Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/5593897.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      The_Walking_Dead_(TV)
  Relationship:
      Carl_Grimes/Rick_Grimes, Ron_Anderson/Carl_Grimes_(past)
  Character:
      Carl_Grimes, Rick_Grimes, Ron_Anderson
  Additional Tags:
      Alternate_Universe_-_No_Zombie_Apocalypse, Unhealthy_Relationships,
      Implied/Referenced_Rape/Non-con, Comfort/Angst, Developing_Relationship,
      Explicit_Sexual_Content
  Series:
      Part 2 of liar,_you'll_pay_for_your_sins
  Stats:
      Published: 2016-01-01 Words: 2406
****** the ghost of you is close to me ******
by thisapathy
Summary
     Little by little, Rick gets closer and closer. At night he'll drape
     his arm over Carl's hip, scoot just a little bit closer until Carl
     can smell his aftershave. Carl lets it happen, lets himself act a bit
     happier in the morning because of it. If Rick begins to notice a
     pattern, he doesn't say anything.
Notes
     sequel to i'm_a_goner_(somebody_catch_my_breath)
     + rick/carl development in the aftermath of what happened with ron
     ++ i edited this when i was really sleepy so there may be a few
     mistakes.
See the end of the work for more notes
Carl knows that Rick still worries about him and he uses that to his advantage.
Carl can make himself cry on command and he does. Almost every night after
dinner and homework, he'll make himself cry by thinking of his mother and how
she's dead because of him. But when Rick asks why Carl is crying, the answers
always the same: "Because of Ron." It's such a fucking lie, but it turns out
that Carl is a rather good at lying.
Rick will hesitate like he knows he shouldn't, but then he'll climb in bed
behind Carl and spoon him until his cries turn to sniffles. A lot of times they
fall asleep like that and most times when Carl wakes in the morning, Rick is
still pressed against him.
+
For this plan to work Carl has to get Rick right where he wants him. He has to
pull Rick in and make him want this, too. He has to act like he's trying to get
over everything that happened. At school, Carl starts to make a few friends,
but when Rick asks about it, Carl lies. He needs to.
"How's school?" Rick asks.
Carl glances over at his dad with dead eyes. "It's okay," he murmurs.
"Make any new friends yet?"
"Not really..." But he has. Two boys in math and a girl in his chemistry class.
"Your grades okay?"
"They're a little better," Carl says. He's telling the truth with that; the
teachers in this district are far more equipped to teach than the teachers in
his old district.
"You still don't seem happy."
"I'm not," Carl whispers. And that's the truth; he's not exactly happy that he
was raped and that he lied about who did it and that he wants an inappropriate
relationship with his father.
After a long moment, Rick looks at him, soft blue eyes sad and tired. "What
would make you happy?"
"A boyfriend," Carl says softly. He doesn't specify but Carl thinks that Rick
understands because later that night, Rick climbs in bed with him without
Carl’s crying to prompt him.
+
It becomes a pattern. After dinner Carl will finish his homework, take a
shower, watch videos on his phone, and crawl into bed. And night after night
Rick will crawl in right behind him.
+
Little by little, Rick gets closer and closer. At night he'll drape his arm
over Carl's hip, scoot just a little bit closer until Carl can smell his
aftershave. Carl lets it happen, lets himself act a bit happier in the morning
because of it. If Rick begins to notice a pattern, he doesn't say anything.
+
Sometimes at night when Carl can't sleep, he'll listen to the sound of Rick's
even breathing and remember how Ron used to snore. He remembers all the times
Ron tried to hold his hand and how Ron wore his hat all the time because Carl
said he liked it and how Ron would do Carl’s chores for him if Carl didn't want
to. He remembers the time Ron was going to say 'I love you' in the kitchen
before school that one morning but Carl silenced him with a kiss. He thinks
about Ron more than he should. He wonders if Ron is doing okay, but then Rick
shifts closer to him and Carl remembers that he doesn't really care.
+
When Rick picks Carl up from school, Carl is talking to his friend Chase. He
waves goodbye and jogs to his dad's truck with a slight smile on his face.
"Hey," Rick grins. "How was school?"
"It was okay," Carl says, setting his backpack by his feet.
"That kid you were talking to—is he a friend?"
"Yeah," he says softly. "Just a friend."
Rick smiles, and Carl isn't sure why, but when he reaches over to hold Rick's
hand, Rick just lets him.
