Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/10825689.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Twenty_One_Pilots
  Relationship:
      Tyler_Joseph/Josh_Dun
  Character:
      Tyler_Joseph, Josh_Dun, Original_Characters
  Additional Tags:
      Sexual_Violence, Abuse, and_then_fluff_and_comfort, High_School, Friends
      to_Lovers, everything_is_lowercase
  Stats:
      Published: 2017-05-05 Words: 3024
****** show me your heart ******
by melodramatic
Summary
     tyler was embarassed by the long scar over his heart. josh wanted to
     show him it really wasn't that bad.
"you're too emotional," were some of the first words tyler could remember
hearing. he cried for everything - he cried when his brother pushed him hard
onto the concrete and almost knocked him out cold, he cried when his mother
forgot to pick him up from school and he would sit there in the cold and in the
dark before he decided he had waited long enough, and he would walk home. an
hour and a half. it took him an hour and a half to get home.
he always cried at night when a shadowy figure came into the room and climbed
on top of him.
"please, not tonight," he'd whisper.
"you don't make the rules," the man would reply. he always weilded some sort of
device that he would carve into tyler's skin and make shapes with, watching the
blood run from between his thighs, on his wrists, and soak the white bedsheets.
tyler cried and cried and cried and cried - he couldn't stop crying. tears
silently streamed down his cheeks and he let unwilling noises escape from his
throat as the man above him fucked the poor boy so hard he didn't know if he'd
make it to the next day.
maybe he didn't want to make it to the next day.
maybe he was okay with dying right then and there. 
the next day at school he was hungry, he was tired, he was sore, he was
miserable. he took his textbooks from the locker and he walked silently to
class. he imagined each time his shoes squeaked against the linoleum, it was
the floor screaming out for help. but what could he do? he couldn't help the
floor. everybody stepped on it everyday, not giving it a second thought.
"are you okay?" a boy in his science class asked, tapping him on the shoulder.
tyler had been shedding silent tears into his classwork - no one noticed except
for this kid that wasn't supposed to notice, either. 
tyler nodded. there was a lump in his throat. he could not talk.
the boy beside him handed him a tissue and tyler took it without giving proper
thanks, as he wiped his tear tracks.
tyler walked home in silent agony. he walkes right on the edge of the sidewalk,
wishing a car would swerve into him. it would be an accident, but it would be
the best thing to happen to him so far.
"you're too emotional, you know that? you cry too much," the man said one
night. he had a knife in his hands, tracing a bright red line down tyler's
neck, stuttering the young boy's breath.
his lungs felt tight, and his brain was dizzy in the worst way.
"maybe we should take your heart out."
tyler kicked his feet and shook his head, "don't, don't, please don't, plea-"
"fucking crybaby." he slapped tyler hard in the face, "stop crying."
tyler bit his lip and squeezed his eyes shut - he thought of the nice kid in
his science class, he thought of roses and the sun, but nothing eased the
tension in his mucles as he had no choice but to lay there splayed out like a
starfish as a knife was dragged down hard, forming a bright red line down his
chest that did nothing for a second.
then it started bleeding. small, dark red dots formed at the surface which were
joined by other red dots, joined by other red dots until there was slow streams
of blood pooling in the center of his chest.
it burned, but suddenly tyler's eyes were dry. he did not cry. the sight still
made his stomach churn - it was disgusting, it was deplorable, and he wished he
were dead, but he did not cry.
there were tracks of tears on his cheeks, but they stopped pouring almost
immediately, as if a switch was flipped in his brain.
that night, his heart was not taken from his chest, but he figured it might as
well have been. he felt empty and cold in the morning.
when he walked down the hallway to his class, he wanted to rip his shirt open
and scream "LOOK WHAT HE DID TO ME! LOOK AT THIS! LOOK AT ME!" but he did not,
because drawing attention to himself would simply be a waste of time.
the boy in his science class smiled sweetly at him when he entered. he did not
smile back.
the teacher told them they'd need partners for the next assignment. the kid
next to him immediately turned towards tyler who had his head resting on his
textbook - he was so, so tired.
the boy shook Tyler's shoulder until he sat up, his cheek red from being stuck
to a page.
"hey. wanna be my partner?" he asked.
tyler blinked, "partner for what?"
"for our new project. we have to create the solar system. wanna be my
partner?" 
tyler shrugged, because he wasn't sure if he actually had a choice in the first
place, "okay."
"cool," the other kid said, lookig relieved for some reason, "my name is josh,
by the way. i already know your name is tyler."
tyler was surprised, but apathetic nonetheless.
their teacher warned them that this was a project that would take dedication
and effort, and he would accept any half-hearted attempts.
so tyler and josh started that very weekend. tyler went over to the other boy's
house, because the other option was impossible.
josh layed on his stomach, but tyler did not. he did not want to irritate the
scar that still stung his chest, so he sat criss-cross.
they worked rather well together - tyler was mostly silent and josh chatted
away about his favorite planets, his favorite star, his favorite constellation
and how sometimes you could see the planets from your front yard.
tyler's stomach rumbled. he couldn't remember the last time he ate.
