Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/13583502.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      F/M
  Fandom:
      Dawson's_Creek
  Relationship:
      Joey_Potter/Pacey_Witter
  Character:
      Joey_Potter, Jen_Lindley, Pacey_Witter, Dawson_Leery, Jack_McPhee
  Additional Tags:
      16_year_olds_have_consensual_sex_with_other_16_year_olds, au_from_the_ep
      where_everyone_almost_has_sex_except_pacey_and_andie, background_jen/
      dawson, background_joey/jack, background_pacey/andie
  Collections:
      Trope_Bingo:_Round_Ten
  Stats:
      Published: 2018-02-05 Words: 4984
****** recover the string of days ******
by sandyk
Summary
     Winter spring summer and fall. Some things persist and some things
     change.
Notes
     Opening quote and title from George Moore's Frozen. For the trope
     bingo space rite of passage/coming of age. Thanks to A! Happy
     birthday, Dawson's Creek!
I want the poem to recover
the string of days in what seems a perpetual migration,
so constant a movement that from our distance
even the curve of the earth can be recognized.
 
winter:
Pacey initially thought about writing a note to Andie after they first had sex,
he was worried to the point of full blown neurosis about the step they had
taken. But then he was obsessing and he remembered Andie's mom's name wasn't
Andrea which meant Andie was the one on Xanax. He could not contribute to her
problems by making her feel bad in any way, shape or form.
He talked to her, though, told her she was his whole world and he couldn't
imagine life without her. She cried, too, because Pacey had been crying like he
was ten years old again and Doug had punched him in the gut. He was going to be
there for her no matter what.
Pacey noticed something was off with Dawson, Jen, Jack, and Joey but he had his
own crap swirling around him. He was at Andie's, when Jack came in and sat down
next to him. "Where's Andie?"
"Your sister," Pacey said. He thought saying 'your sister is showering because
we had sex and wants to be clean before she studies' would be a really bad
idea. So he said, "You know your sister. She takes studying very seriously.
She's preparing the room."
Jack looked at him like he didn't believe him in the slightest. Then he said,
"You've known Joey a long time, right?"
"Sure," Pacey said. "You two dating now?"
"Sort of. Yes. Yes, we are. I feel like we rushed into it. I don't know. It
felt right and then it didn't feel right," Jack said.
"Okay," Pacey said. "That makes sense, except not in the slightest."
"I don't know," Jack said. He looked over his shoulder and then back at the
counter. "We had sex."
"Seriously? Wow." Pacey looked at Jack's expression. "Was it not good?"
"It was fine, it wasn't my first time, but whatever. It was fine."
"Fine?" Pacey frowned. "My first time was great. I know it was Joey's first
time so I hope she had more to say than fine." He felt weirdly protective of
Potter which was mystifying since his name wasn't Dawson.
"I think she did," Jack said. "And we did it again and she liked that, too. I
just." Jack paused.
"You didn't? Dude, that's, that's a little off. You seemed to really like her.
She's pretty and smart and admittedly on the churlish side, but she's a good
egg. I like Andie better, of course," Pacey said. Just in case he'd been too
positive about Potter.
"I get that," Jack said. "I'm not worried about that. I just, I'm worried I
don't like it enough."
"Did you like it more the first time you did it?" Pacey was starting to getting
worried, too, he was rapidly moving out of any area where he knew what to say.
At least Dawson's problems made sense.
"It was fine," Jack said.
"You're using that word a lot," Pacey said.
Jack clenched his fist and then relaxed. "I don't know. I'm just wrong."
"There's nothing wrong with you, I know that," Pacey said. "You're a great guy
in a tough situation. With your mom. And everything else. Maybe you don't feel
like you're ready to be happy again."
Jack smiled. "That's a pulled out of your ass explanation, but I appreciate the
effort."
Andie called down to Pacey that she was ready to study. He patted Jack on the
back and went upstairs.
Up next was Dawson unburdening himself about having sex with Jen. Luckily,
there was no ambivalence from Dawson. He was straight up thrilled to have had
sex and was revising his whole theory of life and morality in light of it.
