Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/4098877.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Major_Character_Death, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Shingeki_no_Kyojin_|_Attack_on_Titan
  Relationship:
      Levi/Eren_Yeager
  Additional Tags:
      Canon_Era, Manga_Spoilers, Time_Loop, Dark, everyone_dies_over_and_over,
      but_a_few_heartwarming_moments
  Stats:
      Published: 2015-06-08 Words: 8178
****** muscle memory ******
by murakamism
Summary
     They are in the ruins of Shiganshina, heading towards Eren’s
     basement, and Levi can finally say that things have truly gone to
     hell.
Notes
     Inspired by Sisyphus and Starving_Wolves
     I know why the plot happened is confusing, but I was aiming for a
     very hopeless feel and im curious on how you guys will interpret it
     So, to celebrate the snk 70 spoilers, I finally present this. I
     honestly don’t know how to feel about it haha... please dont read
     this if you're uncomfortable with the warnings.
They are in the ruins of Shiganshina, heading towards Eren’s basement, and Levi
can finally say that things have truly gone to hell.
He hacks away at titan limbs and titan napes with precision. He tries to quell
the panic that starts to crawl up his throat. This is not the time for fear.
Think, Levi, think—
Levi spins, blades sinking deep into a ten-meter class nape, and then he flies
through the air.
Someone screeches. A bloody cloak crumbles between a hideous titan’s fat
fingers.
Levi runs forward, propelling himself into the air to hack away at another
titan. However a smaller one pops up out of nowhere right next to him, and
before he knows it the thing has a brunette girl—one of Eren’s classmates—by
the hair.
She’s screaming, crying, trying to hack away but the titan only ignores her
swinging blades.
It chomps down on her, swallows her after one greedy bite.
Levi feels sick.
Armin’s supposed to make his way to the basement, but he’s cornered by two
aberrant titans. Mikasa’s supposed to be covering for him, but it seems like
she’s gone, and Levi narrowly dodges another titan’s fingers.
He approaches Armin, ready to help with back-up. Hanji’s gleeful screech rings
out next to him, and she grins at him.
They expertly weave between several dumb titans, Hanji and Levi each cutting
down some troublesome ones along the way, but right as Armin manages to free
himself it seems the horde has noticed them.
Levi pushes Armin towards the basement and the boy bolts towards it. As he
unlocks the door with shaking hands, a titan’s eye appears from behind the
collapsed roof.
The boy opens his mouth wide, voiceless.
Before Armin can draw his blades, Hanji has swung around to kill the stupid
thing.
Heavy footsteps echo through the streets, and Levi knows they need to hurry.
Now.
“Armin!” Eren screams. Levi turns his head and sees Eren swinging down towards
his friend, ready to protect him as well.
One less issue, he hopes.
A titan paws at Levi but the man swings away, slicing at its nape as he passes
by. The other titans are instantly on him, trying to catch him as he weaves
through the crowd like a pesky fly.
He’s ready to slice at another intruding nape, but then something tugs at his
wire and Levi lurches backwards. He turns his head, twists his hips to the side
to move away.
But there is a row of gigantic teeth in his trajectory.
A titan chomps down on him with perfect timing. Levi feels pain shoot up his
middle, and then there is darkness.
 
 
Levi wakes up in bed, his eyes blinking open. He feels like he’s been punched
in the gut, but then he breathes and everything is fine.
When he turns his head, he sees Eren curled up next to him. There is the boy’s
sleeping face, and he reaches out to touch his cheek, make sure he’s real.
He’s real. Eren exhales softly, his breath tickling Levi’s fingers.
Then what the fuck happened?
Was it a dream? Was that some horrible dream? Hadn’t they all fucking died?
Levi lies there for a few more minutes, his body frozen stiff. The sunlight
creeps up his pillow, and he knows it must be time to get up.
They have an expedition to Shiganshina tomorrow, after all.
Levi swallows a lump in his throat and wills the heaviness in his chest away.
 
 
Everything is fine, or at least as fine as it can be for an expedition into
titan-infested territory.
They head into Eren’s neighborhood and spot his fallen house in the distance.
Of course there are titans, perhaps too many titans, but there are always too
many titans.
Levi spots a familiar one, and his breath almost hitches in his throat. It
lumbers towards him slowly, gigantic hands reaching up to capture his legs.
He can’t believe he let himself get eaten by this hideous monster.
He cuts at its nape with slightly more force, and it falls without another
growl. Two more titans enter his line of vision, and he swoops down on them
with practiced ease, slicing his way through the beasts.
Armin hurries towards Eren’s house, Mikasa cutting away the titans at his
heels. There is too much going on, and as Levi swings away from another dead
titan, there’s a bright flash of light and then a roar.
Eren has transformed.
They fight, screams ringing through the distance. From the corner of his eye,
Levi sees Armin disappear into the Jaeger’s house. Finally.
His blades slice through the air as Humanity’s Strongest twirls and whirls, his
cape billowing out behind him in the wind. He grunts and lands on a roof,
escaping giant hands, then shooting up into the air again to land several
deadly strikes.
Eren’s titan roar rings through the air, and Levi spares him a glance. He’s
currently outnumbered, almost about to be beaten up and devoured by four titans
of varying sizes, and on instinct Levi approaches him, slices away at the
beasts clinging onto Eren’s body, helps him get out of this rut so they can
finally make it back out alive—
Armin’s scream is shrill and sharp, but it is not entirely one of fear.