"are you hungry?" josh asked.
"i'm fine," tyler replied taking a brush and dipping it in dark blue, dragging
it across his hand. it felt nice, cool. so opposite of a knife tearing his skin
apart.
"what are you doing?" josh asked.
tyler dipped the brush in paint again and held his hand out, "here, let me show
you."
josh placed his hand in tyler's, and let the boy brush a streak of dark blue
across his palm.
"feels nice," josh said, although he was watching tyler's face and not the
paint.
"mhm," tyler said, bringing the brush back to himself and coloring his hand
until it was all dark blue. josh just watched with inquisitive eyes, but he did
not say anything.
in that moment, he knew why he chose tyler as his partner.
"look," tyler said when he was done, putting his hand in the air between him
and josh so that they could both see. 
josh's eyes flicked to the hand, but that was not what held his attention.
"looks cool, doesn't it?" tyler asked, a smirk on his face. josh couldn't
figure out why the boy was so excited by the simple thing.
"yeah, looks cool."
suddenly tyler frowned, "i should wash it off."
"you don't have to. if you like it, you should keep it on," josh said.
tyler looked intently into josh's eyes, and it was the most present he had ever
been in his own eyes.
"really?" tyler asked.
josh nodded, "yeah, 'course."
there was a short silence.
"your parents won't get mad?" he asked.
josh thought it was a silly question, "no. why would they get mad?"
tyler looked down at his hand and shrugged.
"my parents would," he said quietly. josh knew then and there that this boy was
special - he needed to be protected.
josh didn't really even know what that meant. he was hardly twelve years old.
but he had figured it out by the time he turned fifteen.
that science project was only the beginning of their saga. after josh had
proved himself a good friend, tyler spent long nights talking to josh with a
shaky voice, but never actually crying.
tyler was sure he'd run out of tears.
josh didn't think that was possible.
"i don't think that's possible," josh said as they chatted over the phone. it
was 2am and they had school the same day, but josh would give up sleep for the
rest of his life if it meant tyler's comfort.
tyler hummed low in his throat and the yawned, "are you tired?"
"only if you are," josh said, a sleepy smile on his face even though tyler
couldn't see him.
tyler chuckled, "i don't think that's how it works, josh."
josh smiled a bit wider, "that's how it works for me." the end of his sentence
was cut off by a yawn, and could almost hear tyler's smile grow from the other
side of the line.
"well, we should get to sleep. we have school in... four hours. sorry for
keeping you up so late," tyler said, his voice getting a bit quieter at the
end.
"you know you don't have to apologize, right? i love talking to you," josh
said. 
tyler went quiet for a few seconds, and josh listened to his steady breathing.
"what... what else? do you love?" he asked finally. the question was very
quiet, though, almost as if he had trouble getting it get past his lips.
"what else do i love?" 
"yeah."
josh thought for a moment, before realizing the real question that laid beneath
tyler's words.
"well, i love you," he replied. tyler took a deep breath on the other line, and
josh knew he said the right thing. not only was it the right thing, but it was
also the most truthful statement he could say.
"and i love the way you laugh," josh admitted, blush growing on his cheeks even
though tyler couldn't see him. "i love seeing you everyday, and... i love that
you tell me everything. even though i know it's hard for you. but you always
tell me."
the other line was dead silent and josh took the phone from his ear to still
see tyler's caller id present.
"ty? you still there?"
there was a shaky intake of breath, "yeah. i'm here. i think i'm gonna go to
bed. goodnight, josh."
"oh, okay. night, then."
and when tyler hung up, he realized that josh was right - he had not run out of
tears.
://:
josh gave tyler the strength to speak up. so he did. the man was taken away -
somewhere where he'd never hurt tyler again.
it was awkward at home. nobody wanted to talk about it. almost as if they
missed the man. it was sickening and gave tyler even more incentive to spend
every second at josh's house that he possibly could.
://:
tyler was in love. he would not say so, but he was. the words were almost
impossible to get out of his mouth, and he was afraid of the consequences of
telling his best friend so blatantly.
he shouldn't have been afraid, though.
josh already knew. because josh was in love, too. except he never had a problem
with saying so. he'd remind tyler all the time, and tyler would kiss him to
shut him up when words became too much.
there was one night that tyler sat on the edge of josh's bed, his head in his
hands. josh was still sleeping soundly, and tyler was supposed to be, but -
there was something rattling around in his brain. memories and familiar voices
sounded throughout his skull, and a numb feeling that was like traveling ants
beneath his skin made him want to tear himself open until he was bleeding all
over the floor.
he wanted to bash his head into the nearest wall - he just wanted to forget.
was that so much to ask?
tyler took a deep breath, sweat prickling at his forehead. the room was a bit
stuffy due to the warm night that filled the air outside, and tyler would've
taken his shirt off if he didn't hate the ugly scar that went all the way down
his chest.
not only did he hate it, but he didn't want josh to see it more than he already
had. josh never said anything about it, but he had to think it was ugly.
the weight of the bed shifted, despite tyler not moving an inch. a warm hand
was being placed on his shoulder.
