Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/7904398.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Shingeki_no_Kyojin_|_Attack_on_Titan
  Relationship:
      Levi/Mike_Zacharias
  Character:
      Levi_(Shingeki_no_Kyojin), Kuchel_Ackerman, Kenny_Ackerman, Mike
      Zacharias, Original_Male_Character(s), Original_Female_Character(s),
      Isabel_Magnolia, Furlan_Church, Erwin_Smith
  Additional Tags:
      Alternate_Universe_-_Reincarnation, Alternate_Universe_-_Modern_Setting,
      Canon-Typical_Violence, Canonical_Character_Death, Slurs, Enemies_to
      Friends_to_Lovers, Slow_Build, Pining, Mutual_Pining, Coming_Out, Coming
      of_Age, Smoking, Drinking, Underage_Drinking, Drunken_Kissing, Drunken
      Makeouts, Kissing, Frottage, Hand_Jobs
  Collections:
      Snk_MiniBang_2016
  Stats:
      Published: 2016-08-29 Words: 15533
****** of all the classrooms, in all the towns, in all the world ******
by Arlene0401
Summary
     Levi is twelve and quite content being the odd one of his junior high
     class - his flashbacks of what must have been a former life are a
     bother, but at least he's scary enough that the other kids leave him
     alone. Until the new kid comes to the class, a kid in which Levi
     recognizes the man who pressed his face in the mud, in another life,
     another world. Instant dislike is unavoidable... but can he really
     keep up hating this nerdy goofball? Six years later, Levi and Mike
     are best friends and roommates, but a lot of things are still left
     unspoken.
Notes
     My first contribution to the nsfw SNK MiniBang! Please make sure to
     check on tumblr so you also see the amazing artworks!
     nyranin1
     nyranin2
     nyranin3
     levichiieru
     Shoutout to my lovely beta sciencefictioness (as well as the rest of
     the Skype gang who kept me going and threw tons of input, virtual
     hugs and cookies at me)
See the end of the work for more notes
Second month of junior high, and Levi was bored out of his mind already. He had
set his hopes that there might be less childish assholes around than in
elementary school. Well, there weren't any, but in a way it was even worse - he
was surrounded by juvenile assholes instead.
 
Juvenile assholes who carried their brains in their pants 24/7, despite not
even having functional gear down there yet… or a clue about what to do with it.
 
Levi could have told them.
 
He could have told them a lot of things, like how lucky they were to grow up in
a world that wasn't free of sorrow but at least didn't hold the risk of being
eaten alive by a 15m giant. What it was like to live caged behind walls, or
worse still, in some stinking filthy cavern that never saw sunlight.
 
Levi didn't fantasize about these things, he knew them. Knew without a doubt
that in a former life he had been a soldier, ordered to kill those man-eating
giants, equipped with razor-sharp blades and strap-on gear that allowed you to
practically fly.
 
From an early age, he had memories that related in no way to his life, and his
mother had worried about a multitude of possible mental disorders and sent him
to psychiatrists and therapists. The memories hadn´t stopped, but Levi learned
to distinguish them from his recent life and shut up about them.
 
He wasn't hallucinating. He wasn't imagining. He just remembered.
 
It was weird having to grow up with memories of another lifetime wedged in a
brain that was too young to comprehend what it was seeing. Thankfully most of
what he remembered was more or less appropriate for his age, so the older he
grew the more he recalled. But sprinkled in were bits and pieces of his former
adult self, unrelated and confusing. What he could puzzle together was that
there had been a lot of fighting, some kind of war. Blood and rage and the
feeling of a tremendous loss and loneliness. There were faces, too - his mother
and uncle, the same as in this life, although they had been reborn without any
recollection of their former selves. A redheaded girl with pigtails and a tall
blond boy, seemingly friends. Men and women in some kind of military uniforms -
a tall blond with a crappy bolo tie, of all things, who for some reason he
connected with both feelings of hatred and deep, profound respect and loyalty.
Some adolescents who regarded him with respect and fear, maybe subordinates.
 
All in all, Levi couldn't complain about his current life. He had a decent home
and enough to eat, his mother and uncle were there to care for him, and he
could actually go to school. He liked going to school and learning, but the
other kids pissed him off to no end. In his eyes, they were so grossly
immature, so selfish and ungrateful for everything they had. They whined and
moaned about not getting this toy or that game, about homework and being forced
to clean up their rooms. These were such petty and trivial hiccups, compared to
the very existential fears and deficits he recalled so vividly, that he could
only scoff at them.
 
Because he liked learning, because he was respectful and affectionate towards
his mother, and because he loved clean and proper clothing, his dislike for
other children was mutual. He might have ended up as the target of pranks and
teasing, but at the age of 6 he had already adopted a scowl that made Damien
Thorn look like a sweet little boy. Plus he had fists and wasn’t shy about
using them.
 
The first week of junior high had already seen him in detention for breaking
the newly appointed class bully’s nose, but it had been worth it for the
satisfying crunch of bone under his knuckles. Since then he was given a wide
berth and enjoyed relative peace. He only wished that lessons were a little
more demanding. As things were, he spent a lot of time doodling and goofing off
while he listened with only one ear.
 
That was why, when the new student was introduced, he only registered it in the
back of his mind. Just another blockhead to fill the classroom with incessant
babbling and cheap deodorant stench. He spared the kid a fleeting glance and
registered dirty blond hair, a ratty Pacman t-shirt and trainers - my god,
where did he even come from? Straight from the 80s?
 
The other kids nudged elbows and whispered. Levi sensed they were checking the
newcomer, trying to discern which drawer to file him away into. Probably with
the nerds. As long as he didn’t see Levi as another outcast and try to befriend
him, fine.
 
The teacher asked the boy a question, and something about his voice as he
answered made Levi look up again and regard him more closely. Angular face. A
rather large, straight nose. Strong chin. Calm eyes that observed the class
without a hint of nervousness. And then he did something that sent Levi’s heart
dropping right to his knees.
 
He sniffed the air.
 
Suddenly Levi was kneeling on the ground, his hands bound behind his back. He
was exhausted, humiliated and livid. He was asked something, and as he refused
to answer, refused to show respect to his captors.  Then a strong hand gripped
the back of his face and forced him facedown into a putrid, stinking puddle. He
sputtered and struggled to no avail, because the man holding him down was
nearly twice his weight. He knew they wouldn’t drown him, not before they got
what they wanted from him, but that didn’t stop his body from instinctively
panicking and his lungs aching to breathe.
 
Then he was pulled back up by his hair, roughly, and he gulped for air, dirty
water streaming down his face. His vision was clouded, and when he blinked, a
face at his side came into focus. A face that regarded him with cold
calculation, eyes nearly hidden by long parted bangs, a moustache above lips
that were curled in contempt. The face of…
 
“Mike Zacharias!” Levi blurted out. He was back in the classroom, and everybody
stared at him. The new boy’s face had whipped around to him in surprise.
 
“Oh, so you already know each other? Excellent!” the teacher exclaimed. “Now
then, Mike, you can sit next to Levi. What a lucky coincidence you already have
a familiar face here!”
 
“But I…”, Mike stammered, gaze flitting between the teacher and Levi, who
looked at him with pure murder in his eyes. Then he thought better of it and
slowly made his way to the table at the back of the class. By the time he sat
down he had already regained his composure and pointedly ignored his neighbor´s
blatant wrath, which only made Levi´s blood boil even more.
 
The lecture proceeded then, and while the teacher turned her back to them, Mike
regarded Levi with a mixture of curiosity and amusement. “So… did I steal your
lunch pack sometime back in kindergarten? I can't recall your face, but
whatever it is I obviously did to you, I'm sorry.”
 
“Shoving my face underwater and nearly drowning me won´t be fixed with a plain
´sorry´, asshole”, Levi hissed.
 
Mike jerked back as if Levi had physically slapped him. “Wait, what? Man, I
would never do such a thing! What are you talking about?” He looked genuinely
concerned and panicked. “You mean… you mean someone did that to you? Seriously?
Man, that's just… fucked up.”
 
He seemed sincere enough, and part of Levi realized that Mike had no clue what
he was talking about, and that he could hardly blame the kid for what his
former self had done in another lifetime. Still, he was only twelve years old,
and ignoring it was asking too much of his twelve year old self's ability of
reflection. He leaned closer threateningly.
 
“Just don´t. Ever. Talk to me again if you want your kneecaps intact. Got it?”
Without waiting for Mike´s reaction, he opened his textbook and started taking
notes.
 
**********
 
 
Mike Zacharias adjusted quickly. Despite his looks - constantly unkempt hair,
tattered trainers and an endless flow of cringeworthy game and promotional t-
shirts - he managed to find his place in the class. He neither bullied nor
brown-tongued, and his interest in other people's quirks and hobbies seemed
genuine. He shrugged off the laughter he earned for his Classic GameBoy
addiction and his terrible skateboard skills. Eventually, the laughter died
down. Poking fun at someone who is immune to it is… well, no fun.
 
Levi totally didn't watch Mike - hell, why should he watch someone whose guts
he hated - but he became aware that Mike seemed to have an instinctive skill at
avoiding trouble. He had no idea if it had something to do with this weird
sniffing thing Mike did from time to time, yet every time a fight broke out
Mike would never be involved, but among those who separated the squabblers and
calmed them down. Sometimes he'd catch the attention of someone who was
obviously seething and engage them in some harmless conversation to distract
them.
 
True to Levi´s demand, Mike didn't talk to him, but annoyingly insisted on
acknowledging his existence with a nod and a smile every morning. It was
infuriating. How could you hate someone like that? It felt like kicking a
spaniel. You couldn't keep up loathing someone who was honestly pleased at
beating their own high score at Tetris and who played every single character
that Suikoden had to offer with stubborn determination.
 
About two weeks after they met, Levi stumbled across Mike outside of school. He
was cycling home from his jiu jitsu class, in a state of blissed exhaustion,
when he saw Mike limping along the sidewalk with his skateboard under his arm.
Once he  passed the other boy he glanced over his shoulder, and what he saw
made him slam on the brakes and skid to a halt.
 
“What the fuck happened to you?”
 