+
On a cold Wednesday night when Rick gets home from work early, he cooks beef
stew and serves it over mashed potatoes. Carl briefly thinks how his mother
would react to Rick's meal choice were she alive, but she's not so Carl enjoys
it. It's delicious and warm and comforting and afterwards when Carl and Rick
are doing dishes at the sink side by side, Carl laughs just a little too hard.
Rick stares at him, hesitates like he's having some mental dilemma, and then
leans over to kiss the corner of Carl's mouth.
Carl freezes, doesn't understand why Rick would do something like that when 2
years ago Rick was repulsed by Carl doing the same thing.
Rick pulls back, seemingly astounded by his own actions. "I-I'm sorry," he
stammers.
Carl takes a moment to consider whether or not this is real, but before he can
have a chance to determine that, he pulls Rick down for another kiss. He fists
Rick's shirt in his grip, wet hands making damp spots in the faded plaid
material. It's clumsy and miscalculated when Rick lifts Carl and sets him on
the edge of the counter, but precise and immediate when Rick steps between his
legs. Carl feels one hand come to rest at the small of his back and another
tangle in the back of his hair. Rick pulls him impossibly close and there's no
denying that Rick's cock is hard.
Carl uncurls his fingers from Rick's shirt and reaches down, cupping Rick
through his jeans that ultimately that's what makes Rick pull away. Carl
watches as Rick wipes his mouth, like doing that will wipe away any of what
just happened.
Carl hops off the counter and walks out of the kitchen. "I'm going to bed," he
calls.
He doesn't expect it, but Rick joins him there twenty minutes later.
+
Carl wakes up when Rick shifts behind him. He glances at the clock that reads
5:02 AM.
Rick readjusts himself, still slotted behind Carl, and sighs slowly. “I wake
you?”
“Mhm,” Carl replies, nodding against the pillow. "S'okay," he whispers. He
shifts, turning onto his back and then onto his side, now facing Rick. He feels
Rick's breath on his face and he kisses him, waits for Rick to kiss him back
before he slips his hand down Rick's pajama pants. Rick gasps at how cold
Carl's fingers are and Carl moans at how big Rick's cock is. Rick is much
bigger than Ron was, but Carl does what Ron taught him and Rick seems to
approve. He doesn't pull away, doesn't tell Carl to stop, thrusts his hips and
pulls Carl's bottom lip between his teeth.
When he comes on Carl's hand, Carl brings his fingers to his lips and licks
them clean.
+
They never talk about it but Rick seems to be happier. Carl is happier; he gets
his grades up, tells Rick about his secret friends so that maybe Rick will
correlate his happiness with their new found sexual relationship. Maybe Rick
does, maybe he doesn't, maybe Rick is really that lonely—but when Rick finds
excuses to spend time with Carl, Carl thinks maybe it's a little more than just
getting off.
+
They fuck for the first time almost three weeks later when handjobs and
blowjobs aren't enough. The foreplay is almost as good as the actual sex;
foreplay with Ron wasn't ever notable. But Rick—Rick's mouth is talented and
Carl nearly comes when Rick eats his ass alone. And that's something Ron would
ever do; Ron was always soft kissing and touching but Rick is hard, brutal
movements and wet kissing. Carl can't get enough of it, sucks Rick’s cock deep
and hard while he fingers himself open.
When all's said and done, Carl ends up on his back with his legs hooked around
Rick's thighs. It's happening, it's really happening, and it's everything
Carl's wanted for so long. It's worth every lie that Carl told about Ron,
especially when Rick leans down and nuzzles Carl's neck in a tender gesture
that Carl savors.
"You okay?" Rick whispers.
He nods, his hands on Rick's broad shoulders.
"I don't wanna hurt you. If you're uncomfortable—"
"I'm not," Carl reassures him softly. "I trust you."
Rick fucks him so good and hard and deep that he's not sure his legs are going
to work tomorrow.
+
On Carl's 17th birthday, he remembers how last year Rick and Jessie bought him
concert tickets. This year's gift it much better; Rick buys him a car. It's
used, an '09 Honda Civic, but to Carl it's everything. When he asks to take his
car to meet his friends for dinner, Rick is reluctant. Carl gives him puppy
eyes, promises him a mind blowing blowjob later, and Rick relents.
Carl runs upstairs to change and comes down to tell Rick bye.
"I'm leaving," Carl announces, walking over to where Rick's sitting at the
table. He loops an arm around Rick's shoulder, kissing his cheek.
Rick kisses the underside of Carl's jaw. "Have fun."
"I will." Carl kisses him again, this time on the mouth.
"You seem happy. Are you happy?"