"tyler? are you okay?"
he shook his head.
the weight behind him shifted again, and suddenly there was a strong pair of
arms wrapping around him from behind, as josh placed his chin on tyler's
shoulder.
tyler breathed deeply and turned his head to the side. "did i wake you?"
josh placed a kiss on his shoulder, "no, not really. woke up myself. what're
you thinking about?"
tyler shrugged, but josh knew that wasn't entirely true.
he placed his hand on tyler's jaw and then leaned himself forward, connecting
their lips. it was kind of a strained angle, but that was okay.
"do you think you'll be able to get back to sleep?" josh asked. sometimes the
answer was yes, sometimes the answer was no. 
but on this night, tyler did not respond. he turned his head back forwards and
looked to the floor. he placed his hands on josh's where they connected on top
of his stomach.
"josh?" he whispered, his mind almost completely disconnected from reality.
"i'm right here, love."
tyler bit his lip as tears stung his eyes. he really didn't know where he would
be without the boy that held him so close - always so close, as if he were
afraid tyler might just float off into the atmosphere. 
tyler took a shaky breath. there was so much he wanted to say, but so little
ability to say it. josh deserved better. someone who knew how to comminicate.
he took another breath. broken glass was in his lungs. there was a rope around
his chest restricting his breathing as he mentally berated himself for being so
goddamn emotional all the time. could he ever get through a day or a night
without being attacked by his own thoughts? 
josh held him close, kissing the back of his neck, "it's okay, ty. it's okay.
you're here with me, remember? you're safe."
tyler might've cried if his eyes weren't dry.
"come lay down," josh said, scooting back and allowing tyler to crawl up the
bed and lay right next to him.
"look at me." josh pushed fringe back from the boy's face, and was pained when
he saw an expression full of fear. he brought his lips down and kissed tyler
softly on the forehead.
"you're here with me. you're safe."
tyler hiccuped and josh kissed him on the lips, tyler looping one arm around
the back of josh's neck, and one hand in his hair, pulling him down so that
they were intertwined in almost every way possible.
josh shifted them so that he was laying on top of tyler, kissing him deeply as
he brought one hand to roam at the hem of the other boy's shirt. josh's hand
roamed beneath the shirt and up his chest, his hand tracing over the long,
thick scar that rested there.
"josh," tyler breathed, his voice strained. those four letters seemed to be the
only thing he knew.
josh broke the kiss off and looked at tyler, whose brain was still running a
thousand miles an hour behind his eyes. 
"you're beautiful, you know that?" he asked rhetorically, kissing down tyler's
neck. the boy took s few deep breaths, and he seemed to calm down, if only by a
little bit. 
"love you so much, ty."
tyler whimpered and pulled at josh's hair, "kiss me."
and he did. he brought his lips back to tyler's and they kissed passionately.
tyler clearly didn't want to do anything that night, and that was more than
okay with josh. he would never do anything that the boy didn't want to.
"i meant what i said," josh stated at one point, breaking the kiss off, "you're
beautiful, tyler. in here," he pointed at his forehead, "in here," he pointed
at his heart, "and right here," he then pointed at the long scar down his
chest.
tyler didn't get to shake his head in protest before josh was kissing him
again. and tyler held him closer, letting their tongues get as deep into each
other's mouths as possible - tyler was going to express everything with his
actions. everything he couldn't express through words.
unless, he could express it through words, of course.
surprisingly, his heart had calmed down a bit. he felt more relaxed, more
present.
he broke the kiss off and brought his lips to josh's ear.
"i love you," he whispered, sending chills down josh's spine.
"yeah?" josh asked, looking back at the boy with a smirk.
tyler nodded and crashed their lips back together.
so tyler was in love, yes, and he knew how to tell josh. 
but josh had always known.
://:
josh was gentle. he was always so gentle, and it was everything tyler didn't
know he needed.
he was gentle whem tyler's bain pulsed with a hard ache on either side of his
temples, the memories of his childhood coming back to haunt him.
he was gentle whem he took tyler's shirt off with careful hands, guiding him
onto the soft bed and rocking their hips together as sensually as possible.
the first time was the hardest time - tyler ended up in tears, and josh ended
up with a guilty knot in his gut.
but tyler assured him they were good tears - happy tears.
maybe they said "i love you" too much, but maybe they didn't say it enough.
either way, they were tyler and josh, and josh and tyler, meaning their
bond was inseperable. and even though tyler couldn't have been more broken,
josh couldn't have been more of a healing agent.
it was a beautiful complexity, but everything became so simple at night, when
josh knowingly kissed the thick scar over tyler's heart.
it was a beautiful simplicity.
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