Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/2238462.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Underage
  Category:
      F/M
  Fandom:
      From_Dusk_Till_Dawn:_The_Series
  Relationship:
      Kate_Fuller/Seth_Gecko
  Character:
      Kate_Fuller, Seth_Gecko
  Additional Tags:
      Age_Difference, Panic_Attacks, Post-Traumatic_Stress_Disorder_-_PTSD,
      Implied/Referenced_Child_Abuse
  Stats:
      Published: 2014-09-01 Words: 4647
****** shiver and shake like a leaf ******
by liketogetlost
Summary
     It made no sense, he barely knew her, hadn't spent much time alone
     with her. She was a kid, the complete opposite of him in every way
     but there was something about her. Something in her eyes that told
     him she had this inner strength that he couldn't even pretend to
     have.
     Or: Five times Seth Gecko needed Kate Fuller.
oo1.
 
If he's being honest, the first time Seth really needed Kate was when he left
that damned labyrinth to go find Richie.
 
It made no sense, he barely knew her, hadn't spent much time alone with her.
She was a kid, the complete opposite of him in every way but there was
something about her. Something in her eyes that told him she had this inner
strength that he couldn't even pretend to have. 
 
It was almost instinctive every time he reached out for her, to protect her, or
even to ground himself in the moment. He's been getting lost in the labyrinth
of his mind for a long time. It's not every day you meet a criminal who can
hold up banks and talk bad but who has panic attacks and anxiety. They call
Richie the crazy one, but Seth's never felt right in his own head.
 
Every time he's needed him, Richie's been there. Every time he's reached out,
Richie's right there ready to hold him up. Seth's all Richie has, but Seth is
useless without his brother. No one understands him in the same way, no one
gets how to pull him out of it when he's screaming bloody murder from a
nightmare. The flames and the smell of lighter fluid followed him all the way
to prison where the inmates would yell at him to shut the fuck up while he
retched into the stinking, cold metal toilet.
 
He still hasn’t shaken prison itself. Getting his ass beat in the courtyard, or
having to worry about getting shived by some lunatic in the showers. Counting
down his remaining days, his remaining hours, his remaining minutes until
finally Richie pulled him out of that nightmare, too.
 
A couple foster families tried to get both Geckos into therapy, but nothing
stuck. They were both too young to appreciate the help, even though Seth
remembers feeling most at ease the few times he did open up to the therapists.
Every now and then he takes some illegally acquired prescriptions but nothing
makes that constant buzzing go away.
 
So Richie wasn't there, but Kate was. She was there, and he felt he had to
protect her because he had gotten her into the damn mess. But more than that,
every time he reached out and felt her grab him right back, he felt a little
less scared.
 
He wasn't about to ask this young girl to leave her father and come with him to
find his brother. Not when she needed to find her own, not when she probably
hated him and didn't care if he lived or died. 
 
"Good luck." Was all she said. He turned and left, irrationally angry at her.
But she had no idea he was such a mess, had no idea he'd already developed an
unhealthy attachment to her.
 
And then, like a real fucking angel, he walked out of the Twister and she was
there. Was waiting as he walked to the car, the fear already rising in his
chest. Fear of going on alone, fear of what his brother had become, and fear of
everything he had seen and done. Seth could feel that panic grabbing him by the
throat ready to throttle him. But Kate was there, offering him her company,
covered in blood and looking lost but not broken, still strong.
 
If he was a good man, a real man who didn’t need anyone, he would tell her to
go home. She must have other family in Bethel, or church friends to help her
through this whole ordeal. The last thing she needed was to be stuck with a
criminal like him. Seth knew everything he touched turned to shit and she
didn’t deserve anymore heartache.
 
But Seth thought of getting in that car by himself and he wanted to be selfish.
He needed Kate and he wanted to steal her away for himself.
 
"Yeah," he said. He did need her company, he needed it more than she could
understand.
 
oo2.
 
He doesn't intend on making Kate a criminal, it just sort of happens.
 
"I can do it, why won't you listen to me?" She keeps on pushing him until he's
ready to crack.
 
"I'm not using you, I'm not about to turn an innocent girl into a wanted
fugitive just because you won't shut up!"
 
It's not a hard job, just a run of the mill convenience store hold up. They're
running low on funds and he's sick of manual labor, knows she's sick of being
told she can't get a job. (She could waitress, but he's scared shitless of what
could happen to her without him there. He knows she's bored of sitting in the
motel rooms while he does under the table jobs but he knows where she is,
doesn't have to worry about who could come into the restaurant she's at. Or
what could come.)
 