Mike’s right pant leg was ripped and showed a bleeding knee underneath. His
right elbow and both palms were bleeding too, and there was a large abrasion on
his cheek. He stopped in his tracks and scratched the back of his head
awkwardly.
 
“Erm… took a tumble down the stairs in the park.”
 
“One of these days you’re gonna fucking kill yourself with that board.”
 
“That’s what my mom keeps telling me, but…” Mike shrugged. “I reckon with more
practice I’ll get better.” He started walking again, and Levi let his bike
trundle.
 
“Where do you live?”
 
“Why… in Stohess.” Mike sounded puzzled.
 
“That’s on the other side of town.” Levi shuffled a pebble around with the toe
of his black shoe.
 
Mike hummed an affirmative.
 
“That’s a long ass walk with a fucked up knee.” The pebble was an incredibly
interesting object.
 
“I… uh… I guess I’ll manage.” Mike, too, was fascinated by the pebble.
 
Levi sighed heavily, already hating himself for what he was about to say. “Hop
on. I’ll give you a ride.”
 
Mike opened his mouth, but Levi cut him off with a scalding glare. “One fucking
word about my size or my bike’s size and you’ll walk.”
 
Mike assembled his limbs onto the carrier and tried not to drop his board. Then
he waited for Levi to start.
 
“What are you, fucking stupid? You have to hold on or you’ll fall.”
 
“My hands are bloody and dirty. I don’t want to soil your shirt.”
 
For a second, Levi was stunned. “It’s okay. Shirts can be washed, you know. I
won’t bite. Not now, anyway.”
 
Mike’s good arm snaked around his belly, and Levi took off, albeit a little
wobbly. Shit, he was strong, but this hunk was fucking heavy. He gritted his
teeth and pedaled harder.
 
For a couple of miles they rode in silence except for Levi’s labored breathing.
 
“Erm, Levi?”
 
“Shut… the… fuck… up… `m doing… fine…”, Levi wheezed.
 
“No, I mean, I had a weird dream about you a few days ago.”
 
“I’m beside... myself… with joy.”
 
“It was really weird, because… you were an adult, and you could fly, well, you
had some sort of wires supporting you, and…”
 
CRASH.
 
Levi’s foot had slipped of the pedal, he jerked the handlebar around, and in
horrible slow motion they toppled over.
 
When the screeching and cluttering noises had stilled and only the bent front
wheel gave a movie cliché tired squeak, Mike’s voice wafted over from the ditch
in which he’d landed.
 
“No offense, man, but I’m walking.”
 
“Agreed”, Levi groaned from under his bike.
 
**********
 
“So you and I have lived before and known each other?” Mike asked for the x-th
time as they slowly hobbled through quiet suburban streets, Levi pushing his
ruined bike.
 
“Seems like it,” Levi replied. “The uniform you described is exactly the same
as the one I’ve seen. My mom and my uncle are the same people, but they can’t
remember anything. They always thought I was off my rocker.”
 
“And now?”
 
“I don’t talk about it anymore. So they think I’m fine.”
 
“So…,” Mike gestured between the two of them, “we were what? Enemies?”
 
Levi shook his head. “I don’t think so. From my adult life, I’ve only ever
recalled snippets, but it seems we had a rough start and then got along. There
was another man… Erwin… I think he ordered you to do it. And later he was my
superior, and I trusted him.” He shrugged. “Don’t know if it makes sense. I
don’t really understand it myself.  Most of the things I see are from my
childhood so far.”
 
It was a relief, such a relief, to be able to talk to someone who believed him
and took him seriously. Mike listened intently as he talked about growing up in
the caves underground, the dirt, the constant hunger. His mother dying on him
when he was still little, and his uncle taking care of him, although he was
definitely not ‘father material’... and teaching him things that no child
should ever have to know.
 
“I wonder… I wonder if I even want to remember more of this.”
 
“It’s not like you can do anything about it. Maybe meeting me triggered it in
you. Sorry.”
 
“No, I don’t think it’s like that”, Mike replied with confidence. “If it was,
your family would remember by now, too, wouldn’t they?”
 
To this, Levi found no answer, and they trudged on until they came to Mike’s
house. Levi wanted to say goodbye, but Mike would have nothing of it.
 
“Come on in and grab a drink and clean up a little, man.” At the front door,
Mike turned around, suddenly seeming a bit unsure. “Guess I’ll have to warn
you, though. I don’t bring other kids home often, so… my mom tends to get kind
of intense when I do. It’s… a little embarrassing, but she means well.” He
blushed and fidgeted a little, so different from the always collected Mike at
school.
 
“It’s okay. I have never brought anyone home, and if I ever do I bet my mom
will completely lose her cool and humiliate me into the next century. They’re
mothers. They care.”
 
Mike nodded, opened the front door and called inside. “Mom? I’m home. I brought
someone with me.” They sidled inside, and a woman’s head appeared in a doorway
at the back of the house.
 
“Mikey? You have a friend with you? How lovely! Do you want some iced tea or
soda? I can fix you some in just a minute.” While she talked, she came into the
hallway and wiped her hands on a kitchen towel. “Or do you...oh my god! What
happened to you? Michael Zacharias, did you get into a fight?”
 
She was a tall, stout woman, and with the way she towered over them now Levi
felt a rare urge to bail.
 
“No, mom. I crashed with my skateboard, and then Levi offered me a ride home,
but we crashed with his bike too.”
 
Her demeanor changed from threatening to compassionate in a millisecond. Levi
found himself shoved into a bathroom with an antiseptic, fresh towels and a
pair of Mike’s bermudas and a t-shirt to clean up and change while she tended
to Mike’s injuries which needed a little more treatment than Levi’s scratches.
When Levi emerged the bathroom, his torn pants were snatched from him for
patching and his shirt stuffed into the washing machine despite his protests.
 
A few minutes later Levi was seated in a stuffed game room with an ice cream
soda and still wondered what the fuck had happened to his life.
 
“Hey, you want to play a game?” Mike asked and started rifling through a
collection of PS2 games. “What about Kingdom Hearts? Or Final Fantasy 10?”
 
“To be honest, I know fuck all about games”, Levi admitted. Mike regarded him
over his shoulder like he couldn’t believe his ears. Then he stuffed a cherry
lollipop in his mouth and handed a game controller to Levi with an air of
superiority.
 
“You will, man. You will.”
 
**********
 
Two hours later, Levi knew a lot more about video games. Nearly everything Mike
had were rpgs for single players, so he insisted that Levi play while getting
instructions shouted in his ear. It didn’t make sense at all to him that he was
a boy with ridiculously oversized shoes and an equally large key, and why he
was accompanied by Goofy and Donald of all people was beyond him. But it was
fun nonetheless, and Mike seemed to enjoy directing him through the game just
as much as playing it himself.
 
Later in the afternoon Mike’s father returned from work and, upon hearing what
happened, insisted on taking Levi home by car, in his freshly washed and
patched pants and shirt, the bike jammed into the car trunk.
 
Levi turned around and waved Mike goodbye. “See you in school tomorrow,
asshole.”
 
Mike waved back. “See you, fuckface.”
 
**********
 
There are few things in life that can bond you deeper than taking a mutual
tumble on a bicycle. At school, they became inseparable… not that any
outstander could understand it, because Mike was still an easy going charmer
and Levi a glowering menace. Levi helped Mike with his homework, namely maths
and physics, and getting his stuff organized, while Mike dragged Levi to
several club activities. Levi had avoided them like the plague so far, but he
(silently) agreed that the chess club, the “cakes for cash” fundraising club
and the parkour club were right down his alley. Mike did parkour as well and
was asked to join the basketball team.
 
Some weeks after the beginning of their friendship Levi worked up the courage
to invite Mike over to his house. Kuchel Ackerman, who had vowed to love and
support her unique son unconditionally, greeted the guest politely. Then she
staggered into her bedroom and wept. Twelve years. Twelve long years without
sleepovers, birthday parties and screeching children messing up the lawn with
pool parties and sand fights were finally coming to an end. One friend may not
be much, but for a kid like Levi… one friend was the world.
 
**********
 
“Levi?”
 
“Hmm?” Levi, 14 years old, was pouring over his notes about the Industrial
Revolution. He was lying on Mike’s bedroom floor and gnawing his pencil - an
unhygienic habit that he loathed but seemed unable to stop.
 
“D´you ever get… wet dreams?”
 
Levi nearly choked on his spit. “What the fuck, man?”
 
Mike sat on the floor with his back against the bed and was intently focused on
his book, ears and cheeks tinged pink. For some months now, soft blond fuzz had
appeared on his upper lip, and his voice had dropped considerably (after some,
admittedly, hilarious cracking).
 
Levi sighed. “Uh, I reckon if you didn't have any so far… it's about time. Do
you jerk off?” He regarded his friend, who dropped the book and hid his
blistering face in his hands. If he got any redder now, Levi mused, it might
result in a spontaneous combustion.
 
“I don't want to talk about it.”
 
“Well, you’re the one who brought it up,” Levi pointed out.
 
From somewhere behind Mike's arms a mumbled “Sometimes” could be heard.
 
“So? You're 14, you're rim full of hormones, it would be pretty weird not to
tease the weasel. What's your problem?”
 
“It´s… it´s… the stuff I dream about. Or think about. Uh.”
 
“Like what? Your grandma in a pantyhose? Sheep? Vacuum cleaners?”
 
“Jeez, no, nothing like that! Sometimes it’s girls, like Hester, you know
Hester, she has these really pretty little…”
 
“Mike.”
 
“Uh, boys. It’s mostly… boys.”
 
“...boys.”
 
“Um… yeah.” Mike licked his lips nervously and shot Levi a tentative glance
before quickly looking away again.
 
“And your exact concern being…?”
 
“My concern being? My concern? Fuck, I don’t know any people who are… who are…”
 
“Gay.”
 
“Yes, that, and most people aren’t too happy around someone who’s…”
 
“Gay, Mike, for fuck’s sake say it. You’re gay. Or bi. Or whatever.”
 
“And… and… what if people hate me… what if my mother hates me… or dad, or you…”
 Mike suddenly burst into tears.
 