"I'm happy." Carl kisses the top of Rick's head, running his fingers through
his curls before heading to the door. "Wait up for me."
+
Carl doesn't think about Ron at all anymore. He doesn't remember the horrible
lies he's told, doesn't think about how maybe Ron's family is torn up after
everything that happened. All he thinks about is the smile Rick gives him in
the mornings, the sounds Rick makes during sex, the way Rick holds him in the
crook of his arm when they watch TV together, the way Rick looks at him and
says 'I love you' and the swelling feeling in his heart when he replies, 'I
love you too.'
+
They're fucking on a Tuesday afternoon when Rick's home from work because Carl
finds the idea of waking Rick from his nap with a blowjob far too tempting. And
blowjobs turn to dry humping turn to Carl on his back with his legs spread.
Carl comes on his belly with a groan; Rick's still inside of him. Rick pulls
out and Carl watches with flushed cheeks as Rick slides down his belly, sucking
the come between his lips. It's the hottest thing Carl's ever watched—until
Rick moves up to kiss him, come between his lips, and passes it into Carl's
mouth. Carl swallows with a cough, running a hand through Rick's curls, kissing
him one more time before letting him pull away.
Carl scoots to the side, chest heaving as Rick settles next to him. Rick
must've been halfway asleep when they were fucking because within two minutes
he's dozing and Carl looks over at him and just kinda laughs.
He lies there for a while on his back until he hears a soft knock at the door.
He's expecting a package, so he quickly finds his underwear and grabs Rick's
denim shirt and slips it on. He rushes to the door and rips it open, face
falling when he sees who's standing there.
Ron looks so lost, so broken, so surprised that Carl answers the door. He
should be thankful it's Carl and not Rick. Carl briefly wonders what Ron
would've done had Rick answered the door. Ron is wearing the hat Carl gave him
last Christmas, and that kind of pisses him off.
Carl sighs, on guard. "What do you want?" Ron stares at him for a moment. Carl
can't figure out why, really; this is literally where he lives, what did Ron
expect? He asks, this time a little louder, "Why are you here? My dad's home."
Ron licks his lips nervously. "Why did you lie?"
Carl hesitates. Obviously he can’t give Ron the real reason for that. "Because
I didn't wanna live in your house anymore,” he mutters.
"So you accused me of raping you? Do you know what shit I had to go through
after you left? My mom made me go to counseling. If you didn't want to have sex
with me anymore, all you had to do was say so. You're the one who initiated it
nine times out of ten! Why? Why?"
"I wanted to leave."
Ron shakes his head. "I don't believe that. I was nice to you. I was good to
you. I loved you."
"I know."
"So why? Why would you lie? What happened?"
Carl glances down at his feet, opens his mouth but he can't come up with
anything. I wanted to fuck my dad and get out of your mom's house and I lied so
it could happen doesn't sound like a very good explanation.
"Nothing happened..."
"What happened? I know you and you wouldn't just lie like that for no reason.
My mom's depressed because Rick left her and she thinks I'm a rapist. And the
best reason you can come up with is you wanted out of our house?"
"Yeah," Carl whispers.
"You're—you're not a good person, Carl. You're a monster."
Carl shrugs a shoulder. He knows that. But so far being a bad person has lead
to him ultimately getting what he wants: an intimate relationship with Rick. So
what if Carl broke a few hearts along the way? Now he has what he wants, and
he's happy, and he can still feel Rick's come dripping between his legs.
Carl hears Rick's muffled call from the bedroom, followed by the squeak of the
bedroom door. "You should go," he tells Ron. And then he feels a hand on his
hip and Rick's peering over Carl's shoulder and Carl watches as the expression
in Ron's eyes change.
"He won't leave," Carl says, looking up at Rick.
Rick pushes Carl behind him and steps out, towering over Ron. "You need to go,"
he hisses, cocking his head to the side just a little. "If you show up here
again I will kill you."
Carl watches as Ron looks at him, glances at his underwear and the shirt he's
wearing that's obviously too big for him. Then Ron looks at Rick who's
shirtless and whose pants are hanging low on his hips and he puts two and two
together and it clicks. Ron takes a stumbling step backwards and looks like
he's going to throw up. Carl doesn't really care, doesn't think about it as
Rick closes the door.
Rick rests a heavy hand on Carl's lower back, pulls him close and kisses him.
"You alright?"
"Yeah," Carl whispers with a smile. "I'm fine."
End Notes
     + happy 2016!
     ++ i'm sleepy so i'm going to bed but hopefully i'll have a couple
     more things posted this weekend ♥
Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed
their work!