He doesn't expect her to want to help, but he's not stupid. He can see she's
changing, whether because she wants to or thinks she has to. She talks about
God a little less, acts like the world is so fucked up she can be fucked up
too. It messes with his head, makes him feel guilty because it's because of him
she's seeing the world for what it is. She's too young, too good, not to still
believe in the lies her father told her.
 
But he needs someone to drive the damn car, yet he doesn't want her anywhere
near the place when he does the job. 
 
"You're gonna find someone else? Who? Who do we know? We know no one, Seth, and
definitely no one we could trust!"
 
He has no response to that, and it's either let her do it or lock her in the
room. She'd find a way out, so he brings her along.
 
"Right," he starts, putting one hand on the back of the passenger side and
staring hard at her. "You stay in the goddamn car. You sit here, you wait for
me. If I'm not back in five minutes, you get the shit outta dodge. If you hear
gunshots, you drive. If you hear screaming, you drive. If you hear sirens, you
-"
 
"I drive, I got it. Are you always this annoying before a job?" She smirks, and
he narrows his eyes. 
 
"You don't come in there for nothing, you hear me? If you do," Seth loads his
pistol and slides on his sunglasses. "I'll shoot you myself."
 
Kate rolls her eyes and slides over to the driver's side as he gets out. 
 
But then, when he points the pistol at the shop owner's head, the asshole pulls
out his own rifle and points it right at Seth's heart. 
 
In the past, Seth would have just shot him point blank or Richie would have,
both without much of a thought. But his finger pauses on the trigger, his heart
speeds up, and he notices the lady with her kid huddled in the corner. She's
crying, praying to God in Spanish and clutching a rosary, and the kid is
looking at him like Seth will be a deciding point on how the rest of his life
turns out.
 
It's probably been about seven minutes when he hears a third click of a gun
being cocked, and Kate's at the door pointing his glove compartment spare at
the shop owner. "Put it down, sir. We don't want any trouble, just the money in
that register. Would you rather lose a little money today, or your head?"
 
They get the money, and they jump in the car, Kate driving like a bat out of
hell while Seth screams at her. 
 
"Can you not follow simple fucking instructions? You could have been fucking
killed!"
 
"And so could have you! Don't you usually account for the clerks to have guns
of their own?"
 
"Yeah, but I usually have someone backing me up so it's not a big deal." Seth's
breathing hard, thinking of everything that could have gone wrong. Thinking
that Kate could have gotten shot, trying not to think about it because it's
making the panic come back.
 
"Well, you still do." She smiles, dry wind whipping through her hair and
throwing strands of it into her face.  She looks young and fearless and stupid,
and he hates himself for how he wants her backing him up.
 
"Would you rather lose a little money today, or your head?" Seth mocks,
swearing. "You gotta work on your one liners, sis."
 
Kate grins and presses her foot harder on the gas. "I thought it was pretty
good."
 
Seth just shakes his head and laughs.
 
oo3.
 
They both know that culebras, or 'those blood sucking mother fuckers' as he
likes to call them, are still out there. He knows Richie is still out there,
Scott too. Kate doesn't talk about her brother, and neither does Seth. Maybe
they're bad people for not trying to find them, but Seth thinks whatever gets
them through the rest of their lives without truly losing their minds is okay.
Going off looking for trouble, looking for those sonsofbitches, is real
insanity.
 
But sometimes Seth will turn a corner in a crowded market and he'll see his
brother. Face covered in yellow and green scaly skin, eyes inhuman and yellow,
fangs out and dripping with blood. Or he'll accidentally bump into a guy on the
street and look up and see Carlos, ready to bite into Seth's neck.
 
Every tall, thin, beautiful woman is Santanico ready to rip him apart.
 
He never tells Kate, doesn't need her to know she's put her faith in someone so
fucked up. 
 
But he can't keep his fears hidden for long, and he doesn't.
 
One night he wakes Kate up, screaming from inside a dream. Richie has Kate, has
his hand gripping her hair and long, sharp talons digging into her side. Seth
is yelling at him to stop, gun in his hand and finger on the trigger, but even
as Richie smiles at him with his grotesque grin, Seth can't shoot him. Even
when he jerks Kate's head to the side, exposes her neck and rips into her
throat, he can't do it.
 
The next thing he knows Kate's above him, dodging Seth's flailing arms and
running a palm down his tear streaked cheek. 
 
"Seth, Seth, it's okay, it's just a nightmare!" 
 
He can barely breathe, his chest heaving, trying to gulp down air. His eyes are
blurry with tears and his body is soaked with sweat. "No, Richie was here, he
had you -" He tries to say, the thudding of his heart so fast it hurts.
 