Shocked, Levi dropped his pencil and crawled over to where Mike sat. He hugged
the taller teen awkwardly.
 
“Mike, you big doofus, my giant asshole, there is no way in hell I’d ever hate
you. You can be as gay as RuPaul for all I care, and I bet you all I have that
your parents will love you no less.”
 
Mike leaned into him and dug his fingers into Levi’s t-shirt, and Levi held him
and let him cry. When the tears had mostly dried off and the sobs had quieted
to sniffles, Mike wiped his face with his hands.
 
“Okay, how about I get the huge crybaby something to drink. And then we’ll
switch on your computer and look for some websites for gay teens or something.
Sound good?”
 
Mike laughed shakily. “Yeah. Thanks, man.” Levi made to get up, but Mike held
on to his sleeve. He looked up at Levi with red rimmed eyes. “Seriously, thank
you, Levi. I wouldn’t know what to do without you.”
 
“Anytime, man.”  Levi brushed it off, and quickly made his way to the door. He
didn’t want to let Mike see him swallow around the giant lump in his throat.
 
After they had browsed the internet and found several atrocious but some decent
websites, Mike had calmed down some. He decided to sort things out a little
more by himself before he told his parents, but he didn’t want to keep it a
secret from them for long either. Throughout his life, they had been nothing
but supportive of him, and he trusted - hoped - that they would support him in
this as well.
 
By the time Levi straddled his bike to head home, Mike was smiling again as he
waved him off. Levi slowly pedaled through the darkening streets and felt glad
that he hadn’t blurted out that one of the things that crossed his mind
regularly when he jerked off was Mike.
 
**********
 
Mike  speed vaulted  over the metal bannister of the stairway, landed on the
walkway below, ran a few steps and swung himself up into a handstand on the
wall on the other side. He did a perfect backwards somersault over a trashcan,
landed in a roll and came up to his feet in one fluid movement. Levi loved
watching Mike practicing parkour. His skills had picked up incredibly, and now
watching him jump and vault was almost like watching the freely flying Mike
from Levi’s memories.
 
Mike’s basketball coach, however, would pop a vessel if he saw this - he had
begged the teen time and again to stop his high-risk hobby, because he didn’t
want to lose one of his best players to injury.
 
Levi was a regular in the gymnastics team - his specialities were the
horizontal bar and the rings, both of which required a great deal of muscular
strength as well as reflexes and balance. Lately, Mike showed up regularly for
Levi’s training - to ogle sweaty biceps and thighs, Levi suspected.
 
Mike sauntered over to where Levi sat on the stairs, made a cartwheel and came
to sit next to him. “You zoning out or something?”
 
“Er… just thinking about my biology assignment.”
 
“Yeah?”
 
“About primates’ brains. I thought about dissecting yours.”
 
“Ass.” Mike grabbed him and ruffled his hair. Levi punched him, and Mike
stopped, but let his arm draped around Levi’s shoulders.
 
“Levi… I think I got a girlfriend.”
 
“You think so?” Levi echoed, incredulously. “Aren’t you supposed to be the
first to know?”
 
Mike chuckled, a little uncomfortably. “I guess you’re right. There’s this girl
I’ve been seeing a couple of times - Sandra from the cheerleaders? - and, well,
now she wants to hold hands and kiss… and… stuff.”
 
Levi mimicked astonishment. “Oh my gosh, a cheerleader going for the star of
the basketball team, I’ve never heard something like this before.”
 
“Seriously, Levi, I’m trying to discuss something with you.”
 
Levi shrugged. “Well, do  you  want to snog her?”
 
“Duh. I mean I have to start  somewhere , don’t I?”
 
“Not if you don’t feel like it, no.”
 
Mike looked at him, curiosity in his eyes. “What about you, Levi?”
 
“Me? I’m not cut out for that sappy and unhygienic shit. And besides, we were
talking about you.”
 
“I’ll give it a try. I mean I  do  like girls, a little. Maybe if I date a
girl…”
 
Levi dragged a palm down his face. “It doesn’t work like that, you daft shit.
If you’re gay, you’re gay. And snogging a million girls won’t turn the gay
away.”
 
“I’m not totally gay. And maybe… maybe it’s just a phase or something…”
 
Levi abruptly got up. “If you want to keep lying to yourself, fine. Tell me
when you’re finished. I’m going home for dinner.”
 
Sandra was Mike’s first girlfriend, but she wasn’t the last. He had a series of
remarkably short and more or less innocent flings, and Levi gave him a wide
berth during this time. He might tell himself that seeing his level-headed
albeit dorky friend go all lovey-dovey with some chick was giving him second-
hand embarrassment. He might argue that he was angry at Mike denying his sexual
orientation. But deep down, in some tightly shut, shame-tinged dungeon of his
mind he knew he was just jealous.
 
One evening a couple of weeks later, when Levi returned from a bike tour with
his uncle Kenny, Mike was waiting on the front steps in a Wendy´s t-shirt.
 
Kenny frowned. “Haven’t seen you in a while, Mike. Didn’t Kuchel ask you
inside?”
 
“Good evening, Mr Ackerman. Yes she did, but I wanted to wait outside. It’s
such a nice evening.”
 
“Alright then. Levi, I’ll put the bikes into the garage. You go sit with your
friend.”
 
“Thanks, uncle Kenny.”
 
They waited for Kenny to disappear around the corner with the bicycles. Levi
stood with his hands in his pants pockets, eyeing the ground. After some
minutes of nerve-wrecking silence, he prompted: “So?”
 
“You were right, you know.”
 
Levi leaned against the railing. “I am right about a lot of things. Anything in
particular?”
 
“Yeah, that dating girls wouldn’t change anything.”
 
“No shit, Sherlock.”
 
“Well, how was I supposed to know?” Mike bristled. “And besides, what
experience do you base your judgement on?”
 
“Common sense, Zacharias. Something you obviously lack.”
 
Mike crossed his arms and glared, a rare gesture. “Okay. So. You were right and
I wanted to tell you that. And I wanted to ask you if you plan on dumping me
every time I’m with someone, because, frankly, I expect a little more from a
friend.”
 
“I don't plan on dumping you as long as you don’t make an ass out of yourself.”
 
Mike still glared, so Levi added quietly: “I’m sorry, but I couldn’t stand
watching you deceive yourself.”
 
“About that.”  Mike coughed. “I told my parents.”
 
Levi’s eyes searched his face, trying to gauge if it had been a good or a bad
talk, and he was relieved to see a smile.
 
“I told them I’m not 100% sure if I’m gay or bisexual…. And they were… wow.
They were terrific. They said they want me to be happy, and that they want me
to feel like I can be myself around them. And they thanked me for telling them,
and then mom got a little teary, and then dad and me cracked up too and it got
a little cheesy. But yeah, it’s all good. I’m happy now.”
 
Levi nodded. “I knew your parents would be cool.”
 
He sat down on the front step next to Mike, and the silence they shared wasn’t
uncomfortable at all. A moment later, Kenny called for them from the open
dining room window.
 
“Mike, I sure as hell hope you’re eating with us, because as soon as she saw
you Kuchel started cooking like mad and now there’s enough meatloaf and mashed
potato to feed a small army. Not to forget peas, beans and a cherry cobbler.”
 
“Jeez, she only cooks like that when you’re here.” A hint of jealousy tinged
Levi’s voice.
 
“That’s because she loves me better than you, shitstain”, Mike replied with a
smug grin.
 
“Get going before I make you, asshole.”
 
**********
 
Levi scurried through dirty, dark alleys and pathways, vaulted over crumbled
walls and slipped through yawning window holes of derelict buildings. He didn't
have to worry about being attacked by other thugs - after all he had earned the
respect of most of them, and anyone stupid enough to start trouble would very
soon learn to give him and his knife a wide berth.
 
He simply preferred his endeavors undetected by prying eyes. His uncle had
taught him well that the secret of being two steps ahead of your enemies was
stealth and secrecy.
 
Not that being stealthy with Isabel in tow was an easy task. The redhead just
would not shut up, acting as if they were on a casual stroll to the market.
Farlan was okay - the blond boy knew how to move quietly and make himself
invisible if needed. But Isabel could be such a pain in the arse that Levi kept
asking himself why they still put up with her.
 
Then he took a look at her bright, cheery, elfish face, and he knew it was no
use. Isabel might be noisy and annoying, eternally hungry and unable to add two
and two together, but she was streetwise in her own way, determined and loyal…
and she clung to Levi and Farlan with such a fierce affection that he would
feel like kicking an overeager puppy.
 
Farlan was able to piss him off enormously too - he never questioned Levi´s
orders when they were on their way, but at home every plan of Levi would be
dissected, criticized and argued about with no end. Those arguments Isabel
mostly kept out of - she was well aware of having the strategic mind of a
pigeon, and just waited for the boys to stop bashing their heads in and agree
on whatever would earn them their next meal.
 
Unlike Levi, who at this early age was already numbed and jaded, she had
retained a childlike innocence and enthusiasm, something which much later he
would realize kept him grounded.  It allowed him to hold onto some shred of
hope, of his dreams, that would otherwise have slipped through his fingers long
ago.
 
Had it been only Farlan and himself, they would probably have resigned to live
and die in the underground city. But something about Isabel was brighter, more
colorful, more contrasted than the grey on grey of the caverns. She didn't
belong here, Isabel deserved a chance to walk on green grass.
 
He wondered what it would look like when the sun kissed her ginger pigtails,
bringing out the full extent of her beauty.
 
Levi´s focus shifted, and they weren't in the caverns anymore, but outside,
squinting in the bright light, and that was when he realized this was a dream.
They were issued brand new uniforms, stiff and starched and itching in a
thousand places, and the shirt Levi was handed threatened to rub off every inch
of skin on his neck, so he hunted down a piece of soft white cloth and made a
cravat of it. The weight and tightness of the leather harness and vertical
maneuvering gear, though, was familiar, and he took more than a little pride in
impressing his new comrades with his skills.
 