Pacey genuinely felt this was a good thing. Dawson was way too romantic and had
no sense of reality. Pacey was worried, though. Dawson was completely throwing
himself into this life of sex with Jen and realigning his life away from his
previous sex is evil and dirty stance. But Pacey knew Dawson, and Dawson tended
to bounce from one extreme to another. Pacey was now worried Jen would get hurt
when Dawson decided to jump to the other pole.
So in between checking on Jack, dating Andie, listening to Dawson, Pacey took
it upon himself to talk to Jen. He said, "Hey, hey, Lindley. How are you?"
She looked up at him and rolled her eyes. "Are you checking on my intentions
with Dawson?"
"God, no," Pacey said. "I'm checking on you. Dawson's my best friend but he has
these tendencies to get really stoked about something and then he whiplashes to
being completely not stoked. I don't want that to spin around on you."
"I have my eyes open, Pacey," Jen said. "I know Dawson. I like him, and I have
my eyes open. I care about him and I know how easily he can hurt me. I do
remember my own history, thank you very much."
"I don't want you to get hurt," Pacey said. "No one should get hurt, just in
general."
"Aren't you the sweetest?" Jen grinned and closed her locker.
Joey actually sought him out. She said, "Do you think I'm horrible that I slept
with Jack?"
"Are you insane? Why would I think that? I'm just glad you and Dawson overcame
your weird sexual hang ups and realized the earth doesn't stop spinning once
you have sex," Pacey said.
Joey blanched. "Dawson."
"Wow, he didn't tell you? Okay, I didn't tell you either. Nope, I don't know
what I meant," Pacey said, scrambling away.
"No," Joey said. She reached for his sleeve, missed and ending up grabbing his
hand. "It's okay. Thank you for letting me know."
spring:
Joey was walking around more than a little shellshocked these days. Her
boyfriend, the first guy she had sex with, turned out to be gay. He admitted it
to himself. She was supportive. Of course she was supportive. Jack was a great
guy. He was a really good person. She wanted to help.
Dawson and Jen hadn't broken up. At all. They were adorably still together.
Pacey was the one who said adorably. Joey didn't think of it like that. Jen was
a really good person, too. Jen was nice to Joey all the time. She even tried to
help Joey and Dawson be friends again. So they were. They were just friends.
Dawson loved talking to her about his new movie, which he had completely
rewritten and Joey was thrilled because the first draft had been pretty
disgusting to Joey herself. Now Dawson felt free to tell Joey all about it, how
it was going, the editing, the awful actors. He even occasionally mentioned Jen
as a fantastic producer.
So she was a good friend to Jack, actually being friends with Jen, faking like
she and Dawson were good friends. It was good times. Oddly, sometimes she
thought all she really had was Pacey.
Not that she wasn't good friends with Andie, but Andie was hard to know deeply.
Joey didn't know why she wanted that, but Andie's surface tension made Joey
want to poke and go further. Poking at someone wasn't the way to be friends
with someone, even Joey with her limited experience in non suppressed sexual
feelings friendships.
So, Pacey. Pacey was working hard at school, sometimes they even studied
together. He would say, "Andie needs her time alone but I don't want her to be
disappointed in my grades."
"Well, since it turns out you really do have a brain, I'm fine studying with
you."
She already knew he was good at cramming, but it turns out he was just plain
smart. He didn't believe her anymore than he believed Andie. He kept saying it
was all Andie.
She sighed. "Pacey, don't you think that's even more pressure to put on her?
You keep saying she saved you, but what does that mean for her?"
Pacey rubbed his eyes. "I know," he said. "But it's the truth."
"It's not," Joey said. "Andie's just one of the first people in your life who
doesn't agree with your parents or your family. She's great, she loves you. But
good student and good guy Pacey was always there. Lurking."
Pacey stared at her. "I don't agree."
"Well, I tried," Joey said.
Pacey and Dawson, though, were the only ones she could talk to when her father
came home. They remembered him. Dawson kept insisting she should give her dad a
chance. Pacey kept saying that not all parents were worth giving a second or
third chance. They were like an angel and a devil on her shoulder.
Jen said, "No one's an angel or a devil." Jen had insisted on girl time so now
Joey was getting a manicure from Dawson's girlfriend. Jen said, "Dawson's
parents have made mistakes but they're fundamentally good parents. They always
put Dawson first. He says your mom was like that." Jen smiled at her. "Pacey on
the other hand, he does not think his parents are good people."