Levi whips his head towards the fallen Jaeger house and sees a grimacing titan
stick its hand through the door. Mikasa kills it without another word, and then
Armin appears in the doorway, his arms full.
Levi releases a breath he didn’t realize he was holding.
Eren crushes a five-meter class beneath his heels.
This is it, Levi thinks. They can actually get out of here alive. Armin is
scrambling away with a backpack that threatens to burst.
Something rumbles in the distance. These are heavy footfalls, slow and
calculated, and it comes closer.
Levi sees it while he’s high up in the air, about to descend on another titan.
It’s thin and tall, taller than any titan he’s ever seen before. Is it even a
titan? Yes, it must be.
The thing resembles an ape, its long limbs swaying and swatting at soldiers
with ease. A female soldier tries to approach it but it only watches her, its
eyes twinkling. It captures her in its hairy fist, and then plucks away her
swords with its other hand.
It stares at her, beady eyes twinkling, and Levi knows that the look it
gives... is taunting her.
The soldier screams, her voice coming out jagged and shrill, and then she’s cut
off mid-wail as her spine snaps in half. She falls to the ground and that
grotesque creature, all furry and unnatural, suddenly turns its head to meet
Levi’s eyes.
Everything goes quiet for a breathless second.
Mikasa is screeching, screaming a battle cry, and Levi propels himself back
into the air to avoid getting crushed. He slices away at three titans’ napes
before looking back to see Mikasa’s body flying into a chimney with a loud
crunch.
Her body is limp, and Armin leaps up at the titan that attacked her, but then
there is a new horde of beasts at their heels and Levi wonders if they’ve
popped up out of the ground because he sure as hell didn’t see them coming.
There is an anguished groan, and Levi continues his desperate dance, continues
slicing away at titan after titan, feels his wrists start to ache. There are
too many of them now, and the hairy titan only stands there, smiling softly
with too much blood on its hands.
Levi almost slips off a roof and then runs forward again, but skids to a halt
as he sees a decapitated titan head sailing through the air.
It has shaggy brown hair and pointy ears. Its disfigured mouth produces a
lolling tongue.
Eren’s head rolls into a building, his large eyes unseeing.
When Levi looks up, he sees the Ape Titan smiling, smiling.
He screams.
He doesn’t even realize that he’s started screaming. Levi surges forward, his
blades glinting in his hands. He hacks away at several titans that get in his
way as the image of the Ape Titan grows closer, closer—
A hand tries to capture him. He spins away and slices off the titan’s head.
Armin is crying out somewhere to his side and the boy’s harsh voice snaps Levi
out of his murderous daze. Eren is dead, and so is Mikasa, but they know what
is in Eren’s basement, and maybe that is enough.
He will not let them die without meaning.
Levi manoeuvres his way towards Armin, saving him from two particularly fast
titans, but then there’s a heavy voice that rumbles through the air, through
his bones.
“Oh, no, no,” it almost tsk’s, and Levi shivers.
The Ape Titan is suddenly in front of him, and it plucks Levi out of the air
with ease. Levi grunts and slices his way out of its hands, his blades cutting
through the long fingers.
Levi sees blue and red for a single moment, but then something is tugging at
his hips and he gasps.
He dangles from the Ape Titan’s fingers. An ominous crack rings out from his
gas canister.
The ape drops him, and Levi tries to propel himself towards a roof but instead
finds himself lurching. He falls and falls and tries to shoot out wires but
finds none.
Levi feels a sharp pain all throughout his body, and then there is darkness.
 
 
Levi wakes with a jolt.
He is alive and awake and currently buried beneath thin blankets.
He turns his head and sees Eren curled up next to him in bed. The boy’s eyes
blink open slowly, stunning Levi with their brightness.
Levi sees a flash of death, sees empty titan eyes and a bloody mouth gaping.
He blinks, and the image is gone. There is only Eren, sleepy and beautiful
Eren. The boy smiles.
“Good morning, Levi,” he whispers, voice gritty with sleep.
Guilt pools in Levi’s chest and he forgets how to breathe.
Is it another bad dream? Was that another nightmare? It felt much too real. It
definitely didn’t feel like a dream.
But whether it was real or not, Levi knows one thing.
He has failed Eren.
He buries his face in his hands and tries not to heave. He can’t control
himself, but a dull pain eats its way through his stomach. There is nothing to
be done about the past, but it feels too real. Levi is nothing, can do nothing,
can save no one.
To think, he’s lost everything just to grow stronger, but even now it’s not
enough.
Eren’s arms are steady around his shoulders. Levi looks up and meets his
concerned gaze. Levi sees the worry in his wide green eyes, spots the furrow of
his brows.
He sighs.
“What’s wrong?” Eren asks softly. He pulls himself closer, and Levi lets him.
He looks at the boy and tries not to see him dead and bloody.
“I won’t fail you,” Levi says. He touches Eren’s cheek, brushes his fingers
against Eren’s soft lips.
The brunet looks confused for a moment. But seconds pass and something akin to
understanding flashes through his eyes. He nods.
“No, you won’t,” Eren replies confidently, a smile slowly spreading across his
face.