They had a mission - it was a very important mission, and they had been offered
a lot of money for it, but it was hard to remember it when it was so
exhilarating to fly through trees and ride on horseback for the first time in
their lives. It had something to do with Commander Smith and some documents,
and he vaguely recalled having sworn to kill the man, not necessarily as part
of the job but simply for his own satisfaction, yet every thought of it flew
right out the window as Isabel charged past him on her horse, face glowing with
mirth. Levi´s heart clenched with a fierce feeling of pride and fondness. Even
though they were not connected by blood, Isabel was as dear to him as any
sibling could ever be. He would protect her, keep her safe, always.
 
In his sleep, Levi twitched and moved, because he already knew where this dream
was heading, and he fought to change it, alter the past that he knew existed,
or at least wake up and not have to face the rest again. But it was in vain, it
always was.
 
He tried to tell them they were not going on the mission, tried to tell them to
run and hide, but he was struck mute, helplessly watching from within as his
body mounted his horse and rode through the gate, felt the cold air in the
shadow of the wall, and then they burst out into the open, a limitless sky
above them and endless fields in front, and he tried to scream, to rein in his
horse, anything, please, let me stop this.
 
Rain poured down on them.  It was the next day, and he was leaving them, for
some godforsaken purpose that he didn't give a fuck about.  The important thing
was he left them and he knew they were going to die, that no matter what he did
he would only return in time to watch them die, and his body didn't obey him
and he was carried away.
 
No no no NO. He struggled with his sheets, sobs shaking his body as he fought
desperately to wake up, please don't let me see this, don't, I'm only fourteen
fucking years old, no one deserves this, please.
 
And as always, blurry as the rest of the dream might be in places, it was now
back to vivid detail.  He could hear every raindrop hitting his cape, the
labored breathing of his horse, could smell the animal´s sweat and his own.
 Levi felt the wetness of the sodden clothes clinging to his body, the reins
cutting into his hands.  Farlan´s blood gushing from the titan's mouth was
incredibly bright and red.  It split into rivulets which turned paler and paler
as it mixed with the rainwater, and Farlan was still struggling to get out and
break free, but suddenly he gave up and looked down at Levi. His shock-widened
eyes and deathly pale face changed expressions, twisted into a smile,
goddammit, how could he just fucking smile that lopsided smile that Levi knew
so well.  Then he lifted his arm in one last salute that would haunt Levi
forever.
 
After that Levi was kneeling in the mud, and something lay before him,
something small and round, white and ginger, and he didn't want to turn it
over, but he had to. Isabel´s beautiful hair was streaked with blood and mud,
and her face was very white underneath the dirt that soiled the delicate
features, eyes staring up sightlessly into the cloudy sky in an expression that
was more astonishment and wonder than pain. And that was when Levi was finally
yanked back from her, falling, tumbling backwards through rain and mist and
into sweaty, suffocating darkness.
 
“... only a dream, Baby, it's all good. Shh Levi, it's all good, you're safe.”
Kuchel´s voice was soft and calming, her hands felt cool on his sweaty face.
She studied him with concern in her dark eyes. “Are you with me now, Baby?”
 
“Mom!” Levi sat up and clung to her, crying helplessly into her nightgown. She
held him, smoothed his hair and let him cry until he ran out of tears. It
should be shameful, being fourteen years old and having to be comforted by his
mother from a nightmare like a little child, but Levi couldn't find any shame
in himself. Not after he had witnessed his only friends dying again.
 
When Levi had shrugged off the sweat-soaked pyjamas and put on a fresh pair,
Kuchel smoothed his sheets and tucked him in with a last kiss to his forehead.
Already half-asleep, a brief image of Mike´s t-shirt flashed before his eyes. A
girl with pigtails, red on white ground. I'll ask him not to wear it anymore,
he thought drowsily and nodded off.
 
**********
 
His peers might have scoffed if they had witnessed the tender affection and
respect with which Levi treated his mother, and his uncle who was such a good,
kind man in this life, but they didn´t know what it was like to have lost a
parent and get a second chance. Every morning he was greeted by her warm eyes
and smiling mouth was a miracle, and he never missed a chance to make her
laugh, make her happy. One of his earliest memories was himself standing on a
little stool and brushing her beautiful black hair with concentration, and
later on he loved braiding it in all kinds of complicated patterns. She was
always proud that Levi´s braids would last an entire long day at work and earn
her a lot of compliments.
 
Levi had offered to braid Kenny´s ponytail once and received a kick in the
shin. Then, when Kenny had taken a nap on the couch, Levi had done it anyway,
and his uncle hadn't noticed until the evening - by which time he had done the
groceries and been at a car workshop and grown increasingly irritated by the
strange looks he´d gotten. Then he'd chased Levi through the house and tickled
him until the boy was breathlessly begging for mercy.
 
Kenny acted gruff sometimes, as if Levi was an insufferable menace, and Levi
often poked fun at him, but they were fond of each other in their own way. They
wouldn't hug or say sappy things, but showed affection in the backslapping and
headbutting way. Kenny taught him to ride a bicycle and refused to coddle him
when he fell and scraped his knees, but told him to get up and try again. He
showed him how to carve wood with a knife and how to kindle a campfire, all
things that Kuchel feared were too dangerous, but Kenny insisted that it was
best to learn how to respect potentially dangerous things early. Levi could
rely on his uncle always telling him the truth about whatever he wanted to
know, even if it was cruel and Kuchel would have thought it inappropriate for
his age. Kenny didn't believe in pampering children or sugarcoating the world
for them, and since Levi was way ahead of his physical age anyway, it worked
fine for them.
 
At the end of their talks, Kenny would usually get up, ruffle Levi´s hair and
light a cigarette. Then he'd squint at the boy. “Don't rat me out to your
mother, or she´ll skin me alive. And in this case, buddy, I will make you
regret the day you were born.”
 
“Yes, sir,” Levi replied with a mock salute.
 
**********
 
Mike only came out to Levi and his parents as gay. He stopped dating girls,
much to Levi´s relief, but he made no advances at any boys either, and the rest
of junior high passed in blissful peace.
 
The first day of senior high school saw Mike and Levi with brand new school
bags, new books and  - in Levi´s case - a fresh haircut and a crisp white
shirt. Mike had chosen to push the bangs out of his eyes and wear a ‘Levi´s’ t-
shirt. Levi frowned but said nothing, since he had long ceased to argue. The
only thing he had successfully asked Mike not to wear was the ‘Wendy´s’ shirt,
and as a thank-you Levi had purchased a ‘Virgin’ shirt with Kenny´s help (who
thought it a hilarious joke) and given it to him.
 
After the teacher had introduced himself and given an outline of the first
days, the students were asked to make introductions as well, and Levi zoned
out. They didn't interest him much anyway, and his only slight concern was
identifying the ones who would likely start trouble. But he would rely on his
gut feeling and Mike's amazing instinct to avoid pusbags.
 
Meaningless voices droned past him, and then it was Mike's turn. Levi pulled
himself out of his daydreams so he could listen and then give his own sermon.
 
“My name is Mike Zacharias, I'm sixteen years old, and I live in Stohess. Erm…
my hobbies are basketball, parkour and PS2 games. And I'm gay.” He beamed
around, obviously very pleased with himself.
 
Levi wanted to crawl into a hole and die. Or maybe he wanted Mike to crawl into
a hole and die, or maybe he wanted to bludgeon this idiot behemoth with his own
fucking Gameboy, Levi wasn't sure. First day of high school, and this fool just
told everybody he was gay, effectively sentencing himself to three years of
cruel jokes and discrimination.
 
There were indeed a few murmurs in the class, but Mike only smiled brighter,
radiating a friendliness that nearly required sunglasses. Then looks wandered
to Levi, and he shifted.
 
“Levi,” he grudged out.
 
Silence. Gazes flicked between himself and Mike´s t-shirt, and a few chuckles
could be heard. Levi sighed exasperatedly.
 
“Levi Ackerman, I´m this muppet´s best friend, and if anyone tries to mess with
him they'll need to walk over my dead body first.”
 
**********
 
“That was as good as first days go, eh?”
 
“What, you call slapping your sexuality into everybody's faces so they can
sharpen their homophobic knives a good day?”
 
Mike shrugged. “Levi… I don't want to sneak around and pretend I'm straight and
then be found out anyway. Now they know, and they can either deal with it or
avoid me.”
 
“Oh, they'll deal with it all right. Cut up your bike's tires and shove you
around in the locker room and call you a faggott and…”
 
“It is my decision”, Mike said quietly but firmly. “I don't want to believe
people are as bad as you think. But thank you for sticking by me.”
 
Levi laughed bitterly. “What choice did I have? Pretend I don't know you and
feed you to the wolves?”
 
“You make it sound like I´m a helpless little fawn.”
 
“But you are, you doofus!” Levi gestured wildly in frustration. “You walk
around and think everything is like a fucking Disney movie!”
 
“It has served me pretty well so far,” Mike remarked. “I know there are evil
people, but I think treating everybody as a possible friend rather than a
possible enemy until you find out works better. And besides,” he tapped his
nose, “don't forget I can smell trouble.”
 
Levi rolled his eyes so hard he feared they'd pop from their sockets. Then he
turned around and trudged on. “Believe in whatever, Disney princess. See if I
care.”
 
“You know the fawn turned out to be the majestic king of the forest.”
 
“Shut the fuck up.”
 
**********
 
“Erm, so… Mike and you… are you… boyfriends or something?”
 
Levi was concentrating on taping his hands for the high bar and not too happy
about the interruption. He looked up, brow furrowed in irritation. The boy in
front of him was not in his own class; Levi assumed he was in a parallel
course.
 
“And why would you need to know that?” Levi spat.
 
The boy shrank back. “Sorry, I didn't mean to intrude.. But he… Mike, I mean… I
think he´s rather.. nice, and…”
 
Levi simply stared at him with an impassive face until the boy stopped
babbling. He was actually not bad looking, with brown hair and eyes. Tall and
just a hint too soft to make an excelling gymnast, but in a cute way. Levi
sighed.
 
“Listen…”
 
“Derek.”
 
“Listen, Derek, we are not boyfriends, we are just friends…” Derek lit up like
a Christmas tree, but a cruel, vindictive something in Levi prompted him to
resume: “... but I'm afraid his pattern is short, dark and cute.”
 