"He's probably right," Joey said. "Pacey's mom is so passive aggressive. She
always runs him down while saying she loves him so much. It's cruel. I told my
mom once, and she had this expression, she never had that expression. Pacey's
dad doesn't care about him, he loves Doug best. Also, Doug and Pacey's dad have
hit him for as long as I've known Pacey."
"Like, child abuse?" Jen looked troubled.
"I guess?" Joey shrugged. "I never thought of it that way. Pacey gets in
trouble, he gets a smack. Doug gets pissy, he takes it out on Pacey."
"Isn't that, like, textbook that definition of abuse?" Jen shook her head. "I
guess no one reports to the police when it's the police using their youngest as
a punching bag."
Joey shrugged. "I feel like an asshole now, I never thought of it that way."
"You're not an asshole," Jen said. "You've grown up with it, you think it's
normal. Sometimes it just takes other people's eyes."
"So should I give my dad a second chance?"
It was Jen's turn to shrug. She said, "Up to you. But you can let things play
out without completely committing to being invested in his redemption. It's his
job to make things up to you, not your job to be his emotional support."
"I like how you think," Joey said. Grudgingly. "I'm not mad you had sex with
Dawson. Are having sex with Dawson."
"That's good," Jen said. Her hand was steady as she put on the topcoat.
"I totally was, but it was because, well, I wanted it to be me. And Dawson
didn't even tell me. So it wasn't about you. You are not the object of my
anger. My anger is probably most at me," Joey said.
"And a little bit Dawson," Jen said. She smiled. "He can be a huge jerk."
"Seriously," Joey said.
Joey took her pretty nails and went to see Bessie and her dad. She didn't fight
her dad's plans, but she didn't really participate. She was waiting to see.
summer:
Pacey was pouting during the Fourth of July festival. He was pouting to the
extreme. He knew it, and he knew he was being a dick, he was wallowing in his
misery. Jen said, "Come on, Pacey."
"I know, I know, but leave me in my existential crisis of pain," Pacey said.
Andie had had a breakdown, and then they'd talked, and talked. She even told
him as soon as she cheated on him. She had a lot of explanations about why
she'd acted in such a self-destructive manner. Pacey heard all of the
explanations, he really listened but he'd loved her so much.
Jen said, "I know how much it sucks to break up. Or be dumped. Or whatever
you're calling it today. But we have explosions, fellow teenagers getting very
drunk and people letting it happen. Pacey, enjoy the hedonism, even if it is
Capeside's version of it."
Pacey said, "You just want me to be your sad sack pal because Dawson's in
Ohio."
"You're already my sad sack pal, I want you to be my occasionally fun pal," Jen
said. "Fine, I'm going to leave you here and see if I can find someone for Jack
to hook up with."
Pacey watched the festival's mediocre bacchanalia. Joey came up to his spot on
the bleachers. She said, "Is this where we sit if we're losers?"
"This is where I sit so neither my dad or my brother finds me and I can be sad
without being told to buck up little camper," Pacey said.
"Thanks for not denying I'm a loser," Joey said.
"You want the title, you got the title, Potter," Pacey said.
Joey's father had been arrested all over again. He'd confessed and turned in
the other dealers who had retaliated by burning the Ice House to the ground one
night. But now everyone was in jail and Joey and Bessie were desperately trying
to make ends meet. Joey had gotten two jobs like she was supposed to be the one
who saved the family.
"I don't think you're a loser," Pacey said. "And your dad fucked up but he
confessed before anything bad happened. He took down some bad guys."
"I wish there'd been a reward," Joey said. "For the kind of noble lapse back
into drug dealing that does so much good."
"Yeah, he's a stinker," Pacey said. "You're not, Bessie's not."
"Duh," Joey said.
"Do you think that or are you trying to get me to shut up? Because we both know
I never shut up," Pacey said.
Joey actually smiled at him.
It was that kind of summer. Pacey moped and took two summer school courses
because it got him out of the house. His dad had been marginally nicer since
Andie called him and Andie had told Pacey's dad about how well Pacey had done
in his finals. Marginally nicer wasn't actually great.