“And I’ll be with you until the end,” the boy adds, pressing his forehead
against Levi’s.
Yes, Levi thinks. He will be with him until the end.
 
 
The expedition is a failure. Again.
Shiganshina is a nightmare, a mass of chaos. Levi spits out blood and grips his
blades tight enough that his knuckles turn white.
When he looks around, he hears a thump.
It is this memory that haunts him: Eren’s wide, empty green eyes; his brown
hair matted with blood; his body and throat crushed beyond repair, beyond
mercy.
Something bursts in Levi’s chest and he wails, wails, his voice animalistic as
it rips out of his throat. He sails through the air without a proper thought,
his heartbeat pounding in his ears.
These titans will die at his hands.
He spins and hacks and spits and whirls and grits his teeth, his blades
swooping down on an instinct to kill. There is nothing but the bloodlust in
Levi’s veins, the pain blooming through his throat and the cuts on his face and
his hands.
These titans will be dead.
He swings up from a bell tower and then the closest titan turns to face him,
its nape out of sight, and Levi sees Erwin hanging limply from the beast’s
mouth.
His vision goes black.
Levi draws a blade, finds that it’s gone blunt, and stabs it into the titan’s
eye. It wails, dropping Erwin’s upper half onto the streets.
Levi swings around its neck, aching to drive his last sword into its nape, but
then the titan turns towards him again, surprisingly quickly.
The man looks up, and then his line of vision darkens as the titan closes its
mouth on him.
Oh, fuck.
 
 
Levi wakes up in his bed, with Eren at his side.
His blood boils.
He needs to get it right. He needs to fix his mistakes and stop screwing up. He
needs to stop getting screwed over. There is nothing else to be done but to try
harder.
Levi turns to Eren, almost melts at his familiar sleeping face. He is so calm,
so young, so peaceful.
He remembers the boy’s bright green eyes blazing, his determination crackling
through the air.
“I want to kill all the titans, sir!”
The memory only makes Levi clench his hand into a fist.
They cannot continue failing like this. There has to be a way. Maybe the loop
will stop—are these even still dreams? He is accepting this as reality, as some
sick reality—when they win the fight against the titans. When they kill every
last one.
Tomorrow, they ride out on their expedition, and Levi will fight harder.
He does.
But he is eaten at least seven more times, crushed to death at least five,
snapped in half twice, pulled apart once, dies of blood loss at least thrice.
Perhaps he is in hell. Perhaps he has died and is being punished. There is no
other explanation for this, Levi thinks.
Maybe they aren’t meant to know what’s in that basement. Maybe humanity is not
meant to win against the titans. Maybe they’re doomed to repeat this over and
over.
Eren is staring at him with sleepy but curious eyes, and Levi hates that he’s
even considered the idea.
Still. There is a pain that’s dug its way into Levi’s bones, and with each day
he wakes up he feels it burrowing deeper and deeper. It haunts him, this
heaviness, and he suddenly feels nauseated. Like he wants to throw up a
darkness within him.
Levi looks at Eren again. They are both quiet. Eren is staring at him intently,
a question in his bright eyes. Levi blinks and sees his hair filthy with blood,
then half of his face torn off, then a missing eye, then a face so mangled Levi
flinches.
He looks away.
Should he tell Eren?
He needs to tell someone, surely.
But, no.
The boy cannot know how they’ve failed over and over again.
Eren sits up and begins to speak, but Levi cuts him off.
“How do you think this expedition will go?” Levi asks him. Eren raises a brow,
surprised that he’s even asking such a question.
It’s too early for this, but honestly, Levi doesn’t give a shit.
“Successful.” Eren finally answers. He is honest, and while his eyes twinkle in
fondness his mouth is set in a grim line. This boy is a soldier, and Levi has
never been prouder.
“I have faith in our comrades.” Eren finishes.
Instead of a verbal reply Levi kisses him, kisses him hard on the mouth. Eren
melts against his lips and Levi holds him there, holds the side of his face,
fingers trailing over the boy’s chin and cheeks and jaw.
He nips at the brunet’s lips, sucks on his tongue.
Levi runs his hands through Eren’s soft and messy hair and carefully scratches
at his nape, drags his fingers gently across the boy’s neck and shoulders.
He tugs open Eren’s shirt and kisses his chest, his throat, his stomach.
Levi pulls down Eren’s trousers and then his own, kisses Eren gently on and
between the thighs, breathes softly as Eren makes a high-pitched noise above
him.
The boy’s hands are in his hair and he chants Levi’s name insistently in the
man’s ear. Levi grunts and pulls himself up to meet Eren’s hazy eyes. He wants
Eren writhing beneath him, all flushed and panting, aching for more—
The idea makes him lick his lips. He’s glad that he’s pulled down his pants.
Otherwise he knows they’d be painfully tight right now.
The brunet smiles. In the shade it seems gentle, but there is a fire in his
eyes and a wicked curve of his lips. It makes him look almost feral—and then
it’s gone.
He trails his fingers down the captain’s chest before giving a small nod of
permission.
Levi reaches down to pump both of their cocks, Eren gasping between breaths.
The boy continues whispering, moaning Levi’s name. Levi loves the soft whimper
spilling out of Eren’s mouth, loves the way the boy calls out for him so
enthusiastically.