Derek´s face drooped almost comically. Then he took a moment to size up Levi,
his frame, his hair. “Short, dark…”
 
“Don't forget cute.” Levi didn't bat an eyelid.
 
“Yeah. Cute.” Without another word, Derek lurched off, and Levi wondered what
the hell had gotten into him. Sure, he had been mad at Mike´s girl escapades,
but that was for entirely righteous reasons, wasn´t it? And concerning guys,
Mike hadn't gotten around to that yet, but of course Levi would cheer him on
and not be a cockblock unless for entirely good reasons, like this Derek, who
looked like an A+ douchebag. It wasn't like Levi was jealous. He couldn´t be
jealous, because that would mean… would mean…
 
“Lord, I'm so fucked,” he muttered. He better push that right out of his mind.
Because Mike had come out to him as gay years ago, and if he had any interest
in Levi, he would have made a move on him long ago, wouldn't he? But he hadn't,
and he had always emphasized how important Levi was to him as a friend. On the
other hand… Levi had never said what kind of romantic or sexual interest he
had, because, to be frank, he had no fucking clue himself.
 
Levi didn't want to fuck their friendship up. He would be crushing and pining
for a little while, and if he didn't listen to it, it would eventually die
down. Mike had managed, despite his coming out with a bang, to get to be
generally well liked, had miraculously not received harassment or bullying.
Levi figured that, if Mike had an eternally bitch-faced boyfriend in tow… he
would be less warmly received.
 
**********
 
Over the months, Levi noticed several guys trying to hit on Mike. Sometimes it
was the “stand too close and laugh too loud” method, sometimes little notes
with phone numbers bashfully slipped into his hand or locker, sometimes a more
bold approach. And Mike… turned them all down. Always polite, always friendly,
always firm.
 
“Any particular reason you shoot them all down?” Levi asked one day after
witnessing Mike declining yet another proposal. He was sitting on the lawn in
front of school with his lunch, and after dealing with the boy Mike came over
and flopped down next to him.
 
“What, worrying about my love life all of a sudden?”
 
“I'm just curious. You have all these opportunities thrown at you, and some of
them even look not too nausea-inducing, and yet you never bite. Your standards
that high? You were never this picky with your girlfriends.”
 
“And you harped endlessly on that. Maybe I'm just waiting for the right one?”
 
“What, a big hunk like you, waiting to be swept away by prince charming on a
white charger?”
 
“Just because I'm tall doesn't mean I can´t be a princess.” Mike sniffed. “Did
you bring cookies? I smell Ackerman cookies.”
 
Levi pulled his bag closer.
 
“I bet your mom told you to share.” Mike punched Levi´s thigh. “Give me cookies
or I´ll tell on you.”
 
Levi reached into his bag and tossed the small cookie tin to Mike. “Fuck you.
Why do you always threaten to rat me out to my mother?”
 
“Because she's the only person you're scared of.” Mike munched happily on a
pecan cookie. “So, what's your dream date like, Levi? You keep badgering me but
you never tell me what's going on in the black shrivelled lump that passes for
your heart.”
 
Levi paused mid-way in trying to snitch one of his own damn cookies. “Do I
strike you as the romantic type, Mike? I don't have a love interest.”
 
“Hmm.” Mike gave him a cryptical look.
 
Levi looked down on his hands. “All I learned from my past life is that
committing yourself to someone is the best way to get your heart ripped out.”
 
“Your past life doesn't rule your present life,” Mike gently reminded him. “Nor
your future. Or do you think we would have wound up as best friends back then?”
 
“No.”
 
“See? You have all the possibilities laid out for you. You just have to reach
out for them.” Mike looked as if he was about to say something more, but he
closed his mouth again.
 
“Come on,” Levi said stiffly. “Lunch break is almost over.”
 
**********
 
Committing yourself to someone is the best way to get your heart ripped out,
Levi had said to Mike. His crush on his friend hadn’t lessened like he had
hoped. Instead, his flashbacks had revealed a lot more about their past
relationship. Levi had assumed that they had been comrades and maybe friends…
but indeed they had become lovers.
 
There hadn’t been time for romance. They were at war, and a soldier’s life was
hard and spartan and devoid of any kind of privacy. No space for fleeting
touches and lingering gazes, tender words or soft whispers. The few minutes
they could steal every now and again were devoted to efficient blowjobs or
handjobs, and a quick fuck against the back wall of a shed was already an
indulgence. And yet, matter-of-fact and unemotional as it seemed, their
relationship was built on trust and respect and held a deep bond that needed no
words or affirmation.
 
And then Mike had died.
 
Levi had carried on after Mike’s death, as he had always done. Like he had
carried on after Isabel’s and Farlan’s deaths. Like he had carried on after the
cruel annihilation of his whole squad. Erwin might have sensed something - the
bastard had known Levi better than he’d known himself. But he had been kind
enough not to say anything.
 
Sometimes Levi was weary of being burdened with a past life. The memories he
had were way beyond his physical and emotional age. During his flashbacks, he
was right there, right then, but when he came back he sensed a growing distance
to the man he had been. Maybe he had been born with this man’s life wedged
somewhere in the convolutions of his brain, but he wasn’t the same person
anymore. He was shaped by different circumstances, different experiences, and
he thanked his lucky star that he had been given the chance to become something
other than this bitter, tired creature.
 
Mike and Levi still spoke regularly of their former incarnations, although
Mike’s flashbacks were fragmentary. There would be a face, landmarks, a nursery
rhyme. The pull and shift of the vertical maneuvering gear. Fleeting glimpses
of the titans and the wall that surrounded their world. Smells and emotions and
coppery blood. To Levi’s relief, nothing about their intimacies. Mike only
remarked that the former Levi had been a lot shorter.
 
**********
 
Mike seemed to brood over their awkward conversation about dates and
princesses, and sometimes at school his gaze would sweep over the assembled
youths and then search Levi’s as if looking for an answer.
 
Then, he started dating some guy called Bradley, or maybe it was Brett or
Brandon. Levi didn’t want to know, yet he couldn’t help but watch Mike closely
for any signs of a deeper infatuation. He was indeed a little giddy and had
less free time to spend with Levi, but he didn’t act like he was completely
lovestruck.
 
After Brian - or was it Bruce? - it was Greg / Grover / Graham, then some Jason
/ Jame / Jasper. Levi had no inclination to interact with any of them, and Mike
made no efforts to pull him into any of his flings. He told himself he was glad
to waste less time on ass old PS2 games (which Mike still insisted on playing)
and to concentrate more on his high school workload. Much to his chagrin, he
often found his notes surrounded by doodles he didn’t remember drawing. Sassy
Meg or Lotte and her cat from  Suikoden , or Bo the hunter from  Breath of Fire
. Worse still, sketches of Mike, as a child, a teen, an adult. He ended up
making a lot of transcriptions.
 
Some time between a Jamal and a Warren, about the time Levi started wondering
if they would finish high school before Mike ran out of possible dates, Mike
asked him what made a boy a virgin.
 
Levi nearly choked on his orange juice. “What the fuck, Zacharias? You worried
the prince’s parents gonna check your virginity or what?”
 
They were sitting in the shade of a quiet back yard and taking a short rest
from parkour practice. The yard was ideal - full of fire ladders, bannisters,
low walls and spurs, and the neighbors didn’t mind the kids as long as they
didn’t trash the place. Actually, they helped keep it clean - it was no fun
doing a flic-flac and placing your hands in glass shards, or landing on your
face when you backflipped over a wall just to hit your foot on an empty tin
can. They had a nicely equipped court at school, but after a while it got
boring there.
 
“I was just wondering”, Mike shrugged. “Are you still a virgin when someone,
let’s say, has given head to you? Or is it just about penetration?”
 
“How should I know? I’d say it depends on what you consider as sex. There’s
lots of stuff that doesn’t involve putting your dick in someone. Or having
someone’s dick in you.”
 
“So you’d say a blowjob is sex?”
 
“Probably.”
 
“Handjobs?”
 
“Jesus, Mike, are you backhand trying to brag how far you went? Honestly I
don’t want to hear whose dick you’ve had in your mouth. Or anywhere else.”
 
Mike looked hurt. “I thought you were okay with me being gay?”
 
“I am! I am totally, completely, a-okay with it! I just don’t want to hear any
of it, and I wouldn’t want to hear it either if it was vaginas instead of
dicks! Not from you!”
 
“... not from me?”
 
Levi chewed on his straw sullenly. “Yeah. You’re my best friend, and sorry but
it creeps me out somehow. I wouldn’t mind sex talk with any random guy, but
when you talk about… doing stuff, it’s just weird.”
 
Not to mention the filthy images his mind would happily supply.
 
“Oh? I wouldn’t mind hearing from you.” Mike grinned. “Not that you’d ever
share.”
 
**********
 
“And you’re sure you’re going to be okay?” Kuchel asked for the 50th time. Levi
closed the lid of the box he had finished packing and sighed.
 
“Look, mom, wouldn’t it a bit too late now? I enrolled for college, I have all
my courses, and the apartment is rented as of today.”
 
“Sorry, Levi. I’m just being a fussbucket over my only child moving out.”
 
“I can clean, I can cook, you taught me how to manage a budget, and I will have
Mike to share expenses with. We’ll be fine, mom.”
 
“I know, I know, but… you seemed to be in such low spirits lately.” Kuchel
picked at the collar of his black shirt. All his clothes, so it seemed, were
black nowadays. It made picking what to wear easier, he argued. Kuchel doubted
that skin-tight pants, oversized sweaters and biker boots were a suitable
wardrobe pick for a would-be child psychologist, but she didn’t want to badger
him.
 
Kenny assured her Levi would be fine. “Ever since he was little he’s worn
nothing but ironed white shirts. Let him try something new. He’s gonna find out
soon enough if he freaks the kids out or not. Besides, this is only college.
It’ll be a while until they actually set him loose on clients.”
 
By the time Mr Zacharias pulled up with his station wagon, Levi had long
finished lining up all his belongings in the hallway. They wouldn’t really need
much other than their clothes and personal things, since the apartment was
furnished. Yet the car was already remarkably stuffed.
 