Jen and Jack were just hanging out, Joey was working her ass off, and Pacey was
taking Spanish and Biology.
He went to hang out with Joey at work down by the docks. "Is it only you here?"
"Of course," Joey said, sighing. "I wish that situation would persist."
"You love hanging out with me," Pacey said.
Joey sighed again and looked at Pacey. "If I ask you something, can you find a
few minutes to not be the awful pervert we both know you are?"
"So it's about sex," Pacey said. "Fire away."
"My first two times were okay, but, I don't know, I thought it would mean
more." Joey was very specifically looking away from Pacey so he got to talk to
her hair.
"You thought it would change your life forever and everything would be
different before and after? Like you'd be a woman and understand life in a way
you never have before?" Joey's hair moved like she was almost nodding. "Jo, sex
is awesome but it's not this rubicon into the wider world you and Dawson act
like. You don't pass through a gate and see spectrums of color you never
thought possible. You were a person who hadn't had sex. Now you're a person who
has had sex. And hopefully in the future will have sex with someone who's more
attracted to women than men. Or at least attracted to both."
"Thanks for that," Joey said. "What a great wish. And thanks for making me feel
stupid, I love that most of all."
"You aren't stupid," Pacey said. "You and Dawson, you just bought into the TV
and movie fantasy about sex and teenagers."
"That doesn't make me sound stupid," Joey said, sarcastically.
"It just means neither of you got out enough," Pacey said. "And you both have
gotten out into the world and it's different than you thought. Maybe it's
purple instead of pink, but purple is a real color, too."
"That metaphor sucks," Joey said.
The four of them, Jen, Jack, Joey and Pacey, got together one night to get good
and drunk. Drinking and drinking and drinking. Pacey enjoyed the heck out of
that one. Jack and Jen tottered back to Grams's place and Pacey was left to
somehow figure out how to get Joey home. "Those guys are assholes," Joey said.
Then she sat down on the wet grass and looked up at him dolefully.
"They certainly are," Pacey said. He was working really hard to stay standing.
"See, no one cares if I sleep out in the wild, no one cares at all. But Bessie
will be super upset if you don't get home."
"Let's not hurt Bessie," Joey said. She struggled up to standing by dragging on
Pacey's shirt. She was practically pulling it off. She got her chilly hands up
against his chest, it was not erotic.
"Your hands are freezing," Pacey said, taking her hands and pulling them off
him.
He got her into the damn rowboat and she trailed her fingers in the water,
slowing them down. She had closed her eyes and was leaning back like she was
basking in the moonlight. Pacey said, "You need to stop drinking, Potter, you
just end up like this. This isn't great, this isn't cute, this is me being
forced to be a good guy."
"You love being a good guy," Joey said. "You crave it. You're a total failure
at being an irresponsible black sheep, you only have that role because your
parents are fucked up. Also, I think they're abusive. Jen said that, not me."
"Well, thanks for that," Pacey said. His parents weren't abusive. They were
assholes. But he suddenly felt heavy and empty at the same time. He was going
to have to get home from Potter's somehow. He had so much still to fucking do.
He got Potter into bed and took off her shoes and socks. He basically passed
out on the family couch and Bessie didn't say anything in the morning.
fall:
Everyone was back and Joey still managed to find a way to be miserable. She
considered her general despair a real skill. She thought about putting it on
her college applications.
Dawson was super chipper, of course, he had a girlfriend, he was having sex, he
was going to write a brilliant movie about mothers and daughters because his
own life was boring and Jen's wasn't. Joey tried not to be resentful that her
hardscrabble life was so uninspiring. Maybe the world was tired of small town
girl somehow makes it.
Jen said, "No, everyone's done the story of small town boy who overcomes the
odds, the only story about small town girls involve prostitution or models."
"I appreciate your feminist rabble rousing to make my life more of a good
story," Joey said.
Pacey didn't even seem to care about any kind of rabble rousing storytelling,
he was just broken and dull. You had to know him well to see it, only Joey and
Dawson seemed to really notice. But underneath the jokes and stupid pranks and
still studying hard, Pacey was like a sad clown which wasn't a great look on
Pacey. He used to be a happy person under all the stupid pranks and bad jokes
and perversity. Or at least she had thought so.