Eren’s hips rise to meet Levi’s own. They thrust against each other without
grace, with Eren’s legs wrapping tightly around Levi’s hips. Levi groans at the
friction of rubbing their cocks together. He wants more.
He is impatient for Eren today, and he doesn’t think he can wait any longer.
The older man kisses Eren’s brow, gasps as Eren palms him—he can’t fuck him
properly but who cares, who cares? They have time for another round. Levi then
kisses the boy’s chest, his chin, the edge of his mouth until he comes with
Eren’s name on his lips.
Eren shudders and grips Levi’s shoulders as he comes right after, breathless.
The sunlight spills into the bedroom and paints Eren’s flushed face with enough
radiance that Levi finds himself kissing him again, all over his skin.
They lie there, breathing quietly as Levi pins Eren down, looking into his
eyes. There is no need for words, not now.
Eren smiles, his hair wild and sticking out all over. He kisses the older man,
mumbles something about good mornings and not wanting to get out of bed just
yet.
This is how Levi wants to remember Eren: happy and glowing in the sunlight,
naked and smiling beneath him, smooth skin flushed and unblemished, his hands
warm and his eyes bright, alive.
 
 
The next day they ride towards Shiganshina, and Levi wants to keep a promise to
himself—that he will change things, that they will succeed. Because Eren has
faith in his comrades and Levi has lived this scene many different times
before.
But his hope is short lived.
There is something different now. It’s raining, the water coming down in harsh
torrents. The water droplets are harsh against their skin, and Levi grits his
teeth with irritation.
He pulls his hood over his head and grips his blades tight.
The rumbling of incoming titans is louder than ever, and Levi swears when he
sees that they are once again surrounded.
The second thing that’s different is the sheer amount of titans that surround
them. This is definitely much more than before, and it’s difficult to run
through the ruins of the town with this horrible weather.
Eren transforms with a bright light and a roar. Levi makes his first two kills
of the day, feeling his water-soaked cloak partially drag him down.
Still, Armin scurries into the basement, the key clutched in his hand. Jean and
Mikasa stand on guard, defending the house and Armin from incoming titans.
Levi busies himself with an aberrant and an eight-meter class, and then springs
away from their falling bodies without another glance.
Mikasa is preoccupied with three eerily grinning titans. Armin pokes his head
out of the basement doorway, a lump that’s probably his backpack showing
through his cloak.
Eren roars, and Levi wants to help him but no, no, stick to the plan. He
approaches Armin and slices away at two titans with oversized heads.
Armin shoots out a signal, a green flare to show that he’s successful.
It dies in the rain so Levi screams the signal instead, and the soldiers next
to him relay the message to each other. It finally reaches Erwin who’s battling
a thirteen-meter class several streets away.
The titan falls with one swoop and Erwin yells out.
“Mission accomplished! Retreat now!”
They retreat across the narrow streets, make their way into open field. The
titans lumber after them but Armin is safe, his backpack tucked carefully
against him.
Levi watches Eren wrestle with two more titans but the boy manages to kill them
off.
A clap of thunder slices through the clouds. There is lightning and several
more screams fly through the air as the rain beats down more mercilessly,
blocking the horizon from view.
No one can tell anyone apart in this weather.
Levi leaps off his horse and slices at two titans that threaten to make their
way further into the formation. Eren bites off a titan’s head and spits it out
at another that runs towards him.
They are being slaughtered once more.
Levi tries to help clean the area but there are too many titans and falling
back as far as he’s done is a bad idea anyway. He springs onto Eren’s shoulder
and tugs at his long hair.
“We have to retreat now, Eren!” Levi screams into his ear, his voice hardly
making it above the din. Eren understands, at least, and turns away.
A titan grabs Eren’s leg but he kicks away. Levi kills another one that sneaks
up on Eren from behind but then another titan is snatching him.
Levi cuts his way out of the titan’s fingers with a glint in his narrowed eyes.
They have to move.
Something hits him from behind and Levi almost flies into a tree, but manages
to right himself before he crashes. Eren scoops him up and places him back on
his shoulder, and the captain feels lightheaded as sticky blood runs down the
side of his face.
The rain cannot wash it away.
Eren runs towards headquarters, his heavy footfalls giving Levi a headache. The
rest of the corps has disappeared, and Levi thinks that that’s good, at least,
hopefully they’re not all dead.
But then there is another clap of thunder and lightning illuminates the empty
field. The hideous Ape Titan is there, standing in the distance, a shadow of a
smile on its freakish lips.
Like before, a surge of titans make their way towards Eren and Levi without
warning. They are separated, and Levi starts to see black spots at the edge of
his vision.
The captain goes down before Eren does. The last thing he remembers seeing is
Eren being tackled to the ground, his face smashing into grass as titans begin
to pile up on him.
 
 
When Levi wakes again he almost screams.
It’s that goddamn Ape Titan, he thinks. That’s what’s been causing all this
trouble. For once, though, Eren is not beside him.
Fear quietly churns in Levi’s gut.
He slips out of bed, gets dressed, and exits his room. He tries to find the
boy. Eren is not in the basement, not in the dining hall or the kitchen, not in
Levi’s or Erwin’s office, not with Hanji, not at the stables.
Eventually Eren emerges from the showers, his hair damp. He’s surprised to see
Levi roaming around like this.