“Did you pack all your 5,000 nerd shirts?” Levi asked Mike, who just smiled
smugly and smoothed down his  Purple Hornies  t-shirt.
 
“No, I didn’t. My mom insisted on packing a ton of dishcloths and towels and
cleaning rags and bed sheets. Plus a year’s supply of every cleaning agent you
might dream of. You know, sometimes I think she likes you better than me.”
 
Levi surveyed the boxes. “I love your mom, man.”
 
They were nearly done stuffing everything into the car when Kuchel appeared on
the front steps with yet another box in her hands. “I thought you might need
some things to get cooking started properly.” She handed the box to Mike, and
he peered inside.
 
“Woah, spices, herbs, kitchen knifes, tools, and what is this?” He fished out a
notebook. In neat handwriting, it was filled with recipes. Mike’s eyes grew
wide. “Wait, these… these are your recipes?”
 
Kuchel smiled. “Levi knows how to cook most, but I thought it would be nice if
you could look everything up. The pot roast that you like so much is in there,
and the chicken soup, and…”
 
“Ackerman cookies?” Mike asked with hopeful puppy eyes.
 
“Yes, and Ackerman cookies.”
 
Mike took Kuchel’s slender hand in his and kissed it reverently. “Mrs.
Ackerman, you are truly an angel.”
 
Behind him, Levi made a retching noise. “When you’re done wooing my mother, you
sick weirdo, can we finally leave?”
 
He nudged Mike out of the way so he could hug his mother. “Don’t worry about
me, mom. I’ll be fine. And I’ll call you every week, okay?”
 
“Pff, I’ll be so busy trashing out your room, I don’t know if I have the time
to pick up the phone. “
 
“What, trashing out my room?” Levi looked alarmed.
 
Kuchel patted his cheek. “Only kidding, Baby. This will be your home as long as
you want to call it yours.”
 
Levi gave his uncle a more awkward but heartfelt hug, and they were off.
 
With their apartment, they seemed to have scored lucky. It was tiny, and the
furniture had certainly seen better days, but it was reasonably clean and
quiet. The landlady,  an elderly woman who lived on the ground floor, initially
hadn’t been too keen on renting out to two male college students, but they must
have left a good impression.
 
Lugging everything up three floors was no easy task, but soon the small lounge
area was filled with boxes and duffel bags. Mr. Zacharias hunted down some
meatball sandwiches for lunch - just like his son, he seemed to have a sixth
sense, his being a built-in food radar.
 
After he had bid the boys farewell, they looked at their boxes and the two
bedroom doors. The rooms were equal in size, but one faced a narrow side alley
with another window in the wall opposite, and the second faced the backyard and
had morning sun.
 
“Rock, paper, scissors?” Mike asked, and Levi nodded.
 
Grinning, Levi dragged his suitcase into his room. Morning sun, Here I come.
 
And on this deceptive note, Levi’s ordeal begun.
 
**********
 
Morning sun is a nice thing. But Levi soon discovered that it was not so
terribly, wonderfully nice during an August heatwave, under a flat roof, and
with no air conditioning.
 
He awoke in the mornings, sweaty sheets tangled around him, with the sun
glaring in and heating the room up to a felt temperature of roughly 140°F. Only
in the afternoon his room would be in the shade, but by now the outside world
was scorching as well, so keeping the windows open was pointless. Going to
sleep at night felt like lying down in Satan’s armpit. Only during the small
hours would a cooler breeze reluctantly creep in and help him fall into uneasy
sleep.
 
Since all of the rooms excluding Mike’s faced the same direction, the whole
apartment was basically a melting furnace. Mike kept his door shut and his face
smug until Levi felt ready to lunge at him. The side alley that Mike’s windows
faced was in the shade all day long and stayed reasonably cool. Sure, his view
consisted of  the fire escape and old Mr Hopkins on the other side with his
eternally open bathrobe and nothing underneath, but Levi would gladly become
acquainted with Mr. Hopkins’s white belly if it meant not waking up with sweat
sticking his hair to his scalp every single morning.
 
Even showering didn’t cool him down - by the time he was finished toweling off
and drying his hair he was breaking into a sweat again.
 
Another thing that was entirely not helping him keep his cool was Mike parading
around in his boxers and nothing else. Or shorts and nothing else, shorts that
were worn, old and paper thin, and hang so low on his hips that the twin
dimples on his lower back just above the curve of his ass were in clear sight.
They hang so low, indeed, that Levi couldn’t help but picturing them sliding
down at the slightest tug of a finger.
 
He scolded himself over and over. They had gone swimming and done sports
together, used the locker rooms and showers at school. He had seen Mike in
every stage of dressed and undressed. But, he noticed now, it made a difference
if nakedness or near-nakedness was a thing of necessity, or one of casually
lounging in the privacy of their own place.
 
Try as he might, his eyes raked over endlessly long legs. Over strong
shoulders, a flexible back and the most mouthwatering butt, crowned with said
dimples. On the front side, pecs and abs and a strip of blond hair that Levi’s
gaze followed from the start at the navel to the point where it suggestively
disappeared into Mike’s boxers.
 
His predecessor had never gotten to see much of Mike’s skin, but the bits and
pieces he’d caught sight of were pale because they were never exposed to the
sun. But now, his skin was golden honey, with the slightest hint of freckles on
his cheekbones and shoulders. Soft blond hair stretched over his chest, his
arms and legs.
 
To make it short, seeing this form draped over the sofa, leaning against the
kitchen counter with one hip jutting out or sprawled out on the floor in front
of the tv set was an extremely distracting sight.
 
A week later courses started, and thankfully Levi got other things to worry
about. Although, to be frank, his first semester in psychology was a joke.
English composition? Algebra? They had to be fucking kidding him. But if it was
among the required courses, he’d fucking get through with it. Mike, who headed
for game development, was exposed to the same bullshit, along with beauties
like speech communication and ethics.
 
The more they settled into the academic routine, the more thankful Levi was he
didn’t have to live in one of the college dorms. The first tour of the campus
had given him sleepless nights, because there was no way, no fucking way in
hell he could do this. Putting up with the other students during courses was
one thing, but being surrounded by people he wasn’t comfortable with for the
whole day, every day… no. Eventually he had caved in and shared his concerns
with Mike, and his friend, his wonderful friend, had lightly suggested they
share an apartment as if it was nothing. As if it wasn’t going to raise his own
expenses, burden his own future even more than a college education already did.
 
In the end, it wasn’t as bad as he had feared, because his secretly softhearted
uncle - yes, the one who had always insisted Levi make his own experiences and
bear the consequences of his actions - had collaborated with Mike’s parents to
cover the rent, if nothing else.
 
They took on the usual jobs to cover the rest - Mike at a computer store, and
Levi at a sporting goods shop. It also turned out that Mrs. Svoboda, their
landlady, was rather taken by their cleanliness and good manners and paid them
for all kinds of odd jobs, like small repairs and paint jobs around the house.
Plus she had a mysteriously bad hand at judging portions of food and regularly
treated them to all kinds of Bohemian delicacies, acting as if they were doing
her a favor by eating all those leftovers.
 
**********
 
Living with Mike was unsettlingly domestic. Well, you wouldn’t really do the
non-binding roommate thing with your best friend, but still… they made
breakfast together. Spent most of their free time together. Waited for each
other with dinner. And Mike really made an effort. He had been a spoiled kid,
hardly ever obligated to lift a finger at home. Yet now he cooked, kept his
room tidy, cleaned the bath after himself, took the laundry to the laundromat.
Sent Levi a text when he was coming home late.
 
It was almost like being married. Well, the sex was lacking, obviously, and
Levi also had the feeling that too many things hung between them, unsaid. He
wasn’t altogether sure why he didn’t say anything. Didn’t do anything. If it
was still his fear of getting his heart broken, the fear of getting rejected,
the fear of fucking up and losing the one and only real friend he had.  He had
been brave once, fearless, bulletproof, and he hated his current cowardice.
 
It was a Friday when the tension finally snapped.
 
On their free days and evenings they normally did stuff that didn’t cost much.
Binge watching Game Of Thrones, inline skating in the park, cooking with
friends. Occasionally, Mike could coax Levi to go out for a few drinks, but
more often than not Levi sent him off alone. He didn’t like getting drunk,
because having Mike around him sober was testing already. But this Friday, he
had had a shitty week and felt like he deserved a reward.
 
Plus, he wasn’t entirely sure he could stand Mike stumbling home in the middle
of the night with some stranger and then listening to them humping away one
more time. Levi showered, put on some fresh (black) jeans and a (black) shirt
and emerged the bathroom only to find Mike in his favorite  Final Fantasy  t-
shirt. Well. Maybe cockblocking wasn’t even necessary tonight.
 
No, Levi corrected himself as he watched Mike trying to get their drinks at the
bar, it was necessary. Mike couldn’t even order one fucking drink without
someone sliding up to him. Yet he ignored the guy, got their drinks and
returned to their table. Instead of sitting on the opposite side, he plopped
onto the bench next to Levi and handed him his gin and tonic. In Mike’s own
glass something obscurely purple sloshed around, and Levi guessed - rightly -
that it was this obnoxious vodka and blackcurrant thing that Mike loved so
much. It tasted like chewing gum doused in alcohol doused in liquid soap.
Yikes.
 
A couple of rounds later Levi was somewhere between pleasantly buzzed and
completely smashed. It was Mike’s turn to get drinks again, and this time, some
bloke actually tried to hit on Levi. He just inched into the booth, bold as
brass, and Levi was just considering whether or not he should sock him in the
jaw when Mike appeared with a creased brow, and the guy decided to made a run
for it. Mike looked puzzled as Levi howled with laughter.
 
“Once in a lifetime someone tries to hook up with me and you scare him away.
You absolutely priceless dork,” Levi had explained to him.
 
“Oh god, I’m so sorry, shall I go and find him and explain to him?” Mike asked
with concern. “I mean I had no idea you wanted to take someone home.”
 