Kate shakes her head, crawling into the bed next to him, feet tucked under her
and leaning down to wrap an arm around him. "I'm fine, no one else is here,
it's just you and me. Seth, you're okay." Her brow is furrowed, she looks so
worried as she strokes his forehead. 
 
He doesn't even think about it as he pulls her to him, laying his head in her
lap and gripping her tight. "God, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I scared you. I'm sorry
I'm so fucked up, Kate."
 
"You're not, for God's sake." Her voice is hushed and soothing, her hands
running up and down his back. "Just breathe, Seth. Breathe with me." 
 
He does, long deep breaths into his lungs, slowly inhaling her sweet scent. She
strokes the back of his neck, breathing deep and even until he's in sync with
her and more calm.
 
Seth pulls back, face red from burying it in her lap and from shame. "Thanks,
uh." He clears his throat, sliding a hand down his face. "I don't usually have
dreams like that, -"
 
Kate just shakes her head, pushing him to lay down and getting under the sheets
next to him. "Roll over and shut up." 
 
He's very aware that she's in just a shirt and underwear when her legs slide on
the back of his own, smooth and warm. Her whole body is warm and comforting
where it presses against his back. She doesn’t seem to care that he’s still
sweaty as she runs a hand down his forearm and winds her fingers with his. 
 
Seth knows he should tell her he's fine, to go back to her own bed. But his
heart is beating normally, his eyes already closing, he feels calm and safe
again. Kate is there with him, he can feel her body heat, her life, and he
knows she's not in danger. She settles, her lips brushing the back of his neck,
and he squeezes her hand. 
 
They both wake the next morning, a little red faced, smiling shyly. The sun
catches her skin, makes it glow bright, all over where her bare arms and legs
stretch out next to him. "Are you okay?" Is the first thing she says to him.
 
He nods. "Yeah, 'm good." And it's actually true, he hasn't felt this free and
relaxed in possibly his whole life.
 
Kate sits up, running a hand through her hair, grown longer and lighter from
all the time she's spent in hotel pools lately. It still falls into her face.
"How long have you had nightmares like that?"
 
Seth sighs, sitting back against the headboard. "Since I was about nine. Ever
since Richie set our father on fire." 
 
Kate's eyes widen. "He-"
 
"Our dad was a prize asshole, he deserved it." It's the first time he's
admitted it to himself since he saw the truth. Seth runs a hand over his
tattoo, remembering how it hurt like a bitch, remembering how the slam of his
father's fist hurt even more. Seth looks up at Kate, all lit up in sun and
wrapped in white sheets, as angelic as she'll ever be. "He beat the shit outta
me, Richie did what he had to do."
 
Kate nods. 
 
"That was the same time I started having panic attacks, the same time I started
having such bad anxiety I could barely stand to go to school." Seth laughs,
shaking his head. "Piece of work."
 
Kate suddenly unwraps herself from the bed, straddling Seth's lap, making him
start. "What -"
 
She grips the back of his head and stares into his eyes. "You've been through
so much, there's nothing wrong with how you handle it, or don't handle it." She
sighs, resting her forehead on his. 
 
He doesn't know what to do, where to put his hands. Whether to tell her to move
or to pull her closer. He shuts his eyes and rests a hand in the dip of her
back, above her behind. "How are you handling it?" He whispers.
 
She laughs, and even the way her nails push into his skin feels comforting. "I
should be getting ready for homecoming. I should be taking my SATs, I should be
getting to second base with Kyle. I should be worried about college and dorm
room furniture. I'm in Mexico with a fugitive, I've robbed people at gunpoint.
My entire family is dead, Scott is Lord-knows-what." Kate runs her lips over
his cheek. "I'm a mess, but the worst part is, I don't feel bad about the
things I've had to do."
 
Seth holds her closer, feels like shit because as much as he worries about her,
he's never asked. "Kate, you don't want me. You don't want to fuck up who you
should be any more than I already have."
 
Kate pulls back, looking at him with clear eyes. "Who should I be? Prom queen?
Good church girl? Criminal?" Outside a bird cries and she smiles. "Seth Gecko's
partner?"
 
His fingertips slide under her t-shirt, and he watches her shiver. "Seth
Gecko's further undoing."
 
Kate kisses him silent, lips dry and yet soft, quick and sweet. "You're okay,
Seth."
 
He believes her, if only for that morning. If only for while he kisses her
stupid, kisses her until she giggles at the tickle of his stubble on her skin. 
 
oo4.
 
There's so much of her blood everywhere, he can almost taste it.
 
They'd finally decided to go looking for trouble, to be a couple of fucking
morons and find their brothers. It had only landed them smack dab in a nasty
nest, neither of the two culebras they were looking to find in sight.
 