"Do you think it's Andie?" Dawson said to her. "That would bring anyone down."
"I wonder if maybe it's when I mentioned Jen thought he was an abused child?"
"Why would he be down about that? He's not. No Great Santini or This Boy's
Life," Dawson said.
"Maybe even though you can't think of an equivalent movie, it could still be
true," Joey said.
"I think we both know I don't have the kind of life experience a lot of people
have, so movies are the best way for me to bring it down to a level where I
understand it," Dawson said.
Joey looked over at him and smiled. "I hate that Jen is making you a better
person with more complex layers and shit."
"You did, too," Dawson said. "Mostly Jen, though."
"Asshole," she said. She was still smiling as she walked away.
She made Pacey her mission. He mostly hung out with Jack and sometimes the rest
of them, but mostly Jack. She found Pacey sitting on the dock, reading and
looking over his book at the ocean.
"What are you reading?"
Pacey held up his book. It was Pride and Prejudice. She said, "I love that
book. We don't have to read it for English class, do we? Do you something I
don't know?"
"I was supposed to read it two years ago," Pacey said. "But it comes up a lot,
so I thought why the hell not?"
"It's a beautiful love story," Joey said. "Hey, why are you so super depressed
lately?"
"I'm not," Pacey said. "Stop projecting."
"I know you better than that," Joey said. "Dawson thinks so, too. We talk about
you, you know."
"I'm pleased I'm such a fascinating subject to the two of you," Pacey said.
"You're interrupting my reading."
"Are you writing a book report after this?"
"Nope," Pacey said. "Honestly? I was thinking about taking AP English, senior
year and I know this AP exam has a set of books we're all supposed to know,
please don't belittle my ambition."
"I'm not," Joey said. "I was going to take it, too. Maybe you should write a
book report so I can review it."
"I'm not doing your work for you," Pacey said.
"So, AP English, huh?"
"I have to get out of Capeside, your obsessive quest has infected me," Pacey
said.
"Away from your family?"
Pacey sighed. "Sure, that would work, too."
She gave up. She thought maybe she could try talking to Jack even if it was
always a little awkward, like, hey, remember when we had sex twice and that
first time was my first time ever and then you were like, guys only for me! She
had to find a better way to sum that moment in her teenage life.
Maybe, she thought, she should just seduce Pacey. She could do that, she was
totally seductive. Jen was trying very hard not to laugh at her when Joey said
it out loud. "You have your own charm," Jen said. "And you're very attractive,
but seductive is a little bit of a stretch. Plus, do you want to seduce Pacey?"
"I want to make him happy again. I don't like broken Pacey. It fundamentally
offends my world view," Joey said.
"Then it makes total sense that you want to have sex with Pacey, an offensive
perspective on the world always gets my panties off," Jen said.
Joey glared at Jen. "Do you think Dawson would be upset?"
"If Dawson is upset you're dating Pacey, I'll be very upset with him. And he
likes having sex with me, so I think you're safe." Jen met Joey's eyes and
looked very serious. "Do you want to be with Pacey?"
"He's very convenient," Joey said.
Jen rolled her eyes.
Joey set to work the next day. Pacey generally responded well to attention. He
liked positive attention, like, maybe the entire world. Joey sighed. She went
to Pacey's locker. She waited for him and when he arrived, she said, "Hey,
Witter, I was thinking we could watch that Pride and Prejudice mini series. I
hear Colin Firth is super sexy."
"Isn't this the argument you make to Jack, not me? Did you get us confused?"
"It would make me happy, I don't care if you really want to, but like, it's
nice to have company,"
"I already read the book, I have to watch movie now?"
"Mini series," Joey said. She convinced him just by never accepting his no. The
whole point was to watch things together and eat popcorn and cuddle up close to
him. That was seductive. Joey was seduction central.
He came over because it took nothing to get Pacey out of his house. She sat
next to him on the couch and cued up the video. After a bit he relaxed and sat
back and even put his arm up on the couch. She sat even closer to him. He
smelled like a guy, like Jack, but not like Dawson. She looked at his profile
for a moment and really thought about what she was doing.