Levi chuckled and took a large sip of his drink, and he started rambling
something lengthy about how it was his very last concern to take some stranger
home, or get taken home, and then he might or might not have muttered that on
the other side he wouldn’t mind being taken home by Mike.
 
Mike flinched as if he’d just been punched in the gut, and he grabbed Levi’s
face and forced him to look at him. “Levi. What… what did you just say?”
 
Levi grinned at him drunkenly. “Oh, just that you could take me home. Uh, would
it be taking me home because it’s also my home as well?” He frowned. This was
too complicated for his gin addled brain. “You know what, how about you just
kiss me.”
 
And Mike did, slotted his lips with Levi’s like he was just dying for it,
coaxed them open and slid his tongue into Levi’s mouth. It tasted sweet and
slightly artificial from that horrible blackcurrant juice with a hint of
alcohol, but Levi couldn’t care less because Mike’s mouth was finally on his,
and wasn’t that just unbelievable.
 
Before he knew it, Levi straddled Mike’s hips, pressing closer, needing more,
more of Mike sucking on his tongue and nipping at his lips, more of the smell
of booze and shaving cream and heated skin, more of the feeling of every shift
and breath and heartbeat. One of Mike’s hands was buried in the hair at the
back of his head, the other lay in the small of his back, holding him close.
 
This felt both so old and so new, so familiar yet so strange that Levi felt
tears prickle the corners of his eyes. Did he kiss Mike for the first or the
thousandth time, he couldn’t have said, and it was driving him nuts. He wanted
those ghosts and phantoms out of his head once and for all, didn’t want to
relive some ancient thing but wanted the here and now.
 
He didn’t want the Mike who smelled of horses and curd soap and mourning, who
was so restricted by his uniform that Levi hardly got to touch and feel him. He
wanted the Mike who was here with him, now, alive and breathing, wanted the
Mike who had endless stretches of honey skin and a weird sense of humor. Levi’s
hands slid under Mike’s t-shirt, and Mike gave a surprised little huff but
arched into the fingers mapping out every dip and curve of his abdomen, letting
out a whispered stream of  god, Levi, fuck  against Levi’s lips, breath hot on
his skin.
 
A hand sneaked behind the waistband of Levi’s jeans, rubbed his ass, and Levi
started rolling his hips, grinding down into Mike, and  fuck,  was this  hot…
 
They got kicked out of the bar.
 
On their way back home they backed each other up into walls, entrance ways,
trees, cars. They kissed each other’s gasping mouths, licked throats, tugged at
clothing, pressed knees between thighs. Levi’s head was spinning, and the
queasy feeling in his gut made him wish he hadn’t drunk so much. Progress was
hindered enough by their constant groping and pulling at each other and was
only made worse by losing orientation and stumbling over their own feet.
 
Finally they made it to their building, and finally, they made it up the stairs
(after tumbling over at least twice, each time ending with Mike on top of him
and kissing him breathless, and later his back would remind him of every single
step that he had fallen on and been pressed down into, but later was a thing he
couldn’t give a shit about).
 
Once they found themselves sprawled comfortably on the sofa, the frantic pawing
and grinding slowed down. The mere knowledge of having any possibility at hand,
with no one to disturb and literally nothing stopping them from clawing each
other’s clothes off and fucking like rabbits had a reverse psychology. It was
so much more luxurious to make out languidly that it made Levi’s scalp prickle
like they were doing something deviant. Right now, he  could  already be riding
Mike’s dick and screaming his name, he  could  have these kiss-swollen lips
wrapped around his cock and sucking him dry, but here he was, lying on top of
Mike between impossibly long legs, exchanging lazy, wet, open mouthed kisses,
Mike’s hands alternating between pushing up his t-shirt and feeling him up and
slowly massaging his ass. Amazing as it was, it seemed that his small, muscular
butt had just the right size to fit exactly into those hands. Mike’s moustache
tickled his skin when he mouthed up and down Levi’s neck and nipped at his
collarbones, just as ridiculously soft as it looked.
 
The low simmer of their sluggish makeout session had their dicks only at half
mast, which was probably for the better. Even if better nutrition had made Levi
slightly taller, he was still considerably shorter than Mike. Which meant that
his crotch was placed somewhere around Mike’s navel region, and any satisfying
dick grinding would have required some serious repositioning. Levi suspected
that with the amount of alcohol they’d had there wouldn’t be much point in it
anyway. Instead, they leaned their foreheads together, gazed into each other's
eyes, rubbed noses.
 
But it didn’t matter if it didn’t get any more explicit tonight - they shared a
closeness which he had been craving for so long and denied himself, and that
was more than enough. Deep kisses slowly ebbed away to little nips and pecks,
Mike’s fingers carded through his hair, and Levi nodded off.


**********
 
Levi awoke from his own snoring and a thumping headache. He blinked in
confusion and realized he was still on the sofa, with a blanket thrown over
him. The sunlight glaring in was way too bright for his current taste. Some
clattering noises announced that Mike was busying himself in the kitchenette.
Levi could smell tea and coffee, crawled off the sofa and made his way to the
breakfast counter. Mike turned around and greeted him with an absent half-
smile.
 
“Morning, Levi. Tea will be ready in a minute.” He dug out some mugs from the
cabinet, poured coffee for himself and tea for Levi, added milk and sugar and
placed the mugs on the counter. “You want breakfast?” He laughed at Levi’s
disgusted face. “Yeah, I thought so.”
 
Levi might be tired and hungover, he might have a splitting headache, but he
still noticed that something was off. He didn’t like the way Mike avoided his
gaze and stared out of the window, worrying his bottom lip. Maybe he was
waiting for something, Levi realized. Well, since they had been pretty much all
over each other last night, a good morning kiss should be easy, right? Except,
in the bright light of day, and with a mouth that he was all too aware of felt
like something furry had crawled under his tongue and died there, Levi felt
awfully self conscious. He rounded the counter tentatively and stood before
Mike, unsure whether a chaste kiss or a full-on snog would be called for
(dammit, why did he have to be so clueless about these things), when Mike gave
him another half-smile and patted his arm and stood up from his stool in the
same motion.
 
“It’s okay, Levi,” he said in a voice that held both something sad and final.
“Would you mind if I grab a shower first?” Without waiting for an answer, he
disappeared down the hallway. Levi was dumbfounded.
 
Oh.
 
Oh .
 
He had just been given a pass. Levi had thought it was… something, a start, a
“finally”... and to Mike it had meant nothing more than one of his bar flings.
He sank down on the stool Mike had just left, pain searing up in his chest. How
could this happen, how could Mike do this to him? How could he mess around like
this with his oldest friend?
 
It hurt, it fucking  hurt,  and Levi curled in on himself, fingers hooked into
his t-shirt. He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t, and his whole chest was filled with
glass shards and rusty nails and barbed wire, slicing him up from the inside,
but when they were finished there would be no blood - never again would there
be blood because he was barren and black and dead. Once again he would spend a
lifetime bitter and jaded and empty, and it would be a relief because this way
it wouldn’t hurt anymore.
 
Levi stumbled to his room, slammed the door shut and waited for his heart to
get the dying over with.
 
**********
 
Evening came, and he still hadn’t finished dying. He had watched the sun crawl
across the wall over his bed until the shade came, then he had watched nothing
in particular until the hues had changed to gray.
 
There was a quiet knock on the door. “Levi? Are you okay? You need something to
drink, or some medicine?”
 
Levi didn’t answer.
 
“I thought I’d let you sleep your hangover away, but you’ve been in there all
day now, I’m worried, Levi.”
 
Silence, and he could hear feet shuffling in front of his door. Then the sound
of someone sliding down the door. He wished Mike would just go away and leave
him alone. First thing Monday morning, he would go and find out if there was
still a room in the dorms available, or maybe an apartment share somewhere. He
couldn’t continue living here with Mike.
 
Mike’s voice floated through the door again. “Okay, so this is… this is really
awkward, but… I mean, I know you don’t want a relationship, so, um, well it
does hurt, but that was my own mistake, I shouldn’t have gotten up my hopes too
high after all, and I won’t press you into something you don’t want, and…”
 
Levi ripped the door open so suddenly that Mike, who was leaning against it,
fell backwards on the floor. He blinked up at Levi in confusion.
 
“What the fuck,” Levi seethed, “are you talking about?”
 
“Uhm. I sort of wanted to assure you that, since you don’t want a relationship,
I won’t bother you about it?”
 
“Who said I don’t want a relationship? Don’t make things up and just go ahead
and admit that it was a one-time thing, just like the guys you pick up all the
time, and then I can punch you for being so shitty and just playing me!”
 
“Whoa, what?” Mike rolled over and got up. “Hold on. Just one fucking minute.
You think that I was just playing you?”
 
“Don’t act like I’m stupid. All this avoiding me and not looking me in the eye
and shit, it’s clear as day you regret what happened.”
 
Mike groaned and ran a hand over his face. “Oh my god, this is so fucked up.
Levi, it was you who always said you don’t want romance, you don’t want
commitment, all I did was offering you a way out of it. This morning, you
wouldn’t even say hello or... or kiss me or something, and I thought okay, of
course he’s regretting it, don’t pressure him. But it hurt like fuck, because
last night for a short while I had hoped that after all these years…”
 
Levi was shocked to see actual tears in Mike’s eyes, and his mouth suddenly
felt very dry. “You… you had hoped,” he said in a hollow voice.
 
Mike snorted. “How couldn’t I? I’ve been in love with you since, like,
forever?”
 
“In love,” Levi parroted idiotically.
 
“Don’t tell me you didn’t know?”
 
“I didn’t. I… you never said anything. All these years, and you never said
anything.”
 
“Well, you made it pretty clear that…”
 
“I just never knew what to say! I mean, you came out as gay, but you always
treated me like a friend and nothing more, so I thought I was just that to you,
a friend, and how could I possibly blurt out how I felt about you and ruin
everything?”
 
“Okay then… how  did  you feel about me?”
 
“I… fuck, I love you?”
 
Mike crossed his arms. “Well if that isn’t the most flattering confession I
ever got.”
 
“And that’s the other thing! You went out and slept with half the school so how
should I have guessed that you had any interest in me?”
 