Kate's busy with her crossbow, Seth with a stake. They're doing their best,
fighting like hell and covering each other's backs when one of the fuckers
grabs him and they fall to the floor. He struggles with it, until finally
sinking the wood into the back of the thing, shutting his eyes when he feels
the dust of its body bust into a cloud over his face.
 
When he looks back at Kate, she's on the floor, blood seeping from her side. 
 
He screams her name, but he can't even go to her before he has to kill three
more culebras. Then they're finally alone, and Seth rushes to her.
 
"Kate, Kate, goddammit, Kate!" He yells, slapping her cheek. She's lost
consciousness, skin ghostly white where it's not covered in blood. He picks her
up and takes her to the car, driving as fast as he can to the nearest place
with a doctor. He has no idea where there's an emergency room, he has no idea
where he even is. The sun is setting and he hopes to the God he doesn’t believe
in he can find a place that’s open. There's something warm under his thigh in
the car and it's Kate's blood, moving across the seat. 
 
He gets her to a cramped doctor's office, kicks the door open and starts
screaming at the first person he sees. The people in the waiting room are
crying out, the nurse telling him he needs to take her to the emergency room. 
 
"If you don't move, she won't be the only one in this room bleeding."
 
The doctor lets him in, leads him to a room where he lays Kate on the exam
table. Everything after that is a blur, he watches as they rip her shirt open
and work on her wound. He sits in the corner because no one tells him to leave,
not that he would if they did. 
 
His hands are stained red, the room smells like iron and he watches as they do
the best they can to stop the bleeding. Seth can feel the old familiar pull of
his panic, the hot tears at the back of his eyes and the shaking of his limbs.
Thinks about how much he needs Kate, how much he needs her right now.
 
But it's more than that, he doesn't just need her, he wants her. He wants her
with him, he wants her anywhere she wants to be as long as she's alive and
breathing. If she decides she never wants to see him again, it's okay because
she'll be alive. Nothing else matters to him at the moment.
 
They stop the bleeding, tell him the wound isn't that bad. Tell him she
probably lost consciousness from her head hitting the floor. Tells him it was
worse than it looked, that they gave her stitches and now he just has to wait
for her to come around. Hope she doesn't have a concussion, but to take her to
the emergency room anyway when she wakes up.  He barely hears them after they
say she’s fine, the rest of it is just a rush of noise.
 
They don't ask him what happened, don't ask him why the wound looks so strange
like she was sliced with a curved talon. He throws a bunch of cash at the
doctor and he takes it.
 
They leave him alone with her, her side bandaged and her breathing even. He
holds a hand above her chest and watches it move up and down, proof that she's
still there with him. He sits next to her on a metal stool, hands together in
front of his face. They still shake, and now that he can breathe, he starts to
cry.
 
"Jesus, Kate. Jesus fucking Christ." He sobs, and covers his face with his
palms.
 
"Don't use the Lord's name in vain." Kate croaks, and Seth looks up to see her
smiling at him. She moves towards him, and whimpers. 
 
"Don't move, you'll break your side wide open again. God, Kate." He
breathes. He stands, leaning down to kiss her cheek and rest his forehead on
hers.
 
"I'm here." 
 
"Stop, you almost died." He chokes just trying to say the words. Kate dead. He
can't imagine it, but it could happen.
 
"I didn't." Kate says, smile in her voice. 
 
He pulls back and shakes his head. "Dammit, Kate, stop acting like this is
okay. You almost died, don't lie there still covered in drying blood telling me
how you didn't. I won't be the only one freaking out."
 
Kate's eyes well up and darken. "You want me to freak out? You want me to lay
here, red in my own drying blood and cry and scream about how scared I am that
I could be dead right now? That I can't even be sure that I'd be in heaven with
my Daddy and Mama because of the things that I've done?" Her voice is shaking
hysterically, tears running down her face. "You want me to tell you I'm most
afraid of leaving you, of not being with you? You're not the only one who's
scared, Seth! You don't get to be, goddammit!"
 
He takes her hand and kisses her palm, cupping her cheek. She turns into it,
pressing her face into his hand as she sobs.
 
"Hey, babygirl, you're right, okay? I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He leans over her,
kissing her cheek. "You're just always so okay, I take it for granted that you
might not actually be."
 
Later, once she's been checked out and told she's okay, he holds her close in
bed. Presses his nose into the nape of her neck, cheap motel shampoo scent
smelling like heaven because it's on her. 
 
"I'm scared all the time. I just push it away. I don't know what else to do
with that constant fear." They're whispering in dark, it's only nine pm but
they're both beyond exhausted.
 