Honestly, what’s going on?
“Good morning, Captain Levi,” Eren chirps. “You were sleeping so deeply this
morning... I couldn’t wake you and neither could anyone else. Are you all
right?”
Levi only stares at him, dazed.
“Yes, I am,” he manages dully.
“Commander Erwin requested you for a meeting in two hours,” Eren adds. He
smiles, and Levi feels stunned.
His head is still kind of fuzzy.
 
 
The next day they ride back to Shiganshina. Levi’s horse gets trampled by an
aberrant titan even before they get to the town. By the time they reach the
ruins, Hanji is devoured right in front of him.
But the worst of it all is when Erwin calls him down with worry in his blue
eyes.
Levi slips away from the chaos and approaches the Jaeger home.
The basement is empty.
This must be a sick, cosmic joke.
Erwin looks almost ill next to him.
There is a blur as Mikasa slices away at another approaching titan. Levi is
frozen in place by Erwin’s pained gaze, but he feels jittery. His fingers
twitch at his sides.
Armin has disappeared. Perhaps he’s been eaten.
Erwin’s leg is twisted unnaturally. He leans against a fallen support beam and
furrows his thick eyebrows.
There is nothing in the basement. It has been cleared out.
They have no choice but to ride back.
Erwin barely makes it, but Levi isn’t able to tell. On the way back to
headquarters he gets eaten by a titan. Again.
For once Levi is glad to be dead.
 
 
But he does not stay dead.
 
 
They ride to Shiganshina the next day.
For once, everything goes according to plan.
Levi is a killing machine, with his blades steady at his sides. He hears
soldiers zipping by all around him, their movements practiced and focused and
precise. Titans start to fall in a steady stream.
They have very few casualties this time around.
Armin once again bolts out of the basement, shoots a flare to signal his
success, and Erwin screams out his command to retreat. All soldiers dart away,
some slicing at titans just to save themselves in the nick of time, and they
ride their horses through the open field.
Levi survives the ride back to headquarters.
Hanji immediately begins to examine the contents that Armin found, and the two
of them conspire in the squad leader’s lab. They stay up late, with their
candle light burning steadily from underneath Hanji’s closed door, and Levi
feels like he’ll wake up any moment now and see a titan’s maw.
He doesn’t.
What was in Eren’s basement is titan serum and Grisha’s journals. It is the
same titan serum that Kenny had given Levi in his last moments, that Rod Reiss
and Eren had devoured beneath the chapel, and many more. The journals are also
quite interesting, as they reveal the truth about the walls, the royal family,
and the secrets about titans.
There is nothing about the Ape Titan.
It takes several more months of frantic research and waiting. It’s finally
revealed that to defeat the titans, they need to go around shifter villages and
kill all the people there. No exceptions.
Levi has been killing people all his life, it seems.
But this is necessary.
They spend several more expeditions traveling from shifter village to shifter
village. They slaughter the townspeople, every single one, and Levi reminds
himself that these are all titans, that these are all monsters.
They’re all monsters, every last one of them, even Levi (and Eren and Hanji and
Erwin and the others) himself, but this is one more thing they have to do.
To win for humanity. To live.
To fulfil a promise.
There are some mysteries that are never solved. Reiner, Berthold and Ymir are
never found again. The Ape Titan practically vanishes into thin air.
Humanity has never been closer to victory than they are now.
If you can call it humanity’s victory, that is.
It’s almost frightfully easy.
 
 
On the day they have killed the last titan, Hanji has gone completely blind in
one eye. Connie has lost a hand, but he likes to freak people out by replacing
it with a hook. Historia is still queen, and her reign is by far the people’s
favorite. Erwin and Levi are much too old.
Levi retires and lives by the sea, because then he knows Eren can return to
him.
And his green-eyed boy—now a man so broad and so tall that Levi has trouble
kissing him without Eren leaning down or Levi standing up on his toes—travels
to places he’s only dreamed of, his friends all by his side. The walls are open
and Queen Historia encourages people to spread out, to explore, to venture
outside and learn what it means to be free.
Levi grows old and quiet. When he dreams he can still see past lifetimes, all
painted red and black with blood and bile and tears. When Eren returns to him,
the younger man is all laughter. Levi kisses him again and again, thinking that
this is truly paradise.
He has gone through hell to get here.
Eren still loves him, has always loved him, will always love him. He returns
with grand stories and gifts and happy kisses, and at night he cradles Levi
with so much ease that the old man forgets all their failures, their
nightmares.
Erwin passes on before Levi does. Everyone comes home—to this seaside
neighborhood—to mourn, to remember, to celebrate.
Levi tells them embarrassing stories about the man and dares Erwin’s ghost to
haunt him. Jean still looks mildly uncomfortable, and Eren laughs at him. Says
he looks constipated. Levi snorts into his drink.
Levi knows his time to go is also soon, but he has made peace with death. He
waits for Death. He is happy, but he is also so, so tired.
On a warm spring day Eren arrives home to Levi with some spices that he puts
too much of into that night’s stew. They curl up in bed, and Levi closes his
eyes.
There is a distinct feeling in his gut that this will be his last sleep.
Death is painless. He passes in the night, to the smell of newly washed sheets
and the warmth of Eren next to him.
It is quiet.
