’t been mentally prepared for a meeting
today. Certainly not one of this kind, and seeing Noctis act so distant was
hard to bear. Harder than anything else, really, and he didn’t think he could
stand much more of it today.
So he lied and he left and that was the end of it.
No need to dwell. No reason to look back.
 
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