She really did want Pacey Witter. It was awful. She leaned her head on his
shoulder. He said, "Are you already falling asleep? It's not that bad."
"No, your body is soft and nice to lean on," she said.
"That's insulting," Pacey said. But his hand came around her shoulders.
At some point, three hours in, she put her hand on his thigh and leaned in even
closer. "Pacey," she said.
"Joey," he said.
"Let's make out," Joey said. "If you want to. I was think we should. It would
cheer you up."
Pacey just looked at her. "It would cheer me up? That's why I should kiss you?"
"I said make out, we're going to do more than kiss. Not too much more because
it's our first make out. I definitely plan to let you touch my breasts, inside
my bra," she said. She was apparently very tired.
"That's sure an offer," he said. He hadn't let go of her shoulder yet. "Do you
actually want to do this or is this some weird extra credit bonus project in
your head?"
"I actually want to do this, dumbass," she said. She lifted her shirt. She
wasn't even wearing a bra.
Pacey's eyes went straight to the goodies, as it were. Then he shifted and
suddenly he was on top of her, kissing her, leaning on one forearm while his
other hand was on her breast. It felt really great, he had soft hands. He
rubbed the underside of her breast with his thumb and she arched her back,
pushing herself into him. He was a good kisser, too. It was french kissing and
she felt like an idiot thinking that.
He stopped kissing her and then he was kissing her other breast. She could feel
him getting hard against her thigh. She shifted her thighs against him and he
groaned. She grabbed the back of his head and ran her hands through his hair.
"Pacey," she said, with a sigh.
"Tell me when to stop," Pacey said. It all felt so good, the weight of him on
top of her and his mouth and hand on her breasts.
He reached down and unbuttoned her jeans. He said, "Stop?"
She pushed her jeans down to her thighs. "Don't stop yet."
He rubbed his hard dick against her cotton panties, right where she was
starting to get wet. She moved her hips and rubbed him right back.
Then he sat back and said, "We have to stop." He grabbed his crotch. "I'm going
to take care of this in the bathroom since this only our first make out."
She stared at the ceiling and pictured what Pacey was doing in the bathroom.
She would never tell anyone but she put her hand in her panties and got herself
off. Then she pulled up her jeans and pulled down her shirt. She knocked on the
bathroom door. "My turn," she said.
"Sure," Pacey said, letting himself out. He kissed her cheek as he passed by.
Their conversation the next day was surprisingly normal. Them making out didn't
seem to disturb the world too much.
They made out in her room this time, and she got his jeans off, reached inside
his boxers and took out his hard dick. He kept kissing her while she jerked him
off. He came on her shirt and apologized. "This is making out right?"
He kissed her deeply. He took off her shirt and then poured a glass of water on
her shirt. "I've cleaned up this before."
"Awesome," Joey said. "Next time we should have sex."
"Um," Pacey said. "That's your third make out move? What are we doing after
that? More sex? Or mission accomplished?"
"My mission is to cheer you up. You seem really cheery," Joey said. "And you're
great at making out, I mean, it feels really great being with you."
"Is this pity sex? Pity making out?"
"I always give handjobs to people I pity," Joey said. "Maybe I just like you."
Which was odd to say and even odder that she was telling the truth.
"This is weird. But you're offering sex, and I like that," Pacey said.
The sex was actually really great. She was embarrassed to tell Jack about it
because it was so much better than the times with him. Pacey not repressing
that he was gay probably made a big difference. Other differences weren't as
big, but there were differences she only told Jen.
"Before you know it, it's winter again," Joey said. She was half naked in
Pacey's room, laying on his bed. "It's funny to think, like, Dawson and Jen
will have been together a year."
"Unlike the rest of us who had sex that night," Pacey said. He looked sad.
"But it all works out," Joey said.
"That does not sound like the Joey Potter I know," Pacey said.
"Well, I seduced you, and it turns out I really like sex," Joey said. "And all
the crap and all the good things of this year brought us to right now, right?"
She sat up and ran her hand down his chest. He was more fit than she'd
expected.
"Yeah," Pacey said. "I guess you're once again annoyingly right."
Joey smiled and meant it, too.
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