 
 
Levi wakes.
He turns around and sees Eren sleeping next to him. He is still a boy, with
smooth features and baby fat on his cheeks. He is so young. The day is—
Levi laughs and laughs and laughs.
When Eren wakes, confused and concerned, Levi sees his bright beautiful eyes
blink open and then the man knows.
They will not make it out of the expedition alive. As usual.
It only makes him laugh harder.
 
 
The next day Levi rides recklessly. His fellow soldiers are bad at not showing
their concern, and even Erwin gives him a disapproving stare. But does it
matter if they will fail this time? Time will only move back, after all. They
will have another chance to do this. Another and another and another.
A horde of titans breaks them apart even before they can reach Shiganshina.
Eren doesn’t transform, instead choosing to cut them down in his human form,
swinging from his wires.
There is another rumble in the distance. For a moment, the sky goes dark, and
Levi blinks in confusion.
Then he sees it. It looms over them.
The Ape Titan’s smile is almost laughably gentle as it crushes a horse under
its foot.
Levi clenches his jaw and changes course. The only way to end this, he thinks,
is to kill that monster. Why not try? What harm can it do?
He looks to his side and sees several other soldiers following his cue. They
all seem to have the same idea, it seems.
They thread through the titans, their numbers thinning as they are killed or
pause for a kill of their own. Perhaps if all of them can swarm that hairy
beast then they can distract it long enough to land a deadly strike at its
nape.
Instead, the Ape’s eyes are twinkling in amusement as they draw near.
It swats away at some of the soldiers and they separate. They curl around it,
and it brings up a hand to cover the back of its nape. Someone slices at its
fingers but then the Ape lumbers away, flicking away the soldier with ease.
They chase the damn thing, and for once Levi is surprised that Erwin hasn’t
hunted them down for spontaneously changing course. On a normal day he wouldn’t
do this, wouldn’t risk their mission for something like this, but this is not a
normal day. And it has not been a normal life.
Levi doesn’t give a shit about the basement anymore.
The Ape calls more titans over and keeps them busy for a while. Levi hacks away
at two aberrant titans and then resumes his course. A soldier to his right gets
bitten in half. His screams ring out in Levi’s ears, and the captain only
narrows his eyes.
He will kill that damn Ape, even if it means dying himself.
Even if it means dying once and for all.
The Ape runs off towards the Wall, towards Shiganshina. Levi wonders if it’s a
coincidence. Eren swings by next to him, but it’s getting more difficult to
manoeuvre around as the trees grow sparse.
Levi propels himself forward by hooking onto some titans. Eren does the same.
For a moment their eyes meet, and Levi sees focus in the boy’s blue-green
irises.
Levi nods once.
“I promise you, we’ll kill that thing, Captain,” Eren says, his voice rising
over the wind. “We’ll kill it and we’ll go down to the basement and this will
all end.”
This will all end.
Levi wonders if Eren means the same as he does, if perhaps he’s starting to
remember the loops as well. But it seems impossible, because Eren has never
mentioned it.
No one has ever mentioned it.
Not even Levi.
The captain considers the idea briefly. Perhaps they’ve all experienced this
loop. Perhaps... But, no.
All they have to focus on now is killing that Ape.
The Ape Titan stops running and stands stock still, turning to face them. It’s
tall and thin, frighteningly so.
“Humans are so determined, aren’t they?” It says. Its voice is light and fluid,
yet it rumbles through the air like a shockwave. Levi feels sick.
He’s not sure where the rest of the Survey Corps soldiers are, but whatever
team had gone after this Ape is slowly depleting. The Ape somehow manages to
bring more titans into the fray, and Levi finds himself running short on
blades.
Fuck this.
They fight on, yet the giant Ape continues standing there and just watching
them. It doesn’t even run.
“Let’s corner it!” Levi yells. The few remaining soldiers show that they
understand.
It’s a pathetic number, because with ten or less they surely cannot kill this
thing.
But Levi wants to present the final blow.
They slowly begin to avoid titans instead of directly engaging them. It doesn’t
mean that the lesser titans will let them go, though, and by the time Levi
makes his way to the Ape he realizes that it’s only him and Eren left.
He wonders why the boy doesn’t transform.
Then again, what help will transforming give? The Ape is much larger than Eren,
and he doubts the boy will be able to immobilize it. He’ll only turn into titan
feed.
The Ape’s lips quirk up slowly, slowly, and Levi thinks it’s ugly as shit.
“Captain!” Eren calls out. “How will we do this?”
Levi doesn’t know.
He’s never been good with plans. Right now he’s considering trial and error,
but he also doesn’t want to let Eren down. When was the last time they’d gotten
so close to this hairy thing?
“Cut off its fingers and hands. Cut off its limbs. It’s smart and seems to
command all the other titans, so watch out.” He says. And then, he adds, even
though it makes a pinprick of guilt bloom in his chest, “And if you truly
believe that being a titan will help kill this thing faster, then it must be
your choice to transform.”
“Yes, sir!” Eren exclaims, his eyes blazing and his brows furrowed. If they
weren’t in the air Levi knows he’d try to salute, and he only gives the boy a
single nod.
They fly towards the Ape.
“You refuse to stop?” it asks them, tilting its head to look at them as they
zip nearby. It tries to swat at both of them but they expertly dodge its
suddenly slow movements.