“I was trying to get you out of my head, and I hoped that there would be
someone I could grow to care about, but… it never worked.”
 
Levi sat back down on his bed and buried his face in his face. “So, you thought
I wasn’t interested in you, and you… messed around for distraction.”
 
Mike sat down heavily next to him. “Yeah. And you thought I wasn’t interested
and played the ice queen.”
 
Levi peeked through his fingers. “How’s that for epic fail? God, what a mess.”
 
“No shit, Sherlock.” Mike lay back, arms crossed behind his head. Levi mimicked
his pose, and they lay side by side and stared at the ceiling.
 
**********
 
“So, uh, what’s happening now?” Mike ventured.
 
“Fuck if I know. I mean, can this… can we”, Levi sat back up and gestured with
his finger between them, “still be a thing?”
 
Mike studied his face, then he broke into a slow smile, reached out and placed
his hand on the back of Levi’s neck to slowly pull him closer. “You tell me,
Levi. Can we?”
 
With a smile of himself, Levi let himself be guided towards Mike’s face, eyes
drawn to slightly parted lips. Then he remembered something and placed a palm
on Mike’s chest.
 
“I haven’t brushed my teeth or showered all day, and if you don’t mind I’d
rather ruin the moment with a quick cleanup than with reeking like a dead
possum.”
 
It was the first time Levi managed showering and toothbrushing in under ten
minutes. He half-assed toweling off and yanked on a pair of clean sweatpants
and a t-shirt. Acting bolder than he felt, he returned to his room and crawled
on top of Mike.
 
“Sorry. So.. where were we?”
 
Mike cupped his face with his hands. “Levi… I’m so sorry for all these
misunderstandings and all the time we wasted.”
 
“Then stop wasting more time already,” Levi answered and dived down to cover
his mouth with a kiss. He could feel Mike’s lips curve into a grin and skimmed
his tongue over them lightly until they parted invitingly. He angled his head
for better access, and Mike’s tongue came up to meet his own, hands tangling in
Levi’s hair. This was so much better with a sober head and without the
bothering taste of alcohol.
 
Levi broke off the kiss. “I’m sorry too. I was a dumbass.”
 
“I have an idea how you could make up for that,” Mike smirked and slid his
hands under the hem of Levi’s t-shirt, pushing it up.
 
“I only just put that on,” Levi grumbled.
 
“So? Is that relevant?”
 
Levi sat up, pulled the t-shirt over his head and tossed it unceremoniously on
the floor. Mike looked up at him with pure adoration.
 
“Wow,” he said and let his fingers wander over Levi’s chest and belly. “I knew
you’re buff, but  shit .” He sat up too, kissed his way along Levi’s jawline
and down the column of his throat, while his hands continued roaming over every
ridge and curve. Levi couldn’t fight back the little gasp as thumbs brushed
over his nipples. He put his arms around Mike’s back and tugged at his t-shirt.
 
Once freed from the garment, Mike rolled Levi on his back and blanketed his
smaller body with his own. Their lips met for another deep, slow kiss, and
Levi’s legs wrapped around Mike’s hips. They had only just gotten started, and
Levi was a little embarrassed that he was hard already, so easily excited,
arousal thrumming wildly through his veins. But the way Mike pressed his
clothed groin against his hardness let him suspect that he wasn’t the only one.
 
Mike grasped his thighs and rubbed his dick in tiny circles against Levi’s, and
was, indeed, just as hard. “Do you have any idea how often I wanted to hold you
like this?” Mike whispered against his neck. “How often I jacked off, thinking
about what kinds of sounds you’d make and what your face would look like when
you come. The things I wanted to do…”
 
“Well here’s your chance then,” Levi gasped. His hips rocked up against Mike,
meeting every thrust, and at this rate he wasn’t going to last long and come in
his pants. Especially if Mike kept talking like this. He had had no idea that
dirty talk would have this kind of effect on him, and he decided to return the
favor… although he wasn’t entirely sure if he’d be any good at it.
 
“I jerked off to you pretty much since I was old enough to start doing it,” he
said, lightly grazing his fingernails over Mike’s chest. “And later, when I got
some ideas about what two men can do… I imagined what it would feel like having
your dick inside me, getting bent over and fucked until I scream. Or if you’d
let me suck you off and finger you open. If you’d moan and pant and fuck
yourself on my fingers for me.”
 
And the look Mike gave him, this absolutely filthy look like he was going to
explode in his pants any second, told him that he just maybe might have a knack
for it.
 
“Who would have thought that you could run your mouth like that. You act all
prickly and bitchy and underneath that you have this dirty mind… it’s
wonderful.” Mike’s hands slid up his thighs and gave the elastic of his
sweatpants an experimental tug. “Is this… is this alright?”
 
Levi unwrapped his legs and lifted his hips a little, and Mike pulled down the
pants slowly, reverently, giving a pleased little hum as Levi’s dick sprang
free. He kissed his way back up Levi’s body, his legs, his hips, belly and
chest.
 
“You’re breathtaking, do you know that?”
 
“Well, thanks I guess, but still I’d feel a little more comfortable if we’d get
you out of your pants as well,” he replied, face a little pink now, because for
all his brazen words it was still his first time being naked and this close to
someone.
 
Mike immediately picked up on his bout of insecurity, lay down next to him and
gently stroked his cheek. “We don’t have to do anything, you know. If you want
to get dressed again, or just cuddle, that’s okay.”
 
Levi felt as if all air was pressed right out of him. How dare this… this
fluffball  be so sweet and careful and goddamn endearing in this situation? He
laughed, a little shakily.
 
“Yeah, no, it’s just that I would feel a little better if I wasn’t the only one
naked and sporting a boner here is all. I mean, I want this, I want you, but
still this is my first time, in this life anyway, so I’m a little nervous.”
 
Mike shut up his rambling with a kiss. “Shh, it’s okay, Levi.” He straightened
up and opened the fly of his jeans. “And I’m a little nervous too, because to
be honest I’ve dated a lot, but I’ve never really done much stuff, and I never
actually fucked anybody. Or been fucked.”  He shed his clothes and looked over
his shoulder at Levi, ears pink.
 
Levi was about to say,  are you shitting me? , but he bit it back and instead
took his first good long look at Mike in all his glory. Not that the notorious
boxer briefs had left much to the imagination, since even the dick outline was
visible through them, but getting to see said dick up close and personal was a
whole different level. And Levi was dead set on deepening this relationship
more. The skin that was eternally protected from sunlight by swim trunks or
shorts was a creamy white, contrasting nicely to the honeyed shade of the rest.
Mike’s dick rose from a patch of blond hair, uncut and (Levi absently noted)
the same shade of pink as Mike’s lips.
 
He reached out and ran one finger along the underside, and Mike gasped.
Encouraged, Levi loosely wrapped his fingers around the length and gave it a
stroke, pulling back the foreskin from the head completely, then pushing it
back up. Some beads of precome had appeared at the slit, and Levi let his thumb
circle the head, spreading the clear liquid.
 
“Shit, Levi,” Mike moaned. “Come up here and let me touch you too.”
 
Levi straddled his lap again, and now it was Mike’s turn to marvel at Levi’s
dick. He was circumcised, the head different in texture from Mike’s, coarser
and less sensitive. Yet to Mike’s touch it responded with an intense feeling of
pleasure. Levi leaned to the side and fished a bottle of lube out of his
nightstand.
 
“Is it okay if we… if we use our hands?” he asked, and Mike kissed him.
 
“I’d love to.”
 
He poured some lube into Mike’s hand and his own, and they warmed it up a
little. Then they started slowly stroking each other, and Levi lost himself in
the sensation of a hand other than his own touching his cock, teasing and
pleasuring it. His heartbeat was thundering so loudly in his ears that he
expected some neighbors knocking on the door and demanding he cut down on the
noise, but in reality the only things that could be heard in the small room was
their ragged breathing and the wet squelching sounds of their hands working
each other’s cock.
 
Then Mike’s free hand reached around and pulled him even closer, their dicks
touching, and grasped both of them. Levi moaned loudly and started thrusting
into Mike’s hand, feeling Mike’s cock glide deliciously along his own.  He too
put his fingers around both of them, and raw lust and desire coiled in his
guts. He held on to Mike’s neck while he bounced in his lap, little moans and
whines pouring from both of them now.
 
“Fuck, Mike, I’m close, I’m going to…,” he managed, holding on to one last
thread. Mike gave him a couple of fast strokes, and Levi let go, crying out as
his orgasm hit him hard. Mike eased him through it until the last spurt of
semen, then he turned his attention to his own erection, since Levi’s hand had
fallen away. But Levi stayed his hand.
 
“Let me, Mike.” He continued stroking the taller man. “Come on, let me feel you
fucking my hand.” He kept whispering filth in his ear, felt him shudder as his
climax drew near.  Soon, Mike came all over Levi’s hand, shouting his name, his
whole body rigid.
 
They stared into each other’s eyes for a moment, trying to process what had
just happened, then they toppled sideways on the bed like fallen trees. It took
a while to catch their breath, and they touched each other softly and kissed,
light and gentle.
 
Then Levi wrinkled his nose. “Okay, there’s no way I’m sleeping in these gross
ass sheets tonight, and I can’t be arsed to change them. I’ll sleep in your
room instead.”
 
Mike batted his eyelids at him. “Wow. Good thing I already have my panties off,
because my prince’s smooth talking skills would have talked them right off me.
I’m so flattered.”
 
Levi prickled. “Hey, you doubting my qualification as boyfriend material? I’m
the smoothest motherfucker of a prince.”
 
Mike pressed a kiss to his nose. “Yeah, you are, and you’re a bitch faced
sarcastic shortstack, and this princess is head over size eleven heels for
you.”
 
“I draw the line at hauling you bridal style over the threshold though, because
I might be buff, but not buff enough to carry your heavy ass.”
 
That night, with Mike’s long limbs draped around him, Levi slept peacefully. He
dreamed.
 
Not of the past, but of the future.
End Notes
     In case you haven´t noticed, the title is a nod to the movie
     Casablanca :)
     You can find my SNK and personal blog under glassesgirl0401
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