"I know what you mean. It's like living with a demon attached to your fucking
back." 
 
Kate laces her fingers with his and holds his hand close to her chest, over her
heart. "We can slay each other's demons."
 
He holds her tighter and kisses the back of her neck. "I'd kill a million for
you, princess." 
 
oo5.
 
Kate Fuller is not his angel. Kate is not there to keep him sane, to keep him
grounded. It’s not her purpose and it’s not her responsibility. She is her own
person with her own tragic backstory, and he gets that now.
 
But Kate does help keep him sane, she does help keep him grounded. He does need
her, but she needs him too.
 
Seth needs her right now, especially.
 
Needs her to stop looking at him like that when he’s driving. From under her
lashes, cheeks pink and head full of ideas.
 
“I’m trying not to crash here, sweetheart.” Seth croaks when she stretches her
legs out, rests her feet on the dash so her knees are in her face. Smooth, tan
skin as far as the eye can see coming out of her frayed shorts.
 
Kate just shrugs. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
 
They hadn’t expressly decided not to do anything more than kiss until she
turned eighteen, but it had been an unspoken agreement. They celebrated her
birthday last week with a candle in a Hostess cupcake and some cheap wine at
her request. She said she didn’t want anything more than that and he didn’t ask
questions.
 
Ever since then there’s been more casual touches, more of that same look she’s
giving him right now. She hardly wears a shirt to bed anymore instead clinging
to him in her bra and panties, making it hard for him to sleep.
 
Kate takes off her plaid shirt next to him sighing about the heat, revealing
her tank underneath and a lot more skin.
 
They don’t make it another mile before he pulls the car over.
 
She smells like sweat and feels like Heaven above him in the backseat. He feels
like he’s a teenager, trying to get off in his car with a girl before she has
to be back home for the night. Her thighs squeeze around his waist when he
slides a hand into her shorts past the waist of her underwear, fingertips
touching where she’s hot and slippery wet. She’s already pulled off his t-shirt
and kisses his shoulder before burying her face in his neck and whimpering at
his touch.
 
“Please, Seth, more.”
 
“Like that, baby? Feels good, huh?” Seth gasps, using his other hand to pull
down the straps of her Henley. Kate leans back and lets him pull it down over
her breasts, kissing and sucking through the thin lace of her bra. He teases
her clit with his fingers, pulling sweet sounds from her with every pass.
 
Kate reaches down and undoes his jeans, and he swears as her small palm rubs
over his cock through his boxers.
 
Seth’s head hits the back of the seat, his eyes closing. “Fucking killing me,
girl.”
 
Kate’s laugh turns into hum when she pulls him out, gripping him tight. She
tries out a stroke, and Seth’s hips jump making Kate squeal and giggle.
 
After that it’s a frenzied rush of kissing, moaning, touching as much skin as
they possibly can in the cramped space. Seth’s mouth is working hard at one of
Kate’s nipples, two fingers deep inside where she’s impossibly tight. Kate
slides her palm up his cock every time his fingers fuck into her, until they’re
both in sync and panting desperately together.
 
“Need you, Kate, need you to come for me, princess.”
 
“Oh God, Seth, so close. Fuck, come for me, too, wanna see you.”
 
Seth looks at her through lidded eyes, watches the way she grinds against his
hand. Watches how she licks her lips whenever he slides his thumb over her
clit, admires the sunlight catching on the beads of sweat all over her body.
Her bra is see through, wet from his spit, hard pink nipples peeking through
and she looks defiled and beautiful. He grips at her lower back, curves his
fingers inside and it only takes three more pumps of his hand before she’s
there.
 
Her hand on his cock stills, and she falls forward against him. Face in his
neck, gasping sweetly into his ear, fingers clutching his shoulder and nails
digging into his skin as she comes with another person for the first time.
 
Her thighs are shaking, her whole body flushed red and her eyes bleary. She
kisses him hard, sucking and biting at his lips, still in that delicious haze
as she jerks him harder.
 
“Christ, Kate. You really will be the death of me.” He gasps into her mouth,
just before he swears and comes. Shoots hard and fast over her hand, orgasm so
good it almost hurts.
 
He tries to catch his breath, running his hands up and down Kate’s thighs, over
her calves. She hums, licking at the sweat on his chest. They’re both sticky
and gross, but feel so good neither of them can really care.
 
Later, when he’s driving again and letting his fingertips drift over Kate’s
smooth thigh, she takes his hand and laces her fingers through his. She smiles
at him, and he should feel like a fucking bastard but the world isn’t as simple
as that.
 
The road ahead of him looks a lot less lonely with Kate Fuller by his side.
 
 
 
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