Is it taunting them? Is it doing this on purpose?
Levi curves around its back and comes close to slicing at its neck, but then
the Ape’s hand is covering its nape again. It turns away and Levi curses, now
faced with its hairy chest.
He shoots his grapple hooks into the beast and lands on its shoulder, clinging
onto its filthy hair.
Eren tries hacking away at its fingers, but the Ape only reaches up. Eren has
to move away to avoid getting squashed.
Levi almost gets picked up in its gigantic fist, so he darts away. A different
titan trails him as he flies back into the air, so he kills it with a single
swoop.
When the captain looks back up, he sees Eren in the Ape Titan’s grip. The Ape
raises his hand to inspect Eren closer, put him up at eye level. The boy is
struggling, baring his teeth.
He raises his hand to his mouth.
Levi tries to move faster, get to that Ape’s nape before Eren can transform.
He’s too slow.
Eren transforms with a flash of light and thunder. The boy roars. When the
smoke clears Levi can see the Ape Titan standing several steps away, steam
rising from its hand.
The boy lunges forward, even though the thing is taller than he is, and his
head collides with its thick chest.
The Ape’s long arms wrap around Eren, and the boy roars, biting into the other
titan’s forearms. The Ape flinches, but then grips Eren’s throat in its hands
and forces him to look up.
Eren struggles to be free, his feet kicking and kicking but to no avail. He
tries to wrap his arms around the Ape’s neck but he can’t reach it, instead
tries to pull away the beast’s arms with sheer strength, but the Ape won’t
budge.
Levi hurries to the Ape’s nape, sailing through the air as fast as he can. The
Ape acknowledges him by following him with its gaze, and Levi almost shivers as
they make eye contact.
Right as he’s about to swing his blades the Ape falls forward. Levi misses and
shoots out wires, but there’s nothing to latch onto. The Ape is falling,
falling, and it lands with a loud thud.
Eren is trapped underneath it, his throat still in the Ape’s hands. No matter
how much he groans or struggles or bites he can’t escape, and yet the Ape
considers him with only the smallest bit of scrutiny.
The Ape’s fingers slowly trail to the back of Eren’s head, and Levi knows that
it’s going to kill him.
At the last moment, right before Levi’s about to fall to his death, he sinks
his grapple hooks into the Ape’s lower back and swings himself upward. He pulls
himself down, blades bared, ready to slice at the back of that thing’s head—
The Ape rolls to the side, holding Eren up to the air. Levi narrowly misses his
nape and instead rolls into the grass, only taking a moment to put himself back
upright.
Eren’s arms are momentarily freed and he moves to bite out the Ape’s neck, but
then suddenly he’s being carried into the air, above the Ape’s head like a
sack.
Eren is thrown across the field, into a forest.
When he lands the ground shakes.
The Ape Titan only looks at Levi innocently before walking away.
Levi moves forward, but finds that there are no trees to use the 3dmg where the
Ape is going. Then there is that familiar rumbling, and he knows that another
horde of titans is coming.
He instead runs, glides through the air, towards Eren.
He manages to make it without either his gas running out or dying, but the
titans are still behind him. He sees Eren’s gigantic figure hunched over, face-
down. He isn’t moving.
Levi approaches him, glad that he’s surrounded by trees to attach their grapple
hooks to, and then hurriedly cuts him out of his titan form.
There is steam, so much steam that for a moment Levi can’t see, but he braves
the heat and pulls the boy out. Eren emerges with a gasp, and Levi is so glad
that he’s conscious.
“I—“ Eren says, breathless, but Levi cuts him off and drags him away.
“We need to get out of here,” Levi tells him gruffly, holding him up by his
armpits. Eren nods.
“Where are the others?” Eren asks. Titan footsteps rumble through the grounds,
and Levi kicks him in the calves to make him move. They get up on the
trees—these aren’t large enough to keep the titans at bay—and swing away.
“Dead.” Levi replies. “I don’t know where the fuck Erwin is.”
Or why he let Levi, Eren and all those others off without a word.
Then again, Levi shouldn’t have gone off by himself. But it was a chance he
really needed to take.
“Shiganshina, maybe?” Eren suggests.
“Like hell we can survive that in the state we’re in now.”
“So... should we head back?”
“Let’s scout the area to see how bad it is.”
“Yes, sir.”
They break through the denser area of the forest and immediately spot a number
of lumbering titans. Levi swings away and kills the nearest one. Eren follows
suit, but then he begins to descend.
Eren falls.
“Shoot, come on, what the hell!” Eren screams. His gas canisters are almost
empty, and he only manages to propel himself up by sinking his grapple hooks
into a smaller titan’s shoulder.
It tries to grab him in its hands, but Eren kicks off and slices away its
fingers. Another titan runs towards them so he kills the one he’s on and barely
manages to pull himself up onto the next one’s head.
Levi wants to ask Eren to transform, but looking at the boy he knows he’s
currently exhausted. Exhausted and panicked and still determined, but his eyes
are bleak and angry, angry at himself for not conserving gas.
It’s not going to end like this. Not again, Levi thinks.
The captain leaves a blunt blade in a titan’s nape, and the thing topples over.
He uses a small titan for leverage and flies towards Eren. The boy is currently
swiping away at the titan’s pesky hands. It reaches up above its head, then
tries to shake him off, but he clings to its hair with a death grip.
“Captain Levi!” Eren cries out upon seeing him. He is distraught, clearly, and
his brows are furrowed with worry. “I’m so sorry, I really am—“
Levi’s blades ring through the air as he swipes away at the titan’s arms. It
takes a step towards him but then topples over, unbalanced. Levi swings away
with Eren clinging to his back. They almost crash.
“Hold on properly, you idiot!” Levi hisses. Instead of engaging the titans they
head back to the trees. There’s no way they can go to Shiganshina now.
Eren grips him tighter. He’s taller, so it’s much more difficult, and Levi has
to work out more gas to keep them steady in the air.
A fourteen-meter class swipes at them right before they hit the trees, and Levi
swings out of the way but then miscalculates with Eren’s weight on his back. He
shoots out his wires but the titan smacks it away with enough force that they
fall.
Eren wraps his arms around the captain and they land in a heap on the ground,
Levi’s fall cushioned by the younger boy. Levi sits up with a grunt, sees the
titan looming over them.
He only has one blade left, he realizes, as the other one broke off while they
landed.
“Levi,” Eren calls out. He sits up on his elbows, and Levi spares him a glance.
The boy is smiling, but he senses no fury from the boy’s gaze.
“I’m glad that I really will be with you until the end,” he says, and then
laughs. The sound is beautiful and lighthearted and Levi can’t believe that
it’s coming out of this boy at a time like this—
“It’s not yet the end, Eren,” he replies.
Another rumble. And another. On instinct, Levi knows the horde has spotted
them. Steam rises from Eren’s back, his limbs. His forehead is bleeding, but
it’s slowly beginning to clot.
“No, not yet,” Eren whispers. He reaches out and Levi pulls him up. The boy
winces.
When Levi looks up, a titan with eyes set too wide reaches for them. Then all
its giant companions reach down, their hands fighting and struggling for a
meal, and they are trapped.
Eren and Levi try to cut away a path, but there is no use, there are too many
titans, too little time.
Levi expects Eren to say something emotional, considering now there is
definitely no more hope, even to someone who has spent several lifetimes
deluding himself.
Eren is quiet.
But as Levi gets knocked over and feels a crunch at his legs, he releases a
scream and opens his eyes to see tears running down Eren’s cheeks.
“Don’t cry,” he chokes out automatically, which he then realizes is such a
stupid thing to say.
“See you again, Captain,” Eren tells him.
The meaning of his words doesn’t sink in before Levi loses consciousness
between a titan’s teeth.
 
 
Levi wakes with a jolt.
He turns to his side and rubs his eyes, barely making out the shape of his
companion in the dark.
It’s not yet time to get up, but Eren stares at him from his place against the
wall. The boy’s bright eyes are half-lidded from sleep.
He yawns.
“Good morning, Captain,” Eren finally says, his voice so low that Levi almost
misses it. Eren then smiles, his eyes crinkling up at the edges, and Levi
exhales softly through his nose.
“So you are capable of waking up on time.” Levi mumbles, teasing.
Eren wrinkles his nose.
“This isn’t the first time...” The boy protests without any real force. It’s
dark and quiet in this room, and neither of them wants to break whatever peace
there is left.
After all, tomorrow they will ride out to Shiganshina, to finally discover the
secrets of Eren’s basement. And perhaps after they return successfully, alive,
then Eren can continue training until he can harden and plug the hole in Wall
Maria.
Levi reaches out to run his fingers across Eren’s cheek. The boy closes his
eyes and leans into the touch.
Levi feels like he’s forgetting something. Something important.
“Can we stay here a little longer?” Eren asks. Levi sighs and retracts his
hand.
“Don’t be lazy. We have to get up.”
Eren groans but follows him to the bathroom anyway.
When the sunlight finally bleeds into the room Levi takes a moment to
appreciate Eren, appreciate the way the light paints him in its glow. He’s like
from one of those paintings depicting gods and goddesses, and Levi would kiss
him if he’d brushed his teeth.
He runs his hands down Eren’s sides instead, and Eren only gives him a cheeky
smile.
They are silent for a moment, and Levi considers a question that’s suddenly
popped into his head. It won’t leave him alone.
“Eren,” he begins. “How do you think this expedition will go?”
Eren looks at him intently, eyes wide. He blinks and then smiles, answering
without a second thought.
“Successful. I have faith in our comrades. And faith in you, Captain. And faith
in myself.”
Levi exhales. Of course.
“That’s good,” he murmurs, wondering if faith can really save them now.
Well, he has no choice.
“Get into the shower,” Levi says gruffly, pushing Eren aside. “We have an
expedition tomorrow.”
Eren grumbles something incoherent and Levi almost snaps, but then he feels
like he’s forgotten something again, and the feeling is so heavy it makes him
nauseous.
But then a moment passes and Eren is gone and his mind is blank, blanker than
ever, and Levi moves towards the bathroom because what is he thinking, standing
in the middle of the room like this?
He needs to wash off this sudden exhaustion, is all that Levi thinks. When did
he get so tired? Is he really getting old?
The captain sighs and makes his way to the bathroom.
The idea of tomorrow’s expedition births fear in his gut.
And he doesn’t know why.
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